把手指放在这里,然后你看 So I put my finger here, and check this...
手表显示我的心脏有问题 the watch tells me I have a heart problem
难道你照镜子看不出来吗? Wouldn't a mirror tell you the same thing?
话虽如此,但手表还能显示天气 Yeah, but this has weather, too
好吧 Okay
还有一小时才和女士们共进晚餐 We got an hour until we're meeting the ladies for dinner
- 嗯 - 先去喝杯啤酒如何? - Yeah - You wanna catch a beer?
不行,我有事情要办 I can't. I gotta run a few errands
什么? 你不想喝啤酒? 怎么回事? What? You don't want a beer? What's wrong?
我 I...
收到警探考试的结果了 got the results back from the detective exam
你又没通过? 所以我从来不去考那个 You failed again? This is why I never took that test
所有这些焦虑和失望 All the anxiety and disappointment
你迟早得意识到,你已经到达极限了 At some point, you have to realize you have hit your ceiling
然后老实放弃 and just give up
你应该去学校巡讲 You know, you should go around and speak at schools
太鼓舞人心了 That was very inspiring
没错,小鬼们应该听听这些 I should. Kids need to hear this shit
我想不通,伙计 I don't get it, man
答案我都知道,可是一紧张我就脑中一片空白 I know all the answers, I just freeze under pressure
我得三个月后才能再考 You know, I can't take the exam for, like, three more months
所以我得继续骗奥德丽 so I gotta continue lying to Audrey
所以今晚在餐桌上,拜托你 So when we're at dinner tonight, please
- 告诉你老婆... - 不 - tell your wi... - Ah! No
拜托,伙计,你知道我随时愿意帮你瞒天过海 Come on, man. You know I'll lie for you anytime
毁尸灭迹都不在话下 I will cover up dead bodies for you
但是如果我让霍利骗你老婆 But if I ask Holly to lie to your wife
我们肯定吃不了兜着走 there's no way we're messing around
今天可是狂欢周五 It's Freaky Friday!
你不用撒谎,我撒谎的时候让她别作声就行了 You don't have to lie, just tell her to ignore when I'm lying
就这样 That's it
- 行,好吧 - 谢谢 - Okay, fine - Thank you
你欠我人情 You owe me
晚上见 See you tonight
奥德丽 宝贝,能帮我买开瑞坦吗? [抗过敏药]
要去买开瑞坦,开瑞坦 I gotta get Claritin. Claritin
天哪,快看 Oh, my God! Look!
他带她乘直升飞机了? He took her in a helicopter?
我老公连叫豪华优步都舍不得 My husband won't even pay for Uber Black
是啊,我都想不起来上次尼克 Yeah. I don't even...I can't even remember the last time
浪漫一下是什么时候的事了 that Nick did anything even remotely romantic
他以前还会送混音带讨我欢心 I mean, he used to leave me, like, cute little mixtapes
在浴室里放情书 little love notes in the bathroom
情书已经过时了 Love notes are dead
我老公想滚床单的时候 When my husband wants to have sex
会直接给我发茄子和甜甜圈的表情 he just texts me the eggplant and doughnut emoji
茄子和甜甜圈 Eggplant and doughnut...
他是茄子 He's the eggplant
更像是蔫了的土豆 More like a fingerling potato
真的不用花太多心思 It really doesn't take that much
路口就有卖花的 There are guys at the intersection selling flowers
只要摇下车窗买一束花带回家就行了 You just roll down the window, grab a bunch, bring 'em home
- 简单到不能更简单了 - 可不是吗? - I mean, they couldn't make it any easier - No kidding
明天是我们结婚十五周年纪念日 I mean, tomorrow is our 15th wedding anniversary
我还在等他 I'm still waiting on that
实现婚礼上向我承诺的欧洲之旅 trip to Europe he promised me on our wedding day
很快就去 爱你,尼克
- 等了十五年了? - 对 - That's been 15 years? - Yeah
十五年我都能走到欧洲了 I could have walked to Europe by now
你得直接告诉他 You know, you just have to tell him
我不想告诉他,我希望他自己明白 I just don't want to have to tell him. I just want him to know
- 他们永远不会自己明白 - 我知道 - No, they never just know - I know
- 这不现实 - 你得跟男人明说 - That doesn't happen - You have to tell men everything
如果你不想让他把碗盘堆在水槽里 If you want the dishes to not go in the sink
你得跟他明说 you have to tell them
如果你想让他睡前洗个澡 If you want him to shower before he comes to bed
你得跟他明说 you have to ask him
所以餐厅的洗手间里才有那些标志 That's why they have those signs in bathrooms at restaurants
告诉员工要洗手 to tell employees to wash their hands
那些标志不是给女人看的,是给男人看的 Those aren't for women, guys. Those are for men
或许你可以给他发表情,飞机,酒杯 Or maybe you could just text him, airplane, wine glass
意大利国旗,茄子,甜甜圈,甜甜圈,甜甜圈 Italian flag, eggplant, doughnut, doughnut, doughnut
我为你疯狂[坚果双关]
亚马逊礼品卡 25美元,50美元,100美元
还是五十吧 Let's go with the 50
开瑞坦 Claritin...
开瑞坦,艾来锭 [均为抗过敏药]
欢迎光临 Hi, welcome
谢谢 Thank you
非常感谢 Thanks a lot
你要告诉他们你背包里的东西吗? Are you gonna tell 'em about the stuff in your backpack?
少管闲事,伙计,我正要买这个 Mind your own business, man. I'm paying for this
运动鞋不错,肯定很贵 I like your sneakers. They must be expensive
所以你才没钱买怪物能量饮料 Is that why can't afford the Monster Energy Drink
和辣味奇多吗? or the Flamin' Hot Cheetos?
- 等等,等等 - 放开我,伙计 - Hang on. Hang on - Hey, let go of me, man
我居然说对了 I can't believe I was right
把嘴闭上,不然有你好受的,老头 Keep your mouth shut. I'll mess you up, old man
老头,天啊 Old man. Oh, my God
首先 First of all
光是叫我"老头",就该把你关进监狱 I should throw you in jail just for calling me "old man,"
但是如果你把那些东西放回去 but you bring that stuff back
我就放你走 I'll let you go 'cause
因为我晚餐迟到了,而且饿得要死 I'm late for dinner and I'm hungry as shit
去吧 Go ahead
- 泰诺安,对吧? - 不对 - Tylenol PM? Am I right? - No
解热镇痛助眠药
不管用,取决于你什么季节去 It's not good for that. It depends on what time of year you go
有道理,再上一杯好吗? That makes sense. Can I get another?
还要再点一杯吗? We're gonna have another one?
我是说,今晚我们请客 I'm just saying, we're paying today
你能悠着点吗? Maybe you can take it easy a little bit
尼克,尼克,你怎么回事? Nick. Nick. What...What's wrong with you?
不好意思,我不能再点一杯了吗,警探? Sorry. Should I not order another drink, Detective?
不,霍利,再点一杯 No. Holly, order another drink
你们想点多少杯都没问题,我开玩笑的 You guys order as much as you want. I was joking around
- 一点也不好笑 - 因为我 - That's not funny - The reason...
我心情很好,因为今天很顺利 I'm just in a great mood because I had a great day today
- 好吧 - 今天是不是很顺利? - Here we go - Did we have a great day or what?
今天太美好了,难以置信 It was a fabulous day. Incredible day
真的吗? 你们又接到大案子了吗? Really? Did you get another hot case?
什么? Of what?
"什么" "What"
装得好,听我说 That was good. No, listen
非常顺利,我保证 Going great, kid. I promise you
他们越来越信任我了 It's like, uh, they're trusting me more and more
我也想告诉你是什么案子 and I, um, I wish I could tell you what it was
但这是保密信息 but it's...it's confidential
- 等一下 - 怎么了? - Wait a second - What?
