[ORCHESTRA TUNING]
[ORCHESTRA PLAYS]
[CHATTERING]
All right, all right, all right, everybody.
My daughter needs a pin spot.
Never mind now.
Wait a minute, you'll all get a chance.
Herbie. Herbie.
- Yes, Herbie. - We were here first.
Herbie, here we go with the mothers.
Forget the mothers, George.
I don't want the mothers in the wings.
I don't want the mothers in the house.
They're trying to help the kids.
Don't argue with me, Herbie. Mothers, please, will you get out?
Get odd-stage.
[CHATTERING]
And then I want you to come forward one at a time.
And now let's have the first wee lad on Uncle Jocko's Kiddie Kapers.
Take them each from the top and then cut to the last eight.
All right.
Uncle Jocko presents...
...Clarence and his clarinet.
Go ahead, kid.
Cut to the end! To the end, kiddo. To the end.
And who does Uncle Jocko have here?
Baby June and Company.
I'm "and Company."
I mean, I assist. That is until Mama finds out what I do best.
She's working on it.
Yeah, dear.
Seem nice, but I've only got time for half your routine.
So let's have it fast and off. Okay?
- Okay. - Okay, huh?
Herbie, come here.
That's the one that's gotta get the contract. The beast with the balloons.
HERBIE: Oh, now, the one that gets it is the one with talent.
- I'm the boss and I pick the cast. - And I'm getting sick of it, George.
Oh, Gus! Gus!
Hit this doll with a surprise pink when she does her turn, huh?
And now...
...Uncle Jocko presents Baby June and Company.
[SINGING] Let me entertain you
Let me see you smile
I will do some kicks
[SINGING] I will do some tricks
I'll tell you a story
I'll dance when...
Sing out, Louise! Sing out!
Now, quiet. Who said that?
You're behind, Louise. Catch up, dear, catch up.
- Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! - Please, get off the stage, please.
Didn't I see your face at the Odd Fellows Hall?
- My first husband was one. - I'm not.
- Knight of Pythias. - I'm not a Knight.
Aren't you anything?
- I'm an Elk. - Should have known by your manners.
My father's an Elk. One, eight, five, three, Seattle, Washington.
I got his tooth here someplace. I'm an Honorable Elk.
- Hi, Bill. - Hi, Bill...
Would you mind holding Chowsie?
That's short for "chow mein." Mama loves chow mein.
Stop sucking your thumb, Louise.
I just marvel how you can make a performer into an artist.
So if you could help my little girls by giving them a nice, loud:
Da-di-da, di-da-da.
- Oh, Mr. Zipser... - Yes?
When my girls do their specialty, please ad lick?
- Sure. - Show them.
- You're boss, what do I do? - Get her out of here!
Oh, Mr. Electrical! Would you please spot Baby June?
She's the one with the movement.
Every little movement has a meaning all its own.
Hit her with some pink. Or do you prefer amber?
I never can make up my mind what color to use.
- Decisions, decisions, decisions. - You said it. She's ready for big time.
We'd be there if we had first-class management.
Big time? Har, har, har.
Open time, layoff time, big time, boy is she...
Is that so? Don't you laugh. Don't you dare laugh!
HERBIE: Please, let us get on with the rehearsals.
- We're not finished. - You are as far as I'm concerned.
Trying to play favorites? Louise heard every word.
We're on the level.
How dare you let that untalented balloon block up my babies?
I won't leave this stage until she does. Have you no loyalty to the Elks?
It's not Elks, it's talent.
My girls have the only talent on this stage.
And I'm gonna tell that to the editor of the Gazette.
Which, it so happens, he's an Elk.
I'll also shout "the whole audition is being fixed" because of her.
Hey, you get in the wings and wait.
La-di-da, di-da-da.
[ORCHESTRA PLAYS]
Thank you, Professor.
[SINGING] Let me entertain you
- Thank you, Mr. Jocko. - Herbie, come here!
Thank you, Mr. Zipser.
I don't care who she shouts on, we sign the balloon.
I'll tell you a story
You sign, I resign.
Hit it, girls.
[ROSE SINGING]
ROSE: Uncle Jocko was a gent.
He quit.
And I made the usual arrangements with my wedding rings.
Pawned them. All three of them.
And we all started back to Pa's house in Seattle to refinance.
We were like an advancing army on the big time, backfiring all the way.
Mama, I've been thinking.
How come I have three fathers?
Because you're lucky.
Does it have to be this cold, Mama?
Breathe hard on each other, kids.
And hold that Thermos up against you.
Oh, why does this pile of junk have to be stopping all the time?
Because it isn't going, Mama.
The trouble's got to be in either the universal joint or the rear end.
Now, now, now. No dirty talk.
Don't worry. Whatever it is, I'll fix it.
I think something melted.
Look, Mama.
JUNE: What are we gonna do, Mama?
We'll break our jump.
Surely there must be a theater in this hamlet.
We'll get a hitch into town, which means we'll go see one of Mama's brothers.
Have you got brothers in this town, too, Mama?
Practically all men in America are Mama's brothers.
Like your grandpa says, you can tell the size of a man's heart...
...by the button in his lapel.
What would Grandpa say about this automobile, Mama?
He'd ask if it was insured.
It is, isn't it?
Only for fire.
Get everything out, girls, I smell smoke.
HERBIE: Now, Mr. Willis, don't give me that stuff...
...about what the other salesman used to sell.
How much of his candy did you sell? Zero. He steered you wrong.
You're not on the ball with your patrons...
...selling plain chocolate bars, Mr. Willis.
It's like women wearing bustles. This is an era of youth.
Of flappers, of shifters. It's a world that crunches.
So, what should you sell?
Crunchy Butterfingers.
Crispy Baby Ruths covered with our nourishing milk chocolate...
...safe for a baby. I'm gonna put you down for a hundred gross, Mr. Willis.
And I personally guarantee you'll reorder within a month.
Ten dozen chocolate bars.
You're cheating yourself. Ask any... Here, ask her what her kids eat.
Butterfingers, so help me.
I speak as a mother. Who could argue with a mother?
Not me. Twenty dozen, assorted.
- Mr. Willis... - Are you the woman Buffalo...
...Mr. Beckman called me about?
I certainly am. I came down to discuss the act.
- Now, how big is your orchestra? - Three pieces. Piano, cover and stool.
What kind of act do you do?
It's great. I caught it in L.A.
- You two a team? - I never saw him before.
I speak only as a pro.
Well, sometimes I play an act when I got a weak movie.
Tell you the truth, lady, I got a weak movie.
But this town's very brotherhood-minded, Buffalo-wise.
Are you sure you're a lady Buffalo?
Honorary.
- Rmm. - Rmm.
- Ah! - Ah!
- Now we can talk turkey. - Turkey's 60-40.
That's a deal.
She gets the 60, you get the 40.
- No guarantee. - With a town full of Buffaloes...
...she doesn't need a guarantee.
I don't like it, but I'm stuck with my Buffalo oath.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta go to the ladies' room and fix the sink.
- Thanks for getting me that 60. - Well, thanks for getting me this order.
Thanks for saying you caught the act in L.A.
I did. Hello, Chowsie.
I was Uncle Jocko.
Uncle Jock... Well, where's your goggles and tam-o'-shanter?
- How come you're selling candy? - I quit the profession, thanks to you.
- Me? - Yeah. You triggered it down in L.A.
I had this candy bar proposition for a long time and I'm singing like a bird.
I tip the fedora to you. Name is Sommers. Herbie.
Hovick. Rose Hovick.
How come you quit the profession to become a candy butcher?
Because, lady...
Rose, the profession is making a buck the hard way.
Not if it's in your blood.
When you say that, you look like a pioneer woman without a frontier.
Is that good or bad?
Oh, it's good. You've got what it takes.
You won't let the world push you around.
Say, it's that fashionable cocktail hour again, Rose.
I would like to buy you a small booze and a bite to eat.
Now, there's a local speak which has fair gin...
...but dandy chow mein, if you happen to go for Chinese food.
Is there any other kind?
[JAZZY MUSIC PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
Say, you're a regular Irene Castle, Rose.
Everybody in my family is, except Louise.
- But you're working on it. - You bet I am.
She must be able to do something, but June is already the showbiz whiz.
She's a worker, all right.
I'd like to see her in a big flash act. A lot of scenery.
And maybe six little girls behind her. All brunettes to show off her blondness.
If you wanna show her off, back her up with some boys...
...the way Ziegfeld does.
What does Ziegfeld know about vaudeville? My mind's made up.
Oh, no, you're wrong, Rose, it ought to be boys.
I don't need any advice from a candy butcher.
- Check, please. - Oh, Herbie, Herbie, don't get so mad.
I know I need advice. I know I need management.
- I know everybody in the business. - Who do you know? Later, boy.
Yes, ma'am.
Yeah, who don't I know? That's a better question.
In my time, I've met them all. Mr. Albee, Mr. Loew, even Mr. Goldstone.
Do you know what Mr. Goldstone says when he sees me?
- What? - He says, "Hello, Herbie."
Hello, Herbie.
Hello, Rose.
I like you.
Certainly didn't show it when we auditioned for you in L.A.
HERBIE: Well, we had so many stage mothers there and I...
And I hate to see mothers exploiting their kids.
Not me. I'm a mother first, and don't you forget it.
That's why I'm taking the girls back to Seattle to my father's house.
So that June can go to the dentist and Louise can get her tonsils out.
I knew you were a good mother.
You wanna know something?
I'm crazy for mothers.
Yeah? Anybody who likes mothers so much should've been a father.
[MUSIC PLAYS]
Oh, I never married. I had five sisters...
...and the ugly one didn't get married till a year ago. She's pregnant now.
I don't like dirty talk.
Oh, I apologize.
No need to. You're a gent and I like gents.
That mean you'd consider marrying again?
Oh, not me. I don't mean for instance, but anybody?
After three husbands it takes a lot of butter to get you back in the frying pan.
How much butter, Rose?
All depends on who's dishing it out.
This time he'd have to be in the profession.
Why?
After 20 years of show business...
No, you kind of breathe better in the real world.
- Funny. - What?
Us.
I like you, but I don't want marriage.
You like me, you don't want show business.
Well, that seems to leave you there...
...and me here.
Oh, now, that depends on how you look at it.
You look at what we don't have...
...I look at what we do have.
