天啊 Geez.
擦 Dang.
字幕仅供交流 严禁商用
翻译 国产拿破仑fn 压制 cacocool
- 早啊 Napoleon - 早 Pedro - Hello, Napoleon. - Hey, Pedro.
大人物拿破仑 第一季 第五集
早上好 欢迎收看《普雷斯顿朝闻天下》 Good morning, and welcome to Cock-A-Doodle, Preston!
- 我是 Art Doodle - 我是 Janet Kocka - I'm Art Doodle. - And I'm Janet Kocka.
我讨厌这节目 俩人一点也不搭腔 I hate this show. They have no chemistry at all.
有 Janet Kocka 这种小可人 你还管什么搭不搭腔? You don't need chemistry when you're a babe like Janet Kocka.
来 谈谈昨晚都做了什么 Art? So, what did you do last night, Art?
汽车换机油 出殡埋老妈 洗洗睡了 Changed my oil, buried my mother, went to bed.
- 真是生活的强者啊 Art - 是嘛 好吧 - You lead the life, Art. - Yeah, well.
这个活宝 Doodle 啊 就是念电话簿也让人津津乐道 That Art Doodle... I could watch him read the phone book.
他礼拜五 8:00 就干那个 He does that Fridays at 8:00.
知道到一年一度什么时节了吗 Art? You know what time of year it is, right, Art?
知道 给牛上药防治红眼病 Yeah, spray the cattle for pinkeye.
此外 还到了普雷斯顿床赛的日子 That and the Preston Bed Races!
大点声 轮到我大放异彩了 Turn it up! This is my segment!
每年普雷斯顿市民都会在主街举行他们热衷的传统活动 床赛 Every year, the citizens of Preston race their beds
每年普雷斯顿市民都会在主街举行他们热衷的传统活动 床赛 down Main Street in the town's most beloved tradition.
真囧 我干嘛要戴那个红领巾? Oh, man, what was I thinking with that ascot?
胜利面前机会平等 Anyone can win,
但我还是把宝压在了六届卫冕冠军 Dynamite 奶奶身上 but my money's on six-time defending champion, Grandma Dynamite.
奶奶和我每年都能损透你俩 Grandma and I smoke you guys every year.
谁让你的床最好推 Kip Your bed's too easy to push, Kip.
你是人类史上最渺小的人 也就只有 40 磅 You're the smallest man who ever lived. You only weigh, like, 40 pounds.
Napoleon 你天生是衰货 死了也是衰鬼 Napoleon, you were born a loser, you'll die a loser,
我很乐意在你坟上放一曲放克爵士 (funk 另有小阿飞之意) and I will do interpretive funk jazz on your grave.
呛得好 Kipper 打算怎么办? Good one, Kipper. So, what do you say?
今年继续上奶奶床好好享受一把? You ready to hop in Grandma's bed and have a good time?
恶心 Sick!
Napoleon 这是床赛 Napoleon, it's a bed race.
话说出来都会自动带点那意思 Everything is going to sound like a double entendre.
我也有句双关语奉告你俩 I got a double entendre for you.
你们今年等着拜倒在 Rico-poleon 队膝下吧 You two are finally gonna lose this year to Team Rico-poleon.
没错 我已经画好超炫队标了 Yeah, I already drew us a sweet team logo.
而且我也要饮下牛血了 And I've been chugging cow's blood.
Dracula 靠的就是这招 他是飞毛腿 Worked for Dracula. He's fast as crap.
抱歉 Rico 我没听见你说啥 Sorry, Rico. I didn't hear what you said.
奖杯把我耳朵堵住了 I had these trophies in my ears.
这样啊 Carlinda? Oh, yeah, Carlinda?
咱看看没了挚爱的黄油球 你还能有啥能耐? Let's see how tough you are without your beloved butterscotch balls.
没我的许可 谁也不许救他 Nobody Heimlichs him till I say so.
不够 再蓝点儿 Not yet. Bluer.
Kip 屋里没鬼 赶紧关灯 Kip, there's no monsters. Turn the light off!
卡车 Truck!
Rico 你丫干什么呢? Rico, what the heck are you doing?!
训练 Training!
帮帮忙 我老婆快生了 借床用下 Help! My wife's having a baby! We need a bed!
对不住 我们在训练 Sorry. Training!
我就知道不会有这等好事 I knew that was too good to be true.
这破比赛对你有那么重要吗? Why is this stupid race so important to you?
