Hello there. I'm Greg Davies.
Welcome to a brand new series of Taskmaster.
We have five fresh comedy goliaths
primed and ready to humiliate themselves
in a series of tricky tasks.
All in the vague hope of taking home this.
The Taskmaster trophy.
At the end of the series, only one of them
will take home my shiny golden bonce
as the ultimate winner of Taskmaster.
So, without further ado, let's meet our new contenders.
They are...
Al Murray!
Dave Gorman!
Paul Chowdhry!
Rob Beckett!
And Sara Pascoe!
And here, my faithful servant and would-be friend,
Alex Horne.
Tell them all a bit about yourself, Alex.
- Really? - Yes.
OK. Hello, my name is Alex. I'm 37 years old.
I like sport and I'm quite a kind person.
For example, here are some raisins.
- If you want some raisins. - [laughter]
No, I don't. I'm alright, thanks.
If you want some raisins...
No, no. It's nice that they're there.
They're always there.
They're always in the pocket.
It's a new series and I'm expecting an incredible prize task category.
Are you?
You're great. So, um...
[laughter]
To kick things off, we asked our contestants
to bring in their most flamboyant clock.
So whoever brings in the most flamboyant clock
will win the first points of the show.
- Yep. - Maximum points.
And whoever wins the episode will go home with five flamboyant clocks.
Why have a normal clock when you can have a flamboyant clock?
Al Murray, what's your flamboyant clock
and why do you consider it to be flamboyant?
Er, my flamboyant clock
is my stove at home.
[laughter]
You can make out the clock
just to the left of the knob on the right.
- [Greg] Yep. - [Al] See that?
That panel there is the clock.
It comes with a hot plate, five gas hobs.
Two fans ovens, um...
and a drawer for keeping stuff in.
So you see this as a clock with an oven attached, right?
Yes!
Dave, what have you brought?
And why is it flamboyant? And is it a clock?
It is a clock.
At first glance, it might appear to be just an ordinary digital clock.
But it's actually...
my microwave oven.
[laughter]
[Al] You swine!
I would argue this is far more flamboyant than an oven.
Well, course you would.
Well, yeah, because it's microwaves and their magic.
Yeah, but I can cook eight things at once.
With my clock.
Paul Chowdhry?
Mine's a, uh, pop clock
that you can wear on any item of clothing.
If had this for 30 years, this clock.
[Greg] Yeah? Where's the flamboyance?
You can wear it with anything that's flamboyant.
Yeah, I know, but where's the flamboyance in the clock itself?
If I go out wearing Al Murray's oven, I'm looking flamboyant.
[laughter]
Where's the flamboyance?
Well, you can put it on, you know...
If you're wearing, like...
a kilt or something.
So, you think...
[laughter]
You define flamboyance...
[laughter]
as being an item that I could attach to a kilt.
[laughter]
Rob?
Oh, I've brought a sundial.
A tortoise... sundial.
[laughter]
That's my most flamboyant clock.
I'm very late, in the winter, to things.
Is that 'cause you're still relying on sundial technology?
Yeah. In the summer, though, I'm always there.
[laughter]
Pretty flamboyant, innit?
[Greg] I dunno.
Sort of thing my mum would consider wacky.
I think your mum's probably quite a nice lady.
[Greg] Oh, she's a lovely woman.
She not flamboyant?
Yeah, I guess she is a little bit. Maybe you're right.
[laughter]
"Oh, OK," he's gone!
Sara, what did you--
I really like your flamboyant tortoise.
Well, I've played this properly and actually brought a flamboyant clock.
At last.
OK, so, here it is.
[Greg] Oh, God!
[audience cheers]
It's a clock and it's flamboyant!
And it's genuinely a timepiece.
[Greg] Yep.
My boyfriend is a huge Freddie Mercury fan
and he doesn't know that I've brought it.
[laughter]
[Rob] Are you trying to get rid of it?
Shhh!
No, I'm trying really hard to win this episode!
Does it belong to your boyfriend?
It was a gift from me, so technically I own it.
I don't think that's how gifts work.
It does in my family.
'Cause if you've fallen out with the person, you can go
"Well, I'm having that back!"
Hey, listen. The horrible truth is
I'm gonna make really brutal decisions. Here they come.
