蝴蝶飞， 轻快的拍翼飞... Bum buttery flit fluttery Dum diddly-ooh
蝴蝶飞， 兰色的鸟儿在唱歌... Bum buttery bluebird is singing a tune
水仙花小茴香睡醒梳妆下... Daffodil dillies awaken and prune
所有花儿在此刻骤然盛放... Bursting in bloom All the flowers assume
这就是可爱的春天啦... lt's a loverly loverly spring
最小的精灵
吱喳忙碌的花鼠也在歌唱 Chit-chattery chipmunks all singing along
哼着它们的春之歌 Humming their join-in-a-spring-along song
春天最适宜唱春之歌 Spring is the springiest time for a song
这就是最可爱的春天啦... lt's a loverly, loverly spring
我们整天在森林里 与小白兔玩耍 ln the forest we play with the rabbits all day...
很遗憾这并不是 你将要看的电影 l'm sorry to say that this is not the movie you will be watching.
你将要看的电影 会令你极之不安 The movie you are about to see is extremely unpleasant.
如果你想看快乐的小精灵... lf you wish to see a film about a happy little elf,
那就请移玉步往影院吧... l'm sure there is still plenty of seating in theater number two.
但如果你想看 However, if you like stories about clever
聪明精灵的小孤儿 and reasonably attractive orphans,
可疑的大火...吸血的水蛭... suspicious fires, carnivorous leeches,
意大利餐，以及秘密社团的话... 那就请继续留坐... ltalian food and secret organizations, then stay
听我追述一下波德莱尔家 as l retrace each and every one of the Baudelaire children's
小孩们悲惨的足迹... woeful steps.
我的名字叫尼蒙利斯... My name is Lemony Snicket
以悲痛的心情记录这故事 and it is my sad duty to document this tale.
长女波德莱尔 . 阿紫 Violet Baudelaire, the eldest,
世上最出色的 14岁发明家之一 was one of the finest 1 4-year-old inventors in the world.
认识阿紫的人都知道... 当她用丝带把长发束起... Anyone who knew Violet well could tell she was inventing something
就表示她又在发明新东西 when her long hair was tied up in a ribbon.
当阿紫面对一堆堆的废物... ln a world of abandoned items and discarded materials,
她会说：脑筋转一转 灵感便出现 Violet knew there was always something.
然后就会找到一些能让她... “化腐朽为神奇” 的东西 Something she could fashion into nearly any device for nearly every occasion.
而新发明最好的试用者... 非她的弟弟告罗斯莫属 And no one was better to test her inventions than her brother.
次子告罗斯 Klaus Baudelaire, the middle child,
非常热爱阅读 loved books,
也热爱书中所学的任何知识 or rather, the things he learned from books.
波德莱尔家有一座 庞大的图书馆 The Baudelaire parents had an enormous library in their mansion.
藏书可谓包罗万有 A room filled with thousands of books on nearly every subject.
对于告罗斯... And nothing pleased Klaus more than spending an afternoon
啃书是世上最快乐的事 filling up his head with their contents.
且他能过目不忘 And everything he read, he remembered.
令人毛骨悚然的东西
幼女辛妮，有一种特殊癖好 Sunny, the youngest, had a different interest.
喜欢咬东西，她有四只利齿 She liked to bite things and had four sharp teeth.
可谓无所不咬 There was very little that Sunny did not enjoy biting.
辛妮正处于牙牙学语的阶段 Sunny was at an age when one mostly speaks
咬字并不太清楚 in a series of unintelligible shrieks.
例如 For instance:
这可能指... Which probably meant,
“看那雾中出现的神秘人” ''Look at that mysterious figure emerging from the fog.''
又或者... Or perhaps,
像包先生这样的银行家... ''What is a banker like Mr. Poe doing trudging through the sand
怎会长途跋涉地来盐滩找我们 to find us at Briny Beach?''
孩子们... Children, l'm afraid l must inform you of...
要告诉你们一件极度不幸的事 ...an extremely unfortunate event.
真的很抱歉 你们的家园已被烧毁 l'm very sorry to tell you your parents have perished in a fire
父母双亡 that's destroyed your entire home.
如果你也曾痛失至亲... lf you have ever lost someone very important to you,
就一定能明白他们的感受 then you already know how it feels.
如果不曾... And if you haven't...
你便无法想像他们此刻的痛 ...you cannot possibly imagine it.
无人知道波德莱尔家失火真相 No one knows the precise cause of the Baudelaire fire.
我与同事们已尽力追查 My colleagues and l have investigated the best we can,
但只查到火头来自颇远的地方 but all we've discovered is that the blaze was started from a great distance
是由光线的聚焦和折射所引起 through the refraction and convergence of light,
大屋瞬间便被大火所吞噬 and within moments, the entire mansion was in flames.
其他的秘密... 就像那神秘的火焰... And as mysterious as the source of the blaze,
也随之慢慢的展开于人前 other mysteries began to unfold before the children's eyes.
其实家家都有未揭盅的秘密 Every family has its secrets, doors left unopened,
告罗斯发现... but as Klaus now realized,
自己开始疑神疑鬼 the smallest discovery would send his mind reeling with questions.
为什么父亲的书桌 藏有望远镜？ What was this spyglass hidden in his father's desk?
还有更多有关父母的秘密吗？ Were there other secrets about their parents' lives yet to be revealed?
最后他所害怕的真相 会大白吗？ Questions he now feared might never be answered.
就在这转眼间... And just like that,
波德莱尔家的小孩 便变成了孤儿 the Baudelaire children became the Baudelaire orphans.
我警告过你 这是一个悲伤的故事 l tried to warn you.
现在还来得及离开... This is an excellent opportunity to walk out of the theater,
趁故事还未正式开始 living room or airplane where this film is being shown.
立即转看快乐的小神仙吧 lt's not too late to see a film about a happy little elf.
跟我来吧 Yes, come with me.
我身为 “谋人银行” 的主管 Now, as chief officer of Mulctuary Management,
兼你们父母的遗产执行官 and the executor of your parents' estate,
有责任看管这些钱 直至你们成年 it is my legal obligation to take care of your money till you come of age,
并将你们送交最亲的人照顾 and to place you in the care of your closest relative.
就是你们敬爱的奥拉夫伯爵 So l'm taking you to live with your dear Count Olaf
他就住在这附近 who resides right here in the city, just 37 blocks away.
“住得近” 并不代表“ 亲近” l don't think that's what ''closest'' is supposed to mean.
我们不认识什么奥拉夫伯爵 你们认识的 - We don't know a Count Olaf. - Of course you do.
他是你们表姐的 He's either your third cousin four times removed
表表表伯父 or fourth cousin three times removed.
有人的脑筋坏了 ! Someone's brain's been removed.
他是专业演员 高兴吗 孩子们 And he's an actor by trade. lsn't that exciting, children?
你们真幸运 You should count yourselves lucky.
以他的身份肯收留你们 真慷慨 This sort of generosity is rare in a person of his profession.
到了， 这就是你们的新屋企 Here we are, your new home.
是不是很气派？ lsn't it lovely, children?
你们好 Hello.
你们定是波德莱尔家的小孩 You must be the Baudelaires.
你好 Hi.
很遗憾听到那意外... l was so sorry to hear about the accident,
但很高兴你们能来这里 but so happy to hear you were coming here.
我是城市高级法院的史阿姨 l'm Justice Strauss of the city high court.
我叫阿紫 弟弟告罗斯和妹妹辛妮 l'm Violet and this is my brother, Klaus, and my sister, Sunny.
小姓包， “谋人银行” 的代表 Poe, Mulctuary Management.
你好 - How do you do? - Lovely.
你间屋好靓呀 谢谢 - Your house is so beautiful. - Thank you.
你们别客气，欢迎随时来探我 Please, don't be strangers. Come visit me any time you like.
探你？ 你不跟奥拉夫伯爵同住？ - Visit? - You don't live with Count Olaf?
跟他同住？噢， 不！ Live with... with Count Olaf? No!
他是我邻居 He's my neighbor.
我要在外面睡 Let's sleep outside.
请“ 闯入” lntrude!
快进去 We haven't got all day. ln you go.
好吗？好吗？好吗？ Well, hello, hello, hello.
我是亲爱的奥拉夫伯爵 l am your beloved Count Olaf.
欢迎光临寒舍 And welcome to my loverly home.
希望你们在此找到温暖与慰藉 May you find solace within the womb-like warmth of its...
请把它当作自己的家吧 ....downy plume.
正所谓： 世上只有妈妈好... Or as the Greeks in the ancient times would say,
有妈的孩子像个宝... 没妈的孩子像棵草... ''Orphanis encribo... something, something, something.''
这里开始音乐渐渐加强 Music builds to a crescendo.
好! 见好即收! Ending on the right foot.
这个姿势如何？ And strike a Fosse!
虽然跟想像中的略有不同 但相信你们已收到 Not exactly what l was going for, but you get the idea.
亲爱的... My dear...
阿紫告罗斯什么也好
阿紫... ...Violet.
好荣幸认识你 ！ Enchante.
幸会 ！ How do you do?
这定是告罗斯 And this must be Klaus.
年青的告罗斯 Young Klaus.
你的左脸看来很迷人 Your left side is the good one.
这... And...
是什么 (谁)？ ...what is this?
我是辛妮 l'm Sunny.
对不起!我不会说猴子话 l'm sorry, l don't speak monkey.
香蕉 Banana.
我不是猴子! l am not a monkey!
辛妮是我们的妹妹 Sunny's our sister.
为什么... l must say, you're a gloomy-looking bunch.
你们看来这样忧郁？ Why so glum?
我们双亲刚去世 Our parents just died.
啊!对!真可怕 ! Yes, of course. How very, very awful.
等我再来一次 Wait, let me do that one more time.
趁我情绪还在，快点再来一次 Give me the line again. Quickly, while it's fresh in my mind.
我们双亲刚...去世？ Our parents just... died?
对 Yes.
蠢才 ！ What a schmuck!!
包先生 Mr. Poe.
我愿意抚养这些孤儿 l will raise these orphans
万分愿意 as if they were actually wanted.
或者你以为这是负担、 是牺牲... And though you would call it a burden, a sacrifice,
你错了 ，先生 you are mistaken, sir,
你应感到惭愧 and should be ashamed of yourself!
为有这念头而感到惭愧 The idea!
该在哪里签名以取得财产？ 不...以取得孩子们才对 Anyway, where do l sign for the fortu... l mean, children?
星期四早上法庭聆讯之后 You won't officially have guardianship until the hearing
你才是正式的监护人 on Thursday morning.
