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2015年4月7号 April 7, 2015
来自喜剧中心纽约世界新闻总部 From Comedy Central world news headquarter in New York
这里是囧司徒每日秀 This is the Daily Show with Jon Stewart
欢迎来到每日秀 Welcome to the Daily Show
我是囧叔 My name is Jon Stewart
我们用最新材料 We have a tremendous program
匠心独运地制作了超棒的节目 that we have crafted artisanally from the freshest ingredients
今晚嘉宾是Peter Dinklage 来自 权力的游戏 Our guest tonight Peter Dinklage from Game of Thrones
这是个关于到权利的游戏 It's a game involving thrones
但首要要说的是最近振奋人心的国际外交新闻 But we begin with recent very exciting international doplomacy news
限制伊朗核工程的突破性协议 A breakthrough deal to limit Iran's nuclear program
伊朗 美国和其他五国之间达成的历史性协议 The historic deal reached between Iran, the United States and five other coutries
爆炸新闻 BOOM.
或者说 实际上是不爆炸的新闻 Or actually not boom
不会爆炸 Not boom
没有爆炸 居然在没爆炸的情况下达成了协议 Not boom. Something happened without a boom
协议在令人激动的周末达成 The deal came at the end of an exciting week
开始于顶尖外交家喝着红牛 在宾馆整宿讨论 That began with top diplomats pulling red bull-fueled all-nighters in hotel rooms
结束于普通伊朗百姓在街头庆祝 and ended with everyday Iranians celebrating in the streets
包括90后街头即兴表演 including an impromptu street performance by 90's sensation
波斯版的Kid'n Play Persian Kid'n Play
Kid'n Play是90年代美国流行的hip hop乐队
奥巴马对协议的评价是 历史性的 Obama's remarks on the deal were in an unprecedented move
在伊朗百姓家里播放 broadcast into the living rooms of ordinary Iranians
许多人在电视前自拍以纪念这一刻 Many of them marked the moment by taking selfies with their televisions
其实 我们的文化差异也没那么大 You know, our cultures are not so different
我被逮到过做同样的事 当时正在看 赤裸与恐惧 I actually got caught doing the same thing, watching Naked and Afraid
赤裸与恐惧 探索频道的真人秀节目
我 咦 那是 I Oh wow is that
我没 你可以看到我米老鼠耳朵样子的第三个乳头 Oh I didn't you can see my third Mickey mouse ear shaped nipple
在正中央 in the middle of my
觉得有必要指出来 Just thought I point that out
伊朗这么激动是因为 So Iranians are excited because
任何与核相关的协议都会包括 any nuclear deal would involve lifting
解除削弱他们经济的国际制裁的条款 the international sanctions that have been crippling their economy
但是他们作为交换放弃了什么 But what are they actually giving up in exchange
要求伊朗15年内不准提炼武器级别浓缩铀 It requires Iran not to enrich Uranium to weapons grade for 15 years
将离心机数量从19000降至6100 Reduce the number of centrifuges from about 19,000 to 6,100
拆除一个钚反应堆 Dismantle a Plutonium reactor
这是制造核武器的另一种途径 which is another path to a bomb
协议还要求联合国的严密监管 The agreement also calls for strict UN inspections
他们还得降低他们官方战斗宣言的力度 And they must downgrade their official statement of belligerence
从 美帝去死吧 from Death to American
变成 美帝祝你得痔疮和拇囊 to hemorrhoids and bunions to American
这是终极条款 That's the final
他们的设备开放监管 生产推迟十年 Now opening their facilities to inspectors, delaying production for a decade
这是个重大的协议 This is a big deal
根本就没有协议 There is no deal
说啥 没有协议 Say what there is no deal
这是为了未来谈判而做的详细框架 不是完成的协议 This is a detailed framework for future negotiations Not a done deal
真的么 Really
因为我相信你脑袋旁边的80号字会表示强烈质疑 Because I believe the 80-point font graphic next to your head would beg to differ
