片源：RARBG壓片組 譯製：cocok7 水飛薊 南北之間 Reflection
龍虎少年隊第一集回顧 Previously on 21 JUMP STREET
你是個書呆子 You're a fucking nerd.
孩子 你能畢業已經很幸運了 Boy, you lucky you even graduating.
你很擅長這個啊？ - 對 You're good at this, huh? Yeah.
你真的很擅長這個啊 - 是 You're really good at this. Yeah.
想交個朋友嗎？ Hey, you want to be friends?
你沒裝上膛吧？ Yours isn't loaded, right?
摸摸看 - 我害怕 Just touch it. I'm scared.
摸摸看 Just touch it.
行了 行了 行了 Seriously. All right, all right, all right.
你為我擋了子彈 夥計 You took a bullet for me, man.
你朝我的老二開槍 You shot me in the dick!
嘣 幹他娘的 Boom, motherfuckers!
你們倆混蛋要去大學了 You two sons of bitches are going to college!
陰的特點是緩慢的 柔軟的 被動的 Yin is characterized as slow, soft, passive
與水和女性有關 and is associated with water and femininity.
陽 相比之下是快速和可靠的和... While, Yang, by contrast is fast and solid and...
夥計 這太也扯了 Man, this is bs.
我以為我們要去真正的大學 不是線上大學 I thought we were going to actual college, not online college.
聽什麼加密資訊的講座 Listening for coded messages in lectures.
你在說些什麼 What are you talking about?
看看周圍 Look around.
這是我們的城市 This is our city.
我們去上大學幹嗎？ What do we want to be in college for?
說的對 You're right.
一生的搭檔 Partners for life.
美羅城港口的漲潮時間是上午10:30 At Metro city port the tide comes in at 10:30 A.M
然後會再回到大海 Then it will return to the sea.
美羅港口 還有一小時 Metro port. One hour.
¶ ¶
我們開幹吧 let's do this.
¶ Turn down for what
¶ turn down for what
驚喜 還有更多武器 surprise. There's two more arms.
¶ ¶
¶ turn down for what
¶ turn down for what ¶
糟糕 是鬼見愁 - 鬼見愁? shit! That's the ghost. Jenko: The ghost?
Joste nillsen,
美羅城最大的走私犯 biggest trafficker of illegal goods in Metro city.
他與墨西哥的販毒集團有聯繫 He teamed up with a Mexican cartel
他們一直在港口進行交易 and they're running all this shit through the port.
這樣的話我們該怎麼去買貨？ What the hell are we supposed to be buying?
我也不知道 I don't know.
你幹嗎？ - 啊？ What are you doing? Huh?
我要換一個殺手的身份 I got a new identity that's gonna be killer.
我去誘敵 你來正式逮捕 I'll be throwing it to you to make it legit.
行 Okay.
我需要你即興發揮 明白嗎？ I'm gonna need you to improvise. Okay?
我不想即興發揮 I don't want to improvise.
我需要你去即興發揮 I'm gonna need you to improvise.
我討厭即興 我不想那樣 I suck at improvising. I don't want to do it.
當我進入角色時不能受到任何干擾 I need absolute silence while I fall into character.
我需要絕對的安靜去進入狀態 I need absolute silence while I fall into character.
開始時能給我個提... Can you give me a head start on...
我需要...我需要絕對安靜 I need absolute... I need absolute silence.
你就不能... - 絕對安靜 Can you please... Absolute silence.
¶ ¶
你有必要這個熊樣嗎？ jenko: Are you fucking serious right now?
行了 我討厭遲到的人 All right. I hate people who are late.
西班牙語 (Speaking Spanish)
我們想先看看貨 We're trying to see that product.
臥槽 Shit!
喲 瞌睡蟲 怎麼了 夥計？ Yo, sleepy! What's up, homie?
你認識我老表 悲劇仔 You know my cousin, sad boy.
你可能認錯人了 夥計 I think you got the wrong guy, homes.
別扯了 老兄 你是瞌睡蟲 Oh, that's bullshit, man! You sleepy!
貧民區大家都說 Everyone say in the barrio,
瞌睡蟲他就是墨西哥版的金剛狼 "sleepy, he like the Mexican Wolverine" and shit.
我搭檔來了 他想看看貨 Hey, my partner here, he want to see the product.
他怎麼不說話？ Why ain't he talking?
(外國口音)我叫Jeff (In foreign accent) My name is Jeff.
這是jeffe夥計 That's jeffe man.
告訴他們小老鼠的成年禮 搭檔 Tell 'em about mousie's quinceanera man.
還有你們那些瘋狂的冒險 Tell 'em about that crazy adventure you guys had.
我不知道你在說些什麼 I don't know what you're talking about.
不是吧 昨天晚上你告訴我的 Oh, man, when you were telling the story last night,
你給我講的那麼詳細 you had so much detail!
內容很具體 很豐富 The detail was so rich! It was rich detail!
令人難以置信的細節描述 Go into incredibly descriptive details
那個我們都知道的故事 of the story, so we all know.
哦 那個 Oh, yes.
有dora和Diego It was dora and Diego
還有竊賊 and swiper.
竊賊 Swiper?
你掐死那個誰啊 夥計？ Who was that you choked out, man?
他自找的 是那個誰啊 He had it coming! Who was that?
靴子 Boots.
不是 夥計 不是靴子 靴子就不是人名 No, man, that wasn't boots! Boots isn't a real name!
你要告訴他們真實的故事 夥計 You got to tell them the real story, man.
從頭開始 Start over from the top.
那是他瞎編名字 That's a made-up name.
不敢相信 我還要處理小混混 I can't believe the punks I have to deal with these days.
讓我很懷念90年代 It really makes me miss the '90s,
那時我們有專業人士 when we had professionals around.
你想看看貨是嗎？ You want to check out the goods?
來看看吧 Check it out.
然後閉嘴 行嗎 And shut up. Right?
你哪找的這些美國佬 Where'd you find this gringo, man?
是蒙福之子樂隊音樂會的人嗎？ At the fucking mumford & sons concert and shit?
什麼東西？槍？毒品？ What is it? Guns? Drugs?
老兄 真噁心 Dude! It's gross!
墨汁進我嘴裡了 It's inking in my mouth!
我幫你拿下來 I'll get it off.
它觸手在吸我 Its tentacle is eating me!
真挺有勁的 拿下來了 夥計 It's so strong! It's really on there, man.
它咬了我的臉 It's biting my face!
媽的 Shit!
黑市的珍稀動物 就像我們預料的一樣 Black market exotic animals, just like we expected to be in there.
口音不見了 哈？ The accents are gone, huh?
把他們趕出去 他倆是員警 Take them out, guys. They're cops.
怎麼回事 - 不清楚 應該是車子開動了 What was that? I don't know! I think we're moving.
車絕對是在跑 We're definitely moving!
這裡他媽的都是鳥還有屎 Jenko: There's fucking birds and shit in here!
是真正的屎 There's actual shit!
什麼情況？ Schmidt: What the fuck?
這裡他媽的有條龍 There's a fucking dragon in here!
靠 Shit!
那是什麼 What was that?
夥計 那是我倆的車 Dude, that was our car.
我們對那車投入了那麼多 We shared so much in that car!
我要朝他們臉上開槍 為我們的車 I'm going to shoot them in the face for that! That was our fucking car!
你要幹什麼？ What are you doing?
在卡車是別衝動 Don't teen wolf on the truck!
別丟我一個人在這 Don't leave me here alone!
那就上來 Then get up here!
我上不去 I can't do that!
從旁邊爬上來 快點 爬上來 Then fucking climb around. Come on, climb around.
快上來 夥計 你可以的 Let's go. Come on, buddy. You got it.
太嚇人了 Schmidt: This is so scary!
開槍打他們 Shoot him!
別丟下我不管 Schmidt: Don't leave me out here!
我沒子彈了 - 你個蠢貨白癡 I'm all out. You stupid moron!
上來了 加油 That's it. Come on.
總算上來了 起來 - 靠 Fucking get up here. Come on. Fuck!
好了 你行嗎？ - 行 All right, you good? Yeah!
現在你向前走行嗎？ - 好 All you got to do is walk now, okay? Okay.
媽的 Shit!
你幹什麼呢 起來啊 What the fuck are you doing? Get up here!
我起不來 I can't!
行 那我只能拖著你 All right, fine, I guess I'll just drag you.
我要死了 I'm gonna die!
你死不了 快起來 到上面來 You're not gonna die. Just get the fuck up here!
把你自己拉上來 Pull yourself up here.
用你的腰力 Use your core!
上來了 上來了 快來 快來 好 You got it, you got it. Come on, come on. Yeah!
好了 你能自己站起來嗎？ - 能？ All right. Think you can stand on your own now? Yes!
應該甩掉他們了 I think we lost them.
靠 Shit!
他媽的終結者嗎 He's the fucking Terminator!
很他媽的危險 That's fucking dangerous!
你 被 捕 了 You are under arrest!
把卡車停下 Pull the truck over!
我說把他媽的卡車給我停下 I said pull the fucking truck over right fucking now!
你欠我一輛車 You owe me a car,
你最好賠我一輛蘭博基尼 賤人 and it'd better be a fucking lamborghini, you bitch!
我站起來了 I did it!
你有權保持沉默 You have the right to remain silent.
我 靠 Oh, shit!
我勒個大操 Holy Moses!
靠 Schmidt: Shit.
怎麼回事？ Jenko: What happened?
我想他們跑了 Schmidt: I think they got away.
那是吻痕嗎？ Is that a hickey?
這些其實是搞章魚的時候弄的 Oh. This was actually an octopus-related incident.
我打開箱子章魚跳到我的臉上 I'd opened a crate and the octopus had leapt onto my face.
明顯 它們有很多觸手 Apparently, they have many, many arms.
它們有八個觸角 They have eight tentacles.
對 還有... Yes, and...
聽好了 廢物 Look, ladies,
沒人關心龍虎局剛開始時能怎麼樣 nobody gave a shit about the jump street reboot when you first came on.
腦子沒進水的人 包括我自己 Anyone with half a brain, myself included,
都認為這註定要失敗 thought it was destined to fail spectacularly.
不過你們很幸運 But you got lucky.
現在這個部門有了資金 So now this department has invested
投很多錢確保龍虎局繼續下去 a lot of money to make sure jump street keeps going.
我們增加了一倍的預算 We've doubled their budget.
花兩倍的錢要有保證兩倍的回饋 As if spending twice the money guaranteed twice the profit.
說的跟真的一樣 Like that's going to work.
是啊 上級認為這次之所以失敗 Yeah. Well, the commissioner's convinced this debacle happened
因為你沒有同樣去做學生臥底 because you weren't doing the same undercover student thing
你們第一次是那樣 you did the first time.
她不知道第二次一般都很糟糕 She doesn't get that it's always worse the second time around.
你適應的角色 You settle into worn-out roles.
一個有控制欲 一個容易失控 One gets possessive, the other runs away.
你們慢慢會感覺到痛苦 You begin a slow, painful unraveling,
在所有的情況轉好之前 as all the good things that came before
就會被悲痛擊碎然後分開 begin to be crushed by the trash compactor of sadness.
聽起來不像是我們 我的意思是... That doesn't sound like us. I mean...
這是老司機的經驗 I'm getting a divorce.
我們不想做同樣的事情 We don't want to do the same thing.
我們想不斷突破 We want to burst through our ceiling.
找到突破點 And you're gonna find another ceiling
然後你去突破它 and you got to bust through that one,
你就不斷的捶打就行了 and you just got to keep hammering ceilings.
行了 行了 行了 Okay, okay, okay.
我們可以進入特勤處 What if we actually went into the secret service
去守衛白宮 and, like, tried to protect the white house?
我不認為那樣可行 I think... I don't think that would work.
我要求你們倆別在說了 I'm going to ask you to stop talking.
我覺得那是很不錯的點子 I thought it was a pretty good idea.
做像上次一樣的事情 對大家都好 Do the same thing as last time, everyone's happy.
韓國人竟然把教堂買回去了 I can't believe the Koreans bought their church back.
是啊 好事是有個更大些 Yeah. Good thing there was an even bigger
就在原單位的對面 abandoned church directly across the street.
是啊 這倒是很方便 - 是很方便 Yeah. That's convenient. Yes, it is convenient.
明年 我們大概還會回到對面 Next year, we'll probably just be right back across the street.
旁邊的那個門 Just next door.
還是不要高估自己 (Scoffs) Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
我們沒有高估自己 We're not ahead of ourselves.
我們一個一個的來 We're right next to each other.
太牛叉了 有錢就是不一樣 This is awesome. Like, way more expensive for no reason.
看看dickson的辦公室 Look at dickson's office.
像一個巨大的冰櫃 Looks like a giant cube of ice.
你們倆混小子現在喜歡龍虎局了吧？ How you bitches like jump street now?
看見這些了嗎？ Y'all see this shit?
22號龍虎局有錢 22 jump street is the lick.
我也升職了 And I got a big-ass raise
照看你倆混小子 to babysit you two fuckers again.
我自己設計的 這有咖啡吧 Designed it myself. We got an espresso bar.
我想在這弄個鯊魚池 I'm thinking about a shark tank over there.
哦 我喜歡鯊魚 Ooh, I like sharks.
去他媽的21號警局 去他媽的韓國耶穌 Fuck a 21 jump street, and fuck a Korean Jesus.
說什麼呢 韓國耶穌不就在這嗎 Whoa! Cap, come on, Korean Jesus is right there.
這是越南耶穌 Dickson: That's vietnamese Jesus.
看見了吧 這裡是越南教堂 See, this a vietnamese church.
你個種族主義 褻瀆神明 You racist, sacrilegious sack of shit.
看看 越南耶穌都要哭了 Look at that. Vietnamese Jesus just dripping swagoo.
我們還有新蠢貨加入 And we got some new dumb-ass interns.
嘿 嘿 看這邊 Hey, hey! Look alive! Huh?
夥計們 - 呦是 jenko Boys. Yo, jenko.
嘿 schmidt! Hey, schmidt!
別玩了 Don't do that.
好 你要同樣的案子 給你 So, they want the same shit, so here we go.
同樣的身份 Same identities.
同樣的任務 Same assignment.
我們又要去高中了? Jenko: We're going back to high school?
你倆看起來有50歲了 Your ass look like you about 50.
你們要去美羅城大學 You're going to mc state.
我們真的要去大學了 We're going to college for real?
有人來這 製作了新毒品 Somebody's out there, they're cooking up a new drug.
混合了阿得拉和搖頭丸 還有不知道什麼玩意 It's Adderall mixed with ecstasy mixed with God knows what else.
Jenko: "Wipey"?
不是 你個蠢貨是Whyphy No, you dumb motherfucker. "Whyphy."
讓人精神百倍 玩命的去玩 Stands for "work hard? Yes. Play hard? Yes."
現在 學生買這些東西 Now, these kids take this shit,
他們只專注4個小時去學習 and they get laser-focused for about four hours of studying,
他們開派對像回到了1999年 and then they party like it's goddamn 1999.
這是誰？ Schmidt: Who's this?
那是 Cynthia Watson That's Cynthia Watson.
美羅城大學的學生 She was a student at mc state.
她吃了whyphy She took some whyphy,
自己鎖在宿舍裡 got locked out of her dorm,
最後從屋頂上摔下來 ended up falling off the roof.
現在她已經死了 And now she's dead.
這是她在校園買毒品時 That's her buying drugs on campus.
旁邊的就是賣家 And that's the dealer.
找到他就找到供應商了 Find him and we find the supplier.
長官 我能說 Sir, can I just say,
很振奮能這麼關心一個黑人受害者 it is so refreshing to have a case with a black victim.
我們更加關心 是因為她是黑人 I mean, we care so much more because she's black.
我覺得他是想說 I think what he's really trying to say
我們同樣關心 is that we care equally.
平等對待 我們有多關心 It's a tie, really, how much we care.
不是這樣 要白人我看都不看 Uh... no, we're not. If it was a white person, I wouldn't even care.
少了一個白種廢物 有什麼大不了的 One less cracker-ass cracker to worry about.
為什麼你們倆每次說話 我都想打人 Why every time you speak I want to throw the fuck up?
查找賣家 找到供應商 Infiltrate the dealer, find the supplier.
¶ ¶
你還好嗎？ You all right?
很好 Yeah.
只是 It's just...
我是我們家第一個假裝進入大學的 I'm the first person in my family to pretend to go to college.
好事我們要一起去做 Best part is we get to do it together.
怎麼樣 大學？ What's up, college?
怎麼樣 兄弟 我們住322房 What's up, bro? We're 322.
去他媽的高中 對吧？ Fuck high school, right?
去他媽的高中 Fuck high school.
哦 好小的房間 Oh, so tight!
哦 好不適應 Oh, this is so baller!
床 哦 糟糕 Beds... oh, shit. (Groans)
夥計 這看起來像精液 Oh, dope. That looks like cum.
是精液 好 看見了 That's cum. Okay. All right.
我們在床上發現了精液 老兄 Already got cum on the mattress, dawg.
歡迎來到大學 - 靠 耶 Welcome to college. Fuck, yeah.
伸縮籃子
沐浴用品
電熱板 -豆袋椅
滑稽襯衫說明我們喝酒 Hilarious shirt that signals we drink alcohol.
3個沐浴巾
熏肉機我媽給我買的 Some bacon machine that my mom got me.
我不知道怎麼用 I do not understand how it works.
這個東西
棉簽
豆袋椅
六個月不用洗的太空被
是真的 It's true.
高科技員警裝備 Jenko: Super high-tech police gear.
全拜高昂的預算所賜 幹他娘的 Carte blanche with the budget, motherfucker.
我不同意貼這張海報 I'm going to veto that poster.
顯的幼稚 It's a touch childish.
好 也不知道蘭博基尼跟小屁孩有什麼關係 Okay. What do lambos have to do with touching children?
蘭博基尼太差勁 Lambos are lame.
我想要說明白的是 這個不是... I get one choice. I get one thing that I'm not...
我們得承認 你懂我的意思嗎？ We have to agree. You know what I mean?
怎麼樣?同志們 我們是對門的鄰居 What up, fellas? We're your across-the-hall neighbors.
嘿 兩個人 雙胞胎啊 Oh, hey, there's two of you. You're twins.
我們是楊家兄弟 Kenny Yang We're the yangs, man. Kenny Yang. What's up?
