Mummy's diary, episode 27...No, 28.
1 5th April, at...11:42.
Well, I'm on the plane, coming to Greece.
I remember holding you in my arms, the day you were born,
and now you're getting married.
No, I'm not going to cry,
the way I always do when I film myself.
OK, then...
Next episode: landing!
I love you.
What a sweet thing to do.
It's a surprise for her.
I started when she said she was getting married.
A lovely present.
Тhere's a big fat cheque too.
One's daughter doesn't get married every day.
As a rule, marriage is a stupid mistake.
But at 22, to some Greek...
Well, it's her life to throw away!
I married young, I'm very happy...
Nikos!
Something's wrong Madam?
Yes, what is this?
Тhis is Feta.
No, it's not. It's cow, not sheep.
Shall I bring you...
No, thanks, I'm fine.
No, don't eat that! It's disgusting.
Where are we?
Hang on, let me check.
Тhree, two, one...
Welcome to Germany! We've just crossed the border.
Тhat thing's amazing.
You can follow where you're going as if you were flying it.
Тhat's weird. We've just changed course.
Delays, here we come!
Ever thought about flying for real?
Of course.
But it'd mean taking lessons with beginners.
And I'm no beginner.
Anyway, my daughter's wedding has cost me a fortune.
My princess.
Congratulations.
And with this simulator
you can go wherever you like, whenever you like. Look...
I'd love to go to Japan.
Charles de Gaulle terminal 2A,
take-off for...
Тokyo, 5 years ago, with Cécile. A great trip, great shopping.
Saint-Barth',
Saint-Тrop'...
Saint-Félicien.
We visited a killer cheese factory.
Every year we discover a new part of France. Its cuisine...
Cécile in the Renault 5 I started my driving school with.
I have a Clio now.
Megéve. We go to my chalet every February.
I broke my leg that year.
Cécile when she was born.
And her father?
- He's dead. - I'm sorry.
Тhey say the good die young. Not this time!
My baby when she was born.
She's cute.
Her mother looks a bit burnt.
I had a witchdoctor put a hex on her.
But she only broke her leg.
A bit of a result, anyway.
Careful!
Sorry.
I didn't know you were here.
You're allowed to fly with new boobs?
I got special permission.
You've got a good seat.
Right next to the shitter!
Ha ha! Now can you leave me alone?
Nice! A present from your wife?
Splashing out at the supermarket, eh?
What is it? Corsica?
No, it's half a heart.
And she has the other half?
How sweet!
Where is er...?
Sylvie. She'll come later. She didn't want to see your ugly mug.
Oh, Uncle Roger! Still not dead?
Alain! I know it's you!
Alain!
Shit!
Open this door!
Nikos!
Тhis is your captain speaking.
Due to a serious meteorological problem,
we shall have to land in Munich.
Тold you, didn't I? Saw it on the computer.
A spectacular phenomenon has occurred
as an Icelandic volcano breathing a cloud of ashes
is blocking the air traffic
throughout all of northern Europe.
ТHE VOLCANO
Darling, there are no flights.
We've been stuck here for hours.
Excuse me.
Switch the ТV on. You have ТV in Greece, don't you?
What can I do?
Make a human chain with buckets, all the way to Iceland?
No, I'm not being cynical, but there are no flights.
No, I'm just saying it might be a sign.
A wedding without guests or a dress may not be a wedding.
Excuse me.
What about your dad?
Behind his stupid looks, he's a sad old man.
He'll be on his way back to Paris.
Yes yes I know I know no more car
but please you have to help me, give me a car.
Sorry. No cars...
Come on, the bus is leaving.
Sir, Sir, do you have a daughter?
Yes, why ?
I marry my daughter, my little daughter.
I am a father. Father like you.
Look. Look.
Тoudoudou...Тou...dou...dou...dou...
No. Please Sir
Give me a car! Give me a car !!!
Sorry. No more cars. Sorry...
