1
00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:03,470
GEOFFREY:
Mail call.

2
00:00:03,640 --> 00:00:07,130
<i>- Wall Street Journal for Master Carlton.
- Thank you, Geoffrey.</i>

3
00:00:07,340 --> 00:00:10,840
<i>A statement from The Bank of Bel-Air
for Miss Ashley.</i>

4
00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:13,710
And a plain brown package for me.

5
00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:16,180
I'll be taking my break now.

6
00:00:17,890 --> 00:00:19,720
Bank of Bel-Air?

7
00:00:19,890 --> 00:00:22,550
Yeah. Well, bye.

8
00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,960
WILL:
See you later, Ash.

9
00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:27,790
Something's afoot.

10
00:00:29,770 --> 00:00:32,360
And something's a foot and a half.

11
00:00:34,370 --> 00:00:35,860
I'm talking about Ashley.

12
00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:38,370
I know where every penny
of this family's money is.

13
00:00:38,540 --> 00:00:41,140
- And none of it is in the Bank of Bel-Air.
- So?

14
00:00:41,310 --> 00:00:45,470
So, obviously, Ashley's hoarding money.
And I know why.

15
00:00:45,650 --> 00:00:49,280
She's amassing a private fortune
so she can buy out the family business...

16
00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:51,920
...in a hostile takeover.

17
00:00:53,390 --> 00:00:57,950
A sweater and a string of pearls
and you'd be Angela Lansbury.

18
00:01:01,300 --> 00:01:03,290
[SINGING "THE FRESH PRINCE
OF BEL-AIR" THEME]

19
00:02:15,470 --> 00:02:16,500
[CRASH IN DISTANCE]

20
00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:19,000
ASHLEY:
Ouch! Shoot!

21
00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:27,180
Ashley, what are you doing?

22
00:02:28,380 --> 00:02:30,250
Changing for school.

23
00:02:30,420 --> 00:02:32,010
See, um...

24
00:02:32,660 --> 00:02:35,950
Today is, uh, casual day.

25
00:02:37,390 --> 00:02:42,160
Well, uh, that sounds like the, uh, truth.

26
00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:45,900
Actually, Will, I've been keeping a secret.

27
00:02:46,070 --> 00:02:49,330
- Lf I don't tell someone, I'm gonna explode.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't tell me.

28
00:02:49,510 --> 00:02:52,170
If I know, I can't say I don't know
when you get busted...

29
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:54,430
...and Uncle Phil start rounding up
the usual suspects.

30
00:02:54,610 --> 00:02:57,270
And I am the usual suspects.

31
00:02:57,710 --> 00:02:59,270
I dropped out of Bel-Air Academy.

32
00:02:59,450 --> 00:03:02,650
I've been going to public school
since the beginning of the semester.

33
00:03:05,390 --> 00:03:06,690
I didn't hear that.

34
00:03:06,990 --> 00:03:09,620
- I said I dropped out.
- I heard what you said, Ashley.

35
00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:12,850
Ash, what are you...?
How can you do that?

36
00:03:13,030 --> 00:03:15,620
It was easy. I forged all the papers...

37
00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:19,130
...took Daddy's tuition money and
put it in an interest-bearing account.

38
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:20,500
Pretty good, huh?

39
00:03:22,270 --> 00:03:25,240
You're tripping? No, no... No, no.

40
00:03:25,410 --> 00:03:29,170
You're worse than tripping.
You've fallen and you can't get up.

41
00:03:31,050 --> 00:03:32,170
And he will find out.

42
00:03:32,350 --> 00:03:35,680
And when he does,
he's going to ground you into dust.

43
00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:38,480
Will, you don't understand.

44
00:03:38,650 --> 00:03:40,780
Everything's so fake at Bel-Air Academy.

45
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:44,690
The teachers, the kids, the noses.

46
00:03:44,930 --> 00:03:46,920
I can't take it anymore.

47
00:03:47,100 --> 00:03:48,500
Please don't tell Daddy.

48
00:03:48,660 --> 00:03:49,860
[SIGHS]

49
00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:51,230
I ain't gonna dime you...

50
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:54,300
...but if he subpoenas me,
I'm gonna be singing like Luther.

