@TheGrandTour字幕組
翻譯 佳東 卡卡 李想 17
翻譯 OckRazor 渣打毛線
校對 清野 蛋蛋 hopsen 卡卡
校對 OckRAZOR oliver 17
時間軸 卡卡 框
後期 框
壓制 清野
Hello, everybody!
大家好
Hello. Greetings. Thank you.
大家好 謝謝
Hi, there.
你們好
Hello! Hello!
你好 大家好
Thank you so much. Thank you.
謝謝大家
Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
十分感謝
And welcome to The Grand Tour
歡迎來到The Grand Tour
which, once again, is in Whitby.
這次我們又來到了惠特比
There is actually a very good reason for that.
原因很簡單
It is because these two last week blew up my house,
因為這兩人上周炸了我的房子
and I literally have nowhere else to go.
我現在真沒地方可去了
Yeah.
是的
Plus... Plus, James May lost the tent bag.
另外 詹姆斯•梅還弄丟了他的帳篷包
- Soz. - Yeah, he did.
-是哦 -沒錯 是他乾的
He did do that. Anyway, erm...
他確實丟了 不管怎樣
we were reminiscing, as we've been here all week,
這周 我們回憶發現
and we worked out that Yorkshire is the only place on earth
約克郡是世上唯一的
where all three of us have had a car crash.
我們仨都撞過車的地方
So what was yours?
你那次撞了什麼
A Triumph 2500 rolled over.
撞翻了凱旋2500摩托車
- Yeah. Hammond? - My first car.
-哈蒙德你呢？ -撞壞了我的第一輛車
And my second car.
以及第二輛
My mum's car, my dad's car,
我媽的車 我爸的車
my third and fourth cars,
我的第三 第四輛車
my first four motorcycles,
我的前四輛摩托車
the Radio York radio van,
約克台廣播車
the Radio Leeds radio car,
利茲台廣播車
and a jet-powered dragster.
還有輛直線加速火箭車
Oh, yes.
哦耶
All of those. Busy.
就這些 我很忙的
And, erm... And what about you in Yorkshire?
你呢 在約克郡撞啥了
Well, me, I'll tell you. No, 1977,
我告訴你 在1977年
when the driving examiner said to me,
當駕校考官告訴我
"Congratulations, Mr Clarkson, you've passed,"
祝賀你 克拉克森先生 你通過了
what I heard was, "Congratulations, Mr Clarkson,
我聽到的卻是 祝賀你 克拉克森先生
you are the best driver I've ever seen."
你是我見過最好的司機
- Oh, no. - 36 hours later -
-哦不 -36小時後
That's all it was, 36 hours I'd been on the roads -
只有這麼久 36小時 我在路上
stuffed my mother's Audi.
搞壞了我母親的奧迪
Wheels came off, killed a sheep.
輪子掉下來 殺死了一隻羊
So, if you're the farmer, sorry about that.
如果你是那個農場主 那抱歉了
Er... Anyway, I'm glad we're still in Yorkshire,
總之 很高興我們還在這裡
because last week
因為上個星期
we said there was no real motoring connection
我們說到這裡的汽車交通
with the county
很不發達
and it turns out that's not true.
後來證明這是錯的
I was reading Trip Advisor last night.
昨天晚上我在瀏覽貓途鷹
Now, Trip Advisor is a website
現在使用貓途鷹的
for the mealy-mouthed and the bitter.
都是些刻薄尖酸的人
Well, hang on. I mean, it's not entirely...
等等 也不是完全
No, seriously, it's useless apart from anything else
不 說真的 它真沒用
because you have to know someone
因為你在認識某人之後
before their opinion is relevant.
才能知道他的觀點是否值得參考
I mean, I know Hammond, OK?
比如說 我認識哈蒙德
So if he tells me a restaurant's great,
如果他告訴我某家餐廳很棒
I know I don't want to go there
打死我也不會去
because it'll be rubbish.
肯定會很垃圾
You're absolutely right, actually
你說的太對了
because that bloke in the hat over there,
比如那邊戴帽子的小伙子
I don't care how many stars he gives Oxfam Whitby
不管他給惠特比樂施會多少星
I'm not going there.
我都不會去的
Exactly. Anyway...
確實 不管怎樣
I went on Trip Advisor, OK
我在看貓途鷹
and there was a review of Whitby.
有一則關於惠特比的評論
And it said, and I'm quoting here,
我引用一下 他說
"One aspect of Whitby
"惠特比給人的一個印象
" is the large number of local chavs..."
是數量驚人的當地小混混
"...who drive around the town in a circuit
他們開著巨吵的車
in their noise-enhanced cars."
繞著這個小鎮兜圈"
Already, I don't like this person.
我已經開始不喜歡這人了
"They accelerated down the narrow streets"
"他們在狹窄的道路上加速
and then slowed their engines down quickly
然後在快到路口的時候
as they approached a junction,
猛剎車
"causing explosive-sounding backfiring."
發出爆炸般的引擎回火聲"
He sounds like a right knob.
他聽上去就像個智障
Of course he's a right knob,
他當然是啊
he's leaving a message on Trip Advisor.
他在貓途鷹上留言哎
Anyway, the police
不管怎樣 警察
the police, the local police here -
當地警察
they've decided they've had enough of people
他們決定 他們受夠了這些人
"...driving away in a manner
"以一種讓輪胎滑行"
"that causes their wheels to spin and screech."
"和尖叫的方式來駕駛"
OK? So they decided to have a clampdown.
所以他們決定鎮壓
But, and this is the quote I love,
但是這句引用我喜歡
"The operation was curtailed due to poor weather."
"由於天氣狀況惡劣 行動取消"
What, are they saying...
所以他們是說
They didn't go out because it was raining?
外面下雨啦 乾脆別出去了
No, law enforcement in Whitby is like cricket.
不 惠特比警察就像蟋蟀
Everybody just goes inside if it starts to drizzle.
毛毛雨就讓人躲到屋裡去了
So this is... This is the Whitby Town
那麼 我們說的是
Police we are talking about here?
惠特比警察對吧
- Yeah, the WTPD. - Yeah.
-是的 所謂WTPD -是的
No, hang on a minute
不對 別急
this is North Yorkshire. It's NYPD.
這裡是北約克 應該是NYPD
Wow! It actually is! It's the NYPD!
-哇 還真是 -這可是NYPD
That would be a brilliant police drama.
這會是部很棒的警察劇
"Right, Constable,"
"好了 各位警官
I've had the Chief Constable, he's chewed my arse,
警長對我很不爽
"the Mayor's chewed his arse, now we'll chew your arse."
市長對警長很不爽 因此你們的後果很嚴重
"We've got these lads - well, chavs -
我們這有些小姑娘 小混混 他們天天搞事
"that are doing, like, wheel screeches,
比如讓輪胎尖叫
and you've got 48 hours to solve it
你有48小時來搞定他們
or I'll have your badge and your truncheon."
不然我就沒收你的警徽和警棍
Anyway, on our car show tonight...
總之 在我們今晚的汽車節目里
a tree falls over...
一棵樹倒了
...a hedgehog makes a noise...
一隻刺蝟發出了聲響
...and a dog eats some meat.
還有一隻狗在吃肉
But we begin with Porsche.
但是我們要先談談保時捷
They offer an immense complicated range of cars
他們的911系列中
all under the 911 banner.
有著數量龐大的各式車型
Now, Porsche enthusiasts
如今 保時捷腦殘粉們
by which I mean these two imbeciles,
也就是這倆蠢貨
say that they're all slightly different.
說這些車型都有些許的差異
Completely different.
完全不同
No, slightly different,
不 稍有不同
and that the best of the bunch is something called
而它們中最出色的一輛
the GT3 RS.
叫做 GT3 RS
So I thought I'd take it to our track
所以我想應該把它帶到賽道上
to see what it was like.
拉出來溜溜
And let's just hope that, for once in your life,
我真希望你在有生之年能有一次
you haven't behaved like a child.
別表現的像個孩子
What do you mean?
你這是什麼意思
- Well, just said it's no good because I've got one.
乾脆直接說這車很爛 因為我有一輛
Hammond, I am a professional motoring journalist
哈蒙德 我是專業的汽車新聞工作者
and coming up...
我要說...
Amongst other things.
除了這個
Coming up now is my professional review.
我將要提出我的專業觀點
This is the car in question.
這就是我們討論的車
No, wait. Sorry. Hang on.
不 等等 抱歉 稍等
It's easy to be confused.
這有點容易搞混
This is it.
這才是
The hottest, hardest,
最火辣 最硬朗
tightest 911 of them all...
最緊湊的911
...and the most exotic.
也是最夢幻的
It has the fattest back tyres
它的後胎是我在公路車中
I've ever seen on a road car.
見過的最寬大的
It has scaffolding in the back for stiffness,
後面有防滾架增加剛性
carbon-fibre body panels for lightness.
碳纖維的車身讓它更輕
The roof is made from magnesium,
車頂是用鎂做成的
so if you turn it over and there are sparks,
如果你把車翻過來 車頂會磨出火花
there will be a blinding flash of light,
就會發出閃瞎眼的光
and then you will have a convertible.
於是你得到了一輛敞篷車
Like many people
和很多人一樣
I don't really like the idea of the Porsche 911
我並不欣賞911這種風格
and I certainly don't like the people who drive them.
而且也不喜歡那些開這車的人
I find them flawed, in some dark
我覺得他們有些缺點
and rather disgusting way.
在不為人知的那一面
But I will grudgingly admit
但我勉強承認
that even the basic cooking models are...
即使在最基本的駕駛模式
extremely lovely to drive.
開起來也十分愜意
They're...
它們
They're just very good sports cars.
它們真的是很好的跑車
But what about this one?
那這輛如何呢
Well...
好吧
Let's find out.
讓我們來看看
Straight away, I can tell you the engine...
實話實說 這台引擎
is incredible.
實在太不可思議了
There's no turbocharging.
沒有渦輪增壓
It's just a four litre flat-six, but...
