## OP / ED ##
## SIGNS ##
## SCRIPT ##
The Hero Yoshihiko and the Demon King's Castle starts right now!
We meet again.
Oh, you're the bandit with the scary wife.
What's she up to?
You're making fun of me.
You think I'm afraid of my wife?
That was all just an act, to put you off your guard!
Didn't look like an act to me!
What happened to your gun?
I realized I don't need a gun to take you out.
Your scary wife destroyed it, didn't she.
Uh... shut up. That's not what happened...
No way... that's... that's silly.
She did, didn't she.
I don't have time for this!
Prepare yourselves! I'll crush you all!
What the hell do you think you're doing?!
You asshole!
Well?
You know, you can't kick me around just because I'm your husband.
Shaddup, you good-for-nothing.
You're hiding something. Admit it.
I ain't hidin' shit, woman.
Buncha crap... look...
Hold up, you guys.
I'll murder you in a bit, just gotta deal with this.
The hell you will!
I found those titty mags under your bed!
Hey! Stay out of my room!
'sides, those, aren't... even mine.
Oh yeah? So someone else is puttin' titty mags under your bed, huh?
Yeah. Matsukata did it last time he came by.
He was all "hide these for me please!" I didn't even want to do it.
See? They ain't mine at all.
Seriously, I am so murdering you guys in a minute.
You really think I'm gonna buy that?
What do you even need to buy porn for?!
I don't!
Are you buying porn?
Hey, quit judgin' me.
You're the last person who gets to judge me.
You gotta stop buying porn!
I didn't buy any porn!
Just make love to me! I'm right here!
Hear, hear!
Woman. You are so dead. I mean it.
You're the one who's dead.
But before you die... make love to me!
Sex has nothing to do with porn.
Come on, it's like apples and oranges.
How is that, exactly?
When we were first dating, you were like a monkey in heat!
- Just all over me, all day, all night! - Fine, fine, fine!
Look, I gotta murder these guys. This ain't the time, woman.
If I may suggest, sir. You should go home and make love to your wife.
You stay out of this.
Fine, I give up. Just say you're sorry.
Down on your knees.
I ain't gonna grovel, idiot.
Go on. Swallow your pride.
Well, okay... but after I'm done here, you're all dead.
Right. 'I'm sorry for buying porn.' Say it.
I'm sorry for buying porn.
'And I'm sorry for pulling out all the centerfolds'
And I'm sorry for pulling out all the centerfolds.
I think he should grovel a little bit lower.
Yeah, really!
You oughta dig your nose into the dirt, you louse!
I want you to beg like the dog you are!
I'm really, really sorry.
I can't watch this, man.
Let's go.
Hey, wait!
Hey! I said I was gonna murder you after I finished here!
You're nowhere NEAR finished, you asshole!
Hey, sister. Keep up the fight.
There's Fat J with his humpback letter
Gettin' pretty sick of these posers all around
Get yourself an afro if you wanna make a difference
The whole world needs you now, Funkanizer!
Internet, radio, and television
All pouring out information non-stop
It's just pulling me back and forth
My head's about to explode!
Love it! Love it! Evolution!
Love it! Love it! Revolution!
I want to see my true face in the mirror
I know that some day I'll wither away!
Get it up! Get it up! Haha, baby!
Get it up! Get it up! I can't sit still!
Let's do this with color and style! Hey!
A no-budget action-adventure series
You sure this'll be okay?
The Hero Yoshihiko and
the Demon King's Castle
Wait, huh? You liar.
Eight
We should be reaching Akibara Village soon.
That's what my instincts are telling me.
And why should we care about your instincts, again?
A flatty like you wouldn't understand, it's true.
Say that one more time and I'll rip that mole right off your face.
Sorry to inform you, but my mole cannot be ripped off.
What is that?
A rather large shrine, for the middle of nowhere...
Dharma Shrine...
Slightly different from Dharma Temple in the game. That's ダーマ神殿, this is ダーマ神社
I've heard of this.
There's a shrine you can go to to change your job.
I think it was called Dharma Shrine.
