Margaret! Margaret!
-Yes, ma'am. -There you are.
I need you to make sure the entire household is cleaned up.
Yes, ma'am.
There is dust everywhere.
I swear to you, I would think they do nothing when we're away.
-ls Hattie preparing lunch? -Yes, ma'am. She is.
Wow, it's going to be a long weekend, but, a great one.
I love Christmas here on the Cape.
I'm sure you all will have a great Christmas, as will l.
Wait, you're not leaving this weekend, are you?
You told me I could have Christmas off.
I know, but I need you around here.
Please, you must stay. I will give you New Year's off.
You promised.
Promises were made to be broken.
But my entire family is coming to my house for Christmas.
My aunts, my two sons and my daughter...
Blah, blah, blah... I understand that.
But, my family will be here and I need you. You know how Hattie is. She drinks.
I heard that!
And she has ears like a dog.
Your mammy!
Margaret, please?
-Ms. Lilian, with all due respect... -Margaret,
haven't we been really good to you and your children?
Well, yes, ma'am, you have.
Who's paying for your son's education?
You are.
And who helped that son of yours out when he got into trouble with the police?
You did, ma'am.
Well, the least you can do is grant me this one favor.
We don't come up here to the Cape often.
-And I wanted everything to be perfect... -Okay...
-For John, and China and... -Okay, I will call them
and let them know I have to work.
Thank you.
So you just gonna let her talk at you like that?
What choice do I have? I need this job.
It ain't like she gonna fire you!
No, she can't fire you. She can fire me.
If I was you, I wouldn't take that!
I'd snatch that heifer up by her hair and sling her...
Praise God from Zion!
Margaret.
Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am.
This is going to be a very important weekend.
I need you take special care of the guest room.
-China is coming with her beau. -Really?
Oh yes, Bobby, that's his name. He comes from a very good family.
His parents are super rich and he's in medical school.
Wouldn't that be something if they got married?
I guess it would. How long have they been dating?
Almost a year? Oh my, you don't think he's going to ask her to marry him, do you?
I don't know, ma'am.
What if that's what this Christmas is about?
My child getting married.
I'm putting that in the universe, and hope that prayer is answered.
As a matter of fact, you go to church a lot, Margaret,
why don't you ask that Jesus to make it happen?
Jesus is not a DJ that plays requests, ma'am.
You are too funny. A DJ.
Yes, ma'am, I reckon I am.
Hello, Mother!
Hi, darling. How was sailing?
Delightful, darling. Is she here, yet?
No, any time.
I was telling Margaret I think Bobby may pop the question.
Looks like we'll be planning a wedding.
No, really?
Can you imagine?
-lt seems that she was just a little girl. -Our little girl.
Look here, let me ask you all a couple of questions
about this year's Christmas dinner.
Now y'all say y'all want steak and potatoes,
Iobster and chicken, who gonna eat all that?
That's the menu I would like to have
just in case Bobby wants something different.
And I have another question. Who gonna cook all that?
That's your job. You are our chef.
So you're just gonna get sporty with it like that, huh?
You think I'm something to play with.
I bet you choke off one of them chicken bones
you gonna be asking somebody something about me!
Say something! You say anything! Say anything to me!
Act like I'm something to play with!
Y'all can keep right on here
and I'm gonna choke me somebody to sleep around here.
I'm almost afraid to eat it.
She's just cantankerous. She means no harm.
I told you we should have borrowed Mr. Whitemen's chef, while he was in Aspen.
Well, I sure God wished you had! You still can do that!
Please do that for me!
-Hello, everyone. -China.
-Hey. -Hey.
Hi, Mom. Daddy!
Pumpkin!
Well, how is college life?
-It's good. -That's wonderful. You look great.
Where's Bobby?
Hello, everyone!
-Mom, Dad. You remember Bobby. -Yes, hello, son.
Hello, sir.
"Son," that has such a nice ring to it. It's the first word in "son-in-law."
-Let me take your coat, Bobby. -Thank you.
How are you?
I'm doing very well, Mrs. Mansell. Thank you for asking.
What manners you have. Please, call me Mom.
You've been here long enough.
-Mom, you're embarrassing me. -Nonsense.
-So, Bobby, how's your golf game? -It's great. Better than the weather actually.
-It's been brutal here in the Northeast. -They say it's El Nino.
Well, we should play while you're here. It would be great.
We'll go to Twin Brooks. I have an extra set of clubs.
Sounds like a plan.
Oh, no, not all of that.
We're not taking all of our time to a golf course.
-Margaret! -Hello, darling!
It is so good to see you.
You have no idea how much I've missed you.
I've missed you too, princess.
Bobby, this is my Margaret. She practically raised me.
-Hello. -I've heard so much about you.
-Good things I hope. -Yes.
There are only good things that can be said about you.
Like that time I cut my finger on that can in the kitchen and it was bleeding so much!
Oh, my God, it was awful!
I was crying to the top of my lungs, Mom couldn't get me to stop,
-and then Miss Margaret here walked... -Enough down memory lane, darling.
Take their bags upstairs to the guest room, please.
Yes, ma'am, right away.
That's nonsense, I can't let this lady take these bags.
No, she's used to it. Hattie! Can you help Margaret with the bags?
Do you want me to cook or do you want me to get bags?
It's alright, ma'am, I have them.
I done told you I ain't no second-hand mule.
Do I look like a woman called Moses, to you?
I done told you, that's a man's job and I ain't no man!
Girl, don't roll up on me like that.
-Hey there, sugar. -Hi.
Oh, Lord, you're pretty. I sure missed you.
Your mama got me in a rage asking me to get some bags.
Ask me that again!
You're gonna need a body bag, baby, don't play with me!
Oh, Jesus. Who is this here pretty fine specimen of a man right here?
This is Bobby. He's a friend of mine from college.
He's more than just a friend.
Hello, Bobby. My name is Whitney.
And I'll always love you
'Cause it's my prerogative.
It's nice to meet you.
You speak so well. You must be one of them college babies.
Why, yes.
Like I said, Hattie, we go to school together and Bobby's even studied abroad.
Well, I studies a dude. You wanna be my first class?
Forget the bags, Hattie, thank you.
Can you work on lunch, please?
I'm gonna get on up out of here!
I've been a mess around here and lost my religion, fooling with you.
But Bobby, just remember
I'm only a whisper away.
'Cause I love you! I love you!
He's so pretty, he look like just a piece of dark chocolate.
Bobby, forgive her. That's John's aunt.
We have to keep her around. It's either that or the home.
It's okay. She's cute.
I knew he wanted me! I knew he wanted me!
No, Hattie.
Aunt Hattie!
Hattie!
You all know I ain't took my medicine.
I'm gonna run back here and roll me up a blunt.
Hattie, get off of him.
You didn't know I was acrobatic, did you?
Hattie, get up.
-Get up. -Let's run back here and smoke us one.
You gonna burn one with me?
Come on, sugar.
Why do I feel like I need a cigarette?
You'll be staying in our guest room. It has a great view of the Cape.
-Come, I'll show you. -Excuse me.
It is so good to be home.
So, how's it going?
-Mom, school is great. -I mean with Bobby.
He's a great guy.
But, Mom, look, I have been doing so good in my classes.
Look at my term report, straight "A's."
And one of my professors thinks that I could get accepted
into an early internship at the Capitol.
That's great, darling.
But don't get so busy, you'll forget about your priorities.
-School is my priority. -That man should be.
What?
He's a great catch.
His grandfather was on the "Richest Men of Color" list.
And I'm sure he's going to inherit the company.
Mom, that may be all well and good, but I want to make my own money.
Darling, a woman's work is at her husband's side.
That's what's important.
Now, are you spending enough time with him?
Mom, stop it.
Did you tell him about our family?
You must tell him about your great-grandfather Mansell,
and how he practically led the lndustrial Revolution in New England.
And how John's dad was close friends with John Kennedy.
That's why they called him John.
I don't have to tell him anything, you always find a way to.
Well, with parents like his, family history is very important.
Mom, we are who we are,
we don't need to impress Bobby or his parents.
You've met them?
We're going there for New Year's.
Good, you have time for a facial.
Mom. Stop it!
You are ruining this Christmas for me already.
Can we just have a nice time and you not get all worked up about Bobby?
-Fine. I'm sorry. -Fine.
You know, I just want the best for you.
Yes, I know.
And I'm sorry.
I trust the accommodations are good for you.
-Yes, sir. This is a very nice place. -Thank you.
I see you have a boat. Do you sail?
-Almost every day here. -That's great. That's great.
-Bobby. -Yes, sir?
-I want to ask you something. -Yes, sir.
How serious are you about my daughter?
Well, sir, I'm very serious.
She's a great girl and I really like her a lot.
Actually, I love her.
You need know something about the Mansell women.
They are a little slow to warm up,
but once they do, they are on your side forever.
That's good to know.
She was distant in the beginning, but she's coming around.
-Then you've seen it first-hand. -Yeah.
You know for the first time she told me that she loved me, last week?
-Really? -Yeah.
-I've been saying it for almost a year. -Wow. That's big for her.
I know. I think I want to ask her to marry me.
-Marriage? -Yeah.
Are you sure you're ready for that?
I am. I hope she is. What do you think she'll say?
I don't know.
You're her dad. You should know your daughter.
I do, that's why I don't know.
But don't let that bother you.
Look at it this way, you're the only guy she's ever brought home.
So that has to mean something, right?
-Yes, sir, it does. -Well, take that as a lesson.
Thank you.
So as tradition in my family, I have to ask your permission for your daughter's hand.
-Yes, you have my permission. -Thank you. Thank you.
-So... -What, J?
Mom thinks you and Bobby are going to get married.
-What's going on? -Oh, my God, Japan. I am so confused.
I wasn't ready for all of this.
Confused? Well, do you love him or not?
Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't know.
I was just looking forward to a stress-free weekend on the Cape.
You and Mother in the same house never means stress free.
I know, what was I thinking?
What is wrong with that woman, Japan?
She's practically married me off to Bobby already.
-Well, she is excited about you two. -Only because of who his family is.
It's so shallow.
You know she's built up her idea of how we should live.
And it infuriates me. Aren't you tired of it all?
Tired ofwhat, China? I do what I want.
You're the one who lets Mom and Dad stress you out.
I enjoy life.
-I roll with the punches. -Well, she gets on my nerve!
She doesn't mean any harm.
Mom just has her whole life wrapped up into us.
And what about us, Japan? What about what we want?
I love my mama And I know you do, too
We love our daddy This is true
But we gotta find our own way To get through this holiday
To rise above these tears, no need for fear No, no, no
What about us?
What about family? What about friends?
-What about us? -What about this good life?
Could this all be pretend?
What about us?
I have goals
And so do you
What about us?
There comes a point when
We gotta do what we gotta do
Now Mama told me
The same thing she told you
She said stand up straight With a big old smile
And feel the love
What about us?
-See, I knew you were gonna take her side. -I'm not taking anybody's side.
You always take her side.
You don't have to hear her in one ear and out the other, nothing.
What about heartache?
What about pain?
What about what Mama said?
What about rain?
Mama did teach us
And Daddy did too
They taught us to be strong
And I'm looking at you
What about us?
