谢谢你来参加面试 Thanks for coming in and sitting down with us.
我们很兴奋有优秀的软件工程师 We're really excited to meet a few good engineers
加入"魔笛手"团队 to join the Pied Piper team.
不如你先自我介绍一下 So why don't you tell us a little about yourself?
我中午之前不工作 I don't work before noon.
下午两点之后也不工作 Or after 2:00 PM.
我得带狗来上班 And I need to bring my dog to work.
你们喜欢狗吗 Are you--are you dog-friendly?
你当然可以带狗来上班 Oh, yeah, you can bring your dog to work.
我问的不是这个 That's not what I asked.
你们喜欢狗吗 Are you dog-friendly?
泳池不错 我的狗能用吗 Nice pool. Can my dog go in?
当然 我们很喜欢狗 Yeah, yeah, we're very dog-friendly.
有救生员吗 Is there a lifeguard?
因为我的狗不会游泳 'Cause my dog can't swim.
你的简历上写着2010到2011年间 It says here on your resume that from 2010 to 2011
你"屌爆了" you "Crushed it"?
那其实是个老简历了 上面应该加上 That's actually an old resume. It should also read
2013年到现在也屌爆了 that I crushed it from 2013 to present.
这么说你2012年并不屌爆了 So are we to understand that you did not "Crush it" In 2012?
那年我出了点健康状况 There was a medical situation
让我没法爆出往日风采 preventing me from crushing it to my usual standards.
我只能休整一段时间 So I had to take some time off
直到我能爆出往日雄风 until I was able to crush it at 100%,
从那之后就没停过 at which point I resumed crushing it full-time.
简历上还写着你精通C++语言 So it says here that you're proficient in C++,
多处理器架构的代码合并 code assembly for multiple processor architectures,
你还是个半机械人 and that you are a cyborg?
没错 那是生控体系统的简称 That is correct--short for cybernetic organism.
我患有先天性心脏病 I came into this world of filth and pain
以残缺之体来到充满污秽与痛苦的世界 with a congenital heart condition,
需要安装心脏起搏器 requiring the installation of a pacemaker,
有了它我才能活下来 upon which I am mortally dependent.
他还真是个半机械人 Wow, he's technically a cyborg.
是啊 简历写得很准确 Yeah, yeah. Makes the resume accurate.
你我都清楚 只要我想 Look, we all know that I can make a shitload more money
就可以在多人种的幸福小城内 working for some multi-colored Happy Town
某个与世隔绝的盒子里赚大钱 in a hermetically-sealed box.
但我能说实话吗 But permission to be honest?
你说吧 Permission granted.
说吧 Granted.
我就喜欢你们的怪样 I like that you guys are so weird.
是啊 我们是挺怪的 Yes, we are the weird ones.
第
二
季
第
四
集
硅
谷
今早 你把汽水罐放到了绿桶里 This morning, you put your soda cans in the green one.
这样不对 Okay? That's not right.
绿桶是用来放草和落叶的 The green is for grass and leaves.
明白吗 Okay?
蓝桶是用来放可回收垃圾的 The blue one is for recycling.
来 你放进去 Go ahead and put those in there.
没错 Yeah.
非常好 其他的垃圾都放到黑桶里 Very good. The black one is for all other trash.
明白了吗 Do you understand?
明白 哪个桶的垃圾是要焚烧的 Yes. Which is for burning?
不 这个国家不焚烧垃圾 No, we don't burn trash in this country.
那是违法的 决不许焚烧垃圾 It's illegal. You never burn trash.
你说一遍 "我绝不烧垃圾" Okay, can you say that? "I never burn trash."
我绝不烧垃圾 I never burn trash.
-没错 -那废物呢 -Yes. -What about garbage?
操 Motherfucker.
贾里德·帕塔基恩 Jared Patakian?
这个叫帕塔基恩的人 You know, this Patakian guy
绝对不是什么正常人 is definitely on some end of some spectrum,
但他是个全栈工程师 but he is a full-stack engineer.
我同意雇他 贾里德 你觉得呢 I mean, I'm sold. Jared, what do you think?
他够资格而且他对我们很有兴趣 Well, he's qualified and he definitely seemed interested.
如今是程序员选公司的时代 It's a programmer's market right now.
要是我们看上了他 就该主动出击招揽他 I think if we like him, we should pursue him aggressively.
我只有一个担心 一件小事 My only concern here, and it's a small one,
他也叫贾里德 he's also named Jared.
屋子里有两个贾里德不会很乱吗 Will it be confusing with two Jareds?
如果雇他 我可以改回真名 唐纳德 If we hire him, I can always go back to my real name--Donald.
不用 那太麻烦了 No, that's too big a hassle.
就叫你"另一个贾里德"吧 We'll just go with "Other Jared."
简称另贾 OJ, for short.
我知道名字只是别人需要你时的代号 I know a name is just a sound somebody makes when they need you,
但不是该新来的人叫"另一个贾里德"吗 but shouldn't this much-newer Jared be "Other Jared"?
你应该感到荣幸 You should be flattered.
[O·J·辛普森 原名Orenthal James Simpson 著名橄榄球运动员]
O·J·辛普森是世界上 OJ Simpson is one of the most recognizable people
最有名的人之一 on the face of the planet.
