- Mr. Steele's opened up a new aspect of our work. - stealing?
The pitkins? The pitkins.
- it's even possible that he's keeping
her in the gallery. - then let's storm the joint.
You get molly. I'll get the pitkins. All right.
- you think of everything. - they never did find the body.
...two, three. Okay.
- - I don't want to dim your newfound passion for thieving.
- -
The gallery. We'll knock over the gallery again.
斯蒂尔传奇 第二季 第六集
斯蒂芬妮·金伯里斯 饰 劳拉·霍尔特
皮尔斯·布鲁斯南 饰 雷明顿·斯蒂尔
假作真时
还有人出价四十三万吗? Do I hear 430,000?
四十三万 430,000.
四十二万五千一次 $425,000 once.
四十二万五千二次 425 twice.
27号 四十二万五千美元 成交 Sold for $425,000 to number 27.
现在要拍卖的是一位本地艺术家本月带来的作品-- And now, a work by our local artist of the month--
乔安娜·皮特金 Joanne Pitkin.
皮特金女士是一位独一无二的 Miss pitkin seems to me
具备非同凡响的想象力的艺术家 to be an artist of unique and unusual vision.
虽然她的作品还有待成熟 While her work is still maturing,
但即使如此 仍具备明显的收藏价值 it is, nonetheless, eminently collectible.
这件名为"焦虑者"的画作 This work, entitled Anxiety One,
是她的最具复杂视觉效果的作品 is one of the artist's most complex visions.
我们从...一千元开始拍卖 Shall we open the bidding at, say, $1,000?
一千元 有人出价一千一吗? I have 1,000. Who will make it 1,100?
一千一 有一千二吗? 1,100. Now 1,200?
一千二百元 1,200.
一千三 1,300.
一千四 1,400.
一千五 1,500.
一千六百元 $1,600.
一千六百两次 1,600 twice.
一千六百元成交 买主是-- Sold for $1,600 to, uh--
九号 Number nine.
谢谢 Thank you.
- 他们和你说她付完画钱然后离开了 - 是的 - They told you she paid for the painting and left? - Right.
而你认为多诺万小姐根本没有离开 And you're sure Miss Donovan wouldn't have done this?
是的 Right.
沃克先生 科南特画廊罪行累累 Mr. Walker, the Conant galleries practices its share of felonies.
价格贵得像拦路抢劫 自高自大令人生厌 Their prices are highway robbery, their arrogance is criminal,
对那些展出作品的艺术家苛刻得要死 and they should do hard time for some of the artists they represent.
可绑架看上去不是他们的风格 But kidnapping doesn't seem in their line.
也许是 也许不是 Maybe. Maybe not.
继续 Go on.
也许是 也许不是 Maybe. Maybe not.
噢! 用醋可以去掉哪些污渍... Oh! Oh! Vinegar will take that right out...
只要它还没干掉的话 as long as you get to it before it dries.
知道吗 You realize that's the longest sentence
你进门以来就数这句话说得最长 you've spoken since you walked through that door.
其他人也说 里奇·沃克善于倾听 Others talk, Rick Walker listens.
你不会还要继续吊我们的胃口吧 You're not going to leave us in suspense on that one?
莫莉和我 我们是调查记者 Molly and I are, uh, investigative reporters. Thel.A. Trib?
你们在调查那个画廊? You were investigating the gallery?
是什么事情? About what?
这事不便透露 It's very hush-hush.
你可以告诉我们 You can tell us.
你能给科南特点颜色瞧瞧吗? 收拾他一顿? Can't you muscle Conant a bit? Shake him up?
你大概有注意到门上的铭牌吧 You may have noticed the sign
雷明顿·斯蒂尔 可不是萨姆·斯佩德 ("马耳他之鹰"中的私家侦探 冷酷无情) on the door-- Remington Steele, not Sam Spade.
如果莫莉发生什么事 我永远都不会原谅自己 If anything happens to Molly, I'll never forgive myself.
沃克先生 这不是你给的最长回答 That's not the longest answer you gave us, Mr. Walker,
却是最有说服力的一个 but it's certainly the most persuasive.
莫莉·多诺万为什么要拍下那个女人的画? Molly Donavan paid money for this woman's work?
为了揭露某些事情 For an exposeing.
揭露什么? 那画家其实是个水货? Exposing what? A shocking lack of talent?
