March 6, 2012 from
Comedy central's world news
Headquarters in new york, this
Is "the daily show" with jon
Stewart.
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jon: Welcome to "the daily
Show."
My name is jon stewart.
We have a great one for you
Tonight.
Actress julianne moore is here
Tonight.
She plays a inexperienced alaska
Governor catapulted to fame
When she's nominated to become
The second most powerful person
In the country
It's based a on a story that
Shouldn't be true but --
[ laughter ]
My chair doesn't have wheels but
My ass does.
[ laughter ]
Yesterday president obama broke
Out the good chairs to welcome
Israeli prime minister benjamin
Bibi netanyahu in town for a
Quick nosh to remind us that we
Face annihilation at the
Iranians.ÑI
when it's flying to a
Location near you, ladies and
Gentlemen, if it looks like a
Duck, if it walks like a duck,
If it quacks like a duck, then
What is it?
[cheers and applause]
That's right.
It's a duck.
But this duck is a nuclear duck.
[ laughter ]
jon: I think going with the
Duck undercuts the urgency of
Your message.
[ laughter ]
Nuclear duck sounds like the
Name of a terrible adult show.
Yeah.
It helps if you are high when
You watch it.
[ laughter ]
Netanyahu has clearly reserved
Israel's right to kill this duck
Even before it flies south for
The nuclear winter.
You really have to get a more
Threatening armageddon metaphor
Than duck seeing as yours is
Taken by aflac.
[ laughter ]
Anyway iran has taken notice of
Israel's first strike threat.
top iranian military official
Threatened a possible reementive
Strike warning, and I quote, we
Do not wait for enemies to take
Action against us and we'll use
All our means to protect our
National interest.
the zionist regime is a
Cancerous tumor in this region
And should be cut and will be
Cut.
jon: Cancer.
That's what I'm talking about.
You, you come out with it's a
Nuclear duck, quack, quack.
This mother (bleep) comes out
With you are a cancer.
This guy is.
Good he is supreme in fact.
Because he is supreme that means
He comes from sour cream.
[ laughter ]
My point is this: Israel and
Iran are taunting each other
With overheated war rhetoric.
America, can we get a
Responsible party to break up
This schoolyard fight before
Someone is hurt.
I would be saying to iran,
Open up the facilities, begin to
Dismantle them and make them
Available tour inspectors or
We'll degrade those facilities
Through air strikes.
it's unexcusable for iran to
Have a nuclear weapon.
We mean that.
in a gingrich administration,
We would not keep talking while
The iranians keep building.
The red line is now.
jon: In other words
Simmer -- wait, what?
Oh, right it's an election year.
Candidates are talking tough.
I'm sure iran knows not to take
Those guys literally.
They would know that, right?
[ laughter ]
Iran, meet me at camera three.
Hey, greetlings.
How are you doing there?
Look, I know our show doesn't
Air in iran but I assume you get
The tape sent to you.
[ laughter ]
Here is the thing: You probably
Been hearing a lot of talk about
America and bombs vis-a-vis on
You.
[ laughter ]
Um, let me explain to you why
We're saying this.
Are you familiar with florida
Sphz a region in the south
United states we filled with old
Jews and young christians.
And whoever wins it, wins the
Presidency.
And in florida they would like
To bomb you if they could.
So the talk of war is not meant
For you it's meant for florida.
It's an election season the
Rhetoric is somewhat distorted
Hyperbolic, probably a cultural
Thing.
iran is getting ready for
Important domestic elections.
jon: Two things, all right.
Really iran, elections?
Okay.
[ laughter ]
Wink.
Elections hahaha, it's a good
One, boss.
Number two, this explains your
Rhetoric.
You are having an election, too.
That's why you are so -- israel,
Meet me at camera two.
Listen.
Okay my thighs are not going to
Hold up doing that listen,
Between us, I know being called
A cancerous zionist tumor is
Upsetting.
Believe me I used to hear it
Every night when I was doing
Standup.
[ laughter ]
But I don't think iran is really
Gearing up to nuke tel aviv.
It's crazy overblown election
Rhetoric.
And I don't mean crazic lie
Waaaah.
I mean like passionate like the
Beyonce song, crazy in love,
Sasha fierce.
Her alter ego.
Garth brooks did the alter ego.
Not that we don't have your back
Bubby.
We're your wingman and I don't
Mean it in a military fighter
Jet way.
I mean in the homoerotic vince
Vaughn owen wilson wedding
Crashes -- do you get any of
This?
Israel and iran are -- the
United states and iran are slave
Slaves to think erect --
Electoral cln dares right now.
I'm working my ass off and all
You do is respond to the dick
Joke?