Keith Yang.
你好啊 - 你好啊 What's going on? What's going on?
你剛才說你姓楊 Did you say the yangs?
對 我們父親是中國人 Yeah, dad's Chinese, man.
我媽媽不是 她是黑人 Our mom's not Chinese. She's black.
真正的黑人 Oh. She's like real black.
像衛斯理·斯奈普斯 對極了 Like Wesley snipes black. Exactly.
我們也是兄弟 We're brothers, too.
他沒說笑 是真的 No. He's not kidding. He's serious.
真的？ Oh, really?
怎麼？ 你一個年齡大一些 What? Like, one of y'all older?
因為你眼睛周圍都有魚尾紋了 Yeah, 'cause you got crow's feet under your eyes, man.
你很特別 You specifically.
我們就是正常的大學年齡 We're actually just normal college age.
就算你年齡大也很酷 夥計 I mean, even if you're a little older, that's cool, man,
姑娘們喜歡年紀大的 because, you know, girls here love older dudes.
這是真的 That's true.
這有很多無腦姑娘在這 Plus, there's mad fuckable girls here.
胸大無腦的 特別是在春假 Mad fuckable. Especially during spring break.
我喜歡春假 不過我要說 Jenko: I love spring break. But I do have to say,
我上過無數的姑娘 I've fucked a thousand girls by now
不知怎麼 到最後 and I don't know, at the end of the day,
你只是想要一些 you just kind of want something
更深層次的東西 that's just a little deeper really.
對 深層次 Jinx 給我買可樂 Both: Yeah, balls deeper. Jinx. Buy me a coke.
哦 我們還在說一樣的話 太牛叉了 Oh, snap, we're still saying the same thing. This is amazing!
胡蘿蔔 裸麥粉粗麵包 螢光棒 雙胞胎！ Carrots. Pumpernickels. Glow sticks. Twins!
停不下來了 兄弟 太奇怪了 That's dope, dude. That's so sick.
很奇特 我們也有兄弟心靈感應 That's crazy. We have that brother connection, too.
你準備好了？ - 好了 You ready? Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
海盜！嬰兒腳！ - 迴紋針！香蕉！ Pirates! Baby feet! Paper clips! Bananas!
太陽！憤怒！ - 我不知道！單詞！ Sun! Anger! I don't know! Words!
流沙 - 鞋 Quicksand! Shoes!
這是說唱 哥們 很牛 That's hip-hop, man. Awesome.
真的很棒 That's great.
在這會很好玩 It's gonna be super fun.
對吧 像上一次一樣 All right? Same as last time.
夥計 要是像上一次 Dude, if it's like last time,
你會玩的很開心 我就很悲劇 you're gonna have an awesome time, and it's gonna suck for me.
不對 你也會玩的很開心 No. You're gonna have an awesome time, too,
我會讓你玩的開心的 because I'm gonna make sure of it.
你為我擋過子彈 You took a bullet for me.
對 我擋過 太悲催了 不過我還會擋 That's right, I did, and it sucked, but I'd do it again.
不行 該我了 我欠你的 No way. It's my turn. I owe you a life debt.
男女混用衛生間 (Singsong) Co-ed bathrooms.
怎麼？ 哦 糟糕 What? Oh, shit.
我不會讓你悲劇的 I'm not gonna take a shit
我會一直都在的 the entire time I'm here.
我知道 I know.
嗨 你好啊 Hey. How you doing?
嗨 Hey.
你怎麼樣？ 你怎麼樣？ What's up? 'Sup?
就是剛創造了facebook有點精疲力盡 Just exhausted from inventing Facebook
或其他我們這個年齡的人用的網站 or whatever website people our age use.
這裡還有書本？ Jenko: They still have books?
我以為他們都把書放進電腦裡了 I thought they just put the books inside the computers.
我猜學生們的電腦只用來約炮的 Yeah, I guess the kids just use the stacks to hide and have sex.
我們去Cynthia參加過的課和活動 So we'll go to all Cynthia's classes and activities,
向周圍打探毒品的事 ask around about the drug
找到誰是賣家 and find out who the dealer is.
就像上一次一樣 Yeah, it's just like last time.
完全像上一次一樣 Exactly like last time.
夥計 人類性學科 Dude, in human sexuality,
你是自己去幹 do you get to fuck
還是只看著別人幹 or do you just get to watch people fuck?
都不是 Neither.
我他媽的該幹什麼？ What the fuck am I taking it for, then?
明顯 我們大家都聽過這句話 Now, obviously, we've all heard this statement before,
第一印象很重要 first impression is important
我讓你們留個第一印象 I've got a first impression for you.
你喜歡我的心理課嗎？ (Mimicking Tracy Morgan) Oh, y'all like psychology?
崔西·摩根 Tracy Morgan.
沒人喜歡？ Nobody?
精神百倍 玩命去玩 我說對吧 (Softly) Work hard, play hard, am I right?
你在找whyphy？ You looking for some whyphy?
對 哥們 有就太好了 Yeah, man, that'd be sick.
去警察局 Go to the police station,
向你隊長申請去證物室 walk in and ask your captain to see the evidence room
你他媽就是緝毒員警 'cause you're a fucking narc.
我認為你理解錯了 I think you're mistaken.
你前面戴著徽章 (Laughs) You're literally wearing your badge.
你真的去檢查 Did you really just check to see
你有沒有戴徽章 if you were wearing your badge?
這傢伙是個員警 This guy's a fucking cop.
我沒有往下看 I didn't look down.
等等 Jacobs教授 歷史不是很久以前發生的事嗎？ "Wait, Professor Jacobs, doesn't history happen a long time ago?"
歷史是發生... Well, history happens...
這節課糟糕透了 This class is such a gut.
你們玩橄欖球 Hey, you guys play football?
這其實是我的筆記型電腦 No, this is actually my laptop.
看 我在記筆記 Yeah, I'm taking notes right now.
逗你玩的 這是橄欖球 I'm kidding. It's a football.
mcquaid同學 Mr. mcquaid?
共價鍵 Covalent bonds.
緝毒戰爭的結果是什麼？ What has been the result of the war on drugs?
為什麼要問我 我有不是員警 Why would you ask me? I'm not a cop.
因為這是大學研討班 Because this is a college seminar,
這就是大學研討班要做的 and that's how college seminars work.
教授和學生愉快的交流 Professor gets into a lively conversation with the student.
擦出火花 最後讓學生領會 Friction creates fire, and that leads to lessons learned.
緝毒肯定是很困難的 Well, it's definitely harder to get drugs.
這一點可以告訴你 I can personally tell you that.
可卡因的平均價格 The average price of cocaine
在過去30年下降了70% has dropped 70% in the last 30 years.
然後賣家可能賣給你的是踩到的狗屎 Then your dealer's probably selling you some pretty stepped-on shit.
mcquaid同學 大學是個很好的地方 Mr. mcquaid, college is a wonderful place.
讓你去決定你要成為什麼樣的人 This is where you get to decide who you actually are,
不是你現在假裝出來的樣子 instead of the person that you're clearly pretending to be right now,
每個人都順便考慮一下 which everyone sees through, by the way.
你的決定是 我就做和以前一樣的人 You got to decide, "do I just keep doing the same thing,
或者去選擇不一樣的人生道路 "or am I gonna choose a different path
質疑我的信念？ "and question my convictions?"
我沒有任何前科 I don't have any prior convictions.
你為什麼要說這些？ Why are you saying this stuff?
這就是我想要的回答 mcquaid同學 That's exactly the answer I wanted, Mr. mcquaid!
我想要你質疑我的話 I want you to question what I'm saying.
這是整個課程的依據 This is the basis of this whole course,
這就是大學的美妙之處 and that's the beauty of college.
你想說什麼都行 You can say whatever you want.
你想成為什麼都可以 You can be whatever you want.
我有任期 我可以說任何我想說的 I mean, I have tenure. I can really say whatever I want.
喬治·華盛頓是黑同性戀 George Washington was a black lesbian.
埃菲爾鐵塔是人造陰莖 The eiffel tower is made of dildos.
他們不能解雇我 我堅不可摧 They can't fire me. I'm indestructible.
我睡了我的學生 I'm sleeping with two of my students.
她還有她 我確實睡了 Her and her. I actually am.
現在 就像你剛才做的 Now, just like you did before,
我想要讓你說你想說的話 I want you right now to say whatever you want.
想說什麼都行 Say whatever you want.
Fieto.
Fieto雖不是單詞 不過我接受它 "Fieto," not a word, but I'm gonna accept it.
去走你真正想要的人生道路吧 mcquaid同學 You can do whatever you want with your life, Mr. mcquaid.
唯一讓你這門課你不及格 The only way you can fail this class
就是你不去做真正的自己 is by not becoming who you truly are.
求你回復我的短信 Please respond to my text.
我們的時間只能夠一個即興表演 Male student: Okay, we got time for just one more improv game.
玩這個 我們需要很多建議 For this one, we need a ton of different suggestions.
只需要大家接應 So, we just need you guys to fill in the blank
我們的詞句就行 in a sentence that we're gonna set up.
就像這樣 我很餓 我希望我有... So it'll go like this. Oh, I'm so hungry, I wish I had a...
衛生棉條! -好吧但我們想要... Tampon! Okay, but we want...
我們需要的是食物 We want it to be actual food
這樣 遊戲才有意義 so that it, like, makes sense with the game.
這樣就好玩了 我們再試一次 It's more fun that way. So, uh, let's try it one more time.
我要回家了 去喂我的 ...Oh, I've got to get home so I can feed my...
陰莖 Boner!
我們還是直擊開始玩這個遊戲吧 You know what? Let's just play the game, okay?
好的 你想要... Girl: All right, so what would you...
那姑娘跟我在同一個心裡課上學習 Hey, that girl's in my psych class.
很正點 去和她搭訕啊 Damn, she's hot. Go talk to her.
你跟我一起去 You come talk to her with me.
別扭扭捏捏的 快去跟她搭訕去 Stop being a pussy and go talk to her. Go.
好的 好的 All right, all right.
到臺上來 我們... Coming to the stage,we got...
我們在同一個心裡課上學習 I think we're in the same psych class.
哦 對 嗨 Oh, yeah. Hi.
對 Yeah.
“藥! 藥! 帳單! 藥! "Pills! Pills! Bills! Pills!
帳單! 一個時代的標誌 很押韻 "Bills! A sign of the times that rhymes
艾曼達拜恩斯 "Amanda bynes
放下那破爛的安迪馬戲團 "drop that raggedy Andy circus
混蛋玩意... "circle jerkus..."
你們是即興的傢伙 對嗎？ - 對 You guys are the improv guys, right? Yeah.
很酷啊 That's cool.
就這傢伙剛才搗亂 You're the guy with the terrible suggestions.
是我 是我 不用謝 Yeah, yeah. You're welcome, man. Yeah.
謝謝大家 下一位是J同學上來表演 Thanks, guys. Um, lady j is gonna be up next for you.
Cynthia 死掉的那個姑娘 Cynthia, that girl who died,
她經常來這是嗎？ she used to come here all the time, right?
我的題目叫乳暈 This piece is called areolas.
你認識她嗎？ Did you know her?
恩 她寢室跟我的隔一個過道 Yeah, she lived across the hall from me.
-哦？ -那你為嘛這麼關心呢 Yeah? So why do you care so much?
我...我在寫一個... I'm... I'm writing a...
貪婪的男人的手 "Greedy man hands!"
...紀念她的詩 ...a slam poem in her honor.
還在打草稿 創作階段 Early stages, very early stages.
-哦 真的麼？ -是的 嗯 Oh, really? Yeah, yeah.
這樣會更好點 Wouldn't it be better
提前把內容寫出來 just to, like, plan the stuff out ahead of time,
然後在眾人面前說你就不會太尷尬 and then not say it in front of people and embarrass yourself?
那就是人們在做的 叫做即時喜劇 That's a thing that people do. That's stand-up comedy.
那可能是你應該做的 That's probably what you should do,
因為這種事情比較有意思 because that stuff's funny.
“哺乳期 我棕色的乳頭 會分泌白色的乳汁” "My brown nipple will produce white milk during lactation..."
你覺得這個怎麼樣？ What do you think of this?
我確實覺得這個很有力量 I actually think it's really powerful.
很高興你這麼說 That's cool that you said that,
因為我也覺得這個很有力量 'cause I actually thought it was really powerful, too,
一個女孩談論她的乳頭 when the one girl was talking about her nips and shit.
好 還有沒有其他人想跟大家來分享 Okay, does anybody have anything they want to share?
讓我們看看你的吧 Let's see what you got.
觀眾們 還有詩歌麼 Any more poets in the audience?
-我 我的意思是 -你真的有作詩麼？ I... I mean do you really do poetry?
我有作 我會作的 I do, and I will.
這邊有一位 -啊？ I got somebody. What?
好的 這邊有一位 大家鼓掌歡迎 Okay, we got somebody. All right, give it up, guys.
-耶 -好吧 Yeah! Okay.
-快上臺去 -好吧 好的 Just go up there. All right, okay.
-好的 -別有壓力 Okay. No pressure.
-你看著 還不錯哦 -耶 You'll see, it's good. Yeah!
這是一個還在創作階段的作品 This is a work in progress.
所以 呃... So, uh...
說唱詩 "Slam poetry!
呼喊著 "Yelling!
憤怒著 "Angry!
盡情揮舞著我的手 "Waving my hands a lot!
關於某些事情的特殊視角 "Specific point of view on things
辛西婭 "Cynthia!
辛-西-婭 (Enunciating) "Cynthia
耶穌由於我們的罪孽而犧牲(辛西婭) "Jesus died for our sin-thee-uhs
耶穌哭泣著 "Jesus cried
落跑新娘 "runaway bride
茱莉亞-羅伯茨 "Julia Roberts!
茱莉亞搶劫了 "Julia rob
太傷心 "hurts
辛西婭 "Cynthia!
辛西婭 "Cynthia
你死了 你-死-了 "you're dead you are dead
你-死-了 "You're dead"
這首詩獻給已死的 辛西婭 that's for Cynthia, who's dead.
我一點兒頭緒也沒有 I don't have a single lead.
我有 我聽說在校園隨時隨地能得到whyphy I do. I hear you can get whyphy on campus anywhere 24/7.
你覺得他們說的whyphy是毒品 Do you think they mean whyphy the drug
還是像網際網路wi-fi這種呢？ or wi-fi like the Internet?
真他媽白癡 Fuck you, brain.
為啥我們第一次 很容易就找到毒販子了？ How did we find the dealers so easy the first time?
他的號碼確實就寫在便簽上 Well, his number was literally on a sticker.
好吧 我們去找這個人的便簽吧 Well, let's go find this guy's sticker.
我覺得這個人不會寫便簽 I don't think this guy does stickers.
好吧 我們需要幫助 我們需要諮詢專家 Well, we need help. We need to consult an expert.
呦 兄弟 你一槍打到他命根了 Kenny: Yo, dude, you shot him in the dick, dude.
我打中他弟弟了 -耶 I got him in the dick. Yep.
一槍擊中命根 "Shot him in the dick."
這不是福星與福將嗎 If it isn't Turner and hooch, in the flesh.
天殺的 你身材不錯嘛 Holy shit, you are looking fit.
嘿 你應該問這貨點秘訣 Hey, you should get some tips from this guy.
他身材不錯 看看這些胸肌 He's looking good. Look at those pectoral muscles.
兄弟 我想要你就是這樣的身材 That's the kind of definition I want out of you, man.
-怎麼樣啊 Eric？ -嘿 What's up, Eric? Hey.
Waters先生 我們應該 呃... Mr. Walters, we should, um...
或者說 我應該 呃...道歉 因為... Or I should apologize for, uh...
把我的弟弟射掉了？ For shooting my penis off?
-對 -對 Yeah.Yeah.
別抱歉了 兄弟 我徹徹底底解放了 妥妥的 Don't sweat it, brother. I'm liberated. Totally.
你知不知道他們給我做了個陰道？ You know they gave me a vagina?
特別棒 你們要不要看看？ It's awesome. You guys want to see it?
-不 不 不 -不 不 不 No, no, no, no! No, no, no.
不看 好吧 Eric已經看過了 That's fine. All right. Eric's seen it.
Eric已經徹底無望了 是不是啊 Eric？ Eric's been all up in that shit. Isn't that right, Eric?
你們無論如何得把我弄出去 You guys got to get me the fuck out of here.
嘿 你們猜怎麼著 Hey, guess what.
我是Eric的馬子 I'm Eric's bitch.
不是 你不是 No, you're not.
是！我就是！ Yes! I am!
我是你的馬子 I'm your bitch.
天啊 親愛的 我很抱歉 Oh, my God. I'm so sorry, honey.
我剛才不是故意的 你明白的？ I didn't mean that. You know that, right?
我是馬子 忍不住要炫耀一下 I am such a bitch when aunt flo shows up.
出了很多血 太瘋狂了 It bleeds so much, it's crazy.
就像是閃閃發光打開了電梯門 It's like the elevator doors opening in the shining.
靠 哥們 你的陰道根本不能使 Your vagina doesn't fucking work, man.
昨兒晚上你不是使了嗎 Worked for you last night. (Chuckles)
毫無疑問你在逼Eric發展這一段感情 You are so clearly forcing Eric into this relationship.
Eric 我逼你做任何事情了麼？ Eric, am I forcing you into anything?
-是 -看見了吧？ Yes. (Chuckles) See?
是這樣的 我們倆去大學裡做臥底 Look, they sent us in undercover at a college
要找到最新合成毒品的毒販子 to find the dealer of this new synthetic,
但是沒人跟我們透露一點兒線索 and no one will tell us anything.
靠 那是因為你們倆看起來就像是緝毒員警 ？ That's 'cause you guys look like fucking narcs, all right?
大學裡的孩子不跟Eric似的那麼傻 College kids aren't dumb like Eric.
我本來是可以去伯克利大學的 I was supposed to go to Berkeley.
他們給了我們一張照片 我們就只有這個 Well, they gave us a picture, so we do have that.
那就是你們的線索 混帳玩意兒 Well, that's your lead motherfucker!
就從這裡開始 That's what you start with.
我知道 但是我哦們看不到他的臉 不知道他是誰 I know, but we can't see his face, so we don't know who it is.
我們不知道他是誰 "We don't know who it is.
我是Schimidt 我褲子裡都是屎 "I'm schmidt. My pants are filled with doody."
