No fish.
Those were gunshots.
This is beautiful.
Here are some scenes from the next episode of Columbo.
All the members are tested and they have to rate in the top 2%.
Here I've been talking with the most intelligent people
in the world, and I never even noticed it might have been a woman.
I think he was killed before we heard the shots.
The shots we heard were on that record.
It's a terrific puzzle.
I wasn't there, but
so there I was in the world and the signal.
Like you right at the top of the scale.
And my first thought was what what?
What a crummy world where somebody as smart as me
is nothing but an ordinary welder.
And I, I got my head straight
and I figured it out that it was a pretty sensational world
or even world has got a high enough IQ to be in a sigma society.
I think
there's anything wrong with being a welder
because I want to tell you right now that there's nobody
in this room
and even begin to do what I can do.
I heard that with all your brain.
The one thing you can't figure out, the one problem
you can't solve is what you're all doing.
I mean, what?
We're all.
He's definitely trying.
Think.
So I can't be, too.
I tell my mom,
my dad.
You has made her baby.
So you left me.
You left me when? So.
That's why I'm crying for you.
seven days.
Do you?
People with.
You've got to find.
Keep.
Thank you, Mike.
Thank you,
Jason, and all due respect to Mike's lecture on feelings of inadequacy.
I thought we were going to hear from a computer engineer on intelligent machines.
May I ask the program chairman if he still intends to bring an outside guests?
Fred, I was very busy at the office today.
Enough time.
Try to do better. Good.
Thank you, Mike.
Thank you, Mr. Wagner.
Thank you, Bernie, for new business, ladies and gentlemen.
I have the committee report on neighborhood crime.
They strongly recommend the purchase of a burglar alarm.
Miss Back has prepared a study of the various units available.
The Advantage.
Good evening, Mr. Brad Evans.
I am late heists and so on.
Oliver, we were just discussing a burglar alarm.
Dear me, I didn't know we had anything worth stealing
unless, of course, it's Bertiz.
Incredible brainpower.
But I understand the Russians have been after him again
because.
OK, gang meeting's adjourned.
That,
my dear, is the total history of British life.
Does the joke always have to be at my expense
to edit again again and forever friends?
Forever partners forever? Right?
30 friends
as a good little fella.
Something wrong?
I think I just drank my contact lens.
It's there.
I found it.
I'm sorry.
Oh, sorry.
What are you up to, Carolyn?
Making an inventory of everything in the house for the insurance.
Don't you have to go around to look at things?
Don't have to look.
Remember, imagine
while this wine was still in the French cellar, you, Carolyn, were being put
together by a confluence of data processors and memory banks all over.
I have to talk to you.
I want to talk to you too busy.
Pick a page.
237 pick a number twelve
even odd come along that it to the library.
The drinks are on berty around me
dollars, says Grant.
Once again. Suddenly luck, you know.
Page 237, correct?
That word.
twelve.
All right.
Here we are.
Corrina Corrina, six letters,
even drinks are a new, very interesting corona.
We seem to have forgotten our biology.
Corona is a pot resembling a rich as on the projection
of the breastbone of a bird.
And that is the word for today.
I didn't come up here to play games, Oliver, nor did I birdie.
You've always enjoyed tormenting me.
Don't be a fool.
School, college, even our own firm.
I've always been the butt of your jokes.
I've always been your friend, British.
And you know that. Oh, come on, Bertie.
I never taunted you.
I only tickle you.
No, no.
I'm through running.
I know,
I know.
I know what you've been doing in the office, however.
I know how
you've been stealing from our clients.
I took the trouble to examine your accounts.
I know you have.
I'm well aware of this.
Oh, are you aware
that I intend to expose you?
Well, in that case, I intend to kill you.
They were friends,
and I couldn't ever hurt you.
I couldn't hurt you, either.
You can shut me out.
I'll tell
your.
What a pity.
Hello.
I'm talking to you.
Yes, I hear you.
I hear you, old friend.
I really did love you, but.
Yeah.
Oh, long distance.
Tonight, children, the drinks are on, buddy.
Actually,
he has the word Mr.
Brand.
Karina C.A.R.,
the capital city Carina is a constellation in the southern hemisphere.
This was not capitalized.