我倒不知道你对艺术品还这么有...心得 I didn't know you had such definite opinions about art.
劳拉 我必须提醒你 若干年前 Laura, must I remind you that only a couple of years ago,
我在欧洲可倒腾过最好的作品 I was appropriating some of the finest works in Europe.
我尽量不去想这破事儿 I do my best to forget that.
那是画家本人 The artist herself.
对一个有争议的画家而言 这俩座驾可奢华了点 Nice wheels for a struggling artist, eh?
你很好奇她和谁有争执? Makes you wonder who she's been struggling with.
也许我该观察一下她 Perhaps I should look into that one.
你应该能自己杀进这座文化堡垒吧 You think you can penetrate this bastion of culture alone?
当然 劳拉 你改变了我的生活 Oh, of course. Laura, you've changed my life.
我现在可以从正门长驱直入了 I'm actually looking forward to going through the front door.
抱歉 我的错 Oops. Sorry, my fault.
斯蒂尔先生 我想我们当下面对的... Mr. Steele, I think what we're dealing with here...
只是情人间的吵架拌嘴而已 is a lovers' misunderstanding.
我猜多诺万小姐只是兴奋过头了 I suspect Miss Donovan may have gotten carried away.
我猜也是 I suspect the same thing.
因为那笔交易兴奋 With her purchase.
皮特金? The Pitkin?
皮特金 The Pitkin.
莫莉·多诺万在论坛报写艺术评论不过是三线水平 Molly Donovan is only the third-string art critic for the Tribune,
可鉴赏作品倒是独具慧眼 But she obviously has an eye for talent.
买这幅"焦虑者"一定花了她整月的薪水 It must have cost her a month's salary to buy Anxiety One.
我真希望她没买其他什么值得焦虑的东西 I certainly hope that's the only anxiety she bought.
斯蒂尔先生 谈到这份上就有点不着边际了 Mr. Steele, this conversation is becoming pointless.
雷明顿·斯蒂尔是什么人 Who is this remington Steele?
他就是...一位客户而已 艾斯达先生 He's, uh, no one, Mr. Asuda. A buyer.
他买了什么吗? What is he buying?
你不会感兴趣的 先生 Nothing you'd be interested in, sir.
你知道我对什么有兴趣 You know what I'm interested in.
现在我已经付过款了 Now, I have paid my deposit.
你去告诉科南特 拖拖拉拉对咱俩的血压都没好处 You tell Conant this delay is bad for my blood pressure and his.
给我也捎句话 Give him a message from me too.
哈顿夫人 我不知道您进来了 Oh, Mrs. Haddon. I, uh, didn't hear you come in.
提醒他那次威尼斯艺术节 Remind him of the Venice Art Festival.
那次 呃-- The one that, um--
结局很悲惨的那次 Ended so tragically.
我本来要买下那副鲁宾斯的杰作 I'd contracted to purchase a rather unique Rubens,
可确信会交货的哪个年轻人... but the young man entrusted to deliver it...
还想着换个地方卖个更好的价钱 thought he could obtain a better price elsewhere.
威尼斯水网密布哪 他的尸体再也找不到了 All those canals. They never did find the body.
我会...把话带到的 I'll, uh, pass it on.
皮特金女士 Miss Pitkin.
你怎么找到我的 How did you find me here?
我就是吃这碗饭的 劳拉·霍尔特 "艺术洞察"杂志的 That's part of my job. I'm Laura Holt, Art Insight Magazine.
噢 "艺术洞察" 你们可都是大人物 Oh!Art Insight? Honey, you people are heavy. Heavy!
即使是克利福德·科南特都不懂你的艺术 Even Cliff Conant doesn't understand your articles.
We do believe that obscureness is the avenue towards revelation,
With a sharp left turn, of course, at referential analysis.
"艺术洞察"对我有兴趣 Yeah.Art insight is interested in me?
我们想出一个人物侧写 五到六个版面吧 A profile. Perhaps, five or six pages.
也许会是封面人物 你会名声大噪的 Possibility of a cover. You do seem to be prospering.
Oh, that?
我们都有自己的囚牢 Well, we all have our prisons.
你的自传说你生活在赫莫萨海滩的一个阁楼里 In your bio, it says you live in a garret in hermosa beach.
听起来好一点 另外赫莫萨海滩就在本地 Sounds better. Besides, Hermosa Beach is in here.