51
00:03:56,110 --> 00:03:58,100
[TYPING ON KEYBOARD]

52
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:09,620
I'm in. Ha-ha-ha.

53
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,510
Will, come here.

54
00:04:12,690 --> 00:04:14,320
Okay.

55
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:21,600
"Bank of Bel-Air"?

56
00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:23,660
How did you tap into those records?

57
00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:28,430
Well, I overrode the configuration files
and deleted the encrypted password.

58
00:04:28,940 --> 00:04:30,170
Goodness.

59
00:04:30,340 --> 00:04:34,370
[IMITATING ANNOUNCER] It's Hack Boy,
the stubby-fingered avenger.

60
00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:36,270
Go ahead and joke.

61
00:04:36,450 --> 00:04:39,780
But sometimes you have to go
around the law to expose the greater evil.

62
00:04:39,950 --> 00:04:44,010
Ashley's hiding $10,000. Now,
where did she get that kind of money?

63
00:04:44,750 --> 00:04:47,720
Maybe she's Counterfeit Girl,
the sister of Hack Boy.

64
00:04:49,230 --> 00:04:52,250
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Look, it's none of
your business. Why don't you just butt out?

65
00:04:52,430 --> 00:04:54,360
Oh, I see.

66
00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:57,890
She's already gotten to you.

67
00:04:59,940 --> 00:05:01,900
Trust no one.

68
00:05:03,510 --> 00:05:04,530
Will, I don't get it.

69
00:05:04,710 --> 00:05:08,270
My producer told me
that I'm losing my black audience.

70
00:05:11,310 --> 00:05:15,340
I don't see why, Hil.
I mean, you got the best talk show on TV.

71
00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:20,010
You really think so?
Well, what was your favorite topic?

72
00:05:20,190 --> 00:05:23,350
Uh... Uh, the one with the, uh...

73
00:05:23,530 --> 00:05:28,520
Dysfunctional, uh, single parent,
uh, gang member nuns.

74
00:05:30,970 --> 00:05:33,800
Hil, I've never actually seen
one of your shows.

75
00:05:33,970 --> 00:05:35,940
- Will.
- Look, listen, Hilary, I'm sorry.

76
00:05:36,110 --> 00:05:39,840
You need to do some stuff that reaches out
to your brothers and sisters.

77
00:05:40,810 --> 00:05:44,610
Why? What have Carlton and Ashley
ever done for me?

78
00:05:47,420 --> 00:05:52,380
Whoa, if it isn't Belly D. Williams.

79
00:05:54,590 --> 00:05:56,960
Just kidding. You look great.
Where you all going?

80
00:05:57,130 --> 00:05:58,420
Fundraiser at the museum.

81
00:05:58,590 --> 00:06:01,830
- Do I hate these things.
- Why agree to be on the Board of Trustees?

82
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:05,020
Well, I'm a judge
and judges are supposed to be on boards.

83
00:06:05,570 --> 00:06:09,200
Well, it's just that with you,
it's usually a smorgasbord.

84
00:06:10,710 --> 00:06:11,730
Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

85
00:06:11,910 --> 00:06:12,930
PHIL: Hi, baby.
VIVIAN: Hi, honey.

86
00:06:13,110 --> 00:06:14,740
Will, I need to talk to you.

87
00:06:14,910 --> 00:06:15,930
ASHLEY:
Bye.

88
00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:20,380
[IN A FEMALE VOICE]
It's girl talk.

89
00:06:25,390 --> 00:06:28,580
Will, my homeroom teacher insists
on meeting my parents.

90
00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:32,420
I've already canceled five times.
She wants to see someone tonight.

91
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:35,160
[IN NORMAL VOICE] You're just gonna
have to come clean with Uncle Phil.

92
00:06:35,330 --> 00:06:38,560
- I can't. I'm waiting for the right time.
- And when is that?

93
00:06:38,730 --> 00:06:41,200
When we go shopping
for my cap and gown.

94
00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:44,800
That's assuming
that you're gonna live till graduation.

95
00:06:45,370 --> 00:06:46,710
[ASHLEY SIGHS]

96
00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:48,070
Will, I need your help.

97
00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:50,730
Ashley, let me sum this up for you
in two words:

98
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,570
Unh-unh.

