It is said that blood is thicker than water.
It is what defines us.
Binds us. Curses us.
Come, my love. Let's go.
Come, Barnabas.
For some, blood means a life of wealth and privilege.
For others, a life of servitude.
Angelique, how many times do I have to tell you not to stare at him?
Remember your place.
When I was but a boy...
...my father took us to the New World to expand the Collins family empire.
We brought English industry to the wilds of Maine...
...and built a fishing business...
...the likes of which America had never seen.
A man should take pride in what he builds.
But remember, Barnabas, family is the only real wealth. Hm?
As our business grew, the town of Collinsport grew with it...
...and we decided to put down permanent roots.
We spent the next 15 years building our beloved home:
Collinwood
But not everyone shared in our family's success.
Let me hear you say "I love you, Angelique. I want you."
Angelique...
...I am sorry, my dear...but...
...you would be hearing a lie.
Make the high and mighty low
Arrogant creatures, down you go
Convinced my parents' death was no accident...
...I became obsessed with dark magic and ancient curses.
"Lo! Above the gates of hell...
...he found a single letter.
A letter proclaiming Satan's true name.
Mephistopheles."
But even then, in the depths of my grief, not all was darkness.
For I had found my one true love.
Promise we'll be together forever.
God as my witness, Josette...
...I swear it.
Of all the servants I could have spurned...
all the hearts I could have broken
...I got the one with the secret.
I got the witch.
If he doth another choose
To lend his heart an eye
Then magic shall the slighted use
So all he loves will
Die
Caught in Angelique's spell...
...my beloved Josette wandered helplessly towards Widow's Hill...
...where many a despondent soul had leapt' to their death.
Josette!
Josette.
Help me.
Josette!
What have you done?!
Angelique had cursed me to be a vampire...
...so that my suffering would never end.
There's the monster.
Resolved that I would never belong to her...
...Angelique turned the townspeople against me...
...and condemned me to suffer my anguish alone in the dark...
Let me out!
...for all time.
Let me out, I say!
Release me!
Hello. My name is Maggie Ev...
Hello. My name is Victoria Winters.
Please, call me Vicky.
So where are you from, Veronica?
New York. And it's Victoria.
"And it's Victoria." I love this chick, man.
New York's a trip, huh?
I guess.
What about you?
What brings a New York girl out to the sticks?
An old friend.
- Be cool. - Have a nice day.
- Catch you later. - Take it easy, Veronica.
Hello. I'm Victoria Winters.
Congratulations.
I'm here to see Ms. Stoddard about the governess position.
Oh, yeah. Been expecting you.
Come on.
Sorry I didn't grab you down at the station.
Damn wagon's been acting up.
Miss Elizabeth won't spend the money to get her fixed.
It's beautiful.
A bitch to dust is what it is.
This place was designed for a staff of a hundred.
Now they got a staff of me.
Me and Mrs. Johnson.
She's about as useful as a bucket without a bottom.
Still, not every family has a house like this.
Or a whole town named after them.
Come again?
Collins. "Collinsport."
Never got that.
Who's that?
Barnaby, maybe.
Something with a "Barn" in it.
One of the real important ones from way back.
Back when they were rich, rich people.
Barnabas.
His name was Barnabas Collins.
And he was the finest man this family ever knew.
Welcome to Collinwood.
You'll have to imagine us on a better day.
The house has some 200 rooms...
...most closed off to save on heating.
We don't even go in the old wing anymore.
Sit.
There are only seven of us, after all.
My daughter, Carolyn, and I.
My brother, Roger, and his son, David.
Willie, who you've met.
Mrs. Johnson and Dr. Hoffman...
...who I suspect is sleeping off one of her legendary hangovers.
And where is David's mother, if you don't mind my asking?
Laura was lost at sea...
...when David was 5.
He's had a rather difficult time accepting her passing.
I brought Dr. Hoffman here to work with him for a month.
That was three years ago.
There are just a few questions, if you don't mind...
...that were not on the application.
Of course.
How do you feel about the president?
Never met him.
The war?
I don't watch television.
Do you think the sexes should be equal?
Heavens, no.
Men would become unmanageable.
I think we'll get along just fine, Ms. Winters.
Vicky. Please, call me Vicky.
Carolyn.
Carolyn, this is Ms. Winters.
Sick of hanging around your pad
You're from New York?
I am.
What's Manhattan like?
I'm going to live there when I'm 16.
Carolyn has a fantasy that I'm going to allow this.
And Mother has a fantasy I won't run away if she doesn't.
So you're here to babysit the loony.
What have I told you about using that word?
I'm here to teach David.
Good luck.
None of the others have made it past a week.
Ms. Winters.
Please, call me Vicky.
Chop-chop, Willie, I'm starving.
And God help me if it's another bone-dry pot roast...
Who's this?
Ms. Winters, this is my brother, Roger.
Roger, Ms. Winters is to be David's new governess.
