♪♪
好消息 Great news!
查戈的女儿玛格丽塔 正在接受洗礼 Chago's daughter Margarita is getting baptized,
我们都被邀请了！ and we're all invited!
-哦，耶！ -太好了！ - Oh, yeah! - That's so sweet!
哦，太好了！我有一套完美的西装 Oh, I love it! I got the perfect suit.
哦，那孩子真可爱 Oh, that baby's so cute!
她名字是爱丽丝，但是 他们给她起了个昵称叫玛格丽塔 Her name is Alice, but they nicknamed her Margarita
因为她就是因玛格丽塔（鸡尾酒）而造出来的 because that's how she got made.
提问。。。查戈有选了教父吗 Question... has Chago picked a godfather,
我能在考虑范围内吗？ and can I throw my nombre in the hat?
-呃。。。 -哦，天哪。 - Ugh... - Oh, my God.
你是古巴人吗？你是家族里的人吗？ Are you Cuban? Are you family?
-你是天主教徒吗？ -我是三项其中的两项。 - Are you Catholic? - I'm two out of three.
你一项都不是！ You're none out of three!
Estrellita和她的家人要从迈阿密过来 Estrellita and her family are coming in from Miami.
也就是说米尔莎要来了， 也就是说我得 Which means Mirtha is coming, which means I have to spritz
在这里喷圣水了，因为她是个暗黑破坏神 the place with holy water because she is La Diabla.
-哦，嗯。。。 -发生什么事了？ - Oh, um... - What's happening?
是的 Yep.
这只是Febreze免洗喷雾，直到 我拿到真的圣水 （nicorl玛丹娜介绍过这款产品） This is just Febreze until I can get the real stuff.
我以为你已经解决了 I thought you settled
你们之间的头纱之争并已经和好了 the mantilla feud and you're all good now.
不，蒂亚说外婆的炸丸子 No, Tia made a comment about
很干于是争执又回来了 Abuelita's croquetas being dry and now it's back on.
你知道什么会很干么？ You know what will be dry?
她葬礼上的每一只眼睛！ Every eye at her funeral!
是啊，但是你那可笑的老争端 Yeah, but your ridiculous vieja feud
这次不会是问题所在。 isn't gonna be the problem this time.
那什么才会？ What is?
让美国再次伟大！ Make America great again!
让美国再次伟大！ 让美国再次伟大！ Make America great again! Make America great again!
哦，对。 Oh, that's right.
就是这样 ♪ This is it ♪
哦，哦，哦，哇哦 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, whoa ♪
活在当下 ♪ One day at a time ♪
因为他们喜欢我们，我 总是忘了他们是那样的 Because they're like us, I always forget they're like that.
好的，只要我们尽可能避开政治就行 Okay, as long as we stay away from politics, it'll be fine.
这是洗礼。。。我们不用 在服务过程中说话， It's a baptism... we don't have to talk during the service,
结束后，我们就八卦查戈和瓦莱里亚 and afterwards, we'll gossip about how Chago and Valeria
结婚七个月就奇迹般的有了 玛格丽塔 got married seven months ago and Margarita is a miracle baby.
那之后我们怎么办 What will we do after?
因为他们肯定会跟我们住 Because they are of course staying with us.
什么？！ What?!
不，妈咪，我知道他们是家人 No, Mami. I know they're family and...
而我们不像冷漠的美国人一样送家人去酒店 We don't send family to hotels like los Americanos frios.
很好，看你懂了 Good, so you get it.
这次我们必须破例 We have to make an exception this time.
维持住家人的唯一办法 The only way to keep the family together
就是把家人分开 is to keep the family apart.
好吧，如果他们不能留在 你这，那就让他们去我那里 Well, if they cannot stay with you, they will stay with me.
晚安，米尔塔 Night night, Mirtha.
我希望地板不像你的烤牛排那么硬 I hope the floor isn't as hard as your bistec empanizado.
如果我希望听到旧袋子筛选的声音 If I wanted to hear screeching from an old bag,
我宁愿玩拉链 I'd play with this zipper!
你知道吗我希望有个拉链 You know what I wish had a zipper?
你嘴上的拉链 Your mouth!
他们必须留下，他们是家人 They have to stay. They are family.
我支持外婆 I'm with Abuelita.
我希望雷耶斯一家想留多久就多久 I hope the Reyeses stay as long as they want.
我喜欢自动取款机叔叔 I love Tio ATM.