99
00:06:52,750 --> 00:06:56,450
You know, I didn't want
to have to say this.

100
00:06:56,620 --> 00:06:59,450
But it's your fault I'm in this mess.

101
00:07:00,090 --> 00:07:01,680
My fault?

102
00:07:01,860 --> 00:07:04,420
Oh, this one here gonna be good.

103
00:07:05,460 --> 00:07:10,160
Before you showed up,
I was leading a nice, sheltered existence.

104
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:13,130
But you made me see there was
a whole world beyond Bel-Air...

105
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:17,800
...filled with people who take public
transportation and don't have butlers.

106
00:07:18,010 --> 00:07:19,240
I like that world.

107
00:07:19,410 --> 00:07:22,840
It's like a drug, Will,
and you got me hooked.

108
00:07:24,910 --> 00:07:28,610
Well, you better go cold turkey
before you wind up a dead duck.

109
00:07:28,950 --> 00:07:30,280
- Will.
- Ashley, no.

110
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:33,620
Now, I'm sorry that you got yourself
into this little predicament.

111
00:07:33,790 --> 00:07:36,780
But trying to blame it on me,
now, that's just low.

112
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:38,430
You're right.

113
00:07:38,830 --> 00:07:41,300
I can't believe I said that.

114
00:07:41,830 --> 00:07:44,460
You've always been so good to me.

115
00:07:45,170 --> 00:07:47,800
I'm just so desperate.

116
00:07:49,070 --> 00:07:51,970
I'm a terrible, terrible person.

117
00:07:52,140 --> 00:07:53,170
[SOBBING]

118
00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:55,370
No... No, no.

119
00:07:55,540 --> 00:07:58,310
Look, don't cry, Ashley.
Come on. Come on, all right.

120
00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:00,780
We'll figure a way out of this, all right?

121
00:08:00,950 --> 00:08:02,350
Thanks, Will.

122
00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:04,250
You're a saint.

123
00:08:08,190 --> 00:08:09,210
WILL:
Wait.

124
00:08:09,660 --> 00:08:11,590
What was that?

125
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:14,220
What?

126
00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:17,850
You smiled.
I saw your reflection in the window.

127
00:08:18,170 --> 00:08:22,040
Oh, no. That was a happy smile. See?

128
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:24,040
I don't believe I fell for them tears.

129
00:08:24,210 --> 00:08:26,900
- Girl, you're on your own.
- All right, fine!

130
00:08:27,410 --> 00:08:28,810
Be that way!

131
00:08:28,980 --> 00:08:31,540
But if I go down, I'm taking you with me.

132
00:08:35,820 --> 00:08:37,620
Ashley.

133
00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:40,450
I didn't do nothing.

134
00:08:42,660 --> 00:08:45,220
SHARPE: You wanna call your parents
and see what happened?

135
00:08:45,390 --> 00:08:47,920
No. Maybe we should reschedule again.

136
00:08:48,100 --> 00:08:49,660
Ashley.

137
00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:51,660
Is there something you wanna tell me?

138
00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:54,600
Miss Sharpe...

139
00:08:55,340 --> 00:09:00,040
- ... the truth is I...
[IN DEEP VOICE] Ashley.

140
00:09:02,210 --> 00:09:05,270
There's my little bran muffin.

141
00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:10,180
Oh. Is this your father?

142
00:09:10,990 --> 00:09:12,510
Sure. Heh.

143
00:09:12,690 --> 00:09:16,390
Miss Sharpe, this is, uh, Daddy.

144
00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:18,190
WILL:
Mm.

145
00:09:18,490 --> 00:09:22,900
How could something so smooth
be called sharp?

146
00:09:24,670 --> 00:09:27,600
Yes. Well, nice to finally meet you,
Mr. Banks.

147
00:09:27,770 --> 00:09:29,290
Rhaul, please.

148
00:09:29,470 --> 00:09:30,960
[SHARPE GIGGLES]

149
00:09:32,510 --> 00:09:34,000
Rhaul.

150
00:09:34,180 --> 00:09:35,640
Oh, and welcome back from the Orient.

151
00:09:35,810 --> 00:09:37,370
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]

152
00:09:37,550 --> 00:09:39,540
God bless you, Miss Sharpe.