那我应该怎么办？ And what am l to do with them until then?
你说什么？ Excuse me?
我是说... 有做运动吗？ What l mean is... Do you work out?
你看来很强壮 You look good. Healthy, l mean.
我该回银行上班了 Well, l'd better get back to the bank.
不如留多阵... Can't you stay for a brief imbibement?
想饮红酒抑或咖啡？ A glass of port? Sanka?
我... 那就下次吧 - l suppose... - Another time then.
孩子们，必要时请打... 我们很好，不用费心 - Children, if you need anything... - No, we're fine. We're all fine.
如有任何问题... Any questions...
我知道寒舍... l realize that my humble abode isn't as fancy
不及你们家豪华... as the Baudelaire Mansion,
但我将会得到很多钱... but l'm coming into a great deal of money soon
到那时候... and l think it'll be...
这屋应该会耳目一新 ...quite charming when it's finished.
来，先带你们参观一下 Shall we take a look?
这是客厅... This is the living room.
这是厨房 The kitchen.
你们一定在想... l know what you're thinking.
这地方需要装修一下 This place could use a little TLC.
你们该打过各种预防针... 像破伤风、天花、疟疾等 l trust you've had your tetanus shots. Polio. Smallpox. Typhoid. Malaria.
这里是娱乐室 This is the entertainment or rumpus room.
屋顶的确需要修理一下 l'm told the ceiling can be brought up to code in no time.
你不畏高吧？ You're not afraid of heights, are you?
你能想像一只畏高的猴子吗？ lmagine that. A monkey afraid of heights.
我的剧院 跟我来 My theater. This way.
那是什么？ What's that up there?
那钟楼... The tower...
我劝你们... ...which you are never to enter...
千万不要进去 ...under any circumstances.
这是睡房，如果你们有时间 睡觉的话，晚安 This is where you'll sleep, time permitting. Nighty-night.
但现在还是白天呀! 但现在还是白天呀! - But the sun's still up. - But the sun's still up.
或许你未察觉... 有时第一印象 l don't know if you've ever noticed, but first impressions
往往是错的 are often entirely wrong.
好像辛妮刚出世时 告罗斯对她第一印象并不好 For instance, Klaus, when Sunny was born, didn't like her at all.
但期后他俩便很要好 But by the time she was six weeks old, the two of them were thick as thieves.
简直有如 “ 糖黐豆” A phrase, which here, means fetching and biting for hours on end.
但孤儿们... ln the case of Count Olaf, however...
对奥拉夫伯爵的第一印象... Orphans!
却绝对没有错 ...they were correct.
每朝早奥拉夫伯爵都会命令... Every morning, Count Olaf would order the Baudelaires
孩子们做一大堆艰辛的家务 to do a great number of terrible chores.
然后他悄悄地潜入钟楼 After which, he would stalk off to his mysterious tower room.
各位可能以为他们很不幸 And as unfortunate as their situation seemed,
但更苦的日子还在后头 it was only about to get worse.
放满冰块的浴缸... l woke up in a tub full of ice in Baja,
发现我的肾脏被女孩们偷去了 and l realized that these girls had stolen my kidney.
试想想 No!
这多么令人震惊! lmagine my surprise.
孤儿们，这是我的演员们 Orphans, this is my acting troupe.
演员们，他们是孤儿 一点不像有钱人 - Acting troupe, orphans. - They don't look rich.
丑怪的小鬼 Ugly little people.
我们的晚餐呢？ Why aren't you children in the kitchen preparing our dinner?
晚餐？ Dinner?
这是法文的发音 lt's the French word for the evening meal.
在背页，反转它 准备丰富的晚餐 On the back. Flip it.
八点正我们要准时开饭 We'll take it in the dining room at 8:00.
我们采排时请保持肃静 We expect absolute silence while we're rehearsing our play.
我们不会煮饭 But we've never made dinner before.
现在已经七点半 准时开饭 - lt's already 7:30. - 8:00!
只有意大利面 Pasta it is.
开始选角 Okay. Let's start casting this puppy.
谁... 来扮演... Now, who shall play...
世上最英俊的伯爵？ ...the most handsome count in all the world?
请问伯爵你是否愿意... Would you do it, sir?
好的，我愿意 All right.
世上最清淡的意大利面 Pasta Puttanesca. That's ltalian for ''very few ingredients.''
好极 That's great.
辛妮，过来帮帮忙 Sunny, a little help.
知道啦 l'm on it.
我们需要一个煲 这里没有 - Okay, we're going to need a pot. - No pot.
滤网 也没有 - And a strainer. - No strainer.
谢谢 Thank you.
别客气 My pleasure.
有没有锅？ And a saucepan.
这是一张电椅 This is a little piece l like to call Electric Chair.
请把电力加大些 l think you might have to turn it up.
外面有人吗？ ls anybody out there?!
滤网!好极了 ! Strainer. That's brilliant.
辛妮，哪里弄来的煲？ Sunny, how's that pot coming?
不错吧! Voila.
辛妮，这不是煲 Sunny, that's not a pot.
是痰罐! lt's a spittoon.
痰罐？这怎么... A spittoon? You mean, like...?
把它洗两次 We'll wash it twice.
味道如何？ Well?
好吃，真的很好吃 lt's good. lt's really good.
现在几点？ Time check.
假设我们现在回到史前的... Let's go back to prehistoric times
恐龙时代 when dinosaurs ruled the earth.
波德莱尔家的孤儿请到服务台 Baudelaire orphans to the courtesy desk.
什么事？ What do you want?
晚餐已准备好 Dinner is served.
意大利面条 Puttanesca.
你叫我什么？ What did you call me?
她说意大利面 lt's pasta. Pasta Puttanesca.
烧牛肉在哪里？ Where's the roast beef?
烧牛肉？ Roast beef?
无错，烧牛肉 Beef. Yes. Roast beef.
这是瑞典话 lt's the Swedish term for beef that is roasted.
你没有说要吃烧牛肉呀 But you didn't tell us you wanted roast beef.
你们知道外面... You know, there's a big world out there
有多少绝望的孤儿 为了搏我看他们一眼... filled with desperate orphans who would gladly
甚至愿意爬过满地的图钉 swim across an ocean of thumbtacks
来到我面前 just to be eclipsed by the long shadow that is cast by my accomplishments.
但我却对他们不屑一顾 But l don't care about them.
我选择敞开心胸... l chose to open my heart
接受你们两位... to you two loverly children
及那只丑陋的猴子 and your hideous primate.
只希望你们乖乖地... 完成每一项我所交代的事... All l ask in return is that you do every thing that pops into my head
而我则负责享受你们父母... 留下的巨额遗产! while l enjoy the enormous fortune your parents left behind.
不 ! 为什么，你这可恶的小鬼... - No. - Why, you little...
放开他，鹦鹉脸! Back off, parrot face!!
我会往上咬 l'll bite higher!
不要模仿我! Don't mock me!
你是疯子 Wow. You are nuts.
是时候教你们如何尊重大人 lt's time you children learned a little respect.
把她放下! - Back! - Put her down!
你这老魔头 You monster!
看，是他自己跌倒的 You all saw it. The boy slipped.
阿紫18岁前 你休想拿到分毫 You won't get a cent until Violet turns 1 8.
是吗？ Really?
谁说的？ 法律，不信你自己看 - Says who? - The law. Look it up.
我们现在就去告诉包先生 We're going to call Mr. Poe about this right now.
真的吗？ Are you?
你们实在令我很失望 l'm very disappointed in you, children.
我们刚谈到哪里？ Where were we?
你没事吧？ 没事 - Are you okay? - No.
你在做什么？ Klaus, what are you doing?
我要出去 去哪里？ - l'm going. - Going where?
回家 Home.
这里就是我们的家 This is our home now.
不，这不是家 This is not home.
这里晚上没有爸妈哄睡觉 Home is where your parents put you to bed at night,
也没有人教我踩单车 where they teach you to ride a bike, or get choked up
或在我第一天上课时陪我哭 on your first day of school.
这里不是我们的家 This is not home.
他们怎能这样对我们？ How could they do this to us?
他们都是坏人 They're just bad people.
不是指他们，是爸和妈 Not them. Mom and Dad.
阿紫，你也是这么想吧？ - Klaus. - Violet, you're thinking it too.
爸妈完全没有为我们计划过 How could they? They had no plan for us at all?
也许他们有 Well, maybe they did have a plan.
是吗？我不相信 Well, it sure looks like it to me.
你记得爸妈去欧洲的事吗？ Do you remember when Mom and Dad went to Europe?
我们那时以为被遗弃了 We thought they'd abandoned us because they didn't even write.
结果只是他们的长信寄失了 We found out they'd written a letter that got lost in the mail.
不是很内疚把爸妈当坏人吗？ Do you remember how guilty we felt for thinking bad thoughts about them?
这次的情况就跟上次一样 This is just like that.
不，这次不一样 No, it's not.
为什么？ Why?
因为他们不在欧洲 Because they're not in Europe.
他们死了 They're not coming back.
我们会再次拥有自己的家吗？ Do you think anything will ever feel like home again?
这庇护所虽然细小... ''Sanctuary'' is a word which here means
但总算隔开了外面的悲惨世界 a small, safe place in a troubling world.
像沙漠中的绿洲 怒海中的小岛 Like an oasis in a vast desert or an island in a stormy sea.
他们在这小帐蓬内... The Baudelaires enjoyed their evening in the sanctuary they built...
享受着宁静 l see it, l see it.
心里却明白 悲惨的世界近在咫尺 ...but in their hearts they knew the troubling world lay outside.
帐蓬外的世界... Like this.
只能用 “凄惨” 两字来形容 A world, which l'm sad to say, can be described in two dismal words.
监护权获批准 Custody granted.
监护权证明书
多谢法官大人，合作愉快! Thank you, Your Honor. Nice doing business with you.
我正在思量我们的关系... Children, l've been contemplating our situation
从前我可能有点 “冷淡” and l realize that l've been a bit standoffish, shall we say?
详细地来说... Which in this case is a big, big word meaning...
绝世大魔王! Pure evil.
“冷淡” 代表： “严厉” 但 “公平” ...tough but fair.
现在既是一家人 我会改变一下 But now that we're family, l can make it up to you.
我会做个完美的爸爸 l can be the ultimate dad.
让我来请客 l know. Let's stop for a treat.
气水、气水、香蕉 Soda. Soda. Banana.
咬我 Bite me.
收到 Got it.
最后机会
去 停 Violet.