-自动取款机叔叔？ -我就是这么叫胡安尼托叔叔的。 - Tio ATM? - That's what I call Tio Juanito.
做古巴人太棒了 How great is it being Cuban?
没错，小祖宗 iEso, Papito!
咔叮 [CHA-CHING!]
每次我说他喜欢听的话时他都会给我20美金 He gives me $20 every time I say something he likes.
这是一场灾难 This is all a disaster.
往光明上去想 Just keep it light.
谈论没有争议的东西 Talk about non-controversial stuff.
好比天气 Like the weather.
喜欢洛杉矶的天气吧？ Gotta love this LA weather, huh?
谢谢你，“全球暖化” Thank you, "global warming".
或者试试体育？ Maybe try sports?
那个美式橄榄球员好大胆子 How dare that football guy
居然和平地单膝下跪不尊重我们的军队 disrespect our troops by kneeling down peacefully?
那电影如何 How about movies?
如果你有阴茎，那就去用男洗手间 If you have a penis, use the men's room!
-为什么会提到这个？ -总是会提到这个！ - Why would that come up? - It always comes up!
我仍然认为雷耶斯一家应该留下来和我们住 I still think the Reyeses should stay with us.
什么？你是所有人中最应该反对的 What? You of all people should be against it,
你几乎反对他们的所有观点 you disagree with them about everything!
那确实，我是说，当我向叔叔出柜时，他说 True. I mean, when I came out to Tio, he said...
你只是还没遇见对的男生，埃琳娜 You just haven't met the right boy yet, Elena.
那是因为那些男生不像你啊，叔叔 That's because they don't make them like you, Tio.
没错，小祖宗 iEso, Papito!
咔叮 [CHA-CHING!]
但是他们是摇摆州佛罗里达的选民 But they're voters in Florida, a swing state,
所以我们不能让他们离开直到11月 so we can't let them leave till December.
[THUNDER CRASHES]
不，政治和家庭不能混为一谈 No. Politics and family do not mix,
所以我要下决定了 and that's why I'm putting my foot down.
雷耶斯一家不能留下来和我们住，以上 The Reyeses can't stay with us, iy ya!
太晚了 - [CELL PHONE CHIMES] - Too late.
他们刚下飞机，已经在来的路上了 They just landed, they're on their way here.
以上，以上 iY ya, y ya!
刚刚下飞机？洗礼是下周！ Just landed? The baptism is next week!
他们来得早 来度个迷你假期 They are coming early to have a mini-vacation
并且做任何在佛罗里达不能做的事 and do all the things they can't do in Florida.
去海滩，去迪斯尼乐园， 看到一个橙色的树林 Go to the beach, visit Disneyland, see an orange grove.
你在字面上描述的就是佛罗里达 You are literally describing Florida!
这太可怕了 This is terrible.
这会是一个 争执和尖叫的一周。 It's just going to be a week of fighting and yelling.
是，那这和其他的周有什么不一样 Yeah, how is that different than any other week?
哦，我的天，可以让我来修复所有事吗 Oh, my God. Can I please fix everything?
- 哦，天。 -我最爱你们的地方 - Oh, boy. - What I love most about you guys
就是你们谈论事情的方式 is how you talk about everything.
每一次叹息，每一次轻微的呼气， Every sigh, every slight exhale,
你们就像是“那里发生什么了 you're like, "What's going on there?
家庭聚会，爱，爱，拥抱，拥抱” Family meeting, love, love, hugs, hugs".
为什么你要告诉我们已经知道的事 Why are you telling us things we already know?
因为在这个情况下有个巨大的错误 Because it's a huge mistake in this situation!
让我疯狂的有功能障碍 家庭来作为你们的向导。 Let my wildly dysfunctional family be your guide.
就是不要和对方说话 Just don't talk to each other.
那是非常重要的 That is impossible.
是的，妈妈有时 在我小便时还和我视讯 Yeah, Mami sometimes FaceTimes me while I'm peeing.
那只是因为我当时在做饭 And that is only because I am cooking,
要不然我就直接进去了 because otherwise I would just walk in.
你们必须重新训练自己 爸爸和我曾经几个星期 You gotta retrain yourselves. Father and I have spent weeks
一个字也没和对方说 without saying a word to each other.
他有一次给我留下了一个纸条在 我门上写着， He once left a Post-It note on my door that said,
我不确定你是我生的 "I'm not sure you're mine".