What about family?
-What about friends? -What about us?
What about this good life? Could this all be pretend?
What about us?
I have goals
And so do you
What about us?
There comes a point when
We gotta do what we gotta do
Now Mama told you
the same thing she told me
She said stand up straight
Hey
What is the point in talking to you about anything?
China, that's all I'm trying to say.
You are such a mama's boy.
You are such a drama queen.
-What do you think? -lt looks expensive.
It is very expensive. I want to impress him.
Well, I'm sure Mr. Mansell will be impressed with that.
This isn't for John. It's for Bobby.
For Bobby?
I want him to know he's welcome to the family.
Merry Christmas!
Christmas is not about expensive gifts, ma'am.
Oh, please. Bite your tongue. What else can it be about?
The birth of Christ the Savior.
Oh, yes.
Praise Him.
China, stop daydreaming and come and talk to me.
I have a question.
Yes, Mom.
Have you slept with him?
What did you say?
I do believe that's my future calling. Don't mind me.
Oh, please, Japan.
Mom!
Have you?
Mom, this is uncomfortable.
This is not the '50s.
Oh, grow up. I could give you a few pointers...
Pointers?
Pointers? That is disgusting, Mother.
...on how to hook a man.
I feel so disgusted right now.
Me, too.
And Miss Margaret here always told me
that I should wait until I get married. Isn't that right?
That's right, honey.
Margaret told you to wait until you got married to have sex?
Margaret's daughter has practically slept with every man in town.
Honey,
what you won't do, another woman will.
-Now, let me tell you... -Mom, Mom, stop it.
My mother drives me nuts sometimes.
She just wants the best for you.
She wants what's best for her,
so she can tell all her friends that I married Bobby of the Connecticut Wakefields.
And you know I'm right.
You never say anything bad about her, or anyone for that matter.
And I'm not.
Now, what would I look like standing here talking about your mother?
Human. She's a piece of work.
All right now, she's still your mother.
You raised me. And if it hadn't been for you,
I don't know who I would be.
You would be just who you are,
a strong independent woman, who is making her own way in the world.
I wish my Lucy was more like you.
-How is she? -She's better.
And how's Eric?
He's doing good at that state college.
I was supposed to see them for Christmas. But I won't get a chance to.
Why?
I'll be here working.
-China... -Mom, Margaret's working on Christmas?
Yes, she is. We need the help.
So everyone will be at your house except you?
Honey, you don't have time to worry about that.
Margaret has lots to do and so do we.
Tons of gifts to wrap.
So, you're not spending Christmas with your family?
No, but it's fine. You know you all are like family to me.
That is not the same.
You should invite them over here with us for Christmas Eve dinner.
-China. -What?
Margaret doesn't want her family coming all the way out here.
Why not, Mom? It's a train ride and a ferry to get here.
You do it every time we come up here.
Christmas Eve dinner has always been a tradition in our family.
We've never had anyone else over. It just wouldn't be right.
Bobby is here.
Bobby will soon be family if you're lucky. Let's not break tradition.
Well, let's start a new tradition. I insist.
I insist, Margaret, that you invite your family over,
-you should not be alone... -China!
What!
Margaret, excuse us.
Yes, ma'am.
Who do you think you're talking to?
-ls this about you seeing Eric? -No.
Good. I don't want you around that trash.
Mom, that is Margaret's son and her family.
Yes, that may be so, but they are her family, not ours.
We don't associate with the likes of them.
So this is about me and Eric.
You did hang out all night with him one summer.
I was 17.
-Look, I don't want you around them. -Why?
If you lay down with dogs you get up with fleas.
-Now let's end this. -Why?
China, it's not a good idea.
What? What's not a good idea?
Dad, Margaret has to work this weekend, and it's Christmas
and I thought that she should just invite her family over here with us.
I mean, we have the room here...
Well, that's a fine idea.
What? John.
Come on, honey. It will be fun.
Bobby is our special guest.
He shouldn't have to be bombarded with other people.
This is his first time spending Christmas with us,
I think it should be special.
-I don't mind. -Good.
Then it's settled. Margaret!
Yes, sir.
-Call and invite your family to dinner. -What is this?
Lilian.
How dare all of you?
Act like I'm not even in my own living room?
In my own house!
I will not be ignored.
I am not some old ragdoll you can just push to a side.
I will not allow this Christmas to end up to be some weekend at the circus.
You hear me!
I've worked too hard!
Don't look at me like I'm crazy.
I'm not the one who's lost my mind!
That is really kind of you, sir, but I don't think it would be a good idea.
My entire family is coming and they will be fine. This is your Christmas.
Miss Margaret, please?
No, no, you celebrate your Christmas, don't you worry about me.
I will be fine.
Margaret, you cannot spend Christmas by yourself...
-Will that be all, sir? -That will be all.
Thank you.
Dad, I really think Mom hurt her feelings.
Yeah. I'm gonna go talk to your mother.
Sir, you sure you want to do that?
No. And if I'm not back in 30 minutes, call 911.
-China... -Not now, Bobby!
Hey, you little ol' gal, what you out here doing?
-Hattie, stop all the drinking. -I'm just doing what the Bible said.
The Bible said, "lf any man thrusts, let him drink."
I can't believe Mom won't let Margaret's family come over for Christmas.
-She won't fire her. -The hell she won't!
If your uncle hadn't left it in the will I'd be up out of here, too!
It's in the will?
You don't know the story?
You little ol' gal.
Well, you see, I was your great-uncle's maid and concubine.
And as the Bible said,
I'd done everything that your auntie didn't do.
I flipped it, smacked it, and rubbed it down.
Lord, we were so in love with one another.
Lord, he knows he was in love with me.
Lord, I get hot all over again every time I think about it.
Lord Jesus, you know,
your auntie, she couldn't stand me.
That woman couldn't stand the ground I walked on.
She wanted him to get rid of me, but he said, "No."
So I stayed on as the cook, cooking every one of her meals.
And the more I cooked, the sicker she got.
I figured it was my time to get rid of her.
You know, the police, they tried to get me, but they couldn't prove it.
Ain't God good?
Lord.
Then she died, praise God.
And your great-uncle Harvey left it in the will that I could never be fired.
I was next in line to inherit his fortune.
But before he could change the will, he died.
And I was stuck here with your mother, as her cook.
I guess it's true what they say, "God don't like ugly."
So for all them years of humping that woman's husband,
this is all I was left with.
I guess the best thing to come out of it is,
I could never be fired.
Did you just say you killed my great-aunt?
Prove it, Satan! Prove it!
Oh, stop.
Hattie, what should I do about Margaret's family?
Just leave it alone, China, just leave it be.
You know that's not like me.
China! You...
-Who are you calling? -Who do you think I'm calling?
Lord, you ain't got the sense God gave a billy goat.
Was that not the best lunch ever?
I must say, lunch was great, Hattie.
Hattie? Hattie!
What boy, don't be touching all over me!
If you ain't putting no $20 up in these here pocket books
don't touch me!
And what do you want, girl?
I said, "Lunch was great."
Well, I'm glad I did fine by you.
And the lobster was divine.
Why thank you, Bobby, you want some dessert?
-Excuse me? -You want some dessert?
I don't understand what she...
She said "dessert."
I don't need you to put no communications, me and him communicate with each other.
I said, "Do you want some dessert?"
Sure, that sounds good. What are we having?
These, sir!
Oh, gee! Oh, gee! I done killed my own self dead.
I'm gonna run back here in the back and put on my whipped cream panties.
I'll be back in here.
Can you believe it's Christmas Eve already?
Time is flying.
Well, speaking of Christmas, Mr. Mansell...
Go ahead, son.
I would like to give my first gift to China if that's okay.
That would be lovely.
Well, no, let's wait until tomorrow.
No, no, let him now.
Please?
-Bobby... -China...
Will you...
I believe this is it! Come on in, Bam.
Here I come, baby! Here I come, baby! Here I come.
How beautiful.
-That the address? -That's the address.
Let me go in.
I was getting ready to knock but I believe they got a doorbell.
There it is right there, Mabel, you ain't never seen...
You know black people doorbell don't work.
Oh, it works.
-I'll get it! -Margaret!
Yes, ma'am?
Margaret, someone's at the door.
Now who could that be at this inopportune time?
Girl, what's the matter?
-Hello. -Hello...
Hey!
Girl, I know she did not just slam the door in my face.
I know she did not just slam that door in my face.
Margaret, what are you doing!
-Margaret, what the hell's wrong with you? -I'm sorry.
We drove all this way to come see you and you slam the door in my face?
I will knock the hell out ofyou. But I know, it's...
Mabel, calm down.
I gotta calm down. I know it's Christmas but I will snatch out your two front teeth!
Say one more thing!
I don't like nobody slamming no door in my face!
You know I got a complex about that!
Remember that man slamming that door in my face...
Willy Earl. Willy Earl.
No, it wasn't Willy Earl. It was not Willy Earl. That man slammed the door in my face.
I was there with Cora and I was breast-feeding,
that man slammed the door, Cora got so nervous, she sucked me dry.
I was standing there just like I do, chest just flat after that.
That man has been missing ever since. Do you know who that was?
-No, who? -Jimmy Hoffa.
-I'm sorry. -Slam another door in my face!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Aunt Madea...
Why would you do that, honey? You know she's sensitive.
That's right, people think I'm mean!
-I ain't mean, I'm just sensitive. -I know.
When you grow up this big, you got to be sensitive.
I understand, Aunt Madea, what are you doing here?
That ain't no way to ask me nothing.
It's Christmas. Show me some respect, some me some kindness.
I'm sorry...
Merry Christmas!
There you go, Merry Christmas.
What are you doing here?
I wasn't gonna come all the way here, I wasn't coming at all,
but we came up to see you, you were supposed to be at your house,
they said you ain't gonna be here and I said, "What is going on?"
Then I get a telephone call from Chinese... Chinese called me.
And Chinese say that I need to come on up here and see you.
Mabel, wait a minute, you speak Chinese too, girl?
Yes, yes, the girl was speaking real Chinese.
She's... Yes.
-But it was pretty good. -Yeah.
It's China.
-I'm sorry. -It's China.
-I called you. -You the girl that called Mabel?
-Yes, ma'am. -China... China.
Yes, China.
-What's China? -China's my name.
Girl, I ain't never seen no black Chinese before.
Yes, indeed.
Me, neither. Baby, say something in Chinese, honey.
I'm not Chinese. My name is China.
Translate this for her.
What the hell they name you that for?
I was conceived in China.
-You were conceived in China. -Yes, ma'am.
That's dumb, too, Mabel.
I was conceived in Mississippi, you don't see nobody calling me Tupelo.
And I was conceived in the back of a Buick,
you don't see nobody calling me "deuce and a quarter", do you?
I don't think they found that too funny.
-lt sure is chilly out here, ain't it? -Yeah, baby.
I feel heat coming from in there.
Yeah, so we just...
Come in... Hello, come in.
Got us standing out here like the Baby Jesus, just locked out in the cold.
I'm sorry, we got to do what we always do.
Go straight-up west end.
Excuse me, honey, move the hell out the way, thank you so much!