历史性核协议
一般上如果一个人站在巨大的 历史性核协议 的牌子旁边 Generally when one stands next to a giant HISTORIC NUCLEAR DEAL sign
指的就是一个历史性核协议 而不是其他什么 it is in reference to a historic nuclear deal not some other
你换牌子了 这招 Oh you changed it. That's
历史性的 为未来谈判 而做的 详细框架 不是完成的 协议
干得漂亮 Touche
好吧 如果这个协议还没有彻底达成 All right. Wait, if this isn't a done deal
那到底完成到什么程度了 what level of deal doneness is it at
有点像你签合同买了套房 It's sort of like you signed a contract to purchase a home
但你仍要看评估 做检查 but you still got the appraisal, be inspected
确保那块地不会有什么自然灾害 gotta make sure that there isn't some kind of environment disaster on the land
呃 Ugh
我们懂 你马上就要搬家了 我们懂 We get it. You have to move soon. We know
不知道有没有人对这个协议的形容 I don't know. Does anyone have a metaphor for this agreement that
一开始挺合理但后来变得怪异得吓人 starts out sensible and then gets kind of weirdly creepy
Judy 我想到的比喻是婚约 The metaphor I think about, Judy, is a wedding engagement
对于嫁妆的多少以及婚前协议 There is going to be vigorous debates about
会有激烈的讨论 the size of the dowry and the prenuptial agreement
即使婚礼如期举行 and if indeed the wedding happens on time
按照以往记录很有可能被推迟 which is you know past as precedent it will likely be delayed
这个婚姻里也充满了 The marriage is going to have
双方以及破坏者之间深刻的猜忌 profound mistrust between the two sides and many saboteurs
婚约破坏者 Saboteurs
你上次赴婚礼是什么时候 15世纪么 When was the last time you were at a wedding the 1400s
如果有人有任何理由觉得这对新人不应结婚 If anyone has any reason this man and woman should not be married
请毁掉他们的嫁妆 Please sabotage their dowry
但这真是个历史性时刻 But you know this is really historic
两个自1979年之后就没有友好对话过的国家 美国和伊朗 Two countries America and Iran who haven't been on speaking terms since 1979
仍然能抓住机会 达成外交共识 could still find a chance to reach a diplomatic agreement
挺鼓舞人的 It's actually kind of inispiring
但这项协议可能会被国会共和党议员带跑偏 But the agreement could be derailed by congressional republicans
得了吧 我是说 Well I mean come on
说了跟没说一样 are you really saying anything there
我的意思是 但是这项协议可能被国会共和党议员带跑偏 I mean 'but the agreement could be derailed by congressional republicans'
这句话就像是政治版的 读完幸运饼干的纸条后添一句在床上 is like the political version of saying in bed after you read your forture cookie
幸运饼干里面夹有写着吉利话的小纸条 一种戏谑的玩法是读完这句话后加一句 在床上
你会遇见你的真爱 过上幸福的生活 It's you will meet your true love and share a happy future
但这项协议可能会被国会共和党议员带跑偏 but the agreement could be derailed by congressional republicans
今天宣布的协议比我原来惧怕的还恶劣的多 The terms announced today are not as bad as I had feared. They are much worse
为何拥有核武器的伊朗如此吓人 Why is a nuclear Iran so scary to us
这是因为伊朗已经证明自己是中东地区一个不稳定因素 It's because Iran has shown itself to be a destabilzing force in the middle east
是的 Yes
如果说某个核势力会使中东局势不稳定 If any nuclear power is going to destabilize the middle east
那一直会是咱自己 it will continue to be us
就连国会共和党议员领袖 Even the president of the congressional republicans
就连国会共和党议员领袖都在埋汰这个协议 the president of the congressional republicans complained about this deal
我确定他们认为这是个好协议 但我们不敢苟同 I am sure they think it's a good deal but we differ