只是台4.0升的水平對置六缸機 但是
you get 500 horsepower.
它有500馬力
And its red line at 9,000rpm.
而它的轉速紅線是9000
9,000!
9000轉啊
That's bike territory.
那可是摩托車的標準
But the best thing is the way it goes round corners.
但最棒的是 它的過彎姿態
Because it's got four-wheel steering
因為它有四輪轉向
and because the engine is sitting right over the rear axle,
又因為引擎被放在了後軸正上方
the grip is just astonishing.
抓地力簡直令人驚嘆
I've engaged all the hero buttons down here
我開啟了所有增強型按鈕
turned all the electronic driver aids off
關閉所有輔助駕駛
and let see if I can unstick it.
看我還能否駕馭
In here far too fast into Swindon Swings.
這裡飛速駛入"斯文頓發春"彎
贊助商斯文頓之春 園藝中心 故意讀作Swings(有濫交之意)
Not "Swings," that's something completely different.
並沒有浪起來啊 這裡很不一樣
But, anyway, no loss of traction at all.
但是 抓地力一點不少
I thought, when I read the spec sheet on the RS,
當我讀參數表的時候 我以為
that Porsche had tried to make a supercar,
保時捷要造一輛超跑
a rival for Ferrari
抗衡法拉利
and McLaren and Lamborghini, but they haven't.
邁凱輪和蘭博基尼 但是他們並沒有
It's still a sports car.
它仍是一輛跑車
It's still chuckable and deft.
它依然易操控 靈性十足
Whoa! It's very, very good.
哇 它真的非常非常棒
Annoyingly.
真煩人
But... is it as good as this,
但是它和這輛一樣好嗎
the BMW M4 GTS?
寶馬 M4 GTS
Like the Porsche
和保時捷一樣
it's made from exotic lightweight materials...
車身由特殊超輕材料製成的
and fitted with scaffolding instead of back seats,
後排也被防滾架取而代之
and enormous tyres.
還有超寬的輪胎
It looks good.
看上去很美
But there are some problems.
但存在一些問題
When you arrive at a small speed hump in the Porsche
當你開著保時捷穿過減速帶時
you raise its nose electrically and all is well.
電動升起車頭 搞定了
But when you arrive at the same hump in the BMW...
但開著寶馬 面對同樣的減速帶
you will need a team of men to fold away the spoiler
你需要一堆人把前擾流板收起
and adjust the ride height.
再升起車身
This takes several hours.
這些要花上幾個小時
There are some other issues as well.
而且還有別的問題
To give owners the sense they're driving a racing car,
為了給車主一種駕駛賽車的感覺
all of the storage bins have been removed.
所有的儲物空間都被拆掉了
There's no cubbyhole here, no door pockets.
沒有扶手箱 沒有儲物槽
That means there's nowhere to put anything.
沒有什麼地方放東西
And I think that, on a day-to-day basis
我覺得從日常使用來講
that would drive you a bit mad.
絕對能把你逼瘋
Then there's the ride, which is extremely bumpy,
至於駕乘感受 那是相當的顛
and the drone from the tyres, which is horrendous.
而且輪胎的嗡嗡聲 太可怕了
After ten minutes on a motorway,
在路上開了10分鐘後
you will have a headache
你肯定會頭疼
and you won't have any headache pills with you,
而你卻不能吃止痛藥緩解
because there was nowhere to put them.
因為沒地兒放藥啊
Now, at this point, I would normally use the word "however"
通常說到這裡 我會說"然而"
and start talking about the car's good points.
接著開始對車的優點侃侃而談
However...
然而
I can't, because...
我做不到 因為
I'm struggling to find any.
我實在找不到
The engine, for example, has water injection,
舉個例子 這車有水噴射系統
which sounds cool.
聽起來很酷炫
But it means that every third time you fill the car with fuel,
但這意味著每加三次油
you have to fill a water tank in the boot.
就要給後備箱的水箱加水
I don't know, but I'm not sure
我雖然不懂 但我覺得這麼做
this is very hi-tech.
科技含量不高吧
And then there's the steering
然後說說轉向
which in comfort mode is horrid
舒適模式下極其糟糕
and in sport setting is even more horrid.
然而在運動模式下更可怕
That said, the steering wheel is nice.
即便如此 這個方向盤非常棒
It's good and thick. It's...
它質感好又厚實
It's like holding onto something from the Ron Jeremy range.
Ron Jeremy:成人男星 天賦異稟
就像握住了羅恩傑里米的那玩意
And the seats aren't bad.
座椅也不算太糟
But other than that...
但除此之外
No.
沒了
A point that becomes even more obvious
有一點變得尤為明顯
when you go into battle against the Porsche.
當你對陣保時捷的時候
We both have around 500 horsepower,
兩車都有著差不多500馬力
both have a top speed of around 190,
都有著差不多304km/h的極速
but the Porsche is a lot lighter.
但是保時捷要輕得多
Probably because it doesn't have a tank
大概因為保時捷後備箱里
full of water in the boot.
沒有裝滿水的水箱
Struggling to keep up now.
想跟上它都很難了
Here we go, into Swindon.
來到了斯文頓彎
Oh, "Springs"!
哦 原來是Springs啊
A pampas grass shop.
一家賣園藝的店
Oh! We're having... God, that's nasty.
啊 我要滑出去了 天啊 好險
This is not a car that responds well
這車的反應可不夠好
to my rather brutal driving style.
對我這種野蠻的開車風格來說
The problem is...
問題是
it doesn't really respond very well to delicacy, either.
就算謹慎小心的駕駛風格 它的反應也不好
This competition here now between these two cars
這兩輛車之間的競爭
is like a boxing match between an actual boxer
就像是一場專業拳擊手
and someone who thinks they're a boxer
和自認為是拳擊手的人之間的比賽
because they're wearing satin shorts.
只因為他們都穿絲綢褲衩
How did BMW get this thing so wrong?
寶馬怎麼把這車做得爛成這樣
Oh, God!
哦天哪
It's twitchy, it's unpredictable.
它暴躁 難以預測
And in the rain,
而且在雨里
it's somewhere between spiteful and undrive...
這車介於惡意滿滿和完全不能
Oh, God! ...undriveable.
天哪 完全不能駕駛之間
But, that said, this has to be the winner of this test
雖然如此 這車還是贏了
because Richard Hammond...
因為理查德哈蒙德
...has got one of those.
有這麼一輛
I called it.
我就說嘛
That was annoying.
太討厭了
That was a professional review.
這可是非常專業的測評
At points.
也就在幾點上
But you were doing so well,
但是你本來做的挺好的
and then you ruined it at the end.
直到最後把結尾給搞砸了
What do you mean, ruined it?
什麼意思
By saying you'd have a worse car
你選了最差的那輛車
because I haven't got one.
因為我沒有買這輛
- That Porsche wounded me. - Wounded you?
-那輛保時捷傷了我 -傷你哪了
It did wound me
確實傷了我
you know, it's got so much grip
因為 你知道這車抓地力很強
that you're sort of forced into the seat?
以至於你有點被按在了椅子上
And the seat's got stitching on it
然而座椅還有針腳在上面
which digs a hole in your back.
能把你後背磨個洞
I've got a picture of what it did. Look at this!
有圖為證 它都幹了什麼 看這個
That's my back!
那是我的後背
Oh, I'm amazed you weren't hospitalised with that!
你居然沒住院治療 我好驚訝啊
- That is a savage wound!
絕對的重傷啊
-Mine's never done that to me.
我的車沒這樣啊
That's cos you're a midget!
因為你是侏儒
You don't reach that high up the seat.
夠不到那麼高啊
Or maybe you're a freak and sit in the wrong place.
或者因為你就是怪胎 還坐錯了地方
It's not just the fact it wounds you.
不僅是它會傷人
Also, the Porsche's more expensive than the BMW.
而且保時捷比寶馬貴
Yes, but I'd rather spend 131,000 on the Porsche
對 但是我寧可花13萬1千鎊買個保時捷
than 120,000 on a BMW
也不想花12萬買個寶馬
that's not very good on the road not very good on a track
在公路和賽道上表現都不好
and no good at all in the rain.
而且在雨里特別爛
Yeah, no, that's fair enough.
好吧 你說的都對
- Hold on. - What?
-等等 -咋了
I've got to the bottom of the problem with the BMW.
我找到了寶馬問題的根本所在
It's right here in the blurb.
就在這個廣告上寫著
"Developed on the Nurburgring."
在紐博格林開發
Yeah, and, actually, speaking of tracks,
是啊 其實說道賽道
it's now time to hand the M4 over
是時候把M4交給
to a man who thinks that sparkling water is basically communist.
覺得氣泡水基本就是共產黨的哥們了
Yeah, time to give it to the American.
嗯 是時候把它交給那個美國佬
There he is.
他來了
And he's off! No messing.
他出發了 並沒有出岔子
Parps from the exhaust on the upshifts
排氣因為升檔發出了啪啪聲
as he attacks the Isn't Straight.
隨著他駛入不直彎
I wonder if he actually knows what he's in.
他知道自己在開什麼車嗎
Driving a BMW.
開寶馬啊
British Motor Works.
不列顛汽車的結晶
So, that's a no, then.
看來他並不知道
OK, continuing up the Isn't.
接著攻入不直彎
They say it's got more power.
他們說這車馬力更大了
Than what, my damn toothbrush?
跟啥比的 我的電動牙刷嗎
OK.
好吧
Right to the end of the Isn't now,
現在向右駛入不直彎的末端
and into Your Name Here.
進入了留你名彎
Hard on the brakes, keeping it all in check,
大腳剎車 把車保持在可控範圍內
and surely he'll appreciate the turbos
我敢肯定他會感激
punching him out of the corner.
把他推出彎角的渦輪的
Turbos on an engine is
引擎加了渦輪增壓
God's way of telling you it ain't got enough cylinders.
就是老天爺告訴你氣缸數量不夠
My mistake. Right, back up the Isn't.
我的錯 好的 回到不直彎
Really winding up that straight-six.
直六引擎全速運轉
I must admit, from the outside, it sounds good.
