海登高中
战士之家
重返十七岁
迈克·奥唐纳 1989年
奥唐纳 留点实力上场比赛再秀 O'Donnell, save something for the game.
教练 我只是在热身 I'm just warming up, coach.
我刚才又找球探谈 他今晚会来 Just talked to the scout again. He's coming tonight.
只要你展现实力 You play half the game I know you're capable of...
他就给你全额奖学金 he's prepared to offer you a full scholarship.
保送大学 包你前途无量 Free ride to college and the world's your oyster, kid.
谢谢教练 Thanks, coach.
好了 大家集合 合照 All right, jockstraps, let's gather up. Picture time.
别把镜头吓坏了啊 Try not to break the camera.
等一下 奈德还没来 We gotta hang on. Ned's not here yet.
谁鸟他 他是送茶水的 Who cares? He's the water boy.
这不重要 他也是球队的一份子 That doesn't matter, because he's part of the team.
抱歉我迟到了 抱歉 Sorry I'm late! Sorry I'm late!
跟鹰马对战到一半就丢下同伴 But what kind of Dungeon Master would I be...
我算是哪门子的地下城主 if I left my party in the middle of a battle with a hippogriff?
快来看 是娘版的魔法师耶 Check it out, it's Merlin the Girlin.
好啦 奈德 我是你的铁哥们 我一辈子都会挺你 Um, Ned, Ned, look, I'm your best friend, all right, and I'll always have your back.
但你穿得这么娘我也救不了你 But there's only so much I can do when you show up in a dress.
奥唐纳 快来跟乔治男孩合影留念吧 O'Donnell. How about you and Boy George join us for this picture?
- 好啦 好啦 - 等我一下 - Yep. Yep. - Just one sec.
请让那个小不点拿牌子 快点 Give the little guy the sign, please. Here we are.
很好 后面的靠过来一点 Nice, guys. Scoot up in back.
快点 拍帅一点才把得到马子 Come on, you gotta look pretty for the ladies, right? Come on.
好 要拍了 三 二 一 Yeah. Let's do it. Three, two, one.
喂 饶舌天王 Hey, Vanilla Ice.
要比赛了 快准备 We got a game here. Let's bring it in.
天哪 我要走了 Man, I had to. I had to.
妈咪呀 你看那边 Oh, man, over there.
那个性感辣妹是谁 Who is that stone-cold fox?
是我马子啦 Oh, it's my girlfriend.
奥唐纳来了 你一定要赢啊 Take no prisoners, bro.
- 我亲爱的女朋友 - 嘿 - Oh, hey, there's my girl. - Hey.
真高兴你来了 有星探要来我紧张得要命 I'm glad you're here, Scar. This whole scout thing has me wicked nervous.
这场比赛好像要决定我的未来 I just feel like my whole future's riding on this game.
对 对 我懂你的感受 Yeah. Yeah, I know how you feel.
没事吧 你还好吧 Yeah? Is everything...? Everything's cool, right?
没事 我好得很 Oh, yeah. Everything's totally copacetic.
- 真的吗 - 真的 - Totally? - Totally.
奥唐纳 O'Donnell.
我要走了 待会儿见 I gotta go. See you.
你还好吧 You okay?
等比赛完再说 We can talk about it later.
不要 先告诉我 No. Just tell me.
今晚对你很重要 It's your big night. Go enjoy it.
你不说我就没办法专心比赛 I can't enjoy it unless you tell me what's going on.
好吧 Okay.
奥唐纳 O'Donnell!
醒一醒 Wake up!
奥唐纳 O'Donnell!
你在搞什么 What are you doing?
丽丽 丽丽 Scar! Scar, hey.
斯嘉丽 Hey, Scarlet.
你在干嘛啊 Hey, hey. Hey, what are you doing?
迈克 你在干嘛 Mike, what are you doing?
我们要有福同享 有难同当 Look, you and me, we're in this together, okay?
但这次比赛决定你的未来 But the game. That's your future.
不 小孩才是我的未来 No, the baby's my future.
- 别闹了啦 - 你才是我的未来 - That's crazy. - You're my future.
我不能让你放弃大好前程 我做不到 I can't let you throw this all away. I won't let you.
迈克·奥唐纳 现在
谢谢你收留我 奈德 Thank you for letting me stay here, Ned.
不用客气啦 Oh, yeah. No problem.
- 吃这个合你口味吗 - 很合啊 - You good on the Cap'n? - I'm good on the Captain.
迈克 Hey, Mike?
看得出来你心情很差 但我要给你忠告 Mike, I can tell you're down, but trust me on this.
你觉得老婆赶你出家门 You're looking at Scarlet kicking you out of the house...
小孩又不甩你是很惨的事 其实… and the kids wanting nothing to do with you as a negative, when in fact...
- 真的是满惨的啦 - 对啊 - I guess it's mostly negative, isn't it? - Well, yeah.
连我都乐观不起来 I had no upside for that.
不过你今天要升官啦 Hey! You're getting that big promotion today, right?
对啊 Yes. Yes, I am.
今天是我的大转机 Today everything turns around for me.
给他们好看 Knock them dead.
我爱你 I love you!
好吧 So anyway...
上头要我们呈现的是… the way corporate wants us to spin it...
你的情欲良伴
也许在某些情况下 is that maybe, in certain situations...
阳痿不再
勃起4个小时也不赖啦 a four-hour erection isn't such a terrible thing.
重振雄风
好了 接下来… Okay. Next up:
大家都知道 我今天很荣幸要宣布新任区域业务经理 As most of you know, today I am proud to be naming our new regional sales manager.
- 时候到了 - 要知道 - Here we go. - You know...
我进药厂工作已经将近两年了 I've been in the pharmaceutical game for almost two years now...
大家都问我 "区域业务经理要有什么条件" And people always ask me "What's it take to be an RSM?"
领导能力 Leadership.
勇气 Courage.
清廉 Integrity.
但最重要的是 全力为公司效命 But most importantly, dedication to this company.
恭喜你 迈克 So congratulations. Mike.
迈克 请你往左边靠 让我恭喜新任区域业务经理温蒂 Mike, if you could slide to your left so I can congratulate our new RSM, Wendy!
我的天啊 Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
大家快去卖药吧 Go out there and push some pills, my peeps.
干得好 Good job, baby!
再见 谢谢你 Bye-bye, thanks.
我们练习见 See you at practice.
迈克 怎么啦 表哥 Mike. What's crack-a-lacking, coz?
我来告诉你怎么了 你在开我玩笑吗 Well, I'll tell you what's crack-a-lacking. Are you kidding me?
温蒂才来两个月 我在公司做了16年 Wendy's been here two months. I've been here 16 years.
我是业绩冠军耶 I got the best numbers on the team.
你要想成这是你的荣幸 You should think of it as a compliment.
我们的意思是 因为重视你才舍不得让你升官 Think of it as us saying, "You're just too valuable to promote."
- 你真是… - 喂 - You little... - Shh, shh, shh, hello?
嗨 老兄 不忙 我有空 Hey, buddy. No, no, no, I got time.
我知道啊 她是我的双打搭档 Ha. I know, right? Look, listen, she was my doubles par...
这么多女生只有我升官 但你们都很支持我 So many girls and only one promotion, but you guys are so supportive.
- 但你成功了啊 温蒂 - 谢谢你 - But, Wendy, you did it. - Thank you.
温蒂 温蒂 Wendy! Wendy! Wendy!
谢谢你们 天哪 You guys! OMG.
还有更棒的 我们要去星期五餐厅庆祝 Oh, and it gets better, because we are going to T.G.I. Friday's!
不会吧 Shut up!
战士
迈克·奥唐纳 Mike O'Donnell.
我认识你吗 Do I know you?
不认识 但我认识你 No. But I know you.
真的吗 Oh, yeah?
高中明星球员 没机会大展长才 High school star. Never quite lived up to your potential.
你们迟早都会回母校啦 Sooner or later you all come back to the old school.
站在那里看照片回忆当年勇 Stand there and look at the picture of the glory days...
不知道换个选择会怎样 wondering what might have been.
我觉得你们都活在过去 Seems to me you guys are living in the past.
我当然想活在过去 Well, of course I want to live in the past.
过去比较好啊 It was better there.
你很想重来一次吧 I'll bet you wish you had it to do all over again.
你说对了 Huh. You got that right.
你确定吗 You're sure about that?
确定啊 Oh, yeah.
- 爸 - 嗨 奥唐纳先生 - Dad. - Hi, Mr. O'Donnell.
- 大家好 - 你在这里干嘛 - Ladies. - What are you doing here?
我刚才在跟… Oh, I was just talking to...
没事啦 nobody.
反正不重要 我提早下班想找你去吃冰淇淋 Doesn't matter. I got off work early, and I thought we could get ice cream.
一起去 Together?
- 为什么 - 去找你弟来 - Why? - Just go get your brother, okay?
还要点什么吗 Do you need anything else?
不用了 先这样 No, we're fine.
怎么了 你以前很爱来这里 What's the matter? This used to be your favorite place.
- 我们都来这里庆生啊 - 对 我8岁的时候 - We used to come here for your birthday. - Yeah. When I was, like, 8.
亚历 篮球季快到了 So, Al, basketball season's coming up.
- 准备好了吗 - 好了 - You ready? - Yeah.
我教你投三分球有没有练习 Been working on that outside shot?
- 传球呢 - 很好 - Passing? - Good.
- 运球呢 - 非常好 - Dribbling? - Really good.
"很好"是拿不到奖学金的 Good's not going to get you a scholarship.
超赞的啦 超赞的 爸 我超赞啦 I meant, it's great. It's great, Dad. It's great.
这才对嘛 记住 重点不是结果 That's my boy. Remember, it's not how big you are.
而是过程 It's how big you play.
击个掌 Right up here.
梅姬要进乔治城大学了 Uh, Maggie got into Georgetown.
梅姬 太好了 Maggie, that's awesome.
能不能调小点声 Can you turn down the?
好吧 改天见 Okay, guys, see you soon.
我爱你们 跟你们聊天很开心 Love you. Nice chatting with you.
你在干嘛 What the hell are you doing?
那是我的东西耶 Hey, that's my stuff.
你干嘛破坏我们家院子 Why are you destroying our yard?
不是我们的 是我的 记得吗 It's not our yard. It's my yard, remember?
个人造业个人担 房子要留给我 You took the road not taken. And I get the yard.
我要改造景观给我客户参考用 I'm going to turn it into a showpiece for my clients.
- 什么客户 - 景观设计 - Clients of what? - Landscape design.
景观设计 Landscape design?
我要展现我的才华 I'm going to show people what I can do.
