男人一生總會問自己一次
(紐約,水牛城)
“我的人生應該如此嗎?”
“抑或我有能力成就更多?”
“我呢一刻可以點樣改寫人生
活出最好的自己?
我想做個點樣的人?”
我想要點樣的生活?
我想世人看見點樣的我?
這些問題會令你徹夜難眠
當你開著這款高性能靚車
無人會問那些問題
他們知你是人生勝利組
你的人生很勝利
或者我不應揀這款型車
想聽真話嗎?
是你的前度誤導你
我們要令你重拾自信
我學到一件事
要做你想做的人,有心未怕遲
阿丹,我不知你點樣做到
他的表情好像剛剛買了林寶
有人當是草,有人當是寶
換個角度就得
所以你又成為本月銷售之星了
正啊
戴比,幫阿丹影相放上網
對不起,我要回家了
- 結婚週年紀念 - 別這樣,阿丹,你次次都鬆人
獎給孝爾吧
點啊,衰鬼?
孝爾,我講過幾多次別那樣開車?
哥希,靚車如女人,是追求速度的
你沒拉褲鏈
阿丹,幫幫忙,別要我擺他上網
影他吧,他剛整完牙
孝爾加油
《保家計劃》
...路...歸途...
唏,阿丹
嗨,奧花邁亞太太
唏,丹尼爾
...水牛城
- 唏,阿布 - 唏
(摩根家週曆,週三,墨西哥之夜)
我講過了,妮娜,史丹福必須是第一志願
你報讀愛荷華就會搞亂檔
我知自己在做甚麼
是嗎?我完全看不出來
- 週年紀念快樂 - 老公
- 原來你記得 - 你以為我忘了
請跟妮娜講 我們不會供她讀愛荷華,跟住卓華
別用那種語氣提起他
- 甚麼語氣? - 搞錯
麥斯,叻豬食青豆
真是乖仔
唏,老友
今日好嗎?
週末有甚麼節目?
來吧,我們去球場投幾球吧
看看你還有無力氣
來吧,老友
你去邊?
- 森美家 - 又去?
你禁我打機,要我識朋友嘛
我禁你打機,是因為24小時打爆人個頭
稱不上是健康
但你今晚要湊B 今日是我們的結婚週年紀念
甚麼?點解不是她?
- 甚麼?因為我是女人? - 我不是那個意思
- 我覺得你是那個意思 - 不是
- 你發甚麼神經? - 別講笑
- 卓華上身嗎? - 真?
除了激嬲我,你還識做甚麼?
- 你是妮娜定卓華? - 認真...
夠了,聽住,別再吵了,好嗎?
妮娜,今晚可以頂替你細佬嗎?
他肯行出家門,可能對他有益
況且你可以搞大學申請表
算數
- 別客氣 - 謝謝
你可否...
你可否跟媽媽傾傾,叫她別再管我?
因為我是成年女人了
我聽到的,妮娜
我會跟她傾,但老實講,豆豆...
- 別再那樣叫我 - 不
史丹福新聞系呢?
- 不是你的夢想嗎? - 老豆,新聞已死
對...
- 是卓華講的嗎?抑或... - 對,真的
- 他不應那樣講 - 認真?對
他不應向你個腦落藥
- 我被洗腦了 - 天啊,乖女
還好不只得我這樣講
天啊
- 好吧,麥仔 - 好吧
我去氹他睡覺
然後呢?
- 我們還去嗎? - 當然
正
(史丹福)
(南愛荷華大學)
唏,森美
大家好嗎?
殺破男返來了,寶貝
(不是奧米加:殺破男加油)
(絲絨龍蝦:殺破男勁揪)
好吧,開始
好,我示範要點做吧,留心看
各位,最後一個留給我,來吧...
砰
好嘢
- 天啊,殺破男超勁 - 殺破男好堅
我們要成班一齊玩,你們先上吧
好啊
- 18年了,難以置信吧? - 沒想到我們還繼續回來
每年玩一轉扭扭旋風車
甚麼?不,我指結婚18年
況且我以為你鍾意這個傳統
- 我鍾意啊 - 真的嗎?
以前是
我只是...點講呢?你很鍾意規律
我很愛你這一點
我們逢週三煮墨西哥捲餅
- 人人都在週二煮嘛 - 週四做愛
若我們可以趕仔女出門口
- 我知 - 要多點踢走他們
- 我知,無人... - 就有更多時間
及你做的週曆,不過...不知道呢
我可能想多點即興和旅行
我們好似哪裏都沒去過
因為我們有仔女,他們要返學
他們有生活規律和朋友
- 甚麼朋友? - 還有不同東西
佳奧有一個朋友 講開又講,他從沒邀請他返屋企
對,但他是血肉之軀
- 可以接受 - 天啊
- 我擔心的是妮娜 - 我知道
她很憎建制
- 很憎制度和... - 很憎我
問心吧,你知道是事實
- 對不起 - 不
現在不是時候
沒錯
現在是時候壯膽享受瀕死的快感
這是水牛城1998年第四名的過山車
- 我知,很好玩 - 你頂得住嗎?
你覺得我還頂得住嗎?
老公
- 你真癲 - 你知我愛你的
- 我愛你 - 好嘢
我應承你,出年去其他地方
- 不,幾時都要玩扭扭旋風車 - 不,聽住,我不用返到這裏
都記得我在這裏愛上你
在我們第一次約會
束住你的頭髮讓你嘔
我還是不敢相信,你當時還想吻我
我幾時都想吻你
對
唏
你剛才拍到我們的私人時刻
- 介意刪除嗎? - 介意
幫幫忙,老友,別這樣
別那樣
幫幫忙,刪相吧
刪相啊
吹咩?
阿丹,由得他,我們...
對,聽你老婆講吧,阿丹
你骨子裏是男子漢嗎?阿丹
你是男子漢嗎?
唏,講我知吧
這個廢柴怎會搭上你這種...
過期美女?
- 拜,阿丹 - 拜,阿丹
我不想你跟他打交
若我想嫁好事之徒,就不會嫁你
我知你不鍾意暴力
我並不在乎他講甚麼
你點解還未瞓?
你想看我表演?
等等,開始
抹一抹
新紀錄
- 弊 - 唏
週年紀念愛愛
我未瞓著
完全未瞓著
對不起,今晚太掃興
- 我保證會補償給你 - 不要緊
沒所謂
老實講
他那樣對你說話,我應該打到他屁股開花
天啊
老公,你當然會打贏他
噢,老公
對不起,我不應該笑
可以週四才做嗎?
我很攰
好啊
我愛你
我都是
記得擋面,不要鬆手
老公定男友?
年少女兒
真替你難過
好吧,各位,兩人一組
- 你? - 好吧
好極
好吧
我打得很差,我通常會上芭蕾雕塑訓練
但在水牛城找不到
不是,你打得很好,記住抬高拳頭
- 你是哪裏人? - 沒有哪裏,四海為家
- 我做旅遊生意 - 聽似不錯
你是來工作?
不是,我是來見前度男友
調位
對不起,掛住講自己
不要緊,向沙包出氣吧
- 你個女幾歲? - 17歲
天啊
真不好意思
我要再三道歉,感覺如何?
感覺...
沒事,只是很好笑
我在健身室被物理治療師打
天啊
講開又講,你的右勾拳很有力
過獎
天啊
好吧,講到邊?
三個仔女
三個仔女,對
對,我以為終於送一個上大學 麥斯就出世了
好可愛
確實是可愛
怎麼了?
不知道呢
我不知點講,有時我覺得有點...
點講呢,被困?
我知我不應這樣講
只是我老公阿丹
老實講,他是廿四孝老豆,你知道嗎?
可能是他太滿足於留在這裏
在水牛城?
天啊,對不起
- 我無心... - 不要緊
- ...那樣說 - 是事實
我識他時,我想去旅行,見識世界
但阿丹是個住家男人,你懂嗎?
他只專注於家庭,我都是 我很愛他這一點,他很好
我只希望我們的生活...
更刺激,你懂嗎?即是...
我明白
對不起,掛住講自己
不是,我要趕飛機,總是如此
不過聽住,若你成功說服老公去旅行
(州際旅遊服務)
我保證我在工作上比拳擊出色得多
- 謝謝 - 多謝你至真
好消息
- 半價星期三... - 你差不多可穿4S碼了?
你很大嚿嗎?麥仔有幾大嚿?
真大嚿
看看那些BB肌
好吧,等等
我們要買這個給媽媽,還有那個...
你想要雪糕?
好,就買雪糕給你吧
是嗎?
對,找到了
你想要這個嗎?
我買薯條給你吧
弊
老友,真不好意思
真的嗎?
喂,衰人
至少讓我放低個仔吧
弊
- 丹尼爾 - 抱歉,奧花邁亞太太
天啊
喂
我叫過你讓我放低個仔
沒事了
請清理第三行
對不起,搞亂檔
多謝幫襯新新鮮
坐穩
唏,阿布
- 唏,阿丹 - 得閒飲茶
好吧
(姓:摩根,名:佳奧)
弊,護照過期
(公主)
從現在開始,麥仔,爹吔要付現金
喂,別收線
你點解還未死?
對,我都很開心聽到你把聲
聽住,我要新身份,我黃了,要全套
我、老婆和三個仔女
三個?點可能?
柯基,現在要我講解人體奧妙嗎?
抑或要傾生意?
天啊
你居然夠膽打給我
麥卡菲四圍刮你
我知,似乎刮到了
- 點會? - 不知道
可能是社交媒體吧
你正白癡
我要拋低一切
現在困在亞利桑那州坦佩 替自以為是的大學生整假身份證
- 要我走嗎? - 不,留低吧
但既然你想扮不是大學生
不如除掉衛衣吧
聽住,我付五十萬美元現金
你可以送多樂絲入富豪安老院
他們有高球車,在歡樂時光嘆靚酒芝士
6點鐘打麻雀
別拖我阿媽落水
- 她一定會鍾意 - 出賣你,我賺兩倍啊
但你18年來都沒有
三日後賭城見
(亞利桑那州大學)
在路上才通知你時間地點
賭城?點解要去賭城?
我不能跟老婆講 我要帶她去亞利桑那坦佩旅行
賭城就講得通
你未講給他們知?你個腦有事嗎?
你以為很容易?我要點講?
叫他們坐低食西多,邊食邊講?
細路,遞糖漿給我,講開又講
你爸以前是政府殺手
上路和安全後,我就會講他們知 三日後見,柯基
棋藝學會
好,走吧
妮娜在哪裏?
妮娜沒做編輯了,她辭了職
甚麼?幾時?
三個月前
現在她人呢?
我不知道
好吧,聽住
我給你50美元,猜猜妮娜在哪裏
我是記者,不會供人出來的
一百美元
去看台底找找吧
一如所料
我的大學申請論文 談大學宣揚制度性種族主義
被我媽否決了
我說:“搞錯
這樣就會有改革”
她說:“不,這樣就只會有社區學院收你”
妮娜
老豆,你怎會來了?
這裏是安全區,他不能就這樣行入來
你老豆好索
夠了,姬莉,真噁心
你話要去編輯會議
沒錯,我有去啊
- 我... - 你辭職三個月了
你點可以辭職?千辛萬苦才當上編輯
- 你根本不看我寫的東西 - 我當然看
- 一直都有 - 是,你亂講
我沒時間跟你拗,棋藝學會在哪裏?
- 要去找你細佬 - 你不能講發生甚麼事嗎?
沒事,我有個家庭驚喜,明白嗎?
- 甚麼驚喜? - 棋藝學會在哪裏?
在數學大樓
多謝你,姬莉
- 爸爸,等等 - 又點樣?
他不在那裏
留在車上
不用旨意,我當然要食花生
- 甚麼花生? - 沒甚麼
去啊...
(殺破男)
(妮娜:爸爸準備來大開殺界)
- 弊 - 你是森美嗎?
- 是 - 我是佳奧爸爸,他在嗎?
不是去棋藝學會嗎?
今日取消了
- 森美,是嗎? - 收費不包講大話
- 你付錢給他? - 不,我...
不用...入面...
- 我可以解釋 - 上車
- 我... - 即刻上車
即刻走
二五女
- 好吧,甚麼大驚喜? - 我們去旅行
我週末有節目,所以我...
罰你們禁足,兩個都是
聽住,我們要上去接你媽
你們要表現得超期待旅行
否則我講她知,你們一直講大話
你們都知下場會點吧
我們到底要去邊?
賭城?
- 我們今日去拉斯維加斯? - 你話過想...
- 現在? - 更加即興嘛
我收到了,哥希話我可以放幾日假
哥希是逢週二...
- 做水力按摩的那個? - 不,奇斯勒太太,哥希是阿丹上司
- 阿丹幫我做水力按摩? - 不,奇斯勒太太
今日不做按摩
對,兩個仔女很期待週末旅行,對吧?
兩位,講給你們媽媽知 你們有幾期待旅行
- 好嘢 - 興奮到爆
阿丹,我們不能忽然走去賭城
我的意思是,點解要去賭城?
我知比不上歐洲 但有威尼斯和艾菲爾鐵塔
講你知吧,我們肯定 會即場買到Adele演唱會飛
- 你鍾意Adele - 是你鍾意
當然,邊個不鍾意Adele?
- 我鍾意啊 - 人人都鍾意Adele
她把聲是天籟之音
來吧,謝茜嘉,我們點解要猶豫?
你是邊位?我不認得你了
你一定會愛上我,我床技超好
你肯定今日不是週二?
你值得放個假,對我們一家人都好
我們要自駕遊?
自駕遊是最好的親子活動
但我們要走了,趁未開始塞車
奇斯勒太太,對不起 繼續練三角肌,知道嗎?
- 多謝,哥希 - 我們的行裝呢?
- 我要執行李、帶上寶寶,是... - 不用擔心
我執好必需品了,沒錯,我們到達後
用機票慳來的錢 像《風月俏佳人》那樣豪花
在豪華酒店舖頭
- 那裏一陣皮革和廣藿香味 - 夠了
猜猜誰不設消費上限?你想買甚麼都得
好吧,真是瘋狂
- 阿丹,真是瘋狂 - 我知,的確是
- 天啊 - 我們一定會發癲
我們要去賭城
有零食嗎?
在路上買吧
我們可以停在...
我會走捷徑,慳點時間
甚麼?
快開車...
- 弊 - 是捷徑,你未行過榆木街?
弊
好,我們出發
唏,麥仔
- 第一次自駕遊 - 是
麥斯,你興奮嗎?
5個鐘飛機,定坐33個鐘車?
我選33個鐘
爹
老公,你居然記得帶我對靴
- 對 - 好叻啊
真是難以置信
- 天啊,搞錯啊,老豆 - 天啊
- 慢慢來,快車手 - 不好意思
我以為有隻松鼠在前面跳出來
天啊
- 你車我們去邊? - 甚麼?是捷徑啊,老婆
你未行過這條路嗎?
