** [ Rock ]
[ Woman ] * Well, I got into my car *
* I try to take a drive *
* But the thought of you weighed on me *
* And the traffic killed my high *
* So I got out of my car *
* And I bid it farewell *
* Now I'm tearing through the 16 *
* Like a bat out of hell *
* The night is coming *
* Boys, put on your suits *
* My armor It is stunning *
* Yes, I got big boots *
* I keep my boots on *
* I keep 'em on all night long *
* I keep my big boots on *
* Ain't nobody gonna tell me it's wrong *
* I keep my boots on *
* I keep 'em on all night long *
* I keep my big boots on *
* Ain't nobody gonna tell me it's wrong *
* I walked across the mountains *
* With my heels in the mud **
[ Woman Speaking Spanish On TV ]
[ Beeps ]
[ Clears Throat ] Hi.
Just these? Yeah.
Uh, can I make a suggestion?
I thought this looked like it had amazing potential too,
but it is actually really, really bad.
It's, like, two definitely underage European girls...
hitchhiking through the most unattractive shots of Germany.
Greasy fat guys, like, basically raping them.
I mean, it-it is-- it's a turn-off.
We should probably move it to a different section, like "Bad." [ Chuckles ]
Um--
Do you want to pick out something else?
No, thanks.
Are you sure? We're open till midnight. Just these.
Just these three then?
Okay. Will you, um--
Yeah.
He's gonna--
[ Woman Continues Speaking Spanish On TV ]
[ Inhales ] How you doing?
Great.
[ Clears Throat ] Okay.
[ Beeps ] We'll get that.
[ Beeps ] Two seconds.
[ Beeps ]
Due back Friday before midnight.
[ Bell On Door Chimes ]
Dude, you can't talk to the porn customers...
the same way you talk to the ones who are renting Truffaut for the 12th time.
That was an incredibly odd exchange.
Thanks, dude. [ Man ] I think it's cool.
Now we know she's not mute. [ Chuckles ]
[ Bearded Man ] We're in a new period of time.
McDonald's on every corner in Poland. Right, dude?
Yeah.
We think we're free because we get to choose between a latte and a mocha at Starbucks.
That's not freedom, man. It's a bad situation. Bad situation.
History is cyclical though. It's all gonna come back around.
[ Man With Beanie ] Bullshit! We're all fucked!
You guys been watching Charlie Rose? We are changing what it means to be human.
Come on. We've always been changing what it means to be human.
The pendulum has to swing all the way to the extreme before it's gonna swing back again.
[ Man With Beanie ] "Pendulum?" What the fuck are you talking about?
I'm talking about the end of the world.
Good night. Later, dude.
[ Elevator Bell Dings ]
** [ Drums ]
[ Dial Tone Humming ]
[ Line Ringing ]
[ Woman ] Hello? Uh, delivery.
What?
U.P.S.
One moment. [ Mutters ]
[ Gate Buzzer Sounds ]
Hi.
Don't I know you from the video store? I was there yesterday.
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, maybe we could-- Oh!
Uh, just get a coffee or something?
Just as friends or film buffs?
[ Laughing ]
Can we rent all these? Can we rent all three of these?
Please. Yeah, please, we love Alain Delon!
Sure. When are they due back?
[ Both Laugh ] What?
How long can we rent them? Yeah.
Uh, Wednesday before midnight.
[ Both Laugh ]
[ Doorbell Rings ]
[ Door Opens ]
Hey, it's me.
I have a friend in the building.
I just wanted to let you know, 'cause yesterday--
Uh, any-- anyway, I, uh-- I have a present for you.
It's really a great one. Okay.
I'd still like to take you out.
We could go to the, um, Museum of Jurassic Technology. Do you know about that place?
I'm really great at picking out films for people.
It's-- It's a gift I have,
if you can even call this a film.
This is from the video store?
Oh, yeah. Yes, it is.
But you know, no charge or--
I'll return it with the others tomorrow. Cool.
When you know me, there aren't any late fees, so--
I hope you enjoy it.
[ Gate Buzzer Sounds ]
[ Doorbell Rings ]
[ Door Opening ]
Hi. Yes?
What did you think? Um--
Can I come in? No.
Can I come in for a second? No!
My... great aunt had to go to the hospital.
What?
She's the one who lives in the building.
I guess I'm looking after her place now.
But did you wanna get some breakfast or something? No.
Don't ask me again. It's a waste of time to keep asking me.