刚刚走出去的是贾里德·帕塔基恩吗 Was that Jared Patakian I saw exiting the house?
没错 我们刚面试了他 觉得很不错 Yes, we just interviewed him. We think he's great.
他是不错 我曾试图雇他来亚威亚托 He actually is great. I tried to hire him for Aviato.
但他拿着我的报价 在城里展示了一圈 But then he took the offer, shopped it around town,
然后找了家出价更高的 and got more dough at a different gig.
我不喜欢他的做法 I didn't care for the way that he handled it.
所以保险起见 So I am going to have to err on the side of caution
决定投反对票 and say "Pass-adena,"
娘炮 Trina.
对于你的遭遇我深表遗憾 Well, I'm sorry that that happened to you,
但你不能否决任何人 but you don't get to Pass-adena on anyone.
我们要雇好多人 We've got to hire a lot of people,
而他是唯一一个全票通过的 and he was the only one that we all agree on.
但这是我的房子 我还是董事会成员 But this is my house. I'm on the board of this company.
我必须为你们敲响警铃 对吧 I mean, I must get dings, right?
-敲铃 -像陪审团或《对台词》里那样 -Dings? -Like in a jury or "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
[《对台词》一部即兴喜剧]
埃利希 谢谢你让我们在这里办公 Erlich, thank you for letting us stay in your house
在我们找到合适的办公室之前 真的 while we figure out what we need office-wise. Really.
但很抱歉 这事由不得你 But I'm sorry. You don't get a say in this.
我们要雇这个机器人 We're going to hire the android.
他是个半机械人 理查德 He's a cyborg, Richard.
这混蛋他妈的是个半机械人 The son of a bitch is a goddamned cyborg.
互利
女士们先生们 出版界尊贵的客人们 Ladies and gentlemen of the press, distinguished guests,
夸父追日
请问 什么举措能算是夸父追日 Question--What is a moonshot?
它是一个如此庞大 大胆的想法 A moonshot is an idea so big, so bold,
巨大的难题
根本性方案
突破性科技
看似不可能 直到它被实现 as to be impossible until it is not.
-麦哲伦环球航行 -你在这呢 -Magellan circumnavigating... -There you are.
对不起我迷路了 但我以为让我来这 Sorry, I got lost. But I think I'm supposed to be here--
-跟我来 -就在不久前 -Shh! Come on. -Not so long ago,
人们还认为送人上月球是夸父逐日 people called the idea of sending a man to the moon a moonshot.
但我们做到了 而那仅仅是开始 But we did it, and that is just the beginning.
对我们最新的部门 任何事都不算异想天开 No idea will be too big for our newest division,
'互利' "Hooli ."
互利
未知数 xyz.
-已经有很久 -我要在这儿呆多久 -It's been a long... -How long do I have to stay here?
-因为午饭时间 -别说话 -Cause lunch---Shh!
今天 我很高兴地宣布 And today, I'm pleased to announce
经过一些协商和施压 that after some negotiations and arm-twisting,
才华横溢的戴维斯·班纳奇教授 the brilliant Professor Davis Bannerchek,
机器人领域的佼佼者 a pioneer in robotics
萨默维尔驱动力的创始人 and founder of Somerville Dynamics,
同意成为这个新部门的领头人 has agreed to head up this new division.
容我向你们介绍班纳奇博士 唯一一位 I give you Dr. Bannerchek, the one and only man
有资格成为'互利'未知数部门 fit to be the first
第一位首席梦想家的人 head dreamer of Hooli xyz.
同时我还要介绍 唯一一位有资格 Also I give you the one and only man
成为他的联合首席梦想家的人 fit to be his co-head dreamer,
我们的尼尔森·达头蒂 our very own Nelson Bighetti,
也就是大家熟知的 "袋头" otherwise known around here as "Baghead."
到这儿来 袋头 Come on up here, Baghead.
什么 What?
他还在'互利'与人一同创立了'魔笛手' He also co-founded Pied Piper right here at Hooli.
我不太明白 I'm not sure I understand.
你升职了 You are being promoted.
获得了"联合首席梦想家"的职位 Being named "Co-head dreamer"
以及巨额加薪 Carries with it a significant pay increase.
更多股权和更有利的行权计划 greater equity, more favorable vesting schedule.
但我很喜欢我原本的工作 See, but I really liked the job I had.
我在那儿非常开心 You know, I was perfectly happy there.
就是那种 It was kind of the--the perfect level
能让我全情投入的感觉 of involvement for me, I think.
还有那个叫班纳奇的 And also that other guy, Bannerchek?
他似乎不怎么喜欢我 He--he did not really seem to like me very much.
没错 他希望你明白 Oh, he does not. And he wanted you to know
他带着四个学龄儿童 that he moved four school-aged children
和他年迈的母亲横跨整个国家搬到这里 and his elderly mother across the country
是为了按自己的想法经营'互利'未知数部门 in order to run Hooli xyz on his own.
他对此态度很明确 He was very clear about that.
并且他希望我能向你转达上述这个意思 And he wanted me to convey that to you.
我做到了吗 Have I done that?