弊
他跟住我們
沒事,老婆
其實我要返公司快快檢查一下
- 是孝爾嗎? - 對,他留了二撇雞
- 他是你同事? - 很快搞掂
右邊應該有修車區
好吧,你們等我一陣,轉頭返來
- 老豆,搞甚麼鬼? - 妮娜,小心說話
阿丹,搞甚麼鬼?
我們要走三千幾公里
要換油、檢查水箱水
輪胎要稍為充氣
我不想在沙漠半路 後悔沒檢查水箱水,對吧?
我們不可以先落車嗎?
好吧,他停了車,就在我們前面
他應在這裏的
各位,一陣就得
阿丹
媽媽,到了賭城後
- 我可以去超級X嗎? - 不准去脫衣舞廳
- 不是脫衣舞廳 - 你笑甚麼?
不准賭錢,妮娜
- 你有假身份證? - 我...沒有
阿丹
唏,孝爾,靚車
- 新車落地? - 對
我正想開齋
老友,講你知吧,它想一飛沖天
靚車如女人嘛,老友
- 對 - 衝上高速公路吧
踩盡油,收到牛肉乾就入我數
找到他了,他在路上,往西進發
唏,各位
- 點樣? - 可以了
我們要去賭城,定留在這裏過世?
我們出發了,老婆
(水牛城)
(賭城)
- 老婆,你對腳不凍嗎? - 我不理,我在放假
你在做甚麼?
擺我們的旅程上網
我們有必要擺上Twitter和抖音嗎?
舊時自駕遊貴在互動
老豆,別講了,我現在不想聽老爸訓言
你連發短訊都不識,所以意見無效
我講真,這次是零科技假期,聽到未?
即刻交出來
- 甚麼? - 我講真的
- 甚麼? - 即刻給我
- 謝茜嘉,幫幫手 - 好,你們聽到吧,交出來
你都是
好吧,我的都是,全部不要 聽到嗎?一家齊心,拜
不要
老豆,不要...
- 你居然那樣做,搞錯? - 天啊,老豆
我解放了全家不被科技束縛
- 稍用腕力,就是那樣 - 停車
信我吧,我們一家會更親密,放長雙眼
你瘋了
- 天啊 - 算數,我會買新機
就像你買朋友那樣?
- 聽住,森美是生意夥伴 - 是嗎?
- 你看,至少在傾偈 - 講給爸媽知
- 你有甚麼生意吧? - 我才不...
我有事想問,即興先生
沒有手機,我們點識路?
(美國汽車協會)
是笑話嗎?一點都不好笑
不是講笑,我們一家自駕遊,需要地圖
老友,你不是可以...
沒錯,老豆,點解呢?
因為他想拉近一家關係
所以強制移除科技產品
聽住,我需要旅遊支援 不是你們的服務嗎?
很久沒有了
你們的目的地是甚麼?
拉斯維加斯
我還需要你幫手預訂
希望不會太麻煩你吧
好吧,找到了
好吧
- 請給我信用卡 - 其實呢,這是我的會員卡
你會查到我還有很多積分
這樣做不合規矩
- 你有很多要求啊 - 明白了
有那些積分,或者我不需要信用卡
萊文,你覺得呢?可以嗎?
我們有幾多分?
你似乎是白金精英尊貴鑽石級會員
我樂意為你效勞
停手,合作並聽清楚
冰帶著新發明回歸
有東西緊扣著我,日夜如魚叉穿梭
到底會停嗎?喂
我不知道,關燈後我就會發光
到了極點,我爆咪像暴徒
- 別唱了,麻煩找人解開車鎖 - 如蠟燭般喪失理智
殺死人
說“噢”
勁啊
勁吧?
媽媽唱得好吧?
...問題,喂,我會解決
留心聽副歌,當DJ在打碟
冰冰寶寶
大家唱吧
- 冰冰寶寶 -“冰冰寶寶”是乜鬼?
叫齊所有人
瑞典幫、根達、史鏢洛斯
- 我要找到他們 - 他們的信用卡無新紀錄
肯定是用現金
我在追蹤他們的社交帳戶,但無新動態
肯定是關掉手機
(殺破男)
他個仔是電競手,綽號“殺破男”
他打得不錯
留意路面,一定要找到那部卡車
知道了,波士
他沒跟家人講,一定難以換車
- 何以見得他們不知? - 他們還跟他一齊
(班寧河旅館,有房出租)
看看你,像戒毒症候群一樣
你真的每天都要打爆人個頭嗎?
我要打理品牌
麻木不仁、沉迷暴力的網絡齒輪
深陷資本主義機器,算是品牌嗎?
好極,卓華上身
你還記得自己的個性嗎?
不
你以前很型的
- 我識你嗎? - 應該不識
記得了,我在Twitch見過你
突觸手在直播時,就是你打敗他
你是殺破男,對吧?
你知道那次?
知啊,老友,當時你超勁
可以影張相嗎?
好啊
謝茜嘉,我不知要點講你知
但我們去到賭城後不會回家
其實我沒對你完全坦...
其實我們相識時...
未遇上...
好吧,可以了,152和153號房
我還想買四部即棄相機,謝謝
好吧
給你的
- 謝謝,不用找錢 - 謝謝
老友,你好勁,講真的
謝謝
這真的是最差的...
捉到你
好吧,給你的,影相留念吧
對,不知道呢,我覺得是很奇怪的體驗
- 撞到你真好 - 看看你細佬,結識新朋友
- 可以擺手勢嗎? - 好
- 正,多謝你,殺破男 - 謝謝
- 唏,到底是甚麼? - 問得很好
- 到底是甚麼? - 對,殺破男是邊個?
個名很熟,我應該知道是邊個
- 是... - 沒甚麼
- 天啊
- 不重要 - 他就是殺破男
是他的電競綽號,他沒停過打機
他當正自己是名人了
真的?
- 大個仔了 - 爹
- 爹? - 她會擺張相上網嗎?
- 應該會吧 - 唏
租到房嗎?
他們無房了,我們要繼續上路
- 是嗎? - 是
是他們
(威斯康辛,愛荷華,丹維爾,芝加哥)
(160號出口,往南 丹維爾,往西,芝加哥)
出發
(接駁耳機)
(接駁耳機中...)
(跌親受傷?不成功不收費)
- 甚麼聲? - 唏,老婆
坑仔一個
麥斯,你見到嗎?那個人在飛
(車上有嬰兒)
天啊
- 天啊 - 天啊
- 我們在哪裏? - 愛荷華
- 愛荷華? - 是
等等,你開通宵車?
我可以講甚麼?
我興奮到睡不著
我像鬼打般精神,應該說是神打
- 然後不知不覺間來到 - 天啊
我們在愛荷華城
乖女,那不是真牛
- 知道嗎? - 天啊
天啊,你說我們在愛荷華城?
- 天啊 - 對,乖女
我們就在南愛荷華大學附近
我們可以去一趟和...
我們不會停低讓你見卓華,聽到嗎?
其實呢,我是想去看校園環境,不過算吧
好吧,因為你很想看校園設施
- 其實是啊 - 別講笑了
要現在拗你跟男仔揀大學一事嗎?
- 我不是跟男仔揀大... - 各位
你要去三個月...
- 各位 - 我想入這間大學
我當然想去看校園
- 你點解想去? - 我們難得遠行
這裏地方很美
你怎可以不想我來這裏?
真不敢相信你鼓勵她這樣做
落車一陣沒壞啊
況且我們想她聽我們講
或者應多點聽她講
帶她周圍看,這裏又安全又美
況且我們有機會傾傾
好吧,你想知大學生活是點樣?
跟我來
大學回憶返晒來
- 這裏就像有害的男性主義聚會 - 這叫做學校精神,妮娜
對,被人在流動廁所翻轉的人不是你
很有節慶氣氛,你鍾意嗎?
- 鍾意,很正 - 是
性感女,想我教你做酒罐倒立嗎?
對不起,我不知你是...
人媽
妮娜
麻煩你了
好,來吧
好啊
天啊
- 喂,過來,她要表演 - 媽媽
媽媽
我不能...
- 啤啤我吧 - 加油,好嘢
飲...
- 不用旨意試 - 媽媽,真是...
其實好正,我...
“啤啤我”?
我們儘快離開吧,趁我未好勝心起
- 玩啤酒乒乓球贏九條街 - 天啊
我想知是點樣
希望大家剛才鍾意參觀圖書館
都是我的第一次
- 各位看看,有導賞團 - 你們都知...
我們從後面混入去,扮作一直跟團吧
- 有必要嗎? - 有啊
我們是來支持你家姐
若你有疑問,就要揹住麥斯
- 去吧 - 下一站
帶大家參觀我們的頂級運動設施
對不起,我爆你大鑊
我只是很嬲你總是成功逃脫
但你們經常呼喝我 就是因為你們不了解卓華
我們了解啊
- 但我們不鍾意他 - 點解?
自從你跟他拍拖就變了另一個人
我較鍾意以前的你
況且他對你勁差,你值得有更好
你真心關心我的感受嗎?
不是,天啊,真噁心
我想知你在想甚麼
只是...不知道呢
另一段回憶來潮
你覺得自己還做到嗎?
不能,除非我想入醫院吧
只是...真有趣,我的人生會很不同
若前十字韌帶沒有撕裂
- 你想要不同的人生? - 天啊,不是
只是...很奇怪
你從未見過那個我
你只認識做物理治療師的謝茜嘉
哪個你我都愛
- 是嗎? - 是,尤其是做酒罐倒立的那個
索到爆
- 是嗎? - 天啊
試過在撐竿跳墊上做愛嗎?
- 別答我,天啊 - 天啊
你一路上古古怪怪
但實不相瞞,我鍾意玩即興的阿丹
老實講,謝茜嘉,人人都有不同面貌
- 有時你要... - 是
戴金鏈的那個人
他之前不在導賞團裏
- 好吧 - 他在做甚麼?
他們長大得真快吧?哪個是你仔女?
我個女在斯圖加特
- 我替她找學校 - 嘩,真是山長水遠
我在這裏有生意
化學、天文、天文物理...
你剛才話在愛荷華有生意
是甚麼生意?
- 粟米 - 是嗎?
公事包內的是粟米?
當然
- 女士先行 - 謝謝
- 你先 - 不,我堅持
- 阿丹 - 唏,老婆
- 你要來嗎? - 好啊
我在了解這位老遠 從德國斯圖加特來的人兄
我在高中年代,曾有個斯圖加特筆友
我學了些少德文
無人要知道
若你想講公事包內有甚麼
講給我知就夠
你剛才說甚麼?
“的士高在哪裏?”
知道,好吧
放心,老婆,我們稍後跟上
- 好吧,老公 - 再見,愛人
好吧,你想跳舞
打開公事包看看
(弗茲舒寧,家傳粟米種子)
- 甚麼鬼? - 家傳粟米
我不是講得很清楚嗎?
你只是普通德國人?
正是
弊
- 那邊是生物實驗室 - 老豆呢?
- 物理實驗室在樓下 - 他在跟德國佬傾偈
這邊是我們的化學實驗室
在實驗室,幾時都不會悶,繼續行
我帶大家去看
中西部最大的范德格拉夫起電機
希望大家享受參觀我們美麗的校園吧
因為我樂在其中
- 唏,時候不早了 - 唏
- 我們應該繼續上路 - 好
- 妮娜呢? - 我批准她跟卓華打聲招呼
不准她實在太殘忍了
不要緊,她很快回來
好,我完全不擔心
好吧
祖舒,走開吧
是我
即是邊個?
妮娜
唏,你怎會來了?
一言難盡
但我可以進來嗎?
其實呢
等我一陣,我去著褲
然後我們去飲杯抹茶
天啊
- 天啊 - 等陣
天啊,你出軌
一夫一妻制只是西方壓抑性文明的產物
天啊
我以為我們有共識
好吧
乖女,發生甚麼事?
事情就是,他是渣男
“一夫一妻制只是...”,邊個會這樣講?
- 卓華 - 寶貝,真替你難過
可以開車未?
好主意啊,乖女,走吧
唏,豆豆
我很替你難過,在你這年紀時,我...
你不需要老爸訓言,對吧?
唏,豆豆
有聽過急所術嗎?
- 急甚麼? - 急所術
是13世紀的武術,用穴位
造成極大痛苦,但不會有永久損傷
你點會識那種東西?
或者老豆有你意想不到的一面
妮娜,你要拋開這些定型...
這個“定型”又點?
正一自大惡頂、虛偽渣男
笑吧
你值得有更好的男生
- 你對她講過甚麼? - 只是老爸訓言
天啊
(賭城)
(愛荷華)
(水牛城)
車鏡怎麼了?
那塊車鏡
- 你沒聽到嗎? - 沒有
有部大卡車高速駛過,起碼時速160公里
然後輪胎把石頭
- 踢起 - 唉
這裏爛了,差點打中擋風玻璃
(內布拉斯加,愛荷華 堪薩斯,密蘇里,伊利諾)
搞...
他中計了
他真的中計了
你勁驚
(猶他,科羅拉多)
你有無跟媽媽講,我向報社辭職了?
沒有,你想我講嗎?
我講笑而已
不,我...
我在考慮復職
真的嗎?好啊
但你想才去做
講你知吧,豆豆
你有思想主見,值得被人聽見的
不是廢話,明白嗎?
我講真的,那篇講貪污普及的文章
控訴教育委員會,天啊,看到我毛管戙
你真的有看?
當然有
別講笑了,我是你最大的粉絲,豆豆
一直都是,永遠都是
你媽媽都是
兩個細佬都是
麥斯未講你知而已
你在笑
嘩,天啊
- 天啊 - 我沒有
那...不是
講真的,我以你為榮
謝謝
餵完麥斯,他在細路間房睡了
我準備好上真床了
甚麼?
沒甚麼
- 點啊? - 唏
你想拿開它嗎?
等等
今日不是週四
好吧
來吧
嘩
感覺如何?
感覺好似...
久違了的感覺
真是...
- 就是那樣 - 感覺...
感覺不同了
- 希望是好而不同吧 - 不同得好似...
背住阿丹跟另一個阿丹鬼混
- 那麼大分別? - 不,我的意思是感覺...
別誤會,剛才很火辣,就像...
你到底怎麼了?
我不知道
可能是因為去旅行,或者...
因為見到你在酒罐上倒立大叫“啤啤我”
你以前是這樣嗎?
另一個阿丹
你是因為我而變了嗎?
不是
是這樣的,我變是因為不鍾意舊時的自己
然後就遇到你
然後做人老豆
很久沒試過感覺如此美好
我太過投入
太安於現狀和穩陣
- 可能會變成悶棍 - 這個嘛...