我不得不說 在外面聽起來聲浪很不錯
And already he's turning in hard,
他開始大力轉向
round the Unexploded Bomb,
繞著啞彈
into the narrowness of Old Lady's House.
進入了老奶房的窄彎
Yeah, back on the power for the bumpy bit towards Sub Station.
踩油通過顛簸路段駛向地鐵站
Idiotic splitter in peril over the ruts.
愚蠢的擾流板驚險的掠過車轍
Now working the ceramic brakes hard
現在大腳踩下陶瓷剎車
for the tight left.
通過狹窄的左彎
Tickle of power. There it is.
輕輕給油 出彎
And left again into Field Of Sheep.
再一次左彎來到羊圈
A whiff of oversteer, and across the line!
稍微一點轉向過度 然後衝過終點
It looked tidy.
看走線很緊湊
Yeah, it looked all right.
看著還行
It looked tidy. Right...
很緊湊 好了
Let's bring up the er...
讓我們打開
Let's bring up the leader board, if we can.
讓我們把圈速榜打開 如果可以
Now, there we are. We've already had
現在 我們看到了
the 911 GT3 RS round.
我們之前已經測試了911GT3RS
Wha... And you're not gonna show the lap?
啥 你為啥不給我們看跑圈
Nobody's interested in watching an American
沒人願意看一個美國人
being sawn in half by a glorified Beetle.
被美化過的甲殼蟲鋸成兩半
It did 1:20.4.
它跑了1分20秒4
Right, so, now let's see what the M4 did.
現在我們看看M4的表現
Let's put the time up. There it is.
咱們把圈速放上去 就在這
Two seconds slower, and that's a short track.
慢了兩秒 這還是個短賽道
That's unbelievable. That's not good, is it?
真是難以置信 這車不咋地 是吧
No. It's only a second faster than a Porsche 718.
並不咋樣 它只比保時捷718快了一秒
I know. I mean, I admire BMW
我知道 我是說我欽佩寶馬
for trying with that car. I really do.
為這輛車所做的努力 我真的這麼覺得
But, my God, they've made a hash of it.
但是我的天啊 他們搞砸了
In fact, I'm trying to think of a metaphor
事實上 我打算想一個暗喻
for someone who's really tried their hardest with something
為那些因為某些東西付出了最大努力
自嘲 為TG付出了很大努力但只好另起爐竈 亦或指 節目中三人經常做出吃力不討好的挑戰
and it hasn't worked.
卻沒有做到的人
No, nothing's coming to mind.
沒有 啥都沒想到
I've got nothing. I've got nothing.
什麼都沒有
I've got nothing at all.
什麼都沒想到
So, let's... Let's move it on.
所以 讓我們繼續吧
It's time for us to make a gentle left into Conversation Street.
是時候左轉來到我們的嘮嗑街
OK. Right, I want to begin with the new Ford GT.
好的 我想從新福特GT說起
You've got a picture of it here. Now, this is...
這裡有張它的圖片
Well, you remember the last GT they did.
你們記得上一款GT
That was just an homage, really, to the old GT40.
那隻是個對老GT40的致敬
This one, they say, is actually a racing car on the road.
而這輛 他們說 是一輛真正的公路賽車
It's got a twin-turbo, 3.5 litre V6,
它有雙渦輪 3.5升的V6引擎
seven-speed flappy-paddle box,
7速撥片換擋
more than 600 horsepower.
有超過600的馬力
The problem is, though, I can't think of any racing car
問題是 我想不到任何的賽車
that works on the road, really, ever.
在公路上也適用 真的 從未
No, they don't.
它們做不到
I mean, the Nissan GTR: fabulous, fabulous car.
我是說 尼桑GTR 一輛極好極好的車
Rubbish. It's undriveable.
在路上垃圾 完全不能開
You know, it's a very good point,
你知道 有個很好的觀點
because a racing car on the road
因為在公路上的賽車
is a bit like trying to play tennis with a cricket bat.
有點像用板球拍打網球
It's technically possible...
技術上可行
Two totally different disciplines.
但完全是兩個規則
The only trouble is, that looks so good, I do find myself going...
問題是這輛車看起來太棒了 我覺得我要
Mm. You erm... You bought the last GT, didn't you?
那個 你買了上一代福特GT對吧
Yes.
是的
Thank you for reminding me, Hammond. Yes, I did.
謝謝你提醒我 哈蒙德 我買了
Did that go well for you? - No, it didn't.
-開得還好麽 -不好
Oh, did it not? - No, it didn't.
-噢 是嗎 -對 不好
The problem was the insurance company
問題在於保險公司說
said it had to have a burglar alarm,
我必須要裝個報警器
which blew usually
每次我女兒排校園劇
when my daughter was doing the school play and ruined it,
報警就亂叫 然後毀了排練
and it had to have a tracker.
而且還得配追蹤器
And there is nothing on God's earth more annoying than a tracker.
這世上沒什麼比追蹤器更討厭了
But I've got a tracker. It doesn't bother me in the slightest.
我就有個 一點也沒煩到我呀
No, that's because you'll have a little special place
因為你會在門廳桌上
on your hall table with a pencil outline.
有個位置專門放它
"I've got my keys and must remember to take my tracker."
帶上鑰匙 別忘了還有追蹤器
Because you're organised and I'm not.
因為你有條理 而我沒有
One for your tracker, one for your keys
這裡是追蹤器 這裡是鑰匙
one for your little penknife.
這裡是你的小鉛筆刀
One for some change in case you need it.
一些零錢 以備不時之需
Yeah, with 10ps and 2ps.
-沒錯 10便士的 2便士的
And a tiny screwdriver for mending your glasses.
還有一個修眼鏡的小螺絲刀
- He will. Oh, he will. - No, I won't.
-他真會這樣 -我才不是呢
No, it lives in a... It just has a little pouch.
不是 它一直被放在一個小袋子里
You just hang it on the hook.
直接掛到鑰匙鏈上就好了
- Oh, does it? - You've got a pouch?
-誰信啊 -你還有個小袋子
He's got a pouch for his tracker.
他還給追蹤器配了個袋子
Especially for the tracker?
是專門放追蹤器的嗎
- Well, yeah, because... - What's it made of?
-當然了 因為 -什麼材質的
- Well, leather, I suppose. - A little leather pouch.
-我記得是皮的 -一個小皮袋子
Did you make it yourself?
是你親手做的嗎
- No, it came... - A little leather pouch.
-不 它是 -那個小皮袋子
It came with the car, believe it or not.
它是隨車贈送的 愛信不信
Oh, so Ferrari sold it to you.
這麼說是法拉利賣給你的嘍
Was it?600? I bet it was.
多少錢 我猜是600鎊
No, it just came with the car!
沒有 真是隨車贈送的
I don't think Ferrari give it away!
我才不信法拉利有這麼大方呢
The stripes on your Ferrari, OK?
你那輛法拉利上面的條紋
Two stripes, a bit like on that Ford.
那兩道條紋 跟福特上面的有點像
There are two stripes. How much did you pay for those stripes?
就那兩道 你花了多少錢
Well, they were an option. They were 6,000.
那個是選配項 6000鎊
Look. Listen, this is why I drive a Golf GTI, OK?
你看 所以說我開是高爾夫GTI
Because you don't need an alarm
因為你不需要報警器
you don't need a tracker
也不需要追蹤器
and it's five insurance groups lower down
而且比上一代GTI
than the previous Golf GTI level.
低了五個保險等級
- Wow! - It is!
-哇 -真的
It's because you can't crash it.
因為你不會撞壞它
I bet I could.
我肯定能
Anyway
好了
have you two seen
你們知道
have you two seen those new pedestrian traffic lights
特拉法加廣場上面
in Trafalgar Square?
新裝的行人信號燈嗎
Which, if you're watching America is in London, which is in Britain.
在美國的觀眾朋友們 說的是英國倫敦
Are these... Yes.
是那個 噢
These are the ones that have got the two blokes on them, isn't it?
是上面有兩倆男人的信號燈嗎
James, don't be sexist!
詹姆斯 你這是性別歧視
- Why is that...? - No, because what if you're a lesbian?
-怎麼就 -如果你是女同性戀呢
Well, you would put two women on it.
那就換兩個女人上去
Well, then what if you're straight?
如果你是直的呢
- A man and a woman? - But traffic lights are only this big.
-一男一女 -但是信號燈只有這麼大
You can't have a man and a man, a man and a woman,
你不可能同時顯示兩男人 一男一女
a man who isn't sure, and a woman and a woman...
一個不確定性別的 再加上兩女人
What if... What if you just want to cross the road?
如果 如果你只是想過馬路呢
What... It's like being in the '70s with you two!
你們兩個簡直還活在70年代
Crossing the road
現在過馬路
is now an opportunity for you to express your sexuality.
是展現自己性徵的機會
It is. That's why
就是 所以他們才會
they've come up with these traffic lights in London.
在倫敦裝這種信號燈
What are they for?
這是做什麼的
No, they really have. They really have.
相信我 他們裝了 真的裝了
- They're real? - They are for real.
-是真的嗎 -都是真的
What's that one on the right, then?
右邊那個是什麼意思
Hello! Transgender.
當然是變性人群體了
What? So, hang on, only tran...
什麼 等一下 只有
- Yeah. - What?
-沒錯 -怎麼了
Transgender traffic lights.
跨性別者信號燈
- I didn't know that. - So only...
-我還真不知道 -所以只有
Only transgender people can cross when that's green?
只有變性人才能在它變綠的時候過馬路嗎
No!
不是
When it goes red, does that mean
那當它變紅的時候 是否就意味著
it's not OK to be transgender?
跨性別是不被允許的
That's a good point.
說得好
I don't know what happens when it goes red.
我也不知道變紅的時候是什麼意思
No way they're gonna say, "It's not a..." I don't know.
他們肯定不能說 呃 我也不知道
And what has any of this got to do with crossing the road?
那這些跟過馬路有關係嗎
That's all you want to do.