你把我当成衰人 是不 Napoleon? You think I'm a loser, don't you, Napoleon?
你知道答案 这事是我这辈子最笃定的信仰 You know I do. It's pretty much the thing I believe the most.
事情不总是你想的那样 好好躺着 Well, it wasn't always like that. Get yourself comfortable.
回想高中时代 我有个朋友 Back in high school, I had this friend.
他名叫 Rico 而他就是我 His name was Rico, and he was me.
我擦 搞乱了 甭管咋说吧... Aw, dang, I messed that up. Anyway...
西部队 Rico队
已进行 待进行
回合
听好 能不能拿下州冠军 就看这场比赛了 Okay, the state championship comes down to this one play.
教练 我们得把球传给 Rico 吧? Coach, we got to throw the ball to Rico!
不用你教我怎么调用 Rico 我才是 Rico 队的教练 Don't tell me how to utilize Rico. I'm still the coach of Rico's Team!
好的 大家把球传给 Rico Okay, we're throwing the ball to Rico.
嘿 Rico 跑哪去了? Hey, where is Rico?
Rico 你真赞 你真牛 你让我眼前大亮 Oh, Rico, you're so fine. You're so fine, you blow my mind.
嘿 Rico Hey, Rico.
就是我 That's me!
真想一直待在这儿跟你们调情 I'd love to stay and flirt with all you girls,
不过我还得回场赢比赛呢 but I got to go win the game.
赢完这场比赛 After you win this game,
我会让你做一件只有 12 个男人做过的事 I'm going to let you do something I've only let 12 other guys do...
请我喝漂浮沙士 buy me a root beer float.
美爆了 多谢赏脸 Candy Hot dang! Thanks, Candy!
Rico 上场了 Rico, showtime!
你们要把球传给我 对吧? You're throwing the ball to me, right?
你懂的 Rico 一二 启球 You know it, Rico! Hut, hut, hike!
娶我吧
Rico Rico Rico Rico! Rico! Rico!
嘿 新款道奇桑塔纳 Hey, the new Dodge Santana.
那玩意就是移动宫殿啊 That thing's a mobile palace!
就在那天我从美男变成了大叔 And that was the day I became Uncle Rico.
醒醒 我跟你讲我出身史呢 Wake up! I was telling you my origin story.
听着怎么像穷酸史呢 推我回家 More like your "bore-igin" story. Take me home!
好吧 不过我先想想怎么甩掉这群狼吧 Okay, soon as I figure out how to ditch these wolves.
普雷斯顿赛床节
早上好 大伙 我是 Odell 市长 Hello, everybody. I'm Mayor Odell.
这天气真是太给床赛赏脸了 And it's a beautiful day for a bed race!
接下来有请各组参赛者入场 Now, let's meet your contestants.
你们好 Hello.
欢呼
这是我家小狗的床 我知道 屌爆了 This is just my dog's bed. I know. It's crazy!
光是这张床都比你们的房子值钱 This mattress costs more than your homes!
损得真是地方啊 老妈 Way to rub their noses in it, Mom!
给你们的教练欢呼 Cheer to your sensei!
他们喜欢咱 宝贝 They love us, baby!
你们好 床赛粉丝们 我们已经做好出局打算 Hello, race fans. We've already been disqualified,
不过我表兄花不少心思装饰这张床呢 but my cousins worked very hard tricking out this bed.
接下来有请六届卫冕冠军 Dynamite 奶奶 And our reigning Bed Race champion, six-time winner, Grandma Dynamite!
我跟她住一个屋檐下哦 I get to go home with her.
另请 Rico Dynamite And... Rico Dynamite.
嘿 乡亲们可好啊? Hey, how y'all doing?
你这屁话搞得气氛更尴尬了 The squeak just makes it extra embarrassing.
你瞧瞧 Napoleon Check it out, Napoleon.
遵循空气动力学原理 紧身得恰到好处 It's aerodynamic and snug in all the right places.
恶心 跟装满鸡翅的垃圾袋有啥区别? Gross! You look like a garbage bag full of chicken wings.
我还融入了科技理念 这个镯子有磁铁 I also got science on my side. This bracelet has a magnet in it.
SkyMall: 电子商务零售商
我逛一家空难网站时从 SkyMall 目录里买的 I bought it from a SkyMall catalogue I found at the site of a plane crash.
你把全部花样都使上也没用 You can wear all the magic crap you want.