Please, call me Vicky.
It's nice to meet you.
Yeah. Yeah. Nice to meet you.
You're a liar.
I can tell, you know. Just from a person's face.
Yours says:
"I might look sweet and innocent, but I have secrets.
Secrets that'll make the hairs on your arms stand straight up."
Leave her be, Julia.
You're the doctor.
Yeah. And you're "the nanny," and she's "the bitch."
How do you ever expect us girls to advance...
...if we keep reducing each other to labels?
So, Vicky, where'd you c...?
Carolyn! Will you please turn that noise down?
David, this is Vicky.
She's going to be your new governess.
You ruined it!
I was gonna scare her.
Damn it. What have I told you about cutting holes in the sheets?
Those are Egyptian cotton.
I was gonna scare you.
Were you scared?
Terrified beyond belief.
You don't have to be nice to him just because he's nuts, you know.
Carolyn...
Carolyn touches herself. She makes noises like a kitten.
- David. - You little shit.
Carolyn. Enough, both of you.
If I may, what is the family business?
Seafood, Ms. Winters. We had a large cannery in town.
We still own a few fishing boats.
Rusty old boats that no one will hire.
And David's mother's at the bottom with one of them.
Carolyn, go to your room.
Everybody in this house tiptoes around him, but no one cares how I feel!
She didn't die.
- She can't. - Enough, David.
Yes, David believes his mother has some kind of...
...cyclical immortality.
Fascinating, really.
I feel her.
She talks to me.
All the time.
Well...
...I think ghosts are just people...
...who've moved into a slightly different dimension than ours.
And I think some people just have antennas strong enough to pick them up.
There's actually scientific evidence to support...
Thank you, Ms. Winters.
David, you startled me.
Getting ready for Halloween?
He's coming.
We hit something.
Let's dig it out.
Get down here.
What the hell is this?
Think it's a gas main?
Not supposed to be any out here.
You've gotta be shitting me. Grab me some bolt cutters.
Jesus!
Run!
I am terribly sorry.
You cannot imagine how thirsty I am.
Mephistopheles.
Show yourself, Satan!
Mock me not with your strange luminance!
Curious terrain.
What is this?
Some specter approaches.
It is the eyes of the devil himself, come to drag me to my judgment.
Have at me, Lucifer.
My soul is prepared!
Asshole!
My beloved Collinwood.
What have they done to you?
I'll keep on drinking and trust my...
Hi, pumpkin.
Fear me not, drunkard.
You shall not be harmed...
...so long as you tell me all that I need to know.
Well, here's all you need to know.
See me, derelict.
Look into my eyes...
...and deliver me your innermost thoughts.
Awaken.
Well done.
Now, tell me, the Collins family...
...do they endure?
A-yuh. There's four of them.
Thank heaven.
Pray, what month is it?
October. That's why there's pumpkins.
- What is the year? - '72.
Wait. '71.
A-yuh, 1972.
1972'?
Hear me, future-dweller.
You shall be my loyal servant...
...until such time as I release you.
So, what first, master?
You will cleanse me, miscreant.
And then you will take me to these living Collinses you speak of.
Okay.
Have you ever seen such majesty?
Every day.
The perfect marriage of European elegance...
...and American enterprise.
Nine of the finest craftsmen the world will ever know...
...lost digit, limb and life...
...in the process of carving these glorious pillars.
And they all considered it worth the sacrifice, I assure you.
The opulence and complexity of this magnificent chandelier...
...should only be found in the palaces of nobility.
The fireplace...
...sculpted entirely of the most exquisite Carrara marble...
...from Firenze, Italia...
...each joint containing a single pearl.
Are you stoned or something?
They tried stoning me, my dear.
It did not work.
When did they start allowing women of the night on estate grounds?
Carolyn.
- Look. - Ah, yes.
Uncanny, is it not?
Worth every hour I spent posing.
Forgive me. My name is Barnabas Collins.
I'm David Collins.
- Are we...? - Related?
Distantly, you might say.
It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Master David.
Children!
Get away from that man.
He says his name is Barnabas Collins.
And I'm pretty sure he called me a hooker.
That'll do, Carolyn.
A word, please.
If this is some kind of a joke, consider it played.
If it's money you're after, I'm afraid you've been misinformed.
But whoever you are, you're not to look at those children again. Am I clear?
Your devotion to family...
...is admirable, madam.
And your suspicion...
...understandable.
A stranger arrives...
...claiming to be a distant relation.
The question of motive is to be expected.
As a Collins...
...surely you are aware of the darkness that has long plagued our family.
You mean our curse.
Witches, ghosts and vampires.
Myths.
And like so many before you...
...I suppose you're here to rid us of them.
For a price, of course.
- I can prove that I am different. - Oh?
Firstly, I do not come seeking money.
Rather, to provide it.
Secondly...
...I know the body of this mansion as well as I know my own.
Every nook...