你只想過馬路
It's nothing to do with expressing your sexuality.
不是為了展現性徵
It's the wrong time. I want to cross the road.
這不是展現的時候 我只想過馬路
is work out how to go to the other side.
就是該如何跨到那邊去
go to the other side亦有變性之意
And by that I don't mean...
我剛剛的意思不是
No. I don't..
我不是那意思
I mean...
我是說
...of the road.
路的那一邊
Maybe you're right, it is.
沒準你是對的 就是這樣
Right, now, can I talk about Alfa Romeo?
好了 我可以聊兩句阿爾法羅密歐嗎
- No. - Why?
-不行 -為什麼
Because we have to introduce our next film.
因為接下來該介紹我們的影片了
Now, as we know, in recent years the world's carmakers
眾所周知 近些年各大汽車廠商
have made great strides to make more fuel-efficient
在研發更經濟和環境友好型
and environmentally-friendly car engines,
的發動機方面成果顯著
but very little has been done to make more
但在製造更加環保的
environmentally-friendly car bodies and interiors.
車身和內飾方面下的功夫卻很少
Yeah, by and large, they are still made of steel and plastic,
沒錯 總的來說還是以鋼材和塑料為主
and that consumes a huge amount of energy.
而這會消耗很多的能量
So we had an idea.
於是我們就有個了想法
Are there more sustainable materials that could be used instead
能不能把它們替換成其他永續材料呢
Well, to find out, each of us bought a Land Rover Discovery.
為了驗證這點 我們每個人都買了一輛路虎發現
We then removed its metal body
去掉它們的金屬車身
and replaced it with whatever we thought was the best solution
並替換成我們認為能夠保護地球的
for the future of the planet.
最佳解決方案
The meeting point was in Wales,
集合點選在了威爾士
and I was the first to arrive,
我是第一個到的
in a car made from mud.
開著一輛泥巴做的車
But, sadly, before I had the chance to tell you anything about it,
可惜我還沒來得及做介紹
Hammond arrived.
哈蒙德就到了
Oh, yeah. Let me talk you through this.
讓我來講講
What I've done, I've built a frame out of hazel,
我用榛木搭了個框架
through which I have weaved English flowers and shrubs.
中間穿插編製著許多英國的花卉和灌木
It's basically a hedgerow.
基本上就是個灌木籬牆
Better still, it is growing, because I've planted them
更妙的是 這些都是我種的 它們還會生長
so it's got compost and soil to provide the nutrients required
這裡有肥料和土壤給它們提供營養
to let my car flourish and bloom.
讓我的車生機盎然
You don't... You don't wash this car
你並不是在洗車
you water it.
而是在給它澆水
It's alive. It's brilliant, isn't it?
它是活的 多棒的主意啊
- Clematis? - No, it's cleared up.
-還長了鐵線蓮 -修剪過的
- Have you become a hippie?
你在向嬉皮士靠攏
No, but I can feel it starting inside me.
不 但我覺得有這種趨勢
- What have you done? - Well...
-你的呢 -那個
Sadly, before I could tell him,
可惜 我還沒來得及說
Jeremy arrived... in a snuff movie.
傑瑞米就來了 畫風有點不一樣
Gentlemen, I can see what's happened. Wha...
先生們 我知道會發生啥
You're speechless, because all the words in your head
看到了我的天才作品之後
have been sucked out by the magnetism of my genius.
你們會驚訝的說不出話來
A car made from bone and skin.
一輛用骨頭和皮做成的車
- What bones? - Animal bones.
-什麼骨頭 -動物骨頭
Bones are no good for this.
骨頭不是這樣用的
You can't use bones to make cars.
你不能拿它來造車
Why not? When your dog dies
為什麼不行 比如說你的狗死了
what do you do now? You bury it.
你怎麼辦 把它埋了
- I don't turn her into a boot lid! - Why not?
-那也不會把它做成行引擎蓋 -為什麼不
Because I don't want to see a little face stretched across...
因為我不想看到它的小臉被拉成這樣
You don't have the face! I haven't got a face on it.
不用臉皮 我也沒用臉皮
It's just the bones.
只是骨頭
So as Granny gets older, does the family sit around
所以當奶奶歲數大了 家人會商量
planning a new little hatchback?
改造一臺小掀背嗎
Now, I hadn't thought of people.
我暫時還沒考慮用人骨
There's not a lot of dignity in it, is there?
好像有點不尊重死者
Have you used ears for wing mirrors?
你是不是用耳朵做了後視鏡
- Yes. - You're sick!
-是的 -你太過分了
Why would you not do that? They're designed for that.
為什麼不呢 物盡其用
- No, they're not. - Well, they are.
-才不是呢 -本來就是
- They're not reflective.
耳朵並不反光
- They absorb information and pass it on to the creature.
耳朵可以收集信息並傳遞給生物
- Look at my windscreen. - What is that?
-看我的擋風玻璃 -這是什麼
It's... the digestive system -
這是 一頭牛的消化系統
well, part of the digestive system - of an cow.
消化系統的一部分
What part of the digestive system?
哪部分
- Its stomach lining. - Not its stomach lining.
-是胃粘膜 -不是胃粘膜
- Well, where? Further back? - Yes.
-那是什麼 再往後嗎 -對
Are you staring at the world through a cow's ring?
你是通過一頭牛的屁眼來觀察前方嗎
It is its anal passage.
這確實是牛的肛門
But it's stretched so thin
但被拉扯得很薄
it's completely transparent.
已經完全透明瞭
Cow's arse, horse's arse. It's perfect!
牛的屁眼 馬的屁眼 真是輛好車
Come on! It's a lot better than what you two have done, which is nothing.
比你們兩個強多了 你們簡直一無是處
- What's this made out of? - Have a guess. -Is it mud?
-這車是用什麼做的 -你猜 -是泥巴
It's mud. It's a mud car.
沒錯 這是輛泥巴車
- You've got flat tyres. - No, they're not flat.
-你的輪胎沒氣了 -不是沒氣
They're pumped up as high as they will go without exploding.
是接近爆胎的最高胎壓了
- How much does it weigh? - Quite a lot.
-這車有多沉 -很沉
- How much? - Yeah, loads.
-多沉 -很沉
How much does it weigh, James?
詹姆斯 它到底多沉
- What units would you like? - Tonnes.
-你想用什麼單位 -噸
Five.
五
- Five tonnes? Well, that's just idiotic. - Well, mud is quite heavy.
-5噸? 你傻啊 -泥巴很重的
- This looks safe.
這車看起來很安全
- It's sustainable, is that. That is growing.
同時還很環保 植物都在生長
While we've been having that conversation
就在我們講話的時候
this has extended a little bit.
這輛車又長了一點
- It just grows quietly. - Is it actually a living car?
-它會默默地成長 -這輛車是活的吧
Everything's planted.
所有東西都種在上面
I've put bulbs along here, ready for spring. Daffodils.
我把澆水用澆鬥放在這兒了 這是水仙花
- Not safe, though, is it? - Yes. Hazel, very strong.
-不安全吧 -榛木 結實得很
It's not as strong as bone.
並沒有骨頭結實
Bone is three times stronger than steel.
骨頭比鋼材還要硬三倍
Is it?
真的嗎
Oh. Sorry, text.
噢抱歉 有短信
Andy Wilman：安迪·韋爾曼 節目製作人
Mr Wilman.
韋爾曼先生
"Having built your cars from nature
在用天然材料造好車之後
" you will now drive through it,"
你們要將其駛回大自然
to the Myarth Hill,
開到瑪雅丘陵去
"where you will take part in a green motorsport event."
在那裡你們將會參與一場環保汽車比賽
- What green motorsport event? - He doesn't say.
-什麼環保汽車比賽 -他沒說
A motorsport event that is presumably ecological in some way.
可能是某種程度上比較環保的比賽吧
OK.
好吧
Before setting off,
在出發之前
we consulted a map to see where we were going.
我們拿出地圖來研究一番
Right, so that's the UK.
看 這是英國
We're here, and we've got to get to here.
我們在這兒 而終點在這兒
Well... that doesn't look like too much of a challenge.
看上去毫無難度啊
With that sorted, we saddled up
看完地圖 我們準備出發
and began our epic 11-mile journey.
開始這趟史詩般的18公里旅程
Look at the smoke!
瞧瞧這煙
That's ecological.
非常環保
Greenpeace are gonna be ringing him up at any moment.
綠色和平組織會隨時給他打電話的
Tremendous.
好開心
Smells of nature, I'm in nature,
呼吸自然 坐擁自然
I'm made of nature.
大自然造就了我
It's not quick
車速並不快
but it gives me more time to enjoy God's creation,
正好給了我時間去享受上帝的傑作
of which I am very much a part.
我本人也是其中之一
Oh!
噢
James!
詹姆斯
We've done ten seconds, and James...
我們才開始了10秒 詹姆斯卻
I may be losing one of my
專業點說就是
I think the correct technical term is the A-pillar.
A柱要掉了
Now it's gone completely.
現在完全掉了
Oh, dear!
噢 天啊
Surely he has to admit defeat?
他必須得認輸了吧
There's not much car left now.
他那輛車已經沒剩多少了
Oh, dear, James.
天吶 詹姆斯
I think we can count you out.
我覺得你已經可以出局了
- But it doesn't matter. - What doesn't matter?
-可這無所謂啊 -什麼無所謂
Look. You think, "Oh, James's car's falling apart."
你會這麼想 噢詹姆斯的車散架了
I'm standing in my spare-parts department. All of it.
我正站在配件庫里 到處都是配件
Can be used to rebuild your car?
可以用來重建你的車
- It's right under there, mud.
-就在我們腳下 泥巴
So it's as good as new? -Sort of.
像新的一樣 -算是吧
Well, I'm sorry, but we're gonna set off and leave you behind.
抱歉 我們要繼續前進 把你扔在這兒了
Well, hang on. You can't leave me behind
等一下 你不能走
because we haven't started. We're still in the field.
因為我們還沒開始呢 我們還在這兒
- Oh, yes. - Good point. OK, well,
-也是 -好吧 那這樣
we're gonna set off and go to the pub.
