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[旁白]如果你做爱，它看起来像什么？< / i >
[narrator] If you have sex, what does it look like?
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当你幻想性爱时，
And when you fantasize about sex,
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我知道你们大多数人都是这么想的
and we know the vast majority of you do,
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那看起来像什么？< / i >
what does that look like?
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你想做爱吗？< / i >
Is it sex you want to have?
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或者是完全不同的东西？< / i >
Or is it something else entirely?
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在最大的色情网站之一PornHub上，
On one of the biggest porn sites, PornHub,
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搜索最多的三个词是“妈妈”、“继母”和“MILF”
three of the most searched terms are "mom," "stepmom," and "MILF,"
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“妈妈”的另一种味道
another flavor of "mom."
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但是色情并不一定反映我们真实的私人幻想
But porn doesn't necessarily reflect our true private fantasies.
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要找出答案，你必须亲自去问别人
To find that out, you have to actually ask people.
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我调查了来自全美50个州的近4200名美国人，
I surveyed almost 4,200 Americans from all 50 states,
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他们的年龄从18岁到87岁不等，
people ranging in age from 18 to 87,
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包括所有不同的性别认同，性取向，
ranging all different gender identities, sexual orientations,
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人口和政治背景，
demographic and political backgrounds,
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我问了他们上百个问题。
and I asked them hundreds of questions.
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[旁白]根据他的调查，
[narrator] According to his survey,
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97%的美国成年人有过性幻想，
97% of American adults have had a sexual fantasy,
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在想象一个令人兴奋的性场景。
as in imagined an arousing sexual scenario.
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87%的人每周至少有一次
Eighty-seven percent have at least one a week.
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52%的人每天至少吃一颗
And 52% have at least one a day.
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虽然我们可能认为我们的幻想是超级奇怪和独特的
And though we might think our fantasies are super weird and unique...
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总的来说，大多数人，不分性别，
By and large, most people, regardless of gender,
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都幻想着同样的事情。
are fantasizing about the same things.
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[旁白]那么我们在幻想谁和什么？< / i >
[narrator] So who and what are we fantasizing about?
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我们的幻想又告诉了我们什么？< / i >
And what do our fantasies say about us?
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啊，琳达，要是你能在这里照顾我就好了。
Ah, Linda, if you were only here to nurse me.
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[女1]我喜欢看别人手淫。
[woman 1] I love to watch people masturbate.
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我喜欢脚，但我想，“为什么人们会迷恋脚？”
[man] I love feet, but I'm like, "Why are feet fetishized?"
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为什么这些事情被认为是不正常的？
Why are these things considered outside of normal?
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[女2]幻想就是幻想，它让我们兴奋。
[woman 2] Fantasy is fantasy, and it turns us on.
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它们可以留在你的脑子里，
They can remain in your head,
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或者有时候你可以把它们变成现实。
or sometimes you can actually make them a reality.
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[播放主题音乐]
[theme music playing]
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[旁白]我们的大部分幻想可以分为三种类型
[narrator] Most of our fantasies fall into three genres:
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与多人发生性关系，
having sex with multiple people,
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在我们以前从未做过的地方或方式做爱
sex in places or in ways that we've never done it before
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对权力和控制的幻想。
and fantasies about power and control.
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第一个：组性，
The first: group sex,
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喜欢狂欢或帮派聚会，
like orgies or gang bangs,
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一种狂欢，很多男人通常与同一个女人发生性关系
a type of orgy where a lot of men usually have sex with the same woman.
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几乎每个美国成年人都幻想过群体性行为
Almost every American adult has fantasized about group sex.
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超过一半的男性说他们经常幻想性爱
And over half of the men said they fantasized about it often.
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通常这种幻想涉及特定数量的人
And usually the fantasy involves a specific number of people.
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-我只会说“三人行”-三人行很美。
-I would just say, "a threesome." -The threesome thing is beautiful.
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我觉得这绝对是三人行，但也有葡萄之类的。
I think it's definitely a threesome, but there's also, like, grapes involved.
