- Hi. - Good evening.
- I'm running a little late. - Okay.
I need five minutes.
Welcome, designers!
You've heard the expression "She'd even look great in a potato sack"?
Well, you're going to prove that point with this challenge.
You will be creating a party-worthy look out of burlap...
- Oh. - Hi.
- My name is Greg.
- Is it? - Yes.
- My name is Larry. - Hi.
A great pleasure to meet you.
- Oh, thank you. - You're very welcome.
- So what are you drawing? - Oh, I'm just doodling.
That's a Hitler mustache. That's Hitler hair.
- What's a Hitler? - Hitler was a bad man.
- A bad man? - A very bad man.
- Oh my God. - Yes, he started a war.
He didn't... he didn't really care for Jews.
He thought they were a bit much.
I would kick his butt.
- Would you? - Yes.
Good for you. What... what are you watching in there?
"Project Runway."
- Good show. - And what do you like about it?
The fashion!
It's like the best show ever.
- You like fashion? - Yes, I do.
Hmm.
Ooh, what's that right there?
Oh, that's called a swastika.
I like how the lines just go straight
and then up and then down
and then straight and then up and then down.
It's beautiful.
My birthday's coming up in a week, so can you get me one?
- A swastika? - Yeah.
Uh, I... I don't know, Greg. I'll have to think about that.
They should start selling them
in every gift shop in New York City.
I don't think Jews would like that.
Get a life, Jews!
Hmm. Yeah.
Okay.
Uh, is your mom ready?
Okay, sweetie, Nana's waiting for you.
- She's gonna give you a bath, okay? - Okay.
- Take good care of her. Bye.
Thanks.
He's something else, isn't he?
- That's an understatement. - Aw.
- So, are you ready? - Ready.
So Susie tells me you're quite a piano player.
Oh. Eh, I don't know.
It's background, so don't get your hopes up too high.
What do you mean it's just in the background?
No, you'll see.
Hey. Shh! Come on.
A pianist is playing up there.
She's playing.
Hey, shh! Quiet.
So rude. Unbelievable.
How are you doing? My assistant called. Table for three.
- Hey, it's Larry. I'm gonna go say hi. - Okay.
- What's up? - Hey. Hey, Mike.
- I hear we're neighbors now. - Yeah.
You live downstairs. You got the place downstairs.
Yeah yeah, shh. Try and keep it down. She's...
- Sorry? - She's playing. Shh.
But she's... It's background music.
Yeah, I know, but still, just try and keep it down.
- Wait, you know her? - I'm dating her.
- Oh, you're dating her? - Yes. Shh!
It's not Carnegie Hall. It's just a bar.
I know, but it's rude to talk, that's all.
Okay, all right.
- Well, see you around the building. - I'll talk to you later.
See ya later.
What were you saying about the frog?
There was an inflatable frog that came out of a French restaurant in Vegas.
You're getting one of those foofy drinks, right?
No, I'm gonna go with straight Tequila.
Hey, Fox. Fox! Fox!
Shh! Come on.
- She's playing. - Yeah.
Yeah, clap.
I don't know how you do it. I really don't.
It's atmosphere. It's a nice setting.
- I'm really glad you're here. - I found it really annoying.
- Hey, you got to know Greg a little bit. - Yeah, I did.
He's quite a... quite a young man.
He's really like one of my favorite people in the world, obviously.
Yeah. Well, I mean it must be very...
You know, challenging to have a son like that.
You know, I signed up for single motherhood.
It's not like a big... To me that's part of the deal, you know.
No, but I mean,
you know, his being so...
Flamboyant.
I think the fact that he can sort of sell a song and...
I don't know where he gets it. There's nobody like him.
It makes him really special and unique and different.
Okay.
His birthday's next week.
We're probably gonna have a party.
You're welcome to come. Probably just like a little family thing.
- No, I don't wanna go. - Oh.
A kid's birthday party... Nah, I'm not that guy.
I guess it'd be kind of boring.
- Hey, you know what? - What?
I'll buy him a birthday gift. How about that?
Larry, that would be so great.
- If it helps with the sex, of course. - It will help with the sex.
Then I get him a present. What's the debate?
Yeah, there's no debate whatsoever.