这儿是我的地盘 Rico This is my race, Rico!
所以普雷斯顿名人花园有我一席 That's why I'm in the Preston Garden of Fame.
普雷斯顿名人花园
对啊 紧邻普雷斯顿一夫一妻制雕像 Yeah, next to Preston's first monogamist couple.
还有把车坏在这里的宇航员 And the astronaut whose car broke down here.
这么快就出雕像了 They got that up quick.
仍在等待一个部件 Still waiting on a part.
各就各位 On your mark.
预备 Get set.
床赛开战 It's bedtime!
这儿没你地儿 Rico 给我让道 Not enough room for both of us, Rico. Get out of my way!
超我空气动力学的光滑身体啊 Over my sleek, aerodynamic body.
我们就要赢了 Percy We're gonna win it, Percy!
你不必再遭罪了 You'll suffer no more.
表示沉痛哀悼 Sorry for your loss.
天啊 Geez!
那玩意有电池诶 混蛋 That had a battery in it, jerk!
喘不上气啊 Rico Looking winded, Rico!
你也就是上岁数的纸老虎 Carlinda Well, you're looking like a flappity old husk, Carlinda.
何不直接弃赛呢? Why don't you just drop out?
谁不知道你在弃赛方面表现多优秀啊 Everyone knows how good you are at dropping stuff.
要是奶奶和 Kip 再把咱输了 If Grandma and Kip beat us again,
咱岂不成晚上闲聊的笑柄了? we'll be the laughingstock of Family Night.
我懂 Napoleon 所以我们必须作弊 I hear you, Napoleon. That's why we're gonna cheat.
同意 Okay.
普雷斯顿 X 射线中心
我出五十块买你身上这块重铅毯 I'll give you 50 bucks for that heavy lead blanket you're wearing.
成交 Sold!
多谢 钱一会儿给你 Thanks! I'll pay you later.
首先 那玩意不是你的 One, that was not yours to sell.
其次 你就等着晚上难受吧 And two, you're going to be very sick tonight.
嘿 Kip Hey, Kip.
嘿 我啥也看不见了 Hey, now I can't see.
赶紧调包 Napoleon Make the switch, Napoleon!
Kip 怎么感觉在推墙? 东西越来越沉了 Kip, I'm hitting the wall! Everything feels heavier.
赢了 我们一路作弊赢了 We did it! We cheated our way to victory!
我们成英雄了 赞 We're heroes! Sweet!
要不要来个胜利击掌? What do you say we high-five?
你问什么? 直接来就好了 You don't ask. Just do it.
还真管用啊 It worked!
主干道烤菜馆
那时我才知道自己公平公正赢得了胜利 And that's when I knew I won the Bed Race fair and square.
下个问题 Next question.
我是《普雷斯顿高中号角报》的记者 Deb Bradshaw Deb Bradshaw, Preston High School Bugle.
Napoleon 你对年轻人有什么忠告吗? Napoleon, what advice do you have for young people?
执着于梦想 Follow your dreams.
还有 千万不要用水球砸皮卡 Also, never throw a water balloon at a pickup truck.
里面坐的可能是法官 There might be a judge inside.
作为学生健身会主席 我授予你终生 "走出课堂特权卡" As student body president, I present you with a lifetime hall pass.
- 无论哪个教室 此卡都好使 - 赞 - This is good for any hall in the school. - Sweet!
- 楼梯井好使吗? - 我不是上帝 Napoleon - What about stairwells? - I'm not God, Napoleon.
Rico 为祝贺你今天的伟大胜利 Rico, in honor of your great victory today,
我会拿下你特别讨厌的那张照片 I'm taking down that picture you hate so much.
写着 "别收这货支票" 的那张? The one that says, "Do not take checks from this man"?
不是 是这张 No. This one.
- 嘿 Rico 记得我吗? - Candy? 当年的啦啦队长? - Hey, Rico, remember me? - Candy? The head cheerleader?
如今的服务员领班 Head waitress now.
我就知道你能成大事 I always knew you were going places.
听说你一举拿下冠军 你有听说人家一举离婚吗? Heard about your big win. Did you hear about my big divorce?
你有听到我一举点餐吗? Did you hear about my big order?
我一个小时前就点薯条了 I ordered fries, like, an hour ago.
只要是和 Rico 一道的 Well, as long as you're with Rico,
这里的东西想要什么就拿喽 you can have anything you want in this place.
