原創翻譯 雙語字幕
最新連載海外影視劇下載 僅供交流學習 禁止商用盈利 請登陸 www.YYeTs.com
翻譯 勤洗手 戴口罩 少出門 多通風
校對 武漢加油 中國加油
時間軸 大蔥
后期 如果奇跡有顏色 那一定是中國紅
總監 逆行者請注意安全
奶奶 Grandma?
埃德蒙 Edmund.
諾拉 Hey, Nora.
怎么回事 What's going on here, huh?
這是干什么 突然變成好朋友了嗎 What's this? Best friends all of a sudden?
你要把我扔進河里嗎 奶奶 You gonna throw me down the river, Grandma?
埃德蒙帶我去逛商店了 Well, Edmund offered to come with me to the store.
他是個好孩子 He-- he's a good boy.
我帶奶奶去了超市 Now, I took Grandma to H Mart
給她買了一個500美元的電飯鍋 and bought her a $500 rice cooker.
你有時候也這么做 對吧 諾拉 You do that too sometimes, right, Nora?
滾蛋 埃德蒙 Eat my ass, Edmund.
我們在包餃子 We're making dumplings!
酷 但是我以為 Oh, that's cool 'cause I just thought
一般是咱倆包的 that was something that just me and you did,
A和B 奶奶和諾拉 只有咱倆 A and B, Grandma and Nora, you know, our thing.
你懂的 因為你更愛我 是嗎 You know what I mean, 'cause you love me more and all, right?
奶奶要教我了 Oh, Grandma's gonna teach me,
我等不及要向名師學習了 and I can't wait to learn from the best.
我也想學 我要坐中間 I wanna learn, too. I call middle seat.
但是我們包了2000次餃子 諾拉 Oh, but we've made dumplings together 2,000 times, Nora.
我和埃德蒙還沒包過餃子呢 And Edmund and I have never made dumplings before.
是的 但我想包2001次 Yeah, but I want to do it 2,001 times.
-跟你比賽 -在哪比賽 - Race you there. - Race you where?
-這里 -我一直在這里 - Uh, here. - I've been here.
我知道 奶奶更愛我 Yeah, I know. Grandma loves me more.
-什么 -什么 - What? - What?
什么 What?
-什么 -什么 - What? - What?
奶奶更愛我 什么 Grandma loves me more. What?
-什么 什么 -什么 - What? What? - What?
奧卡菲娜是 第一季
來自皇后區的諾拉 第七集
達蒙 Damon.
能讓我練一套嗎 You mind if I squeeze in a set?
稍等 兄弟 我再拍一張 One sec, bro. Let me just take one more pic.
#健身照 #gymselfies.
你玩IG嗎 You on IG?
-圖享網 -沒有 - Instagram, you on it? - No.
我有時上臉書 I look around on Facebook sometimes.
僅此而已 That's about it.
什么 臉書 沃利 What? Facebook? Wally!
-臉書過時了 兄弟 -是嗎 - Facebook is dead, bro. - Oh, yeah?
重點在于分享 看看 It is all about the Gram. Check it out.
瞧瞧 No, look it at.
-達蒙 -小妞很喜歡 - Damon! - The chicks dig it.
我靠這個撩了很多妹子 I get so many dates off of this.
-你是單身 對吧 -是的 - You're single, right? - Yeah.
圖享網適合你 Instagram, baby.
不 我 Oh, no, I...
我不需要貼這樣的私密照片 I don't need to post intimate pictures like that.
趕緊的 Well, you better get crackin'.
-不要 -聽著 - No. - Yeah, look.
如果妹子在圖享網上搜不到你 If a chick can't find you on Instagram,
她會認為你是連環殺手 she's gonna think you're a serial killer.
絕對的 That's the truth.
-真的嗎 -你只要 - Really? - All you gotta do
去亞馬遜買個環形燈 is go on Amazon Prime, buy a ring light,
然后回家去洗手間 then you go home to the bathroom.
抬起一條腿 或者兩條 You put up a leg, maybe two,
拍照撩妹 click, pussy.
不 不 不 別聽這個屌絲的話 No, no, no. Don't listen to this loser.
我的孩子們認為你的圖片是表情包 My kids think your Instagram is a meme account.
如果我是屌絲 If I'm such a loser,
那我怎么會有300多個關注 then how come I have over 300 followers?