好啦 离婚要再等两个礼拜 你没权利这样做 Yeah, well, the divorce isn't final for another two weeks, so you have no right.
真的吗 我浪费了18年的青春听你抱怨 Really? So I've spent the last 18 years of my life listening to you whine...
没我碍事你会多有成就 这样还没权利 about the things you could've done without me, and I have no right?
这个院子我花了很多心血 It's just I put a lot of work into this yard.
是吗 Did you?
真的吗 比如烤肉窑吗 Really? Like the barbeque pit?
对 Yeah.
好吧 我只记得你搞了一个小时 Yeah. The way I remember that is that you spent about an hour working on it...
接下来的两天却都在抱怨 and then you spent the next two days complaining about...
如果你有念大学就能花钱请人做 if you had gone to college, you could've hired someone to do it.
- 应该不到两天啦 - 还有那个吊床 - I don't think it was a whole two days. - Or the hammock over here.
怎样 Yeah.
你做到一半就不做了 因为你做事都虎头蛇尾 I think you quit that one because you just decided not to try anymore.
你要站在我的立场想 Look, try to see things from my point of view.
我对我的人生非常失望 I am extremely disappointed with my life.
我又没要你娶我 I never asked you to marry me.
对 但我不是娶了吗 Yeah, but I did.
好吧 Well...
你不必再对我负责任了 you don't have to do me any more favors, then.
我们不要再彼此牵绊了 We're not going to hold each other back anymore, okay?
- 丽丽… - 我们法庭见 开庭再聊 - Scar... - I'll see you at court, okay? At the trial.
斯嘉丽 Scarlet.
娜欧蜜 Naomi!
- 你来了啊 - 我当然要来 - You came. - Of course I came.
称职的伴娘就连离婚都要陪着你 What bridesmaid would I be if I didn't hold your hand during the divorce?
记住 第一次离婚最难啦 Now, just remember. The first one's always the hardest.
- 迈克 - 娜欧蜜 - Mike. - Naomi.
- 娜欧蜜 - 不管啦 - Naomi. - I don't care.
我们走吧 去准备一下 让你的行情回涨 Let's get going. We got to get you ready. Back on the market.
对 我行情很好的 Yeah, I'm a real catch.
单亲妈妈带着两个青少年小孩 指甲缝里塞满马粪 Single mom with two teenage kids and manure caked under my fingernails.
走啦 你是辣妈 屁股还翘得像12岁男生 You'll do great. You got the butt of a 12-year-old boy.
很好 讲给我们女儿听吧 That's terrific. I hope our daughter heard that.
你多久没脱毛了 When was the last time you waxed?
再见了 迈克 Bye, Mike.
再见 Bye.
你确定吗 You're sure about that?
天哪 Jesus.
嘿 快下来 Hey! Get off of there!
不 人呢 Oh, no. Hello?
人呢 人呢 Hello?! Hello?!
搞什么 What the?
不 Oh, no!
妈呀 Oh, man.
奈德 Ned?
小偷 Thief!
不 不 奈德 奈德 不 不 是我 No, no, no, Ned! Ned, no, no, no! It's me!
住手 住手 Stop! Stop!
奈德 Ned?
我年轻又有活力啊 Oh, wow. I feel great.
你要干嘛 不 奈德 What are you doing? No, Ned.
不 No.
不 不 奈德 No, no, no, Ned!
奈德 别闹了 是我 我是迈克 Ned! Come on! It's me, it's Mike!
奈德 你听我说 听我说 住手 快住手 停 Ned, Ned, Ned, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, stop it! Stop it! Now!
优雅的武器 An elegant weapon...
适合文明的时期 from a more civilized time.
是我 我是迈克·奥唐纳 你的铁哥们 Hey, it's me! It's Mike O'Donnell, your best friend!
你有个睾丸没掉下来 You have an undescended testicle.
谷歌到的 Googleable!
奈德 Ned!
数学考试你帮我作弊 结果我被抓到了 You helped me cheat on my math test, but I got caught.
报纸有写啦 Public record!
你高二带莉亚公主去参加舞会 You asked Princess Leia to junior prom.
地方新闻有报导 Covered by the local news.
我不能呼吸了 我不能呼吸了 I can't breathe! I can't breathe!
拜托 Please.
好痛啊 Oh, my God.
不 不 不 No, no, no.
奈德 Ned, Ned.
我的天啊 Oh, my God.
你能不能不要一直盯着我看 Would you stop staring at me?
- 吓死我了 - 我才吓死了咧 - It's freaking me out. - It's freaking me out!
我回到青春期了 I'm pubescent!
好吧 Okay. So, uh...
这是个典型的变身故事 it's a classic transformation story.
文学作品里经常写到 It appears in the literature time and time again.
你有没有被伽马射线打到过 Were you at any point shot by a gamma ray?
- 没有 - 有没有暴露在任何一种伽马辐射下 - No. - Exposed to gamma radiation of any kind?
- 没有 奈德 - 没有 - No, Ned. - No?
伽马射线是看不到的 You wouldn't see it. Okay.
那你的情况就和伽马射线无关了 That eliminates these and those and most of that side.
你现在或以前是不是… Are you now or have you ever been...
北欧诸神 吸血鬼或未来机器人 a Norse god, vampire, or time-traveling cyborg?
我们从小一起长大 若果是的话早就告诉你了 I've known you since, what, first grade? I would have told you.
吸血鬼不会告诉别人 未来机器人自己不知道 Vampire wouldn't tell. Cyborg wouldn't know.
你给我闭嘴 Shut up.
好吧 如果不是这样 那你可能是中了 Okay, if it's not any of those, I guess, um, we're looking at your basic...
精神引导者的变形魔法 其实说起来有点扯淡 spirit guide transformation magic. That's kind of a biggie, actually.
就在这里 That is here.
当主角… When the hero...
我想这里指的就是你 I guess that's... I guess, you.
被他的精神引导者改变形体 Uh, is transformed by his spirit guide...
从而迈向新的人生道路 to set him on a new path.
- 那是什么 - 我看起来像是你的精神引导者吗 - Which is what? - Do I look like your spirit guide?
管理员 The janitor.
有没有看到管理员 你们有没有看到管理员 You guys seen the janitor? You seen the janitor?
- 知不知道管理员在哪 - 不知道 - Do you know where the janitor is? - No.
管理员呢 管理员在哪里 Hey, where's the janitor? Where does the janitor work?
- 请问一下… - 什么事 - Excuse me! - You all right, kid?
- 这里还有另一个管理员 - 没啊 就只有我 - There's another janitor who works here. - Just me.
不是 这里有位白发老先生 No, no. There's an older guy with white hair who works here.
我昨天在这里跟管理员… I was here yesterday talking to the janit...
我给他看我这张照片 I showed him this picture of me.
- 你 - 对 - You? - Yeah.
那是1989年的照片 That picture's from 1989.
对啦 当我没说 Right. Forget it.
亚历 Alex!
亚历老弟 Alex, buddy!
亚历 Alex!
有人吗 Hello?
精神引导者 Spirit guide?
我该怎么做 What am I supposed to do?
我不知道该怎么做了 Don't know what I'm supposed to do.
我中弹了 我是中弹了还是… 有人死得很惨 I got shot. Did I get shot or did I get...? Someone got powned.
怪咖艾尔是我麻吉
- 这是手榴弹 - 奈德 - It's a grenade. - Ned.
抱歉 忘了你变回青少年 Aah! Oh, sorry. Teenage you.
我想明白了 我想到该怎么做了 I figured it out. I figured out what I'm supposed to do.
我明白我的精神引导者想要我做什么了 I figured out what my spirit guide wants me to do.
我要回去 I'm going back.
我要回高中念书 I'm going back to high school, Ned!
不 不行 门儿都没有 No! No, no. No way.
你的精神引导者不会浪费变形魔法 Your spirit guide would not waste transformation magic...
让你重温高三生活 参加校园舞会 不可能 on you reliving your senior year and going to prom. No.
奈德 这是我重新来过的好机会 我要弥补错误 Ned, this is my chance to have my life over, but to do it right.
- 换成你有机会你不把握吗 - 我不会 - Wouldn't you, if you had the chance? - No.
我很有钱 现在没人欺负我了 I'm rich, and nobody stuck my head in a toilet today.
对啦 而且不只是为了我 Sure. Besides, it's not just about me.
- 就是为了你 - 不只是为了我 - It's about you. - No, it's much bigger than me.
- 就是为了你 - 好吧 是为了我 - It's about you. - Okay, maybe it's about me...
有什么不对 but what's wrong with that?
我从1989年到现在都没为自己想过 I have not done anything for me since 1989.
好吧 你想怎样就怎样 但别想拖我下水 You do what you have to do. But don't think about sucking me into this with you.
海登高中是我最不堪的一段日子 Hayden was the low point of my existence...
我发誓再也不回那个鸟地方了 and I vowed I would never go back to that godforsaken place!
说什么也不回去 Never, ever, ever!
绝对不要 永远都不要 Never! Never, ever, ever!
我恨你 I hate you.
你好 Hello.
我带我儿子来注册 I'm here to enroll my son...
他要上学 in school.
马克 Mark.
你好 What's up?
好吧 So...
我们去旁边坐 等你有空再说 So we'll just have a seat till you're ready for us.
我们就… 好吧 We'll be right, uh... Okay.
科学博览会
你这是… What...
你干嘛穿这样 What's this you're wearing?
这样很酷 很炫啊 我有布兰妮她前夫穿这样的照片 This is cool. This is hip. I have a picture of Kevin Federline wearing the same thing.
- 布兰妮是谁啊 - 你干嘛穿这样 - I don't know who that is. - What are you wearing?
- 我叫你扮成我爸 - 我有啊 - I told you, like a dad. - I am.
- 穿这样很娘耶 - 你少惹我 - You look like Clay Aiken. - Leave him out of this.
- 这真的合法吗 - 对 我可是专家哦 - Are you sure these look legit? - Oh, yeah. Look who you're talking to.
我发明了防止盗版音乐的软件 I'm the guy who invented the software that prevents people from stealing music.
我也发明了帮人盗版的软件 I also invented the software that helps people steal music...
我还真矛盾啊 but that's a happy coincidence.
那是什么 What is that?
我的天… Oh, my G...
- 不对 这是我的 - 你在开玩笑吧 - Wrong. These are for me. - You kidding?
- 莉亚公主和丘仔都是我的 - 校长可以见你们了 - What's-her-name and Chewie's for me. - Miss Masterson will see you now.
走吧 Let's go.
千万别出丑 Just don't try to be funny, all right?
尽量少说话 Say as little as possible.
走路不长眼睛 Hey, watch where you're going, toolbag.
- 对不起 是我们不对 - 史丹 - So sorry, sir. Our fault. - Stan.