Oh, well then it's like the breastbone on a bird
bones, Premiere missiles and back Memphis.
It's my daddy.
I've been trying to reach him.
It's his birthday.
We're waiting for his call.
I got lucky again.
Daddy, why don't we go out and get to the living room and put back in order?
Why not? Come on. Come on, gentlemen.
You. I'll watch it.
The club still insured through you, isn't it?
Yes, it very well. Fire theft.
The works. OK.
Oh, wonderful.
We already covered.
Why on earth are they spending all this money on a burglar?
Those were gunshots.
Bernie.
Oh, my God.
All right.
I'm Caroline downstairs.
I think he's dead.
You mustn't look at a leaf.
Oh, my.
I say eleven, eleven points, I please
put them on.
Would you like a drink on it?
Well, I'm not.
Well, it's clear enough.
Some neighborhood hoodlum finally broke in
what was Bertie trying to protect a few bucks in his wallet, his manhood?
I mean, what?
Excuse me, Mr.
Brandt. Yes.
You come with me, please.
Are you guys all done in a property is wrapping it up?
Oh, good.
Thanks, very.
We just wait here, please, Mr.
Brandt.
May I ask why sure, somebody will be along?
They know who did it. No.
Olive branch,
lieutenant Columbo Homicide.
I thought, maybe you'd like to be up
here, away from all those people down there
being that the victim was your friend and partner.
Really quite upset.
I do appreciate the courtesy this secret society show.
I understand it's some kind of love to tell you the truth.
I don't understand what kind of coverage, but
it's a
private club international with just one chapter.
All the members are tested
and they have to rate in the top 2%, 2%
of watch
my intelligence lieutenant
top 2% in the world.
Is that what that pin means
here, I've been talking with the most
intelligent people in the world and I never even noticed.
May I ask you,
what is it that you do in a place like this?
Or how do you meet, discuss,
enjoy each other's company scientists?
Not necessarily like a think tank?
No, no, no.
Nothing nearly as grand lieutenant.
People come to sigma from all walks of life.
All kinds, all types.
There are 20,000 labs around the world.
We're really quite ordinary,
exceptionally well.
And you're no ordinary brand,
and that's a very important accounting firms here.
I heard of them.
Well, very kind of you, lieutenant.
It's quite true.
We handle.
We all do well.
Just a few minor questions. Sure.
Some old ladies say that they heard music coming from up here,
but you must have put on a record after I left.
You see, we were playing a word game looking things up in the dictionary.
On the port.
He must have put it on the floor.
You mean to tell me, Mr.
Brandt, that these very intelligent people still like to play with trains?
Some of us do.
But he did.
Well, I'll tell you that's a relief to him because I'll tell you the truth.
I could believe with something like that forever.
Caroline Trainor, that's the one I'm the
youngest member,
she's a member to 14.
Amazing.
OK, now, Caroline, she was standing in that doorway there
as she said she didn't hear any footsteps going down those stairs.
No, everybody else heard the burglar.
That is the man that killed Mr.
Hastings.
May I ask you, sir, what did you hear?
I don't remember.
OK. 30 seconds.
Exactly what I got when I typed.
We didn't start up there the second we heard the shot.
That's right.
We were stunned four, eight, maybe ten seconds,
because that means 40 seconds passed between the time that you heard the shots
and the time you arrived in the library.
Is that right? Excuse me, Mr.
Jason Danziger. I'm the president.
Mr. Danziger.
Then when you arrived in the library, you saw the other door slam shut.
Now, when you heard someone running away,
did he go down the stairs one step at a time, two at a time?
How one at a time?
You don't agreement.
No, no, no, no.
It was these two at a time.
He was really flying.
Heavy Mansour,
I say so
do you agree, sir? Not necessarily.
Average man, he sounded like to me, I think he was a woman.
Well, that cleared that up.
I must say after this dreadful effect
would be a comfort to have a policeman as a member.
I, Lt.
You have to know your IQ, Marcia.
Oh, no, sir.
No, they took it in the army, but they never told us.
I'm certainly not in your league, sir.
Oh, you might astonish yourself.
Do you enjoy riddles, puzzles, that sort of thing?
Well, I enjoy it. Yes, sir, I can.
But I don't have any feelings for Mrs Columbo.
She's always a crossword puzzle. Here's my card.