我們出發去找個酒吧
- That's a very good idea. - While you...
-好主意 -你就
- While you... - ...find some mud.
-在這裡 -挖泥巴
I've lost my car! Oh, it's there. It's there.
我找不到我的車了 噢 在這兒呢
With Bob The Builder out of the way,
把巴布工程師扔下之後
Bob The Builder：BBC動畫片
Richard and I settled down to appreciate
理查德和我開始認真享受
the planet-saving nature of our revolutionary eco-cars.
我們生態汽車的環保屬性
You may be...
你可能會
amused by my bodywork,
笑話我的作品
or perhaps horrified,
或是被嚇到
but the fact is that making steel bodies for cars
但要知道用鋼材製作車身的話
produces 120 million tonnes of carbon dioxide every year.
每年會產生1.2億噸的二氧化碳
120 million tonnes!
1.2億噸啊
Carmakers will sort out clean,
汽車廠商們早晚會製造出
environmentally-friendly engines. They will.
環境友好型的發動機 我相信他們
But in the meantime
與此同時
I can tell you that the CO2 produced by this car's engine
我這輛車所排出的二氧化碳
is being absorbed and used by the bodywork.
都會被車身吸收並加以利用
Plants breathe in carbon dioxide and breathe out oxygen.
因為植物可以吸入二氧化碳 釋放出氧氣
That's what my car's body is doing right now.
而我的車身此時就在做這件事
Jumpers, Sunday lunch... spare parts.
套頭衫 吃大餐 滿地都是小配件
You don't need a foundry or a furnace
你不需要用車間和熔爐
to build the body for this car.
來造車
You just need animals to make love to one another.
只需要小動物們互相交配就夠了
That's what this car is really. It's a sex machine.
這車的本質就是個性愛機器啊
Meanwhile, back at base, James was having a rethink.
與此同時 大本營那邊 詹姆斯換了個思路
I've decided to abandon my original idea
我決定放棄我原先的方案
because it was just too weak and too floppy,
因為泥巴實在是太松太軟了
and instead I'm going to build a car out of bricks.
所以我打算要用磚頭造一輛車
The basic materials for making the bricks
製作磚頭的原料主要有
are fresh mud with a bit of water in it,
帶點水的新鮮泥土
er... some straw to give it strength,
少許稻草 讓其更加堅固
and some sheep poo.
還有羊糞
You then use that to make the brick shape,
用這些做成磚頭的形狀
and then you fire those in a kiln.
然後放到窯里去燒
Then you use the bricks to build the thing like a house.
然後你就可以用燒出來的磚去蓋房子了
Except, of course, it will be roughly the shape of a car.
只不過我們這次是要蓋個車子出來
Back on the road, Hammond had called our eco convoy to a halt.
說回在路上的人 哈蒙德叫停了我們的環保車隊
- What's the matter? - Shh.
-怎麼了 -噓
Shush what?
噓什麼
There's a bustle in my hedgerow.
我的籬笆下麵有聲音
Well, don't be alarmed now.
齊柏林飛艇"Stairway to Heaven" 的歌詞
不要驚慌
- It's probably just a... spring clean. - What, for the May Queen?
-這隻是個大掃除 -什麼 要迎接春姑娘嗎
As it turned out, I'd picked up a passenger.
原來 我車上還有位乘客
Hold on. There! Look!
等等 在那 快看
Oh! It's a hedgehog!
是只刺蝟啊
Yeah! He's moved in.
對 它搬進來了
Do hedgehogs have bones? He could be a door mirror.
刺蝟有骨頭嗎 能否用來做後視鏡
He's now a member of my little community in here.
他現在是我小小社區的一員
You're not using him to make a door mirror.
你不能用他做後視鏡
- No, but when he dies... - He lives here!
-我是說等他死了 -他就在這住
Hedgehogs die.
刺蝟終有一死
Oh, he's got a mouse in his little bird box.
喔 他還在鳥籠子里養了只老鼠呢
And it's got the biggest testes I've ever seen!
這我見過最大的老鼠蛋蛋
Eventually, Richard and I arrived at the pub.
終於 我和理查德抵達了酒吧
Oh, hello! Oh, mate! You fool!
不是吧 你是不是傻
Oh! Oh, look.
自己看
Clean break. That'll never... You're gonna need pins.
徹底掉了 沒法修 除非用銷子
Shut up! Your car's given me hay fever.
閉嘴 你那車都讓我花粉過敏了
I can't see through my eyes.
瞎了我的眼
Oh, so you crashed your car because mine's got flowers on
所以 你撞車是因為我車上種著花
and not because you built your windscreen
而不是因為你擋風玻璃
out of a cow's balloon knot?
是用牛菊花做的
Let's not get bogged down with who caused the accident
我們就別糾結這個事故是誰錯了
cos it was you.
反正是你
I am now gonna go and get some spare parts.
我得去找點備用零件了
Of course you are. That'll be easy.
對 那太容易了
Maybe there'll be a nice zoo in this tiny village.
這個小村莊或許就會有個不錯的動物園
No, hospital. Old folks' home.
不 醫院也行 養老院
You could wait... Just find one of those old ladies with...
哎等會 你就去找個那樣的老太太
Back at the start point,
而在起點
the eco-warrior was ramping up the pace.
我們的環保衛士則開足了馬力
Watch that go.
等著瞧吧
Meanwhile, back at the pub,
與此同時 在酒吧這邊
I was repairing my damaged front end.
我正在修理損壞的車頭
Well, annoyingly, the pork that I bought
比較煩的是 我買的豬肉
is sort of triangular and doesn't look right.
是三角形的 看起來不太對
It doesn't really fit, so I've got a side of beef,
不大合適 所以我買了塊牛骨
which I think will be great.
我覺得會很棒
Now, I'm just erm... clearing away the old bone.
讓我先把原來的骨頭弄下來
No, shoo! Shoo in Welsh.
走開 走開的威爾士語
I'm warning you.
我警告你
How would you like to be a petrol filler cap?
我會把你做成油箱蓋的
What do you think?
怎麼樣
I actually think it looks rather stylish,
我反正覺得這造型挺有範的
because it immediately looks ecological, recyclable,
一看就特環保特可回收
sustainable - all those things.
符合可持續發展等等
You get a single-skin brick wall.
有了這麼一塊磚門
It builds up very neatly, as you can see.
工藝精湛 你看
It is exactly the same as making something out of Lego.
這和樂高其實是一個原理
If you have lots of Lego...
當然 你得有很多樂高積木
Right.
好吧
Clearly, James was not going to get his car built that day,
很明顯 詹姆斯當天是不可能完成他的車了
so Richard and I decided to spend the night at the pub.
所以理查德和我打算在酒吧過夜
How far have we come today? Just remind me.
告訴我 今天咱們走了多遠
We're still in the same field where we started.
我們還在開始的那塊地方
- Well, he is. - Yes.
-他還在那 -沒錯
We're in a pub. - But we have to go back to the start to start.
-我們在酒吧 -但我們得回起點重新開始
- It's not the best start. - No.
-這次開局不利 -對啊
- Erm... - How do we know? We haven't started yet.
你怎麼知道呢 我們也還沒開始啊
Precisely, so, actually, it might yet be a brilliant start
沒錯 所以等真開始了
when the start starts.
沒準是個非常棒的開始
His one was useless
他那破玩意就是廢物
It's his slap-happy attitude to making things.
都怪他做事粗糙
Attention to detail.
還鑽牛角尖
Thank you very much.
謝謝各位
Anyway, now it is time for Celebrity Brain Crash!
現在又是我們的明星腦碰腦環節
Now, last week...
上周
Last week, as I'm sure you'll remember,
上周 大家肯定還記得
our guest Simon Pegg
我們的嘉賓西蒙佩吉
sadly fell into the harbour and drowned.
不幸跌入河裡溺水身亡
Er... But there's no danger of that happening this week
但這周就不會再有這個危險了
because our guest is actually starting in the harbour.
因為本期嘉賓就從水上出發的
He is one of Britain's top comedians
他是英國的一位頂級笑星
and a jet-ski enthusiast.
也是一位摩托艇愛好者
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Jimmy Carr!
各位 掌聲有請吉米卡爾
Here he comes now, look, on the screen...
看大屏幕 他這就來了
and he's looking good!
他看上去神采奕奕
He is. What are we going to ask him when he gets here?
沒錯 等他來了我們問人家點什麼好
I'm gonna ask him, actually, about erm...
我要問他
that story he told me once when we were on holiday.
我們一起度假時 他和我說過一次的那個事
No, you can't ask him about that on air.
不 你不能在節目上問那事
Ofcom, they won't like it.
有關部門不會允許的
通信管理局 類似於英國的廣電總局
Why does Ofcom... We're on the internet.
有他們什麼事 我們這是網絡節目
Yeah, but we're still broadcast. You can't tell that story.
但節目還是要播的 你不能提那事
Whoa! Hang on! Hang on!
等等
I don't want to interrupt. He's come in very hot.
我不是有意打斷 但是他速度有點太快了
No, what's this boat doing? Shush, everyone! Shush!
那船怎麼回事 各位 安靜
The boat! Stop the...
快叫停這艘船
Oh, for God's sake! The boat!
天吶 要撞上了
Oh, my God.
我的天老爺
As you may have noticed,
各位可能註意到 現場觀眾們
the audience there applauding the tragic death... ...of one of Britain's best-loved comedians, Jimmy Carr.
在為英國人摯愛的喜劇明星吉米卡爾之死鼓掌
Does that mean he's not coming on, then?
那他是來不成了?
Well, James, he's burst
詹姆斯 他已經炸了
and is now basically chum on the waters of the harbour,
掉河裡喂魚了
so that's a no, he's not coming on.
所以 不 他來不成了
This is a dis... It's awkward.
這真是... 尷尬了
We're getting a reputation. People are gonna notice.
我們會臭名遠揚 大家會發現的
It's OK, though.
沒關係
I've just thought of something else we can do to fill the time.