Do you wanna start in fifth place?
It is the Braveheart Pop Swatch.
In fifth.
In fourth place... Oh, no.
What's wrong?
I can't really explain it,
but I'm putting the tortoise.
[audience] Awww!
[Al laughs]
It's not an actual tortoise!
In third place, I'm putting the microwave.
- Oh, man! - [laughter]
In second place...
This is the big one.
You're not gonna believe I've done this.
I'm putting the stove.
I don't believe you.
I'm putting the stove, and I'll tell you why.
That's a clock.
[cheers and applause]
OK, time for the first full-blown task of the series.
- Alex. - Yes?
What have we got?
We've got some track and field.
Hi.
Hello, mate!
[Alex] Paul?
"Get to the microwave in as few steps as possible."
"And open the door before the microwave dings."
"There's five minutes on the clock."
The microwave is under that tree.
[Paul] Where have you plugged it in, then?
There's a generator behind the tree.
Didn't know those trees had generators.
[laughter]
"As few steps as possible"?
[Alex] As few steps as possible.
"The microwave..."
"starts now."
[applause]
Yeah, um, a simple task.
I wanted you to get to my microwave
before the soup cooks, in as few steps as possible.
I don't know why it caused any confusion whatsoever.
It's a pretty straightforward task.
We mixed it up a little bit, though.
Added a few hurdles, literally.
And another hurdle, in that I did ask Alex if he could
make sure there was a lot of goose shit on the track.
Who are we gonna see first?
I think... Shall we see Rob?
[Greg] Great place to start. Let's have a look.
- Can I just give you my coat? - [Alex] Yeah.
Put it on if you want, mate.
Nice in the sun, innit?
Right, er... I'm gonna roll there.
[jaunty circus music begins]
Oh! Quite far away, innit?
[laughter]
I feel dizzy.
[laughing] It gets you really dizzy quick, that!
[laughter]
This is the future, mate!
I'm gonna be covered in goose shit, ain't I?
[he groans]
Feel I might be sick.
[laughter]
[he sighs]
Argh, I've just had a coffee as well!
Feel like me head's gonna explode.
[he retches]
[audience groans]
What other ways can I get there without stepping?
[laughter]
[Alex laughs]
Just gonna have to roll there, ain't I?
[applause]
- [Alex] Ooh! - [Rob] Urgh...
[he retches horribly]
- [laughter] - Ugh, sorry!
Arguably a more efficient way of transporting yourself about.
- [Alex] Well, if you... - More fun.
Don't have a big coffee beforehand.
I thought I was gonna be sick out me eyes.
[cheers and applause]
You must have a very weak constitution.
I don't know why drinking a massive coffee
and then rolling around in goose shit
would make you feel sick.
[laughter]
Any steps involved?
There were just a couple of little ones
just before the manoeuvre.
I sensed a step over the fence.
Just before that, because we all saw
the forward-reach over-we-go tumble with pike
which is a 6.2 difficulty level.
[laughter]
There were four little steps just before the flip
and that was it. The rest was rolls.
And his time was...?
Irrelevant.
[laughter]
Four steps. Who's next?
We're gonna have a look at Paul and Dave.
[laughter]
Is that a step?
[laughter]
[Paul] Bleh.
Is that a step?
[laughter]
Oooh!
[audience groans]
[laughter]
[laughter and applause]
[he pants]
[Alex] OK.
Thank you, Dave.
[panting] Yep.
Incredibly quick.
Yeah.
[laughter]
Thank you, Paul.
Your soup...
is ready, sir.
Lovely. That's piping hot.
Good techniques there, Paul. Thank you.
[laughter]
[applause]
It's very early for me to be trotting out Chinese proverbs
but that does make me think of the classic
"When is a step not a step?"
"When it's on a fucking hurdle."
[laughter]
"Is that a step?"
I thought that was a step. "Is that a step?"
I thought that was a step.
He's already got a catchphrase.
It is slightly irrelevant.
He took well over seven minutes to get there.
[they groan]
And the total of steps I counted was 125.
[laughter]
A lot more than if you'd just walked casually.
[laughter]
[Sara] Oh, Paul!
[laughter]
[Rob] It's alright, mate.
If I was able to give artistic style points, mate,
you'd be romping ahead in this, I tell you.