Is that what this is.
We built this whole thing.
Election -- he said erection.
[ laughter ]
So now here is my point: The
United states and iran are
Slaves to their electoral
Calendars right now.
(bleep) there you happy?
[ laughter ]
It's up to you guys not to get
Caught up and perhaps muffle the
Drums of war a little bit
Israel.
What?
You've got to be kidding me.
Netanyahu could be calling
Parliamentary elections as soon
As this fall.
So your overheated rhetoric is
Preelection shvandz waving, too?
Came aare one.
Dude, iran and israel are in an
Election year.
Here overhearing each other's
Stump speeches and freaking out.
If we're not careful these two
Dickheads are going to drag
Noose a war.
I did say dickhead I meant
Respected ally.
I said proud and ancient culture
With much to teach us.
Persian baklava.
Not that israeli baklava is not
Good it's quite good p. What the
(bleep) is baklava?
Nothing beats a deep fried oreo
Twinkie pizza cake, right?
We eat ter blix we have to stop
This before it gets out of hand
Because if israel starts a war
We have no choice but to dive
Into it with them which doesn't
Mean you should start a war.
I did commit the troops to
Israel?
That would only strengthen the
Irany dictatorship not that you
Should start one.
I'm losing everybody.
¶ oh, beautiful for spacious
Skies ¶
¶ havenu shalom aleichem ¶
¶ he's got the moves like jagger
He's got the moves like jaggergr
Is ¶
¶ ¶
[ laughter ]
Papa can you hear me?
How do I make this stop?
Hey, I don't ask for much.
Is there anyway could you choose
A winner here and let them know
By mail without all the boom
Boom juice because this would be
A good time to do this unless
You are in an[cheers and applau]
jon: Welcome back.
As you know, today is super
Tuesday.
I hope you sent flowers to your
Super.
[ laughter ]
But did you know super Tuesday
Is a political event as well
With ten states up for grabs in
The highly contested republican
Primary the top three candidates
Paid special attention to
Apparently the most important
State israel.
That's right.
Each one took time today from
The biggest primary yet to
Address the american israeli
Political action committee.
They love israel not like that
Other guy they are running runno
Replace.
president obama has the worst
Relationship with the state of
Israel any president has had.
he's afraid to stand up to
Iran.
israel looks at president
Obama and she do not see a
Friend.
that's why people like myself
Believe he threw israel under
The bus.
jon: Whereas I mitt romney
Will retref from that bus and
Posthumously baptize it thus
Saving its soul.
Even mel gibson and john
Galliano are like who, obama
Take it down.
It was surprising that barack
Obama also apeerd at apac.
He's going to tear them a new
One.
israel's security is sack row
Saingt.
It's nonknee ghoshable.
It guided my actions as
President.
jon: That sounds pretty
Nice.
This is more positive than I
Thought.
I guess we can sit.
my administration's
Commitment to israel security
Has been unprecedented.
We'll do what it takes to
Preserve israel's quawl tative
Military edge.
There's no lasting peace unless
Israel's security concerns are
Met.
The chips are down I have
Israel's back.
¶ I so in love with you ¶
[ laughter ]
jon: Get a stooka you two.
It's a free standing structure
For celebrating the holiday that
Comem rates the ritual of
Harvest.
The reference would have killed
There.
I interrupted the president.
whit comes to preventing iran
From getting a nuclear weapon
I'll take no options off the
Table.
I mean what I say.
It's an political effort,
Economic effort --
jon: Is he going to say?
A military effort to be prepared
For any contingency.
jon: There you have it.
That's giet who hates israel.
Basically the parameters for
Debate in the United States will
Israel range from I
Unequivocally support them and
Might bomb iran to I unequif
Quickly support them and will
Definitely bomb iran.
There are prominent politicians
Willing to criticize the israeli
P government even saying thick
Israel is about to be destroyed.
Or netanyahu's words on iran
Sound like a calculated
Preparation for a reckless
Adventure.
Or israel is making a mistake --
I would love to play sound bites
Of those quotes because they are
In hebrew because in israel you
Are allowed to criticize israel
Add still
[cheers and applause]
jon: Welcome back.
My guest tonight she's
Tremendous actress is.
Her new nilsome called "game
Change."
are you 100% committed to
Going forward with this project.
absolutely.
I have or servant's heart and if
You really think I can help this
Ticket and this country then
Absolutely I'll do this with
You.
your private life be
Subjected to harsh often unfair
Attacks.
Nothing can prepare you for how
Ugly this can be.
I do understand here.
Here is the deal.
I went through a tough primary
In alaska and I know how ugly it
Account get.
governor things can get quite
A bit rougher on the national
Stage.
