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What the hell?
Take a look
Fuhrer's Bunker
They Stole Hitler's Dick
21:30 Dr. Weissman's House, Torremolinos
It is confirmed that here in the Berlin
the appearance of Adolf Hitler's penis has
stirred up the imagination of the German people
Many scientists have already requested to study this great find
- It's incredible - But the government,
due to urgings from left leaning sources,
tell scientists who ask to analyze such an important
relic of the 20th century to be patient
- It's incredible - ...and they've decided to store
Adolf Hitler's virile member here, in the Contemporary Art Museum of Berlin
We'll keep you updated with the latest news
My son, our time is ending
but one day we will return
There will come a sign to show us the path
I leave the coming
of the 4th Reich in your hands
Do not fail me,
mein good kinder
Morpho! Morpho!
It's what I needed to complete
the synthesis of the perfect aryan
You seen the TV?
On the 3 o'clock news
they were saying that they discovered Hitler's cock
Hitler's cock? That's hardcore
They found it in a secret bunker
Fuck, the Fuhrer's dick
It could be a fake
The CIA has a department dedicated exclusively to
slandering and degrading everything about the Third Reich
Well I believe it
It's a sign that as much as they've tried to stop the Fuhrer's return
they've still failed
That's it, we gotta take action
Take it easy kid
- What the fuck are you after? - Get out of here you freak!
What?
This better not give me hepatitis
Dr. Weissman invites you to dinner at his home at 9 o'clock
on the corner of Entiqueta and Elvil streets
Tell your master we'll be there
How much longer?
Five minutes
Mind your manners,
this man is an authentic legend of the Third Reich
So we have to treat him like you Bird?
Why'd you hit me?
Don't talk to him like he's one of your pals,
this man is a myth, a legend
Weissman was a distinguished scientist in the German high command
There are those that say that if he would've completed
his revolutionary experiments Germany would have won the war
There was always a rumor that he was hiding out in Torremolinos
but I thought it was just an urban legend
Welcome my young friends,
your visit is a pleasure
Please young gentlemen, that's enough formality
I'm Bird, it's a real pleasure meeting you Dr. Weissman
- We're great admirers of yours - And I of you
- X - Enchanted, X
- Pitbull - Oh, a pretty name
- Fool - Oh, Fool
Please gentlemen, sit
Morpho will serve dinner right away
If you would be so kind
Serve the soup Morpho
You must be asking yourselves why I've invited you here tonight
But eat, eat, it's a common dish in my homeland,
the Black Jungle
Tell is Doctor,
what do you want from us?
Do you know that...
they've found in Berlin
the preserved penis of Adolf Hitler?
Oh yeah, I saw that on the 3 o'clock news
Fucking reds have the Fuhrer's cock in their hands
I bet they're taking it to jewish scientists so they can defile it
Relax, this is a matter of it changing hands
Doctor...
tell us straight: what do you need from us?
I need you to go to Berlin
and bring me the uncorrupted penis of Adolf Hitler
Us?
To Berlin?
I have it all planned
If you follow my instructions to the letter
you will accomplish it
I don't know if my parents would let me
These are a bunch of retards!
My son,
how much more will you make your old father suffer?
You're a grandson of the Wolkensteins
and a great grandson to the Frankensteins
I thought I was dealing with real men here,
not mama's boys!
I refuse to deal with cowards,
so get out of my house!
Morpho, see them out!
Doctor please, don't get upset,
pay no attention to what he says
- He's crazy - Retarded too
It shows you have no aryan blood
We do have aryan blood
and enough balls to go to Berlin and bring back the cock,
- isn't that right boys? - Yeah!
Morpho, bring the plans
This is the museum you'll storm
The security measures are extreme
Laser alarms,
assault guards,
security cameras
How are we gonna get in?
Have you heard of the trojan horse?
You think this is a good idea?
It's a way to get in to the museum
without raising suspicions
The doctor has everything planned out
Now all we have to do is wait
We'll be in the museum in a few days with no problems
- And how will we get there? - These's people are totally loaded,
they're probably gonna take us in a private jet
or take us through a secret underground highway
between Torremolinos and Berlin
I think I hear a car
They won't take us all the way to Berlin like that, will they?