我留着并且在每次 I saved it and look at it
觉得自己可能爱他的时候拿来看 whenever I think I might love him.
每个人都应该那么做？ And everybody should do that?
是，因为这样你们就不会吵起来了 Yes, because then you won't fight.
看，你把感觉藏起来 See, you keep the feelings inside,
那样唯一可以伤害你的就是你自己了 where the only person they can harm is yourself.
嗯…… Hmm...
[HIGH-PITCHED WHISTLING]
[GROANING]
♪♪
那些爆炸声让我想到我们需要强大的军队 Those explosions remind me we need a strong military.
没错，小祖宗 Eso, Papito.
[CHA-CHING!]
是，藏起感觉不适合古巴人 Yeah, keeping it inside doesn't work for Cubans.
我们什么都得说，然后还要大声说 We have to say everything, then keep saying it louder 137 直到被餐厅赶出来
until asked to leave the restaurant.
不，你需要更深的压下去 No, you just gotta push it down deeper
这样你会死于溃疡 而不是爆炸 so you die of an ulcer instead of an explosion!
哈，是的，不。也许你应该 现在回你的公寓去 Ha, yeah, no. Maybe you should go back to your apartment now,
因为这是一个家庭问题 ，那不包括你 since this is a family issue that doesn't include you.
[HIGH-PITCHED WHISTLING]
[GULPS]
看？完全有用 See? Totally works.
[GROANS]
天，我恨我的父亲 God, I hate my father.
[EXPLOSION]
卢皮塔，你们 什么都不用担心 Lupita, you're all worried about nothing.
家人有分歧 Families have disagreements.
但这并不意味着 我们不能有礼貌。 But that does not mean we cannot be polite.
礼貌？哈！ Polite? Ha!
那是什么样的？ What's that look like?
♪♪
我是说，我很紧张 你和你的 I say, I'm quite nervous that you and your liberal ilk
自由派要没收我的钱包 are going to confiscate my musket.
梦呓加胡说！ Balderdash and poppycock!
你当然会保留你的枪支 Of course you'll retain your blunderbuss.
胸大无脑的人！ Crumpet!
我听到殖民地传来 I'm hearing rumblings from the colonies
汉密尔顿那家伙的传言 about this Hamilton chap.
再见，我的宝贝小祖宗 Pip pip, my good Papito!
-咔叮 -嗯！ - [CHA-CHING!] - Mm!
[LAUGHTER]
怎么 What?
我觉得你很把礼貌和英国腔弄混了 I think you're confusing politeness with Britishness.
而且你认为米尔塔阿姨 会有礼貌回复吗？ And you think Tia Mirtha is going to be polite back?
嗯。。。 Hmm...
莉迪亚，我能借你的口红吗？ Lydia, can I borrow your lipstick?
我想看看涂满嘴是什么颜色 I want to see what the color looks like on full lips.
她用了整管！ She used the whole tube!
她像个河豚一样是我的错吗？！ Is it my fault she has the bemba of a puffer fish?!
-所以我们完蛋了 -不 - So we're screwed. - No.
我们只能用老方法解决了 We will just have to settle this the old-fashioned way.
才艺竞赛！ A talent contest!
- ♪♪ - _
人人都爱我 ♪ Everybody loves me ♪
他们说我很可爱 ♪ They tell me I'm so lovely ♪
把我的声音比作天使 ♪ Compare my voice to that of the angels ♪
他们说没人像我一样 ♪ There's no one like me, that's what they say ♪
呃 Ugh!
我是拥有所有才艺的人 ♪ I am the one who has all the talent ♪
我的美丽是史诗般的， 所以把你的爪子藏起来 ♪ My beauty's epic, so hide your talons ♪
因为这次比赛，我要大杀四方 ♪ Because this contest, I'm gonna slay ♪
- 呃 - 我明白为何如此嫉妒 - Huh! - ♪ I understand why you get so jealous ♪
- 呃 - 为什么会呢 - Oy! - ♪ Why would that be? ♪
- 所有的男生都爱我 - 啊！ - ♪ I get all the fellas ♪ - Aah!
- 我要揍你 - 我要揍你 - ♪ I am gonna kick your ass! ♪ - ♪ I am gonna kick your ass! ♪
♪♪
女士们先生们， 是我，格洛丽亚·埃斯特凡 Ladies and gentlemen, it is I, Gloria Estefan.