That's right, Mabel! Look here.
Hey, Eric! Eric, bring my little bag...
Y'all come on, this is it. Y'all come on.
Baby, you know Eric! Eric coming here, you know Eric.
Help me put my coat up, baby. This is beautiful! Oh, Lord.
Mabel, look at this. Look at this...
Bam, you can see yourself in the floor.
That's what you look like upside down, stop letting the men flip you.
China, did you invite my family after I asked you not to?
Margaret, it's Christmas. We should all be together.
So come on in. It is done! It's done! It's done!
Mom, Dad, look who's here!
They ain't got no plastic on nothing up in here.
Hello.
May I help you?
No, we can't be helped. Prozac can't do nothing for me, I tried it.
Why's he nodding at me like...
He's been nodding ever since I got in here.
-What do you want me to do? -He keep bowing...
I don't know. What do you want me to say? What?
Stop looking at him, Bam.
Every time you look at him he bows.
Don't look at him!
You're making me dizzy!
Look at her, girl. She's so stuck up, Lord have mercy.
They ain't say nothing to us since we walked in the door,
maybe we should suppose...
You're supposed to speak first when...
-Maybe, we need to be proper. -Let's be proper and bougie.
-We are... -Be proper.
Oh, that's right.
We... We are Margaret's relatives.
What are you doing here?
She got a little sharp tone, though.
We got a telephone call from Chinese and she invited us over here...
It's China.
Girl, I know what the hell your name is!
You said it at the door, Chinese. I get it. Shut up.
Don't talk unless I'm talking to you, you don't know me!
I'm from the old school.
You don't want to mess with this. This is old whoop-your-ass.
That new whoop-your-ass will stop hitting you,
old whoop-your-ass won't stop till you in the grave.
Do you understand?
If I don't talk to you, you don't say nothing to me.
-Do you understand? -She's sensitive.
China, you did?
Mom, it's Christmas and it's Margaret's family
and she should be with her family on Christmas.
That's exactly what I thought. That's why we came all the way over here.
May I sit down?
Well, don't you worry about it. I will sit the hell down anyway.
You have a lovely house, this is lovely.
This is beautiful. Wow.
The food smells good, too. They're gonna cook for us.
Chinese, y'all cook for us, y'all bought Chinese food for us?
It smells so good.
They got a black woman cooking in the kitchen.
Mabel, how do you know that...
I can smell a black woman cooking anywhere in the world.
She old, too.
'Cause I smell Bengay, bergamot and butter.
That's how I know.
-Yeah, so we're hungry. -Yes.
And the rest of the family's coming in. But we're all hungry.
We just had lunch.
Well, you will just have some more.
Mama!
That's Lucy. That's Lucy. Lucy, walk it out, Luyoncé.
Luyoncé. Luyoncé. Luyoncé. Yeah.
That's what I used to look like.
Hey, this is what you got to look forward to, baby. Bam!
It's all right, Dea!
Well, Miss Margaret, introduce your family to us.
Sure.
Well, that is my Aunt Madea.
Yes, hello, I'm Madea. Ma to the D-E-A! Hello.
And this is my Aunt Bam.
-Bam. B-A-M. B-A-M. -Say it properly, "Bam."
-This is my daughter Lucy. -Hey!
That's Lu, baby. Lu is a dancer, honey.
Oh, the ballet?
No, the pole.
-She's talking about the ballet. -She'd be on her toes, all right.
-What you said? -I said, "She'd be on her toes, all right."
And this is my son George, but we call him Bo.
-Hey, what up, dog? -George,
step back over there, step back over there.
Step back over there, and put your hands by your side.
You all got to watch him, he steals.
Not only do he steal what you see, he steal what you don't see.
He will strip every piece of copper out of your entire house.
Got to watch him.
He loves copper, honey, he can make bracelets with your name in it.
He's so creative.
-Well, I'm China and this is my mother... -Girl!
I know your name is China, girl, I heard you say that.
Don't say that no more, please, we know your name is China.
Thank you, so good to see you, your name is China.
Everybody, you all know her name, what's her name?
-China, we got it. Even they got it. -China.
We got it, okay?
Well, this is my mother, Lilian.
-And this is my... -Wait, wait, wait.
-That's Lilian, Mabel. -This is the one you be talking about?
This is the one you say you didn't like?
This is the one you say you can't stand, you wish that you had some money
so you wouldn't have to come work for her,
because you can't stand cleaning up behind?
She told me about you.
Mabel, maybe she said Lily.
No, she said Lilian, that's what she said.
You right, she said Lily.
Lily? Sorry.
-But that's her. -Yeah.
Well, this is my father, John.
Why he over there acting like he hiding?
Dad, turn around so people can see you.
Let me see you, sir. Your name John?
Hello. Turn, turn your head.
He ain't got no neck, it's hard for him to turn.
What you doing with an ascot on if you ain't got no neck,
that's for people with necks.
That look like a blouse on you because you ain't...
It sure do.
Look like we ought to pledge allegiance.
He is standing there with a flag around his neck
standing next to the black Betsy Ross.
She made it.
They don't like our humor, I think we are too loud for them.
We did like...
And this is my brother, Japan.
No wonder you bow.
Your name... What, child, your name is Japan?
Yes, ma'am, Japan Mansell.
Japan Mansell.
Japan, Japan.
-Why did they name you that? -Well, I was conceived in Japan.
Mom and Dad are some international freaks, going on.
-Wait, I know who this is. -Wait, who?
-I know who this is. -Who is that?
You got to be Zimbabwe.
Mabel.
When I look at him, I feel like he wants to say,
"Follow me, I know the way."
Well, that's my family.
And this is my boyfriend,
-Eric. -Eric?
-What's up, China? -Your boyfriend's named Eric?
That's Eric, too, that's...
Y'all remember Eric, that's Margaret's son, Eric.
And China, you've got two Erics?
That's good, she said your name is Eric.
This baby named Eric, and that baby named Eric.
-You know why they do that? -Why, Mabel?
So if you're doing something, you get the person with the same name
so if you call out the wrong name it don't matter,
because you got the same name on both people.
You then make no mistake.
That's why you got to be careful of the type of man who calls you
baby and sweetie and honey and don't call you by your name.
Yeah, because he is playing the game.
No, call me by my name, so I know you know who the hell you talking to
right up in here.
All that baby and sweetie and honey, that's so you won't screw-up.
China, you haven't seen Eric in a long time, have you?
She always used to be at my house, all the time, just dying in my basement
for hours and hours and hours and hours down there.
Yes, I was scared to go down there.
Well...
-That so nice, this is beautiful. -Don't l... Don't...
Don't I know you?
-No, ma'am. -No? I ain't ever met you before?
No, ma'am.
What kind of car you got? It's a Mercedes?
-Yes, ma'am. -There.
Oh, that's beautiful.
-What color is it? -It's blue.
-You have a blue Mercedes? -Oh, Lord.
Okay, all right, maybe I don't know you, maybe I don't know you.
And you're Eric and you're Eric?
-I'm Bobby. -And I'm Ronnie.
-Well, I'm Rickey. -And I'm Mike.
Hey, Mabel, wait a minute, who the hell else are we gonna introduce tonight?
-He's got your bag, there's your bag. -Oh, baby, thank you.
I needed it, I felt like I needed something, thank you, here.
Listen, this is a beautiful home, honey.
This is beautiful, I'm not gonna be able to stay in here long.
Wait, wait, wait. Who own this place, baby, who own this?
Who owns this place?
-This is beautiful. -We own this.
Yeah, stop it, Aunt Bam, act like you got some sense.
What you say?
She said act like I got some sense.
Margaret.
Now you know, we are country and ghetto,
you put that together, we "contretto."
We acting like we got some sense.
This is how we act. You act like you're ashamed of us.
You know what, you don't say nothing like that.
You don't say nothing like that.
We didn't come all this way... Act like you got some sense.
Do you understand?
-It's okay. -I would...
My great-grandfather brought this back from the Amistad.
The Amistad was a slave ship.
What the hell your great-grandfather grabbing a vase for?
He should have been running like hell.
And did he tell you that?
-This was made in China. -China.
Yeah, there you go.
Mabel, just sit down, let's just behave, honey,
and show our proper side.
Yeah, she about to meet my black hand side.
And Margaret, show some respect when people come all this way to see you.
-That is mean. Do you understand? -I'm sorry. Yes, ma'am.
Dinner will be served in a couple minutes...
-Madea! Madea! -That ain't Hattie. That ain't Hattie.
-Madea! -Hattie Mae! Hattie Mae!
Hattie Mae! Hattie Mae! Hattie Mae! Go for it. Go for it.
-Madea! -Good to see you.
-This is her. -Lord have mercy.
I ain't seen you since we robbed that bank. Girl, you look good.
I thought they got you.
No, they didn't get me.
Hey, y'all know each other?
-What? -Y'all know each other?
This here old school right here, baby.
It's so old school it's like when we had an album...
See, they don't have albums no more.
-No. -And you put the needle on
-and you put a quarter on top of it. -Yeah, sure.
Baby, this is old school, honey.
You see that lava lamp over there in the corner?
It gets trippy.
Trippy red. Trippy green!
Yeah, yeah. Get old school like that blue light in the basement.
-Now watch it, fool. -You remember what we used to get at.
-There, there, right there. Do it. Do it. -You remember that.
-Bring it out. Bring it out.
We get down. We get down.
That's it, Hattie. That's it, Hattie. Come on, baby.
Pump that hard. There it is.
-There, there. -You still got it.
You still got it.
-And we look good still. -Yeah, we do.
Ain't that nice?
-They look like the number 100. -One hundred.
These people are so bougie.
She don't know what she said, but I can assure you
this right here is what you want, right here.
Lord Jesus! Y'all don't worry about it, I'm gonna run back in and get y'all some...
Mabel, you still on that yak?
Yes, baby, some yak. Yes indeed. I keep me some yak around.
Never mind. I got you a little something right here.
There it is. There it is. Sip it. Sip it.
-You always were full of it. -Yeah.
Lord Jesus!
-I am very unhappy. -You look like it.
-About this. -And you look like it.
Who is she calling "this"?
Look like she pointed back here at me and you.
That's exactly what I thought.
And I can't believe you did this.
-Get out of my way. -Now, wait a minute.
Chinese, I believe you tricked me.
You told us to come over here, your family will be very happy to see us.
And we come over here bearing gifts for Christmas, and this is how we get treated?
That's how... You ain't got nothing to say for yourself?
What the hell you invite us over here for?
-I wanted Mama... -ls that your mama?
-Yes, ma'am. -Did she want us here or not?
Did she want us here or not? That's all I wanna know.
She didn't know that I called.
She didn't know... Girl, I will stomp... Let me get the hell on out of here.
Come on, let's go. I'll stomp a mud hole in here.
No, don't y'all leave.
-Let's go. I don't stay... -Get my coat. Get my coat.
I don't stay nowhere that I ain't wanted. Come on. Come on.
Get my coat. Get me my coat. My boys and I are getting out of here.
-Yes, ma'am. -Where are you going?
Where are you going? That's your Eric right there.
I'm taking this Eric with me. Is that who you want to see?