我觉得这协议很糟糕 I think this is a bad deal
我认为对于当今最大的恐怖主义国家 I think for the preeminent terrorist state of our time
能自由地 轻易地拥有核武器 to have a free pass, an easy pass to nuclear weapons
会威胁到以色列 威胁到那个地区 威胁到全世界 endangers Israel, endangers the region, endangers the world
威胁到所有正在听我讲话的人 endangers everyone listening to me right now
你不能用 威胁到全世界 开头 But you don't start with endangers the world
然后用 威胁到所有正在听这个节目的人 结尾 and end with and everyone who is listening to this week with George Stephanopoulos
this week with George Stephanopoulos ABC电视台新闻节目
范围越说越小了 That's a deescalation
伊朗对整个宇宙都是个危险的存在 Iran is an existential threat to the entire universe
还包括你的观众 as well as your viewers
华盛顿的一群政治书呆子 a small group of Washington policy wonks
还有一群老弱到不能自己换台 and elderly viewers too week to change the channel
只能看这个周日早上的操蛋节目的观众 from the Sunday morning media (bleep) show
好吧 保守派和共和党人认为这个协议很糟糕 So all right conservatives and Republicans think it's a bad deal
那协议应该是什么样子的 what should the deal have been
现在谈判桌上的协议是否够强硬 Is the current deal on the table tough enough
伊朗完全不能拥有制造浓缩铀的能力 Iran should not have any Uranium enrichment capability at all
与恶魔签订的协议 The deal with the devil
他们应当立即摧毁持有的所有核材料 They need to immediately destroy any nuclear materials that they have
美国屈服了 America caved
我们看起来很软弱 We look impotent. We look weak
是时候展现美国的领导力了 而不是投降 It's time for American leadership not surrender
不能跟恶霸谈判 You don't negotiate with bullies
应该一拳打在他脸上 You punch them in the face
我们为什么会上谈判桌 Why are we even sitting at the talbe
我觉得是时候轰炸伊朗了 I think it's time to bomb Iran
局势恶化的真TM快 Well that went south real (bleep) fast
资深政治记者Hasan Minhaj有更多消息 Senior political correspondent Hasan Minhaj has more
Hasan 很明显 Hasan obviously
伊朗核问题的谈判非常复杂 these Iranian nuclear negotiations are very complicated
那么 你在国会山呆了一天 找各种人交流 so you have been on the hill all day, you have been talking to people
共和党人希望谈判如何进行 how would Republicans have preferred them to go
囧叔 跟我谈过的共和党人脑中有非常清晰的策略 Jon the GOP members I've talked to had a clear strategy in mind
基本上他们认为美方谈判人员应该这么开场 Basically they think the U.S. negotiators should have opened with
以下是原话 and I am quoting here
敌人来势汹汹 They are coming in hot
今天可不是我的死期 掩护我 Jimmy Not today. Cover me Jimmy
我掩护你 老爹 I got you Dad
吃我一炮 今天可不是我的死期 阿亚图拉 Here we go. Not today Ayatollah
阿亚图拉 伊斯兰教什叶派等级
这就是他们全部的提议 That was the whole proposal
没说完的 囧叔 没完呢 I'm not done yet Jon. I am not done ok
放马过来 Here we go
我中弹了 我中弹了 I'm hit. I'm hit
Jimmy 放弃我 你先走 Jimmy go on without me
我不会扔下你的 I'm not leaving you behind
你拿的那是光剑 Is that a lightsaber
没错 是的 囧叔 It is Jon
共和党人接着说 Republicans continue
波动拳 Hadoken
给我过来 Get over here
天啊 那是真人快打么 Holy crap. Is that Mortal Kombat
来自美利坦的汽车人 Autobots from Ameritron
恶搞变形金刚的故乡 赛博坦Cybertron
下地狱吧 阿亚图拉 See you in hell Ayatollah
火箭飞人 Jetpack
直闯危险区 Highway to the danger zone
Danger Zone 歌词 电影 壮志凌云 插曲
引述完毕 囧叔 End quote Jon
谢谢 Hansan Thank you Hansan
Hasan Minhaj 各位 马上回来 Hasan Minhaj everybody. We'll be right back
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