You might consider testing yourself,
Lieutenant.
I'm going to give you a little problem to test your powers of logical thinking.
Oh, that'd be fine.
It's what we call a minimum information problem.
Minimum information.
Practically nothing in a room.
A several sacks of gold pieces.
As many sacks as you like.
Each sack contains several of these gold pieces.
Again, as many as you like, right? Got it!
one sack, however, is full
of artificial gold pieces, and they weigh differently. Aha.
Now the solid gold pieces weigh all, let's say,
a pound each, and the artificial pieces weigh whatever you like.
Oh, what about a pound and an ounce? Splendid.
Why not?
Now you have a penny scale, so I put the penny in and I get a card
and that tells me how much the way to the gold is, exactly.
But you only have one penny
now. Which sack
has the artificial gold pieces?
That's it.
That's a hell of a puzzle
day with,
you know, I got to puzzle
myself, sir, as I understand it.
You people, you were all downstairs when you heard the shots
and you ran upstairs to the library and that took about 40 seconds.
But during that time, all the killer had to do was take
the wallet out of your partner's pocket, removed the money ten seconds.
What did he do with the rest of the time?
I mean, 30 seconds, sir.
That's a long time to hang around after you just kill the man.
Yeah. A logical question.
Very good.
I agree with you.
I'm going to think about that puzzle, Mr.
Bryant. You can count on that.
Goodnight, sir, goodnight.
Oliver, not you.
Yes, love.
How do you like?
I bought it for you.
Quite lovely.
Oh, you're moody again.
You look exhausted.
What's that?
Well, what is it?
Just some mud.
What have you been up to?
There.
And Oliver, are you all right?
No, Vivian, it's Bertie.
Dead.
What at the club?
He was in the library.
He was alone.
A burglar got in.
Well, Oliver.
Shut in twice.
The police came.
You must be feeling awful.
I was always the lucky one.
He had no one.
She had us.
I have you
for birdie.
We must put Bertie out of our minds.
We'll take a trip.
We'll buy some clothes.
I'm sure you will,
Oliver,
you have been behaving very strangely lately.
My best friend is dead, Vivian Darling.
We're alive.
Let's enjoy life while we can.
I don't want to spend it watching your grieving dismal, sweet, intelligent face.
Quite right.
Please forgive me.
I wonder if you'd be kind enough to tell me where
I might find Mr Branch Office through the double doors?
Mr. Branch Secretary will help you.
Thank you very much.
Excuse me, I'm looking for Mr.
Branch Secretary.
He'll be right back.
I'm George Campanella. May I help you?
No, no, no. Just waiting for Mr. Brandt.
It's not my responsibility.
Not anymore.
He'll be right back to oversee.
Yes, can I help you?
Thank you very much, sir.
Just waiting for Mr. Brand Secretary.
As of today, I am Mr. Branch Secretary.
You are.
I just met Mr.
Campanella. Oh, I am sure you did.
My predecessor considers himself quite a big deal.
Is that a fact?
I'm Lieutenant Columbo, so police and you are Alvin.
Alvin Metzler Until last night, I worked for Mr.
Hastings.
Fine, man.
Hope you rest in peace.
This is about Mr. Hastings.
Yes, Sir.
Bertie Hastings, the deceased.
I'm looking for Mr. Brandt.
Mr. Brandt took an early lunch.
Sometimes he walks in the park across the street, south side of the building,
south side of the building.
Thank you very much.
What is that women's lib in there?
They don't go, ladies do that kind of work anymore.
It's still legal.
The partners prefer male secretaries, graduate accountants.
That way they learn the business and they move up.
Now, why didn't I think of that?
Then they get secretaries right, girl type secretaries.
It's not like George, the one that I just met in there who used to work for Mr.
Brown. I guess he just got promoted, right?
A full fledged accountant.
I hope
Alvin was polite to in there because he's very upset.
Oh, so Alvin thinks he should have gotten promoted
voting for your bosses.
He know, sir, that news secretary of yours,
that's a man you can really depend upon that.
Alvin
Allen, Yes, Alvin.
He tells me how much you like
to come to the park after lunch and here you are, just like, he said.
Mind if I walk along there.
No, no, no.
I'd be delighted.