No way, they're probably taking us to a heliport or something
This is the address
Quiet, they're coming
This must be it
I am a work of art heading for an exposition in Berlin
Please hurry
This is something else. Of course Mrs. Cow
C'mon you, load up the cud chewer
You're on the way to Berlin
It's important you remain discreet and cautious
You'll remain inside the cow for two days
On the night of the inauguration at midnight
you can come out and open the next envelope
C'mon, let's see those supplies now,
you picked them up right?
What, you only got fava beans?
Well, they were on sale at the supermarket and-
Are you stupid?
We're gonna be stuck here just eating beans?
We're gonna be ripping some mean farts
Of course, the guy at the store told me that it's healthy to do that, it gets rid of toxins
I'll kill you you fucking dumbass!
Calm down, you'll tip the cow
We stopped
It must be for dinner
Fuck Pitbull, do you really need to eat two?
But I like 'em
Stop eating, you'll get indigestion
Sorry, it just slipped out
Fuck that stinks, you eat like a pig
If we're all gonna live together you should have some manners and-
Shit Bird, you too?
It was this guy's fault with his travel diet
10:07 Museum of Contemporary Art, Berlin
What do you want?
Sculpturen, Spanishen
We've come from Torremolinos
I don't understand a fucking word
Jorge Fragua
You can't park here
Is herr Director here?
Herr Director?
Ja, herr Director
Mr. Director, I have a spanish truck driver here that's asking for you
What do you want?
Hello, we have a piece from...
from Mr. Fragua, his latest, for his exposition
Very strange, all the pieces were recieved last week by special delivery,
do you have a letter or something as proof?
Yeah, here's a letter
Alright,
show me the piece
It's back there
Magnficent
A masterpiece, I'd say
An extraordinary Fragua
Inside!
I think we've arrived
This cow smells like shit
- Where are we going? - I don't know
The isle of Phalos is situated in one of the most remote corners of the world
There we can find a group of warrior women...
a secret society dedicated to destroying the masculine gender, Sesomade
You must be asking yourselves the reason for this emergency meeting
Our people in Berlin have sent us information
of the greatest importance to our interests
Hitler's preserved penis has been discovered
It isn't necessary for me to tell you
that the Secret Society for Male Destruction
cannot tolerate this
That relic belongs to us by right
We must acquire it
We have here
a display of the disgusting members of the most important men in history
Darlings...
we must acquire Hitler's member for our collection
I'm sure it was in Paris
Mr. Fragua!
What's going on?
What a great honor to have you here
What's going on there?
That's the sensation caused by your latest work
Magnificent!
Latest work, what's he talking about?
It's a hit! The cow is the star of the show
A great piece of transgressive art!
- Man, that's a relief - You could've held it a bit longer
Fuck, I was about to piss my pants
Everything hurts
The only thing that's alright is my brown eye
Keep quiet, we didn't come here to complain
Inspect the gear
Give me the second envelope
Alright
Good luck strike team, remember you'll only have a minute once you're past the doors,
after you're inside watch for traps and remember to use the
detector the Doctor gave us to check for laser rays
We'll meet you there once we disable the alarms
Good luck comrades
It's time to use the Doctor's invention
Fuck yeah
He couldn't be more distracted
Gimme the beer
Ketamine
What are you doing dumbass, that's for them!
I was thirsty
Look,
there they are
Let's go
You only have a minute and a half
- Don't fall asleep, alright? - Relax
This way
Look, they're near 24, the next one's where the dick is
Careful, there could be laser detectors
I don't see anything, let's go
Strike team to command, over
Open it
This is strike team, what's happening?
I can't find the code, fuck
C'mon,
shit!
Strike team here, what's fucking going on with the door?
Don't make X nervous
There we go, I did it
Strike team, we have everything under control, we're going to open the door
When you're ready then
- It's the cock! - A big boy at that
By the Fuhrer's moustache!
