Kate, are you sure you and Mike can't stay for dinner? I'm making your favorite
Lettuce!
That's really sweet, Mrs. Seaver
but Mike and I have tickets to the Nutcracker tonight
The Ballet? Does Mike know they don't sell peanuts and you can't do the wave?
Guess what they've got down at Mary's Trees Trees Trees?
I'd had to go, trees?
They're better than any trees, these are 12 foot noble firs, for only 8 dollars
8 dollars?
well...previously owned
Jason, we are not going to have a big tree this year
because you know how you get when you decorate it
Jolly?
Ho-ho-homicidal!
Having everything your way! So this year, we're gonna try something new
Maggie, that's not a tree, that's parsley!
Does a little tree mean a little presents?
sweetheart, you know how much you care about saving the earth?
well after Christmas, we can plant this tree and save it too
All year long, I care about the earth. On Christmas, I care about numeral ono
Katie, you ready to go see the Nutcracker?
Mike, you're going to the ballet?
It's a ballet?
Yes, I am upset, and do you know why? Dwight Halliburton has just stood me up!
I trusted him and now my heart is cleft in twain
well I hope your twain will be leaving soon, on a very long twip
Mike, how could you do that to her when she is so upset?
Kate, she's always like that, it's just who she is
Carol "yes I'm upset" Seaver
Couldn't you go and talk to her?
for me?
that boy is smitten!
That boy is whipped!
Carol, what are you doing?
Alphabetizing the bookshelf. I'd ask you to help but I'm too busy to train you
listen, you don't wanna tell me about your stupid problem, do you?
Dwight has a new research assistant named: Felicia
I guess you do
And tonight, we had tickets to see Istvam Penderecki
Istvam who?
He's a performance artist who screams obscenities at the audience
while setting his hair on fire. It was his Christmas show!
Doesn't matter, because we won't be going anywhere
because I hate Dwight Halliburton, and the grime he loses over!
Dwight baby, come home to Mama!
Sorry Sir...Kate, telephone!
-Carol, you know what your problem is? -You and I come from the same loin?
you get involved with people who make you jealous!
Everybody gets jealous
Not me, because I know how to pick a woman that I can count on
you don't see Kate standing me up, do you?
Great news! I have to leave
It was my agent! I have been picked in the Sporting Man swimsuit edition
We shoot in Jamaica next week!
So I have to get fitted for my suit right away
I was so looking forward to going to the Ballet?
I'll make it up to you
Anybody interested in a couple of tickets to the Nutcracker?
Ok, 50 bucks
What happened to Kate?
Oh she had to leave. Her agent just called
She got a modeling job in the swimsuit edition of the Sporting Man
The issue I live and die for?
Babes and postage stamp stream bikinis?
Boys, I saw the girl, wanted to show you last year...I did
Chrissy, do you wanna go to the Nutcracker with your old man?
So...when is Kate doing this bikini shoot?
That's next week in Jamaica
I love to be the photographer on that job. I mean one guy, all those babes?
forget that! I'd love to be the guy who rubs on the coco butter!
Forget that, I'd love to be the coco butter!
why don't you two guys go run a roll in the snow?
well that's an ordinary photo shoot
Yeah maybe, but if Kate was my girlfriend, I sure wouldn't let her go to Jamaica
Ben, your brother trusts Kate
I am appalled at you two, Kate's a professional
Now she can stand in the sun all oiled up in the briefest of bikinis
having her picture taken by some jet set photographer
without anything untoward happening
I am glad that at least Mike knows that
"when I was 17..."
"it was a very good year"
What are you doing here?
You sent for me
I understand you volunteered to drive the bus
for this year's Christmas tree cutting trip?
I thought it might be a nice chance for some inner city kids to experience Christmas
you know, with the snow, the silver bells and the mistletoe
Forget that. Think Nunez with a Chainsaw
Seaver, you don't have the seniority to do this on your own
If you insist on taking them on this trip, I'll be forced to go with you
Great, the more, the merrier
Seaver, have I ever done you any harm?
Look, Mr. Tedesco, I'll level with ya
I need to find something to do this week while my girlfriend is outta town
see she is a model and she is gonna be in Jamaica
doing the swimsuit issue of the Sporting Man
Seaver, may I give you some unsolicited advice
Catch the next thing smoking to Jamaica
Look Mr. Tedesco, Kate and I trust each other, okay? We're in love!
Don't you know love is a state of insanity??