[SINGING] Funny
You're a stranger who's come here
Come from another town
Funny
I'm a stranger myself here
Small world, isn't it?
Funny
You're a man who goes travelin'
Rather than settlin' down
Funny
'Cause I love to go travelin'
Small world, isn't it?
We have so much in common
It's a phenomenon
We could pool our resources
By joining forces from now on
Lucky
You're a man who likes children
That's an important sign
Lucky
I'm a woman with children
Small world, isn't it?
Funny
Isn't it?
Small and funny
And fine
Sometimes it's a real fine world, Rose...
...like tonight.
Yeah, but there's tomorrow.
Tomorrow I gotta get those kids on a train...
...and gee, Herbie, how they hate trains.
Where is your next stop?
Working my way east to Chicago, the home oddice.
Chicago?
Do you know Mr. Weber of the Weber Theater?
- Sure do. - Well, he likes kid acts.
- Maybe you could talk to him. - Be a cinch.
Might also be a cinch for me to drive you...
...and your beautiful family to Seattle.
I couldn't ask you to go out of your way.
Why not? Seattle's practically just a hop, skip and a jump...
...and I wouldn't mind a hop, skip and a jump if you sit in the front seat with me.
And I like company, especially children.
You like kumquat, fortune cookies?
- No. No, I want the check now, though. - Yes, sir.
I have a suggestion.
If you'd like to test my driving...
...hop into the flivver and I'll show you the view from Lookout Mountain.
Sure, Herbie. Just wait till I get my hat...
...and my hatpin.
So everything was coming up roses.
Herbie drove us all the way to Seattle.
It was a pleasure to have a man behind the wheel.
All right, let's face it, it was a pleasure to have a man.
This is the end of the line, Rose. I'll sure be missing you all a lot.
ROSE: I owe you a little money for lunches and stuff.
HERBIE: Mark it on ice. JUNE & LOUISE: Grandpa! Grandpa!
Hello, sweethearts.
- Hello, Grandpa. GRANDPA: I've been worried crazy.
You worry too much, Pa.
I want you to meet Mr. Sommers...
...who's a big gentleman in the candy game.
Herbie, this is my father.
- Pleased to make your acquaintance. - Glad to meet you.
Did the express company deliver our valises?
Yeah, to the station, collect.
Pa was the head of the baggage room at the King Street Station.
Pa also plays the piano. Could have been a pro.
You just stop with that show talk, Rose.
Guess I'll be shoving.
- Abyssinia, Rose. - Abyssinia, Herbie.
- Abyssinia, kids. - Abyssinia, Herbie.
Abyssinia.
Abyssinia. More show talk.
- Goodbye, Rose. - So long, Herbie.
"Act opens, Weber Theater, Chicago.
Split-week, beginning April 20th. Three hundred dollars.
Agreement calls for four boys and two girls.
Confirm and rush photos. Kindest personal regards. Love, Herbie.
P.S. Don't forget four boys."
Four boys. I gotta teach that Herbie not to be so pig-headed.
I think Herbie's right, Ma. Boys would be good in the act.
But they better have talent!
Hey, whose act is this?
All we gotta do is get some dollars to get to Chicago.
Give me the jewelry, kids.
Mama, do we have to stay in show business?
- Hurry up, darling, hurry. - Honest, Louise!
How are you going to get the boys, Mama?
Oh, we'll get them. Louise can be a boy.
We got that jigging kid from Klamath Falls. Herbie and I will get the others.
Gee, how are we gonna pay them?
Experience will be their pay. If I can hock this studd...
...I can get a down payment for costumes and scenery.
We gotta squeeze money out of Grandpa...
...then we'll be on our way to the big time.
I gotta get that REO I saw for sale for 88 simoleons.
- Pa? Oh, Pa? - Yeah?
Maybe you think I don't know you ain't been conniving behind my back.
I didn't wanna tell you until it was sure. We're booked, Pa.
I got almost enough for incidentals and I know you'll put up the rest.
- Oh, bunk. - Something wonderful's gonna happen.
Bunk.
I've had a dream, Pa.
Aren't you ashamed of yourself, fooling our kids with those dreams?
They're real, and I'm gonna make them come real for my kids.
What are you, a crazy woman?
Heaven put you right down here because it meant for you to stay right here.
Heaven helps those who help themselves. And I need your help.
You've squeezed the last penny out of me you're ever gonna.
It's too late for me. It's for my kids.
It's not too late for you to get a husband to support you.
After three husbands, I'm through with marriage.
I wanna enjoy myself. I want my girls to enjoy themselves.
And travel, like Mama does.
Yeah, and you'll leave them just like your mother left you.
Never.
I don't want them to sit their lives away the way I did, and the way you do.
Nothing but a calendar to tell you one day is didderent from the next.
And that plaque.
From your grateful railroad company to say congratulations.
For 50 years you did the same dull thing every dull day.
That plaque is a great tribute.
It's solid gold.
Yeah?
- How much could you get for it? - Rose, if you...
- What good's it doing hanging there? - That plaque belongs there.
Now, you belong home instead of running around the country like a gypsy.
Anybody that stays home is dead.
If I die it won't be from sitting...
...it'll be from fighting to get up and get out.
[SINGING] Some people can get a thrill
Knitting sweaters and sitting still
That's okay for some people
Who don't know they're alive
Some people can thrive and bloom
Living life in a living room
That's perfect for some people
Of 105
But I at least gotta try
When I think of all the sights That I gotta see yet
All the places I gotta play
All the things that I gotta be yet
Come on, Papa, what do you say?
Some people can be content
Playing bingo and paying rent
That's peachy for some people
For some humdrum people to be
But some people ain't me
I had a dream
A wonderful dream, Papa
All about June And the Orpheum Circuit
Give me a chance And I know I can work it
I had a dream
Just as real as can be, Papa
There I was in Mr. Orpheum's office
And he was saying to me
"Rose, Get yourself some new orchestrations
New routines and red velvet curtains
Get a feathered hat for the baby
Photographs in front of the theater
Get an agent, and in jig time You'll be being booked in the big time"
Oh, what a dream
A wonderful dream, Papa
And all that I need is 88 bucks, Papa
That's what he said, Papa
Only 88 bucks
You ain't getting 8 cents from me, Rose.
Well, I'll get it someplace else, then. But I'll get it, and I'll get my kids out.
Goodbye to blueberry pie
Good riddance to all the socials I had to go to
All the lodges I had to play
All the Shriners I said hello to Hey, New York, I'm coming your way
Some people sit on their butts
Got the dream, yeah, but not the guts
That's living for some people
For some humdrum people I suppose
Well, they can stay and rot
But not Rose
We blew into the Windy City to break in our new flash act.
Herbie, making out like Uncle Jocko, got us the boys.
The only thing that bugged me was our spot on the bill...
...following some unknown stand-up comic.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
MAN: My girl was so dumb she was fired from the 5-and-10 cent store...
...because she couldn't remember the prices.
And her uncle... She's got an uncle.
I won't say that he drank too much, you see...
...but two years after he died, his liver won a Charleston contest.
How about that one, huh?
Well, listen. I can't go any bigger than that...
...so good night, folks. I'll be seeing you soon.
Well, let's see your kids follow that.
- What a ham. - Yeah.
He'll never get anyplace.
[CHATTERING]
[SINGING] Extra, extra Hey, look at the headline
Historical news is being made
Extra, extra They're drawing a red line
Around the biggest scoop Of the decade
A barrel of charm A fabulous thrill
The biggest little headline in vaudeville
Presenting in person
That 3'3" bundle of dynamite
Baby June
Hello, everybody.
My name is June. What's yours?
[ORCHESTRA PLAYING]
[SINGING] Let me entertain you
Let me make you smile Let me do a few tricks
Some old and then some new tricks I'm very versatile
And if you're real good I'll make you feel good
I want your spirits to climb
So let me entertain you
And we'll have a real good time Yes, sir
We'll have a real good time
[ORCHESTRA PLAYING]
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
Mr. Conductor, if you please.
Well, was I right about June, or was I right?
In the next couple of years, she killed the people on the big time.
We were Dainty June now, and we headlined the Orpheum Circuit.
Boy, was I ever happy.
My dream was in high gear.
But after a while, the booking offices were in low.
Instead of 52 weeks solid the next year, we signed for only 44.
And the following season, we laid off as much as we played.
But we worked more than most.
Like this split-week Herbie booked in Newark.
Newark is in New Jersey...
...and New Jersey is only one big, deep breath from New York.
And in New York was Grantziger's Tivoli.
And that was my real big dream.
But did you ever notice? Something's always waking you up.
[ALARM RINGING]
It ain't even noon yet. Turn it off.
- Please. - Turn it off, Plug.
Oh, was that the alarm?
No, it was Major Bowes and you just got the gong.
Surprise!
Happy birthday, Louise. Happy birthday, Louise.
Wild Indians. Wild Indians, that's what you are.
Happy birthday, darling.
- Come on, come on, make a wish. - Yeah.
Oh, I wish... Oh, Mama, I wish...
That greedy monkey ate a piece out of the cake.
Bad Gigolo. Bad, bad, bad.
Blow out the candles, Louise.
Say, that'd make a good coat.
Hey, there's only 10 candles on this cake.
What do you care? You're not eating candles.
Yeah, but she only had 10 candles last year...
...and the year before that. Come to think of it...
...she's had 10 candles for the last... - Stop right there.
As long as we have this act, nobody is over 12.
And you all know it. Except me, of course.
The rest of you give Louise her presents while I see if the chow mein is warm.
Chow mein?
- It's my birthday. - But chow mein for breakfast?
Why not? There's an egg roll, isn't there?
If your mother paid us a salary...
...we could've all bought you presents, Louise.
But it's more fun to clip from the five-and-dime, anyway.
It's a catcher's mitt and a big-league baseball.
Gee, thanks, Yonkers.
I clipped a bowl of goldfish, but they caught me.
So I drew a fish instead.
- It's beautiful. - Here, Louise.
Oh, June.
Oh, you shouldn't have done that.
Gee, what a beautiful box.
Oh, it's lined in velvet.
Sure, it's for diamonds and like that...
...because someday, who knows, you might get some.
It's beautiful. Thank you.
Here, I should have wrapped it. It's a chicken and it plays music.
You don't have to wrap a music box, Tulsa.