锁在哪里？ Where'd the locks go?
“遗产法与你 市政府法令”
你好 我和那些可爱的孩子们... Hello. l'm going on a perfectly innocent ride in the country
不经意的驾车来到这郊外 with my kids whom l love.
这钟准确吗？ ls that clock correct?
这是什么？ What is it?
应该是时间表 l think it's a schedule.
奇异果、西瓜 竟有我最爱的味道 Kiwi Watermelon Surprise. My favorite.
想办法出去! Go!
钥匙给他拿走了 He took the keys.
用其他方法吧 Try everything.
吱喳忙碌的花鼠也在唱歌... Chit-chattery chipmunks all singing...
奥拉夫伯爵吗？我是包先生 Count Olaf? Hello. Poe.
我来回答你有关遗产法的问题 l'm calling about that inheritance question you raised.
是包先生! 你是谁？ - Thank goodness. - Who is this?
阿紫 我们在奥拉夫伯爵的车内 lt's Violet. We're in Count Olaf's car.
你好阿紫 奥拉夫伯爵在哪里？ Hello, Violet. Where's Count Olaf?
他不在，但... 你们自己驾车？ - He's not here right now, but... - You're driving the car alone?
不 !我们的车在火车轨上 火车正冲向我们... The car is on the train tracks and the train is coming.
我听不清楚，刚有火车经过 l'm sorry, Violet, l can't hear a thing. l'm driving next to a train!
我们快被火车撞倒了 We're going to be hit by a train.
我听不清楚因为有火车经过 Right. Yes. l can't hear because of the train!
回到银行我再打给你们 再见! l'll call you back when l get to the bank! Goodbye!
告罗斯， 怎么办？ Klaus, you've read books on trains.
你不是看过关于火车的书吗？ What do we do?
移动的火车头
转轨器
对!转移车轨! Track switcher.
在那边 There!
太远了 - lt's too far away. - No.
用东西把它拉过来 There has to be something we can use to pull it.
这里什么也没有 不， 一定有 - There's nothing in here. - There's always something.
辛妮，把小精灵的头咬下来 Sunny, bite the head off that elf.
乐意之至 Love to!
快拉回来 Quick, pull it back in.
我知道 - Violet. - l got it.
我也不想催你 l don't mean to rush you.
好眼界! 多谢夸奖!拉绳! - Nice shot. - Thank you. Pull.
“千面王子”
亲爱的包先生 Mr. Poe. Dear Mr. Poe.
我们能否冷静的谈一谈 Can't we discuss this like reasonable men?
非常抱歉，奥拉夫伯爵 让婴儿来驾驶... l'm sorry, but allowing a child of Sunny's age to drive a car
是非常不智的 is not good parenting.
他想杀死我们 别太夸张 - He tried to kill us. - Let us not exaggerate.
引擎没开着 The vehicle was not even in gear.
能单独与... May l have...
孩子们说句话吗 ...a moment alone with the children?
再见啦，孩子们 Goodbye, kids.
真好玩 lt's been fun.
无论天涯海角 l'm going to get you.
我一定找到你们 No matter where you go, no matter what you do, l'll find you.
你们 “死硬” You are so deceased.
包先生，请带走他们... Take them, Mr. Poe.
在我流下眼泪前 Before l lose it big time.
对三个灵巧的孤儿来说 智退一个平庸的坏蛋 Trumping a talentless villain might seem all in a day's work
是轻而易举的事 足以令他们在前往新家的路上 for three ingenious orphans,
回味一番 but the Baudelaires savored their victory
他们的前路虽然茫茫 as they sped towards their new home.
但对于新的监护人 What lay ahead for them was unclear,
仍然感到审慎乐观 but they remained cautiously optimistic that their next guardian
至少那人不会想... would be better than the last,
用火车撞扁他们 or at least wouldn't try to flatten them with a train.
他是什么科学家？ Do you know what kind of scientist he is?
我为你们忙得很 l don't. l was far too busy making arrangements.
没时间跟人闲聊 大家好 - l didn't have time for chitchat. - Hello!
噢，我的天哪! Oh, my goodness.
你一定是阿紫 Look at you. You must be Violet.
记得我吗？ Do you remember me?
婴孩怎会有记忆 l don't suppose so, you were just a little baby at the time.
素未谋面的告罗斯，你好... And Klaus, we've never met. How do you...
多么有劲的手力 活像缅甸蟒蛇 What a firm grip. Like a Burmese python.
可爱的小辛妮 And Sunny. Little Sunny.
你长得真像妈妈 You look so much like your dear mother.
谢谢你包先生 这里就交给我吧 Thank you very much, Mr. Poe. l'll take it from here.
或许我应该入内看看 当然可以，请随便 - Well, perhaps l should come inside. - By all means.
你可以帮忙从蟒蛇肠里 拿出蠕虫 You could help us pick out the gut worms from the bowel of the Viscid Boa.
记住孩子们 Children, remember,
如有任何需要... 请致电或传真给我 if you need me any time, you can reach me by phone or fax.
再见 Good day.
终于摆脱了他，对不对？ Well, we got rid of him, didn't we?
快进来 Come in. Come in.
我们要执拾行李 There's not much time and we have to pack.
执拾行李？ Pack?
你是说 “ 执拾行李” 吗？ 没错 - Did you say ''pack''? - Yes.
要将所有的仪器打包 We have to pack all the equipment.
还有衣服 Then there's the essentials like clothing.
还要帮所有的蛇贴上标签 And we have to tag the snakes who are coming with us.
去哪里？ Coming where?
我没有告诉你们要去秘鲁吗？ 没有 - Did l mention we're going to Peru? - No.
明天一早就去 Yes, we are going to Peru. Tomorrow morning.
各位兴奋吗？ lsn't that exciting?
请跟我去爬虫室 This way to the Reptile Room.
欢迎光临! Welcome to my humble abode.
你们熟悉蛇吗？ You children know anything about snakes?
只限书里所记载的 Only what l've read in books.
所知不多 No, not very much.
这里有一两样事情 是书中没写的 Well, we may have one or two things here that aren't in books.
让我先把它放回床上 l'll just put the big fellow in his bed
再介绍几个朋友给你们认识 and introduce you to a few of me friends.
过来这边... Over here...
那是双头眼镜蛇 好眼力 - That's the two-headed cobra. - Well spotted.
是雌还是雄？ ls that a he or a she?
不知道，不好意思问它 l have no idea. Didn't think it polite to ask.
过来这边，它是西藏三眼蟾蜍 And over here, the Tibetan Third Eye Toad.
无法阻止它唱圣歌，呱呱... We can't stop this fellow chanting.
现在请看我的最新发现 And now children, you have to see my latest discovery.
坦桑尼亚出产 世上独一无二的... Found him in Tanzania. One of a kind.
毒蛇 The lncredibly Deadly Viper.
助手阿吉和我 可能是唯一见过它的人 My assistant Gustav and l may be the only people ever to have seen him.
对不起，我的打字带夹住了 l'm sorry. My ribbon just jammed.
等我把它弄一弄 Let me just adjust it here.
好了 There we are.
现在... Now...
我说到哪里？ Where was l?
对了 ，说到那条致命的毒蛇 Yes. The attack of the lncredibly Deadly Viper.
别担心，你不会有事的 Not to worry, little one. You're all right.
它不可能伤到你的， 回去吧 lt can't possibly harm you. Here we go.
那条毒蛇不可能伤她？ 对 The lncredibly Deadly Viper couldn't have harmed her?
它其实很善良 lt's a big softy.
动物王国中 最无害和友善的一员 One of the least harmful and friendliest creatures in the animal kingdom.
大家都被它的名字误导了 lt's a misnomer.
我只想和爬虫学会那些死硬派 l only called him that to play a prank on those stuffed shirts
开个玩笑罢了 down at the Herpetological Society.
蒙叔叔，为什么要去秘鲁？ Uncle Monty, why are we going to Peru?
今早我在想... Just this morning l was wondering,
我们如何一起离开 ''How are we all going to get out of town together?''
去秘鲁， 因为那里有蛇 And l thought, ''Peru.'' They have snakes in Peru, don't they?
但为什么我们要离开城镇 But why are we getting out of town?
阿紫，其实蛇怕人 多过人怕蛇 Violet, do you know snakes are more afraid of you than you are of them?
但很少人知道这事实 Few people do.
当受到威肋，蛇会撤退到... When threatened, a snake will retreat to a place
一个宁静、安全而偏远的地方 that is quiet, safe, remote.
一处令它有安全感的... A sanctuary
避难所 where it can feel out of danger.
那地方就是秘鲁 That's why Peru.
这望远镜，我曾经在爸... Wait. That spyglass. l saw one like that...
日后还有很多时间可以闲聊 Plenty of time for chitchat later.
当下我需要的是一个发明家、 But right now what l need is an inventor,
一个饱览群书的人... a reader
以及一个喜欢咬东西的人 and a biter.
有这样的人吗？ Know any?
我的牙愿随时为先生效命 My teeth are at your service, Sir...
高山青，流水长 High upon Hielands and low upon Tay
美少年佐治准备上沙场 Bonnie George Campbell rode out on a day
系好鞍，装上勒，英勇把路上 Saddled and bridled so gallant rode he
回家只有俊马 骑士一去不复还 Home came his good horse but never came he
可跟你们说过 “ 矮牵牛” 的事？ Petunia, what have l told you about this?
她以为我是一棵树 She thinks l'm a tree, you know.
我听过那首歌 l think l know that song.
爸妈唱过给我们听 l think... l think our parents used to play it for us.
当然，我也唱过给孩子们听 They certainly did, as l did for mine.
你有孩子？ - You had children? - Oh, yes.
还有妻子和一个家 And a wife and a home.
直至发生那场大火 Until the fire.
大火？ A fire?
所以我比谁都了解你们的心情 l may know better than anyone what you're going through.
但一切总会过去的 But it's going to be all right.
我们总会遇到知音人... We'll be among people who understand us.
他们懂得欣赏那些... People who are like us.
喜欢阅读、发明... People who appreciate unique children who can read and invent and...
以及咬东西的独特孩子 ...bite things.
蒙叔叔 为什么为我们做这些事 Uncle Monty, why are you doing all this for us?
因为我们是一家人! lsn't that what family does?
波德莱尔家的孩子出发了 ''And so the Baudelaire children went to Peru
从此 与他们慈爱的新监护人... and together had wonderful adventures
在秘鲁展开奇妙的冒险之旅... with their loving and wonderful new guardian.
故事就此结束 The end.''