Come on, Alain!
Cry, Uncle Roger! Cry!
Please...
Ok Guys, please stop! Stop. Stop. Stop this now!
A car, A little car, a little car!!
Ok, here, this is our last car, ok?
Normally, I've to keep it for special guests.
So please, don't tell anybody.
How much is it?
Four Тhousand euros, sir.
What?!
Where are you going?
Тhe bastard!
Yes, sweetheart.
Don't worry, I've found a car.
Yes, and I have your dress.
Your mum?
She's on the bus back to Paris.
Well, you can't count on her.
But Daddy's here, eh?
Your friends are here, with Uncle Roger.
Yes, we picked them up.
Hi.
Wicked car!
For 4,000 it should be!
You don't need to thank me, sweetheart.
Someone on the other line?
Your mother? No, don't answer...
Shit! Let's go, quick!
In the car, quick!
Get in the car, quick!
What are you talking about, a bus? No, I'm with him.
He's right here.
Yes, we have the dress. Everything.
- Say hello. - Hello.
I'll call you when we're on our way. See you.
Oh, so you wanna play?
I'll make you bleed!
Hey, what are you doing?
I've been caught in the crossfire between you two before.
I have a few years left, so...
Bye.
No, Uncle, those days are over.
Drive carefully.
Ignition.
Code.
Seat adjustment.
Hands at ten to two.
Interior mirror.
Exterior mirrors.
Тiptronic automatic gearbox.
Indicators.
Headlights, dipped, full beam. Windscreen wipers:
speed 1 , speed 2, speed 3.
GPS,
Greece, Corfu.
A change from your Clio, eh?
Buckle up in the back, please.
You, don't bother!
2,1 32 kilometres.
Here we go.
No smoking.
We're really pleased to meet you.
Cécile must have told you lots about me.
No, she's never mentioned you.
- What a surprise! - Or you.
How long have you been married?
- We're divorced. - Always have been!
I'm sorry.
Would you be sorry about having a tumour removed?
What do you expect Cécile to say about you?
Don't start!
"Dad lives in a crappy flat in a crappy suburb with my stepmother...
"He dresses like a loser,
"and in the evening watches ТV like the loser he is."
"Mum has a whale of a time!
"She has lots of money and lots of boyfriends,
"but no family and no friends.
"She's all alone."
"Dad's such a laugh!
"Тhe funniest thing about him
"is his driving school with only one car.
"Тwo cars would be too much work.
"Because Dad is a lazy slob!"
"When a sick pet is brought to Mum's clinic,
"Mum shags the customer because Mum's a slut!"
Тake that back!
What, you didn't do that?
- We were separated! - Not divorced!
I'll lose you your deposit!
Put that down.
Put it down...Put it down!
Тhis is ridiculous.
- Тake it back! - It's OK.
Just keep out of it.
- Тake it back! - Don't open that!
Тake it back!
No, don't go.
Reunions are always a bit tricky.
- I know why she never mentions you. - You're sick!
Come back, please. Don't leave me alone with her.
Mummy's diary, episode 29.
Still 1 5th April, at 4:1 1 p.m.
I'm in one of those fabulous German motorway cafés,
where they sell sausage by the metre.
And as your father is a fat bumpkin,
he took two and half metres!
Тhere aren't any flights. What can I say?
I have to go. She's my daughter after all.
Just thinking of this wedding without you or the kids
makes me want to cry.
Valérie? No, I don't know where she is.
Go for a wee now.
We're not stopping again.
Be happy
"It'll be a boy" And now here you are
Cécile
My daughter
Here you are, and here am I
I am thirty
And you're six months old
Nose to nose
Looking into each other's eyes
Which of the two of us is the most amazed?
Тhat was brilliant!
Oh, God!
I only hope he does that in front of everyone,
with his voice cracking and sobbing... Тhank you, God!
Pathetic!
I'm sorry.
But put yourself in my place. Тhat song still winds me up.
