I've been camming online for money. [ moans ]
NARRATOR: Previously onNow Apocalypse.
I told you I could only come if I was finished with my work.
-Sev, wait! -ULYSSES: From the moment me and Gabriel met,
there was this supernatural connection between us.
My name's Aja. Ah! Oh! Oh!
-Don't you ever get bizarre premonitions?-MAN: Help me.
They keep fucking me. They won't stop.
-I'm fucking quitting acting.-Whatever happened to that web series that you were writing?
I'll help you film it.
You... want me to spank you?
ULYSSES: Fucking, sucking,
hand jobs, rimming, ass stuff,
fingering, nipple play, then double it.
'Cause of course, you can give and receive. So, what is it, like 12?
Maybe you count making out, so it's like 13.
-So, like, let's say like 15.-OK.
Of the 15 or so...
items on the gay sex menu, I'm into most all of them.
But there's two things you can only do with a girl.
Fucking a vag, and eating one.
-Right. -Mmm.
And I genuinely enjoy both.
Especially fucking a pussy.
It is not at all like fucking an ass.
It's a totally different sensation.
It's the only hole designed to accommodate a cock.
Exactly.
But, I'm still naturally
so much more attracted to guys, so it doesn't even make me bi,
it's just like, every once in a while, you know, I like to order off the menu.
Plus, Aja was really hot.
It makes sense. I mean, 99% of the time, I am...
all about the "D." But, then, I don't know,
sometimes I'll just randomly end up with a cunt in my mouth.
And I'm all, [ exhales sharply ] guess I'm progressive.
[ both laugh ]
♪ Then life is finite♪
[ Ford sighs ] I'm sorry, Sev.
You know I hate it when we fight.
We're not fighting.
I'm very busy at the moment, and you're unhappy about it.
I understand that work is a priority for you.
I just, I need to make sure that our relationship is a priority, too.
SEV: Of course it is, Ford.
Just because I need to focus on work right now,
doesn't mean I care any less about you.
But I really must go, Lars and Klaus are waiting.
Can I still see you later?
I might be very late, and I need to get up
early in the morning.
That's cool. I, I don't mind.
SEV: All right.
But I need to get to sleep as soon as I get home.
I, I promise,
I just want to sleep next to you.
Fine, I'll see you later then.
Sweet, OK. Bye, babes!
Bye, Ford.
Sorry about that.
-No problem.-It is why we are both still single.
-Anyway, shall we? -Mm.
Oh, I was meaning to ask.
Have either of you noticed any unusual vehicles following you recently?
No, why?
Have you?
I thought so, the other day. But, I'm sure it was nothing.
This is, seriously,
our last round. We gotta get up early tomorrow.
The 8:00 a.m. call time was your brilliant idea. Not mine.
We do have a lot of scenes to shoot
in one day.
-What are you doing?-Sorry, uh, it was my cam client.
Worm. Uh, we were sexting earlier.
I didn't think that you gave your number out to these guys.
Yeah, I,I don't normally. But, I, I don't know, this one is like weirdly...
endearing.
He looks like a dying bird.
-Is this the... Is this the pee guy?-Mmm.
Did I tell you about him? Yeah, he, uh, he watched me pee in the bathtub.
Ugh, yeah.
-Mmm. -Was it, like, hot?
Hmm, eh, eh, yeah.
Speaking of, have you heard from Palm Springs guy?
Leif? Oh, no. We-we purposely didn't exchange numbers.
I told him I didn't wanna be tempted, so...
-[ phone vibrating ]-Sorry.
Oh. And, uh, on that note.
Hey, babe!
-Are you fucking watching it?-Um, yes!
-[ whispering ] He's the worst.-Yeah, uh, American Crime Scene on ABC, right?
CBS!
Yeah, yeah, sorry, of course. Ha ha!
JETHRO: Where are you?
Uh, I just...
I'm just, uh, at home.
Sounds noisy. CARLY: It's, uh...
It's... [ chuckles ] neighbors.
Uh, oh, oh, oh, baby! Baby! Shh, quiet, quiet. It's my scene.
Ah, ah, ah. Hey-hey, not, not too hard. Just...watch the TV.
Wow, you are so real, and in the moment, bro.
[ choking ]
Thanks, bro.
Did I wake you? Sorry, I was trying to be as silent as possible.
That's OK. I just wanted to make sure
to say "good morning" before you go.
That's sweet.
Oh, you're leaving already?
Yes. I told you, I have a very full day today.
-[ phone chimes ] -All right.
See you later.
Whoa.
-What is it? -Uh...
Otto just...
uh, sent me the photos he took of me from our modeling session.