I'm sorry about your aunt. I hope she's okay.
[ Door Closes ]
So that's a black mamba-- first deadliest snake in the entire world.
- Hey, here she comes. - [ Bell On Door Chimes ]
Hey!
[ Bell On Door Chimes ]
I don't know what the second deadliest-- You said Taipan?
[ Exhales ]
[ Doorbell Rings ]
Go away!
No, please! Something's happened!
Go away. I'll call our super!
No, please! I need your help! She died!
She's dead. Please, can I come in? [ Mock Crying ]
I don't have anyone. I'm all alone.
She died. I don't have anyone!
Oh, fuck. What is that thing for?
It's in case you fucking try anything.
Um, can I open some windows? I just feel like I can't breathe.
[ Exhales ] Talk.
I was gonna talk... about my great aunt.
Talk then.
Well, um--
You have a really nice apartment.
Which apartment did she live in?
Uh, uh, is this trash?
Yeah.
I'm gonna, uh-- I'm gonna throw it away, okay?
Okay.
You wanna know something my great aunt said tonight?
What?
She said, um,
"Knowledge is when you learn something new every day.
Wisdom is when you let something go every day."
Emerson said that.
You know that quote? Yeah.
She didn't come up with that one on the spot tonight. Sorry.
Well, anyway, she knew the quote.
I knew your aunt. I'd see her at the mailbox downstairs.
She always said hello to me.
Um--
It's okay to watch erotica.
And I say that as a lifelong Catholic.
Catholics are pervs. Not me.
Well, you're not a priest.
You're right. I am not a priest.
No one really gets fucked in the films you rent.
There's no penetration.
And I also understand the allure of the old battered V.H.S.'s.
They're like antiques. I don't wanna talk about it.
Yeah. Okay, neither do I.
I think you just call it...
that place between your collarbones.
Is it the sternum?
Yeah, maybe.
Anyway,
I gotta go to bed.
I'm really sorry about your aunt.
Um,
could I maybe sleep on your couch tonight?
Um--
[ Bell On Door Chimes ] Hey, why are you late?
You know it's Simon's day off?
I have never been late before.
I know. I thought you were dead.
Sorry. I am so sorry.
Your "mamoosh" called.
Oh, fuck! That's right. It's Wednesday! Yeah.
Oh! She had a bit...
of an emotional outburst when you missed your phone date.
You've never been late before.
She started screaming at me in Polish.
I had to smoke this to relax.
I'm sorry, man. [ Phone Rings ]
That'll be her. Every 10 minutes for a solid two hours.
She's scaring Derek.
[ Speaking Polish ]
She's messed up, Simon. You don't know that, dude.
No, I know. She is. You think so?
She just doesn't love me. And me having this whole wealth of love for her doesn't help.
I've been thinking about the great writers lately.
How many of them were really in love-- in love for decades?
None of 'em. Shut up, Derek.
How many were in love with just some girl they were fucking at the time...
who didn't even love them back...
in this lonely, torturous existence?
An empty fucking cave.
Have you found her clit, Simon?
What? You know where her clit is, right?
I think so. So you don't know.
Yeah, I know. So, where is it?
It's-- It's-- It's where everything-- Where?
It's where all the stuff-- It's the thing that looks like the flux capacitor.
Oh, my God! [ Laughs ]
Stop looking at me like that, Eric. I thought you knew, man.
This accounts for 90% of your problems with this chick. I swear.
You don't know what it is, do you?
It's an anatomical part of the female... vagina. [ Laughs ]
Shut the fuck up, Derek. Do you know what it is?
The clitoris? Yes, I do.
I am religious about the clitoris.
[ Doorbell Rings ]
[ Keyboard Clacking ]
Did you get the tape?
Yeah, I got it. [ Clears Throat ]
You're liking them, right?
Shut up.
They're terrible, but-- but that's part of it for you, right?
Where's your cross?
Checking out my neck, huh?
I know you're not Catholic. Yeah, sorry.
No, no, no, no, no. It still counts. I'd like you to wear it.
It's better safety than a meat cleaver. Butcher knife.
Well, this will keep you safer than any butcher knife could.
Safe from you?
I guess. If you feel like you need protection, so--
Whoa! Before you put it on-- What?
I have to wash your hair.
You can't wear a cross with dirty hair.
[ Moans ] Oh, I hate this.
It's almost done. The water's getting in my eyes.