我明白你的意思了 You know what this is about?
你就是饞我的身子 珍妮娜 You just want a piece of me, Janeane.
大家都知道 沃利也知道 Everybody knows it. Wally knows it.
我要告訴你多少次 How many times do I have to tell you
我是激進派女同 I'm a raging lesbian?
隨你怎么說 珍妮娜 Whatever, Janeane.
珍妮娜 Janeane?
練完以后喝杯咖啡吧 You wanna get like a coffee after this?
我要找我老婆 I'm hanging out with my wife.
-你是認真的嗎 -是的 - Oh, you were serious? - Yeah.
蟻人 Ant-Man.
這些餃子包得太好了 These dumplings are beautiful.
你卷邊還挺有天賦的 You certainly have a knack for crimping.
謝謝 奶奶 名師出高徒嘛 Yeah, well, thank you, Grandma. I learned from the best.
-誰 -名師 - Who? - The best!
你知道還有誰嗎 我也有天賦 You know who else? Talented me.
是的 Yes.
讓我看看 Let's see.
我給這個餃子取名為 This one I named Beautiful Flower
三生三世十里桃花 from All Generations to the End of Time for you.
小心點 Just be careful because
餡有點漏出來了 it has-- the inside comes out a little bit,
這是一個開放式內部格局 so it is an open floor plan.
-挺努力的 諾拉 -聽到了嗎 - Nice try, Nora. - "Nice try, Nora." See that?
瞧 現在覺得自己很蠢吧 See? Feel dumb now, huh?
覺得自己有點蠢吧 Don't you feel dumb now a little bit?
我給你加點水 I get you some water.
謝謝 奶奶 愛你 Thanks, Grandma. Love you.
你的餃子看起來像面團寶寶 Mm, your dumplings look like the Pillsbury Doughboy
正在仇恨犯罪 got hate-crimed.
給老娘閉嘴 賤人 You wanna shut the hell up, bitch?!
-嘴真甜 -沒錯 - Oh, nice. - Yeah, yeah.
-叫我賤人 -你就是小三 - Calling me a bitch. - You're third-wheelin'.
我以前看過這部電影 I've seen this movie before.
你來這里就想偷走我的餃子皮 You come in and you wanna take my skin.
這就是你的目的 That's what you wanna do.
你想過來偷走我的餃子皮 You wanna come up in here and take my skin.
天啊 諾拉 Ugh, my God. Nora...
看看那個餃子 And also, look at that one.
那個看起來像屁眼 That one looks like a fuckin' butthole, dude.
所以肯定很好吃 That means it'll be delicious, yum, yum, yum.
2020是屁股年 2020, Year of the Ass.
完美 Okay, perfect.
運動后的冰沙暢飲 "Post workout smoothie vibes."
我看起來真的不像白癡嗎 You sure I don't look like a douche?
每個人看起來都用力過猛 Everybody looks like they're trying too hard.
這就是重點 It's kinda the point.
但你不能只一張照片 But you gotta post more than one photo, though,
否則你看起來就像個奇葩的鍵盤俠 because otherwise you'll look like a creep who just trolls people.
我能看到我關注了誰 And so I can tell if I'm following somebody
還有誰關注我吧 and they're following me, right?
我懂了 她叫什么名字 I see what's happening here. What's her name?
布倫達·莫雷諾 Brenda Moreno.
布倫達·莫雷諾 好 Brenda Moreno. Okay.
她的網名是藝術布倫達 Oh, her screen name is ArtfulBrenda.
她很漂亮 She's very pretty...
而且很有藝術感 and very artsy.
讓我看看 Let me see.
是的 Yeah.
-就是她 -嗯 - That's her. - Yeah.
如果你想讓她饞你的身子 So, listen, if you wanna thirst trap her,
就得發點更帥氣的照片 I think you're gonna have to post some better pics.
你能幫我拍嗎 Oh, will you take some for me?
可以 但是別在健身房拍 Yeah, but let's not take 'em in the gym.
不能讓別人覺得你只來健身房 You don't want everybody thinking all you do is hang out in the gym.
但我就是這樣啊 But that is all I do.
先來點面粉 Okay, to start off, you take a little flour
撒在桌子上 and we spritz it around the table.
然后拿起餃子皮 And now we take the skin.