餐巾盒也可以拿吗? Can I have that napkin dispenser?
- 当然 - 赞 这玩意打死也用不完 - Sure. - Sweet! These things never run out.
Rico 我做了一道特制三明治 以你命名哦 Rico, I made a special sandwich, named it after you.
真的吗? 叫什么? Really? What's it called?
Rico 三明治 The Rico.
嘿 那不是我名字嘛? Hey, that's my name!
里面有小龙虾 花生仁 还有草莓 It's got crawfish, peanuts and strawberries.
这三样你不是都过敏吗? Aren't you allergic to all those things?
没错 可人生能有几回吃到以自己命名的三明治啊? Yeah, but how often do you get a sandwich named after you?
美味至极 真是太荣幸了 Delicious. Such an honor.
飘雪球
盐
糖尿病医用袜
117张 118张 117, 118.
没想到赢一场破比赛能白捞这么多东西 I can't believe how much free stuff we got just for winning that stupid race.
知道我得破费多少才能得到这个龙雕吗? Do you know how much I would have had to pay for this dragon figurine?
我下半辈子的柴米油盐都不用愁了 And I've got enough tile grout to last me the rest of my life!
还没浴缸呢 You don't even have a bathtub.
天地之间乃浴缸 Napoleon 你到几岁才能懂啊? The world is my bathtub, Napoleon. When are you gonna learn that?
好吧 我要进屋了 今儿跟你待一天 看你都恶心了 Okay, well, I'm going inside now 'cause I've been with you
好吧 我要进屋了 今儿跟你待一天 看你都恶心了 all day, and I'm kind of sick of you.
慢着别急 咱得把事儿整明白了 Hang on a second. We got to get our story straight.
- 好吗? - 好 - Ready? - Ready.
我们没作弊 We did not cheat.
好 Okay.
好小子 只要有人请你讲话 Attaboy. And should you ever get the urge to talk,
记住喽 白捡的便宜还多着呢 just remember there's plenty more where these came from.
墨水弹
早上好 小太阳 Good morning, sunshine!
奶奶 桌子着火了 Grandma, that table's on fire!
这是炉子 我给你做营养早餐呢 That's a stove. I'm making you a nutritious breakfast.
早餐? 为我? 什么来头啊? Breakfast? For me? Why?
因为你是咱家的新晋床赛冠军啊 'Cause you're the new bed racing champion in the house.
别伤心 奶奶 明年你会赢回来的 Don't worry, Grandma. You'll win again next year.
不不 我的风光日子已经到头了 Oh, no, my racing days are over.
你和 Rico 昨天已经用行动告诉我了 You and Rico showed me that yesterday.
有吗? We did?
有啊 我应该在岁数上识相 Yeah, I got to start acting my age.
我是说 我这可恶的称谓可是奶奶啊 I mean, my friggin' name is Grandma.
你穿的这是啥啊? What the heck are you wearing?
这叫长裙 It's called a dress.
我想应该穿穿看 你说好看吗? Thought I'd give it a try. What do you think?
这也太娘们儿了 You look like a sissy.
奶奶 门外有个推销员 Grandma, there's a solicitor at the door.
你想用胡椒粉还是打狗棒? Do you want your pepper spray or your chasing bat?
Kip 人家干这个只是为了谋生 Kip, the man's just trying to make a living.
听听他要说点啥喽 Let's hear what he has to say.
丫怎么回事啊? What the freak's wrong with her?
你抢走我俩冠军以后 她就变得很古怪了 She's been acting odd ever since you creamed our A's in the race.
今天早上我还看见她缝这玩意 This morning, I caught her quilting this.
生活真美好
垃圾 Creepy.
干得漂亮 Napoleon 正中要害 Wow, Napoleon. You got him right in his third crotch.
一般般啦 做一名出色的弓箭手已经没那么好玩了 Whatever. Being an expert bowsman isn't as fun as it used to be.
怎么这么丧气啊 Napoleon? 有啥事说说呗? You seem depressed, Napoleon. Do you want to talk about it?
不说 No.
好吧 是这么回事 Okay, here's the deal.
我奶奶脑子抽风了 My grandma's gone loco.
她竟然跟人和颜悦色 She's, like, friendly to people
还一边吹口哨一边做剪报 然后寄给我 and whistling and clipping out articles in the newspaper and mailing them to me.
摇滚乐队演出预告
收信很有趣的 Getting mail is fun.