...every corner...
...every secret!
That's where I keep my macramé.
A disgraceful misuse.
Impressive.
But there are plenty of old houses with hidden doors.
I hope you have a "thirdly."
Indeed.
Tell me...
...what do you know...
...of Barnabas Collins?
Just legends, really.
He was confident and strong.
Admired by all.
But he believed our family was cursed...
...and when his parents were killed, he went mad.
Went around insisting that a witch had turned him into a vampire.
And what is known of his death?
Nothing.
Not that I can think of.
That, madam...
...is because he never died.
I am Barnabas Collins.
That means you're...
A vampire, madam. Yes.
And most regrettably so.
But more importantly, I am a Collins.
And I give you my word of honor:
Neither you nor any under this roof need fear my cursed nature.
My father had quite a flair for secret passages and rooms.
As a boy, I took it upon myself to discover each one.
But this one...
This one was always my favorite.
"Family is the only real wealth," he would often remark.
Though clearly...
...he was not opposed to other kinds.
Oh, my God.
We've been sitting on top of a fortune all these years.
Know this:
I mean to stay.
I mean to be a part of this family again.
On one condition.
Yes.
Promise me that this...
...all of this, will remain our secret.
So be it.
Partners.
Welcome home, Barnabas Collins.
I was awakened...
...by a yellow dragon with iron teeth.
Confronted by a giant letter M with the luminance of a thousand lanterns.
He's not staying with us forever, is he?
I like him.
Yes, well, I'm sure things are very different in England.
So, Barnabas, what sort of business are you in back home?
The Collins family has always been in the fishing business.
But after two centuries of consideration...
...I have decided to devote the entirety of my energies...
...to family.
He means it seemed like two centuries.
Morning.
Who the hell is this?
Dr. Hoffman, this is our distant relative, Barnabas Collins.
The Third.
Barnabas Collins III is going to stay with us from England.
Barnabas? Dr. Julia Hoffman.
My God...
...a woman doctor.
What an age this is.
Is he for real?
I think he's just tired from his long trip.
I see that you have grown desperate enough...
...to sell off the prized family silverware.
How could you tell? These are exact replicas.
Had this fork been real silver...
...my hand would have burst into flames upon its slightest touch.
Yes, you mentioned you have a terrible metal allergy.
Anyway, the fishing business is all but gone.
The manor is nearly in ruins.
Well, I have returned.
And in short order, so shall our fortunes.
Huh. Good luck.
Angie has deals with most of the boats in Maine.
- "Angie"? - Angelbay.
They've taken just about every port on the East Coast.
Then that is where my work begins. And with your blessing...
...I shall restore the family business to its former glory.
Josette.
That's Vicky.
She believes in ghosts, like me.
Hi.
Enchanted.
Surely you do not let them call you "Vicky."
A name like Victoria is so beautiful...
...I could not bear to part with a single syllable of it.
Yeah, well...
...money might grow on trees where you're from...
...but it's a little harder to come by here.
Do not concern yourself with my methods.
I should like to see the factory immediately. How soon can the horses be ready?
We don't have horses.
We have a Chevy.
Hey, Angie, have a great day!
- Morning, Angie! - Hi, Angie!
Morning!
One of the seamers blew a clutch. It'll be two hours before it's back online.
Make it an hour. And start cracking the whip out here.
Everybody looks like they're moving at half speed today.
Tell you the truth, I think they're a little spooked about what happened last night.
- What do you mean? - Didn't you hear?
They found 11 workers dead in the woods off Route 9 this morning.
Well, accidents happen.
It wasn't an accident. Some maniac ripped their throats out.
Where off Route 9?
Yeah, Helen, it's me. Yeah, you heard me right. It's carnage here.
All right! I heard you the first 20 times.
Keep your damn panties...
- ...on. - I'll do my best.
A word with Barnabas Collins, please.
Oh, he's, um... Who?
Oh, I think you know who.
Black hair, handsome features.
Strange clothes covered in fresh blood.
My, we've let this place go to hell, haven't we?
Right where it belongs.
You must be Carolyn.
We're growing into quite the fetching creature.
Angelique.
Elizabeth.
You're looking well.
And to what do we owe the pleasure?
I'm here on behalf of the town council to welcome our new visitor to Collinsport.
He's asleep, I'm afraid.
During the day? How odd.
What was that infernal banging?
Barnabas, we have a guest.
My apologies, madam I have just arisen.
You must think me a fright. Miss...?
Hello, Barnabas.
My name is Angie Bouchard.
So it is.
Do you know what I would very much like to do with you?
I can only imagine.
I would very much like to have a word in the drawing room.
With your permission, Elizabeth. Would you excuse us?
How dare you defile my manor with your noxious...?
Mmm.
It's really you.
How dare you place your wicked lips upon me?
I remember this place being less depressing.
I also remember the two of us having a lot of fun.
Here...
...and...
...here.