你好 我是珍·麦斯特森 海登高中校长 Hello. I'm Jane Masterson, principal here at Hayden High.
嗨 Hi.
你好 Hello.
- 嗨 - 嗨 - Hi. - Hi.
好了 Uh, okay.
可以放手了 Yeah, I think we're good here.
抱歉 Sorry.
我们的手刚生了个小孩 I think our hands just made a baby.
别怪我爸 他不习惯跟美女说话 Excuse my dad. He's not used to talking to attractive women.
谢谢你 Oh, thank you...
马克 Mark...
马克 谢谢你的夸奖 可惜有点不太庄重 Mark, for that flattering yet totally inappropriate comment.
请坐 Please sit.
首先我要讲清楚 马克是个小杂种 Before we get started, I think you should know that, uh, Mark's a bastard.
你说什么 Excuse me?
他是非婚生子 I had him out of wedlock, so...
我还单身 I'm single.
而且我很有钱 And I'm very rich.
好吧 Okay.
- 有带成绩单吗 - 有 - Did you bring your transcripts? - Oh, yeah.
成绩单 Transcripts.
你之前是念康乃狄克州卡勒高中 Last school you went to was Cutler High in Connecticut.
成绩都是A 不错嘛 Straight-A student. Very impressive.
数学社 全国绩优奖学金入选 Math club... National Merit finalist...
科尼岛吃热狗比赛冠军 Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Champion.
海登高中很荣幸有你这个学生 Well, I think Hayden would be lucky to have you.
- 欢迎你 - 谢谢 - Welcome. - Thank you.
高德先生 有什么问题吗 Uh, yes, Mr. Gold. Do you have a question?
你的发型很好看 Your hair is pretty.
这不是问题 但谢谢你 Ah. Not a question, but thank you.
我能不能闻闻看 Would the lady mind if I smelled it?
现在要把话讲清楚 我不和学生家长交往 Now is probably a good time to tell you that I don't date students' parents.
我也要把话讲清楚 我从来不会不跟小孩的校长交往 Well, maybe I should tell you that I never don't not date the principal of my child.
好了 爸 走吧 爸 好了啦 Okay, come on, Dad. Come on, Dad.
我们走 Let's go.
差点就搞定她了 I was about to close!
非得挑现在吗 冷静点 你是我爸耶 You have to do it right now? Just calm down. You're a dad.
- 嗨 天哪 我回学校了 - 有没有看到她用眼神剥光我 - Hi. Oh, my gosh. We're in. - You see her undress me with her eyes?
好像不是那样吧 I don't think that's what that was.
我不知道是怎么办到的 Hey. Wow. I don't know how we did it.
是梅姬的朋友 看我表现 It's Maggie's friends. Watch this.
- 小姐们好啊 - 我认识你吗 - Hey, girls, how's it going? - Do I know you?
你抢了布兰妮她前夫吗 What'd you do, mug K-Fed?
欢迎来到食物链的最底层 Welcome to the bottom of the food chain.
你高中时代都一直罩我 Hey, look, you always had my back in high school, okay?
如果你的精神引导者要你当假青少年 So if your spirit guide wants you to be a fake teenager...
要我当你的假老爸 and me to be your fake dad...
我最起码可以不让我的假儿子 the least I can do is make sure that my fake son doesn't look...
穿得这么欠扁 like a total douche.
- 我穿这样才不欠扁 - 真是欠扁 - I don't look like a douche. - What a douche.
我们去买衣服 We're going shopping.
- 真的吗 - 对 你的衣服过时了 - Really? - Yes, your shirt is bedazzled.
可是很得体啊 Bedazzled with rhinestones.
上学真好 Let's go to school.
快看 Hey, yo, check it out.
没礼貌 That's just rude.
海登高中最强
搞什么 What's up, dude?
看什么看 What are you looking at, punk?
走路不长眼睛 Watch it.
对不起 Sorry.
不准打电话 不准发短信 No phones, no texting.
安静啦 安静一点 Settle, people. Settle down.
要打要闹都去外面 Take the roughhousing outside, class.
喂 Hello?
- 喂 - 你死哪儿去了 - Hello? - Where the hell are you?
哦 Oh, cr...
- 那件事啊 - 你是说离婚的事 - The thing. - You mean our divorce?
你有重视这件事吗 Do you take any of this seriously?
没有 对 我很重视 No, no! Yes, I take this seriously.
我要出国一趟 事发突然 I had to leave the country very suddenly, uh...
我要去找马雅人… 印加 我要去秘鲁研究印加文化 with the Mayan... Inca, I'm with the Incas in Peru.
我们可能找到了下一个… We think we might have found the next...
落健 Rogaine.
你跟女生在一起 Are you with a girl?
没有 是啦啦队员 No, no. It's, uh, a bunch of cheerleaders.
想不想跟高一女生约会 So would you consider maybe dating a 10th-grader?
小孩监护权要完全归我 I think we could go for full custody.
不行 你不能抢走我的小孩 No, you can't take my kids away from me.
你几时在乎了 Since when do you care?
听好了 Look...
我现在和他们比你想像中更亲密 I'm a lot closer to them than you think.
改天再约吧 Let's reschedule, okay?
嗨 梅姬 Hey, Maggie.
新来的干嘛对我招手 Um, why is the new kid waving at me?
不知道 I don't know.
但如果他是个苹果 But if that boy were an apple...
一定超甜的 he'd be a Delicious.
天哪 Oh, God.
干 我体力真好 Gosh, we are all in such great shape.
妈呀 Oh, jeez.
喂 我告诉你 Man, you know, I will tell you something.
我们再过十年肚子就会凸出来 In 10 years you're going to have this thing right here...
做多少仰卧起坐都没用 运动也消除不了赘肉 that no amount of crunches will get rid of. And spot reduction, total lie.
要知道 我… You know, I...
算了 球给我 Never mind. Give me the ball.
假动作往右 结果他是往左 Fakes right, goes left.
再来个招牌动作 And signature move.
小子 Kid.
我是墨非教练 I'm Coach Murphy.
- 你还在啊 - 什么 - You're still here? - What?
你是传奇人物 You're a legend.
对 我干了20年 Yeah. Well, yeah. Twenty years.
过完这学期就退休了 It's actually my last one.
你的跳投不错 控球很好 Good hops, kid. Nice handle.
我们缺一个控球后卫 We're looking for a point guard.
真的吗 Oh, yeah?
- 你来试试看吧 - 好 - Why don't you come to tryouts? - Okay.
- 我言尽于此 - 没问题 - I'm done talking to you. - Yeah, yeah.
今天还好吗 Hey, how's it going?
进展得不错 Things are looking up.
墨非教练要我加入球队 Coach Murphy practically put me on the team.
这不是巧合 是我们有缘 That's not a coincidence. We're on the path.
太好了 恭喜你快达成使命什么的了 That's great. That's super you're finding your destiny and, blah, blah, whatever.
我有件事想请你帮忙 Here's something. I need you to do something for me.
我要你惹点麻烦 I need you to get in trouble.
不用很大条啦 Not, like, big trouble.
只要够让校长要求你爸去学校 Just enough trouble so that the principal needs to meet with your father.
好 我再想办法 Yeah, okay, well, we'll see.
- 水啦 - 奈德 - Oh! Boom. - Ned!
水啦 将军 Boom. Checkmate, Samir!
将军 Checkmate.
能不能帮个忙 Uh, can I get a little help in here?
亚历 Alex?
你怎么会… How does it...?
- 谁把你弄成这样 - 篮球队 - Who did this to you? - The basketball team.
为什么 你也是球队的人啊 But why? Why? You're one of them.
你人缘很好 You're popular.
这是我的私事 我又不认识你 Uh, look, this is kind of personal, and I don't know you.
- 我被胶带黏在马桶上 - 好吧 - I'm taped to the toilet. - Yeah.
抱歉 我叫马克·高德 你奈德叔叔的小孩 我刚转来这里 I'm sorry, I'm Mark Gold, uh, your uncle Ned's kid. I just started here.
很好 真不赖 Oh, cool. Cool, yeah.
我很想跟你握手 Well, I'd shake your hand...
但手被黏在屁股上了 好吧 but it's taped to my ass. Right. Right.
能不能帮个忙 Would you mind?
好 没问题 Yeah, yeah, sure.
- 帮我撕掉 - 我来帮你 - Just rip. - I'm going to get it.
- 不会痛啦 - 撕吧 - Band-Aid. - Go for it.
我们怎么都没见过 So how come we never met?
我妈不想让别人知道她生了奈德的小孩 My mom didn't want anyone to know she had a kid with Ned.
- 我能理解 - 对 - That makes sense. - Yeah.
既然我们算是一家人 So since we're practically family and all...
我爸说我们应该互相照顾 my dad says we should just keep an eye on each other, you know?
好啊 有何不可 Uh, yeah. Why not?
你下次要在我被黏在马桶前赶到 Next time you could get there before they tape me to the toilet.
没问题 You got it.
好像很好吃 This looks good.
那是谁 Who's that?
- 妮可 - 你马子吗 - Nicole. - Are you two going out?
不是 她是啦啦队长 No, no, she's the, uh, head cheerleader.
我从来不敢约她 She'd never go out with me.
我第一次见到你妈也很紧张… You know, when I first met your mother, I was so nervous...
你见过我妈 You met my mother?
- 什么 - 我妈 - What? - My mother.
你说你第一次见到我妈也很紧张 You said, "The first time I met your mother, I was nervous."
- 这就怪了 你妈辣不辣 - 这… - Oh, that's weird. Is your mom hot? - Dude, what...?
- 这怎么说呢 - 开玩笑啦 我开玩笑的 - What do I say to that? - I was joking. Joking, dude.
史丹 Stan.
超讨厌他的 I hate that guy.
谢了 Thanks.
干嘛 What?
- 菜鸟 - 三明治好吃 - Freshman. - Good sandwich.
是他把你黏在马桶上 Is that the guy who taped you to the toilet?
对 Yeah.
他昨天把我推进我家的洗衣机里 Yesterday he shoved me in a washing machine in my own house.
- 那个混蛋去你家干嘛 - 他是梅姬的男朋友 - What was that jerk doing at your house? - It's Maggie's boyfriend.
梅姬有男朋友 Maggie has a boyfriend?
好吧 Well...
我对你姐姐很失望 I'm very disappointed in your sister.
他在看了 别看他 他脾气很大 He's looking. Don't make eye contact. He's kind of temperamental.
- 你还在看 别看了… - 我要看着他 - You're looking. Stop it, stop it. - I'll look at him.
讨厌鬼 Hey, twinkle douche.
