主演:巴巴拉 亨利
斯坦维克 方达
导演:普赖斯顿 斯特奇斯
一天一次就够了
几只苍蝇 一点牛奶 或者星期天一个鸽子蛋
我会的 教授
到了北方记得让她暖和点 放她出来玩
我会的 教授
告诉告诉玛蒂兹 我把她 叫做克伦布琳娜 玛蒂兹
这是我出来的开始
我会的 我想告诉你...
我想告诉你我非常喜欢 和你一起远行
这是我喜欢的度过我所有 时间的方式
像你这样追求知识的伙伴
再见了 路路 我会给你寄明信片的
再见 查理 如果你有机会 回来 我们就在这里
替我问候你父亲
感谢他让这次派克远行 成为可能 我希望会成功
我会的 教授 再见
再见 马克西 再见 多赚点钱
再见 斯巴奇 再见 查理
再见 麦克 再见 查理
再见 伙计 再见 莎利
再见 伙计们 再见 马克西
小心交通 你很久没出去了
小心女人 你也很久没应付过了
你还不知道我 就是一个 爬行动物 那就好
再见
他来了
如果他有钱的话 可能 有一个比这大的游艇
那不是游艇 那是条小船 小船是什么
我说是帕布斯特 是派克
那又怎么样 把你短裤穿上
你试一下 妈妈 我想吐
吐 不 派克
那就穿上你的透明纱
那就快点下去 嘿 先生
我希望他有钱 希望他会玩扑克
从全能的唇到耳朵
希望他有个胖老婆 那我就 不必在月光下和他跳舞
笨蛋会踩你的脚
什么样的人就是什么样的人 我不知道为什么要这么做
一定有很多富婆在等着 你和她们争
你找到她们 我去争
我还想跟那些老女人来个 三打一
别这么粗俗 吉恩 我们要圆滑点 但别太俗 他有钱吗
事务官说 他要他的钱不容易
他还想搭便船呢 他有 什么家产 富裕的派克
不 贫穷的派克 他的贫穷 是来自耶鲁
不知道我可不可以撞倒他 别这样
嘿
两个穷派克 等等
再来六个穷派克 爽一点
你想让我尴尬是吧 我们都是一样的人
想点别的吧 她们 不要别的
她们想来自耶鲁的贫穷 啦啦啦
叫她们去哈佛吧
嘿 我要跟你说几次
四个穷派克 听我说
不够好 你说什么
我说她们对他来说还不够好
房间里的每个人都在度量他 他觉得是浪费时间
他又去看书了 完全沉浸进去了
没有一个例外 那小孩走过去 他的头转了一下
对你没什么好处 亲爱的 他是个书虫 别去想
看看这个
吊在你的圣诞树上怎么样
你不会吧你有什么弱点啊 兄弟
噢 她把手帕掉了
打莉莉之后就没人用过 这一招 你得自己捡起来
他没理睬 真羞 他一直就没看到
看看他左边的女孩
看看你的左边 书虫 有个女孩在渴望着你
再远点
就远一点点
不值得你看一下吗看看 那些对着你笑的牙齿
她认识你 她起来了 又下去了 她下不了决定
她又起来了 她们认识你 她过来跟你说话了
真是吊我胃口 天啊
你是我去手工制作学校碰到的 那个笨蛋吗
你不是你看起来很像他 太像了
如果你不叫我坐下... 我想你不会叫我坐下
对不起 希望没让你尴尬
不知道我的领带是不是直的 真的让她们不好意思
还有谁那个摔跤冠军 一屋子的肉
你也不喜欢她 你会怎么做
你无法忍受了 你要走了
那些女人不给你片刻的宁静 回你房间去吧
埋着头走 看我是否在乎你
真对不起 先生
没事
你没看前面的路吗 为什么要看
你看 我鞋跟给你撞掉了 噢 我撞的对不起
就是你 带我去我房间 换过一双
我只有这样了 我叫派克 大家都知道
都在谈你
这是我爸爸哈领顿上校 我叫吉恩 是真正的尤金尼亚
我们见面就这样 真有趣 是啊
这房间真不错 很温馨 对吗
噢 怎么了
香水 香水怎么了
我在亚马逊一年了 她们都不用香水
鞋子在那里
既然你这么礼貌 那就请你帮我拿一双出来穿上
推那边
噢 看到什么喜欢的吗
晚间脱鞋在那边
你喜欢那双吗
谁会穿这个尺码的鞋
噢 很漂亮
你得蹲下来
没弄痛你吧 当然没有
感觉还好吧
还好
你在亚马逊干什么 找蛇
我是个蛇学家 我以为 你是做啤酒生意的
啤酒麦芽酒 都一样
啤酒和麦芽酒 对
如果我爸爸听你这么说 他肯定会血管爆炸的
这里的差别可大着呢 麦芽酒的酵素是在上面的
而啤酒的酵素是在下面的 或者在其他的地方
根本没有相同的地方
从酿造的麻烦上来说
不管酿造多久
你都得知道你忽视的程序
跪在这里跟你谈啤酒 真是有意思
我不喜欢啤酒 不管是烈啤 狂啤还是蒸啤
是吗 是的
我也不喜欢淡麦芽酒 棕麦芽酒 果酿棕麦芽酒 不管烈的还是淡的
我根本就不去想
对不起
还不够 所以6岁的时候 大家都叫我霍普西
霍普西 派克 嘿 霍普西
行吗 查理
好 但霍普西有点可爱
你年龄大了 我可以叫你 泊普西 霍普西 泊普西
我就要这样
我不会介意的 我从来不知道有多可爱
噢 谢谢
我们还是回去吧
我想是的
你知道 我在那里... 我是说 在亚马逊 你忘记了...
我是说 当你好久没看到 一个女孩...
关于那香水...
你不喜欢我的香水吗 喜欢我简直是陶醉了
为什么 霍普西 应该把你关在笼子里才是
敏感啊
你们来了
还是穿的同一件衣服 花的时间还不少啊
我很幸运 派克先生 在河上呆了一年了
你看 我...别听我女儿的
我们家里的女人都是这样
男人都是传教士 除了我 真是个例外
跟我们喝一杯吗 白兰地吧 你们跟我一起喝
三杯白兰地 好的 先生
你看过这个吗
噢 他会玩扑克魔术 小伎俩
是吗 再玩一次给我看看
你怎么弄的
把手掌伸开 然后就这样 抓在手掌心里
需要多练习 可以想象
现在我知道你是什么人了 不然我还不想跟你玩扑克呢
先生
你不会真的想吧 噢 当然 傻瓜
你跟我们一样坦率 三杯白兰地
华盛顿和锻造谷 杜威和马尼拉
拿破仑和约瑟芬
就随便玩玩怎么样 你真好
我不必太表现自己 再说 跟你玩...
是我的荣幸 你真好
谁来补这三缺一
三个人玩不好吗我还记得...
当然是 还更亲切 你洗牌
我试一下 每个男人都为自己
我...什么 嗯
噢...
你到亚马逊呆一年 然后遇到你...
我还真着迷了 哈
怎么了 别废话了
没女人喜欢你吗
所以嘛 来 开始
真的不好意思 别不好意思
还好我们不玩钱的 不然我就得让你破产了
这一局就算了 以前玩钱的嘛
当然不是 我从来不赌钱
我们玩扑克都是赌钱的 不然 那就是在干池子里游泳
你把最后一局加倍...废话
一点十分 一点十分
小意思 我看看 5 10...
你要通吃了我们 498 就500吧
噢 等等 我爸爸是做 石油生意的
钱不就跟从地上冒出来 一样嘛
我以为有个上校的头衔... 名誉上的
我欠他多少 我看看 2 4 5...
他是谁 那样看着我们
有什么要帮忙的吗 没事 你去睡觉 我呆会儿再去
好 他是谁 你的保姆
马克西
我小的时候 爸爸把他 从一辆车上拽下来去找我
跟绑架似的
他就是那种警卫 家庭教师 或者男仆之类的角色
他救过我的命
差不多100 差不多就行
我不知道...放心 我会赢回来的
如果是答应... 你可以这么说
那我就舒服多了 当然是
我想我得走了...
让你们年轻人去谈自己的事情
真不好意思 不要说了 年轻人 不要说了
晚安 吉恩 晚安 亲爱的
你爸爸是个好人 他还很会玩扑克
是吗我不是想说他
但是他有点不公平 他有点更不公平
所以他不公平 但是你
如果再训练一下 那就很出色了
是真的吗 对 你的鼻子很不错
你喜欢就好 你还喜欢 我其他的地方吗
噢 我是指玩扑克
我知道你的意思 我只是想调戏一下你
噢
你不会晕倒吧
谁 我是因为你的香水
噢
就觉得她们会在哪里跳舞吗
你不觉得我们该去睡觉了吗
不管谁 只要在亚马逊呆了 一年的
都会说你是个很有趣的女孩
还好你没呆两年
走
晚安
我们好像走错了吧 不是个巧合吗
天啊 这是我的房间 太好了
要进去看看艾米吗
是新来的吗
嘘 我不想吵醒她 吵醒谁
艾米 艾米我以为你在开玩笑
严格说 她叫克伦布琳娜 玛蒂兹
她是巴西罕见的玻璃蛇
蛇 好像又跑出来了
跑出来了 别担心 她就在哪个地方
我要出去 别怕 她跟小猫一样好玩
你不能...
别这样 怎么样...
对不起 我怎么都不会想吓你的
为什么不告诉我 我以为你知道
我怎么知道我怎么会想到一个 表面文静的人...
别... 看看床下面
她怎么可能来这里呢 求你
没事 求你了
噢 一个袜子
如果你还看到了 就别动了 看看床上
床上她怎么可能... 去看看嘛
你知道我们下来得有多块 所以你可以想象... 噢
什么都没有 看把你吓的
一个热水瓶 噢
她们会把我埋到大海里去的
过来这里跟我坐在一起
舒服吗 是的 非常舒服
噢 对不起
抱紧我
你不知道你对我做了什么
真的对不起
没事了
我不会因为任何事情吓你的
我是说 如果这个世界上 有一个人我不想吓的话
那就是你
你太好了 别放开我
谢谢
亚马逊怎么样
还好 谢谢
你在想什么
没想什么
你一直都对蛇很感兴趣吗
蛇是我的生命
什么生命
我...我想这样有点傻
我本来应该结婚安定下来的
我父亲一直都想我这样
其实 他已经跟我说得很明白了
我从来对酿酒就没兴趣
所以你就一直没有结婚吗
噢 不 只是我一直还没碰上她
我想她可能就是世界上的某个地方
从来还没遇到过 真可怜
唔...
我想你知道她长什么样
我想是的
我想她肯定像浮士德里的 玛格丽特
噢 不是...
我是说她没有歌剧演员 那么大的块头
她的牙齿怎么样
你应该找个牙齿好的 以后可以省点钱
你跟我开玩笑 没恶意的
你应该娶个好的
我想我们都有了
你的是什么样的
一个个子不高的有钱人
为什么个子不高 只要有钱 其他没什么
如果他要抬头看我 那我就是他最喜欢的
你这理由真有意思 看谁有理由
当他带我出去吃饭的时候 不必算帐单
他不抽雪茄 头发上不抹油
他也不会玩扑克魔术
不是说我在意你玩扑克魔术 霍普西
只是你自然的就不想你的 意中人玩扑克魔术
我想这样的意中人不难找
噢 不是的 所以他才是我的意中人
一个很难找的人不是 更有意思吗
我的意中人一定要是 非常完美的
你可以到理发店里去找的一两个
为什么你不嫁一个
我干嘛要嫁那样的人
我要嫁 就要嫁个从来 没见过的
不知道他长什么样 哪里人 会成为什么样的人
我希望他给我的是一个惊喜
想个贼
对
那个晚上充满了浓浓的香水
我能听到他在我后面沉重的脚步声
和沉重的呼吸声
然后...
噢
你还是回去睡吧 霍普西
我想我现在可能好好睡一觉了
希望我也能和你一样
什么意思 霍普西
早上好 马格托德先生
我看你容光焕发呀 早上好
来杯茶 我吃过早餐了
我们那里都是早上起床的
你是怎么了还是什么个人问题
你怎么了 早上好 先生
水果 米饭 咸肉鸡蛋 鸡蛋香肠 香肠蛋糕
蛋糕火腿 火腿鸡蛋 鸡蛋咸肉 咸肉...
给我一匙牛奶 一个生鸽蛋和四个家蝇
如果抓不到 那就蟑螂也行 我在甲板上等
好了吗 快了
把你的威士忌倒掉
你昨晚赢了多少 大概600
我还想输回去 我不明白
我输了40给那个男仆 我觉得 他是个女人 因为他带你去他房间
你以为你是谁 霍迪尼
你没必要这么说我
你要知道就是冷和热的不同
那个家伙对我不好 胡说
你对谁都怀疑
还记得你说那个牧师是个小偷 结果他是个主教
我现在还不肯定 那家伙想取笑你
他只是在吃阿司匹林 我对他还是不能肯定
我想你认为那个绅士 和他的女儿
输600块给我是想在后面宰我
是 是吗
首先 他是哈领顿上校 一个非常重要的石油商人
其次 我是个专业玩扑克的
我一生都在玩 还会玩魔术
她们还可能知道几个 你没见过的魔术
怎么了
噢 对不起 那粘乎乎的蛇
我整个晚上都在梦着他 你是说派克
不 他的爬行动物
他带着蛇旅行 他是个... 他是个蛇学...