- 或者忽略了你 - 講你知吧
- 我永遠不會再犯 - 兩個阿丹我都鍾意
- 真的嗎? - 沒錯
我已經在這裏了,所以...
- 真方便 - 對
- 喂 - 柯基,我們今晚就到
雅莉亞酒吧,晚上6點 你帶齊所有東西嗎?
容我講句,是我的畢生傑作
好過那本累我在波哥大被人探肛的護照?
你就是不肯讓我忘記,對吧?
沒錯,先等我忘記橡膠手套聲吧
你講給他們知未?
我在找機會,明白嗎?
很難帶起話題
他們可能會察覺有古怪
因為要改名換姓離開美國
你還在等甚麼?
都話我在找機會 柯基,聽到未?放過我吧
聽我講,謝茜嘉
我有事要講你知
是關於另一個阿丹
遇上你之前的阿丹
老豆,你對誰說話?
無人,坐低吧
女士們還未準備好
殺破男?
點解不講我們知?
我知你不會明白
你會緊張起來,禁我打機更久
- 慢慢看 - 我不是想罰你
我們只想你有其他嗜好
結交朋友、正常一點
我有朋友的,知道嗎?有幾千個
我做殺破男時 人人都鍾意我,你知道嗎?
我都鍾意自己
但做佳奧時,我太怕醜,不敢跟女生說話
而且我不夠資格入棒球隊
我毫不起眼
但做殺破男時是勁人,老豆
是專業級的勁
聽我講吧
我知你覺得浪費時間
但打機是要用腦和反應能力
美國空軍都會招募電競手
對,或者我就是怕有此一天
- 我證明給你看 - 證明甚麼?
(鐳射閃電戰)
- 我的本事 - 鐳戰?
別講笑了
單打,好嗎?如果我贏就可以繼續打機
如果你贏,禁令繼續
甚麼?我無獎品?
好吧,算數,你想要甚麼?
打一場波,像以前那樣
你我在後院,連續半年每日都打波
老豆,我不是12歲細路了
反正你贏硬,對吧?用腦和反應能力先生
算數,祝你好運
你死定了
出發
你是綠色,你就是藍色
被打中就會停賽五秒
率先打中對方三次就當贏
拉扳機就得?
死亡之戰
準備應戰
三、二、一,開戰
就住我啊,老友
老豆,來吧,我讓你一次,好嗎?
好吧
- 第一次見血 - 我真好彩
好吧,你贏一次
你點樣做到的?
不要走,不要...
殺破男,你想玩鐳戰定捉迷藏?
你真鬼祟,技術不錯啊,佳奧
至少我不用做基因測試
突然死亡
遊戲結束
佳奧,別這樣,不要嬲
你哄我入局
原來你是鐳戰高手
不,我只是80後
對,舊時有鐳射槍嗎?
別這樣吧,老友,你打得很好
你適應得很快,有創意
你差點打敗我
實不相瞞,我跟你打得很開心
很有意義的回憶
我們沒事了吧?
來吧,給我一點愛
真愛,沒錯
- 我一把年紀算是不錯吧? - 絕對是
親愛的,你覺得呢?
入直路了,準備好未?
- 賭城 - 快到
麥仔
(猶他州)
- 我愛你 - 我愛你
好正
噢,家
讓我回家
有你在旁的就是家
噢,家,讓我回家
有你在旁的就是家
賭城
好嘢
唐尼奧斯文
Adele
(歡迎光臨雅莉亞賭場度假村)
- 天啊 - 你們看,我們有位
不錯吧?
嘩
好型啊
- 阿丹,地板很閃 - 這裏勁正
全是我們的?
天啊
嘩
“請享受這套房,每個細節已經升級”
你們訂了檯,今晚7點在迪柯餐廳
多謝你做我們的超凡會員,萊文上” 真有心
天啊
- 妮娜 - 是
你一定要看看浴缸
我要落樓下一陣 別讓他們吃光迷你吧,知道嗎?
一點都不迷你
天啊
天啊,好嘢
唏
看看你,扮住家男人
我不是扮,這是我的人生
進來時有發現可疑跡象嗎?
- 沒有 - 我都沒有
我曾出錯,在愛荷華停過 但現在應該無人跟住
那就好好享受最後一晚做丹摩根吧,老友
我安排了你們明早 用新身份搭飛機去溫哥華
老柯,你救了我一命,謝謝
別輸清光離開賭城,知道嗎?
我不能保證
你的家人知道後有何反應?
我還未跟他們講,晚飯時會跟謝茜嘉講
- 我提議去食日本菜 - 點解?
沒有刀
嘩,你靚爆鏡
我知道
嘩,我真幸運
嘩
來吧
好吧,你們要照顧麥斯
任何情況下都不准離房
超大迷你吧有食物,不准開門給任何人
- 知道未? - 收到
你呢?
- 知道嗎? - 是嗎?好吧,玩得開心點,要乖啊
- 我們不會理吧? - 當然
準備好未?
我們出發
對
真期待
嘩
不如去超級X,我想去看電競場
不用旨意 我不想去充滿佳奧的場館,我不去
正一悶棍,我和麥斯去
- 哈囉,貓王 - 是
- 拜 - 拜
好吧,應該就在下面,你一定會鍾意
我已經不鍾意了
(華基拉隊,伊斯添美隊)
歡迎光臨超級X電競場 五分鐘後就到最後一局
型到核爆
十足十你間房陣味
過獎了
是阿仁
嗨,對不起,我是你的鐵粉
多謝,等等,你是...
- 殺破男 - 對了,我看過你的直播
謝謝
唏
你想見華基拉和其他人嗎?
好啊
好吧,有禮物給你
- 好吧 - 你抱他
謝謝
- 為我們飲杯 - 好啊
真不敢相信我們來了
- 真的來了 - 對
我們來了
聽住,謝茜嘉
- 我有事要講你知 - 等等
- 過來吧 - 甚麼?
天啊
- 謝謝 - 你不用多謝我
對不起,我打斷了你
不要緊,我們來旅行是因為...
我剛才想講...
要些黑椒嗎?
我不要黑椒了
我只想跟老婆撐檯腳
其實我不識講法語
他們只教了我們幾句扮高檔
不阻你們了
你連法語都識?
我以前學過幾堂法語
真的很奇怪,你從沒向我提過
你識兩種外語
講得有幾叻?
我不知道,已有一段時間
走遍世界各地
但很難向你講真話
我怕會傷你心
我不知你會否還愛我
若你知道我的真正身份
對不起,我拖累了你
但我用性命來發誓
我絕不會讓任何人
傷害你和幾個仔女
真的超性感
點解用法語講甚麼都特別好聽?
這種語言本身很有旋律美
你我要找個時間好好傾
點解你從沒講我知你識講
真是瘋狂,你沒講過我知
我們還應該講講你最近有幾古怪
自從你忽然帶我們來賭城開始
不過現在我只想跟你享受時光
我想吃這些美食
飲這支我們負擔不起的香檳
享受彼此的陪伴,還有或者...
讓那間豪華套房見識它從未見過的風姿
我不知你點諗 但我覺得這樣的一晚很完美
- 你排第幾位? - 上升3級
天啊,真的嗎?高過他
難以置信
- 天啊 - 你打了多久?
這隻遊戲面世就開始打
你細佬是殺破男,好型
- 是嗎? - 正是,他是大人物
他是否你的...
不,天啊,當然不是
- 是剛才找到的,就在那邊 - 那邊?
- 對 - 行來行去?
決賽時刻到了
有請華基拉隊和伊斯添美隊上台
我們去吧
派殺破男上去吧
你想去嗎?
上決賽?
沒錯,這是重要時刻 老友,你想不想參加?
- 參加 - 去吧,好嘢
- 好吧 - 別緊張
- 易過借火 - 謝謝
你這樣做真好
不是,他們一定會慘敗
大家好嗎?
坐吧,殺破男,在我旁邊
你有彈藥嗎?
我嘗試掩護我們一下
這裏上面
我們走吧
- 做得好 - 好,下一場
買定離手
- 可惡 - 我去打給細路
好,去吧
(華基拉隊6分,伊斯添美隊3分)
即刻檢查B大門
- 打得好 - 最後一個了
他猛力跳攻
(華基拉隊7分,伊斯添美隊3分)
- 搞錯啊,那是甚麼? - 正啊
好勁啊
- 唏 - 唏
仔女沒接電話,你想返房嗎?
好啊,我們走吧,好
謝茜嘉,等等...
他們沒事吧?
沒事
很對不起,今晚提早結束,我不...
誰說已結束?
給我30秒去梳洗,床上見
好吧
情調
(浪漫)
“愛霧”
謝茜嘉
阿丹?
- 天啊 - 找到他了
阿丹?
- 我一直在找你 - 阿丹
阿丹
咪亂來,古根
你捉到我,你贏了
放她走
- 她甚麼都不知道 - 她現在知道了,阿桑
沒錯,話你知結果會點吧
我會先殺你
然後殺她
我會叫拍檔去超級X殺你的仔女
你覺得點?
聽我解釋
老婆,很正常的,人人第一次都會嘔
等陣
甚麼?
天啊
謝茜嘉,等等,你要去邊?
超級X
你想我開聲嗎?抑或你有說話想講?
- 我有無說話要講? - 明白,對不起
我身上還有眼球汁,阿桑
眼球噴的汁
- 謝茜嘉 - 你收聲...
我不想聽,望你半眼都不想
我只想找我的仔女
他們沒有手機,因為被你扔掉了
(華基拉隊12分,伊斯添美隊11分)
殺破男,只剩你和我
打低他啊,衝入去
小心
- 我可以復活 - 好吧
弊
- 打敗了 - 天啊
老友,靠你了
在左邊,打得好
- 打得好,還有一個 - 過來了
- 去吧 - 好嘢...
(華基拉隊13分,伊斯添美隊11分)
冠軍出爐
(勝利)
- 華基拉隊贏了 - 好嘢
(最有價值玩家:殺破男)
難以超越
殺破男...對了
- 殺破男 - 大力鼓掌
- 是殺破男 - 邊個是殺破男?
殺破男
佳奧?
大鑊,佳奧
- 唏 - 你細佬呢?
講起來真搞笑,他就在這裏
- 不,另一個細佬 - 知道,他沒事
沒事,阿仁抱住他
- 吓? - 借借
看到吧
- 他沒事,麥斯甚麼事都無,嗨啊 - 唏
- 好,打給我 - 聽住
我知道你們很嬲...
聽住,他們是為我歡呼的
- 你有無搞錯? - 麥斯沒事
好吧,各位,聽住,我們沒時間拗了
我們要即刻離開賭城
誇張
等等,點解要離開?
總之就要吧
- 謝茜嘉,講給他們知吧 - 你自己搞掂
我們要離開是因為我的前同事在追殺我們
甚麼?星球汽車行的同事?
我不是講笑的,問問麥斯吧
未識你們媽前,我是秘密殺手
我金盤洗手,但他們找到我們了
老豆,你真是世界上的絕頂廢柴
謝謝,行開,即刻走
走啊
快找出口
- 走啊,快點 - 走啊
- 老豆 - 搞鬼錯?
我會引她開槍,聽到未?
我一動手,帶細路往那邊走 我會在你們後面,明白未?
走啊
謝茜嘉,她追上來了,在這裏等
- 知道 - 不要行開
乖仔,沒事的
人人第一次都會嘔
來,我們要走了,快點走吧
各位,快點走
我的真名叫阿桑
我媽在我四歲時死了
我爸有暴力傾向
我一到18歲就參軍
我不肯定 可能是他的遺傳吧,我戰績彪炳
先是陸軍特種部隊,後是三角洲部隊
然後一個叫麥卡菲的人接觸我
前特種空勤隊
他把我訓練到另一個層次 招攬我加入一個特種計劃
- 有機會做好事 - 甚麼特種計劃?
我們消滅最壞的壞人
世界各地的恐怖分子、軍閥和綁匪
政府不能合法對付的人
“消滅”的意思是...
- 幾多個? - 26
- 你殺了26個... - 不是
不,我參加了26次行動
天啊
- 39人 - 還有更多?
- 包括這趟旅程嗎? - 總死亡人數啊,阿丹
- 老豆啊 - 43
他們都是壞人
- 你正一偽君子 - 全部是壞人
你剝削我唯一的專長,說是假暴力
但你卻是連環殺手?
老豆,你是為好人辦事,對吧?
麥卡菲有父親形象
我信任他,但我太天真了
起初是合情合理的
但他變得貪心,開始把我們當作僱傭兵
為高價金主殺人
我一發現就離開了,明白嗎?
我努力擺脫他們,但要跟朋友反目
我的啟蒙導師和我唯一的家庭
自此他們一直在追捕你
- 沒錯 - 我真是白癡
所以你這麼神神秘秘,哪裏都不想去
所以你如此避忌社交媒體
這麼反對科技
它們有面部識別軟件,我別無他選
況且我真心覺得社交媒體很噁心
- 天啊 - 但現在他們找上門了,點算?
我安排好了
我們沒事
是你的
是你的,還有你的
“摩莉安德遜”?
至少你有真名
我是范
即是一嚿飯
范?
聽住,我們不能返去水牛城,明白嗎?
那段人生結束了,對不起
我終於有自己的生活,卻被你破壞了
- 真是多謝你啊,老豆 - 佳奧,回來
老豆,不行,你不能再指揮我們
- 以後都不可以 - 回...
- 騙足我18年 - 我還是你老公
- 只是以前不同而已 - 以前不同?
你以前不是band友或純素主義者啊,阿丹
那樣才算是“不同”
你是被人招買的殺手
我不講出來是想保護你,明白嗎?
- 但我們的愛是真的 - 真的嗎?你真識講笑
真到你不能信任我
不讓我知我們的處境有多危險?
你到底在想甚麼?
難道我會在媽媽群組曬命?
- 不是,我... - 抑或你怕我知道真相後
會離開你?
我們只是你的假身份
幫你扮作郊區的小混混?
- 甚麼?不是 - 可惡,你一定很憎我們吧?
每天粗茶淡飯、抹細路屁股、開小卡車
我鍾意那部卡車啊
你忽然變成占士邦,現在到底是邊個?
平凡人
一個平凡人,有平凡而完美的生活
是我夢寐以求的一切
你曾是十項全能運動員
應該在雅典贏獎牌
你憎恨做媽媽的日子嗎?
有時吧
憎啊
我不想做那個人
我都想能夠信你
是真的
但老實講句
我多年來沒見過你在這趟旅程般開心
你在這趟旅程殺了四個人
這才是真正的你嗎?
你是一個叫阿桑的陌生人
“亞奇巴德安德遜”
真可惡,柯基
講你知,我明天一早我就帶仔女走
- 謝茜嘉,太危險了 - 跟你一齊才危險
他們追殺的是你,不是我們
從現在開始,我會為自己和仔女作主
謝茜嘉
對,嗨,多謝你接聽
我知道很夜
你可以幫我一家安排行程嗎?