是的 所以我的工作到底是什么 Yeah. So what is my job exactly?
那个 完全随你 Oh, that's actually--that's up to you.
你想做什么都可以 You can do whatever you want.
好吧 我现在基本上做的就是这个 Okay. See, that's sort of what I do now, though.
不过从今天开始 But starting today,
你可以做得更有意义 you can do it in a much more significant way.
请享用你的新办公室 Enjoy your new office.
等等 这是我的办公室 Wait, this is my office?
抱歉打扰一下 摄影师来了 Sorry to interrupt. The photographer's here.
-摄影师 -《连线》杂志的 -The photographer? -From "Wired" Magazine,
他们要为您制作人物专栏 for the profile they're doing on you.
-不好意思 你是谁 -你的助理 -Sorry, who are you? -Your assistant.
不是吧 What?
好了 理查德 今天最后一个面试 Okay, Richard, last interview of the day.
迪尼希 吉尔弗约尔 Uh, Dinesh, Gilfoyle,
这个是你们推荐我去联系的人 this is someone you guys recommended I contact,
卡尔拉·沃尔顿 Carla Walton?
对 上次三番视频技术行业聚会的时候 Yeah, we hung out with her a bunch
我们跟她一起玩耍过 at the last S.F. Vid/tech meet-up.
她编程超厉害 Her code is fucking great.
她是耳卡司公司的总工程师 She was head of engineering at Earcast?
她曾经是耳卡司的工程师 She was engineering at Earcast.
她一个人写出了整个系统 She pulled that whole system on her own.
你们知道还有什么让我高兴吗 You know what else excites me here?
公司里的男性数量实在太多了 There's a distinct over-representation of men in this company.
你们看看 我觉得我们有必要 Look around. I think it would behoove us
尽量雇佣一位女性 to prioritize hiring a woman.
我不同意 另贾 I disagree, OJ.
我们应该雇佣最适合的人 完毕 We should hire the best person for the job, period.
-卡尔拉是最好的人之一 -我重说一遍 -And Carla is one of the best. -Right, let me rephrase.
我觉得公司里需要有女性 I think having a woman in the company is important,
但是不应该因为是女性而雇佣 but hiring someone only because they're a woman is bad.
'魔笛手'绝不因为性别妥协 I would never compromise Pied Piper.
好吧 我确认一遍 Okay, just to be clear,
我们要优先寻找最适合的人选对吧 our top priority is to hire the most qualified person available, right?
-当然 -但如果这个人是女的 -Of course. -But it would be better
就更好了 if that someone was a woman
虽然"女人"与是否雇佣根本无关 even though the "woman" part of that statement is irrelevant?
没错 我们就像需要小野洋子的披头士 Exactly. It's like we're the Beatles and now we just need Yoko.
这是你说过最烂的例子 That's the worst example you could have used.
我用VP9 ABR减少压缩量 I'm using VP9 ABR to reduce bits
并用WebRTC处理点对点下载 and using WebRTC to carry the bulk of the load via p2p.
基本上我只支付少许外传数据流 So basically I pay for one tiny-ass outgoing stream
主要由用户的网络运营商买单 and the user's ISP picks up the whole tab.
由用户而不是你来为带宽买单吗 The users pay for all that bandwidth, not you?
那能给我们省不少钱 Wow, that could save us a ton of money.
没错 非常多 Yeah, a shit ton.
你觉得你能在一月的国际消费电子展之前 And do you think you could integrate it into our platform
把它整合到我们的平台上吗 by January in time for CES?
我不会拖你们时间的 Look, I'm not going to get in your way.
你们设计引擎 我只需要装车 You know, you design the engine. I just assemble the car.
我花一个周末应该就能拿出雏形来 I could have an alpha of that up in a solid weekend of hacking.
真棒 Wow. Cool.
而且我觉得这个地球上 Plus I could count on one hand the number of people on earth
能跟迪尼希和吉尔弗约尔共处一室的人 who could handle sitting in a room
屈指可数 所以... with Dinesh and Gilfoyle all day. So...
这一切 All of that.
-加上你还是女性 -什么 -Plus you're a woman. -What?
不 我的意思是我们很期待 No, I just mean we would absolutely love
能和一位强大的女性一同工作 to have a strong woman working here.
我不是女工程师 我是工程师 I'm not a woman engineer. I'm an engineer.
好好 我不是这个意思 Okay, no, no, no.
不 当然 我们想要雇佣最适合的人 No, yes, of course. We want to hire the best people
刚巧又是女性 who happen to be women,
无论这些人是不是女性 regardless of whether or not they are women.
这部分无关紧要 That part is irrelevant.
这是一般面试里 Are you doing that interviewing thing
故意刺激面试者看对方会不会生气的环节吗 where you try to rattle somebody to see if they freak out or not?
很抱歉不是 这只是贾里德自己发挥 Uh, sadly no. This is--that's just Jared.
我根本不知道怎么激怒对方 I wouldn't know how to do that.
我现在急需工作 Well, I am aggressively unemployed right now.
所以你们决定之后 So why don't you give me a call
给我来个电话 when you know what you want to do?
-很好 -好的 -Great. -Great.
好的 Great. All right.
好 我送你出去吧 All right, I'll show you out.