天哪 Oh, my God
- 这是什么? - 那是什么? - What is this? - What is that?
我家吉米送我的生日礼物 My baby Jimmy got it for me for my birthday
- 吉米 - 什么? - Jimmy! - What?
- 纪念钻戒 - 天啊 - Celebration diamonds - Oh, my gosh
- 太漂亮了 - 谢谢,奥德丽 - It's gorgeous! - Thank you, Audrey
- 非常贵 - 吉米 - Very expensive - Wow, Jimmy
我也给你准备了特别的礼物 I got you something special
我保证你会非常满意 I promise, you're gonna be very happy
- 真的吗? - 我迫不及待了 - Really? - I can't wait
尼克,我还以为你是那种 See, I would've pegged you
只会送亚马逊礼品卡的男人 Nick, as an Amazon gift card kinda guy
不过我不是警探 but...I'm no detective
这样吧,各位 You know what, guys?
为我的朋友尼克和奥德丽干一杯吧 Let's toast to my friends, Nick and Audrey
美好的十五年 Fifteen wonderful years
说得好 Absolutely
- 十五年 - 敬真爱,各位 - Fifteen - Here's to true love, guys
十五年 Fifteen
- 真爱 - 嗯 - True love - Yeah
谋杀疑云
晚饭贵死了,不过早有预料 Dinner was insane, but that's expected
不过我跟你说 But I'll tell you what
我真想把霍利嚼冰块的声音录下来 I want to record Holly chewing her ice cubes
用作早上的闹铃,那真是 use it as my alarm in the morning. That's...
保证能让我立刻爬起来冲出门 Guarantee me of wanting to wake up and leave
怎么了,你不喜欢这个笑话? What's the matter? You didn't like that joke?
我在用牙线 I'm flossing
我看到了 I can see that
你今晚格外用力 You're doing it extra hard tonight
而且今晚我不要开着电扇睡觉了,吵死了 And I'm not sleeping with the fan on tonight. I hate that sound
不必开电扇,我们开空调,宝贝 No fan necessary. We'll crank the AC, babe
怎么了,怎么了? What, what, what?
你要发飙了,我能看出来,等一下 You're gonna yell at me? I can see this. Hang on
不如接着拿牙线出气吧 Why don't you do some more angry flossing?
我们为什么一直没去欧洲,尼克? How come we haven't gone to Europe, Nick?
你必须给我解释清楚 You have to explain this to me
我们什么地方都没去过 We never go anywhere
我们旅行过,我带你去过波克诺山[宾夕法尼亚州]We travel. I took you to the Poconos that time
什么? 波克诺...那是... What? The Poco...That was...
那是去参加葬礼,尼克 That was for a funeral, Nick
那我们去弗吉尼亚州那次呢 How about, uh, when we went to Virginia
我们去临终安养院看我叔叔咽气那次? when my uncle was in a hospice and we got to see him die?
- 我们去过了 - 尼克,拜托 - We did that - Nick. Come on
我说的是那张明信片 I'm talking about the postcard
你不记得了吗? You don't remember that?
我记得,我当然记得 I remember it. Of course I remember it
已经十五年了,尼克,我们还在等什么呢 It's been 15 years, Nick. I don't know what we're waitin' for
全都被你毁了,奥德丽 Now you've gone and done it, Audrey
怎么? 我干什么了? What? What'd I do?
饭桌上我说了给你准备了大礼 I told you I had something big for you at dinner
你就不能等到明早吗? and you couldn't wait till tomorrow morning?
不会吧 No
我们终于要去欧洲了,纪念日快乐 We're finally going to Europe. Happy anniversary
天哪,我都起鸡皮疙瘩了 Oh, my God. I have chills
天哪,天哪 Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
天哪,我真... Oh, my God! I'm so...
- 我毁了你的惊喜 - 你什么都没毁 - I ruined your surprise! - You didn't ruin anything
你最好了,你值得,我爱你 You're the greatest. You deserve it. I love you
- 我爱你 - 后面还有惊喜呢,我发誓 - I love you! - It's still a surprise. I swear
我们负担得起吧? 这一切... We can afford it, right? This is all...
我们当然负担得起 We can afford it, of course
- 好 - 我今年要加薪了 - Okay - I'm getting my raise this year
- 对 - 我们没问题,来吧 - Right - We're all set. Come on
- 你好 - 你好 - Hello. Hi - Hello
你好吗? How are you?
我们要去度蜜月 So, uh, we are on our honeymoon
我在想能不能给我们升舱 and I was wondering if we could possibly get an upgrade
因为我有里程数,应该是 because I have miles. Maybe...
我不知道是不是这家航空公司的 I don't even know if it's from this airline
不过里程数会过期吗,还是... but do they expire, or...
先生,你需要提前申请 Sir, you would have needed to request that in advance
- 嗯 - 这边请 - Yeah - Right this way, please
- 谢谢,不好意思 - 我们试过了,我打过电话 - Thank you. I'm so sorry - We did try advance. I tried calling
- 结果没人... - 你打给谁了? - And, um, nobody... - Who'd you call?
- 没完没了的占线 - 是吗? - Crazy busy signals - Really?
- 一直占线 - 你打给谁了? - It's the busy signals! - Who did you try to call?
回函谋杀
我不想剧透,不过凶手是管家 I don't want to give it away. It was the butler
是管家干的 The butler did it
凶手从来都不是管家 It's never the butler who did it
我觉得根本就没有管家 I don't even think there are butlers
这个词是你爱看的 That's just a word created
那些无脑小说造出来的 for those goofy books you're addicted to
你能不能,别说话 Would you just please, please shh?
别管我看什么小说好吗? 让我安静地看 Leave my books alone, okay? Just let me read
我就是喜欢,看了开心 I just like...Makes me happy
你还好吗? 你有点烦躁,是不是无聊了? Are you okay? You're cranky. Are you bored?
- 我要睡觉了 - 睡一觉 - I'm gonna go to sleep - Take a nap
- 睡觉你没意见吧? - 等等,不要... - Are you okay with that? - Wait, don't...
不要把座椅放平 But just, please, don't...don't lay all the way back
- 不要放平? - 对 - Don't take it back? - No
怎么? 你不想看我挤出双下巴? Why? You don't want my double chin to show?
- 不是双下巴的问题,那样很没礼貌 - 好 - It's not your chins, okay. It's just rude - Yes
- 因为你会睡得四仰八叉 - 好吧 - Okay. 'Cause you splay out - All right
然后你的椅背就会碰到后面人的膝盖 And then your seat is in, like, the lap of the guy behind you
- 所以要多为他人着想 - 我不会放平的 - So just be considerate of everybody - I'll stay up
谢谢 Thank you
倒啦 Timber
打扰一下 Excuse me
- 你好 - 你好 - Hi - Hello. Hi
可以给我一副耳塞吗? Could I please have some earplugs?
好的 Yes
九美元 For nine dollars
一副耳塞要九美元? Nine dollars? For earplugs?
是的 Yes
算了,我还是 That's okay. I'll just...
我还是用花生吧 I'll just use my peanuts
我还是... I'll just...
看来你也睡不着 A fellow insomniac, I see
天哪 Jesus
对,我... Yes. I...
是啊,深有同感 Yep. I know, right?
我在飞机上就是睡不着 I just cannot sleep on these things
你为什么要去欧洲呢? So what brings you across the pond?
其实,我是去度蜜月的 Actually, it's my...it's my honeymoon
恭喜 Congratulations
- 谢谢 - 你丈夫呢? - Thank you - Where's your husband?