It is not. I am being careful, and you know it.
[ Whimpers ] Okay.
Okay, done. You're done.
Okay, here.
Here. Sit right--
Lemme just--
Polish people wash each other? Yeah.
I've never heard of that before.
Well, how many Polish people do you know?
None.
- You know me. - Not really.
This will keep you safe.
You said that already. Let me put it on.
No, I have to put it on. Fine.
But don't brush my hair anymore. I don't like it.
"I don't like it."
[ Chuckles ]
[ Clears Throat ]
Uh, do you-- do you wanna watch one of your movies?
We could watch one together.
You have to go, or I'll get upset. Don't upset me.
Okay. I'm going.
We'll do it another time.
[ Brush Clatters On Table ]
I care about you.
[ Door Opens, Closes ] [ Sighs ]
Wake up, buddy. Hi. Excuse me.
What?
[ Engine Cranks ]
Roll your window down, please.
Uh, yeah?
Uh, you can't be sleeping in the parking lot.
Um, yeah.
My-- My wife kicked me out for the night, but, uh--
Yeah, I'm sorry. Um, it's a one-time thing. It won't happen again.
I know. We saw you for the past six nights or so, so--
Yeah, I know. Um--
My wife kicked me out a long time ago, but I'm about to get back into her good graces.
But you're right. I shouldn't be sleeping in the parking lot. It's crazy.
'Cause see, if we catch you again, we're gonna have to call the cops.
And my boss wanted to call the cops this morning,
but I wanted to come down here and warn you first.
Thank you. Thanks a lot. I'm assistant manager.
Oh, yeah. Cool.
All right, um-- All right, I'm leaving now.
[ Engine Starts ] Watch your fingers.
Bye.
[ Simon ] She doesn't want to see me.
I'm so sorry, man.
I don't ever wanna talk about this again. So, um--
[ Smacks Lips ] It's weird that that girl stopped coming in.
Which girl? That weird one.
Yeah. How long's it been? [ Simon ] I'd say about a week.
She used to come in every day. Yeah, in the late afternoon.
Yeah, it's been ever since lover boy here scared her away.
I told you she's weird, man.
She's probably sitting in a garbage can somewhere...
still embarrassed that you tried to talk to her. [ Laughs ]
- Isn't it your day off? - Yeah. What are you, a loser?
I was getting some groceries in the neighborhood, Simon.
- You live in Echo Park. - Yeah, I still need groceries.
All the grocery stores in this neighborhood are Pan Asian.
Fuck off, you guys, okay?
Maybe I wanted to make stir fry.
Plus, there's like 10 grocery stores within a mile of your house, dude.
I like the breeze on this side of town. The ocean breeze.
It... clears my head.
Yeah. Just admit it, dude.
What?
You have no life.
Oh. Is this because of that bitch whose clit you could never find?
Derek!
You're an imbecile.
I'm never talking to you again.
[ Simon Groans ]
Dude. He bothers me, man, a lot.
Have a heart. They just broke up.
I don't care. He really bothers me.
I'll sit behind you like this so you don't see me. Uh-huh.
Okay? And I won't make a sound. Not a word.
I promise. Do you have a cell phone?
No.
** [ Funk On TV ]
I can't do anything while you're here, so it kind of ruins it for me.
It's kind boring if you aren't getting off, isn't it? Shut up!
You said you wouldn't talk. You talked to me.
I can do that. I can talk to you. You can't talk to me.
Plus, I just thought of one more rule.
If you get a boner,
you're out.
** [ Continues ]
Well--
Hey, hold down the fort, okay? Eric and I are going next door. Okay.
And, uh, Simon's in the back. Don't tell him where we went. He'll miss me too much.
[ Bell On Door Chimes ]
Which movie?
Okay. Cool. Is it from the '70s?
Well, tell me which decade! [ Clears Throat ]
I doubt it. Why would I like it? You don't think I'm gonna like it that much?
** [ Dance ]
I hate this. I hate this shit. I hate all of this bullshit.
I can't believe you thought I'd be into this.
[ Exhales ] My God. I am so bored.
[ Mock Yawn ] How big is this guy's dick would you say?
It's hard to tell.
Not bigger than me.
What? About--
Your penis is not even half of that, I bet.
Excuse me. How would you know?
I've seen it bulging out your pants, and it's not that.
So, been checking out my bulge.
[ Snorts ] Don't call it "a bulge."
When was this?