I also make the other secretary the one that's the accountant now.
Yes, George.
George, would you do me a big personal favor, sir?
My pleasure.
You see, I have this nephew.
He's studying to be an accountant.
Isn't that terrific?
I mean, the young people today,
you know, all they want to be is movie stars and football players.
Now, this boy, he wants to be an accountant.
And I said to myself,
who could give me better advice to pass a law to my nephew, to Mr.
Brand.
I mean, you know, firsthand how this fellow George worked himself up.
Well, that's because our firm has a policy of rewarding
skill and dedication rather than seniority.
As far as your nephew is concerned, I suggest he gets all
the education that he can and then when he starts to work
to apply himself assiduously.
Mr. Brandt, thank you very much.
That's very good advice. And I am going to.
When you get the ice cream cone, sir.
From a vendor across the path.
Well, I was going to get one, but that's too far.
Well, good night, sir.
Today's my lucky day, I'll be right back.
Delicious, sir.
Yes, delicious.
Yes, I know, Lieutenant, I'm thoroughly addicted.
Addiction
that must explain the umbrellas here,
my umbrella.
Well, there's such a beautiful day, sir.
I have to figure that you always carry an umbrella.
Another addiction, sir.
Excuse me.
Well, actually, no, lieutenant,
I forgot my umbrella at the Sigma Club, and I stopped by to fetch it.
Well, now
I suppose you're wondering why I should bother on such a lovely day.
That's what I was asking for. The umbrella.
Yes, sir.
In order to serve, an umbrella must be available for the first condition
of seasonal clouds.
The debut of a California drizzle now that we must consider,
where shall I be when the first rain strikes?
Should I be at home, in the office, in my car?
Should I be at the club at lunch?
Now we're dealing in probabilities right here.
Probabilities, options, you might say.
Options indeed.
Now, in the final analysis, I spend just 13 hours per day at my residence.
However, there are other factors to be considered in this equation.
Time at the office, time at the club, time en route and dear me,
we have not even mentioned weekends time on the golf course.
On top of that,
I may be called upon at any hour of the day or night to confer with a client.
Where then should one keep an umbrella ready for instant use.
Upon consideration of these and other variables, I have come to the conclusion
that the one the only proper place to lodge an umbrella,
giving one the best play in the game of avoiding being rained upon
that place is precisely at home.
But Dell'utente?
Mr. Pratt, yes, what is it, George?
These private accounts you were interested in, Sir,
I thought what with this being tax season, you might prefer to work on them
at home, at your convenience?
Yes. How very thoughtful of you, George.
Why don't you drop them by this evening on your way home?
I'd be happy to.
I have a theory, Lieutenant.
I know how the murderer did it.
There never was any burglar.
Somebody planned to kill Mr.
Hastings plant.
You really think so?
I think he was killed before we heard the shots because we never heard
the real shots, the shots we heard were on that record, on the record.
Shots on the record.
I don't know.
I mean, it's a very good idea, but I just played that record four separate times.
I don't suppose I could miss those shots,
but I could play it again and
see that that's OK, lieutenant.
I didn't realize he played the record at all.
Well, you keep thinking, Caroline, I can use all the help I can get.
And anyone who can come up with an idea
as good as the one that you just had can also come up with the answer.
And I'm going to tell you something else.
You not only have a terrific mind.
You're also a remarkably pretty girl.
You know, something, whatever.
That's the very first time anybody ever told me
they like me for my body instead of my mind.
He excuse me.
I'm sorry.
Give this
to the funny thing, you know,
you're not just the person that I was looking forward.
You've had a hedge fund that was looking for you to look at it.
What a coincidence.
Let me ask you something, sir.
That big dictionary on the floor.
Does that look peculiar to you?
Well, it should be on the stand.
That's what I thought.
And another thing?
The medical examiner says that both bullets
entered the body at exactly the same angle.
Now if the killer fired, then the body fell,
then he fired again.
Like you'll hear when the bullets would have entered at different angles.
Yes, I would say so, sir.
That goes right along with my suicide theory.
Suicide.
You mean he shot himself
in the chest, then fell to the floor,
then did it again?
one thing, sir.
How did he get rid of the gun?
Part of his plan, he had to had to get rid of the gun.
Oh, I sold Bertie his life insurance.