153
00:09:44,220 --> 00:09:46,950
It is Miss Sharpe, isn't it?

154
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,120
- Yes, it is.
WILL: Mm.

155
00:09:49,830 --> 00:09:52,520
You're a fine teacher, Miss Sharpe.

156
00:09:56,970 --> 00:09:58,900
Hey, I bet you could teach me
a thing or two...

157
00:09:59,070 --> 00:10:00,930
[GRUNTS]

158
00:10:01,540 --> 00:10:04,370
On the academic side, I mean.

159
00:10:05,210 --> 00:10:07,180
Well, will Mrs. Banks be joining us?

160
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:13,210
Uh, no, I'm single.
I mean, um, Ashley's mother ran out on us.

161
00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:17,220
Ashley was but a mere tyke at the time.

162
00:10:17,390 --> 00:10:19,720
I had to be both Mommy and Daddy.

163
00:10:19,890 --> 00:10:23,260
We went from training wheels
to training bras.

164
00:10:24,030 --> 00:10:27,150
They both came off too soon,
didn't they kitten? Ha-ha-ha.

165
00:10:30,700 --> 00:10:34,400
Well, anyway, about Ashley's schoolwork.
You should be very proud of her.

166
00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:37,970
She does excellent work.
She participates actively in class...

167
00:10:38,140 --> 00:10:40,340
...and she's just a pleasure
to have around.

168
00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:44,400
You know, that runs in the family.

169
00:10:45,780 --> 00:10:46,980
Yes. Well. Ahem.

170
00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:49,510
Do you have any questions?

171
00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:51,120
No. Not a one.

172
00:10:51,290 --> 00:10:53,620
Well, thank you for your time.
What do you say...

173
00:10:53,790 --> 00:10:56,190
...we have the next meeting
at my place, huh?

174
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:59,450
- Well, I don't know. L...
- Thanks for being so understanding.

175
00:10:59,630 --> 00:11:02,320
Come on, Daddy. It's time for your pill.

176
00:11:04,030 --> 00:11:05,060
[ASHLEY SIGHS]

177
00:11:05,230 --> 00:11:07,070
It's a miracle this whole thing worked.

178
00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:08,430
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
What you talking about, girl?

179
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:10,770
Denzel ain't the only brother than can act.

180
00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:15,740
Well, at least this buys me some time
before I have to break the news to Daddy.

181
00:11:15,910 --> 00:11:20,010
Well, I have to get my history books.
You stay right here, Rhaul.

182
00:11:20,650 --> 00:11:22,510
I made that up.

183
00:11:38,270 --> 00:11:41,700
- Mr. Banks, did you forget something?
- Uh, you know, I'm glad you asked.

184
00:11:41,870 --> 00:11:45,330
I, uh, forgot to give you the number
to my direct line.

185
00:11:45,570 --> 00:11:48,910
- Look, I'm very flattered, but...
- You know...

186
00:11:49,210 --> 00:11:53,010
...that is an absolutely intoxicating
fragrance that you're wearing.

187
00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:55,980
Uh... Come closer.

188
00:11:56,290 --> 00:11:58,620
Hey.

189
00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:02,920
That's a fake mustache.

190
00:12:04,030 --> 00:12:05,820
No, it's not.

191
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:08,890
Yes, it is.

192
00:12:09,060 --> 00:12:10,930
No, it's not.

193
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:18,300
Look, I don't know who you are, but
I'm calling your real parents right now.

194
00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:20,170
Will?

195
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:22,110
No, it's not.

196
00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:24,440
ASHLEY:
Miss Sharpe.

197
00:12:25,210 --> 00:12:26,980
It's not.

198
00:12:31,490 --> 00:12:33,280
You just had to go back.

199
00:12:33,460 --> 00:12:37,390
We were out the door, Will.
We were free. Free!

200
00:12:37,730 --> 00:12:40,220
Look, ease up, Miss Tubman.

201
00:12:44,170 --> 00:12:47,660
Miss Sharpe gave us the weekend
to break it to Uncle Phil.

202
00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:50,400
Now, let's go over
this evil twin story again.

203
00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:52,540
[ASHLEY SIGHS]

204
00:12:52,710 --> 00:12:55,400
I'm sure the mayor's mother meant it
as a compliment.