瞧 See?
我愛我奶奶 #餃子
夠了 Oh, that's enough.
天啊 埃德蒙 快來 Oh, my God, Edmund! Come quick!
奶奶出事了 Something's happened to Grandma
-情況很糟糕 -什么 - and it's really bad! - What?
她摔了一跤 I think she took a nasty spill.
-天哪 -直接來車庫 - Oh, my God! - Come straight to the garage.
別給任何人打電話 直接來車庫 Don't call anybody. Just come straight to the garage!
我馬上就來 Okay, I'll be right--
天啊 我討厭跑步 Oh, God, I hate running.
奶奶呢 她沒事吧 Where's Grandma? Is she okay?
她很好 She's fine.
但我不好 But I'm not.
什么 Oh, what?
你到底想跟我奶奶怎么樣 賤人 What's your endgame with my grandma, bitch?
什么 What?
你在說什么 神經病 What are you talking about, you psycho?
她也是我奶奶 She's my grandma, too.
你為什么不去奶奶商店 Well, why don't you go to the grandma store
自己買個奶奶呢 and get your own grandma?
我姥姥死了 My other grandma's dead,
我只剩一個奶奶了 so Grandma's the only grandma I have.
我媽也死了 所以奶奶不僅是我媽媽 Yeah, my mom's dead so Grandma's not only my mom,
還是我的姥姥 姥爺 she's my grandma and my grandpa.
我要離開這里 我 Okay, now I'm walking away from this. I'm--
你干什么 What are you...?
不要 干什么 Don't-- What is this?
住手 你在走方形步嗎 Stop. You're box-stepping?
我不讓開 I'm not movin'...
直到你給我答案 until you give me some answers.
天啊 什么答案 Jesus, answers to what?
為什么你要和奶奶混在一起 To why you're hanging out with Grandma
你怎么不去開發你的絕密應用 when you should be working on your top-secret app.
好吧 但你離我遠點 All right, fine, but I need you to back off.
請坐 Have a seat.
干什么 Oh, what now?
說吧 埃德蒙 Start talking, Edmund.
我本來想開發一個應用的 I was gonna come up with an app,
但是我沒有 but then I didn't.
現在還是沒有 And I still haven't and...
我好難 it's bad.
所以你偷了1500萬 So you stole $15 million?
不 這叫投資 No, it's called an investment.
叫什么來著 龐氏騙局 What's it called, Ponzi scheme?
不 這是投資 No, an investment!
這周我得給投資者提出一個概念 Look, I have to come up with an idea for the investors this week.
如果我還沒想到 那 And if I still don't have anything, then...
我就完蛋了 I'm screwed.
那你怎么不去開發應用 So why don't you go work on the app
卻和奶奶混在一起 instead of hanging out with Grandma
還想偷我的餃子皮 and trying to steal my skin?
因為我壓力太大了 Because it's stressful
她可以讓我不那么焦慮 and she makes me feel less anxious.
你不是想把奶奶從我身邊偷走嗎 So you're not trying to steal my Grandma away from me?
-不 當然不是 -很好 很好 - No, absolutely not. - Good. Good.
埃德蒙 我本來想殺了你的 Edmund, I was gonna kill you.
-什么 -但我現在不想了 - What? - But I'm not, I'm not now.
這些工具可以退 You know, and the supplies are refundable.
我有五金店會員卡 So I have a-- I have an Ace Hardware card.
我都忘了這些衣服 Oh, yeah, forgot about all this stuff.
太好了 Yeah!
媽 媽 Hey, Mom, Ma.
你看到我的燕尾服的褲子了嗎 Have you seen my tuxedo pants?
你在你姐妹吉米的婚禮上 Yeah. You sat on a brownie
坐在布朗尼上了 at your cousin Jimmy's wedding.
只能扔了 記得嗎 We had to throw it away, remember?
嗯 大家都以為我拉褲子了 Yeah, everyone thought I shit myself.
你在這里干什么 What are you doing in here anyway?
整理一下而已 I'm just tidying up.
我就是看看穿哪件衣服能開心點 I'm just, you know, deciding which sparks joy.
你猜什么能讓我開心 Guess what sparks my joy.
不是麻理惠 Not Marie Kondo.
去他媽的麻理惠 Fuck Marie Kondo.