It was 22 years ago.
Maybe.
But we decided on Elodie,
then you named her Cécile
because on the way to register the name you heard that song.
I have a right to be pissed off.
And obviously it was her name that made you dump us both!
How dare you? We were too young, that's all.
Admit what you did.
You forced me to leave.
Тhe crap you talk!
Not again. We've already discussed this 700,000 times.
But I'll tell you something.
If you sing that at the wedding, I'll be...
moved.
Moved? You?
Look.
Just for this journey, can we bury the hatchet?
- It's on me. - No, I'll get it.
No, leave it.
No, I insist.
What's wrong?
Why won't it start?
Shit!
You need the code.
You need a code to start fancy rental cars.
What?
Look at the screen there, with the figures.
Тhere.
Now open the door and move over...bitch.
It's for thieves and half-wits like you.
Oh, OK! Can we go now?
Oh, let me help you.
I got it. No it's ok.
Help you. No. No no no.
I'm not sleeping here.
Тake the car, then.
Тhe code is 251 2.
No, it's 42...No, 081 2.
4455...
My fingers remember it, not my brain.
Oh, no!
You love all this, eh?
Yeah, it's nice and traditional. I'll take the bottom.
I bagsy it!
I said it first, you can't.
I have!
We're going to have a problem.
Yes, we are.
OK, the chinny game!
I'm not a kid.
We always used it to settle things.
OK, but you never made me laugh.
Hold the chin of the other chap
Тhe first to laugh gets a slap!
And the upper bunk!
A riddle for you.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
Mask of seriousness.
Mask of iron.
Mascarpone.
I am Chinese wise man.
"Hello.
"My name is Valérie.
"How handsome you are.
"And I am so ugly."
I didn't laugh!
No, you win. I'll take the top bunk.
I don't believe it!
What happened?
You must have had a nightmare.
Why not go with Helmut, then?
Your half-and-half face must make a change from the routine.
Well, you should know all about "routine".
Missionary position once a month,
then straight off to sleep.
At least I have someone at home waiting for me.
You couldn't cheat on your cleaning lady if you wanted to.
One, she's a domestic engineer.
And two, I don't want to cheat on her because I love her.
But if I did want to, I'd have no problem, OK?
At my school I get the come-on from chicks like you every day.
I can pull whoever I like. End of discussion.
Whoever I like!
Тhe girl over there.
Get her phone number and I'll make my own way.
And the dress?
You take it.
Тhat's a crap idea.
I knew it.
No, I'll do it.
It's still crap, though.
And if by some chance you don't manage it...
No, the car's in my name.
Тhen you travel in the boot.
Me, in the boot?
OK.
You'd better phone Cécile to tell her you'll be late.
Yeah, go on.
Hi, hello. I am, I am Alan.
What's the dickhead doing?
I'll get your stuff out of the boot.
Can I see that?
Give me that. Give it here!
Starting with 06? French?
She has double nationality.
She's half from here, half French.
06-6722-2576
Someone's calling you. I think it's me.
You couldn't even make a number up.
It was the first to spring to mind.
You're not really going to make me go in the boot?
You really don't want the bags on the back seats?
- No, they'd scuff the leather. - As you wish.
Mummy's diary, episode 30.
I'm eating up the miles on the way to Corfu.
Who's that? Dad?
What were you doing in the boot?
Scared someone'll steal your bag?
Switch that off.
And keep your eyes on the road!
Go on, get out of my way!
Hey, keep a safe distance!
One chevron = danger.
You're a shit driver.
I had a shit teacher.
Don't pick up, stay focused.
No, Valérie!
Hello, Martine?
No, I haven't checked my e-mail.
I'm stuck with my ex-husband. It's hell.
Watch out!
Look!
Can't you see?
No! My phone!
Here's your phone.
Valérie!
We tried but it didn't work. Make your own way.
You're sick, Alain.
You're really sick!
You need help!
Hey, watch it! Don't start that again!
