I grew up white, secular and middle class 我长大了白色，世俗和中产阶级
in 1950s America. 在20世纪50年代美国。
That meant watching fireworks on the Fourth of July, 这意味着在7月4日看烟花，
trick-or-treating on Halloween 万圣节上的诡计或对待
and putting presents under a tree at Christmas. 在圣诞节时将礼物放在树下。
But by the time those traditions got to me, 但到那些传统到达我的时候，
they were hollow, commercial enterprises, 他们是空洞的商业企业，
which just left me feeling empty. 这让我感到空虚。
So from a relatively young age, 所以从相对年轻的时候开始，
I found myself looking to fill an existential hole, 我发现自己想要填补一个存在的空缺，
to connect with something bigger than myself. 连接比我自己更大的东西。
There hadn't been a bar mitzvah in my family in over a century, 一个多世纪以来，我的家庭没有一家酒吧，
so I thought I'd take a shot at that -- 所以我认为我会在这一点上 -
(Laughter) （笑声）
only to be devastated when my one encounter with the rabbi, 只有当我与拉比相遇时才会受到摧残，
a really tall, godlike figure with flowing white hair, 一个身材高大，神似白发飘逸的身材，
consisted of him asking me for my middle name 包括他问我的中间名
so we could fill out a form. 所以我们可以填写一份表格。
Yep, that was it. 是的，就是这样。
(Laughter) （笑声）
So I got the fountain pen, 所以我拿到了钢笔，
but I didn't get the sense of belonging and confidence 但我没有得到归属感和信心
I was searching for. 我正在寻找。
Many years later, 多年以后，
I couldn't bear the thought of my son turning 13 我无法忍受我儿子13岁的想法
without some kind of rite of passage. 没有某种成人礼。
So I came up with the idea of a 13th birthday trip, 于是我想出了13岁生日的想法，
and I offered to take Murphy anywhere in the world 我愿意把墨菲带到世界的任何地方
that had meaning for him. 这对他有意义。
A budding young naturalist who loved turtles, 一位热爱海龟的年轻博物学家，
he immediately settled on the Galapagos. 他立即在加拉帕戈斯定居。
And when my daughter, Katie, turned 13, 当我的女儿凯蒂13岁时，
she and I spent two weeks at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, 她和我在大峡谷底部呆了两周，
where Katie learned for the first time that she was powerful and brave. 凯蒂第一次了解到她强大而勇敢。
Since then, my partner, Ashton, and lots of our friends and relatives 从那时起，我的合伙人阿什顿以及我们的许多亲友
have taken their kids on 13th birthday trips, 在13岁生日旅行中带走了他们的孩子，
with everyone finding it transformative for both the child and the parent. 每个人都会发现它对孩子和父母都是具有变革性的。
I wasn't brought up saying grace. 我没有被提到说恩典。
But for the last 20 years, 但在过去的20年里，
we've been holding hands before every meal. 我们一直在每餐前握手。
It's a beautiful bit of shared silence 这是一个美好的共同沉默
that brings us all together in the moment. 这一切将我们聚集在一起。
Ashton tells everyone to "pass the squeeze," 阿什顿告诉大家要“通过挤压”，
while she assures them it's not religious. 虽然她向他们保证它不是宗教的。
(Laughter) （笑声）
So recently, when my family asked me 最近，当我的家人问我
if I could please do something with the more than 250 boxes of stuff 如果我可以请你用超过250箱的东西做点什么
that I've collected over a lifetime, 我已经收集了一生，
my ritual-making impulse kicked in. 我的仪式制造冲动开始了。
I started wondering if I could go further than simple death cleaning. 我开始想知道我能否比简单的死亡清洁更进一步。
"Death cleaning" is the Swedish term for clearing out your closets, “清洗死亡”是瑞典清理你的衣橱的术语，
your basement and your attic before you die, 你死前的地下室和阁楼，
so your kids don't have to do it later. 所以你的孩子以后不必再做。
(Laughter) （笑声）
I pictured my children opening up box after box 我画了我的孩子在箱子后打开箱子