死了 Dead
睡了,睡得死死的 Asleep. He's dead...dead asleep
我们其实已经结婚十五年了 We've actually been married for 15 years
但我们一直很忙很忙 but we just have been very, very, very, very busy
敬你匆忙的生活一杯 Then a toast to the whirlwind that is your life
好 Yes
- 抱歉,女士 - 是 - Sorry, ma'am - Oh, yes!
吧台只为头等舱旅客开放 The bar is for first class passengers only
当然了,真不好意思 Of course. Of course it is. I'm so sorry, yes
我会回低等舱 I will head back to the lower class cabin
坐到自己该坐的座位上,然后... and sit where I should and, uh...
铲铲煤 shovel some coal
她是我的客人 She's my guest
很遗憾,先生,她需要自己的头等舱机票 Unfortunately, sir, she'd need her own first class ticket
我是查尔斯·卡文迪什 Charles Cavendish
真对不起,先生 I'm so sorry, sir
查尔斯·卡文迪什 Charles Cavendish?
这是你的真名吗? Is that your real name?
恐怕是的 I'm afraid so
听起来像是直接从 I mean, that sounds like it just fell right out of a...
悬疑小说里出来的 mystery novel
那我会是哪个人物呢? And which character would I be?
这样的名字肯定是反派 Name like that, you'd have to be the bad guy
好吧 Well...
为反派们干杯 here's to the bad guys
好吧,你的未婚妻 Okay, so your fiancée...
抛弃了你 leaves you...
投入了你年迈的叔叔的怀抱 for your elderly uncle...
能请你们闭嘴吗? Will you two kindly shut up?
别吵 Oh, be quiet
否则我们就告诉别人 Or we shall tell everyone
你偷偷带上飞机的小崽子 about the ferret you've smuggled in here
我知道这件事很庸俗 The whole thing is tawdry, I know
- 庸俗 - 他想得到我的未婚妻 - Tawdry - He desired my betrothed
而马尔科姆叔叔总是能如愿以偿 and Uncle Malcolm always gets what he wants
马尔科姆,马尔科姆叔叔 Malcolm. Uncle Malcolm
- 坎斯 - 叔叔... - Quince - Uncle...
马尔科姆·坎斯是你叔叔? 那个亿万富翁? Malcolm Quince is your uncle? That billionaire?
- 就是他 - 天啊 - That's the one - Oh, my gosh
他看起来就像这个 He looks just like this...
如果这个皱巴巴的橄榄身价七百亿美元的话 if this wrinkled olive had $70 billion
七百亿美元 Seventy billion dollars
我这周末要和这对新婚夫妇乘他的游艇 I'm traveling to Monaco with the newlyweds on his yacht
去摩纳哥看大奖赛 for the Grand Prix this weekend
为什么? 你为什么要这么做? Why? Why would you do that?
他们这么对你,你为什么还要乘他们的游艇? Why would you go on their yacht after what they just did?
因为我是英国人,施皮茨夫人 Because I'm English, Mrs. Spitz
我是个社会性受虐狂 I'm a glutton for social masochism
我打算喝个烂醉,搞砸他们的新婚庆典 And I plan on getting blind drunk and ruining the festivities
好,我支持你 Okay. I support that
我说,奥德丽 I say, Audrey...
你和你丈夫这周末有安排吗? Do you and your husband have plans this weekend?
你讲了个笑话,简直 You made a joke. That's...
我靠,这架飞机上居然有吧台? Holy shit! This plane has a bar?
先生,这里是头等舱休息室 Sir, this is the first class lounge
请你回自己的座位 I'm gonna have to ask you to return to your seat
飞机现在都有吧台了? There's bars on planes now?
飞机现在有吧台了,头等舱专用 Planes have bars now. In first class
天哪,真希望我妈能活着看到这幕 This is...Man, I wish my mother was still alive to see this
她是个酒鬼,不过是个好酒鬼 She was an alcoholic, but a nice one
先生,如果你不回座位,我就要找... Sir, if you don't return to your seat, I'm gonna have to call...
警察 The cops
那是我老婆 So that's my wife
她在和那个单下巴的帅哥聊天 talking to that handsome guy over there with the one chin
所以我要打断他们,可能会给自己倒杯啤酒 So I'm gonna go break that shit up, possibly grab myself a beer
给你拿点抗焦虑药 maybe you a Xanax
值得为飞机上的酒写封表扬信 ...the wine on board is worth a letter
如今都没人写信了,对吗? People don't write letters anymore, do they?
- 真遗憾 - 信都变得别有目的 - Such a pity - It's just, it's all so tactical
是啊,没错 Yeah, that's true
尼克 Nick
- 你好吗? - 亲爱的,你醒了 - How are you? - Hi, honey. You're awake
- 睡得舒服吗? - 我一直醒着 - Was your nappie good? - Been awake
- 我刚刚在找你 - 我知道,我在... - I was looking for you - I know, I'm...
我遇到了这位迷人的绅士 Well, I met this lovely gentleman
- 是吗? - 这位是查尔斯·卡文迪什 - Oh, yeah? - I'd like you to meet Charles Cavendish
- 他是位勋爵,对吧? - 你好 - He's a lord. Right? - How do you do?
- 勋爵? - 准确地说是子爵 - A lord? - Well, actually a viscount
尽管子爵也被称为勋爵 Although viscounts are addressed as Lord
这可能就是可爱的奥德丽感到迷惑的原因 which probably accounts for the lovely Audrey's confusion
没错,她有时候也搞不清楚我的身份 There you go. She gets confused with me too
有时叫我国王,有时叫我爸爸 Sometimes I'm the king. Sometimes I'm Daddy
能给我一瓶拉巴啤酒吗,兄弟? So...can I get a Labatt's, brother?
十七欧元 That'll be 17 euro
不不不,不用 No, no, no. Please
我请客 The beer is on me
我不会随便喝不认识的人请的啤酒 I'm not just taking a beer from somebody I don't know
天啊 Oh, my gosh
我真的希望你能好好考虑下我的提议 And I do hope you take advantage of my other offer
我不会眼睁睁看着你 I'm not just gonna stand here
提出想给我钱买我老婆一晚的 while you offer to pay me to have sex with my wife
不过出于好奇,你打算给多少钱? But out of curiosity, how much are we talking?
- 真棒 - 我不会答应他的 - Great - I wouldn't do it
- 听我说 - 什么? - Hey, listen to me - What?
他是在邀请我们 He is inviting us to spend
和他们全家在游艇上共度周末 the weekend with him on a yacht with his family
可是我们已经有安排了 Well, we have plans
乘大巴 On a bus
去往诗情画意的圣格里吉奥村庄 A bus that is bound for the idyllic village of San Grigio
我们可以看他们是怎么熟成火腿的 where we can watch a demonstration on how they age ham
- 让我解释一下 - 我哪没听清 - Let's just let me explain something - Tell me what I'm missing
- 你在逗我吗? - 说吧 - Are you kidding me? - Go
我们会环游欧洲的港口 We would be sailing around European harbors
- 好 - 好吗? 我们能吃到新鲜的鱼 - Yeah - Okay? We'd be eating fresh fish
- 好 - 还能喝酒 - Right - And we'd be drinking wine
我们能待在一起 We'd be together
挺好的 That's nice
- 他们还有个大厨 - 有个大厨 - They have a chef - They have a chef
他叫莫里斯,是莫里斯吧? His name is Maurice. Maurice?
- 对,莫里斯 - 莫里斯 - Maurice, yes - Maurice
"有人叫我莫里斯" "Some people call me Maurice"
歌词出自The Joker-Steve Miller Band
记得那首歌吗? Remember that one?