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[Justin Lehmiller]当我看到一个词的幻想描述
[Justin Lehmiller] When I looked at the one-word fantasy descriptions
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人们提供的，
that people provided,
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当他们用一个词来概括他们最喜欢的幻想时，
when they summed up their favorite fantasy of all time in a single word,
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我把这些词输入一个词云。
I took those words, and I entered them into a word cloud.
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我第一次这么做的时候，上面只写着“三人行”
And the first time I did this, all it said was "threesome"
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因为很多人都写过三人行
because so many people wrote that threesome
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是他们一直以来最喜欢的幻想。
was their favorite fantasy of all time.
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这是人们感到被认可和被需要的一种方式。
It's a way that people can feel validated and wanted.
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很多人真的只想成为关注的焦点，
A lot of people really just want to be the center of attention,
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他们希望有很多人同时渴望他们。
and they want multiple people desiring them at the same time.
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所以，这实际上是一个很大的情感因素。
So, there's actually a big emotional component.
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[旁白]虽然刻板印象可能是年轻人喜欢尝试
[narrator] And while the stereotype might be that young people experiment
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,
with group sex,
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这种幻想实际上更受40多岁、50多岁和60多岁的人欢迎
this fantasy is actually more popular with people in their 40s, 50s, and 60s.
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这是3p的一大吸引力
A big part of the appeal of threesomes
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只是很多人厌倦了他们的性生活，
is just that a lot of people get bored with their sexual routines,
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很多人都有长期的一夫一妻制关系，
and a lot of people are in long-term monogamous relationships,
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所以3p是增加新鲜感的简单方法。
and so a threesome is an easy way of adding some novelty.
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[旁白]总的来说，新奇，
[narrator] And novelty, in general,
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>是我们幻想的第二大类型
is the second major genre of our fantasies.
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这就是人们混淆的地方。
That's where people are just mixing it up.
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[旁白]在一项小型研究中，
[narrator] In one small study,
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男性一遍又一遍地观看同一个色情短片，
men viewed the same porn clip over and over,
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，他们越来越不兴奋
and they got less and less aroused.
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但是接着又播放了一个新的色情片，
But then a new porn clip played,
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男性的阴茎变得非常硬，非常快
and the men's penises got very hard, very fast.
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一项类似的研究测量了女性生殖器的兴奋程度
A similar study was conducted measuring women's genital arousal
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with similar results.
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我喜欢它神秘的一面。
I like the secretive aspect of it.
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更像是“我从来没干过”之类的。
More like "I've never done this before" kind of thing.
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比如，如果我们一起坐飞机，然后“哦，不，你的航班延误了？”
Like, if we're on a plane together, and "Oh, no, your flight got delayed?
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为什么不回我家过夜呢？
Why not just come back to my place for the night?
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我有一张空床。”
I have a spare bed."
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蜡烛蜡滴在我身上，
Having candle wax dripped on my body,
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全身长满羽毛。
having feathers run across my body.
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在表现欲方面，
More on the exhibitionist side,
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我在布鲁克林大桥上做过性行为。
I have done sexual things on the Brooklyn Bridge.
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在新奇类中出现的最大主题是公共场所的性行为。
The biggest theme that came up in the novelty category was public sex.
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[旁白]一些最喜欢的：
[narrator] Some of the favorites:
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在公园里、汽车里、公共浴室里做爱
sex in a park, a car, a public bathroom,
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一个更衣室，一部电梯和办公室
a locker room, an elevator, and the office.
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我觉得是我的性幻想
I think a sexual fantasy for me
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就是让我的搭档
would be to have my partner,
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就像拿着玩具到处走
like, going around with a toy
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我可以控制和调节
that I could sort of control and modulate
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在婚礼上，或者在商务会议上……
at a wedding, or, like, at a business meeting...
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理论上有被发现的风险，
There is, like, theoretically some risk of discovery,
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所以这是一种热的感觉。
so it's kind of like hot in that way.