Why would anyone want to change their job?
Changing jobs lets you master a wider variety of skills.
I'm a Warrior and Yoshihiko is a Hero.
Melub is a Mage, and Murasaki is...
A Novice?
Cut the high-and-mighty act.
We could go in here and get Murasaki a job.
Hey, really? I wanna be a Mage!
A real Mage with real spells, not like this idiot.
Mole Cooties...
Go.
What job do you intend to take, Yoshihiko?
I want to become a Warrior.
I wish to become a powerful swordsman like you, Danjo.
I see.
I wish to become a Martial Artist to further increase my strength.
Please stamp the job you would like to change to.
I wish to become a Priest to increase my spellcasting repertoire.
Thank you. You are now a Priest.
Thank you very much.
Please stamp the job you would like to change to.
Very well.
Check it out! I'm a Mage!
Wonderful! You are now a Teen Idol.
But I don't want to be a Teen Idol!
In exchange, we'll be taking your Hero job.
You can't do that!
He's gone!
Yoshihiko disappeared!
Where am I?
Who are you?!
Akibara Village
I don't know where he went,
but he knows our next item, the Philosopher's Mail, is in this town.
If we wait here long enough, we'll run into him eventually.{if it's any relevant to the episode: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87O4qFpBFAo yume miru fifteen by s/mileage}
What's all this?
That's right, I remember seeing things like Dancer and Teen Idol on the list.
That reminds me... Yoshihiko said something about becoming a Teen Idol.
He told me he wanted to become a Warrior.
Yoshihiko, a Teen Idol? No way, man.
At any rate, we should start looking for the Philosopher's Mail.
You don't want to do it?
I am a Hero.
The Buddha gave me a mission to defeat the Demon King.
I have no time to be a Teen Idol.
Huh? Then why'd you tell the folks at Dharma Shrine you wanted to be one?
I never said that! It was all a misunderstanding.
Sure, that's what they all say.
It's all "I didn't even want to try out!"
"I just came along with my friend and they chose me instead!"
I always say, "if you weren't interested, why didn't you just stay home?"
That's not the case, here.
I must find the Philosopher's Mail and defeat the Demon King.
I thought Dharma Shrine would let me keep my old job while trying a new one!
I see, you're the feisty type.
I think you could be a fantastic Teen Idol.
This is all just a clerical error!
That receptionist didn't seem on the level to me, either.
We have 37 hopefuls just like you right now.
Once we get 48, we'll give you all debuts.
I refuse to be a part of it.
We'll start your voice and dance lessons tomorrow, early.
Yes sir, Mr. Akimo.
I told you, I'm a Hero. I don't have time for dancing.
Listen, kiddo. Once Dharma assigns you a job, there's no turning back.
Try to leave, if you want. No one will stop you.
We'll see about that.
You see?
What is going on here?
I am a Hero!
Did you learn anything about the Philosopher's Mail?
Nah, it's all dancers and electronics shops here.
Armors don't seem to be their thing.
I know where we can find the Philosopher's Mail!
-What?! -Great!
How'd you find out?
You know how Yoshihiko's always saying "we should check inside the well"?
I thought I'd look inside just for fun. Then I saw a light down there...
What are you doing in here?
There used to be an armor here, but now it's gone.
I've looked everywhere, but I can't find it.
Do you mean... the Philosopher's Mail?
I don't know.
What I do know is that Cyclops of the southern mount is behind this.
Japanese name is Gigantes, but they call him Cyclops in English.
He's always talked about wanting that armor.
What kind of creature is he?
Wells can contain interesting things, after all.
So, Cyclops must be... that guy! You know?
That blue guy we saw before!
Oh! The one with one eye?!
Yes!
No way!
Well, let's go beat that Cyclops fellow, then.
You mean... without Yoshihiko?
If we just sit around, he might get away!
Yeah, but...
Woah, that guy came outta nowhere! Who are you, man?
Oh, me?
Name's Ponji, but call me PJ, 'kay?
What kind of a freak name is Ponji?