你是说...能上一个封面? Did you say...a cover?
是啊 毕竟另外一个我们给了毕加索 After all, we gave one to Picasso.
何不进来呢 我们喝上一杯 Listen, why don't you come on inside? Have a drink.
Stay for dinner. Stay the month.
多诺万女士 你替谁干活? 没谁 Who are you working for, Miss Donovan? No one.
你怎么会对那副"焦虑者"如此执着? Then why did you bid so relentlessly for Anxiety One?
我告诉过你了 我喜欢佩特金 Well, I told you. I like Pitkins.
喜欢? 基于你的眼光和艺术鉴赏力? A woman with your eye, your critical judgment?
你不会把她画的那玩意儿挂杂物间里吧 You wouldn't hang a Pitkin in your broom closet.
皮特金是他们常说的那种印象主义者 Well, that's what they used to say about the impressionists.
可能听点柴可夫斯基对你有帮助 "1812序曲" Perhaps some Tchaikovsky would help. The "1812 Overture."
铜管很有感染力 The brass is so effective.
????
现在再来一次 ???? Now then, let's try again.
为什么你要拍下那副画? ???? Why did you bid for the Pitkin?
为什么我不该拍那幅画呢 科南特先生? Why shouldn't I have bid for the pitkin, Mr. Conant?
克利福德·科南特改变了我的生活 Clifford Conant changed my life.
这些年来我都卖画给他-- I'd bought things from him for years--
"起居室中的劳森伯格" "书房内的波洛克" The Rauschenberg in the Living Room, The Pollock in the Study,
"卫生间里的塞尚" The Cezanne in the Powder Room
卫生间里的塞尚 对你的客人可真好 Oh. A Cezanne in the Powder Room. How nice for your guests.
Well, you have to look at something.
皮特金和我没出头那会儿 我-- Anyway, when Pitkin and I went bad, I just--
你丈夫? 前夫 Your husband? My ex.
皮特金披萨宫殿? Pitkin's pizza palazzos?
全国有863家专营店 863 franchises all across the country.
如果一头扎进腊香肠里 莫雷哪还看得见我呢 How could Murray see Joanne if his head was in pepperoni?
不管怎样 皮特金和我已经吹了 Anyway, once Pitkin and I went kaput,
我在画架上释放自己 I liberated myself at my easel.
将自身融入到那些线条里 发掘自己灵魂深处的东西 I put myself on the line. I plumbed my depths.
你的画作很出色 皮特金女士 Well, you did an excellent job, Miss Pitkin.
那就是发掘灵魂的好例子 This is a fine example of, uh, plumbing.
我自由了 从那座皮特金加诸于我的牢笼中解脱出来了 I'm free! Free of this prison Pitkin has trapped me in.
我随心所欲画自己想画的东西 I paint whatever I want, however I want,
Just as long as I paint on cliff's canvases.
I have to paint to certain sizes.
我--我知道这听起来有点俗气 商业上如何运作的 I-- I guess that sounds hackneyed, commercial?
科南特先生给你提供画布吗? Mr. Conant provides you with these canvases?
Off the record? Oh, of course.
Cliff's got this thing about shapes. Dimensions.
他是个特别的人 He's very specific.
每个人都有些奇怪的想法 Every man's got his kinks, right?
At least cliff's are putting me on the art map.
What did I get after 18 years of pitkin's kinks? Carpools.
She told me she's just completed a 46-by-54,
A 24-by-30 and a 60-by-20 that comes to a point at the top.
60-by-20?
你知道什么吗? 这是个巧合 Well, well, what do you know? That is a coincidence.
虽然我得承认这是个奇怪的尺寸 Although I'll admit it is a rather odd size,
你听着可能没什么 但对我而言它可意义重大 It does seem to hold a great
deal more significance for you than for me.
如果我没记错 这组画框规格 As I remember, those are the dimensions of a panel...
是在波尔多美术馆被盗的三联画 你干的? that was stolen from the Bordeaux Triptych. You didn't?
当然不是 谢天谢地 Oh, of course not. Oh, thank god!
我下手晚了 I got there too late.
它们价值多少? - 买家识货的话 好几百万呢 - how much is it worth? - oh, to the right buyer, millions.
谁会花上几百万去买副来路不正的大师真迹? Now, who would want to pay millions for a stolen old master?