It was awesome.
I was intrigued by yours, Dave
'cause I've seen some of your shows
and they're incredibly
meticulously thought-out and clever.
And, er...
[laughter]
I think I thought the task was...
In steps... but as few of them as possible.
Oh, I see. So, you thought you had to be stepping.
[Dave] Yeah.
Apart from when I did the forward roll.
I'd sort of worked it out by then.
[laughter]
That was really good. How many steps?
Fifty steps.
- [Greg] Or... - [Alex] Or?
If we use Paul Chowdhry's definition...
Still fifty steps.
[laughter]
Al and Sara's attempts still to come after the break.
See you then.
Welcome back to Taskmaster,
where exclusive membership to Al Murray's oven
is being hotly contested for.
Alex, where were we?
We were on the athletics track,
watching our comedians trying to reach a microwave
in the smallest number of steps.
So far, Rob Beckett is in the lead.
Paul Chowdhry has been disqualified.
Up next, Al Murray and Sara Pascoe together.
The floor is so gross!
[laughter]
[audience gasps]
Oohh...
None of it's steps, is it?
Ooh, so much shit!
This is a metaphor for show business.
[microwave buzzing]
[Alex] Are they steps?
No.
It's so pooey, Alex...
I mean, really.
Just click the door open, you've got plenty of time.
There we go. There's the soup.
What, have I got to eat the soup?
There we go. Thank you.
What flavour soup is it?
Pea.
Oh.
- Smashed it. - Thanks, Al.
[applause]
My initial impulse on watching Sara's technique
is that it was just fancy stepping.
[laughter]
In leather trousers. Admittedly, stylistically incredible.
Can we ask the expert?
Paul, was it a step?
[laughter]
There were some steps.
I counted it as 27 steps.
OK. Talk to me about Al.
I counted eight little steps.
For the whole run?
I'm pretty pleased with that.
But he was walking on his knees.
Every definition of "step" I found involved the foot.
Nothing mentioned the knee, so...
- [Greg] OK. - That's out of order, mate.
[laughter]
So, these are the results.
Essentially, Paul, you're disqualified. I'm so sorry.
Because you didn't do it within the time.
Nothing to do with your incredible
understanding of stepping.
Fourth place, it's Dave "Big Stepper" Gorman.
[laughter and applause]
Third place, it's Sara "Fancy Step" Pascoe.
In second place, it's...
It's Al "Mainly Kneeling, Some Step" Murray.
And in first place, with an incredible
shitty, sicky performance...
Thank you.
[Greg] It's Rob the Roller.
[applause]
Alex, I think it's time for the first
scoreboard update, please.
OK, well, it's very close--
[laughter]
There's a tie! There's a tie for the lead.
Al and Sara both have eight points.
[cheers and applause]
Great. On with the next task.
Of course. Here we go.
Hi.
[Alex] Hi, Al.
What's this?
It's for you.
It's for me?
It's a frozen pea.
- Am I supposed to eat this? - No, no.
Open that first, yeah?
"Propel this pea the furthest distance."
"Your pea must land and remain...
on the red carpet."
[Rob] I'll just throw it in this.
[Alex] Will the pea definitely land on the...?
Oh, so the pea's gotta...?
[Alex] It's up to you. Whatever you think the Taskmaster...
"The pea must land on the..."
Well, it's gonna land on it.
[Alex] Is that... That's on the carpet?
Well, that'll be on the carpet.
- [Alex] Will it? - There's a pea in there.
Isn't it?
It doesn't say the pea must land on the carpet.
The pea will be on the carpet.
It doesn't say it must make contact with the carpet.
[Alex] You do what you think's right, Rob.
Well, if Davies has got a problem with it, I'll knock him out.
[laughter and applause]
Well, I mean...
There's a few things to address there, isn't there?
I mean, you're a younger man than me,
and you're probably fitter.
But if I get one haymaker on you, mate...
[laughter]
I will arguably kill you.
And the second thing is, don't disrespect me
or I'll make you come last.
OK.
It's worth us talking about the fact that
what they shouldn't do, obviously, is just fling the pea,
'cause there's the carpet and then there's the grass.
Well, no one's gonna get that task...
and see a tiny pea, and a red carpet in a windy garden,
and think, "I'm just gonna bung this."
