Hi, Mom.
Where Are You Going?
Down The Street To Play Football.
Theo, It's Five Degrees Out There.
I've Got Extra Socks On.
Wear Gloves And A Hat.
It's Freeze Football--
Wear That Stuff, You're Not A Real Man.
How Will The Real Man Feel When His Mother Shows Up
Carrying His Gloves And A Hat?
Hey, Dad.
Hey. Where You Going?
Freeze Football.
You Can't Play Freeze Football With A Hat.
You've Got To Take That Stuff Off.
They're Mom's Idea.
Wear The Hat And Gloves.
Hi, Dear.
How Was School?
School?
Dear, I Brought Home Two Children
That May Or May Not Be Ours.
When I Pulled Up To The School
There Was A Pack Of Them Like This.
Parents Drove Up And Got Out
And They Panicked Trying To Find Theirs.
One Woman Was Going Through The Whole Pack--
Picking Them Up, Looking At Them
And Then Throwing Them Over Her Shoulder.
So I Brought These Two Home
Because They Were The Right Size.
Hi, Mom.
I Think This Is One Of Ours.
We Don't Have To Take It Back.
Who Are You?
Rudy!
We Don't Have To Take Them Back.
These Aren't My Boots.
Whose Are They?
I Don't Know.
The Bell Rings, You Go To The Pile And Try Your Luck.
You Can Return Them Tomorrow.
But They're Better Than Mine.
Vanessa, They Go Back Into The Pile Tomorrow.
Can I Keep These?
No. Cliff, Get Them Undressed.
I'll Start Dinner.
It Takes A Long Time To Do This, Dear.
Daddy, I'm Getting Hot.
I Know.
Dad's Taking Off The Clothes As Fast As He Can.
Okay, Here We Go.
Daddy, I Can Take It Off!
Daddy!
Cliff...
I Didn't Know They Were Hooked To Her.
Cliff, We Need To Talk.
Right Now?
Right Now.
What's Up?
Nothing.
Help Rudy Get Undressed, Then Go Upstairs.
I Want To Show You Something.
What's The Matter?
I Accidentally Knocked Theo's Book Off The Table...
Yeah?
...And Found This.
Maybe He's Doing A Book Report On Drug Abuse
And He's Using This As A Visual Aid.
Yeah, That's The Real Thing.
I Hate To Think Of Him Starting With That Stuff.
The Boy Knows Where We Stand On This.
I'll Bet It's His Friends.
They Seem All Right.
All Right?
Cockroach...
Buzzard...
The Mouth.
The Mouth?
Some Child Called The Other Day And Asked For Theo.
He Said, "Tell Him The Mouth Called."
Don't You Find It Suspicious
That These People Aren't Using Their Real Names?
When Children Are Born
Parents Look At The Child And Say, "Lillian," "Roy..."
After The Child Develops, Whatever Comes Out
The Neighborhood Looks At It And Says...
"Cockroach."
Cockroach Looks Exactly Like A Cockroach.
Suppose These Kids Are Using Those Names As Decoys
And Suppose Theo Is Their Contact.
Suppose Those Guys Are Selling This Stuff?
Now, Please.
You Found This In His Book.
It Doesn't Look Like He Smoked It.
We Haven't Seen Him Smoke It.
But Already You Have Our Son Flying Back And Forth To Turkey.
My Point Is This:
Why Don't We Use This?
Be Rational, All Right?
Okay.
Where Are You Going?
I'm Going To Search His Room.
Cliff, You Can't Do That.
I Wasn't Going To.
Anyway, That's Theo's Room.
You Couldn't Find 12 Acres Of Grass Growing Up There.
That's A Bunch Of Wimps.
Only One Guy Showed Up
And He Wouldn't Get Out Of His Mother's Car.
I Wore My Hat And Gloves The Whole Time, Mom.
You Can Feel My Ears.
I Forgot To Put The Milk Back
Didn't I?
Hi, Dad.
Excuse Me, Dad.
Is Something Wrong, Dad?
Theo...
I Accidentally Knocked Your Geography Book Off The Table
And Found This.
That Was In My Geography Book?
Your Book.
How Did It Get There?
I Don't Know.
Joints Don't Read, Do They?
It's Not Mine.
Whose Is It?
I Don't Know.
I Wanted A Piece Of Fruit.
You Can Have Some Fruit, Then Go Back Upstairs.
We're Not Supposed To Eat In Our Rooms.
Eat It In The Hallway.
Which Is Healthier, Dad...
An Apple Or A Banana?
A Banana.
How About A Pear?
Vanessa, It's All Healthy Fruit.
What's Healthful For You Is If You Get Out.
(Snickering)
Let Me Tell You Something.
You Know How Your Mother And I Feel About Drugs.
As Long As You Are Living...
Look At Me.
As Long As You're Living In This House
You're Not To Do Drugs.