Oh?
Hmm. OK.
Have a productive day.
Uh, they're good, right?
Yes...
Your body's uh, sublime as a Greek sculpture.
Yeah, you think?
-[ phone beeps ] -Klaus? Yes.
-I'm on my way. -Sev, wait.
-What?
I love you.
-Yeah, me too. -Really?
Do you?
-Do I what? -Love me.
Yes, I just said so. Ford, honestly,
I don't have time for this discussion.
I'll call you later. Klaus.
Yes, sorry. I'm leaving right now.
Bye!
[ sighs ]
MAN: You still don't get it, do you?
Get what?
What this is all about.
Don't play dumb with me, Ulysses.
You are double Sagittarius, after all.
Scorpio.
The point is you know. You've always known.
What, what are you talking about?
The apocalypse is nigh, when, behold,
the archangel Gabriel appears, and blows his golden trumpet.
[ sighs ]
[ phone alarm beeping ]
ULYSSES: So, we are rolling.
MAGENTA: Sluts.Scene one, take one.
OK. And...
action!
I am so over acting.
Like, being an actress in L.A.
is like being anorexic at an all girls boarding school.
It's unoriginal, and you're fucking starving.
Not to mention, there's always someone thinner than you.
CARLY: I was thinking, maybe I should do a web series.
I just feel like I really identify as someone who would be an internet celebrity.
Fuck, I forgot my line, what is it, again?
You say: "Yeah."
Right, sorry, um.
Yeah!
So, what should my show be about?
Hmm, how about transgender runaways--
Um, actually, the line should be gender non-conforming runaways.
Magenta! We are ad-libbing! Just go stand in the corner.
Um, what about me? Am-am I doing OK?
Who are you?
I'm your new roommate, Emily.
Yeah. Right, sorry.
Emily, could you be less enthusiastic with the table wiping?
Let's just pick it up where we left off, OK?
And... action!
Anyway, so, what's new with you, Odysseus?
Well, I've been on a bit of a sex rampage lately.
I fucked this girl Astrid last night
-under a bus. -OMG.
Are you bisexual now?
I'm not bisexual, I'm just a slut.
[ both chuckle ]
Teach me, baby.
-Teach me. Teach me, baby! Teach me-- -We can hear you in here!
Oh! Sorry, my bad.
[ whispering ] Teach me, baby. Teach me,baby.
Ooh. Oh, yeah.
Teach me, baby.
[ electronic music plays ]
-ULYSSES: And... - [ camera shutter clicks ]
Action!
Ommm.
Jebediah, I'm so horny.
Please fuck me. Please.
Ommm, get off my jock, Charley.
Can't you see I'm busy trying to reach a higher plane of consciousness?
Jebediah, please, I am so desperate for your cock.
Wait, wait, wait.
What?
It's just that last line doesn't feel authentic to my character.
Why not?
Sweetie, I wouldn't expect you to understand, but...
someone who meditates couldn't possibly be that condescending.
Look, I think with all the takes that we've done,
-we already got it. -CARLY: OK, whatever.
Let's just move on to the sex scene.
OK, fine, if you say so.
I'll just have to say "I told you so" when all hell breaks loose
in the Zen blogosphere over your flawed representation of the practice.
Um, before we do the sex scene,
I just think it's a good idea for everyone to say out loud
-what they do and do not consent to, as to avoid-- -Shut up!
Magenta!
-Let's continue, shall we? -ULYSSES: OK.
And, action!
Hey, I know you're a feminist, or,
whatever, but I think it is kinda weird that you're using your vibrator
-while we are having sex. -[ scoffs ]
Fine! If you're so jealous, I won't use it.
-[ crashing sound ]-JETHRO: Cut, cut, cut, cut.
-Jethro, you cannot say cut, that is my job. -ULYSSES: I...
[ stammering ] I thought that was my job.
It's just, just the last vibrator line,
I don't think my character would say something like that.
You literally said that.
No. Don't know what you're talking about.
Lunch. I think that's a lunch.
Oh, oh, wait.
[ rock music playing ]
JETHRO: So, I've got something that I'd like to say.
It's been a long, and, at times, trying day.
But I think everybody dug deep,
into their well of life experience,
and really delivered the goods.
-So cheers to us actors! -ALL: Cheers!
And congratulations everyone, on a truly amazing day
of creativity and collaboration.
-KAI: To Sluts!-ALL: To Sluts!
You OK?
Whatever.
Oh, shit.
My agent called. I've been trying to get her on the phone all week.
Don't--don't leave me with these people.
Hi, yeah, um, is Velma there?
Uh, she just called me, I'm returning her call. It's Carly Carlson.