Have you any idea what you put me through?
You killed the woman I love and cursed me to be this hideous creature.
Barnabas, get over it.
Locked in a box for 200 years!
Don't exaggerate, it was only 196.
It was an eternity.
I shall have you tried for witchcraft and burnt at the stake.
Poor, sweet Barnabas.
Things have changed while you were taking your little nap.
My Angelbay is Collinsport now.
So you are the one who has sent the Collins family business into the abyss.
They love me here.
I'm the only big fish left in their little pond.
Is that so?
And do the good people of Collinsport know that their beloved Angie...
...is a whore of Beelzebub?
Heh. Do you really think anyone would believe a word you said?
I've been an upstanding member of this community for 200 years...
...in one form or another.
Your name may have changed, but you remain the succubus of Satan.
Harlot of the devil. Vulgar...!
The people of Collinsport are my worshippers now.
And to them...
...you're just a stranger who's afraid of the sun.
Welcome back to the shadows, Barnabas Collins.
I've missed you.
Angelbay.
The very audacity of the name summons vomit into the recesses of my mouth.
I always knew there was something off about Angie. But a witch?
Indeed.
But a witch with an impenetrable hatred of me.
Hate?
No, if she merely hated you, she would've killed you.
A curse takes devotion.
Why must I alone...
...bear the rotten fruit of our cursed family tree?
My parents, taken.
My true love, taken.
And what did you do?
I attempted to throw myself from a cliff.
Tragically, to no avail.
And then...
...I became a vampire...
...and started to kill innocent townspeople.
Yes...
...but you also kept the family business afloat...
...and tried to keep the manor from falling apart.
Yes.
Yes, I did, didn't I?
You fought on, Barnabas.
In your own crazy and miserable way, you fought on...
...until they had to drag you away and lock you in an iron box...
- ...to keep you from fighting. - My God, you're right.
You fought on because it's in your blood.
In our blood, madam.
And now you have a chance to fight again.
And fight I shall.
What sorcery is this?
Reveal yourself, tiny songstress!
You want fishermen, you gotta get Silas Clarney first.
He's got the ear of every captain from Bar Harbor to Boston.
They call him the "Godfather of the Grand Banks."
Excuse me. Captain Clarney?
Captain Clarney, I'd like you to meet Barnabas Collins.
"Collins"?
And why does a Collins want to talk to me'?
To offer you a contract.
I have a contract...
...with Angelbay.
And if I told you I could offer you a better one?
Then, Mr. Collins, I would tell you to take a long walk off a short pier.
There is such a thing as loyalty in our line of work.
I see.
Mr. Clarney...
...you have grown rather weary of working for Angelbay.
In fact, you would rather sell your soul to Satan...
...than sell another fish to Angelique Bouchard.
Do you understand?
I...-
...understand.
Very good.
Now...
...if you would be so kind as to introduce me...
...to some of your fellow captains...
Barnabas? Why are you staring into Carolyn's room?
What is that thing?
It's a lamp.
It looks like a pulsating blood urn.
I think it's time I showed you my office, Barnabas.
Do you know what a psychiatrist is?
Regrettably, the word is foreign to me.
May I assume it is some species of American delicacy?
It's a medical doctor that specializes in disorders of the mind.
- I'm a psychiatrist. - Hm.
Now, where were you born?
- Liverpool. - Can you describe it for me?
Filthy.
The air is choked with soot and the streets reek...
...of freshly hurled chamber pots.
The smell of urine permeates the air.
Have you any experience with hypnotism, Barnabas?
I find it very useful, yes.
Yes, I agree.
You see...
...sometimes we make up a fantasy world...
...to help us erase horrible memories from our past.
I find hypnotism cuts through all that.
I employ it for other purposes.
May I hypnotize you, Barnabas?
Madam...
...I do not believe that remotely possi...
Good.
Now...
...I'd like you to tell me a few things.
A vampire?
Keep your voice down.
What on earth are you talking about?
Oh, spare me. I had him under hypnosis for hours.
Barnabas?
There's a point where delusions fail, but his didn't budge.
He told me everything...
...including that you've known his secret since he arrived!
- Why didn't you say anything? - I was protecting the children.
Oh, by letting a vampire use one of the guest bedrooms?
He admitted killing those men at the construction site.
- He's a murderer. - He's a Collins and a good man...
...and these days, that's a desperately rare combination.
Oh, yes, I almost forgot, the family that can do no wrong.
You know, Julia, I'm surprised at you.
I'd think a physician like you would find him fascinating.
Well, sure.
Medically, psychologically and physically, he's fascinating.
Which is exactly why I came to you instead of the police.
Then be fascinated, Julia.
And if you have an ounce of love or respect for this family...
...keep your mouth shut.
I don't feel comfortable discussing this with you.
Do not fear, my child.
I simply seek advice on the art of courting a woman of this time.
Land.
And who better to tutor me than a woman of your age.