Don't even graze them, the slightest contact could set off the alarms
Command squad, it's full of lasers in here
- can you turn off the system? - Doubt it, let's go
Careful, lift your feet
- Remember the training - What training?
Duck
C'mon, up, up you go
Good
Hey stupid, what are you doing?
Fuck, help me, I can't!
Hold on, I'm turning it off
What the hell is this?
I think it's dance music, mostly house with a bit of funk
Bring the bag
We did it Fool!
Careful, you'll drop it dumbass!
Let me see
C'mon, let's go
- What do we do now? - Fight!
No no, please,
no, don't cut it off, no!
Hold it, you're all under arrest! - They're trying to steal Hitler's penis!
Who are they?
How should I know, I'm not from here
- What's wrong with you? - Don't ask, where's the objective?
C'mon, let's get out of here
Run!
Run run run!
That way, that way!
Run, into the water, go!
All units, code red, I repeat, code red!
- They've stolen Hitler's dick - We're so fired
They've found Hitler's dick, Germany will remain powerful
Comrades,
we've successfully completed
the first part of our mission
I'm very proud of you
The cock is ours!
- We need to be prepared - Who's yelling?
Fucking foreigners!
Let's see what's going on
Soldiers!
German comrades, we should give them our respects
Comrades, you wouldn't believe the night we've had
Why are these posers dressed like skins?
Let's go, they can fuck off
Is the cock alright?
Why did they beat us up?
When we're part of the Fuhrer's inner circle
these aryans are gonna get the boot
06:42, Airport Berlin
Act cool, act cool!
So how do we get past security?
We have to make sure they don't find the dick
There's only one way to do it without raising suspicion
What's that?
According to the instructions in the envelope,
we have to do it the way drug trafickers do
In our socks like we do back home?
No
One of us has to put it in his body
- In his body? - How are we gonna do that?
It's gotta go in your ass
Is one of you willing to accept that honor?
Whoever accepts this privilege will be
written in to the annals of aryan history
Looks like we'll have to draw lots and see who has shortest one then
He's talking about straws imbecile
Well,
we're ready
Go on, we don't have all fucking day, grab one Fool
That was practice, let's go again
This is all
for the Reich's rebirth!
One, two, three
Oh, mein Fuhrer!
So how'd it go?
Bird?
- They're gonna catch us - Shut your mouth
- They're gonna catch us - I said shut your mouth
We've recieved a report from an agent containing pictures,
here you have them
But relax sisters, relax
We know where they are
and soon we will go after them
But first let me show you our new agent
The Bionic Woman,
the perfect woman
She possesses extraordinary strength
and a prodigious mind
She will give us total supremacy
and she will get the member for us
Endure brother
I can't take it anymore,
I'm shitting my pants here
Think of the Fuhrer, keep him with you
Of course he's with me you fucking dumbass! Faggot!
Look, we're landing
Finally
Mysterious theft of the recently discovered member of the Fuhrer
I'm shitting!
I'm shitting, I'm shitting!
Hold it, hold it, we're here
- We're here already - I can't, I'm shitting!
Hurry and open it Morpho, it might be them
I'm shitting!
Do you have it?
So he's the one who...
Morpho, hurry, the bucket
Fuck, what a stink
Is it there?
It's there at last
Morpho, hurry and get the relic!
Bring it here, what a marvel!
Morpho, hurry and put it in preservative fluid
Rest
Yes
It's incredible, this is marvelous!
You've finally done something useful,
you've finally done something serious with your life
You've succeeded in bringing the sexual member
of our Fuhrer among us once again
And you
bring me this fundamental piece of the human anatomy
so that from this moment on we can struggle together for the cause!
And now follow me, I have something to show you
Morpho, my coat!
Careful with the instruments you fool!
This has been my workplace for many years
and this is where we'll reconstruct the Fuhrer
On this stretcher
I have developed my greatest discoveries
but I lacked
the motivation to be one with science again
And now I have it
At last, a goal worthy of my final efforts
To create a new Fuhrer from his testicles
It sounds excitingly aryan
Enough!
Now we must work
My loyal Morpho
will assist me in my lab work
You will be in charge of bringing me a body,
an aryan body,
understood?