我是说 根本就不能露脸的画 I mean, what's the thrill of sitting alone in a locked room...
只能关门闭户独个儿坐在房里欣赏有什么好兴奋的? looking at a painting you can't show anyone else?
我知道有些家伙甚至能达到某种性欲上的满足 Well, I've known people who
have achieved an almost sexual satisfaction...
因为他们拥有了这世上独一无二的东西 Because they possess
something the rest of the world couldn't have,
至于他们要严密保守这个宝藏的秘密 那不是问题 No matter how secret they had to keep their treasure.
我还是很好奇 皮特金的画怎么配得上这种待遇 I've been wondering where these Pitkins fit in.
或者换个思路 Only it's the other way around.
那些真迹去搭配皮特金 The old masters fit in the pitkins.
Quite possibly. And should they leave the country,
customs is provided with documents...
From one of our most prestigious galleries, authenticating--
A Pitkin.
对他客气点 克雷布斯巡视员 Be gentle with him, inspector Krebs.
They got something? A few questions first, Mr. Walker.
Shoot. How do I get a bourbon stain out of my living room carpet?
And I've got a hole in a
tweed skirt that I would love to reweave.
And my house plants are just dying on the vine.
- how'd you find out? - they sent me to thetrib to check you out.
-why? What-- what gave me away? -I think it was the trench coat.
And when Mr. Steele learned that Miss Donovan is an art critic--
You found out who I am-- helpful harriet, the homemaker's friend.
The housewife's kierkegaard.
- come in, rick. - richie.
好吧 我想成为一名调查记者 Okay, so I wanted to be
莫莉很了解这个 她说她发现了什么大新闻 an investigative reporter. Molly knew that.
So, when she said she was onto something hot,
我借钱给她去拍下那副皮特金的画 I put up the money for her to bid on the Pitkin.
她为什么不告诉你是什么大新闻? Why didn't she tell you what was so hot?
老实说 霍尔特小姐 换成你会告诉我这么个没用的人吗? Oh, be honest, Miss Holt. Would you tell a wimp like me?
Walker, old man-- call me, richie,
please? It makes me feel clean again.
多诺万小姐有对什么特别的画作感兴趣吗? Was Miss Donovan interested
比如什么? in any special school of painting? Like what?
风景画 风俗画 或是...被盗的画 呃 被盗的画? Uh, landscape painting? Genre painting? Um, stolen paintings?
没错 她对被盗的画作很有兴趣 She was. She was kind of interested in stolen paintings.
她经常收集这方面的剪报 She was always clipping out news items about them.
还说她要写一篇关于失窃的大师真迹的文章 Said she was gonna write an article on missing old masters.
可乔安妮·皮特金可不是什么大师 But Joanne Pitkin is not an old master.
我们觉得她的作品 呃 接近某些大师的水准了 We feel that her work is, uh, very close to several of them.
听着 莫莉牵扯进去有多深? Look, just how deeply is Molly into this?
我的意思是 他们会...杀了她吗? I mean, could they have... killed her?
我很怀疑他们会这么做 里奇先生 No, I doubt that, Richie. Mr.
除非弄清她的真实目的 Conant wouldn't do anything irreversible...
否则科南特不会做无可挽回的事情 Until he was absolutely sure he knew what she was up to.
很可能他还把莫莉押在画廊里了 It's even possible that he's keeping her in the gallery.
Well, then, let's storm the joint.
Well, uh, given the delicate nature of the mission,
I think it best if only the more experienced of us should go.
- you? - who else?
抱歉失陪一会儿 Would you excuse us just for a moment,
please? Mr. Steele, please, after you.
You're awfully anxious to get into that gallery.
一名女子的生命危在旦夕 A woman's life is at stake.
你关心的真的只有这个? Is that the only thing you're
你什么意思? interested in rescuing? Why, whatever do you mean?
逃走的那一个 波尔多三联画 The one that got away? That panel from the bordeaux triptych?
劳拉 你会有这种想法 真让我很震惊很愤慨很受伤 Laura, I'm shocked, hurt and
indignant that you should entertain such a thought.
那么你应该不介意我同去了 Then you won't mind if I came along,
作你的后援..和监督 acted as your backup, your lookout?
真心话? 斯蒂尔先生 你什么意思? Conscience? Why, Mr. Steele, whatever do you mean?