那是你 (Groans) That's you.
那可一點兒也不像我 That doesn't sound anything like me.
有幾分像你 You sort of sound like that.
一點兒也不像我 That doesn't sound anything like me.
沒有不像你 It's not not you.
一點兒也不像我 That doesn't sound anything like me.
Eric 閉上眼睛 告訴我們現在說話的是誰 Eric! Close your eyes and tell me who's talking right now.
（胡言亂語狀） (Babbling)
Schmidt像婊子一樣在發牢騷 That's schmidt being a little bitch.
這絕對不是一個好印象 That's just not a good impression.
幹得好 超級警探 Nice job, super sleuths.
你們究竟有沒有費心看過這張該死的照片？ Did you even bother to look at the fucking picture?
-有啊 -嗯？ Yeah. Huh?
這兒有個倒影 There's a reflection right here.
你們要找的這個人有紋身 Your fucking guy's got a tattoo.
找到這個紋身 就找到這個毒販了 Find the tattoo, find the dealer.
靠 兄弟 我不知道 我給很多醉酒的小屁孩兒做過白癡紋身 Fuck, man, I don't know. I do a lot of stupid tattoos to drunk kids.
那你記不記得這個白癡紋身？ Do you remember that stupid tattoo?
火箭炮？ Tattoo artist: A bazooka?
記得好像是給一個運動員做過一個 Think I might have did it on a football player.
留著紅莫西幹頭型 分不出來 Guy with a red mohawk. I don't know.
他們對我而言都是一樣的 They all start to look the same to me.
我覺得我清楚他說的是誰 I think I know exactly who he's talking about.
去你的！ Fuck you!
去你的 你個小跑龍套的白癡 Fuck you, you little walk-on fuck!
穿著這些東西 根本沒法活動 I can't, like, move around in these things.
天 我喜歡跑龍套的一天 Rooster: God, I love walk-on day!
靠 爽啊 (Whispers) Fuck, yeah.
用棉簽的奇怪時間 That's a weird time to be q-tipping.
他媽的都是廢物 You're all fucking pussies!
-兄弟 你不用非得這麼做 -啥？ Dude, you don't have to do this. What?
-我不想你受傷 -我不會... I just don't want you to get hurt. I'm not gonna get...
哥們 我真的很抱歉 Dude, I am so sorry.
沒事 哥們 別放在心上 It's all right, man. Don't worry about it, man.
-你確定？ -沒事...啊哦 Are you sure? All right... Yeah. Ow.
-見鬼 -我來吧 Shit. I got it.
-好 我來 -我來 Okay, I got it, I got it.
啊！沒事 Ow! That's fine.
-我來吧 -不不不 讓我來 我來 I'll get it. No, no, let me get it, let me get it.
-不不 我拿到了 -讓我來 讓我來 No, I got it. Let me just get it. No, let me get it.
-我拿到了 拿到了 -讓我們... I got it, I got it. Let's just...
哥們 抱歉 我棉簽掉你肉上了 Dude, I'm sorry. I got my q-tip in your meat, bro.
不不 哥們 我的肉沾到你的棉簽了 No, man, I got my... I got my meat in your q-tip.
這就像是一個新型的三明治 It's like a whole new type of sandwich.
像是 肉棉簽 Like, a meat q-tip. (Chuckles)
就像肉簽 Like a meat-qute.
有意思 That's funny.
嘿 兄弟們 有人想要這種三明治麼？ Hey, you guys want some of this sandwich?
這是肉簽三明治 It's a meat-qute sandwich.
我和這哥們做了肉簽 Me and this guy are having a meat-qute. (Laughing)
你很幽默 兄弟 你叫什麼名字 You're hilarious, dude. What's your name?
Brad 等下 Brad. Wait... Brad.
是 就是Brad Uh, yeah, yeah, it's Brad.
-我是Zook -很高興認識你 Zook I'm zook. Nice to meet you. Zook.
我也很高興認識你 兄弟 Nice to meet you, too, man.
藍色20 Zook: Blue 20!
藍色 20 Blue 20!
預備 開始 Set, hut!
你現在喜歡跑龍套的日子嘍？ You love walk-on day now?
你胳膊還好吧？要不要把袖子脫下來 Your arm all right? You want to take that sleeve off?
不用 我很好 No, I'm good.
天呢 兄弟 接的真心不錯 Dude, holy shit, bro. Great fucking catch, dude.
你那麼遠能看見安全線 應該早點告訴我 If you see that safety line up that deep, though, hit me quicker.
哦 對 我不知道你是朝那個方向的 哥們 Oh, yeah, I didn't know you had wheels like that, bro.
很有趣 因為他是我的兄弟 所以... It's funny, 'cause he's my brother. So...
嘿 知道嗎 我們在Zeta有個派對 Hey, uh, you know, we have this rush party at zeta.
我想 你可以過來 跟其他人認識認識 but I thought, you know, you could come by and meet the guys.
會很好玩的 It'd be really fun, I think.
-好的 -恩 我們可能會去 Great. Yeah, maybe we will.
你們倆是在一起的麼？ Are you guys, like, together?
-是 -對 這是我兄弟 Yeah. Yeah, this is my bro.
那...真搞 兄弟 你很幽默 (Laughing) That's... Funny, dude. You're funny.
額 真的麼？哇哦 好 Uh, really? Wow. Um, okay.
哥們 當然 你也 你也可以來 Yeah, man, sure. You, too, you can come, too.
我們會看情況的 We'll see what we can do.
我之前也說了一堆 Also, I said a bunch of stuff earlier
你沒留心... that you didn't acknowledge...
接的不錯 - 酷 Great catch. Cool, yeah.
-回見 -所以你不回應？ See you then. So you won't address that?
那個傢伙怎麼回事？ What the fuck's up with that guy?
我們要做的就是混進他們的兄弟會 All we have to do now is rush the frat long enough
找到那個有火箭炮紋身的傢伙 to confirm that rooster has that bazooka tattoo.
看 哥們 你覺得你來好嗎？ Look, man, do you think it's cool if you come?
因為 我的意思是 他好像是只邀請了我 'Cause, I mean, he kind of really just asked me.
我只是不想開始 I just don't want to start off
留下不好的印象和那傢伙 on the wrong foot with this guy.
哥們 你夢遊呢 我們做任何事都是一起的啊 Dude, you're tripping. We do everything together.
不過你確實不該帶Puka珠串 You should lose the puka shells, though.
自從你來大學之後變了很多 Things are different since you didn't go to college.
呦 Brad 你怎麼樣 兄弟？ Yo, Brad! What's up, dude?
一樣的珠串啊 兄弟 Same puka, dude.
你也有同樣的啊 You got the same... Puka bros.
太棒了 Zook: Holy shit! (Both laughing)
哎 你看看 咱倆什麼都一樣 Look at him, it's, like, all the same.
哥們 你也穿這個褲子啊？ Dude, you wear pants, too?
-啥？哥們 - 兄弟 What? Bros, man. Dude.
我就知道我們很玩的來 就像這樣 I knew we were gonna be connected, just like that.
是啊 -你們倆怎麼不把小弟弟栓一起 Yeah, why don't you guys just tie your dicks together
然後去結婚啊 高冷仔 and get married, right, rooster?
Rooster 怎樣啊 兄弟？ Rooster. What's up, bro?
你看來不錯 哥們 You look good, man.
你怎麼樣Rooster？ What's up, rooster?
你好嗎 兄弟？ -戴珠串了 How you doing, man? Digging the puka.
謝謝 兄弟 -我真不相信是一樣的... Thanks, dude. I can't believe it's the same...
rooster 你怎樣？ How you doing, rooster?
Rooster 懂點潮流 Rooster is getting some pop.
你怎麼不去找他聊聊？ Why don't you go check him out?
你嗨了嗎 夥計？ - 肯定嗨了 夥計 Jenko: You in the zone, bro? Zook: In the fucking zone, dude.
嘿 你怎麼樣？ Hey. What's up?
嘿 我是Rooster What's up? I'm rooster.
哦 耶 不是 Oh, yeah, no.
我們之前見過 We've met before.
哦 是麼？我一點兒也不記得 Oh, really? I don't remember that at all.
你一定長了一副大眾臉 You must just have a really plain face.
對 他們都叫我大眾臉 Yeah. They call me ol' plain face.
他們這麼叫你麼？ They call you that?
你身體上有沒有什麼藝術標記 或墨蹟 好讓我辨認是你？ So, do you have any body art or, like, any ink I could see?
真奇特的問題 That's a pretty random question.
無論怎樣 非常高興跟你交談 哥們 Hey, anyway, it was so nice chatting with you, man.
很高興認識你 兄弟 Nice to meet you, man.
靠 你幹啥 老兄 Yo, what the fuck, bro?
你他媽幹嘛呢 哥們？ Yo, what the fuck are you doing, dude?
你現在認真的？-你... You serious right now? You...
你很奇怪 You're being weird.
你一直都很奇怪 You've been weird.
就像是“我聽見什麼了” Jenko: It was just like, "what am I hearing?
我現在在聽什麼啊 "What am I hearing right now?"
那個神經病告訴你這些？ And the psychic told you that?
-是的 特別瘋狂 兄弟 -呦 Yo. That is so crazy, dude.
嘿 哥們 你要不要上樓頂看看 Hey, dude, you want to go see the roof?
靠 我想上樓頂看看 -哥們 Fuck yeah, I want to see the roof, dude.
來 我們上去吧 來啊 Come on, let's go, let's go. Come on.
去樓頂 來吧去樓頂 來 Come on to the roof, come on to the roof. Let's go.
加油 你能做到的 加油 加油 Jenko: Come on, you can do it. Come on, come on, come on!
我好懷念攀爬啊 來 上來 I miss climbing so much. Come on, let's go. Come on.
好 呃... All right, uh...
再來一次 One more time.
我先回去了 I'm just gonna go home.
我不懂跑酷 所以... I don't know parkour, so...
好吧 All right.
嘿 瑪雅·安吉羅（詩人） Hey, Maya angelou!
詩歌 好吧 我懂了 Poetry, okay. I got it. (Chuckles)
取笑詩歌專業 Make fun of the poetry major.
我猜 你沒什麼興趣 So, I guess you have no interest
以後做一份平常工作 in having a real job in the future.
-絕對沒興趣 -沒有 是吧？ Absolutely not. No, right?
那你呢？ (Both laugh) What about you?
呃 我藝術專業的 Um, I'm an art major.
哦 這樣的話你絕對不能隨便胡說 因為... Okay. So you definitely cannot talk any shit, 'cause...
是的 我不能 我不能 No, I can't. I cannot.
...你會永遠賺不到錢 ...you're never gonna make any money. (Laughs)
我絕對賺不到錢 I'm never gonna make any money,
所以不要告訴我的父母 但是... so don't tell my parents, but...
要是我今晚跟你父母聊天 When I talk to your parents tonight,
我不會告訴他們你的專業 I will not tell them about your major.
-好 謝謝 -不客氣 Okay, thank you. You're welcome.
好的 藝術專業 All right, art major.
這個東西 你有什麼感想 What do you think about that?
呃 我會說那 Um, I would say that
這是兩個人 it's these two beings
相互支撐達到完全平衡的狀態 leaning up against each other in perfect balance.
如果一個倒掉 他們就會失去彼此 If one were to fall, they would just lose each other.
這是關於互相支持的 So it's just about support.
你就不能說這玩意兒就像睾丸？ You can't admit that it looks exactly like testicles?
就是像那個東西 (Laughing) That's exactly what it looks like.
那 有沒有哪個人在支持著你呢？ So, is there someone who supports you?
不 我是那種 No, I'm just one of those people
喜歡自己一個人待著的人 that really likes to spend time with myself.
跟我說說看 Tell me about it.
我喜歡一個人呆這 我的最愛 I love to be alone. I am, like, the best at it.
我就是喜歡那種 坐在房間裡 I just love when you're sitting there in a room,
只有你和你的思想 and you're just there with your thoughts,
然後 你意識到“哦 天啊 我是一個人” and you're like, "oh, my gosh, I'm alone.
“會有人愛我麼？”或其他 "Would anyone ever love me?" Or whatever.
“會有任何人會在乎我嗎？” And, like, "do I know anyone who would care
“我是不是從這個房間裡出去” "if I just ever came out of this room or not?"
或是其他東西 就這樣... Or whatever and, like...
我也說不明白 很平靜 就喜歡 I don't know. It's just peaceful. I just like it.
好 如果你今晚不想一個人 Well, if you don't want to be alone tonight,
我們可以去藝術大樓轉轉 we are gonna go hang out at the art building,
如果你想來的話 if you want to come.
好的 好的 Okay, okay.
我去 我去 Okay. Okay.
我以為今晚會以和預料不一樣 I expected tonight would go in a way that you wouldn't expect,
但是我沒有想到的是今晚 but what I didn't expect was tonight would go
是和我的預期一樣 in the exact way that you would expect.
-你懂我的意思嗎？ -妥妥的 You know what I mean? Totally.
你們經常在這兒玩？ So you guys hang out here a lot?
是 我們對兄弟會派對那些東西不是很感興趣 Yeah. I mean, we're not into the whole frat party kind of stuff.
我們喜歡坐下來 只是喝點好酒 We like to sit around, just drink some good wine
然後談論點些重要的話題 and talk about some important stuff.
上姑娘 然後整天喝的爛醉 Banging bitches and getting wasted all fucking day.
這就是我最喜歡做的兩件事 Those are, like, two of my favorite things to do.
你就像是 稍微欠缺一點兒吸引力的... ou are, like, a slightly less attractive version of...
-畢卡索？ -畢卡索 Picasso? Picasso.
是吧？以前有人這麼說過 Right? I've been told that before.
哦 那就是Cynthia Watson的房間 Oh, that's Cynthia Watson's room.
現在才2點 我還以為已經很晚了 你要進來麼 It's only 2:00. I thought it was late. Do you want to come in?
才2點？我通常淩晨2點才吃晚飯 所以... It's only 2:00? I usually go to dinner at, like, 2:00 A.M., so...
當然 耶 為什麼不呢 Sure, yeah, why not?
我想這麼做 我要以正確的角度進去 Rooster: I'm gonna do it. I just got to get it at the right angle.
-兄弟 停下來吧 -操你媽的球門柱 Dude, stop. Rooster: Stupid fucking goalpost!
不可能的 你撞不到那球門柱的 It's impossible. You can't fucking do it.
每次贏球後球迷跑到操場 The fans used to rush the field
然後就把球門柱拆了 after every win and tear down the goalposts,
教練很生氣 就想辦法把球門柱給固定了 and coach hated it. And so he cemented them in.
他們像風暴一樣卷過操場 還想那樣 They storm the field, and still do it,
現在他們只能跳來跳去 but they just bounce around.
去你的球門柱 兄弟 Rooster: Fuck this goalpost, bro!
你們倆要抓穩了 You guys might want to hold on,
因為這東西要到了 'cause this shit is coming down.
-呦 那是啥啊 紋身 就在那 Yo, what is that? The tattoo, what's that right there?
哦 這個麼？嗯... Oh. Oh, this? Mmm-hmm.
這是我以前高中的校隊 是普萊恩維爾紅鯡魚 It's my old high school team. The plainview red herrings.
看看還能游泳 Look at it swim.
-靠 -咋了 Shit. What?
靠 還真是不尋常啊 Shit, that's a really outside-of-the-box
高中吉祥物 high school mascot.
抓緊了兄弟們 Hold on, guys.
嘿 你今天怎麼沒來訓練場？ Zook: Hey, why don't you come to practice today?
很明顯 你在隊裡表現很不錯 I mean, you're obviously good enough to play on the team.
其實 我本來不應該在這玩球的 Look, I'm not supposed to be here to play football.
怎麼？ What?
我來這兒是為了完成任務的 I'm just here to do my assignments
然後回去 就是這樣 and get out, that's it.
我說 學業是很重要 或是無所謂 I mean, yeah, school's important or whatever,
但是 當我給你傳球的時候 but when I was throwing you those passes,
就像是 你去那兒之前我就知道你會去那 it was like I knew where you were gonna be before you went there.
知道嗎 我幻想 You know, I had this,
我把球傳給你 兄弟 like, vision of me throwing bullet tds to you, dude,
然後所有的球迷開始叫喊... and then all these fans just started going, like...
"Zook! Mcquaid! Zook! Mcquaid!"
他們就在那喊呀叫呀 And they were chanting and chanting,
然後球門柱就倒了 and then the goalposts came down.
哥們？ Dude?
我 也有過這樣的願景 我一直都有 I have had that exact vision, like, my entire life.
-哥們 -哥們 Dude. Dude.
-兄弟 -兄弟 Bro? Bro.
-哥們 -兄弟 Dude. Bro.
哥們 Both: Dude.
我們肯定可以啊 兄弟 Like, well, we fucking can, bro.
你所要做的就是加入球隊 All you gotta do is join the team.
是啊 為什麼不呢？ Yeah. Why not?
就是這樣！ Yes!
太好了 - 太好了 兄弟 Fuck yeah, dude. Fuck yeah, dude.
那是什麼東西？ What's that?
我的紋身 My tattoo.
靠 來看看 Yeah, fuck, look.
看 這是我 Zook Look, it's me, zook.
胳膊上有個該死的火箭炮 懂我的意思麼？ Got a fucking bazooka for an arm. Know what I mean?
兄弟 我太興奮了 Dude, I'm so fucking pumped
你能加入到球隊裡 you're gonna be on this fucking team, bro.
感覺怎麼樣？ What's up with it?
你還好吧？ How you doing?
早安 很好 Hi. Good.
那個怎麼樣... How was the, um...
我的表現你還滿意嗎？ How was the sex for you?
對我來說很好 很愉悅 It was fun for me. It was a good time.
是 對 Yeah, right.
我很享受之中 enjoyed it.
是啊 Yeah.
這就是為什麼我從不喝酒 This is why I don't drink.
嘿 你好啊？ Hey. How you doing?
我很好 I'm fine.
我的意思是 我沒有整晚上聽你們倆私語 I mean, I'm not listening to you guys fornicate all night long.
來回的活塞運動 Thrusting and pumping.
我想你的屁股在某一時刻都快甩掉了 I thought your hip popped out at one point.
我是說 看起來像是很好玩的遊戲 I'm just saying, it's, like, all fun and games,
早上醒來鄰床有個40歲的大一新生 and then you wake up in bed next to a 40-year-old freshman.