噢 我不知道 他喜欢蛇
你是说 他不在做啤酒生意
他在做麦芽酒生意 好像这有很大的差别
你叫我担心 下以为我们又哄错人了
噢 不 他是个真正的派克
那可怜的傻瓜 扑克魔术 悲哀
你玩什么 第五
你要玩第五 要下注吗
再来一次
给我看看A
唔
给我看
我不相信 这就叫做本事
哈瑞 干嘛 亲爱的
说说我的财运
早上好 谢谢你的玫瑰
你真漂亮 睡的还好吧
还有点困 她怎么样 艾米
她刚吃过早餐 她吃什么 噢 别跟我说
那就不说
我请你吃早餐怎么样
如果我说可以 就有点不礼貌吧
我想不会 不是真的吧
你最喜欢把男人丢过去 又弹回来
然后又丢过去 噢
我没法想象和你的生活里 会有来来回回
光明黑暗 还有烦恼 只有太多的幸福
噢 霍普西 你不会 在就跟我求婚吧
当然不是 那你得小心点
有人可被追得不多哦 不是被你这样的女孩
你不觉得相信不怎么 了解的人很危险吗
我很了解你 了解的时间不长
在某种意义上来说 我了解你很久了
早餐 先生
你说什么 我说早餐 先生
两杯苏格兰威士忌和苏打 加白开水 你喜欢白开水吗
不要点奶油或者糖吗 不 我喜欢喝清淡的
噢
我在说什么啊 我也在这么想
来杯浓苏打加蛋怎么 样很有味的
他不明白
剥皮器放左边还是右边 可以不要 杰拉尔德
一幅牌就可以搞定他 为了安全起见
大牌在外面 实牌在中间 我喜欢实牌
蓝本在外面 红牌在最中央
我可以用这一套赢整艘船上的人 嗨 哈瑞 嗨 杰拉尔德
嘿 吉恩 你好 淑女
希望你感觉不错 你的小朋友没有摔在甲板上
带着他的600美元 他去了换衣服准备晚餐了
你最好还是一样 因为我们今晚要去玩牌
我不是说要你做老少女 我想查尔斯爱上我了
不 当然爱上你了
美丽了北大西洋的人 谁人不爱
比他好的男人... 我是说真的
其他的就是假的 别开玩笑
我不是开玩笑 我从来没这么 高兴过 你还是和以往一样...
你没明白我的意思 我喜欢他 你为什么会喜欢他
他是我见过的最标准的类型
他是个玩扑克魔术的人 我猜他要向我求婚了
不 不
是的 太好了 吉恩
难怪你脸红 幸运的年轻人
真的幸运 你没听到他的脉搏 在拼命的跳动吗
他的耳朵肯定在像电话铃 一样响
他的手兴奋得满是汗
连么点和两点都分不清了
你不会想宰他吧 你下想什么
我想你们两个人都没有理解
我是说真的
我...我想我爱上那家伙了 还有他的蛇 他的一切
他...噢 我不知道
他触摸到了我的心灵
我会...
我是说 我就是他要的那种人
他梦想中的人 这么高尚啊 吉恩
我祝你幸福
所有世界上的男人和女人... 你还会去...
去干嘛 你知道我的意思
你可以跟我们住在一起 你也一样 当然是一部分时间
我们可能会有一个很漂亮的 地方 你们可以过得很安逸
和杰拉尔德一起玩扑克 我能想象在你们的庄园里漫步...
带着一个播种的棍子 50分钱一个星期 圣诞节收到一双新脱鞋
和改革派的麻烦就是他们会 尽力镇压你的游行
去做编织 玩扑克 不是和他
还记得那家伙还有我们的 500块吗 600块
我想你可以拿回来
是的 还有一点分红 噢 不
是的 我自己也会玩扑克的
是吗 我作你女儿也不是免费的
给我一包这个 你会明白的
现在的孩子不尊重父母了
我今晚没平常幸运 对吗
你不知道有多幸运 上校的扑克非常好
我想是我的事 我还没去玩牌的事
我注意到了 你跟多少
噢3000吧
你终于露相了
你喜欢就好
你也不会很客气的 100开局
那我就加100
太好了
看样子我得加100
看样子你的牌不错啊
继续
对不起
继续
我还加100
不好意思要你输 但我又不得不回应
加100
你让我好紧张哦
但我还得加200
派克人不知道什么是怕
加100
哈领顿人不知道什么是输
加200 你干什么
对不起 我以为给了你6张牌
差远了 我的淑女
差远了
加100 我不知道钱够不够了
噢 还多着呢
我加1000
我不想赚你这么多
但是 我想让你还是现出 你的无助吧
牌
除非你还有一个Q 我怀疑
我明白 你怎么知道的
我想你们谁应该有4个A吧
我检查一下我的4个Q 你呢
不好意思 我没路了
原谅我不给你看牌
噢 我真尴尬
我应该把牌丢了的 你以为他不会介意吗
爸爸喜欢输 你现在是多少
跟了1000吧
你们就到此为止吧 5分钟后我在甲板上等你
但你们得答应我别玩了
好
别玩了 哈瑞
好姑娘
是啊
我...
我不知道你注意到没有...
如果你不反对...
我想...要哈领顿小姐...
我是说 你的女儿...做我的妻子
噢 亲爱的孩子
你看我多惊讶
我还真没想过这事
我们得喝一杯 服务员 两杯酒
我很激动 谢谢 先生
我非常震惊
说不定她会让你失望的 但是...
我会努力让她幸福的 她要求的很少
我想你知道我很有钱 我们不是一样吗
对不起 因为要买别人没有的东西
那一定会很高兴的
是吗这就是有钱的悲哀啊 他们什么都不要
其实 查尔斯 我不想赚你的1000块
噢 先生 并不是掉在海里了
时钟嘀哒一下 就有14个在喝派克啤酒
我不知道为什么 但就是这样
我说的是事情的原则
岳父赢女婿的 这算怎么回事
我们清除这1000吧 加倍或者抵消
我答应吉恩不玩了的
这不是玩 只是解决一个尴尬
来1000 一张定输赢
干嘛...
算了 再来一次
现在我就欠你2000了 现在吧
我希望不是这样的 如果你再来一次 我肯定...
不来了 谢谢 我宁愿给 这32000 不想输更多
真不好意思 换现金吧
那就更不好意思了
32000...
美元
没零头
别说我的名字 我不想让吉恩知道
其实...
我真不想你告诉我们的事
放心吧 说得好
你答应我不玩了的 我们没玩 吉恩
我们...我们只是想抵消 你需要个管家
既然你教查尔斯不要玩 加倍或者抵消
那你还拿着那支票干什么 就这个 好孩子
你是跟我开玩笑的
为什么不行
你不会说我喜欢宰 我女儿的朋友吧
别想了 走
晚安 你的帐单 先生
这是上校给我的一个 可怕的教训
对 他很会开玩笑 真的让我出丑了
你真漂亮 谢谢
我...我跟你爸爸说了点事
是吗
是的
要到船头去吹吹风吗
好啊
空气很好 感觉心旷神怡
别动 干嘛
我领悟到了什么
每次在船上看到你 不仅是在这里看到你
都好像你找到了一条 回家的路 我不是很清晰
我在这里看到你 同时 感觉你离我越来越远...
然后变得很小 聚成一条线
不是的 就像...就像人们在 森林的空地上追逐
在后面 你是一个穿着短裙的 小女孩 你的头发...
披在你的肩膀上 一个小男孩抓着你的手
在遥远的地方 我还是跟你在一起
没有牵着你的手 因为不是 大男人 但他想...
然后越来越远 我们看起来很棒
你像一匹小马 我像一头小牛
我要说的是 我不是诗人 我是个蛇学家
我一直爱着你 从来没爱过别人 只有你
我知道那声音就像药店里的小说
我无法用言语来形容
但那就是我的意思
我想我们结婚 现在 就开始我们的蜜月
我也是 但是一切都不可能 这么简单 霍普西
我很爱你 我想你也是
所以 我们两个至少要有一个清醒的
也许我比你好些
他们说 月光照耀下的甲板 就是女人的办公室
你是事务长吗 你等等 克林克先生 过来一下
你是事务长吗 对 什么事
我想问你一个低调的问题
你还是找医生吧 别开玩笑
我要问的是 这#船上有没有老千
嘘 别这么大声 首先 这里没有
如果有呢 旅客就是旅客 朋友
只要他买了票 不头船上的东西
你想诽谤谁
你好像是个发言人一样 法律学校毕业的吧
我被法律事务所录用了 如果你是想谈这个的话
你出钱买酒 我在保护这个 小孩 派克的小孩
我帮他保护 你也要帮他保护
要么你就到沙滩上 卖爆米花去
他父亲认识你总裁 你得听我说
如果老派克发脾气了 你吃不了兜着走
我要做的... 你别恐吓我
马格托德 托格穆德先生
如果我发现派克先生 有什么危险
我会有船上著名的... 当然是机密的
扑克玩家的照片
并不是说我承认船上 有这样的人 你明白马
不 他们游在水里
请进
早上好 早上好 哈瑞
你很聪明 是吗 我必须这样
你真是个老无赖 有机会就挖苦我
你不为自己感到害臊吗
你真的爱他吗 是啊
不觉得有点危险吗 不是说我们 而是说你的心
这些正派的人心胸很狭窄
不会原谅的人不是男人
他的家庭呢
你会在结婚前把你的 身世告诉他吗
我想他向你求婚了吧 当然
你会告诉他吗 当然
但是下船之前你不会告诉他
你要对得起我和杰罗拉德
当然
我永远不希望你不幸福
我也希望我永远不要 像现在这么不幸福
他在等你 对
你也急着去见他 对
那我就让你走吧
早上好
干嘛 你昨天晚上输了多少
没有啊 干嘛 你看
船上有问题 有一帮老千在这里
私家侦探 怎么了 你输了吗
那家伙让我赢了点 所以你就更怀疑了
是不是 你脑袋要开点窍了
那你就高兴了 是吗
你看看这个就知道了 谢谢
你救了一个人的命
菲洛 万斯
如果你昨晚没输钱 你肯定没看到这个吧
我没输钱 那只有一种可能
他们想钓大鱼
你说什么啊
你没爱上谁吧
这跟你有什么关系
看看这个照片 我负责 早上好 先生
威士忌 好的 先生
霍普西 你这个时候 在酒吧干什么
早上好 早上好 亲爱的
你好像有什么心事啊
在担心什么吗
我应该吗 当然应该
在一片大海里爱上了 一个女孩
霍普西 那不了解女孩
最好的并不是你想象的那么好
坏的也不是那么坏
甚至不坏
你担心是正确的 爱上了一个远海探险者
你是个探险者吗 所有女人都是 她们必须是
如果你等待男人求婚 就会做个老处女
所以我才要你帮我穿鞋 然后把我的脸贴到你的脸上
然后要你抱我
然后...
我就爱上你了
这不是扑克的事
吉恩 唔 亲爱的
这是什么
自己看看
太巧了
我不在乎这张照片
早上好 早餐瓜 柚子 桔子汁
就来点咖啡吧 好的
别这么难过 我准备到 纽约告诉你的
我不告诉你是因为 对不住哈瑞和杰罗拉德
你不知道碰到这种事 该怎么办
我...
也许我想你多爱我一点
你相信我吗
你不会觉得我不告诉你 就跟你结婚吧
你没把我想得那么坏吧
是吗
昨天晚上干嘛不让 你爸爸宰我
如果你不相信我跟你说的 你也可以不相信这个
你不理解的
再说 我...
还好你是今天早上看到 照片而不是昨天晚上
如果你在乎的话
应该的
你觉得跟我好玩吗
我...
跟你在一起是开心 霍普西
比我跟任何人在一起都开心
特别是你告诉哈瑞怎么 玩魔术
你觉得很好玩 什么时候
在遇到你的那个早上之前 人家告诉我你想把我当笨蛋耍
谁告诉你的 别管谁告诉我
你是说你把我当笨蛋耍
我不相信
但是如果...