I don't even remember. I just remember thinking that there's probably not much to it.
Mmm. You must have me confused with someone else.
Look, I don't care. The size, I don't care.
It's just really pitiful if you lie about it.
Okay. That guy is, what? What would you say?
I'd say I don't care. No, let's make a bet.
If I am bigger than that guy, then I get to sleep in your bed tonight.
No. Come on. It's a fair bet.
If I am bigger than that guy, I win.
It's so late! No touching. No touching?
No, touching, I swear. I can't sleep out here again. It gets so cold. Desert cold.
What do I get if I win? What do you want if you win?
I want you to not talk at all when you come over here.
Just make the food, we'll watch the movie...
and you don't speak.
I can do that.
[ Tape Measure Clicking ]
Okay, well, proportionally, let's say he's... eight?
Eight and a half? Sure.
Let's say eight and a half. Let's just say he's eight.
You have to be bigger than him to win, remember?
Okay. Uh, well, how do you want to measure me?
I'll have to be erect to make it fair. Fuck that!
I do! He's fucking erect! Fine.
You measure yourself though. I'm not fucking touching you.
Fine.
Okay, um--
Are you gonna put a sock over it or something?
Over my cock? Don't fucking say "cock"!
Over my dick? [ Groans ] You're such a pig.
Over my... pee-pee?
[ Laughs ] This is why you shouldn't talk.
Okay, okay, so confirming,
if my, um, penis...
is bigger than 8 1/2 inches, I get to sleep in your bed tonight?
Use one of your socks to cover it. I don't want to see it.
Well-Well, how will you be sure how big it is if you don't see it?
I'll observe from over here.
Okay.
Um--
I just have to concentrate.
Okay.
I mean it. I will call the police if you rape me.
I'm not going to rape you, man! I'm here every night.
Don't you think I would have tried by now? Just don't do anything.
[ Shouts ] Okay!
[ Exhales ] It is cold in your house in the middle of the night.
It gets pretty cold.
I'm not trying anything.
Can I just... put my back up against yours?
Okay.
[ Sighs ]
This is called plecki do plecki.
My Polish grandmother, Babcia,
used to, uh, make us sleep like this in pairs when we were kids.
She did it as a kid too. It was the only way they kept warm during the winter.
Plecki do plecki. And they lived in a hut.
And she didn't get her period until she was 17...
because she was so malnourished.
Plecy are your back.
All your back's muscles are one thing.
But Plecy is plural.
That's nice.
I love this.
Was your great aunt Polish too?
Um, yeah.
It feels like we're connected. [ Laughs ]
[ Shower Running ]
[ Shudders ]
I started my period.
[ Sighs ]
[ Clears Throat ] Let's go out.
I don't like L.A. [ Clears Throat ]
[ Laughs ] What? You live here. I don't go out to places, I mean.
[ Birds Twittering In Distance ]
You're touching me again.
I know.
[ Sighs ]
On the first day of their period, girls are sick.
So even if I was a normal girl, I still couldn't go anywhere with you today.
[ Scoffs ] You are normal.
Uh-- Hey, do you want some tea?
Yeah. Honey?
I don't have any. I brought some for ya.
Honey is better than sugar.
Honey's better than sugar?
I bought it for you.
Fuck. Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck! I'm fucking!
I'm fucking! I'm fucking! I'm fucking! [ Grunting ]
I'm gonna come! I'm gonna come!
Oh! Fuck!
Fuck! Fuck!
[ Panting ]
What do you think? [ Sighs ]
I think you're funny.
You thought that was funny? Yeah.
Can I do it to you now?
[ Movie Dialogue, Indistinct ] [ Man ] Great. [ Clears Throat ]
[ Man ] Eh-- Ah, whatever you want. Yep. Uh, the same fish I made last week?
[ Movie Dialogue Continues ]
The trout or the halibut?
[ Chuckles ] Okay, I'll see you after I'm done here.
Uh, bye. Thanks for calling. [ Phone Beeps ]
Who's that? A customer.
"See you after I'm done"?
It's a movie.
Really? Yeah.
It's, uh, Scottish--
the movie.
[ Crickets Chirping ]
[ Sniffs ] I got some sleep for the first time in a long time...
having you in my bed last night.
That's good. Get off!
Night, you guys. Auf Wieder--
What? Auf Wiedersehen.
I'll see you guys tomorrow. Not if I see you first.
Not talkin' to you. All right. Good-bye, Simon.