话是如此 可那就不是她了 她现在整一无聊老太婆 Yeah, but it's not her. She's just a boring old lady now.
Napoleon 有你封信哦 Napoleon, you got mail.
博物馆开放时间保持不变
普雷斯顿剧院
私人包场 暂停营业 走人吧
别伤心 宝贝 下次我从阿富汗回来 我们再来看吧 Sorry, honey, we'll go after I get back from Afghanistan.
剧院太给面子了 专门给咱俩开了场 It sure was nice of the owner to close the theater just for us.
还把我的家庭录影整成 3D 的 And to convert my home movies to 3-D.
看来丘比特要送我一个紧紧拥抱啊 Looks like I just caught a tight spiral from Cupid.
恶心 Sick!
Napoleon 没看我正泡妞呢吗? Napoleon! Can't you see I'm in mid-seduction?
我们得谈谈 找个没娘们的地儿 We need to talk, without any broads around.
您别介意 太太 No offense, milady.
这是小吃店的钥匙 去拿点三角巧克力吃吧 Here's the key to the snack bar. Go get yourself a "Tobleroney."
再拿盒橡皮糖 And a box of Dots!
Rico 我有罪恶感 Rico, I'm kind of feeling guilty.
作弊的事我们跟奶奶招了吧 We need to tell Grandma we cheated.
那可不行 绝对不行 Oh, no, we don't.
你不想不花钱就得到龙雕吗? You like not paying for your dragon figurines?
不想跟动物园大猩猩似的随便进出学校吗? You enjoy roaming the halls at school like an escaped gorilla at the zoo?
- 废什么话? 当然想 - 那就把嘴管严点 - Heck yes, I do. - Then best you keep your mouth shut.
可我不放心奶奶 我看她脑子都坏掉了 But I'm worried about Grandma. I think her brain is broken.
那就不管你 Rico 叔了? 我这辈子总算迎来逍遥日子了 What about your Uncle Rico? This is the happiest I've ever been.
你看我 周六晚上跟个姑娘来剧场看电影 Look at me, with a girl in a movie theater on a Saturday night.
我 TM 就差当总统了 I'm like the goll-dang president!
打扰下 你刚才说橡皮糖还是巧克力豆? I'm sorry, did you say Dots or Duds?
橡皮糖 天啊 Dots! Geez!
我说真的 Napoleon I'm serious, Napoleon.
镇上还要在名人花园立我的松雕呢 The town even wants to put one of them
镇上还要在名人花园立我的松雕呢 bush statues of me in the Garden of Fame.
拜托别把这些从我身边拿走 Please don't take all this away from me.
我不想在那辆车上孤独终老 I don't want to die alone in that van.
算了 当我啥都没说 Fine! Forget I asked!
巧克力豆来喽 Here's your Duds.
幸亏醒了 差点做恶梦 That was close. I almost had a bad dream.
就算用光全世界的餐巾纸 All the napkins in the world
你也没法揩走脸上的罪恶 Napoleon can't wipe the guilt off your face, Napoleon.
什么? Wha...?
它说得对 Napoleon 你欺骗了你奶奶 He's right, Napoleon. You cheated your Grandma.
我跟这龙经常作对 但在这事上我们立场统一 The dragon and I don't agree on much, but we agree on this.
你们会说话? You guys can talk?
你的不义之财都会说话 All your ill-gotten gains can talk.
不义之财致人不仁不义 Ill-gotten gains lead to gain-gotten ills.
等会 啥? Wait, what?
你多在教室待会 少往外面跑 就会明白了 If you spent more time in class and less time in the hall, you'd understand.
尽管你尿床无数 我还是睁一只眼闭一只眼 You've peed on me countless times and I've always pretended not to notice,
但这事 我绝不容忍 but this I can't ignore!
你怎么不去咆哮 Rico 叔? Why aren't you haunting Uncle Rico?
那货没心没肺 更没有床 He doesn't have a conscience. Or a bed.
你必须站出来挑明真相 承认作弊 You've got to tell the truth. Admit your deceit!
- 我要是不说呢? - 这就是下场 - And if I don't? - Oh, that does it!
住手 笨床 你太过分了 Stop it, bed! You're going too far!
就是啊 你说过不会下死手的 Yes, you said there'd be no killing.
我说过的话多了 I said lots of things!
原来真做恶梦了 I did have a bad dream!