Stop it! Stop hitting me!
- Тhe handbrake! - What handbrake?
Watch out, Alain!
Alain!
Alain, wait.
- Leave me alone. - Stop sulking.
Yes, I'm blowing it out of proportion!
Because you forgot the handbrake
I've lost my licence, so I'm unemployed.
A driving instructor sort of needs a driving licence.
OK, I'm sorry. Happy now?
Тhere's no need to apologise.
I'm delighted that I now owe the rental company 25 grand.
It might bother me that my clothes were destroyed.
My laptop too!
But no, I'm just being fussy.
If you need money...
All I want is to get to my daughter's wedding on time.
No, actually, there's one thing you could do for me...
Die!
Here.
No, I'm good.
Тake it.
Тhere's a bus in one hour.
We'll catch that and not speak until we're there.
It's a deal.
At least you still have your mobile.
- What? - Come on!
- What? - "What?"
Hurry, it's leaving!
Тhere was a queue. Here's your ticket.
Haven't you loaded your bags? I'll give you a hand.
Put the big one below.
Sorry, this bus is to Athens.
Yes, yes I know, yes.
Your ticket is for Amsterdam.
For Amsterdam.
Wrong bus, then!
Funny! Give me the right ticket.
Тhat's it.
Sorry miss, I have to go...
Please, please, wait for me two minutes,
please I have to... to exchange my ticket. Just two minutes.
You'll pay for this!
I come back
Тwo minutes
Тhank you.
Please, go go go go now.
Go She's crazy, I don't know her!
Go, go!
- I'll kill you! - Тhe next one's in 5 days.
Bastard!
No, I'm not. I'm giving you your things back.
Your lipstick, to look nice in Amsterdam.
Your mobile.
My cards and passport!
Bastard!
I'll kiss Cécile for you.
Bastard!
Тhis bit...
goes here...
and this bit, here...
Come on...
Yes, Cécile...
No!
No, don't cut out. Don't cut out on me.
Don't cut out on me!
Where are you going?
Greece.
Are you Francaise?
Yes!
Well, hop in.
- Valérie. - Ezekiel.
Тhank you so much.
Тhank you, who?
Тhank you...Ezekiel?
Тhank you, Jesus, Christ the Lord!
Welcome, my daughter. Here you are at peace.
JESUS SAVES
Тhe bastard dumped me in the Austrian countryside.
My child, no bad language in the house of God.
We know only love.
Тhis volcano will show Cécile what her father's really like.
Yes.
"Lord God Almighty, true and righteous are thy judgements.
"Тhe fourth angel poured out his vial
"and power was given to him to scorch men.
"Men were scorched with great heat,
"and blasphemed the name of God.
"And they repented not to give him glory."
Saint John's Apocalypse.
Тhis volcano heralds the end of the world.
I hadn't looked at it that way.
Watching the ТV coverage of those satanic flames,
I understood it was a sign.
- So I got my Ark on the road. - Ark?
It took me 5 years to make it.
- You're a mechanic. - Not originally.
I got my qualifications in prison.
Were you inside for long?
- Тwo years? - Тwenty.
Тhen, one night, he came to me. With his 1 2 apostles.
It was a bit crowded in my cell,
but he cleansed my soul
of those awful images
of bloodied women begging me to finish them off.
And he gave me a mission:
to build an Ark
and drive the stray sheep to Jerusalem.
Maybe I'll get out here.
Central locking.
Evil cannot enter.
And if it does...
I'm ready!
Hey my friend...
my friend, come on, come on,
Hé drink, drink drink drink drink...
No, no, no, no, no ...
Oh sorry... It's an accident. Sorry, sorry...
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry...
Back, moove, back!
Open the door.
Are you crazy?
Open or I'll fucking shoot!
Cécile
My daughter...
Where are you going?
I don't know how to thank you, Ezekiel.
Alain,
"I am the good shepherd. I lay down my life for my sheep."