- Well, no, we've picked some very... - These are intelligent people, right?
Very bright, very bright. So, uh...
[laughter]
Yeah, so we'll start with Sara, Paul and Dave.
[laughter and applause]
Let's see how far this gets, then.
Ffff... This ain't gonna work, is it?
I've lost the pea. You gave me a green pea!
Now I've gotta find the pea.
Any clues?
[Alex] I think it's on the grass. I can't see it on the carpet.
Yeah, we could spend a lot of time looking for a pea.
[laughter]
But how do we know where it is?
Who can see that far?
It's on the carpet!
[Alex] Is it on the-- It's on the carpet?
Yeah!
[Alex] OK, I've got a measuring tape.
OK, centimetres. Is this centimetres?
[Alex] Yes.
Have you got a spare pea?
It had to be that pea, I'm afraid, Paul.
It's gotta be that exact pea?!
It's like finding a pea in a... haystack.
[laughter]
[Paul] Shit.
[Alex] I'm just gonna go and have a sit down.
Can I get you anything?
[Dave] A pea?
Not to use! Just saying I'd quite like a pea.
[Alex] To compare it to, or...?
[Dave] As a comparison. Yeah, that'd be nice.
And also, you know, I'd just like it as a snack.
A frozen...
I'll get you a pea, but I will mark the pea.
[Dave] If you wouldn't mind.
OK.
[Dave] Thank you very much.
Oh! That was further.
That's further, I think, Alex!
It's a new personal best!
[Sara whoops]
Eighteen metres and 27.
Hey, I'm glad you went again now.
[Alex] I've brought you a pea
but I don't think you should eat it
'cause I've sort of injected it with black ink.
I do trust you, but I don't...
entirely trust you.
OK, no, that's fine. I'm just gonna eat this one.
[Alex] Have you eaten it?
Yeah.
Swallowed.
Oh, my God.
It's wedged in the strings of the racket.
- It was there all along. - [laughter and applause]
Well, unlucky, I suppose, Paul.
No score?
No score on that one.
No score on that.
[Alex] Would you like us to measure that?
Yeah.
No, that's not as far.
I was closer to that leaf before.
[Alex] Are you sure? Do you wanna measure it anyway?
Yeah, measure it anyway, 'cause it's on there.
Congratulations on 12 metres 11.
Thank you very much. I'm very...
[both] Pleased with that.
I can't imagine someone beating 12 metres.
Seventeen metres 40.
[Sara] We thought so, didn't we?
Yeah...
Respectable.
Does anyone else want a go throwing a pea?
It's pretty fun!
[applause]
Poor little Paul!
I mean, I was mocking of the idea that someone
would just grab the pea and bung it up the carpet.
But she hit the carpet every time, right?
Yeah, she only did it three times and then went in.
Eighteen metres and 27 centimetres.
Yeah, it's not a sentence I thought I'd ever say,
but, you know, great pea-throwing.
- [laughter] - Thank you so much.
Paul?
I mean, you're having a mare at the moment.
[laughter]
You said "propel the pea", so I got a cricket bat to propel it.
She just chucked the pea.
Ah, there's so many words I'm gonna have to teach you.
[laughter]
- Dave. - Yes.
- OK, let's cut to the chase here. - [Dave] Yeah.
- I'm gonna ask you a question. - Yeah.
- A very simple question. - Yeah.
And I want you to answer honestly. Now...
You're not in trouble.
[laughter]
- But I'm asking you directly now. - [Dave] Yeah?
Did you cheat?
No.
I'm gonna ask you one more time.
[laughter]
Did you cheat?
No, Greg. I did not.
OK. Alex.
We can see the racket... there.
So that's where it got wedged.
It looks firmly wedged, doesn't it, Dave?
It was wedged.
Yeah. I mean, we can also see the racket just...
after you struck the pea.
Pea's gone.
Or has it?
[everyone gasps]
[Rob] It's like Broadchurch.
I know what's happened here.
At some point while trying to search for the pea
I was using the racket to sweep through...
[Rob] Oh, turn it in, mate!
I believe him. I believe Dave.
We'll make a judgment on this after the break.
See you then.
Welcome back to Taskmaster, where five of the UK's
best-loved but least flamboyant comedians
are playing for each other's most flamboyant clocks.