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[旁白]三分之二的男性和女性
[narrator] Two-thirds of men and women
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我曾经幻想过性玩具
have fantasized about sex toys.
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最常见的两种：眼罩和手铐
Two of the most common ones: blindfolds and handcuffs.
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这就把我们带到了第三大奇幻类型
Which brings us to the third big fantasy genre
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电源和控制。
power and control.
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超过四分之一的人认为这是他们最喜欢的幻想
More than a quarter of people rated this their favorite kind of fantasy.
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我只是喜欢有侵略性的人。
I just like someone who is aggressive.
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（笑）嗯，一个真的可以……
[laughing] Um, someone who can really, like...
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对，就是个好斗的人。
Yeah, just someone who's aggressive.
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我就讲到这里。好斗的人。
I'm gonna leave it at that. Someone who's aggressive.
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我一直以为像…
I always thought being like...
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稍微折腾一下总是很吸引人，
tossed around a little bit was always really attractive,
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就像《我爱你》里的那个场景。和史密斯先生
like that scene in Mrs. and Mr. Smith.
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（笑）他们想杀了对方，但场面很火辣。
[laughs] They're trying to kill each other, but it's hot.
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我在这个世界上最喜欢做的事就是打屁股。
My favorite thing to do in the world is get into butts.
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勾搭顺男绝对是一件很有权力的事，
It's definitely a power thing to get into cis-boy butts,
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我不会为此道歉的
and I won't apologize for it.
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我喜欢护士。我不知道，关于护士，警察…
I like nurses. I don't know, something about nurses, cops...
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我不知道。你知道我怎么想的吗？精神上的，比如掌权的女人。
I don't know. You know what I think it is? Something mental, like women in power.
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那是性感的。就是这样。
That's sexy. That's what it is.
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不过不会有太大的能量。
Not too much power, though.
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你知道，刚刚好。别吓死我了。
Just enough, you know. Don't scare the sh-- out of me.
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[旁白]在性爱中探索权力游戏的一种方法是通过BDSM
[narrator] One way to explore power-play during sex is through BDSM.
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BDSM是束缚和纪律，施虐-受虐狂。
BDSM is bondage and discipline, sado-masochism.
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这是人们获得的性快感
It's the erotic pleasure that people take
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在给予痛苦时，
in giving pain,
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持久的疼痛,
enduring pain,
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主导地位,
giving dominance,
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给予惩罚（punishment），
giving punishment, "punishment,"
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忍受惩罚，给予羞辱，忍受羞辱。
enduring punishment, giving humiliation, enduring humiliation.
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但这都是在游戏时间的范围内。
But it's all in the realm of playtime.
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[旁白]BDSM通常与花哨的道具联系在一起
[narrator] BDSM is often associated with fancy props
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. . .
and contraptions made of leather.
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我喜欢皮革。
I love leather.
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我认为现在人们对它有自己的看法，
I think that nowadays people have a view of it,
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比如《五十度灰》
of things like Fifty Shades of Grey
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诸如此类的东西。
and that kind of stuff.
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这是一种非常主流的观点。
It's a very sort of a mainstream idea.
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但实际上，我对皮革的理解来自一个非常奇怪的地方。
But actually, my version of leather comes from a very queer place.
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[旁白]这一切都始于20世纪40年代的美国
[narrator] And that all started in the US in the 1940s
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.那里有一种新兴的摩托车文化
where there was an emerging biker culture.
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对于喜欢摩托车的男人来说，皮革是很好的防护服
Leather was good protective clothing for men who were into motorcycles,
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和坚固的，全男性俱乐部
and rugged, all-male clubs
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. 0对于喜欢男人的男人来说是很好的设置
were good settings for men who were into men.
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当第二次世界大战结束时，一些同性恋退伍军人留在了西海岸
When World War II ended, some gay veterans stayed on the West Coast
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并加入了摩托车手的圈子，拥抱同性恋，超级男性化的身份
and joined the biker scene, embracing a gay, hyper-masculine identity
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和实验与变态性。
and experimenting with kinky sex.