(州際旅遊服務)
- 你們要去邊? - 遠離這裏和你
- 去邊? - 不關你事
甚麼?當然關我事
你不能去機場,他們一定已在埋伏
不是機場,我們有其他安排
甚麼安排?
對不起,阿丹,是秘密,為了保護你
謝茜嘉...認真?別這樣,不要...
謝茜嘉,別這樣吧,很危險的
那就好好處理,以保安全吧
確保安全之後,就別再接近我們
是接我們嗎?
應該不是,不可能
- 嗨 - 阿君
你怎會來了?我沒料到會這樣
我在附近短暫停留,所以決定親自來接你
好吧
嗨,你們一定是摩莉和阿范了
我叫阿君,嗨,小寶寶 機上有早餐,希望你們鍾意
好啊
- 謝謝 - 謝茜嘉,怎麼了?你沒事吧?
發生甚麼事?你老公呢?
我們嗌交
慘了
唏,或者你能幫我處理我的男人問題
- 可以嗎? - 樂意
記得在水牛城,我向你提過的前度嗎?
- 記得 - 我們一齊多年
關係很好,真的超好
你明白對彼此總是慾火焚身的感覺嗎?
我以為他是真命天子,但他卻拋開一切
娶了一個跟我完全不同的女人
最差的是...
她很難頂
- 等等,你見過她? - 我一定要
他與這女人組織了新生活
我要知道她有甚麼是我沒有的
你點做?
做我最擅長的事,接近她
贏取她的信任,耐心等她墮入我的陷阱
我好似漏了東西在的士
摩莉
- 甚麼事? - 抱你細佬過來
跟我來,我們要走了
我叫過你不要參與這次行動
但是誰送這塊肥豬肉給你?
你需要我
我比你更了解阿桑
隨便你點處置這家人,我不理
我只想要阿桑,他是我的送貨報酬
(麥卡菲)
你就是不肯放過我,對吧?
你很清楚我不會的
聽住,我任由你處置
但你要承諾不去找我的家人
“去找”?
你未免太遲了,老友仔
- 我對天發誓,若你傷害他們... - 來救他們吧
去公眾地方
你似乎不知道現在邊個話事
30分鐘後去城北的波賽頓賭場
一個人來
出來吧
哈囉,老友
是他叫你參與,史鏢洛斯?
他叫齊所有人
跟我來
他一個人來
真是窩心
他大可以逃到天涯海角
但卻來用自己條命,交換背棄他的家人
我收得返在摩洛哥借你的五千元嗎?
我講你知吧
若你在十分鐘內還有命 我連本帶利還給你
真可惜,這地方真美
十日後就要拆了
為了我如此大陣仗?我受寵若驚
我的家人點樣?
哪個家?
我們正上來
他到了
你們沒事吧?
見到老爸都不攬一下?
爸,點解要是現在?
對不起,甚麼?
我是你阿爺啊,佳奧
天啊,原來我們是英國人
他沒講你們知?
沒有,他說不再講大話時沒提起
- 我講過他有父親形象 - 點同啊?阿丹
那就沒事了,對吧?他不會殺親孫吧
聽住,我任由你處置,放走他們吧
阿桑,你以為我想點?
殺我
你的良心被狗食了,覺得我冤枉你
你是我個仔
傳承我的一切
我傾盡全力栽培你,你卻拋開一切
你拋棄我,傷透我心
所以沒錯,我想你死
但這幾天有些事發生了
你殺了我派來追殺你的所有人,是每一個
你仍是我悉心栽培的殺手
不,那個不再是我了
荒謬
講我知,你這三天不是更振奮嗎?
遠勝過去多年
你殺了我的所有手下
給我一種久違的感覺
以自己個仔為榮
甚麼?那麼你想點?
你現在不想殺我?你到底想點?
我想你回來
甚麼?
你離開後,一切大不如前
對我們大家都是
我想兒子回來,跟我一齊經營家業
你不會認真考慮的
- 老豆,對吧? - 收聲啊,佳奧
你好我好大家好,回到你所屬之處
重拾你與生俱來的身份
謝茜嘉和細路們就安全返去水牛城
反正他們只想要那種生活
肯定好過賣車吧
但不准有聯絡,不能讓你再次背叛我
我是他們爸爸,這事絕對不會發生
真是令人難過
老婆先
- 等等,不要,我... - 沒有第三個選擇
要不現在作個了斷
否則你就讓家人如願以償
照你意思
好吧
史鏢洛斯,送他們一家去機場 祝他們一路順風
爹爹
老豆,別這樣
我愛你們,永遠都會
我們不能就此拋棄老豆
我可以點做?
我有責任保護你們
我是你們媽媽
好吧,那就做舉起部車的媽媽吧
- 甚麼? - 即是那個媽媽呢
她有個嬰孩,然後舉起部車
沒錯,舉車媽
我不知你們說甚麼
是都市傳言,摩根太太
嬰孩被困在車底
他母親神勇大發,赤手舉起部車
你的仔女叫你打低我,去救他們爸爸
沒錯,多謝解說,正是
我建議你別那樣做
現在當然不會
是你們爸爸揀的
你以為他想這樣嗎?
我們所講的老豆
他因為卓華沒現身,陪我去初中生舞會
他用爛爆的週三饒舌歌叫醒我們返學
真感人,我爸從沒那樣做過
對不起,史鏢洛斯,你可否收聲?
喂,停手
細路真煩
媽媽,沒有老豆就家不成家
老豆要知道我們不想這樣
我知道我們昨晚不是這樣說 不過媽媽,我不想
如果他仍堅持己見,那就由得他
但他要知道
他以為我們不再愛他了,媽媽
我們不能讓事件那樣結束
麥斯
我未替你換片
我們要替你換片,否則你會出疹
你忘了帶尿片袋
天啊,真是一團糟
天啊
或者他會沒事呢
或者有事
現在要點做?
去找你們老豆
我想跟他單獨傾傾,可以嗎?
我想十分鐘後起飛
我以為再次見你就會殺死你
但既然來到這裏...
這樣好得多
隨便當我透明吧
我不會這樣做的,我有老婆
現在沒有了
現在你自由了
回到所屬之處,感覺很爽吧?
很久沒這樣了,君
你以為我會忘掉你的小把戲嗎?
你以為我會忘掉這個嗎?
我早知你沒變過
你不可能抗拒我
是瓦肯人捏頸術
是急所術
唏,我只是IT狗
各位,真對不起
因為你摸她屁股,抑或騙足我18年?
兩樣都是,全部都是
唏,綁起他
- 好,你去吧 - 快點
我很想把一切講你知,但找不到機會
- 找不到機會? - 我應該幾時講你知?
第一次約會?第二次?
當你懷住妮娜,定第四次約會?
- 甚麼? - 自己計數吧,妮娜
上述所有都是好機會
你早應該講出真相,我可以自己作決定
你說得對,對不起,是我蠢和自私
但我是真心愛你的
自從遇上你,你就是我的一切
做你老公和他們老豆,是我的真面目
那才是最重要的
好吧,我對天發誓,絕不會再瞞你任何事
史鏢洛斯呢?
他們不是跟你一齊嗎?
唏,老友
我所有朋友都在講 殺破男昨晚在超級X的威水史
- 真的嗎? - 是
佳奧,少說話多綁緊,知道未?
對不起
不是吧,天鴉航拍機?
勁啊
小心啊
- 老友,你個仔真醒 - 我要你的耳機
搞錯啊
佳奧,給我
你根本不是反科技,你...
你好勁
(飛行模式:人手操控)
- 他們正趕來 - 甚麼?
上天台找地方跟仔女匿埋,知道未?
不行,你不可以落去
這樣才會有個了斷,我們才能回家
我們不用回家,可以去加拿大做安德遜家
- 求求你,老豆 - 太遲了,豆豆
不行,不准你對他們投降
不是,我會送我們回家
好吧
(危險,爆炸品)
我有個計劃
聽住,我要做那個人 最後一次,是為了我們
老豆,他們太疊友了
我有他們沒有的東西
殺破男
你負責操控 做我的耳目,明白嗎?旨意你了
走吧
出發吧,殺破男
佳奧,你跟我在同一個頻道
包圍中庭的每個角落
(波賽頓賭場酒店)
升降機有動靜
升降機門,快點
見到有人就開槍,信我吧,他照樣會這樣
見到目標嗎?
沒有,未見到他
不見他
等等
發現甚麼?
小心啊
天啊
見到有人嗎?
他在上面
弊
佳奧,情況如何?
你幫我一眼關七
你的右邊安全,即刻走吧
老豆,你左邊有人
老豆,沒事吧?前面有人
6點鐘位置有人
佳奧,做得好
老豆,包在我身上
佳奧,情況如何?
他們有航拍機
小心簾後
來吧,老豆,打低他
又是你
他們從超市第三行用地拖掃走你?
我又要用那支地拖了
阿君,你到底在哪裏?
阿君?
- 阿君? - 麥卡菲?
發生甚麼事?
那細路有航拍機
找他出來
爸,收手吧
不要開槍
阿桑,你改變主意?
不,但你有機會改變主意
即刻收手
你才不會殺害親人
但我就會了
收拾他吧
即刻走,下面啊,快走
等等,不行
照顧細佬,不要出聲
發生任何事都不要離開麥斯
謝茜嘉
是你嗎?
佳奧,情況如何?
君上來了
我一聽就知支槍無子彈,傻妹
不如我們輕鬆一點吧
除非你以為可以打敗我吧
我覺得媽媽會跟她拼過
你以為是我的對手
因為你在青年中心 著住Lululemon上過幾堂拳擊班?
不要
上堂學的嗎?
沒錯
你知我做這行搵食的,對吧?
當你在生兒育女和剪優惠券
我在刺殺獨裁者
所以你還是返去家長教師會吧
因為你只得三腳貓功夫
佳奧,看到甚麼?
好吧,剩下九個人 右邊有四個,前方有五個
我無彈藥了,佳奧
找掩護吧,老豆 有人過來,即刻穿過那幅矮牆
佳奧,點解不講有張檯?
對不起
左邊有一個正衝過來
老豆,撐住,我們要轉移陣地
佳奧,下面那個人,引他穿過門廳
知道,我去追他吧
繼續引他跑
他向著我直衝過來
抱住麥斯,我要去幫媽媽
佳奧,點樣?
左邊有兩個,包括阿爺
右邊有一個
阿桑,若我是你就不會走向那邊了
老豆,媽媽受傷,我們有難了
小頑童
我高估了你,阿桑
你對我毫無用處
家庭令你變得軟弱
因為他們,你連專心打鬥都做不到
嗨,有地方要去?
放心,她沒事
小朋友,你剛才的詭計
真是下下之策
老實講句,殺細路是我最不鍾意的差事
好吧,誰先?
我們未打完
媽媽,不要,媽媽
砰
媽媽
玩夠未?
乖乖去死吧
媽媽
你們看
別講笑了
十項全能運動員不復當年勇了?
細路,抱歉,不是針對她
或者有點吧
又來了
她好似《小火車做到了》
還有九項全能啊,婆娘
天啊,媽媽
我覺得這是仁慈之舉了
你可以賣少20年二手車
是認證二手車
永別了,阿桑
阿爺,等等
我知你覺得我們憎你
因為過去幾天發生的事,而且...
我們或者應該憎你
但我學會家庭是世上最重要的東西
當我望見你,我見到的不只是冷血殺手
還見到我爺爺
或者我們有方法繼續生活下去...
做一家人
細路,若你以為幾句話就會打動我...
老實講...
我只是想拖延時間,讓他可以下手
老公
- 老豆 - 唏
謝謝
嗨
嘩
(六個月後)
午安,歡迎收看午間新聞
一個秘密準軍事組織的細節不斷浮面...
謝謝
該組織曾策劃多宗轟動刺殺案
據報活躍幾十年
這宗驚天新聞的揭發者...
(鮑德溫郡,利欽麥卡菲)
是高中校報記者妮娜摩根
(動業保安)
然後你就無命
離譜,你說有兩個敵人
我講大話,阿莎 那樣較好,再用力制服他
我不想傷害他
他不會有事的,雖然他矮小,但很強壯
不好意思,點解不是你被拋向卡車20次?
因為公司標誌有我個名
搞掂了
各位,我約了家人
(摩根保安顧問)
柯基,交給你了,好嗎?
加快速度
我會行開幾日
你們要記住我
唏,夠鐘走了
好吧,各位,我要走了
各位走吧
趁塞車前要起行
唉
不行,我不能搭這部怪物返學
- 你點可以這樣對我? - 別怪我
萊文用盡所有折扣和積分,你沒聽到嗎?
我們是白金精英尊貴鑽石級會員
好吧,我有零食和地圖
- 出發吧 - 正啊
- 請交出手機 - 認真?
好啊,捉住
拿去吧
- 謝謝 - 若你拋出車,我會殺死你
- 天啊,噁心 - 噁心
你們打算一路這樣去加州嗎?
- 對,一路上都是 - 絕對是
- 搞錯 - 對
- 我上車,行開 - 車匙給我
- 咇咇 - 出發了
一、二、三
自駕遊開始
(奪命飛車)
(汽車銷售員一日收十張超速告票)
(本月最佳職員)
(萊文A.麥古費提)
(跌親受傷?不成功不收費)
(再見了,卓華)
(雲呢嗱冰,《冰冰寶寶》)
(《賭城辰報》:波賽頓賭場被拆)
(殺破男)
(聖誕快樂,摩根家上)
天啊,各位,我差點忘了
點?
- 向它們道別吧 - 不要
點解?
天啊
一點都不好笑
《保家計劃》
一分鐘後,我要感性男女令我興奮
感覺笨重,穿著名牌鞋周圍行
想表現出氣質
因我太過著緊,我有兩杯烈酒狂飲
我想起身,想瞓身 噢,那就是我現在所感
噢,我一直憂愁,壓力沉重
現在感覺太好,壓力一掃而空,嘢
- 或者以前 - 以前
邊個唱?珍妮積遜?
There comes a time in every man's life when he asks himself...
"Am I living the life I should be?"
"Or am I capable of something greater?"
"Is there a change that I can make in my life right now
to become the best version of myself?
Who do I wanna be?"
What is the life that I wanna have?
What is the face that I wanna present to the world?
These are the kinds of questions that keep you up at night.
And when you're behind the wheel of a high-performance automobile like this,
no one asks those questions.
They know you are that guy.
You have that life.
Maybe I should look for something less cool.
Can I be honest?
That's your ex talking.
We gotta get your confidence back.
If there's one thing I've learned,
it is never too late to become the man that you've always wanted to be.
Dan! I don't know how you do it.
Guy looks like he just got himself a Lambo.
Hey, one man's lemon is another man's lemonade.
He just needed a squeeze.
Well, it's earned you Salesman of the Month again.