What is your age, if I may?
- Fifteen. - Fifteen and no husband.
You must put those birthing hips to good use at once...
...lest your womb shrivel up and die.
You're weird.
But do you think me too weird for a woman of this...
land?
You obviously mean Vicky.
She has the most fertile birthing hips I have ever laid eyes upon.
You're way too weird.
Do you really think so?
You're all stiff, proper and old-fashioned.
And Victoria...
...is she not proper?
She likes to pretend she's rock 'n' roll.
She's a Carpenters kind of chick for sure.
Do you mean to say that she has a penchant for woodworkers?
The Carpenters are musicians, stupid.
Ah, music.
Yes, I'm rather fond of the music of the day.
I am a picker
I am a grinner
I am a lover
And I am a sinner
I play my music
In the sun
If only Shakespeare had been as eloquent.
Okay.
If you wanna get with her, you're gonna have to change your approach.
Drop the whole weird swinging London thing...
...and hang out with a few normal people.
Hmm.
You know what's good about this war, man?
- What? - No way, man.
No, no, no, listen up.
What's good about this war...
...is that it's so bad...
...it's gonna be the last one.
- Yeah. - The last one.
And this last war we're in the middle of...
...who wins?
- Peace wins, man. - Yeah.
- Peace wins every war. - Yeah.
- Every war. - Yeah.
- You speak of peace. - Yeah.
I have spent the last two centuries locked in a box...
Whoa.
...staring into the all-consuming void.
The dark shadows of one's soul.
That's heavy, man.
Man, you tripped for two centuries?
Indeed.
But with great purpose, methinks.
For I believe that I have found my one true love.
Whoa.
Alas, I know not how to win her tender affections...
...for I fear that I am a relic in her eyes. - Aw.
- That's what they say about us. - Yeah.
Where I'm from...
...the love of a woman is won by giving money to her father.
Or sheep.
And if the love is earnest enough...
...then perhaps even a combination of the two.
Women don't care about money...
...or sheep.
Yeah.
Are you absolutely certain?
Love.
Chicks dig love, man.
Yeah.
Yes.
I am reminded of a line...
...from Erich Segal's wonderful novel, Love Story.
"Love means never having to say...
...you are sorry."
That is so beautiful.
However, please know that it is with sincere regret...
...that I must now kill all of you.
- Heh. - Yeah.
No, it's brilliant.
Theoretically, anyway.
A series of transfusions to try and purify your blood.
And my soul with it.
I should warn you, Barnabas, there's a slight chance it won't work.
It isn't exactly the kind of thing they teach in medical school.
You must have faith, doctor...
...for if a man can become a monster, then a monster can become a man.
But why become a man, Barnabas?
Why give up the gift of eternal youth?
Look at me. Every year I get half as pretty and twice as drunk.
If that is true, madam...
...you must have started as the most beautiful creature that has ever lived.
Uh...
Barnabas...
...are you aware of the concept of doctor-patient confidentiality?
No.
Perhaps you would be kind enough to enlighten me.
All right.
Barnabas!
Ah, Victoria.
Mind if I tag along?
Nothing would make me happier.
You've come down for a stroll?
Actually, I came down looking for David.
God knows where he's run off to now.
We'll be lucky if we see him before Christmas.
He's a fine lad.
Every bit as curious and rambunctious as I was.
He idolizes you.
Between you and his mother, I can hardly get him to talk about anything else.
You believe him, that he sees her and speaks to her?
Part of me believes he's a lonely boy looking for comfort.
Part of me believes there are things in this world we don't understand.
Things like magic, death, destiny.
I guess as long as it makes him happy, what does it matter what anyone believes?
Eloquently put.
Maybe we're getting too worked up about this, Angie.
I mean they spruced up the cannery and renovated their house. So what?
We still hold pink slips on 95 percent of the nets dragging the Grand Banks.
He's right.
It doesn't mean anything to our bottom line.
"Doesn't mean anything"?
My great-great grandmother started Angelbay...
...to show those Collins that they didn't own the water.
That they couldn't look down their entitled noses at us.
The Bouchard women slaved for over two centuries...
...sacrificing their lives to build this business.
So that means something, gentlemen.
And I'll be damned if I'm gonna see it destroyed by those bastards.
Call and arrange a meeting.
Sell to you? Never.
One cannot put a price on the restoration of a family's honor.
Let me try.
I had no idea that my business acumen was giving you such spasms.
Hypnotizing fishermen isn't business acumen, Barnabas.
Those are my terms.
Here are my terms:
Goest thou to hell, and swiftly, please.
And there may Asmodeus himself suckle from your diseased teat.
Ooh. No one talks like you anymore, Barnabas.
Yes, indeed.
I must say this age does remain a mystery to me.
Give me one good reason why I should not kill you this instant.
Because I'd kill you if you tried.
Impossible.
That would require mercy.
Instead, you have made me a monster.