如果你只是想让 我觉得低俗 想伤害我
那你已经很成功了
你应该为自己感到自豪 派克先生
非常自豪
你的咖啡 小姐
好了 好了
亲爱的 你不必这么认真的
我恨了那家伙 我恨他
好了 好了
想到没宰到那家伙 我的血都在沸腾
我叫你不要把工作和 爱情混淆了 我不会了 相信我
别说没宰到他 唔
你怎么做的
记得他教我的魔术吗
用熨斗熨两下 就跟新的一样
我现在好受多了
快 宝贝 跑 宝贝 鞭
太跑宽了 他会没事的
在猪脖子上就会没事 快点 宝贝
我们要你赚钱 别这么喧嚣
噢 宝贝 别这样
我不明白的是他怎么完成第五局
只有5匹马参加比赛
你把赌注下在一只叫 跟着你的羊身上 你会期待什么
对不起 这个位子有人坐吗
亲爱的哈瑞 真巧
威廉 当然 威廉
又见到你真高兴 亲爱的 威廉 还有你 杰罗拉德
还有漂亮得想一包A的女士 你好
阿弗雷德爵士 好孩子
阿弗雷德 麦克戈林 凯斯 愿意效劳
那么才是真正的高手 我没见过比你们厉害的
自从船没出航之后 一个也没见过
怎么叫你 阿弗雷德爵士
我在布里奇菲尔德有个小窝
那镇上到处是百万富翁
那是桥牌的中心 多棒的游戏
康涅狄格州的布里奇菲尔德 对极了 我养了狗
养了马 还有个小房子 还有古董
我们可以到处玩点游戏
有时我的运气好 有时我的运气更好
一次又一次 多美啊 你怎么找到他们的
那些白痴如果有个人叫 阿弗雷德 麦克戈林 凯斯爵士
就不需要去找谁
露点小伎俩就可以搞定他们 然后继续 不费吹灰之力
你可以留下他们 就像你 自己租的一样 噢 宝贝
你认识派克吗 认识又怎么样
我认识他们我肯定喜欢 喝他们的酒
老家伙 好玩家
你认识查尔斯吗
就是那高个子 笨笨的 只会玩一些玩具的
我想看过他 他不笨
他是个科学家 是吗 我知道他...很古怪
又见到你们真高兴 第五局我们怎么办
你说吧 是吗
我可以到你家拜访吗 到我家拜访
以你侄女的身份 我侄女
亲爱的 你要做英国人的
我以前做过英国人 需要的时候就可以做
少胡扯
我想见那家伙
我还有事情没跟他了结呢
我需要他 就像斧头所以火鸡
还是去下注吧
*来呀 主人填满飞盘*
*直到它飞走*
*今天晚上我们开心*
*明天就会醒来*
喂
喂 对
白领带还是黑领带 我觉得你该系绿色的
什么派对谁开的
噢 我们
他们怎么不跟我说 有意思
我是派克先生 谁
我没听清楚 今晚派对上见吧
对了 什么时候谢谢
精神病院
人呢我的早餐呢
冠:一头狮子俯伏着...
或者两个爪子抓着一只鸡
落款:连字符 括号 省略号
你来吧 废话 这么简单
在第二或第三个爪间 三个十字架
十字架 对
十字架 埃米尔
十字架 你聪明 记住自己是谁
什么事 先生 我什么时候吃饭
他们不记得你了 我马上去 跟你拿点东西来吃 快点
你会后悔的 伙计 去死
噢 很好 去死 去死
蛇吃的呢 你自己去拿 安布罗斯
别叫我安布罗斯 怎么不在房间刮一下胡子
说你自己吧 你怎么了
去死 蛇吃的呢
在冰盒子里 你以为在哪啊 今天大家是怎么了
主人的早餐 你可以叫别人去
我干嘛了
嘿 你
唔 过来
你进去之后...
别说话
噢
有磨刀石吗 拿到后面去
好的
你就坐在这里 我马上就来
钢琴 你要什么
钢琴在哪里 你说在哪里
我告诉你 别忘了回来
巴劳斯 早上好 先生
你看到一条小蛇没有 上面有粉红斑点的
我没看到 先生
我这个早上也在找
谢谢 先生
不要压到草
下一辆
你在哪里拿来的
晚上好 你好
来 女士 不能堵塞交通
来 亲爱的
就来 格伦尼
别压到草 下一辆
就这里 小姐
晚上好 巴劳斯 阿弗雷德爵士
小姐好 小姐好
小姐好
伊芙 西德维奇小姐
和阿弗雷德 麦克戈林 凯斯爵士
欢迎 亲爱的 晚上好
阿弗雷德爵士 你好 你好
你好 格伦尼 幸会 老流氓
贺瑞斯 我侄女西德维奇小姐 你好
真是给了我一个惊喜 小姐 怎么叫你啊
贺瑞斯 我觉得你应该知道的
噢 你就叫我伊芙好了
就叫伊芙 这样好吗
你就是我寻找了一生的女孩
我们快点把这事做完 任何去喝点担心 太好了
就是这样 来
希望贺瑞斯不要 把她给吓坏了
她来美国多久了 三天
三天 就来见贺瑞斯 噢 我不知道
她怎么来的船好像没出航了
战船 战船
准确的说是巡航舰 那他得非常 非常...
噢 非常厉害
噢 亲爱的
其实 我非常想见 阿弗雷德叔叔
我又不知道这地方在哪里
我就从地下来的
地铁
然后我对他们说 让我在我叔叔那里下
我以为那天下午会有辆车
送一个盒子来
什么 货车上的箱子
所以他说 小姐 我不知道你叔叔住哪里
但这车是去黑人住宅区的
我不知道他怎么晓得我是个小姐
我说 你觉得我是不是 坐电车更好呢
他说 你也只能这样了
所以我谢了 他就来到了街上
但我感觉自己很傻
那你怎么到这里的 搭出租车
从纽约 是啊
噢 查尔斯 来见过伊芙 西德维奇小姐
你好 继续
司机说不远 所以我就说 好啊
但这城市确实太大了 20分一英里
你儿子还好吧 你怎么了
我想说...我们见过面吗
当然见过 你父亲刚刚 不就介绍过我们吗
你身体不舒服吗 嗯...还好
噢 对不起 你说 你以前没见过我
很可能吧 我想想 是哪里呢
多维耶比亚里茨 不是
我知道 拉托奎
你那时长了胡子 你想在娱乐场跟我见面
不 嗯 那就不猜了
我们喝酒
不是在S S 南方女王船上吗 就在这里和美国南部之间
我想不是的 你看 我从来没去过美国南部
你从来没去过
她从来没去过美国南部
事实上 三天前 我也从来没到过美国北部
你没有你没在S S 南方女王船上
你是怎么了
噢...对不起
噢 你爱上那个人了吗
他爱上她了 但是不知道她长什么样
别让他们取笑你 你可以 把所有关于她的事都讲给我听
我儿子有时特别聪明
我不知道她长什么样
但如果她跟你长得一样 那就敬她吧
谢谢
那是一个大牙齿的白色怪物
晚餐已经准备好了 夫人 谢谢 巴劳斯 晚餐 贺瑞斯
噢 好 我们去把肚子填饱
挽着我的手 我们冲过去
有吸引力
你没伤到自己吧 我没事
噢...我...
你最近没摔到瓶是吧
当然没有 每个人都会走路 连沙发都不知道
这沙发在这里15年了 还从来没人撞到过
现在僵局已经打破了
你到楼上洗个澡 我还是一样对你好
真是个好孩子
嗨
再见
噢
就是同一个人 长得一样 走路也一样...
她的动作就跟上次一样
她说话不一样 谁都会演戏的
猜猜我是谁
她两个眼睛长得更近吗 没有
还是在老地方 在两个鼻子上面
她干嘛要这么做 我不知道 也许她又想让你爱她
我是那种傻瓜吗 你不是第一个
我认识一个人 他三次娶了同一个女人
然后回过头来娶了她的阿姨
不 嗯
太像了 对啊 不可能是两个人
看起来很像是一个人
我不就这么说嘛 他们...
如果她把头发染黄了 眉毛不同 或者...
跟头发有什么关系 我以前碰到过一个...
她没染头发 她没装作从来没见过我
她说我看起来很眼熟 为什么你不说
如果我说 她就不会承认
如果她不是很像别的女孩 那我是会怀疑的
你不懂心理学 如果你想扮作别人
你会在下巴上弄点胡子 手上牵着一只狗对着你大叫
你是想告诉我她不是 船上的那个女人
连香水都是一样的
我不知道
就是同一个女人
噢 他来了
我换了一下衣服
别把桌子也撞倒了
好了吧 我没事 谢谢
刚好是我们中最好的 我记得在孟买的一个晚上 你去过孟买吗
你就在那里 我去过埃及
我记得在埃及的一个晚上 跟一些朋友在开一个小派对
有一天 我们去打鳄鱼...
你错过了一道好汤 不好意思
这鱼像诗一样美 是的
你听到伊芙小姐是怎么 来这个国家的吗
怎么来的 答应我别告诉别人
不会的 坐潜艇
不会吧
我发现你儿子非常帅
没有 是的 非常帅
干嘛 怎么不长眼睛呢
管别人什么闲事嘛 真是的
别说了 给我两分钱 我就刮你一个耳光
噢 你去死吧
怎么不长... 来 给我
干嘛 来
那个聋子说 你说什么啊
另一个旅客说...
我听说你把自己的妻子埋掉了
那个聋子说 我还是听不太清楚
噢
这里
你在餐厅干什么
你说我在干什么
对不起 先生 时间到了
另一个旅客又说...
来 女士优先
对不起 我以为他递给我
继续
你去把那无赖赶出去 还是我去
我很乐意 先生
是同一个 我可以断定...
我来接管这里 马格托德先生 是你还是别人
我说了 我来接管这里 安布罗斯 安布罗斯
我说了我来接管
你在这个房间没权力
让我来
噢 对不起 先生
对不起
噢 亲爱的 又这样了
干嘛不干脆穿浴衣出来呢
那个乡下人说 但很不巧 先生
如果我得罪了强盗 我就见不到老百姓了
再说 我也从来没在后面过
非常珍贵
太好了 你是说一流
你在这里 老弟 很好啊 这是在当地买的吧
这是最后一件 如果还要出事的 话 我就得披个浴巾出来了
别让它扫了我们的兴 老弟 谁家不发生点事呢
我还记得在卡罗林发生的事情...
希望你侄女别觉得 我是个笨蛋
怎么会呢 他喜欢年轻人为她倾倒
对贵族来说 这已经很不错的了
那个在船上的女孩... 船上的女孩
跟你侄女长得一模一样 嘘
她长的是麦克戈林的 眼睛吗浅蓝色的
我想是的 你可千万 不要跟别人提起这事
什么意思 你这是在揭丑啊
恐怕你这样会在 西德维奇的伤口上撒盐
我听不明白你的话 在那边的窗户边等我
表现出若无其事的样子
嘘 伯爵比她妈妈大很多
我们再也别提她
噢 这是一个从5月到1月的 浪漫故事
甚至可以说是从3月到12月
嘘 如果她知道我告诉了 你的话 会无比羞耻的
除非她自己都不知道
进入海湾之后 这对不幸的 新人就被拆散了
一个庄园里的马车夫
一个很会伺候马和女人的人 马车夫
对 驾马车的人 我知道马车夫是干什么的
他们叫他英俊的哈瑞 英俊的哈瑞
嘘 就是船上女孩的父亲
是啊 离婚之后不就是 别人的父亲了吗
但看起来是一模一样的 我们必须接受事实
我提出了一个这么 恐怖的嫌疑...
我们必须守口如瓶
我无法理解这个马车夫 在这两种情况下...还要我说吗
他做了 嘘
你想掀起汹涌的波浪吗
沉默是金
噢 穿着白色衣服出来了
要过来跟我聊聊吗
当然
对我的笨拙感到抱歉 一点事都没有
其实 我很喜欢这样
我不是经常这样的
当然不是 我们现在去哪里
噢 有个温室 好啊
怎么了 被拖住了
还好这次不是我的错
好了
真丢脸 我从来没在这么 尊贵的房子里看过这样的闹剧
如果我不是这么恨他 我会为他惋惜的
他真的摔得很漂亮
他还会摔很多次
你知道他为什么认不出我吗
知道 你不知道
我也差点认不出他了 他看起来更矮 更瘦
这是因为我们不爱对方了
你知道我们在船上是 多么的渴望对方
所以我觉得他那么高 那么帅
他可能也觉得我有闭月羞花般的 眼睛 蔷薇花蕾般的嘴唇...
还有纤纤细指 浪漫的旅行
你还真是的
但我眼睛警告他了
我说你是马车夫的女儿
不 是的
我要保护自己 我对这里很有兴趣
所以我给他灌输的是英俊的 马车夫 年老的伯爵...
年轻的妻子和两个长得 一模一样的小女儿
他真的相信了
是的 你现在抓住他了 准备怎么办
完成我一切的心愿
我要跟他一起吃饭 一起跳舞
一起游泳 一起开怀大笑
一起爱抚
然后 大概6个星期后的一天...
给小姐的红玫瑰
谁送的 查尔斯 派克先生 小姐
那个酿酒师的儿子 好长啊
丢到那个放伞的地方 好的 小姐
谢谢
我下辈子就像一个傻伯爵夫人一样
也许还不要6个星期
大概两个星期 我们就一起在山上骑马
淌瀑布 赏山景
过山涧 走过爬满葡萄藤的树林
然后来到一个景色迷人的地方
它会在我的心灵上产生震撼
落日是如此美丽
我不得不下马倾慕
望着大自然的美景
马儿抬起头 舔着我的头发
查尔斯 那个跟屁虫 就会吃马的醋
别动 我可以...
噢 对不起 我以为是马 是我
伊芙 什么 查尔斯
我猜你知道我在想什么
也许知道
两个人一生的结合...
也就是...婚姻...不能太草率
你真聪明
男人选择裁缝比选择 妻子更慎重
所以他们才这么有趣
不 他们选择裁缝比选择 妻子更慎重
噢 但你不是 查尔斯 对
我觉得如果生命中 有一次需要慎重
需要衡量轻重的 就是这一次
噢 是的 你... 你没必要太慎重
对
你会觉得我认识的时间太短
我...我觉得一直就认识你
这是我对你的感觉
我不只是看到你站在落日前
而是一种回家的感觉
我看到你在这里 同时...
你又越来越远 越来越远...
在一个很长的地方 就像...