胜利者是。。。 And the winner is...
莉迪亚！ Lydia!
但是。。。哦！ But... Oy!
她是最棒的舞者 She is the best dancer,
最棒的歌手 the best singer,
我不知道她用的什么 保湿 and I don't know what her moisturizing regime is,
但她看起来像个婴儿， 而且她的嘴唇是最丰满的 but she looks like a baby, and her lips are the fullest!
但是，格洛丽亚·埃斯特凡， 人们 总是说我让他们想起你！ But, Gloria Estefan, people always say I remind them of you!
做梦吧，输家 Dream on, loser!
我们的女王说话了 Our queen has spoken.
♪♪
格洛丽亚·埃斯特凡 [VOCALIZING] ♪ Gloria Estefan! ♪
发生了什么 What is even happening?!
为什么格洛丽亚·埃斯特凡会在这 Why would Gloria Estefan be here?
因为人人都知道 [SPEAKS SPANISH] Because everyone knows
如果一个古巴人闭上眼并摇摆臀部三次 if a Cuban closes her eyes and swishes her hips three times,
她就会出现了 she appears.
好吧，妈咪，你已经疯了 Okay, Mami, you've lost your mind.
嗯，我喝了点朗姆酒。 这压力很大。 Well, I had a little rum. This is very stressful.
[GULPING]
妈妈，面对现实吧，政治是无法避开的 Mom, face it. There's no avoiding politics,
所以我们不妨试着 给他们讲点道理 so we may as well try to talk some sense into them.
不！我们两个家庭 闹了这么久， No! Our two families were fighting for so long,
我们刚刚回到正轨 and we just got back on track.
我不想把事情搞砸 I don't want to mess that up.
所以不谈政治，结束讨论 So no politics. End of discussion.
好吧，但是他们会谈起的 Okay, but they're going to talk about it.
如果我们什么也不说 And if we say nothing,
你最好别介意 会发生什么 you better be okay with what's gonna happen.
我们又赢了！再干四年！ We won again! Four more years!
他们已经完善了 人造心脏， And they've perfected the artificial heart,
所以他会永远活着 永远做总统！ so he will live forever and be president forever!
如果它没坏，就别修了！ If it ain't broke, don't fix it!
没错，小祖宗 iEso, Papito!
[SLOT MACHINE BELLS DINGING]
好啊，好啊，好啊，好啊，好啊 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
好吧，如果必然要有争执 Okay. If there has to be a fight,
那我们就要赢 then we're gonna win it.
[GULPING]
以上 iY ya!
所以，那我们就要争论政治了，来吧 So, we're gonna argue politics, let's do this!
我该怎么做 How do I do this?
嘿，表亲，你还喜欢你投的那个白痴吗？ Hey, cuz, you still like that comemierda you voted for?
怎样？要不你把你的头从屁股里拿出来 Yeah? Well, either get your head out your ass
要不就滚出我的家！ or get the hell out of my house!
耶诞节再见！ See you at Christmas.
喜欢这态度 Love the attitude.
但你需要一些弹药来支援。 But you need some ammo to back it up.
对，我需要用事实来攻击她 Right, I got to hit her with facts.
给我点事实 Give me some facts.
希拉里得到的普选票多三百万！ Hillary got 3 million more votes!
希拉里用披萨店做贩童生意！ Hillary runs a pedophile ring out of a pizza parlor!
而且披萨还不好吃！ And the pizza isn't even good!
冰山在融化，海洋线在上升 The ice caps are melting and sea levels are rising.
首先是干旱 [SCOFFS] First there's a drought,
现在水又太多了 ？！选好一个吧 now there's too much water?! Make up your mind!
连你的人都得承认 奥巴马出生在美国 Even your guy had to admit that Obama was born in America.
嗯，他当然是的 Mm, of course he was.
叮！ [DING!]
哦，对不起，我忘记告诉你 Oh, sorry, I forgot to tell you...
事实已经不重要了 facts don't matter anymore.
-什么？ -是，曾经很重要 - What? - Yeah, they had a good run.
但结果人们只愿相信自己相信的 But it turns out people want to believe what they believe
更多于事实 more than they want to believe what is actually true.
-是真的吗？ -有关系吗？ - Is that true? - Does it matter?
多么野蛮 Que barbaridad. [GULPS]
不幸的是，你现在要想赢就得负面攻击 Unfortunately, what you have to do now to win is go negative.