We're both monsters, Barnabas.
Just two big fish in an itty-bitty pond.
Now, we can either fight until one of us is dead...
or we can make...
...little fish together.
I'll be honest. I was really angry at you for the first century or so.
Sure, it was fun...
...watching your family squirm and burn away...
...like ants under a magnifying glass.
And yes, it was fun being adored as the Collins name crumbled...
...growing wealthy on the backs of their despair.
But lately...
Lately it's just been...
...lonely.
We're different from these people, Barnabas.
We're better than they are.
That's why I've missed you.
You're the only ant I couldn't...
...burn.
What is it you want, Angelique?
Your love.
You do still love me, don't you?
Somewhere deep down in that cold, un-beating heart.
My dear, even Aphrodite herself could not construct a more odious union.
What if I made you?
With what, a spell?
A little doll filled with pins? That is not love.
- With this. - Oh.
- The body you once begged me for. - Mmm.
I must admit, they have not aged a day.
I'm willing to start over, Barnabas.
I'm willing to call a truce if you'll just take me.
I am not as I once was.
I could change that.
And if I refuse?
I'll take everything you love...
...starting with that little creature you've been eyeing so fondly.
The one who looks like Josette.
Well, then...
...I suppose strictly in the name of her honor...
...I must now defile...
...your most intimate and womanly segments.
That was a regrettable turn of events.
You didn't seem to regret it.
Yes.
Seems that even in death, I have a weakness for the living flesh.
Especially yours.
What a cold way to describe something so hot.
Perhaps.
But I cannot succumb to your charms ever again.
Please, forgive me.
If I can't have you, my love...
...I'll destroy you.
Five more minutes.
This is a very silly play.
A werewolf.
A werewolf?
Yeah, well, it's the only station we get out here.
How are we doing?
I do not feel as though I'm becoming more human as yet.
Give it some time.
Time, doctor, I have an unfortunate excess of.
This is my favorite doll, called Lucy.
And my favorite bit about Lucy is her crazy, crazy red hair.
I mean, look at her red hair.
And my second favorite bit about her...
...is her nice, shiny, pink bow and...
No! Please! Please, no! Please!
Please, I'm begging you! Please, don't!
It's really true! Mommy, Daddy, please!
Mommy! Daddy!
Mommy!
Please, Daddy! Daddy!
Help me.
Help you what?
A what?
A ball.
And a most splendid one.
A ball for who?
For the entire town, of course.
Don't you know the entire town kind of hates us?
Balls are demonstrations of power.
Balls are how the ruling class remain the ruling class.
Exactly what I've been saying. This family could use some balls.
Indeed. And the Collins family have always held the biggest...
...and the most wonderful balls.
Jesus, can somebody shut the drapes?
You know, Barnabas has a point.
It's about time we threw a little dough around. Hm?
Show the peasants that we're back in action.
People don't throw balls anymore, stupid.
Do they not?
They throw happenings.
And how, pray, does one throw a happening?
Well...
...first things first, you'll need a mirror ball.
Whatever that is, we shall have it.
And booze, lots of booze.
Carolyn.
We shall have spirits enough to fill a schooner's hull.
And...
...Alice Cooper.
I seem to recall an Alice Cooper from my youth.
Does she reside in Collinsport?
Not exactly.
Well, she shall be our guest nonetheless.
How do you do?
- Thank you for having us. - Evening.
Good evening. Welcome to Collinwood.
I have to hand it to you. This is a happening.
I guess the only thing missing is Alice Cooper.
Perhaps you should go and acquaint yourself with the evening's entertainment.
I used to be such a sweet, sweet thing Till they got ahold of me
I opened doors for little old ladies
I helped the blind to see
I got no friends 'cause they read the papers
They can't be seen with me
And I'm getting real shot down And I'm feeling mean
Ugliest woman I've ever seen.
No more Mr. Nice Guy
No more Mr. Clean
No more Mr. Nice Guy
They say he's sick He's obscene
I got no friends 'cause they read the papers
Master David.
Where is the female coat attendant?
My dad's talking to her inside.
Hm.
But he told me to keep everybody out.
I'm sure he did, David. And you've done a marvelous job.
But now I would like you to go and watch Alice Cooper with the others.
But my dad said...
Go and watch the Cooper woman.
You were right about this stuff.
Nothing but the best for you, pussycat.
Who was the kid?
I have no idea. I never saw him before.
Now...
...come here.
Mommy, where's Daddy?
He's been gone for so long.
Is he ever coming home?
I was gone for 14 days
I could've been gone for more
Whatever are you doing outside, my dear?
You'll catch your death of cold.
I've caught the only thing that matters, Barnabas.
Your eye.
I have withheld my tender affections...
...fearful that they were unrequited.
I've not spoken of my feelings to another soul.
Right. You've only spoken of my birthing hips.
Yes, well...
I don't know why, but for some reason, I feel like I can tell you anything.