我只有19歲 所以... I'm 19, so...
去玩Pinochle遊戲晚了19分鐘？ Nineteen minutes late to pinochle,
你在公園哪裡和你的老友們碰面 where you're meeting your old friends in the park?
對 那就是我的意思 Yeah, that's what I meant.
哦 天呐 Maya 你看看他 Oh, my gosh, Maya, look at him.
還那麼犀利 太鼓舞人心了 He's still so sharp. That's so inspiring.
給我們說一下經歷的戰爭吧 哪個都行 Tell us about the war, any one of them.
你的高潮呻吟是我聽過的最糟糕 You're, like, the loudest climaxer I've ever heard.
就像是30年頭的灑水車 It was, like, the sound of, like, a 30-year-old sprinkler
終於第一次爆發了 finally going off for the first time.
好了 特別喜歡跟你聊天 Okay, well, so lovely talking with you. (Sighs)
你是個很可愛的人 You're a lovely person. Hmm.
很高興認識你 Nice to meet you.
哦 天呐 Oh, my God.
她看起來不壞 She seems nice. (Door closes)
她糟透了 She's horrible.
天呐 God.
她曾經是Cynthia的室友 She was Cynthia's roommate,
我覺得她很可憐 就叫她跟我住在一起 and I felt bad for her, so I told her I would room with her.
就這樣 So...
你應該有一大堆事情 So you probably have a bunch of stuff
要今天去做吧 that you have to do today.
-有嗎？ -沒有 Right? No.
哦 好吧 Oh. Okay.
我只是想讓你知道 Look, I just want you to know
我不是那種 上完就走的人 I'm not, like, a "hit it and quit it" type of fella.
我是那種 上完 I'm, like, a "hit it,
繼續身體和情感上接著交流的人 所以... "continue to hit it both physically and emotionally" kind of guy, so...
嘿 Doug 這樣你不會覺得奇怪的 ？ Hey, Doug, you're not gonna be weird about this, are you?
不會 No.
對這種只隨便玩玩能接受吧？ I mean, you're cool with just hooking up?
耶 我很高興你能這麼看的開... Yeah. I mean, no. I mean, I'm glad you said something.
因為 我都不知道當時我是不是清醒 'Cause I don't even know if I like you when I'm sober.
我知道 就像是 No, I know, and it's like,
一點兒也沒感覺到受傷 一點兒也沒 that doesn't even hurt, like, at all.
好的 那麼... Okay, so, um...
我要...我要溜了 我以後聯繫了 I'm gonna... I'm gonna split. I'll text you later.
很棒 特別棒性愛 你技術很好 Great, that was great sex. You're good at it.
我會短息聯繫你 3到5分鐘或怎樣？ And I'll text you, three to five minutes or something?
好的 (Door opens) All right.
這他媽到底是什麼？ what the fuck is this?
太雞巴扯了 This is bullshit.
你兩個是不是又在學校亂搞了？ Are you two fucking around at school again?
嘿 我們要對這些東西買單的 Hey, we got to pay for this shit.
-我們需要結果 -不不不 We need results! No, no, no.
看 我們在極力尋找 Look, we are looking aggressively
這個特別的紋身 for this very specific tattoo.
或者這個紋身就是死路一條 Or the tattoo could just be a dead end.
什麼亂七八糟的？這還是同樣的案子 What the fuck? It's the same case!
做一樣的事 Do the same thing.
這嚴格上說不是同樣案子 因為 Well, it's not exactly the same case, 'cause
我們倆其中一個昨晚上跟人上床了 one of us got laid last night.
Schmidt?
噓 Shh.
別把我的小弟弟吵醒了 Don't wake up my dick.
玩紅了眼 根本沒睡覺 Flew in on the red-eye, hasn't gotten a wink of sleep.
靠 Damn.
我們在說任務 We're talking missionary.
當我在上面 她背對著我 We're talking when I'm on top and she's on her back.
她很聰明 藝術系的 She's smart, she's an art major.
她也不是多聰明 就他媽是個藝術生 She can't be that smart. She's a fucking art major.
拜託 Come on.
我給你點鼓勵 Schmidt I will give you some daps, schmidt.
給我點鼓勵 老大 Give me some motherfucking daps, man!
來嘛 給我點兒 Come on, give me some.
我的人類性學煩死我了 Jenko: My human sexuality class is blowing my mind.
你知道我高中時候侮辱過基佬麼？ Did you know I used gay slurs in high school?
是的 直接對我說的 Yes, directed at me.
夥計 我很抱歉當時自說自話 Dude, I am so sorry for being a homophone.
我們要談談今天 你對Dickson為嘛這麼奇怪嗎？ Are we gonna talk about how weird you were today with dickson?
是這樣 我覺得那個紋身不是什麼重點 Look, I don't think the tattoo means what you think it means.
據我們所知 很多人都有那樣的紋身 I mean, for all we know, a lot of people could have that tattoo.
這個紋身 這個荒謬的特別的紋身？ This tattoo? This absurdly specific tattoo?
給我說說還是誰有這樣的紋身 Name one other person who has this.
首先 Zook就有 For starters, zook has it.
Zook 有那個紋身？ Zook has the tattoo?
我覺得沒什麼大不了的 I think it's not problem
我靠 我們找這個紋身 找了好幾天了 What the fuck? We've been looking for this tattoo for days!
你明白這個意味著zook就是賣家嗎? Do you understand this means zook is the dealer?
我很希望你們倆能相處的好 I really want you guys to hang out.
我是想好好相處 可他完全無視我 We have hung out. He's completely ignored me.
很抱歉 不過我們一定要調查你的新基友 I'm sorry, but we're gonna have to investigate your new bff.
我們要部署攝像頭 We're gonna put cameras everywhere,
我們要監控他在幹些什麼 and we're gonna monitor the fuck out of what he's doing.
我們不能隨便就走進zeta的房子 We can't just walk into zeta house
然後安裝一大堆攝像頭 好嗎？ and just put up a bunch of fucking cameras, okay?
那到處是他們的人 There's dudes there everywhere.
行了 你的計畫太爛 很抱歉 All right, your plan is stupid. I'm sorry.
我的計畫太爛 有意思 -... 好 My plan is stupid? That's interesting. What... okay.
好像這樣就行了 I'm, like, basically done
從早到晚一直就這麼看著 fucking watching your shit all the fucking time.
好 對 我是愚蠢的那個 是我 Okay, yeah, exactly. I'm the fucking stupid one. Yeah.
夥計 這樣的不同 在一起一定很難 Man, it must be hard being so different.
我們倆完全一樣 使得做什麼事都很容易 We're exactly the same. It makes everything so much easier.
夥計們 能不能給我們一些空間 Guys, can you just give us some space?
我們需要解決一些問題 We're really trying to figure something out,
我們需要集中 好嗎 and we need to focus, okay?
你集中不會有問題的 夥計 You're not gonna have trouble focusing, man.
是啊 夥計 這些零食里加了whyphy Yeah, man, those krispie treats got mad whyphy in them.
我們給整個宿舍都發了 Kenny: We made a batch for the whole dorm, man.
我吃了這樣的六塊 I've eaten six of these.
那你回你會很專注 - 很專注 Kenny: Then you're gonna be real focused. Keith: Be real focused.
四小時裡你會夢遊仙境 In about four hours, you're gonna be tripping.
你會沒事的 夥計 You're fine. You're gonna be all right, man.
誰賣給你的whyphy? Who sold you whyphy?
沒人賣給我們 Nobody sold it to us.
Cynthia給我們的 作為交換 Yeah, man, Cynthia gave us a butt load,and in exchange,
我們給她寫了邏輯論文 we wrote her logic paper for her.
行了 行了 我們等會見 All right. All right, man, we'll see you guys later.
享用食物吧 Enjoy the food.
也許這是好事 Maybe this is a good thing. (Door closes)
我們利用這個專注想辦法潛入zook的房子 let's use that focus to figure out a way to get into zook's house.
你有感覺了嗎 - 沒有 你呢？ You feel anything? No. Do you feel anything?
沒有 我有很強的耐藥性 No, but I have a super high tolerance for...
我現在很專注 I'm so focused.
我也很專注 I'm so focused, too.
你沒必要壓在我上面 You don't have to be on top of me.
很有必要 Yes, I do.
為什麼 - 偽裝 Why? Camouflage.
走 Go.
我們走 Let's go.
絕對不行 Male student: No fucking way.
所以 Dane不行 - 對 Okay, so no? Dane? All right.
踢出 好了 Out, all right.
靶心 Bull's-eye. Bingo.
頭盔看起來很差勁 That helmet looks kind of lame.
你知道什麼不差勁嗎？ You know what's not lame?
安全 Safety.
你幹嗎？ What are you doing?
切玻璃 I'm cutting glass.
那是鐳射燈 It's a laser pointer.
不能切玻璃 - 什麼？ It can't cut glass. What?
一點也不好玩 That's no fun at all.
我很專注 - 開幹吧 I'm so focused. Let's do this.
再給我一個 - 我沒有攝像頭了 Give me another. I don't have any more cameras.
你不用鑽這麼多的洞 好嗎 You don't need to drill so many holes. Yeah, okay.
耶 這個很完美 你可以放這裡 Yeah, that one's perfect. Okay, you can do that one.
我沒有攝像頭了 我都給你說五次了 I don't have any more cameras. I've said it five times.
好了 這是最後的工作 All right. Okay. That's the last of 'em.
是時候驗證zook就是賣家了 Time to prove that zook's the dealer.
或者不是賣家 Jenko: Or not the dealer.
下一個是Brad mcquaid Next up is Brad mcquaid.
通過？好 (All agreeing) Right? Yes.
很明顯 這傢伙... Obviously, right? I mean, the guy's...
老實說 這傢伙一直創造記錄 夥計們 The guy's all-time. You guys, let's be honest.
例如 他可以用眼睛開啤酒蓋 I mean, like, he was opening up beer cans with his eyeballs.
他們挺不錯的吧 That's so sweet of them.
那Brad就加入了 So Brad... Brad's in.
那Doug Mcquaid呢 -不行 MUh, Doug mcquaid. No!
他是個大蠢蛋 He's a bag of dicks!
他是Brad的兄弟 He's Brad's brother.
他就像他哥的跟屁蟲 He follows him around everywhere,
我們要是只要Brad 不要Doug的話 so I doubt we get Brad without Doug.
不是這樣的 我是有正式女朋友 That's not true. I have a serious girlfriend.
夥計 我覺得這傢伙很糟糕 -為什麼這樣說 I got a bad feeling about this guy, dude.- Why? Why?
我和他打過幾次交道 I was talking to him for a second.
他是個大嘴巴 He's got a big mouth,okay?
我覺得他會把我們的事說出去 I feel like he could fuck this whole thing up for us.
你看 你把這事搞砸了 你的話太多 See, you're fucking this up. You talk way too much.
那傢伙沒惡意 你看他 挺好的 That guy is harmless, dude. Look at him, he's nice.
他看起來就像個30歲的中學生 Rooster: He looks like a 30-year-old eighth grader.
他不會有問題的 Zook: He's gonna be fine.
我就說說 他挺討人厭的 I'm just saying, the kid sucks.
那個Brad Brad可以成我們的人 and Brad. Brad could be, like, our guy.
他可以成為我們的一個一員 He could, like, be a part of our thing.
我們一員？ "Our thing"?
噓 我在聽他們怎麼誇我 Shh. I'm trying to hear them be nice about me.
完全是扯淡 見鬼 This is fucking bullshit. Shit!
糟糕 Shit.
有人在上面嗎？ Is somebody up there?
完了 我們快走 Shit. We got to get out of here.
你鎖好門了沒 Did you lock the door?
鎖好了 我檢查了兩遍 I did, man. I checked twice.
快走 Go, go!
該死的 Shit.
我感覺很過癮 I thank this is awesome
你只是很緊張 因為我們馬上要產生幻覺了 No, you're just paranoid because we're about to trip balls.
不是的 我緊張是因為很危險 No, I'm paranoid because it could be dangerous.
我們沒事了 你看 我們成功了 No, we're fine. Look, we made it.
我們成功了 一切順利 We made it. It's all good.
噢 媽的 Schmidt: Oh, shit!
救命啊 救命啊 Help! Help!
發生了什麼 What's happening!
什麼情況？ Jenko: What the fuck?
我沒法呼吸了 Jenko: (Panting) I can't breathe.
他們抓到了我們 They made us!
他們會殺了我們的 They're gonna kill us!
Jenko!
你要去哪兒 Where are you going?
我們應該產生幻覺了 I think we're tripping!
哦 臥槽 我產生的幻覺太可怕了 Oh, fuck! I'm having a bad trip! We're having a bad trip!
我覺得我們還好啊 I think we are tripping, but...
天啊 這不挺好的嗎 God, isn't this great?
我這比你那邊恐怖多了 My side's so much scarier than yours.
哦 我去 你那邊太糟糕了 Oh, shit, your trip sucks.
你應該到這邊來 這邊更好 You should come over here. It's way better.
好的 Okay.
這兒好像有個奇怪的隔離屏障 It's some kind of weird split screen!
你好 橄欖球 Hello, football.
Jenko!
我終於有蘭博基尼了 I finally got my lambo!
嘿 Schmidt 你看 Hey, schmidt, look!
快看啊 Look! Look! (Laughing)
我的腿好累啊 My legs are tired.
救命啊 不要再放音樂了 Help! No more music!
你將永遠一個人 You'll always be alone.
嘿 Jenko - 怎麼了 Hey, jenko. What?
你要去哪兒 Where are you going?
我去上面看看 好嗎 I'm just gonna go up for a little while, okay?
別走 呆在這兒 Stay, stay here.
我不想呆在這兒 我飛起來了 太過癮了 No, I don't want to stay here. I'm flying. This is amazing.
不 老天 不要走 No. God. Don't go!
哦 我的天啊 Oh, my God.
不要啊 No!
不要走 - 不行 住手 Stay here! No, no, stop it.
你把我拽下來了 你為什麼要拽我下來 You're dragging me down! Why would you drag me down?
快回來 -我飛起來了 Please stay! I'm flying.
別走啊 Stay!
醒醒 快從車裡出來 - 完了 Wake up! Get out of the car! Shit.
快點下車 趴在地上 Get out of the car! Get on the ground!
給我跪下 On your fucking knees!
快給我跪下 Get on your knees!
你們已經知道了 是不是？ -知道什麼？ You already know, don't you? What?
你還有什麼話要說的 Do you have anything to say?
請別殺了我們 Please don't kill us.
如果你沒什麼話要說 If you don't have anything to fucking say,
那就把你的嘴張開 open your fucking mouth.
搞什麼鬼 What the fuck?
這是伏特加嗎 Is that vodka?
歡迎來到 zeta 夥計 Welcome to zeta, pledges! (Laughing)
太棒了 哥們 Yeah, buddy!
夥計 今晚 我們要挑選強者 淘汰弱者 Pledges, tonight, we separate the weak from the strong.
如果你們今晚沒能挺過去 If you don't make it through tonight,
你們全都會玩完 you're dead to all of us.
Rooster
點燃火炬 light the torch!
為了zeta For zeta!
快喝 他媽的混蛋 快喝 他媽的混蛋 All: (Chanting) Drink, motherfucker! Drink, motherfucker!
快喝 他媽的混蛋 快喝 他媽的混蛋 Drink, motherfucker! Drink, motherfucker!
聽著 不管今晚發生什麼 你都要堅持下去 好嗎 Look, whatever happens tonight, you have to keep up, okay?
我快要吐了 I'm gonna throw up.
我知道 閉嘴 繼續喝 I know. Shut up. Go.
準備好了沒 開始 Zook: Ready? Go!
我們開始 Here we go, here we go.
1 2 3 4 5 One, two, three, four, five...
我不行了 我真的受不了了 I can't do it anymore! I can't do it anymore!
20秒就是記錄 Twenty's the record!
33 34 Thirty-three, 34... (Groaning)
67...
你可以的 你能做到 You can do this, you can do this.
我不行了 這太噁心了 I can't. This is disgusting.
你必須行 - 我再也受不了了 No, you got to. I can't do this anymore!
現在 輪到我最喜歡的項目了 And now, for my favorite event. (Squealing)
靠 我不幹了 Fuck this. I'm not doing this.
我不幹了 -不要走 I'm not doing it. What are... no!
我不幹了 還不行嗎 I'm not doing this, okay? All right?
嘿 Hey!
Schmidt 你搞什麼？ Schmidt! What the fuck, man?
你怎麼回事 你不是說你想一起的嗎 What is your problem? You said you wanted to stick together.
我們必須這麼做才能贏得他們的信任 This is what we have to do to win their trust.
這很好玩 就只是喝酒玩遊戲 This is supposed to be fun. It's just drinking and bonding games.
很好玩 It's fun.
你覺得好玩 我不覺得 It's fun for you. It's not fun for me.
我不知道 也許我們應該... I don't know. Maybe we should just...
也許我們應該去調查別人 Maybe we should just investigate different people.
你真這麼覺得嗎 Did you really just say that?
你真的這麼說 你想去調查別人 Did you really just say that you want to investigate other people?
這就是你想要的？ That's what you want?
我不知道 也許吧 I don't know, maybe.
也許我們應該... 應該分開行動 Maybe we should just... We should just branch out.
對 我們廣撒網 Okay, just sow our oats a little.
分散員警的種子 Sow our cop oats.
你看 Zook對我很信任 Look, I have an in with zook.
我們之間有種東西 感覺很不錯 We have a thing and it's good, and...
我也不知道 或許我應該和他更親近點 I don't know, maybe I should just stay closer to him.
你應該去做你的事 And you should do your thing
繼續追蹤你的線索 with your connections and channels
Cynthia的室友 with Cynthia's roommate.
看她是否知道誰賣給的她毒品 You should see if she knows who sold her drugs.
我只是 ... 我只是不... I just... I just don't...
我不喜歡我們分開行動 I don't like the idea of us doing stuff separately.
不是的 我們還是繼續調查 No, look, we can still investigate
一起調查 together.
你懂的 只是一起的話 要公開調查 It's just, you know, now it'll be an open thing.
你想公開調查？ You want an open investigation?
我不知道 這是不是我想要的 I don't know if that's what I want.
我只是覺得 現在是時候去試試了 All right? I just think it's healthy right now for us to try it.
好的 Okay.