There's a suicide clause in the policy.
Oh, if I can ever be of any help.
Suicide clause, I can guess what that is.
If he kills himself, your company doesn't pay.
So he had to hide the gun. Now.
I think he had it on some sort of
elastic tether
lasting, oh, that's very interesting. OK?
He fired the first shot.
The rigging probably triggered
the second shot
and the gun just snapped away.
Where to sir?
two possibilities.
Out the window
screen on the window.
I don't know how the gun, then
if you'll take the trouble
to glance up the chimney.
I'm sure you'll find the gun.
You're not going to believe this,
but I.
You see,
I you already checked up there.
Don't get me wrong, sir, I never thought of the gun being on the elastic.
I mean, I just I just happened to look up there.
I mean, it was just because the hotel there, boys, you know,
they were vacuuming the rug and they said that there was powder club in Iran.
Well, any time or attempt.
Oh, oh, you poor man.
Why didn't you park in the driveway?
Well, I have an oil leak in my car, man, and
wouldn't you know it?
Just tonight, my wife decided to try out her
new spot remover for my raincoat.
Why don't you put your umbrella over there?
Do sit down, lieutenant.
Oh, would you look at that?
That's the same Victrola that they have down at the Sigma Club.
Yes, all of a donated to one of his clients
makes them, you know, the one of the clubs working very funny.
Every time you push the play button,
the needle drops down right in the middle and always in the same spot.
Oh, I think I can explain that.
It has a computer, a memory.
So say you wanted to play a Sinatra record?
How about this
really, inspector?
Well, why not?
Well,
say you wanted to hear the second
and the fifth track of a record.
You can set this
so that it skips all the others
just by pushing those buttons.
You can even set it so that it plays the same track over and over again.
And it also switches itself off.
Isn't that?
A glass of wine or dinner or,
frankly, very much.
Sure, here
I am playing with this beautiful machine and.
What a coincidence.
When I was going to ask you, Sarah, was the murderer wouldn't
have put the record on up in the library and you didn't do it, so that means Mr.
Hastings did it.
Now did your friend have any particular liking for Czajkowski
that he had a tin ear?
He understood nothing and liked everything.
Czajkowski concluded,
That's exactly what your secretary out said.
I see well, suppose Alvin would know he was with Bernie for almost a year.
Please.
Oh, it's getting very late, sir.
This is great, but you haven't touched your wine
some other time, then thank you very much.
I'll see you at.
one more question, sir, about those sacks of gold,
if I put them all on the scale and then take them off one by one?
No, you use your penny.
You get a card.
You have one reading on the weight,
right?
Got it.
I'm going to work on that tonight.
Witnesses come up.
Good night, Lieutenant.
Hi, I'm Susie.
Hi, Susie.
I tried and primal scream pyramid power
spinning on a black mass in San Francisco.
Open marriage est de A.T.M.
I'm OK, you're OK, and I'm still a target.
Lieutenant Columbo, sir, we've met.
Nice to see you here.
Yes, it's really very crowded here, ma'am.
I'm terribly sorry.
I enjoyed it.
I'm Susie's joy.
How did you find me, Ivan?
I'd like to talk behind people's backs here, but I don't think of them
like you very much. Do you come here often to dinner?
I know my first time.
Listen, what else did he tell you, Lieutenant?
I can tell sir that you are the kind of man
that has a lot of terrific plans for himself.
But I think you ought to think about something.
Let me buy you a drink.
You cannot. Oh, thank you very much, ma'am.
But no, as a matter of fact, I can't think of a time when I was at work.
Yes, sir.
Here I am telling you something, sir, I.
And any account
who is aware of a felony,
he becomes an accessory to that felony unless you purchase some proper bar.
I like the way you wear your hair.
What I'm saying is, Oh, thank you very much, ma'am.
I like the way you wear yours.
I what I'm trying to say, George, is I really don't think you're
going to be able to make it to the top with a police record.
I don't think so.
My lieutenant.
You have some very interesting friends
who wish you were dead.
Lieutenant.
You buy that here.
No, I bought it from the donut shop
because I was going to the elevator, but then I saw my friend here and
I'm terribly sorry.
Oh, let me see
if I can come back.
No, no, no, no, while have.
I'll have a donut.