- Well, happy birthday, Plug. - Happy birthday, Tulsa.
I mean, you're welcome.
All right, only one egg roll apiece.
I counted them. No more.
Take it easy, take it easy. Don't claw each other to death.
Now, I wanna tell you about a dream I had.
It's in your honor, Louise, coming on your birthday.
Oh, baby, you'll love it. You all will.
Children, it's a new act.
That ain't a dream, it's a miracle.
In this act, I saw June singing a song in, like, a barnyard.
And then, a cow came on-stage.
- A cow? - That's pretty sophisticated.
Not a real cow. Sort of a dancing cow with a great big smile.
That cow...
That cow leaned right over my bed and spoke to me.
What did the cow say?
MAN: Mrs. Hovick. - I am not cooking in here, Mr. Kringelein.
- That cow, in front of... MAN: Open the door.
I'm dressing. That cow...
MAN: Mrs. Hovick. - I'll call you tomorrow when I'm finished.
- Now, about that cow. That cow... MAN: Mrs. Hovick.
- That dear talented cow looked me right in the eye and said:
"Rose, if you wanna get back on the Orpheum Circuit...
...you put me in your act." Children, you know what I'm gonna do?
You're gonna pay that talented cow and not us.
I'm not paying anybody. I'm taking that cow's advice.
I'm gonna call the new act Dainty June and Her Farmboys.
I'm gonna put the cow in the act, and Chowsie, and the monkey. Everybody.
Let me tell you this, kids. This is real big time.
I really had an inspiration.
No cooking, Mrs. Hovick.
The very idea of entering a woman's boudoir without knocking.
[WHISTLES]
- Where's your hot plate? - How dare you?
- Where's your search warrant? - In my years of running a hotel...
If you don't leave, your name will be mud through the theatrical profession.
You know the rules. No cooking.
No Sterno stoves. No percolators.
No electric irons turned upside down. No dogs and no...
Happy birthday, darling.
This is Herbie's birthday present to you.
- Why, it's a damned zoo! - Profanity in front of my babies.
June, get the Bible. Get the Bible. Will I report you to the Board of Health!
And my friends. Hello, Gladys.
You can pack up this menagerie and get out.
You'll have to throw us out, you heartless animal hater.
- That's what he is. Send for the SPCA. - Send for the police.
Why, I rented this producer's suite to one adult and three children.
Now I see one adult and one, two, three, four...
You counted him twice. It's a simple birthday party for my child.
- One, two, three, four. Stand still. - Chow mein. I'd offer you some...
...but there's only one egg roll. - One, two, three, four, five...
- How many are sleeping in these rooms? - What room?
- This room, madam. This room. - Why, there isn't a soul...
- Now, you know what I mean. - Except you and me, honey.
Ah! Mr. Kringelein, what are you trying to do?
Stop! Help, help! Mr. Kringelein, stop! Help!
- Oh, my babies. JUNE: Mama.
A peeping tom. A monster.
- Oh, my babies. My babies. JUNE: Get her some water, Tulsa.
Oh, Gladys, a simple little birthday party.
Chow mein. A tiny little cake.
Thank you, darling. Oh, can you imagine? Ooh...
These dangerous middle-aged men.
You never know what brutes you're gonna meet up with in...
- Rose, what happened? - Mr. Kringelein, the manager, he tried...
- Again? - Well, I had to do something, Herbie.
And don't you dare apologize to him.
I hope it didn't spoil Louise's birthday.
ROSE: Why should it? Thank you very much.
- Back to your rooms, now. HERBIE: Yes, thank you. Thank you.
- You too. - No.
- Rose, this is Mr. Goldstone. - I ask you, Mr. Goldstone.
The child has a birthday once a year. We have a small party, a tiny cake...
The act is booked at Grantziger's Tivoli Theater.
- Some fried rice, and some sub gum chow... What?
Mr. Goldstone puts on the Grantziger shows.
He practically has the last word.
All we do is show the act to Mr. Grantziger...
...and Mr. Goldstone says that's a cinch.
[SINGING] Have an egg roll, Mr. Goldstone
Have a napkin Have a chopstick, have a chair
Have a sparerib, Mr. Goldstone
Any sparerib that I can spare I'd be glad to share
Have a dish, have a fork Have a fish, have a pork
Put your feet up, feel at home
Have a smoke, have a Coke Would you like to hear a joke?
I'll have June recite a poem
Have a lichee, Mr. Goldstone
Tell me any little thing that I can do
Ginger peachy, Mr. Goldstone
Have a kumquat, have two
Everybody give a cheer Santa Claus is sitting here
Mr. Goldstone, I love you
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
Have a Goldstone, Mr. Egg Roll
Tell me any little thing that I can do
Have some fried rice, Mr. Soy Sauce
Have a cookie, have a few What's the matter, Mr. G?
Have another pot of tea Mr. Goldstone, I love you
There are good stones, and bad stones
And curbstones and Gladstones
And touchstones And such stones as them
[SINGING] Such as them
There are big stones and small stones
And grindstones and gallstones
But Goldstone is a gem
There are milestones There are millstones
There's a cherry There's a yellow, there's a blue
But we don't want any old stone
Only Goldstone will do
Moonstone, sunstone We all scream for one stone
Mervyn Goldstone, we love you
Goldstone!
[MUSIC BOX PLAYS]
[SINGING] Little lamb, little lamb
My birthday is here at last
Little lamb, little lamb
A birthday goes by so fast
Little bear, little bear
You sit on my right, right there
Little hen, little hen
What games should we play And when?
Little cat, little cat
Oh, why do you look so blue?
Did somebody paint you like that
Or is it your birthday too?
Little fish, little fish
Do you think I'll get my wish?
Little lamb, little lamb
I wonder how old I am
Little lamb
The won ton soup is better in San Francisco.
The fu yung has more egg in it in St. Louis.
I will say for New York City, it's got the best doggone...
...sub gum chicken chow mein I ever did taste.
The onions are chopped good and fine. Hand me that plate.
- Mother. - We're paying for it, aren't we?
You'll get an ulcer like Herbie. Besides, what the dogs don't eat, we will.
Did it ever occur to you there might be somebody...
...who doesn't like Chinese food? - Don't be silly. Who?
- You like it, Herbie? - Of course, I love it.
- Oh, did she? - Yes.
- That's a healthy lady. - Oh, Lord.
Herbie's angry. He's chain-smoking.
Herbie's never angry. It's bad for his ulcer.
- Come on now, girls, beddy-bye. - But it's so early.
Baby, tomorrow you're gonna audition for Mr. T.T. Grantziger...
...and his Tivoli Theater. You gotta look young.
- Can I wear a dress? - Make you look old. You don't own one.
- Good night, Uncle Herbie. - Good night, June.
- Good night, Louise. - Good night, Herbie.
I'll cold-cream their faces and be right back.
Rose, the hotel is just two doors away.
Honestly, the way you behave with those girls. Rose.
We need silverware for when we set up housekeeping.
I don't get you. High and mighty with a suite at the Astor...
...and still stealing the cutlery. - Grasp every opportunity.
Oh, Herbie, how long is it gonna take you to get used to me?
How long to get used to those coats?
What's wrong with the coats? They're stylish. Louise is very handy.
"An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth."
And it serves them right for overcharging.
They can skip the cold cream for one night.
All this time, you still stand up for me.
Well, it's instead of standing up to you.
- Hope the babies'll be all right. - No matter how you dress them...
...how you smother them, they're not babies.
- They're almost young women. - They're not and never will be.
I'm embarrassed in front of them.
Why should you be? You're almost their father.
- When are you going to marry me? - Don't forget our scrapbooks.
- When are you going to quit stalling? - When we're rolling in dough.
Don't you know there's a depression?
Sure. I read Variety.
Don't you know what it's doing to vaudeville?
What the talkies are doing to vaudeville? Don't you know I love you?
Do you think I'd be unfaithful to my husbands if you didn't?
- Gotta think of my girls, their happiness. - Louise is happy...
...being front end of a cow. - Better than the rear end.
- She and June should be in school. - I promised June the Pantages Circuit.
- Honey, could I have a spoon to stir tea? - Yes, ma'am.
I promised I'd get her on the Orpheum Circuit.
- And I will. - I will.
You promised me that after I do you'd marry me.
I promised she'd be headliner at the Tivoli. She's gonna be.
- Didn't you hear what I said? - Yes, but I'm ignoring it.
Oh, thanks, honey.
Herbie, it isn't very polite of a gentleman to remind a lady that she welched.
- There was no date on that promise. - You stop handing me that.
- Rose, sometimes I could... - Herbie, your stomach.
Oh, why on earth don't you get angry on the outside...
...instead of let it settle on the inside? - I'm afraid.
- Of me? - No, me. Me.
Why?
If I ever let loose, it'll end up with me picking up and walking.
- Only around the block. - Oh, no.
Don't say that.
[SINGING] You'll never get away from me
You can climb the tallest tree I'll be there somehow
True, you could say "Hey, here's your hat"
But a little thing like that Couldn't stop me now
I couldn't get away from you
Even if you told me to
So go on and try Just try
And you're gonna see
How you're gonna not at all
Get away
From me
What do you want? There are better managers.
Not for me.
- Even weaker men. - Not for me.
- Well, then what? - You.
Oh, Herbie, just go on helping me like you've been helping.
So you get the Tivoli. So, what comes after?
- Rose, what you expect... - I'll get.
And after I get it I promise to marry you.
I even promise to keep my promise.
Oh, Herbie, I don't want anything to upset that audition tomorrow.
Including your stomach.
[PHONE RINGING]
Yes, Mr. Grantziger.
I know, but they're having a little diddiculty with their scenery.
Well, wait'll you see it. I'm trying, Mr. Grantziger.
Keep the tempo up now. Keep it bright.
That's the mother. I have told her.
Hello, Mr. Grantziger. Where is he?
He's in his office at the top of the theater.
- Hi! - We're ready now.
It's a privilege to be auditioning for you, Mr. Grantziger.
You're gonna love us.
[SINGING] Extra, extra Hey, look at the headlines
Historical news is being made Extra, extra
They're drawing a red line Around the biggest scoop of the decade
A barrel of charm, a fabulous thrill The biggest little headline in vaudeville
Presenting in person that 4'8"
Bundle of dynamite, Dainty June
Hello, everybody, my name is June. What's yours?