一片森林上的空地
对 你怎么知道的
因为我也就是这么看你的 我们一起牵着手
难以置信 这是心灵的感应
噢 我可以猜透你很多心思
那我在想说这些话之前
就不必告诉你我的疑虑
伊芙 你真的很漂亮
你太好了 我...我配不上你
不 你配得上 查尔斯
如果只有一个人配得上我 那就是你
伊芙 查尔斯
你不能这么做 你会给我们都惹上麻烦的
你会危害到我多年经营的心血
我一定会告诉你爸爸的
她看起来漂亮吗漂亮
那谢谢了 伙计
自己女儿结婚却不在场 难过
特别是用假名字 合法吗 好像是的
女人经常改名字 这也没什么
但她为什么要这么做 也许想教训他
怎么教训她是这么说的
等着瞧 机会就要来临 而且不会太久
现在她跟一个自己恨的人 坐上火车去度蜜月
也许她想杀了他 她怕枪
也许想把他推到窗户外面去
火车的窗户打不开
请进
嗨 嗨
很温馨 对吗
噢 亲爱的 你没伤到自己吧
放这里 没事
噢 过来坐下
亲爱的 你没事吧
没事
你笑什么
没什么 亲爱的 完全不同
让我想起了上一次 哪一次
噢 我真是有点歇斯底里
我们没钱 所以我们 就坐了三等车
对面就坐着一个农夫 腿上放着一块乳酪
你没注意到我不吃乳酪的吗 太不浪漫了
你们去哪里 我们私奔
谁私奔 我 真的没什么 亲爱的
那时我才16岁 你知道 轻的女孩是多么浪漫
真的一点都不重要 我保证 对不起 我不该提的
就算我没说好了 吻我 一切都过去了
都过去了 是吗
你跟谁私奔
看样子我在你脑袋里种下 一颗种子了
你真的想知道吗
噢 为什么不忘了它呢
谁
阿格斯 阿格斯
真的没什么的
什么洞房花烛夜
他只是我父亲的一个马夫
马夫 也不完全是马夫
他放假的时候穿着马夫的衣服 那么他那天就是马夫了
其他时候他是个马棚伙计
马棚伙计 对 就是打扫马棚的
你觉得不是我选择的
他穿马夫的衣服并不难看
紧身裤子 靴子 一个比较大的丝帽子
你不觉得漂亮吗 我不觉得
你生气 我不知道什么时候该闭嘴
我受的教育都是要我诚实的
没什么的 我们私奔了 但他们 又把我们抓了回来 这就是结果
结果他们解雇了他
好 他们什么时候 把那么抓回来的
我想是天黑前
噢 不 你们在外面呆了 一个晚上
亲爱的 他们花了一个 星期才找到我们
我们每住一个旅馆 就换一个名字
想着那些名字你都会笑死的 我还记得几个...
我当然会笑死 噢 你生气了
伊芙 什么 亲爱的
人和动物唯一的区别就是
理解的能力
理解 原谅
当然还有仁慈不本性 和伟大的宽容之心
伟大的什么 伟大的宽容之心
噢
不瞒你说 我希望这种 事情没有发生过
但是发生了
一个16岁的女孩当然很幼稚
所以 我不能责备你什么
换成别人 也可能会这么做
我感谢你的坦率
阿格斯这个名字再也不会 从我嘴里说出来
我希望你也一样
来 像我一样笑笑
你知道你就是这样 第一眼看到你的时候我就知道
你不仅是我的丈夫 也是我的父亲
我知道你是值得我信任的人
我想这也是我爱你的原因
谢谢
不知道现在我该不该 跟你提起和曼
和曼 和曼是谁
瓦曼我以为你说和曼
瓦曼是和曼的朋友 什么朋友
瑟索 是叫切索
你说什么 哈勃和 贺勃是什么意思
他们是约翰的双胞胎表弟 约翰约翰是谁
上车
没听说过 这是律师说的
他说... 谁说
我不知道 我想是她的律师
但是他说她说她不会要律师的
不合规矩 可以这么想
我告诉你 我不会去见律师的
但这种事情一向都是律师处理的
可这不是 这完全是我和 我丈夫之间的事
胡说 你怎么了
他们想了结此事
如果你到里诺去 他们会给你一半...
6个星期之后以你的名义 把余下的给你
我们第一次可以捞到一点 合法的钱
噢 告诉他们我不会的
你现在就别装可爱了
你手上抓的是同花大顺
你完全有这个权力
我跟这个安排没有任何关系
但既然这是你的事 你最好还是走...
可以让我跟派克先生说吗
她在电话里 她想和派克先生说话
我们不能允许这样 这不合规矩
闭嘴 你要和她说吗
下辈子吧
派克先生 我建议你... 一边去
嗨 伊芙 我是贺瑞斯
嗨 亲爱的 我...
给你们添了这么多麻烦 真的很抱歉
我以为我有理由 但是现在我...
我只是想告诉你
我不会见律师 因为根本就没必要
我不要钱 什么都不要
他可以把珠宝什么的 都拿回去
我自己出钱去里诺
我想只有这样才公平
我只有一个请求
我想先见他 我...
我要他请求我离婚
就这样 不要钱 什么都不要
我要他过来请求我 因为...
在我们离婚前...
我还有话跟他说
等等 伊芙 她只要你去纽约请求她离婚
这是个陷阱就 你闭嘴好不好
这是她唯一的请求 你什么时候可以去
如果她要等我去请求她 那就叫她等到铁树开花吧
对极了 我再打电话给你 伊芙
他出去了一会儿 我再回你电话
你听着 傻瓜
说吧 我在听呢
喂 对 贺瑞斯
对不起 伊芙 他不愿意
我觉得这是个很公平的办法
我觉得你应该满足了
但他不愿意
他好像很伤心 对不起
让我跟他说话 求你 贺瑞斯
他可能不会跟你说话了 伊芙
再说 他现在已经去了跟他母亲告别呢
他要去哪里
不
谢谢 贺瑞斯
噢 霍普西 霍普西
霍普西
吉恩
对不起 你知道又能找到 你对我有多么重要吗
我们可以到你房间或者 什么地方去吗 你等等
噢 上校 真高兴又能见到你
这次我们一定要玩扑克 服务员 给上校点香槟
当然是 派克先生 来
你不能这样拉我吧 霍普西
我们没上错船吧
你那天为什么不抱着 我为什么要让我走
为什么要经历这么多苦难
你不知道你是我唯一爱的人吗
你不知道我即使想找也不会 找另外的人吗
你不知道我等了你一辈子吗
你原谅我吗 为什么你 是说说在船上的事
问题是你愿意原谅我吗
为什么 噢 你还是不明白
我不想明白 我不想知道 不管是什么 留给你自己吧
我明白的是 我爱慕你 我永远不会离开你 我们会明白的
有一件事 我要告诉你才公平
如果不是她长得像你 绝对不可能发生的
我现在没资格到你房间来了 为什么
因为我结婚了 我也一样 亲爱的 我也结婚了
绝对是同一个女人
[Whistling]
[Birds Chirping]
Once a day is plenty.
Just a couple of flies, a sip of milk and perhaps a pigeon's egg on Sundays.
I certainly will, Professor.
Keep her warm as you get farther north, and let her out of her box to play.
I certainly will, Professor.
Tell Dr. Marzditz I have named her Columbrina Marzditzia.
And this is only the beginning of what I am bringing out when I come out.
I'll do that,and I want to tell you...
I want to tell you how much I've enjoyed being on this expedition with you.
If I had my way, this is the way I'd like to spend all my time,
in the company of men like yourselves in the pursuit of knowledge.
So long, Lulu. I'll send you a postcard.
[Birds Chirping, Animal Hooting]
Good-bye, Charlie. If you get a chance to come back, this is where we'll be.
Give my affectionate salutations to your father.
Thank him for making the Pike expedition possible and, I hope, a success.
- I will, Professor. - Good-bye, my boy.
- Good-bye, Muggsy. - So long. Don't take no wooden money.
- Good-bye, Sparky. - Good-bye, Charlie.
- Bye, Mac. - Good-bye, Charlie.
- Bye, boys. - So long, "Sarlie."
- So long, gang. - So long, Muggsy.
[Whistling]
Be careful of the traffic. You haven't dodged any in a long time.
And be careful of the dames. You've not dodged them for a long time either.
- You know me, Mac, nothing but reptiles. - That's right, my boy.
[Mac] Good-bye.
[Horn Blowing]
[Gurgling, Whistling]
[High Whistle]
There he is!
[Bobby Whistle Blowing]
[Woman] You'd think he'd have a bigger yacht than that if he's so rich.
- That isn't a yacht. That's a tender. - What's a tender?
- I said Pabst. - It was Pike.
- So what? - Go put on your shorts.
- You can try. - Mom, it makes me puke.
- Puke? - No, Pike!
Go put on your peekaboo.
- Get down there and make it fast. - Aye, aye, sir.
[Whistling]
Gee, I hope he's rich. I hope he thinks he's a wizard at cards.
From your lips to the ear of the Almighty.
I hope he's got a fat wife so I don't have to dance in the moonlight with him.
A sucker always steps on your feet.
- A mug is a mug in everything. - I don't see why I have to do the work.
There must be plenty of rich old dames just waiting for you to push 'em around.
You find 'em. I'll push 'em.
Would I like to see you giving some old harpy the three-in-one.
- Don't be vulgar, Jean. Let us be crooked but never common. - Is he rich?
As the purser so picturesquely put it, he's dripping with dough.
- He'd almost have to be to stop a boat. - What does he own, Pike's Peak?
Oh, no, no. Pike's Pale, "The ale that won for Yale."
[Whistle Blowing]
- I wonder if I could clunk him. - Don't do that!
Hey!
- Two Pike's Pale. - Now, wait a minute!
Six more Pike's Pale, and make it snappy.
Are you trying to embarrass me? We're all out of Pike's.
- Work 'em over on something else. - They don't want nothin' else.
They want the ale that won for Yale. Rah, rah, rah!
Well, tell 'em to go to Harvard.
- [Man] Come on. - How many times do I have to tell ya...
- Four Pike's Pale. - Now listen!
[Hiccups]
- Not good enough. - What'd you say?
I said they're not good enough for him. EveryJane in the room...
is giving him the thermometer, and he feels they're just a waste of time.
He's returning to his book. He's deeply immersed in it.
He's sees no one except... Watch his head turn when that kid goes by.
It won't do you any good, dear. He's a bookworm, but swing 'em anyway.
Ah, how about this one?
How would you like that hanging on your Christmas tree?
Oh, you wouldn't? Well, what is your weakness, brother?
Holy smoke,the dropped kerchief!
Hasn't been used since Lily Langtry. You'll have to pick it up yourself.
It's a shame that he doesn't care for the flesh. He'll never see it.
Look at that girl over to his left.
Look over to your left, bookworm. There's a girl pining for you.
A little further.
Just a little further. There!
Wasn't that worth looking for? See those nice teeth beaming at you?
Why, she recognizes you. She's up. She's down. She can't make up her mind.
She's up again. She recognizes you. She's coming over to speak to you.
The suspense is killing me. Why, for heaven's sake,
Aren't you Fuzzy Oldhammer I went to manual training school with?
You're not? You certainly look exactly like him... a remarkable resemblance.
If you're not going to ask me to sit, I suppose you're not going to ask me.
Sorry. I certainly hope I haven't caused you any embarrassment.
I wonder if my tie's on straight. I certainly upset them, don't I?
Who else? The lady champion wrestler. Wouldn't she make a houseful?
You don't like her either. What are you going to do about it?
You just can't stand it anymore. You're leaving.
These women don't give you a moment's peace, do they? Go sulk in your cabin.
Go soak your head and see if I care!
[Dishes Clattering]
I'm very sorry, sir.
That's all right.
- Why don't you look where you're going? - Why don't I look?
- Look, you knocked the heel off. - Oh, I did? I'm sorry.
You did, and you can take me right to my cabin for another pair of slippers.
- The least I can do. My name's Pike. - Everybody knows.
Nobody's talking about anything else.
This is my father Colonel Harrington. My name is Jean. It's really Eugenia.
- Funny our meeting like this, isn't it? - Yes, isn't it?
[Chuckling]
- This is quite a cabin. - Pretty cozy, isn't it?
[Sniffing]
- Holy Moses! - What's the matter?
- That perfume. - What's the matter with it?
It's just that I've been up the Amazon for a year, and they don't use perfume.
Oh. The shoes are over here.
Because you were so polite, you can pick them out and put them on if you like.
Push that side. There.
- Holy Moses! - See anything you like?
- The evening slippers are over there. - [Chuckles]
Those the ones you want?
Doesn't seem possible for anybody to wear anything that size.
Oh, that's pretty.
You'll have to kneel down.
- I hope I didn't hurt you. - Of course you didn't.
Don't you feel well?
Oh, I'm all right.
- What were you doing up the Amazon? - Looking for snakes.
- I'm an ophiologist. - I thought you were in the beer business.
- Beer? Ale! - What's the difference?
- Between beer and ale? - Yes.
My father'd burst a blood vessel if he heard you say that.
There's a big difference. Ale's sort of fermented on the top or something.
And beer's fermented on the bottom. Or maybe it's the other way around.
There's no similarity at all.
The trouble with being descended from a brewer,
no matter how long ago he "brewed-ed" or whatever you call it,
you're supposed to know all about something you don't give a hoot about.