And why are you dressed in that crazy getup?
What's going on? What are you doing here, PJ?
Stopped by Dharma Shrine to change my job, see.
Guy was all, 'yeah, we got one left of this super-cool job'.
So I'm all, 'sure, I'll take that'.
Turns out it's "Hero".
So he's all 'Okay, you're a Hero'...
And I guess... I'm here now?
What was your previous job?
Goof-Off.
This is an actual DQ job. Also translated as Gadabout and Jester, but I thought this was the most appropriate/funny way to handle it.
I'm a level 99 Goof-Off.
Hey, wait a minute. Let me get this straight.
So like, tomorrow, the whole party...
... minus Yoshihiko, plus this guy...
P... what was it?
PJ.
Minus Yoshihiko, plus PJ, are heading out?
Looks like it.
Let's roll, yo.
Oh, gross!
Hey, no worries.
You'll be all over me, soon.
SUPER gross!
Man, I don't know...
This is our Hero now? I dunno about this, man.
Well then.
Hear me, Hero PJ.
Tomorrow, we travel to the southern mount to battle a monster called Cyclops.
Woah, Cyclops? Super freaky, yo.
One, two, three, four! Five, six, seven, eight!
What's going on? I can't even control my own body!
Hey, hold up, yo.
What now?!
I'm just so... 'bleh' on this mud and rain thing.
What do you mean, 'bleh'? We're on a mountain road!
It's nothing BUT mud and rain!
Yeah, but these shoes are like, designer, yo.
Kiiiinda wanna keep 'em clean.
You're supposed to be a Hero!
Heroes can't be afraid of mud!
What, you for real?
Hero's, like, a dirty job? No way.
Woah, for real? There's like, monsters here?
But yeah, I'm so over the whole mud thing. Murrie, Mellie, you get this one.
Woah!
Hey Kosak', watch the mud splats, yo.
Are we done with this nuts yet?
Hey woah! Woah! Oh, man!
Woah! It's like hands coming out of the ground!
Hey Mellie. Dare you to shake.
Just kidding!
Shut up, you moron!
We gotta beat these guys before they call their buddies!
Big Eyes!
Murrie's big eyes are like, way cute!
Hey, this is no time to be flattered!
Didn't you hear what I said?!
Woah, he called his bud!
Smell this thing, bro! No way!
No sign of Cyclops yet.
Hey bros. Getting your sad on, huh?
Yes.
But, regardless of our "sad",
I have learned another new spell.
Woah! Mellie, you a Mage?
Yes I am. I am also a Priest.
Woah! So you like, cast spells 'n junk?
Useless ones, sure.
No, this one is truly deadly! Be on your guard!
This should be interesting.
It makes the target laugh at anything I say.
They laugh, and laugh, and laugh...
... and laugh some more... and die.
That's the spell.
Freaky, yo.
I call this spell...
Lulzz.
Pretty sure it's a joke based on Mera/Frizz
That's a pun, right?
Sounds sweet, yo.
Hey, cast it on me, bro!
Yoshihiko used to say that.
Who's Yoshihiko?
Never you mind.
Lulzz!
Why can't tigers play baseball? They always stripe out.
Fucking oyaji gagssssss
What's that?
Your spells only work on Yoshihiko who's a space case anyway.
That's not true!
My cat ran away. It's a cat-astrophe.
... or so I thought.
But he's back now!
You can't just make funny faces at him.
Not really funny, bro.
Not exactly a deadly spell.
Yoshihiko would have laughed...
One, two, three, four! Five, six, seven, eight!
Done! Take a breather.
Thank you!
It's no good!
It's too much. I can't keep this up.
Neither can I. Let's ask if we can quit.
I wanna go back to my old life.
You wanna quit too, right? We can't go on like this...
Huh? They're not motivated?
I'm afraid not.
I thought male Idols would be a big seller...
But it seems we still have a long way to go.
I wonder if we should just give it up.
Maybe so.
When we do, though, throw the guys off in some monster-infested area.
If we let them live they'll spread bad word of mouth about our company.
Of course, sir.