我真走运 Yeah, lucky me.
我可喜欢看《龙纹身的女孩》了 I love "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo."
怎么样 So?
她还真挺强 So she's actually a bad-ass.
-我们说对了吧 -这个人我们雇定了 -Yeah, we told you, right? -We have to hire that person.
你跟我开玩笑吗 Are you shitting me?
瞧见这个了吗 理查德 这是什么 You see this, Richard? What is this?
勺子 A spoon?
这是大勺 事实上整个抽屉里 It's a wide spoon. In fact, the only spoon type
就只剩大勺了 that is left in this drawer.
我特地在冰箱上贴了便条 I specifically posted a note on the refrigerator
说得清清楚楚 要把小勺 saying that the more narrow spoons
专门留给我吃费奇酸奶的 be reserved for the eating for Fage yogurt by me.
你们看 根本伸不进去 Look at this--the angle's all wrong.
你把那个小塑料杯倒过来 Aren't you supposed to just tip that little plastic cup part up
把果酱倒进酸奶里不就行了吗 and dump the jam into the yogurt?
你怎么知道的 你经常偷吃我的费奇酸奶吗 How would you know that? Have you been eating my Fage yogurts?
没有 我在广告牌上看的 No, I saw it on the billboards.
那广告牌没告诉你 Well, what they don't tell you on the billboards
这根本倒不干净 瞧见没 is that you can't get all of it out--look at that!
你必须得伸勺刮出来 但根本刮不到 You have to dig it out. But you can't dig it out
因为这勺子太他妈大了 with these big-as-hell, wide fucking spoons.
你这是醉翁之意不在酒吧 埃利希 This isn't about the spoons, is it, Erlich?
你是为了贾里德·帕塔基恩 This is about Jared Patakian.
想指责我不按你说的来雇人 This is about me not letting you tell me who I can or can't hire.
或者就是你一直 Or maybe it's about the fact that you're the one
-盗用我的小勺 -好吧 -who's been using my narrow spoons? -Okay.
你和我还得准备开董事会呢 You and I both have to get ready for a board meeting.
能别胡闹了吗 Can we just stop with the nonsense?
-胡闹 -没错 -Nonsense? -Yeah.
-这叫胡闹 -没错 -This is nonsense? -Yeah.
我告诉你 就因为四分之一的果酱刮不出来 You know, half the yogurt's gonna go unused
一半的酸奶就全白费了 because one quarter of the jam can't come out.
多谢您接待 您家真漂亮 Thank you for hosting. You have a lovely home.
-当然漂亮 -我喜欢那幅画 -Yeah, I do. -I like this painting.
-画的精子吗 -不 是三个逗号 -Is it sperm? -No, three commas.
你知道什么东西有三个逗号吗 理查德 Know what has three commas in it, Richard?
一个包含两个同位短语的句子吗 Uh, a sentence with two appositive phrases in it?
不是 是十亿美元 No, a billion dollars.
[写作$1,000,000,000]
没错 我身价就超十亿美元 Yeah, I'm in the three-comma club.
我告诉你 你好好干 You know, you play your cards right,
没准也能加入十亿富豪天团 you could be in the three-comma club, too.
也许不能 不过也可以 不过不太可能 But probably not. But you could be. Probably not.
她来了 这位是今晚的第五位董事 There she is. Say hello to tonight's fifth board member,
-我女友娜斯佳 -幸会 -my girlfriend Nastia. -Charmed.
你是犹太人 You are Jew.
其实是新教圣公会教徒 Episcopalian, actually.
犹太人 会做生意 Jew--good at business.
我宝贝儿对犹太人有点看法 My baby's got some ideas about Jews,
有些是好的 有些不好 some good, some bad.
老爸 Dad?
你好啊 小子 Oh, hey there, buddy.
你好 这是谁 也是董事会成员吗 Hello. Who's this? Another board member?
阿斯彭 该上床睡觉了 Aspen, it's time for bed.
我不想睡嘛 I don't want to go to bed.
抱歉了小子 我说了不算啊 I'm sorry, buddy. It's not up to me.
乖乖睡觉去 阿斯彭 I need you to cooperate, Aspen.
十 九 八 Ten, nine, eight,
-七 六 五 -好吧 -seven, six, five... -Fine.
-四 三 好孩子 -什么玩意这是 -...four, three--Good boy. -What the hell is that?
是我买的一家公司 我称之为"女士" Company I'm funding. We call it the Lady.
我按按钮 女士就告诉阿斯彭 I press a button, and the lady tells Aspen
什么时候该睡觉 when it's time for bed,
什么时候该洗澡 time to take a bath,
什么时候他那死老娘来接他 when his fucking mother's here to pick him up.
我唱红脸 她来唱白脸 I get to be his friend and she's the bad guy.
不会破坏父子感情 非常超前的技术 Undisrupted fatherhood. It's visionary technology.
好了 该开董事会了 婊砸们 Okay, come on. Board meeting, bitches.
阿斯彭 别忘了吃药 Aspen, remember to take your medication.
别忘了 罗斯只有两票 Just remember, Russ only has two board seats,
只要我们相互支持 就能操纵所有投票 so as long as we vote together, we can carry every vote.