Nice!
Hey, Deb. Can you take a photo of Dan for the website, please?
You know what? I actually-- I'm sorry, I gotta get home.
- It's my anniversary. - Oh, come on, Dan. You do this every time.
Give it to Hal.
What's up, losers?
Hal, how many times have I told you about driving on the lot like that?
Cars are like chicks, Jorge. They wanna go fast.
Your fly's open.
Dan-- Come on. Don't make me give it to this guy.
Oh, come on. I mean, he's just got his teeth done.
Go get 'em, Hal.
...road ...home...
Hey, Dan.
Hi, Mrs. Overmeyer.
Hey, Daniel.
...Buffalo
- Hey, Beau. - Hey!
I told you already, Nina. Stanford is restrictive early action.
If you apply to Iowa now, you could mess it all up.
I know what I'm doing.
Do you? It certainly doesn't look like it from here.
- Happy anniversary! - Aw, baby.
- You remembered. - Hey. You thought I forgot.
Can you please tell Nina that we're not paying for her to follow Trevor to Iowa?
Don't say his name like that.
- Like what? - Come on.
Max! Crushing the peas.
That's a good boy.
Hey, buddy.
How was your day?
You got any plans this weekend?
Come on. We'll go in the yard, throw a few pitches,
see if you got any gas left in this cannon.
Come on, bud.
Where you going?
- Samir's. - Again?
You made me quit gaming so I'd make friends.
I made you quit gaming because blowing people's heads off 24-7
isn't exactly healthy.
You know, you're meant to be babysitting tonight. It's our anniversary.
What? Why can't she?
- What, because I'm a woman? - That is not what I'm saying.
- That's what you're saying to me. - It's not.
- What is wrong with you? - Are you kidding?
- Is this Trevor? Who's talking now? - Really?
Do you have a life other than just freaking pissing me off?
- Is it Nina or Trevor? - I'm serious--
All right. Come on. Stop it, okay? Please.
Look, Nina. Can you cover for your brother tonight?
It might be good for him to finally get out of the house,
and you can work on your application.
Fine.
- You're welcome. - Thank you.
Look, can you just--
Can you talk to Mom and ask her to, like, lay off of me?
Because I'm a grown woman.
I heard that, Nina.
I'll talk to her. But seriously, Beans--
- No, don't call me that. - No.
What happened to journalism at Stanford?
- Wasn't that the dream? - Journalism is dead, Dad.
Yeah, right.
- Is that something that Trevor said, or-- - Yeah, really.
- He shouldn't say that. - Really? Yes.
He shouldn't be putting ideas in your head.
- I'm brainwashed. - My God. Honey,
I am so glad it's not just me.
Oh, my gosh.
- All right, Maxie. - Okay.
I'm gonna put him to bed.
And then?
- Are we still doing this? - Oh, we're doing it.
Awesome.
Hey, Samir.
Sup, y'all?
Kyllboi's back, baby.
All right. Here we go.
Come on. Let me show you how it's done. Watch this.
Give me the last one, guys. Come on. Come on.
Boom!
Yes!
- Oh, man. Kyllboi's awesome. - Kyllboi's sick.
We're actually gonna go as a group, so you can go ahead.
Oh, yeah.
- Eighteen years. Can you believe it? - It's nuts we keep coming back here
every year for Twisted Cyclone.
What? No. I meant 18 years married.
And I thought you loved this tradition.
- I do! - Are you sure?
I did.
I just-- I don't know, you're such a creature of habit.
I love that about you.
You know, we make tacos on Wednesdays--
- Well, Tuesday, everybody's doing it. - And we have sex on Thursdays.
If we can get the kids out of the house.
- I know. - We gotta get them out more...
- I know. No one makes a better... - ...if we want more time.
...weekly planner than you do, but I don't know.
Maybe I just wanna be a little bit more spontaneous and travel,
or-- I kind of feel like we don't really go anywhere.
Well, I mean-- Well, we got the kids, and they got school,
they got routines and friends--
- What friends? - And just all that type of stuff.
Kyle has one friend which, by the way, he never even invites over.
Yeah, but he's a human with a pulse.
- I'll take it. - God.
- Nina's the one I'm worried about. - I know.
She's so anti-establishment.
- She's anti the system. She's anti-- - Anti me.
Oh, come on. You know it's true.
- I'm sorry. - No.
Now's not the time.
You're right.
Now is the time to nut up and get ready for the near-death adrenaline rush
of Buffalo's 1998 winner of the fourth-finest roller coaster.
- I know. It's good. - Do you think you can handle it?
Do you think I can still handle it?
Baby!
- You're so crazy! - You know I love you!
- I love you! - Yeah!
I promise, next year, we'll go somewhere else.
- No. We'll always have Twisted Cyclone. - No, look. I don't need to come back here
to remember that this is where I fell in love with you
on our very first date,
holding your hair back while you barfed.
I still can't believe you wanted to kiss me.
I'll always wanna kiss you.
Yeah.
Hey.
That picture you just took, it was kind of a private moment.
- You mind deleting it? - Yeah, I do.
Hey, come on, man. Don't.
Don't do that.
Hey, come on. Take it down.
Take it down.
Make me.
Hey, Dan. Leave it. Let's--
Yeah. Listen to your lady, Dan.
Is there a tough guy in there, Dan?
Are you a tough guy?
Hey, tell me.
How'd a loser like him get a girl as fine as you...
probably were?
- Bye, Dan. - Bye, Dan.
I didn't want you to fight him.
If I wanted to marry a brawler, I would've.
I know you don't like violence.
It's not like I care what he said.
What are you doing up?
You want me to do the thing, huh?
Wait. Go.
Wipey, wipey.
New record!
- Oh, shit. - Hey.
Anniversary sex.
I'm awake.
I'm totally awake.
I'm so sorry tonight was a bust.
- I'm gonna make it up to you, I promise. - Oh, it's okay.
It's okay.
You know what?
I should have kicked that guy's ass for what he said to you.
Oh, God.
You totally could've taken him, honey.
Oh, babe.
Sorry. I shouldn't have laughed.
Can we do this on Thursday?
I'm so tired.
Yeah, sure.
I love you.
I love you too.
Remember to block your faces. You don't wanna lose them.
Husband or boyfriend?
Teenage daughter.
I'm sorry.
Okay, guys. Partner up.
- You? - Okay.
Cool.
All right.
I'm so bad at this. I usually take barre,
but I couldn't find one in Buffalo.
No, you're doing great. Just keep your fists up.
- Where's home? - Nowhere, everywhere.
- I'm in the travel business. - Sounds so nice.
Are you here for work?
No, I'm here to see my ex.
Now swap.
Sorry, TMI.
Don't worry about it. Just take it out on the bag. That's what I do.
- How old is your daughter? - Seventeen.
Oh, my God.
I am so sorry
about that again. How's it feeling?
It's--
No, it's fine. It's a story.
I got beat up by a physical therapist at the gym.
God.
You have a mean right hook, by the way.
Thanks.
Gosh.
Okay. So, where were we?
Three kids...
Three kids. Yeah.
Yeah. Just when I thought I was sending one off to college, along came Max.
Adorable...
What?
I don't know. Sometimes I guess I just feel like I'm a little...
I don't know, trapped?
I know that sounds so awful.
It's just that, Dan, my husband,
I mean, he's an amazing dad, you know?
I guess he's just so content being here.
In Buffalo?
Oh, my God. I'm sorry.
- I didn't mean to... - No.
- ...say it like that. - That's true.
I mean, when we met, I wanted to travel. I wanted to see the world.
But Dan's-- He's just a total homebody, you know?
He's so focused on the family, and I do, I love that about him. He's amazing.
I just wish our lives were...
bigger, you know? Just...
I get it.
I'm sorry. Talk about TMI.
No, I've got to catch a flight, as always.
But, listen. If you ever do convince your husband to travel,
I promise you, I'm better at my job than I am at kickboxing.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
Great news.
- Today is Half-Price Wednesday... - You're about to go to size 4S,huh?
Are you so big now, huh? How big is Maxie?
So big.
Look at the big muscles.
Okay, hold on.
We're gonna get this for Mama. And that. And that.
You wanna get ice cream?
Yeah, I'm gonna get you ice cream.
Yeah?
Yeah. There it is.
You want this one?
I'll get you french fries.
Oh, shit.
I'm so sorry about this, pal.
Really?
Hey, asshole.
At least let me put my kid down.
Oh, shit.
- Daniel. - I'm so sorry, Mrs. Overmeyer.
Uh-oh.
Oh, my God!
Hey!
I told you to let me put my kid down!
I got 'em.
Cleaning team to aisle three, please.
Sorry about the mess.
Thank you for shopping at Fresh, Fresh, Fresh.
Hold on.
Hey, Beau.
- Hey, Dan. - Have a good one.
All right.
Shit. The passports are out of date.
From here on in, Daddy's paying in cash, Maxie.
Hello?
Hey, don't hang up.
How are you still alive?
Yeah, it's nice to hear your voice too.
Look, I need new identities. I'm burned. Full packets.
Me, my wife, and three kids.
Three? How did that happen?
Do I really need to explain the birds and the bees right now, Augie,
or can we talk business?
Oh, God.
You've got some nerve calling me.
McCaffrey scorched the earth looking for you.
Yep. Looks like he's found me.
- How? - I don't know.
Social media, I guess.
You idiot.
I had to leave my life behind.
Now I'm stuck in Tempe, Arizona, making fake IDs for entitled college pricks.
- Should I go? - Oh, no. You can stay.
But given you're trying to look like you're not in college,
maybe try losing the hoodie?
Look, I'll pay you a half a million in cash.
And you get Doris a condo in one of those retirement places.
You know, the ones with the golf carts, the wine and cheese happy hour,
mah-jongg at six o'clock?
Leave my mom out of this.
- She'll love it. - I can sell you out for twice that.
Well, you haven't in 18 years.
Meet me in Vegas in three days.
I'll give you a time and a place once I'm on the road.
Vegas? Why Vegas?
I can't tell my wife I'm taking her on vacation to Tempe, Arizona.
Vegas, I can sell.
You haven't told them? Are you mental?
What, do you think it's that easy? What am I meant to do?
Sit them down and tell them the whole story over French toast?
Oh, hey, kids. You know what? Pass the maple syrup. By the way,
your dad was a government assassin.
I'll tell them when I'm on the road and safe. Three days, Augie.
Chess club.
All right, come on.
Where's Nina?
Nina's not the editor anymore. She quit.
What? When?
Three months ago.
So, where is she now?
I don't know.
All right, look.
I'll give you 50 bucks for your best guess of where Nina is.
I'm a journalist. I don't give people up.
100.
Try under the bleachers.
That's what I thought.
I wrote my college essay on how universities propagate systemic racism,
and my mom shot it down.
I was like, "Hello,
that's how change happens."
And she goes, "No, that's how community college happens."
Nina.
Dad, what are you doing here?
This is a safe space. He can't just come in here.
Your dad's hot.
Okay, Kelly. That's gross.
You're meant to be in an editorial meeting.
Yeah, I am. I was.
- I-- - You quit three months ago.
How could you do that? You worked so hard to become editor.
- You don't even read my stuff. - Of course I do.
- I always do. - Yeah. Bullshit.
You know what? I don't have time for this. Where's the chess club?
- We need to find your brother. - Can't you tell me what's going on?
Nothing. I have a surprise for the family, okay?
- What's the surprise? - Where is the chess club?
It's in the math building.
Thank you, Kelly.
- Dad, wait. - What now?
He's not there.
Stay in the car.
Oh, no. Forget it. I am not missing this.
- Missing what? - Nothing.
Go, go, go, go, go.
- Shit. - Are you Samir?
- Yeah. - I'm Kyle's dad. Is he here?
What happened to chess club?
It was canceled today.
- Right, Samir? - You don't pay me to lie.
- You pay him? - No, I--
You don't need to-- It's--
- I can explain. - Get in the car.
- I-- - Get in the car.
Let's go now.
Traitor.
- So, what's the big surprise? - We're going on a trip.
I actually have plans this weekend, so I--
You're very grounded, both of you.
Look, we're going up there to get your mom.
You two are gonna show her nothing but excitement for this trip,
or I'm gonna tell her that you've been lying to us,
and you know how that's gonna go down.
Where are we even going?
Vegas?
- We're going to Las Vegas today? - Well, you said you wanted...
- Now? - ...to be more spontaneous.
I heard you. And Jorge said I could take a few days off.
Is Jorge the one that does...
- ...hydromassages on Tuesdays? - No, Mrs. Kessler. Jorge is Dan's boss.
- Is Dan giving me a hydromassage? - No, Mrs. Kessler.
There's no massages today.
No. The kids have a long weekend, and they're pumped. Right, guys?
Guys, tell your mom how pumped you are for this trip.
- Yes! - So pumped.
Dan, we can't just up and go to Vegas.
I mean-- And why Vegas?
I know it's not Europe, but there's a Venice and an Eiffel Tower.
You know what? I bet you we can get last-minute Adele tickets.
- You love Adele. - You love Adele.
Of course I love Adele. Who doesn't love Adele?
- I love Adele. - Everybody loves Adele.
She's got the voice of a freaking angel.
Come on, Jess. What is holding us back?
Who are you? I mean, I don't even recognize you.
Well, you're gonna love him. He's crazy in bed.
Are you sure it's not Tuesday?
You deserve a break. And I think this could be really good for us as a family.
And we're driving there?
Well, nothing brings a family together like a road trip.
But we gotta go now. Before the traffic gets bad.
And Mrs. Kessler, I'm so sorry. You keep working on those deltoids, okay?
- Thanks, Jorge. - What about our stuff?
- I mean, I need to pack, the baby. It's-- - Oh, no.
I got all the basics packed already. Yeah. When we get there,
we're gonna use the money that we saved on flights to go all Pretty Woman
in those fancy hotel boutiques...
- ...that smell like leather and patchouli. - Stop.
And guess who's got no budget? You get whatever you want.
Okay. This is totally crazy.
- Dan, this is crazy. - I know. It's crazy.
- Oh, my God. - We're gonna get crazy.
We're going to Vegas!
Do we have snacks?
Let's just get out there on the road,
and then we can make a stop and--
I think I'm gonna take a shortcut. Save us a little bit of time.
What?
Go, go, go!
- Shit. - It's a shortcut. You never take Elmwood?
Shit.
All right. We're off.
Hey, Maxie.
- First road trip. - Yeah.
Max, you excited?
Five hours on a plane, or 33 hours in a car?
I choose 33 hours.
Da!
Honey, you remembered my boots!
- Yeah. - Baby!
I can't believe that.
- Oh, my God. Jesus. Dad. - Jesus.
- Easy there, lead-foot. - Sorry about that.
Think a squirrel or something jumped out in front of me.
Oh, my God.