要是我再看见你来餐厅 就会把你黏在餐厅阿姨身上 If I wanted you in the cafeteria, I would've taped you to a lunch lady.
你这个猪头 You little punk.
不准这样跟他讲话 You don't talk to him that way.
是吗 Yeah?
你想怎样 What are you gonna do?
我想怎样 What am I gonna do?
首先… First...
我要打电话给你爸 I'm going to call your father.
看这边 Heads up!
把球还我 臭娘们 Give me my ball back, bitch.
史丹 我很同情你 You know, Stan, I feel sorry for you.
- 你又不认识我 - 我认识 - You don't know me. - Oh, but I do.
了若指掌 All too well.
你够屌 You're the man.
篮球队长 Captain of the basketball team.
马子都很漂亮 Dates the pretty girls.
叱咤全高中 High school is your kingdom.
可是各位… 史丹是个小霸王 But, people... Stan's a bully.
为什么 Why?
说史丹欺负弱小是在耍流氓 这样讲不公平 It'd be way too easy to say Stan preys on the weak simply because he's a dick.
对 No.
不公平 No, no.
其实史丹… Stan here...
要复杂多了 is much more complex than that.
根据精神科权威医生的说法 See, according to leading psychiatrists...
史丹霸凌弱小有3个可能的原因 Stan's a bully for one of three reasons.
第一 One:
在他的男子气概底下 Underneath all of that male bravado...
藏着没安全感的娘们本性 there's an insecure little girl banging on the closet door trying to get out.
第二 Two:
像山顶洞人一样 史丹的大脑… Like a caveman... Stan's brain is...
还没进化完全 underdeveloped.
所以史丹没有自制能力 Therefore, Stan is unable to use self-control.
才会这么冲动鲁莽 And so he acts out aggressively.
第三个原因 And the third reason:
史丹的老二太小 Stan has a small wiener.
小心别受伤哦 Don't hurt yourself, big boy.
未成年不能喝酒 多谢你啦 Whoa, whoa, hey. Drinking age is still 21, thank you very much.
除非精神引导者有给你假身分证 否则这是我的 Unless your spirit guide gave you a fake ID, this is mine.
你在吃什么 What are you eating?
我也不知道 就觉得好饿 I don't even know. I just know I'm hungry.
都吃不饱 All the time.
好吧 这样吃不安全也不卫生 Okay, that's not safe or sanitary.
那罐是你的了 只有你能吃 That's your can now. We'll label it like that.
今天在学校学到什么 So, what did you learn at school today?
- 我是个烂爸爸 - 我觉得很顺利啊 - That I'm a bad dad. - I thought it was going great.
只有我很顺利 It was going fantastic for me.
然后呢 And then what?
我发现儿子去年在学校都被欺负 And then I found out my son spent the last year being the school punching bag...
还看着我女儿跟个小流氓舌吻 and watched my daughter get a tongue bath from a psychopathic jackass.
高中生涯不赖吧 High school's delightful, isn't it?
对 但我的心灵路程我搞错了 Yeah. But I think I was wrong about my spirit path.
我不是说了吗 你看 被我说对了 And who was right? See? I told you.
我就说回高中不对嘛 I told you high school was the wrong thing.
回高中是对的 但重点不是篮球 High school was right, but it's not about basketball.
而是帮亚历和梅姬 It's about helping Alex and Maggie.
好 我要出门了 All right. I'm getting out of here.
- 好恶心 - 我的儿女需要爸爸 - Disgusting. - My kids need their father.
- 怎么啦 - 嗨 马克 - What's going on? - Oh, hey, Mark.
刚才是怎样 What was that?
3分球 A three-pointer.
能不能连进两球 Can you do that twice in a row?
好吧 看看有点压力你还进不进得了 Okay. Let's see you do it with a little pressure.
你很厉害嘛 应该进篮球队 Wow, you're great. You should be on the team.
你应该进篮球队 我要拉你进篮球队 You should be on the team. I'm going to get you on the team.
对 这样问题就解决了 That's it. That'll solve everything.
你在胡说什么 Dude, what are you talking about?
没事 Nothing.
真好玩 好久没这么开心了 大概一个半礼拜 Well, that was fun. I haven't been to happy hour in, like, a week and a half.
娜欧蜜 谢谢你 我很需要 Naomi, thank you so much. That is exactly what I needed.
很好 Oh, great.
- 哪个迈克 - 哪个迈克 听都没听过 - Mike who? - Mike who? I've never heard of the guy.
妈 他是马克 奈德叔叔的私生子 Hey, Mom, this is Mark, Uncle Ned's bastard.
我知道 居然有人跟他生了小孩 I know. Someone had a kid with Uncle Ned. Ew.
奥唐纳太太 你还好吧 You okay, Mrs. O'Donnell?
我很好 Yeah, I'm fine.
你是"小姐" 斯嘉丽 别忘了 It's "Ms.," kid. It's "Ms.," Scarlet. Don't forget that.
对哦 Oh, right.
你长得真像我老公 对不对 You look just like my husband. Doesn't he?
我的前夫 好奇怪 My ex-husband. That is so weird.
是很奇怪 It is weird.
怎么会这样 What is that?
斯嘉丽 走了啦 Scarlet, I need you to come.
好奇怪 Weird.
- 你有没有看到 - 我看到了 - Do you see that? - I did see it.
- 你看到他没 - 她人真好 - You see him? - She's nice.
可是你看他 But look at him.
别再想那个人了 忘掉他重新出发 You gotta let that guy go, just out of your brain and move on.
我知道你需要男人 这是天性 I know you need to grieve a relationship. It's only natural.
好吧 Okay.
等我一下 我去闻闻看 You wait here. I'm going to go smell him.
不行 你不能闻青少年啦 No, no, no. Sweetie. You're not allowed to smell teenagers.
听我的劝 这才是重点 Sweetie, you need to hear me on this. Here's the thing.
还有另一个重点 你要知道… The other thing, you need to acknowledge...
他长得跟迈克高中时代一模一样 that he looks exactly like Mike used to look in high school.
我们讨论过了 我也看了他 但这才是重点 We discussed that. I have looked at him. But, honey, this is the thing:
你要找个新男人 You need to hook up with someone new.
对 我要找个会对我笑的人 会夸我漂亮的人 Yeah, I deserve to have somebody smile at me and tell me I'm pretty.
- 没错 - 就算他只是 - You do. - Even if it is...
为了把我弄回家 to just get me to go home with him.
或是吃午饭 反正就是要找个新玩伴啦 Or lunch. But, yes, we're gonna find you a new playmate.
死小孩 死兔崽子 You little turd. You little snot.
是我不好 天哪 真对不起 My bad. Gosh, I'm so sorry.
我大概是分心了 亚历也一样吧 I guess I was, uh, kind of distracted, as I imagine Alex was...
听到他妈妈还没离婚 at hearing about how his mother, who is still married, by the way...
就想要认识新男人 is planning to run around with every guy she can get.
换作是在阿富汗 她手会被砍断 In Afghanistan, she'd be dragged through the
被羊拖着游街 streets by goats with her hands cut off.
我只是说说而已 娜欧蜜 I'm just saying. I'm just saying, Naomi.
- 娜欧蜜 - 不管啦 - Naomi. - I don't care.
健康教育
大家好 Oh.
安静一点 快坐好 Okay, settle down. Take your seats.
谢谢 谢谢你 史丹 谢谢 Thank you, thank you. Thank you, Stan. Thank you.
好了 今天我们要继续讨论性行为 Okay, today we will be continuing our discussion on human sexuality.
我们讨论过了 学校是希望你们禁欲 And as we discussed, the official school policy is abstinence.
这才合理嘛 Now, that is very sensible.
真高兴有人讲了像样的话 I'm glad that someone here has their head screwed on straight.
我觉得大家都应该禁欲 I think all of us should make a pact to abstain from sex.
有人附议我吗 快点啊 Now, who's with me, you guys? Come on.
我的天啊 Oh, my God.
梅姬 Maggie?
但是要面对现实 However, let's get real.
我知道要求高三学生禁欲 I know asking high school seniors to be abstinent...
就像要狗别吃屎一样 超恶的 is like asking a porcupine to poop goat cheese. Yuck.
既然大部分的人都会有性行为… So since the majority of you are or will become sexually active at some point...
但那个时间点应该是很久以后吧 But that point should be way, way in the future, right?
学校的立场是… Well, the official school position...
要教导你们安全的性爱 is that we prepare you for safe sex now.
一人拿一个 传下去 So please take one and pass it down.
我需求大 I have needs.
- 你不需要啦 - 史丹 给马克一个 - You don't need these. - Stan, give one to Mark.
不用了 其实他说得对 他说得对 我不需要 No. No, you know what, he's right. He's right. I don't need one.
你知道我为什么不需要吗 因为我没有爱的人 You know why I don't need one? Because there's no one I'm in love with.
不是叫"做爱"吗 It's called "making love", isn't it?
可能是我老古板 但这表示要跟你爱的人做 Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I think that means you do it with someone you love.
最好等婚后再做 And preferably when you're married.
等你准备好要把那份爱变成一个小宝宝 You know, when you're ready to take that love and turn it into a baby.
那才是爱 Because that's what love is.
你第一次抱到小女儿的那一刻 It's that first moment when you hold your baby girl...
你不知道居然有那么小 那么脆弱的东西 and you didn't know that anything could be so small or so delicate.
你感觉到小小的心脏在跳 And you feel that tiny heart beat...
你知道全世界没有你更爱的人了 and you know that you couldn't love anything more in the whole world.
你想要好好照顾那个小女孩 And you hope that you can do right by that little girl...
她跌倒时要抱住她 不能让任何人伤害她 and always be there to catch her when she falls, and that nothing ever hurts her.
怕她手臂骨折 Not a broken arm...
怕她作噩梦 or a bad dream...
怕她伤心 or a broken heart.
- 我不要 你拿去吧 - 我也不要 - I don't want these. Just take them. - Me either.
真的假的 Are you serious?
很好 好极了 Great, fine, wonderful.
统统都给我 More for me.
这些够我用整个周末了 Now I got enough for the whole weekend.
我的天啊 Oh, my God!
- 史丹 - 别打了 - Stan! - Boys, stop it!
好了 放开他 史丹 Break it up! Get off him, Stan!
手机收起来 住手 Put those phones away! Stop it!
- 别打他了 - 别打了 - Stop hitting him! - No fighting!
- 你喜欢吗 - 你会再坐牢啦 - You like that? - You're gonna go to jail again.
你看 他像老妈一样甩他耳光 Look at that. He slapped him like a mother.
超逊的 That thing sucks.
丢脸死了 Oh, that's wrong.
你看 我在纽约的表弟传给我的 Yo, check this out. My cousin in New York sent it to me.