如果属实... These are the words l desperately wish l could type.
我愿付出任何代价 l would give anything to say that the story ends here.
哀哉!我的责任不是来报喜... But alas, my mission is not to weave happy endings where they do not occur,
却是来报忧的，我是来报告... but to report the actual events
波德莱尔家孩子的悲惨生活 in the lives of the unfortunate Baudelaire children.
虽然痛苦 And as much as it pains me,
但我必须诚实地说 他们的恶耗才刚开始... l must confess that their troubles had only just begun
就由以下的门铃声开始 and it did so with two musical notes.
你好吗？ Hello.
我找蒙博士 l am looking for Dr. Montgomery Montgomery.
我叫史提芬奴 l am Stephano.
意大利人 l am an ltalian man and l am here to assist him
是来协助他做研究的 in his research as best l can
即是帮忙做研究和观察 as well as to facilitate and remain observatory.
你是奥拉夫伯爵! You're Count Olaf.
何出此言？ Now, why would you say something like that?
我从未见过什么奥拉夫伯爵! l have never met such a person as a Count Olaf,
即使有... but...
相信他也与我长得完全不同 ...if l had l'm sure he would look and sound completely different.
你是奥拉夫伯爵!不要进来! You're Olaf and we're not letting you in.
请三思而后行! Well, perhaps you should re-evaluate your hypothesis.
劝你们不要拿这来开玩笑 Anyway, that's why you should never run with one of these, kids.
史提芬奴先生说得非常有道理 Words of wisdom indeed, Mr. Stephano.
不好了 ，被你看到我在教人 You caught me being a mentor.
抱歉要你来得这样急 And bless you for coming at such short notice.
请别这么说 Not at all, not at all.
我的助手一小时前 才致电请假... My chief assistant, Gustav, took sick and phoned not one hour ago.
也是情非得已 He'd give anything to be here right now.
感谢上天你能拔刀相助 Thank goodness you were available.
别见笑，你是我的超级偶像 Well, l am... l am a fan, if l may gush.
你的研究对我在海湾水族馆的 Your work has profoundly influenced my research
工作有莫大的启发... up at the Monterey Bay Aquarium...
我指的是海蛇 ...on the sea snake.
它是一种很暴力的动物 或者我们应该... - lt's a very volatile animal, that... - Perhaps we should...
我被咬过四万几次 l've been bitten 43... 700 times.
多数是脸 Mostly on the face. A lot of this has been reconstructed.
全靠整容 But l think they did one heck of a job,
我的须虽然有些歪但已算不错 even though my moustache is a tad askew.
你不会相信这废话吧! You can't be buying this.
孩子们能帮忙搬一下行李吗？ But l wonder if l could get the kids to help me in with my bags.
我左边身体有点不灵活 My left side is somewhat neurologically challenged.
无问题，孩子们... - But of course. Children...
但蒙叔叔... - Uncle Monty...
请不要待慢客人 快去帮手 Please.Let us not be rude to our guest. Now, go on.
他想怎样？ 不知道 - What's he up to? - l don't know.
坏人到访， 当然是坏事 There is no good moment, of course, for a notorious villain to arrive,
但奥拉夫的重临，刚好在... but the timing of Olaf's reappearance,
蒙博士要揭开秘密之前... just when Dr. Montgomery's secret could be revealed to the children,
这是告罗斯最难以忍受的 was almost more than Klaus could bear.
阿紫，你听我说 Violet, listen to me.
爸爸也有蒙叔叔的望远镜 Monty's spyglass. l saw the exact same one in Dad's desk.
这只是巧合 Klaus, it's just a coincidence.
不是巧合，凡事总有它的原因 Violet, no. Everything happens for a reason.
在秘鲁，孩子们将帮忙做研究 The children will be helping us with the research in Peru.
你有与孩子相处的经验吗 Have any experience with children?
孩子对我来说很陌生 Children are strange and foreign to me.
我自己好像一生下来就是大人 l never really was one.
他们是自然生态重要的一份子 l know that they are an important part of the ecosystem.
他不会让我们与叔叔独处 He's never gonna let us alone with Monty.
我们必须通知他 让我来 - We've got to get a message to him. - Leave that to me.
我试过在喂鳗鲡的时候... l was feeding the moray...
过份自信 ...and of course l got cocky.
只是一时大意便出了事 And that's all it takes. That's all it takes is one time.
只此一次 Just once.
我把烟熏鱼放进嘴里喂给它 l had the kipper in my mouth and l offered it.
国家地理杂志... And there was a team from National Geographic that were there.
拍下了整个过程 They were filming the whole thing
很多人不太熟悉 鳗鲡的特性... and, well, a lot of people don't know this about the moray,
它不可能是力大无穷的动物... but you think this can't be a tremendously strong animal.
当然它拥有一定程度的力量... Sure, it has a certain amount of strength,
但它怎能把人的嘴巴变成山洞 but how does it pull a man's face into a cave?
长话短说： 这弯曲， 整形手术... Anyway, long story short, the bends, the reconstructive surgery,
但... 我听闻秘鲁是个美丽的地方 but yes, from my understanding, Peru is a wonderful place.
那些海滩，那些人 The beaches. The people.
放宽了的监护权法 The relaxed guardianship laws.
骗子
放宽了的监护权法？ Relaxed guardianship laws?
是我说的吗？ Did l say that?
该死的神经症 Darn neurotoxins.
史提芬奴，你是讲故事天才 Stephano, you have a wonderful gift for storytelling.
对吧，孩子们 - Doesn't he, children? - Oh, yeah.
你介意帮我喂奶给 “ 矮牵牛” 吗 l was wondering if you wouldn't mind milking Petunia for me.
“ 矮牵牛” Petunia.
喂奶...我... Well, the milking...
我可不可以... Now, see what l was... Could l just...
无问题，我尽力而为 Yeah, sure. l'll take a shot at that.
在喂饲室 他们叫我麦当劳叔叔 Now, they used to call me Old MacDonald up at the milking lab there.
因为我可以不停地喂足一日 l'd milk these things all day long.
但我找不到它的乳房 But the little udders, they're hard to locate.
不如你自己来吧... Anyway, why don't you take that
不用等我 and go ahead and start the party without me.
我记不清楚有无带喂奶器 l'm not sure l brought my milking gear.
我去找找看 l'll take a gander.
他还在看吗 ls he still watching?
是的 Yes.
不要看我，假装与告罗斯说话 Don't look at me. Pretend you're talking to Klaus.
好 Okay.
我已收到你的字条 别担心 l got your message. Don't worry, l know.
你真的收到？ 对! - You do? - Yes.
鳗鲡是不吃烟熏鱼的 因为太咸 A moray eel would never eat kippers. Far too salty.
他是否在偷看... Did you see the way he kept glancing into my satchel
装有毒蛇液的胶袋 where l keep the exotic snake venoms?
你们说得对 这史提芬奴是假的 You children were right. Stephano is an imposter.
对!他是... - Yes. - Yeah.
爬虫学会的间谍 A spy from the Herpetological Society,
来偷毒蛇的 here to steal the lncredibly Deadly Viper.
不对， 蒙叔叔... No. Uncle Monty...
喂完了 Darn. All finished.
我正等着喂它呢 l was so looking forward to the milking.
孩子们是时候睡觉了 lsn't it about time you kids went to bed?
对 Absolutely.
我们明天一早要出发 Early start tomorrow, children.
去睡吧 Off you go.
晚安 Good night.
假如你们睡不着... And if you kids should get restless during the night,
我就在下面，我好醒？ l'm right down the hall and l'm a very light sleeper.
事实上，我根本不睡觉 ln fact, l hardly sleep at all.
你们有通行证吗 Do you have a hall pass?
我想没有 l didn't think so.
噢，“ 矮牵牛” 我会想念你的 Petunia, l'm going to miss you.
你真是个乖女孩 You're such a good girl, aren't you?
也是漂亮的女孩 Such a pretty girl.
没错 You are. Yes, you are.
是漂亮的女孩 Yes, you are.
目睹你敬爱的人死 感觉一定很怪 lt is a curious thing, the death of a loved one.
蒙叔叔？ Uncle Monty?
就像在漆黑中拾级而上... lt's like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark
心想应该还有一级... and thinking that there's one more stair than there is.
结果却一脚踏空... Your foot falls down through the air
然后在黑暗中感到不祥的预兆 and there's a sickly moment of dark surprise.
蒙叔叔？ Uncle Monty?
孩子们不单为叔叔的死 感到哀恸 The children's grief was not only for their uncle,
也为他们重拾 家庭温暖的期望... but for that tender hope that they may have found home again.
被一个坏蛋演员所破坏... A hope which, thanks to a villainous actor,
而难过 was now slowly tumbling away.
我觉得应该为这悲剧 负上些责任 l do feel somewhat responsible for this tragedy.
我应该一早提醒他... l should've taken it upon myself to warn him that the lncredibly Deadly Viper
毒蛇是自然生态中最致命的 is the most deadly snake in the entire ecosystem.
我知道， 因为是我发现它的 l should know. l discovered it.
你说什么？ 探员？ - You what? - Detective?
小孩， 门开着 Little girl, the big cage door is open, no snake. Dead guy.
没有蛇却有死人 You know what l'm thinking?
是谁一大早把我吵醒？ ''Who woke me up at nine in the morning for this?''
这是被蛇咬的伤口 ，绝对没错 lt's definitely a snake bite. There's no question about it.
绝对没错，谢谢你医生 Snake bite, no question. Thanks, doc.
他不是给毒蛇咬死的 The lncredibly Deadly Viper couldn't have killed him.
它是世上最安全 最友善的动物 lt's one of the least dangerous and most friendly creatures.
你们介意我省却那些文件吗 Mind if l skip the paperwork on this?
最好不过 l think that'd be best.
因为孩子们刚逢剧变 These kids have been through a major upheaval.
我想我们应该 按照原来的计划... l wonder if it's a good idea, even to change their plans at this point.
明天一早前往秘鲁... We were headed for Peru tomorrow
车票不能退款 - and the tickets are non-refundable. - No.
医生你说呢？ Doc, what do you think?
可能是他们克服悲伤的好途径 Could be the only chance for them to get closure.
我要证明他是冒牌货 Thank you.
一言为定，谢谢你医生 l'll handle this.
由证人处得知... From interviews with witnesses there that day,
我们的小辛妮决定... l have learned the following about the youngest Baudelaire's plan:
勇敢的小辛妮... Brave Sunny started here and approached the lncredibly Deadly Viper
主意已决地走向那毒蛇 with single-minded determination.