你拿這個糊弄投資者 You got investors off of this?
就這個垃圾股票模板 This shitty PowerPoint stock template?
是的 這是行業標準 Yeah, it's sort of industry standard.
天哪 硅谷太垃圾了 God, Silicon Valley's such bullshit.
難聽了啊 諾拉 Ooh, very hot take, Nora.
他們是因為相信我才投資的 Really, they're investing in my reputation.
但現在沒什么好的應用創意了 But there are no good app ideas anymore.
該有的都有了 Everything's already been done.
才不是呢 That's not true.
狗狗看的網飛 Netflix for Dogs.
便便表情 Uh, a poop emoji.
但是要用自己的便便 But it's like pictures of your own poop,
然后上面加個眼睛 and you put eyes on it.
或者拍一個地方 What about an app that takes a picture of a place,
就知道以前的樣子呢 and you can find out what-- what used to be there?
不知道有沒有人開發過 I don't know if anyone's done that already,
但是創意還真不錯 but that's actually good.
又比如陰道的倒模 What about like a flesh mold of a vagina,
便攜的那種 right, but it's portable?
可以叫它口袋陰道 And we call it a pocket pussy.
看來要聽一會了 但是繼續 Okay, this might take a while, but keep going.
評價美丑的應用 An app that tells you if you're ugly or not.
像照鏡子一樣看陰道的應用 An app that you could look at your vagina like in a mirror.
還有呢 What else?
顯示你尸體腐爛后 An app that shows you what you would look like
是什么樣子的應用 這個很頂 as a decaying corpse, that's tight, that's a good one.
-不行 -告訴你 - No! - An app that tells you
-鬼魂友不友好的應用 -什么 - if a ghost is friendly or not. - What?
可以找到失散多年朋友的應用 An app that finds your long-lost friends.
可以輕微刺激屁眼的應用 An app that lightly stimulates your butthole.
可以輕微刺激朋友屁眼的應用 An app that lightly stimulates your friends'.
召喚松鼠的應用 An app that beckons squirrels.
為鸚鵡打造的交友應用 An app that-- it's like Tinder but for parakeets.
不要停 I need more!
我要拉屎 But I have to poop.
多拉點創意吧 You should be pooping ideas!
沃利教授
你看上去像《重返榮耀》的角色
我真的很喜歡那部電影 "I really liked that movie."
拍點紳士照
沒問題
我們想了很多好主意 We have so many good ideas.
但是還沒有中意的 We just haven't found the one yet!
我要走了 I gotta get outta here.
我好久沒曬太陽了 I haven't seen any daylight.
剛才在角落拉的屎 I took a poop in the corner.
為什么 Eww, why?
不 等等 孵化需要時間 好嗎 No, wait, incubation takes time, okay?
我們會成功的 不能半途而廢 We'll get there. We just need to keep going.
你爸在圖享網關注了我 Your dad followed me on Instagram.
-我操 -怎么了 - Holy shit! - What?
看 Look.
所以呢 So?
陰莖伯伯 陰莖伯伯 Uncle Penis! Uncle Penis!
我看到陰莖了 It's a damn penis!
你為什么要給我看 Why would you show it to me?!
他肯定是不小心的 He must've accidentally posted it
他沒看到身后的鏡子 and just didn't see the mirror behind him.
大概有200人點了贊 不合理啊 It has like 200 likes which proportionately doesn't make sense
他只有17個關注 because he has 17 followers.
我們得把那東西刪掉 We need to delete that thing.
他被做成表情包的 He-- he's gonna become a meme.
即使他自己刪了 Even if he deletes it off his personal account,
其他人也已經截圖了 other people have screenshotted it.
不 不 我們得把原圖刪了 No, no, no, we need to get the original off.
把截圖和復制圖都刪了 We need to get the screenshots off, any duplicates.
我們得把那張照片從網上刪干凈 We need to scrub the Internet of that picture.
必須刪掉 一定要刪 That needs to go. Ahh! That needs to go.
你是個白癡 但也是個天才 You are an idiot but also a goddamn genius.
我走了 Okay, I gotta go.
我走了 我走了 I gotta go! Um, I gotta go.
你去哪里 Where are you going?!
去開發"清潔刷" To go and code "Scrubr."
應該不會太久 It shouldn't take long.