我想到可以用什麼橋段來補了
You... You know what it is.
你懂得
- You go outside, and you. - Do I have to do this?
-你先出去 還有你 -能不做嗎
Yes, I'm afraid you do. Could you go that way?
不行 快過去
Go get it. Quickly, quickly. Run, run, run.
把那玩意弄過來 快快快 跑起來
Ladies and gentlemen,
女士們先生們
please try not to look at the hideous
儘量別去看窗外的河面
bloodstained water out of the window.
水面上可怕的血跡
You see, the thing is... The thing is
是這樣的
that when immigrants try to get into the country,
當移民們偷渡入境時
they always come in the back of a container lorry,
他們都會藏在集裝箱卡車裡
and I always think that is the world's
我一直覺得這是世上
worst game of hide-and-seek.
最白痴的躲貓貓了
Cos if you work for Homeland Security...
如果你是國土安全局的
Border Force?
邊防部隊
you open the doors and, "Well, there you are."
邊防一開門就 抓到你啦
So I was thinking surely
所以我想
there must be a better way of getting into Britain?
肯定還有比這更好的偷渡方式
And I think I've worked it out.
而且我覺得找到了
So, James, could you bring the car in? Yes.
-詹姆斯 把車開進來 -好
Yes, good man.
好樣的
Right, here he comes now,
好的 他來了
at his usual top speed of eight,
以他的日常龜速
in what is an Audi TT Quattro.
開著一輛奧迪TT四驅
That's perfect. Thank you so much
太棒了 謝謝你詹姆斯
. If you'd like to step out.
在請你下車
Now, Richard Hammond is in this car.
理查德哈蒙德就在這輛車裡
And I'm going to give you, the studio audience
現場的觀眾們 我給你們
one hour to find him.
一個小時找到他
Oh, not an hour!
一小時太長了吧
All right, not an hour. A minute
好吧不一小時 一分鐘
I'll give you 60 seconds to find him.
給你們60秒鐘找到他
Help yourselves, everybody. See if you can find him.
各位自便 看看自己能否找到他
- Open the bonnet. - Look in the ashtray!
-打開引擎蓋 -煙灰缸裡面
Look in the ashtray? He's small, but he's not that small.
煙灰缸裡面 他是迷你了點但也還沒那麼小
- Open the boot. - Inside the seat.
-打開後備箱 -座位夾層
"Inside the seat."
座位夾層嗎
He's strapped underneath. He's underneath.
他被綁在車底 他在底下
- Have a look. - I'll get down.
-你自己看 -我躺下看看
If you just go down there, you can have a look underneath.
你蹲下去就能看到了
Has anyone lifted this?
有人把這個打開看過了嗎
Three, two, one...
三 二 一
No, you've all failed.
你們都失敗了
You'd be no good in Immigration.
千萬別去移民局工作
Right, go back to where you were, because, ladies and gentlemen,
都回到自己的位置上 各位
what we are going to do now is reveal to you
我們現在要來告訴大家
where Richard Hammond was concealed in this car.
理查德哈蒙德到底藏在哪了
James, could you give me a hand?
詹姆斯 搭把手
- Certainly. - Okey-doke.
-沒問題 -好的
- Hello! - There he is.
-大家好 -在這呢
Hello! I'm in the car. Yeah.
大家好 我真的在車裡 你沒看沒錯
Are you all right?
你還好嗎
Yeah. Can I get out now?
還行 我能出來了嗎
The amazing thing is, it's not just Audi TTs.
最神奇的是 如果你想要販賣人口
Almost any car has that much space
不僅是奧迪TT
if you want to do a spot of people smuggling.
幾乎所有的車都有塊這麼大的空間
Yeah, it's not that much space, just to be clear.
講真 這空間也沒有那麼大
Can I get out now?
我能出來了嗎
No, because I've just thought of something.
不行 我又想到一個事
No, seriously. James, could you pop the bumper back on?
真的 詹姆斯 你能把保險杠裝回去嗎
- What? - No, move your feet.
什麼 動下腿
- No, because... - It's not very nice!
-因為 -兄弟情呢
Is it not? Right, so, pop that back on there.
那是什麼 先把這裝回去
Now, what we've got here, I think,
現在這就是
is a really rather effective parking sensor.
一個特管用的倒車雷達
What? I don't like this! I like it. I like it.
-什麼 我不要啊 -好主意
You get back in. We'll bring a car in so that...
你坐回去 我去找輛車進來
Yeah, so you've got something to reverse up to.
做倒車參照物
I need to drill some holes for your eyes.
我還要給你開兩個觀察口
You bloody don't!
你敢
Seriously, Hammond
哈蒙德 說真的
you won't be able to see anything unless I do.
這樣你才看得見
Where are your eyes? About here?
你的眼睛在哪 這嗎
At the front of my head!
在我腦袋上
Right, close them, Hammond. This...
好的 哈蒙德 閉上眼
- Hammond? - I'm not talking to you!
-你還活著嗎 -我不理你了
Right, I'll do one for your other eye.
還要幫另外一隻眼打個孔
There. Can you see out now?
搞定 能看得到外面嗎
Yes, there. Look. Can you see?
快看 多棒 你能看到嗎
We can see his little eyes. That's lovely.
我們能看到他的小眼睛呢 真可愛
If someone holds this.
幫我拿一下
Right, James, if you'd like to start reversing,
詹姆斯 倒車的時候
keeping your ears open for Hammond's pitiable screams.
請豎起耳朵聽哈蒙德的慘叫
Roger.
收到
No... No! No! Just stop!
不要 停
No! Stop!
不 停
- How far away is that? - About 15 feet.
還有多遠-大概5米
- What? - Hammond?
-什麼-哈蒙德
- What? - We live in London.
幹嘛-我們住在倫敦
You could build a 4 million house in that gap.
這距離可以建個四百萬英鎊的房子了
I need to know when you're half an inch away.
只剩2釐米再叫
You're not the one in the bloody bumper!
你來這要命的保險杠里試試
- Right, come on, then, James. - Here we go.
-好了 繼續吧詹姆斯 -走著
Hammond, you're on silence till it's dangerous.
哈蒙德 沒有生命危險就保持安靜
Stop!
停下
That is absolutely brilliant.
真是完美
That's like a quarter of an inch.
只有不到1釐米了
Look at that.
看啊
Cor!
哇!
The thing is, parking sensors are very expensive.
問題是 倒車雷達十分昂貴
You can rent a man for almost nothing.
找個活人卻是免費的
Yeah, look, I don't know how much you pay to rent a man normally,
我不知道你平時找別人出多少錢
but I cost more.
但我身價很高
Now, get me out of here, please.
現在 請放我出去
Well, no, because we've got to link into the next film.
不行 是時候繼續節目了
We can't get you out anyway
我們也無法讓你出來
because you're too close
因為兩輛車太近了
we'll never get the bumper off.
沒法卸下保險杠
You're too good at your job, Hammond. Oh, God!
-哈蒙德 你活太棒了 -去死吧
That's what's happened. So we're going back...
就是這樣 該回到正題了
Actually, it's part two, isn't it? What was the film?
到第二段了 我們剛剛到哪了
It was Italy. No, that was last week.
-意大利那段嗎 -不 那是上周的
- Oh, the cars! - Oh, really?
-是說車呢 -是嗎
- Oh, the sustainable thing.
環境友好型汽車
Sustainable cars. So... -Yes.
對 可持續車輛 沒錯
Get on with it!
快繼續啊
The following morning we were up bright and early
隔天一早 我們精神抖擻地早早起床
so we could get back to the start line.
重新回到起點
- Not a bad night, actually. - It was all right.
-昨晚睡的不錯呢 -還行
Oh, hello.
你好 小伙計
May?
詹姆斯快來看啊
Oh! That's dogs and foxes and things, isn't it?
看來狗和狐狸對你的車情有獨鐘
Dogs have come and eaten your car.
狗把你的車給吃了
They haven't eaten it, they've destroyed it,
沒有吃 只是毀了我的車
which means I've got to put it back together again.
所以我還得把這重新歸位
There are some spare parts up there.
那有些零件
Yeah, I think that horse is looking very ill.
那馬確實看起來病得不輕
It's got a very grey face.
臉色蒼白
That's always a sign of looking ill.
這往往意味著生病了
Is your horse ill?
你的馬病了嗎
- No. - No?
-沒 -居然沒有
- No - He'll last the day, then?
-就是說它能活過今天了
Yeah.
-沒錯
Damn it.
該死的
It took all morning to repair my car
我花了一早上
with stuff from the butcher's shop,
用肉店買的零件修車
which meant it was lunchtime
所以我們回程
before we were on our way back
去看詹姆斯進展如何時
to see how James was getting on.
已經是中午了
Jeremy, what's all that smoke up ahead there?
傑里米 前面的煙是怎麼回事
What smoke?
什麼煙
That massive ball of smoke in front of us, up front.
就是前面的濃煙 看那
I can't see it. My hay fever's really bad.
看不見 我嚴重花粉過敏
No, you can't see it because you're trying to looking at it
不 是因為你得通過牛的菊花
through a cow's butt hole.
才能看到
As it turned out, the smoke was on account
結果證明 這煙源於詹姆斯
of James having single-handedly restarted the Industrial Revolution.
一手重啟的工業革命
What?
-怎麼
- What are you doing? - I'm making...
-你在乾什麼 -我在...
The theory is... we are reducing our impact on the environment,
我們的目的是減少對環境的影響
but you've dug it up!
但你把地球都挖空了
It's not where anybody lives.
這地渺無人煙
It's just the countryside. It's not doing anything.
這是郊外 不會影響到誰
Is that a coal lorry?
那是運煤車嗎
Yes. - The least environmental thing on the entire earth.
-嗯 -那是地球上最不環保的東西
It's a lorry delivering coal.
那是輛運煤的卡車
- So? - Why do you need coal?
-所以呢 -你要煤乾什麼
- To fire up the kiln. - What?
-給窖生火 -什麼
The bricks have to be baked. You can't just...