[ Chuckles ] Come on, guys.
[ Sniffs ]
I should probably head-- Sit.
Want one? [ Inhales Sharply ]
[ Chuckles ] No, Eric. Okay.
Why do you always ask me? It gets annoying.
Don't know. Polite. [ Scoffs ]
One day you might want one. I don't smoke.
Okay.
I went past your place yesterday.
Huh?
Yeah. Went past where your apartment building should've been,
and right there was a huge pile of rubble.
It's demolished, man. Wire fence, cement mixers-- Oh, I moved.
Where to?
Another apartment. When?
A few months ago. A few months ago? Why didn't you say anything?
I didn't think it was a big deal.
- Are you living in your car again? - No!
So you haven't spent one night in that car.
- [ Sighs ] Dude-- - Goddamn it, dude! I knew it the minute I drove by!
Listen to me! I have a place to go!
Great. Awesome. Let's see this place. Should I drag you?
No, no, no!
[ Sighs ] What the fuck, man? What's goin' on?
Are you using again?
[ Sighs ]
I have a place-- a-a nice place.
I can't explain it to you right now. Just trust me.
Trust me, man! I know! I do!
[ Exasperated Chuckle ] It's funny?
No, no. It's not fuckin' funny, man!
You made me feel like a moron for caring what happens to you. Don't feel like a moron!
Fuck you, man. Fuck you! Let's go see this place right now.
Come on! No, no. You can't see it. I-- It's--
What, is it a place only you can see? What? No! It's messy.
[ Sighs ] It's messy?
Yeah, it's a mess.
I talk to you about everything,
and I'm always-- always honest with you. Eric--
No. You don't wanna talk to me? I don't wanna talk to you. Over. Go sleep on the beach, man.
Get fucked in the ass by MS-13 guys all night long, 'cause I don't care anymore, man.
Done! Eric!
I'm going home. [ Sighs ]
I haven't masturbated in a long time.
I'm getting really sick of you.
Annie Sprinkle? Yeah. Um--
[ DVD Clatters In Player ] She does really great... pro-women stuff apparently.
Eric gave this to me. I should have watched it a long time ago. [ Sighs ]
What's it called? Um, Zen Pussy.
There's, uh, 11 different girls.
No penises, so you'll like it. [ Clears Throat ]
[ Woman Moaning ]
[ Sighs ] [ Bell Dings ]
[ Woman Breathing Heavily ]
Ugh.
[ Inhales Sharply ] It's just extreme close-ups of vaginas?
Fast forward. See if there's anything else on here.
[ Clicking ]
[ Grunting ] [ Sputtering ]
Oh, fucking-- Turn it off!
Should I? Yeah! Fuck!
Okay, I thought, uh-- [ Exhales Heavily ]
That was-- Jesus, fuck! That was so fucked up I'm about to cry.
That was just, like, gynecological. Oof!
"Eleven vulvas."
I-- I really think you'll like it.
So what's the deal? Is it porn?
Uhh-- I don't want to spoil it.
Just-Just take it home. You'll love it.
Okay. I trust your judgment.
So, what's, um-- what's the deal with you and Eric?
He's not talkin' to me. Yeah.
Why? [ Sighs ]
Uh, you should just ask him.
You're not really that easy to talk to. You should know that.
It's playing next door, I think.
[ TV: Indistinct ] At The Nuart. Yeah, yeah.
I was thinking since she liked Kieslowski so much...
and I know you wouldn't want to go see the film alone, and--
I mean, if we all went with you,
it might be a little bit better for you, man.
Maybe make you feel-- Derek, are you saying you want to--
you want to see a Kieslowski film with me?
[ Man ] That's so romantic! [ Eric ] Is there a midnight movie?
Maybe. Hey! We should all go. What the hell?
[ Eric ] Yeah. Hmm. Let's go check it out.
Yeah, let's go check right now. Uh, you guys need anything?
Hey, hang on. I'll go get some smokes with ya.
What, are you scared to be alone with me?
[ Bell On Door Chimes ] Huh!
[ Phone Beeping ]
[ Clears Throat ]
[ Inhales, Exhales Deeply ] Uh, hey, it's me.
Um-- Listen, at midnight they're playin' a Kieslowski film,
and I-I just wanted to see if you wanted to come.
So it's gonna be really good, so, um, come meet all the dudes.
All right. Uh, hopefully I'll see you there. It's at midnight. Bye.