I have a moo cow, a new cow A true cow named Caroline
Moo-moo, moo-moo.
She's an extra special friend of mine
Moo-moo, moo-moo.
- I like everything about her fine - Moo-moo, moo-moo.
JUNE: But if we moved to the city
Or we settled by the shore
She'd make the move
'Cause she loves me more
[PHONE RINGS]
Yes, Mr. Grantziger? Dainty June, would you come out here, please?
Face front, dear.
Profile.
Yes, Mr. Grantziger. Thank you.
- That's all. - But we've got a big dramatic finale.
- Sure, but he's seen quite enough. - Hit it. Hit it.
Broadway, Broadway We've missed it so
We're leaving soon and taking June To star her in a show
Bright light, white lights Rhythm and romance
The train is late So while we wait
We're gonna do a little dance
Straighten that line.
Broadway, Broadway How great you are
I'll leave the farm With all its charm
To be a Broadway star
Bright lights, white lights Where the neons glow
My bag is packed I've got my act
- So all aboard, come on, let's go - Let's go
- Bye. - Bye.
Get this. It's a train. Whoo-whoo!
JUNE: Goodbye, Caroline. I'll write to you.
Don't forget to wire.
Goodbye, Caroline. Goodbye.
Don't forget to wire. Goodbye. Goodbye.
Bye. Goodbye. Wait. Stop the train.
Stop everything. I can't go to Broadway with you.
Why not, Dainty June?
JUNE: Because everything in life that really matters is right here.
What care I for tinsel and glamour...
...when I have friendship and true love?
I'm staying with Caroline.
BOYS: Yay!
[PHONE RINGS]
Yes, Mr. Grantziger? What?
- He liked it. - Well, of course he did.
Yes, sir. Yes, Mr. Grantziger, if that's what you want.
If you and your tribe will come up to the office, I'll make out a contract.
You won't be sorry, Mr. Grantziger.
This is gonna make you.
Miss Cratchitt, I believe Mr. Grantziger made a mistake.
A slight mistake on this contract.
WOMAN: So do I. - See...
ROSE: Happy, girls? JUNE & LOUISE: Yes, Mama.
We were auditioning for Tivoli. This contract's for Mr. Grantziger's Variety.
- That's right. - But the Variety is on 12th Street.
He'll give you a visa to get there.
[PHONE RINGS]
- Yes? - I'd like to talk to Mr. Grantziger.
- No. - You can't disturb Mr. Grantziger, honey.
- Listen. ROSE: I'm through listening.
Where is he?
WOMAN: He's still auditioning on the stage.
How is it that when we're there he's here...
...and when we're up here, he's down there?
Mr. Grantziger is a very clever man.
I'll go see if he's down on that stage.
- This the way? - No. No, Rose. Wait.
- We will wait right here. - Herbie.
Look, friend, strictly between us, if I were you I'd sign that contract.
There's only one item in that act of yours that the boss likes.
Dainty little June. He thinks she can be an actress.
Musical comedy, Broadway, that sort of stuff.
And he's right. Now, that's great, isn't it, Rose?
On one condition.
You stay away.
- Stay away? I'm her mother. - You said it, I didn't.
- What about the act? - One week at the Variety.
- After that? June is the act. - Rose...
...this has to be private, not in front of strangers.
- How are Louise and I supposed to live? - You might get a job, dear.
I have a job, dear. And I do it damn well.
Mama, this would be better than vaudeville for June, and for us.
Nothing is better than vaudeville.
Was. Was better than vaudeville. Where are your values?
Motherhood comes first.
Then you ought to see that this is right. You'll have June on the stage.
I will take care of you and Louise and we'll live like real people.
Rose, this way we can have our cake and eat it too.
Your cake.
Besides, June wouldn't start all over again like some beginner.
Ask her, Mama, ask her.
Yes. Oh, Mama, yes. Please say yes.
I want to learn, to work. I'll try so hard to make you proud of me, Mama.
Say yes, Mama.
No.
And I am proud of you, baby. And you don't need lessons any more...
...than you need Mr. Grantziger. - There isn't a person...
...who doesn't need Grantziger. - Look at this person.
- Oh, Rose. - They're so smart in New York.
New York is the center of everything.
New York is the center of New York.
There's a country full of people who know people...
...who know what a mother means to her daughter. Hicks don't.
Let me tell you. Grantziger's a hick. He'll get no place.
- Do you hear me? Keep still. - Yes?
Don't you dare answer that phone when I'm yelling at you.
- Did you hear? - They're trying to take my baby.
That's what they're trying to do. Over my dead body.
- Come on, we'll go down and tell him. WOMAN: Just a minute, Mrs. Hovick.
Mrs. Hovick! Mrs. Hovick!
Don't worry, kids.
I will read her the Declaration of Independence, believe me.
It's not your fault, Herbie, it's just the way it is.
Well, I'm gonna try to change the way it is. Just you wait.
No.
Mama's just talking angry, June.
- She won't really spoil anything. - Yes, she will.
I'll never be anything but baby. Dainty old Baby June.
Well, aren't you happy that somebody like Mr. T.T. Grantziger...
...thinks you can be a real actress?
I would be happy if Mama would only see what this means to me.
I'm going to be awfully unhappy remembering how I lost this chance.
Mama made you a vaudeville star.
- And she can do it again. - Vaudeville is gone, Louise.
It's over. The only show business left is right here, on Broadway.
I wanna learn to be part of it...
...part of this kind of show business.
Oh, you can be anything you want.
You were born for this business.
You're a real stage personality.
You're really wonderful, Louise.
I am? Why?
Because, well, I don't know.
When it comes to the act, you never worry about yourself...
...only for me.
Well, I don't have any talent.
Doesn't really matter.
It's just that Mama would like it better if I did.
Your mother isn't feeling well. I'm gonna take her back to the hotel.
Don't worry, kids. I'll figure something out.
More than ever, I wish Mama would marry Herbie.
And then we could all be together.
[SINGING] If Mama was married We'd live in a house
As private as private can be
Just Mama, three ducks Five canaries, a mouse
Two monkeys, one father Six turtles and me
If Mama was married
[SINGING] If Mama was married I'd jump in the air
And give all my toe shoes to you
I'd get all these hair ribbons Out of my hair
And once and for all I'd get Mama out too
If Mama was married
Mama, get out your white dress
You've done it before
Without much success
- Mama, Godspeed and God bless - Mama, Godspeed and God bless
We're not keeping score
- What's one more or less? - What's one more or less?
- Oh, Mama, say yes - Oh, Mama, say yes
- And waltz down the aisle while you may - And waltz down the aisle while you may
I'll gladly support you I'll even escort you
And I'll gladly give you away
- Oh, Mama, get married today - Oh, Mama, get married today
If Mama was married There wouldn't be anymore:
"Let me entertain you"
- "Let me make you smile" - "Let me make you smile"
"I will do some kicks"
"I will do some tricks"
Sing out, Louise.
Smile, baby.
- Mama, please take our advice - Mama, please take our advice
We aren't the Lunts
I'm not Fanny Brice
- Mama, we'll buy you the rice - Mama, we'll buy you the rice
- lf only this once - lf only this once
- You wouldn't think twice - You wouldn't think twice
- It could be so nice - It could be so nice
- lf Mama got married to stay - lf Mama got married to stay
- But Mama gets married - But Mama gets married
- And married - And married
- And never gets carried away - And never gets carried away
- Oh, Mama - Oh, Mama
- Get married today - Get married today
ROSE: How do you like those kids?
They knew darn well I'd marry Herbie at the right time and place.
But 12th Street sure wasn't what I had in mind.
So what if the act is a little shabby right now?
Instead of buying longer costumes, I'm gonna get shorter boys.
And that goes for Tulsa too.
All that jigging.
Say, that's pretty fancy footwork, Tulsa.
Why don't you show it to Mrs. Hovick?
It's just fooling around.
Oh, well, you started fooling around about three months ago.
He had to do something during the layoffs.
Oh. I thought you were worried about the act. The way things are picking up...
...I wouldn't be surprised if you kids got paid.
Things are looking so good, I might even treat you to an ice-cream soda.
No, thank you.
It's on me.
Baby Ruth? Butterfinger?
Well, Mama doesn't like us to eat just before a show.
We don't always have to do what your mama likes, do we, Louise?
LOUISE: Herbie?
Oh, nothing.
Tulsa, if you and the boys have any problems, just bring them to me, huh?
Sure, Herbie.
You can't blame him for trying to act like a big shot.
Everybody knows he's just a stooge.
He is not.
I mean, we all depend on him.
I like Herbie. We all do.
You didn't tell him, did you? I mean that you're rehearsing for a team?
How did you know I was?
I saw you practicing after the matinee.
- I was up in the fly. - Louise!
Oh, I wouldn't tell anybody, Tulsa, honest.
I'm very secretive. Just like you.
Look.
See?
That's what that means in your palm.
And this means that you make up dreams.
Just like me. See?
And what do you make up dreams about, Louise?
Oh...
People.
I do that too.
Yes, but yours are about a partner for your act.
Oh, she's gonna be more than a partner, I hope.
I mean, I dream.
Well, you know.
What would she have to be like, Tulsa?
A real wonderful dancer and a singer, I guess.
Oh, no, I'm gonna do most of that. I don't mean I'm gonna hog it all...
...but, well, they always look at the girl in a dance team.
Especially if she's pretty.
Makeup could help, and costumes.
I've got the costumes all figured out. A blue satin tux for me.
With rhinestone lapels?
- You think? - I'll sew them on.
Okay. Thanks.
Well, you see, I pretend... Oh, this is a mirror.
I take a comb and comb my hair.
Take a flower...
...smell it and put it in my lapel.
And then I spot the audience.
[SINGING] Once my clothes were shabby
Tailors called me Cabbie So I took a vow
Said, "This bum'll be Beau Brummell"
Now I'm smooth and snappy
Now my tailor's happy
I'm the cat's meow
My wardrobe is a wow
Paris silk
Harris tweed
There's only one thing I need
Got my tweed pressed
Got my best vest
All I need now
Is the girl
Got my striped tie
Got my hopes high
Got the time and the place
And I got rhythm
Now all I need's a girl To go with them
If she'll just appear
We'll take this big town for a whirl
And if she'll say
"My darling, I'm yours"
I'll throw away my striped tie
And my best pressed tweed
All I really need is the girl
I start easy, you see?