Of course, what do you...
What do you get a kid like that?
He loves everything. You met him.
Can't get him a baseball.
Sure you can. Don't worry about it.
- Can't get him a football. - Why not?
Anything... it can be anything. Just get him whatever.
- Did you see that? - It was Michael J. Fox.
Yes. See that kind of head shake he just gave me?
He's upset because I shushed him earlier.
You know he has a condition.
- He shakes. - Yeah, you're right.
Maybe it was a Parkinson's shake.
It could have been a Parkinson's shake.
So...
Was it pissed or Parkinson's? I don't know.
I don't think that it's the kind of question that you can ask him.
No. He lives right upstairs from me.
- This could get awkward. - Oh.
Maybe just say "I'm sorry I shushed you."
Yeah, okay. Good idea.
- I'm sorry? - No no.
It's just, you know, you hit two floors
and I'm in a little bit of a rush, that's all.
What a terrible inconvenience. My God, I'm so sorry.
Well, as a matter of fact it is a little bit of an inconvenience, yes.
You don't know where I'm going. I'm in a little bit of a rush.
I didn't mean to waste 12 seconds of your precious time.
It's not really about the 12 seconds, is it?
What is it?
It's about the fact that you hit two buttons.
Who doesn't know what floor they're getting off on?
I decided to go someplace else.
I realize that that's illegal in your little world, isn't it?
When you realized you'd hit the wrong floor,
- you just get off on 31, go up to 32. - Oh really?
- Take the stairs. - Suppose I wanted to go to 40.
You mean because it's one flight now...
You wanna go to 40 as well?
No, I'm saying what if I did wanna go to 40?
Why don't you go to 40? There you go.
Now you're going to 40 as well. You wanna go to 33, 34?
- How about that, huh? - I think I wanna go to 36 too.
All right. I changed my mind.
- I think I'm gonna go to 36 and 37. - Good good.
- You know what? I changed my mind again. - I think I'll go to 39.
- Why don't I go to 43? - I'll go to 40. I'll go to 42.
- Oh my goodness, look. - There you go.
Terrific! Now we're going to every floor.
Yeah, enjoy that ride up to 44.
31... I think I'll get out here and take the stairs.
- Yeah. - Enjoy your ride.
Enjoy the walk!
Anyway, I just wanted to tell you
that I hope you weren't upset about the shushing,
because a lot of people think...
I'm not gonna lie to you... Nobody likes to be shushed.
Yeah, nobody likes to be shushed.
- My kids... I don't shush my kids. - Exactly exactly, yeah.
Because I did notice before you left
you were looking at me and you kind of,
you know, shook your head.
Uh, yeah, my head shakes, Larry.
I have Parkinson's. I... I'm a head-shaking fool.
I always shake.
So you're saying it was a Parkinson's shake.
Yeah, it wasn't a Larry's shake.
Got it. Okay.
But she was playing background music.
It was not a performance. I mean, per se.
To me it's a little rude.
If I went to see one of your movies
and I was talking, you probably wouldn't like it.
I'd be surprised. Where are you gonna see one of my movies?
It was like 1985 last time I was in a movie.
Okay, if I saw one of your movies in 1985,
you wouldn't like it if I was talking.
This is getting into time travel. This is getting weird.
So just to be clear, you're not upset?
Let me get that.
I'll be back in two shakes.
What the fuck? Lar, what are you doing?
Oh, I was just drawing a Hitler mustache.
On my father-in-law. That's my father-in-law.
That's your father-in-law?
Yeah, he's a businessman. He's on "Businessweek" magazine.
You're kidding! What the hell is he doing on the cover of a magazine?
- Well, he's the Führer now. - Oh my God, I'm sorry.
I just like to see what people look like with Hitler mustaches.
He looks like Hitler. The mystery is solved.
My father-in-law looks like Hitler.
I've gotta get rid of this because he's coming over here.
- And if he sees this... - I'm sorry again.
That's all right.
Can I get you a soda or something, Larry?
Oh sure. That'd be great.
You know, I mean, the thing is
Hitler really ruined that mustache for everybody.
Because it's really... It's an interesting mustache,
and now nobody could wear it, you know.
Oh, thanks.