Who's next, Alex?
Do you wanna have a look at Rob? Rob Beckett?
[both squeak] Rob Beckett! Little Rob Beckett! Yeah!
[laughter]
OK, here is Rob.
Propel! Can I put it in the wheelbarrow?
And then tip it on the thing?
If I go round and round, that's propelling it
with force or drive.
[Alex] Uh-huh?
And then, when I've finished,
fucking bang it on there.
[laughter]
[Alex] That's 30 metres.
[Rob] Yeah, I've not stopped!
[Alex] I know--
[Rob] You're slowing me down!
Propelling it forward with drive and motion.
[Alex] Looks like propelling.
Well, if you'd hurry up, I'd be propelling a bit more.
One lap is 81 metres and 30 centimetres.
Right, I'm gonna do a thousand
and then I'll put it on the carpet.
[laughter]
[Alex] Is that number... four? This is the fourth one, is it?
Er...
[Alex] You've done three, I think.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nice having a good propel, innit?
You're over 300 metres now.
That's probably enough, I reckon.
I'll do one more, just to stay on the safe side.
OK, so what I'm gonna do is...
come round here...
- [Rob] Oh! - [audience gasps]
So, 406 plus another...
another eight metres.
- Four one four. - What?
- Four one four? - 414 metres.
Right, how long have I got left on the time?
Propel...
Definition. It's a verb.
"Drive or push something forwards."
Mate, I've just drove a wheelbarrow...
forwards.
- 414 metres... - 414 metres.
and 53 centimetres.
It's landed on the red carpet...
and it's remained there.
Yeah. Thank you, Rob.
[cheers and applause]
I mean, incredible.
It's almost like you were justifying it
in anticipation of an argument.
[laughter]
It's not normal I use words to my advantage.
[laughter]
We've got Al Murray next.
OK.
There.
[Alex] It's landed on...
It's landed on your carpet.
[he grunts]
[laughter]
Let's see how far we can get the pea to go.
[Alex] OK.
I've gotta go as far as I can
and back in the next 20 minutes.
If we can just go up the M4 as far as we can.
1.6 miles now, Al.
This is fantastic.
[Alex] Yeah, making a lot of progress.
Sixteen miles.
[whistle blows]
[Alex] There we go. Just shy of 18 miles.
Eighteen miles.
[Alex] Brilliant. Just on the right.
[Al] Thanks, Bob.
[Alex] Check for peas...
It's probably...
[Alex] Oh! Oh! Al?
Ah! Yes!
It remained on the carpet, Al.
[cheers and applause]
It was propelled, right?
Did he propel it?
Al paid for the cab.
He paid £150.
[laughter]
[Sara] No, he didn't!
Amazing watching someone pay £150
to take a pea to Slough.
[laughter]
Can't wait for that taxi driver to be in the pub going,
"Seriously, the Pub Landlord hailed me."
"He made me drive him to Slough with a pea."
Weirdly, I know his niece.
[laughter]
Lovely little detail.
She's a GP in Croydon.
[laughter]
I do like Croydon.
How far did Al propel his pea?
Eighteen miles. Exactly 18 miles.
Eighteen miles. Now, here's the news.
Dave has been disqualified for cheating, ladies and gentlemen.
What? I did not cheat!
[Greg] Sorry, that's what's happened, mate.
[Al] That's terrible.
That's very bad news. Although...
I do admire you having a go.
What's great news is...
even though you lost it, you did propel the pea.
You get points!
[cheers and applause]
He's in fourth place and he's got two points!
In third place was arguably the only person
who entered into the proper spirit of the pea-throwing.
Sara Pascoe gets three points.
In second place is Rob with his awesome barrow-work.
Four points.
And in first place, Al Murray with five points.
[applause]
Alex, how does that affect the scoreboard?
Well, we have an outright leader now,
and that is obviously Mr Al Murray.
[cheers and applause]
OK. One more task, please.
OK, I'm really trying my best to please you,
and this one is a Christmassy task.
[he laughs]
"Make the best snowman."
"You have one hour..."
[laughing] "Your time starts now."
Well, that's pretty tricky, isn't it?
It's not snowing.
I suppose I should check out the window
to see if it's started snowing.
[Alex] What's the weather like, Rob?