我知道董事会是怎么开的 Yeah, I'm familiar with the rules of a board meeting.
好 先是409A估值和职工持股计划书 Okay, so 409A valuation report and new ESOPs.
各位同意吗 Is there a motion to approve?
很好 一致通过 Great, it's unanimous. Approved.
还需要确认下 Now we need to clear the equity packages
给几位未来雇员的股权 we're offering to a couple prospective hires,
卡尔拉·沃尔顿和贾里德·帕塔基恩 Carla Walton and Jared Patakian.
他妈的半机械人 Fucking cyborg.
帕塔基恩是位出色的工程师 Patakian is actually a solid engineer.
不雇他就太蠢了 We'd be foolish not to hire him.
他很出色 同意的请举手 He's really good. So all in favour?
听起来不错 Sounds like a good pick-up.
四比一通过 Okay, four to one approved.
好了 还有别的什么事吗 All right, uh, is there anything else we need to cover?
有 我觉得我们得商量 Yeah, I think we need to talk about
来点猛料 getting some shwaaaag.
什么 What?
-猛料 -萌料 -Shwaaag! -"Sha-wagga"?
猛料啊 Shwag!
那是什么 What is it?
-猛料 -猛料 -Swag. -Swag?
-猛料 -什么 -Swag! -What is it?
-猛料 -我不知道你在 -Swag. -I actually don't know--
我觉得我们 I think we need to build
户外营销上得趁热打铁 on the success of our outdoor media campaign.
'魔笛手'鼠标垫啦 魔方啦 I'm talking Pied Piper mouse pads, puzzle cubes,
天线球啦 只要三万块 fuckin' antenna balls. Come on, I'm talking 30 grand.
简直白给 同意的举手 That's like a hand of blackjack. All in favor?
先是公告牌 现在又搞这些吗 I mean, first billboards, now this?
现在的资金可能都撑不到一月份 I mean, as it is, we're barely going to make it to January.
抱歉 Sorry.
搞什么 What?
我觉得这主意不错 I think it's a really solid idea.
不做就太蠢了 I think we'd be foolish not to do it.
酷 三对二通过 猛 Cool. So three-to-two in favor--swag!
回头给你们引荐我的营销公司 Set you guys up with my marketing company.
给你们个超低价 We'll give you a killer rate.
问题 有人想喝玛格丽塔吗 Question--who likes margaritas?
回答 谁不想 Answer--everybody!
宝贝 去后面树上摘几个青柠 Babe, go out back, grab some limes from the tree, all right?
谁爱猛料 这家伙爱 Who likes swag? This guy, this guy.
装备好行头开走咯 We gonna get our swag on!
你这是干什么 What the fuck are you doing?
你刚害我们损失了三万块钱 You just cost us $30,000.
我们不是要统一战线吗 I thought we agreed to present a unified front here.
如果理查德要统一战线 Well, if Richard wants a unified front,
他就该努力联合大家 then maybe Richard should do a better job at unifying it.
你怎么这么混蛋 Why are you such a dick?
你怎么不懂得 Why are you unable to listen
虚心听取专家的意见 to people who know what they're talking about?
说到墨西哥 我明天要去卡布 Speaking of Mexico, I'm supposed to go to Cabo tomorrow,
之前不小心上当买了两张票 but I got roped into buying these two tickets
明晚什么保护红杉树林的活动 to the Muir Woods preservation thing tomorrow night.
Napster创始人 Facebook股东之一
肖恩·帕克的慈善会吗 大活动啊 Sean Parker's charity? That's a big event.
会有不少三逗号俱乐部的人出席吧 Gonna be a lot of members of the three-comma club there. Am I right?
都是一帮傻逼 有人要票吗 Total asshole parade. Anyone want these stupid things?
我要 Yeah, I'm down.
理查德 我不带你 Uh, and Richard, no, you can't come.
-但莫妮卡嘛 -不去 -But Monica… -No.
宝贝 我要青柠 青柠 Okay. Babe, I said limes--limes.
她还真他妈蠢 She's honestly so fucking stupid.
她都听不懂我在说啥 She doesn't even know what I'm saying right now.
办公区域还没划分好 And until we get real office space,
就先把你安排在这里吧 I guess we could just put you right here.
让帕塔基恩坐这边 And we could put Patakian here.
希望你不介意挨着半机械人 I hope you don't mind sitting next to a cyborg.
他不会一直放屁 一股洋葱味吧 Does he fart a lot and smell like onions?
码农你还想怎样 Well, he is a coder.
我挺想说 为这点破工资不值得 Well, I'd say I'm not getting paid enough to deal with this crap,
但还挺值得的 but I so am, so...
如果你们没意见 You know, if it's cool,
我从车里搬点东西出来放这 I'm going to get some stuff out of my car to dump here.
我周一才上班 I know I don't start till Monday,
但我想把车清干净 but I want to get it cleaned out
-好换新车 -你要买新车吗 -before I trade it in. -You're getting a new car?
是 奔驰混合动力车 Yeah, yeah. Mercedes hybrid.
-挺赞的 -听起来挺贵的 -It's pretty dope. -That sounds expensive.
-各位 -确实 -Guys? -It is.