Oh Jesus Christ!
- What the hell? - You want...
Did you shake that up on purpose?
Parkinson's.
I think the shirt's ruined.
I'm not really surprised, man. He has Parkinson's.
So he's got Parkinson's. Of course it's Parkinson's.
- Yeah. - He was shaking.
He would never do anything like that on purpose.
Michael J. Fox? Never in a million years.
But he shakes, right? He hands you a soda that's shaken.
He can't stop fuckin' shaking.
- So you don't believe me. - I'm just not buying it.
See that fuckin' milk you got in your hand right now?
You hand that man a carton of fuckin' milk... guess what.
- It's gonna be a fuckin' milkshake. - That was not Parkinson's.
Thank God he didn't hand you his dick.
He could've been shaking and shook that dick up,
handed you the dick, and the dick shot sperm in your face.
Yeah, but why would he hand me a dick?
- I mean as an example. - What kind of example is that?
I'm just comparing it to other things you can shake up, right?
With Parkinson's, right?
You just live in a total dick world, don't you?
- It's a good example. - Right?
What's that?
Is that Parkinson's, hmm?
- You think that's Parkinson's? - Shit. Wow.
- He's pissed. - He's pissed.
Hi. Oh, look at... Hey, Greg!
Larry brought you something for your birthday.
- Greg! - He's gonna be so excited.
Happy birthday!
Hmm.
Oh my God. Let me check. What is it?
- What is it? - What is it?
It's a sewing machine. It's a sewing machine.
It's a sewing machine!
Oh my God, I'm gonna make the "Gone with the Wind" costume.
"Meet Me in St. Louis," "The Wizard of Oz."
You're gonna make "The Wizard of Oz" costume?
- Yes! - Which one?
Dorothy.
I love it, I love it, I love it!
Thank you, Lord.
"Thank you, Lord"? Thank you, Larry.
- Thank you, Larry. - You're welcome, Greg.
Nana, Nana!
- A sewing machine? - Yeah. He loved it.
What, are you trying to turn him gay?
He is a happy, healthy, normal seven-year-old boy.
What is the matter with you?
I think he might be gay.
Leon! You up?
Yeah, I'm up.
This dude is out of fucking control right now.
What is going on with him?
All this fuckin' clomping around all fuckin' night?
- I can't fuckin' sleep like this, man. - I know. God!
You'd better hound this dude, man.
You'd better go up there and handle this fuckin' guy.
This shit don't go down in a black neighborhood. You know what I mean?
All right, I'm gonna go up there.
Unless you want to.
If I go up there, I will kill this motherfucker.
Michael J. Fox about to be Michael J. Fucked-up in a minute.
But if you go up there, you and him...
That's a fair fight and shit.
- You know what I'm saying? - How is that a fair fight?
Shaking motherfuckers like that, you know,
little kids and shit, old people,
motherfuckers who can't defend themselves, and you...
That's perfect.
You two face off... That's just even-steven.
- That's not even-steven. - That's even fuckin' Steven, Larry.
You don't think I can get the better of him in a fight?
That shaking shit might come in handy. I don't fuckin' know.
Right? You don't know this motherfucker's skills.
- All right. - Right?
All right, you watch me, okay?
- I wanna see this shit. - You watch me.
This shit don't happen in a black neighborhood. I'm telling you.
- Hey, Larry. - Hey.
Um...
What's going on up here?
Why? What do you mean "What's going on"?
There's a lot of clomping on the floor.
- It's keeping me up. - Oh oh, it's the boots, the boots.
Yeah yeah. My feet cramp.
It's called dystonia and I have to wear stiff shoes
to keep them from cramping.
It's in my book. It's chapter one. You should read it.
At the very least it'll help you get to sleep.
Your feet are cramping? Is this a new thing?
No. This has been going on for about 20 years now, Lar.
Oh really? How come I haven't heard the clomping before?
You haven't lived here. You've lived in California.
I've been living here for over a month. I haven't heard any clomping.
- What am I, bullshitting you? - I don't know.
I'll tell you what I think. You wanna know what I think, Fox?
- I'm hanging on it. - Are you?
I think you're upset about the shushing.
I think you were pissed off about the Hitler mustache on your father-in-law.