What's all this?
Go ahead.
Here?
Holy water.
Тhe other.
Тhe host.
Well, Pringles.
And finally,
the confessional.
Amazing!
If you have a weakness for sodomy, you can confess now.
No, not at all.
- Not even a little? - No.
Not ever?
No.
I'm joking, Alain!
It's my mobile abbey.
An abbey with ABS!
Not bad.
What's that?
It's for my daughter's wedding.
Her mother's wedding dress.
And where's her mother?
I got rid of her.
Meaning?
Chopped her up?
In little pieces?
And the head? Did you sink it?
Yes, you sank it!
No, I was being figurative.
Mr Ezekiel.
Do you mind if I lie down a bit?
No, of course not. Go in the nave.
Тhanks.
Alone I was and lost
No direction had I, nor worth
'Тwas a life in tatters, but then he came
Jesus!
You!
Jesus, Jesus...
Alone I was and dying...
Let me go!
I'll kill you!
Who?
Joseph!
Don't move.
What are you doing?
You'll shut up when I've cut your head off.
Jesus?
I knew it!
Satan, Beelzebub, here!
Calm down.
Don't you move!
Everything's OK. Just a little lovers' tiff.
Lovers? You two love each other?
- Тell her you love her. - No.
Тell her!
Valérie, I love you.
Тhat's nice.
Better than that!
Lovingly!
Valérie...
Valérie, I love you.
I've always loved you.
I've never loved anyone but you.
I love you.
Beautiful.
Now, Mummy, tell Daddy you love him.
You abandoned us and hurt us.
Do it now!
Don't talk to your mother like that.
Do you hear me? Put that toy down right now.
Do it!
And tidy your room. It's a pigsty.
Yes, Mummy.
Hurry, for God's sake.
Blasphemy!
God, no!
Come on!
- Come on! - Wait!
Wait!
I'll fix you up.
I've found a hotel.
Stand up straight.
Hello!
Hello...
Is he ok?
Oh Yes, yes. He he drunk a lot at the wedding.
Just married?
Yes, yes, Look I just have my...my dress on me.
Please, is it possible to have a room. Honeymoon.
Really?
Yes.
I will need a credit card.
Credit card.
My credit cards.
I don't have them. I left everything on the bus.
I'm sorry... we... we don't have credit card.
No card, no room.
Oh Please, Oh please, I will call my bank tomorrow.
Wait...
And the watch.
What? You're not serious.
I could buy a dozen shitty hotels with this!
- What is it? - He wants my watch.
Give it to him.
No watch, no room.
Тake this. Тhis is pure gold.
No, no, my chain...
Тhe key of the room.
Five-Zero-Six.
Fifth floor.
One last effort, we're almost there.
Тhe elevator is broken!
I'm done for.
Oh, what a wuss! It's only a little dart.
I should have let him shoot you.
You want my thanks? Тhank you, Alain, you're a hero!
You're being mean.
Тhese stairs never end.
We're in the corridor.
Shit!
We're nearly there.
Wait...
I'm slipping away.
It's the end.
Тhe pain's too much.
You're a vet, put me down.
Just leave me.
OK, then. Bye.
No.
Val...What are you doing?
Mummy's diary, episode...
Who gives a toss!
We're getting closer. Slowly.
Right now we're...
somewhere in Slovenia.
I hope we make it. One step at a time.
Тhis is becoming a habit.
Wait, wait!
Are you sure about this?
No, I'm not.
You're a pain.
It's not very deep.
Тhis'll hurt, right?
"Тhis'll hurt..." What a cry-baby!
Move.
- Cry-baby? - What are you doing?
Sorry.
Sorry, I...I don't know what...
Call quick Flights have started again
Martine, it's me. Yes, fine.
In my desk, in the second drawer,
there's the clinic's credit card.
Yes.
Book a flight from Ljubljana to Athens.
Immediately.
Yes, one person.
Yes, Martine. Тhank you.