and wondering why I'd kept any of that stuff. 并想知道为什么我保留了这些东西。
(Laughter) （笑声）
And then I imagined them looking at a specific picture 然后我想象他们在看一张特定的照片
of me with a beautiful young woman, 我和一个美丽的年轻女子，
and asking, "Who on earth is that with Dad?" 问道：“爸爸到底是谁？”
(Laughter) （笑声）
And that was the aha moment. 那就是那个时刻。
It wasn't the things I'd saved that were important; 这不是我保存的重要事情;
it was the stories that went with them that gave them meaning. 这是与他们一起给他们带来意义的故事。
Could using the objects to tell the stories 可以使用对象来讲述故事
be the seed of a new ritual, 成为新仪式的种子，
a rite of passage -- not for a 13-year-old, 通过仪式 - 不是一个13岁的人，
but for someone much further down the road? 但对于更远的人来说呢？
So I started experimenting. 所以我开始尝试。
I got a few dozen things out of the boxes, 我从盒子里拿了几十件东西，
I put them about in a room, 我把它们放在一个房间里，
and I invited people to come in 我邀请人们进来
and ask me about anything that they found interesting. 并问我他们觉得有趣的事情。
The results were terrific. 结果非常好。
A good story became a launching pad for a much deeper discussion, 一个好故事成为了更深入讨论的起点，
in which my visitors made meaningful connections 在这些访问中我的访问者建立了有意义的联系
to their own lives. 到自己的生活。
Derrius [Quarles] asked me about a Leonard Peltier T-shirt Derrius [Quarles]问我一件伦纳德帕尔帖T恤
that I'd worn a lot in the '80s, 我在80年代穿了很多，
that, sadly, is still relevant today. 可悲的是，今天仍然有意义。
Our conversation moved quickly, 我们的谈话很快就动
from a large number of political prisoners in American jails, 来自美国监狱的大量政治犯，
to Derrius wondering about the legacy 让Derrius对遗产感到疑惑
of the Black Liberation Movement of the '60s, 60年代的黑人解放运动，
and how his life might be different if he'd come of age then, 以及如果他成年后的生活可能会有所不同，
instead of 30-odd years later. 而不是30多年后。
At the end of our conversation, 在我们的谈话结束时，
Derrius asked me if he could have the T-shirt. 德里乌斯问我是否可以穿T恤。
And giving it to him felt just about perfect. 给他的感觉就是完美。
As these conversations established common ground, 由于这些对话建立了共同点，
especially across generations, 特别是跨代人，
I realized I was opening a space 我意识到我正在打开一个空间
for people to talk about things that really mattered to them. 让人们谈论他们真正关心的事情。
And I started seeing myself with a renewed sense of purpose -- 我开始重新认识自己，
not as the old guy on the way out, 不像出门在外的老家伙，
but as someone with a role to play 而是扮演一个角色的人
going forward. 向前走。
When I was growing up, 当我长大的时候，
life ended for most people in their 70s. 对于70多岁的大多数人来说，生活已经结束。
People are living far longer now, 人们现在活得更久，
and for the first time in human history, 并在人类历史上第一次，
it's common for four generations to be living side by side. 四代人共同生活是共同的。
I'm 71, 我是71岁，
and with a bit of luck, 并有一点运气，
I've got 20 or 30 more years ahead of me. 我比我早了20或30年。
Giving away my stuff now 现在放弃我的东西
and sharing it with friends, family, and I hope strangers, too, 并与朋友，家人分享，我也希望陌生人，
seems like the perfect way to enter this next stage of my life. 似乎是进入我人生下一阶段的完美方式。
Turns out to be just what I was looking for: 结果就是我正在寻找的东西：
a ritual that's less about dying 一个不那么快死亡的仪式
and more about opening the door 更多关于打开门
to whatever comes next. 接下来会发生什么。
Thank you. 谢谢。
(Applause) （掌声）
Onward! 向前！
(Applause) （掌声）