You want to see Eric? Go to your Eric over there, okay?
This Eric is going with me. Don't be this rude to me.
-You know, I don't like... -Give me that. Give me your...
-I don't like... -Y'all don't leave. Don't you...
-Hold my purse. -I know. I know you want...
I don't like...
-Bring it down, Mabel. Get it. Get it. -Leave this one to me.
Get it. Bring it all down, Mabel.
Hey! Yes!
We'll bust the windows out your walls!
That's right. We'll bust the windows out your walls!
Mabel! You think we playing with you?
Come out here, I bet you won't come out here.
Lord, now you see this here?
That don't make good sense the way she acted up,
this here just don't make no doggone sense right here.
-China... -Not now.
That old lady is crazy, huh?
I know.
I'm trying to talk to China but I think she is trying to avoid me.
It's not that, son.
China has a lot going on in her life right now.
But ifyou're the one that's supposed to be with her,
you'll end up with her.
Seems like yesterday she was a little girl.
She's growing up so fast.
She used to sit on my lap and ask me to tell her a story.
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down
And broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after
That's the story I told my little girl
Now she's all grown up
On her own in this world
You want her hand
I believe you do
But that's my little girl
So can I trust you?
Now this one was her favorite.
Humpty Dumpty
sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the king's horsemen
All the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty back together again
Again
That's the story
I told my little girl
And now she's all grown up
On her own in this world
You want her hand
I believe you do
But that's my little girl
So can I trust you?
I hope you love her
As I do
If I give her hand to you
Never make her cry
Share your love with her
and give her all she needs
'Cause if you don't
You'll answer to me
To me
That's the story I told my little girl
And now she's all grown up
On her own in this world
You want her hand
And I believe you do
But that's my little girl
So can I trust you?
Mary had a little lamb
Fleece white as snow
Bobby, if you
Hurt my little girl
You will have to go
Maybe I shouldn't have done that.
Now China, you shouldn't have done that there.
You sure God shouldn't have did that.
I know. I just wanted Margaret to be with her family.
You quit telling that story.
You wanted to see her son.
No, I did not.
China, do I look like I got a zipper up the back of my neck?
I know women, and I've been a woman all my life.
You wanted to know if the fire was still burning bright.
-I was not. -Say something else.
Say something.
You know I still got my pistol and ain't forgot how to use it.
Lord knows your mama gets on my last nerves.
Sometimes I just want to snatch her up by that new growth, right there in the back
and just sling her.
But you still need to apologize to your mother
and you need to apologize to Margaret.
Why? I did this for her, on Christmas. It's Christmas.
China, I ain't trying to hear that there.
Margaret, China has something she'd like to say to you.
-Yes. -Hattie.
Chinese.
Margaret, I'm sorry.
I didn't think it would end up like this.
At the time it seemed like a good idea.
I guess I was wrong.
No, you knew very well what you were doing.
You just wanted to get that boy over here so you could hunch on him.
I don't know, I suspect as pretty as he is,
I would have wanted to hunch on him some, too.
-Hattie. -What?
She got herself a leg, now she wants a wing.
-What are you talking about? -Chicken.
-What? -White meat, dark meat.
Order ready. Pick up!
China, I asked you not to.
-Look, I know you meant well. -No, she didn't.
-Hattie. -Chinese.
You really upset your mother. You need to go talk to her.
Get up.
Lily. God, what's wrong with you? You look stressed.
Lily, you looks bad.
You just look bad, Lily.
Chinese got something that she would like to say to you.
Hattie.
Girl, quit spitting on me and get over here and talk to your mama.
What is it?
Mom, I'm sorry for inviting Margaret's family without talking to you about it.
Why would you do that?
-Answer her. -I had the best intentions.
-No, you didn't. -H-A-T-T-l-E.
Girl, don't spell my name, the police is looking for me. Don't do that.
I'm sorry for my outburst.
I get so upset.
This is Christmas and I'll try to make the best of this.
I'm sorry, Margaret.
It's no problem, Mrs. Mansell.
I just don't appreciate being caught off guard, China, you know that.
I do, and I should have told you.
So, where's Bobby?
He went to the store with Dad and Japan.
And where is your family, Margaret?
-I will try to make the best of it. -They left.
-Thank God. -Lily!
I mean, "Oh no."
No, you don't have to pretend. They are a handful.
Now you see that? You see that? You just evil. You evil.
You done hurt that girl's feelings again.
Are you angry with me, Mother?
I just wish you understood.
My dear sweet child.
Understood what, Mom?
You want me to marry Bobby, and I don't wanna be rushed into anything.
China, the world is complicated. Life is complicated.
Things aren't as complicated as you make them, Mom.
You spend all of your time trying to keep up appearances for your social club
and the people of this town.
-I don't care what people think about me. -Well, you should.
You should care about becoming a woman of substance.
Appearances are important.
-They are everything. -Not to me.
China, life is not a fairy tale
that just happens while you're skipping in the forest.
You have to construct your future.
Who you marry has everything to do with where you live.
What school your children will go to, and the reputation you will have.
The Wakefield name, like the Mansell name, is strong, unblemished.
At the end of this life
all a woman really has is her name.
-Are you feeling better, Mother? -Yes.
Good, honey, I bought flowers for you.
Thank you. I was just telling Margaret it's too bad her family didn't stay.
We would've had plenty of room if they wanted to stay the night.
-Do you really mean that? -Of course.
Good. Very good, Mother.
-Margaret. -Come on in.
I'm not getting up in there until she apologizes.
-What is this? -What is that?
You got to apologize to her and you got to apologize to us.
You was rude as hell, I'm sorry I threw your pillows and all that stuff around,
but I ain't do no real damage like I could've did some real...
I could have did some real damage, up in there.
The ferry broke down, we can't get across the Cape.
We is stuck here with you.
We done went to two, three, four, five hotels and there was no room.
Actually, there was plenty of room but they were too damn high,
we don't have no money, so we back here.
-And stop looking at us like that. -I know she ain't looking at me like that, girl.
We don't want to be here no more than you want us to be here, baby.
This has ruined our Christmas, too, do you understand?
This ain't Christmas.
No, Christmas is supposed to be in the hood.
It's all right, Madea. We're going to enjoy this.
George, ifyou steal anything out of this woman's house,
I am gonna knock the hell out of you, do you understand?
Come on in, Madea.
Excuse me, Uncle Phil, are you gonna call and tell everybody else, tell them to come in.
I'm waiting for her to say, "Excuse us, sorry," and then we'll come in.
That's right, you have just been rude to us. You ain't been nothing but rude. Rude.
Rude is dropping in unannounced.
Girl, didn't I tell you Chinese told us to come over here?
It's China!
I tell you what, China, I don't care what your name is,
come out here and say that.
Come cross this line right here, cross that line right there.
She is sitting over there with Zimbabwe,
they are gonna act like they don't understand what I'm saying.
-Honey... -Okay.
I apologize.
Ain't no God in that. Ain't no feeling in that,
ain't no anointing, no blood or nothing in what you just said.
You gonna apologize, you got to put some feeling in that, I need to feel the Holy Ghost.
I apologize.
Oh, please, honey.
I don't believe that.
Honey, just... Can you just at least be a little sincere?
Did you hear that "R" when she said "sincere"?
I felt that. Put some "R's" in your apology.
I er...
...apolergize.
That's good enough.
That was really good, she apolergized.
Thank you for having us.
Now here about you all, y'all come on in here.
-Well, we have plenty of room. -Where you want me to put them at?
Take the ladies out back over the garage.
She wanna take us to the colored entrance?
We ain't gonna stay out back over no garage, is it nice?
It's very nice. I'm quite sure it's better than what you are accustomed to.
I think we just checked into the Bates Motel, I ain't lying.
Why you saying that name?
Because she's standing there looking like Norman Bates' mother
with the bun at the back of her head.
Ifyou're gonna be nice to somebody, honey, be nice to them.
Don't be nice and nasty at the same time.
Choose which one... "Choose yea this day who you will serve."
Please show some decorum.
Don't talk about Cora. Did she just say something about Cora?
You don't talk about my daughter.
I think she said something about my daughter, Cora.
She said, she said, "Just show something to Cora."
I didn't show Cora nothing, Cora ain't even here, don't talk about Cora.
Don't show nothing to Cora, she ain't here.
Don't talk about that, that's the quickest idea to get you hurt, talking about Cora.
I think I am gonna have to take a Valium.
Bring me two, some 55 milligrams, give me two of them.
Japan, take these young men upstairs to the guest room.
You're gonna have to share a bed with your brother.
Get the bags, Margaret.
My mother would never carry my bags.
That's right, mama ain't carrying his bags.
She carried him for nine months, she ain't going to carry no bags.
Come on, I'll show you. Come on.
George! Give that boy his wallet back, please.
Oh, my God, you stole my wallet!
Got to watch him, he quick, he quick.
He getting good at it.
China, can I talk to you for a second?
-What you all going to talk about? -Something in private.
Something in private, they don't want to talk in front of us.
-You're going to talk? -Mother, we're going to talk.
Well, I'm going to my bedroom.
She's going to be listening, y'all watch her.
Seems like we know how to clear a room out, don't we?
Seems like we come in, everybody go out.
Excuse me, sir. Hello.
Where you going?
-Outdoors. -That's all I want to know.
I just want to know why when Lucy didn't come up in here,
and why he is out there with her right now.
-He not out there with Lucy, baby. -Bam, come on now, I'm watching.
I walked up in here, when Lucy walked in,
that man turned completely white and went the other direction.
I'm telling you, black as he is,
the blood drained from his face, he was scared to death.
Something is going on, and I'm gonna figure it out.
No, no, no. Now they don't even know each other.
They just met each other.
-Met who? -They just met each other.
Hattie, how the hell... You can't see what the hell we talking about.
You can't see nothing we talking about.
Yeah I can, I can see into the future.
Now put them glasses on, honey, you need to go have that Cadillac surgery
and get that taken care of or something.
And if that don't work, get you a dog, 'cause you blind as hell.
I can't even look at them glasses, I get dizzy, they just spin around and around.
It feel like she hypnotizing me.
-You okay? -Am I okay?
I just found out that the man I'm in love with is not who he said he was.
-Look... -John, you are married.
You got a whole damn family up in there.
I didn't intend for you to find out like this.
Stop lying, negro. You didn't intend on me finding out.
No, I was gonna tell you.
My situation with Lilian...
What you all doing out here?
-Nothing. -Okay, y'all just talking?
Excuse me, I dropped my cigarette, I picked it up.
I dropped my cigarette.
I have seen your Mercedes. Yes indeed, it's nice.
Y'all go on and talk, go on and talk.
-I told you. -I know what the hell I'm talking about.
I busted them, walked right there on that porch, they talking about something.
-Both of them? -Yes, see, you all got to get me
the hell out of here. See, I don't want to spend Christmas like this,
all hell is gonna break loose up in this woman's house.
And I don't wanna be nowhere around hell breaking loose on Christmas.
Mabel?
-China. -What is it?
I've been trying to get your attention since we got here.
I'm sorry, things are a little crazy right now.
-ls it because of him? -Him who?
You know who I'm talking about. Eric.