理查德有很重要的事要说 Uh, Richard has something very important to tell you.
没错 贾里德跟我说 Yes. So, Jared has informed me
作为首席执行官 that as CEO,
我得有能力回答一切关于 I need to be able to answer any questions that you might have
魔笛手的 about Pied Piper's
骚扰条例还有工作环境规范的问题 harassment policy and workplace code of conduct.
显然 我们这样规模的公司都必须有 Apparently, every company our size has to have one of those.
也就是 如果觉得工作环境有任何问题 Essentially, if you find the workplace hostile in any way,
都有权提交书面意见 you can submit a written complaint.
意见完全是匿名的 It will be completely anonymous.
也就是 不要说或做冒犯别人的事 Essentially, don't do or say anything that might offend anyone.
好吗 谢谢 条例就这些 Okay? Thank you. That's the policy.
-好了 -各位 -Okay. -Guys, um...
这是件很严肃的事 This is actually pretty serious.
我们现在是没事 但那是因为我们认识 I mean, we're all cool here, but we know each other.
所以 当迪尼希叫我弱智弗兰肯斯坦 So obviously, when Dinesh calls me retarded Frankenstein,
或者叫我艾滋病官方人士 or he describes me as AIDS lady,
或者吉尔弗约尔说我是凯蒂莲 or Gilfoyle refers to me as effeminate K.D. Lang,
加拿大出柜女歌手
我知道这些只是朋友间的玩笑 I know this is a joke among friends.
-那不是玩笑 -我们不是朋友 -It's not a joke. -We're not friends.
看吧 很好笑 See, it's hilarious.
但是 公司在扩张 But, um, as we grow,
也会有很多新人加入 we're going to be adding a lot of new people to this company,
这个办公室也会有 and to this office,
其中有些人可能和我不同 不觉得这些 and some of them might not be as amused as I am
较激烈的言辞有笑点 这就会引发纠纷 by such strong language. Lawsuits happen.
还有问题吗 So, questions?
我有个问题 Oh, uh, I have a question.
我最好的朋友的昵称是贱贱 My best friend's nickname is Cunty.
-抱歉 她叫什么 -贱贱 -I'm sorry, her name is---Cunty.
我在这儿的时候能管她叫贱贱吗 And I was hoping I could call her Cunty while I'm here.
这问题很简单 你不能这么叫 Okay, that one's easy. No, you cannot.
有时候贱贱会来和我一起吃午饭 'Cause, you know, I want to have Cunty come visit me for lunch,
如果我不能管贱贱叫贱贱 and if I can't call Cunty "Cunty,"
那就好像 我不欢迎她来一样 then it's like, I'm not going to want to have Cunty over at all,
我觉得这好像侵犯了我的权益 which I feel like kind of violates my rights--
是吗 这其实并不 Yeah, um, it does not--
女权 as a woman.
这个问题我还是斟酌后再回复你吧 Okay, I'm going to have to get back to you on that one.
她最好的朋友的名字就叫贱贱 Her best friend's nickname is Cunty.
-我还是先回厨房了 -好的 -Let's maybe get back to the kitchen. -Okay.
好吧 Okay, okay.
好了 我也该收拾我的东西了 All right, I got to clean out my shit box.
提包很好看 Nice bag.
谢谢 Thank you.
D&G 迪尼希和吉尔弗约尔的缩写嘛 Oh, look, "D&G." It's like Dinesh and Gilfoyle.
好吧 她这是第三次 Okay, that was the third
炫耀她赚的钱多了 reference she's made to how much money she's making.
那个包可要3500美元呢 That's a $3500 bag.
你怎么知道的 你也有一个吗 How do you know? You have the same one?
不 我是会上网查 No, I have the fucking Internet.
你说她不会工资拿的比我们高吧 You don't think she's making more money than us, do you?
不会 我们工资一样 记得吗 No, we all have equalized pay, remember?
你我 理查德还有贾里德确实一样 Yeah, me and you and Richard and Jared do,
但新人不一定啊 but not new hires.
这矛盾经常有 创始人收益更少 It's the classic dilemma where the founders make less.
我们跟理查德说了不惜代价留下她 We told Richard to get her no matter what it took.
就算她比我们拿的多 而且这不是真的 Even if she is making more cash than us, which she isn't,
她也不可能有我们这么多股份 there's no way she has as much equity.
你怎么知道 You don't know that.
而且理查德也不告诉我们 说是机密 And Richard won't tell us. It's confidential.
看来是有理由的 I guess there's a reason for it.
这样就不会有人出于嫉妒啰嗦不停了 It's so people don't get jealous and throw a hissy fit.
我才没嫉妒 I'm not jealous.
我只是想确认她没我挣得多而已 I just want to make sure she's making less than me.
怎么知道她到底拿多少工资 Hey, how do we find out how much she's getting paid here?
我有办法 I have a plan.
卡尔拉 你在这儿拿多少工资 Hey, Carla, how much money do you make here?
比我以前的高多了 Uh, let's just say it's a big jump from my old job.
好吧 你以前是不是股份拿的多 Right, but you probably got more equity there.
没有 其实我在这里的股份多些 Um, no, actually I get more equity here.