我只要把一個專有數據集 I just have to match a proprietary data set
匹配到一個圖像標簽模型 照片就會被刪除 to an image-labeling model, and then it'll be deleted...
-你要走了 -是的 - You're leaving? - Yeah.
短時間內不回來了 And you won't be back for a while?
-是的 再見 -我能再問你一件事嗎 - Yeah. Bye. - Can I-- Can I ask you one more thing?
-什么 -你有感覺嗎 - What? - Did you just feel anything?
沒有 好惡心 Eww, no! Disgusting.
我也沒有 我也沒有 I didn't either. I didn't either!
還是包不上 Still won't close.
耐心點 你會成功的 Have patience and you'll get it.
我一直希望我是那種 You know, I always wish I was one of those Asian girls
可以徒手畫出口袋妖怪 that could draw Pokemon freehand
把紙撕成一條直線的亞洲女孩 and rip paper in a straight line.
我連卷煙都卷不好 I can't even roll a joint right.
折紙很無聊 Origami is boring.
也許你的天賦不在手指 And plus, maybe your talent isn't in your fingers.
也許在別的地方 Maybe it's somewhere else.
也是 Hm, that's true.
我整晚都在編程 I've been coding all night.
我終于完成了測試 And I finally finished the beta.
我覺得這個應用說不定能火 And I think this app could be huge.
我真為你驕傲 埃德蒙 I'm so proud of you, Edmund.
更難的是想到這個應用 Well, the harder part is thinking of the app,
那是我在3.5秒左右想出來的 which I did in 3.5 seconds and counting.
我也為你驕傲 諾拉 Oh-ho, so I'm proud of you too, Nora.
我創造了完整的服務器 所以 Yeah, I literally invented an entire server, okay, so...
奶奶更愛我 Yeah, well, Grandma loves me more,
希望你可以接受 so I hope you're all right with that.
諾拉 Okay, just Nora,
你不知道會發生什么 you don't know what's about to happen.
如果這個應用開始運行 Okay, if this app gets up and running,
可能會帶來百萬的收益 we are looking at potentially raking in millions.
我們得把我爸的老二從網上刪掉 We need to get my dad's dick off the Internet
免得別人拿去做了表情包 before fuckjerry finds it and shit.
沒事的 Okay, just-- It's fine, whatever.
我能給你們演示一下我的應用嗎 Can I just run my app presentation for you guys?
我要在明天的投資大會之前 'Cause I just need to practice
練習一下 before the investor meeting tomorrow and...
-不行 -當然 - No. - Of course!
珍妮娜 好多陌生人給我點贊 Janeane, I got a lot of likes from complete strangers
奧利維亞·杰德還給我點了兩個贊 and also two verified likes from Olivia Jade.
那是誰 Who the hell's that?
但是布倫達還是沒有消息 But nothing from Brenda.
她為什么不喜歡我的照片 I don't understand why she didn't like my photo.
讓我看看 Let me see it.
構圖和光線都很棒 It's beautiful composition and lighting.
謝謝 Thank you!
怎么了 What?
天啊 我的老二漏出來了 Holy shit! My dick is out!
-是的 -珍妮娜 我的老二漏出來了 - Yeah. - Janeane, my dick is out!
怎么回事 What happened?!
怪不得那么多人點贊 That explains all the likes.
我得刪掉 I gotta delete it.
不 我發到生活里了 Oh, no, I think I just sent it my story!
我操 Oh, shit!
我得再拍幾張照片 I've gotta take some more pictures
把第一張的熱度降下來 to take the heat off the first one.
沃利 別慌 Okay, Wally, you're spiraling.
-香焦 香蕉挺好吧 -沃利 - Bananas. Bananas are good, right? - Wally...
香焦 香蕉飛鏢 Bananas. Banana boomerang.
-深呼吸 -香蕉挺好的 - Take deep breaths. - Bananas are fine!
我幫你 I'm gonna help you.
好消息 Okay, okay, good news.
藝術布倫達沒有關注你 ArtfulBrenda is not following you,
-我刪除了照片 -太好了 謝謝 - and I deleted the pic. - Yes! Thank you!
壞消息是 Bad news is...
達蒙轉發了 Damon reposted it.
不 No!
媽的 Oh, shit!
要薯片嗎 You want a chip?