希望我没迟到 I hope I'm not late for our meeting.
打架被抓到 不错嘛 谁打赢 Busted for fighting, nice. Who won?
算打平吧 You know, it was actually pretty even.
真的吗 Really?
在油管上看起来是你惨败 On YouTube it looked like you got your ass kicked.
我看了两三次 I saw it a couple times.
你这是什么样子 What are you wearing?
- 贝克汉的香水 - 不是啦 - Beckham. - No, what?
你说衣服啊 Oh, the clothes. Oh, right.
外行人会觉得我这样很白痴 To the untrained eye, I look like a total idiot.
你是很白痴啊 You do, in fact.
但这是诱惑异性的求偶技巧 Ah. But it's actually a seduction technique known as "peacocking".
我穿这样能打破僵局和引人注意 一举两得 My outfit serves the dual function of icebreaker and attention-getter.
你们可以进去了 You can go in now.
看好了 Watch.
你是在求偶吗 Are you peacocking?
真的吗 你觉得会有用 Really? You think that's gonna work?
搞不好哦 I think it just might.
那是… 奥唐纳太太 你好啊 Is that? Mrs. O'Donnell! How you doing?
嗨 你好吗 Hello, how are you?
我很好 你呢 I'm good. How are you?
我很好 Good.
我还不太习惯 This is gonna take some getting used to.
你是奈德的儿子 You're Ned's son?
对 奈德生下了我 Yeah. Yeah. Ned gave birth to me.
不是他生的啦 你应该懂我意思 Well, he didn't give birth... You know what I meant.
你在忙园艺 You're doing some gardening.
我要重整后院 I'm redoing the backyard.
要不要看 You want to see?
好啊 我有空 Yeah, sure. I got some time.
对 还没完成啦 Yeah. Obviously, I still have a lot to do.
- 那个就放… - 放这里 - You can put that... - Right here?
好吧 All right.
谢谢你 Thank you.
- 就是这样 - 就这样 - So this is it. - This is it.
以前乱七八糟的 It used to look a lot worse.
我是打算在这边弄一个池塘 Basically, uh, what I planned to do was to put a pond in over here...
好 Okay...
两边都有水流进来 And have water streaming in from both sides.
然后在这里弄个大平台 And then put a big deck right here...
在这里铺石头 中间是草皮 and then a flagstone patio there with sod in between.
一定很漂亮 That would be pretty.
上面再拉灯泡闪闪烁烁的 And then to have twinkling lights above the whole thing...
这样每天晚上就都有星星了 so that every night is a starry one.
一定很棒 丽丽 It's gonna be amazing, Scar.
你刚才叫我什么 What did you just call me?
- 我只说一定很棒啊 - 你叫我丽丽 - I just said, "It'll be amazing." - You called me "Scar."
只有我老公这样叫我 My husband's the only one who calls me that.
需要帮忙吗 Could you use some help?
我自愿 我很年轻 我身强体壮 Volunteer. I'm young, I'm strong.
好 我听懂了 好吧 Right, got it. Okay.
我知道所谓的恋母情结 I realize that whole lady cougar hunting...
看到熟女就什么都不管了 the "mothers I'd like to," you know, whatever, thing...
我知道现在的高中生很流行这样 is big with you guys, right? With you high school boys?
但你和我是不可能的 But that's not gonna happen between me and you.
我也没那个意思啊 I didn't even mean it that way.
对 我只是想学点经验 以后申请大学可以用 I was thinking more along the lines of business experience, college application.
但如果你有那种想法 那… But if you want to go there, that's...
- 我拿铲子给你 - 好啊 - So I'll just get you a shovel, then? - Yeah.
好 Okay.
珍
干嘛 What?
校长室
- 我就说会成功嘛 - 不出所料 - I said we could do it! - Called it.
你有没有看到史丹的表情 Did you see the look on Stan's face?
亚历 你有没有进球队 结果怎样 Alex? What happened at the tryouts? How'd it go?
很好啊 马克进球队了 他打得很好 It was good. Mark had a great tryout. He played great.
- 对 - 我也是 我进球队了 - Yeah. - And so did I. I made the team.
真的吗 太好了 真好 我以你为傲 Really? Oh, great! That's so good. I'm so proud of you.
我也是 Me too.
他表现得超好的 He did great out there.
马克 这样不太好吧 Oh, Mark. That's super inappropriate.
你今天很厉害 L... Good job today.
- 干得好 - 谢谢 - Good job! - Thanks.
给你看样东西 过来 我给你们看样东西 I want to show you something. Come here. I wanna show you guys.
你们看 Ta-da.
- 你把灯挂上去了 - 对 - You hung the lights. - Yes.
我要你们第一个看到 I wanted you guys to be the first to see.
- 妈 超屌的 - 真的吗 - Mom, it's sick. - Really?
好漂亮 It's so good.
我的天啊 Oh, my gosh.
马克 马克 我们去练球吧 Mark. Mark, we should go practice, dude.
礼拜五要比赛了 妈 你弄得很漂亮 The game's on Friday. Mom, such a good job.
你这么觉得 What do you think?
美呆了 It's amazing.
等大家看到你这么有才华 When people see how talented you are, you'll
就会抢着请你去设计景观了 be designing gardens all over the city.
真的吗 Really?
谢谢你 我受宠若惊 Well, thank you, Mark. That's nice.
- 我要走了 今晚有约会 - 你有… 你有约会 - I have to go. I have a date tonight. - You have a...? You have a date?
我要去跳舞 很可笑吧 因为我很不会跳舞 I'm going dancing, which is ridiculous because I'm a terrible dancer.
- 你跳得很好啊 - 什么 - You're an amazing dancer. - What?
什么 Wh...?
你看起来就很会跳舞 You just look like you can move.
好吧 Um, okay.
我先走了 你好好玩吧 I'm going to go, so have fun, Mark.
晚安 Night.
- 你在看什么 - 你跳得很棒 - What are you looking at? - That was great.
这是蛇舞 That is The Snake.
在你1岁的时候很流行 That was a very hot dance when you were 1.
- 教我 - 不行啦 - Teach it to me. - I can't.
这个舞步很难 It's a very advanced step...
我知道你不相信 因为我跳起来很轻松 which I know is hard to believe because I make it look effortless.
会跳舞的人都这样 That's the secret to all great dancers.
试试看啊 Try me.
为什么挑这首歌 Why did you pick that song?
我不知道 自然而然就选了这首 Oh, I don't know. It just, uh, kind of spoke to me.
好奇怪 That's funny.
我和我老公结婚时就跳这首歌 That's the song that my husband and I danced to at our wedding.
他的品味真好 A man of good taste.
- 要不要学几个舞步 - 好啊 - Want me to show you some dance moves? - I'd love to.
我在婚礼上学的 That I learned at my wedding.
- 太好了 - 对 好了 你站这里 像这样 - Great. - Yeah. Okay, you stand here, like that.
好 像这样 我站这里 Okay, like that, and I'll stand here.
- 不对 你站那边 - 站这边 - No, you stand right there. - Right there.
好 准备好了吗 右脚往后踏 再来左脚往后踏 Okay, ready? So you go right foot back and then left foot back.
然后很快的右 左 右 左… And then quick right, left, right, left, right.
再来是右… And then right...
不错嘛 再左 右 左 右 That was good. And left, right, left, right.
很好 That's good.
非常好 你学得很快嘛 That was really good. You're picking that up pretty quickly.
你提到了你老公 So you mentioned your husband.
你们有可能再复合吗 Do you think you guys are ever going to get back together?
不可能 Um, no.
你凭什么确定 Why are you so sure?
也许他可以弥补过错 Maybe there's something he could do to fix things.
我爱我老公 也关心他 I love my husband and care about him...
但有时候这是不够的 but sometimes that just is not enough.
他搞砸了 Well, he blew it.
跳 Jump.
- 妈 - 什么事 - Mom? - Yeah.
嗨 亚历 Hey, Alex.
我是你妈 I'm your mom.
我是亚历的妈妈 马克 I am Alex's mom, Mark.
对 Yeah.
你的男伴来了 Your date is here.
- 在门口 你的男伴 - 好 - The front door. Your date. - Okay.
她很紧张 奇怪吧 She was nervous. It's creepy, right?
有点 Little bit.
都一把年纪了还… She's so old, it's like...
经常跟你朋友的妈妈跳舞 Dance with all your friend's moms?
满常的 Pretty much.
- 嗨 斯嘉丽 - 你好 - Oh, hi, Scarlet. - Hello.
- 你好漂亮 送你 - 谢谢 - Wow, you look amazing. Here. Pour vous. - Oh, thank you.
康乃馨 超老套的 Carnations. What a douche bag.
马克 Mark.
- 没关系啦 - 对不起 - No, that's okay. - I'm sorry.
我是单亲爸爸 I'm a single dad.
妈妈要约会 儿子不接受是很正常的 It's totally normal for sons to feel weird when their moms date.
他站在爸爸的立场想保护这个家 I mean, he's stepping into Dad's shoes, protecting the castle.
他不是我儿子啦 He's not my son, but...
那就奇怪了 Then that's weird.
是啊 Yeah.
- 要走了吗 - 对 - Uh, do you want to go? - Yeah.
我去拿外套 Let me get my coat.
- 别闹了 - 帮我拿着 - Oh, come on. - Hold these, please.
- 这家伙 - 你很没礼貌耶 - This guy? - You're being rude.
你离开迈克叔叔跟这家伙约会 You're going from Uncle Mike to this guy?
- 安静 - 好 - Be quiet. - Okay.
- 帮个忙 - 他好讨厌 - Do me a favor. Shh. - He's a tool.
这个请奈德转交给迈克 我们的离婚协议书 Give this to Ned, okay, to give to Mike. It's our divorce papers.
提醒他27号要准时到 And remind him that he needs to be there on the 27th.
可以吗 谢谢 Okay? Thank you.
你要去哪儿 Where are you going?
洁咪家有派对 Jamie's party.
亚历 Alex!
好莱坞之星保龄球馆
真的啦 我不能来这里 我不能来这种地方 Yeah, uh, seriously, I can't be here. I really can't be here.
你知不知道史丹在这里能怎样伤害我 Do you know how many dangerous and hurtful things Stan could do to me here?
你的头有没有被塞进过输送器 那可不是头皮按摩哦 You had your head shoved in a ball return? It's not a massage.
你进篮球队了 这是你的派对 You're on the basketball team now. Okay? This is your party.
好 她来了 Okay, okay, there she is.
妮可来了 天哪 There's Nicole. Oh, God.
- 哪一个 - 她在那边 - Which one? - She's right there.
你在看… 我的右边 你的右前方 You're looking at... She's my 3, your 2.