Is it because of Eric?
No, it's all this Christmas stuff.
China, don't you love me?
-Bobby, I do. -Then why are you so distant?
I'm sorry, Bobby. I just have a lot on my mind right now.
-I see. -Don't do that.
We've been great together. It's been so fantastic.
I'm just a little overwhelmed.
You do know I was going to ask you to marry me, don't you?
Really? I kind of had a feeling you would.
So, you don't want to marry me?
-Bobby, I do... -So that's a yes!
-No! -Then, what is it?
It's a...
I'm confused.
This is all happening too fast.
I haven't even finished school yet and you're talking about marriage and kids...
Why are you so worried about finishing school?
-Honey, my family is worth millions. -That's not my money.
Marry me and it will be ours.
Bobby, I never once thought about your money.
I don't care about that.
I know. You're one of the first women I met that didn't.
-So, marry me. -Okay.
-Okay? -Okay, okay, okay.
Just give me a second, all right? Go downstairs
and I'll be down in a second.
Okay. Take all the time you need.
Honey, I love you.
Look at him. Hello, son, I didn't even see you come in, how you doing?
-I'm good. -Yeah, reading that magazine, go ahead.
What are you reading?
-My Health. -Your Health?
-Yes, ma'am. -Wow, that's... You look so educated.
Yes indeed.
You said it. You said it.
Wait a minute.
-He looks so sad. -He looks so sad.
-Like he just defeated. -Yeah.
When I look at him I just want to say, "Swing Low."
He look like he is gonna sit by the ocean and say, "Old Man River."
-I'm sure I can make him happy though. -Come on, Hattie, come on, Hattie.
What, what... Hattie...
I can, I can make him happy.
Spare me, please.
That the same thing he gonna say when I get through with him.
"Spare me, please. Spare me."
I can't take this.
-Boy, sit down and learn something. -That's right, baby, sit down.
You been so uptight since we got here.
You just sitting like you're just all folded up, like your shoulders gonna meet in the front.
Pull your knees apart, honey, and scoot down in your seat.
Separate your feet, son.
Separate your feet. Balance yourself.
-Yeah. -Yeah, relax, relax.
Chill out. Yeah, you look... That's beautiful.
-You look better already. -Why you so uptight, son?
I bet them little girls just be all over you, don't they?
-Don't they be all over you? -No, baby, he's still a virgin.
Hattie, don't tell all the boy's business like that.
-He is. -I know he a virgin, I could tell.
-How, Mabel, how could you tell? -Them glasses.
What are the glasses?
That's pure birth control, them glasses, right there.
Son, look here. Ain't nothing wrong with being no virgin.
Ain't nothing wrong with being no virgin at all.
These young people... Everybody running around trying not to be a virgin.
Being a virgin is good, do you hear me?
I don't care how old you are, son, you a virgin, that is fine.
Don't let nobody make you feel bad about being a virgin, you take your time.
Do you understand?
Ain't nothing wrong with that because once you give it up, it's gone.
Can't get it back. You a virgin?
You a virgin? You a virgin?
Yeah, that means "Yep."
Because it's either yes or no.
If you got to do a "um," that means yeah. That's all right, son.
That's all right. There have been some very... God uses virgins.
-Yes, he does. -Do you hear me?
God searches to and fro for purity.
God used a virgin when he came into this Earth
-and he used a virgin when he left. -Yes, sir.
Yes, see people know about the virgin when he came
but they don't know about the virgin when he left.
-Well, tell me about it. -Shall I take you to the Bible?
-I need to go. -Let me take you on there now.
Jesus was getting ready to go to Calvary, ain't that what the Bible says?
-That's what it says. -And it was Palm Sunday.
-Yes, it was. -And he said, he told his disciplines, he said
"There is a colt tied to a doorpost
"that had never been rode on or sat on by a man.
"Bring that colt to me."
-The colt was a virgin. -Okay.
Do you understand? He rode on the colt 'cause the colt was pure.
It was a virgin. Do you hear what I'm telling you?
He used that virgin.
That's all right that it was tied up to the doorpost.
Some time you got to be tied up into a situation
and wait for God to call you in to what you supposed to be doing.
I'm telling you.
We'll be tied up walking around in the same circles
going over and over and over and over and over again.
You don't know why you're there. You're tied up for a purpose.
God is trying to keep you. To have you come in and...
You've never heard about that donkey again in the rest of the Bible.
But that one moment he is mentioned for everybody to see. Do you hear me?
Ain't no problem with no virgin. Like the Virgin Mary.
You act like you don't know what I'm talking about. The Virgin Mary.
Mother of Jesus.
-I know Mary. -You're young,
I'm gonna tell you a hip-hop version.
This is the hip-hop version, so stay with me
all you hip-hoppers, all you young thugs.
There was a woman named Mary J. Blige.
And God looked down on her and found favor in her
because she was a virgin and she was dating a singer, Jo.
You know Jo, the boy who sang that song. You know the song Jo sang?
Something about a woman or something.
Anyway they were on tour, Mary and Jo.
And Mary went to Jo and had to tell him that she was pregnant.
But they had never known each other.
The Bible calls it "known."
They don't call it "sex."
They said "known." Do you know what that means?
You're suppose to know who the hell you're having sex with.
Listen, baby, listen here.
Ain't ever known a man, you know.
So she told Jo that and Jo got really upset.
He was about to just leave her.
But, they worked it out because God had to go
to Joseph himself and tell him that, "l did this"
because Joseph was getting ready to walk out the door, you understand?
But when God catches you, won't it turn you around?
Yeah, it'll turn you all around.
If God tells you to stay with somebody you've got to stay,
you can't go nowhere, that's what Joseph did.
So they was on tour, they was getting tired, they was going to all these cities
and she was getting pregnanter and pregnanter and pregnanter.
And child, the baby was getting ready to come
and they found themselves in the holy city.
-Wait a minute... -Birmingham.
Right choice there, that's where he was at.
They pulled the bus up to the holy city of Birmingham
and she was getting ready to go on stage but her water broke.
It was a mighty rushing water, went everywhere.
So she said, "l got to go. I got to go."
They tried to take her to all these places, everywhere they went the doors was closed.
-Went to the Marriott, the door was closed. -No.
Yeah, went to Hampton lnn, the door was closed.
Went to a Motel 6, they didn't even leave the light on for her.
It was just nothing.
So, she was locked out.
And she sat on the curb with Jo and Jo said, "What are we gonna do?"
-Fix it. -And God sent something.
-Watch yourself. -A mangy dog walked right past them.
And she had that baby right there next to that mangy dog.
That's why they say he was born near a mangy.
Do you hear me?
Learn something, son. You gonna be blessed being a virgin.
-That is the hip-hop version. -Yeah.
I hope I don't go to hell for telling the hip-hop version
but that's the hip-hop version.
-Please, God. -That's the hip-hop version.
I know God got a sense of humor, hell, he made me.
Yes!
-I told you. Didn't I tell you? -Yeah, you did.
And that's the story of the dear lord little Baby Jesus.
Word up!
-Can I go now? -No.
Dad.
These old ladies are talking to me about sex.
Rescue me.
It's okay, Son. Sit, you'll learn something.
Look like you've been learning something.
-Where you all been? -I was showing Lucy my boat.
Did it float?
Hors d'oeuvres?
-I'm sorry, what'd you say, honey? -Hors d'oeuvres?
Yeah, get a number two.
Y'all make bacon and ham cheeseburgers?
Give me a bacon and ham cheeseburger, and some fries and a shake.
Make that two.
-And supersize it. -No, no, no.
Hors d'oeuvres?
I thought you taking my order.
No, ma'am.
No, ma'am, I wasn't saying "order," I was saying "hors d'oeuvres."
I don't know what that means, spell it for me.
-H-O-R-S-D... -No, no, that's whores.
-That's whores, honey. -No, ma'am.
No, ma'am. No, no. They're hors d'oeuvres.
-What? These the whores? -It's spelt different.
No, no.
-The "H" is silent. -The "H" is silent, okay.
Well, that ain't nothing but cheese on a cracker.
You can't give that girl no cheese.
No baby, I don't want... I don't want no cracker.
I sure hell don't need no cheese, baby.
No, child, that is very, dairy dangerous to give her some cheese.
No, no, no.
Would you like to try?
-Should I try one of the whores? -Yes, ma'am.
Yes, please.
Sit down. Sit down and leave that alone.
You're not supposed to be working, sit down and relax.
Come on, sit down.
You're not supposed to be working, it's Christmas.
We came over here to see you. Relax yourself.
-Yeah. -What that feel like, to sit down?
You have been working like Miss Celie in The Color Purple. Sit down.
Relax yourself.
-That's relaxed? -Sit back.
-Yes, ma'am. -No, baby, sit back.
Just relax, relax. Let go. Relax.
There you go, relax. Come on, come on.
-There you go, there you go. -Loosen up.
I like this.
Wait, wait. Don't lay back. Don't do that, honey.
No, you're well endowed on top, you don't lay back flat like that.
Women who are well endowed on top
they can't lay flat on their back, I'm telling you.
I'm telling you, I did that one time.
It was in the middle of the night
I thought somebody had crept in my room
and was getting ready to choke the hell out of me.
God, these things got around my neck.
I couldn't breathe.
I jumped up fighting, thought somebody was on top of me.
Now when I sleep, I have to throw them over the side, honey.
I got so old, I do this, now they tie my shoe for me.
So, don't do that, honey. Don't lay flat on your back.
When you go to hospital, they have to prop you up.
Do not lay flat on your back, I'm telling you.
Margaret, where's the rum?
-Sir, it's in the cabinet. -Margaret, sit down, relax.
Margaret is on Christmas break.
You just gave it to her. I know you didn't hear me
give it to her, but you gave it to her.
Now, if you want the rum, rum your ass on in there
and get it yourself.
Look here, go ahead. Go and take these whores in the kitchen with you.
Go on and take the whores.
-Where y'all going? -Where y'all going?
You told him to take the whores in the kitchen with him.
Hey, China, hey, hey. What's up?
-What's up, girl? -Hi, Eric.
How are you? I missed you.
What are you doing? Stop, Eric.
-Eric, stop. -What's up?
-You sure you want me to stop? -Yes, stop.
You know my boyfriend is downstairs.
Your boyfriend?
Girl, where you find that clown at?
He goes to the medical school on campus.
China got her a doctor.
-That's what you want? -We're very happy.
Hell, I'm in school.
It ain't Brown but it's black.
I mean it's a state college.
That ain't good enough for you though, right?
-What do you want, Eric? -You know what I want.
I want you, us.
Well, you had me, but you didn't want a commitment.
-Am I too late? -lt appears so.
Good old China, still pushing me away.
-I'm sorry. -Yeah.
Worried about what your mama was going to say.
-No. -Sure you are.
No, I'm not.
I know you love me. You know I still love you.
-We were young. -We're still young.
I'm different, my priorities have changed.
Well, I was your first, right?
Actually you were my only.
Really?
You ain't gave old doctor, doctor nothing?
No, you're the only one.
Wow? What y'all waiting on? You acting like y'all getting married.
China?
Hey, look, look. I know we're from two different worlds.