Now I'm more debonair.
Shh.
Break.
And I sell it here.
I start this step, see.
And then I build it.
And now I double it.
She appears all in white.
I take her hand...
...and I kiss it...
...and lead her on the floor.
This step is good for the costume.
Astaire bit.
[SINGING]
Now we waltz
Strings come in
Then I lift her.
Again.
Once more.
And now the tempo changes...
...and all the lights come up.
And I build for the finale.
Louise, that's it. Over here.
Give me your hand.
Now follow me.
That's it, Louise.
Now do it faster.
That's it. Charleston front.
Do it again.
Turn.
Louise.
[LAUGHING]
[WHISTLES]
So okay, they keep on making garages out of vaudeville houses...
...and bowling alleys and stuff like that.
But kill vaudeville?
Did you ever hear such banana oil?
There was still Omaha.
So we were a smash, like usual...
...and then made tracks for a sensational engagement in Dallas.
As we waited for the train, I was high.
Just had a feeling everything was gonna be dipsy-doodle.
You know how you are sometimes.
There's just something in the air.
Say, have you guys seen Louise and June?
- And why is everyone late tonight? - We'd like to talk to you, Herbie.
Let me find out whether the train's on time.
Is the southbound train on schedule?
Well, I wouldn't say it is and I wouldn't say it ain't.
But you got time for a bowl of chili.
Thanks.
We have a short wait. Why don't you get a cup of java?
We ain't going, we're quitting.
Come on, Tulsa. You've been threatening that for years.
- It's the truth. - We're not kidding.
No, sir.
Tell her, Herbie.
The boys are kind of unhappy. Nothing serious. I'll straighten it out.
- You can't straighten it out. - Mrs. Hovick, we're finished.
We want our railroad tickets and we're going in the other direction.
- You're walking out on the act? - They don't mean anything of the kind.
They're kids, and every once in a while they get upset.
Well, when they get upset, I get upset and I don't like it.
So shut your traps.
Now, where are June and Louise?
Never should've let them go to the movies.
But they're so crazy about that John Gilbert.
Mrs. Hovick, you've got to believe us.
It's nothing personal, but we're quitting the act.
I told you in Klamath Falls I didn't want boys. Boys are troublemakers.
- I wanted girls all the time. - But we got boys, Rose.
Just let me talk to them, will you?
Now, look, fellas, Angie...
...I've always been your friend. Listen.
Now, don't lower yourself to argue, Herbie.
These rats wanna quit the act, let them quit.
They want railroad tickets, give them bus tickets.
- What's keeping those girls? - We got time.
Now, look, fellas...
...I know that we've had layoffs... - It isn't that, Herbie, we're too old.
Would you be too old...
...if we could see our way clear to increasing your salary?
Increase what salary?
- Herbie's been paying us... - Moron!
How long will it take you to get used to me, Rose?
Button your coat.
Ingrates. You take bread out of that man's mouth...
...and spit in his face. As the Lord says...
...good riddance to bad rubbish. Give them tickets.
They were sloughing the act anyway.
Okay. Okay.
Thanks, Herbie.
Oh, we'd also like Joe's ticket.
Joe's leaving too?
- That leaves us just with Jerry. - Well, not exactly.
Jerry's already gone. On his own.
Where you been? Where's the baby?
You let her stay for the second show?
No, Mama, we didn't go to the show.
I've been looking for the baby all over the place.
I finally went back to the hotel...
...and the room clerk gave me this.
- What's she writing for? - I don't know.
- What's in it? - I'll read it to you, Mama.
I can read my own letters, thank you.
"Mama: I've had a dream. Me.
My dream was like a nightmare, Mama. I dreamed I was a very old lady...
...but I was still Dainty June, still doing the same old act.
I was so ashamed of myself, I ran away, Mama.
From the act, from you, from your dreams...
...because they only made you happy. If I want a dream of my own...
...my very own, I have to be like you, Mama.
I have to fight for it.
I started toward my dream three weeks ago in between shows. I...
I married Jerry."
"Please don't worry about me, Mama.
Maybe I'm enough like you to make my dream come true...
...to grow up and be a real actress.
I'll always love you and Louise, Mama...
...and I'll always be grateful to Herbie.
June."
When did they leave?
- Did she tell you where they were going? - No. Nothing. Honest.
I'll call the cops.
They'll find them, Rose, and bring them back.
Herbie, I don't think you should call the cops.
It's gotta be against the law for a 13-year-old to be marrying.
Rose, she must have lied about her age.
I'm gonna call the police.
I'd better get her ammonia. I think it's in her valise.
Can I use your phone? I gotta call the police.
This little girl, underage, who married a boy...
- How old are they? - The girl's 13.
The boy is 17, 18.
Well, there's nothing illegal about that in this state.
It's legal for a girl at 12 and legal for a boy at 16.
This is pioneer country and we've never changed the law.
- I still wanna call the cops. - Well, come on in.
You won't hear any different from them than from me.
Could we have the tickets? We gotta go.
- The police department. - I fixed up an act of my own...
- Get moving. - Don't be sore, Herbie.
It ain't our fault the act's washed up.
Goodbye, Herbie.
Hey, fellas, good luck.
- Thanks, Herbie. - Thanks.
Good luck to you too, Herbie.
Good luck, Louise.
Come on, Yonkers.
Goodbye, Louise.
Goodbye?
- You mean you're all going away? - Yeah, all of us.
Gee, I'm sick about it, but I gotta think of my future.
Why didn't you tell me, Tulsa?
Like you once said, Louise, it's in my palm.
I keep secrets the way you do.
Listen, I would've loved June to be my partner.
I know.
- You'll find another one. - And what will you do, Louise?
Well, I hope we run into each other again.
Maybe we'll even play on the same bill.
Yeah. Maybe.
You're a great girl. You're the cat's whiskers.
That's what we all say. You're just like one of the boys.
Yeah, that's me, all right, one of the boys.
Thank you, Tulsa.
I just talked to the authorities.
There's no way we can get June back.
What are we gonna do?
HERBIE: Rose.
Rose. Honey, listen.
I'm still in the candy business.
It's steady, 52 weeks a year, every year.
I'll be a district manager, we can stay put...
...have a home of our own. Louise can go to school.
Rose?
Rose.
Rose, you still got Herbie.
You can marry me and I promise you won't have...
...one single worry for the rest of your life. Rose, don't you want that?
Yes.
Oh, Mama, say yes.
- Herbie? - You read palms, I read minds. It's okay.
It's all gonna be fine now, honey.
Everything happens for the best. Okay, so the act is finished...
...but you and me and our daughter, we're gonna have a home of our own.
Say, we even got a cow for the backyard.
We're gonna be the best damned homebodies you ever saw.
ROSE: The boys walked because they think the act's finished.
They think we're nothing.
Well, let them walk.
Let them all walk. I don't need any of them.
They needed me.
I'm used to people walking out.
When my own mother did it, I cried for a week.
Your father did it.
Then the man I married after him did it.
Well, this time I'm not crying.
Because I don't need any of them.
I'm the electricity.
I was always the electricity. Who made the act?
I made it. And I can make it again. And I will, I swear I will.
This time I'm gonna do it for you.
This time I'm gonna make you a star, baby.
We're gonna have all new costumes, all new people, all new everything.
It's like being born all over again.
We got everything ahead of us. Take a look at our new star.
HERBIE: Rose. - Look at her, look at her. You're right.
This is today and everything else is yesterday's mashed potatoes.
Finished?
Why, we're just beginning.
And this time nothing's gonna stop us.
[SINGING] I had a dream
A dream about you, baby
It's gonna come true, baby
They think that we're through
But, baby
You'll be swell, you'll be great
Gonna have the whole world On a plate
Starting here, starting now
Honey, everything's coming up roses
Clear the decks, clear the tracks
You got nothing to do but relax
Blow a kiss, take a bow
Honey, everything's coming up roses
Now's your inning
Stand the world on its ear
Set it spinning
That'll be just the beginning
Curtain up, light the lights
You've got nothing to hit But the heights
You'll be swell, you'll be great
I can tell, just you wait
That lucky star I talk about is due
Honey, everything's coming up roses
For me and for you
You can do it
All you need is a hand
We can do it
Mama is gonna see to it
Curtain up, light the lights
We got nothing to hit but the heights
I can tell, wait and see
There's the bell, follow me
And nothing's gonna stop us Till we're through
Honey, everything's coming up Roses and daffodils
Everything's coming up sunshine And Santa Claus
Everything's gonna be Bright lights and lollipops
Everything's coming up roses
For me and for you
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS]
No. Oh, no.
That's not right, Louise. That's not right.
Sing out, Louise, sing out.
Let Mr. Ziegfeld hear you.
I got it.
I had another dream.
Instead of boys we'll use girls.
And you know the cow in the act?
It's not gonna be a cow anymore, it's gonna be a bull.
So it's gonna be a bull.
Nice bull. It's a good idea.
And you're gonna be the bullfighter.
And you know what? We're calling the act "Madame Rose's Toreadorables."
Now all we need is the girls.
Yes, Mama.
All we need is the girls.
How are we gonna get them?
We'll get them, Uncle Jocko.
Herbie did the Uncle Jocko bit again...
...and got us six girls for the act, semitalented.
I didn't like the dough going out for hotels...
...so I discovered the Army and Navy stores.
Surplus tents, for instance.
- Ready, Louise? LOUISE: Yes, Mama.
- Ready, girls? GIRLS: Yes, Madam Rose.
Remember, you mustn't be discouraged by the past.
You're artists of the theater.
[IMITATES HORN PLAYING FANFARE]
Madam Rose's Toreadorables.
- [SINGING] Extra! Extra! - [SINGING] Extra! Extra!
Hey, look at the headlines Historical news is being made
'Is being... ' Sing out.
- Extra, extra! - Extra!
They're drawing a red line Around the biggest scoop of the decade
In the decade
A barrel of charm A fabulous thrill
- The biggest little headline in vaudeville - In vaudeville
Presenting in person
- That 5'3" bundle of dynamite - Sell it.
- Sell it, girls! - Senorita Louise
Well, come on, Louise, come on.
Olé, everybody. My name's Louise, what's yours?
Well, it's coming along.
Mama.
- I'm just no good at it. - Now, now, now, don't be silly.