It's funny to be kneeling here at your feet talking about beer.
You see, I don't like beer. Bock beer, lager beer or steam beer.
- Don't you? - I do not!
And I don't like pale ale, brown ale, nut brown ale, porter or stout,
which makes me "ulp" just to think about it.
Excuse me.
Wasn't enough, so everybody would call me Hopsie ever since I was six.
- Hopsie Pike. - Hello, Hopsie.
- Make it, Charlie, will you? - [Laughing]
All right, but there's something kinda cute about Hopsie.
And when you get older, I could call you Popsie. Hopsie Popsie.
- That's all I'd need. - [Laughs]
Here's a business I wouldn't mind. I never realized how lovely it could be.
Oh, thank you.
We'd better get back now.
Yes, I guess so.
You see, where I've been... I mean, up the Amazon, you kind of forget how...
I mean, when you haven't seen a girl in a long time...
I mean, uh, there's something about that perfume that...
- Don't you like my perfume? - Like it? I'm cockeyed on it.
Why, Hopsie, you ought to be kept in a cage.
The nerve of some people.
Ah, there you are.
It certainly took you long enough to come back in the same outfit.
I'm lucky to have this on. Mr. Pike has been up a river for a year.
- Now, look, l... - Pay no attention to my daughter.
It always comes out in the women of our family.
- The men are all missionaries,with the exception of myself. - And what an exception.
- Won't you have a drink with us? - Just a brandy. You have it with me.
- Three brandies. - Yes, sir.
Have you seen this one?
- Oh, he does card tricks! - In a small way, of course.
Well, bless my soul. Do that again, will you?
Amazing. How do you do it?
You palm it in this hand. You grip it in the palm of the hand like this.
- It takes a good deal of practice. - I can well imagine it might.
Amazing. It's good I know who you are or I wouldn't play cards with you.
Sir?
- You didn't really think that, uh... - Oh, of course not, silly.
- You look as honest as we do. - Three brandies.
- Washington and Valley Forge. - Dewey and Manila.
Napoleon and Josephine.
- Say, how about a rubber of bridge? - You're probably too good for us.
I don't have to play my best. Besides, playing with you...
- would always be a pleasure. - Aren't you sweet?
Who'll we get for a fourth?
Isn't there a three-handed game? I seem vaguely to remember having...
Of course there is, and it'll be much cozier. Will you shuffle?
- Well, I'll try. - Every man for himself.
- I, uh, what? - Um.
Oh. Well...
You go up the Amazon for a year, and then you come out and meet you...
[Jean Laughing]
[Passengers Chattering]
- I'll be a cockeyed cookie pusher! - Ha!
- What's the matter now? - Come on, deal them shingles.
You don't happen to have some beautiful damsel pining for you, do you?
- That often explains it. - Come on. Let's go.
- I really feel very guilty about this. - Don't let it worry you.
It's a good thing we're not playing for money, or I'd have you in bankruptcy.
- This last hand alone... - Weren't we playing for money?
Of course not. I never play for money.
We always play for money. Otherwise, it's like swimming in an empty pool.
- Lf you count that last redouble, it's... - Nonsense, my boy.
- At ten cents a point? - At ten cents a point?
Purely nominal. Now, let me see. Five, ten...
- You'll ruin us. - Four ninety-eight. Roughly $500.
- Oh, wait a minute. - Father's in the oil business.
It just keeps bubbling up out of the ground.
- I thought with the title of colonel... - Purely honorary.
- How much do I owe the sucker? - Now, let me see. Two, four, six...
Who's that funny-looking gink watching us?
- Everything on the up-and-up? - Everything's okay. Go to bed. I'm way ahead.
- All right. - Who's that, your nurse?
That's Muggsy.
My father took him off a truck when I was a kid to look out for me.
Kidnappers, stuff like that.
He's been sort of a bodyguard, governess and a very bad valet ever since.
He saved my life once in a brawl.
- Roughly $100. - That's rough enough.
- Since I had no understanding that... - Don't worry. I'll get it back.
- Well, if that's a promise. - You can depend upon it.
- I'll certainly feel better. - You certainly will.
I think I'll toddle off...
and leave you young people to talk about whatever young people talk about.
- I'm awfully sorry about this. - Beeswax, my boy, beeswax.
- Good night, Jeanie. - Good night, darling.
- He's a nice fellow, your father. - He's a good card player too.
You think so? I don't want to be rude,
- but he seemed a little uneven. - He's more uneven sometimes than others.
That's what makes him uneven. But now you, on the other hand,
with a little coaching, you could be terrific.
- Do you really think so? - Yes, you have a definite nose.
I'm glad you like it. Do you like any of the rest of me?
Oh, what I meant was in the card-playing sense...
I know what you meant. I was just flirting with you.
Oh.
You're not going to faint, are you?
Who, me? Uh, it's that perfume.
Oh.
Do you think they're dancing anyplace on board?
Don't you think we ought to go to bed?
You're certainly a funny girl for anybody to meet...
who's just been up the Amazon for a year.
Good thing you weren't up there two years.
Come on.
[Laughing]
Good night.
- I'm afraid we're on the wrong deck. - Isn't that a coincidence?
- For heaven's sake, here's my cabin. - Fantastic!
[Clears Throat] Would you care to come in and see Emma?
That's a new one, isn't it? [Laughs]
- Shh. I don't want to wake her up. - Wake who up?
- Emma. - Emma? I thought that was just a gag.
Technically, she's a Columbrina Marzditzia,
which seems to be a rare type of Brazilian glass snake, which I'm...
- A snake! - She seems to have got out again.
- She's out? - Well, don't worry.She's around here someplace.
- Let me out of here! - Oh, don't be frightened.She's as playful as a kitten.
- You mustn't really... - [Screaming]
Don't do that! How's that going...
[Screaming Continues]
I'm sorry. I wouldn't have frightened you for anything in the world.
- Why didn't you tell me... - I thought you understood.
How could I understand? Why should I suspect an apparently civilized man...
- Please. - Oh. Look under the bed.
- How could she possibly get down here? - Please!
- Oh, all right. - Please.
- Oh! - It's just a stocking.
If you see any more, just leave them there. Now, look in the bed.
- In the bed? How could she possibly... - Oh, go on now.
- You know how fast we came down,so you can imagine... - Oh!
It's nothing, but it might have given you a shock.
- Nothing like a cold hot water bottle. - Oh!
They would have had to bury me at sea.
Come over here and sit down beside me. Oh.
- Comfortable? - Yes, very.
Oh, sorry.
Hold me tight.
Oh, you don't know what you've done to me.
I'm terribly sorry.
Oh, that's all right.
I wouldn't have frightened you for anything in the world.
I mean, if there's anyone in the world I wouldn't have wanted to,
it's you.
You're very sweet. Don't let me go.
Thank you.
[Sighs] How was everything up the Amazon?
A-All right, thank you.
What are you thinking about?
Nothing.
Are you always going to be interested in snakes?
Well, snakes are my life in a way.
What a life.
Oh, l-I suppose it does sound sort of silly.
I mean, I suppose I should have married and settled down.
I imagine my father always wanted me to.
As a matter of fact, he's told me so rather plainly.
I just never cared for the brewing business.
Oh. You say that's why you've never married?
Oh, no. It's just that I...I've never met her.
I suppose she's around somewhere in the world.
It would be too bad if you never bumped into each other.
Well...
I-I suppose you know what she looks like and everything.
I think so.
I'll bet she looks like Marguerite in Faust.
Oh, no, she isn't...
I mean, she hasn't... She's not as bulky as an opera singer.
- Oh. How are her teeth? - Huh?
You should always pick one out with good teeth. It saves expense later.
- Oh, now you're kidding me. - Not badly.
You have a right to have an ideal.
Oh, I guess we all have one.
What does yours look like?
He's a little short guy with lots of money.
- Why short? - What does it matter if he's rich?
It's so he'll look up to me, so I'll be his ideal.
- That's a funny kind of reasoning. - Well, look who's reasoning.
And when he takes me out to dinner, he'll never add up the check.
And he won't smoke greasy cigars or use grease on his hair, and...
- Oh, yes, he won't do card tricks. - Oh!
Oh, it's not that I mind your doing card tricks, Hopsie.
It's just that you naturally wouldn't want your ideal to do card tricks.
I shouldn't think that kind of ideal was so difficult to find.
Oh, he isn't. That's why he's my ideal.
What's the sense of having one if you can't ever find him?
Mine is a practical ideal...
you can find two or three of in every barber shop getting the works.
Why don't you marry one of them?
Why should I marry anybody that looked like that?
When I marry, it's going to be somebody I've never seen before.
I won't know what he looks like or where he'll come from or what he'll be.
I want him to sort of take me by surprise.
Like a burglar.
That's right.
And the night will be heavy with perfume,
and I'll hear a step behind me...
and somebody breathing heavily.
And then...
Oh!
Ohhh! You better go to bed, Hopsie.
I think I can sleep peacefully now.
I wish I could say the same.
Why, Hopsie!
[Sea Gulls Squawking]
Ah, good morning, Mr. Murgatroyd.
- I trust I see you full of sparkle. - Morning.
- Have a dish of tea? - I had my breakfast.
Where I come from we get up in the morning.
And where did it get you? Or is that a personal question?
- Where did it get me? - Good morning, sir.
Fruit, cereal, bacon and eggs, eggs and sausage, sausage and hot cakes,
hot cakes and ham, ham and eggs, eggs and bacon, bacon and...
Give me a spoonful of milk, a raw pigeon's egg and four houseflies.
If you can't catch any, I'll settle for a cockroach. I'll be on deck.
♪ [Whistling]
- Did you get it? - Close enough.
- ♪ [Whistling] - There. Dunk your whiskers in that.
- How much you say you win last night? - About $600.
- I'm going to try to lose it back. - I don't get it.
- I lose 40 bucks to their valet, and I figure the guy's a cutie. - Because he took you?
Who do you think you are,Houdini?
You don't have to be a whodunit to tell a cold deck.
All you have to know is the difference between hot and cold.
- That guy rung a cold deck in on me. - Balderdash!
You're always suspicious of everybody.
Remember the clergyman you said was a pickpocket and he turned out a bishop?
- I still ain't so sure. - The guy trying to slip you a mickey?
- Only he was taking aspirin. - I ain't so sure about him neither.
I suppose you think this gentleman and his daughter...
Lost $600 to me just so they could fleece me later.
- Yeah. - Yeah?
Well, in the first place, he happens to be Colonel Harrington, a very important oil man.
In the second place, I'm an expert card player.
I've been fooling with cards all my life. I do tricks with cards.
They might know a couple of tricks you ain't seen yet.
[Screams]
What's the matter?
Oh, I'm sorry.That slimy snake.
- I've been dreaming about him all night. - You mean Pike?
No, his reptile.
He travels with a snake act. He's a... He's an ophi...
Oh, I don't know.He likes snakes.
You mean he isn't in the beer business?
He's in the ale business. It seems there's a very big difference.
You had me worried. I thought we'd sweetened the wrong kitty.
Oh, no, he's the real McPike. Hmm.
- That poor sap. That card trick. - Tragic.
- What are you dealing? - Fifths.
- Like heck you're dealing fifths. - Want to bet?
Do it again.
Now let me see the aces.
Hmm.
Now, let me see them.
- I don't believe it. - It's just virtuosity.
[Chuckles]
- Harry. - Yes, darling?
Tell me my fortune.
[Bell Ringing]
[Children Shouting]
Good morning.Thank you for the roses.
Gee, you look pretty. I hope you slept well.
I'm still a little jumpy. How is that, uh, Emma?
- She's just having breakfast. - What does she eat? Don't tell me.
No, I won't.
I hope you didn't mind my asking you to breakfast.
It wouldn't be polite if I said I did, would it?
- No, I don't suppose it would. - And it wouldn't be true either.
You have the darnedest way of bumping a fellow down and bouncing him up again.
- And then bumping him down again. - Oh.
I could imagine life with you being a series of ups and downs,
lights and shadows, some irritation, but very much happiness.
Why, Hopsie! Are you proposing to me so soon?
- No, of course not. I'm just... - Then you ought to be more careful.
- People have been sued for much less. - Not by girls like you.
Don't you know it's dangerous to trust people you don't know very well?
- Well, I know you very well. - People you haven't known very long.
Oh, I've known you a long time in a way.
Breakfast, sir?
- What did you say? - I said breakfast, sir?
Two scotch and sodas with plain water. You take it plain, don't you?
- Don't you take cream and sugar in it? - No, I always drink it black.
Oh.
- Say, what am I talking about? - That's what I was wondering.
How about a nice bicarbonate of soda with an egg in it? It does wonders.
- He doesn't understand. - [Laughs]
- Want the strippers on the right? - I hardly need them, Gerald.
- I can take this boy with a deck. - Just to be on the safe side.
- High card cuts on the outside,cold hands in the middle. - ? Cold hands I love ?
Blue readers on the outside, red nearest the heart.
- I could play the whole ship with these. - Hello, Harry. Hello, Gerald.
- Hello, Jean. - Greetings, my little minx.
I hope I find you well and that your little pal hasn't fallen overboard.
- With our $600. - He's jut gone to dress for dinner.
You'd better do the same, because we are going to play cards tonight.
- And I don't mean "old maid." - I think Charles is in love with me.
- No! - Of course he's in love with you.