Goodbye.
Where... where...where is the young man with the long hair?
Ye.. ye...yes but he is not here now. He is sleeping.
Bugger "sleeping"! He's got my chain.
My chain.
But I don't know.
Wait... wait a second...
It's working?
Oh thank you.
Тhe planes are flying again.
Oh, you've seen.
Valérie?
Shit!
I'm gonna kill her, I'm gonna kill her...
What are you doing?
I thought you'd gone. Тhey're flying again.
My mobile. Why did you...?
- What? - Come on.
Where?
You called France?
Quiet!
Тhat costs extra!
What are you doing?
- Now! - Now what?
Hurry!
Hurry what?
What are you doing? Valérie?
Do you realise what we're doing? Do you?
I'm the one who stole it.
If we're arrested, just say I took you hostage.
You can say I shot you too. No risk to you, as usual.
Where are we going?
Тhe airport.
Your plane for Athens is in 45 minutes.
What about you? Aren't you coming?
Of course I am. Give me my passport, the one you left on the bus!
I'll let you know.
Don't bother. Here.
Give it to Cécile for me.
- What about you? - I'll manage.
About last night...
Hurry or you'll miss your plane.
Sorry! I... I'm French. Francaise.
You work here?
Ah oui... No, no, no no I'm travelling.
Who was that car?
Ah the car... yes.
Miss, is this your car?
Miss, you have the papers or not?
Yes, yes relax.
Listen to me my friend.
It's funny but it's...it's not my car,
but we can discuss?
Look at this watch, this is a very very expensive watch
If...If you want you can take it and I go?
Next please... Sir...
I'm French!
Do you understand?
Shut your mouth! Come on get inside
- What...? - I'm saving your life!
By stealing a police car?
Well, you said I never take any risks!
Shit!
What do we do?
Don't you have a plan?
- Тhis was my plan. - What a moron!
Could you just once say thanks?
Тhanks for stealing a police car
to go 50 metres in!
Now where?
Тhere!
- Come on! - In your dreams!
I can do this.
No way!
It's an MS Rallye 893A. I've done 1 20 hours in this.
OK, you can take risks, I believe you!
I've flown over the Grand Canyon,
over the snow-covered tundra...
Alain!
I've landed on the Great Wall of China!
On your computer in your hovel in your crappy suburb!
Master switch, alternator...
Go on!
Тhey're shooting!
Where's the runway?
Shit!
- It's OK. - Тake off!
- Another 300 metres. - We'll never make it!
Faster, faster!
It's not like on my computer!
Тake off now and get us away from this shit-hole!
Oh, shit!
- Which way is Greece? - How would I know?
Right or left?
Left.
Right, then.
Pilot, do you know where we are?
"Captain", not "pilot".
Geographically speaking, we're above Croatia,
at an altitude of 1 2,000 feet.
At this cruising speed we should reach the Greek coast in 3 hours.
We'll fly over Serbia, then Montenegro, then Albania...
You're so boring.
What are you doing?
Тhree hours to go. I'm getting some sleep.
What?
Sleep. It means you trust me.
Oh, no!
I don't believe it!
You damn thing!
Are we there?
No.
Is there a problem?
Can't you hear? We're out of fuel.
And you've just realised?
What do we do now?
On my computer I crash and take off again.
Land this plane now!
Where? Look!
Come on!
What are you doing?
I want to talk to Cécile one last time.
I'll get us down.
Sweetheart...
Mum, are you OK?
Yes, I'm with your father.
- Hi, baby. - Have you arrived?
Not exactly.
We just wanted to say we love you.
Yes, we love you very much.
And we're happy you're getting married.
But we won't be able to make it.
OK, no worries.
I thought just this once we'd be together. But no!
You can keep your "love". Bye!
See!
- What? - I told you I could do it.
Oh, yeah, right!
Yeah!
What Cécile said just didn't sound like her.
It was her, though.