那时的“当他们卑劣我们要清高”怎么了？ What happened to, "When they go low, we go high?"
是，那和事实一起被扔出窗子了 Yeah, that went out the window with facts.
所以，你有埃斯特丽塔的什么黑料吗？ So, what dirt do you have on Estrellita?
嗯…… Hmm...
嘿，埃斯特丽塔，提醒我。。。 Hey, Estrellita, remind me...
你是在96年还是97年有怀孕恐惧症的？ was it '96 or '97 when you had that pregnancy scare?
- [GASPS] - [GASPS]
[CHUCKLES]
你不讨厌那时的怀孕计划，是吗？ You didn't hate Planned Parenthood back then, did you?
至少我的名字不是基于 At least I wasn't on a first-name basis
护士发完的免费的避孕套！ with the nurse who gave out the free condoms!
- [GASPS] - [GASPS]
[SQUEALS, CHUCKLES]
那关于那个夏天你和我说 How about that summer you taught me
关于用嘴来使用黄瓜的事 all about mouth stuff using a cucumber?
不！糟糕的计划。我们 我得保持冷静。 Nope! Bad plan. We gotta stay above the fray.
我们是一个优雅的家庭 我们要保持优雅，该死。 We are a classy family and we're gonna stay classy, damn it.
啊！ [GULPING] Ahh!
-呃 -你知道，我们刚 - Ugh. - You know, we just had
在学校举行了 关于解决冲突的集会 an assembly at school about conflict resolution.
有两个孩子在为抖音拍一场假打架 These two kids were filming a fake fight
结果变成了真的 for TikTok and then it turned real.
哦，是的。他们发了 一封关于此事的电子邮件 Oh, yeah. They sent an e-mail home about it
我删掉了。继续。 that I skimmed and deleted. Go on.
好吧，一共要三步 Okay, it's got three steps.
首先，你问一个问题 非威胁性问题。 First, you ask a non-threatening question.
然后，你听 这个人的反应。 Then, you listen to the person's response.
然后，你找到共同点。 Then, you find common ground.
问，听，找 Ask, Listen, Find...
ALF问，听，找 "ALF"!
我讨厌问，听，找。就是另一个 在我们国家的 非法移民 I hate ALF. Just another illegal alien in our country.
[SIREN WAILING]
好吧，告诉我是怎么做的， 但别叫它“问，听，找”。 Okay, tell me how it works, but don't call it "ALF".
好吧，我们需要一个矛盾来作为例子 Okay, we need an issue to use as an example.
让我们从我最了解的事情开始。 Let's start with the thing I know best.
90年代男生乐队？ '90s boy bands?
在你生日时可以去得到免费东西的所有地方？ All the places to get something free on your birthday?
如何不涂口红 但还是成功了？ How to not wear lipstick but still succeed?
该死，我擅长很多事情。 Dang, I'm good at a lot of things.
但我说的是医疗保健。 But I was talking about health care.
好吧，那么“问”一个中立的问题。 Okay, so "Ask" a neutral question.
所以，很明显，每个人 应该有医疗保健，对吗？ So, obviously, everyone should have health care, right?
好吧，MSNBC新闻台 Okay, MSNBC.
-哇，妈妈！ -怎么了？ - Wow, Mom! - What was wrong with that?
你从她喉咙里跳了下去。 You jumped down her throat.
你完全以为她 会关心别人。 You totally assumed she would care about other people.
对，对。很好， 很好，继续。 Right, right. Good, this is good, keep going.
必须是一个完整的 无争议的问题。 It's got to be a completely uncontroversial question.
健康是好事，对吧？ Being healthy is good, right?
哦，是的。如果你没有 健康那还有什么？ Oh, yes. If you don't have your health, what do you have?
当然，如果我们有社会主义的医药体系，我们都会死的。 Of course, if we had socialized medicine, then we'd all be dead.
你知道吗，在加拿大， 一位女士要等八年 Did you know that, in Canada, a lady had to wait eight years
为了肝脏移植， 但结果， for a liver transplant, and then instead,
他们给她做了隆胸手术？ they gave her a breast implant?
我在脸书上看到的。 I saw it on Facebook.
我打赌她丈夫一定很喜欢。 I bet her husband loved it.
谎言在哪里？ Where is the lie?
我对疯狂的反应如何？ And I respond to the crazy how?
你“找到”共同点。 You "Find" common ground.
好的 Okay.