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很快，同性恋皮革文化传播到美国和欧洲的各个城市
Soon, gay leather culture spread to cities across the US and Europe.
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然后在几十年前，它变得更明显了
And then a few decades ago, it became a lot more visible.
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在80年代末和90年代的旧金山
in the late '80s and the '90s in San Francisco,
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性取向是我们非常纠结的问题
sexuality was something that we were really in turmoil over
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因为艾滋病
because of AIDS
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因为严重的愤怒和混乱
and because of the serious fury and confusion
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以及对这种疾病的恐惧。
and terror around the disease.
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一些警察戴着面具和手套
[man] Some policemen wearing masks and gloves
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在处理同性恋问题时，
when dealing with homosexuals,
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一些殡仪业者拒绝对艾滋病患者的尸体进行防腐处理。
some morticians refusing to embalm the bodies of AIDS victims.
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所以BDSM是发泄这种情绪的最佳途径。
And so BDSM was the perfect kind of outlet for that.
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[旁白]避孕套，牙套和各种乳胶
[narrator] Condoms, dental dams and all kinds of latex
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成为乐趣的一部分。
became part of the fun.
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它把所有这些东西都性感化了
It sexualized all of these things
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这在过去是一种障碍，
that were kind of like barriers in the past,
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我认为这真的很治愈，真的很了不起。
which I think is really healing and really remarkable.
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[旁白]它帮助人们处理他们对性的焦虑，
[narrator] And it helped people cope with their anxieties around sex,
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，通过让他们离开他们的头脑，
by getting them out of their heads,
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这仍然是今天BDSM吸引力的一部分
which is still a part of the appeal of BDSM today.
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这是一个完整的过程。这是一个完整的故事。
It's a full process. It's a full story.
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这是你自己创造的完全沉浸感
It's a full immersion that you're creating yourself
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你可以和别人一起体验，
and that you get to experience with somebody else,
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这就是我们在BDSM中所说的，我们称之为“游戏”，
and it's what we call in BDSM, we call it "play,"
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因为这是我们的一部分
because it is that part of us
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已经忘记了如何扮演角色。
that has forgotten how to just role-play.
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[旁白]但是BDSM的幻想可以追溯到比20世纪更远的地方
[narrator] But BDSM fantasies go back way further than the 20th century.
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施虐-受虐狂中的“sado”来自萨德侯爵…
The "sado" in sado-masochism comes from the Marquis de Sade...
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一个18世纪的法国贵族以他古怪的性犯罪而闻名
a 1700s French nobleman known for his kinky sex crimes
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和他的小说描绘变态性犯罪。
and for his novels depicting kinky sex crimes.
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施虐受虐中的“受虐狂”
And the "masochism" in sado-masochism
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来自Leopold von Sacher-Masoch，
comes from Leopold von Sacher-Masoch,
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>一个100年后出生的奥地利贵族，
an Austrian nobleman born a hundred years later,
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00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:50,655
谁的书维纳斯在佩尔茨讲述了半自传体的故事
whose book Venus im Pelz told the semi-autobiographical story
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. . >一个男人说服一个女人让他做她的奴隶
of a man who convinces a woman to make him her slave.
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创造了“受虐狂”一词的精神病学家
The psychiatrist who coined the term "masochism"
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>解释了这个“变态”
explained that this "perversion"
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在他那个时代，科学界对他一无所知
up to his time was quite unknown to the scientific world.
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但是我们现在知道了这个“变态”，
But we now know this "perversion,"
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>至少想象一下，它很普遍
at least imagining it, is widespread.
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在Lehmiller的研究中，超过四分之三的人
More than three-quarters of people in Lehmiller's study
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曾幻想过束缚，
had fantasized about bondage,
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如在约束某人或被约束时
as in restraining someone or being restrained.
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超过一半的内容是关于纪律，如下达或服从命令
More than half about discipline, as in giving or following orders.
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几乎有四分之三的人施加或接受疼痛，
And almost three-quarters about inflicting or receiving pain,
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主要是咬和打。
mostly biting and spanking.