-什么 -是啊 怎么了 你们呢 -What? -Yeah. Why, what are you guys getting?
-一人三点 -三点 好奇怪 -Three points each. -Three? That's weird.
你们不是创始人吗 I thought you got in at the beginning.
我还有办法 I have another plan.
杨靖 别和任何人说话 All right, Jian-Yang, don't talk to anybody else.
我们进去之后 别和我说话 When we get inside, don't talk to me.
-晚上好 -这是... -Good evening. -Here's the--
谢谢 谢谢 Thank you. Thank you.
你要如何付款 先生 And how will you be paying, sir?
-什么 -你的捐款 -Excuse me? -Your donation.
你更喜欢哪种付款方式 What's your preferred method of payment?
不 这些已经付过了 Oh, no, these are already paid for.
我们是罗斯·汉纳曼的客人 We're guests of Russ Hanneman.
是的 他预订的票 但是你们要付款 Yes, he reserved the tickets, but you have to pay for them.
好吧 多少钱 Oh, okay. And how much are they?
-两万五美元 -两个人吗 -$25,000. -Um, so--but for both?
不不 每张票 No, no, no, per ticket.
我们没法支付这笔钱 Uh, there's no possible way that we could pay that,
我们还能怎么办 so what do we do here?
还有很多其他方式 Well, there are a number of other ways
来保护缪尔森林公园 to help preserve the Muir Woods.
我们每周末都组织志愿清扫活动 We do a volunteer clean-up program every weekend.
我才不关心什么 Yeah, I don't give a shit
缪尔森林公园 我要进去 about the Muir Woods. I need to get in there.
先生 不支付票钱 Sir, if you can't pay for the tickets,
你们是不可能进去的 I really don't see how that's possible.
如果我们快进快出呢 What if we do like a little in-and-out thing?
我只进去待十分钟 I just go in there, 10 minutes,
喝一两杯鸡尾酒 最多三杯 you know, have one cocktail, two, three max.
他不吃东西 他不吃的 He doesn't eat. He won't eat.
是的 我饿了 Yes, I'm hungry.
先生们 我要请你们站到旁边去 Gentlemen, I'm going to need you to move aside
不要挡到其他客人 for the other guests.
你想让我现在就给罗斯·汉纳曼发邮件吗 You want me to email Russ Hanneman right now?
你没有罗斯的邮箱 You don't have Russ's email.
但是我有他办公室 But I have his--I have the phone number of
员工的手机号 the person who works in his office.
谁有多余的票吗 我的投资人没钱付款 Does anybody have an extra ticket? My investor cannot pay.
不是这样的 That's actually not true.
她们肯定是搞错票了 Uh, I think they must have misplaced the tickets.
不 每个人的票都在这里 No, we have everyone's tickets here.
你能查一下吗 埃利希·巴赫曼 Can you please check? Erlich Bachman?
爱 勒咦 西 E-r-I-c-h...
-根本不是这么拼的 -走吧 靖 -That's not at all how it's spelled here. -Let's go, Jian.
晚安 谢谢 下一位 Have a nice night. Thank you. Next.
-打扰一下 你有票吗 -该死的 -Excuse me, do you have a ticket? -God damn it!
-杨靖 过来 -你有票吗 -Jian-Yang, come here! -Do you have a ticket?
杨靖 昨晚怎么样 Hey, Jian-Yang, how--how was last night?
悲剧 It was sad.
埃利希答应我能吃到大肉的 Erlich, he promised me dinner with a big meat.
大肉 Big meat?
-结交大人物 -结交人物 -Big meet people. -Meet people?
但是人家说 "你们不能进去" Then people say, "No, you can't come in."
那你们没进去吗 Wait, so you guys didn't get in?
我们去吃塔可钟[快餐]了 We went to Taco Bell.
埃利希在塔可钟里哭了起来 Erlich, he started crying in Taco Bell.
他还想怪塔可酱 He tried to blame the taco sauce.
-理查德 -在 -Richard? -Yes.
-另贾说你想见我 -是的 -OJ says you wanted to see me? -Yeah.
我不想说这些 Um, I don't want to say this
一点也不想 any of this, at all,
但是有些员工投诉了你 but several employees have lodged a complaint against you.
因为什么 For what?
办公场所内的不友善行为 For making this a hostile workplace.
原话是 by, quote,
"通过理查德·亨德里克斯是个娘炮 "Repeatedly rubbing our fucking faces
给新人的工资比我们还高这个事实 in the fact that Richard Hendricks is a pussy
不断地让我们难堪" who gave a new hire more than us."
有意思 Interesting.
是哪两个人提出的抱怨 And which two of the several lodged a complaint?
实际上 我们的政策是匿名制 Actually, our policy guarantees anonymity,
我不能告诉你 so I can't tell you that.
我和你都知道你赚多少 Look, you and I both know how much you make.
你在耍他们吗 Are you fucking with them?
我当然在耍他们 Yeah, of course I'm fucking with them.
我在跳蚤市场买了一个 I bought a fake Dolce & Gabbana bag
假的D&G包 想惹毛他们 at a swap meet to piss them off
显然成功了 and apparently it did.
我撒谎说我要买奔驰 And I lied and said I was getting a Mercedes.