Pffft. Balmy!
Well, it's not gonna snow in an hour, is it?
No.
11 o'clock, sunny. It's 10 o'clock now.
- No snow today. Tomorrow, no snow. - [laughter]
There's no snow this week.
[laughter and applause]
You didn't think it was gonna snow.
You were just messing around, weren't you?
No, I thought... 'cause it snowed in April this year, didn't it?
[Greg] I suppose.
When Prince died, and he wrote that song
"It Snowed in April", then he died a week later, so...
Yeah, you shouldn't use that to forecast weather.
[laughter]
There's never, ever been purple rain.
[laughter]
[Greg] Who's first?
Well, I thought we'd start off with
the little enthusiastic Rob Beckett again.
- Oh, little Rob. - Little, eager Rob.
[Greg squeaks] Look at little Rob!
[laughter]
Right, basically, snow's out the window.
I was gonna get loads of marshmallows and do that,
but then it's just a marshmallow man, innit?
Will marshmallows stick together?
As in sort of...
Oh!
I've got all the marshmallows.
You've got a lot, haven't you?
[straining]
[he laughs] That's a bit of one!
[he giggles]
You have to really squeeze.
[he giggles]
[laughter]
[Alex] 90 seconds, Rob!
No worries, mate!
[whistle blows]
[Alex] Thank you, Rob.
I'll take that.
[laughter and applause]
You pleased with that?
If you're after a snowman...
No.
I thought, "If you can't make it, make something that looks like it."
I think it was a lovely marshmallow man, though.
Yeah, well, you can't make snow...
so I thought I'd just make one that looks like a snowman.
If a child had made a Christmas card at school
and it was made out of cotton wool, making a snowman,
you wouldn't look at it and go
"That's not a snowman!"
You would say, "That's a lovely snowman."
Oh, no. I would kick it out their hands and say
- "That's not a snowman." - [laughter]
Who's next?
I've grouped Al and Sara together again.
[Greg] Oooh.
Yeah, do you wanna see them?
- Yeah. - OK.
So, we...
I could make a mould of some kind,
fill it with water, put it in the freezer...
I need, like, four litres of vanilla ice cream
and a bag of raisins.
And some wool.
- [Alex] OK. - To make the scarf.
[Alex] Yeah?
A couple of colours, please.
You gotta diversify these days, haven't you?
I can't remember ever not being able to plait.
[he laughs]
Look, it's a snowman.
I'm gonna call him Scoopy.
Now, some of this is gonna be the base...
Jam it into the tray. Yes!
And that's your snowman shape.
Here it is.
OK, carrot's too big.
[laughter]
There we go.
Oh! Actually, I've got an idea.
There is some ice in here.
So, I'm gonna add some ice to it,
which will speed up its freezing process.
This'll help it along.
There we go.
OK, 40 minutes left, Al. So, we're gonna...
Great, 35 minutes...
- We'll check it. - We'll check it.
Should've frozen solid by then.
We'll take it out. Job done.
This is the coal buttons...
So...
There he is.
[squeaky voice] "I don't wanna come out of the box!"
He's lovely, isn't he?
Scoopy.
I'm happy.
- Isn't he nice? - [audience] Aww!
[laughter and applause]
I said in the studio while we were watching those
that watching Al make it is like watching a man
in the middle of a breakdown.
[laughter]
And then I expected to be...
corrected when I saw the snowman
be a thing of great beauty.
What I saw was a monstrous...
awful freak.
[laughter]
What I see there... I see a creature in pain.
I see a Chernobyl snowman...
saying, "Kill me, someone kill me."
I have no doubt that would make my nieces cry.
[laughter]
Is their uncle a cab driver?
[laughter]
Oh, wow. I mean, I do love it, Al. It's incredible.
Sara's... What do you think of Sara's snowman?
- [applause] - It's not snow!
It's raisins!
- It's not snow! - Yours isn't snow!
- Yours is ice from the freezer! - Mine's closer to snow.
Ice cream is as close as ice is.
What, is there milk in clouds?
If it has evaporated enough of it, then yes.
Arguably, the cows might spill a bit of milk sometimes.
Yeah, arguably.
Arguably.
[laughter]
Do you want to see Scoopy again?
- Yes, I want to see Scoopy again. - [Alex] He is lovely.