是嗎 -當然 Yeah? Sure.
好的 那我等會去找你 Okay, so I guess I'll just catch you later, then.
你還好嗎 You okay?
不 你現在不能抱我 No, you can't hug me right now.
那你需要錢坐車或其他什麼嗎 Do you need money for a cab or anything?
不用 我不需要錢坐車 No, I don't need money for a cab.
好吧 Okay.
我都不知道我他媽的這是在哪 I don't know where the fuck I am right now.
嘿 Lauren Hey, Lauren.
我只想一整天躺在床上看老友記 I just want to get in bed and watch friends all day.
讓我們聽聽 為你們州立大學statesmen隊的歡呼聲 Announcer: Let's hear it for your metropolitan city state statesmen!
他們上場了 Bob: And the statesmen take the field
他們是大學橄欖球公開賽中的常勝將軍 for the opening game against the university of college generals.
準備好 Man: Ready?
今天有個驚喜 Jim: And a surprise start today
大一的臨時隊員Brad Mcquaid for walk-on freshman Brad mcquaid.
看起來是個很老練的大一新生 Bob: Looks pretty old to be a freshman.
荷爾蒙在爆發 Bob It's the hormones in the milk, Bob.
準備好了嗎 開始 Ready? Set, hut!
Haythe把球扔了回來 Bob: Haythe drops back.
傳給了Mcquaid And connects with mcquaid!
誰將會勝出 就會得到我的最佳讚賞 Who beats safety will glock like an egg white in my famous meringue recipe
我勒個擦 他太棒了 Holy shit, he's good.
你們沒人告訴Mcquaid 說他很厲害吧 None of you tell mcquaid that he's good, all right?
要是你們說了 他有可能就會離開去打職業聯賽了 If you do, he'll leave this shitty program.
隨著時間的流逝 我們只剩下一球了 Bob: And as the clock ticks down, we've got time for one last play.
又一個Haythe和Mcquaid之間的精彩配合 Another perfect hookup between haythe and mcquaid.
就連他們球門區那邊的觀眾也忍不住尖叫 Jim: Even their end zone celebration is in perfect sync.
就像他們兩個人在用同一個大腦 It's like these two share a single brain, Bob.
說得對 他們倆一人用一半 That's right, Jim. They both have one half a brain.
球迷們又沖向球場了 And the crowd rushes the field
想把門柱給拆了 to try and knock down a goalpost.
這是拆不掉的 It's not coming down!
祝你們好運 朋友們 Bob: (Chuckling) Good luck, guys.
看來美羅城大學有了新的主力隊員 Jim: Looks like mc state's got a new power couple.
Zook還有mcquaid Zook and mcquaid!
我要從這過去 夥計 I got to get around you, man.
我跳不了 我的腳踝扭傷了 I can't jump up. I got a broken ankle.
耶 Yeah!
太爽了 Both: Fuck yes!
耶 再來一次 Yeah! One more!
該死 (Cell phone buzzing) Shit.
誰呀 (Sighs) Who is that?
沒什麼 準備好了嗎 Nothing. All right, ready?
繼續 Zook: Come on!
集中注意力 Focus!
加油 Come on! Do it!
去你的 阿諾·施瓦辛格 Fuck you, Arnold Schwarzenegger!
我的卡住了 去你媽的 I'm so jammed! Fuck you!
門上有襪子 別進來 (Knocking on door) There's a sock on the door! Don't come in!
太過癮了 Fuck yeah
我在和真人妹子做活塞運動 I'm having sex with a human woman.
我的天啊 靠 My God! Fuck!
嘿 看看你 Hey! Look at you!
你們來這做什麼？ What are you guys doing here?
什麼 你在開玩笑嗎 本周是家長周 What? Are you kidding? It's parents weekend.
我去 (Whispers) Fuck.
太好了 你在約會啦 Wonderful. You're dating someone.
謝謝 媽媽 聽著 我們是臥底 Thanks, mom. Listen, we're undercover, okay?
謝謝 -不客氣 Thank you. No problem.
Doug!
Maya!
嘿 -嗨 Hey. Hi.
這是我父母 These are my parents.
就是這個女孩嗎 So this is the girl?
你好 我是Annie 我是你未來婆婆 Hi. I'm Annie. I'm your new mother-in-law. (Laughs)
很高興見到你 -真不會說話 Nice to meet you. Worst thing to say.
你好 -嘿 我是David Hi. Hey. David.
我老爸 -見到你很高興 My dad. Nice to meet you.
太好了 我父母也在這兒 Well, my parents are here, too.
Maya 快點 Dickson: Maya, hurry up!
你媽媽找了個位子她想 Your mama done found a table she want.
你怎麼認識這傢伙？ How do you know this person?
爸爸 他是Doug 我在和他交往 Dad, this is Doug, a guy that I'm dating.
什麼情況？ -我... The fuck? I...
你的功課怎麼樣 Doug? DougHow's your classes going, Doug?
你 ...我們只是在這附近... You... we were just in the neighborhood, and...
我有個主意 為什麼我們不坐在一起 I have an idea. Why don't we all sit together?
一定很有意思 Would that be fun?
好的 謝謝 Yes, thank you.
嗯 So...
你覺得天氣如何? Do you like weather?
你們倆認識嗎? You two know each other?
不認識 No.
這太瘋狂了 這一切 This is crazy, all these, uh,
學生和家長 students and parents.
潛在的證人 Potential witnesses.
你們倆是怎麼認識的 How did you two meet?
我喜歡聽愛情邂逅的故事 Oh, I love meet-cute stories.
我們在詩歌會上認識的 We met at a poetry slam,
然後他跟著我到宿舍 and then he stalked me back to my dorm room.
你跟蹤她 - 哦 真浪漫 Stalked her? Oh, that's so beautiful.
然後發生了什麼 Then what happened?
然後我們一起玩 還看了部電影 And then we hung out and we watched a movie.
事實上 我們看了好幾遍 Actually, we watched it a couple times.
這太扯淡了 This is bullshit!
該死的 服務生 This fucking... waiter!
難道就不能給黑人倒點水喝嗎 What can a black man do to get some water around here?
快給這傢伙倒水 Give the fucking guy some water!
他是黑人 他已經夠可憐的了 He's black! He's been through a lot!
看在女兒的面子上 你不要再鬧了 For the sake of your daughter, please keep it together.
我要先去吃個可麗餅 不然我會發瘋的 I'm gonna need a motherfucking crepe before I go crazy.
我馬上回來 I'll be right back.
嗯 你們是哪裡人 So, where are you from originally?
我來自康普頓 I'm straight outta Compton,
不過我丈夫是北嶺 but my husband's from northridge.
快點 夥計 給我來點 Come on, man, hook me up.
你在幹嘛 就給這麼一點嗎 What the fuck y'all doing? Y'all rationing around here?
快點 再給我來點 就這幾根豆角嗎 Come on, hook me up. Two little fucking string beans?
把他媽的豆角給我 Give me the goddamn string beans.
我還要芥末蛋 I want some fucking deviled eggs.
我喜歡水果 你不喜歡水果嗎 I like fruit. Don't you like fruit?
我喜歡 I like fruit.
這是豬排嗎 給我滾蛋 But this pork shit? Got to go!
他把氣都發洩到自助餐臺上去了 He's really taking it out on the omelet bar.
這真噁心 Shit was nasty!
他工作壓力太大了 He's under a lot of pressure at work.
怎麼了 Playa 想去看電影嗎 What's up, playa? Want to go to the movies?
我要打斷你的腿 打斷你的狗腿 I'll break your motherfucking legs! Break your legs!
看什麼 What?
你怎麼樣 美麗的植物先生 給我滾開這裡 How you doing, Mr. nice plant? Get your fucking ass in there.
嘿 你還要啤酒嗎 我再去拿一瓶 Hey, you want another beer? I'm gonna get another beer.
嗯 好的 我還要一瓶 Yeah, yeah, I'll do another.
嘿 哥們 聽著 Hey, look, man,
你什麼話都可以跟我說 you know you can always tell me something
如果你想一吐為快的話 if you want to get it off your chest.
我隨時都可以傾聽 You know I'm always here for you, right?
你想說什麼 What are you trying to say?
沒 沒什麼 No, nothing.
好吧 就是那些 All right, with everything that happened
與Cynthia和Whyphy有關的事 with Cynthia and whyphy,
我只是不想你毀了自己 I just don't want you to screw up.
你以為我不知道自己在做什麼嗎 You don't think I know what I'm doing?
什麼 -我很清楚自己在做什麼 What? I know exactly what I'm doing here.
我想對你說件事 I'm gonna tell you something, all right?
我能信任你嗎？ -好的 沒問題 Can I trust you? Yeah, of course.
我有個朋友在UMC I have a friend who knows a guy at umc.
他是個觀察員 He's a scout. It's d-I.
他們的四分衛打得不夠好 Their qb, he's not playing well.
他們對此很不高興現狀 They're not happy with the situation.
他們想讓我錄個帶子 They want me to make a tape.
我想讓你和我一起 And I want you to be on it with me.
沒其他的了 (Stammering) Nothing else?
他們去年選了五個人 They had five guys in the draft last year.
Brad 這有可能是我們的機會 I mean, Brad, this could be our shot.
我們就像是黃金搭檔 哥們 We're like the dynamic duo, bro.
就像蝙蝠俠和羅賓 We're like Batman and Robin.
不過我們倆都是蝙蝠俠 But we're both Batman.
你以後打算當什麼 像股票經紀人？ What do you want to be, like, a stockbroker?
還是員警 Or a cop?
哥們 你的發展前途 就像 Dude, your ceiling is, like,
這麼高 so high.
但你還可以 You can just bust right...
不斷的突破 突破 Just break right through it. Right through it.
再突破 再突破 Right through it. Right through it.
你真的覺得我行嗎 You really think I could make it at umc?
哥們 你會進入名人堂的 Dude, you could make it into the hall of fame.
不 夥計 拜託 那是你 No, dude, come on, that's you.
你會成為橄欖球的歷史人物 You're gonna be in, like, the anals of football history.
哥們 你也會成為橄欖球的歷史人物 Dude, you could make it into the anals of football history, too.
我們將會超越前人 We're gonna have to tear those anals up.
對 -我們會取得成就的 All right. We're gonna fucking tear it up.
我是說 就去錄一卷帶子嗎 I mean, it's just a tape, right?
我特別討厭我爸 I fucking hate my dad so much.
你知道嗎 Do you have any idea
這就像是有個人 what it's like to have a guy like that
一直在告訴你你應該做什麼 telling you what to do all the time? (Cell phone chiming)
我可以想像得到 I can only imagine.
我就是不明白他對你有什麼不滿的 I just don't understand what his problem is with you specifically.
我不 上帝啊 我真搞不懂 (Sighs) I don't... Jesus. That makes no sense to me.
我是說 你是個完美的人 I mean, you are a perfectly good guy.
你既誠實又善良 You're very honest and nice.
為什麼我爸會有你的手機號 Why does my dad have your phone number?
我不知道 可能是查學校通訊錄或其他 I don't know. Maybe the school directory or something.
我們來做點事吧 Let's do something...
做點事可以分散我們的注意力 Let's do something that would distract us.
這樣我們就可以不用去想他了 So we don't have to think about him anymore.
等等 All right. Um... (Clears throat)
Maya
我們只說說話 可以嗎 Is it okay if we just talk?
當然可以 Okay.
那就聊天吧 Let's talk.
不會吧 -是的 No way. Yeah.
我原本是個小飛俠 不夠後來 有點遲了 I was Peter Pan, but then I was, like, late.
你和你哥哥的關係挺好的 You're really close with your brother, then.
看起來是的 - 對啊 It seems like. Yeah.
嗯 你知道... Yeah, you know...
夥計 你真是個天才 You're a fucking genius, dude.
你確定這樣不會太過了 -不會的 Are you sure it's not too much, though? No!
耶 - 去他的 Yeah! Fuck, yeah!
好了 好了 All right? All right?
一整晚 兄弟 拜託 一整晚 - 是 我知道 All night, bro. Come on. All night. Yeah, I know.
這是值得的 哥們 It's gonna be so worth it, dude.
肯定是值得的 我保證 It's gonna be fucking worth it, I promise, all right?
兄弟 你知道這還需要什麼嗎 Dude, you know what this needs?
一個星形效果 Both: Another star wipe.
掃把星 請我喝酒 Jinx. Buy me a beer. (Chuckling)
轉得好 Nice twist.
什麼？ On what?
我真不敢相信 我們談了一整夜 Maya: I can't believe we've been talking all night.
哦天啊都8點了 事實上我還有課 Oh, my God, it's 8:00. I have class, actually.
好的 我 Okay. I...
嗯 你需要什麼自己拿 Yeah, you can help yourself to whatever you need, and...
好的 All right.
嗯 我很抱歉 這個Yeah, I'm so sorry, this... (Chuckles)
待會見 I'll see you.
待會再見吧 I'll see you later.
好的 -最開心的一晚 Okay. Best night ever.
好的 再見 Okay. Bye.
拜拜 Bye.
你在這多久了？ How long have you been there?
你能想到有多久 就有多久 Like, the longest amount of time you could think of right now.
這不是針對你的 This stuff wasn't meant for you.
主要是隱私問題 It was meant to be private.
是不是我應該坐在這兒 So, am I supposed to just sit here and not act like
假裝什麼都沒聽到 I hear every one of your problems?
你有99個問題 但重回年輕是不可能的了 You got 99 problems, but being young isn't one.
你只是嫉妒我和Maya的親密關係 You're just jealous because Maya and I have a real connection.
我和我的祖父母關係也很親密 I'm pretty close with my grandpa, too.
你比Cynthia還要糟糕 You're more messed up than Cynthia was,
他每週到要找校精神醫師三次 and she went to the school shrink three times a week.
為什麼 -我不知道 Why? I don't know.
不過他給她很多藥丸 But he gave her a ton of pills and shit.
或許他可以把你的這張老臉治好 Maybe he could give you something for your weird old face.
好吧 Okay.
嘿 -你遲到了 Hey. You're late.
不是的 其實我在忙著調查 No, actually, I was busy with the investigation.
這裡是Cynthia理療師的辦公室 這才是我們要調查 This is Cynthia's therapist's office. This is our investigation.
好的 (Whispering) All right.
你看著門 Watch the door.
哦 這就是我能做的 就只是看門 Oh, is that all I'm good for? Just watching a fucking door?
找到了 Got it.
病人是藥物引起的狂想症 "Patient exhibits drug-induced paranoia.
認為她有生命危險 "Believes her life is in danger."
門 門開了 Uh, door, door.
嘿 Hey.
沒人和我說 九點有會診 I wasn't told that I had a 9:00 A.M. session.
嗯 對 我們約了九點的會診 Yeah, no, we're your 9:00 A.M. that's us.
我們基本恢復了 And we're cured.
非常感謝你 你真是個了不起的醫生 Thank you very much. You're an amazing doctor.
拜託 你們以為你們是第一對 Please. You think you're the first partners
剛和我交談 就想逃走的基友嗎 only to try to run when you're first faced with talking with me?
你怎麼知道我們是基友的 How the fuck did you know we were partners?
他不知道我們是基友 He doesn't know we're partners.
我懷疑你們是基友 (Whispering) I suspect you're partners.
一段關係是需要不斷地維護 A relationship is something that requires constant work.
我覺得這個我們在高中就學過了 Which is what I thought we learned in high school.
所以你在高中是個好學生了 So you are high school sweethearts.
我早就發現了 I picked up on that early.
請繼續闡述吧 Please, continue the dialogue.
醫生 Doc.
我只是覺得有時候 I just feel like sometimes
他甚至不想試著交流了 he's not even trying anymore.
就像 這段感情不值得拯救 Like this isn't even worth saving.
哦 好 我只是有時覺得 Jenko: Oh, okay. Well, sometimes I feel like
我們應該陽剛一點 that we should be more like the yangs.
也許我應該學學你的漂亮的Zook Or maybe I should be more like your beautiful zook.
去你媽的 -去你丫的 Oh, go fuck yourself! You go fuck yourself.
好了 -你太自私了 Okay. You're so selfish.
好了 罵夠了吧 -哦 天啊 All right. That's a lot of fucking. Oh, my God.
有時我會讓病人們做一些身體上的接觸 sometimes I like to have the participants make physical contact.
為什麼你們不牽牽手呢 Why don't you hold hands?
好的 -我不幹 Okay. I'm not doing that.
嗯 -你看到了吧 Hmm? Do you see?
把手伸出來 Reach out your hand.
我... I'm...
他已經把手伸出來了 He's literally reaching out for you.
他不會和我牽手的 He won't hold my hand.
我不要牽手 Jenko: I'm not doing it.
我需要你這麼做 I kind of need you to do it.
他不會和我牽手的 -哦 你 He won't hold my hand. Oh, you...
你要十指相扣 You got to interlock it, though.
如果你沒有十指相扣 就不算牽手 If you don't interlock it, it's not hand-holding.
好吧 Fine.
我們還是做朋友吧 We might as well just be friends
不要當基友了 and not partners.
很好 是吧 Nice, right?
好的 你看到了沒 這段關係很牢固 Okay, you see this? This is strong.
但我想要的是這樣 What I want to be able to have is this.
是這樣 Is this...
我想要的是這樣 即使不牽手 I want to be able to have that, that same thing, in, like
也能心有靈犀 without actually having to do it.
你的基友讓你難堪嗎 Are you embarrassed of your partner?
沒有 當然沒有 好嗎 No, not at all. Okay?
你們倆為何要聯合起來對付我 And why the fuck are you guys ganging up on me?
應該對付他 真的 Gang up on him. Okay, seriously.
好的 -他很粘人 Okay, okay. He's clingy.
他害怕做他自己 He literally is terrified of being by himself.
聽著 我知道Zook是你的兄弟 Look, I know zook's your buddy
你不想讓他服罪認法 and you don't want him to be guilty,
但他就是我們要找的人 but he's our guy.
不是 他其實不是我們要找的人 我知道 No, he's actually not our guy. I would know.
知道嗎 我們有時候抓住一件事情不放 Now, you know, we sometimes cling to things
因為很熟悉 很舒服 because they're familiar and comfortable.
我把這個法則叫做先入為主 I teach about a principle called embedding.
看清事實吧事實上 Look at the facts. Matter of fact,
Zook有紋身 他也認識Cynthia Zook has the tattoo. He knew Cynthia.