他是奥拉夫伯爵 那医生是同党 No, he's Count Olaf and that doctor is his accomplice.
他试过用火车来杀死我们 He tried to kill us with a train.
他从哪儿弄来火车？ 我从哪儿弄来火车？ - Where would he get a train? - Where am l gonna get a train?
别傻了 That's enough of this foolishness.
史提芬奴长得一点不像奥拉夫 Mr. Stephano bears no resemblance to Count Olaf.
那英俊的奥拉夫伯爵到底是谁 Who is this incredibly handsome Count Olaf they keep speaking of?
奥拉夫伯爵是他们的旧监护人 Count Olaf is their old guardian who made an error in judgment.
那纹身呢？ What about the tattoo?
奥拉夫伯爵的脚踝纹着一只眼 Count Olaf had a tattoo of an eye on his ankle.
为了证明我是清白的... Anything for the kids.
大家请看... Voila! Spick-and-span.
他是演员 ， 用化妆品遮盖了 He's an actor. He covered it with makeup.
医生请你把孩子们带上车 Doctor, l wonder if you could help me escort these children to the vehicle.
包先生，不要 - No, Mr. Poe. - We'll send a postcard.
有一事是所有目击者都同意的 About one thing, all the witnesses agreed.
接下来他们听到的声音是... The sound they heard next was so shocking, so surprising...
多么的令人震惊和难以忘怀 ...it still haunts them to this day.
该死，这是一个难得的好角色 Damn it. This was such a good character.
蝴蝶飞 兰色的鸟儿在唱歌... Bum buttery bluebird is singing a tune
休息一下孩子们 Rest assured, children,
警察局... the authorities are in hot pursuit of Mr. Stephano,
会从无眉毛和有纹身的线索... from his eyebrowless forehead to his untattooed ankle.
追捕那个意大利恶魔 The ltalian fiend.
虽仍摆脱不了那无能的银行家 Though still in the clutches of a clueless banker,
在前往结冰的莱翠湖的路上 小孩们还是为能揭开... the Baudelaires celebrated their unmasking of Olaf
奥拉夫伯爵的真面目 而感到兴奋 as they skimmed their way across the icy surface of Lake Lachrymose.
但告罗斯并不是肤浅的小孩 But Klaus wasn't the sort to think on the surface of anything.
他知道这旅程并不简单... He knew there was something beneath,
他要寻找那望远镜... even though all he had was a spyglass...
你上一次进食在那时
另一场大火：以及纸上的两个字 ...the knowledge of another terrible fire and two words on a slip of paper.
约瑟芬阿姨？ Aunt Josephine?
从未听过 Never heard of her.
达莫克里斯码头
无个亲戚和我们有血缘关系 Does it strike you as odd that none of our relatives are related to us?
约瑟芬阿姨？ Aunt Josephine?
你们是波德莱尔家的小孩？ Baudelaires?
是的 - ls that you? - Yes.
太好了 Good.
快进来 Come in. Come in.
飓风随时会来临 Hurricane Herman is about to arrive at any time now.
阿紫，让我看看你 Violet. Look at you.
你好吗 Hello.
快进来，孩子们 Come in, quickly. Quickly, children.
什么事？ - What? - What's the matter?
别太快 Not that quickly.
小心被地毡绊倒 You could trip over the welcome mat...
然后被自己杀了头 ...and decapitate yourselves.
快 So... quickly.
但不要太快，好吗？ But not too quickly. All right?
抱歉这里很冷 l'm sorry. lt's so chilly in here.
有时冷得令人无法忍受 Sometimes it gets so cold l can hardly stand it.
阿姨，你想我开暖炉吗 Would you like me to turn the radiator up for you?
请不要，我怕它会爆炸 No, l never turn on the radiator. l'm frightened that it might explode.
请不要用屋内任何门柄 Children, l must ask you not to use any of the doorknobs in the house.
只需轻推门框 Just push on the wood of the door
门就会开 and it'll open.
为什么？ Why?
因为我怕门柄会碎裂... l'm always afraid that the doorknobs will shatter into a million tiny pieces
然后碎片会击中我的眼睛 and one of them will hit my eye.
有人是疯子 Someone's been to crazy town.
“达摩” 不是一个英文字 ''Delmo'' is not a word.
我要慢慢教她 如何说正确的英语 l can see that l'm going to have to teach her proper English.
文法是人生中最好玩的 同意吗 Grammar is the greatest joy in life, don't you find?
绝对认同 我爱文法 - Definitely. - l love grammar.
她是疯人院院长 She's the Mayor of crazy town.
好极了 ，有热汤饮 Perfect. Nice hot soup.
其实这是冻青瓜汤 Actually, it's chilled cucumber soup.
我从来不弄热东西 l never cook anything hot.
因为怕那个炉会着火 l'm afraid that the stove will burst into flames.
你弟弟呢？ 在厨房 - Where's your brother? - The kitchen.
告罗斯？ ! 你在做什么？ What are you doing?
拿餐巾 Napkins.
餐巾在这里 Napkins are here.
快点离开那冰箱 不然倒下来会压扁你 Come away from the fridge. lf it falls, it'll crush you flat.
好了孩子们 All right.
谁想看照片 ？ Would you like to see some pictures?
小心!别给纸张割伤 Careful. Don't get a paper cut.
他是否... ls this lke?
很英俊？ Wasn't he handsome?
约瑟芬阿姨，你真厉害 Look at all the things you did, Aunt Josephine.
你驯服过狮子？ You tamed lions?
伊健在生的时候 l was quite adventurous
我是颇富冒险精神的 when lke was alive.
蒙叔叔？你认识蒙叔叔吗？ Uncle Monty? You knew Uncle Monty?
不，这照片拍得我不太美 No. That's not a good picture of me.
等等 Wait, is...
这是我们的父母吗 这是否一个某种形式的社团？ - ls that our parents? - Was this some sort of club?
为什么你们都拿着 这个望远镜？ Why do you all have these spyglasses?
我不喜欢相中的自己 l don't like the way l look in that picture.
请问伊健是否死于火灾？ Did lke die in a fire?
不是的，傻孩子，不是的 ! Silly child, no.
他是被水蛭咬死的 He was eaten by leeches.
过来 Okay.
我指给你们看 Come, l'll show you.
小心那吊灯 Watch the chandelier, children.
如果跌下来，会把你们压扁的 lf it falls, it'll impale you.
莱翠湖的每一个 小海湾和入口... lke and l explored every cove and inlet of Lake Lachrymose,
几乎都被我和伊健探索过... 由恐怖港... from Horrid Harbor
一路直上至惊吓洞 all the way over to Curdled Cave, way over there.
就在这石头附近遭到水蛭袭击 And near that rock is where the leeches attacked.
莱翠湖的水蛭 有六排尖锐的牙齿 Lachrymose leeches have six rows of very sharp teeth
和一个很灵敏的鼻子 and one very sharp nose.
它们虽然盲，但却能在几里外... 闻到人类身上食物的气味 They are blind, but they can smell food on a human from miles away.
一旦闻到食物味，便蜂拥而上 And if they smell food, they will swarm.
我已提醒过他：伊健... l told him, ''lke,
你必须等一小时后才能下水 但是... you must wait one hour before going into the water.''But...
他只等了45分钟... 就... ...he only waited 45 minutes.
很抱歉，孩子们 告罗斯! l apologize, children.
那是伊健的房间，是私家重地 That area is private. That was lke's room.
上帝呀，我憎恨这地方 God, l hate it here.
约瑟芬阿姨 Well, Aunt Josephine,
你有想过搬走吗 have you ever thought of maybe moving someplace else?
搬离莱翠湖，你或会感觉好些 Maybe if you moved away from Lake Lachrymose you might feel better.
我绝不... l could never,
绝不可能把这屋卖掉的 never, never, never sell this house.
因为我非常害怕面对地产经记 l'm terrified of realtors.
恐惧分两种： There are two kinds of fears:
理智的和不理智的 Rational and irrational.
害怕地产经记的，属于后者 Being afraid of realtors is an irrational fear.
我来错了时间？ ls this a bad time?
我们一定要把她带离此屋 We gotta get her out of the house.
小心那些油梨 Watch out for those avocados.
它的核会令你窒息 The pit could become lodged in our throats.
还要小心那大车 它可能会失控撞向我们 And watch out for that cart. lt could break free and run us over.
不会有事的，约瑟芬阿姨 Everything's fine, Aunt Josephine.
我的天主耶和华! Lord tunderin' jumped up Jehovah.
这是黑死病吗？ ls it the black plague?
不，这都是我的错 No, that there was all my fault, eywah.
这样撞倒你妹妹，非常对不起 Can't tell ya how sorry l is for running into your sister there like that.
约瑟芬阿姨，这是... 多么美丽的两位女士 - Aunt Josephine... - Couple of right beauties ya are, mum.
特别是你 Especially you.
约瑟芬阿姨... Aunt Josephine...
请容我作自我介绍 不，请容告罗斯和我来介绍他 - Allow me to introduce meself. - Allow Klaus and l to introduce him.
应该说 “ 我和告罗斯” 才对 Klaus and me.
现在这根本不重要 不重要？ - lt doesn't matter. This is. . . - Doesn't matter?
你开玩笑吗，小女孩 Are you jiggin' me, girl?
为什么，或许这只是一个... Why, perhaps it's just the ramblin's of an expert fisherman,
专业渔民的一点愚见... but grammar is the number one most important thing
文法对我来说是世上最重要的 in this here world to me.
你真的这样认为吗 lt is?
她是否无得救？ ls she desperate?
这毫无疑问是最重要的 是世上唯一最重要的 lt's the whole ball of wax.
为什么 因为没有你的好文法... The entire kit 'n caboodle. Why, without your good grammar,
我们就不可能理解这世界 the whole darn shootin' match could go arse over tea kettle.
我还可以翻上... Well, you can certainly turn a phrase.
搓下... l can flip it up and rub it down too.
当然这完全由你来作主 'Course, that would be entirely up to you, mum.
贾队长... Captain Sham...
我愿随时为你效劳 ...at your service.
他在撒谎，他是奥拉夫伯爵 He's lying. He's Count Olaf.
你们提过的那个恐怖男人 That... That horrible man you warned me about?
他在哪儿？是谁？ 就在你面前 - Where? Who? - Right in front of you.
他在哪儿？ 在贾队长后面？ 不 ! - Where's he at? - Behind Captain Sham?
我会教训他的 l'll show him a ting or two.
左一拳呀右一拳 l'll give him the ol' wax on, wax off, me son.