- 我能和你单独聊聊吗? - 当然 - Can I talk to you for a second? - Sure
卫生间 使用中
我懂了 I gotcha
听着 So listen...
你在干什么? What are you doing?
两个成年人一起进飞机上的卫生间还能干什么? Why would two adults come into a bathroom on an airplane?
亲爱的,拜托,我只是想和你单独聊聊 Honey, come on. To have a private conversation
真好笑 That's funny
听着,我只是想搞清楚 Listen. I'm just trying to understand
你为什么要拒绝这个千载难逢的好机会 why you are turning down the opportunity of a lifetime
因为我不信任那个家伙 Because I don't trust that guy
- 为什么? - 因为直觉 - Why? - 'Cause instincts
你的直觉? Your instincts?
你那跟你说你会在这打一炮的直觉吗? The same instincts that told you you were about to get laid in here?
不能打一炮吗? I'm not getting laid?
拜托,我们平时 Come on! When is the next time
哪有机会乘上一艘游艇? you and I are gonna be able to get on a yacht?
我只是想说,每次我们吃火腿三明治 I'm just saying, all those times we're eating ham sandwiches
你都会问,"他们是怎么熟成火腿的"? and you're always asking, "How do they age the ham?"
- 我从没问过... - 以后不用再问这个问题了 - Never had that... - We'll never ask that question again
- 因为我们要去圣格里吉奥了 - 从没问过 - because we'll be in San Grigio - That never happened
他们会告诉我们怎么做出完美的火腿 They'll give us the reason on how they do it so perfectly
好吧,你想听实话吗? Okay. You wanna know the truth?
- 你伤透了我的心 - 为什么? - You're breaking my heart - Why?
我觉得自己像个蠢货 I feel like a schmuck
因为我一直在努力工作攒钱 because I've been working my ass off and saving money
现在你知道原因了 and now you know why
是为了我们的这次旅行,我知道自己不是公爵 It was to take us on this trip. And I know I'm not a duke
我明白,他是子爵,但是... I understand. He's a viscount, but...
- 我都不知道那是什么 - 我知道,没关系 - I don't even know what that is - I know. It's okay
对不起 I'm sorry
我爱你 I love you
- 我迷糊了,有点入迷了 - 我知道 - I got lost. I got swept up in it - I know
但没关系,我们乘大巴,会很棒的 But it's okay. We're gonna do the bus. It's gonna be great
- 我们乘大巴 - 你会爱上大巴的 - We'll do the bus - You're gonna love the bus!
西班牙,马拉加
冈萨雷斯,我们的欢迎香槟呢? Gonzales. Where is our welcome glass of champagne?
- 说好了会有... - 爸爸,萨默打我 - We were promised... - Dad, Summer hit me!
一杯香槟迎接我们 ...a glass of champagne when we arrived...
你们俩给我闭嘴,别玩球了 Zip it! Both of you! Will you stop that?
我知道你能听见 I know you hear me!
- 闭嘴 - 我们还是 - Shut up! - Let's do the...
还是乘游艇吧 We'll do the yacht, okay?
- 谢谢 - 好吧 - Thank you - All right
卡文迪什 Cavendish!
我们改主意了,我们跟你走 We've changed our minds. We're gonna come
太好了 Splendid
- 你好 - 欢迎 - Hello - Bienvenidos
谢谢 Thank you
- 谢谢 - 不客气 - Thank you - De nada
太棒了 This is amazing
我还以为会更大呢 I thought it was gonna be bigger
- 什么? - 真的 - What? - I did
- 比这还大吗? - 我真以为会更大 - Bigger than this? - I really did
我猜那是卡文迪什的前未婚妻 I bet that's Cavendish's ex-fiancée
她为了他叔叔抛弃了他 who left him for his uncle
好吧,我饿死了,那个叫莫里斯的老兄呢? Okay. I'm starving. Where's that Maurice dude?
我们好像不能直接跟他说话 I don't think we're supposed to talk to him directly
- 还是等着吃晚餐吧 - 要等到什么时候? - Let's wait for dinner - Which is when?
我不...亲爱的,晚些时候,我不知道 I don't...Honey, it's later. I don't know
这里是欧洲,好吗? It's Europe, okay?
大巴就按美国的晚餐时间开饭,所以... The bus observes a standard American dinnertime, so...
宝贝,这里美得像画一样 Baby, this is like a painting
- 是挺好看的 - 看起来简直不真实 - No, it's nice... - It just doesn't look real
- 这... - 天哪 - It's... - Oh, my God!
你看,她太漂亮了 Look. She's so pretty
- 非常漂亮 - 她是那种漂亮得 - Very pretty - She's that kind of pretty
让你搞不清她是哪国人的美女 that you don't really know what country she's from
我看不出来,你呢? I mean, I can't tell. Can you tell?
日本人 Japan
对,对,看吧,她能听见你说话 Yes, yes. You see? See? She can hear you
她可不是在电视屏幕里 She's not a...not on television right now
你见到的是真人 You're watching a real person
带着平民不请自来 Crashing the party with civilians
你喝醉了吗? Are you drunk?
现在才中午,亲爱的苏西 It's only noon, Suzi, darling
我当然喝醉了 Of course I'm drunk
那么,你心爱的 So, where is your beloved
老年斑爵士呢? Sir Liver Spots?
马尔科姆还没到 Malcolm is not here yet
你知道他喜欢隆重入场 You know how he likes to make an entrance
没人比你更了解 You'd know more about
马尔科姆的"进入"方式了 Malcolm's entrances than anyone at this point
很高兴认识你,你人真好 Great to meet you. You're terrific
很荣幸认识你 Nice to meet you. Pleasure
二位见笑了 I'm sorry you had to see that
- 我开始有点喜欢你了 - 就该这么对她 - Actually, I started to like you - She deserved that
很好,掷地有声 Very good. You came on strong
她不对,语出伤人 She is not nice. You're hurt
查尔斯 Charles
很高兴你能来 So glad you could make it
你还带了客人来 And you brought guests
请允许我向你们介绍我的堂兄,托比 Allow me to introduce my cousin, Tobey
马尔科姆的独子,如果他不是尖叫女王[男同]Malcolm's only son and the man Suzi would have left me for
苏西就会投入他的怀抱 had he not been a screaming queen
- 好吧 - 谢谢你邀请我们上船,先生 - Okay - Thank you for having us aboard, sir
你好,十分荣幸 Yeah. Hey, really nice
这是我父亲的船 It's my father's boat
她父亲有一次把剪草机借给我了 Well, her father, uh, let me use his lawnmower one time
所以我能理解你的心情 so I know how that goes
你们是怎么认识查尔斯的? How do you know Charles?
那要追溯到六小时之前了? We go back to six hours ago?
- 是的 - 我们是在飞机上认识的 - Yes - We met on an airplane
他很热情,邀请我们一起 He was very nice to include us
应该有空闲的船舱给他们住吧 We have a spare cabin for them, I assume
既然你们的交情这么源远流长 Well, seeing as you have so much history
当然要给二位准备一间客房 I'm sure we can find some room
谢谢,感谢你的盛情款待 Thank you. Thanks for the warm welcome
感激不尽,你先请 Appreciate it. After you
- 这上面吗? 这一直通到上面吗? - 你人真好 - Up here? This keeps going up? - Really nice of you
这边吗? So we go this way?
还有一层甲板,还有一层 There's another deck, hun. Another deck!
被性爱冲昏头脑的老头马尔科姆·坎斯 "Sex-crazed oldster Malcolm Quince
本周与23岁的滑雪教练苏西·中村结婚 wed 23-year-old ski instructor Suzi Nakamura this week"
这位东京浪女为何要 "Why would the Tokyo-born tart
用高山滑降换取假牙? trade downhills for dentures?