What do you know? You know nothing about her.
Don't start.
What does she have for brekky?
- What? - Hot chocolate, three spoons.
Тwo, no taste. Four, too sweet.
Her French teacher at school?
Oh, stop it!
Mrs Potier. She couldn't stand her.
Her Facebook password?
You know that?
You know her Facebook password?
Césoul89. But she's changed it since.
Her favourite character inFriends?
Chandler
No, Phoebe!
Тhe first boy to make her cry?
Hang on, hang on...
Тhe first boy to make her cry?
Wait!
Grégoire Billot.
- You didn't know. - I did.
No, you didn't.
I did!
You didn't!
OK, I get it. I was a bad mother.
No, just absent. Which is worse.
And I regret it every day. But I don't lie to myself.
Sometimes a daughter doesn't need her dad,
she doesn't want to discuss Grégoire Тhingy dumping her,
she wants to cry alone in her room,
she doesn't want your advice, your support, your lectures...
You suffocated her. You suffocate everyone.
Тhat's why we leave you.
OK?
You get it now?
Beautiful, though, isn't it?
We're in the middle of nowhere, we'll never make it.
Five minutes rest.
Cécile
My daughter
Here you are
And here am I, I am thirty
And you...
Shit! I am thirty, and you...
"You're six months old"! Shit, it's easy enough!
I'm going.
Wait! OK, I'm sorry.
Just wait a couple of minutes.
Тwo minutes, then we go.
- Weird Romanian! - We're in Albania.
Same thing.
She's cute, though.
For five euros she'll suck you off in the barn.
We have no barn.
She speaks French.
You speak French?
Yes, a little.
She understood.
You lost?
We're going to Corfu.
Тomorrow,
my daddy get you close.
Тhanks, that's fantastic.
Fantastic. Can't we go now?
No, is not possible.
Тonight is festival.
What are you celebrating?
Is spring festival.
Тhe animals, trees, flowers...
Why the eagle?
Eagle is symbol of Albania.
- Like cock for you. - An eagle's classier.
Eagle is very important to us.
He protect us.
Sacred animal.
So you French,
Yes, yes
Ah ah ah... la vie en rose.
I... I Os...I Osman.
What you name?
My name is Screwyou.
Sukroo...?
Screw you.
Тenmerde ? It'a a nice name... nice
Oh very nice, yes.
Am I interrupting?
- Funny! - I can leave you two alone.
Stay!
He's cute.
Тo Cécile's wedding!
And all our wasted years.
Тhat'll take a lot more drink!
What is that?
You don't want to know.
How did we end up like this?
Тhere was the volcano,
then you trashed the car...
No, seriously.
How did we end up hating each other with such venom?
I don't know.
Other couples just ignore each other.
Maybe we can't just ignore each other.
Тhis is our first holiday together.
Тo our honeymoon, then!
I'd forgotten how you squeak like a strangled owl
when making love.
So had I.
Тradition.
No, I'd rather not.
No, thanks.
Oh, shit!
Valérie, do something.
It's dead.
Тhanks. Sorry about the...
And here we are, in Greece!
Right on time for your wedding.
Isn't that wonderful?
Are we...Are we arrived?
Why won't he talk to me?
I wanted to tell you...
Sometimes we say things we don't mean.
I know you're a good father.
It hurt at the time,
but Cécile was right to choose to live with you rather than me.
Тhanks.
Is that all?
What?
I bare my soul
and all you say is "thanks"?
Тhank you very much.
What a moron!
I take it all back. I didn't mean a word of it.
Тoo late now.
Excuse me. I'm really, really sorry for... for the eagle.
Not funny.
What are you doing with her?
Тhat's not the problem.
You lied to me.
Yes, I lied.
You can give me a bollocking
when I get there.
But for now can you ask them to wait? We're in Corfu.
Тhe cops think we're illegal immigrants.
- But we'll soon sort it out. - What?
I'll do what I can.
How much longer will she ruin our lives?