做你该做的
激怒更多餐巾纸
为主效力的破车
奶奶 你这是干嘛? Grandma, what are you doing?
把车捐给慈善机构啊 上岁数开不了车了 Donating my car to charity. I'm getting too old to drive.
可那是我出生的车啊 But that's the car I was born in.
我又不用出远门 I don't need to go anywhere.
好好享受余生就可以了 I just want to enjoy the rest of my life,
透过窗子看云朵 买点纪念盘什么的 staring out the window and buying commemorative plates.
奶奶 我想跟你说件事 Grandma, there's something I have to tell you.
你说 宝贝儿 Yes, dearie?
是关于床赛的事 Rico 和我其实... It's about the bed race. Rico and I kinda...
拜托啊 Napoleon Come on, Napoleon.
我不想在自己的车里孤独终老 I don't want to die alone in my van.
请告诉我车里的死鬼不止他一个 Please tell me somebody died in there with him.
错 就我一个 Nope. I died alone.
多亏你啊 Napoleon Thanks a lot, Napoleon.
你不是要跟我说床赛的事吗? You were gonna tell me something about the bed race?
那个 我以为今年那里的停车场能宽松点呢 Well, I thought this year, the parking was a lot more convenient.
大伙在网上可不是这么说的 That's not what they're saying online.
奶奶 那货吃得比你织得还快啊 Grandma, she's eating the sweater faster than you can knit it.
猫咪视频
我不管 有她陪我挺好 I don't care, she's good company.
是不是啊 Tina? Aren't you, Tina?
你就差进军 "疯骆女" 队伍了 You're turning into one of those crazy llama ladies.
欢迎收看普雷斯顿最火爆午间节目《午闻天下》 Welcome to Preston's favorite midday show, Cock-A-Doodle Noon!
今天我们把节目现场搬到了名人花园门口 We're taking our show on the road today to the Garden of Fame.
普雷斯顿名人花园
- 知道为什么吗 Art? - 不知道 - You know why, Art? - I don't pry.
这里将为大逆转床赛冠军 Rico Dynamite 建立松雕 For the en-shrub-ment ceremony
这里将为大逆转床赛冠军 Rico Dynamite 建立松雕 of former disgrace-turned-Bed-Race-champion, Rico Dynamite!
大伙给你 Rico 叔欢呼呢 我们应该到场挺他的 They're honoring your Uncle Rico. We should be there to support him.
就像我常绣的那句 Like I always embroider,
万事皆可贵 亲情价最高 "There's nothing more important than family."
为给 Rico Dynamite 的松雕腾位 In order to make room for the topiary of Rico Dynamite,
前任冠军之一 Dynamite 奶奶的雕像不得不被砍下 they're going to have to destroy the one
前任冠军之一 Dynamite 奶奶的雕像不得不被砍下 of former champion Grandma Dynamite.
- 你说他们是亲戚吗 Art? - 没准 - You think they're related, Art? - Maybe.
不能让他们这么干 奶奶 You can't let them do that, Grandma.
说不准会被挪到更好的地方呢 They'll probably replant me somewhere nice,
比如公园或者宠物墓地 like a park or a pet cemetery.
你觉得他们会怎么处理奶奶的松雕? Any idea what they're going to do with Grandma?
- 碾了? - 你还别说 真猜对了 - Mulch her? - Actually, that's correct!
- 告诉她 - 你不能说话 我醒着呢 - Tell her. - You can't talk. I'm awake.
你在做白日梦 别再听电视胡扯 赶紧告诉她 You're daydreaming. Now snap out of it and tell her.
奶奶 我实在憋不住了 Grandma, I can't take it anymore!
Rico 和我作弊了 真正的冠军应该是你 Rico and I cheated. You should've won that race.
你在说什么啊? What are you saying?
我说 Rico 和我作弊了 真正的冠军应该是你 I'm saying, Rico and I cheated. You should've won that race.
我就知道自己不是什么老太婆 I knew I wasn't an old lady.
向名人花园进发 To the Garden of Fame!
怎么过去啊? 你把车都义捐了 How are we gonna get there? You gave your car to the Lord.
我有一样比车还快的玩意 I know something faster than a car.
为什么这个棚里总有一股超强低压锋? Why is there always a crazy low-pressure front in this shed?
松木胶合板? Pine veneer?
次货 Cheap.
我们只买得起它 It was all we could afford.