磚塊是燒出來的 你不能就這麼...
Hold on. So you're making a car out of mud bricks? - Yes.
-等等 你要用磚塊造車嗎 -沒錯
Are you gonna dig a canal network
你為了運煤
to get in and out, perhaps, with your coal?
這是要挖條運河嗎
- That's quite a good idea. - It isn't a good idea!
-好主意 -才不是
Much ruined countryside later,
蹂躪完郊區後
James's new car was finally ready.
詹姆斯的車終於造好了
Why are you dressed up like an American footballer?
你為什麼穿得像個橄欖球運動員
Well, it's a prototype,
這車還只是個雛形
and I'm a test pilot, in effect.
我是來試駕的
Test pilots wear specialist equipment.
試駕員通常需要一些特殊裝備
But that looks perfectly solid to me.
我看那挺結實的
That roof is...
那車頂簡直...
James, even given the limitations of the material you've used,
詹姆斯 光想想你用的原材料的局限性
your car looks crap.
這車就爛透了
But look how it blends in with the environment.
但是它和這環境特別配
Prince Charles would love this.
查爾斯王子肯定會很喜歡
It doesn't blend in with anything.
它和什麼都不配
There's no environment left - you've dug it all up.
這已經沒有環境可言 因為你都挖出來了
- Right, can we finally go? - Yes, you can.
-行吧 我們可以開動了嗎 -當然
11 miles lie ahead.
前面還有18公里要走呢
See you there.
終點見
Ow!
哇
That is a complete mystery, to be honest.
我就不明白了
It's not.
怎麼了
It had an arched roof, it had a keystone.
這個拱頂還帶拱心石呢
There must be something wrong with that mortar.
肯定是砂漿的問題
Waiting for James to mend his bodywork, again,
等待詹姆斯再次修理車體時
meant my bodywork started to go off.
我的車正在逐漸消失
But, eventually, he was ready.
但最終 他準備好了
It's really rather pleasant.
駕駛感不錯呢
This is like being at home with the windows open.
就像在家開著窗戶一樣
Richard, meanwhile, had added some floral go-faster stripes,
同時 理查德給他的車種上了賽車條紋
and I'd opened up my cow's rectum
我也卸下了牛的直腸
to improve the ventilation.
來通風
We have had a few problems.
我們是出過問題
We've only covered, yes, two miles in two days,
沒錯 三公里走了兩天
but here we are,
但我們的三人行
as a threesome, going along.
還在繼續
But then...
但是
It's a river, and not a small one.
前面是條挺大的河
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
夭壽啊
Oh, God.
我的天老爺
- Oh, your bricks have fallen off, mate.
哥們你的磚塊在往下掉啊
- Your bonnet's fallen off.
引擎蓋掉下來了
Perfectly all right. Redundancy's built into it.
沒事 我多鋪了一層
- Is it? - Yeah.
-是嗎 -真的
Since Richard is the team bumpkin,
由於理查德是我們隊的鄉巴佬
we decided he should go first.
我們決定讓他先走
OK, well, my community of people
我的盟友們
make for higher ground.
向著高處走吧
Just climb.
往上爬
Hammond's ark made it to the other side safely.
哈蒙德方舟最終成功靠岸
Yeah!
耶
And then it was my go.
現在該我了
I'm really deep here.
這裡好深
Really, really deep.
真的好深
Oh, no! Cows leak!
牛車進水了
That's a terrible thing to learn!
這可是個深刻的教訓
However, I, too, made it with relative ease.
但我也相對輕鬆地到岸了
Eat my meat, Hammond!
哈蒙德 你服不服!
But then...
但
Look at this.
看看他
Tragic.
太可憐了
An old man driving a low garden wall into a river.
老家伙開著一堵花園牆下河
Let's look on the bright side
好消息是
If this doesn't work as a car,
這車如果拋錨了
it will be very effective as a dam.
還可以當大壩
He's not doing it quite as quickly as you or I did it.
他這速度比咱們慢多了
Nor as aggressively, nor as purposefully.
也不夠強勢 太盲目了
His car is also riding a lot lower than ours
因為這重量
because it weighs so much.
車身也更低
I was getting very deep. It may be leaking slightly.
正在往深水區前進 有點漏水了
It's leaking a lot.
漏水很嚴重
Cack. Chaps, I think I'm beached.
糟糕 伙計們我這是擱淺了
I'm being honest, there's not a great deal we can do about it.
講真 我們也無能為力
You're in the river, we're here.
你在河裡 我們卻在岸上
Right, if I go right a bit,
好吧 如果我往右走一點
I should... clear that...
我就能走出去
Oh, yes!
太棒了
Oh, the... - The side's just come off. -Yeah, that's...
-車門掉下來了 -不忍直視
So the mortar's dissolving
砂漿在水裡溶解了
and the bricks are just falling off.
而且磚塊也在往下掉
Yes.
沒錯
That's more gone.
又掉了好多
Oh, God! The mortar's dissolving!
天啊 砂漿在溶解
He's just transporting his own cameras along.
等他開過來 估計散的只剩攝像機了
That's all he's doing.
絕對散架了
Get off!
下去
Get off!
下去
Little spindly arms throwing a brick.
纖弱的手臂 扔著磚塊
Help!
救命
We're gonna have to put him out of his misery.
我們得趕緊幫他結束這痛苦的行程
We'll just abandon him. Do you think?
應該直接拋棄他 真的嗎
What is the point of him?
要他何用
James, can you hear me?
詹姆斯 聽得見嗎
We've analysed the situation and there is literally
我們評估了一下現在的情形
nothing we can do to help. Nothing.
我們確實愛莫能助 真的
Leaving James in his dissolving car,
拋棄了詹姆斯和他正在溶解的車後
we headed off to make camp and get supper underway.
我們繼續前行扎營 準備晚餐
Well, apart from your rather tragic tents,
除了你那可憐的帳篷外
- this isn't so bad. - It's all right.
-這還挺不錯的 -是啊
It is amazing, isn't it?
我車看起來真棒
My car, the way it disappears into that hedge,
它和樹籬融為一體了
it's not just camouflage, it is hedge.
不止是偽裝 那就是個樹籬
- It's gone. - No, it is genuinely...
-我的車已經消失了 -它真的...
Actually, I will agree, yours is remarkable.
我同意 你的車確實別出心裁
Meanwhile, James's car had shed so much weight
另一邊 詹姆斯的車大量減重
that he was able to get free...
終於重獲自由
and start raping the countryside again to rebuild it.
他又開始劫掠大自然來重造車體
Bastards.
混蛋
You know, what's incredible about this -
我跟你說 我們現在這種
this sustainable living we're doing
可持續生活的亮點在於-
is our barbecue is made from bricks from James's car,
烤肉用的磚是詹姆斯車上的
the kindling and the vegetables are from your car.
引火物和蔬菜是你車上的
Are you about to tell me I'm eating...
難道說我正在吃的是
Back wing.
我的後翼子板
What? - When you buy a steak, it says "keep refrigerated".
-怎麼了 -你買的牛排上面都會寫著冷藏保存
It doesn't say, "Stick to the side of your car",
不會有人讓你把它貼在車的側面
leave in the sun, then drive through a river."
在陽光下暴曬 再開過一條河
James is making such a racket, isn't he?
詹姆斯搞出的噪音真是太討厭了
It's worse than last time.
比上次還討厭
The difference on this trip, while he's been tearing nature apart,
不同之處在於 這次他一直在破壞大自然
I've never felt closer to it.
我可不像他那樣
Well, he's just messing everything up. He always...
他只會把所有事情都搞砸 一向如此
Holy cow.
不會吧
- Hammond. - What?
-哈蒙德 -怎麼了
That.
你看
What are you doing?
你在乾什麼
He couldn't see it. It's a hedge trimmer.
他開著籬笆修剪機看不見
That's my community, you rural bastard!
那可是我的小生態 你個混蛋鄉巴佬
- Oh, my... - Oh, God!
-噢 -噢天吶
The next morning, to cheer up Hammond
第二天一早
following the decimation of his car
為了讓受到雙重打擊的
and his woodland animal community,
哈蒙德高興一點
I made breakfast.
我做了早餐
- Eat it. - No!
-吃吧 -不
- Why not? - Because it's going green!
-為什麼 -因為它都變質了
It's just a bit of door.
只是門上的一塊肉而已
You can see where the flies have been on it.
你可以看出上面曾經落過蒼蠅
It's disgusting.
太噁心了
Hello. Hello!
瞧瞧誰來了
What...?
這是什麼
- It's a dung heap. - It is a dung heap.
-那是個糞堆 -確實是個糞堆
- Morning. - Morning.
-早上好 -早
Is this a car? What is it?
這是一輛車還是什麼
It is a totally sustainable car made of, effectively, wattle and daub,
這是一輛用抹灰籬笆牆造的可持續發展汽車
only the wattle has been replaced by straw
只不過我把籬笆換成了稻草
and the daub has been replaced by cow poo,
又把石灰換成了牛糞
but the principle is the same.
但道理是一樣的
How the hell do you fit in it? Only just.
-你到底是怎麼進去的 -剛剛好
- Where's your windscreen? - There.
-擋風玻璃呢 -在那兒
Hang on.
等下
Can we just test your blind spots, James?
我們來測試一下你的盲區吧 詹姆斯
Can you see either of us now?
你現在能看見我們兩個嗎
No.
看不見
Heavily pedestrianised areas should be avoided.
應該拒絕這種極度無聊的部分
Right, come on. We've just got two miles to go. - Yes.
-好了 出發吧 我們只剩3公里了 -沒錯
Jesus Christ!
我的媽呀
The smell!
太臭了
What's that? - It breaks my heart, but it's a small gift for you.
-這是什麼 -我很不忍心 但還是要送給你這個小禮物
- Is it? Mate! - Yes, from me and my woodland community.
真的嗎 好兄弟 -沒錯 是我車載生態的一部分
Oh!
噢
- It's a dead bat! - Yeah, it is.