或许是为了马尔科姆的儿子托比 Perhaps the $70 billion his son, Tobey
本来能继承的七百亿 was set to inherit"
天啊,宝贝 Oh, my God, baby
我们现在正身处八卦新闻报道中 We are literally right in the middle of a TMZ story
关于这游艇你算说对了 You were right about this yacht
他们的剃须膏都带着椰香 Their shaving cream smells like coconuts
- 太不可思议了 - 抱歉 - It's incredible - Sorry
你现在是对富人过敏了吗? You're allergic to rich people now?
不是,住嘴,我有过敏症 No. Stop it! I'm allergic to stuff
能把开瑞坦拿给我吗? Would you please grab me the Claritin?
好,给 Yes. Here
宝贝,这是艾来锭,你说你带了开瑞坦 Baby, that's Allegra. You said you packed Claritin
都是一回事 That's the same thing
不,亲爱的,艾来锭对我没效 No, honey. Allegra doesn't work for me
好吧,等我们到了摩纳哥 Okay. When we get to Monaco
我去给你买个开瑞坦 I'll get you your Claritin
在那可能就不叫这个名字了 It's not...It's gonna be called something else over there
跟你说,记住了,是蓝盒子 I'm telling you. Just remember, we...The blue box
要知道,"艾来锭" You know, "Allegra"
在法语里,和开瑞坦是一个东西 in, uh, French means the same shit as Claritin
- 微笑 - 好 - Smile - Yes
你不能再喝了,你都成酒鬼了 You need to stop drinking. You're a drunk
你看他 Look at him
他为什么要那样折磨自己? Why is he torturing himself like that?
她都已经嫁给马尔科姆了 I mean, she's already married to Malcolm
不知道他还指望她说什么 I don't know what else he's expecting her to say to him
她说他是个无赖 She's saying he's a cad...
他说她是个荡妇 and he's saying she's a tramp
他们都说得对 and they're both right
我在哪见过你? 你是... How do I know you? You're...
你是演员,对吗? You're an actress, right?
女人都是演员,亲爱的 All women are actresses, dear
我只是够精明,能以此为生而已 I'm just clever enough to get paid for it
我是格蕾丝·巴拉德 Grace Ballard
天哪 My God!
太不可...我是你的狂热粉丝 That's...This is incr...I'm a massive fan of yours!
头号粉丝 Like, number one!
- 这太不... - 我知道,很不可思议 - This isn't... - I know. It's incredible
我是尼克·施皮茨,这位是我妻子,艾莉森 I am Nick Spitz. This is my wife, Allison
- 真不敢相信 - 奥德丽,我叫奥德丽 - I can't believe... - Aud...Audrey. I'm Audrey
- 我说的是奥德丽 - 并不是 - I said Audrey! - No, you didn't
艾莉森是她在那什么里面的角色 Allison is the character she played in the...
还记得我们一起看的那部电影吗? Remember the one? We watched it together
有一位美丽的女士,后来发现她是个机器人? Where it's a beautiful lady, it turns out she's a robot?
- 带着胸罩... - 她就是那个机器人 - And there's the bra... - She's the robot!
- 你的胸罩里弹出了枪 - 没错 - There's guns coming out of your bra - Yes!
《性爱机械》,我的突破角色 Sex Machina. My breakout role
太棒了,瞧瞧,她就在我们面前 So good. Look at this, right in front of us!
我简直激动得不能自已 I feel like I got kicked in the belly right now!
- 好了 - 我找不着北了 - Okay - I lost my wind!
这样吧,我们去涂点防晒霜,因为... You know what? Let's go put on some sunscreen 'cause it's...
你之前已经给我涂过防晒霜了 You already put the sunscreen on me earlier
不是,我们要补涂防晒霜 No, we're gonna...we're gonna reapply the sunscreen
- 还要涂吗? - 要补了 - We're putting more on? - We're gonna reapply
- 好吧,我们再去涂点 - 好 - All right. We'll put more on. -Ok
- 很高兴认识你 - 难以置信,太美妙了 - So nice to meet you - I can't believe...This is great!
- 他太激动了 - 我们在一艘船上 - He's so excited - We're on the same ship!
格蕾丝·巴拉德 英国女演员
看,这上面说她真正的姓其实不是巴拉德 Look at that. It says that her last name isn't even really Ballard
那又怎么了? Well, so what?
怎么会有人长得这么漂亮? How do you just come out looking that beautiful?
- 全是整的 - 什么? - She's had it all done - What?
嘴唇,鼻子,下巴 Lips, nose, chin
不是吧 No!
真有人整下巴? People really get their chins done?
你这话完全是说给我听的,太下作了 That was so directed at me, it was disgusting
因为你希望我去整下巴,我不... 'Cause you want me to get my chin done. And I'm not...
我爱你本来的样子,不过整一下也不错 I love you for who you are. Although it's an option
请允许我失陪一下 Would you guys excuse me for a moment?
- 我应该去跟大君打个招呼 - 好的 - I should say hello to the Maharajah - Absolutely
- 所有人都这么说 - 你能相信我们和一个 - Everyone's saying it - Do you believe we're on a boat
说着"我要去和大君聊聊"的人 where the guy said, "I'm gonna go have a conversation
在一艘船上吗? with the Maharajah?"
- 太夸张了 - 这是真的吗? - That was big - Is this real?
不好意思,女士 Excuse me, ma'am?
这里有没有叫莫里斯的人? 我饿坏了 Is there a Maurice here? 'Cause I'm hungry as hell
有的,先生,他在做准备 Yes, sir. He's preparing
他在做准备,好吧,什么时候能弄完? He's preparing. Okay. Is he ever gonna finish?
请告诉莫里斯加快速度 Please tell Maurice to step on the gas
亲爱的,亲爱的 Honey, honey, honey
好吧,现在别回头看 Okay, um, don't look right now
有个戴着眼罩面目可怖的男人 but there's a really scary man with an eye patch...
在瞪着我们 who's just staring right at us
我说了别回头看,你就不能不看吗? I said don't look and you can't not do it
你说他戴着眼罩面目可怖,我必须得看看 You say eye patch and scary, I'm gonna look
对不住了,这是本能反应 I'm sorry. It's physically impossible not to
好吧,他朝我们走来了 All right. Okay. He's walking at us
亲爱的,亲爱的,镇静 Honey, honey. Play it cool
- 伙计们,你们好啊,最近还好吗? - 你好 - Hey, fellas. What's up? How are ya? - Hey. Hi
- 谁让你们两个上船的? - 什么? - Who let you two on board? - Excuse me?
现在是怎么回事? What is happening right now?
他们是我的客人,上校 They're my guests, Colonel
- 这个周末仅限家人参与 - 是吗? - This weekend is for family only - Really?
据我所知,你也不是家人 The last time I checked, you're not family
那个苏联楚巴卡也不是 Neither is Soviet Chewbacca over there
尼克,奥德丽 Nick, Audrey
- 对,你肯定不是家人 - 好吧 - Yeah, you're not family for sure - Okay
天,我看见有人带了枪 Jesus. So I see one of them was packing heat
- 我该带把枪吗? - 我怀疑里面根本没装子弹 - Was I supposed to bring a gun? - Oh, I doubt it's even loaded
那位是纳米比亚国防部的查尔斯·乌兰加上校 That's Colonel Charles Ulenga of the Namibian Defense Force
马尔科姆的密友 Malcolm's best friend
他在94年的一场轰炸袭击中救了马尔科姆一命 He saved his life from a bombing attempt in '94
不过他失去了一只眼睛和... That's where he lost his eye and his...
和老二吗? 他老二没了吗? And his dick? Did he lose his dick?