I myself married Mrs. Tedesco, because she had a body that wouldn't stop
Shortly after I married her, it stopped
Love! Makes your judgement take a holiday, you...
you think you are marrying a goddess
and you wind up with a walking bathrobe that reads the Tinsel town Tattler!
Look, Mr. Tedesco, I am darn sure that I know Kate...
...pretty well
-But do you know Nigel Done -No, who is he?
He is the chief photographer for the Sporting Man
He is an Australian with rugged good looks
and an appetite for every lovely model he photographs
How do you know all this?
I read it in the Tattler
the bathroom can be a lonely place
-How does it look now? -Perfect
Ben, come on, it's still crooked! That's at least 2”ćoff
looks pretty straight to me
Pretty straight doesn't feed the reindeer, pal
How's it going, guys?
Great, we're just full of Christmas spirit
At least full of it, all right
Jason, are you starting it again?
Dad, why do you always take this so seriously?
Yeah, Christmas is supposed to be fun
Luke, fun doesn't just happen, fun is a matter of exacting preparation
Christmas is the one time that you want everything to be right
Coz I know when those stockings are hung at a 42”ćangle
and that ring's centered precisely on the door is gonna fill us all with xxx joy
Besides, a sloppy Christmas is nothing more than...
-Groundhog Day with tinsel -Groundhog Day with tinsel
daddy, loosen up
I am lose, sweetheart, I just have a crooked tree, there's something out of whack here
I must have the screw loose
Lights ornaments. Did I miss dad's Groundhog Day with Tinsel speech?
If anyone asks, I am off to the library to get a good look at
Dwight's new hussy research assistant Felicia
you're gonna spy on somebody out of jealousy?
It's completely infantile, only pathetic fools do that
So you wanna come?
Alright alright, fine, go check out, check out petition
but let me tell you, if she is female and breathing, she is two upon you
Why do you needle her like that, can't you see she is in pain?
she is jealous over Dwight?? The Duke of Dork?
Who's gonna around him?
Felicia might?!! It's only natural...
when people work closely together, they become attracted to one another, Mike
Researchers and scholars, actors, directors
-models and photographers? -Exactly!
that's the hole in my theory
that's...that's the exception
Isn't this exciting?
Yeah, my first press party! Can we go home now?
Look at the lines in those pants, can you believe somebody...
actually paid money for those babies?
Tweed jacket? Can you believe he actually paid money for that?
There you are, Kate, darling!
It's the way people talk at these parties
Nigel Dunn, this is Mike Seaver
Nice to meet you, darling
You are going to look fantastic in this suit
What do you think?
All the models are wearing suits like this
well if other models are jumping off the building, would you do that too?
Come on angel, I'll introduce you to the press
Sorry Mike, no boyfriend's allowed
alright, I have my square, I get my plumb line, I get my spirit level
I could use a little help getting the tree straight
I have to go scrub the toilets
I got extra credit science report
I got scripts eyes off the driveway
I gotta eat some spinach
Ok then, that's all the more fun for me!
you look like you're ready to go beg some trees
Kate's flying get up, Ok?
Yeah it was fine, Dad
Are you alright? Something on your mind?
well actually yeah
No...ornaments the last!
I gotta get a broom, just look but don't touch
Don't start with me
listen Carol, I was wrong
Why do you only do this when there're no witnesses?
I mean it. You have every right in the world to be jealous of Dwight
and his assistant Felicia
I saw Dwight's assistant this afternoon, she's an older woman
old, blue hair, glasses, get centre movies for half price
obviously something could've happened if she was young and attractive
with all that... heat and the dust and the glitter...
and the glamour and the parties and the...
-...steel drums pounding? -In a library?
whether library or Jamaica, the location wasn't really matter
wait a minute, you are talking about Kate!
You leave Kate and Nigel Dunn out of this
This is wonderful. I was jealous about nothing
and you are jealous about Nigel "tie me Kangaroo down" Dunn!?
The hustle kids out there with chainsaws
we don't hurry, we'll be driving a convertible
Mr. Tedesco, I can't go
Your acoustics in here absolutely horrid!
For a moment there, it sounded as if you said "I can't go"
Mr. Tedesco, I've gotta go to Jamaica instead
Look, you're the one who told me to keep tabs on Kate
You can't do this to me
I need this job till retirement
I have a wife and this pension is really the only thing we have going
I know it's no substitute for children but we made a decision, I...
Look, I've gotta go to Jamaica
well if you must go, do me one favour
What's that?