205
00:12:55,580 --> 00:12:56,700
Oh, really?

206
00:12:56,880 --> 00:13:00,910
Then I should be honored that she thinks
I look like a black Alfred Hitchcock.

207
00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:02,540
Hi, kids.

208
00:13:03,850 --> 00:13:05,980
[IMITATING HITCHCOCK]
Good evening.

209
00:13:10,860 --> 00:13:14,820
Wow. Good night.

210
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,660
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Ashley. Ashley.

211
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:18,800
[BOTH MOUTHING]

212
00:13:25,510 --> 00:13:26,940
Okay.

213
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:30,980
Mom, Dad, it's like this.

214
00:13:31,510 --> 00:13:34,950
- Will has something he wants to tell you.
- I ain't got nothing.

215
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:40,980
Um... Your Honor, uh...

216
00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:44,190
...now, before you deliver your verdict...

217
00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:49,730
...the defense dictates
that you sustain the motion of the ocean.

218
00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:55,760
Because most parents want the truth,
but they can't handle the truth.

219
00:13:59,210 --> 00:14:02,940
So in conclusion,
I move for a change of venue.

220
00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:06,670
- You give us a half-hour head start.
- What the hell are you talking about?

221
00:14:07,750 --> 00:14:10,410
Daddy, I withdrew from Bel-Air Academy
six weeks ago...

222
00:14:10,590 --> 00:14:12,550
...and transferred to Morris High.

223
00:14:14,990 --> 00:14:16,650
You what?

224
00:14:16,930 --> 00:14:18,790
I'm not mad.

225
00:14:19,690 --> 00:14:21,130
You're not?

226
00:14:22,030 --> 00:14:24,460
And you thought
he was gonna be mad.

227
00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:27,900
Well, you transferred out,
you'll transfer back.

228
00:14:28,070 --> 00:14:29,800
Tomorrow when I wake up...

229
00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:35,100
...Ashley will be back in Bel-Air Academy
and maybe Will won't even be here.

230
00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:38,140
Daddy, I'm not going back.

231
00:14:40,420 --> 00:14:41,910
Now I'm mad.

232
00:14:43,190 --> 00:14:44,780
- You knew about this.
ASHLEY: No.

233
00:14:45,250 --> 00:14:47,120
Will didn't do anything wrong.

234
00:14:47,290 --> 00:14:50,450
- That's right, you tell him.
- If anything, I should thank Will.

235
00:14:50,630 --> 00:14:54,150
- He's the whole reason I transferred.
- Whoa, whoa.

236
00:14:54,330 --> 00:14:57,320
Pull it back, baby. Pull it back.

237
00:14:59,470 --> 00:15:02,400
Like I'm doing. Pull it back.

238
00:15:02,740 --> 00:15:06,940
Daddy, Will made me realize
how limited my life has been.

239
00:15:07,110 --> 00:15:09,700
I wanna be with real people
with real concerns.

240
00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:12,310
Oh, and people in Bel-Air
don't have real concerns?

241
00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:16,350
- It's pronounced Porsche.
HILARY: Porsche.

242
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:19,320
- Porsche.
- Porsche.

243
00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:26,560
- Ashley, honey, you lied to us.
- I knew you'd say no.

244
00:15:26,730 --> 00:15:30,530
But, honey, we just want you
to have the best education possible.

245
00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:35,570
Mom, Bel-Air Academy doesn't equal better.
You and Dad both went to public schools.

246
00:15:35,870 --> 00:15:37,810
Whoa, good point, Ash.

247
00:15:42,610 --> 00:15:45,480
- Can't we at least discuss this?
- I believe we just did.

248
00:15:45,650 --> 00:15:49,670
- San Tropez.
- San Tropez.

249
00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:58,660
Will, I took your advice and reached out
to our brothers and sisters. Heh.

250
00:15:58,830 --> 00:16:00,660
Look at this.