All right, girls, let's try the finish.
They'll forgive you anything if you've got a strong finish.
You're late.
Now, girls, let's make it stirring.
[IMITATES HORN PLAYING FANFARE]
Pick up your feet, Louise, pick them up. Up, up.
I guess they're tired.
All right, girls, over to your tents. Get ready for bed.
Good night, Louise.
- Good night. - But it's still light.
Don't argue, go to bed.
And don't forget to write your mothers for money.
How'd it go in town?
Not even a benefit.
There're too un-American down here, that's what.
We better talk about heading north, soon as I tell the girls their bedtime story.
Rose, why do you make Louise wear that wig in the act?
Makes her look more like...
...a star.
- And why do you keep the cow? - Herbie, if that cow goes, I go.
The act can be fixed.
If I was doing it for her sister, I'd have it all set.
LOUISE: But you're not.
And I'm not my sister.
She doesn't expect you to be.
Mama, I love you so much and I've tried hard as I could...
...but the act is rotten and I'm rotten in it.
How do you like that? Typical of a kid.
- Mama, I've been wanting to say this... - Always impatient.
- Mama... - A few break-in dates...
...don't go so good... - I'm not blond.
And I'm not my sister and I just can't do what she did.
- She's not asking you to. - Maybe you wanna...
...stay in show business. - Maybe? Why, it's our whole lives.
It's what we've been working for ever since you were born.
Oh, honey, maybe I have been on the wrong track about your material...
...but I'll find out what you do best.
The Lord says, "You gotta take the rough with the smooth."
And you're lucky. You were born lucky, because you're not alone, see?
- Right, Herbie? - Right.
You know, we could get a nice refund on this if we'd ever paid for it.
How about getting peroxide and a carton of toothbrushes?
What for, Herbie?
Make them all blonds.
- I was only joking. - So was I, honey.
But why not do it?
- Louise, they're just children. - They're young girls, Mama.
With blond hair, they could be pretty.
With a stretch, it might work. Jazz up the act, make it easier to sell.
We could call it "Madam Rose and her Blond Babies."
- "Baby Blonds." - No, nothing with babies.
- Hollywood Blonds. - Yes.
All blonds except you, because you're the star.
If I'm the star then it should be Louise and her Hollywood Blonds.
Rose Louise and her Hollywood Blonds.
Okay.
Well, I told you everything would come up lollipops.
Herbie got us a two-week date.
And we were paid minimum plus, guaranteed in advance...
...at the Wichita Opera House. We were on our way up again.
Nothing can stop Rose, nothing.
Okay, okay, kill the traveler! That's right, trim it. Okay.
That's right.
- It's a real live theater. - With a real live stage.
- Don't you love it? - Oh, Marjorie May, We've arrived at last.
- Louise, look! - Look, Louise, look.
A real live theater.
Just like opening-day rehearsals used to be.
- Mama's gonna love it. MAN 1: Will you kill them floods?
MAN 2: Will you shut your face?
- She isn't gonna love that. - Or that.
Slave, my fiddle.
[SCREAMS]
What the hey?
- What kind of an act is that? - Yeah.
Okay, jailbait, you the Hollywood Blonds?
- Yes. I was... - You're late.
- Oh, our car broke down and... - Skip it. Some of you dogs can use...
...that room, and the rest that one. The first you share with Tessie Tura...
...the Texas Twirler. - My mother doesn't...
The second, Mazeppa, Revolutions in Dance.
- Now shake it up, will you? - Well...
So...
...you're the act that's supposed to keep the cops out, huh?
Boy, you must be lousy.
- It's a real live theater, all right. - He reminds me of my brother.
Don't start sniveling.
Amanda, take the cow and anything else into that first dressing room.
Take the girls into that second room...
...and start unpacking, huh? WOMAN: I wanna go home.
Oooh!
Look at this.
That Tessie Tura must be a very fancy lady.
She must also be a pig.
Louise?
- Louise? - In here, Mama. Oh.
- Let me help you, Mama. - Baby, we're back in the theater.
We're back in a real live theater.
Mama, I think we ought to talk to Herbie.
- Really think we ought to. - He went to check our billing.
Oh, good morning. Good morning, I...
It ain't weighted right.
It scratches the devil out of me and it just don't bump when I do.
Maybe there's something wrong with your bumper.
Big joke.
I'm out there bumping my brains off with no action and she's being witty.
Hey, you with the neck.
I paid 6 bucks for that costume. Now back where you found it.
Yes, ma'am.
[BAND PLAYING]
- Get the bags, the cow, the props. - Mama...
You don't know what people are on stage, what kind of theater this is.
- Yes, I do. It's a house of burlesque. - A house of burlesque.
And you know what that is? Filth, that's what.
- When Herbie shows his face... - I'm sure Herbie didn't know about it.
- Agnes. - He got the booking over the phone.
- Agnes? - Mama, we were all so happy.
- Agnes? Agnes. - Madam, you know my name is Amanda.
Your name's Agnes. I want you and the girls...
...out of this hellhole. - But Madam Rose...
- March. March. Go. - Yes, ma'am.
Wait a minute. Wait in the other dressing room.
You take the rear end of the cow, I'll take the front.
What bags we can't carry your friend Herbie can pick up and carry himself.
Now, you listen to me, Louise.
- You think Herbie... - This has nothing to do with Herbie.
- You don't know what burlesque is. - Yes, I do.
No, you don't.
No daughter of mine is gonna work burlesque.
And no daughter of any woman I know.
Well, then where are we gonna work?
You realize that vaudevillians won't live in the same hotel as burlesque people?
Mama, how much money do we have?
Including what's left of their allowances...
...how much money do we have?
Something will turn up.
It has turned up and this is it.
Mama, we're flat broke. We've gotta take this job.
Even if you wanted to quit and go home we'd have to take it.
I had a dream.
- Mama... - You're gonna like this one.
I had it over a week ago, only I didn't wanna tell you.
The cow came into my room.
But she wasn't dancing, smiling this time.
She was wheezing and kind of sad-like.
She came over to my bed and looked at me and she said:
"Rose, move over."
I'm sorry, Mama.
Why?
She didn't ask you to move over.
I mean, I'm sorry I'm not good enough in the act.
Oh.
It's the act that isn't good enough, baby.
Or something.
HERBIE: Rose?
LOUISE: In here, Herbie. - Rose, look, I didn't know.
- Loui... Rose, I didn't know, believe me. - I do, honey.
Oh, what's the didderence?
The money is good. It's only two weeks and maybe by that time...
...something will turn up. Right? - Right.
- Oh, you're a nice girl, Rose. Thank you. - Well, that's show business.
One good thing, I bet we get top billing.
Actually, you see, they had us lost in the middle, and I thought...
...last would be better so that it reads:
"And Rose Louise and her Hollywood Blonds."
They're gonna use pictures. I'm making them put a box around it.
Forget the box, Herbie, and the pictures.
- Mama. - You don't know what they say.
But Herbie does. When a vaudeville act plays burlesque...
...it means it's all washed up.
Herbie, nothing's gonna turn up for us, is it?
No.
I guess it is a pretty rotten act.
Oh, come on, honey, it's not the act.
It's like I've been telling you: Vaudeville is dead, stone-cold dead.
- Well, we sure tried though, didn't we? - We sure did.
- Right? - Right.
Herbie.
Say, I better get the cues ready.
Hey, Rose Louise, where's...
- Where's your music? Your light cues? - I'll be right with you.
- You Rose Louise? - Yeah, I'm Rose Louise.
- Oh, Herbie. - Things are looking up.
Well, I got a show to open, Rose Louise, so move your butt.
Now, listen, you little punk.
For the next two weeks, you're gonna speak like a Sunday-school teacher.
You got something in this theater you probably never saw before: A lady.
Take a look.
That is a lady. And that is also a lady.
And every girl in this act is a lady, and don't you forget it.
Do you understand?
Yes, sir.
Now, get out there on that stage and I'll give you the cues when I'm ready.
Yes, sir.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Oh, sir, won't you give me your protection?
I'm a lady too.
Just let me by, lady, and there won't be any casualties.
Say, you're cute.
How about you and me going for a ride after the show?
All my seats are reserved.
[LAUGHS]
The thing worked. Thanks to you.
- Well, if you ladies will excuse me... - We're very busy.
In my dressing room?
- In your dress...? Is...? - You heard me.
And I don't like sharing it any more than you do.
Particularly with a troupe from the Virgin Islands.
Now, don't start up on us, understand?
We're headliners from the Orpheum Circuit.
We were booked into this theater by mistake.
Weren't we all?
Say, who made that?
Oh, I did. I make all our costumes.
My, look at them ladylike little stitches.
That miserable broad who's been making my gowns...
...must be using a fishhook.
What do you pay her?
Twenty-five bucks a gown and I provide the material.
- Thirty. Thirty. - She's new in the business.
- Who are you? Her mother? Thirty. - Yes.
- I'll get the material after the matinee. - It's a deal.
Louise, where's your toreador costume?
Oh, the girls must have it in the other dressing room with them.
Heaven knows what else they got in the dressing room with them.
From the way that dame walks, she would've made a good stripper...
...in her day.
Tessie.
Tessie, I'm short a talking woman.
Tough. T-U-F. Tough.
The new comic won't use a chorus girl.
Then let him use Mazeppa. Everybody else has.
Now, you know Mazeppa's got her gladiator ballet just before his spot.
Let them cut the ballet. It stinks anyway.
Be a sport. I'm in a bind.
You're always in a bind in this flea-bitten trap.
I'm a strip woman, slob. I don't do no scenes.
Now, blow.
Have you ever heard of a first-class strip woman playing scenes?
Well, you play stock in a dump like this...
...I guess you gotta expect to get insulted.
The work is steady, isn't it?
You bring a new star in for each show, don't you?
Tessie, it's just a few lines.
Fat boy, save your bad breath.
- I'll give you 10 bucks extra. - No.
- I can read lines. - Who are you?
Rose Louise, of Rose Louise and her Hollywood Blonds.
- Just a minute. What kind of lines? - You in her act?
- Well, not exactly... - Shut up.
- How are your legs? - Great.
- And I'll learn her the scenes. - Okay, 10 bucks.
- Now... - It's money, Mama.
So, what kind of lines is she gonna be reading out on that stage?