Yeah, I can hold.
-VELMA: Hello?-Hey, Velma, it's Carly.
VELMA: Who?
Carly Carlson.
You just called me like an hour ago.
Oh, right.
So, uh, uh, did you get any feedback on my audition last week?
That's not the reason why I called.
Oh, OK. Um...
I just, I actually just finished a, a pretty amazing shoot, by the way.
Oh, really? On what?
Well, I told you, I'm making my own web series.
Oh, yeah...
Anyway, I'm sorry, Carly,
but I think this relationship has run its course.
Um... what?
I just think you'd be better served elsewhere.
-But I, I, I thought that-- -VELMA: Oh, fuck!
What?
I just got outbid on eBay.
Fucking Russian bid bots!
I gotta go, best of luck with your endeavors, Carla.
-[ rock music playing ] -[ party chatter ]
All right, I'm gonna head over to the Float Lab and hit the sensory deprivation tank.
If anyone wants to join me.
Man, I would love to, Jethro,
but unfortunately I have to pass.
Gotta go home and prep for my big audition tomorrow morning.
-EMILY: What? -MAGENTA: Hey, what's that?
What are you auditioning for?
I have no idea.
My manager, Teddy, told me the project is so huge, it's shrouded in secrecy.
Like, there's no sides, or anything.
I just have this random Hamlet soliloquy to audition with.
[ Kai and Magenta laugh ]
That's, that's cool, bro, that's really cool.
I mean, luckily for me, Shakespeare is my jam, so...[ laughs ]
-MAGENTA: Well, good luck.-Holy shit!
Dude, you must be emanating some crazy powerful vibes, right now.
Because my manager, Humberto, just texted me.
I just landed a role in a brand new
premium cable miniseries, starring none other than...
Benedict Cumberbatch!
What the fuck are you talking about?
Me and Ben! Old mate, Benny! We shared this really intense scene in the opening episode.
He plays a mortician in the 1930s.
And he walks in, and turns on the lights, and then bam!
There...I...am.
Lying...on the table.
And then...
the dude fucking embalms me!
[ song fades out ]
[ dog barking in distance ]
[ sad music playing ]
Argh!
So, I guess the AC still isn't working?
Hey.
Are you...
Are you drunk?
Not really.
Maybe a little.
-But you hardly ever. -It was hot, and...
I was sad.
Ugh.
What's wrong, man?
Do you think Severine loves me as much as I love her?
I think Sev does love you.
She just maybe expresses it differently than you do.
Yeah, maybe.
It's just, we've been arguing a lot lately, and...
it seems like she barely has time for me anymore.
You know, relationships sometimes,
they go through growing pains.
Yeah, I guess.
So, what are you, uh, what are you looking at?
Pics from that photo shoot I did with that director guy, Otto.
I don't, I don't know. What do you think?
[ Ford sighs ] Are they too gay looking? I can't tell.
I just, I need your expert opinion.
Umm.
Come on, be honest.
Ford, you, um,
you didn't show your dick,
or anything, in any of these, did you?
What? No!
I don't think so, at least.
Look, uh, Ford.
I, I know that you really like Barnabas,
and going to all the premieres, and the parties and stuff,
that you think is gonna help your career.
But just... watch out. OK?
What are you trying to say?
I'm just saying that there are people out there, who
might not have the best intentions.
And by "people," you mean Barnabas?
And apparently this Otto dude.
Look, you asked for my opinion, Ford, and I'm telling you,
these pics are, are insane!
They're borderline porn, and this stuff,
it lives on the internet forever.
Wait, what are you, what are you talking about?
They're, they're just pictures!
And when you're starting out, like I am,
-you have to pay your dues.-Wait, by doing gay porn?
They're, they're not fucking porn! They're artistic!
All right!
OK, I just... Just please be careful.
I get really, really bad vibes
off of Barnabas. And I wasn't gonna tell you this before,
-but... -But what?
When I walked in on you and him,
in Palm Springs, he had you on the bed, and you were half undressed.
Oh my God! He was taking care of me!
Stop being so paranoid!
You just don't get it, Uly, you never have!
Things, they, they, like, they work a certain way in this town!
-Oh, ho-ho, apparently! -Yeah.
What is that supposed to mean?
Was that some kinda joke?
You know, you, you think you're so...
smart, and above it all.
But sometimes you can be so naive.
[ laughs ] Really?
You're calling menaive?
Fuck you, Uly!
You're just jealous because I'm going somewhere
and you're not!
CARLY: Fucking shit!
[ exasperated sigh ]
♪ Destroy everything you touch today ♪
Why?! Oh, my fucking...