I mean you're rich and I'm not. But we're good together.
-Come on, now. -It's not about rich or poor, Eric.
I better get downstairs.
Hey, wait, wait, wait. Are you serious?
Wow.
Okay, China, look... Come here, come here, come here.
Come here.
So you're getting married
You're gonna say yes to him
Say it ain't so, it ain't so
When you know that I love you
And my love is much stronger than friends
I know you know
I can't believe it
You're gonna walk down that aisle
To be with a man you don't love
Now you know I know you
For God has given me
He's given me this love
And it comes straight from above
So let me ask you
Who's it gonna be?
Do you want him?
Or do you want me?
I know
I want you
He can't do you
Like the way I do you
And he can't love you like I do
So stop playing games
You know you need to be with me
Just look down inside your heart you're my destiny
Who's it gonna be?
Do you want him, baby?
Or do you want me?
I want to know
Because I want you, yeah
You need to make up your mind
Because this love we share
Is one of a kind
Baby, this love we have is real
But you know what, we were meant to be
Baby, you and me
So please
Who's it gonna be?
Tell me, do you want him?
Do you want me, baby? I'm standing right here with you
Baby, baby
Who's it gonna be, my sweet lady?
Baby
Because I want you, I want you
I want you, baby
Please, baby
Baby, baby, baby, I want you
Don't do it, baby
Don't do it
Because I want you
Y'all remember that time y'all bought that cologne for Eric?
And he used to wear it all the time. I brought it as a gag gift for him.
-He wearing it all the time. -He still wears it all the time.
And Eric...
Okay.
He ain't the only one wearing it.
George, where you been?
Upstairs watching TV.
Go back up there and put that TV back up there.
You don't see it but he got it on him. He got that TV on him.
He got it on him.
Jesus, he quick.
Yeah, he quick. You better watch it. He done stole your virginity
and you don't even know it.
Lucy?
Lucy, you've been really quiet since you got here.
It ain't nothing, Mama. It's nothing.
Something must be wrong with her, honey, because anytime you don't talk
-you mad about something. -I told y'all, leave that alone.
There ain't gonna be a nothing, y'all leave that alone.
I'm just saying that she's quiet 'cause she's mad about something.
Well, who is she... Don't ask her who is she mad with.
-Okay, well... -No.
It's nothing, y'all. I just want to be home, that's all. That's it.
-She just wants to be at home. -Who you mad at?
Well, we should all try to have some fun.
Well, I would like to finish something I started earlier this morning,
-if that's all right. -Bobby, this isn't the time.
No!
-This time is good as any. -Mom.
No, it isn't.
-Bobby. -Yes, ma'am?
No. Hell no. Hell no.
Son, son, son...
No, you don't wanna do that, son. That's gonna hurt.
China, will you marry me?
-Can we do this in private? -I do.
Hattie.
Hattie, come on back here, baby. Sit down.
He want a china doll, not a rag doll.
Son, son, son, get up. Don't do that right now, please.
-Don't you love me? -Oh, Lord.
Bobby...
She said, "Um," you know what that means.
This is just a private moment.
You're the one who invited the black Beverly Hillbillies.
You got one more thing to say to me, Mary McLeod Bethune.
You got one more thing to say to me!
Standing there, looking like Mary McLeod, Frederick Douglass,
Ann, all of 'em wrapped up in one.
-She just looks like a black history moment. -Yeah.
On Martin Luther King Day.
You know what? Come on, y'all, let's give them some privacy.
Rosa, Rosa Parks, listen, we're sitting here.
I am fine on the bus right where I am.
You wanna start a revolution, go in the kitchen, go.
-Come on. -We're right behind you.
-Okay, okay. -We right behind you, yeah.
Right, don't hold up, though. We're right behind you.
Okay, I'll take this.
-Right, yeah. -Okay.
-All right. See, what I was saying... -Lock that swing door.
There, go ahead, honey. Say, "Yes."
This is such a big step.
Honey,
I really love you.
Son, Lord, have mercy.
And I love you.
Who's it gonna be?
I hear angels.
Yes, sir!
Then say, "Yes."
China.
Wait a minute, honey. Don't be pressuring her.
This is between them two.
She acts like she's pressured.
You saying, "Yes"? Oh, Lord.
-Oh, Lord. -And she's taking the ring.
I've got to get the hell out of here. I'm telling y'all right now.
-And he's hugging her. -Rich people confuse me.
I'm so happy!
-Me, too. -Oh, Lord.
This is so sad. This is so sad.
Mabel, I'm hungry now.
-Me, too! -I'm hungry.
I don't know why rich people got nothing in the refrigerator but crumpets.
And what the hell is a crumpet? Crumpet and whores.
I don't want to eat none of that, no.
I'm looking for something down up in here, something to satisfy me.
Lord have mercy. This is just a mess. This is just a mess, Mabel.
It's all right, honey. We'll be out of here soon enough.
Soon as they get that ferry fixed, I'm getting the hell out of here.
Ain't never coming back up here to Cape Cod again.
-Hey, Hattie. -Hey, what are you all doing in here?
Come here and let me look at you, Hattie.
Step out here, Hattie.
-What do you want? -Hattie, you got lips all over you.
-Yes, indeed. Go ahead. -Ain't that nice?
Yeah, you look like a Rolling Stone.
You gonna warm something up for us? 'Cause we're hungry, Hattie.
Yeah.
Y'all don't have no greens, no nothing?
No, she don't like me keeping nothing like that up in here.
She says it's unhealthy for you.
-She don't want no soul food? -No.
Ain't nothing wrong with soul food, ain't nothing but a little heart attack.
You'll be all right after one or two of 'em.
Y'all, I'm hungry.
Baby, come on here and sit down. I'm about to warm up some leftovers.
-Why are you so hungry? -Hi.
-Hey, Chinese. -Hey.
My name is...
Fine. Call me "Chinese." What does it matter?
-What's wrong with you? -Nothing.
She just said yes to that boy and she's upset about it.
See, yeah, 'cause I always know when something is wrong with you.
It's just been a long day.
Look, sit down, sit down.
You're just gonna give her your daughter's seat?
She was sitting there. Lucy was sitting...
-She'll be all right. -You said, "It's been a long day."
Yes, ma'am, a long day.
Honey, where do you work?
I work on campus. Work, study, school, study.
You children keep talking about they tired, and they need a vacation,
"It's been a long day."
I know somebody, their son, about nine years old,
said he was exhausted and he needed a vacation.
So they took him to Hawaii for a week.
I wanted to punch the hell out of him, them, and everybody else.
Should have.
You don't know what tired is until you get out on your own
and have to pay a bill for the first time.
I'm telling you.
Children will be all cutting up, acting crazy in front of mom and dad.
"You ain't this. I can't wait to move out."
Then when you move out, you be like, "l can't wait to move back in."
That's crazy as hell.
And you know what? The first time I moved out,
you know what pissed me off?
-What? -Rent.
Whoever came up with that is of the devil. I'm telling you, that is low-down.
That rent thing is low-down. He come around every first, every time.
And you gotta do it month to month to month. Try doing that.
Try paying a bill. Light bill, gas bill, water bill,
phone bill, putting gas in the car.
Gas that went up to 95 damn dollars a gallon.
Try working on a pole with a pimp screaming in your ear
when you're trying to feed your daughter.
That's what I had to do.
And Cora ate a lot!
You don't know nothing, honey.
You got things handed to you on a silver platter.
Enjoy this time. You ain't exhausted.
You're stressed out about a decision you need to make.
It's got nothing to do with nobody else.
Tell me about it, dear.
You don't have any children.
-Well... -Well, see,
there's a process to it.
-Bam... -See, first it just starts out little,
-and then you really can't tell. -Bam.
-And then it just grows and grows... -Bam!
Well, she done said it. Lucy, go on and tell your mama you're pregnant.
I'm not!
I dreamed about some fishes last night. I thought it was me!
-You thought it was you, what? -Was pregnant.
Hattie, ifyou got any eggs left they hard-boiled and scrambled.
What's the opposite of sunny-side up?
Lucy?
-Mama, I'm not pregnant. -The hell you preach!
I smell that baby way from over here!
It's a girl, six pounds, seven ounces.
And it ain't got no neck.
Wait a minute. Are you pregnant?
-Well... -That means yup!
Yup!
-Yes, Mama, yes. I'm pregnant. -Lord Jesus!
All that I have been through with you, and you go and get pregnant.
You know what, you're moving out of my house!
Look, me and my baby will be just fine, okay?
Figures, you would be the one to disgrace me.
-Do you even know who the daddy is? -Margaret!
No, all I have ever wanted for you was for you to go to college.
And for you to be somebody!
-No, you wanted me to be her! -What?
-She said you wanted her to be her. -Bam.
I'm just saying what the woman said.
You spent all day and night taking care of her.
-You ain't care about me? -Well, I was working!
And while you were here working, taking care of her kids,
we needed you at home, with us!
Mama, Eric was trying and trying.
But there's some things he couldn't teach me that little girls needed to know.
-Lucy. -No!
-China, who taught you about boys? -Eric!
Your mother.
And who taught you about becoming a woman?
Eric!
Your mother.
Mama, and you ain't have nothing for me, nothing?
Lucy, I was working. I'm sorry...
Girl, you better get all that froth up out your throat, like you did something wrong!
What is wrong with you? Hold on, honey, let me explain something to you.
Let me make this...
A parent ain't got no reason to apologize for working.
I'm telling you right now!
I'm telling, you got things handed to you on a platter.
Both ofy'all, what is wrong with you?
Parents do the best they can for their children!
Do you understand? This woman did the best she could, for you.
All her responsibility is, is one thing,
I don't care ifyou had a good life, bad life or nothing!
Her responsibility is one thing, to get you grown and get you the hell out ofthe house.
That's it!
Now let me tell you about Cora, 'cause Cora made me really mad one Christmas.
You know, she wanted these little dolls, they used to call them the little stars.
And everybody had them and I couldn't afford it.
I was working hard trying to pay bills,
trying to make ends meet and she's sitting there crying,
because she didn't get a gift that year.
I didn't have none so I said, "Baby, I love you, but I'm sorry!"
But she wanted them stars, she wanted them little star dolls,
-and I didn't give them to her. -Yeah!
And she sat there crying, all day long.
That morning, she was crying because it wasn't there.
I gave her a pair of socks, but they weren't enough. That's all I could afford.
She still going on crying, she crying some more!
By 12:30, she crying. We eating and she's crying.
Made me mad! She said, "l just want my stars!"
So I went over there and I punched the hell out of her.
And I said, "Do you see stars now?"
So from then on she ain't never asked me for nothing for Christmas. Do you understand?
But you know what? This is where children make their mistake.
How dare you reduce your parents to just being your mother or your father?
I'm telling you, that's where you mess up.
Because if you reduce them just to your life
what happened to the life they had before you got here?
They were individuals.
They were trying to do things. They were trying to make things work for you.
Children are just so selfish sometimes. Do you understand?
Don't be apologizing to this girl 'cause you was working.
You did what you had to do, you didn't take no welfare,
you sat there and you went to work every day.
Man walked out on you, what did you do?