20分钟后回来 尽量不要让人生疑 Come back in 20 minutes and try to look inconspicuous, okay?
试试门 Try the door.
看到你宝刀未老还真是令人放心呢 谢谢夸奖 I'm relieved to see you haven't lost your touch. Thank you.
Well, let's get to it. Ah, ah, ah, ah!
We could be on candid camera.
And although we're here on a mission of mercy,
I doubt if the authorities would appreciate our methods.
Oh! Mr. Steele, you think of everything.
An ounce of prevention, Miss Holt.
Ron.
沃克是不是说过莫莉的号牌是九号 Didn't Walker say Molly's number was nine?
至少我们知道她人在这儿了 Well, at least we know she was here.
也许他们只是把她带去了另外一个房间 Perhaps they simply moved her to another room.
劳拉 你能慢点吗? Laura, will you slow down?
我们又不是要五十米冲刺 We're not trying to do a 50-yard dash, you know.
她不在这儿 我们走吧 你没看到吗? She's not here. Let's go. But don't you see?
If Conant had those two working the night shift,
He must obviously be sitting on something.
劳拉 我们已经看过了这建筑的每个房间 Laura, we have been through every room in the building.
皮特金 我们需要皮特金的画 我的道德感发生了什么 Pitkins. We need a pitkins. Whatever happened to my conscience?
我们就是借几幅画 然后用它们换回莫莉 We'll simply borrow a few pitkins and trade them for molly.
它们一定在什么地方 They've got to be here somewhere.
Where would you hide a five-foot
painting that comes to a point at the top?
我觉得自己本应该给你指点迷津 I'll admit I've been trying to lead you astray,
可这次我自己都没概念 But this is not quite the direction I had in mind.
卫生间 我知道你很兴奋 The bathroom! I know you're excited,
能等到回家再说吗? but can you wait till we get home?
He's got to look at something.
Oh, my god.
Do you suppose he's making a critical comment, do you?
Oh, let's go. One, two, three.
?? You and the night and the music ??
?? Fill me with flaming desire ??
?? Setting my being completely ??
?? On fire ??
???? Thank you.
????
伦勃朗 比利时博物馆失窃的 A rembrandt. Stolen from a Belgium museum.
Why stop at three?
He must have a whole museum hidden in that gallery.
I'd call this a fair night's work.
Fair? I call it fantastic!
?? You and the night and the music ??
You seem awfully up, Miss Holt.
Why shouldn't I be? Mr.
Steele's opened up a whole new aspect of our work for me.
偷的? 窃画怎么能算偷 - stealing? - I prefer to think of it as purloining.
Even though it's in a good cause,
should you be quite so happy about it?
I mean, you are a private detective.
Oh, believe me, after a while
it gets just as predictable as any other job.
Find a body, find some clues, find the killer.
Oh, yes.
By the time afternoon rolls around,
we're watching the clock like everyone else.
Monet, taken from the private collection of a parisian banker.
I think we're gonna need a top-notch forger for this, Laura.
Forger?
You don't think I'm gonna
hand the originals back to Conant, do you?
I'll wager there's a hefty
finder's fee for each one of these little beauties.
Mr. Steele is very big on finder's fees.
I thought we were gonna trade them for molly. We are.
Only, we're going to substitute copies for the originals.
Couldn't that be dangerous,
palming off fakes on a man like Conant?
- not that I'm a coward. - we understand, richie.
I think I'll take a walk. Clear my head.
I'm beginning to understand why you did it.
Did what? What you did.
Oh, that.
Laura, please, this is
painstaking enough without that sort of distraction.
Oh, my heart's going a mile a minute. I can't seem to stop.
Oh, the rush is incredible.
The bordeaux panel.
Oh.
I finally feel as if I'm
holding a woman that I've been after all my life.
Conant's giving a party
tomorrow in honor of joanne pitkin. She invited me.
I think we stole his appetizers.
Sounds like a perfect setting for a swap meet.
How very bold you are, Mr. Steele.
Now, how would you like to
hold another woman you've been waiting for?
And they say crime doesn't pay. It does tonight.
I'm really not a coward. I'm just... overly cautious.
Did Miss Holt say why she wanted to see me?
No, Mr. Grumman, she didn't.
She been getting any, uh, calls about me?
Not that I know of.
Who exactly are you?
She didn't tell you?