- Where on earth are you taking us? - What? Oh, no. This is a shortcut, honey.
You never take it?
Shit.
He's tracking us.
Oh, nothing.
Nothing, honey.
You know what? Actually, I gotta stop and check something at work real quick.
- Is that Hal? - Yeah. He's got a new mustache.
- You work with that guy? - It will just be a second.
I think there's a service area to the right.
All right. If you guys just give me a second, I'll be right there.
- Dad, what the hell? - Language, Nina.
Dan, what the hell?
Oh, well, we're driving 2,000 miles.
We've gotta change the oil, check the coolant,
pop a little extra air in the tires.
I'd hate to be halfway across the desert and wish we'd checked that coolant, right?
Can we not be in the car for it?
Okay, he's stopped. He's right ahead of us.
He should be here.
Hey, guys. Just hang in there for a minute.
Dan?
Mom, when we're in Vegas,
- can I go to HyperX? - No, you're not going to a strip club.
- It's not a strip club. - Why are you laughing?
You're not gambling, Nina.
- Do you have a fake ID? - I'm not being-- No.
Dan!
Hey, Hal. Nice wheels.
- She just come in? - Yeah.
I was thinking about opening her up a little bit.
Oh, man. I tell you what. She wants to go fast.
Cars are like chicks, man.
- Yes! Right. - Get her on the freeway.
You open her up. And you get a ticket, it's on me.
I got him. He's on the move. He's heading west.
Hey, guys.
- Yes? - We're ready.
Are we going to Vegas, or are we just gonna live up here?
We're on our way, honey.
- Honey, aren't your feet cold? - I don't care. I am on vacation.
What are you doing?
I'm posting about our trip.
Look, do we really need to be posting and tweeting and TikToking?
In my day, road trips were all about interaction.
No, Dad. Please. I can't deal with a dad lecture right now.
You literally don't even know how to text, so your opinion doesn't count.
I'm serious. This should be a device-free vacation, okay?
Give them up, now.
- What? - Seriously.
- What? - Give it up. Now.
- Jess, a little help? - Okay, you heard him. Hand 'em over.
Yours too.
All right. Mine too. All of us, okay? Solidarity! Bye!
No!
No, no, no. Dad.
- No way you just did that. What? - Oh, my God, Dad.
I've just freed our family from the shackles of technology
- with a flick of my wrist. Just like that. - Stop the car.
And trust me, it's gonna bring us all closer together. Just you wait.
You've lost your mind.
- Oh, my God. - Whatever. I'll just buy myself a new one.
What, like you buy your friends?
- Look, Samir is a business associate. - Oh, yeah.
- Look. At least they're talking. - Do you wanna tell Mom and Dad
- about all your business endeavors? - I don't give a--
I've got a question for you, Mr. Spontaneous.
Without our phones, how are we gonna know where we're going?
If this is a joke, it's not funny.
It's not a joke. We're going on a family road trip. We need maps.
Dude, why don't you just, like, you know--
Yeah, Dad. Why?
Because he was trying to promote familial bonding
through the forcible removal of technology.
Look, I need travel help. Isn't this what you do?
Not for a long time.
What's your destination?
Las Vegas.
I'm also going to need help with some reservations,
if that's not too much of an inconvenience for you.
Okay. Here you go.
All right.
- I'm gonna need a credit card. - You know what? Here's my membership card.
I think you'll see I've got a few rewards points there.
That's not really how it works.
- It's like a whole thing. - I get it.
Maybe with all those points, I don't even need a credit card.
What do you think, Levon? Are we good?
How many points do we have?
Looks like you are platinum elite superior diamond members.
And I would love to help you today.
Stop, collaborate and listen
Ice is back with a brand-new invention
Something grabs a hold of me tightly Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly
Will it ever stop? Yo
I don't know Turn off the lights and-- and I'll glow
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal
- Please stop. Can someone unlock the car? - A chump like a candle
Deadly
Say, "Ooh."
Damn.
It's pretty impressive, huh?
How good is Mom?
...problem, yo, I'll solve it
Check out the hook While the DJ revolves it
Ice, ice, baby
Come on, guys.
- Ice, ice, baby - What is "ice, ice, baby"?
Call in everybody.
The Swedes, Gunther, Spiros.
- I want 'em found. - Well, there's no hits on their cards.
Must be using cash.
I've been tracking their socials, but nothing so far.
Must have turned their phones off.
Hey, his kid's a gamer called Kyllboi.
He's pretty good.
Get eyes on the road, and find that minivan.
You got it, boss.
Be tough for him to switch cars without tipping off the family.
- What makes you think they don't know? - They're still with him.
Look at you. You're in withdrawal.
Can you really not go, like, one day without blowing people's brains out?
I have a brand to manage.
A desensitized cog in the violence-obsessed
capitalist machine is a brand?
Oh, good. Trevor's here.
Do you even remember what your own personality is like?
No.
You used to be cool.
- Do I know you? - I don't think so.
Well, yeah. I've seen you on Twitch.
You're the guy who took down Synapse live on his own stream!
You're Kyllboi. Right?
You know about that?
Yeah. Dude, that was badass.
Can I get a picture?
Sure.
Jess, I don't know how to tell you this,
but when we get to Vegas, we're not coming home.
The truth is, I haven't been completely hon--
The truth is, when we met--
Before I met--
All right, here we go. We've got rooms 152 and 153.
Can I get four of those disposable cameras too, please?
Yeah.
Here you go.
- Thank you. Keep the change. - Thank you.
You're awesome, dude. For real.
I mean, thank you.
I mean, this is literally the worst ever--
I'm gonna get you.
I'm gonna get you!
All right. Here, kiddo. Go make some memories.
Yeah, I'm-- I don't know, this is-- It's just a weird experience for me.
- That's so cool I ran into you. - Look at your brother. He's made a friend.
- Can you do the thing? - Yeah.
- Awesome. Thanks, Kyllboi. - Thank you.
- Hey, what was all this about? - That's a really good question.
- What was that about? - Yeah, and who's Kyllboi?
You know, that sounds familiar. I feel like I know who that is.
- That's-- - No one.
- It's nothing. - Oh, my God.
- It's not important. - He's Kyllboi.
It's his gamer tag. He never quit gaming.
He thinks he's, like, famous or something now.
Really?
- Big boy! - Da.
- Da? - Is she gonna post that picture?
- Probably, yeah. - Hey!
Did you get some rooms?
No. They're all booked. We gotta keep going.
- Really? - Yeah.
It's them.
Let's go.
- What was that? - Hey, honey.
Just a little bit of a pothole there.
Max, did you see that? That guy was flying.
Oh, my God.
- Jesus. - Oh, my God.
- Where are we? - Iowa.
- Iowa? - Yeah.
Wait. Did you drive all night?
Well, what can I say?
I was so damn excited I couldn't sleep.
I mean, I kept getting second winds. More like fifth winds.
- And then, before you know it, bam. - God.
We're in Iowa City.
That's not a real cow, honey.
- Okay? - Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Did you just say we're in Iowa City?
- Oh, my God. - Yes, honey.
That means we're literally, like, half an inch from SIU.
We can stop and--
We are not gonna stop and see Trevor, okay?
Actually, I meant that I wanted to see campus, but whatever.
Right. 'Cause you're really interested in seeing the facilities.
- Yeah. Actually, I am. - Are you serious?
Are we gonna argue about this? About you following a boy to college?
- I'm not following a boy to col-- - Guys.
You're gonna go for three months--
- Guys. - It's the college that I want to go to.
Obviously, I would want to go see the campus.
- Why do you wanna go? - We're so far from home.
This place is gorgeous.
How could you not want me to come here?
I cannot believe that you are encouraging this.
Look, it wouldn't hurt for us to be off the road for a bit.
Besides, I mean, maybe if we want her to listen to us,
we gotta start listening to her more.
Let her look around. It's safe, nice.
And besides, it'll give us a chance to talk.
Okay. You wanna find out what college life is really about?
Follow me.
This takes me back.
- It's like a toxic masculinity convention. - It's called school spirit, Nina.
Yeah, okay. You're not the one who's gonna get flipped over in a porta-potty.
Well, it's pretty festive. Do you like it?
- Yeah. It's cool. - Yes.
Hey, sexy. You want me to show you how to do a keg stand?
Sorry. I didn't realize you were...
a mom.
Nina.
Do you mind?
Okay. Here you go.
Yep.
Oh, my God.
- Yo! Come through. She's gonna do it. - Mom!
Mom!
I can't--
- Beer me! - Come on! Yeah!
Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug!
- Don't you ever try anything like that. - Mom, that was--
that was awesome, actually. I--
"Beer me"?
Let's get out of here before I get too competitive
- and start kicking ass at beer pong. - Oh, my God.
I wonder what that looks like.
I hope you all enjoyed seeing the library.
First time for me too.
- Hey, guys. Look. There's a tour. - And you know...
Let's slip in the back and pretend like we were a part of the group all along.
- Do we have to? - Yeah.
We're here to support your sister.
If you're questioning that, you get to strap on Max.
- Let's go. - Next up,
we'll head on over to visit our state-of-the-art athletic facilities.
I'm sorry that I ratted you out.
It's just, it drives me crazy that you get away with so much,
and I get yelled at constantly just because you guys don't get Trevor.
We get Trevor.
- We don't like Trevor. - Why?
Ever since you've been dating him, you've been like a completely different person.
I liked you better before.
Plus, he treats you like shit. You deserve more.
Is that, like, genuine concern for my feelings?
No. God, no. Gross.
I wonder what's going on in your mind.
It's just-- I don't know.
Another blast from the past.
You think you can still do it?
No. Not unless I wanted to end up in the hospital.
It's just-- It's funny to think how different my life would be
if I hadn't torn my ACL.
- Well, do you want it to be different? - No. God, no.
It's just-- You know, it's just strange.
You've never even met that version of me.
You just know Jessica, the physical therapist.
Well, I love every version of you.
- Yeah? - Yeah. Especially that keg stand one.
It was so freaking hot.
- Yeah? - Oh, my God.
Did you ever have sex on the pole-vault mat?
- Don't answer that. Oh, my. - God.
You have been acting so weird this whole trip.
But I gotta tell you, I'm kind of into spontaneous Dan.
Well, you know, Jess. I mean, we all have different versions of ourselves.
- And sometimes, you just-- - Yeah.
That guy with the gold chain.
He wasn't with the group before.
- Okay. - What's he doing?
Well, they grow up fast, huh? Which one is yours?
My daughter is back in Stuttgart.
- I look at school for her. - Wow. That's a hike.
I have business here.
Chemistry, astronomy, astrophysics...
Hey, you mentioned having business in Iowa.
What business would that be?
- Corn. - Yeah?
That's what's in the case?
Of course.
- Ladies. - Thanks.
- After you. - No, I insist.
- Dan? - Hey, honey.
- Coming? - Yeah.
I'm just getting to know this fella here. All the way from Stuttgart, Germany.
You know, I had a pen pal from Stuttgart back in high school.
I even learned a little German.
Nobody needs to know.
If you want to speak about what's in the case,
it will stay between us.
What did you just say?
"Where's the discotheque?"
Right. Okay.
Don't worry, honey. We'll catch up, okay?
- All right, honey. - Goodbye, my love.
Fine. You wanna dance.
Let's see what's in the case.
- What the hell is that? - Heirloom corn.
I thought I made this clear.
So, you're just German?
Yes, exactly.
Oh, shit.
- Biology labs are over there. - Where's Dad?
- Physics labs are down there. - He's talking to some German guy.
We have our chemistry labs right here.
Never a dull moment in the labs. Moving on.
Let me show you
the biggest Van de Graaff generator in the Midwest.
So, I hope you've all enjoyed this tour of our wonderful campus.
I know I have.
- Hey. It's getting late. - Hey.
- We should probably get back on the road. - Yeah.
- Where's Nina? - I said she could go say hi to Trevor.
It felt cruel to deny her.
It's okay. She'll be back soon.
Yeah. No. I'm not worried at all.
Okay.
Go away, Josh.
It's me.
Me who?
Nina.
Hey. What are you doing here?
It's, like, a really long story.
But, can I come in?
You know what?
Give me just one sec, and I'll throw on some pants,
and me and you can grab a matcha.
Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God. - Hang on a second.
Oh, my God. You're cheating on me.
Monogamy is just a construct of our Western repressive civilization.
Oh, my God.
I thought we were on the same page on that.
All right.
Honey, what happened?
He's an asshole. That's what happened.
"Monogamy is just a construct"-- Who even says that?
- Trevor. - Oh, baby. I'm so sorry.
Can we just go?
That's a great idea, honey. Let's go.
Hey, Beans.
Look, I'm sorry. You know, when I was your age, I--
You don't need another dad lecture, do you?
Hey, Beans.
You ever hear of Kyusho Jitsu?
- Kyusho what? - Kyusho Jitsu.
It's a 13th-century martial art that uses pressure points
to inflict extreme pain without permanent damage.
How do you even know about that?
Well, maybe there's more to your old man than you thought.
Nina, you gotta let go of these stereotypical--
How was that for "stereotypical,"
you unbearably pompous, bloviating piece of sanctimonious shit?
Smile.
You deserve more.
- What did you say to her? - It was just a dad lecture.
God.
What happened to the mirror?
The mirror.
- You didn't hear that? - No.
It was a semi. It went flying by. The guy must have been doing a hundred.
And rocks just come
- spitting out of the tire. - Jesus.
One hit there. It almost hit the windshield.
What the--
We got him.
We really got you.
You were so scared.
So, did you tell Mom that I quit the paper?
No. Did you want me to?
I was kidding.
No. I--
I was just kind of thinking about maybe getting my position back.
Yeah? That's cool.
Only do it if you want to.
I gotta tell you, Beans.
You've got a hell of a voice, and it deserves to be heard.
Hey. No BS. All right?
I'm serious. That piece you wrote about pervasive corruption
in the Board of Education-- My God. I got chills.
You actually read that?
Of course I did.
Come on. I'm your biggest fan, Beans.
Always have been, and I always will be.
And so is your mom.
And so are your brothers.
Max just hasn't told you yet.
Oh, a smile.
Wow. Holy shit.
- Oh, my God. - No, I didn't.
That was-- No.
I mean it. I'm proud of you.
Thanks.
Max is fed and settled in the kids' room.
I am so ready for a real bed.
What?
Nothing.
- Hey now. - Hey.
You wanna lose that?
Wait.
It's not Thursday.
Okay.
Fuck.
Wow.
What was that?
That felt like-- That felt--
That was long overdue.
That was--
- That's what that was. - That felt--
That felt different.
- Different good, I hope. - Different like--
I was cheating on Dan with other Dan.
- That different. - No. I mean-- No. It was--
Don't get me wrong. That was so hot. That was like...
What got into you?
I don't know.
Maybe it's being away, or...
maybe it was seeing you upside-down on that keg shouting, "Beer me!"