Doctor, we're proud to work for you,
tell us what we should do
We will create
the perfect aryan
Lots of germans come through here and also over at Tonaful's place
You don't say
And are they...
tall and blonde?
Look, I have a map of the city in the back there,
if you want I can show you where the germans hang out on it
Come on, it won't hurt
Well, I'll go see what she wants
She might have some useful information
I'm sure she has something to show you
I was starting to think you were afraid of me
Afraid? No, no, not at all...
It's just that...
we need to find a german, a tall blonde one
C'mon, what is it about tall blonde germans that you're so interested in?
I can't,
I can't because I have a mission of the utmost importance
Forget about your mission and tell me where you're staying
Tonight when I get out
you can wait for me there
Do you want me to wear my schoolgirl uniform?
The new girl
What the fuck is going here?
Get back to the bar and see to the clients
And who the fuck are you?
Thank you very much for your time miss, sorry I couldn't help
C'mon, let's go
I didn't find out where they're staying
but they're desperate to find a tall blonde german
A tall blonde german...
I couldn't learn why
No matter, keep us informed on their movements
Alright
Why would they want a german?
I have no idea
There could be more people involved in this aside from those boys
The three of you should head to Costa del Sol immediately,
take the Bionic Woman,
but
don't use her unless you have no choice
The more discreet you are in all this, the better,
and the Bionic Woman
isn't exactly discreet
or subtle in her methods
12:30 International Airport, Malaga
On vacation?
Working
Have you been to Andalusia before?
No
You'll love it, you really will
You don't say
Of course I do
There's the best of everything here, the best
and if you permit me to say so
when talking about men it's better still
I was talking to a buddy of mine the other day and-
Stop there, on the shoulder
- Do you really think they're aryans? - Let me see
Fuck
Don't you see the size of his nose,
how it's precisely twice the length between his temple and forehead?
Didn't you see his eyes, how the shape of his head is totally aryan?
A plate of macaroni
He's more saggitarius than aryan
Alright, then find one, quick
There's a bunch of old timers here
That one looks like a veteran from WWII
Thank you, goodbye Paquillo
That's our man
C'mon, let's go get him
Alright, alright
I think he's out
X, check his pulse
He doesn't have a pulse, I think Pitbull went overboard
Bullshit, I just put the rag over his mouth like the Doctor said
You're a dumbass
Fuck, the guy's dead
Let's take him to the Doctor, see if he can use him for something
Morpho...
it's good being in the middle of things again, eh?
It's the boys,
open it Morpho
On the stretcher, put him on the stretcher
But...
why did you bring me a retiree?
This specimen is kaput
This is no use to me
Well yes, we went a little overboard with the chloroform
Such negligence, such laziness, such imcompetence!
You're surrounded by fools
and sons of bitches that don't know a thing about anything
We can't do a thing this way
We can't attach the relic to a dead body,
it wouldn't work
I need another specimen,
and I need it tonight without fail,
and it must be alive
Don't worry Doctor,
you'll have your specimen, I promise
Now go, and bring me an aryan body as soon as possible!
Bring me the saw Morpho, please
Fucking shit
Bird, do you really think we'll blend in with this crap?
These hats are very Malaganian,
very Andalusian
and very Spanish
I don't see anything
It's of vital importance we find an authentic aryan
Anyway, it shouldn't be that hard,
this place is crawling with germans
Look! Check him out!
Yes, he's perfect
That one? But he's a dirty hippy
Yeah, a hippy,
but a german hippy
C'mon, after him
Pitbull, pay the bill
C'mon
Go
Listen up sons of bitches!
Today we have for all you shitty drug addicts
Jesse Razor and the Starving Kids from Malagaya!
Do you have drugs... acid?
You want acid?
Don't let the objective out of your sight
Eat, eat
- Now what do we do? - Nothing
Just act like clients
Hey boy, three more beers
Hey, where the fuck has Pitbull gone off to?
Over at the bar
Germans, Miss Europe, Miss World, Miss Brazil!