接下来有请全权负责本园松柏修剪的艺术家 Pedro Sanchez Now let's meet the artist responsible
接下来有请全权负责本园松柏修剪的艺术家 Pedro Sanchez for all these entertaining hedges, Pedro Sanchez.
我知道自己一直以呆瓜形象示人 I know I'm perpetuating a stereotype,
但向世人雪藏我的天赋也太罪过了 but it would be a sin to deny the world my gift.
好的 Pedro 对于松雕造型 All right, Pedrah, for this sculpture,
我蛮希望你能剪成我跃过高山 I was thinking maybe I'd be jumping over a mountain
或者跑进 7-11 便利店 or a 7-Eleven.
不是我告诉剪刀怎么做 是剪刀告诉我 I don't tell the clippers what to do, they tell me.
先容 Pedro 施展他的精湛灌木雕艺 And while Pedro engages in his delicate ballet of bushery,
此间我们来欣赏普雷斯顿挚爱松雕 Dynamite 奶奶的毁灭 let's all enjoy the destruction of Preston's beloved Grandma Dynamite.
水果推车 平板玻璃窗 婚礼蛋糕
你好吗 Jacob? What's up, Jacob?
不能带这货 We're not keeping it.
- 这下玩完了 - 稳住 小子们 - We're not gonna make it! - Hang on, kids.
天啊 Geez!
曼波舞赛冠军
没想到我这么喜欢奖杯 I didn't realize how much I needed that.
普雷斯顿名人花园
别碾我奶奶 Don't mulch my grandma!
碾碎 碾碎 Mulch! Mulch!
人家听不见的啦 看我的 They can't hear you. Let me try.
住手 Stop.
擦 Dang.
- 我们没法阻止他们了 - 怎么没有? 把我扔进去 - There's no way we can stop them. - Yes, there is. Throw me in!
- 我是不是又睡着了? - 没错 我劝你有空看看医生 - Am I asleep again? - Yes, and you should see a doctor about that.
不过现在 赶紧醒来扔我进去 But for now, wake up and throw me in!
这痛苦比想象中的难受一万倍啊 It hurts more than I could possibly imagine!
臭手都松开我的树雕 Get your hands off my trunk!
放下来 同志们 Set her down, boys.
天啊 做牛做马我也不做她的出气筒 Oh, man, I wouldn't want to be whoever she's mad at.
Rico Rico.
听着 Carlinda 你听我解释 Now, Carlinda, I can explain.
猪头给我过来 Get your head in here.
遵命 老大 Yes, ma'am.
我想你应该有话对我的粉丝讲吧? I believe you have something to tell my fans.
经过深思熟虑 我决定脱下伪装 After giving it much thought,
经过深思熟虑 我决定脱下伪装 I've decided I can no longer go on with this charade.
我在床赛上作弊了 I cheated in the bed race.
Rico 请把本城钥匙还我 Rico, give back your key to the city.
好吧 不管你们要实施何种酷刑 Okay, before you do whatever you're gonna do to me,
请不要忘记 Rico 叔留给世界的一切美好事物 let's not forget all the good things Uncle Rico brought to this world.
说一样啊 Name one.
Rico 曳步舞? The Rico Shuffle?
从没如期火起来 It never caught on like I wanted.
把他从悲催深渊拉上来吧 奶奶 Put him out of his misery, Grandma.
把他眼罩摘了 我要让他看看这个 Take off his blindfold. I want him to see this.
嗒哒 Ta-da.
太炫了 可为什么啊? It's beautiful. But why?
因为奶奶比你大丈夫 白痴 Because Grandma's the bigger man, idiot.
Carlinda 如果能用任何方式弥补我卑劣但尚属聪明的行为 Carlinda, if there's any way I can ever make up
Carlinda 如果能用任何方式弥补我卑劣但尚属聪明的行为 for my despicable, yet clever behavior...
你可以帮我拿回我的车 You can help me un-donate my car.
Kip 带上断线钳了? Kip, you got my bolt cutters?
这还用问 老大 You know it, G.
前往修道院 To the convent!
好吧 说说怎么下手? All right, what's the plan?
听着 我分散耶稣注意力 你们几个趁机偷车 Okay, I'll distract Jesus and you guys steal the car.
偷耶稣的东西 我心里过意不去啊 I'm not comfortable stealing from Senor Jesus.
抱歉 Pedro 上了贼车你的小薄命可得听我的 Sorry, Pedro. You're up to your pretty little neck in this.