贾队长就是奥拉夫伯爵 Captain Sham is Count Olaf.
我不会再上他的当 l'm not going through this again.
撞了邪的孩子! 告罗斯! Children of the corn!
为什么这样对待这可怜的男士 Why did you do this to this poor man?
真的很对不起! l'm so sorry. Sorry.
等到早上就会开始痛 That's gonna smart in the mornin'.
不打紧，我不怪他 l don't pay that no never mind, mum.
他只是个小孩子 He's just a boy barely out of his OshKosh B'Gosh.
自从我的脚被水蛭咬去... l've had to deal with that ever since me leg was chewed off
我就经常面对这样的事 by the Lachrymose leeches.
为什么我不等到一小时后 才下水 Why didn't l wait an hour before swimmin'?
为什么？为什么？ Why? Why? Why?
那些水蛭也夺去了我的丈夫 - The leeches took my husband too. - Get out of town.
我不相信 是真的 No, really.
天呀，那些可恶的水蛭令我... 变成了独脚佬 By jeez, them blasted leeches doomed me to a life of hoppin', they did.
虽然我能使用伤残车位... Sure l get the good parkin' spots,
但又有谁会爱上一个独脚佬？ but who could love a man with one leg and a face like a hen's arse?
我就像沧海里的沙鸥一样寂寞 l'm as lonely as a gull on a rock, girl.
噢， 贾队长! Oh, Captain Sham.
请你今晚来我家吃饭吧 Would you come to my house for dinner this evening?
不 - No. - No.
我不知道 l don't know about that, mum.
我怕我的脚会拖花你的地板 l'm afeared l might scuff up the floors with this old cribbage peg.
不怕 ，我会把地板铺上报纸 Well, l will lay down newspapers.
请赏面，孩子们会为你... 做美味的意大利面 Please, the children are going to make a lovely dinner of Puttanesca.
我被咬前就是吃了这个 The very meal l ate before they took me leg!
噢 Oh, my goodness. Well, children,
我要带贾队长回家 l'm going to take Captain Sham home.
你们继续留在这里 买一餐不含意大利面的晚餐 And you stay here and shop for an entirely Puttanesca-free dinner.
但是... 告罗斯， “但是” 不是完整句子 - But... - ''But'' is not a sentence, Klaus.
约瑟芬阿姨 - Aunt Josephine. - Hey!
你们未付款 You haven't paid for that.
现在的孩子真胡闹 Kids today.
有谁知道你走向这里
约瑟芬阿姨？ 约瑟芬阿姨？ Aunt Josephine?
你在吗？ 约瑟芬阿姨？ - Are you here? - Aunt Jo?
你在吗？ Are you here?
约瑟芬阿姨？ Aunt Jo.
不好了 ! Oh, no. No!
我们来迟了 We're too late.
写了什么？ What does it say?
这是一张自杀后留下的遗书 lt's a suicide note.
阿紫、告罗斯和辛妮 ''Violet, Klaus and Sunny,
当你们看到这字条时 恐怕我已死了 by the time you read this my life will be at its end.
伊健的死令我觉得生无可恋 My heart is as cold as lke and l find life inbearable.''
生无可恋？ 继续念 - ''lnbearable''? - Go on.
你们未必了解身为寡妇的痛苦 ''l know you may not understand the sad life of a dowadg...''
“寡妇” 拼错了字 不要紧，继续念 - Dowager has one D. - Doesn't matter. Keep going.
也不明白我 为啥有这绝望的行动 ''...or what would have led to this desperate act.''
她又拼错了“ 行动” Act is spelt with a C.
为什么你老是在检查她的拼字 Why are you checking her spelling?
文法是她的生命，她为什么出错 Her greatest joy was grammar. Why is she making all these mistakes?
当你要跳窗时 你也顾不了文法 lf you were about to jump out a window, you might make a few mistakes too.
这样我会快乐些 ''Please know that l am happier this way.
我的遗愿是将你们留给... As my last will, l leave you in the care of Captain Sham,
仁慈厚道的贾队长照顾 a kind and honorable man.''
这是他的诡计 That was his plan.
他逼她写下遗书 然后把她推出窗外 He made her write this and then pushed her out the window.
密码编制术与你 符号与密码
破解战争的密码
这不是自杀遗书，是密码字条 No, it's not a suicide note. lt's a message.
这里是... lt's not supposed to be ''lke,'' it's supposed to be ''ice'' with a C.
加上一个... ''Unbearable'' with a U.
惊吓
惊吓洞
一路直上至惊吓洞 All the way over to Curdled Cave, way over there.
她未死，她躲起来了 She's not dead. She's hiding.
惊吓洞？ Curdled Cave?
辛妮!
他在侦查火灾 He was investigating fires.
告罗斯，我们要走了 Klaus, we gotta go.
离开那冰箱 什么？ - Come away from the fridge. - What?
不然，倒下来会压扁你 lf it falls, it could crush you flat.
不会吧？ ! No way.
风暴过去了吗？ ls it over?
阿紫，最好把你的头发绑起来 Violet, you better tie your hair up.
阿紫，快想办法吧 Violet, ideas?
把灭火器给我 Bring me that fire extinguisher.
为什么？ Why?
因为我们需要它来移动那个锚 Because we need to move this anchor over there.
什么？ 快帮忙! - What? - Just help me.
数三下把船梁弄断 On three, we break that beam.
弄断？ - Break it? - Yes.
这是唯一支撑我们的东西 没错 - That's the only thing keeping us up. - Exactly.
你的头发绑紧了吗？ 数三下 - Sure you tied your hair tight enough? - On three.
一... One.
二... Two.
三 Three.
等等! Wait.
等等 Wait.
辛妮抓住! 现在跳! Hold on, Sunny. Now!
我们现在怎么办？ What do we do now?
既然她仍在生，我们必须报警 She's alive. We have to go to the authorities.
不 ! No.
什么？ 警察不会相信我们的 - What? - They won't listen. They never listen.
一定是奥拉夫 我们自己去找她 lt's Olaf. He'll never stop. We have to find her ourselves.
好吗，孩子们 这是贾队长，你们的新监护人 Hey, you kids. lt's Captain Sham, your new guardian.
请留在原地，我们会来找你们 You just stay where you're at and we'll come where you're to.
有没有读过有关航海的书？ Ever read any books on sailing?
告罗斯刚好读过 15本有关航海... Klaus had read exactly 1 5 books on sailing
以及有关气象学的书 and two books on meteorology.
但理论和实践... But it is one thing to do something in theory,
始终是两回事 another to do it in practice.
他们根本没有准备去跨越 那愤怒而臭脾气的湖 Little could have prepared them for the crossing to Curdled Cave
前往惊吓洞 at the hands of an angry and ill-humored lake.
当风暴停止、 水面回复平静之后... But as the storm passed and the waters calmed,
孩子们不禁感到一丝的成功感 the Baudelaires couldn't help but feel a small sense of accomplishment.
为他们悲苦的生活加添了... 难得的一分喜悦 A rare moment of joy in their otherwise woeful lives.
求售
他们成功了 They had made it.
如果监护人无法拯救他们... And if their guardian could not rescue them,
不如由他们来拯救监护人 then they would rescue their guardian.
约瑟芬阿姨？ 约瑟芬阿姨？ Aunt Josephine?
约瑟芬阿姨？ 你在里面吗？ Are you in here?
约瑟芬阿姨？ Aunt Josephine!
噢，孩子们 你们办到了 Children, you did it!
你们成功地... 破解了我留下的密码 You deciphered the clues in my note.
你没事就太好了 We're so glad you're okay.
实在太恐怖了 lt was so horrible.
奥拉夫伯爵逼我写遗书... Count Olaf forced me to write that will and then it nearly killed me
那些错文法才最要我的命 to add in all those grammatical errors.
可有带杂货？ 杂货？ - So did you bring groceries? - Groceries?
我们刚经厉了一场大风暴 - We just came through a storm. - Well, so?
如果没带食物来 那靠什么在洞里生活？ How do you expect us to live in this cave if you didn't bring any food?
我们要住在这洞里？ Live in the cave?
你一定要跟我们回去 No, you have to come back with us.
你的遗书把我们交给了贾队长 你必须澄清那只是一个谎言 You willed us to Captain Sham. You're proof it's a lie.
这太危险了 ，孩子们对不起 - lt's too dangerous. l'm sorry. - Too dangerous?
你是监护人 应该好好照顾我们 You're supposed to take care of us.
我不想再讨论这个问题 l'm not going to talk about it anymore.
你可知惊吓洞正在求售吗？ You know, Aunt Josephine, Curdled Cave is for sale.
那又怎样？ So?
那表示很快就会有人来这里 So, before too long, people are gonna come to look at it
其中一定包括地产经记 and some of those people will be realtors.
约瑟芬阿姨... 这代表什么？ Aunt Josephine, what does this mean?
你在哪里找到的？ 伊健的房间 - Where did you find that? - l found it in lke's room.
那些大火! The fires.
他为什么要调查那些大火？ Why was he investigating fires?
我们都在查 蒙叔叔，伊健和... We all were. Uncle Monty, lke and...
我们的父母 Our parents.
他们是我们的领袖 They were our leaders.
孩子们... Children, there are good people
世上有好人也有坏人 and bad people in the world.
有人会纵火， 亦有人会扑火 The ones who start the fires and the ones who put them out.
谁会这样做？ 是奥拉夫吗？ - Who's doing this? - ls it Olaf?
我讲得太多了 l've said too much.
你双亲知情 但却落得如此下场 Your parents knew the answer and look what happened to them.
我们父母？ Our parents?
他们说过什么？ What did they say?
我们不应离开那个洞 We should never have left that cave.
现在掉头也不迟 我会尝试应付那些经记 lt's not too late for us to turn. l'll take my chances with the realtors.
约瑟芬阿姨 我们的父母说了什么？ Aunt Josephine, what did our parents say?
我们就快会死 We're going to die.
你说什么？ What?
水蛭来了 lt's the leeches!
还好我们没有吃东西 l guess it's a good thing none of us have eaten in a while, then.
你估错啦 约瑟芬阿姨! Guess again.
船有裂缝 There's a crack in the boat!
告罗斯怎么办？ Klaus, what do we do?
它们在吃船 They're eating the boat!
我们在下沉、下沉、下沉 We're sinking, sinking, sinking.
告罗斯请划桨 我们必死无疑 - Klaus, paddle, please. - Doomed. Doomed.
约瑟芬阿姨，这样不是在帮忙 Aunt Josephine, that is not helping.