[ Door Opens ]
[ Door Closes ]
- Where's dinner? - Huh?
I thought you were gonna bring pizza tonight. Mmm. Mushrooms.
I don't wanna eat pizza in the middle of the night.
Well, I do. Well, you should get on that!
Why didn't you answer the phone when I called?
- I was sleeping. - Liar!
I called you a trillion different times. I left you messages.
I know you heard them.
What's your problem? Why don't you want to meet my friends?
I don't have family here. They're like my family.
[ Exhales Forcefully ] You're so whiny and clingy...
and needy and annoying.
[ Chuckles ]
What if I died and you had ignored my calls?
I'm not having this conversation.
Well, you're never having any conversation. You never talk to anyone.
You ignore my calls. You ignore your father's calls.
I'm glad it's across the board, not just with me. You ignore the guy who delivers your water.
I want you to meet Eric and the dudes, okay? I wanna meet your dad.
Who the fuck do you think you are?
I don't give a shit about you.
When are you gonna figure that out?
I am your boyfriend.
[ Clicks Tongue ]
What kind of fucked-up boyfriend/girlfriend situation would this be?
We don't have sex. I don't even like you.
What happened to you? What?
Were you raped?
No.
Were you raped?
Were you assaulted? Has anyone ever hurt you like that?
No.
I love you.
Just meet my friends! They are the nicest guys!
You should find a girl who can do that with you.
A girl you can fuck like a punching bag whenever you want.
[ Frustrated Groan ] What?
It's a great solution to our problem.
What is our problem?
You're disruptive. What do you mean?
You're disrupting my whole life. All I am is good for you.
What life? What do you do? What? [ Scoffs ]
You don't do anything! You're right.
Maybe I should start writing my memoir. I'm helping you!
Why are you always so pissed off all the time? Just come out with my friends.
I can't.
It's simple. You just come. No! I can't!
[ Derek ] I don't know, man. Is it like a yoga thing?
Mm-mmm. Mm-mmm. No, just take it home. You'll like it.
It's a great title.
So I, uh, just talked to Eric,
and he won't talk about what's going on.
This shit happens with friends.
Mmm, no, not with them.
Something's really wrong. What do you think happened?
[ TV: Bell Dings ] I don't know, man. Must be huge though.
This is unprecedented behavior for them.
[ Woman Breathing Heavily ]
Shit. [ Bell Dings ] I know.
That's clit, by the way.
You're a little kid. You work in a video store.
You don't have money for rent. You don't have money for gas. It's pathetic. [ Chuckles ]
Me having no money? Yes.
You're a piece-of-shit excuse for a person.
Well, I think it's pathetic to piss away every day not doing a thing...
except watching girls who are underpaid and exploited...
rub up against each other.
Oh, I'm sorry. I jerk off too. Live with it.
I would love to live with it. That's my point.
[ Scoffs ] Shut up!
[ Chuckles ] Listen. It is really fucking hard, okay?
And I'm doing better than most. You don't have to be so heartless all the time!
You're a scrounger. I have a job!
So-- I have a job at least. What the fuck do you do? You have a shit job.
[ Dinnerware Clattering ] You have money!
You could be studying anywhere on the planet right now, but no!
Hanging art on your wall that Daddy got you as a present isn't a job!
You have a shit job, and people do hang art for a living. They're called curators.
I know what a fucking curator is.
There is no reason for you not to be with me! You're searching.
It takes time. We can do it gently.
We can go slowly. You can guide me. However you want.
Remember I talked to you about the vaginal dilator?
You're sexually deformed. You want to live here?
Yes! I want to be with you!
What, do you want me to buy you a mink coat and some diamonds?
You're not staying here and fucking me. I won't let you! Give me a fucking break!
I don't need your money! Well, we both know that's not true.
Nothing you can say can hurt my feelings. [ Chuckles ]
What's the point of me saying anything to you then? I love you. This fight is over.
[ Water Running ]
I think you should take the vaginal dilator, and I think you should use it in your butt.
Get your dork friends to help. Get out!
I'm staying here tonight in your bed,
I am touching you, and we are going to try it.
End of discussion.
[ Banging ]
What are you doing? Who are you calling? [ Phone Beeping ]
Give me the fucking phone. This is not domestic violence! This is not a police matter!
You're clogging up the line for people who are really in trouble. Selfish as usual.
Selfish!
[ Phone Clatters ]
You can't go to sleep. It's 4:30 in the afternoon! I'm sleeping here.