No, she didn't. ????
Hello, Mildred. Louis, it's so nice to see you again.
You mean that, Miss Holt? I certainly do. Come in. Come in.
I, uh, don't know what's up, Miss Holt, but I'm straight.
I go to work from 9:00 to
6:00 every day at a greeting card company.
I know, louis. I get a little thrill
of pride every time I read your probation reports.
But, cutting to the point,
is there a way I could, uh, bend you just a little?
Miss Holt. You?
I'm not even gonna try to explain.
Three pictures are worth a thousand words.
Ohh!
One...
Two...
And three. Mm.
Miss Holt, do you have any idea what this means to me?
Do you have any idea what I'm feeling? Just to look at these.
To see those colors, those brush strokes...
Those unmistakable signs of genius.
Believe me, if it weren't a
matter of life and death, I'd never ask you this.
Do you think you can reproduce them?
- you want me to reproduce these? - yes.
I don't know why. These are
three of the finest forgeries I've ever seen.
Forgeries?
????
You see, I paint what I feel and I feel what I paint.
This is wonderful. I like this. I like this.
I don't see my pitkin on display.
- you don't think I'd display your pitkin. - or mine?
There are pitkins for the
peasants and pitkins for the connoisseurs.
After tomorrow's auction,
your pitkins will all be safely in your hands.
That's so reassuring, clifford.
It would distress me no end
to see a repeat of what happened in venice.
Oh, that poor young man died so badly.
I could barely finish dinner.
Your concern for my well-being touches me, monica.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I really should mingle.
I don't recall extending an invitation to you, Mr. Steele,
But then you have a bothersome
habit of intruding where you're not wanted.
How else would I discover the finer things in life?
May I present richard walker,
a very great friend of molly Donovan's.
I'm afraid there's nothing here for you.
Then it's fortunate I brought my own exhibit.
I had no idea you were such a resourceful...
collector, Mr. Steele.
These are worth a king's ransom.
We'll settle for molly Donovan.
Frankly, that's a trade I'd be more
than willing to make, if I knew where Miss Donovan was.
- you're lying. You know you're lying! -easy, richie, easy, easy.
You're in far too refined a company.
I'll find a security guard to help you on your way.
Well, he's cool, I'll give him that.
What say we build a little fire under him, eh?
I wonder how Mr. Conant would react if,
having stolen his old masters,
We also stole his buyers?
You know something? The more I'm with you and Miss Holt,
The more I hate being a coward.
Well, we have to do
something to pressure him into releasing molly.
Come along, richie. Let's work the room.
- Mr. Schneiderman? - yes?
I thought you looked
familiar when I bumped into you the other day.
Felix schneiderman. He buys for european collectors.
Also writes books on the renaissance.
Renaissance paintings, renaissance sculptures. Thank you.
Renaissance poisons.
Quite a tasty volume. And this gentleman is, uh, koji asuda.
He works the far east.
No one's ever been quite sure how he gets what he's after.
But I never come back empty-handed. Mm.
And last, but not least, monica haddon.
She represents certain english eccentric collectors.
She once told someone that
murder is the only truly erotic experience.
- have we met? - not officially.
But we were in venice at the same time.
The young man with the
rubens was on his way to see me when he, uh,
Lost his footing and disappeared in a canal?
We were just discussing that tragedy.
Yes, I'm sure it still haunts all of us today even.
What brings you to this exhibition, Mr., uh--
I should imagine the same thing that brought all of you here.
An insatiable craving for... pitkins.
We have all the pitkins we need.
These are from Mr. Conant's private collection.
They do leave one rather speechless, don't they, hmm? Thank you.
We already paid Mr. Conant a substantial deposit for these.
And, uh, our employers don't relish the idea...
Of paying for the same merchandise twice.
Miss Holt. This is Laura Holt ofart insightmagazine.
Oh! Loved your article on the ashcan school.
Oh, well, I may be researching
there any minute. If you'll excuse me.
I've always prided myself on not being a greedy man.
So why don't you simply pay me
the rest of what you were going to pay Conant, eh?
Then it's settled. Tonight? My apartment? 8:00?
Let's hope this turns out better than venice...
For all concerned.
Tell me you didn't offer them the paintings.
He was brilliant. Had 'em eating out of the palm of his hand.
You offered them the paintings. They practically devoured them.
That's not all they're going to devour.