你知道我對酸乳酪過敏 珍妮娜 You know I'm allergic to sour cream, Janeane!
我不知道 I didn't know that.
我跟你沒那么熟 I haven't known you for that long.
紅皮革 黃皮革 Red leather, yellow leather.
龍在一兩分鐘到兩點 The dragon will come when he hears the drum
聽到鼓聲就會來 at a minute or two till two.
你們準備好了嗎 Y'all ready for this?
"清潔刷"是一款可以改變世界的應用 "Scrubr" Is an app that can change the world
通過使用微結構編譯的 By using micro-patterns compiled from each
像素二進制表示法 binary-based representation of a pixel
或者本地二進制模式 或者專利本地二進制模式 or local binary pattern or a patented LBP,
我們可以通過神經網絡運行圖像 we can run the image through our neural network
輸出一組測量值 and this outputs a set of measurements
作為一種獨特的識別碼 that serve as a unique... identifier.
發出裸照也可以隨時撤回 Send nudes? More like unsend nudes."
我還是 You know, I'm just gonna...
重新開始 好吧 I'm just gonna start over and, um, oh! Okay.
腿抽筋 腿抽筋了 Leg cramp. Leg cramp.
天哪 我好熱 Oh, my God, I'm burning up.
感覺我在 It's like I'm on--
感覺我在米科諾斯的海灘上一樣 It's like I'm on the beach in Mykonos.
天啊 Oh, my God.
你現在大汗淋漓的 You're sweating very profusely right now.
你們聞到了嗎 Do you smell that?
聞起來像姜黃 It smells like turmeric.
他怎么了 What is wrong with him?
不知道 I don't know.
好吧 Okay.
演講到此結束 I'll leave you with this.
我們生來都一樣 We're all born the same way--
光著屁股尖叫 非常感謝 naked and screaming. Thank you so much.
說得還不錯吧 挺流暢的 That's good, right? Had a good flow.
邏輯挺清晰的 Had a good... structure.
是的 是的 Yeah. Yeah.
沒有意見嗎 No notes?
我沒有 I'm good.
很好 Good.
諾拉 你得幫幫他 Oh, Nora, you need to help him.
他肯定不行的 He's gonna fail.
我知道 你明天早上 I know. Um, did you wanna go
想去買磨腳器嗎 get your PediEgg refill tomorrow, like in the morning?
不 我們得先幫他 Oh, no, we gotta take care of him first.
他需要幫助 He needs help.
我不在乎 我不想幫他 I don't care. I don't wanna help him.
既然這是你的創意 If this was your idea,
那你應該和他一起演講 then you should pitch it with him.
-好吧 -這才是我的好孫女 - Fine. - Okay, that's my good girl.
靠 他回來了 Oh, shit, he's coming back.
-我能再來一遍嗎 -不能 - Can I do it one more time? - No!
藝術布倫達的新消息
完了 Oh, no.
燕尾服的照片很好看啊 為什么刪掉 大笑
趕緊完事吧 I just wanna get this over with.
我抖得像葉子一樣 I'm shaking like a leaf.
沒事的 You'll be fine.
假裝你沒穿衣服 Just pretend you're naked.
盯著他們的眼睛 Stare-- stare into their eyes.
我要在會議室演講 I'm pitching in a conference room,
不是在桑拿房 not a sauna.
我肯定會搞砸的 You know what, this is gonna be a disaster
我還是走吧 我走了 and I-- I should go, I should go, I'm gonna go.
不 不 我知道你很緊張 No, no, look. I know you're nervous.
好嗎 我也是 Okay? So am I.
但是現在才是考驗人的時候 But now's the time to see who has a heart.
現在是時候向自己和其他人證明 Now's the time to prove to yourself and everybody else
哪怕你自閉了 that even though you're locked up,
也是了不起的人 you're somebody.
好嗎 All right?
你可以做到 That you can do something special
世界上沒人能做到的事 that no one else in the world can do.
你要穿過那些門 You get to walk through those doors,
抬起頭來 hold your head up high,
把自己當成野馬 and call yourself a Mustang!
這是《重振球風》里巨石強森的演講嗎 Is that The Rock's speech from "Gridiron Gang"?
加油 你可以的 Go with it. You'll be all right.
準備好讓他們大吃一驚了嗎 Are you ready to go up in there and blow them away?