我们……我们都用脸书 We... are both on Facebook.
很好，继续吧！ Good! Keep going!
找到更多共同点 Find more common ground.
而且，呃，你不喜欢不必要的医疗程序 And, uh, you're upset about unnecessary medical procedures.
-没错。 - 太好了！ - Exactly. - Great!
所以我们都想住在一个 我们优先考虑 So we both want to live in a world where we prioritize
不需要花太多钱的好的医保的世界 good health care that doesn't cost too much.
-同意吗？ -同意。 - Agreed? - Agreed.
说到医保，我给你看一个表情包 Speaking of health care, I'm gonna forward you a meme
关于奥巴马医保如何为一大篷车非移支付了 about how Obamacare paid for a caravan of illegals
免费做鼻子整容手术的 to get free nose jobs.
这是个大问题 It's a big problem.
呃 Ugh...
好了，现在该怎么办 Well, what do I do now?
求同存异 Agree to disagree.
求同存异？那她可以说 Agree to disagree?! So she gets to say
她们那些谬论而我还得以礼相待？ all of her nonsense and I just have to be nice about it?
是的，因为需要很多年 Yeah. Because it takes years.
我的老师说他们在中东就是用的这方法 My teacher says this is what they use in the Middle East.
我没有那么多年 I don't have years!
现在那些古巴人就在优步里了 There's Cubans in an Uber right now!
我们还没有计划！ We still have no plan! [SIGHS]
这比我想的难多了 This is so much harder than I thought.
改变人们的政治观点是很难的 Changing peoples' minds about politics is hard.
你以为会怎么发展 How did you think it was going to go?
这是为何我相信我所相信的 And that's why I believe what I believe.
[CLAPPING]
谢谢你用那美妙的演讲打开了我们的眼界 Thank you for opening our eyes with that beautiful speech.
谢谢，卢皮塔 ，美国 Eso, Lupita. America.
我不敢相信我们曾给那人投票！ I can't believe we ever voted for that person!
我们曾多傻啊！ What fools we've been!
而且男人男孩乐队比超级男孩乐队好 And Boys II Men is better than NSYNC.
而且我总是嫉妒 你卷曲的头发。 And I was always jealous of your curly hair.
这是可能发生的，对吗？ It could happen. Right?
喔，妈妈 Aw, Mom. [CHUCKLES]
不，完全不会那样的 No. It's not going to go anything like that.
好吧，那就这样发展吧 Well, then, it's going to go like this.
我要把你的沼泽地抽干。 I'm gonna drain your swamp.
来吧，小雪花 Bring it, snowflake!
[GRUNTING]
停下别打了！ Stop fighting!
来，来点我的鸡肉饭 Here, have some of my arroz con pollo.
更像是便便饭 More like arroz con caca!
[GRUNTING]
[GRUNTS]
但是她的邮件门 But her e-mails...
-呃。。。 -呃。。。 - Uh... - Uh...
-嗯？ -呃。。。 - Huh? - Uh...
哦，我们完蛋了。 Oh, we're screwed.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
哦，太久没见了，让 我好好看看你！ Oh, it's been so long, let me get a good look at you!
好吧，你不能那样做！ Well, you can't do that!
她说的对 She is right.
火只会让米尔莎更强壮 Fire will only make Mirtha stronger.
我想到了！动起来！ I've got it! Let's move!
我把整栋楼都空运走 I'll have the whole building air-lifted
然后我们在温哥华开始新的生活！ and we'll start a new life in Vancouver!
你们作为那里唯一的拉丁裔会很酷的 You guys will be so cool as the only Latinos there.
-以将！ -你是说以上？ - Hi-ya! - You mean iy ya?
-我说什么了？ -好吧，好吧！ - What'd I say? - Okay, okay!
他们可以住酒店！ They can stay in a hotel!
妈咪，这对你来说很好，但已经太晚了 Mami, that's very big of you, but it's too late.
很好，因为我已因羞愧而改变主意了 Good, because I already changed my mind again in shame.
我，仅代表自己，很高兴，这很重要。 I, for one, am glad. This is important.
妈妈，如果我们想改变事情 Mom, if we want things to change,
那我们不是该 和我们所爱的人谈谈吗？ then isn't it on us to talk to the people that we love?
即使这很艰难 Even if it's hard?
我知道，宝贝，但我们只是 在这件事上分歧很大。 I know, baby, but we're just so far apart on this stuff.