The same burlesque junk that's been said since the year 1.
- Well... - Say, where you been all your life?
Playing vaudeville.
Where? In the Louvre?
You name any town in the United States and we've played it.
My grandpa says we've covered the country like gypsies.
Well, you may be a gypsy, Rose Louise, but you're...
Say, that ain't a bad name if you ever take up stripping.
She won't.
No, but you'll let her feed lines to a comic...
...for a lousy 10 bucks a week.
That's training.
She's gonna be a headliner. This is only temporary.
Just as soon as we finish here, she's going right back to vaudeville.
I better go talk to Herbie about this.
We never do anything without consulting our artists' representative.
I'd like to consult your artists' representative.
That's a man.
He and Mama are gonna be married.
She better grab him or she's dumber than she looks.
Don't you start calling my mother dumb.
She's a lot smarter than any of you.
Listen, we gotta share a dressing room. Let's smoke a peace pipe, okay?
I'm willing.
I hope so. Sharing a dressing room is like sleeping together. You don't get along...
Miss Tura...
...I'll thank you not to give the boss any notion that I would ever play scenes.
And one more disparaging remark about my ballet...
...will find this bugle right in your eye.
Please!
There's a lady present.
Where?
Open your eyes instead of your mouth.
Gypsy, meet Miss Mazeppa, Miss Electra.
Say, you're even younger than I was when I started stripping.
Oh, I'm not gonna strip.
Something wrong with stripping?
No, I just meant I don't have any talent.
You think they have?
I myself, of course, was a ballerina...
...but take it from me, to be a stripper, all you need to have is no talent.
You'll pardon me...
...but to have no talent is not enough.
What you need to have is an idea that makes your strip special.
Come here.
Now, sit down here.
[SINGING] You can pull all the stops out Till they call the cops out
Grind till you're fined or you're banned
But you gotta get a gimmick If you wanna get a hand
You can sacrifice your sacro Working in the back row
Bump in a dump till you're dead
Kid, you gotta get a gimmick If you wanna get ahead
You can uh You can uh
You can uh, uh, uh
That's how burlesque was born
So I uh And I uh
And I uh, uh, uh
But I do it with a horn
Once I was a schlepper Now I'm Miss Mazeppa
With my revolution in dance You gotta have a gimmick
If you wanna have a chance
[SINGING] She can mm She can mm
She can mm, mm, mm
They'll never make her rich
Me, I uh And I uh
And I uh, uh, uh
But I do it with a switch
I'm electrifying And I'm not even trying
I never have to sweat to get paid 'Cause if you got a gimmick
Gypsy girl, you got it made
[SINGING] All them mm And them mm
And them um, um, um
Ain't gonna spell success
Me, I mm And I mm
And I mm, mm, mm
But I do it with finesse
Dressy Tessie Tura Is so much more demurer
Then all them other ladies because You gotta get a gimmick
If you wanna get applause
Do something special Anything that's fresh will
Earn you a big fat cigar
You're more than just a mimic When you got a gimmick
Take a look how different we are
If you wanna make it Twinkle while you shake it
If you wanna grind it Wait till you've refined it
If you wanna bump it Bump it with a trumpet
So get yourself a gimmick And you too can be a star
Herbie.
- Hello, Herbie. - Hello, Rose.
You win.
We've come to the end.
Guess we'd better make some new plans.
Herbie, how about marrying me?
Sure. Sure. Sure.
I love you, you know.
Yeah, I do.
Let's do it today.
- Not while we're still in burlesque. - The day we close.
It's a deal. Oh, Herbie.
- I do, I do. - Oh, so do I, Rose.
Come in.
I'll bet you thought I forgot, right? Not Herbie.
I remember everything, including the wedding bouquet...
...the finest in Wichita.
Thanks, Herbie.
- They're knockouts. Aren't they? - They sure are knockouts, Herbie.
Hey, hey, hey, stop packing and talk to me!
- Oh, gosh, this is the great day. - Shh, shh.
I can't help it. I'm nervous. Why aren't you?
- I've never been so nervous. - You've never been married.
You've never been married before like you're gonna be this time.
She's a little sad too. You know, about the girls.
Oh, Rose, honey, I know what you're feeling.
It ain't easy to give this up after all these years, but you'll never regret it.
I ought to shut up, but I can't help it. I'm getting everything I wanted.
Including a fancy ceremony and bridesmaids.
What the minister's gonna say when he gets a load of that blond hair...
...I don't know. I don't know.
Let's hope he's colorblind. What difference does it make?
All he has to ask in exactly one hour is, "Do you, Rose, take him, Herbie?"
And you know what I'm gonna answer? "I, Rose, take you, Herbie."
HERBIE: Thank you.
I better get these bags in the car.
CIGAR: I don't know why I stay in this business.
If it ain't one headache it's another.
PASTEY: Shh! They'll hear you out front. CIGAR: It's my theater. Let them.
Last week no talking woman, the week before no second banana.
You knew that broad wasn't gonna be here. Why did you start?
PASTEY: She don't go on till next to closing.
- She was only going to the drugstore. CIGAR: What did they arrest her for?
PASTEY: Shoplifting. CIGAR: Cut the spot.
Do you think we can invite the minister for a drink afterwards?
PASTEY: It's the star strip. CIGAR: Cut it!
You know, Mama, we could hang the cow's head over the mantelpiece.
PASTEY: They'll yell murder if it's the same bags.
Mama?
- The star's the novelty. - Pastey, what do you expect me to do?
- Let you strip? - No.
My daughter can do it.
- What? - Rose Louise.
- Since when? - Since she's seen how little there is to it.
- She didn't look bad in them scenes. - She'll look great.
What's the gimmick?
She's young. And you got any better ideas?
- She'd better get ready now. - It's the star spot.
- That means star salary. - If we keep her.
You will. She's gonna be wonderful.
I knew something would turn up. Where's that dress for Tessie?
It'll work perfect for you. Well, get into your makeup.
There isn't much time.
Silly, you aren't really gonna strip.
All you're gonna do is walk around the stage in time to the music...
...and drop a shoulder strap. You're a lady, like Herbie says.
You'll just parade so grand they'll think it's a favor if you show them your knee.
Louise, it's the star spot.
I promised my daughter we'd be a star.
Not like this. You can't do it, Rose.
Herbie, it's all right to walk out when they want you.
But we can't walk out when after all these years we're still a flop.
That's quitting. We can't quit because we're still a flop.
Do this, then we can walk away proud because we made it.
Maybe only in burlesque, second-rate burlesque at that, but please...
...let's walk away a star.
Baby.
No time to finish that dress. I'll get everything ready.
Get this junk off this dress, the Tessie trim.
Herbie, see what the house is like.
Sure. Oh, sure, why not?
ROSE: Didn't I always tell you you were born lucky, Louise?
Not too much makeup, baby. Young and girlish, pure.
Don't smear that junk all over your face the way the others do.
Now, you leave your mouth the way the Lord made it.
Not too much rouge. No beauty marks.
You'll be a lady, grand, elegant, with a classy, ladylike walk.
Ye gods, shoes! Oh, we can use the black ones.
The old ones we borrowed from Tessie.
Put them on, they'll have to do. If they're big, stuff them with paper.
Your hair's all wrong. You can't just let it hang like spaghetti.
Get it up, dear, get it up. Puff it out on top. It's gotta be classy.
Thank God the Lord gave us good color and you washed it.
Do you think we should use a couple of feathers?
No, no, no, that's what they all do. Jewelry.
No, no, let Tessie and the others wear all this vulgar junk.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- Come in. - She almost ready?
She goes on in seven minutes.
She'll be there. Come on. Louise, over here.
Get in the dress. Come here. Come on.
You're gonna be wonderful tonight. Just wonderful, darling. Go along, dear.
Say, here's your dress. Keep a lot of pins in your hair.
Get it tight so it won't fall down. Will you get out of here?
- Six and a half minutes. - I know, I know.
Say, whose are these?
Oh, my wedding present from Tessie. Good for a lady. She can wear them.
Now what else? Oh, music. Music.
Spanish. Military. Cow.
Maybe she can do "Let Me Entertain You."
Baby, you can do the "Let Me Entertain You" number.
I'll mark it for the conductor. You repeat two choruses.
No, two and a half. And sing out, Louise.
Just walk and dip. Remember, you're a lady.
Make them beg for more and then don't give it to them.
Anything else? Have I...
...forgotten anything? Oh, is that you? How's the audience?
It don't matter. The car is outside and the girls are in it.
I'm just gonna put these bags in the car and then we're going.
You, Louise and me, we're gonna get married.
- This is our farewell to show business. - Herbie, don't talk dumb.
Louise plays two performances, we get dollars.
She'll always remember she was a star.
You want your daughter to take her clothes off in front of hooting savages?
You want her to be leered at, is that what you want?
On-stage there's an invisible wall between her and the audience.
She's an artist.
An artist has a way of keeping her audience away and smiling.
Now, listen, I'm getting sick to my stomach again.
Herbie, don't you see that I have to do this?
No, I don't see that you have to do this.
All I see is what I have to do.
- I'm leaving. - I apologize.
No, let me, for my resemblance to a mouse. No, a worm.
The way I crawled after you. Well, no more, Rose. No more, I won't.
I was gonna crawl away because my stomach started to turn...
...at the idea of having to tell you we're finished.
- Tell me after. - We're never getting married.
- We certainly are. - No, no. No, never.
Not even if you got down on your knees and begged.
Now look, I... I still love you, Rose...
...but all the vows from here to doomsday couldn't make you a wife.
I want a wife, Rose.
- I'm gonna be a man if it kills me. - You're killing me.
No, nobody can kill you.
You think I got a bulletproof vest? You're jealous, that's what you are.
Jealous of my girls because they always came first. They always will.
Louise is gonna be a star.
She's gonna be a star if it kills you and her.
She's gonna be a star someplace.
Well, she's gonna be a star. Where are you gonna be?
Where are you gonna be when she gets married?
She won't get married for years. She's just a baby.
- Sure. Sure. - Well, her career will always come first.
That's right. That is right.
Herbie.
Why does everybody walk out?
Maybe Louise won't.
Don't leave, Herbie.
I need you.
What for?
A million things.
Just one would be better.
Goodbye, honey.
Be a good girl.
You go to the devil!
Come on, get her music to the conductor and stand by me for the light cues.