When You Move Into Your Own House
You're Not To Do Drugs.
When I Am Dead And You Are 75, You're Not To Do Drugs.
Dad, I Have Never Done Drugs.
If You Say This Isn't Yours, I'll Take Your Word For It.
Dad?
You're A Lot Of Things, Some Good, Some Bad
But You're Not A Liar.
If You Say That Isn't Yours, Then It Isn't.
The Joint Is Not Mine.
Fine. Okay.
Case Closed.
Are You All Right?
I Guess So.
Maybe We Should Take Him Out Of That School?
If We Put The Child In A School In The South Pole
There Would Be Twelve Penguins Out There
With Joints In Their Mouths
Break-Dancing All Over The Ice.
(Knocking)
Denise: Can I Come In?
Are You Sure?
No.
Hey.
Mom And Dad Were Asking About You Earlier.
Is Everything Okay?
If You're In Trouble, We Can Talk About It.
I Know
You Did Something Stupid Because Of A Girl.
Women. Can't Live With 'Em, Can't Live Without 'Em.
It's Not A Girl.
You Brought A "D" Home From School.
Close.
An "E"?
No, A "J."
What Are You Talking About?
Somebody Stuck A Joint In My Geography Book.
Mom And Dad Found It.
It Isn't Mine. They Said They Believe Me.
Then Everything's Okay.
I Don't Like That It Happened.
I Feel Like There's A Mark On My Record.
Your Record Wasn't Exactly Spotless.
There's A Big Difference
Between This And The Way I Usually Mess Up.
I'm Afraid Mom And Dad Will Look At Me Differently.
If Mom And Dad Say Something's Settled
Then It's Settled.
It's Not Settled For Me.
So You'll Put A Note On The Bulletin Board?
"Found: One Joint. Contact Theo Huxtable"?
I'm Going To Go To School And Find The Guy Who Did It.
When I Find Him...
Well, Good Luck.
Thanks.
(Knocking)
Theo, You Want To Share My Pear?
Dad Says It's The Healthiest Fruit.
Leave Me Alone.
Theo, We're All Family.
If One Of Us Is In Big Trouble
We All Should Know.
Vanessa, If You Were The Last Person On Earth
I Still Wouldn't Tell You.
Don't Tell Me What You Did.
Just Tell Me What They're Going To Do To You.
Get Out.
Theo, I'm Giving You Until Morning.
Then I'll Be Forced To Go To My Other Sources.
Now Look, Before I Put All These Clothes On You
Do You Have To Go To The...
Bathroom?
Do You?
Okay.
Now This Sweater Is The Primary Sweater.
This Will Protect Us In The Classroom
Just In Case The Classroom Is A Little Bit Chilly.
And It's Meant Not To Be A Super, Super, Warm Sweater
Because It's Cute.
Okay?
Now This Sweater Is A Serious Sweater
So It's Not That Good-Looking.
This Sweater Is Meant To Protect The Cute Sweater.
Wear This In The Hallways
And Almost Going Outside.
You Got That?
Here We Have The Super Nasa Jacket.
This Jacket Will Protect You From The Cold Wind
And The Storm.
Now We Put On The Hat Properly
Because If You Don't...
That's Going To Happen.
Here We Go.
Put This On Like This
And Tie This Around.
Now Don't Forget--
When You Take This Off
Don't Let Anybody Yank From The Top.
You Know Why?
Because Then You Look Like That.
All Right.
Now You're Ready.
Daddy.
Uh-Huh.
I Have To Go To The Bathroom.
I Asked You If You Had To Go.
I Said Tell Me, Didn't I?
Huh?
Why Do You Have To Go Now?
I'm A Little Person.
We Don't Always Know Ahead Of Time.
Go Upstairs And Ask Your Mom To Undress You So You Can Go.
Theo Left For School Already.
He Seemed Like He Was In A Hurry.
Yes, He Was.
It's Too Bad About What Happened To Him.
Yeah.
And That It Could Happen In This House.
That Was The Thing That Bothered Me The Most.
What Did You Say To Him?
Well, You Know Me.
So That's What I Said.
What Did Theo Say?
The Only Thing He Could Say.
What Would You Have Done In That Situation?
Had Him Talk To Me.
I Thought About It, But Then I Said No.
I Know You Hate To Get In Other People's Business.
Yeah.
Bye, Dad.
Have A Good Day At School, Kid.
See You Later.
Hey, Braxton.
Who Are You?
Theodore Huxtable.
I'm In Your Geography Class.
That's Nice.
Listen, Yesterday I Found A Joint In My Book.
Was That Your Book?
You Can Keep It.
Call It A Gift.
I Don't Want It.
Why My Book?
The Teacher Walked In, And I Didn't Have Mine.
My Folks Found It.
No Sweat, Huxtable.