It's like I've known you forever.
Yes.
It's almost hypnotic.
Yes.
But, wait, no.
I have used no such trickery to summon your ardor, I assure you.
I don't know what it is. I just know there's always been something pulling me here.
Pulling me to Collinsport.
To you.
Oh, my dear Victoria.
- Hath my scent offended thee? - No, no.
I'm sorry. It's just...
The people I love haven't always loved me back.
My own family sent me away. Swept me under the rug...
...because it was easier than having a daughter who was different.
Who was cursed.
Cursed because I saw things other little girls didn't.
They were the loneliest, most painful years a child could know.
Now, hold still, Maggie.
This will only hurt for a minute.
Aah!
But as hard as they were, I never lost my will.
The need to feel the sun on my face again.
So I set out in search of a new home.
A new life, far away from that pain.
But even in my wildest dreams, I never thought I'd feel as happy as I do now.
To betray one's own kin, and because she possesses a gift.
No, Victoria.
It is unforgivable.
And your parents deserve to boil in hell's everlasting sulfur.
See my lonely life unfold
Since I've gone away
Uh-oh. Hey.
Hey, you're not invited. Um...
Hey. Uh...
But...
Sleeping don't come very easy
In a straight, white vest
Should like to see that little children
She's only 4 years old
For most of my life, I've wanted a place where I belonged.
A place where I could feel at home again.
Feel loved again.
And I've found that place here at Collinwood.
And here.
We must intensify our efforts.
I have urgent need to be human again.
I can explain.
My God.
You're not using your blood to make me human.
You're using my blood to make yourself immortal.
Yes, but, Barnabas, you have a gift. It isn't fail to keep it all to yourself.
The Collins family took you in, bestowed their sacred trust upon you.
And you brazenly betray that trust.
I'm sorry.
I just don't want to grow old.
I want to be beautiful again.
- I want to live forever, like you. - I'm afraid that is out of the question.
A stout man contains some five quarts of blood...
...which, if you will forgive the boast...
...I can consume in a mere seven and a half seconds.
But you, my dear little wisp...
...I dare say I shall drink you to a withered husk in less than five.
Please don't kill me. You're a good man. You're a gentleman.
- Please, forgive me. - Madam.
I am neither good nor gentle, and I do not forgive.
Aah!
I should tell you, Willie...
...if you ever speak a word of this to anyone...
...I shall have to kill you in a most unpleasant manner.
Don't worry, Mr. B.
I never liked the bitch anyway.
Come on. I know you're here.
Hey.
Beautiful workmanship, isn't it?
Hm. I was just looking for the, uh...
This?
There's nothing worth stealing, I'm afraid.
Sadly, Elizabeth uses it for the badminton equipment.
That's what I was looking for.
What are you?
I am about to do something so repellent...
...that it sickens me to my very core.
I'm going to give you a choice.
What choice?
Either you remain at Collinwood...
...and devote your every waking moment to becoming an exemplary father...
the father David so desperately wants and deserves...
Or?
Or you leave...
...with sufficient money...
...to live your thieving, selfish life elsewhere.
Where on earth is Dr. Hoffman when we need her?
Indeed.
Barnabas, you're on fire.
I'd like to teach the world to sing
I demand that you release me from my curse.
You're late.
What is that?
The only thing you drink these days.
From where does it come?
No one you know.
I promise.
I knew it wouldn't be long before you barged in...
...begging me to make you mortal again.
Now that Dr. Hoffman isn't around to give you your little transfusions.
Yes.
Yes, it was a shame...
...she was called away on business so suddenly.
Interesting. I don't know many people who take business meetings...
...in the bottom of the ocean.
She was a liar.
She was stealing my blood.
Aren't we being a smidge hypocritical?
Lying and stealing blood are things you're rather familiar with.
Yes, I killed Dr. Hoffman...
...and the workmen and those very nice, unshaven young people.
But know this:
With each life I take...
...a piece of my wretched soul dies.
For I only kill because I'm compelled to.
Compelled by your witchcraft.
By your curse.
Why have you done this to me?
It's a shame.
You know, if you'd just been smart enough to love me, I would've let her go.
Speak plainly, snake.
I sent your little girlfriend over the cliffs once before.
What makes you think I wouldn't do it again?
I'm gonna offer you a business proposal, Barnabas.
My final offer.
Either you agree to rule this little pond of mine side by side...
...partners and lovers...
...or I put you back in the box.
I have already prepared my counter proposal.
It reads thusly:
You may strategically place your wonderful lips upon my posterior...
...and kiss it repeatedly!
Sleeping flame, I summon thee
To your form return
Make the night as bright as day
And burn, baby, burn
Wha...?
I've come to realize shutting you in that box for all eternity...
...might've been a tad harsh.
So here is the deal:
I'm gonna destroy everything you love...
...and you're gonna take some more time to think about us.
See you in a couple centuries, lover boy.