我简直无法想象 他们要说什么。 I just can't imagine what they're gonna say.
我想我可以想象出来 I think I might be able to piece it together.
如果我们大方宽容， 他们关心的其实 If we're being generous, the things they care about
也是 我们关心的事情。 are actually... the same things we care about.
我读了这篇文章，感觉。。。 I read this thing, and it's like...
假设我要 去圣地亚哥。 Let's say I'm trying to get to San Diego.
有一列火车要去纽约 There's a train going to New York
还有一辆去凤凰城的火车。 and a train going to Phoenix.
两个都不理想，所以我选了一个 Neither one's ideal, so I pick the one
让我更接近 我想去的地方。 that gets me closer to where I want to go.
这就是我对这个总统的看法 That's how I feel about this president.
不管发生什么， 他要任命 Whatever else happens, he's going to appoint
最高院大法官去保护 Supreme Court justices who are going to finally protect
未出生的孩子的生命 the lives of unborn babies.
这个人完美吗？不 Is this guy perfect? No.
我希望这个人来我家吃晚饭吗？ Do I want him to come over to our house for dinner?
天，不，但是说实话 God, no. But be honest...
政治家们在某些地方都很烂 politicians are all terrible in some way,
所以你要找一个会做你想做的事的 so you have to find the ones who will do what you want.
而且拜托，你要告诉我你们的人是你的第一选择吗？ And come on, you're telling me your guy is your first choice?
是你梦寐以求的？ Everything you ever dreamed of?
我不这么认为 I don't think so.
看，我们的父母牺牲了那么多让我们作为美国人 Look, our parents sacrificed so much for us to be Americans.
所以当我听到免费大学和免费医保 So when I hear about free college and free health care,
我的护甲就起来了因为那时卡斯特罗的承诺 my shield goes up because that's what Castro promised.
我们都知道那后来变成了什么 We all know how that turned out.
而且我不关心总统的私人生活 And I don't care about the president's personal life.
我关心他会怎么做让我保留我的私人生活 I care about what he's gonna do so I can keep my personal life.
这世界是个可怕的地方 The world is a scary place,
有很多艰难的抉择要去做 and there's hard decisions to be made,
而我们并不想要去想那些 and we don't like to think about that,
但不可能总是这样 随着你的感受 but it can't always be about your feelings
并想要对每个人都好 and wanting to be nice to everybody.
这是为什么，即使非常伤我基督徒的心 That's why, as much as it hurts my Christian heart,
我无法就那么说，所有人都进来吧 we can't just say, "Everybody come in".
这是为什么我们需要一个强硬的人 That's why we need a tough guy.
他也许是个恶霸，但他是我们的恶霸 He may be a bully, but he's our bully.
而且他赢了，所以习惯吧 And he won, so get over it.
他打开罐头喔出声不是我的错 It's not my fault that he was opening cans of whoopass
而你的候选人都在主修性别课程 while all your candidates majored in gender studies.
这世界现在也许很疯狂，但你和我很安全 The world may be crazy right now, but you and I are safe.
因为他保护我们安全 Because he's keeping us safe.
而这对我而言是最重要的 And what's what's important to me.
天，你确实厉害 Dang, you're good.
比如，我实际上 有些时候会点头 Like, I was actually nodding during some of that.
我知道，我有点吓到我自己了 I know, I kind of scared myself.
所以，妈妈，如果她那样说，我们该怎么回？ So, Mom, if she says that, what are you going to say back?
好吧…… Well...
喔 Wow.
我震惊于我们 在看世界 I am so stunned that we are looking at the world
时有这么多不同的看法 and seeing such different things.
你觉得他保护你安全？ You think he keeps you safe?
他每天都处理不当 他遇到的危机。 He mishandles every crisis that comes his way.
看看波多黎各 Look at Puerto Rico.
飓风，地震 全岛停电。 A hurricane, earthquakes, the whole island without power.
那家伙来了 扔了一堆纸巾， And that guy comes and he throws a bunch of paper towels,
然后他就那样“拜！” and then he's like, "Bye!"
现在想象下如果发生什么全球危机 Now imagine something happening on a global scale.
非常厉害的，让所有东西都停摆的 Something so huge, it completely shuts everything down,
而我们卡住等待有人来领导我们 and we're stuck waiting for someone to lead us
而他在看我们最爱的电视 while we watch episodes of our favorite TV shows,
但现在它们必须被激活 but now they have to be animated.