Take me with you, please!
Why am I in Jamaica? I'm sure everything is fine
Okay give it to me, baby, that's it, that's it
beautiful, beautiful... Okay turn a little more towards me
I love it, I love it
Great, it's happening, yes it is
Okay stand up now
That's it, that's it, okay
Beautiful, beautiful. Yes, it's working. Let me see the back?
-I think what you need is... -"Don't touch her..."
"You touched her!"
-Okay, whose boyfriend are you? -Kate's!
-Last name, please! -Kate McDonald
You are not Kate?
But that's okay, I was defending all women! Everywhere!
And I am sure she's grateful
your Kate's off the shift
No, no no, you can't do that!
Already done!
what if I apologize and I let you hit me again?
it's tempting but no thanks. Kate's up the Boot Shacks recovering
Recovering?
What are you doing here?
Kate, what happened to your leg?
I got stung by a jellyfish... what happened to your eye?
I...I...forgot to put up my tray table in the upright position
Mike, you won't believe what Nigel did
The minute I got on the plane, he made a pass at me
I knew it, I knew it... this is just what I wanted to hear
that scum bucket made a pass at you and nothing...
-nothing happened, right? -nothing
I knew it! I have got the most wonderful girl in the world
and nothing could come between us!
Nigel sent me over to check if you're all right
Yeah, she's fine
Not her, golden gloves, you!
We don't have a steak to put on that eye but I'll send over chilled blowfish
Listen, don't feel bad, you're not the first jealous boyfriend who attacked Nigel
That's why he got his black belt
You attacked Nigel?
This whole time I thought you were handling things. You just didn't trust me
Kate, look I did it for you, I know guys like Nigel
And you know me better!
Mike, I am not the kinda girl who is gonna get involved with the sly like Nigel Dunn!
you should have trusted me, Mike!
"Christmas tree, Christmas tree, you are standing perpendicularly"
Not 91 or two degrees, the most upright!
"Christmas tree, Christmas tree, we'll show them I am not crazy"
Alright, time to decorate the tree, everybody!
I guess I'm the only one with the Christmas spirit
-Don't eat your fingers -Everybody laughing...
making decorations, now this is how I always imagine Christmas would be
-This is great! -Nice, it's beautiful!
let's put it on the tree
That's the perfect tree
Where have you been?
well I just spent my last dime to fly 600 miles to Jamaica
to get dumped by my girlfriend, punched in the eye
You caught a lousy travel agent!
Carol, you were right, I was jealous
No, you were right, I was jealous
Of what? I thought... Felicia was xxx material
That was Esther I saw. Felicia is 22, kind of a good-looking Michelle Phiffer
let me give you a Christmas present early: Kate and I broke up!
-Dwight and I did too! -Really?
Love stinks!
Family's all you got
You bet. Who needs Dwight and Kate when we have each other?
Here you're talking, Carol, let's hang out together!
We'll go to museums and operas
We'll get a house together, and have cats, lotsa cats!
-Alright, let's stop and see a movie? -Ok, I'll get the paper
you know, Kate, I was asking myself the same question, why?
was I an insensitive jealous fool?
why can't I stay mad at you?
what a girl I've got!
From now on, I am gonna trust you at all times!
-Ok Mike, I got the Movie Guide -Oh beat it, Cat Lady
What!?? I thought you two were on the rocks
Carol...does this look like we are on the rocks?
Those aren't for you. I found them outside, they're for Carol!
Give me those, you tree stump
Listen to this: "Roses are red, Violets are blue"
"I fired Felicia, Because I love you"
"Love Dwight Halliburton, your medieval prince"
-Doesn't he just send you -Yeah, right to the parcel of throne
You guys wanna come into the living room for a minute?
Oh the tree must be ready!
Pretend that you like it
Cover your eyes!
cover your eyes
Don't wake the elves
-Can we look now, Dad? -No no, you can't
Nobody look, I want it to be a surprise, alright
everybody ready? Open Sesame
What's the matter, you didn't finish!
it's probably waiting for the blueprints to get back from the North Pole
No, I am done, I just thought the rest of you might wanna finish it up without me
You mean we can decorate your tree any way we want?
Yes Luke, it's not my tree, it's our tree
I know this is hard to believe, sometimes I just get carried away
So can we throw tinsel on in big handfuls?
If you wish
I can put the candy kings in any crazy place we want?
If the spirit moves you
and...put the heavy ornaments on top?