My foray into burgling?
It netted us three forgeries.
Forgeries? Forgeries?
Forgeries.
Conant has molly. He has the original old masters.
And he has us selling fakes to three
people who'd kill us to keep their reputations intact.
How could he pass off fakes to experts like schneiderman?
No doubt he was gonna show
them the originals, then ship the copies.
And keep the originals in his own locked room?
That's a wrinkle on a wrinkle.
I suppose when you deal long enough with the kinky rich,
you decide it's stylish to ape them.
If we're gonna save molly's skin, not to mention our own,
We have got to find out where these originals are.
Yes. Where do we look?
The gallery! We'll knock over the gallery again.
What's taking them so long? Oh,
they're at their best at this point in the case.
They're cool, logical,
working out their next move in a professional manner.
Have you gone berserk?
They're getting close.
Well, you haven't come up with anything that makes sense.
Very close. I can tell.
I don't want to dim your newfound passion for thieving,
But Conant is much too
clever to keep the originals in his gallery...
After our previous visit!
I wish I were back at thetrib.
Sitting in my ugly, windowless, little cubbyhole.
Then molly would be back at her desk.
Wasn't such a bad life. Dull, pointless, no future.
But it was safe.
I'd give anything if we were
eating stale sandwiches out of the vending machine...
Or putting anonymous complaints in the suggestion box.
But no. I wanted adventure!
- we're all entitled to new horizons. - you think so?
Absolutely! How do you think I wound up here?
I know it's tough to believe,
but I wasn't always a hard-bitten dick...
Ready to lay my life on
the line for a hundred a day plus expenses.
Oh, no. I seized the moment.
I grabbed my destiny, and I ran with it.
That's what you ought to do, richie.
Yeah, well, I'll grab my destiny right after we find molly.
They won't be long now. You hear that silence?
That means the boss has got it.
Usually, at this juncture, you remember an old movie...
That puts everything into perspective.
Sorry. I can't seem to come
up with one in this particular circumstance.
Conant has three pictures worth millions.
Where would he keep them safe, yet accessible,
where no one would think of looking?
Uh, his bank vault? His wine cellar?
His gym locker?
Charade. The game or the movie?
Cary grant, audrey hepburn. Universal, 1964.
Everybody's looking for a fortune in stolen money,
Only the thief has converted it into priceless stamps.
And put them on a letter he'd written to audrey hepburn.
That's where those paintings are.
They've been under my nose the whole time.
Apparently, your nose has been
in far more interesting places than mine has.
Now, where's the safest place to lock something up?
A prison. A prison?
A prison.
Let's try a window. Let's try the front door.
You're still fromart insight. I'm your editor,
And we're simply here to
borrow the pitkins for the profile, okay?
Hello. I'm sorry to, uh,
disturb the creative process, but Miss Holt and--
Miss Holt?
Laura Holt? Love her. Love her. Love her! Yes.
She does evoke strong emotion, doesn't she?
Is, uh, is she with you?
Oh, around and about.
I'm adam canfield, uh, Miss Holt's editor fromart insight.
I'm here to, uh, discuss the upcoming profile on you.
Well, in that case, mi casa es su casa.
Thank you very much.
Uh, speaking of profiles,
Laura didn't tell me anything about you.
Well, uh, perhaps she was keeping me as a surprise.
Miss Holt is so full of surprises these days.
Did you feel that?
What? Slight tremor. Must have been an earthquake.
Come back to my studio. I,
uh, I wanna give you a private exhibition.
You know, I always get so much
more out of hearing what an artist sees in her work.
I mean... I mean, anyone can look at a painting.
Heavy.
An aftershock. There is someone in my studio.
There's also someone at your door.
Why don't you catch the door,
and I'll check the studio? Run along, dear.
We've come for the pitkins, miss pitkin.
I've got two of them. Check over there, quick!
Oh, uh--
Miss Holt!
There's--
I found it!
Mr. Canfield! Miss Holt!
Where are you going with my paintings?
I've made the big time. I've been stolen!
Wait a minute.
It saddens me to say this, Laura, but you have gone berserk.
I don't know what came over me.
I'm sure it's just a temporary aberration.
Like eating jelly beans or--
Buying chinese cookbooks.
I'm positive it'll pass!
It certainly is a lot more satisfying than jelly beans.
Is this the way you used to feel?