I think you shook up that can of soda on purpose.
And I think you're clomping now
and you've made up some bullshit excuse about your feet,
and it's all under the guise of Parkinson's.
That's what I think. Huh?
I thought I was the sickest guy on this block, but you're the new champ.
I have a sickness in my brain.
You have a sickness in your mind.
- Your mind, it's gone over. - Oh, has it?
It's fascinating if it wasn't so fucking tragic.
Huh. So you deny the whole thing?
It's all Parkinson's, Larry. It's all Parkinson's.
- The head shake at the bar? - Parkinson's.
- The soda? - Parkinson's.
- The clomping? - Parkinson's.
Are you sure?
Yeah, Larry, I'm dead certain.
Okay.
- All right, there you go. - Hello?
- Hey. - Hey, Lar,
- what the hell were you thinking? - What?
You give a seven-year-old kid...
A boy... a sewing machine as a gift?
- Yeah. So what? - Totally inappropriate.
No, not inappropriate. He loved the gift.
He went in that room, figured out in two minutes
how to work that sewing machine.
And he was working on a frilly thing immediately.
I don't like the implication, all right?
- It's not an implication. - He's seven.
Being gay means that you're attracted to the person of the same sex.
He's too young to be attracted to anybody.
He will be gay. He's just... he's pre-gay.
I don't know that you can make that assumption.
I think it was an insult
and I think you'd better get another fucking gift, okay?
Why does she stick her nose into everything?
What, I gotta get the kid another gift now?
- You got to get him another gift. - What am I gonna get him?
- I have nothing to get him. - What about a slinky?
- A slinky's always... - A slinky?
- Eh, that's pretty gay. - Well, you're handling a ball.
- You're handling balls. - Yeah.
- So this is the way... - That's what a slinky is, really.
- It's handling balls. - Yes, that's what... my point exactly.
- So it's gay. - I mean, maybe roller skates?
Nah, that's got the ice skating thing.
You don't wanna even touch that.
- A musical instrument. - Oh, that's not bad.
No sexuality involved unless you get him a harp.
You wanna keep away from the flute, I think.
- No flute, no harp. - Okay.
- It's your turn. - Okay. There you go.
You realize that might've been the dumbest move you could have possibly done?
Seriously, I'm not thinking straight.
I'm so... he's keeping me up... Michael J. Fox... every night,
clomping around upstairs.
- Still clomping? - Yes. I can't sleep.
- Michael? - Yeah.
Let me tell you something. That Tracy...
His wife Tracy Pollan... She's a Saint.
What a relationship those two have, huh?
I know. You're right.
- Such devotion. It's incredible. - Yeah.
As a cynic it kind of sickens me, but he'd take a bullet for her.
He would take a bullet for her.
- True love. - Yeah.
- How about you, Jeff? - What?
Would you take a bullet for me?
Of course I'd take a bullet for you.
What, are you kidding? Without a doubt.
- You think he would? - He just said he would.
Saying and doing... two different things. I doubt it.
- You know what people say... - What?
- When you guys leave a room? - What do they say?
- "Poor bastard." - Oh jeez.
You can leave now, Larry. Get the fuck out!
I'm going home.
See you, folks.
- Hey, John! - Hey, Larry.
- How are you doing, man? - Pretty good. How's it going?
Real good. Thanks for the Yankees tickets.
- Anytime, man. - I really appreciate it.
- Anytime. - See you around.
Was that, uh... Parkinson's?
No, that wasn't Parkinson's. That was just bad timing.
- Bad timing? - Yeah.
Oh okay, so that one wasn't parkin...
By the way, still a lot of clomping I'm hearing.
- What's going... - You need to take it up with the board.
- I am gonna take it up with the board. - That's great.
- Let me know how that works out for you. - I will. I can't sleep.
Mr. Fox, is there a problem here?
As a matter of fact, there is a bit of a problem.
You need me to call the police?
- No, I think you can handle it. - All right.
Eddie, get Mr. Fox a cab, please. Thank you.
- Thank you, Eddie. Thanks, John. - You got it, Mr. Fox.
What's the problem?
I'll tell you what the problem is.
He bumped into me on purpose.
- Did you see that? - I did see it.