I just hope you know what you're doing.
[SINGING] Lucky
You're a man who likes children
That's an important sign
Lucky
I'm a woman with children
Funny
Small and funny
I'll get the music to the leader.
Remember.
You're a lady, and you are going to be a star.
Mama?
I'm pretty.
I'm a pretty girl, Mama.
Come on, come on.
You look beautiful.
- Just for luck, honey. - Are you nervous, baby?
LOUISE: What? - I said, are you nervous?
No, Mother.
Wichita's one and only burlesque theater presents:
Mama.
MAN: Gypsy Rose Lee.
- Her name's Louise. - It ain't anymore. Go on, kid.
[BAND PLAYS]
[SINGING] Let me entertain you
Let me make you smile
Sing out, Louise, sing out.
Let me do a few tricks Some old and then some new tricks
I'm very versatile
And if you're real good I'll make you feel good
I want your spirits to climb
So let me entertain you
And we'll have a really good time Yes, sir
We'll have a real good time
Don't just walk, do something.
Dip. Just dip.
MAN: Take something off.
Let me entertain you
ROSE: A glove! Give them a glove!
And we'll have a real good time
Yes, sir
We'll have a real good time
MAN: The Alhambra Theater of Detroit...
...is happy to present that lovely newcomer...
...Miss Gypsy Rose Lee.
MAN: Philadelphia's Diamond Burlesque...
...takes pleasure in presenting that lovely new star...
...Miss Gypsy Rose Lee.
Hello, everybody, my name's Gypsy. What's yours?
[AUDIENCE CHATTERING AND CHEERING]
MAN: Minsky's World-Famous Burlesque takes great pride and pleasure...
...in presenting the queen of the striptease...
...the incomparable Miss Gypsy Rose Lee...
...in our salute to the new year.
[SINGING] Let me
Entertain you
Let me
Make you smile
Let me
Entertain you
We'll have a real good
And if you're real good I'll make you feel good
I want your spirits to climb
Let me entertain you
And we'll have a real good time Yes, sir
We'll have
A real good time
- Good evening, Mrs. Hovick. - Good evening.
- Glad to see you. - If you are, you're the only one.
Who put that sign up on the blackboard?
I do not know, madame. Oh, I think it was probably a pleasantry.
Well, I don't think it's a very pleasant pleasantry.
A cow? What's that for?
That's a souvenir to remind some people where they came from.
It wouldn't do any harm.
Renee, that comes down.
You need something to remind you your goal was to be a great actress...
...not a cheap stripper.
My sister's the actress, Mother. And I'm not a cheap stripper.
I'm the highest paid in the business.
You won't be ready for vaudeville when it comes back.
No, I'll be dead.
Renee, would you take this tray out of here?
- I'll do it. - Mother, please.
And bring my press agent in as soon as he comes.
[RENEE SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
Since when do you fix your face before you have your bath?
A photographer is coming.
Where's he gonna photograph you, in the tub?
- Hm. Eventually. - Louise.
Mother, it's for a very chic fashion magazine.
Oh. Louise, you think I ought to freshen up?
Well, they only want me in the tub.
[PHONE RINGS]
I'll get it.
Hello?
Hello.
No, it's...
...difficult right now.
I'm not leaving.
Let's meet at the party.
Yes.
Yes, I promise.
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
À bien-what?
I guess I am being a little much.
But, Mama, I love it.
- Who's giving the party? - Some friends.
In the old days, I used to be asked first.
I wouldn't go even if I did have something to wear.
I got more important things to do, like thinking up a new strip for us.
We're still stuck with that wind machine you bought to blow my clothes off.
[ROSE CHUCKLES]
Actually, I'm putting in a new number on Saturday.
- What is it? - You'll see.
I'll see.
Mama, let me surprise you.
You're just one big surprise after another these days, aren't you?
Well, we'd better go shopping tomorrow for the material for your dress.
Oh, I have a French lesson tomorrow.
Well, I'll go alone. You got any color in mind?
Mother, I've already started to make the dress.
- Well, uh, I'll run your bath for you. - Mama, you don't have to.
- That's what I have a maid for. - Let me do something, damn it.
What, Mother?
- A million things. I'm not a baby. - Neither am I.
Don't you take that tone with me, young lady.
- Your sister used to... - I am not my sister.
- You're not Louise either. - And neither are you.
Oh, yes, I am, more than you, Miss Gypsy Rose Lee...
...with your maids and your press agents...
...and your fancy friends with their parties.
Your loudmouth mother isn't invited to those high-toned parties.
- They laugh at her. - They don't.
They do.
Don't think I don't know that's one reason you don't want me backstage.
So I won't hear them laugh. It's them you ought to keep out, not me.
Because they're laughing at you too...
...the burlesque queen who speaks lousy French...
...and reads book reviews like they was books.
- Turn it off, Mother. - You know what you are to them?
A circus freak, this year's novelty act.
- And when the bill is changed, you'll... - I said, turn it off!
Nobody laughs at me, because I laugh first, at me.
Me, from Seattle. Me, with no education.
Me, with no talent...
...as you've kept reminding me my whole life.
Well, Mama, look at me now. I'm a star.
Look. Look how I live. Look at my friends.
Look where I'm going. I'm not staying in burlesque.
I'm moving, maybe up, maybe down, but wherever it is, I'm enjoying it.
I'm having the time of my life...
...because for the first time, it is my life, and I love it.
I love every second of it.
And I'll be damned if you're gonna take it away from me.
I am Gypsy Rose Lee, and I love her.
And if you don't, you can just clear out now.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Your press agent is here with the photographer.
All right, tell him I'll be ready in a minute.
Mama, we can't go shouting seven performances of this a week.
The whole family shouts.
Comes from our living so near the railroad tracks.
- I'm getting an ulcer. - You think I'm not?
Yes, I think you're not.
And if you want an ulcer, get one of your own...
...because you can't have mine.
Let's forget it.
- No, let's finish it. - I should go feed Chowsie.
Mama, you fought your whole life. I wish you could just relax now.
- You need more mascara on your left eye. - Mama, you've got to let go of me.
Let go?
I'll give you anything you want.
- You need me. - A house, a farm, a school.
A dramatic school for kids. You were always great with kids.
I'm a pro.
I'm not an old workhorse you can turn out to pasture...
...just because you think you're riding high on your own.
Mama, no kid does it all on his own.
But I'm not a kid anymore.
And from now on, even if I flop...
...I flop on my own.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Hey, Gyps, what do you say?
"So long, Rose," that's what she says.
- "Don't slam the door as you leave." - Hi, Rose.
Baby, may I present Monsieur Bougeron-Cochon?
[BOTH SPEAK IN FRENCH]
Let's make with the oiseau, kiddies.
One before you take the plunge, Gyps. Get ready, now.
All right, miss, but just one thing I wanna know.
All the pushing and working and finagling...
...all the scrimping and the scheming and lying awake nights figuring:
"How do we get from one town to the next?
How do we all eat on a buck? How do I make an act out of nothing?"
What did I do it for? You said I fought all my life.
I fought all your life.
So now, tell me, what did I do it for?
I thought you did it for me, Mama.
Come on, smile, Gyps. Show us your talent.
That's it.
"I thought you did it for me, Mama."
"I thought you made a no-talent ox into a star...
...because you like doing things the hard way, Mama."
And you have no talent.
Not what I call talent, Miss Gypsy Rose Lee.
I made you.
And you wanna know why?
You wanna know what I did it for?
Because I was born too soon and started too late, that's why.
With what I got in me...
...I could've been better than any of you.
With what I got in me...
...what I've been holding down inside of me...
...if I ever let it go...
...there wouldn't have been signs big enough.
There wouldn't have been lights bright enough.
"Here she is, boys.
Here she is, world.
Here's Rose."
[SINGING] Curtain up
Light the lights
Play it, boys
You either got it or you ain't
And, boys, I got it
You like it?
Well, I got it
Some people got it and make it pay
Some people can't even give it away
This people's got it
And this people's spreading it around
You either have it
Or you've had it
Hello, everybody, my name's Rose. What's yours?
How do you like them egg rolls, Mr. Goldstone?
Hold your hats and hallelujah Mama's gonna show it to you
Ready or not, shh Here comes Mama
Mama's talking loud Mama's doing fine
Mama's getting hot Mama's going strong
Mama's moving on Mama's all alone
Mama doesn't care Mama's letting loose
Mama's got the stuff Mama's letting go
Mama? Mama?
Mama's got the stuff Mama's gotta move
Mama's gotta go Mama? Mama?
Mama's gotta let go
Why did I do it?
What did it get me?
Scrapbooks full Of me in the background
Give them love And what does it get you?
What does it get you?
One quick look As each of them leaves you
All your life And what does it get you?
"Thanks a lot" And out with the garbage
They take bows And you're batting zero
I had a dream
I dreamed it for you, June
It wasn't for me, Herbie
And if it wasn't for me
Just where would you be Miss Gypsy Rose Lee?
Well, someone tell me When is it my turn?
Don't I get a dream for myself?
Starting now, it's gonna be my turn
Gangway, world Get off of my runway
Starting now, I bat a thousand This time, boys, I'm taking the bows
And everything's coming up Rose
Everything's coming up roses
This time for me
For me
For me, for me, for me
For me
Just trying out a few ideas I thought you might wanna use.
You'd really have been something, Mother.
Think so?
If you had had someone to push you, like I did.
If I could've been, I would've been. That's show business.
About that school for kids, like you said.
I could open one...
...but kids grow up.
Anyway, I guess I did it for myself.
Why, Mother?
Just wanted to be noticed.
Like I wanted you to notice me.
I still do, Mama.
Oh, Louise. Louise.
Okay, Mama.
Okay, Rose.
Say, you look like you should speak French.
You're coming to that party with me.
- No. - Oh, come on.
Like this? No.
Here, you can wear my mink. I've got a stole in the car.
Well, only for an hour or two.
Say, this looks better on me than it does on you.
- Funny how we can wear the same size. - Especially in mink.
You know, I had a dream last night.
It was a big poster of a mother and daughter...
...you know, like the cover of that ladies' magazine.
Yes, Mother.
Only it was you and me, wearing exactly the same gown.
It was an ad for Minsky, and the headline said:
"Madame Rose...
...and her daughter Gypsy."
Oh, Mother.
[ENGLISH SDH]