我还在显示器上显示了一个假的 Oh, I also left a fake credit-card statement
信用卡结算单 open on my screen,
因为我觉得他们会看见 他们看见了吗 'cause I thought they'd see it. Did they see it?
看见了 They saw it.
-真棒 -卡尔拉 -Yeah, sweet. -Carla.
好吧 但我以前都是 Okay, all right, but what I used to do to fuck with them
把他俩P成好基友的 involved gay porn and Photoshop,
不过另贾说过骚扰条例 so I don't think that would
我应该就不能那么干了 be cool after OJ's big harassment speech.
所以条例确实有效 Huh. So in effect, the policy worked.
那...你能别那样了吗 Well, I--can we not do any of it?
这会弄得他们很火大 It just that they're getting really pissed
而且会分心 and it's really distracting.
好吧 All right.
-不耍贱招 -很好 -No more Cunty. -Terrific.
-非常好 -不来贱招了 -That's really good. -Cunty's done.
很好 但你又提了一次 希望是最后一次 Great. But you said it again, but maybe that's the last time.
不来贱招了 但我准备叫你另贾 Cunty's done. I'm gonna call you OJ, though.
-好 没问题 -就这样定了 -Yeah, that's fine. -That's for good.
因为在我脑子里 "另一个贾里德" Yeah, because in my head, I change the meaning
会被我理解为"原版贾里德" 所以算恭维 from "Other Jared" to "Original Jared," so now it's a compliment.
二战时期的战争冒险喜剧片
如果有必要 我要把《战略大作战》的录像 If I have to, I'm going to keep my fucking "Star Blazer"
藏在我房间里 VHS tapes in my room!
连脑残都知道 It doesn't take an IQ of nine
录像带要按字母顺序排好 to know they should remain alphabetized.
我就想看那一集 I want to watch a specific episode.
那集还没出DVD And it's not like they're on fucking DVD!
埃利希 Hey, um, Erlich,
我想说 这是你的房子 I just want to say this is your house
你让我们进来住这么久 已经很够意思了 and you've been really cool letting us stay here for all this time,
我们一找到自己的办公室 就不会打扰你了 and as soon as we get our office space, we'll be out of your way.
一找到是什么时候 And how soon is that going to be?
很快 Soon.
我发现 And look,
我带一个你不希望出现在你家的人 I realize it's not fair that I bring someone into your house
来你家 是很不公平的 所以 that you don't want here, so,
我去告诉半机械人 I will call the cyborg
不录用他了 and I will rescind the offer.
不 理查德 我一直在考虑 No, Richard, I've been thinking,
那半机械人应该挺厉害 the cyborg is a solid coder.
-应该录用他 -没事 我可以找别人 -You should hire him. -It's fine, I'll get someone else.
别傻了 理查德 接下来的几个月内 Don't be stupid, Richard. You need a full working beta up
你得做到全功能公测版 签了他吧 in the next few months. Just hire the guy.
我没犯傻 我不签他 I'm not being stupid, okay? I'm not going to hire him.
实话说 我才不会被你一吓唬就去签了他 And frankly, I'm not going to let you bully me into doing it.
你看看你自己 Would you look at yourself?
你他妈的还是不听我的 You're still not fucking listening to me.
我是在尊重你 混蛋 I'm trying to respect you, asshole.
如果尊重我 那就签了那个王八蛋 If you want to respect me, then just hire the piece of shit.
别这么蠢 你跟个蠢货似的 Don't act like a moron. You're not going to kick Nucleus' ass
怎么搞定纽核力 acting like a fucking moron.
不要告诉我怎么尊重你 好吗 You don't get to tell me how I respect you, okay?
我他妈想怎么尊重你就怎么尊重你 I can respect you however the fuck I want.
你要干什么 What are you doing?
尊重你啊 I'm respecting you.
贾里德 我是魔笛手的理查德·亨德里克斯 Jared, hey, it's Richard Hendricks from Pied Piper.
对 有个坏消息 Yeah, uh, bad news.
我们不会... We're not gonna--
什么 What?
什么东西 What's that?
在哪 Where?
好吧 半机械人 Okay, well, cyborg,
操 你他妈个... fuck you, you fuckin'--
-铁公鸡吧 -铁公鸡吧 -Metal-dick piece of shit. -Metal-dick piece of shit.
怎么了 What happened?
他挑了另一份工作 He, uh, he took another job
罗斯·汉纳曼提供的 from Russ fucking Hanneman.
-什么 -就这样 -What? -Yeah.
显然 我在董事会上 Apparently, I said so much
对他赞不绝口 nice shit about him in the board meeting,
罗斯就用更高的薪资把他挖到 Russ offered him a job at one of his other fucking companies
他的另一家公司 我们被自己的金主挖了 for a lot more money. Our own investor poached him.
他还就去了吗 And he went?
这他妈半机械人 Fucking cyborg.
理查德 来看这个 Richard! You need to come see this.
这玩意什么时候能用上 What event could this possibly be used at?
你高兴了吗 Are you happy?
不太高兴 Not really.
上面印的是旧商标 They used the old logo.
是不是什么东西烧着了 Do you smell something burning?
妈蛋 杨靖 God damn it! Jian-Yang!