我知道他第一次見你 I know the first time he met you,
你把他的三明治撞掉 落在他的腳上 you dropped a fucking sandwich on his foot
他還對你笑 and he smiled at you,
你完全被蒙蔽了眼睛 but you are completely blind to the fact...
你剛剛說什麼先入為主 -先入為主 What'd you say embedding was? Embedding?
哦 先入為主就是我們傾向於去注意 Oh, embedding is our tendency to latch on to
我們第一次獲得的資訊 the first bit of information that we're offered
忽視 甚至是無視 自相矛盾的資訊 and overlooking, or even ignoring, contradictory information.
這是個很棒的法則 It's a fascinating principle...
閉嘴我在思考 Shut up. I'm thinking.
我們有沒有可能也是那樣 You think it's possible that
我們先入為主 we embedded?
什麼？是我們喝醉還是其他什麼的 What, like when we were drunk or something
我們太主觀了 -好了 我要推薦.... We embedded each other? Okay. I'm gonna recommend...
好了 你可以出去了 Okay, you can leave the room.
快點滾出去 Just get the fuck out.
快點出去 你聽到他說的沒 Get the fuck out. You heard him.
治療方向不對吧 This took a turn.
1 2 One, two...
好的 真有效果 Okay. Yep. Good session. (Door closes)
我們第一次看到 The first time we saw the photo
Cynthia買whyphy的照片時 of Cynthia buying whyphy,
Dickson說 這傢伙是毒販子 dickson said, "this guy's the dealer."
我們所想所做的一切都是根據他這句話 Everything we've done and thought has been based on that fact,
但是如果Dickson搞錯了呢？ but what if dickson was wrong?
我們忽略了其他所有線索 And we've ignored all the other clues.
那如果Cynthia不是買家呢 Schmidt: What if Cynthia wasn't the buyer?
如果Cynthia才是毒販子呢 What if Cynthia was the dealer?
隊長 我們有一件非常非常重要的事要告訴你 Captain, we have something really, really important to tell you about.
隊長? Captain?
你在穿凱夫拉（防彈衣）嗎？ Are you wearing kevlar?
現在 先生們 我們不能坐在這 還假裝 Now, gentlemen, we're not gonna sit here and pretend
什麼事情都沒發生過 there's not a big-ass elephant in the room.
到底是怎麼回事？ What the fuck is going on?
就是這麼回事 This is what the fuck is going on.
臥槽 臥槽 Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
臥槽 不是吧 Oh, shit! No!
這不可能是真的 That is not happening right now! No!
嘿 夥計們 他上了老大的女兒 Hey, y'all, he's fucking the captain's daughter! Yo!
他每說一次這破事... Every time he say that shit...
...你褲襠裡第三條腿就要注意了 ...that's another foot in your ass.
Schmidt 你真是... 這是發生過的最好的事了 Schmidt, you clearly... Yo, this is the best thing ever!
Schmidt上了老大的女兒 Schmidt fucked the captain's daughter!
Schmidt上了老大的女兒 (Singsong) Schmidt fucked the captain's daughter!
Schmidt上了老大的女兒 Schmidt fucked the captain's daughter!
操 日 Shit! Fuck!
你上了Dickson隊長的女兒 You fucked captain dickson's daughter?
老大 這他媽的 Captain, what the...
你簡直是給了他一個耳光 You bragged to him to his face.
直接打他臉上 老大 To his actual face. Captain...
你明白嗎 就這張臉 好一記耳光啊 Do you understand that this face right here, you bragged to that face?
你還為他上你女兒而跟他擊掌慶祝 You actually high-fived schmidt for fucking your daughter.
我了個大操 Holy shit!
我的天啊 這真是 Oh, my God! This is...
這其實也沒有那麼好笑 It's really not that funny.
我只是想說 Schmidt: I just want to say that
我只是覺得你沒說你女兒 it was bizarre not to share the fact
在美羅城大學太奇怪了 that your daughter went to mc state.
我也覺得奇怪 I think it's bizarre
我到現在還沒閹了你 that I haven't cut your motherfucking nuts off.
要不讓老大揍你臉一次 What if captain gets to punch you in the face one time,
特別特別狠的那種 really, really, really hard?
不 Nah.
我有更好的辦法 I got something way better than that.
你認為Cynthia是賣家? You think Cynthia was the dealer?
如果這個賣家死了 我們去深入調查？ How the fuck we gonna infiltrate the dealer if the dealer is dead?
我們一定要阻止他們繼續販毒 We have to stop treating this
就像這是上次一樣 like it's exactly the same as last time.
我們還有更大的麻煩 預算裡沒多少錢了 And we got a bigger problem. No more money in the budget.
啥?我以為我們有凱特-布蘭切特資助的 What? I thought we had Cate blanchett.
凱特-布蘭切特？ Cate blanchett?
我以為預算裡有凱特-布蘭切特資助 Yeah, I thought we had Cate blanchett with the budget.
你是說空白支票 You mean "carte blanche."
就是這個 That one.
歡迎回來 蠢貨兄弟 Welcome back, dum-dum.
我們以前確實有空白支票 現在沒了 We did have carte blanche. Not no more.
你開始買的那個貴傢伙 You got that expensive chase in the beginning,
昂貴的裝備 這間辦公室 that expensive equipment, this fucking office...
看起來像是鋼鐵俠才會用的 太貴了 This look like some shit iron man would have. Shit's expensive!
我還買了這雙800美元的鞋 你他媽都看不到啊 I got on $800 shoes, and you can't even see the motherfuckers.
所以你們倆現在是在十字路口 So now you two motherfuckers is in the crosshairs.
我警告你倆 I'm warning you,
找到供貨人 find the supplier,
但是別花組織上一毛錢 but don't cost the department no more money.
聽著 Zook那件事我向你道歉 Look, I apologize about the zook thing.
你說的對 他不是賣家 You were right, he's not the dealer.
好 很好 你道歉了 Okay, great. You apologized.
有什麼用啊 夥計 What's that worth, man?
現在我們什麼線索也沒有 我們該怎麼辦 Now we have no leads. What are we supposed to do now?
做員警該做的 Police work.
操 Fuck.
別把死人的假老二往老子身上扔 Don't throw a fucking dead person's dildo at me.
我們是在工作 好嗎 We're at work right now, okay?
現在學生已經不看書了 不是嗎 Jenko: Kids don't check out books anymore, right?
我認為他們都不會閱讀了 I don't even think they know how to read.
放書的地方 - Book place.
圖書館 Library.
供貨人把毒品 The supplier is putting drugs
藏在圖書館的書裡 inside the books in the library,
顯然沒人會去圖書館 where literally no one goes anymore, man.
然後賣家再拿走那本書 And the dealers check out the books.
我們馬上就要抓住供貨人了 We're going to catch the supplier. (Cell phone vibrating)
你有覺得這有多酷... -等一下 Do you realize how cool... Wait, one sec, one sec.
怎麼了 夥計 What's up, dude?
嘿 夥計 你在哪? Hey, dude, where are you?
我們在熱身 比賽就要開始了 We're warming up. The game's about to start.
好吧 夥計 呃 聽著 我要... All right, man. Um, look, I'm just gonna...
我馬上到 I'm coming.
好的 等會見 All right, later.
你要幹嘛去 別扔下我一個人啊 What are you doing? Don't leave me hanging.
我必須得去 要不我就會暴露身份 Dude, I got to go or I'm gonna blow my cover, okay?
你一個人可以的 我兩個小時以後回來 You can do this alone. I'll be back in two hours.
你可以的 You got this.
你嚇到我了 You scared me.
就是這裡了 Man: This is the place.
要是其他人約我們來看 他們是如何運作的 You'd think if somebody wants to show us their operation,
至少會準時 they'd at least be on time.
看看這破地方 Look at this crap. Huh?
我確實很懷念從前... - 靠 - I do miss the days... - Shit.
他在幹嘛? - ...那時還是正常的毒品 -What's he doing here? - ...When people did normal drugs.
這是什麼? 糖豆嗎? What is this? Jelly beans?
垃圾! Crap!
站好 接住 Set, hut!
Mcquaid沖過來接住了球 Bob: Mcquaid crosses in an end-around.
假動作 他們倆真是默契搭檔 It's a trick play! These two are practically interchangeable.
Mcquaid傳給haythe Mcquaid throws down the field to haythe.
然後他接穩 觸地得分 And he hangs on for the touchdown!
他們就像在同一豌豆莢裡 Jim: These two are peas in a pod, Bob,
不過不是小綠豆 but instead of little green balls,
他們是人類 是橄欖球運動員 they are human football players.
為美羅城大學黃金二人組再歡呼一次吧 Announcer: Let's hear it once again, mc state, for your dynamic duo.
我去 我兄弟又需要我去幫忙 Oh, shit. My brother needs me again.
聽著 你也知道 忠誠很酷 Look, you know, loyalty's cool,
我很羡慕這樣 and I admire it,
我知道他是你的兄弟 and I know he's your brother.
但是你不能讓自己被別人控制 But you can't allow yourself to be held down by a guy
就因為他不肯放手 just because he won't let go.
對 呃... Jenko: Yeah. Um...
我去上個廁所 I gotta take a piss.
那孩子讓我們這樣等著太不禮貌了 Man: The kid's pretty rude to make us wait like this.
你閉嘴 Can you shut it?
90年代的老式毒品怎麼了 What's wrong with those classic drugs from the '90s?
海洛因 你知道的 可卡因 Heroin, you know, cocaine...
- 嘿 嘿 - 喔 靠 - Hey, hey. - Whoa. Shit.
- 我到了 你丫高興了? - 噓 - I'm fucking here. You happy? - Shh!
鬼見愁就在這邊 好嗎? The ghost is right there, okay?
他要在這見供應商 He's about to meet up with the supplier.
過去看看 - 你小點聲 - Hey. Check that out. - Jenko: You shush.
你才是那個說話的 - 你聲音太大 - You're the one fucking talking. - You're being so fucking loud.
你趕緊閉嘴 You shut the fuck up.
這邊怎麼了 - 完了 - What's going on here? - Schmidt: Shit!
你打擾了一場銷魂的口交 (Stuttering) You're interrupting a really stellar blow job.
臥槽 我才剛硬起來 Oh, fuck, I just came so hard!
怎麼回事？ What the hell is going on?
沒事 有一對斷袖癖而已 It's okay. It's just a couple of faggots.
你剛說什麼 Hey, yo, what the fuck did you just say?
你剛稱呼我們"同性戀"? Did you just call us "faggots"?
是他說你在給他口交 He said you were sucking his dick.
這都2014年了 傻叉 It's 2014, asshole.
你不能用"同性戀"這個詞 You can't fucking use "faggot."
基佬可以 男同也行 "Gay" is okay. "Homosexual," maybe.
你要是認識這個人 你也可以叫他"同志" And if you know the person, you might be able to call them a "queer."
要是他們比較有幽默感的話 不過我可沒有 If they have a great sense of humor, but I don't.
抱歉 他選修了一門人類性學課程 I'm sorry, he took one human sexuality class,
他以為他是Harvey Milk(同性戀政治家) he thinks he's Harvey milk.
我的老天 你就不能 Oh, my God. Will you please,
哪怕只有一次 別拆我的台 just for once, just back me up?
你為啥就不能動一次腦袋呢？ Why can't you just use your head for once?
你想讓我用頭? - 行 Oh. You want me to use my head? Fine.
現在怎樣？ 他媽的混蛋 Oh, yeah, what's up now, motherfuckers?
還記得我嗎? You remember me?
我是你的美... I'm your best night...
我是你的噩夢 I'm your worst nightmare.
喔 老兄 我的記憶力 Oh, man, it's my memory.
最近越來越差了 It's getting worse lately.
你是員警嗎? Are you the police?
對 我是 你他媽的混蛋都被逮捕了 Yeah, that's right. And you motherfuckers are all under arrest.
你的槍呢? Where's your gun?
啥? - 你有槍嗎? What? Do you have guns?
沒 No.
我沒有 No, I don't.
可是我們有槍 'Cause we have guns.
為什麼你不把槍放下 咱們像個爺們一樣打一場 Well, why don't you put your guns down, and let's fight like men?
因為我們有槍 Because we have guns.
Schmidt 跑! - 抓住他! Schmidt, run! Get him!
操! Shit! (Guns firing)
這能有多難嗎?打中他們! Ghost: How hard can it be? Shoot them!
操 操 操! Fuck, fuck, fuck!
打他們! 打他們! Shoot them! Shoot them!
過來 走這邊 比較快 Come on, this way, it's faster.
不 走這邊 - Schmidt Schmidt No, just come this... Schmidt! Schmidt!
快點 行嗎? Hurry up, okay?
Schmidt 你能快點嗎? Schmidt, will you hurry up!
別沖我大吼大叫 我會分心的! Stop yelling at me! You're distracting me!
Schmidt 快點 我們走! Schmidt, come on! Let's go!
我跳不下去! 我又不是蜘蛛俠! I can't jump down! I'm not, like, fucking spider-man!
我去弄輛車 I'm gonna get the car.
還是樓梯快多了 Stairs are so much faster.
這就是你弄的車? That's the car you got?
很抱歉不是蘭博基尼 閉嘴趕緊上車吧 I'm sorry it's not a fucking lambo. Shut up and get in.
他們還在追我們嗎? Are they even still chasing us?
對 他們還在追趕我們! Yes, they're still chasing us!
為什麼你要那麼做? 我們馬上就能抓住供貨人了 Why did you do that? We were about to catch the supplier.
出什麼毛病了你? What's wrong with you?
你看啊 如果你什麼也不說 Look, if you don't say something,
人們永遠都不會停止他們的歧視 people will never stop discriminating.
你能想個辦法嗎? Will you please do something
這玩意跑的這麼慢 about how slow this thing's going?
我去! - 小心 小心! Oh, shit! Watch out, watch out!
這就像是一個小頭盔車 That is just like a little helmet machine.
我們不能再撞壞其他東西了! We can't destroy any more stuff!
我們不能再揮霍組織上的錢了! We can't waste any more of the department's money!
當心那個取款機! Watch out for that cash machine!
走哪邊? 走哪邊? 走哪邊? Which way? Which way? Which way?
哪邊都行 只要便宜! Schmidt: Whichever way's cheaper!
右邊? 你走了右邊? Right? You went right?
你本可以去停車場的 You could've gone in a parking lot,
你去了雕塑公園? you went to the sculpture garden?
你知道這得多貴嗎? Do you know how expensive that's gonna be?
我去! Shit!
看起來好像他們是故意去撞的 It's like they're trying to hit 'em or something.
我是說 雖然看起來很酷 I mean, it looks cool,
但是 就是 這太奢侈了 but, I mean, it's just so wasteful.
他們正在撞毀一切! Schmidt: They're destroying everything!
老大會滅了咱們的! Captain's gonna kill us! (Tires screeching)
我們該怎麼辦? What are we gonna do?
好吧 我們去機器人實驗室裡甩掉他們 All right, we're gonna lose 'em in the robotics lab.
什麼? What?
哦 不 我們毀了一切! Schmidt: Oh, no! Oh, we broke everything!
這裡有很多很貴的東西! There was a lot of expensive stuff in there!
我去! Oh, shit!
他們要去體育館! They're going into the stadium!
聽著Schmidt 我得告訴你個事 Listen, schmidt, I gotta tell you something.
我得到了獎學金 I got offered a scholarship
明年在這裡繼續玩橄欖球 to play football here next year.
Zook說我可以和他住一個寢室 你明白的 And zook said I could room with him, you know,
所以我在想 我也許可以這樣做 so I was thinking that I could do that, maybe.
什麼? 你不能又當員警 What? You can't be a cop
還留在這裡跟Zook玩橄欖球 and stay here and play football with zook.
不 聽著 我知道 好嗎? 只是... No, look, I know, okay? It's just...
我跟Zook不會有矛盾 我們是類似的 There's no friction with me and zook. We're the same.
你想退出麼? 想退出你就直說 Do you want out? If you want out, just say it.
不是 我不是想退出 好嗎? No, I don't want out, okay?
只是 當我在橄欖球賽場上的時候 It's just, when I'm on the football field
我彎腰過人 我感覺我在飛 and I'm diving for a pass, I feel like I can fly.
好嗎 我和你在一起 All right? And when I'm with you,
只是覺得你在拖累我 it just feels like you hold me down.
我只是希望你能和我一起飛 I just wish you could fly with me.
Statesmen贏了 34比14 Bob: And the statesmen win, 34-14.
粉絲們都湧到了球場上 (All cheering) Jim: And there go the fans onto the field.
Jenko!
我嘞個草! Jesus Christ!
夥計 刹車失靈了 - 什麼? - Dude, the brakes are out. - What?
都快滾一邊去! Get the fuck out of the way!
你趕緊跳下去 你跳啊 跳啊! You gotta jump. You gotta jump, jump, jump!
不 No.
操 Fuck!
我們走 老闆 我們走 Let's go, boss. We gotta go. (Laughs)
你做到了! 太棒了! 耶! You did it! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
你被逮捕了 先生 You're under arrest, sir.
我是員警 Hey, I'm an officer, all right?
帶我走吧 我等會再解釋 Just take me in. I'll explain later.
不管他的事 他是個學生 他什麼也沒做 No, no, no. Hey, he's a student. He didn't do anything.
等等 等等 你幹嘛呢 你幹嘛呢? Wait, wait. What are you doing? What are you doing?
我 I, um...
我替你做決定了 I decided for you.
繼續玩橄欖球吧 Just stick with football.
我不能給你像他們給你的感覺 I can't give you the same feeling that these guys can.
也許我們只是一次性的搭檔 Maybe we were only supposed to do this once.
什麼? What?
這是我人生中最好的時刻 Dude, this is the fucking best moment of my life!
我們走 兄弟! Let's go, man!
Mcquaid! Mcquaid! Mcquaid!
嘿 瑪雅·安吉羅（詩人） Maya: Hey, Maya angelou.
謝謝你騙了我 Thanks for lying to me.
蘭博基尼 ! 酷斃了! Both: Lam-bros! Yes!
您今晚過的怎麼樣 先生? - 很好 謝謝 How are we doing tonight, sir? Good, thanks.
您是等人還是自己用餐? Are we waiting on anybody or you dining alone?
也許有人會順便過來 但是我可以... Someone may swing by, but we can...
我可以自己先點餐 We can order without them.