Who is he not to be in love with you who have beautified the North Atlantic?
- Better men than he... - I mean on the level.
- The others were on the bias? - Oh, stop kidding.
I'm not kidding. I was never more delighted. You have as usual taken...
- You don't get the point. I like him. - Why shouldn't you like him?
There's as fine a specimen of the sucker sapiens as I've have ever seen.
- There's a man who does card tricks! - I think he's going to ask me to marry him.
- [Colonel] No! - No!
- Yes. - That's wonderful, Jean.
No wonder you're blushing. And that fortunate young man.
- Fortunate, indeed. - Can't you hear his pulses pounding?
His ears must be ringing like telephone bells.
His hands are clammy with excitement.
He won't know an ace from a deuce.
- You weren't thinking of taking him? - What were you thinking of?
I don't think you understand, either of you.
This is on the up-and-up.
L-I think I'm in love with the poor fish, snakes and all.
He's... Oh, I don't know.
He's kind of touched something in my heart.
And I'd give a lot to be...
Well, I mean, I'm going to be exactly the way he thinks I am.
- The way he'd like me to be. - I'm sure that's very noble, Jean.
And I wish you all the happiness in the world,
- All the boys and girls you want. - You'll go straight too?
- Straight to where? - You know what I mean.
You can come and live with us. You too, Gerald. Well, part of the time anyway.
We'll probably have a beautiful place. And think how peaceful you can be.
Playing cribbage with Gerald. I can see myself roaming around your estate...
with a weedsticker, 50 cents a week and a pair of new slippers for Christmas.
The trouble with people who reform is they want to rain on everybody else's parade.
- Tend to knitting. I'll play cards. - Not with him.
- Remember that sucker has $500 of ours? - Six hundred.
I suppose you could take that back.
- You bet I could, and a little dividend along with it. - Oh, no.
- Oh, yes. - You'll find I can play a cards myself.
- You think so? - I'm not your daughter for free.
Give me a pack of those. You'll find out.
Children don't respect their parents anymore.
I haven't been quite as lucky tonight as usual, have I?
You don't know how lucky. The colonel has been drawing wonderful cards.
- I believe it's my deal. - I haven't got my mind on the game.
I noticed that. How much are you behind?
Oh, about $3,000.
Well, well, well. You've given me a good hand at last.
I'm glad you like it.
[Chuckling]
You'll have to be pretty good to beat me. I'll open for 100.
Nevertheless,I'll raise you 100.
Too good for me.
I'm afraid I'll have to raise you 100.
Well, you must have something pretty good.
Still... [Coughing]
Excuse me. [Coughing Continues]
Still...
I'll raise you 100.
Sorry to see you lose your money, but I can't let that challenge go unanswered.
And 100.
Well, you're making me very nervous.
But I must raise you 200.
A Pike doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear."
And 100.
A Harrington doesn't know the meaning of the word "defeat."
And 200. What are you doing?
Oh, I'm so sorry. I thought I'd given you six cards.
Far from it, my little minx.
Far from it.
- And 100. - I wonder if I have enough money.
Oh, yes, plenty, plenty.
I'll raise you 1,000.
I don't want to win so much from you,
but I'll call you just to show you how hopeless it is.
Cards?
Not unless you have another queen, which I doubt.
Well, I'll see what I can do. What do you know about that?
I thought at least one of you had four aces.
I'll check my four queens. What have you?
I regret to say that I was bluffing.
Spare me the shame of showing you on what.
Oh, say, I'm embarrassed.
- Maybe I should have laid my cards down. - You don't think he minds?
Father loves to lose. How do you stand now?
Oh, just about $1,000 behind.
You're going to stop right there. I'll meet you on a-deck in five minutes.
But I want your word of honor that you won't play even one more hand.
You have it.
Know any more games, Harry? [Chuckles]
Wonderful girl.
Yes, isn't she?
I, uh...
I don't know whether you noticed, but, uh...
If you have no objections, it was...
It was my intention to, uh, ask Miss Harrington...
I mean, your daughter... to, uh, [Clears Throat] be mine.
Why, my dear boy!
You see me astonished!
Why, that was the last thing that entered my mind.
Bless my soul. We must have a drink on that. Steward, two drinks.
- Well, I'm all emotional. - Thank you, sir.
To say that I am thunderstruck is an understatement.
She'll probably turn you down, but anyway...
- I intend to make her as happy as I can. - She asks very little.
- I suppose you know I'm very rich. - Aren't we all?
I'm sorry in a way because it would be so pleasant...
to buy lovely "nonsensities" for somebody who'd never had them.
Wouldn't it? That's the tragedy of the rich. They don't need anything.
As a matter of fact, Charles, I don't even like winning $1,000 from you...
Oh, my dear sir, it isn't a drop in the ocean.
Why, every time the clock ticks, 14 people swig a bottle of Pike.
I don't know why, but there you are.
It's the principle of the thing that bothers me.
A father who wins from his own son-in-law, how does that look?
Here, let's wipe out that 1,000. Double or nothing.
Well, I promised Jean I wouldn't play anymore.
This isn't playing. This is undoing an absurdity.
Here, $1,000. High card takes it. Go ahead.
Why... Well...
Darn it all. Now we'll have to try again.
- That's 2,000 I owe you. - For the moment.
I wish you wouldn't do that. I'm sure if you tried once more...
No, thanks. I'd rather pay 32,000 than lose a really large amount.
This is very embarrassing. Just make it out to cash.
It could be even more embarrassing.
Thirty-two thousand...
dollars...
and no cents.
Uh, don't mention the middle name. I wouldn't wantJean to know it.
As a matter of fact,
I'd prefer if you wouldn't tell Jean anything about the whole transaction.
- You may depend upon it. - You certainly may!
- You promised you wouldn't play anymore. - We didn't play anymore, Jean.
- We... We were just wiping out my loss. - You need a keeper!
Now that you've taught Charles not to play "double or nothing,"
- what are you Gonna do with that check? - Just this, my pretty child.
You mean it was just a joke?
[Laughing] Why, of course.
You don't actually think I'd bleed my own daughter's friend, do you?
Perish the thought! Come on!
Good night.Your check, sir.
That was a terrible lesson the colonel almost taught me.
- Yeah, he's a great joker. - He certainly had me fooled.
- Gee, you look lovely. - Thank you.
I, uh... I spoke to your father about something.
Did you?
Yes.
Would you like to go up in the bow of the boat and stand in the wind?
I'd love to.
The air is good, isn't it? It makes you feel all clean inside and nice.
- Don't move. - What?
I've just understood something.
Every time I've looked at you here on the boat, it wasn't only here I saw you.
You seemed to go way back. I know that isn't clear,
but I saw you here, and at the same time further away, then still further away;
and then very small, like converging perspective lines.
That isn't it. It's like... like people following each other in a forest glade.
Only way back there you're a little girl with a short dress and your hair...
falling to your shoulders, and a little boy is standing, holding your hand.
In the middle distance, I'm still with you,
not holding your hand anymore because it isn't manly, but wanting to.
And then still further,we look terrible.
You with your legs like a colt and mine like a calf.
What I'm trying to say is... only I'm not a poet, I'm an ophiologist...
I've always loved you. I mean, I've never loved anyone but you.
I know that sounds dull as a drugstore novel,
and what I see inside I'll never be able to cast into words,
but that's what I mean.
I wish we were married and on our honeymoon now.
So do I. But it isn't as simple as all that, Hopsie.
I'm terribly in love,and you seem to be too.
So one of us has to think and try and keep things clear.
Maybe I can do that better than you can.
They say a moonlit deck is a woman's business office.
- Are you the purser? - Just a moment. Mr. Klink, please.
- You the purser? - Yes. What is it, please?
I want to ask you a "hypothermical" question.
- Maybe that would be better to ask the doctor. - Never mind the wisecracks.
What I want the dope on is, if there happened to be card sharks on this tub...
Shh! Not so loud, please. In the first place, there isn't any, and...
- Could you prove it if there was? - A passenger is a passenger, my friend.
If he pays for his ticket and doesn't steal the ship's towels,
who are we to go slandering him?
You don't happen to be a mouthpiece? You talk like a law school.
I was admitted to the BAR, if that's what you're talking about.
The drinks are on you. I watch out for the kid, the Pike kid.
I watch out for him, and you're gonna watch out for him,
or you'll be right on the beach sellin' popcorn.
His old man knows your president. A wire from me is all it takes.
When old man Pike goes into action, you'll be in the side pocket.
- All I gotta do... - You needn't try to intimidate me, Mr...
- Murgatroyd to you. - Troygamoyd.
If I should discover that Mr. Pike was in any danger of being swindled,
I might have some photographs... confidential, of course...
of some of the better known alleged professional card players.
Not that I admit there are any on this ship. You understand?
Naw, they're swimming alongside in the water.
Come in.
- Good morning. - Good morning, Harry.
- Think you're pretty smart, don't you? - You know I had to.
You're such an old scoundrel. You'd skin me if you had the chance.
Aren't you ashamed of yourself?
- Are you really in love with this mug? - Uh-huh.
Don't you think it a little dangerous? I don't mean for us, for your heart.
They're apt to be slightly narrow-minded, these righteous people.
A man who couldn't forgive wouldn't be much of a man.
What about his family?
You're going to tell him who we are before you marry him?
- I presume he's offered you marriage. - Of course he did.
- And you're going to tell him? - Of course.
But you're not going to tell him till you get off the boat.
You'd have to be fair to Gerald and to me.
Naturally.
I hope you'll never be unhappy.
I hope I'll never be more unhappy than I am right now.
- He's waiting for you? - Uh-huh.
- And you're in a hurry to get to him? - Uh-huh!
- Then I'll leave you. - [Chuckles]
- ♪ [Whistling] - [Bell ringing]
♪ [Whistling continues]
[Children Chattering]
Good morning.
♪ [Whistling]
- Oh, what do you want? - How much did you lose last night?
- Nothing. Why? - You see?
There's something screwy somewhere. This is a gang of sharpies.
Sherlock Holmes! What's the matter, did you lose?
- The guy lets me win a few fish. - So you get twice as suspicious?
- That's right? - You ought to put handles on that skull.
- Maybe you could grow geraniums in it. - Yeah?
Well, get a load of this and see what you can grow in it. Gratitude!
That's what you get for savin' a guy's life.
Philo Vance!
If you didn't lose any money last night, I would prefer you didn't look in there.
- I didn't lose any. - There's only one other possibility.
They might be aiming at higher game.
What are you talking about?
You haven't fallen in love, have you?
What's it got to do with you?
Look at the photograph. I'll take the consequences. Good morning, sir.
[Children Chattering]
- Straight scotch. - [Man] Yes, sir.
Why, Hopsie! What are you doing at the bar at this hour?
- Good morning. - Morning, darling.
You look like the last grave over near the willow.
Are you worried about something?
- Should I be? - Of course you should,
falling in love with a girl in the middle of an ocean.
You see, Hopsie, you don't know very much about girls.
The best ones aren't as good as you probably think they are,
and the bad ones aren't as bad.
Not nearly as bad.
You're right to worry, falling in love with an adventuress on the high seas.
- Are you an adventuress? - All women are. They have to be.
If you waited for a man to propose, you'd die of old maidenhood.
That's why I let you try my slippers on, and then I put my cheek against yours;
then I made you put your arms around me,
and then l...
I fell in love with you,
which wasn't in the cards.
- Jean. - Yes, darling?
What's that?
You'd better look.
Rotten likeness, isn't it?
I never cared for that picture.
Good morning. Breakfast? Melon, grapefruit, orange juice?
- Just some coffee, please. - Yes, indeed.
Please don't look so upset. I was going to tell you when we got to New York.
I would have told you, only it wouldn't have been fair to Harry and Gerald.
You never know how someone's going to take things like that.
And... well...
maybe I wanted you to love me a little more too.
You believe me, don't you?
You don't think I was going to marry you without telling you?
You don't think that badly of me.
Or do you?
Why didn't you let your father rob me last night?
If you didn't believe what I just told you, you wouldn't believe that either.
You wouldn't understand.
Anyway, I'm...
I'm glad you got the picture this morning instead of last night,
if that means anything to you.
It should.
You thought you were having a lot of fun with me, didn't you?
I...
I was having a lot of fun with you, Hopsie.
More fun than I've ever had with anybody.
You were certainly very funny showing Harry how to palm a card.
- You were pretty funny yourself. - When?
Trying to play me for a sucker when they told me who you were the morning after I met you.
- Who told you? - Never mind who told me.
You mean you were playing me for a sucker?
I don't believe it.
But if you were...
If you were just trying to make me feel cheap and hurt me,
you succeeded handsomely.
You ought to be very proud of yourself, Mr. Pike.
[Sobbing] Very proud of yourself.
[Waiter] Your coffee, miss!
[Sobbing]
[Sobbing Continues]
There, there, there.
My gracious! You know you shouldn't draw to an inside straight.
[Sobbing] I hate that mug. I hate him!
There, there.
[Horn Blaring]
[Ship Horn Blaring]
When I think we let that sucker off scot-free, it makes my blood boil!
- I told you not to mix business. - I won't again, believe me.
- "Scot-free" is perhaps an exaggeration. - Hmm?
[Tugboat Horn Tooting]
How did you do it?
Don't you remember he showed me how to palm things?
With two strokes of a hot iron, it'll come out like new.
[Ship Horn Blaring]
I feel a lot better already.