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事实上，几乎每个人都有某种形式的BDSM幻想
The fact that almost everyone was having some type of BDSM fantasy
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说明这不是什么罕见或不寻常的性兴趣。
tells us this is not some rare or unusual sexual interest.
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[旁白]包括对强迫性的幻想，
[narrator] Including fantasies about forced sex,
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在Lehmiller的研究中，54%的男性，
in Lehmiller's study, 54% of men,
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00:09:41,872 --> 00:09:43,165
61%的女性，
61% of women,
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， 68%的非二进制人
and 68% of non-binary people
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曾幻想被强迫
had fantasized about being forced
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. 0至少做爱一次
to have sex at least once.
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所以，这是我的处境
So, it's me being in a position
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我不想被人追杀的地方
where I am being pursued and I don't want to be
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而且几乎是在强奸幻想场景中。
and almost in a rape fantasy scenario.
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[旁白]在电视和电影中，这种幻想通常遵循一个模板：
[narrator] In TV and movies, this fantasy often follows a template:
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一个勇敢但最终脆弱的女人被强奸了，
a spunky but ultimately vulnerable woman is raped,
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但后来爱上了她的虐待者。
but then falls in love with her abuser.
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虽然，右边的两个，有点复杂，
Although, in those two on the right, it's a little complicated.
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这个公式在80%的泰国肥皂剧中也同样适用
This formula also plays out in 80% of Thai soap operas.
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这是很正常的，这种类型甚至有一个可爱的昵称：
It's so normal, the genre even has a cutesy nickname:
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“扇和吻，”
"slap and kiss,"
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因为有很多扇耳光，然后接吻
because there's a lot of slapping, then kissing.
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这个幻想也可以追溯到很久以前。
And this fantasy goes way back, too.
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最早的现代强奸幻想小说之一，
One of the first modern rape fantasy novels,
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The Sheik, >于1919年在英国出版
The Sheik, was published in England in 1919.
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如此轰动，它也得到了好莱坞式的处理
Such a sensation, it also got the Hollywood treatment.
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一个活泼的白人妇女被一个性感和暴力的阿拉伯王子绑架
A feisty white woman is kidnapped by a sexy and violent Arab prince.
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他强奸了她，她坠入爱河，从此他们幸福地生活在一起
He rapes her, she falls in love, and they live happily ever after.
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观众喜欢它
Audiences loved it.
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这部电影打破了纽约的票房纪录
The movie broke box office records in New York
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>在法国也大受欢迎
and was a runaway hit in France, too.
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00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:59,533
在1987年，一项关于美国历史浪漫小说的调查，
And in 1987, a survey of historical American romance novels,
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00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,702
，主要由女性编写和阅读，
which are written and read mostly by women,
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00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:05,581
>发现，超过一半的视频都有女主角被强奸的情节
found that more than half featured the rape of the lead female character,
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00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:08,918
也许是将女主角从“道德诽谤”中解放出来
perhaps freeing the heroine from the "moral slur
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00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:11,545
同意婚前性行为
of consenting to have sexual intercourse before marriage"
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根据一位研究人员
according to one researcher.
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通常，我们的幻想涉及禁忌的事情，
Often, our fantasies involve things that are taboo,
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00:11:17,551 --> 00:11:19,095
被禁止的事，
things that are forbidden,
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那些我们在日常生活中无法表达的东西，
things that we feel that we can't express in everyday life,
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简单的事实是，这是禁忌和禁止的
and the simple fact that it's taboo and forbidden
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是它让人兴奋和兴奋的原因。
is what makes it exciting and titillating.
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这并不意味着你在日常生活中真的想要它。
That doesn't mean you actually want it in your everyday life.
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没人会这么想如果你对强奸有幻想
Nobody thinks that if you have a fantasy about rape
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你想被强奸
that you want to be raped,
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或者你是一个倾向于强奸的人。
or you're someone who's oriented toward rape.
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对我来说，这就像是，“哦，是的，我喜欢顺从，”
For me, it's like, "Oh, yeah, I like to be the submissive,"
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因为我能掌控自己的生活。
because I'm in control a lot of my life.