我們確認並逮捕了理療師Karl Murphy We have identified and arrested one Dr. Karl Murphy,
我們在他的辦公室內發現了whyphy殘留 who was found with whyphy residue throughout his office...
...他與死者有著密切的關係 ...and had a close personal relationship with the deceased.
就像我們最近破獲的一起發生在高中的案子 Exactly like a case we had recently at a high school.
完全一樣 Exactly the same.
這案子結了 The case is closed.
我說 你那邊完了之後下一步打算怎麼辦? You know, like, what you're gonna do after you're out of here?
你不能扔石頭 You're not supposed to throw rocks.
什麼? What?
你不能扔石頭 You're not supposed to throw rocks.
# 我一點也不想你# (Groans) # I ain't missing you at all #
# 自從你離開以後# # since you've been gone away #
一人份的龍蝦 the lobster for one person.
一人份的就行 Enough for one person only.
# 不管我的朋友們說什麼# # No matter what my friends say #
我注意到這個whyphy案子中的一些細節 I found something in this whyphy case that caught my attention.
滾出我的辦公室 Get the fuck out of my office.
長官 你不... - 我們抓住了嫌疑人 - Sir, you don't... - We caught the guy.
你今天除了鍛煉身體什麼也不打算做嗎? Hey, you want to do anything else other than work out today?
比如什麼? Like what?
來吧 夥計 他們只是龍蝦而已 夥計 Come on, dude. They're just lobsters, dude.
來吧 別害怕 Come on. No, don't be afraid.
它會抓你的臉的 它會抓你的臉的 It's gonna claw your face. It's gonna claw your face.
我們以後的生活就會像這樣 兄弟 It's gonna be like this, dude, for the rest of our lives.
# 今晚穿過這漫長的距離# #down this long distance line tonight #
# 我一點也不想你# # I ain't missing you at all #
# 自從你離開以後# # since you've been gone away #
# 我沒有想念你# #I ain't missing you
# 不管我的朋友怎麼說# # no matter what my friends say #
# 沒有想念你# #ain't missing you #
- 嗨 - 嗨 - hey. - Hey.
你來這做什麼？ What are you doing here?
過來看看你過的怎麼樣 Just came to see how you are.
我很他媽好 I'm doing fucking great.
比從前任何時候都開心 I'm the happiest I've ever been,
我一個人也很好 so I'm just having a great time with myself.
你若安好 便是晴天 I'm glad you're having a good time with yourself.
我現在是個獨立藝人了 像碧昂斯那樣 I'm a solo artist now, like Beyonce.
我以前的命運像普通孩子們一樣 現在我只是 I used to have the other destiny's children, but now I'm just, uh,
一個孤獨的超級巨星而已 a lone superstar.
替你開心 Happy for you.
只是一個擁有夢想和甜美歌聲的白皙的公主而已 Just a light-skinned princess with a dream and an amazing voice.
太好了 That's great.
你呢? How are you?
我很好 I'm pretty great.
我過的很消沉...你知道Zook是個多麼消沉的人 I just chill and... You know how chill zook is.
Zook是那麼的消沉 Zook's such a chill guy.
像塊冰一樣 Just like ice.
這讓我替你感到開心 That makes me so happy for you.
所以 聽著 我只是想說 So, look, I just wanted to say that, like,
我在想這個案子 I was thinking about the case,
我只是擔心他們抓錯人了 and I was worried that they got the wrong guy for it.
我也認為他不是嫌疑人 I don't think he's the guy, either.
是嗎? Yeah?
我查了鬼見愁的資料 I looked into the ghost's background,
我看到他給一個美羅城大學的在校生交學費 and I saw that he pays tuition for a student at mc state.
你認為鬼見愁會是供貨人的父親? You think the ghost could be the supplier's dad?
有可能 Maybe.
這是一條很好的情報 Okay, that's a pretty good piece of information.
謝謝 Thank you.
我聽說whyphy又捲土重來了 Well, I heard whyphy's coming back in a big way.
有人大批量帶著那玩意 Someone's bringing a shit-ton of that stuff
到墨西哥港 為了春假的供應 down to puerto, Mexico, for spring break.
如果這真的發生了 那麼whyphy會像病毒一樣 And if that happens, whyphy is going viral.
在全國的每一所學校蔓延開來 It's gonna be at every college in the country.
我覺得還是我的情報更有力一些 I think my information was stronger.
聽著 如果你... 你想要 Look, if you... If you want to,
我們可以一起去 we could go down there.
像搭檔一樣? Like together?
我們不一定非得叫搭檔 We don't have to put a label on it.
就像 一次性的 臨時的 Just, like, one-time. One-time thing.
彼此沒有鄭重的承諾和壓力 No big commitment or stress to each other.
一次性的 臨時的 Just, like, one-time. One-time thing.
那你的學校 橄欖球 和美好的新生活怎麼辦? What about school and football and your wonderful new life?
我有時間 I have time off.
我現在放春假了 I'm on spring break.
這酸爽 Cool tingling.
還能放下這個寶貝 Got room for one of these babies.
手榴彈 你幹嘛要放在那裡? A grenade. Why you gonna put it there?
太不衛生了 That's just unsanitary.
感覺爽 Feels right.
你漏了一個地方 Missed a spot.
你知道這次只是一次性對嗎？ You know this is just a one-time thing, right?
我知道 I know.
所以你不會覺得這很奇怪嗎 So you're not gonna be weird about this?
好吧 Okay.
很好 Both: Perfect.
春假 幹他娘的 Spring break, motherfucker.
你沒看到是我先出來的嗎 - 借過一下 - Did you not see that I was going first? - Excuse you.
借過一下 - 你想先走? - Excuse you. - You want to go first?
春假他媽的來了 Emcee: Spring break, motherfuckers!
#I be divin' in the crowd#
# shake my dreads, actin' wild#
#can't do lean, too blowed out#
#too turnt up, I can't turn down#
#can't turn down can't turn down#
#can't turn down#
#All I wanna do is party#
#my head keep on spinning around#
#baby girl, why don't you first#
#drop it to the ground#
#I be divin' in the crowd#
#shake my dreads, actin' wild#
#can't do lean, too blowed out#
#too turnt up, I can't turn down#
# can't turn down can't turn down#
#can't turn down can't turn down#
# can't turn down can't turn down #
我的天啊! 我滿身大汗! my gosh! I'm sweaty.
你們真的在這吃東西麼? You guys are actually eating stuff in here?
這太瘋狂了 That's so crazy.
兄弟 麻煩讓一讓 Jenko: Come on, man, put your dick away.
你他媽倒是讓一讓啊 Put your fucking dick away.
樓上 樓上 我們走 Upstairs, upstairs. Let's go.
好的 我們的計畫是這樣的 Mercedes: Okay, so here's the plan.
我們要讓所有的學生在春假裡依賴上whyphy We're gonna get all these kids at spring break hooked on whyphy.
然後你把它帶回你的地盤 Then you're gonna bring it back to your turf,
你要把它全部賣光 and you're gonna sell the shit out of it.
統統賣光 你們看到了嗎 "Sell shit out of it." Do you see that?
如果你們敢出賣我 And if you rat me out,
我陷害過我的心理學教授 就因為他給我了B-評分 I framed my psych prof just for giving me a b-minus.
他現在進監獄了 所以 別惹我 He's in jail now, so don't fuck with me.
我們要建立一個全國性質的網路 We're gonna build a nationwide network.
你幹啥呢? - 安靜點 What the fuck are you doing? - Be quiet.
為什麼你不買那些老式毒品 Why don't you sell those old classic drugs
90年代的可卡因 海洛因 還有... from the '90s, like cocaine, heroin and...
爸 那些都是 老年人的毒品 Dad, those are, like, old-people drugs.
感覺就像是老女人在像吸毒 That's, like, what they did on the golden girls.
就像是blanche在吸海洛因 Like, blanche did heroin.
好吧 我還是坐在這 什麼也不說好了 All right, I'll just sit here and be silent.
Blanche從來沒吸過海洛因 Blanche never did heroin.
好了 楊氏兄弟 你來代替我那個死室友的位置 Okay, so, yangs, you'll take my dead roommate's spot.
酷 很好 Cool. Dope.
你在逗我嗎 楊氏兄弟? 你是嗑嗨了嗎? Are you kidding me, yangs? Are you fucking high?
當然 - 是的 - Of course. - Yeah, I am.
我的天 你難道沒有聽過 Jesus Christ, have you ever heard of,
“販毒不吸毒”這句話嗎 "don't get high on your own supply"?
我們沒嗑要 - 沒嗑 - We didn't. - Nah.
我沒嗑 I didn't do that.
我用了他的 他用了我的 Yeah, I used his and he used mine.
好 現在我必須得從你們倆中間立一個規矩出來 Okay, well, now I have to make a fucking example out of you.
是把槍 That's a gun. Yeah.
誰先來? Who first?
你想先去嗎? - 我不想死 - You want to go first? - I don't want to die.
你去死... - 我不想死 - You die... - I don't want to die.
你想石頭剪刀布嗎? - 石頭剪刀布? - You want to do rock paper scissors? - Rock paper scissors?
就是這樣 - 就這樣 - That's how we'll do it. - That's how we'll do it.
操 Fuck.
好吧 我們無法決出勝負 Yeah, we won't figure this out.
你們兩個我一起殺 -寶貝 - I'll shoot both of you. - Ghost: Darling.
如果你想加入我們的家族生意 If you're going into the family business,
你必須要有清白記錄 you will have to have a clean record.
這就是為什麼我們有這些人來替我們做事 That's why we have these guys to do it for us.
靠 厄運 Both: Oh, fuck. Jinx.
我們得行動了 We got to move right now.
給我在天堂買杯可樂 Both: Buy me a coke in heaven. Jinx again.
放下槍 - 都放下槍 Put your guns down! Fucking guns down!
Doug?
我不叫Doug 我叫Schmit My name's not Doug, it's schmidt.
猜猜看 我們可是員警 And guess what, we're cops. Boom.
真可怕 Oh, my God.
是啊 每個人都知道 - 真的嗎 - Yeah, everybody knows. - Really?
你們倆像是夏威夷老爸秀中的員警 You guys look like the stars of a cop show called Hawaiian dads.
好吧 夠了夠了 小的們 進來吧! All right, enough is enough. Boys, move in!
我們還有同夥嗎 - 是啊! - Oh, do we have company? - Ghost: Yeah!
放下你們的槍 - 你們先放下 - Drop your guns. - Drop yours first.
我們的槍比你們的多 給我把槍放下 We have way more guns than you. Drop your fucking guns.
好吧 有道理 Okay, that's a good point.
這就是你們的整個計畫嗎? I mean, was this really your entire plan?
沒有任何支援就沖進來了? Coming in here with no backup?
也許我們有一個更加精心的計畫 Or maybe we had a far more elaborate plan. Mmm-hmm.
也許我的搭檔兜裡面放著一個跟蹤器 Maybe my partner has a tracking device in his pocket right now.
也許...什麼? May... what?
你居然帶了跟蹤器? 我沒有 You had the fucking tracking device. I don't have it.
這應該是你記著的事 That's the one fucking thing you were supposed to remember.
你是那個有腦子的人 你應該帶著跟蹤裝置 Jenko: You're the smart person. You do the tracking device shit.
那是你的事 我負責體力勞動方面的 That's your domain. I do the physical shit.
你知道嗎 我有時候是會拖累你 Schmidt: You know what, I may drag you down sometimes,
但每一次 只有你要機會犯蠢 but every possible time you can do something dumb,
你就會做出最蠢的事 you do the dumbest possible thing.
不 最蠢的事 No, the fucking dumbest possible thing
是讓兩個員警在這邊說廢話 is letting two cops blah-blah-blah
同時其他的員警正在就位來搗毀他們 while other cops are getting in position to bust their shit in.
所以你是說我帶了跟蹤裝置 Oh, so you mean I brought the tracking device.
對啊 怎麼樣 現在? Yeah. What's up now, huh?
看起來像是一場真的爭吵 That seemed like such a real argument.
即興表演而已 小婊砸 That's improv, bitch.
歇你妹的春假啊 傻叉 Spring break yourself, fool.
我們能把你們打的七零八落 We shoot dicks off here in jump street.
我們也來了 We're here, as well.
我們龍虎局 馬上就要踢你們的屁股 We jump street, and we about to jump in yo' ass.
來得正好 Right in the crack.
別輕舉妄動 皮衣男 Don't do it, leatherface.
他拿著毒品 Dickson: He's got the drugs!
太無聊了 都沒有人中槍 This is so boring. No one's getting shot.
我的天 (Laughs) Oh, my God.
你是中槍了嗎 在我話音剛落的時候? Did you just get shot, like, right after I fucking said that?
我能用你的槍嗎? 這把大一點 Can I have your gun? It's bigger.
停下來! 我要開槍打你了! Stop! I'll shoot you in the ass!
老爸! Dad!
Maya?
你來這幹什麼? What are you doing here?
這可是槍戰現場 This is a shoot-out.
你知道在槍戰中會發生什麼嗎 You know what happens in a shoot-out.
他們總是綁架一個女孩 They always kidnap the girl.
也並不總是 Not always.
Mercedes?你跟我來 Mercedes? You're coming with me.
賤貨 拜託 我哪也不去 Bitch, please. I ain't going nowhere with you.
現在走 Now.
爸 我該做什麼？ Dad, what do I do?
那是我的泳裝嗎 Is that my bathing suit?
只是問問 這是禮貌 Just ask. It's polite.
你開槍打了我的腳 You shot me in my foot! Wait!
走 快走 現在 Move! Move faster now!
我在給你說話 見鬼 你朝我的腳開槍 I'm taking my time. Shit, you shot me in my goddamn foot.
Doug? Doug!
Maya!
Mercedes帶著我爸往那邊走了 Mercedes just took my dad that way!
好 我們去追 Okay, we're on it.
要是我出意外 我就殺了你們倆混小子 Dickson: If I die, I'm gonna kill both of you motherfuckers!
操 現在我們怎麼去追趕他 Fuck. How are we gonna catch him now? (Engine revving)
蘭博基尼 Lambo.
員警 員警 - 滾開 Policia! Policia! Fuck off.
我擦 鬼見愁在那 Shit, there's ghost!
什麼 我們要怎麼辦？ What? What do we do?
我們要分開行動 Uh, we need to split up.
你一個人行嗎 Are you okay with that?
對 我可以 Yeah, I can do it.
你確定？ Are you sure?
我要開車去追 因為你跑的快 I need to drive, 'cause you're faster on foot.
什麼?我不能開蘭博基尼 What? I don't get to drive the lambo?
你不能開 快走 出發吧 No, you don't. Come on, let's go!
可是 我想 ... -誰會在乎蘭博基尼 快走吧 But I want... Who gives a shit about the lambo? Just go!
快把鑰匙給我 -我不能給你 Let go of the fucking keys! I can't let 'em go.
你要要拿好它 You're gonna have to take 'em.
好好使用她 這是榮耀 真的 Take care of her, okay? It'll be glorious, I promise.
這車怎麼開啊 How do you drive this thing?
你要讓她駕駛你 夥計 You got to let her drive you, bro.
我進不去 Schmidt: I can't get in.
你怎麼開的車 Look where you're going!
好混亂啊 It's so confusing!
慢點 賤貨我的手很疼 Easy, bitch. My hands are hurting.
你知道後面追我們的是誰嗎？ You know who's behind us in that car?
那是我們隊最好的車手 That's one of the best drivers that we got.
靠 Fuck!
哦 我操 Oh, shit.
真他媽複雜 這是什麼？ Schmidt: Fucking complicated. What is this?
我了個大槽 Holy shit!
你讓我錯失了開蘭博基尼的機會 你個混蛋 You fucked up me driving a lamborghini, you dick!
滾一邊去 鴿子 Fuck you, doves!
墨西哥港讓我們聽聽你們的尖叫 Emcee: Puerto, Mexico, let's hear you get crazy!
感覺就像是蝙蝠車 It's like a Batmobile.
快點 schmidt! Come on, schmidt!
老人要穿過來了 Old man coming through!
借過 借過 Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.
Brad春假來了 Brad! Spring break!
我不行 我有事 Jenko: Look, I can't, all right?
兄弟 我要走了 我要走了 Dude, I got to go. I got to go.
到此為止吧 This is quite enough.
你放開我 丟下所有的貨 You need to let me go and drop all this.
快閃開 Get out of the way!
東京漂移 Tokyo drift!
太快了 That was way too fast
漂亮的停車 想想還有一點小激動 and pretty Way too... A little bit too furious.
Schmidt 過來 我還戴著手銬呢 Schmidt! Get over here! I'm handcuffed!
停手吧 混蛋 還有車停的不錯 Give it up, asshole! And nice parking job!
靠 我馬上回來 Fuck! I'll be right back.
我去追她 很快回來 抱歉 I gotta go. I'll be right back. Sorry.
這是命令 混小子 快過來 That's a direct order, motherfucker! Come over here!
你又老又弱 Mercedes: You are so old and weak!
把槍丟了 我說真的 Drop the fucking gun! Seriously!
把你皺紋的手從我身上拿開 Mercedes: Get your wrinkly hands off me!
你上哪了 Where the hell have you been?
在到處找你 Looking for you.
我像瘋子一樣在跑 I've been running like crazy!
嘿 嘿 Hey! Hey.
想像爺們一樣對打嗎？ Want to fight like a man?
你最好能一對二 Then you better fight like two men.
嘿 嘿 Hey. Hey.
真的 又是雙胞胎？ Really? More twins?
起來 老傢伙 Get up, old man river!
來啊 -嘿 Come on! Hey.
來打我啊 你個娘炮 Get up and hit me, you fucking pussy!
我不會和女人打的 停手吧 I'm not gonna fight a girl, so just stop!
那不是問題 It shouldn't matter.
要是你把我當成一個人 而不是女人 If you thought of me as a person instead of a woman,
你打我就不會感覺不好了 you would hit me and not feel bad about it.
好吧 -還手啊 Okay. Bring it!
我準備好了 I'm ready.
現在開始了 瘋狗 It's on now, dawg.
跟女的打 Girl fight.
哦 哦 哦 -哦 我的天啊 Oh. Oh. Oh, my God.
我眼睛有沒有出血？ -哦 天啊 你沒事吧？ Is there blood in my eye? Oh, my God. Are you all right?