- 亲爱的,为什么? - 我以为是老二没了 - Honey, why? - I thought that maybe it was his dick
旁边的是谢尔盖·雷真科 And that's Sergei Radjenko
前特种部队成员,他的保镖 former Spetsnaz, and his bodyguard
那个疯子眼罩男还需要保镖? Crazy eye patch guy needs a bodyguard?
假手 The hand!
那是假手,脱离身体的假手 There's a hand. It's not on his body anymore
快看,现在他在抽自己的老二 Look at this. Now he's smoking his dick!
- 他在抽自己的老二 - 不是,天啊 - He's smoking his dick! - No. God
你能住嘴吗? Would you stop it?
开个玩笑而已,在船上轻松点 I'm just having fun. It's a boat
能问你个问题吗? Can I ask you a question?
大君究竟是什么意思? What exactly...is a maharajah?
你怎么不问他本人? Why don't you ask him yourself?
还是算了 No
维克,我有几位客人想介绍给你认识 Vik, I have some guests I'd like you to meet
尼克和奥德丽·施皮茨 Nick and Audrey Spitz
这位是尊贵的维克拉姆·西瓦·戈文丹孟买大君 I present the exalted Maharajah Vikram Shivan Govindan of Mumbai
天啊,很... Oh, my gosh. It's so...
很高兴... So nice to...
- 高兴... - 我们... - Nice... - We're...
太搞笑了 That was very hilarious
一直在这鞠躬 With all the bowin' and shit
棕皮肤人一鞠躬,白人就会回礼,对不对? You know, when a brown person bows, white people bow back, innit?
- 来碰拳,我们来... - 抱歉 - Up high. How about... - I'm sorry
他在向你表示...,尊敬 He's giving you...Respect!
很好笑,很有趣,他刚才在开玩笑 That was very good. Very funny. That was a joke
奥德丽有个问题想问你 Audrey has a question she'd like to ask you
说来听听 Let me hear it
我们很想知道,大君究竟是什么意思? We were actually wondering, what exactly is a maharajah?
这个称号是怎么...是要上学获得的吗? How do you...Do you have to go to a school for that?
这是世袭的 Yeah, I was born into the game
- 世袭的 - 好吧,世袭的 - Oh, you're born into it - Okay, born into it
你是做什么的,尼克? What do you do, Nick?
- 我是... - 尼克是警探 - I am... - Nick's a detective
犀利,你"血溅"过什么人吗? Tight! You ever wet up anyone?
- 什么意思? - 就是逼问 - What's that? - Yeah, you know, like drill
开枪,爆头,就像这样 bust a cap, waste. You're like...
- 他真搞笑,没朝任何人开过枪 - 当然没有 - He's funny. No, never shot anybody - No! God!
这是件好事 Which is a good thing
尼克他,你的枪法很烂 Nick is...Well, it's just that you're a terrible shot
他的枪法很烂 He's a terrible shot
他差点连警校都毕不了业 He barely got out of the academy
因为他连最基础的枪法都不达标 because he couldn't even meet, like, his minimum marksmanship skills
奥德丽有乳糖不耐症 Audrey is lactose intolerant
- 她睡觉时还会打嗝 - 什么? - She also burps in her sleep - What?
我以为现在要开始互相揭短了 I just thought 'cause we are discussing each other's flaws right now
你想拿到台面上来说 you wanted to put it on the table
对不起,听着,我没想到这是个敏感话题 I'm sorry I...Listen, I didn't think that was a sensitive subject...
不是个敏感话题 It's not a sensitive subject
我就是不喜欢你见到谁都这么说 I just don't like you telling everybody we meet
抱歉我提起了这件事,抱歉,别在意 I'm sorry I brought it up. I'm sorry. Never mind
天啊,快看 Oh, my gosh. Look at this
- 看看这疯狂的一切 - 宝贝 - Look at this crazy - Wow. Babe
这间房和你一样明艳照人 Well, this room is as nice as the way you look
- 你美极了 - 谢谢你,亲爱的,嘴真甜 - You look stunning - Thank you, honey. That's so sweet
怎么? What?
所有人都穿着礼服 Everybody's in tuxedos
真希望你能让我给你收拾行李 I wish you'd let me pack
我应该穿双袜子的,你说得对 All right. I shoulda wore socks. You're right
胡安·卡洛斯 Juan Carlos!
祝你好运,伙计 Good luck, man
你们好,为什么要祝你好运? Hi. Hi, there. What are we wishing you good luck for?
他明天要参加摩纳哥大奖赛 Well, he is racing in the Monaco Grand Prix tomorrow
大赛事 That's big
胡安·卡洛斯·里维拉,容我向你介绍 Juan Carlos Rivera, let me introduce you to...
史蒂夫和史蒂夫夫人 Steve and Lady Steve
- 什么? - 不是 - What? - No
- 不,不 - 你想这么叫也行 - No, no - I mean, if you want
- 我们只见过一面 - 好吧,我要 - Just met us once - Yeah, all right. I'm gonna...
- 我是奥德丽 - 再来一次 - I'm Audrey - ...go again
我是尼克,我们是施皮茨夫妇 I'm Nick, and then we're the Spitzes
我是胡安·卡洛斯 Juan Carlos, huh?
我是胡安·卡洛斯 Juan Carlos
你是赛车手 So you're a race car driver
好,是的 Good, yes
你是怎么接触到这一行的? How do you get into something like that?
第一名,是的 Number one, yes
你不会说英语,对吗? You don't speak English, do you?
非常快,非常快 Very fast. Very fast
- 欢迎 - 好吧 - Welcome - Okay
地中海,法国沿海
那是什么? What's that?
那是坎斯匕首 That is the Quince dagger
中国钢铁,来自东方的宝石 Chinese steel, jewels from across the Orient
马可波罗送给坎斯家族的礼物 A gift to the family from Marco Polo
传说中是这样的 or so the legend says
天哪 God
尼克的奶奶送过我们一个商场买的烤面包机 Nick's grandmother gave us a toaster from Sears
传说中是这样的 So the legend says
瞧 Look
爸爸来了 Here comes Daddy
怎么了? What's that?
王船长 Captain Wong
我想和宾客们私下谈 I'd like to address my guests privately
没问题 Certainly
朋友们 My friends
欢迎来到地中海女王号 welcome to the Mediterranean Queen
我无法表达你们能来到这里 I can't tell you how much it warms my heart
庆贺我的婚礼 that you have made this trip here
有多么温暖我的心 to celebrate my nuptials
你会发现,随着年纪增长 You will find, as you get older
人会开始估量自己的人生 that you begin to take stock of life
不只是成功的地方 Not just where you've succeeded
还有失败的地方 but where you've failed
以及 Who...
辜负的人 you've failed
苏西 Suzi
我亲爱的新娘 my darling bride
她的人生路还很漫长 who has so much of her life ahead of her
格蕾丝,在银幕上光芒万丈 Grace, who shines so brightly on the silver screen
胡安·卡洛斯,我的教子 Juan Carlos, my godson
竭力带领我的赛车队奔向胜利 who strives to lead my race team to victory
你们... You...
你们是谁? Who are you?
- 我们是... - 我们是施皮茨夫妇 - We're the... - We're the Spitzes
谁? The who?
我是奥德丽,这是尼克·施皮茨 I'm Audrey, and Nick Spitz
- 对 - 我们超爱这艘船 - Great - We love the boat
- 船吗? 这是巨轮 - 超乎想象 - A boat? I mean, this is a ship - It's beyond
从没见过这么棒的地方 Never seen anything like this
艾瑞克·兰蒙索夫那艘才叫船 Eric Lamonsoff has a boat
我们一起钓鱼,他有艘小快艇 We go fishing. He's got a Boston Whaler
这里巨大无比 This is gigantic
他们是我的客人,叔叔 They're my guests, Uncle
你带了客人来? You brought guests?