-是一隻死掉的蝙蝠 -是的
- Bats have sonar, don't they? - Yeah.
-蝙蝠靠超聲波飛行? -沒錯
So I could use it as a reversing parking sensor.
那我就可以把它當倒車雷達了
Yeah, I don't think it works once the bat is dead.
可我覺得它死了之後就沒用了
And so, with all of us running...
於是我們又上路了
My reversing bat is working well.
我的蝙蝠牌倒車雷達很好使
...we began the final two-mile leg of our epic journey.
踏上這史詩路程的最後3公里
Oh, balls!
噢 見鬼
There are some issues associated with environmentalism,
環保主義會產生一些問題
and we're seeing one of them right now.
我們面前的就是其中之一
- Am I anywhere near the gate? - Oh, God!
-我是不是在門附近 -噢天啊
James attempted to tie his car back together using a ball of string...
詹姆斯決定要用一捲毛線來固定住車身
which went well.
效果還不錯
It's going...
滾下去了
Oh, that's gonna confuse him now!
他肯定傻眼了
Why'd they make it in a ball shape? What a stupid idea!
他們為什麼要做成一個球形呢 太愚蠢了
But eventually it was done and we were on our way.
但最終他還是固定好了 我們繼續前進
James, how much does it weigh now?
詹姆斯 你的車現在有多重
I'm gonna say the weight has gone down a bit.
車重現在減輕了一點
I think I'm down to three tonnes.
我覺得降到3噸了
So you still need an HGV licence?
所以你還是需要B本才能開?
But it's not a type of car known to the DVLA.
但是交管局並不一定認得這是車
Mind you, I had even bigger problems.
要知道 我還有個更大的麻煩
My car was starting to smell really bad.
我的車開始變得越來越臭了
One of the sound recordists
其中一個錄音機
just came to fiddle with my microphone,
正在和我的麥克風胡搞
and actually was sick.
這太噁心了
Eventually, though, our destination hoved into view.
終於 我們的目的地已經近在眼前了
After three days gruelling travel
經過歷盡艱辛的3天
over 11 miles, we're here.
超過18公里的旅程 我們終於到了
This must be it.
就是這兒
可持續發展汽車運動挑戰賽開幕儀式
on a track carved out of nature itself.
就在這條天然形成的賽道上面
Oh, hang on.
等一下
- A text message. - What?
-有短信 -什麼
I've got a text here from Mr Wilman,
韋爾曼先生給我發了條短信
with the instructions of what we're doing.
告訴我接下來要做什麼
"Whoever does the most laps in one hour wins."
在一小時內完成圈數最多的人將會獲勝
Oh, well, James, that's not gonna be you.
好吧 詹姆斯 肯定不會是你
- Well, you don't know. - No, I do know it's not gonna be you.
-你怎麼知道 -我敢肯定不是你
Oh, no, wait. Hang on. "You will be racing against
噢 等一下 你們還要和3輛
three old-fashioned steel cars."
老式鋼鐵車一起比賽
- Hang on. Yes, those. - Hello.
-等一下 是那幾輛吧 -哪兒呢
- Oh, there they are. - How quaint.
-噢 它們來了 -好古老的車
No, they don't look quaint. They look ridiculous.
不 一點也不古老 它們的樣子太可笑了
It's funny, that's the nature of progress.
那就是自然進步的產物 很諷刺
- Suddenly, they look stupid. - They do.
-我突然覺得它們的樣子蠢爆了 -沒錯
The museum pieces were being driven by three local yobbos.
這些老古董由3位當地的小混混駕駛
Right, this is it.
好的 就這樣吧
The MeaTI, the TreeTI and the PeaTI are ready.
肉車 樹車和糞車都已經準備好了
Oh, what a start! It's a good start.
噢 很好 起步不錯
Yes, we're blocking!
沒錯 就是要擋住你們
Oh, they've gone! They've gone! I couldn't see the flag.
噢 他們開始了 我看不見旗子
Yes, there are some hay bales. I'll follow those.
我能看見一些乾草堆 就沿著它們開吧
Where the hell does it go next?
接下來往哪邊走
Despite the excellent start from Richard and I,
儘管我和理查德的起步很好
we were quickly overwhelmed by the steel cars.
但很快我們就被鋼鐵車超越了
And now the Golf's got past!
高爾夫超過我了
Oh, no! Oh, no!
噢不 不
I've let the Mondeo through. That's a disaster!
我被蒙迪歐超了 天啊
Oh, I've lost one of my nose tampons!
噢 我鼻子里的棉條掉了一個
What Richard and I really needed was help from our colleague.
理查德和我現在急需另一位同事的幫助
Sadly, though...
只可惜
I'm gonna take a racing line. Oh, I'm completely lost.
看我的走線 噢我完全迷路了
The trouble is, the race track looks the same as the front of the car.
問題在於 賽道看上去和我的車頭一樣
What a stupid idea for an event.
這是誰想出來的餿主意
I've lost the other nose tampon! Help!
我的棉條全掉了 救命
I may have to pit for another tampon.
我可能要進一次站 再塞兩個棉條
Where am I going?
我該往哪兒開
All right, James?
又見面了 詹姆斯
No.
不
No time to lose.
不能再浪費時間了
I've gone for the super absorbent,
我換上了兩個
slightly larger nose tampons,
超強吸水的大號棉條
which I hope will last a little longer.
希望能多堅持一會
Given that we were in an endurance race,
因為這是一場耐力賽
our tactics so far had been to protect our cars.
所以到目前為止我們都在儘量保護車子
Reliability, that's what we need here. That is everything.
我們現在需要可靠性 僅此而已
That's what matters most.
這是最重要的
But with the cars of the past racking up so many laps,
但隨著幾輛古董車的一次次挑釁
we had to get the hammer down.
我們也要拿出真本事了
The MeaTI against the...
現在是肉車對陣...
whatever that is - 1.6 litre Golf.
那輛1.6升的高爾夫
Yes!
太棒了
Yes! I've got him!
太棒了 我超過他了
Power sliding a hedge.
看我籬笆漂移
Come on!
加油啊
Yes. Oh, yes.
這就對了
I think I've done a lap.
我覺得我好像跑完了一整圈
With us three - well, two - making good progress,
在我們三個 兩個人勢不可擋的時候
the cars from the past started to play dirty.
幾輛古董車開始不擇手段了
That is out of order! They are getting violent!
怎麼能這樣 他們開始用暴力了
Oh! Oh, no!
噢 噢不
I've lost a tampon again!
我的棉條又掉了一個
Who was that?
誰撞我
Think you can mess with us
你以為我長得像一棵樹
just because we like trees, do you?
所以就好欺負是嗎
That's out of order, mate. You can't. Have that!
你這樣是不對的 兄弟 嘗嘗這個吧
The bone is taking on the steel!
我在用血肉之軀對抗鋼鐵
Although we were holding our own,
儘管我們都在儘力堅持
the relentless pressure started to take its toll on our vehicles.
但我們的車都開始受到不同程度的損傷
I've lost part of the hat.
我的車頂掉了一塊
I can smell...
我聞到了
What can I smell?
這是什麼味
Is that from the exhaust?
是我排氣管里出來的嗎
With Hammond distracted by the hot exhaust burning his bodywork,
當哈蒙德因為車身被排氣管點燃而分心之時
it was all down to my cow car.
重任落在了我的牛車上
Good dicing here between the past and the future.
傳統與未來在此契合
It's neck and neck!
我們現在並駕齊驅
But then...
可惜
Oh, no! No!
噢不
Disaster!
完了
Oh, hell. I think it looks like
見鬼 看起來
Jeremy's got trouble.
傑瑞米遇上麻煩了
How do you peel a cow?
該怎麼把牛皮剝下來
Having eventually got to the overheating engine
在終於解救了過熱的引擎 並且發現
and seen it had become a production line for maggots...
它已經變成了一條蛆蟲的生產線
...I decided to go off and be sick.
我決定走到一邊去吐一會兒
Er... News from the Inaugural Sustainable Motorsport Event
呃 可持續發展汽車運動挑戰賽的最新消息
很抱歉沒有車內視角 因為詹姆斯車上的攝像機丟了
On A Sustainable Track, or whatever it's called,
來自於一條所謂的可持續發展賽道
屏幕字
Jeremy Clarkson has retired with a maggot infestation.
傑瑞米 克拉克森因為蛆蟲問題退賽了
This meant all our hopes rested with Richard Hammond
因此全部的希望都寄托在了理查德 哈蒙德
and his smouldering ark.
和他燃燒的方舟上
Yeah, you ran wide!
哈哈 你走線太寬了
But then...
可是好景不長
Oh, my God!
噢 天吶
Oh, no!
噢不
Oh, no! More news
哦不 關於這場
from the Sustainable Motorsport Challenge is that... Ow!
可持續汽車挑戰賽更多的新聞有
...Richard Hammond, I believe, is on fire.
我覺得理查德哈蒙德的車著火了
The garden centre is ablaze.
花園中心亮起了火光
Oh, God! Oh, no! Oh, no!
噢 上帝啊 不 不要這樣
That's gonna make it worse!
這樣只會越燒越旺
With Hammond's car on fire...
隨著哈蒙德的車著了火
mine alive, and James's disintegrating again...
我的車出了蟲子 詹姆斯的車還在瓦解
Ow! Ow!
嗷 嗷
...we decided that environmentalism simply doesn't work.
我們得出了結論 環保主義根本行不通
And with that, back to...
接下來 把畫面
And with that, back to the tent.
接下來 把畫面切回帳篷里
Holy crap!
我靠
- No, it didn't work. - No. So, there we are.
-根本行不通 -沒錯 就是這樣
There we are, we've looked into it.
就是這樣 我們調查過了
We've looked into it thoroughly,
我們徹徹底底的調查過之後
and I'm afraid we're all doomed, we're all gonna die.
恐怕我們沒救了 我們都會死
And on that terrible disappointment, I'm afraid it's time to end.
隨著這個令人十分沮喪的消息 這期節目就結束了
See you next week. Goodbye!
下周見 拜拜