251
00:16:02,300 --> 00:16:04,560
<i>Thank you. Thank you.</i>

252
00:16:04,730 --> 00:16:07,130
<i>Hello and welcome to Hilary.</i>

253
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,930
<i>As an African American woman...</i>

254
00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:12,300
<i>...I'd like to dedicate this show
to all my sisters.</i>

255
00:16:12,470 --> 00:16:16,310
<i>Presenting fashions from the motherland.</i>

256
00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:18,470
[AFRICAN MUSIC PLAYING]

257
00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:22,110
<i>Inga is wearing a hand-woven dashiki
from Nairobi.</i>

258
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:25,080
<i>Her jewelry is from the Ivory Coast...</i>

259
00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:29,020
<i>...and her weave is from
Whoopi Goldberg's House of Hair.</i>

260
00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:32,490
<i>Work it, you Nubian princess, you. Ha, ha.</i>

261
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,660
<i>Our next model is Buffie.</i>

262
00:16:39,130 --> 00:16:42,130
Um, Hil, I just... I...
I really wanna commend...

263
00:16:42,300 --> 00:16:45,470
...your attempt to reach out
to your African American viewers...

264
00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:48,870
- ... but you forgot one thing.
- What?

265
00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:51,740
African Americans.

266
00:16:52,410 --> 00:16:54,610
Oh.

267
00:16:56,950 --> 00:16:59,480
Carlton, she went to private school,
didn't she?

268
00:16:59,650 --> 00:17:01,050
Touché.

269
00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:02,920
But there's a bigger issue here.

270
00:17:03,090 --> 00:17:04,290
People talk.

271
00:17:04,460 --> 00:17:07,020
What if an admissions officer
at Princeton found out...

272
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:11,360
...my sister was going to public school?
I mean, my God.

273
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:15,960
ASHLEY:
Daddy, I'd like you to meet someone.

274
00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:21,480
This is Miss Sharpe. She's my
homeroom teacher at Morris High.

275
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:24,640
Miss Sharpe, this is my father.
The real one.

276
00:17:24,810 --> 00:17:26,210
Thanks, Ashley.

277
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:28,840
- Pleased to meet you.
- Same here.

278
00:17:29,020 --> 00:17:31,110
- Why don't you have a seat?
- Thank you.

279
00:17:31,290 --> 00:17:34,480
I thought if we met I could
allay any concerns you might have.

280
00:17:34,660 --> 00:17:35,710
Well, Miss Sharpe...

281
00:17:35,890 --> 00:17:39,020
...you made quite an impression
upon my daughter.

282
00:17:39,190 --> 00:17:41,720
But, with all due respect,
I am thoroughly satisfied...

283
00:17:41,900 --> 00:17:44,690
...with the education
Ashley is receiving at Bel-Air Academy.

284
00:17:44,870 --> 00:17:47,800
Perhaps you're not aware
of Morris High's academic achievements.

285
00:17:47,970 --> 00:17:50,770
I don't doubt that
Morris High is a fine institution...

286
00:17:50,940 --> 00:17:52,770
...but I've already made my decision.

287
00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:56,040
I'm sorry to hear that.

288
00:17:56,340 --> 00:17:59,370
One of the things I've admired
about Ashley is her open mind.

289
00:17:59,550 --> 00:18:01,780
Well, she gets that from her mother.
Ha-ha-ha.

290
00:18:03,790 --> 00:18:05,340
Uncle Phil, the phone... Ooh.

291
00:18:06,220 --> 00:18:11,280
Hey, listen, man. I can explain everything.
Look, I was dizzy, then I came... I was...

292
00:18:11,460 --> 00:18:13,450
Uh, you must be Will.

293
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:15,730
I'm Miss Sharpe.

294
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:22,130
Oh, nice to meet you
for the first time ever in life.

295
00:18:24,310 --> 00:18:28,170
Hey, you know, Uncle Phil,
that's the first time I ever met her in life.

296
00:18:29,010 --> 00:18:31,840
Mr. Banks, we were profiled here
in Education Today.

297
00:18:32,010 --> 00:18:34,950
Maybe if you read it, you'll reconsider.

298
00:18:35,750 --> 00:18:36,810
Nice to meet you.

299
00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:39,010
Sorry you had to drive out here
for nothing.

300
00:18:39,190 --> 00:18:41,950
- Yeah. Bye.
WILL: Bye.

301
00:18:42,290 --> 00:18:45,320
Nice to meet you
for the first time ever in life.

302
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:50,330
Whoo. She really something, huh?
Hard to say no to her.

303
00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:52,490
Not if you're a parent. Ahem.