[Spectators Cheering, Shouting]
Come on, baby! Roll, you sweet pappy! Roll them heels!
- He took it too wide. - He'll be all right.
- In a pig's neck, he'll be all right. - Come on, pappy!
- Pappy needs them pennies! - Keep it down to a riot!
[Spectators Shouting]
Oh, baby, don't do that!
What I can't understand is how he finished fifth!
There were only five horses in the race.
What do you expect when you bet on a goat called "After You"?
Pardon me, but is this seat taken?
My dear Harry! Bless my soul!
- William at the moment. - William, of course.
I'm enchanted to see you again, My dear William. And you, Gerald.
- And the lady pretty as a pack of aces. - Hello, Pearlie.
Sir Alfred at the moment,my pretty child.
Sir Alfred McGlennan Keith at your service.
You're certainly a sight for lame peepers. I've seen nobody,
absolutely not a soul in our set, since the boat stopped running.
- What's your pitch, Pearlie? - Sir Alfred.
I have a little nest on the edge of a town called Bridgefield,
a town that's full of millionaires.
It's in the heart of the contract bridge belt, a wonderful game!
- Bridgefield, Connecticut? - Precisely. I have my dogs.
I have my horses. I have my little house. I have my antiques.
We play a little game here and a little game there, then we play somewhere else.
Sometimes my luck is good. Sometimes my luck is better.
- One thing and another, what a dream! - How do you meet them?
The chumps? When one's name is Sir Alfred McGlennan Keith, R.F.D.,
one doesn't have to meet them.
One fights them off with sticks. Then again, just think, there's no hurry!
- You have them by the year like a lease. - [Colonel] Ah, Pearlie.
- Tell me, do you know the Pikes? - What do you care if he does?
Oh, do I know them? I positively swill in their ale.
Good old Horace. What a card player.
Do you know Charles?
Is he the tall, backward boy who's always toying with toads and things?
- I think I have seen him skulking about. - He isn't backward.
- He's a scientist. - Oh, is that what it was? I knew he was... peculiar.
Well, it's charming to have seen you again. Now, what have we in the fifth?
- Say, Pearlie. - Yeah?
- Could I visit you sometime? - Could you visit me sometime?
- As your niece. - As my niece?
My dear girl,you have to be English.
I've been English before. I shall be as English as necessary.
Why don't you stop talking nonsense?
Because I want to see that guy.
I've got some unfinished business with him.
I need him like the axe needs the turkey!
[Bell Ringing]
Better go make your bets.
? Come, landlord fill the flowing bowl ?
? Until it doth run over ?
? For tonight we'll merry, merry be ?
? Tomorrow we'll be sober ♪
[Phone Ringing]
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, that's right.
Black tie or white tie? You can wear a green one for all I care.
What party is that? Who's giving it?
Oh! We are!
Well, it's funny they wouldn't say something to me about it.
[Laughing] Yeah, this is Mr. Pike speaking. Mr. Who?
I don't get it. I'll probably meet you at the party tonight anyhow.
By the way, what time is it? Thanks.
Nuthouse.
♪ [Whistling]
♪ [Whistling Continues]
[Shouting] Hey, where is everybody? Where's my breakfast?
"Crest: A lion couchant gardant or...
holding between the paws an escutcheon sable charged with a cock proper.
Motto: Hyphen sic erat in fatis. "
- Here, you do it. - Nonsense! It's perfectly simple.
Second or third, a fesse dancette, between three crosses crosslet.
- Crosses crosslet. - That's right.
- Horses horselet! - Emile!
- Nutzes nutslet! Wit gules! - Remember who you are!
[Ringing]
- Yes, sir? - When do I eat?
- They must have overlooked you. I'll get you something right away. - It's about time.
- You'll regret this day, my lad! - Fusils!
- Oh, that's all very well. - Fitchee! Fitchee!
- Where's the snake food? - Oh, get it yourself, Ambrose!
Lay off the Ambrose. Why didn't you shave in your room?
- Keep your remarks to yourself. - What's the matter with him?
- Fitchee! - Where's the snake food?
- In the icebox.Where do you think it is? - What's the matter with everybody?
- The master's breakfast, please. - You can take it up with somebody else.
What did I do?
[Ringing Bell]
Hey, you!
- Huh? - Come here.
While you're inside...
No speak.
Ohhh! [Ringing Bell]
If that's the knife sharpener, take him around to the back.
Yes, ma'am.
You just sit there, and I'll be back before you can say...
- Piano? - What do you want?
- Where's the piano, kindly? - Where do you think it is?
- I'll show you. - And don't forget to come back.
- Say, Burrows. - Yes, sir. Good morning, sir.
- You haven't seen a little brown crotalis colobrinus, have you? - With pink spots.
I rejoice to say that I have not, sir.
That's all I'd be needing this morning.
Thank you, sir.
[Frogs Croaking]
Okay. And try and keep off the grass.
Next!
Where'd you get that thing?
- Good evening, my man. - How are you?
- Uh... - Come on, lady.We're holding up the traffic.
Come, my dear.
Right you are, Glenny. Coming.
And keep off the grass. Next!
Just here, Your Ladyship.
- Good evening, Burrows. Yeah. - Sir Alfred.
- Your Ladyship. - Your Ladyship.
Your Ladyship.
♪ [Orchestra: Waltz]
The Lady Eve Sidwich...
and Sir Alfred McGlennan Keith.
- Welcome, my dear. - Good evening.
- Sir Alfred. - Hello, hello, hello!
How are you, Glenny? Glad to see you, you old rascal.
- Horace, my lad.My niece Lady Sidwich. - How do you do?
Well, this is a surprise, miss, uh... Say, what do I call you?
Well, Horace,I should think you'd know.
Oh, please.Just call me Eve.
Just plain Eve.Isn't that wonderful?
You're just the kind of a girl I've been looking for all my life.
- We'll get this over with quick, and you and I will have a little drink. - Ripping!
- Just the word for it. Come on. - [Laughs]
I hope Horace won't frighten her to death.
- How long has she been in America? - Three days.
- Three days,and to meet Horace right away. - Oh, I don't know.
How did she come over? I didn't know the boats were running.
- A battleship. - A battleship?
- Well, actually, a cruiser. - But then she must be very, very...
- Oh, very! - Well! [Laughing]
[Crickets Chirping, Frogs Croaking]
[Crashing]
Oh, dear!
Naturally, I was frightfully anxious to see Uncle Alfred,
and as I didn't know just where Connect-i-cut was...
- [Laughing] - I took the tube.
[Laughing Continues] The subway.
And to the official, I said, " Be so good as to let me off at Connect-i-cut."
You see, I thought we'd have the boxes...
sent up on a dray later that afternoon.
- The what? - Trunks on a truck.
So he said, " Lady, I don't know where Connect-i-cut is,
but this train goes to Harlem."
But I don't know how he knew I was a lady!
So I said, " Do you think I'd do better on a tram?"
And he said, "Well, now, uh... you couldn't do worse."
So I thanked him and returned to the street.
Oh, but I must say I felt an awful fool!
- Then how did you get here? - I took a taxi.
- From New York? [Laughing] - Oh, yes!
Oh, Charlie, I want you to meet Lady Eve Sidwich.
- How do you do? - Go on.
The chauffeur said it wasn't far, so I said, "Very well."
- But the city seemed enormous! - At 20 cents a mile!
[Laughing Continues]
- Isn't your son feeling well? - What's the matter with you?
Well... I mean to say, uh... haven't we met?
But of course we have! Your father just introduced us.
- Aren't you feeling well? - Uh... [Chuckles] sure.
Oh, I'm so sorry. You meant, hadn't you met me before someplace.
- Yes. - Very probably. Let me see. Where could it have been?
- Deauville? Biarritz? - No. No.
I know! Le Touquet!
You had a moustache at the time, and you tried to meet me in the casino.
- No. - Huh. I give up.
[Pike] Let's have a drink.
It couldn't have been on the S.S. Southern Queen between here and South America, could it?
Oh, I'm afraid not. You see, I've never been in South America.
You've never been in South America?
She's never been in South America.
As a matter of fact,I've never been in North America until about three days ago.
Oh, you haven't? Well, you weren't on the S.S. Southern Queen.
Say, what's the matter with you?
Oh, uh... I'm sorry.
Oh! Were you in love with her?
He was in love with her, but he don't remember what she looked like.
Don't let them tease you. You can tell me all about her.
Well, on some days my son seems brighter than others.
Well, I don't know what she looked like,
but if she looked anything like you, here's to her.
Thank you.
[Chattering]
It was a white one with enormous teeth!
- Dinner is served, madam. - Thank you, Burrows. Dinner, Horace.
Oh. Come on. Let's put on the feed bag.
Take my arm, and we'll fight our way through.
[Laughing Continues]
Charming. Simply charming.
[Tapping On Window]
[Crashing]
[People Gasping]
- Did you hurt yourself? - No, I'm fine.
- Oh. - I just... [Laughs]
You haven't been hitting the bottle lately, have you?
- Of course he hasn't. Anybody's apt to trip. - Not over a sofa.
That sofa's been there for 15 years, and no one ever fell over it before.
Oh, well,now the ice is broken.
You go upstairs and take a bath, and I'll like you just as much as ever.
There's a good boy.
Toodle-oo!
So long.
[Crashing, Drapes Tearing]
- Oh! - [Giggling]
[Sighs, Laughs]
That's the same dame. She looks the same, she walks the same...
and she's tossing you just like she done the last time.
- She doesn't talk the same. - Anybody can put on an act.
[Speaking German] Guess who I am.
- Weren't her eyes closer together? - They were not.
They were right where they are, on each side of her nose.
- Why should she do it? - I don't know. Maybe she wants you to fall for her again.
- Do I look that dumb? - You wouldn't be the first one.
I knew a guy married the same dame three times,
then turned around and married her aunt.
- No. - Huh?
- They look too much alike. - You said it. There couldn't be two...
They look too much alike to be the same.
That's what I've been telling you. They... Huh?
If she came here with her hair dyed yellow and eyebrows different or...
What's hair to a skirt? I used to go with a little Eskimo dame...
She didn't dye her hair, and she didn't pretend she'd never seen me before.
- She says I look familiar. - Why shouldn't you?
Because if I did,she wouldn't admit it.
If she didn't look so exactly like the other girl, I might be suspicious.
You don't understand psychology. If you wanted to pretend you were someone else,
you'd glue a muff on your chin, and the dog wouldn't even bark at you.
You tryin' to tell me this ain't the same rib was on the boat?
She even wears the same perfume!
I don't know.
♪ [Orchestra: Waltz]
[Chattering]
It's the same dame.
[Chattering, Laughing]
Oh, there he is!
I had to change my coat.
Well, don't knock the table over.
- All right now? - Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks.
Happens to the best of us, you know. I remember a night in Bombay.Have you ever been in Bombay?
- You're just there. - I've been in Egypt.
I remember a night in Egypt. I was with a small party of friends,
and one day, while shooting crocodiles...
- You missed some very nice soup. - That's too bad.
- The fish was a poem. - That's fine.
Did you hear how the Lady Eve got to this country?
- How? - You must promise not to tell a soul.
- I won't. - In a submarine.
No! Is that so?
Do you know that I find your son very handsome?
- No! Hmm! - Yes, quite.
♪ [Orchestra Continues]
[Laughs]
[Chattering Continues]
- What's this? - Why don't you look where you're goin'?
Why don't you keep your nose out of other people's business?
- Quiet! - For two cents, I'd smack you right...
- Oh, pish tush! - Bah!
Why don't you look where... Here, give me that.
- What do you mean? - Come on!
[Laughter, Chattering Continue]
So the deaf man said, "What did you say?"
And the other passenger said...
"I hear you buried your wife."
[Laughing]
So the deaf man said,"I didn't quite hear you."
Oh.
Over here.
What do you think you're doing in the dining room?
- What does it look like I'm doing? - Tsk.
- So sorry, sir. - It's about time.
And then the other passenger said...
Come on. Ladies first.
I'm so sorry. I thought he was passing it to me.
Go on.
Will you throw that roughneck out of here, or will I have to?
With enthusiasm, sir.
That's the same dame. I can tell by the way...
- I'll take over from here,Mr. Murgatroyd. - You and who else?
- I said, I'll take over from here, Ambrose. - "Ambrose"?
- [Men Arguing] - I said I'll take over.
I said I'll take over from here. You have no right in this room.
- [Yelling] - [Screaming]
Well, I'll be!
[Burrows] Oh, I'm so sorry, sir.
Excuse me.
Oh, dear! Again?
Why don't you put on a bathing suit?
And then the countryman said, "But dash it all, mister.
"If I muss the moss,I'll miss the mass.
And I've never been behind before, besides."
- [Laughing] - It was absolutely priceless!
- Ripping! - You mean top-hole.
[Chattering, Laughing Continues]
There you are, laddie, and very nice too. Did you purchase it locally?
It's the last one. Anything happens to this, I'll have to wear a bath towel.
Oh, don't let it depress you, laddie. Worse things happen in the best families.
I remember an incident in Calcutta...
I hope your niece doesn't think I'm a half-wit.
Oh, bumble-puppy! Why, she's used to having young men fall for her.
You know, I think that's rather neat for a nobleman.
- It's just that this girl on the boat... - There was a girl on a boat?
- She looked so exactly like your niece... - Shhh!