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而是在性方面顺从
But being submissive in sex
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不代表我不能控制性生活
doesn't mean I'm not in control of the sex
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因为我能掌控性爱的一切。
'cause I'm in control of everything in sex.
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所以这只是我个性的另一个自然延伸。
So it's just another natural extension of my own personality.
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[旁白]我们的幻想也是我们文化的延伸
[narrator] Our fantasies are also an extension of our culture.
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对瑞典爱情小说的调查，也是在20世纪80年代完成的，
A survey of Swedish romance novels, also done in the 1980s,
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几乎没有发现女人爱上强奸她们的人的例子
found almost no examples of women falling in love with their rapists.
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研究人员解释说，这可能是因为“婚前性行为不完全是。
The researcher explained that could be because "premarital sex was not quite
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在当时的美国，这是一种文化禁忌
the cultural taboo as it was in the United States" at the time.
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而在今天的印度，描写性是禁忌
While in India today, the portrayal of sex is taboo.
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色情实际上是非法的
Porn is actually illegal.
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所以用漫画书的形式来制作比较容易
So it's easier to make in the form of comic books.
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这是两个最受欢迎的角色
And these are two of the most popular characters,
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卡通家庭主妇Savita Bhabhi和Velamma。
cartoon housewives Savita Bhabhi and Velamma.
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都是母亲的形象，只是形象不同，
Both maternal figures, just with different figures,
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那些被丈夫忽视，厌倦了家庭生活的人，
who are ignored by their husbands and bored with their domestic routines,
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所以花时间寻找性，经常和年轻的男人
so spend their days on the prowl for sex, often with younger men.
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>追求自己的快乐，
Pursuing their own pleasure,
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00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,222
他们大胆地违反每一个社会限制
they boldly violate every social restriction
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. .
placed on Indian women.
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在美国，一种流行的色情类型在男性中
And in the US, a popular porn genre among men
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00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:52,188
是男人的耻辱
is the humiliation of men.
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00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:55,941
一个白人男子看着他的白人女友或妻子被蹂躏
A white man watches his white girlfriend or wife get ravaged
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>被一个更强壮、更有统治力的黑人
by a much stronger and dominant black man...
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00:12:58,819 --> 00:12:59,862
这是我的房子。
It's my house.
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啊，这是你的房子，但我有时住在里面。
Ah, it is your house, but I live in it sometimes.
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[笑]
[laughing]
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(旁白)<我>…利用黑人男性作为性威胁的刻板印象[/i>]
[narrator] ...playing off a stereotype of black men as sexual threats
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. . .
that goes back hundreds of years.
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然后在2000年代，
And then in the 2000s,
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一种新的威胁攫住了西方人的想象力
a new threat gripped the Western imagination.
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伊拉克局势已进入最后决定阶段。
Events in Iraq have now reached the final days of decision.
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我们将摧毁恐怖机构，我们将帮助你们建立一个新的伊拉克。
We will tear down the apparatus of terror, and we will help you to build a new Iraq.
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[旁白]在反恐战争期间，性感的酋长类型有了复苏，
[narrator] During the War on Terror, the sexy Sheik genre had a resurgence,
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在入侵伊拉克之前达到顶峰
peaking in the lead-up to the invasion of Iraq,
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与情节点，如：“基地组织的关系，”
with plot points like: "Al Qaeda ties,"
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“大规模杀伤性武器”和“击败恐怖主义”
"weapons of mass destruction" and "defeating terrorism."
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在美国，制度化的种族主义似乎正在蔓延
Institutionalized racism in the United States seems to creep
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进入我们的性幻想。
into our sexual fantasies.
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[旁白]这也影响了边缘群体的幻想。
[narrator] And that affects the fantasies of marginalized groups, too.
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[尹问]很多移民到这里的人，
[Yin Q] A lot of people who have immigrated here,
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他们对孩子的成功和安全的想法
their ideas of success and safety for their children
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00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:57,962
实际上只是为了同化，
is actually just to assimilate,
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尤其是在亚裔美国人社区。
especially in the Asian-American community.