I thought about what you said, Lieutenant.
Sure, if it will be of any help to you.
I know that Mr.
Brant lost lots of money on some stock options.
Alvin again.
So Mr.
Brandt needed money.
Have you met Mrs.
Brandt? Yes.
OK. I went back to the office one night.
He was Mr. Hasting secretary at the time.
Well, there he was, replacing some files in Brandt's office,
confidential accounts that Brant handled personally.
Now this is when you were still Mr.
Branch Secretary, right? That's right.
Why would Alvin fiddle around with your boss's accounts?
Because Hastings told him to bring him the files.
He must have suspected that his partner was engaged in some
creative bookkeeping.
That'll be all. Yes.
Very nice.
Thank you.
Creative bookkeeping.
You see, most of our work is corporate.
But Brant likes to handle some of the individual accounts himself.
Old clients, mostly widows,
are these widows and wealthy loaded.
I checked the files and ran some computer printouts.
And what's the bottom line?
Brant has been sifting funds from his clients accounts.
A very nifty job.
So you told your boss that Mr.
Hastings knew what he was doing.
Congratulations on your promotion, sir.
I'm always glad to cooperate, lieutenant.
Good morning, sir.
I was just explaining to the lieutenant
that sit down, George, finish your grapefruit.
I think I can guess what you were explaining.
More tips for your nephew, right?
Right.
Sir George was telling me exactly how a younger company gets ahead.
Take my seat, sir, please.
Sir. He wasn't talking about his nephew, sir.
It's Alvin again.
Good morning, Mr.
Brant. I.
Well,
good morning again, sir, I thought you'd rather talk up here.
You're at my desk.
Oh, so you realize this is our busiest time of the year.
I understand, sir, and I wouldn't bother you, but
I'm afraid that Mr.
Hastings might have been involved in some nasty things around here, sir.
I know this is hard to believe, sir, but I happen to know
that he had his secretary
take some account files from your office.
Alvin.
Are you suggesting
a conspiracy between Bertie and Alvin?
I hate to say this, sir, but Mr.
Hastings might have been doctoring those ID cards.
This comes as a terrible shock to me, Lieutenant.
You'll have to excuse me.
Oh yes, sir, I understand you'll certainly need
time to think.
Mr. Brown, what is it?
I owe it to myself to express my dissatisfaction.
I was clearly in line for the position that you gave George
dare to tell me your position in this firm.
You niggling little twit, you self-serving, ambitious lout.
Maybe Mr.
Hastings took this abuse from you, but I certainly will not.
And you will take it to Alvin Twentyfold.
You will be a secretary here until you're old and gray.
And if you try to work anywhere else, I'll pull so many strings
that you will strangle them.
But that's not. You'll go back to your desk.
Suddenly, Alvin, you're a great choking stench in my life.
Get out.
What was that?
What?
For the whole House shook.
World is crumbling, when do you expect?
What is wrong with you?
I have been betrayed, pursued and threatened by innuendo,
the least I could hope for is some understanding from my wife.
It's the new negligee I bought. Is that it?
It is everything you buy.
We are in trouble.
Oh, of course it's my fault.
Well, you are the mother of my predicament.
And now little Oliver wants to be mother.
Is that it?
I wonder what he's doing.
Some affection,
understanding gratitude,
support
in the worst of times.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I have embezzled funds.
And I did it for you.
All of it
I've never understood about business.
I belong to another part of your life.
Do you understand what I am telling you?
No, and I don't think I want to.
Oliver Brant.
Mr. Brad, this is Sergeant Klein.
Lieutenant Columbo.
Sergeant Burke would appreciate it if you'd come by the Sigma Club right away.
Where you are
is that you, Mr. Brant.
It is lieutenant.
Come on up, Mr. Brant
and anything else, sir?
No, that's fine. Good night, Sergeant.
Good night, Lieutenant.
Oh, just in time, so perfect,
I want you to see this.
Now I want you to see what happens, so when the record finishes,
it was really very thoughtful of you, sir, to give this Victrola to the club.
Well, I enjoy giving pleasure.
I hope those explosions didn't frighten you,
suggest experiment.
I finished.
Now what it glides across the record, and it goes to this point right here.
Then it goes back again past this point here, right here.