Is this what you used to be like?
Other Dan.
Did you change because of me?
No.
Look, I changed because I didn't like who I was back then.
Then I met you.
Then I became a dad.
And for the first time in a long time, I felt good.
I just took it too far.
I got too comfortable. Too safe.
- And that probably came across as boring... - Well...
- ...and maybe neglectful... - ...for what it's worth...
- ...and I'll never do that again. - ...I really like both Dans.
- Do you? - Yeah.
Well, I'm already here, so...
- How convenient. - Yeah.
- Hello? - Augie? We're on track tonight.
Aria bar, 6:00 p.m. Do you have everything?
Some of my finest work. If I may say so.
What, better than that passport that got me cavity searched in Bogotá?
You're never gonna let me forget that, are you?
Yeah, sure. The day I forget the snap of that latex glove.
Have you told them yet?
I'm working on it, all right?
It's not exactly easy to work into a conversation.
You know, they might think that something is up
when they have to change their name and leave the country.
What are you waiting for?
I said I'm working on it, Augie. All right? Give me a break.
Look, Jess.
There's something that I need to tell you.
About the other Dan.
The Dan I was before we met.
Dad? Who you talking to?
Nobody. Sit down.
Girls aren't ready yet.
So, Kyllboi, huh?
Why didn't you tell us?
I knew you'd never get it,
that you'd just freak out and ban me for even longer.
- Here you go. - I wasn't trying to punish you, you know.
We just wanted you to have other interests.
Make some friends. Be a little bit more normal.
I have friends. Okay? Thousands of them.
People like me when I'm Kyllboi, okay?
I like me.
But when I'm Kyle, I'm too shy to talk to girls.
You know, I'm not good enough to make the baseball team.
I'm a nobody.
But when I'm Kyllboi, I'm good, Dad.
Like pro-level good.
Look, okay.
I know you think it's all just a waste of time,
but it takes brains and reflexes.
The Air Force recruits gamers.
Yeah. Maybe that's what I'm afraid of.
- Let me show you. - Show me what?
- What I can do. - Laser tag?
You can't be serious.
Single combat, okay? If I win, I get to start gaming again.
If you win, the ban remains.
What, I don't get anything?
Okay, fine. What do you want?
A catch. Like we used to.
You and me in the backyard, throwing a ball every day for six months.
Dad, I'm not 12.
Well, you're gonna smoke me anyway. Right, Mr. Brains and Reflexes?
Fine. Good luck.
You are so screwed.
Let's go.
You're green. You're blue.
Once you're hit, you're out for five seconds.
First one to three kills, wins.
You just pull the trigger?
Death match.
Prepare yourself.
Three, two, one, fight.
Go easy on me, buddy.
Dad. Come on. I'll give you a free one, yeah?
All right.
- First blood. - I got lucky there.
All right. That's one.
How are you doing this?
No. No, don't--
Hey, Kyllboi. I thought you wanted to play laser tag, not hide-and-seek.
You sneaky little shit. You're getting pretty good at this, Kyle.
Well, at least I don't need a DNA test.
Sudden death.
Game over.
Kyle, come on. Don't be mad.
You conned me.
You're a laser tag savant.
No. I was a kid in the '80s.
Yeah, like there were lasers back then.
Come on, pal. You were good in there.
You adapted quickly. You got creative.
You almost had me.
And I gotta admit, I really enjoyed doing that with you.
I mean, it meant a lot to me.
Are we good?
Come on. Give me some love.
Real love. Yeah.
- Not bad for an old man, huh? - Yeah. For sure.
Hey. What do you say, mamacita?
Home stretch. You ready?
- Vegas! - Are you ready?
Maxie.
- I love you. - I love you.
It's amazing.
Oh, home
Let me come home
Home is wherever I'm with you
Oh, home, let me come home
Home is wherever I'm with you
Vegas!
Yeah!
Donny Osmond.
Adele!
- Oh, my gosh. - Well, look at this. We got a spot.
How about that?
Wow!
This is so cool.
- Dan, the floors are so shiny. - Look at this place!
This is all ours?
Oh, my God.
Oh, wow.
"Enjoy the suite for which every possible promotion has been applied.
You have a 7:00 p.m. reservation at La Maison D'Or.
Thank you for being exceptional members. Levon." How nice.
What?
- Nina? - Yep.
You have to look at this tub.
I gotta run downstairs for a sec. Don't let them raid the minibar, okay?
That is not mini.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Yes!
Hey.
Look at you, playing the family man.
I'm not playing. This is my life.
You see any sign of trouble on your way in?
- Uh-uh. - Me neither.
I mean, I messed up, stopping in Iowa, but I think we're in the clear.
Well, then enjoy your last night as Dan Morgan, my friend.
I've got you on a flight to Vancouver in the morning under your new identities.
Hey. You're a lifesaver, Augs. Thank you.
Try to get out of Vegas with some of it, huh?
I promise nothing.
How did the family take the news?
I haven't told them yet. I'm telling Jess at dinner.
- I suggest a Japanese restaurant. - Why?
No knives.
Wow. You look incredible.
I know.
Wow! What a lucky guy I am.
Wow!
Come on.
Hey. All right. You two are on Max.
You're not to leave this suite under any circumstance.
There's food in the supersized minibar. You do not open that door for anyone.
- You got it? - Got it.
What about you, Maxie?
- You got it? - Yeah? All right. Have fun. Be good.
- Screw that, right? - Oh, yeah.
Ready?
Let's go.
Yeah.
Excited.
Wow.
Hey, let's go to HyperX. I wanna see the esports arena.
No way. No, I'm not spending my time in an arena full of Kyles. I'm not going.
Sucks to suck. Me and Max are going.
- Hello, Elvis. - Uh-huh.
- Bye. - Bye.
All right. I think it's just down here. You're gonna love it.
I already hate it.
Welcome to the HyperX Arena. Five minutes until our final round.
This is sick.
Smells like your room on steroids.
Thanks.
That's Ren.
Hi. Sorry. Big fan.
Thanks. Wait. You're...
- Kyllboi. - Yeah. I've seen your streams.
Thanks.
Hey.
Do you wanna meet Valkyrae and the others?
Hell yeah.
Okay. I have a gift for you.
- Okay. - Take him.
Thank you very much.
- To us. - Yeah.
I can't believe we actually did it.
- We're here. - Yep.
We're here.
Look, Jess,
- There's something I need to tell you. - Hang on.
- Come here. - What?
Oh, my God.
- Thank you. - You don't have to thank me.
Sorry. I interrupted.
No, it's okay. It's just-- The reason that we came on this trip--
What I was saying was--
Would you like some pepper?
I don't want pepper.
I want to be alone with my wife.
I don't actually speak French.
They just teach us enough to sound fancy.
I'll give you a minute.
You speak French too?
I took some French back in the day.
It's literally kind of weird that you've never mentioned to me
that you speak two foreign languages.
How good are you?
I don't know, it has been a while.
I have traveled around the world.
Despite that, it's hard to tell you the truth.
I'm afraid to break your heart.
I don't know if you will still love me...
once you know who I truly am.
I'm sorry that you're being pulled into this...
but I swear on my life...
that I'll never let any person...
hurt you or the kids.
That was crazy sexy.
Why does everything sound so much better in French?
Well, it's an innately melodic language.
At some point, you and I are gonna have to talk
about why you never told me you can do that.
I mean, it's crazy you didn't tell me.
We should also talk about how insane you've been acting
ever since you showed up and whisked us off to Vegas.
But right now, I just wanna be here with you.
I wanna be eating this amazing food,
and drinking this champagne we can't afford,
and enjoying each other's company, and just maybe...
showing that ridiculous hotel suite some moves it has never seen before.
I don't know about you, but that sounds like a pretty perfect night.
- What rank are you? - Ascendant 3.
Damn. Really? That's better than him.
That's incredible.
- Oh, my. - How long you been playing for?
I mean, since the game came out.
It's cool your brother's Kyllboi.
- Is it? - Yeah. He's the real deal.
So, is this your...
No. Oh, God. No.
- I found him. Just over there. - Over there?
- Yeah. - Just hanging out?
It's time for the finals.
Team Valkyrae and Team iiTzTimmy onto the stage!
Hey, let's go.
Use Kyllboi.
Are you up for it?
The finals?
Yeah, this is one of those moments, man. Are you in or out?
- In. - Let's go. Yeah.
- Okay. - Don't be nervous.
- It'll be a piece of cake. - Thanks.
Hey, that was kind of cool of you.
Not really. They're gonna get destroyed.
What's up, everyone?
Take a seat, Kyllboi, right next to me.
Do you have ammo?
I'm gonna try and block us off real quick.
Above here.
Let's go.
- Good job. - Okay. Next.
No more bets.
- Oh, shoot! - I'm gonna call the kids.
Okay. Yeah.
Check B Main right now.
- Nice shot. - Here's the last one.
He satcheled in.
- Are you serious? What was that? - Nice!
That was so sick!
- Hey. - Hey.
Hey, the kids aren't answering. You wanna head back up?
Yeah. Let's do it. Okay.
Jess. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
They okay?
They're good.
Look, I'm so sorry we cut the night short. I didn't--
Who says we did?
Give me 30 seconds to freshen up, and then meet me in bed.
Okay.
Mood.
Love mist.
Jess!
Dan?
- Oh, my God. - There he is.
Dan?
- I've been looking for you. - Dan.
Dan.
Easy, Coogan.
You got me. You win.
Just let her go.
- She doesn't know anything. - Well, I'd say she does now, Sean.
Yeah. So here's how this is gonna go.
First, I'm gonna kill you.
And then I'm gonna kill her.
And then I'm gonna have my associate at HyperX kill your kids.
How's that sound?
I can explain.
That's normal, honey. Everybody barfs their first time.
Give me one second.
What?
Oh, my God.
Jess, wait. Where are you going?
HyperX.
So, do you want me to talk, or do you have things to say?
- Do I have things to say? - Right. Sorry.
I have eyeball on me, Sean.
Fucking eyeball.
- Jess. - Shut up. Shut up!
I don't wanna hear it. I don't even wanna look at you.
I just wanna find my kids,
who don't have their goddamn phones because you threw them away!
Kyllboi, it's just you and me.
Take this guy. Breach.
Watch out!
- I have a rez. - Okay.
Oh, no.
- Shit on! - Oh, my God.
It's all on you, man.
To the left. Nice shot.
- Nice. One more. - Coming.
- Let's go! - Yes! Yes!
We have a winner!
- Team Valkyrae wins! - Yes!
Doesn't get much closer than that.
Kyllboi! Kyllboi! That's right.
- Kyllboi! - Give it up!
- It's Kyllboi. - Who's Kyllboi?
Kyllboi!
Kyle?
Oh, shit. Kyle!
- Hey! - Where's your brother?
That's a funny story. He's literally right there.
- No. Your other brother. - Okay, yeah. He's fine.
He's good. He's with Ren.
- What? - Excuse me.
See?
- He's fine. Max is great. Heya. - Hey.
- Okay. Call me. - Listen.
I know you guys are mad--
Listen, that's me they're cheering for.
- What were you thinking? - Well, Max is fine.
Okay, look. Guys, we don't have time for this, okay?
We need to get out of this city.
Overreact much?
Wait. Why do we have to leave?
Because.
- Jess, tell them, please. - This is all on you.
We have to leave because my former coworkers are trying to kill us.
What? From Planet Car Deals?
I'm not kidding around. Ask Max.
Before I met your mom, I was a covert assassin.
I escaped that life, and now they've found us.
Dad, you are, like, the biggest wimp on the planet.
Thank you. Move. Go! Now!
Go, go.
Find an exit.
- Move, guys. Come on. - Go. Go.
- Dad? - What the fuck?
I'm gonna draw her fire, okay?
When I do, take the kids that way. I'll be right behind you, okay?
Go.
Jess, she's coming. Wait here.
- Okay. - Wait right here.
It's okay, honey.
Everyone barfs the first time.
Come on, we gotta go. Come on. Let's go.
Move, guys. Go.
My real name is Sean.
My mother died when I was four.
My father was prone to violence.
When I turned 18, it was straight into the army.
I dunno. Maybe it was his genes coming out, but I thrived.
I was a Green Beret. I was a Delta.
And then I was approached by a man named McCaffrey.
Former SAS.
He took my training to a whole other level and recruited me into a special program.
- It was a chance to do some real good. - What kind of special program?
We took out the worst of the worst.
Terrorists, warlords, kidnappers all over the world.
Ones the government couldn't legally touch.
Took out, as in...
- Well, how many? - Twenty-six.
- You've killed 26 pe-- - No.
No, I went on 26 operations.
Oh, God.
- Thirty-nine people. - That's more!
- Are we including this trip? - Total dead people, Dan!
- Dad. - Forty-three.
They were all bad.
- You are such a hypocrite. - All bad people.
You took away the one thing I'm good at because there's fake violence,
and you're a serial killer?
Dad, you were working for the good guys, right?
McCaffrey was a father figure.
I trusted him, but I was naive.
I mean, it started out legit.
But he got greedy and began farming us out as mercenaries
to the highest bidder.
And as soon as I found out, I left. All right?
I fought my way out, but that meant turning against my friends,
my mentor, against the only real family that I'd ever known.
So they've been hunting you ever since.
- Yeah. - I am such an idiot.
This is why you're so secretive, why you never wanna go anywhere.
Why you're so weird about social media.
Why you're so anti-technology.
Well, with facial recognition software, I had no choice.
Plus, I really do think that social media is fundamentally disgusting and gross.
- God. - But now that they found us, what happens?
I got it figured out.
We're good.
That's yours.
And that's yours. And that's yours.
"Molly Anderson"?
At least you got a real name.
I'm Van.
I'm a vehicle.
Van?
Look, we can't go back to Buffalo, all right?
Those lives are over. I'm sorry.
I finally have a life, and you're ruining it.
- Thanks, Dad. - Kyle, come back.
Dad, no. You don't get to tell us what to do anymore.
- Ever. - Come--
- Eighteen years of lies. - I'm still the man you married.
- I was just something different before. - Something different?
You weren't in a band or vegan, Dan.
That would be something different.
You were an assassin for hire.
I kept the truth from you to protect you, okay?
- But our love was real. - Real? Are you serious?
What, was it so real that you couldn't trust me
with knowing how much danger we were in?
What did you think?
That I'd go blabbing about it on the moms' school text chain?
- No. I-- - Or were you afraid I'd leave you,
knowing who you really are?
We were just some disguise for you,
just some part of your cover as a suburban schlub?
- What? No. - Fuck, you must have resented us. Right?
Every single day, eking out a living, wiping kids' asses, driving a minivan.
I love that minivan.
I mean, all of a sudden you're, like, what, James Bond, and now you're what?
Normal.