Okay.
Rape! Rape! Help! Shut up!
Rape! Help! Rape! Rape! Shut up! I'm not raping you! You wish!
Rape! You wish I-- Shut up!
[ Exhales Loudly ] [ Panting ]
Okay. [ Thudding ]
[ Clears Throat ] Get me my book.
Where is it?
In the bedroom on the dresser.
[ Book Slams Shut, Thuds ]
Why don't you come get it? Give it to me.
[ Old Man ] Just this, please, now.
[ Clears Throat ] Sure thing, Charlie.
The place looks good.
[ Punches Key ]
- Are you boys in love? - Sorry, Charlie?
Love. Amour. Dancing.
Huh? Are you in love?
There's no use wasting away alone.
And you need it. Fall in love.
Sure.
Fall in love quick-- with a girl or a boy.
Hmm. Find someone.
[ Man ] Thank you. We will. Huh?
[ Simon ] That's great advice, sir. Thank you.
You know what today is?
It's your anniversary!
Yeah. She loved this film.
Don't-- Don't forget your tape there. Oh. Oh, yes, yes, yes.
I mean it, boys.
Make it snappy.
You're getting old.
See ya.
Ah, thank you. Thank you, Charlie.
I'll see you later. See you next time.
You bet. Take care.
** [ Rock, Women Vocalizing ]
** [ Continues ]
So, anyway, I think as a general rule,
if you committed yourself...
to watching sexual film of a higher quality--
um, meaning psychologically sexual--
uh, European, thoughtful--
I'm never gonna have sex with you. I'm frigid. Are you a virgin?
No, I'm not. [ Sneezes ]
Bless you. You're not frigid.
How would you know? Good sex isn't dumb or cheap like the sex in porn.
Thank you. I'm not a dumb-ass.
Okay, well, the stuff I'm going to bring over...
will actually make you want...
to think about having real sex-- loving sex.
I've had a lot of sex. I know what I'm doing.
Yeah, I'll bet you do.
You know, you're--
you're so ugly.
Well, I know you find me attractive.
Not at all. Why don't you sleep in your great aunt's old apartment tonight?
Her old apartment freaks me out. I know you find me attractive.
[ Scoffs ]
If I wanted to have sex, I would go find someone sexy-- not like you.
Okay, so you don't think I'm sexy? I don't like your face.
Well, it's not your face I like the most either.
You're disgusting to me. The thought of your penis--
Shh! is even more disgusting.
When have you ever seen a dick that looked nice or smelled nice?
You should feel ashamed. Limp or erect, it's sick.
Well, you said dick. You never say dick.
You're an asshole. I think my dick looks really nice.
That's because you're an idiot.
[ Grunting ] [ Groaning ]
You like this? Is this what you want?
I'll take what I can get.
[ Grunts ]
You'll take whatever I give you, huh?
I'll take whatever you give me.
I'll take it.
Yeah.
[ Moans ]
Oh, fuck!
I hate you! Wait.
I couldn't help it. Get out, you fucking--
No-- [ Angry Groan ]
No, it just happened. All right? I wasn't gonna do anything with it. You're beautiful!
It's biology! Sicko fucking pervert!
It's biology! I can't believe I let you in my bed!
I wasn't gonna do anything! The sounds you were making were sexy.
Oh! Sexy! I wasn't gonna do anything! I wasn't gonna do anything!
Now it can happen anytime! You said you wouldn't! You said you wouldn't!
No-- It's gone now! It's gone now! It's gone now! It's gone now!
No, no. I just mean, it's gone, so you can stop stressing!
I'm stressed! I can't trust you now, you fuck!
Pervert!
[ Panting ]
[ Door Opens ]
[ Footsteps Approaching ]
[ Moans ]
Stop. Stop. I don't want to do this.
I can go back to just kissing the right thigh. No, just stop. Get up.
I can kiss your thighs all day. We can-- No. Get up!
That was great. Step by step.
That was just what I was talking about. I want you to leave.
Huh? I'm never seeing you again.
It's over.
Wait, what are you talking about? This was good. This was progress.
[ Quavering ] Leave or I'll scream.
But-- [ Sobbing ] Leave! Leave!
No. No. Leave! Leave!
Don't do this. Don't do this!
Leave! Leave! Leave! It's okay, it's okay!
Leave! Leave! Leave! Leave! Please, we can figure this--
Leave! Leave! Leave! Leave! Leave! Leave!