Everyone!
We have to give this another try.
Huh? How come?
Earlier you were all for giving it up.
I know... but we can't.
When a man chooses to do something, he should see it through.
Huh? You're turning on us?
I'm not turning on anyone.
But we all came here to be Teen Idols, didn't we?
We should take the stage at least once.
Yeah, guys, I'm out.
I'm not into the whole marathon thing.
I mean, I'm like an anti-walking guy, straight up.
How the hell do you live without walking?
Yo, I walk more than 200m, I'm dead.
Shut up! We gotta find Cyclops!
I can't, I can't. My legs won't work.
What are you, a kid?
Tee-hee!
No, stop it! You can't kill the Hero!
Woah, Kosak' just totally lost it!
You mad, bro?
Akibara Village
Man.
Traveling's rough, yo.
For realz, yo.
You're a Hero. Traveling comes with the job.
We'll rest for the night, then resume the search.
Hey Kosak', Mellie... if I get us a hook-up, you want ins?
Shut up!
I'll pass, thank you.
Yoshihiko!
Murasaki!
Uh, what are you...
What are you doing?
It would take too long to explain. I'm a Teen Idol.
A Teen Idol? Why?
The Dharma Shrine assigned me.
So you did become a Teen Idol!
I did.
I want to help find the Philosopher's Mail, but I'm indisposed at the moment.
We know where the armor is, actually.
Ah?
But we got this Goof-Off Hero in your place...
So it's not going so great.
A replacement Hero?
Just come back soon, okay?
I will. But I need a little more time.
Why? We don't have time.
The man who controls this town, a man named Akimo...
Right, you. Back to the lesson.
I'm sorry. It's time for my dance lesson.
Dance lesson?!
We're doing hip-hop today.
We'll be waiting for you!
Thank you. I'll be back soon to find the Philosopher's Mail.
From what I hear...
Your class is doing quite well.
Is that so?
In particular, Yoshihiko...
You've got a knack for this. I could really sell you.
I'm sure that's not true.
No, no... you're definitely the best of the men I've seen in this business.
And I think you will only get better and better.
I must beg to differ.
No, it's true.
Quit this Hero business and join us. You've got real potential.
Heroing's a hard life.
Walking around in the mud, fighting all sorts of monsters. It's got to be rough.
True...
But I must do it, to preserve the peace.
Teen Idols also preserve the peace, you know.
When you see how happy you make your fans, you'll understand.
I suppose...
See? Work to bring peace to the world, with girls flocking around you...
or end up dead in a muddy ditch somewhere. Which is better?
I don't know...
Look. I haven't told the other kids, but I'll tell you.
Right? I want to make your class its own unit.
With you as the leader.
Your name will be Dungeon Running Team.
Dungeon Running Team?
The girls will go crazy for you.
And then, it'll be avicar and pamshane every day, and hedrot joories every night.
This is a weird joke. He basically muddles up all the syllables on "Roppongi de sushi, niku, onna wo tabe" ("eating sushi, meat, and women in Roppongi") I used a muddled up version of "Caviar, champagne, and red hot orgies" in its place.
Avicar, pamshane, and hedrot joories...?
I found Yoshihi...
This guy, right here! He's totally crazy!
I'm tellin' you, Mellie here's the KING of the Mages!
That's so cool! I wanna see!
Do you? Really?
Sweets!
Oh... I wish I had something sweet to eat!
Here you go! Pocky!
Me too! Pocky!
Wow! You really are a Mage!
I'm a Priest, too.
Priest?
Priests are kind of last week, though.
As of this moment, I'm no longer a Priest.
Wow Mellie, didn't even think twice!
He really didn't!
You've all done very well.
So today I'm going to give you a test run in concert.
Really?!
Yes, really.
In addition, tomorrow I'd like to hold a vote.
A vote?
We'll keep the top twenty vote-getters and fire the rest.
Fire the rest...
Oh no...
Well, I'm sure you'll all place in the top, so don't worry.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to it.
We'll do the best we can!
We really are Teen Idols now, aren't we!