I think about him every day.
[everyone screams]
[applause]
And you know what? At the end of that VT,
Scoopy was still happier than Al's snowman.
[laughter]
D'you want, uh, a raisin?
Nah.
[Greg] You're an inspiration. It was a really lovely ice cream man.
Who's left?
It's Dave and Paul.
I think we'll see Dave first.
Oh dear.
[laughter]
Can you get a very...
large, um...
bucket.
And 200 packets of...
powdered potato?
OK.
[Dave] So, yeah. Soon as you can, please.
- Right, I'll hurry. - Thank you.
[straining]
- That's very good. - Is that enough?
No, that's good, that's good.
The kettle is on, so if you could start
getting some boiling water...
Yeah, that's lovely. Thank you.
- I've got another one. - Yeah, please.
I'll be honest, it's not as white as I was hoping.
It's quite yellow. It's very yellow.
Smells nice, Dave. Your snowman.
D'you think?
[Alex] School dinners.
Let's try, see what this looks like.
[laughter]
I'm actually quite happy with that. That's alright.
It's coming on, isn't it?
Is there a hose anywhere?
Yes, there is a hose.
Is that connected?
Have you got the carrot?
- Would you like me to get you the carrot? - I'd like the carrot, please.
[audience] Aww.
[whistle blows]
I'm quite happy with that.
[applause]
Earlier in today's show, I was a little concerned
about your literal interpretation of some of the tasks.
- Steps. - The big step thing.
You're back in the game, because someone says
"Make a snowman" and you ask for mash.
[laughter]
- [Greg] Really nice. - [Dave] Thank you.
OK, after the break, not only will we see
something that I'm looking forward to...
[laughter]
more than I can tell you.
Seeing Paul Chowdhry's attempt at a snowman.
But all five will take to the stage for the first live task of the series.
See you then.
Hello and welcome back to the final part of the show.
It won't be long before we find out
who has to haul home Rob's giant tortoise sundial
and Dave's shonky microwave.
But first...
weren't we about to watch Paul do something?
Yes, we were. They've all been building snowmen
out of marshmallows, potatoes and ice cream.
But we're yet to see Paul Chowdhry's attempt
and he didn't use any of those items.
Would you like to see what he used?
I mean...
genuinely more than anything.
[laughter]
I guess, um, can you buy me...
a Slush Puppie.
[Alex] What flavour?
Snow flavour.
Hi, Paul.
I got you a bag of ice...
two Slush Puppies and a white teddy.
[Paul] Excellent.
- Good luck. - Finally.
[laughter]
That's a snowman bear, innit?
[giggling]
- [laughter] - How's that?
You see, the expression and the tears
reflects what I'm going through on the inside.
[melancholy piano music]
Bastard's crying, innit?
[laughter]
[applause]
Right at the end, you just...
As the final image of the snowman was in place,
and he said, "The bastard's crying, innit?"
[laughter]
Let's have a look at the bastard.
[Rob] Oh, it's dark, mate, innit? That is dark.
[Sara] I'm starting to think we shouldn't be laughing at Paul.
[laughter]
I've got so many questions I wanna ask you, Paul.
My first question is...
is everything alright?
[laughter]
Snowbear, innit?
[Sara] Snow bear? It's a rabbit!
It's a rabbit with some ice on it!
That's not a bear, it's a rabbit.
It was powerful, wasn't it? In the room, we were moved.
[Greg] I mean, it's incredible. Look at it!
[Al] I like it. He used ice.
Yeah, I was about to say.
It's something I've written down, Al, and thanks for backing Paul up.
He has used something cold in his snowman,
which is one of the traditional elements of a snowman.
[Greg] It's built of a cold substance.
There you go.
[Greg] So, in that regard...
well done.
[laughter]
And I'll go further.
If this was about artistry and about creating
something that really moves people...
you'd have won this task.
However...
[laughter]
we agreed some criteria.
And, uh, they were...
you know, it should be recognisable as a snowman.
[laughter]
Traditionally, the snowman's outdoors,
like Dave's, for example.
Recognisable elements, we agreed.
[both] Traditional elements.
Like the scarf.
[Greg] The carrot nose which we provided, the eyes,
and then scale.
We thought, you know, when people are making a snowman
- they normally go for big. - "Ooh, that's a big one."