I don't know alaska is pretty
Rough.
>>
jon: Please welcome back to
The program julianne moore.
[cheers and applause]
jon: Thank you for being
Here.
thank you for having me.
jon: Have you ever -- this
Is a person that is still alive.
yeah, that's right.
jon: Is that a lot harder
To portray -- when you are in
Like a john adams mini series.
you can do whatever you want
No one remembers him.
jon: Sure.
But this is fresh in people's
Minds.
a living figure is one thing
And then a living historical
Figure is another and a living
Historical cultural important
Figure.
She's so present in peoples
Minds.
jon: And divisive.
There's nothing you can go d'oh
To win on that one.
so polarizing.
jon: It brings up the
Difference between someone who
Really knows how to act, like an
Actress and, you know, me --
[ laughter ]
-- Is it's so easy to make that
A character tour.
Can I do my joe lieberman for
You.
please, please.
jon: Close your eyes.
Everybody vote for me.
[ laughter ]
So that --
that was dead on.
jon: Right?
How do you craft it to avoid
Caricature but still capture the
Ticks, the essence?
thank you for thinking that I
Did.
First of all.
jon: I say that from
Somebody who watched it.
okay it's -- it was a really
Challenge.
It was a huge challenge.
I'm never going to be able to
Become that person that person
Exists.
I did a lot of research.
I listened to her voice.
Everything is documented.
It's out on youtube.
jon: How did you get that?
Logged on to youtube, hung out.
I went youtube-ing this
Afternoon found out a few
Things.
jon: Cats can play piano.
I ready her book.
Red books written about her.
I just kind of gathered up all
This research work with a vocal
Coach.
jon: The accent is weird
One for me.
I've been to lk alaska they
Don't sound like thank they do
Not.
I watched her reality shows,
Too.
She speaks most like her father.
Seems based on the idaho accent
But she takes it further than he
Does.
It's her own particular way of
Speaking.
jon: I like the idea that
You can break it down it's the
Idaho action.
I never would have --
that's where they came from
And she has a particular rhythm.
Sometimes she add a preposition.
Instead of go out she says to go
Out.
You hear that rhythm again and
Again.
jon: Let me try, let me
Try.
Vote for me --
[ laughter ]
I don't have as much of an ear.
you have an ear.
jon: I heard it a little
Bit until there.
That was a little wye wie, I
Think.
tremendous musicality.
jon: Kindest thing I heard
All week.
How tempting was it -- she's
Going to hate this.
How tempting was it to pick up
The phone though.
She's going to hate it and think
To herself kudos to julianne
Moore for a stunningly authentic
Ak -- accent.
Were you tempted to pick up the
Phone and write a letter or say
Nothing person or is there
Anything you want to ad.
my wonderful director -- he's
Here in the audience.
Where is he?
Not here?
There he is.
There he is, okay.
jon: Hi, jay.
he reached out to sarah palin
Before we commenced and they
Said no involvement.
jon: Did they emphasize the
Preposition?
How did they -- was that
(bleep) in there?
(bleep) no.
or was it the you?
That's right.
The other actors are off
Playing.
It's hard not to conceive this
As look at us we're all part of
The liberal elite conspiracy.
no way.
jon: When you were on the
Set how did that play itself
Out?
maybe the part where she
Kills the bear with her hands --
we were very, very careful to
Portray be as balanced as
Possible.
Danny strong who wrote the
Script beautifully I might add
Sourced everything.
He spoke to everybody.
We tried to get as much
Information as possible to
Present the real human connone
Drum.
This is less of a story about
Sarah palin about those 60 days
Between her pick and the loss.
We're really trying to tell that
Story.
It is how do we choose our
Leaders.
Why is it we're so drawn to
Magnetism, charisma, good looks
That movie stars are supposed to
Have.
Do our leader need to have
Those, too.
jon: I like the way you are
Looking at me when you are
Saying that.
If I close my eyes for a second,
Can I pretend you are talking
About me.
Do it in the sarah palin voice,
If you would.
[ laughter ]
[cheers and applause]
I have toll tell you, though I'm
Always impressed with you.
Everything I see you in.
It's impressive that you are
Able to find that line.
thank you.
It's a truly interesting story.
It really is.
Like I said it's unbelievably
True.
jon: And it's on hbo which
Is not tv but hbo.
Game change is
[cheers and applause]
jon: That's our show.
Join us tomorrow night at 11:00
Because what are you going to
Do, go out with friends?
And have fun and live your life?
[ laughter ]
Come on!
Here it is your moment of zen.
president obama has traded in
The hard hats and lunch bucket
Category of democratic party for
A hipster fed
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