A normal guy with a normal, wonderful, perfect life.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I mean, you were a decathlete.
You should've medaled in Athens.
Do you resent your life as a mom?
Sometimes.
Yes.
I don't wanna be that guy.
I wish I could believe you.
I really do.
But to be honest,
this trip is the happiest that I have seen you in years.
A trip in which you have killed four people.
I mean, is this really you?
You're a stranger named Sean.
"Archibald Anderson."
Oh, damn it, Augie.
You know, first thing in the morning, I am taking the kids and I am leaving.
- Jess, it's not safe. - It's not safe with you.
They're after you, not us.
And from now on, I'm making the decisions about me and the kids.
Jess.
Yeah. Hi. Thanks for picking up.
I know it's late.
I was wondering if you could help with some travel for my family, please.
- Where are you going? - Far from here, far from you.
- Where? - It's none of your business.
What? Like hell it isn't.
Hey, you cannot go to the airport, you know. They're gonna be waiting there.
Well, we're not. We've made other arrangements.
What other arrangements?
Sorry, Dan. Can't say. It's to protect you.
Jess-- Oh, really? Come on. Don't--
Jess. Please. It's not safe.
Then handle it. Make it safe.
And when you're done with it, stay away from us.
Is this for us?
No, I don't think so. Couldn't be.
- Hi. - Gwen.
What are you doing here? I wasn't expecting all this.
I was on a layover nearby, and I thought, I'll just come get you myself.
Okay.
Hi. You must be Molly and Van.
I'm Gwen. Hi, little one. There's breakfast on board, if you'd like it.
Sure.
- Thanks. - Jessica, what is wrong? Are you okay?
What happened? Where's your husband?
We had a fight.
Oh, boy.
Hey, maybe you can help me with my guy problems then.
- How about that? - I'd love to.
Remember that ex I told you about in Buffalo?
- Yeah. - We were together for years.
It was good. I mean, it was really good.
You know when you just can't get enough of each other physically?
I thought he was the one, and then he just threw it all away.
Married some other woman who was the complete opposite of me.
And the worst part...
she's insufferable.
- Wait. You met her? - I had to.
He created this whole life with this woman,
and I needed to see what she had that I didn't.
What did you do?
I did what I do best. I got in close,
I won her trust, and then I just waited patiently for her to walk into my trap.
You know, I think I left something in the taxi.
Hey, Molly?
- Yeah? - You wanna bring your brother?
Let's go. We're leaving.
I told you to stay off this op.
And yet, who brought them to you in a big, fat bow?
You needed me.
I know Sean better than you ever will.
Do whatever you want with the family. I don't care.
I just want Sean. He's my payment for delivery.
You couldn't let it go, could you?
You know me better than that.
Look, you can have me,
but I want your word that you won't go after my family.
"Go after"?
You're a little behind, buddy boy.
- I swear to God, if you hurt them-- - Come and get 'em.
Somewhere public.
I think you're mistaking who holds the cards here.
Be at the old Poseidon Casino north of the city in 30 minutes...
alone.
Come on out!
Hello, old friend.
He brought you in for this, huh, Spiros?
He brought everybody.
Follow me.
He's alone.
Well, well. How sweet.
He could have been halfway around the world by now,
and yet here he is, trading his life for the family that abandoned him.
So, am I ever getting back that five grand I lent you in Morocco?
I'll tell you what.
If you're still alive in ten minutes, I'll pay you back with interest.
Oh, shame. It's a beautiful place.
They're demolishing it in ten days.
All this for me? I'm flattered.
How's the family?
Which one?
We're coming up.
There he is.
Are you okay?
No hug for your old man?
Why start now, Dad?
I'm sorry, what?
I'm your grandfather, Kyle.
Oh, my God. We're British.
He didn't tell ya?
No. He left that part out of his no-more-lies speech.
- Well, I said he was a father figure. - Not quite the same, Dan.
This is good, right? He's not gonna kill his own grandkids.
Look, do whatever you want with me. Let them go.
What is it you think I want, Sean?
Kill me.
In that spider's nest of a heart, you actually think that I wronged you.
You were my son.
My legacy.
I poured everything I am into you. You threw it all away.
You abandoned me. You broke my heart.
So, yeah. I wanted you dead.
But then something happened over these past few days.
You wasted every single guy I sent at you. Every goddamn one.
You are every bit the killer I taught you to be.
No. It's not who I am anymore.
Bullshit.
Tell me you didn't feel more alive the past three days
than you have done in years.
And as you smoked each of my men,
I felt something that I haven't felt in a very long time.
Pride in my son.
What? So, what is this?
Now you don't wanna kill me? What the hell do you want?
I want you back.
What?
Things were never as good after you left.
For any of us.
So, I want my son back, working by my side in the family business.
You're not seriously considering this,
- are you, Dad? - Quiet, Kyle.
Everybody wins. You come back where you belong.
Be who you were born to be.
Jess and the kids go safely back to Buffalo.
It's what they want anyway.
Sure beats the shit out of selling cars.
But no contact. Can't have you going soft on me again.
I'm their father. There's no way this is gonna happen.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Start with the wife.
- Wait, no! I-- - There's no third option!
Either it all ends here and now,
or you give your family exactly what they want and then some!
I'll do it.
Okay.
Spiros, see the family to the airport with our blessing.
Dad.
Dad, please.
I love you. I'll always love you.
Look, we can't just abandon Dad.
What am I supposed to do?
It's my job to keep you safe.
I'm a mom.
Okay, then be the mom that lifts the car.
- What? - You know, the mom.
She has the baby, and she lifts the car.
Yeah. You know. Car mom.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
It's an urban legend, Mrs. Morgan.
A baby is trapped under a car.
His mother gets a burst of adrenaline and lifts the car up with her bare hands.
Your children are suggesting you overpower me to rescue their father.
Yeah. Thank you. Exactly.
I would advise against it.
Now. Duh.
Your father made his choice.
I mean, do you think he wants this?
It's Dad that we're talking about.
The guy that took me to junior prom when Trevor didn't show up.
The guy that wakes us up for school with shitty raps about Wednesdays.
That's beautiful. My father never did that.
I'm sorry. Can you shut up, Spiros?
Hey. Stop.
Children.
Mom, we're not a family without Dad.
Dad needs to know that we don't want this.
I know we said we did last night, but, Mom, I don't.
If he still chooses to do it, then so be it.
But he needs to know.
I mean, he thinks that we don't love him anymore, Mom.
We can't just let things end like that.
Oh, Max.
I haven't changed you.
We have to get this off of you before you get a rash.
You forgot the diaper bag.
Oh, my gosh.
Ooh, gosh. It's a real messy one.
Oh, crap.
Maybe he'll be all right.
Or not.
What do we do now?
We're gonna go find your dad.
Give me a minute alone with him, would you?
I wanna be wheels up in ten minutes.
I thought if I ever saw you again, I'd kill you.
But since we're here...
Better.
Oh, sure. Pretend I'm not here.
This isn't gonna happen. I have a wife.
You had a wife.
Now you're free.
Doesn't it feel good to be back where you belong?
It's been a long time, Gwen.
You think I forgot your little tricks?
You think I forgot this?
I knew you hadn't changed.
You could never resist me.
Vulcan neck pinch.
Kyusho Jitsu.
Hey. I'm just the tech guy.
I'm so sorry for this, you guys.
For the ass-grabbing part or the 18-years-of-deception thing?
Both. All of it.
Hey. Tie him up.
- Yeah. You. - Come on.
I wanted to tell you about everything, but there was never a good time.
- Never a good time? - When was I gonna tell you?
On our first date? Our second?
When you were pregnant with Nina or by our fourth?
- What? - Do the math, Nina.
Any of those times would have been a better time.
You should have told me the truth, and I could have made up my own mind.
You're right. I'm sorry. I was stupid and selfish.
But I was in love with you.
I mean, you've been my whole world since the moment we met.
Being your husband and their father, that's the real me.
That's all that matters to me.
All right. I swear on my life, I'll never keep anything from you again.
Where's Spiros?
Thought they were with you.
Hey, bro.
Everyone I know is talking about what Kyllboi did at HyperX last night.
- Really? - Yeah.
Kyle. Less talking, more tying, okay?
Sorry.
No way. A Sky Raven drone?
Awesome.
Just, careful with it.
- Hey, man. You got a great kid. - I need your comms.
Dude!
Hey, Kyle. Give me that.
You're not anti-technology. You're--
You're awesome.
- They're coming. - What?
Go up to the roof and find somewhere to hide with the kids, okay?
No, you're not going down there.
It's the only way to end this. This is the only way we go home.
We don't have to go home. We can just go to Canada and be the Andersons.
- Please, Dad. - It's too late for that, Beans.
No. You're not giving yourself up to them.
No. I'm getting us home.
Okay.
I got a plan.
Look, I need to be that guy one last time for us.
Dad. There's too many of 'em.
Well, I have something they don't have.
Kyllboi.
That's your comms. You're my eyes and my ears, okay? I'm counting on you.
Let's go.
Move out, Kyllboi.
Hey, Kyle, you're on the same channel as me.
I want every inch of this atrium covered.
Movement on the elevator!
The elevator door. Now!
You see a shot, you take it, because, believe me, he will.
You got a shot?
Negative. I don't see him yet.
He's not here.
Wait.
What do ya got?
Take cover!
Holy shit.
Hey. See anybody?
He's up there!
Shit.
Talk to me, Kyle.
You're my eyes.
You're clear on your right. Go now.
Dad, man on your left.
Dad, are you okay? Man ahead.
Man on your six.
Great job, Kyle.
I'm on it, Dad.
Talk to me, Kyle.
They've got the drone.
Look out. Behind the curtain.
Come on, Dad. Get him.
You again.
They mopped your ass up off aisle three, huh?
Gonna need that mop again.
Gwen, where the hell are you?
Gwen?
- Gwen? - McCaffrey?
What's going on?
Kid's got the drone.
Find him.
Call it off, Dad!
Hold your fire!
Change your mind, Sean?
No. But here's your chance to.
Call it off now.
You don't have it in you to kill your own flesh and blood.
I, on the other hand, do have it in me.
Let him have it!
Go. Underneath. Go.
Wait. No.
Look after your brothers. Don't make a sound.
Do not leave Max, whatever happens.
Jessica.
Is that you?
Talk to me, Kyle.
Gwen's up here.
I know the sound of an empty gun when I hear one, sweetie.
So why don't we make this real easy, shall we?
Unless you think you can take me.
I think Mom's gonna fight her.
You think you can beat me
because you took some kickboxing classes at the Y and wear Lululemon?
Ooh, no.
Learn that in class?
Yeah.
You know I do this for a living, right?
While you were popping out brats and clipping coupons,
I was assassinating dictators.
So, why don't you go back to the PTA?
'Cause you're a joke.
Kyle, what do you see?
All right, there's nine guys left. Four to your right, five ahead of you.
I'm out of ammo, Kyle.
Find cover, Dad. A man coming. Get over the low wall. Now.
Kyle, could have mentioned that table, buddy.
Sorry.
Take out the one on the left now.
Dad, hold on. We gotta move.
Kyle. That guy below, chase him through the foyer.
Okay, I'm going. I'm chasing him.
Keep him coming.
He's coming right at me.
Take Max. I gotta go help Mom.
Talk to me, Kyle.
Two left, including granddad.
Man on your right!
Wouldn't go that way if I were you, Sean.
Dad, Mom's hurt. We're in big trouble.
Little brats.
I was wrong about you, Sean.
You're no use to me.
Family have made you weak.
You can't even focus on the fight you're in because of them.
Hi. Going somewhere?
Don't worry about her. She's great.
You know, that move you pulled back there, little one?
That was a very bad idea.
Look. For what it's worth, killing minors is the least favorite part of my job.
Now, who's first?
We're not done!
Mom. No, Mom!
Bang.
Mama.
Oh, come on.
Just die.
Mama.
Look at this.
You can't be serious.
Not quite the decathlete we once were, huh?
Sorry, kids. It's nothing personal.
Maybe a little.
Here we go again.
She's like The Little Engine That Could.
There's nine other events, bitch.
Oh, my God. Mom.
Far as I'm concerned, this is an act of mercy.
I'm saving you 20 more years of selling used cars.
Certified pre-owned.
Goodbye, Sean.
Grandpa! Wait!
I know you think that we probably hate you
for everything that's happened these past few days, and--
and maybe we should.
But I've learned that family is the most important thing in the entire world.
And when I look at you, I don't just see a cold-blooded killer.
I see my grandpa.
And maybe there's a way for us to move forward...
as a family.
Kid, if you think this little speech is gonna win me over...
Honestly...
I was just hoping it would buy him enough time to do this.
Oh, baby.
- Dad. - Hey.
Thank you.
Hi!
Wow!
Good afternoon, and welcome to the news at noon.
While details are continuing to emerge about a covert paramilitary group...
Thanks.
...responsible for high-profile assassinations
reportedly spanning decades,
this bombshell story was broken
by a high school newspaper reporter, Nina Morgan.
And you're dead.
That's bullshit. You said there'd be two hostiles.
I lied. But, Sam, that was better. Take him down harder.
I didn't wanna hurt the guy.
No, he'll be fine. He's small, but he's very strong.
Hey, excuse me. Why don't you get thrown against a truck 20 times?
Because my name's on the letterhead.
Et voilà!
Hey, guys. I have a family commitment.
Augie, you take it from here, okay?
Let's pick up the pace!
I'm gonna be gone for the next few days!
I want you to remember me!
Hey, it's time to go.
Okay, people. I'm out.
Guys, come on.
We gotta beat the traffic!
Oh, come on.
No, I cannot show up to school in this monstrosity.
- How could you do this to me? - Don't blame me.
Levon applied all the discounts and all the points. Didn't you hear?
We are platinum elite superior diamond members.
Okay. I got the snacks. I got the maps.
- Let's do this. - Nice.
- Hey, phones, please. - For real?
Yeah. Catch it.
There you go.
- Thank you. - If you throw this away, I will kill you.
- God, gross. - Oh, gross.
You gonna be doing that all the way to California?
- Yes. All the way. - Yeah. Absolutely.
- Come on. - Yeah.
- I'm going. Here, scooch. - And I will take those.
- Beep, beep. - Here we go.
One, two, three!
Road trip!
Oh, my God. Guys, I almost forgot.
What? Yeah?
- Say goodbye to these. - No!
Why?
Oh, my God.
That's not funny.
In a minute, I'ma need a sentimental Man or woman to pump me up
Feelin' fussy Walkin' in my Balenci-ussies
Tryna bring out the fabulous
'Cause I give a fuck way too much I'ma need like two shots in my cup
Wanna get up, wanna get down Ooh, that's how I feel right now
Oh, I been so down and under pressure
I'm way too fine to feel this stressed Yeah
- Or used to be - Be
Who is this? Janet Jackson?