- He has Parkinson's disease. - I know he has Parkinson's.
He's using it to harass me, okay? I swear to God.
He shook up soda and spilled it all over me.
- He's clomping around... - Here's the deal. Here's the deal.
You can bump into any tenant you want in this building, all right?
I don't give a shit.
But you don't touch Mr. Fox. Do you understand?
You touch him again, me and you got a problem.
Oh, you don't touch Michael J. Fox.
Oh yeah. Let me tell you something, okay?
I'm very sympathetic to the Parkinson's!
But just having Parkinson's doesn't give you carte blanche
to take advantage of the non-Parkinson's!
Honest to God, I can't sleep.
He's banging on my ceiling with these special shoes.
He's wearing combat boots.
And yesterday he shoved me
when I was coming out of the elevator.
Shoved me. Michael J. Fox
shoved me, okay?
Mr. David, are you aware of the fact
that Michael J. Fox has Parkinson's disease?
Of course I'm aware of the Parkinson's.
Don't you understand what he's doing?
Nobody understands this.
He's using the Parkinson's to do whatever he wants.
You think Mr. Parkinson, the first guy who had Parkinson's...
You think he would like what he's seeing here?
Mr. Parkinson would be appalled if he knew how Mr. Fox is behaving.
Mr. David, I'd like to ask you
about the incident in the elevator.
That guy told you about that?
Are you serious? He came to the board...
"I got in the elevator with Larry David"?
Oh, come on. Give me a break.
Mr. David, you're not allowed to play with the buttons on the elevator.
I didn't play with the buttons. He played with the buttons.
Mr. David, I'm afraid it's the decision of this board,
in view of the two offenses, that you are on probation.
I think I don't have to explain that a third offense
will mean you will be asked to leave the building.
It's not fair.
Well, perhaps you could make amends to Mr. Fox.
He's holding a fundraiser
tomorrow afternoon in our courtyard
and it would be a good thing if you showed up.
And a contribution
to the Parkinson's charity would probably go a long way
towards resolving this.
How much are you thinking?
$10,000.
Hey, look at that.
- Oh, hey. - Hey!
- Huh? - Hi, Lar.
- How are you? What... - What is it?
It's another present for Greg.
- Oh! - Very good.
- It's beautifully wrapped. - I heard the voice of the people and,
like any great leader, I responded.
- What did you get? - Very well done.
Well, that's really none of your business.
How is it none of my business?
I wanna know if you've fucked up again.
I got a good gift and I'd like to surprise him, if you don't mind.
He could be surprised. We don't need to be surprised, okay?
Yeah, I don't wanna be surprised, Larry.
- It's a violin. - Oh.
- That is great. - You like that, huh?
He's been asking to take lessons.
- And she's a musician. - Yeah, so duh.
- Wow. All right. - Yeah.
That sewing machine's gotta go.
Yeah. I'll box it up. I'll give it back to you.
I don't want it. What am I gonna do with it?
You can take it back. I don't want it in the house.
I'm not taking it back.
- It's your sewing machine. It's not mine. - You know what?
You make such a big megillah over everything.
I'm a megillah? Why am I a megillah?
I have to buy two gifts now and take one back?
- Will you give the kid the fucking violin? - I'll be happy to.
And be gone with you. Asshole.
Greg! Come here, honey.
- Hi, sweetie! - Hey!
Look who's here. It's Larry.
- Heya, Greg. - Oh, I like your bag.
- You do? - Yeah. Where is it from?
- Yeah, it's cool, isn't it... the fringe? - Yeah.
- Guess what. - What?
Larry got you a present to replace the sewing machine.
I love my sewing machine.
- What? - I love my sewing machine.
Oh, he loves his sewing machine.
- And I made something for you, Susie. - You made something for me?
Oh, by the way, he likes the sewing... he wants to keep it.
- He made something for you. - What is that, honey?
- I made you a pillow sham. - A pillow sham?
A pillow sham! He made you a pillow sham.
- Oh my God. - You made that?
- Look at this. - Unbelievable.
- That's really nice stitching. - This kid...
What the...?
What? Where did you learn about this symbol?
Larry taught me how to make a swastika.
He wrote it on a piece of paper.