Do not dismay, Barnabas. We shall yet again escape this nightmare.
Perhaps only a few brief decades this time.
Oh, hello!
Hello! I hear you!
Oh, sweet glories be. Whoever you are, fear not. I will not harm you.
What year is it? How many centuries have I...?
How long has it been?
It's been 20 minutes.
Young Master David. How on earth did you know I was imprisoned?
My mom told me.
You probably think I'm crazy.
Young man, I think nothing of the sort.
Uncle Barnabas...
...why do you have ladies' underwear on your face?
Never mind that. Where is your family? Where is Victoria?
I haven't seen Vicky...
...but everybody else is in the town watching our cannery burn.
We must save them! Hurry!
Master David!
Perhaps you should unchain me first?
Hank, we need another brigade out of Portland, quick as you can!
Get these folks out of here!
All right, everybody, stand back! Please, stand back!
Oh, boy. Miss Elizabeth's gonna shit a brick.
Sheriff, we need to talk.
Christ, Angie, I ain't got time for chitchat. The damned town's burning!
You don't have time for proof that the Collins family is harboring a murderer?
Yes, I killed Dr. Hoffman...
...and the workmen and those very nice, unshaven young people.
Well, I'll be damned.
And to think the whole town's named after them.
I'd be willing to bet that Barnabas has already skipped town.
And I'd be willing to bet...
...that you'll find the corpses of more of his innocent victims in there!
The Collins family has rebuilt their business with murder!
Well, I say, not in my town!
There's one of them now!
He's probably the one who started the fire to cover his boss' tracks.
- Time to go. - Where you going?
Willie. What on earth's happened?
Fire. Murder. Angry mob. Run!
David, go inside.
Liz...
...I'm sorry.
We're gonna have to take you in.
All of you.
Bill...
...the Collins family built this town.
We built it with our boats and our nets.
With our sacrifices and our blood.
And this is how you repay us?
You've been harboring a murderer.
Arrest them.
I shall go willingly...
...to whatever punishment awaits...
...provided...
...no harm befalls my family.
Hold it right there.
And provided...
...Miss Bouchard goes along with me...
...for she is no less a monster than I.
Perhaps it is best...
...if we are both destroyed.
Mr. Collins, back off! I'm warning you!
Go on, slaughter me.
Show them what you are.
No.
I shall show them what we are.
Unh!
What's that man done to Angie?
It's not him, it's her.
She's a witch.
Excuse me.
You gotta get through me first, lady.
All right, everybody, go on home now.
- Nothing to see here. - Let's move.
You should've loved me, Barnabas.
None of this would've happened if you'd just loved me.
I should have destroyed you. You've brought me nothing but misery.
I gave you my heart!
You have no heart.
You're the curse!
Women are undone by loving you.
Josette, Dr. Hoffman. And your beloved Vicky.
I command you to release her from your curse.
"Command"? You make me sick.
Missed me.
Vulgar, hideous serpent, I shall deliver you to hell's doorstep.
Get out of my room!
Angelique!
Get out of my house.
Your house?
Enough trickery.
I worshipped you.
Plagued me.
Adored you!
Despised you!
Fine.
If Collins blood built this house...
...then let us bathe in it.
Leave us alone.
Carolyn?
Carolyn, my God.
I'm a werewolf, okay? Let's not make a big deal out of it.
Woof.
What have you done to my daughter?
Well, Liz...
...your perfect Collins pedigree lacked a bit of substance...
...so I sent the werewolf who bit Carolyn in her crib.
Just like I made David no better than a bastard...
...when I sent his mommy to the ocean floor to have tea with the tuna.
And as for you, my love...
...I killed your mother and father.
I cursed your family, my Barnabas.
They kept us apart.
They never understood, we're the same.
We're meant to be.
Leave him alone.
I think I'll kill you first, orphan.
David, get out!
Your quarrel is with me.
My quarrel is with all of you.
I'm warning you.
This is your last chance.
Let us go.
And what will you do if I don't, you little bastard?
Not me.
My mom.
Go!
David, come on.
Willie, come on.
So this is how it ends.
So quiet...
...as if you were asleep.
You know, there was a time when I might have loved you.
We could have spent eternity together.
We still...
can.
You never wanted my love.
You wanted to possess me.
No.
I love you, Barnabas.
You cannot love, Angelique.
That is your curse.
Take it.
Victoria!
She said Widow's Hill.
What do we do now?
What we've always done.
Endure.
I thought I'd lost you.
You have lost me.
I live in the light, Barnabas.
You live in the shadows.
I'll grow old and die, and you'll live forever.
We will find a way, my love.
There's only one way.
No. I will not see you suffer as I do. Never.
No!
Oh, Victoria.
My sweet Victoria.
Victoria.
Josette.
It is said that blood is thicker than water.
It is what defines us.
Binds us.
Curses us.
My name is Barnabas Collins...
...and my curse has finally been broken.