- 够了 你一直看她 你在干嘛 - 冷静点 - Stop it. You're looking right at her. - Calm down.
- 对不起 - 这是干嘛 - Sorry. - What was that?
- 没事 我打嗝 - 你为什么打嗝 - Nothing, it was a burp. - Why are you burping?
- 我胃不好 怎样 没你的事啦 - 胃不好 - I have tummy issues. What? Get over it. - Tummy issues?
她不会喜欢我 我是废柴 She's not going to like me. I'm a loser.
为什么你是废柴 就因为是史丹说的 Why are you a loser? Because Stan says you're a loser?
史丹很屌吗 他烂到爆啦 Do you think Stan's a winner? Stan's going nowhere.
哪个女生被你注意到是她的福气 Any girl in here would be lucky to have your attention.
- 你哪里懂女生了 - 我哪里懂女生 - What do you know about girls? - What do I know about girls?
我以前的女朋友是校花 I used to date the most beautiful girl in school...
我却让她跑掉了 and I let her slip through my fingers.
但我不要你重蹈覆辙 But I won't let that happen to you.
你说得对极了 You're absolutely right.
我要去找她 跟她介绍我自己 I'm just going to walk up to her and introduce myself.
明天去学校再说 也许吧 也许不要 Tomorrow at school. Maybe. Probably not.
快去啦 Just go.
- 小姐们好 - 你好 - Hey, girls. - Hey, you came.
- 你好吗 - 很好 - How are you? - Good.
谢谢你 有看到梅姬吗 我到处找不到她 Thank you, um. Have you seen Maggie? I've been looking everywhere.
梅姬不在这里 Oh, um, Maggie's not here.
但是我在 But, um, I am.
我非常高兴你来了 And I'm really, really glad you came.
- 今天是她的生日 - 我没准备礼物 抱歉 - It's her birthday. - I didn't get you a present, I'm sorry.
- 那我就把你当礼物拆了 - 够了 - I'll just have to unwrap you. - Heh, heh. Okay.
我被赶出啦啦队是因为我身体太柔软了 I was kicked off the cheer leading squad for being too flexible.
好啦 坐着 都坐好 Okay, okay. Sit down. Just sit down.
如果你们不尊重自己 If you girls don't respect yourselves...
那要别人怎么尊重你们 then how do you expect anyone else to respect you?
对不对 Right?
别尊重我 Don't respect me.
不 别尊重我 No, don't respect me.
你连我的名字都不用记得 You don't even have to remember my name.
- 你很骚耶 - 叫你第一名啦 - Wow, that's slutty. - First of all, you slut.
让她们的老爸去担心吧 This is some other dad's problem.
我只是想说你长得很像我家的狗 And, um, I just want to tell you that you look like my dog.
- 你说什么 - 你的头发很像我家狗的毛 - Excuse me? - Your hair looks like my dog's hair.
不是啦 柔软又有光泽 No, it's shiny and soft.
我们用特制狗食 里面加了亚麻 We give my dog special food. It's got flax in it.
对 亚麻 Oh, flax.
- 她很可爱 - 真好 - She's a sweetheart. - That's sweet.
她死了 Well, she died.
我长得像你死掉的狗 So I look like your dead dog?
我超紧张的 早就想找你聊天了 I'm just really nervous, and I've wanted to talk to you for so long.
- 我在想什么啊 - 没关系啦 真的 - What am I thinking? - Don't worry about it. Really.
- 亚历 - 天啊 你知道我的名字 - Alex? - Oh, my God, you know my name.
你着火了 You're on fire.
- 真的吗 - 你真的着火了 - Really? - Literally, you're on fire.
什么 What?
真的着火了 Literally on fire.
好吧 好 我先走了 再见 Whoa. Okay. Yeah, I'm gonna get out of here. Later.
把钥匙给我 Just hand me those keys right there.
关他们一个晚上 They're in for the night.
如果钥匙锁在里面 我不知道要怎么救你们出来 If the keys are locked in there, I don't know how I'm going to get you guys out.
在里面氧气要省点用 Conserve some oxygen in there.
别尖叫 氧气的量有限 Don't scream, you have a limited amount of oxygen.
漂亮吧 这里美女还不少 They're pretty, huh? We got some pretty ladies in here.
你在这儿啊 Oh, there you are.
- 你要干嘛 - 我想找你谈史丹的事 - What do you want? - I just want to talk about Stan.
怎样 Yeah?
你干嘛跟他交往 你明知道他人不好 Why are you dating him? I mean, you know he is not a nice guy.
他神经病 He's crazy.
别这样讲史丹 你又不了解他 Hey, don't say that about Stan. You don't even know him.
我了解他 真的 我比你更了解他 Oh, but I do. I really do. I know him better than you.
我们毕业后要一起住 Look, we're moving in together after graduation.
史丹也要念乔治城 Stan got into Georgetown?
- 什么 - 什么 - What? - What?
没啦 史丹要当大卖场的储备干部 No. No. Stan got on the management track at Home Depot.
很好啊 Oh, great.
我要改念韦斯伍社区大学 离他近一点 And I'm going to Westwood Community College to be closer to him.
我要跟他一辈子 He's my forever.
- 这是不可能的事 - 你说什么 - There's no way in hell that's happening. - Excuse me?
我说这是不可能的事 I said, "There's no way in hell that that is happening."
你以为我会让你葬送未来 You think I'm gonna let you mortgage your future?
让你白费多年来的努力 You think I'll let you throw away your hard work...
放弃你目前的成就 everything that you've accomplished...
只为了一个不在乎你的烂人 for some psychopathic guy who doesn't care about you?
我不准 我不准你再跟他交往 I forbid you. I forbid you to see him anymore.
最好是 你以为你是谁 我爸 拜托 Oh, okay! Who the hell do you think you are, my father?! Dude!
- 不准你走掉 - 你是怪咖 - Don't walk away from me. - You're a freak.
玛格丽特·莎拉·奥唐纳 Margaret Sarah O'Donnell!
- 进展如何 - 好极了 - Hey. How'd it go? - Fantastic.
你的腿怎么了 What's on your leg?
我们是战士 加油 We're the Warriors! Yeah, yeah!
记住：防御是致胜关键
怎么了 你好像不太舒服 What's wrong? You look uncomfortable.
没事 Oh. No.
我只是在想上次我来这里 I was just thinking that the last time I was here...
我老公向我求婚 my husband asked me to marry him.
这是无与伦比的经验 Tough to compete with that.
主队58 客队64
落后6分 把球传给高德 Down by 6, get the ball to Gold.
数到3喊队呼 一二三 Warriors on three. One, two, three.
战士 Warriors!
史丹 你在干嘛 快点啊 Stan, what are you doing? Let's go.
亚历加油 Go, Alex! Whoo!
左边 Left side.
快点 过去那边 Pick off! Right there!
他时间太多 快点 He's got too much time. Come on!
耶 Yeah!
传给麦金利 投篮 快投 Get it to McKinley! Get it in! Get it!
防守他 Get him!
传球 Ball!
他要往外面传 Come on, outside!
奥唐纳 把球传给高德 把球传给高德 O'Donnell! Give the ball to Gold! Give the ball to Gold!
不行… No, no, no!
成功了 你好厉害 We did it! You were great. Oh. Ooh. I, um...
- 我满身大汗的 - 对不起 - I'm sweaty. Um... - Sorry about that.
恭喜… 太棒了 Congratula... That was awesome.
你表现得… 我看到… 我喜欢你跳舞 You did a great... I saw the... I liked the dance.
好 8月应该可以 Yeah, so I think August... August will be good.
好 晚安 All right, uh, have a good night.
明天见 See you tomorrow.
嗨 这么巧啊 Oh. Hi. Wow, what are the odds?
现在又怎样 你买了自由女神像要送我 What's it going to be now? Did you buy me the Statue of Liberty?
我只是想约你出去 很成熟的约会 I'm just going to ask you out, okay? Like a grownup.
两个朋友去吃晚餐 Just two friends having dinner.
如果有别的发展 时机到了再顺水推舟 Then if it turns into anything else, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
我不要 晚安 No. Good night.
我买笔记电脑送每个学生 I'll buy every student a laptop.
你不给学生笔记电脑吗 You would deny the children of laptops?
- 麦斯特森小姐 为了孩子们 - 好 好吧 - Miss Masterson, the children. - Okay. Okay, fine, fine.
好吧 但这不是约会 Fine. But this is not a date.
对 不是约会 No, in no way a date.
吃完晚饭就别再言行失当和送礼 And if I do this, you will stop the inappropriate behavior and gifts.
- 好 - 我们开车去餐厅 - Yes. - And we'll just drive to this restaurant.
不要坐私人太空梭去 We won't fly there in the space shuttle...
也不要坐加长型轿车去 or drive in some gaudy, tacky limo.
好 就开你的车去 如何 No, let's take your car. How about?
这边请 This way.
奈德呼叫司机 取消 任务取消 马上把车开走 Ned to driver, abort. Abort, abort. Move it out right now.
我坐失良机 她主动靠过来 我应该吻她的 结果僵住了 I totally missed it. She came right up to me, I should've kissed her. And I froze.
放心 我再帮你找机会 Hey, don't worry. I'll get you another chance.
你怎么找机会 How? How are you going to do that?
去我家庆功 Victory party at my house!
梅姬 Maggie.
梅姬 梅姬 Maggie? Hey, Maggie.
走开 Go away.
出了什么事 Hey, what happened?
你要干嘛 What do you want?
来落井下石吗 说你早知道 Rub it in my face? Say, "I told you so"?
我没这个意思啦 No. No, I really don't.
告诉我出了什么事 Just tell me what happened.
史丹甩了我 Stan dumped me.
史丹甩了你 Stan dumped you?
史丹甩了你 什么 Stan dumped you? What?
出了什么事 怎么会… 他做了什么 What happened? How did this...? What did he do?
他做了什么 What did he do?
球赛结束后… After the game...
我们… We...
他带我去球场后面 我们… He took me behind the quad, and we...
我听不下去了 你们没做吧 I can't hear this. You didn't.
- 不会吧 - 不可能 - No, Mags. - No.
不可能 No.
就是没做他才甩了我 That's why he dumped me.
梅姬… Mags, hey.
没事啦 Hey, hey, it's okay.
你知道吗 You know...
你年轻时会觉得好像世界末日了 when you're young, everything feels like the end of the world.
其实不然 It's not.
最好是 Right.
才刚开始而已 It's just the beginning.
你可能会再认识几个男生 You might have to meet a few more jerks...
但总有一天你会遇到 but one day you're going to meet a boy...
对你真心诚意的男生 who treats you the way that you deserve to be treated:
把你当成生命的重心 Like the sun rises and sets with you.