- He was doodling, like, this evil man... - Greg.
Who hated Jews.
- What was his name again, Larry? - Hitler?
Hitler! Yeah, Hitler.
- Larry taught you how to make this? - No, I was...
- you taught him how to make a swastika? - I did not.
- What the hell are you thinking? - I was doodling!
- On a pillow sham? - I was just doodling.
You think this is an appropriate symbol
- to be petit pointing on... - Susie, look out!
Ahh!
Jeff! Jeff!
Are you okay? Honey, are you okay?
I took a bullet for you.
Well, it was a bike technically.
Good afternoon.
I wanna welcome you all here and thank you for your support
of the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson's research.
It's really great to see you.
And a very special thank you
and a very warm welcome to Mayor Bloomberg...
- Thank you so much. - Who's with us today,
supporting us as he has since our inception
and throughout our progress toward a cure for Parkinson's.
- Before I go much further... - Ah, hey.
How are you feeling?
- My side is just killing me. - What a shame.
- Oh God, it's terrible. - I think you saved her life.
- She owes me. - Yeah.
Well, I got a doctor's appointment this afternoon.
I'll get the whole thing straightened out.
- So what did you end up getting Greg? - I got him a...
Hey! Shh!
And we figure we have to tackle road blocks
that other funders have not addressed.
But...
Larry, what are you doing?
Why do you have to come here and do that?
Give the violin sign in front of all these people?
He made the violin sign?!
He was making the violin sign!
I got a kid a present. It was a present.
The violin sign, Larry. Come on, please.
Wait a second, Mike. Let me handle this. I'm the mayor.
I'm not gonna stand here
and listen to anybody denigrate Michael J. Fox.
He's a great New Yorker and a great American.
Yeah!
I wasn't denigrating... I didn't denigrate!
Larry, let me tell you something.
This guy is trying to put Parkinson's out of business
and I'm here to put you out of this city.
- Get out of town. - What?
- I'm a New Yorker! - Get the fuck out of here.
- I'm... I'm... - Get out of here!
I'm a New Yorker. You can't do that to me.
I'm a New Yorker!
I got your results.
- You're gonna be just fine. - Great.
Now listen, there is a small amount of internal bleeding.
- What? - It's nothing to worry about.
It's small. We're gonna handle it.
- I wanna give you some antibiotics, okay? - Antibiotics.
And considering the area of the injury,
I think the best course is to do some suppositories.
- Suppositories? - They call them bullets.
Oh, hello.
- Larry. - Oh, hey.
You know, I really owe you an apology.
I wasn't mocking you with the violin.
I bought a violin for this little kid.
I couldn't say it out loud because I didn't want to disturb you.
So I was telling Jeff that I bought him a violin.
It's over. Forget about it. It's just a clean slate.
- Let's not dwell on it. - Really?
If there's anything I can do for you,
you just let me know.
It's funny you should say that, because there actually is.
Tracy and I are doing this event for the children's hospital.
- Oh. - And we're having this event.
If you wanted to, you could come and spend the day with us
- at the hospital with the kids. - Ah, with the kids.
Yeah, there'll be games and we'll have lunch.
- And there's putt-putt golf and... - Putt-putt with sick kids?
Putt-putt with sick kids, yeah.
- It's gonna be great. They love that. - This is nice.
Some of them even wear masks so they don't get infected.
They're infected?
Precautions... make sure you don't get sick.
You don't get them sick, they don't get you sick.
Boy. Yes, I'd love to.
- I'd love to. - Great, excellent.
- When is it? - This Saturday.
- That's unbelievable. - Can you make it?
- I have to be out of town on Saturday. - Really?
Let me make a couple of phone calls.
Possibly I could... No, I can't.
- They won't let me out of that. - Where are you going?
Ho! Heh-hey.
Yeah. Heh-hey.
So how long are we gonna be in this town?
I told Fox two months. What are you eating?
It's a chalupa inside a burrito
- wrapped the fuck up. - You know, you're in Paris.
It's got the best food in the world and you're eating a chalupa?
If I could've put French toast
in this motherfucker, I would, okay?
Look at this.
Huh? Do you believe this?
- I gotta say something to him. - Oh no.
Asshole. Asshole.