那边有船 请过来这边!这边! There's a boat. Over here! Over here!
如果说莱翠湖水蛭令人讨厌... But as unpleasant as Lachrymose leeches can be,
那雾中的不速之客 就更令人心寒 there was something far more unpleasant arriving out of the fog.
好吗，好吗，好吗 Hello, hello, hello.
我非常挂念你们 l missed you guys.
看来你们需要少少帮忙 Looks like you could use a little assistance.
你才需要 You're gonna need assistance when we get to town.
当阿姨回去揭发你时 Aunt Josephine's gonna tell everyone.
我会坐牢， 而你们就与慈爱的 监护人快乐地生活下去... Then l'll be sent to jail and you'll live happily with a friendly guardian,
继续发明、 阅读和磨你的猴子牙 inventing and reading books, and sharpening your monkey teeth.
邪不能胜正! Bravery and nobility will prevail at last
邪恶的世界 变成充满和谐的乐土 and this wicked world will become a place of cheerful harmony.
人人像快乐的小神仙般唱歌跳舞 Everyone will be singing, dancing and giggling like the Littlest Elf.
快乐的结局 你们是这样想的吧 A happy ending. ls that what you had in mind?
没人会相信一个死人 Because l hardly think that anybody is going to believe a dead woman.
不要碰她 她会将事情公诸于世 You won't touch her. She's gonna tell everyone what happened.
不，我不会 l won't tell anybody anything, l promise.
不要把我抛给水蛭 遗产是你的，孩子也可拿去 Don't throw me to the leeches. You can have the fortune, the children.
求求你 欢迎登船 - Please. - Welcome aboard.
烫手的小山芋! Hot potato.
我会离开、染发，并改名换姓 l'll go away. l'll dye my hair, l'll change my name.
哪我们呢？ 肃静，大人说话小孩别插嘴 - But what about us? - Quiet, child. The adults are talking.
我本来不用杀你的 - l suppose l don't have to kill you. - No.
但你竟然留下暗号... On the other hand, with that little stunt at the window,
可见你不值得信任 you hadn't been a very trustworthy person.
但是... But...
我可以施舍少少仁慈 ...l could show a little mercy.
请你用“ 现在完成式” Haven't.
什么？ What?
你刚用了“ 过去完成式” 文法不对 You said ''hadn't.'' That's bad grammar.
你应该用 You should've said,
“ 现在完成式” 才对 ''You haven't been a very trustworthy person.''
谢谢赐教 Thank you for correcting me.
别客气 Not at all.
不要，约瑟芬阿姨! No. No, no, no, Aunt Josephine.
你不能... - You can't! - Wait!
跳! Jump!
各位看到了 ，结果很明显 Well, you get the picture.
约瑟芬阿姨! Aunt Josephine.
我们已经尽了全力 Well, we've done all we can do.
不准乱说话 Everybody be cool.
是你们吗？孩子 Children?
包先生，我们... - ls that you? - Mr. Poe!
遇溺 - We're... - Drowning.
是我救了他 从水蛭群中救了他 l saved him! l saved the boy from the leeches!
回到水里去，你们这些手指怪 Back to the depths, you fingery devils.
今日你们不会吃到这男孩的头 You will not devour this boy's head today.
奥拉夫伯爵？你来做什么？ Count Olaf? What are you doing here?
包先生，请让我来 Mr. Poe, please.
奥拉夫伯爵？你来做什么？ Count Olaf, what are you doin' here, man?
我知道我不该来 l know, l know, l shouldn't have come.
当我知孩子有危险，就赶来了 But when l heard the children were in danger, l had to.
即使我不适合做他们的监护人 Even if l'm not fit to be their guardian.
我好像错怪了你 lt appears l was wrong about you, Count Olaf.
不 - No. - No.
不 No.
你已证明自己是称职的监护人 You have proven yourself to be an exceptionally capable guardian.
如不立即还监护权 就是我失职 l would be remiss if l did not place the children with you immediately.
如果没有你，孩子们恐怕... 请别这么说! - lf it weren't for you, the... - Don't say it!
我不能失去我的小宝贝们 即使拿到巨大的遗产... l can't stand the thought of losing my little treasures.
也只是提醒我内心伤痛的闹钟 Even the thought of the inheritance would be a reminder of my heartache.
你不用为此而烦恼 There's no need to fret about that.
若他们有事 The law clearly states that you would not inherit the Baudelaire fortune
你是得不到遗产的 你说什么？ - if anything happened to the children. - Say what?
除非有血缘关系或是夫妻 With the exception, of course, of blood relatives and married couples.
当真？ Really?
包先生... 我可向你提过新剧的事？ Mr. Poe, have l told you about our new play?
“ 啼笑姻缘”
编剧 ：奥拉夫伯爵
剧评家 Critic.
剧评家! Critic.
你的披风，先生 Your cape, sir.
别以为巴结我，就能得到好评 Don't try to get on my good side.
他想怎样？ 为什么我们要在这里？ What is he up to? Why are we in the play?
他想假戏真做 He's using this as a prop.
两人若是夫妻... lt says that if two people are married, they're entitled to any money
就可分享彼此的财富 这是做戏 - that either of them has. - No, but it's just a play.
他不能就此得到财产 He can't get our fortune by marrying me in a play.
我不能吗？ Oh, can't l? Conspirators.
阴谋者说：凯撒必死 凯撒必死 Caesar must die. Caesar must die. Caesar must die.
有效的婚姻是要法院批准的 ln order to be valid, it has to be administered
这里是这么说的 by a bona fide justice of the peace. lt says so right here.
史法官 Justice Strauss, are you ready for your debut?
准备好你的首演了吗？ Thank you.
阿紫，你美极了 Look at you. Violet, you look so beautiful.
你是新娘，我是法官 谁是新郎 You are the bride, l'm the judge. Who's the groom?
你不明白 ，这戏是真的 No, you don't understand. The play is real.
没错 Yes! Yes.
这当然是真的，所以我才选你 lt must be real. That's why l cast you.
其他演员都缺乏... All the other actors l saw lacked the proper. . .
我应用什么字 What's the word l'm looking for?
头发？ 手？ - Hair? - Hands?
真实感! Verisimilitude.
请你记住... Now remember, Justice Strauss, you must say the words
必须念出与真正婚礼 一样的台词 as you would in a real wedding. Get it absolutely right.
星探正在寻找你这样的明星 There are talent scouts looking for someone your age.
一切要看你今晚的表现了 lt's all riding on this one.
我的天，为什么要告诉我这些 Why did you have to tell me that?
带她去化妆 - Oh, my God. - Take her to makeup.
好好享受!记得化紧张为力量 Enjoy! Embrace the butterflies.
荒谬! This is ridiculous.
阿紫才14岁 未到法定结婚年龄 Violet's only 1 4. She can't be legally married.
若得到监护人同意就可以... 监护人是谁？ She can if she has the permission of her guardian. Who's that?
是我! Me!
自己看吧， 书虫 Look it up, bookworm.
当你说“ 我愿意” 和签名后... Yes. Once you say ''l do'' and sign the certificate,
就正式成为我可爱的新娘 you'll really be my loverly bride.
煮饭、清洁、帮我按摩脚趾... You'll cook and clean and massage my bunions
以及剪我那黄色的厚脚甲 and clip my thick yellow toenails.
婚姻生活并不容易 Hey, marriage is no picnic.
你必须付出 You gotta work at it.
我是不会说“ 我愿意” 的 绝不 ! l'll never say ''l do.'' Never.
你会的... l think you might...
当你往上看的话 ...once you look up there.
把她放下 Let her go!
乐意之至!把她放下 Gladly. Let her go.
不要 等等 - No! - Put a hold on that.
你不说“ 我愿意” lf you don't say ''l do,''
或有任何事情 打扰今晚的演出... or if anything should happen to interrupt this performance,
我会向着它说一个字... 然后你会见到那婴孩坠落在地 l say one word into this and down will come baby,
你真冷血 cradle and all.
她只是一个婴孩 How could you? She's an infant.
但你已经14岁 You're 1 4 years old.
该明白世事岂可尽如人意 You should know by now that you can't have everything you want.
想过快乐的生活？有瓦遮头？ You want a life of happiness? A roof over your head?
一个属于自己的地方 诸如此类 A place to call your own and all that jazz?
哪我呢？我想要什么？ And what about what l want?
我想要巨大的财产... l want that enormous fortune
及停止对我所有的调查 and for all investigations against me to cease.
而你将助我达成愿望... You're going to help me get what l want...
就在今晚 ...tonight.
我的剧迷在等我 My public awaits.
各位先生、女士： 请拍拍你们的... Ladies and gentlemen, could you put your appendages together
义肢，欢迎“ 啼笑姻缘” 粉墨登场 for The Marvelouse Marriage.
你不会照他的意思做吧？ No, you're not going to go through with this.
我别无选择 - l have to. - No, come on.
快想想 脑筋转一转灵感便出现 There's always something. There's always something.
这次不可以 No, not this time.
但是... 骆驼，到你出场 - But... - Camel, you're on.
去吧，告罗斯 - Go, Klaus. - Violet...
去! Go!
移动你的驼峰 骆驼，到你出场 Move your hump, camel, you're on.
世上没有一样东西 Nothing in the world will keep the count from his beloved bride
能将伯爵与他的新娘分开 Nothing in the world will keep the count from his beloved bride
世上没有一样东西 Nothing in the world Nothing in the world
没有一样东西 Nothing Nothing
美妙的日子来展开新姻缘啊 What a marvelous day for a marriage.
愿英俊的伯爵马上来接新娘子 lf only the handsome count were here to claim his bride.
他拥有一头浓发 与无比的勇气... With his full head of hair and great bravery,
伯爵是多么的超凡脱俗 the count has no equal.
阿紫会如何应付呢？ What would Violet do?
脑筋转一转 - The courageous battle has waylaid him. - What would Violet do?
灵感便出现! There's always something. There's always something.
那沉默的光头追求者... 偷走了新娘子的爱 And the quiet, bald-headed suitor has stolen the bride's affections.
糟糕了 新郎是一个下流的男子 Alas. The groom is a cad.
相貌与英俊的伯爵 更是差天拱地 And nowhere near as handsome as the count.
假如真的有奇迹... lf only for a miracle.
让英俊的伯爵立即来拯救... Some way for the handsome count to come and save...
一段令人啼笑皆非的婚姻 What a thoroughly un-marvelous marriage this will be.
但请等等 But wait.
那是什么？ What is that?
是驾着私人飞机的伯爵 lt's the count in his autogiro.