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00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:03,175
他们主要希望自己的孩子成功
They want their children mostly to be successful
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00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:05,928
（笑）在所有这些已经被批准的领域
[laughs] in all these other areas that have already been approved
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00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:07,096
这个白人社会。
by this white society.
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00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:09,306
[旁白]这可能就是为什么Lehmiller的研究
[narrator] Which may be why Lehmiller's study
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00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:11,892
发现绝大多数亚裔美国人，
found that the vast majority of Asian-Americans,
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00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:14,311
无论他们幻想的是男人还是女人，
whether they fantasize about men or women,
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我大部分时间都在幻想白人
fantasize about white people most of the time.
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你知道这有很长的历史
And you know there's a long history
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00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:22,736
的白人男子幻想亚洲妇女，
of white men fantasizing about Asian women,
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就像你在几十年前的电影里看到的那样
as you can see in movies that go back decades.
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00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:26,240
[男]此时此刻，
[man] At this moment,
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00:14:26,323 --> 00:14:29,493
我所有的善意都变得软弱无力了。
all my honorable intentions are getting sort of weak in the knees.
288
00:14:29,618 --> 00:14:31,328
你的眼睛是那么温柔……
Your eyes are as soft...
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00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:33,706
你的头发摸起来很舒服。
your hair is pleasant to my touch.
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脱掉衣服？
Take clothes off?
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00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,209
不，我从来没试过裸体。
No, I've never tried nudes.
292
00:14:38,419 --> 00:14:39,587
是时候试试了。
Good time to try.
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00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:42,673
我们身上有太多与性有关的东西
There's so much about us that is really about sexualization
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00:14:42,756 --> 00:14:46,802
从白人或男性的角度来看，
from the white perspective or the male gaze,
295
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,680
但这与我们的性取向无关，
but it's really not about our sexuality,
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00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:52,433
在我们有代理的地方，我们在讲故事。
where we have agency, we're telling the story.
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00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:54,852
[旁白]这就是为什么阴Q创造了一个网络系列，
[narrator] Which is why Yin Q created a web-series,
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00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:58,689
仁慈的女主人，基于她的职业生涯作为一个施虐者
Mercy Mistress, based on her career as a dominatrix.
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（笑）对我来说，我天生就是个怪癖。
[laughs] For me, I'm hardwired to be kinky.
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00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:04,570
这是我性取向的一部分。
It's part of my sexual orientation.
301
00:15:04,653 --> 00:15:05,654
这只是我酷儿身份的一部分。
It's just part of my queerness.
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00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:10,367
我真的被< I >仁慈的女主人吸引了，因为我真的很喜欢这个想法
I was really drawn to Mercy Mistress because I really love the idea
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00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:14,079
有一个亚裔美国施虐狂
of having an Asian-American dominatrix
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谈论她的生活。
talking about her life.
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00:15:17,207 --> 00:15:21,128
我喜欢任何关于亚裔美国人性取向的故事
I love any story that's about Asian-American sexuality
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00:15:21,211 --> 00:15:22,922
因为我们现在还没有。
because we don't really have one yet.
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[旁白]我们可能无法摆脱我们的幻想
[narrator] We may not be able to get rid of our fantasies.
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一些研究人员说，我们的兴奋点就像语言一样
Some researchers say our turn-ons are like languages:
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我们不能忘记它们，但我们可以学习新的
we can't unlearn them, but we can learn new ones.
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仅仅看色情片也能塑造人们的幻想。
Just watching porn can also shape people's fantasies as well.
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也许在你手淫和做爱的时候，
Maybe while you're masturbating and edging,
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当你处在高潮的边缘，
where you're on the brink of orgasm,
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你会遇到一些新的和不同的东西
and you come across something that's new and different
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你以前从未见过的，可能真的很奇怪，
that you've never seen before that's maybe really kinky,
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因为你的厌恶反应更低
because your disgust response is lower
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这可能会让你把视频看完，
that might open the door to you watching that video till the end,
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这时你可能会有强烈的高潮
at which point you might have this powerful orgasm
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你可能会开始联想到扭结。
that you might start to associate with that that kink.