你真的这么认为 You really think so?
我很确定 I know so.
你真好 That's so sweet.
你最好了 You're the sweetest.
- 谢谢你 - 不客气啦 - Thank you. - It's okay.
谢谢你 Thank you.
好吧 我是来这里… 我来找你 Anyways, I, uh, came over here... I was looking for you.
我想邀你去我家庆功 不知道你今晚来不来 I wanted to invite you to my party. I don't know if you want to come.
- 我很乐意 - 好 - Yes. I would love to. - Yeah.
- 很好 好极了 - 谢谢你 - Great. That's exciting. - Thank you!
- 好 - 好 - Aah! Yay! - Yes. Yay.
- 谢谢你 - 太好了 - Thank you. - That's very exciting.
我知道 真的很好 I know, it's great. Ha, ha.
晚上见 See you tonight.
传给每一个人
去马克家庆功 "At Mark's house."
超酷的 给我看 不错嘛 Hey, that's cool. Let me see that. That is nice, man.
别碰那些玩具 Don't touch the toys, okay?
好 我今晚尽量不再着火啦 Yeah, I'll, uh, try not to light myself on fire tonight.
- 我会带着灭火器的 - 好啊 - I'll keep a fire extinguisher handy. - Oh, good.
- 要不要去外面坐 - 好 - Do you want to sit outside? - Sure.
这酒不错 That's delightful.
干嘛 干嘛 What? What?
- 好吧 我不知道怎样才正常 - 看得出来 - Okay, I don't know how to act normal. - Clearly.
我老是这样很不得体 我只是想讨你欢心 It's the story of my life. I'm not smooth. I'm just trying to impress you, okay?
我很少来这种地方 我是宅男 I'm not the kind of guy who comes to places like this. I'm a dork.
我花了一万美元买"双城奇谋" The kind of guy who spends 10 grand...
灰袍甘道夫的六尺棍 on Gandalf the Grey's quarterstaff from The Two Towers.
对 你是个笨宅男 Yes, that does make you a dork.
因为灰袍甘道夫是"魔戒现身" Especially since Gandalf the Grey was only in Fellowship.
到"双城奇谋"就变白袍甘道夫 He returns in Two Towers as Gandalf the White.
"精灵语"
我乱发脾气 对不起 I was upset. I'm sorry, okay?
我要你证明你爱我 I need you to show me that you love me.
这样我们才能同居啊 And that way we can get a place together.
住手 不管啦 我有新男友了 Stop it. Look, whatever. I'm with somebody else now.
- 什么 - 派对结束了 史丹 - What? - Party's over, Stan.
快滚吧 Just get out of here.
是吗 Oh, yeah?
谁要赶我走 Who's gonna make me leave?
是你吗 You?
我是很想 但我闻到你身上有酒味 You know I would, but it smells like you've been drinking...
所以我请警察来处理 so I'm just gonna let the cops do it.
那个修女送你啦 You can have the nun.
反正还没开苞 She doesn't put out, anyway.
我反悔了 On second thought...
我作了一个怪梦 Oh, I just had the craziest dream.
我回到17岁 I was 17.
回到高中时代 好可怕 I was back in high school, and it was terrible.
丽丽 Scar.
粒粒 我没看到粒粒啊 Scar? I don't see a scar.
我知道你为何不让我跟史丹交往 Look, I know why you didn't want me to be with Stan.
因为你喜欢我 It's because you wanted me.
你想玩游戏 我陪你玩游戏 You want to play games? I can play games.
- 不是… - 我是饥饿的母狮 - No, no, no. - I'm a hungry lioness...
你是小羚羊 and you're a baby gazelle.
梅姬 不是啦 梅姬 住手 Maggie! No, no, no, Maggie, stop this now.
你要知道这样做是很不恰当又很变态的事 If you only knew how highly inappropriate and dysfunctional this is.
住手 请你住手 Stop it. Please stop.
梅姬 我不是你想的那种人 Maggie, I'm not the person that you think I am.
- 你就是 - 我不是 - Yes, you are. - No, I'm not.
对 你不是 你是好人 你跟别人不一样 You're right, you're good. You're not like the others.
我跟别人不一样 很不一样 I'm not like others. I'm very different than the others.
截然不同 我们永远永远不可能在一起 So different, in fact, that you and I can never, ever, ever, ever be together.
- 别再咬了 - 为什么 - Stop biting. - Why?
我的天啊 你说什么 Oh, my God. What are you saying?
你很困惑吗 Are you confused?
我是很困惑 非常困惑 I'm very confused, yes. Extremely confused.
天哪 我终于懂了 Oh, my God. I... I... I get it now.
你的头发都梳得很整齐 你还挑染 And your hair is always perfectly coiffed, and you have highlights.
- 你在胡说什么 - 我是说… - What are you talking about? - I mean...
你都穿紧身牛仔裤 Dude, your jeans are really tight.
我不是同性恋啦 I'm not gay.
我有喜欢的人 我恋爱了 I'm in love, Maggie. I'm in love.
我谈过恋爱 I've been in love.
我从17岁到现在只爱一个人 I've been in love with the same girl since I was 17, Maggie.
她是我们学校的吗 我认识她吗 她叫什么名字 Does she go to our school? Do I know her? Tell me her name. I want to know her name.
- 不是啦 梅姬 - 好吧 - No, Maggie. No. - Okay.
去叫你女朋友把你看紧一点 You tell your girlfriend she better keep a close eye on you.
我的妈呀 Sweet baby Jesus.
谢谢 Thanks.
（精灵语）沙拉好吃吗
（精灵语）好吃 芝麻菜很新鲜
（精灵语）你在哪儿学精灵语
（精灵语）在习技公司
（精灵语）去你家还是我家
麻烦买单 We'll take the check.
我死定了 I'm so dead.
借过 Excuse me.
斯嘉丽 斯嘉丽 斯嘉丽 Scarlet? Scarlet? Scarlet.
- 你怎么会来这里 - 你有没有看到亚历 - What are you doing here? - You seen Alex?
他没接电话 He's not picking up his phone.
亚历没事 亚历没事 相信我 Alex is fine. Alex is fine, believe me.
照这样下去 In fact, with the way things are going...
过了今晚亚历就有女朋友了 by the end of the night Alex could have a girlfriend.
- 亚历有女朋友 - 对 她人很好 很可爱 - Alex has a girlfriend? - Yeah, and she's great. She's cute.
- 走吧 我带你去看 - 在哪里 - Come on, I'll show you. - Where?
就在楼上 跟我走 我带你去看 Walk up the stairs. Walk with me for one sec, I'll show you.
你怎么有最新版的第三部 So how ever did you get the newest version of Halo?
要再过六个月才发耶 It's not due out for another six months.
这么说吧 我是跟圣诞老人要的 Well, let's just say I said some things to the Make-A-Wish people...
不是很光明正大的 that I'm not totally proud of.
我要杀了他 I'm going to kill him.
都滚出去 Everybody, out!
不行 不行… 别碰我的东西 Oh, no, no. No! No! No! Not Dr. Philsopholis.
派对结束 This party is over!
除非你们想留校察看三个月 否则给我滚 马上 Unless you want to spend the next three months in detention, leave! Now!
好了 快去警告马克 Okay. We better go warn Mark.
你真的很关心他 You really care about him, don't you?
- 对 - 真好 你人很好 - Yeah. - That's nice. That's really nice.
他很需要男性典范 He really needs a male role model.
他是个好孩子 He's a great kid.
两个孩子都是 You know, they both are.
你是个好妈妈 I think you're a great mother.
谢谢 Thank you.
他在阳台 在那边 He's on the balcony. He's right there.
- 妈 - 这段日子很难熬 - Mom? - This has been a really tough time...
我觉得你像家人一样 and you really feel like part of the family.
你不知道听你这样讲我有多高兴 You have no idea how amazing it is to hear you say that.
斯嘉丽 Scarlet.
斯嘉丽 斯嘉丽 我不是马克 Scarlet! Scarlet, I'm not Mark, okay?
我是他 我是我 斯嘉丽 我是你老公 I'm him, I'm me. Scarlet, I'm your husband.
请你别说了 Will you stop it already?
听我说 我是你小孩的爸爸 丽丽 听我解释… If you'd listen to me, I am the father of your children! Scar, let me...
不准这样叫我 不准这样叫我 Don't call me that. Don't call me that!
你是个装成熟的怪咖 You are a weirdo little man-child!
给我两秒钟 听我解释 Give me two seconds, and I can explain this!
你是变态 You are a pervert!
天哪 God.
出去 出去 出去 Get out, and get out, and get out.
你可以走了 You can leave.
这不是我想要的低调恋情 Well, this isn't exactly the inconspicuous relationship I wanted.
你知道我为什么不跟学生家长交往了吧 I'm sure now you can see why I don't date my students' parents.
对不起 I'm sorry.
对不起 我不知道情况会这么失控 I'm sorry. I had no idea that it was going to get so out of control.
真的吗 Really?
- 好了 现在换我道歉 - 是我活该 - Now I'm sorry. - I guess I deserved that.
打第二下是我不对 我不应该再打的 对不起 The second one was out of line. It was uncalled for. Sorry.
你还好吧 对不起 Are you okay? I'm really sorry.
无三不成礼 现在我们扯平了 Three makes it even. Now we're even.
你呢 你还好吧 How are you? You okay?
还好 Yeah.
弄好了 And finished.
地毯清干净了 With the rug area.
但进度满快的啦 But we've made very good progress.
先休息一下 We deserve a break.
我失去了我的家人 I lost my family.
迈克 Hey, Mike?
不知道这样讲有没有用 但你帮了你的儿女 If it's any consolation, I think you really did help your kids.
你任务已了 日子要继续过下去 You did your job, and now the hero can move on.
我不想 I don't want to.
也许他们不需要我了 但我需要他们 Maybe they don't need me anymore, but I need them.
我不想落井下石 Hey, not to be a buzzkill...
但你要上法庭了 but you're due in court...
再过22分钟 in 22 minutes.
奈德 我需要多点时间 Ned, I need more time.
- 我要阻止这一切 - 坐上奈德号吧 - I have to stop this. - To the Nedmobile.
- 等一下 奈德… - 干嘛 - Wait, Ned, Ned, Ned. - Yes.
- 裤子 - 对 我要穿裤子 - Pants. - I should have pants on. Yes.
C3P 高德
葛伦 快点 Come on, Glenn!
他是自以为了不起的导护老师 He's nothing but a glorified midget wrangler.
你不穿背心就没那么大块头了 You wouldn't be so big without that vest!
- 你拿下面那个东西 - 拿起来放车顶 Grab that thing that's down there. Grab it. Just hold that up.
