(OPENING THEME PLAYING)
Someone turn up the AC or I'll sweat on you.
I will. I'll sweat on you.
Walking all the way over there is going to take forever, yo.
Do we not have the remote controller?
The thing's manual. Got to use your manuals.
I ain't using my manuals for nothing.
Then are we to be forever trapped in this suffering?
No, no, I can't take it.
Someone help. Oh, my goodness gracious. Someone please! Just help!
A cry for help. Where's the danger?
All around us, bro.
And it is the sticky.
Are you talking about the heat? Just turn on the AC.
(CRYING AND COMPLAINING INDISTINTCLY)
Surmountable distance from here.
Is this what modern life has done to you?
Made you soft?
Not long ago, we didn't have all these modern conveniences.
Every day was a hardship,
but it made people strong and self-reliant.
In fact, I think a road trip is in order.
A road trip? That sounds fun.
Well, it's not. This road trip will be educational!
In order to teach you self-reliance in an environment
without modern conveniences,
I brought you to the very same trail old timey pioneers
once braved to make a new life for themselves.
Welcome to the Oregon Trail!
So, we're in Oregon?
Not yet. It's only 2,000 miles that way.
Are you crazy? That's going to take us days.
Meet you guys there.
(YELPS)
-It won't take a couple of days. -ALL: Phew.
It'll take several months as the rugged pioneers didn't have cars
or magic portals.
(SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
Is to fritter away, Robin!
I love the enthusiasm, Titans!
This is the trading post where our educational adventure begins.
Would you like the look around? Y or N?
Robin, what is this Y or N?
Y or N!
Y means yes, N means no.
Then why not just say yes or no?
Because it's faster this way.
Yes and no are like the shortest words already.
And now they're even shorter.
Look around, Y or N?
ALL: N.
So you don't want to look around this historic trading post?
The place where a carpenter from Ohio,
or a farmer from Illinois might start their journey?
ALL: N.
Fine. Just get in the wagon.
(MOOS)
Oh, adorable! (KISSING)
I will name you Hug-head,
and you will sleep in the room of the bed with me.
Don't get attached. We will probably eat Hug-head when the going gets tough.
Oh, I see.
Now, let's hit the road.
I'm not riding in that.
Yes, you are.
I call shot gun!
Good idea, Beast Boy. We don't know what danger the trail will hold.
ROBIN: Yee-haw!
(SIGHS) So far, so good, Titans.
The weather is warm, our pace is steady,
and we are in good health.
(GAGS AND GROANS)
Uh, mostly good.
I thought that this was supposed to be educational.
So far our trip has been the boring, the monotonous,
and repetitive.
You've perfectly summed up the Oregon Trail!
Looks like someone has been learning.
I'm done learning.
Let's go home and play some fun video games, yo.
-(THUMPING) -(YELPS)
-(GROANS) -(WHEELS SCREECHING)
-Beast Boy! -(GROANS)
Beast Boy fell under the wagon and has broken his leg.
Would you like to, one,
continue on the trail?
Why would we want to continue on the trail?
-We got to fix Beast Boy's... -Let me finish!
Two, check supplies?
-Three, look at a map? -(BEAST BOY YELPS)
(CRYING) My leg!
He needs the medical assistance.
Four, change pace? Five, change rations?
We don't need any of these numbered options.
We need an ambulance.
The pioneers had no ambulances.
All they had were seven numbered options!
So deal with it!
Now, where was I?
Right. Six, stop to rest?
-Seven... -Six, let's just do six!
You have chosen to stop and rest. Y or N?
ALL: (SCREAMING) Y.
(RATTLING)
You will feel the slighest of the pressures.
(SCREAMS)
All the betters.
(SIGHS) Thank you, Star.
History is really coming to life for Beast Boy.
Would you like to share what you've learned so far?
(CRYING)
I want to go home.
Wonderful. Well, we've lost enough time.
Let's, one, continue on the trail.
Dude, I need to rest. (WHIMPERS)
I'm sorry. Excuse me?
Rest.
That's not what a pioneer would call it.
-(FROGS RIBBITING) -Oh, I want to six.
Can I six please?
Sorry, I have already oned. And, if we get caught in the snows of winter,
we may not make it at all.
Weather is cold. Health?
(ALL SHIVERING)
Is fair. Pace?
Is steady.
This is the worst experience of my life.
That's great to hear, Cyborg.
Sounds like you really put yourself in the shoes of the pioneers.
Oh, by the way. A thief has stolen your shoe.