Did she have the McGlennan eyes? The cornflower blue?
- I think so. - You must never mention a word of this to a soul.
- What do you mean? - You're rattling the skeleton.
I'm afraid you've stumbled on the sorrow of Sidwich, the secret of the century.
- I don't quite follow. - Meet me in yonder window embrasure,
and look as though you know nothing.
[Chattering Continues]
Shhh. You see, the earl was considerably older than her mama,
who must never be mentioned again.
- Oh. - It was a sort of May/November romance.
Even a March/December,if you follow me.
Shhh! She'd die of shame if she thought I told you,
except that she doesn't know it herself.
You see, into the gulf that separated this unfortunate couple...
there was a coachman on the estate, a gay dog.
- A great hand with horses and ladies. - A coachman?
- Yes. A man who drives horses. - I know what a coachman is.
- They called him "Handsome Harry." - Handsome Harry?
- Shhh! - The father of the girl on the boat.
Of course. The father of the other child. After the divorce, of course.
- But they looked exactly alike. - We must close our minds to that fact.
It brings up the dreadful, unfounded suspicion...
we must carry to our tombs, as it is utterly untenable,
that the coachman in both instances... need I say more?
- He did! I mean, he was! - Shhh!
Do you want to bring the walls tumbling down about our ears?
Silence to the grave,and even beyond.
Oh, there you are in your nice white coat.
Would you like to come and talk to me?
I certainly would.
♪ [Orchestra]
- And I want to apologize for seeming clumsy. - Oh, that's quite all right.
As a matter of fact,I rather enjoyed it.
I'm not that way all the time.
Of course you're not. Now where should we go?
- Oh, there's a conservatory. - Jolly. Ooh!
- What's the matter? - Oh, I'm caught.
[Laughs] I'm glad it's not my fault this time.
There you are.All clear.
[Bird Whistling]
Entirely disgraceful. I've never seen such a farce in a respectable house.
If I didn't hate him so much, I would've felt sorry for him.
He certainly took some nice falls.
And he's gonna take a lot more too.
Do you know why he didn't recognize me?
- Yes. - No, you don't.
I hardly recognized him myself. He seemed shorter and bonier.
It's because we don't love each other anymore.
You see, on the boat we had an awful yen for each other,
so I saw him as very tall and very handsome.
He probably thought I had big melting eyes and a rosebud mouth...
and a figure like Miss Long Beach, the dream of the fleet.
So you have, for that matter.
But I took the further precaution of telling him the plot...
of"Cecelia, " or " The Coachman's Daughter, " a gaslight melodrama.
- No! - Yes.
I've got to protect myself. I've got a shouting interest round here.
So I filled him full of handsome coachmen, elderly earls...
young wives and the two little girls who looked exactly alike.
You mean he actually swallowed that?
Like a wolf. Well, now you've got him, what're you gonna do with him?
Finish what I started.
I'm going to dine with him,dance with him,
swim with him,laugh at his jokes,
canoodle with him,
and then one day about six weeks from now...
Some red roses for Your Ladyship.
- Who could they be from? - Mr. Charles Pike, Your Ladyship.
Oh, the brewer's son. Oh, rather long, aren't they?
- Just pop them in the umbrella stand. - Very good, milady.
Thank you. [Laughs]
I'll probably talk like a cockeyed duchess the rest of my life.
It won't even take six weeks.
One day about two weeks from now, we'll be riding in the hills,
past waterfalls and mountain greenery,
up and down ravines and around through vine-covered trails...
till we come to a spot where the scenery will be so gorgeous,
it will rise up and smite me on the head like a hammer.
And the sunset will be so beautiful,
I'll have to get off my horse to admire it.
And as I stand there against the glory of Mother Nature,
my horse will steal up behind me and nuzzle my hair.
And so will Charles, the heel.
- Stop that! - Must I?
- Oh, sorry.I thought it was the horse. - No, it was me.
- Eve? - Yes, Charles?
I suppose you know what I'm thinking about.
Possibly I have an idea.
The union of two people for life...
that is, marriage...shouldn't be taken lightly.
How wise you are!
Men are more careful in choosing a tailor than they are in choosing a wife.
That's probably why they look so funny.
No, they're more careful in choosing a tailor than in choosing a wife.
- Oh. But not you, Charles. - That's right.
I think that if there's one time in your life to be careful,
to weigh every pro and con, that this is the time.
Oh, yes, you...You can't be too careful.
That's right.
Now, you might think that having known you such a short time...
I... I feel I've known you always.
That's the way I feel about you.
[Horse Neighs]
I don't just see you here in front of the sunset,
but you seem to go way back.
I see you here and,at the same time,
further away and still further away and way, way back...
in a long place like a...
like a forest glade?
That's right.How did you guess?
Because that's where I see you always. We held hands way, way back.
That's remarkable. That's like telepathy.
Ohh. I can read many of your thoughts.
Well, then I need hardly tell you of the doubts I've had...
before I brought myself to speak like this.
You see, Eve, you're so beautiful.
You're so fine. You're so... I don't deserve you.
Oh, but you do, Charles.
If anybody ever deserved me, you do... so richly.
- Eve. - Charles.
[Horse Neighs]
But you can't do that! You'll get us all into trouble!
You'll jeopardize what has taken me years to build up!
I'll certainly telephone your father.
♪ [Bells Chiming, Orchestra: Wedding March]
Did she look pretty? She did, eh?
Well, thanks, Pearlie.
Very depressing having your own daughter married, and not be there.
- Especially under an assumed name.Is that legal? - Seems to be.
Women change their names so much anyway, it doesn't seem to matter.
- But why did she do it? - Maybe to teach him a lesson.
How? All she said is:
"You'll see. Wait till the time comes, and it won't be long now."
And now she's honeymooning on a train with a man she hates.
- Maybe she's going to shoot him. - She's afraid of guns.
Maybe she's going to push him out of the window.
No. You can't open a window on a train.
[Whistle Blowing]
[Train Whistle Blows]
Come in.
- Hello. - Hello.
It's cozy, isn't it?
Ohhh, you poor darling! Oh, did you hurt yourself?
- Oh, put it right there. - It's all right.
Oh, come sit down.
Oh, poor darling. Are you all right?
- Yeah. - Oh.
[Train Whistle Blows]
- [Laughing] - What are you laughing at?
Oh, it's nothing, darling. It's just that it's so different.
- It reminds me of that other time. - What time was that?
[Laughing Continues] Oh, I must be a little bit hysterical.
You see, we didn't have any money, so we went third class,
and there was a farmer on the opposite bench with cheese in his lap.
Haven't you ever noticed I never eat cheese? It was very unromantic.
- Where were you going? - We eloped.
- Who eloped? - Me. It was really nothing, darling.
I was only 16 at the time. You know how romantic young girls are.
It wasn't of the slightest importance, I assure you. I'm sorry I mentioned it.
Let's pretend I didn't. Kiss me, and that's all there is to it.
Now it's all finished, isn't it?
Who did you elope with?
Oh, now I've planted a seed in your mind.
Are you sure you want to know?
Oh, why don't we just forget the whole thing?
Who was it?
- Angus. - Angus?
Oh, I assure you he was no one of the slightest importance.
Oh, what a way to make me spend the wedding night.
Oh, he was just a groom on father's estate.
- A groom! - Well, not really the groom, of course.
He put on the groom's uniform on his day off, then he'd be the groom that day.
The rest of the time he was just a stable boy.
- A stable boy? - Yes, a boy who cleans up the stables.
Oh, you don't think much of my choice.
Well, he didn't look so bad in the groom's uniform...
with the tight pants, the boots with yellow tops and the little fat silk hat.
- Don't you think they're cute? - I do not.
Oh, now you're upset. I never know when to keep my mouth closed.
I was always taught to be frank and honest.
It was nothing, darling. We ran away, but they caught us and brought us back. And that's all there was to it.
That's all there was to it, except they discharged him.
Good. When they brought you back,
it was before nightfall, I trust.
- Oh, no. - You were out all night?
My dear, it took them weeks to find us.
We'd made up different names at the different inns we stayed at.
Oh, you'd die laughing at some of the names we thought of. I remember there was one...
- Yes, I'm sure I would. - Oh, now you're upset.
[Thunderclap]
[Train Whistle Blows]
- Eve. - Yes, darling?
If there's one thing that distinguishes a man from a beast,
it's the ability to understand,
and understanding, forgive.
Surely the qualities of mercy, understanding and sweet forgiveness...
- Sweet what? - Sweet forgiveness!
Oh.
I won't conceal from you that I wish this hadn't happened.
But it has, and so it has.
A girl of 16 is practically an idiot anyway,
so I can't very well blame you for something...
that was practically done by somebody else.
I want to thank you for being so frank.
The name of Angus will never cross my lips again,
and I hope that you will do likewise.
Now let us smile and be as we were.
I knew you'd be that way. I knew it the moment I saw you standing beside me.
I knew you'd be both husband and father to me.
I knew I could trust and confide in you.
I suppose that's why I fell in love with you.
Thank you.
I wonder if now would be the time to tell you about Herman.
Herman. Herman? Who was Herman?
[Train Whistle Blows]
[Whistle Blowing]
Vernon? I thought you said Herman!
- Vernon was Herman's friend. - What a friend!
[Whistle Blowing]
- Cecil? - It's pronounced "Ceh-cil."
[Whistle Blowing]
- What did you say, dear? - "How do you mean Hubert or Herbert?"
- They wereJohn's twin cousins. - John! Who was John?
[Whistle Blowing]
[Conductor] 'Board!
[Train Chugging]
[Train Whistle Blowing]
But that's unheard of! That's what lawyers are for!
- He says... - Who says?
I don't know. I naturally presumed it was her lawyer,
but he says she says she won't have anything to do with lawyers.
- That's entirely irregular! - Well, it's a thought.
I tell you, I won't see any lawyers!
But these things are always handled by lawyers.
This isn't going to be. This is entirely between my husband and myself.
- Poppycock! - What's the matter with you?
They want to make a settlement.
They'll give you half when you leave for Reno...
and the balance at the end of six weeks. Name your own price.
For once that we have a chance to make some honest money...
Oh, tell him to go peel an eel!
I don't think you realize the beauty of your situation.
You're holding a royal flush.
You've got him right by the ears.
You know, I had nothing to do with this arrangement.
But now that you're in it, you might as well go...
Will you let me speak with Mr. Pike, please?
She's on the phone. She wants to talk to Mr. Pike.
We can't allow that. That's entirely irregular!
Shut up. Will you talk to her?
I'll rot before I'll talk to her.
- Mr. Pike, I advise you against - Lay off!
Hello, Eve. This is Horace talking.
Hello, darling. L...
I'm awfully sorry about the trouble I've made you all.
I thought I had a reason, but now l...
Well... I just wanted to tell you this.
I won't see any lawyers, because there's nothing to see them about.
I don't want any money;I don't want anything.
He can have back his jewelry and anything else there is,
and I'll go to Reno at my own expense.
I think that's only fair.
There's only one thing I want.
I want to see him first, and l...
I want him to ask me to be free.
That's all. No money, no nothing.
Only he has to come here to ask me, because...
well, there's something I want to say to him...
before we part.
Just a minute, Eve. All she wants is for you to go to New York and ask her.
- It's a trick! - Will you keep out of this?
Well, that's all she wants. When can you go?
If she's waiting for me to ask her, she can wait till Havana freezes over.
- Quite right. - I'll have to call you back, Eve.
He just stepped out of the office for a minute. I'll call you back.
Now you listen, you numbskull!
Go ahead and talk. I'm listening.
[Rings]
Hello? Yes, Horace.
I'm sorry, Eve. He won't do it.
I thought it was a pretty fair offer.
As a matter of fact, I think you're a sucker to make it.
But he won't do it.
He seemed very bitter. I'm sorry.
Oh, let me speak to him. Please, Horace!
I don't think he'd talk to you, Eve.
And anyway, he's gone to say good-bye to his mother.
Where is he going?
No.
Thank you, Horace.
[Horn Honking]
[Ship's Whistle Blowing]
♪ [Band]
[Crashing]
- Why, Hopsie! - Hopsie?
Hopsie.
Jean!
[Laughter, Tapping Glasses]
[Gasps]
I'm sorry, but if you knew what it meant to me to find you again.
- Can we go to your cabin or someplace? - Now just a minute.
Oh, Colonel, I'm delighted to see you again.
We must play cards this trip. Steward, some champagne for the colonel.
- Certainly, Mr. Pike. - Come on.
[Laughter]
You really haven't the right to drag me off like this, Hopsie.
Are you sure we're on the right boat, Sylvester?
Oh, why didn't you take me in your arms that day? Why did you let me go?
Why did we have to go through all this nonsense?
Don't you know you're the only man I ever loved?
Don't you know I couldn't look at another man if I wanted to?
Don't you know I waited all my life for you, you big mug?
- Will you forgive me? - For what? Oh, you mean on the boat.
The question is,can you forgive me?
- What for? - Oh, you still don't understand.
I don't want to understand. I don't want to know. Whatever it is, keep it to yourself.
All I know is, I adore you. I'll never leave you again. We'll work it out somehow.
There's just one thing. I feel it's only fair to tell you.
It would never have happened except she looked like you.
- I have no right to be in your cabin. - Why?
- Because I'm married. - But so am I, darling. So am I.
Positively the same dame!