毕竟你把我女伴抢走了 Well, you did take my plus-one
非常抱歉,你想要我们离开吗? I'm so sorry. Would you like us to leave?
我们可以 We could...
不过我不知道我们要怎么离开 I don't know how we're getting out of here, though
出去就是大海了,优步可以叫船吗? We're...We're out to sea. Is there an Uber for boats?
- 离开房间,尼克 - 离开房间? - Out...Out of the room, Nick - Out of the room?
我们可以离开这个房间,当然可以 We can go out of the room, absolutely...
不 No
没那个必要 That won't be necessary
- 那我们就留下 - 我们留下,好的 - Okay. So we'll stick around - So we stay. Okay
我的侄子,查尔斯 My nephew, Charles
总有办法让我保持警觉 who always finds a way to keep me on my toes
我的朋友上校,这么多年来保护我的安全 My friend, the Colonel, who's kept me safe these many years
维克拉姆,他的家族财富 Vikram, whose family fortunes
一直与我的财富交织在一起 have always been intertwined with my own
还有我的托拜厄斯 And my Tobias
我一直想要一个儿子 All I ever wanted was a son
然后你出生了 and here you are
我的儿子 My boy
我跟你们每个人说过我遗嘱里的安排 I've spoken to all of you about your position in my will
关于你们每个人真正值得什么 I have thought long and hard about
我认真考虑了很久 what each of you is truly worth
最终得出这个结论 and I've come to this conclusion
你们都是吸血鬼 You are all leeches
令人厌恶 Repugnant
吸饱了血 Blood fat
这么多年一直吮吸我的辛苦工作所得 Suckling on the tit of my good work for so many years
你们令我作呕 You repulse me
大巴上可看不到这个,宝贝 Can't get this on a bus, baby
- 太精彩了 - 我知道 - This is incredible - I know it
- 谢谢你 - 不客气 - Thank you - You're welcome
因此我起草了一份新的遗嘱 Which is why I have drafted a new will
上面写着我的全部财产 It states that my entire fortune
都归苏西所有 goes to Suzi
从这一刻起 From this moment forth
你们不再有继承权 you are all cut off
被我抛弃 Abandoned
或许在我做出这项善举之后 And perhaps, after I've done you this kindness
你们终于能自力更生 you will finally be able to make something of yourselves...
干出一番事业 on your own
显然,她吃够我的鱼子酱了 Apparently, she's had enough of my caviar
真好笑 That was funny
亲爱的 Darling
你本可以在家签署遗嘱 You could've signed this at home
却非要把我们叫来这里羞辱一番? Instead, you called us here to humiliate us?
是的,你们还不是上赶着来了 Yes, and you came running
父亲,不要这样做 Father, don't do this
否则呢? Or what?
是了 Yes
我谅你也没胆子 That's what I thought
别对我开枪,别对我开枪 Don't shoot me! Don't shoot me, please!
爸爸 Daddy!
你开枪杀了他 You shot him!
不是 No!
我看到有人拿刀捅他 I saw someone stab him
- 谁? - 我不知道 - Who? - I don't know
发生了什么? 我听到尖... What happened? I heard a scr...
马尔科姆 Malcolm!
天啊 Oh, God!
有人试过抢救他吗? Has anybody tried to revive him?
他的心脏插着把刀 He's got a knife plunged in his heart
我不认为能救回来 I don't think he's revivable
我们该把刀拔出来吗? Should we pull it out?
不,这刀有一尺长,这就像拔... No. It's a foot-long knife. It's just like pulling...
老天 Oh, God!
应该让刀插在原处等警察来,上校 You should have left the knife in for the po-po, Colonel, man!
- 那我插回去 - 别插回去 - I'll put it back - Don't put it back
能照我老公说的做吗? 他是警探 Will you listen to my husband? He's a detective
对对,我们该怎么做,警官先生? Yes, yes. What should we do, Mr. Officer?
首先,不要再拔出凶器 Well, for starters, let's stop removing
然后再插入受害者的胸口了 and reinserting the murder weapon into the victim's chest
实际上,完全不要再触碰尸体 In fact, let's stop touching the body altogether
他要把钱全拿走 He was gonna take it all away
就为了你 For you
对了 Yo...
他签名了吗? Did he sign it?
没有 No
棒 Yes!
我们应该确保他身上没有另一份 We should make sure he doesn't have another copy on him
翻尸体身上的口袋 Rifling through the pockets of the corpse
也算触碰,没错 counts as touching, yup
抱歉那样针对你说,巴拉德女士 Sorry to single you out like that, Ms. Ballard
你很棒,你今晚特别美 You're wonderful. You look extravagant tonight
好了,接下来怎么做? Okay. All right. What's next?
我们必须保护犯罪现场 We have to preserve the crime scene
王船长,你有办法把这里封锁吗? Captain Wong, is there any way you can lock off this place?
当然可以 Yes, of course
那我们应该开始审讯嫌疑人了 So we should then start questioning the suspects
嫌疑人? Suspects?
我们不会审讯任何人 We're not questioning anybody
王,把这里锁好之后,你把钥匙拿给我 Wong, when you finish locking up here, you bring me the key
然后用无线电联系国际刑警组织 Then you radio Interpol
告诉他们在摩纳哥的码头等我们 tell 'em we'll meet 'em at the docks in Monaco
与此同时,我要仔细检查那些虾 In the meantime, I'm gonna check the shrimp out a little closer
为了调查吗? For the investigation?
不,王,因为我饿坏了 No, Wong, because I'm hungry as shit
其余人,我建议你们 The rest of you, I'd lock yourselves
把自己锁在舱室或者说游艇房间里 in your chambers or your yacht rooms
因为我们中有一个人... because one of us...
是杀人犯 is a murderer
- 奥德丽 - 什么事? - Audrey - Yeah?
拿上酱料 Get the cocktail sauce
好 Yep
等等,这里到底加了什么? Wait a second. What on earth is on these?
不知道 I don't know
这个莫里斯肯定每只虾都单独用母乳喂养 This Maurice guy must breastfeed each shrimp individually
我是说,它们的虾生太璀璨了 I mean, they live so well
没错,是的,天啊 Oh, God, yeah. God
我们说到哪了? 好了,好了 All right. Where were we? Okay, okay, okay
你知道吗? 凶手肯定有两个人 You know what? There had to be two people in on the killing
不然他们怎么能确定灯什么时候会灭? Because how could they know when the lights were gonna go out?
- 聪明,聪明 - 对吧? - That's smart, that's smart - Right?
我现在累得要死,我要去睡了 I'm tired as hell right now. I'm gonna go to sleep
- 你在开玩笑吗? - 怎么? - Are you kidding me? - What?
你没有时差反应吗? You're not jet-lagged?
尼克 Nick
亲爱的,说真的 Honey, come on, seriously
你觉得是谁干的? Who do you think did it?
我不用觉得,我就是知道 I don't think. I know
是谁? Who?
是他儿子,托比 It was the son. Tobey
不,不可能,绝对不可能,太明显了 No. No way. Not a chance. It's too obvious
最明显的嫌疑人从来都不是凶手 The most obvious suspect is never, never the killer
最明显的嫌疑人从来都是真凶 The most obvious suspect is always the killer
妻子被害,90%都是丈夫干的 When a wife gets killed, 90% of the time it was the husband
你为什么用这个举例? Why did you just use that as an example?
而且我不认同 And I disagree
我觉得人要比这更复杂 I think people are more complicated than that
以什么判断? 你读的那些小说吗? Judging off of what? Those books that you read?