Tell Them It's Mine.
No, I Want You To Tell Them.
Sure, Huxtable.
I'll Run Right Over To Your House And Do It.
I'm Serious, Man.
You've Got To Do It.
I Don't Have To Tell Anybody Anything.
You Put That Trash In My Book!
Get Out Of My Face.
I'm Not Asking You.
I'm Telling You!
Well, Tell Me Again.
Look, Braxton, If That's What It's Going To Take
I'm Ready.
You Want To Fight Me Right Here?
I've Got Nothing To Lose.
Remember When I Had The Amniocentesis?
Yes. It Came Out Fine.
And You Asked Me If I Wanted To Know The Sex?
Yes.
Is It A Boy Or A Girl?
No, I'm Not Getting Into That Again.
The First Time You Asked Me And I Started To Tell You
You Said, "No, I Don't Want To Know."
And I Said, "Okay."
Then You Said, "I Want To Know."
I Started To Tell You
And You Said, "I Don't Want To Know."
Doctor, I Can't Wait.
I Decided I Have To Know.
Okay.
Forget It.
See?
You Do That Every Time.
How About A Hint?
Okay.
I'll Write It Down On A Piece Of Paper, And...
Please.
I Don't Want You To Open This Paper
Until You Are Home.
All Right?
All Right.
I'll See You Next Week.
Thank You, Doctor.
Bye-Bye. Bye.
Don't Open It!
You Wrote, "Ha, Ha, Ha."
This Is Not Funny.
You Tell Your Four Boys To Get Ready For Their Sister.
It's A Girl?!
Yes.
Hey, You Guys, Where's Mom And Dad?
They're Not Home Yet.
See You.
Hey, I Almost Fought You Once
And I'm Ready To Do It Again.
We'll Wait.
Sit Down.
Who Are You?
Anthony Earl Braxton.
I'm Rudy Lillian Huxtable
And I Got My Mittens Back Today.
Great.
But I Got Somebody Else's Lunch Box.
Sorry.
Would You Guys Please Go Upstairs?
Go Ahead, Rudy.
Nice Meeting You.
You, Too.
You, Too, Vanessa.
I'm Not Kidding.
Got Anything To Eat?
Hey, Dad.
This Is My Dad.
Say Hi.
Hello, Mr. Huxtable.
Doctor Huxtable.
This Is Tony Braxton.
What Name Do You Really Go By?
I'm The Enforcer.
I'm The Dad.
Braxton Came Over Here To Tell You Something.
I Put The Joint In His Book.
Why?
The Teacher Walked In. I Had To Hide It.
Why Didn't You Throw It Away?
I Wanted To Smoke It Later.
I'm Not Your Father
But I Do Think You Have A Problem.
You Should Talk To Your Parents About It
Or A Counselor, Or Somebody At School...
Or You Can Come Here.
I'll Think About It.
Okay.
Have A Seat.
Let Me Talk To You A Second.
Didn't I Tell You That Everything Was Cool?
I Wanted To Make Sure.
That's A Big Dude.
Yeah.
I Don't Think It's Necessary For You To Risk Life And Limb
To Prove Something To Your Mother And Me
When We've Said To You We Believe You
And We Love You.
Cliff: Okay?
I Know, Dad.
Okay.
Uh...
Thank You For Coming Over.
Any Time.
All Right.
I Don't Get It, Huxtable.
Your Parents Said They Believed You
And Yet You Were Ready To Fight Me.
I Would Have Come Home With A Broken Arm If I Had To.
What My Parents Think Means A Lot To Me.
I'm Glad I Could Help Out.
See You.
What Are You Doing After School Tomorrow?
You Ever Play Freeze Football?
We Could Use An Extra Player--
If He's Not High.
I'll Be There.
Don't Tell Your Mom You're Playing.
She'll Make You Wear A Hat And Gloves.
Does Your Mom?
Yeah, But As Soon As I'm Out Of The House
I Hide Them In The Mailbox.
Which Flavor Is Healthiest, Vanilla Or Chocolate Chip?
Fruit.
Okay, We'll Put A Banana In It.
You Get The Syrup.
I'll Get The Bowls.
No, Cliff! No, No, No!
You Know You Love It.
Before Dinner? Suppose The Children Catch Us?
We'll Say We've Eaten Already.
We Can't Do That.
Why Not? I Live Here.
Hey, Dad, Guess...
Cliff: Hey!
We Ate Early, Son.
Uh-Huh.
How Was The Game?
I Ran For Three Touchdowns.
My Boy.
It Was Easy, Running Behind The Enforcer.
Where Are Your Gloves And Hat?
Oh, Wow, Man!
I Must Have Lost Them Between Here And The Field.
I'll Go Look For Them.
Clair: Oh, Theo?
Don't Bother, Son.
Somebody Must Have Found It And Mailed It To You.