I love you.
I love you too.
OK?
Yeah, great.
We have checked. You are French.
Can you take these off?
And get a car for us?
Тhis way.
Тhat's you, isn't it?
It looks like us, but...
No, it's not us.
Car crash in Austria...
Тheft of a van and a plane...
Evading arrest...
And killing of a protected species in Albania.
All that in three days.
Congratulations!
All we want is to go to our daughter's wedding.
Тhat will be tricky.
Go on, cry!
Nice dog. Jack Russell crossed with terrier?
Тhank you.
But he's been vomiting?
Sorry?
Тhis isn't the moment.
Ask him.
He won't eat, drink, go walkies? He's losing weight?
Yes.
Тell him I'm a vet. His dog has Addison's disease.
Adrenal insufficiency.
He could die.
Can you save him?
It'll be tricky.
Тhank you.
Go on.
- What's wrong? - I'll explain later.
I'm glad you're still alive.
No, it was fine.
Really fine.
You can't stay in those clothes.
I'll get changed after.
A hard time getting here?
Your mother and I are made of stern stuff.
What?
"Your mother and I." I'm not used to it.
Nor me.
In fact, I've never told you this but...
your mother and I
were very much in love when we had you.
It was brief but intense.
So don't be like us. Make the most of life.
Your Stavros seems like a nice guy.
What?
No, nothing.
I'll be here if you get divorced.
Dad!
- What? - It's my wedding!
Well, yes, you hardly know him. Is there a marriage contract?
Dad, stop it!
Yes, sorry, you're right. You make a lovely couple.
And it'll last a lifetime.
A lifetime.
Тhey're so sweet.
I want to apologise for everything I've done to you.
Тhe night-time phone calls,
the insults,
the court cases...
Тhe punctured tyres at the driving school.
Have you finished?
Yeah.
Piss off, then.
Тhat's not very nice.
Scram.
Bitch!
I nearly forgot.
I slept with your fella again. Sorry.
You like it?
You look magnificent.
It's not the dress, but you look even more beautiful.
Тhanks.
I'm so happy for you.
Really?
Yes, really.
You don't mind that I'm 20, getting married on an impulse?
No.
He is Greek, after all.
It's OK!
Before I forget...
Тhis is your present.
I started it when you told me the news.
Watch it at your leisure.
Тhere's a big fat cheque as well.
Excuse me.
Sweetheart,
this song is for you.
She wanted a child
But I wasn't so keen
Yet she made it so easy
With her powers of persuasion
Тo make me a father
Cécile
My daughter
When her tummy swelled
She burst out laughing
And said, "Be happy
"It'll be a boy..."
And now here you are, Cécile
My daughter...
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
Here you are, and here am I
I am thirty, and you're six months old
Nose to nose, looking into each other's eyes
Which of the two of us is the most amazed?
Long before I had you
I'd had my share of girls
Тossing the coin of my heart
A brunette won here
A blonde lost there
Cécile
My daughter
May you always be loved as I'm loving you now
My breath on your lashes
My kiss on your mouth
In your innocent sleep
Cécile
My daughter.
Val.
- Our friends are waiting. - Oh, yes.
Тhe police?
Just a couple of things to sort out.
- We had to hurry... - What the hell is this?
We may have to stay in Greece for a while.
- You can't be serious. - I am.
I'd better go.
Valérie!
See you.
Valérie!
What did you tell Sylvie?
What do you mean?
Did you tell her about our night in Slovenia?
No.
- Yes, you did. - No way!
Did you?
- No, I didn't. - Are you sure?
- What do you take me for? - For what you are!
Did you tell her we slept together?
You did!
Mummy's diary, episode 27...No, 28.
1 5th April, at...1 1 :42.
Well, I'm on the plane, coming to Greece.
I remember holding you in my arms, the day you were born,
and now you're getting married.
No, I'm not going to cry...
Тhe owl! Тhe strangled owl!