Skin tingling, heart pounding, blood coursing, head spinning?
Laura, please, you're making me ill.
But it's not an uncommon feeling
when one first starts, but then you get used to it.
Oh! How sad!
It's not all thrills and tingles, Laura, you know.
There's also the very real possibility of getting caught.
Well, at least there's one positive aspect to all this.
Now I can truly relate to your former profession.
- what are you doing? - now
that they know we have the real paintings,
We might as well let them have them.
Mr. Steele, you're one hell of a partner in crime.
Whoops! Whoops!
You got them! But not for long.
In with the old--
Out with the new.
Would I be a dolt if I asked what's going on?
Stay cool, richie. We're about to
enact our version of one of Mr. Steele's favorite films--
The sting.
Who is it? I believe you
have something which belongs to us, Miss Holt.
And we intend to collect them.
The pitkins? The pitkins. Let him in.
Well, at least we had them for one brief moment.
Authentic.
Was there ever any doubt?
Well, we'll just get them back into
their pitkins and bring them to the auction tomorrow.
Auction? It's quite all right. I, uh, struck a deal with Conant.
As I said, I'm not a greedy man.
Besides, you want your pitkins authenticated, don't you?
Of course. To play out the charade.
Aptly put, mrs. Haddon.
We've brought you to the gallery for a reason, my dear.
You're going to make a phone call.
The most important call of your life.
As soon as they've bought their pitkins,
we'll hit Conant with the sad news...
That he's sold them all fakes.
Either he coughs up molly or
we inform the treacherous trio of his deception.
I think we're finally on top of this one.
Yes, all we have to do now is collect our finder's fee.
Shall we, uh, get comfortable and wait for the fireworks?
I think they've started sooner than we expected.
What are you doing here?
I've settled everything. I've freed molly.
You freed her? How, richie?
I gave Conant the pitkins. My bedroom pitkins?
The genuine old masters?
Harriet, that was not helpful.
Everything is under control.
Molly called last night.
Then Conant got on and offered to let her go.
So, I just took miss krebs's advice and seized the moment.
We've got to speak to miss krebs about her little pep talks.
Listen, I've learned a lot being with you two.
I made him show me molly on the
security monitors before I handed over the paintings.
- she's here? In the building?
- of course. What do you take me for?
Where? I don't know. A room, uh, full of paintings and statues.
You didn't happen to notice
a life-size sculpture without a head, did you?
Yes. I thought that was very unique.
- I really do think we should
say our farewells first. - yes, you're right.
If you'll excuse us, uh, we'll take our leave.
Aren't you going to stay for the auction?
You've contributed so much to it.
Well, we really have nothing left to offer.
No, Miss Holt, you don't.
It's been a deceptively delightful experience. Uh, come along.
You get molly. I'll get the pitkins. All right.
It's all right. We're with richie.
It's all right now.
How do you know they're here?
I don't. But one has to start somewhere.
Actually, this is a very ingenious hiding place.
I mean, who'd think of looking here a second time, eh? Eh?
You all right? Let's go. Let's go.
The pitkins!
-Laura! - I got the--
Molly! Rick!
Richie. From now on, it's just plain richie.
Your persistence is becoming enervating, Mr. Steele.
Not with that!
Are the pitkins all right?
Ha ha! Unscathed.
Now, if we could only tell which
have the real paintings and which have the fakes.
Uh, lets take all of them. No!
I have three very determined people
who are waiting for me to deliver them their pitkins.
Laura, I lost my finder's fee in acapulco.
I don't want to repeat the same folly here.
Don't you understand?
They'll kill me if I don't give them, uh, something.
Then pick a set! They all look alike.
- you're the art expert. - we
each have a 50% chance of getting what we want.
Oh!
Well?
A masterpiece, every one of them.
And we have-- the kind of
forgeries that only a true artist could paint.
That means the treacherous trio have the real ones.
And some customs inspector has them now. Thanks to our tip.
Good work, chief. You really put one over on that Conant.
Yes, Mildred. The joke's certainly on him.
I'll bet we get a commendation for this.
That's not exactly the reward I had in mind, Mildred.
Oh, Mr. Steele.
Now what's a six-figure
finder's fee compared with the knowledge...
That you've helped put four dangerous criminals behind bars?
If you care so little for money, Miss Holt,
Why, may I ask, are you filching my wallet?