Leave. Leave. Oh, no, no, no. It's okay.
Leave! Leave! [ Sobbing Continues ]
Okay, I'm going. I'm going. Okay. Leave! Leave!
[ Door Closes ]
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
[ Kissing, Woman Chattering ]
[ Tapping Keys ] [ Man ] Mm-hmm.
Just this then?
Yeah, just-just that. Mmm!
[ Woman Giggling, Kissing ]
[ Beeps ]
[ Case Snaps Closed ]
Oh, thank you. Mm-hmm.
Thank you. Have a good night. Hmm!
You too.
[ Bell On Door Chimes ]
Hello. Hello.
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
[ Water Running ]
[ Tapping Keys ]
[ Door Opens ]
[ Door Closes ]
[ Footsteps Approaching ]
Hey, baby, how are you? Hey.
Nice. [ Sighs ]
I'm sorry to bother you. I know you're busy.
No, you don't bother me. I wish you stopped up here more often.
I just wanted to talk to you, because--
Uh, I have a job-- I mean, I have a job. I got a job.
So-- You got a job?
[ Laughs ] Yeah! Oh, my God! That's so cute!
Yeah, I got a job, um,
and I wanted you to know, because I know you bought the apartment.
But I'm moving out, renting a smaller place,
uh, 'cause I'd-- I'd like to live in a different place, uh--
Right. 'cause I have a job now.
Right, right. So I have a job.
What is your job?
Oh, you want it to be a surprise. Are you working in a restaurant?
No, you'd probably be a terrible waitress!
Is it a-- Is it a strip club?
Because, uh, you have to start workin' out a little more if that's what it is.
I don't want to tell you what it is or where it is.
It's just my job.
So, you decided to become financially independent at 24?
I guess you owe me about three million dollars...
if you consider all the therapy and the clothes--
Listen, your apartment's paid for. It's yours.
Uh, I called Bob and told him to--
Well, he closed my account.
And, uh-- [ Rattling ]
here are the keys... to the-- to my-- to the car.
You've grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle.
And if you want to rough it for a while with this... job,
then I understand that, okay?
But you need to keep your accounts open.
I don't want your money anymore, Dad.
I don't need it.
Hey, sit down and shut up. I want you to li-- Sit your ass down.
Sit down! You're being stupid.
I'm gonna talk to you like an adult for a change.
Have you even considered health insurance?
If you want to move into a different apartment, fine.
You know, I'll have Jared find some places. You just tell me the neighborhood.
I'll find you the best places-- I don't need to find a place. I have a new place.
Where is it?
If you try to find me, I'll call the cops.
[ Pen Clatters ]
Sweetheart,
the cops don't give a shit what you have to say.
They don't care about what happened.
[ Sobbing ] And don't ever,
ever fucking threaten me again.
Do you understand?
[ Whimpers, Sniffles ]
I'll call the press. I'll call your clients.
I can go to Bob's office anytime...
and sign whatever you need me to sign.
He has my e-mail address.
I don't love you.
[ Door Opens, Closes ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Handle Jostling ]
[ Laughing ]
Oh, my-- [ Panicked Yelp ]
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
** [ Acoustic Guitar ]
[ Man ] * When there's so much to lose *
* There's no method to choose *
* Which way is the best *
* When you second-guess *
* It feels like you're nowhere *
* At all *
* Then when you're finally through *
* They'll come lookin' for you *
* I know all that we should do *
* Let's go to your room *
* We'll tell them we're nappin' *
* And see what happens *
* Because the day's almost done *
* And you got nothin' *
* To prove to no one *
* So stop your fussin' *
* And take off your dress *
* And try to get some rest *
* While I clean up the mess *
* Now that everyone's gone *
* Now that we're all alone *
* Let's go back to your room *
* And let's resume *
* What we were makin' *
* For a game *
* Because the day's almost done *
* And you got nothin' *
* To prove to no one *
* So stop your fussin' *
* And take off your dress *
* And try to get some rest *
* While I clean up the mess *
* 'Cause there is no end *
* To this, my friend *
* So try and ignore *
* What we got in store *
* And try to ignore *
* The mess on the floor *
* It'll be there *
* Later *
* I swear *
* Because the day's almost done *
* And you got nothin' *
* To prove to no one *
* So stop your fussin' *
* And take off your dress *
* And try to get some rest *
* While I clean up *
* The mess **