-God! -♪ Destroy me this way
Oh my... Fuck! I'm gonna fucking kill myself!
♪ So it cannot hurt you
Hey, Ford?
FORD: Go Away!
♪ You only have to look behind you ♪
♪ At who's underlined you
♪ Destroy everything you touch today ♪
♪ Destory me this way
♪ Everything you touch you don't feel ♪
EMILY: Are you OK?
My vibrator is out of batteries,
and I just bought a fucking family pack!
Vibrators come in family packs?
♪ Walks you out of the sun
♪ What you touch, you don't feel ♪
♪ Do not know what you steal
♪ Destroy everything you touch today ♪
-♪ Please destroy me this way - [ song fades out ]
[ phone ringing ]
Oh, fuck.
Hey. Hey. Bob, what's up?
No, no. Tonight's my night off.
Huh? No. I'm not...
I'm not feeling so hot myself.
[ sighs ]
Yeah, all right. Whatever.
[ sighs ]
Bye.
The fuck?
[ knocking ]
Come in!
Whoa!
You look like a hot lady from the past.
Where have you been?
What are you talking about? I came right over.
You didn't finish your homework.
Yeah. Sorry about that.
Sit down.
Why did you think...
that it was OK for you to go out and play before finishing your homework?
I, uh...
I don't know.
Do you know what happens to bad little boys in this house?
-They get spanked? -That's right.
They get spanked.
Hand me that ruler.
What do you think...
Daddy would say, if he found out about this?
-Ooh, please don't tell Daddy.-[ slapping noise ]
Ahh.
But you leave me no choice.
Don't tell him, please. I'll do anything.
-[ slap ]-Then why didn't you finish your homework?
-Hmm? [ slap ] Why don't you ever do...-[ moans ]
what Mommy tells you to do?
Why do you always have to open your big fucking mouth
and say annoying shit that makes me want to strangle you
-[ slap ] with an electric cord?!-Oh!
-[ slap ] -You never do your homework!
-[ slap ] -You constantly make excuses for yourself.
[ slap ] And then you wonder why you'll never amount to anything.
You need to get your fucking shit together. What, you wanna end up
-[ slapping intensifies ] -back at Carney's waiting tables
-or some fucking shit?! -[ moaning ]
Wait, wait, wait, didn't you work at Carney's?
-Shut up! -[ slap ]
You need to stop being such a stupid,[ slap ]
-annoying, [ slap ] shithead! [ slap ]-[ gasps ]
Shut up and listen to Mommy!
[ intense, punctuated slapping ]
And you need to do your goddamn, motherfucking homework!
[ both panting ]
Fuck.
Are you OK, Mommy?
Yes.
Mommy's OK.
I won't tell Daddy how bad you've been.
But as punishment...
You're gonna have to make Mommy come, OK?
Yes, Mommy.
Like this?
-[ sighing ] -Yes, baby, just like that.
Oh, good job, sweetheart.
Fuck, that feels so good, oh my God. Oh yes!
Yes, that's what Mommy likes!
I was just...
Get back to work, little boy.
Yes, yes Mommy. Am I doing good?
Ah, yes, you're doing so good.
Oh, Mommy loves it.
Oh, fuck! Oh, that feels so good!
Oh, fuck! Mommy's gonna come!
Oh my god! Fuck!
Oh! Oh, Mommy's coming! Fuck! Oh!
[ panting ]
[ panting harder ]
[ moaning ]
ULYSSES: What the fuck is happening?
I posted a thread about the lightning bolt hieroglyph.
You know, the one from my dream?
The one that Gabriel has tattooed on his arm. And it's gone.
U. The moderator probably just deleted it,
'cause it made no fucking sense.
Are you doing something right now? 'Cause it,
it seems like you're not paying attention.
Yeah. Sorry, I'm, uh,
I'm just editing the footage that we shot today.
ULYSSES: Really, you are? How's it going?
Shockingly well.
It actually looks kinda good.
Really? Cool.
CARLY: So, dude, seriously, you should
maybe consider laying off the weed for a bit.
You are seething with existential paranoia as it is.
OK. Thanks, Mom.
I don't mean to nag, just think about it, OK?
Yeah, all right, well, I, I gotta...
finish my rounds. Talk to you later?
CARLY: Love you!
Bye.
[ phone beeps ]
ULYSSES: Hey!
You're not supposed to be here!
Wait!
Hey!
Stop!
Come back! [ metal clangs ]
Aah, oh...no.
Aaah!
♪ Everything you touch you don't feel ♪
♪ Do not know what you steal ♪
♪ Destroy everything you touch today ♪
♪ Please destroy me this way ♪