304
00:18:52,670 --> 00:18:56,330
Hey, come on, Uncle Phil. Be reasonable.
When's the last time a teacher...

305
00:18:56,500 --> 00:18:57,870
...from Bel-Air Academy
came to the house?

306
00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:02,070
Look, the girl went
and changed schools behind my back.

307
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:05,210
Now, in this house,
that constitutes a capital crime.

308
00:19:05,510 --> 00:19:07,140
But she had a good reason.

309
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:09,510
Look, my wife's nephew.

310
00:19:11,550 --> 00:19:15,420
I want Ashley in Bel-Air Academy
where there's a controlled environment.

311
00:19:15,590 --> 00:19:19,120
I know who's there.
But, more importantly, I know who's not.

312
00:19:19,290 --> 00:19:20,390
Listen, I'm telling you.

313
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,890
I went to both public
and private schools...

314
00:19:23,060 --> 00:19:26,470
...and I'm saying in public school,
it's more different kinds of people.

315
00:19:26,630 --> 00:19:29,600
In Bel-Air Academy, everybody
cut from the same mold.

316
00:19:29,770 --> 00:19:31,430
If you ask me, you acting like a...

317
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:37,780
Snob.

318
00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:42,050
I'm gonna just go.

319
00:19:49,020 --> 00:19:52,390
And a one and a... Hell with that.

320
00:19:53,730 --> 00:19:56,130
<i>ANNOUNCER: The forecast for the...
- Philip, look here.</i>

321
00:19:56,300 --> 00:19:59,760
Morris High School is fourth in
the country among magnet schools.

322
00:19:59,930 --> 00:20:04,870
Magnet schools? Maybe that's why
they need metal detectors, huh? Ha-ha-ha.

323
00:20:06,710 --> 00:20:10,510
- This is important. Don't make jokes.
- Vivian, we've made our decision.

324
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:14,210
We? No, you've made a decision.

325
00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:17,220
I'm a college professor.
You didn't even ask my opinion.

326
00:20:17,390 --> 00:20:20,410
Didn't I? I'm sure I did.

327
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,820
I'm sorry, honey. What do you think?

328
00:20:24,430 --> 00:20:27,520
I think we should at least consider it.

329
00:20:28,030 --> 00:20:32,590
Sometimes I think we work so hard
to give our kids what we didn't have...

330
00:20:32,770 --> 00:20:35,260
...sometimes we forget to give them
what we did have.

331
00:20:43,140 --> 00:20:46,340
- Good morning, Will.
WILL: Hey, good morning, Uncle Phil.

332
00:20:46,510 --> 00:20:49,110
- Good morning, Ashley.
ASHLEY: Good morning.

333
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:50,310
What are you eating?

334
00:20:50,490 --> 00:20:52,080
Food.

335
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:02,820
What are you doing?

336
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:04,930
Cutting the tension.

337
00:21:06,100 --> 00:21:07,970
Good morning, everyone.

338
00:21:08,140 --> 00:21:09,300
Hey, Hil.

339
00:21:09,470 --> 00:21:13,270
So, what's today's black topic?
Amish rap stars?

340
00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:16,400
I'm through chasing
one specific demographic.

341
00:21:16,780 --> 00:21:21,110
Thanks to my leopard skin midriff top,
I hit an all-time high with male viewers.

342
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:24,650
I got more men yesterday
than Sally Jesse Raphael gets in a year.

343
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:26,580
How hard could that be?

344
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:31,820
PHIL: Where are you going?
- School.

345
00:21:31,990 --> 00:21:35,020
Since when do you wear a uniform
to public school?

346
00:21:36,430 --> 00:21:37,730
What are you talking about?

347
00:21:37,900 --> 00:21:40,130
Your mother and I
had a long talk last night.

348
00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:43,100
I called Miss Sharpe
and made an appointment to check it out.

349
00:21:43,270 --> 00:21:48,970
Now, if I'm satisfied with what I see,
you can give it a shot for a semester.

350
00:21:49,140 --> 00:21:51,480
Oh, Daddy, thank you.

351
00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:54,240
- We're gonna be late. Go change.
- Okay.

352
00:21:54,420 --> 00:21:56,940
Oh, Uncle Phil, thank you.