-I went to work. -You went to work.
And you are not gonna sit here and judge her, because I remember a time
when somebody was pregnant, too.
-Yeah, you been this age before. -Yep.
Parents forget that they were their children's age.
And what you were doing at that time, that's the easiest thing...
When I forgave the folks that did me wrong you know what I realized?
They were young and stupid.
And at the same age, I was just as stupid as they were.
Once you get that and make that connection, you will be all right.
That's all I got to say about it.
Now, y'all gonna sit down and talk.
Chinese, go on upstairs and talk to your mama
somebody there, somebody go on up there.
This is their business, you been taking her time all this time.
Get the hell on out of here in that pink thing, looking like a pink Snuffleupagus.
Go on upstairs.
She make me just want to take a bath, like that's a towel or something.
Come on, let's let them talk.
That's a leopard, yes indeed.
It's funny how your robe says a whole lot about you.
Yours say, "I'm a wildcat."
Your mama's say, "Oh, hell."
Lucy, I didn't know you felt that way.
I want to try and...
I want to try and make you understand.
I did the best I could.
Seems like yesterday
Held you in my arms
Tried to protect you
Keep you safe from harm
Struggled to make it
Day to day
Before you push me away something I have to say
I pray that you
Will hurt no longer
And I pray your trials
Will make you stronger
And I pray someday
You will see
That I only wanted
The best for you
Being your mother
Is the greatest gift I've ever known
I've worked all these years
Trying to be strong
And sometimes it got rough
Didn't know if we'd make it through
We're family and I love you
So there's nothing I won't do
But I will always pray that you
Will hurt no longer
I pray your trials
That will make you stronger
I pray that someday
You will see
That I only wanted
The best
Best for you
All the dreams I had for you
I still believe
That they will come true
You know that you are
Always my baby girl
And no one, no one
Could ever replace you
I pray
That you won't hurt anymore
I pray, Lord
That you'll learn from your mistakes and you'll get stronger
I pray someday
That you will see that
I only wanted
All I ever wanted I'm your mother, baby
All I want is
The best
For you
I love you, love you
-I love you, baby. -Me, too.
Eric, what's this?
This is goodbye.
-You're leaving? -Yes.
Well, how are you going to get across the Cod?
I'll stay at the station until they fix the ferry.
Eric, it's Christmas.
You love me but you're gonna marry him.
I can't deal with that, I'm sorry.
-Eric. -What?
I'll see you around.
Tell me you don't love me
and I'll walk away and never bother you again.
I don't love you.
Merry Christmas, everybody.
-Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas.
-This gift is for you, Japan. -Thank you, Mother.
Japan. Oh, Lord.
Where's China?
-Here I am, Mom. -China.
Merry Christmas, Chinese.
Thank you, Mom.
She giving out everybody's gift, this is so lovely.
This is what rich people do on Christmas. This is wonderful.
-And this is for you, Bobby. -Thank you.
Hattie, put your hand down, baby, I don't think there's nothing
-under there for you. -Honey,
this is your gift.
An empty box?
George.
I'm gonna tell you one more time, George, I told you to stop,
you better not steal nothing else...
-There you go, baby. -That is so pretty.
-Don't worry about it. Leave it. -That is nice!
Somebody else open their gift.
-But it's beautiful. -Aren't you gonna exchange your gifts?
Yes.
-Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas.
Gift exchanged.
It's the gift that keeps on giving. It's cheap too, you should try it.
-Listen, that watch is so shiny and silver. -Bam, Bam, Bam,
-Bam, Bam, Bam. -That is nice.
-Leave the watch alone. -That's pretty.
-Let me see that. -Somebody else open their gift.
-Hattie, Hattie. -That's nice.
Hattie, get... Hattie, Hattie.
You see that, Ma, that's nice right there.
-Hattie, give her her watch back. -That looks good on...
Hattie, give her her watch back.
That looks like the same watch Lucy got on!
No, no, no, no, no. That one is real.
Margaret, baby, don't go there. Let's sing a Christmas carol.
Wait, what you trying to say, Mama?
No. I'm just saying that that one was probably really expensive, that's all.
Well, okay.
Don't get it twisted, this one is expensive too.
You see that? I think we need to compare them.
Let's sing another Christmas song. Don't do that.
No need to do that.
-Let me see that, Lucy. -Hattie...
-That is the same watch. -Hattie, Hattie.
-That's nice. -Hattie, Hattie.
And both of them got engravement on it.
Hattie, Hattie.
Here, this here is Lily's, you read that.
Read it.
Read the engravement on the back of it, Ma.
Read it.
"Swiss timepiece." That's nice, that's what it's saying.
No, now I might not be able to see that well, but I know that don't say, "Swiss timepiece."
-Here, China, read that. -Hattie, Lord.
-Read. -lt says "Love always, John Mansell."
That's nice. All right, that's nice.
-And then we'll read... -No, no.
Sing another Christmas song.
I want to read them.
This one got engravement too and it says,
"Love always,
"John..."
Order ready. Pick up!
Hattie.
-What you doing? -Let me read it.
"With love always, John Mansell."
-What? -Daddy?
-Lucy. -Dad.
-John. -Japan.
-China. -George.
-Madea. -Hattie.
-Bam. -Bam.
What you want me to say? I don't know.
-John, what's going on? -Let me tell you something.
This is why I don't put no engravement on nothing.
If you give somebody a watch or something, don't put no engravement on it.
Don't never put no engravement on it.
Because the very thing that you mean right there,
you might not mean a few years from now.
So don't ever put engravement on it.
Are you having an affair?
No. With her? That's ridiculous.
-Ridiculous, John? -I didn't mean it like that.
I've been with you for six months.
Jesus, fix it.
-And I'm pregnant. -Jesus.
Told you I dreamed about them fishes.
Look, I'm sorry, I didn't know he was married.
You bring this trash in my house...
-Trash? -Step back, step back, Lucy.
She didn't mean that.
I don't want to have to tear up these people's house again.
You know I will.
She admits it. She said what the hell she meant.
At my doorstep, John? At my doorstep?
-You better go after her. -Boy, are you crazy?
You don't go after no woman when she is that upset.
Specially if she's getting her coat and going to her car.
Hell no, don't go nowhere near that car!
I can't believe you.
Is this the kind of example I'm supposed to follow?
Son, you gotta get some before you can follow anybody's example, son.
Lucy.
In the kitchen.
China, let me explain!
Mabel, I love when they run out like that. When they just turn and just run out.
What the hell is that?
Well?
Well now.
Well, that didn't pan out too good.
You're still here?
No, we left about 15 minutes ago. You ain't see us?
I seen us when we walked out the door.
We're the ghost of Christmas past.
-Present. -And future.
You enjoy your drive?
Okay, wow.
Listen, baby, you just been so rude to us ever since we got here.
You don't know us. And we don't know you, honey.
It don't make no difference that we're here.
And that we hear everything y'all talking about.
It don't matter.
What difference does it make if we listening?
Now what difference does it make if we talk about you?
We don't know you.
I feel bad for you though. I really do. I feel bad for you.
Even though you nasty and trifling and just horrible, nasty attitude to people.
One of the worst people I ever met, your attitude's so foul and disgusting.
But I still feel bad for you, you know.
I don't like to see nobody get their heart broke like that.
That's got to be awfully humiliating
for your husband, he's sleeping around with some young, pretty, fine, sexy thing.
And you stand there and got old and it ain't the same no more.
That ought to make you feel horrible, like just a knife went through your throat.
Just made you feel like your soul just got twisted up.
You ought to feel awful.
I mean you ought to feel so low, lower than a snake in a wagon track.
You just ought to feel low.
So I don't like nobody feeling like that, honey.
Even if you are nasty.
But God don't like ugly. That's what that is, it's coming back to you.
You just been nasty to people and they're coming back to you.
Lord have mercy.
This is none of your business.
See, that's what I mean, that's what I mean.
See, God can't use that, right there.
Why you so mad?
You know what? It's the people like you
that don't think that you can learn nothing from nobody else.
Right, right.
You a Republican?
Come here and sit down.
You need to give us a chance.
Yes, indeed. Sit down.
Lord, she's just so... You even walk bougie.
You all right?
I wouldn't wish that on nobody, man cheating on you.
It's gonna be all right.
Been rich all your life?
-Yes. -I'm sorry.
I used to be jealous of people that got a whole lot of money.
But you know what, money don't fix no problem.
More money you have, the more problems you got to deal with.
I feel sorry for these children running around trying to chase a dollar,
get rich or die trying and doing everything to get money.
You get it then you still ain't happy.
You got to be happy with yourself first.
Because all money is going to do is enhance the person that you are.
If you're a fool when you're broke, you're gonna be a fool with money.
That's right.
That's all right, I feel bad, honey.
Look like nobody ever told you where to go when you were in trouble.
You were out driving around instead of somewhere praying.
Your mom or dad, somebody should have told you about God.
A lot of rich people are privileged. They don't know anything about God.
And I don't understand this new age stuff.
Everybody talking about the universe.
"Just pray to the... I'm gonna have the universe..."
Let me tell you something, I ain't never heard nobody tell me that
the universe was nailed to a cross.
I ain't never hear nobody tell me
-that the universe bled and hung and died. -Yeah.
And when you tell me that the universe then resurrected and got up and saved me,
then I'm gonna go down and bow to the universe.
But until then, Jesus it shall be. Do you hear me?
Right, hallelujah.
-Hallelujah. -Ain't nothing wrong with it.
Everybody trying to be so politically correct,
nobody want to say God, Jesus no more.
That is crazy, honey. Ain't nothing wrong with that.
We grew up poor. My mama, she didn't tell me about God.
My mama was a hooker.
But that's all right.
She was one, I worked the pole. It was all right.
But you know, all of their mamas talked to them about God.
Bam's mama talked to her about God.
Hattie's mama talked to her about God.
Margaret's mama taught her about God, took her to church.
And see, when you got that stuff in you, can't nobody take it out of you.
Because it will come back when you need it.
You got to hide the word in your heart. That's what the Bible says.
-Yeah, that's right. -Because I feel sorry for you, honey.
It's really, really sad when you can buy whatever you want,
but you got to beg for what you need.
That's pretty sad, honey. Set yourself free, honey.
All of this pressure, keeping up all these airs,
being with that man, trying to keep him
so people can look at you
and think you got it together, think you got status,
something is wrong with that.
Why you just can't live in your truth? What is your truth?
Live in your truth. Don't worry about what the hell people say.
Live in your truth. This is your life. When you die, it is over.
I feel sorry for people who get to the end of their life
and realize they have wasted it trying to do what somebody else
wanted them to do.
What about your dreams? What about your thoughts?
What about your heart? What about your ideas?
God has put all of us on this Earth for a reason.
Every one of us got a special talent and a special gift.
And you can't tell me what my gift is and you can't beat me
doing what God has given me to do.
So I'm gonna do what I do and how I'm supposed to do it.
You go over there and do what you're supposed to do.
And all of us gonna come together for the body, do you understand?
-Yes. -Live in your truth, honey.
Somebody should have told you about God.
Yeah, at some point you have to trust in something other than your money.
Because that will fail, won't it? That money will let you down.