Let's go get him
Grab him
I saw them, they're headed right
C'mon boys, put him there
Careful boys, be careful
What a marvelous body
Good, boys, good
Morpho, put him to sleep
And now we have a lot of work ahead
Doctor, will you need us? I ask because we're very tired and if you don't need us
we're going home to rest
To your house? Impossible!
It's too risky
While we still haven't completed the experiment you will stay here
Now go, we have to work all night
The mysterious disappearances of several people of teutonic or german nationality
has set these peaceful coastal people's hair on end
Here no one wants to be aryan, black hair dye is disappearing off the store shelves
as well as bronzers and sun tan lotion
We should be able to watch the operation
Fuck, we did all the work
And now the Doctor will do his, so be quiet
We have to wait squad
Here in Torremolinos fear and terror has overtaken the large german population
Morpho, hurry, the subject is waking up
Where am I? What am I doing here?
Welcome to Dr. Weissman's laboratory
What are you doing, let me go!
We're about to dismember you thoroughly
while keeping your vital signs normal
Look, this is the sexual appendage of Hitler
and we will attach it to you
so that his testosterone can take over your body
and transform you in to a new Fuhrer
But first we'll have to remove your penis
to liberate your body of all unwanted hormones
Morpho
get the saw ready
Here Morpho, for you
Morpho, wake him up, it's no fun this way
It hurts, but it can't be avoided
for the success of the implant
And now for the legs
Fried Chicken The Malaganians
Fuck-
Don't speak darling, don't say a word
I know what you're planning
and I admire it, it's a task worthy of Hercules
I also know that your companions don't value you like they should
I could show you what you're really worth
I could take you to the limits of pleasure
I could be the woman you've always dreamed of
and if you help me
you could be the man that accompanies me
Me?
You decide
Pepperoni and anchovy pizza, that'll be 8.90
No, he isn't reacting!
Nothing, it was the drugs, the fucking drugs
What happened?
The heart, the heart, the heart!
The heart?
He was worn out, so much vice and partying
and so he couldn't stand the organic reintegration process
What can we do, is everything lost?
We can replace his heart,
but we'll need another aryan organ in good shape
- The old man - What old man?
The one we brought in the other day
We killed him, but there's no reason his heart would be damaged
and he was totally aryan
It could work, that's the solution
And where can we get it?
At the medical facility, without a doubt
At this hour they should be doing an autopsy
You have to recover the heart
and bring it to me as soon as possible
Don't worry Doctor, you'll have the heart
Squad, move out
Be discreet, be discreet I say!
Torremolinos Morgue, next to the bodies of Johan Strauss and Jusuf N'Dour, a black man
C'mon, go in, go in first
No way, you go in first, I'll keep watch
Get in there, grab the fucking heart
and don't touch anything else
What the hell was that?
What the fuck are you doing in there?
I'm coming, I'm coming
Be careful Morpho, be careful
Do you have the heart?
Here it is
The ice, hurry with the ice
When Morpho and I finish with the leg
we will start the heart operation
Can we stay?
No! Leave me alone,
this will be my masterpiece!
Remember not to leave amputated body parts lying around
Those three fingers on the floor for example, what of those?
Let's finish with the leg
Pitbull, go for some pizza
Me again? Why don't they go, they didn't go for the heart,
you always send me
I'll fuck you up
Go for the pizza damnit!
Shall we do business?
You're about to find out what a good time is
It's marvellous, losing my virginity to a chick like you
What an ass
What's going on?
Once our business is over you can do what you want
You can't leave me like this
Baby? Where are you going?
- Where the fuck were you? - It's about time
You don't want any?
No, I'm not hungry, I'm going to bed
He's crazy
He's an idiot
I also know that your companions don't value you like they should
I could show you what you're really worth
I could take you to the limits of pleasure
I did it! I did it!
I, the great Dr. Weissman, the greatest genius of the Third Reich
have just taken a major step in the history of mankind!
It worked?
Yes, at last
After so many years of work here are the fruits of my labor,
my masterpiece!
Can we see it?
Come with me, I'll show you
Step away
It's my experiment
- Why the electric charges? - When can he get up?