It feels so great to be a Teen Idol!
Yes...
But... I have other things I need to...
Right! Get on the stage.
Right!
Dungeon Running Team
Amazing...
Hey!
Won't you...
Come on!
Gonna smack all those monsters!
Gonna whack all those bandits!
We're here! The Dungeon Running Team!
The world needs protecting! Someone's gotta do it!
Those monsters need slaying! Someone's gotta do it!
Hey! PJ!
Hey! You! Get your ass over here!
Hurry!
Ugh, he's so gross.
'sup yo?
What do you think? What's wrong with you?
We gotta get Cyclops before he gets away.
Me?
Thought I told Mellie yesterday.
Told him what?
I went to Dharma Shrine this morning and quit the Hero junk.
I'm just not about this fighting jazz, yo.
So that means the Hero job is open?
Guess so, sure.
Let's get Yoshihiko his job back!
Is Yoshihiko in this village?
I TOLD you that YESTERDAY!
I... I don't remember...
Yay!
Yoshihiko!
You all...
Yoshihiko! The Hero job is open again!
Let's go to Dharma Shrine and get your job back!
Could you give me a moment?
Let's go at once, Yoshihiko.
I'm sorry, everyone.
What's wrong? We gotta go before someone else takes it.
I'm sorry. I...
I intend to continue as a Teen Idol.
I seem to be quite suited for it.
The girls are very happy when they see me sing and dance!
That's nice and all, but what about the Demon King?
I don't care about the Demon King!
There it is. "I don't care," second time in the quest!
I'm going to have avicar and pamshane every day, and hedrot joories every night.
What are you talking about?
I'm a Teen Idol!
I'm going to be popular! Ridiculously popular!
So popular I won't even be able to stand it.
I think I'll take a moment to imagine just how popular.
Uh... what?
Oh, he's singing... he's got a concert.
Just finished. Must be tired. He just got home.
Woah! Women everywhere?
But which does he pick? Hmm...
You, you, c'mere, c'mere.
He squeezed her tit?
Oh, go on in. She's in!
Oh, he's going by tit size.
Squeeze.
Woah, rejected! That's harsh, man!
Woah, five? Five at once?
Five in a row. Woah. And then?
Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze...
Double-check #2?
Yeah. Squeeze...
Fourth... fifth looks kinda small.
Oh wait, wait...
You and you... pass.
Woah, three rejected.
Now five more lined up. All in a row.
Amazing.
He squeezed 'em all together! Can you even tell that way?
You... just you, go in. Woah, the rest rejected!
That's one popular guy!
If you'll excuse me.
My fans await.
He sure is a singlemined guy, huh.
Whackin' those monsters! Smackin' those bandits!
Let's see...
Yeah!
I'm #1!
We did it, guys!
Great job!
Avicar and pamshane!
Can't wait!
Yoshihiko
What?!
Sorry. You're on the bottom. You're fired.
Wait a minute!
Looks like all the screams were for the other three guys.
It can't be...
Just two votes...
I wonder who did vote for you?
Hero
You are now a Hero!
That was fast, Yoshihiko.
I knew you'd be back, Yoshihiko.
I just realized that defeating the Demon King is my true duty.
Please don't forget it again.
I've never forgotten it before!
Do you not even remember yesterday?!
Yoshihiko you stupid asshole!
Aw geez.
Woah! Buddha's pissed! Let's get outta here!
Hurry!
You can't run from the Buddha, you asshole!
Brother... stay strong.
Boss lady.
It's time.
Fine.
I want to find you waiting for me
On the day, at the place we agreed upon
It's not much of a song, but I wrote it for you
And I'll play it for you now
Because I'm still in love with you
Because I still have things to say to you
In hope that my song might reach you
I'll keep singing it into the wind
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual people or organizations is coincidental.
We're looking for the Ring of Life.
It appears to have been stolen.
You must be the Devil Priest's man-animal hybrids.
Mysterious monsters attack our Hero...
I'm coming for you... Demon King.
COME AT ME!
What is this dance?
I have NO idea!
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