Oh, man. I'm going to get blisters.
We're hungry, Robin.
Yes. Hug-head is beginning to look the delicious.
(MOOING)
Let's four, check supplies.
Hmm, we are out of rations.
Then let us eat the delicious Hug-head!
Not yet. We need him to pull the cart.
Very well.
You are the safe for now, Hug-head.
Soon... (SLURPING)
Titans, when you run out of food,
there is only one option.
Order pizza.
(BEEPS)
No pizza!
We are going hunting.
-(COCKS GUN) -(POPS)
Here, shoot one of those buffalo.
No way, bro. I ain't going to hurt no buffaloes.
I'm a vegetarian, dude.
This is the Oregon Trail. You either eat meat or die.
If everybody just eats their greens, my buffalo buddies don't need to get hurt.
Give me that!
ROBIN: Shoot, shoot, shoot, ha-ha-ha-ha.
I see you hiding behind that rock, buffalo!
Come on, get some. (LAUGHS)
Squirrel, where you going to go, huh?
Deer! Say hello to my little friend, huh?
Rabbits, ah, shake a tail!
(LAUGHS)
Whoo! Shake a tail. Squirrel. That bush won't save you. (GROANS)
STARFIRE: (GASPS) That is enough food for the remainder of the trip.
Too bad we can only carry 100 pounds back to the cart.
Then why did you shoot so many?
Because it's the only fun part of this incredibly boring but educational journey.
Mmm, mmm. Delicious.
I'm loving this buffalo flavor.
Titans, I have some bad news and some bad news.
First, the bad news.
Beast Boy was bitten by a rattle snake.
I was?
(SCREAMS)
I can't feel my hand. It's swelling so bad.
Now for the bad news. Beast Boy has dysentery.
-What's that? -That's where you poop till you croak.
Uh-oh. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
While Beast Boy is pooping himself,
would anyone like to look around? Y, N?
Should we not help him?
Oh, sorry, that's not an option on the numbered list.
(BEAST BOY GROANS)
Beast Boy has died.
You did not say people would die.
Well, that's what happens on the Oregon Trail.
It's super boring, you hunt a little,
and then everybody in your party dies a horrible death.
What about learning?
Oh, you learn you're going to die.
Oh, I can't believe my boy, Beastie just passed on!
That's right, I did!
(GASPS)
You're a ghost.
Oh, are you, um, okay?
Dude, I feel great.
Check it. Ooh, ah, ah, ooh.
Ah, man. I wish I was a ghost.
Just get yourself some dysentery, girl!
My homies are not happy with you, by the way.
(GROWLING)
It is winter. Our pace is slow.
Health is...
-(ALL SHIVERING) -(COUGHS)
Poor.
It can't get any worse, right?
Starfire has died.
-Not Starfire! -(SHATTERS)
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
Lucky.
Ignore the ghosts.
Just think of all your learning about the hardships
of the pioneers.
Yo. When youse a ghost, you don't need to learn nothing no more!
(LAUGHS)
♪ Well, Raven got the measles, and up and died
♪ And Cyborg boy He cried and cried
♪ Till he caught a cold
♪ And he was dead
(STOMACH RUMBLING)
♪ With no food around, I ate Hug-head
♪ For three long weeks He kept me fed
♪ Boy, life ain't easy on the Oregon Trail
♪ I'll tell you
♪ Life ain't easy on the Oregon Trail ♪
(SHIVERING)
(GHOSTS LAUGHING)
I'm learning so much.
(PANTING HEAVILY)
I made it to the Dalles river.
Would I like to look around? Y or N?
You bet, Y!
(BIRDS CAWING)
Ah, majestic.
It was all worth it.
How's looking around going, bro?
-(SLURPING) -Great!
Now all I have to do is float this cart across the river,
and I'll be in Oregon!
Besides hunting, this is the only fun part of the Oregon Trail.
RAVEN: More fun than our ghost yacht?
-(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) -Whoo, look at all these ghost babes!
(LAUGHS)
Just give it up, dude.
This yachts booming.
Come on board!
ROBIN: Never!
I will ride this trail to the very end.
And there's nothing you can do to stop me.
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
Phew, looks like it's all smooth sailing from here.
(SCREAMS)
(GROANS)
(COUGHING)
(WHEEZING) Congratulations. I've made it
to Oregon.
Good job, bro.
Can you tell us what you learned from your boring journey?
That Robin has dysentery.
(STOMACH RUMBLING)