- Bigger. - Yeah.
Who's in last place, Greg?
[Greg sighs]
It's fifth place, it's Paul Chowdhry.
[laughter]
Not artistically, mate. Number one.
In fourth place, it's Rob, 'cause it was made out of marshmallows.
[Greg] Number three, Al.
[Rob] Aw, God. I can't lose to that. In the drawer.
[laughter]
It don't look anything like a snowman!
Al's is monstrous.
Second place, we're putting the ice cream, Sara.
And even though it wasn't made out of cold stuff,
we think that Dave made the best snowman.
[Greg] There it is. It's done.
[applause]
How's that affected the scoreboard?
[laughter]
Well, it's tight. It's tight at the top.
There's one point separating the top two people.
There's three points separating the top three.
And Paul's... still in it. So let's have a look.
Al's in first place with 16 points. There we go.
[cheers and applause]
It's near the end of the show,
but before we can find out our winner,
there's one more thing to do. So...
For the first time this series, will you all please
head to the stage for the final task!
[cheers and applause]
Looks like all five of our contestants
have got some lovely new friends there.
Rob, would you read out the task, please?
[Alex] Hi, Rob.
- Oh, hi mate. - You alright? You OK?
Yeah, yeah, great.
I'm just gonna crack on with this, though.
[laughter]
"Balance your swedes on your Swede."
"Your Swede must remain standing at all times."
"Your swedes may only balance on the exterior of your Swede."
"Most swedes resting on a Swede after 100 seconds wins."
[laughter]
Lotta swede in that, ain't there?
So, in summary, as many swedes on a Swede
in the time allowed.
And the Swede has to be standing up?
The Swede must remain standing at all times.
You can manipulate your Swede in any other way.
And when Alex says, "You can manipulate them in any way you want"...
Emotionally, leave them alone.
[laughter]
[Alex] Good luck, everyone.
- [blows whistle] - Get sweding!
[audience cheers]
Straight.
I'll take the swedes off.
[Greg] Go on, Paul!
On the head. Early on the head.
Oh, my word.
You're going back, are you?
One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine...
Twelve! Twelve!
How's it going, Rob?
- Not very well. - Keeps falling off, that one.
Also I've learnt having a lady is a bit of
a disadvantage on the old space...
[Alex] 20 seconds!
Ooh, there's a lot there. There's a lot there!
Yep.
It's respectable, it's respectable.
Fifteen seconds left!
[Greg] 15 secooonds!
[Alex] Ten seconds, after which you must step away!
Five seconds!
Four!
Three!
Two!
One!
[whistle blows]
[Alex] Step away, step away.
Paul, step away! Step away.
You can step there. Just there.
Ladies and gentleman, with thanks to
our regular Fred and to the London Swedes...
[cheers and applause]
All of you come down and we'll see how that affected the scores!
Well done, Fred.
[applause]
Alex, how were they at swede-on-Swede balancing?
Mmm. Great question.
Great Swedes. Lovely Swedes.
Sara and Rob found it awkward
and they both achieved eight swedes.
Hey, that's good.
It's a reasonable amount of swedes to get on a Swede.
It's an even number. Then we've got Dave, 11 swedes.
- [Greg] Uh-oh! - [applause]
[Sara] It's Chowdhers!
Paul Chowdhry, 14 swedes!
[cheering and applause]
But then, Mr Al Murray on 15 swedes!
[Greg] 15 swedes!
[applause]
That must have affected our final scores.
Don't get your hopes up, Paul.
Yes, the scores are in, and our winner is...
Mr Al Murray!
[cheers and applause]
So, Al Murray is the first winner of the series,
and the owner of five flamboyant clocks.
Please, Al, head to the stage to collect your prizes!
[applause]
So, there we are. Another exciting series under way.
Thanks for all your help, Alex.
Thanks for letting me help, Greg.
It's like Ant and Dec, innit?
What have we learnt today?
Well, what we've learnt today is
if you wanna scare your children
just get Al Murray or Paul Chowdhry to make them a snowman.
But most importantly, despite that,
we've found out that our winner
of episode one of series three of Taskmaster
is Mr Al Murray!
[cheers and applause]
Thank you, everybody. Good night!
[subtitles by tribbletown]