And then it goes all the way back again in arrest on this watch, McCoy.
Now I want you to notice this, sir.
Here on this Whatchamacallit.
Right here.
Funny little scratches here.
And here you see, those are.
Yes, a tiny clamp with teeth.
Sergeant Burke things baby alligator claims.
Now a funny thing.
You remember, Miss Eisenberg
got a long distance call, yes, from her father in Memphis.
The call came in just after you left Mr.
Hastings and went downstairs to Lieutenant Columbo,
and then the call was interrupted.
She had hang up when she heard the shots.
If you say, sir,
here it is.
I got this from the South Central Bell Telephone Company in Memphis.
Here's a call from her father the date.
How long they talked.
All right.
They talked for minutes, which is almost exactly
the same length of time that the record player is set for.
Watch him!
I'm going to push the play button.
Notice that the alarm doesn't start at the beginning
starts in the middle.
And if you let that place there, it will take four minutes
and it does it every time. ten.
Is this what you called me out for?
No, sir. Not quite.
To tell you the truth, sir, I have another reason.
Mr Grant.
I know exactly what you did and how you did
the gold sack puzzle, sir.
Mrs Columbo figured it out.
You said that there were these sacks of gold in a room
and that one of the sacks was filled with foamy gold
and that the phony gold weighed more than the real gold.
And then I had a penny scan, but only one penny
and therefore only one chance to weigh anything.
And I had to figure out which of the sacks had the phony gold.
Am I right so far, sir? Yes.
All right.
Well, let's
just say that with three sacks because I happen to have three sacks here
and we'll make believe that this chocolate is the gold
and each real gold freeze weighs £1.
But one of these sacks has the phony gold,
and the phony gold weighs £1 and one ounce.
Am I right up to here, sir?
Satisfactory so far?
Follow me, sir,
we're going to the scale. Yes.
And here's the scale
not one bag.
two bags, three bags.
Now we take one piece from bag one.
We take two pieces from bag two.
We take three pieces from bag three.
How many pieces, exactly?
six. six.
So far, so good.
We take all six pieces.
We put them on the scale.
Now, if that were a regular scale
and if all six pieces were the real gold, it would weigh £6.
But if the first bag
had the phony pieces.
It would weigh £6 and one ounce
because I only took one piece
from the first bag.
And if the second bag has a phony gold pieces,
it would weigh £6 and two ounces because I took two pieces
from the second bag Bravo lieutenant, and it's the third bag with the phony bag.
It would weigh £6 and three ounces and so on
and so on and so on. So.
It's a terrific puzzle.
Must be fun playing with these trains, be terrific.
We just had the time, right?
Yes. Would be nice.
You know, sir, it's a funny thing.
All my life, I kept running into smart people.
I don't just mean smart like you and the people in this house.
You know what I mean?
In school, there were lots of smart kids.
And when I first joined the force or
they had some very clever people there,
and I could tell right away that wasn't going to be easy
making to take over the world because they were around.
But I figured
if I work hard and they did
put in more time.
Read the book I kept my eyes open,
maybe I could make it happen.
And I did.
And I really love my work.
I can tell you, do
there's one thing I learned, lieutenant,
is that we all have a cross to bear, including those of us
who seem most fortunate.
My problem is just the opposite.
Born smart as they say, a blessing.
You think
I had no real childhood.
I was an imitation adult because that's what was expected of me.
Most people don't like smart people.
Most children despise smart children.
So early on, I had to hide my so-called gift to conceal it
from my own brothers and sisters, my classmates in the service.
Painful,
lonely years.
You know, sir, I'd never thought of that.
I wonder if all those early bitter memories
had something to do with my recent discovery that I simply
no longer care, even for my fellow
intelligentsia in this club.
I find them eccentric boys.
Mr Brand, now I've got a puzzle for you.
Manny wants to kill me, be.
What am I told?
It's kind of a minimum information problems.
The men are in a room, sir.
Say this room.
A lot of people downstairs and manning the killer.
He plans to use a gun and the shot would be heard.
Not with a silencer, sir.
He also would have to get rid of the gun.
He would have to hide the gun,
so the killer brings an umbrella with him.
May I see your umbrella, sir?
An umbrella to conceal a gun?
Audacious and foolhardy, I would say,
but you may test your theory if you wish.