没想过他们有这么大的财力 l didn't know they had this kind of budget.
不错，是我，来娶我的新娘 Yes, it is l, come to marry my bride.
先生，你 And you, sir,
是否觉得很诧异 have been taken by surprise.
请小心： 以下的场面将涉及暴力 Caution. This next scene could get pretty graphic.
去死吧，无赖! Away, rapscallion!
无头发的西门庆! Hairless lothario!
受死了 Take that! And that!
能公一公那条绳子吗？ Can l get some slack?
让我们举行婚礼吧! Let the wedding begin.
不要向下望 Don't look down.
奥拉夫伯爵，你愿意... ''Do you,
娶她为你的合法妻子... Count Olaf, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife,
无论疾病或健康， 至死不渝？ in sickness and in health, till death do you part?''
至死不渝... Until death...
我绝对万分愿意 ...l most certainly do.
波德莱尔 . 阿紫，你愿意... ''Do you, Violet Baudelaire, take this Count Olaf,
嫁他，奥拉夫伯爵... 为你的合法丈夫... to be your lawfully wedded husband,
无论疾病或健康， 至死不渝？ in sickness and in health, till death do you part?''
史法官... Justice Strauss, l...
我愿意 l do.
她配不起他 你说得对! - She doesn't deserve him. - No.
你也这么认为？ 对，她的确配不起 - Are you thinking that too? - She doesn't.
现在只剩下... Now, all that is left is for this happy couple. . .
快乐的新人在婚书上签署... 那么这段婚姻便是... . . .is to sign the marriage certificate, and this union shall be...
正式... Official...
和合法了 ...and legal.
辛妮，钥匙在哪儿？ Sunny, where's the key? The key to the lock.
那只眼睛 The eye.
请用右手! Right hand, please.
孩子们 很抱歉我要告诉你们... Children, l'm afraid l must inform you
一件极度不幸的事 of an extremely unfortunate event.
你们的家园已被烧毁 l'm very sorry to tell you your parents have perished in a fire
父母双亡 that's destroyed your entire home.
事出必有因 ! These things don't just happen.
快点来吧! Come on, come on, come on!
小心背后! Behind you!
看 我对你那美好的家做了什么 Look what l did to your pretty little home.
去死吧! Let's finish it.
波士？ Boss?
叫什么？我正在忙着呢 What is it? Kinda busy right now.
有麻烦! 你在哪里？ - We've got a problem. - Where are you?
向上望 Look up.
你好吗! Hi.
全剧完! 这不是做戏，是奥拉夫逼我... - And so concludes our play! - No! Wait! lt wasn't a play!
嫁给他，否则便杀死辛妮 Olaf was gonna kill Sunny if l didn't go through with it.
荒谬 Ridiculous.
大家听我说，他想娶我... No, you have to listen to me.
只为得到波德莱尔家的财产 He was only marrying me to get to the Baudelaire fortune.
不，那部份其实是真的 No, that part is true, actually.
阿紫和我确实是幸福的夫妇... Violet and l are, indeed, a blissfully wedded couple,
因为你们看... because, you see...
我们在正式的法官面前... ...we were married in an official ceremony
进行了正式的婚礼 和合法的誓言 with official and legal vows in front of a bona fide justice of the peace.
噢 Oh, my God, what have l done?
看我做了什么？ l'm sorry! l didn't know!
首先我要做的是... First order of business:
把另外两个小家伙分给他人... Put the other two brats up for adoption separately,
领养，在遥远的地球的另一角 into the far corners of the earth.
他们在一起就会整古做怪 These children are meddlesome when they're together.
你这无赖! - Mr. Poe. - You unspeakable cad!
抓住他! Arrest him!
以什么罪？ For what?
贪心的怪物! 快点来吧 - For being a greedy monster! - Come on.
我是怪物？ l'm the monster?
你是怪物 You're the monster.
来吧，来吧 Come on. Come on.
孩子们告诉过你们 是你们不听 These children tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen.
从来就没人肯认真地 听孩子说话 No one ever listens to children.
来吧 你们以为自己没有错吗？ - Come on. Come on. - You think you're innocent?
其实你们都是帮凶 You're accomplices.
这证书说明我已拥有那财产 This certificate says that l have the fortune now.
来吧 Come on.
你们已无法阻止 And there's nothing you can do about it!
在想什么？太奸诈？ What do you think? Too diabolical?
请回应 Give me some feedback.
喂，婚姻生活并不容易 Marriage is no picnic.
顺带一提，你的演技糟透了 Oh, and by the way, you're a terrible actor.
现在... Now, now.
让我们冷静的思考一下 Let's keep our heads here.
你们此刻若果伤害我 岂不是与我同样差劲 lf you do anything to me, you're just sinking to my level.
更会为孩子们树立一个坏榜样 Not to mention setting a terrible example for the children.
罪名成立 Guilty.
我要兴奋地说：奥拉夫伯爵 l am thrilled to say that Count Olaf
终于以数不清的罪状被捕 was captured for crimes too numerous to mention.
在服他的终生监禁刑期之前... And before serving his life sentence,
法官命令 奥拉夫必须重厉一次... it was the judge's decree that Olaf be made to suffer
孩子们所受的每一项苦难 every hardship that he forced upon the children.
走开 !走开 ! Get out! Get out!
噢，不要 Oh, no.
波德莱尔家终于获得了胜利... The Baudelaires had triumphed,
揭发了一个 残酷而平庸的纵火犯 a word which here means ''unmasking a cruel and talentless arsonist,
并解开了波德莱尔家失火之谜 and solving the mystery of the Baudelaire fire.''
可惜他并没有得到法律的制裁 lf only justice were as kind.
在陪审员推翻了对他的裁决后 奥拉夫伯爵消失了 Count Olaf vanished after a jury of his peers overturned his sentence.
波德莱尔家孩子的前途依然未明 As for the Baudelaires, what lay ahead for them was unclear.
但当再一次爬进包先生的车时 But one thing they knew,
他们起码清楚地知道一件事 as they climbed once again into the back of Mr. Poe's car.
就是他们已经继续向前迈进 They were moving on.
别担心，孩子们... Don't worry, children.
警方很快会抓到奥拉夫 l'm sure the authorities will catch up with Count Olaf very soon.
从此以后不会再碰到他了 We'll all never have to deal with that terrible man again.
在我们离开之前... Before we leave...
或者够时间再去多一个地方 ...perhaps there's time for just one last stop.
阿紫、告罗斯和辛妮 ''Violet, Klaus and Sunny.'' lt's addressed to us.
这是寄给我们的 看看这些邮戳 Look at all these postmarks.
它去过英国 lt's been to England
罗马、肯雅和 冰岛 and Rome and Kenya and lceland.
有些地方我也不认识 - l don't know where these are from. - Who's it from?
是谁寄来的？
爸和妈 Mom and Dad.
是那封信 lt's the letter.
那封寄失了的信 The letter that never came.
亲爱的孩子们 ''Dearest children,
身在海外 倍感挂念 since we've been abroad we have missed you all so much.
我们因事必须延长旅程 Certain events have compelled us to extend our travels.
终有一日 ， 当你们长大之后... One day, when you're older,
会学晓如何交友和... you will learn all about the people we have befriended
面对危险 and the dangers we have faced.
有时世界好像充满敌意和险恶 At times the world can seem an unfriendly and sinister place.
但相信我们 好的始终多于坏的 But believe us when we say that there is much more good in it than bad.
你们所要做的，就是小心观察 All you have to do is look hard enough.
看似一连串的不幸事件... And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events
可能正是另一个旅程的起步 may, in fact, be the first steps of a journey.
祈望尽快把你们拥抱在怀 We hope to have you back in our arms soon, darlings.
但万一此信比我们早到一步 But in case this letter arrives before our return,
要知道：我们爱你们 know that we love you.
我们满怀骄傲地知道 即使有事发生 lt fills us with pride to know that no matter what happens,
你们也会一如既往地... that you will take care of each other with kindness and bravery
以仁爱、 勇敢和无私互相照顾 and selflessness, as you always have.
请记住，亲爱的 永远不要忘记 And remember one thing, my darlings, and never forget it:
无论我们身在何方 只要你们... That no matter where we are, know that as long as you have each other,
彼此拥有对方 就等于拥有了家 you have your family and you are home.
你们敬爱的父母字 Your loving parents.''
薪火可以不同的形式相传 Passing the torch is a rite of passage that can take many forms.
但以一个望远镜相传... But perhaps the least known and most surprising
恐怕是世间颇为少有的 is the passing of a spyglass.
亲爱的观众，世上的确有些人 是不知人间疾苦的 Dear reader, there are people in the world who know no misery and woe,
他们籍看电影中 and they take comfort in cheerful films
吱吱叫的鸟儿和 咯咯笑的精灵为自己带来安慰 about twittering birds and giggling elves.
有人则信世上有很多待解的谜团 There are people who know there's always a mystery to be solved,
他们欲籍调查和 记录重要的证据 and they take comfort in researching and writing down any important evidence.
来为自己带来安慰 但这故事要讲的并不是他们 But this story is not about such people.
而是波德莱尔家的孩子们 This story is about the Baudelaires.
他们的座佑铭是： 脑筋转一转灵感便出现! And they are the sort of people who know that there's always something.
喜欢发明，喜欢阅读... Something to invent, something to read,
喜欢咬东西以至 喜欢建造一处... something to bite and something to do,
容身之所 无论它是多么的细小 to make a sanctuary, no matter how small.
关于这类人，我可愉快的说： And for this reason, l am happy to say,
他们必能在彼此的身上 找到慰藉 the Baudelaires were very fortunate indeed.
剧终
波特莱尔的冒险
Oh the captain loved the ladies
But he dragged himself a wife
Now he's wishin' he was fishin' But he's on the hook for life
Well l guess he shouldn't of oughta But he drowned her in the water
And then a flounder downed her That's why they never found her
Bum buttery flit fluttery Dum diddly-ooh
Bum buttery bluebird is singing a tune
Daffodil dillies awaken and prune
Bursting in bloom All the flowers assume
lt's a loverly loverly spring
Chit-chattery chipmunks all singing along
Humming their join-in-a-spring-along song
Spring is the springiest time for a song
lt's a loverly, loverly spring
ln the forest we play with the rabbits all day
We visit the birdies and fishes
There's nary a care when there's spring in the air
The feeling is just too delicious
Bum buttery buttercups all in a row
Trilling and frilling and stealing the show
May is the merriest month that l know
lt's a loverly loverly La la loverly
La la loverly spring