My mama taught me something very important.
And it has gotten me through my entire life.
Yes, pass it on to her, honey.
Don't do that now.
Hattie, you know about it too, don't you? Hattie act a fool, but she know Jesus.
Yes, sir.
Hey, Hattie.
See, I'm gonna tell you something.
See, that's what their mamas told them back then.
What your mama taught you, Bam? I know she taught you something.
Yes, yes, yes.
Come on, Bam!
Come on, Aunt Bam.
-Come on, come on. -Come on, Aunt Bam.
Y'all about to mess me up with this.
I don't go to church, but I feel it. Y'all about to mess me up.
See, somebody should have, somebody should have taught you about that, hon.
Didn't anybody teach you about that?
-Yes. -What?
Yes, my mother, my mother taught me about the Lord.
I thought Mama was crazy
And Daddy was a fool
They took me to church
And they taught me about you
But life got in the way
And now I sit like a fool
Nowhere to turn
So I'm turning back to you
Lord, I need you
More than ever before
Jesus, I want you
My heart is open at His door
God, just help me
And I promise you this
God, stay with me
My life you can fix
I've never seen
The righteous forsaken
Nor deceived
Never a bad embrace
That's the word that they taught me
Lord, I need you
More, more than ever before
Jesus, I want you
My heart is open, yes
Stay with me, yes
Yes! Yes
I'm at a crossroad
I'm confused
Standing in agony
I'm searching, searching for the truth
My, what my mama gave me
The world can't take it away
What my daddy taught me
I'm gonna take it
From the cradle
To the grave
I need you, I need you to take
My promise
If you, if you stay
Oh, Lord, I need help
I need help
I need help, yes
And I need help now
I need it, I need it, I need it, I need it
I need it, I need it now
I need it now
I need it, I need it, I need it, I need it
I need it, I need it, I need it I need it, I need it
I need it now
Yes, indeed. Yes, indeed.
That's beautiful, us is all here.
George? What's in your pocket, George?
-You need to get this child some help. -I know, I know.
I must tell you something.
China and Japan,
I am so sorry.
But I'm not upset that your father is with this woman.
Hold on a second.
Now, wait a minute, see this is why I can't get saved, right here.
'Cause that Holy Ghost'll make you calm all the way down.
See, I don't like being that calm.
I don't like being that rational and reasonable,
that you can't get upset about somebody doing you wrong.
No, honey, God didn't mess you up, you supposed to be cutting here.
-Well, I am. -Me, too.
And don't get me started.
We've been divorced for two years.
Shut your mouth and keep on talking.
We didn't tell anyone because it wasn't good business.
I wanted to tell you. But your mother didn't.
Mom!
Well, I thought it was for your own good.
You were in school and Japan was advancing at the firm.
Mom, you should have told us.
I wanted to.
So wait, you knew about me the whole time?
I knew it was someone, but it didn't matter to me, we were over. And we're friends.
-Wow. Wow. -Yo, hold on, y'all friends?
Rich people confuse me, man.
Rich people confuse the hell out of me. Y'all friends?
Yes.
Y'all got a divorce and you're friends.
-Yes. -Wow.
Y'all need to write a book, I don't know what the hell that is.
I wish more people could be friends after they get divorced,
'cause, I'm used to them stabbing, cutting, killing,
trying to hurt each other.
I'm sorry, I'm contretto, go ahead.
John, why didn't you tell me that?
It was never the right time.
So, you're fine with this, Mother?
Yes, I'm tired of the charades.
Honey, you remember Bernard Washington?
Mr. Washington? My old baseball coach?
Yes. That's my man.
Mabel, now Mabel...
Now, I knew something was up when I saw all them baseball trophies
with your name on it.
I knew good well that you couldn't play no baseball.
Why did you think you starred on varsity for four years?
Mother!
Baby, you had to know somebody was helping you out, hon.
You ain't never took your little bat out the dugout.
Stop that laughing at that baby. Stop that laughing at that baby.
Well, that's why I've been so frustrated.
She was backed up.
Not as backed up as him.
He's all right. He's all right.
I've been a mess trying to keep this secret going.
Mom, what...
Let me finish. I want you to be happy, China.
My mother pressured me into marrying your father and we've never been happy.
We learned to tolerate each other, but we never really loved each other
the way husband and wives are supposed to.
We want you to be happy.
Love. God knows we spent too much time pretending.
What are you saying?
I had a talk with Madea and Bam and Hattie.
Sup?
Well, they made me realize I was doing the same thing to you
that my mother did to me.
You should follow your heart.
Well, it's a good thing her heart is with me.
Boy, what the hell is wrong with you? What the hell is wrong with you?
Where have you been?
That's right. Where have you been? Do you know anything that's going on?
China.
China don't want to go to Zimbabwe, honey. I'm sorry.
Bobby, I don't love you.
What?
And I can't marry you.
You lied to me?
Call it what you want, but I can't.
Okay.
-He look like he wanna hit her. -Yeah.
I wish the hell... I wish the hell you would.
Go ahead, lke. Go ahead, lke. Do it, lke.
I'll get my things.
That's very smart.
Whole family is crazy.
-What'd he say? -He said the whole family's crazy.
The Lord knows his heart.
Yeah, God knows his heart, but my foot gonna know his ass
if he come down here with something foolish.
Lucy,
I'm sorry. I wish I could've told you before.
But I do love you.
"l do love you"?
I know this man, he's telling the truth.
This is too weird for me.
-Hey, Eric. -Hi, Madea.
What's going on?
Can you give me a ride to go down to see if the ferry is fixed?
Yeah, come on, come on. We'll take a ride
'cause I need to get some cigarettes, anyway.
Y'all, come on. Come on, Bam. Come on, Hattie, we gonna come right back.
Mabel, it's getting good in here!
-I need to get away from here. -Come on, Eric.
Get my coat.
This is beautiful.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
Eric.
Please stay.
Eric, can I speak with you on the porch?
Lucy, can I talk to you in the kitchen?
I know hurt
And I know pain
Pain
I know, I know, I know
Confusion
But all of this is new
Please be the man
I think you are
Please be the one
My bright and morning sun
Please be the man
I hope you are
Please be the one
The one I've waited for this far
I know
Pain
And I know
I know scars
I know
Not trusting
And I know
A broken heart
Please be the man
I think you are
Please be the one
My bright and morning sun
Please be the man
I hope you are
Please be the one
The one I've waited for this far
I am afraid, I've been confused
I feel so used, I've been abused
Come save my life, please rescue me
And set me free
Please be the man
I think you are
Please be the man
Please, please, please
Please
Well, it's turned out to be a wonderful Christmas.
I guess God did answer your prayer.
He didn't just answer my prayers, He answered everyone's prayers.
That's what I've been trying to tell you, Christmas is not about things,
it's not about expensive gifts.
It's about those things that money can't buy,
family.
God, I know they're rough around the edges, but I love my family.
We have a Christmas tradition that started years ago.
Because we didn't always have money to buy things for Christmas.
But one year,
my children,
Eric, George, Lucy, they gave me a gift that I will never forget.
I wanna share that with you. Eric?
Ladies and gentlemen,
introducing the cast and band of Tyler Perry's A Madea's Christmas.
The band, on keyboards and organ, Natalie Ragins.
On guitar, Derek Scott.
On drums, Marcus Williams.
On percussion, Aaron Draper.
On keyboard and organ, Justin Gilbert.
On trumpet, Melvin Jones.
On trombone, Jeff Bradshaw.
On saxophone, Michael Burton.
Your musical director on bass guitar, Mr. Ronnie Garret.
You background singers are, Sheryl Boyd.
Tony Hightower.
And Tasha Danae.
Now, for this all-star phenomenal cast, Shannon Williams.
Alexis Jones.
Jeffery Lewis.
Zuri Craig.
Maurice Lauchner.
Patrice Lovely.
Tony Grant.
Tamar Davis.
Cheryl Pepsii Riley.
Chandra Currelley.
Cassi Davis.
And Mr. Tyler Perry!
So, are you tired?
Okay, well, sit down.
Thank you so much.
Listen, you're the first audience to see this show anywhere.
So, thank you so much for being a part of it.
Every time I do a show, I try to find some new folks.
Y'all may have seen this one before, but she is hilarious.
Patrice Lovely.
This woman is so funny.
When I'm sitting there laughing, I am laughing for real.
I mean, she... I'm so proud of her, I'm proud of everybody on this stage.
Everybody who's done a fantastic, amazing job.
And you know, I work with a few, so you all know, don't get jealous.
I just wanna point out a few of the new folks that I found.
This girl here, Alexis, this girl right here...
Maurice, on the side of her, that's a singing somebody, right there.
What you waving for? What's that? New York? What part of New York?
You did not come from New York by Greyhound.
You came from New York City by Greyhound 'cause you're afraid to fly.
I wanna meet you. You come on this way.
Bring your family, y'all come on back here, so I can meet you.
That is one... Y'all give it up. All the way from New York by Greyhound.
I gotta shake your hand.
And listen, and you won't let me fly you back, will you?
She say, "Oh, no, I'm going back by Greyhound."
I wanna let you all go home, but I gotta tell you
how much I love you, I appreciate you, God bless you.
You mean so much to me, I thank God for you.
I pray for you all the time.
You all take care. God bless. We'll see you soon.
-Hello! -Hello!
-The play was so awesome. -Yes.
-Excellent. Great message. -My gosh.
I love Tyler Perry. And he was wonderful. It was best one I've ever seen.
-lt was amazing. -The play was awesome.
It was a blessing. It's always a blessing.
It was very funny, very entertaining.
-Wonderful job. -Excellent. Loved the singing.
-Loved it. -Encore.
-Two thumbs up. Two thumbs up. -Do it again!
It was great, it was gorgeous, I loved it. It was fantastic.
Fantastic. Absolutely fantastic.
The play is excellent. Tyler always puts on a good performance.
So, we came out, we brought our 90-year-old grandmother
all the way from Muskogee, Oklahoma.
This is my mom and she came all the way from Alaska. Fairbanks.
Fairbanks, Alaska to see Tyler Perry's show.
We drove from North Carolina, so it was great to get to see it live.
We came all the way from Holly Springs to see our sister sing, Cassi, Bam.
My favorite part, was the character of Eric's voice.
He was incredible.
My favorite was Hattie. She was hilarious.
-What's the lady... -The old lady.
The old lady with all the...
With the gray hair?
The cook, Hattie.
-Hattie. -Hattie.
Bam. I love Bam.
Love Madea. Love Madea.
This is my first play I'm seeing by Tyler Perry.
-Bye! -I know, right.
It was my very first Tyler Perry play. I'll come to every one after that.
If he's always doing shows, we're gonna be here.
-This was some of Tyler Perry's best work. -Exactly.
Greatest fan.
And it just keeps getting better and better and better.
I'm telling all my friends, they better not bootleg the DVD when it comes out.
'Cause I'll be there at their house to pull it out their DVD players, okay?
But, like Tyler Perry always does, he can take you down and make you cry.
He brings you right back up and makes you laugh
and teaches you a lesson in the meantime. It was awesome.
Tyler Perry rocks!
We love you, Tyler.