The electric shocks
are to revive his nervous system and will bring him new life
and once again the Fuhrer will walk among us!
And now to sleep!
Tomorrow will be a busy day and today has been a hard day as well
But tomorrow will be a glorious day!
Now what you fools? Sleep! Off to bed!
I thought he said something
Give it here
Where is he?
What have you done with him? Talk
Talk or I'll kill you like a dog!
Doctor? What are you talking about?
Has something happened to the Fuhrer?
Where's your idiot friend, where is he?
He should be there, he was there last night
It was him?
That retard?
That fool has stolen my experiment!
He stole it? But that's impossible
Let's go, get up and see for yourselves
Let's go, let's go
Hurry, hurry
But it was here
Yes, it was here until your friend stole it
Pitbull, a traitor? That's impossible, he's one of us
Oh yes? Then where is he?
There's no doubt he's a mole
Morpho, bring me the locator
Since I didn't trust you completely
I inserted a locator chip in to the subject
through which we'll find it's exact location
Let's go, to the car! Let's go!
Maybe they're not too far ahead
Morpho, get the car keys!
So tell me baby...
what's the plan, you and I have some business to attend to
You want to find out now?
Of course doll, we're together in this, aren't we?
Let me pull over then
Now I'll take the new Fuhrer to the ruins at the Magroal plateau
Your Fuhrer shall be robbed of his masculine essence
Fuck, that's cool, so what's my role?
Your role ends here
We're here
The locator Morpho
They're up there
I'm the best!
The greatest genius of all the Reich
now you'll see my creation!
Gimme that saw!
- 17:50 Ritual Altar, Magroal Plateau - Oh godesses of ancient Greece,
you who always help us in the most complicated battles
You, Athena, you, Aphrodite
You, Amazon
May our battle be propitious
They haven't removed the bandages yet
I don't know who they are
or what they want
Careful with that woman, the one with the big tits
she looks dangerous
Let the mutilation begin!
The moment to act has come boys,
spread out like we planned
Hold it
That's our Fuhrer and we're taking him back
Insolent males, you shall die!
Look bitch, I usually don't hit women
but today I'm gonna give you such a beating-
Get em girls!
Leave my friends alone bitches!
Hear that you vixens? Let go of my boys!
Get em!
Take care of that one, looks like she's still alive
Pitbull,
you're alive
And he's not a traitor
Come my friends, come
Oh yes,
my Fuhrer, my Fuhrer!
My friends, this is the greatest moment of our lives!
Once again the aryan race will dominate the world
Now quickly, take off the bandages
Careful, careful,
don't damage the epidermis of the savior
Hitler was black?
How should I know?
But he's our Fuhrer, right?
The rumor has become news, here in Torremolinos a new leader has risen up
Thousands of people have taken to the streets to
cheer for the first Rasta Fuhrer of the modern age
who travels through the streets of this coastal city
spreading his message of fraternity
The happiness here is indescribable, the Rasta Fuhrer and his disciples
hand out enormous and suspicious cigars and bottles of beer
as their message of peace and love and the smell of reefer cover the city
Friends, the people, drunk on happiness and dazed from cannabis,
will follow the Rasta Fuhrer wherever he leads
London, Piza, New York, Tomelloso,
the Rasta Fuhrer's message spreads throughout the world
People abandon their jobs and homes to search out this new leader,
his message of togetherness spreads like wildfire
Political leaders from all over the world,
incapable of understanding the socio-political message of love of the Rasta Fuhrer,
have vehemently condemned the compulsive consumption of cannabis derivatives
The whereabouts of the president of the government are still unknown,
though there are rumors that he's taking an
accelerated course in rolling joints at the University in Georgetown
For his part, the leader of the opposition has surrounded
himself with hairstylists to get himself some bitchin dreads
...and our protagonists, having brought peace, love and cannabis plants to the world,
head out to conquer the universe
Careful with the joint
Look at the new world, the new world!
It's the new world, how marvellous!
I should've brought a camera
So there's advertisment in space, that's incredible
- Look, look, a nudie bar! - Let's go!
Look, some aliens, don't stop!
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