我知道，听起来有点疯狂，但看着我的眼睛 I know, it sounds crazy, but look into my eyes
然后告诉我那个人会带我们撑过去 and tell me that that's the guy who will get us through it.
还记得我们以前 开的玩笑？ Remember when we used to joke about this stuff?
“我是个疯狂的自由派，你是沉闷的保守派，哈哈哈” "I'm a crazy liberal, you're a stuffy conservative, ha ha ha".
我想念那样 I miss that.
我们站在对立面并不新鲜。 Us being on opposite sides isn't new.
但现在不同了。 这家伙让它不同了 But now it's different. This guy made it different.
人们曾经确实想要藏起他们的种族歧视 People used to actually try to hide their racism.
但这个总统让种族歧视重新变酷了！ But the president made it cool again!
我们现在前所未有的要互相支持 We have to stand up for one another now more than ever.
这是为何我们要说“黑人的命也是命” That's why we need to say black lives matter,
跨性别的命也是命，棕色人种的命也是命 trans lives matter, brown lives matter.
当他说墨西哥人是毒贩和强奸犯时 When he calls Mexicans drug dealers and rapists,
你以为那没有影响你？ you think that doesn't affect you?
你以为如果你的儿子在那家沃尔玛 Do you think if your son was in that Walmart
那个人说他要射杀所有墨西哥人 where the guy said he was there to shoot all the Mexicans,
他会在扣动扳机前 he would have stopped to ask if Flavio was Cuban
停下来问弗拉维奥是古巴人吗？ before pulling the trigger?
他才不会在意 He wouldn't have cared.
因为这个总统告诉他移民很危险 Because the president told him immigrants are dangerous
而我们不配在这里 and don't deserve to be here.
你希望保护我们安全？ You want to keep us safe?
不把保护国家的人驱逐出境如何？ How about not deporting people who fought for this country.
那些和我一起服役，为你们冒险的人 who served with me, who risked their lives for you?
疯狂的想法，如果当人们来到这个国家 Crazy idea... what if, when people came to this country,
我们像这样“哦，你经历了什么糟糕的事吗 we were like, "Oh, are you fleeing a horrible situation?
请进，没关系 Please, come on in, it's all good!
喜欢你的食物，喜欢你的音乐 Love your food, love your music.
总之，我们会给你点小帮助 Anyway, we're gonna give you a little help.
哦，天，你做的真棒 Oh, God, you're doing amazing!
你真的把这里变得更好了！” You've actually made this place better!"
哦，等等，那不是个疯狂的想法 Oh, wait, that's not a crazy idea.
那就是我们家逃离古巴时的事 That was literally us when our family fled Cuba!
我们忘记的可真快 How quickly we forget!
美国伟大因为我们不仅为自己奋斗 America is great because we don't just fight for ourselves.
我们也为未曾见过的人奋斗 We fight for people we will never meet.
就像我们的父母来到这里 Just like when our parents came here.
陌生人 为了他们的安全，组织他们的旅行 Strangers organized their trips, arranged for them to be safe.
陌生人 Strangers.
我们不能从陌生人中受益 We can't benefit from the kindness of strangers
然后又对着需要我们支持的人 and then turn our backs on the ones
转过身去背离他们 who need us to stand up for them.
因为那才让我们安全 Because that's what kept us safe.
而且也是这个国家美丽的地方 And that's what's beautiful about this country.
那是在我心中的 That's what's in my heart.
哦，妈妈 Oh, Mom.
你准备好了 You are ready.
-没错，妈咪 -谢谢。 - iEso, Mami! - Thanks.
我仍然希望能有办法让我们不必谈论这个 I still wish there was a way we didn't have to talk about this.
但现在我知道我可以 But now I know I can.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
是谁？我们在等什么人？ Who is that? Are we expecting someone?
哦，对了 Oh, that's right.
我喝了点朗姆酒 I have had a little rum.
好了，我们可以的 Okay, we can do this.
我知道他们是疯子，但他们是家人，而我们爱他们 I know they're nuts, but they're family, and we love them.
好了，我们可以的 Okay, we can do this.
我知道他们是疯狂的自由派 I know they're crazy liberals,
但他们是家人，而我们爱他们 but they are family, and we love them.
-嗨！ -很高兴见到你们，伙计们！ - Hi! - Nice to see you, guys!
你好！ iHola!
[ALL GREETING EACH OTHER]