- 这你哪来的 - 这20美元花得很超值 - Where you get this? - Best 20 ever spent.
通勤时间省了半小时 Saves me a half hour on my commute.
拿起来 拿高一点 Dude, just hold it. Hold it way up.
你发誓所言均属实 愿上帝保佑你 The whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help you God?
我发誓 I do.
你要依据加州法律诉请离婚 You request a divorce by the state of California...
理由是难协调的差异 对吗 citing irreconcilable differences. This correct?
- 是的 庭上 - 迈克·奥唐纳在场吗 - Yes, Your Honor. - Is Michael O'Donnell present?
他不在 庭上 No, Your Honor.
他不在就是同意离婚条件了 继续吧 I take his absence as agreement to the orders of the divorce. Let's proceed.
- 你不要求单独监护 - 是的 庭上 - You are not requesting sole custody? - No, Your Honor.
事实非你所能承受 "You can't handle the truth!"
什么 What?
抱歉 我失言了 临时想到这句台词 I'm sorry, I panicked. It was the first thing that came into my mind.
陛下 Your Majesty.
- 你是谁 - 他是我先生的好朋友 - Who are you? - That's my husband's best friend.
这位好朋友是律师 You a lawyer, best friend?
- 是的 - 不是 - Yes. - No.
我口袋里有法学院文凭可供证明 I believe the law degree in my pocket says so.
对 有点弄脏了 因为我放口袋坐着开车 Yes, and it's a little bit smeared because I sat on it in the car...
不是因为最近才印的 not because I printed it out recently.
好吧 姑且算是真的 请解释你的来意 Let's pretend that's real. Want to explain what you're doing?
我们… We...
要阻止这场… are stopping a gross...
司法的大闹剧 miscarriage of justice!
这… That...
好吧 请让我解释 我可以解释 Okay, if you'd just let me explain. I can explain this.
请听我说… If you would just listen...
我有一封信 我有迈克·奥唐纳写的信 他是原告的丈夫 I've got a letter from Mike O'Donnell, he's the husband in this case!
抱歉 我们正在… I'm sorry. We're in the middle...
庭上 可以的话 我想听他读这封信 Your Honor, if it's okay, I'd like to hear the letter, please.
谢谢庭上 Thank you, Your Honor.
这是迈克·奥唐纳写的信 This is a letter from Mike O'Donnell.
他要我念出来 He wanted me to read it.
斯嘉丽… "Scarlet...
在你做这件事以前 before you go through with this...
请你回想1988年9月7日 I want to remind you of September 7th, 1988.
那是我第一次见到你 It was the first time that I saw you.
你当时在看"零下的激情" You were reading Less Than Zero.
身上穿着枪与玫瑰的T恤 You were wearing a Guns N' Roses T-shirt.
我没看过那么美的画面 I'd never seen anything so perfect.
我记得当下就觉得我没有你会死 I remember thinking that I had to have you, or I'd die.
你轻声对我说你爱我 Then you whispered that you loved me...
在返校舞会上 At the homecoming dance.
当时我觉得 And I felt...
好平静 so peaceful...
好安心 and safe.
因为我知道不管发生什么事 Because I knew that no matter what happened from that day on...
从那天起 厄运都会消失 nothing could ever be that bad.
因为我有了你 Because I had you.
然后我长大了 And then I grew up...
我迷失了方向 and I lost my way.
把我的失败怪到你头上 And I blamed you for my failures.
我知道你觉得事已不可为 And I know that you think you have to do this today.
我不要你这样想 I don't want you to.
但是我想 But I guess...
如果我爱你 if I love you...
我就应该让你自由 I should let you move on."
好了 请你离席 All right, son, you need to go now.
继续吧 Let's proceed.
抱歉 庭上 I'm sorry, Your Honor. Would it be okay...
这个案子能不能过一阵子再审 if we postpone this for now for just a little while?
可以吗 Would that be okay?
延期30天 下一个案子 Postponed 30 days. Next case.
洛杉矶高等法院
加州洛杉矶希尔街111号
高中毕业就没看你这么拼命练习 Haven't seen you practice this hard since school.
对 要让大学球探印象深刻 Yeah, you know, if I want to impress these college scouts...
我就要全神贯注 then I need to stay focused.
等一下 你该不会还想拿奖学金吧 Wait, wait. You're not still trying to get a scholarship, are you?
小心点 别偏离精神引导者给你的路了 Be careful, man. You do not want to get off of the spirit path.
根本没有路 根本没有路 我做不到 There's no path, Ned! There's no path! I can't do it!
我只是让他们更难过 I just made it worse for them.
没有我 我老婆和小孩都更快乐 奈德 My wife is happier, everyone's happier with me out of the picture, Ned.
日子还是要过下去 It's time to move on.
迈克·奥唐纳
真希望我能拿得起放得下——迈克
妈 该走了 It's time to go, Mom.
高德 留点实力上场比赛再秀 Hey, Gold, save something for the game, huh?
我只是在热身 教练 Just warming up, coach.
告诉你内幕消息 Got a little inside info for you.
俄亥俄州的球探又来了 教练也一起来 The scout from Ohio State is back, and the coach is with him.
只要你展现实力 You play half the game I know you're capable of...
明年就可以进大学打球了 you're going to be playing college ball next year, huh?
- 我就是这样计划的 - 把球给我 - That's the plan, coach. - Give me the ball.
好了 大家集合 合照 All right, gather up, jockstraps. Picture time.
别把镜头吓坏了啊 Try not to break the camera.
我等不及想进乔治城认识大学男生了 I can't wait to go to Georgetown and start dating college boys.
我以为马克想利用亚历接近我 没想到是你 I thought Mark was hanging out with Alex to get to me, not you.
好了 集合吧 All right, ladies, let's bring it in.
珍 珍 Jane! Jane!
珍 对不起 借过 Jane! I'm sorry, sorry.
- 奈德… - 对不起 - Ned, Ned, Ned. - Oh, sorry.
- 奈德 嗨 - 嗨 - Ned. Yeah. Hi. - Hi.
- 我有话跟你说 - 你要干嘛 - I need to talk to you. - What are you doing?
我练习了很久 I practiced this, uh.
好吧 Okay.
我刚看到我最好的朋友失去了人生最重要的一切 I have just seen my best friend lose everything than means anything to him.
也许我们走不到那么远 但是… And maybe we'll never be there, but...
对 我明白 但我说过了我是校长 Yes, I understand, but I have told you before that I am the principal...
对 不能被看到 Yes... And I cannot be seen...
我和学生家长在一起 with my students' parents.
但怎么会有人看到我们在一起 But, Jane, how can you be seen with me...
我穿着隐形斗篷啊 when I'm wearing the cloak of invisibility?
珍 我只要求有机会跟你交朋友 Jane, all I'm asking is a chance for us to be friends.
因为我想要你陪着我 Because you're the one I want by my side...
陪我一起攻陷精灵城堡 when I'm storming the Elvish Castle of Ganakinesh.
你随时可以闯进我的地牢 You can plunder my dungeon anytime.
我会带长弓去的 I'll bring my long bow.
战士 加油 Warriors! Yeah!
加油 Come on.
我的天啊 Oh, my God.
妈 你还好吧 Mom? Are you okay?
我不能再来这里了 我要走了 I can't be here again. I have to go.
- 但这次比赛决定你的未来 - 不 小孩才是我的未来 - The game. That's your future. - The baby's my future.
别闹了啦 迈克 我不能让你坐失良机 That's crazy, Mike. No, I can't let you throw this all away.
再见了 迈克 Bye, Mike.
高中明星球员 没机会大展长才 High school star. Never lived up to potential.
- 你在干嘛 - 我当然想活在过去 - What are you doing? - I want to live in the past.
你很想重来一次吧 I'll bet you wish you had it to do all over again.
人呢 Hello?!
这是典型的变形故事 It's a classic transformation story.
精神引导者 Spirit guide?
我们有福同享 有难同当 You and me, we're in this together.
换你上场了 It's your turn now.
带球走 Traveling.
绿队的球 Green ball!
奥唐纳 快上场啊 O'Donnell, get in there!
斯嘉丽 Scarlet!
丽丽 Scar?
斯嘉丽 Scarlet?
真的是你 It is you.
嗨 Hi.
嗨 "Hi"?
我可以解释 I can explain.
你可以 You can?
对 不可能啦 No, not at all.
- 你大可不必再来找我 - 我一定要 因为我爱你 - You didn't have to come after me again. - Yes, I did, because I love you.
你是我最明智的抉择 只是我忘了 You're the best decision I ever made, I just forgot.
有一天我从桥上掉下去 后来就变得很奇怪 And then I fell off a bridge and things got pretty weird after that.
但我不会再忘记了 But I'm never going to forget again.
我知道我已经任性了… Look, I know that I've been in a bad mood for the last...
20年 20 years.
但只要你再给我机会 我发誓 我会花一生的时间来弥补你 But if you let me, I swear, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you.
我以为我想重来一次 I thought I wanted a second chance at life...
但现在才知道我只想重新对你… but now I know I just want a second chance with y...
好奇怪 Weird.
对啊 Yeah.
我好想你 I missed you.
好了 我要放你下来了 因为我不再是17岁小伙子 Yeah, I'm gonna put you down because this was a lot easier before.
对 你本来有六块腹肌 Yeah, you did have that six-pack thing going.
我还有机会再看到吗 Is there any chance I'll see that again?
我就知道你有在注意我 I knew you were checking me out.
加油… Go! Go! Go!
但大人也可以练啊 Adults can have that, though.
我来练 慢跑回家当运动 Well, I'll work on it. Maybe I'll jog home.
（剧终）
奈德… Ned, hey.
我东西都打包好了 钥匙还你 跟你说声谢谢 I packed up all my stuff and I wanted to give your key back and say thanks.
没事啦 Hey, whoa. No. No.
没想到会在这里见到你 校长 Wasn't expecting to see you there, Principal Masterson.
你看起来好漂亮 You look very pretty.
谢谢你 Thank you.
这个原力很强 The Force is strong in this one.
那我们就学校见吧 校长 So I guess I'll be seeing you at work, boss.
好的 奥唐纳教练 Oh, yes, uh, Coach O'Donnell.
很高兴你来本校任教 And, um, we are very happy to have you aboard.
你新工作第一天上班 我有东西要送你 Buddy, I got you a little something for your first day at your new job.
礼轻情义重啦 Don't think about how much it cost, it's not much.
你送我哨子 Hey, you got me a whistle.
别搞砸了 Don't blow it.
要加油 Play big.
你也是 You too.
祝你好运 我爱你 Good luck. Love you!
我也爱你 Love you!