我覺得我眼睛出血了 I think there's blood in my eye.
你他媽學著點 Fucking learn how to hit!
這才像樣！ That's a little better!
這才好點 草泥馬！再來 再來 That's a little better, motherfucker! Come on! Come on!
不 不 - 幹嘛？ No! No! What?
你剛在幹嘛？ -我在幹嘛？ What were you doing? What am I doing?
你為毛想要親我？ Why'd you try to kiss me?
我他媽才沒想要親你！ I didn't fucking try and kiss you!
你就是 -哦 你太怪了 Yes, you did. Ooh, you're so weird!
你他媽的要跟我上演史密斯夫婦 You're fucking Mr. and Mrs. Smith-ing me.
我才沒要跟你演史密斯夫婦 'm not Mr. and Mrs. Smith-ing you.
剛剛才不是性戰！ This wasn't a sexy fight.
哦 就像你你從來沒有想過要親我一樣 Oh, like you haven't wanted to kiss me the whole time.
我從沒想過一次要親你！ I never once wanted to kiss you!
從沒有！沒有 Never! No!
你又那麼做了 - 停 停 You just did it again! Stop it! Stop!
你在做性感的鬼臉 You're making a face that is sexy!
我從沒有想要親你 I don't even want to kiss you!
那就不要想這去試 Then stop trying!
你一直想試 You keep trying!
我從沒試著要親你 I've never tried to kiss you.
你給我了“親我的眼神” You gave me "kiss me" eyes.
沒 我沒有 No, I didn't.
那眼神是“我的臉上被揍了”的眼神 The eyes were "I just got punched in the face" eyes.
不是“親我”的眼神 They weren't "kiss me" eyes.
我一點兒也不喜歡你 I don't even like you!
我也不喜歡你 所以你不要親我 Neither do I, so stop kissing me!
好的 Okay!
不 你又前傾了 No! You're leaning in again!
我不知道我們是要打架還是親吻 I didn't know if we were gonna punch or kiss!
你搞得現在很不自在 You're making this so uncomfortable.
這是我經歷過最不自在的打架 This is the most uncomfortable fistfight I've ever been in.
我要打你的臉把你打醒 ‘I'm gonna give you an out by punching you in the face.
好嗎？ -好 Okay? Okay.
然後我們重新回到打架階段 And then we're gonna go back to fighting
我們都假裝剛才什麼都發生過 and we'll pretend this never happened,
因為我覺得這太尷尬了 'cause I feel so awkward.
我想要看到你們瘋狂 I want to see you get crazy!
我他媽的恨死春假了 I fucking hate spring break!
操 Fuck!
你開什麼玩笑？那是塑膠的 Are you kidding me? It's plastic.
一點兒也不疼 -好... Doesn't even hurt! Okay...
這不是你想像的春假？ This isn't the spring break you imagined?
這個怎麼樣？你要不要來點好玩的 How about this? You want a little fun?
什麼東西？ What is that?
濕身吧 寶貝！ Get wet, baby!
我臉上有好多潤滑油！ So much lube in my face!
臉上有油 Lube on my face.
你太暴力了！ You're so violent!
你要是不上我就給我滾下來 Get off me unless you're gonna fuck me!
我才不要上你！ I'm not gonna fuck you!
我們要上床麼 -不 才不是 Are we gonna fuck? -No we not
這不就是正在發生麼？ Is that what's happening?
不！我才不想上你 No! I'm not gonna fuck you, ever!
下來！ Get off!
嘿！ Hey!
幹啥？你要做啥子？ What? What are you gonna do?
用你的手掐死我？ Choke me with your liver-spotted hands?
還是走過來把我推下去？ You gonna push me over with your Walker?
你能追上我很了不起 I'm impressed you caught up to me.
你可能從來沒有跑那麼快過 You probably haven't run that fast
自從你在操場上玩曲棍球以來 since you played stickball in the field
在舊Wiggleby甜品店那裡 behind old pop wiggleby's sweet shop.
不要動 賤貨 -哦 謝天謝地 Freeze, bitch. Oh, thank God.
看看誰從該死的皮帶上解脫出來了 Look who got off the motherfucking leash.
現在誰是困境中的少女？ -靠！ Now who's the damsel in distress? Schmidt: Fuck!
我猜是他了 Well, I guess it's him.
我可不是打的空心彈 Schmidt i don't have a clean shot, schmidt.
那就不要開槍！ Then don't take the shot!
可能我會開下流槍 Maybe I want to take a dirty shot.
就是你對我女兒開的那種下流槍 Kind of like the dirty shot you took on my daughter.
我沒有對你女兒耍流氓 好嗎？ I didn't take a dirty shot on your daughter, okay?
我們談了很多 我們互相關心 We talked a lot, and we care about each other.
你身上所有的優點 All the good qualities you have,
我在Maya身上都感受到了 I can feel inside of Maya.
我要開槍了 I'm gonna take the shot.
不要開槍 Don't take the shot.
我開槍越過你的肩膀 I can shoot right through your shoulder,
正中這個賤貨的胸部 hit the bitch right in the chest.
不要開槍 -我就是要開槍 Don't take the shot. I'm taking the shot.
我他媽的會開槍的 I'll take the fucking shot.
在我開槍之前誰都不准開槍 Nobody take the shot before me.
不如我們同時開槍？ -誰也不能開槍 Mercedes: How about we take it at the same time? No one take a shot.
等 等 等 等 Wait, wait, wait, wait!
靠！你有權利保持沉默... Shit! You have the right to remain silent...
不 不 不 我來處理這個 Dickson: No, no, no, I got this.
你去抓鬼見愁 他在樓頂 You go handle the ghost. He's on the roof.
我馬上去 -交給我了 I'm on it. I got it.
你在看什麼？ Dickson: What you looking at?
手銬銬的不錯 寶貝女兒 Good job on the cuffs, baby girl.
他媽的這麼多級臺階 So many fucking stairs.
是我 是我 -靠 It's me! It's me! Shit.
你做到了 夥計 你抓到Mercedes？ (Chuckles) You made it, dude. Did you get Mercedes?
是啊 完全靠我一個人 Yeah. All by myself.
真的？ Really?
主要是靠我 -好的 Mainly by myself. Okay.
還有夥計 你說的很對 那個蘭博基尼... And, dude, you were right, that lambo...
我現在不想提那個 Just can't hear that right now.
那車很遜 一點兒不好 It's a shitty-made car. It's not good.
嘿 我們走吧 我們該走了 Hey, let's go. We got to go.
你還剩多少子彈？ How many bullets you got left?
一個也沒了 None
那就表現的像你有一樣 Act like you have bullets, then.
我們該走了 We gotta go!
我們得等我女兒 We have to wait for pudding!
Jenko！
快走 快走！ Go, go!
給你 拿著這個 -好的 Here, take this. Okay.
我是想給你擋個子彈的 夥計 I tried to take a bullet for you, man.
但是你沒擋住 Yeah. But you didn't.
但是我試了 重要的是想法 But I tried. It's the thought that matters.
不是 重要的不是想法 No, it's not the thought that counts.
是要擋住子彈 It's fucking taking the bullet.
掩護我 我要跑遠一點 Cover me. I'm gonna go long.
好的 Okay.
拜 拜 終結者！ Bye-bye, Terminator!
嘿！從我直升機上滾下去 Hey! Get off of my chopper!
你能把他晃下來麼？ Can you shake him off?
我來抓你了 草泥馬！ I'm coming for you, motherfucker!
快點 把駕駛杆前後擺動 Ghost: Come on, just wiggle the stick back and forth!
他就一隻手在飛機上了 He's only got one arm!
我用一隻胳膊就能打你的老二 I only need one arm to punch you in the dick.
把他晃下來！晃下來！ Shake him off! Shake him off!
別像個娘兒們！ Don't be a pussy!
我嘞個草 Holy shit!
我做到了 Schmidt: I did it!
我他媽看起來就像個壞蛋！ I look so fucking badass!
哦 天啊 你飛起來了 Oh, my God, you flew!
太瘋狂了 This is crazy!
你飛躍了 夥計 You made the leap, man!
你為啥要這麼做？ Why'd you do that?
因為你這麼做了 Schmidt: 'Cause you did it!
我不能留你一個人掛著 夥計！ I couldn't leave you hanging, man!
你說什麼傻話呢？我很好 我能行 What are you talking about? I was fine. I had it.
你沒有... You weren't...
我抓到你了！ -我操 Schimidt！ I got you! Shit! Schmidt!
我抓到你了！ I got you!
你救了我的命！ You saved my life!
我剛剛意識到 I just realized something.
你沒有拖我後腿 夥計 You don't hold me down, man.
你提升了我 You lift me up.
從裡到外都是 Literally and figuratively.
是 我知道 我知道雙重意義上 Yeah, I know. I meant both.
你也有拖我下水 夥計 You don't drag me down, either, man.
我的意思是 除現在之外 I mean, except right now.
你確實在拖我後腿 你太重了 You're dragging me down. You're really heavy.
嘿 聽著 我短褲裡有個手榴彈 Hey, listen, there's a grenade in my shorts.
你能夠到麼？ Can you reach it?
你要伸到內衣裡 You gotta go in from underneath.
哦 靠 Oh, shit!
是這個麼？ -那是我的老二 Is that it? That's my dick.
那是什麼？ What about that?
那也是我的弟弟 That's my dick also.
為什麼硬了啊？ Why is it hard?
我現在腎上腺素分泌太多了！ I have so much adrenaline right now!
是這個麼？ -你把我撓癢了 Jenko: Is that it? (Laughing) You're tickling me.
我找不到！ I can't find it!
就是這個！ 抓住它！ That's it! Grab it!
好耶！ Yes!
不 我把它放嘴裡了 No, I got it in my mouth.
扔的時候說點酷的！ Say something cool when you throw it!
一 二 三 One, two, three!
來點酷的！ Something cool!
他們掉下去了！ They're gone!
我感覺太... Oh, I feel so...
哇哦！ Whoo-hoo!
我們做到了！ We did it!
夥計 靠 我 啊哦！ Dude, fuck, I'm... ow!
哦 糟糕！抱歉 Oh! Shit, sorry.
夥計 我太想你了 Dude, I miss you so much, man.
我也想你 I miss you, too.
你就像是花的種子 You were like a tiny little flower seed
我緊緊握在手中 and I was clenching you in my fist.
但是 花兒在手掌裡不能成長 But a flower, it can't grow in a fist.
種子需要自由的飛離 找到自己的土壤 A little seed needs to fly away free and find its soil.
是 我知道 我試著給自己土壤 但是夥計我不喜歡 Yeah, I know. I tried to soil myself and, dude, I didn't like it.
我想要沒有摩擦的關係 I wanted a relationship without friction.
夥計 你需要摩擦才能產生火花 Dude, you need friction to create fire.
這就是我們所擁有的 我們有火花 And that's what we have, we have fire.
哥們 我參加 我完全加入 Dude, I'm in. I'm all in.
謝天謝地 Thank God.
這就是我一直想要的 只有你和我夥計 Dude, this is what I've always wanted. Just me and you, buddy.
我愛你 I love you.
我也是 我愛你 夥計 Me, too, man. I love you, man.
你知道麼？ You know what?
他們應該在一起 That's who he should be with, man.
啥？ What?
嘿 你剛剛扔手榴彈的時候說了啥？ Hey, what'd you say when you threw the grenade up there?
我說：來點酷的 (Laughs) I said, "something cool."
你說什麼？ What did you say?
就是 “來點酷的” -不是 但是你說了什麼？ It was "something cool." No, but what'd you say?
是 我知道 我說 “來點酷的” Yeah, I know. I said, "something cool."
我沒想到春假會這麼沒勁 I didn't expect spring break to be this stinky.
相當噁心 It's pretty gross.
我們太老受不了這些垃圾了 Man, we're getting too old for this shit.
我過了玩這些的年紀了 We started off too old for this shit.
你說的沒錯 (Chuckling) You ain't lying about that.
夥計 對於胳膊中槍的事 Dude, we're even about the arm thing, okay? Right?
你想怎麼補償 What? What do you want to do? (Laughs)
別動 - 靠 行了 Don't move. Fuck. All right.
快點開始吧 好嗎 -別動 Just get it over with, all right? Don't move.
一 - 就擦過我的胳膊 One... Just graze my arm.
我不想你打到骨頭 - 二 I don't want you to hit the bone. ...Two,
三 three.
靠 靠 - 我操 Fuck! Fuck! Shit!
我的天 你沒事吧 -我靠 Oh, my God, are you all right? Shit!
為什麼? 為什麼我在你身邊總是受傷 Why, man? Why am I always getting hurt around you?
Jenko你這是在幹什麼？ Jenko, what are you doing?
去你媽的schmidt - 別鬧了 Fuck you, schmidt. Stop dicking around.
嘿 隊長 -恭喜你們倆 Hey, cap. Congratulations, you two.
你們完成了之前搞砸的任務 You managed to un-fuck up the situation you originally fucked up.
謝謝 Thanks.
我希望你沒有上過我女兒 I wish you can un-fuck my daughter,
不過這事先過去 but I'm gonna let that be the past.
現在 你們下一個任務 Now, for your next mission,
你們倆混小子要去醫學院 you two sons of bitches are going to medical school.
什麼？ What?
這一次 是外國交換學生 This time, foreign exchange students.
牛叉 -耶 Awesome. Yes!
在俄羅斯 In Russia.
什麼？ What?
回見 Do svidanya.
伏特加蘇打水 Vodka soda.
下一個任務 海上學期 Next assignment. A semester at sea.
你們倆混小子要去烹飪學校 You two sons of bitches are going to culinary school.
這個餡餅裡有晶片 There's a microchip in this empanada.
傳統家庭食譜 Old family recipe.
保守秘密最好的地方 Best to keep it a secret.
哦 我操 Oh, shit!
新任務... New assignment...
隊長 你有沒有覺得schmidt不一樣了 Cap, does schmidt look any different to you?
沒有 這就是schmidt Dickson: No. That's schmidt.
我不知道你在說些什麼 夥計 I don't know what you're talking about, man.
他跟以前一樣 He look exactly the same to me.
我戴了新眼鏡 I got new glasses.
是啊 他就是戴了新眼鏡 混蛋玩意 Yeah, man, he just got some new glasses, man. God damn.
沒人會注意的 (Whispering) No one's gonna fucking notice.
我們開幹吧 schmidt Let's do this, schmidt.
好 就像我們一直做的一樣 Jenkins Yeah. Just like we always do, Jenkins.
是jenko - 抱歉 (Whispering) It's jenko. Sorry.
真的 真的很高興你回來 schmidt I'm really, really glad you're back, schmidt.
你在說什麼? 什麼合同糾紛? What are you talking about? What contract dispute?
我一直在這 I've been here the whole time.
他媽的給我閉嘴 Dickson: Man, shut the fuck up.
飛行學院怎麼樣？ How about a flight academy?
臥底就要酷一點 Undercover just got a whole lot sexier.
你們是龍虎局的是吧？ You're jump street, right?
你他媽怎麼知道的 Yeah. How the fuck do you know that?
我是booker I'm booker.
哦 你是個傳奇人物 Oh, shit. Man, you're a legend.
交通學院 Traffic school!
軍事學院 Military school.
潛水訓練班 Scuba class.
舞蹈學院 Dance academy.
好耶 Yes.
總算是一個超贊的了 Finally something I'm amazing at.
¶ Your friends'll be there when your back is to the wall
¶ you'll find you need us
¶ 'cause there's no one else to call
你們倆混小子要去電子遊戲裡去 dickson: You sons of bitches is gonna be in a video game.
讓我們爆了這些東西 Schmidt: Let's blow shit up.
龍虎風格 Jenko: Jump street style.
¶ We out of control all over the place
¶ and somebody gotta put it to a stop, quick
¶ out on the road all up in your face
準備受死吧 你個壞蛋 jenko: Get ready for a lifetime of being badass motherfuckers.
他把墨汁吐我嘴裡了 Schmidt: It's inking in my mouth!
別搞我女兒 Dickson: Don't fuck my daughter.
¶ They're the jump street and 'bout to jump up in your ass
¶ this the special unit that's designed to keep it quiet
¶ we infiltrate the dealers and we find the damn suppliers
¶ don't need permission to decide what you believe
¶ say jump, jumping down on jump street
好了 新任務 all right, new assignment.
化了六小時妝 Six hours of makeup?
我們做這行太老了 We're getting too old for this shit.
不錯 (Chuckling) Nice.
¶ wait, we just here trying to find us
¶ schmidt went lookin', till he found love
¶ got his life sweet, bon appetit
¶ spring break, bitch, throw a party on the beach
¶ shit did change, but all that means
¶ is that your real friends don't ever leave
¶ will it ever be complete?
¶ Jump street won't ever cease
¶ ever cease ever cease
¶ ever cease ever cease ¶
來點酷的 both: Something cool!
後面還有
¶ we're gonna live forever
¶ we're gonna live for we're gonna live for
¶ yeah, me and my homie this is aye
¶ and it's going down like a fire drill
¶ came a long way, now we part here
¶ and we still running shit, call it diarrhea
¶ coming up together like them good fellas
¶ heart through the loop
¶ holding down, keep it real in these streets
¶ back to the roof
¶ anywhere, anytime I got your back like a spine
¶ my homies never left behind my whole team get to shine
¶ the world has opened up that's why we're blowing up
¶ that's why we rolling up drinking till we throw up
¶ the way we get this cheddar, there ain't nobody better
¶ write our names in the sky 'cause we gonna live forever
¶ live forever, man
¶ we're gonna live forever
¶ we're gonna live for we're gonna live for
¶ life of the party, patron and bacardi
¶ get faded, get sloppy, and all up in that chick's body
¶ came up with the people that's real
¶ ticket to the meal
¶ now like it, we all together
¶ that's just how it is
¶ I'm throwed like a strike out
¶ shine brighter than a lighthouse
¶ bigger than the white house
¶ go against my team, get wiped out
¶ got them choppers like troopers
¶ don't make me split your head
¶ my lil' homie left up here, he'll smoke ya like a cig
¶ we're gonna live forever
¶ we're gonna live for we're gonna live for
¶ we're gonna live forever
¶ we're gonna live for we're gonna live for
¶ we're gonna live forever
¶ yeah
¶ forever ¶
Eric.
Eric 你醒著的嗎？ Eric, are you awake?
沒有 No.
我來遲了 I'm late.