好了 Yeah.
準備好把我爸的老二從網上刪掉了嗎 Are you ready to scrub my dad's side dick off the Internet?
當然 Hell yeah!
我知道你們在想什么 All right, I know what you guys are thinking.
看看這個可憐 壓抑的孩子 Look, look at this poor, very depressing soul
站在那里 害怕得要死 just standing there frozen in fear
因為他嫉妒的前男友 because his jealous ex just posted
剛剛發了一張 a picture of him on all fours
他扮成《佐羅傳奇》四肢著地的照片 dressed as "The Legend of Zorro."
太可怕了 Yeah, devastating.
告訴我 你們有這樣的照片 And tell me this, how many of you guys
被人發上網過嗎 have photos like this up on the Internet?
不是吧 挺自大啊 Really? Cocky bunch.
好吧 沒關系 Yeah, okay. That's cool.
因為我搜了你們所有人 Because I googled every single one of you guys
發現了一堆可怕 and found a trove of horrible,
辣眼睛 尷尬的照片 uncompromising, embarrassing photos.
湯姆 2004年萬圣節 Tom, 2004 Halloween,
扮成淫蕩《風中奇緣》 dressed as a slutty Pocahontas.
文化麻木加上厭惡女性 Cultural insensitivity mixed with misogyny.
雙重驚喜啊 That's a double yikes.
你想不想把這張照片從網上刪掉 How would you like to get this photo off the Internet forever?
想 求你了 Yeah, please.
幸運的是 埃德蒙和我 That's why, luckily, Edmund and I
開發了一個應用 came up with an app we call...
"清潔刷" ...Scrubr.
只要按一下 With a push of a button,
我們的"清潔刷"應用可以永久刪除 our Scrubr app can delete any unwanted photo ever
網上不想要的照片 off the Internet for all eternities.
我們使用圖像相似性算法 We use an image similarity algorithm to remove
來移除網上所有不好的照片 all your bad photos from the Internet.
每個屁眼 每次一夜情 Every bunghole, every one-night stand,
社交網絡
每個曝光的錯誤 every mistake that's ever gone public
這樣你搜索自己時 so that never again will you google yourself
就不會有自己喝醉的大頭照盯著你了 and have your drunken college mugshot staring back at you.
非常感謝 Thank you so much!
我們很喜歡 Well, uh, we love it.
下一輪融資 Let's talk about upping your valuation
可以提高一下你的估值 for the next round of funding.
所以會有下一輪融資 So there'll be a next round.
當然 Oh, hell yeah.
我們很高興投資了你 埃德蒙 We're very glad that we invested in you, Edmund.
謝謝 湯姆 麥克斯韋 阿瑪琳 Thank you, Tom, and Maxwell, Amalin,
里福德 你是布萊森嗎 Riford, and I wanna say Bryson?
-杰森 -杰森 - Jason. - Jason.
對了一個音節 Got one syllable.
老實說 Well, to be honest,
這個創意是諾拉幫我想出來的 this didn't really come together until Nora got on board.
說的太好了 That's beau-- That's so beautiful.
雖然我們合作時吵吵鬧鬧的 It's been a contentious working relationship.
-她 -是有點 - She's... - A bit contentious.
說到這里 這個可以 Speaking of, can I-- Is this up for...?
再見 各位 Bye, everyone.
愛你們 Love you.
夠她吃一個月了 That's gonna feed her for a month.
諾拉 這些餃子真的很好吃 Nora, these dumplings are actually really good.
是啊 比你的演講好多了 Yeah, a lot better than your public speaking.
餃子 Oh, dumplings.
你們都在想我的老二 是嗎 You're all thinking about my dick now, aren't you?
-不是 -別想了 - No! - Get over it.
就是個老二嘛 It's a dick.
餃子好吃嗎 奶奶 Anyway, do you like the dumplings, Grandma?
是的 很好吃 Oh, yes, they're very tasty.
我真為你驕傲 I'm so proud of you.
我的兩個餃子 Oh, my two dumplings!
如果你更愛我就眨眨眼 Just blink if you love me more.
-沒事的 他沒在看 -我還在呢 - It's okay. He's not looking. - I'm right here.
不 我不能這么做 Oh, no, I can't do that.
奧卡菲娜是他媽誰啊 Who the fuck is Awkwafina?