Oh, I don't have a concept.
Have carry one.
The killer has a gun with a silencer.
So you said you see, sir as a killer plans to put the gun in the umbrella and
then hide the umbrella in the fireplace and take it away some other time?
Ah, but then there would be soot on the umbrella.
You are absolutely right, sir.
There would be soot.
Now there is a second use for the umbrella.
You see these here
they are. Like I would fire crackers.
We call them squibs.
Now, the killer plans to fake some shots because the victim is already dead.
I suggest that these squibs would leave bits of paper when they explode.
Telltale evidence.
That's why, sure, the killer plans to catch the shreds in here.
Most ingenious LT, but wouldn't the squibs leave
burns scorch marks this umbrella, for instance, is quite unmarked.
You are absolutely right, sir, but suppose this was the killer's other umbrella.
Oh, I forgot to tell you, sir.
Last night when I was at your house, I took the role in the umbrella.
Excuse me, sir, just one moment.
I took yours.
It was an honest mistake, sir.
And we're not allowed to get evidence that way.
But as long as I had it,
the lab found burns
from the squibs and lots of such things.
I see.
Now tell me this, lieutenant, how are the squibs detonators are?
The killer is a very intelligent man, sir.
Watch, I put the squibs in the umbrella, and the gun
will pretend that this is the gun.
Now, the killer
wedge is the umbrella
up the chimney.
You can't be serious.
Well, I am sure I am absolutely serious.
Now we'll just pretend that this umbrella
is up the chimney.
Now these wires here,
they are attached to a battery
and the same kind of skips,
now we'll just put these in the umbrella
and we'll run this wire
right over here to the vehicle.
We push the play button.
And we attached the wires here.
And here's
where I showed you those scratches, preposterous nonsense.
Now the killer knows when the record will end.
Yes, as you demonstrated all that and when the arm comes over,
it will make contact first tier exploding one squib
and then here exploding the second.
But the body fell between the two shots.
Yes, sir.
That's where the killer has to take a very big chance.
The dictionary has a line here
dividing it in here so that it can be balanced on the edge.
You see, sir, like this?
Clever, but too unpredictable.
Important for the illusion
sound of the body falling, you've got it, but impossible to die.
But this killer is very smart.
So can he make a book fall between the two shots all this power
triggered by what I'll show you?
He would have to be a genius.
I think so too, sir.
Now, I don't mean to imply that I thought of this all by myself.
I mean, some of the smartest people in the world are right here in this club
and they help me, sir. They helped me a lot.
I've done just a lot of them, Mr dancing with the president of the club.
You wouldn't call him a duck.
Oh, nice.
Well, it was his idea to book the vibration vibrations.
What are you talking about?
The first glimpse, sir, he really made it sound very simple.
When the sweep goes off, it produces vibrations and that knocks the book down.
That Dan Singer is a genius, vibrations that connect
with the man who conceived of this.
You made him out to be a bungling ass.
This is what he would have done this.
I there, I.
Oh, my.
Lieutenant Commander.
Oh, yes, Mrs.
Grant is right here.
For user.
Yes. I'm so sorry, darling.
Please come home.
Come to bed.
I need you, oh, I alas, my dear,
I shall not be needing you.
Anymore.
Was that the record player?
Yes. first, it was the record player.
Why would anybody started in the middle?
I should have changed the QE.
Extraordinary, that bothered you.
Will you be taking me in?
No, sir, someone will be along
later.
What did you say your IQ was?
I really don't know. It must be very high.
My own is a
we have a test here.
Oh, yeah.
I'm really not very good at that sort of things, are you surprised
at yourself?
Remarkable.
You can go directly to the more difficult questions.
Are you serious, lieutenant?
I'm going to give you four words and you tell me which one does not belong
asphalt uncle delight leave.
Which word doesn't belong?
Asphalt Uncle Delight Leave.
Well, let me see
we got Uncle Sam,
Dutch uncle.
As far as the weather,
because you can have Turkish delight, French
leave and Dutch uncles, all nationalities.
Lieutenant, have you ever considered
a different line of work? Mr.
No, never.
I couldn't do that.
Crying.
And. City.
Can't believe it's true.
And I tell my mom my.
You play
has made her baby, oh, so do.