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(女人呻吟)
[woman moans]
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因此，这可能会导致你
And as a result, that might lead you
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想要在未来幻想更多。
to want to fantasize more about that in the future.
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[旁白]在Lehmiller的研究中79%的人
[narrator] And while 79% in Lehmiller's study
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他们说他们想表演他们一直以来最喜欢的幻想，
said they want to act out their favorite fantasy of all time,
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只有23%的人说他们真的试过
only 23% said they'd actually tried.
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如果你处在一段充满爱的亲密关系中，
If you're in a loving, intimate relationship,
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当你和你非常信任的人发生性关系时，
where you are sexual with somebody that you're very trusting of them,
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你觉得你可以分享自己的这些禁忌部分，
and you feel like you can share these taboo parts of yourself,
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这是一种很好的观察方式
that can be a really good way to sort of see
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我们可以多么亲密。
how intimate we can be.
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真正的亲密不只是分享我们自己的美丽，
Real intimacy isn't just sharing the beauty of who we are,
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它也在分享丑陋，
it's also sharing the ugly,
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丑陋的一面也能让人感到满足。
and the ugly can actually be very gratifying.
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[旁白]如果你的幻想是暴力的，
[narrator] And if your fantasies are on the violent side,
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，需要大量的通信
that requires a lot of communication.
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有一种非常安全的方法可以解决所有的恋物癖
[Margaret Cho] There's a very safe way to work through all fetishes
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以及通过BDSM产生的各种想法和纠结。
and all kinds of ideas and kinks through BDSM.
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这其实是一种很好的方法。
It's actually a wonderful way to do that.
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这是性的一大好处。
It's one of the great things about sexuality.
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在某种程度上，它能拉近我们的距离
It can bring us closer in a way
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这也许是其他形式的交流不能做到的。
that maybe other forms of communication can't.
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[尹问]是设置和持续的检查
[Yin Q] It's the setting up and the continuous check in
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和你一起玩的那个人
of consent that that person that you're playing with
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就是不断地享受他们和你在一起的经历，
is continuously enjoying what they are experiencing with you,
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而且实际上还有安全词
and that there's actually safe words
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这是为了保护双方不要走得太远。
that are set up to protect both sides of going too far.
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[旁白]我们的大多数幻想反映了人类的基本需求：
[narrator] Most of our fantasies reflect basic human needs:
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感觉被渴望和认可，
Feeling desired and validated,
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打破常规，
breaking out of our routines,
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和应对焦虑
and coping with anxieties.
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我们最受欢迎的许多幻想作品都是这些类型的混合体
And many of our most popular fantasies mix and match these genres.
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就像妈妈的幻想：这太新奇了
Like mom fantasies: That's pretty novel.
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这绝对是一场权力游戏
And it's definitely power play.
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Or gangbang fantasies, which are group sex,
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通常带有一点权力
usually with a dash of power play.
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或The Sheik, 这是一个种族权力游戏
Or The Sheik, which is a racial power play
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和强迫的性和浪漫。
and forced sex and romance.
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幻想通常来自各种不同的地方：
Often fantasies come from a variety of different places:
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一些记忆，一些你读过的书。
some memory of something, some book that you read.
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它在你的脑海中变成了一种混乱。
It becomes this kind of mishmosh in your mind.
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但性幻想有很多可变性，
But there's a lot of variability in sexual fantasies,
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他们不会告诉你任何关于你的可靠信息。
and they don't tell you anything reliable about you.
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如果你有让你不安或害怕的幻想，
If you have fantasies that disturb you or scare you,
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你想知道它们意味着什么，它们并不意味着什么。
and you wonder what they mean, they don't mean a lot.
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所以，不要太担心他们。
So, don't worry so much about them.
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[播放主题音乐]
[theme music playing]