人很简单的,好吗? People are simple, okay?
就是托比 It was Tobey
他能获得的最多,可失去的也最多 He had the most to gain, and he also had the most to lose
正因此他才不是凶手 Which is exactly why he's not the killer
你在船上亲热过吗? Did you ever fool around on a boat?
你知道那会有多带劲吗? Do you know how much fun that could be?
我就躺着就行,剩下的都交给船 I just lay here and the boat does all the work
- 你倒是轻松 - 你知道我的腰不行 - That's so convenient for you - You know I have a bad back
你倒是轻松 So convenient for you
那么灯呢? What about the lights?
开着,我不在意,哪样都行,女士来选 Yeah, leave 'em on. I don't care. Either way. Lady's choice
不,是谁把灯灭了? No. Who turned out those lights?
什么?! What?!
别那么看我,我感觉得到 Don't look at me like that. I can feel it
摩纳哥,蒙特卡洛
警察
- 抱歉,抱歉 - 把艾来锭吃了行吗? - I'm sorry. Excuse me - Will you take the Allegra?
一样的东西 It's the same stuff
- 我不想谈这个 - 老天 - I don't want to talk about it - Oh, God
睿智却饱受折磨的警探登场 Enter the brilliant yet tortured detective
来得正是时候 right on cue
女士们,先生们 Mesdames, messieurs
我是洛朗·德拉克洛瓦警督 My name is Inspector Laurent Delacroix
我接下来会一个一个叫你们 I will now summon you one by one
到大厅接受询问 to the grand lounge for questioning
为什么那个烟圈那么完美? 他怎么做到的? Why is that smoke ring so good? How did he do that?
你把它毁了,毁了 You broke it. You broke it
跟我讲讲马尔科姆·坎斯 Tell me about Malcolm Quince
他是最棒的... He was the most wonderful...
人渣 Swine
他是我的挚爱 He was the love of my life
他是个复杂的人 He was a complicated man
给我描述一下当时的情况 Describe to me what happened
法国警察先生 Yo, Mr. French Policeman, man
当时太疯狂了,灯全灭了 It was mad. Lights went out
我似乎看到有东西在动,我就开枪了 I thought I saw something move, and I shot
是的 Yes
终点线 Finish line
老头罪有应得 The old man got what was coming to him
这是谋杀 One-eight-seven, motherfu...
有人碰尸体吗? Did anyone touch the body?
没有 No
你有注意到其它不寻常的事吗? And did you notice anything else out of the ordinary?
- 美国夫妇 - 是的,第一名 - The Americans - Yes, number one. Yes
你不打算 Aren't you gonna...
你不打算把我们分开吗? Aren't you gonna separate us?
什么? Pardon?
- 分开调查 - 好吧 - For the interrogation - Okay
分开询问我们,看我们的... Question us separately, see if our...
- 你在干什么? - 回答是否一致 - What are you doing? - answers match
怎么? 我就是说说,我们的回答会一致的 What? I'm just saying, our answers will match
- 因为我们是清白的 - 对,没错 - because we're innocent - Yeah, that's right
又来了 There we go
天哪,你还真擅长吐烟圈 God, you are really good at that
我们在托比·坎斯的房间里发现了这个 We found this in Tobey Quince's suite
一封用打字机打印的自杀遗书 A typewritten suicide note
他在遗书中承认了对他父亲的谋杀 in which he confesses to the murder of his father
打字机? Typewritten?
这不太常见 That's not very common
- 非常可疑 - 是的 - Very suspicious - Yes
很显然是有人想陷害托比 Yeah, obviously someone is trying to frame Tobey
谋杀他自己的父亲 for his father's murder
- 这太惊人了 - 看她多兴奋 - This is amazing - Look how excited she is
你对这整件事有什么看法? So where's your head at with this whole thing?
谁是你的首要怀疑对象? I mean, who are your chief suspects?
你们 You
是的,当然 Woo, yes. Right, of course
- 因为人人都是嫌犯 - 尤其是她 - 'cause everybody is a suspect - Especially her
这是一群已经相互认识多年的 This is a group of friends and family
亲朋好友 who have known each other for years
你们出现了,十小时后 You two show up, and ten hours later
其中的两个人就死了 two of them are dead
巧合吗? Coincidence?
- 是的 - 当然 - Yes - Absolutely
- 巧合 - 等等,不好意思 - Coincidence - Wait. Excuse me
你是说你的推测是 Are you saying that your theory
我们二人想办法 is that the two of us conned our way
在最后一刻混上一个陌生人的船 onto a stranger's boat at the last minute
完成精心策划,对我们没有任何好处的谋杀吗? to commit premeditated murder that benefits us in no way?
这就是你的推测? That's your theory?
可能是有人花钱雇你们这么做的 Perhaps someone paid you to do it
- 不 - 雇我们这么做? - No - Paid us to do it?
天哪,我还真希望看到有人雇我们 Oh, my gosh. I would love to see that
让我看看那笔钱 Show me that money
你想看看我们的银行对账单吗? Do you want to see our bank statements?
我们一贫如洗 We're broke
急需用钱,我明白了 Desperate for money. I see
现在你给了他动机 Now you gave him a motive
- 不不不,我知道,别 - 我们这么做 - No, no, no. I know. Just don't... - We did this because...
- 把我的话断章取义 - 是因为我们一无所有 - take my words out of context - We got nothing
- 我们一无所有 - 不是的 - That's all we got, is nothing - No
听着,我们以警探的身份谈谈 Listen, I am talking to you, detective to detective
不是我们做的 We didn't do this
你可以从我的眼睛里看出来,你能分辨出来 You can see in my eyes. You can tell
也许我会和你单独谈谈 Perhaps I will have that word with you independently
我...别碰 I di...Hey!
我自己会起身 I can get up
没事的 Hey, okay
我马上就出来 I'll be out in a minute
我爱你 I love you
抱歉,她只是有些激动,因为 I'm sorry. She's just excited because it's...
她喜欢读小说,这对她来说很有意思 She reads books, and this is fun for her
你希望我相信你是无辜的 You wish me to believe you're innocent
遗憾的是,我不相信说谎的人 Unfortunately, I do not believe liars
但我和你说的是实话 But I'm telling you the truth
你骗了你妻子多久了? And how long have you been lying to your wife?
你说什么? Excuse me?
你不会以为我们没有调查你的背景吧 You did not think that we would investigate your background
尼古拉斯·施皮茨巡佐,纽约警署? Sergeant Nicholas Spitz, NYPD?
三次警探考试都没通过 Failed his detective's exam three times
你是,怎么说来着 You are, how you do say
巡警 cop on the beat
而不是你所自称的警探 not detective as you so claim
我 So I...
跟大家说我是警探 tell people I'm a detective
这 There's...
这不算犯罪 That's not a crime
冒充警探就是犯罪 Impersonating a detective is a crime
我以为在这里不算犯罪 I didn't think it was a crime here
我以为你们的规矩可能不太一样 I thought maybe you guys had different rules
这不能说明我们就是杀人犯 That doesn't make us murderers
一个贫穷,失败的男人,还对他妻子撒谎? A broke, failed man, lying to his wife?
我觉得这足以说明 I think it does
你没有证据,你不能拘留我们 You don't have any evidence. You can't hold us
确实,但我可以扣下这个 No, but I can hold these
我想卡文迪什先生已经在萨瓦酒店 I believe Mr. Cavendish has provided accommodations for you
为你们订了住处,这样你们就不会露宿街头 at the Hotel de Savoie, so you won't be on the street
不过记好我说的话,施皮茨警员 But mark my words, Officer Spitz
在证明你们是杀人犯之前 I will not rest until I prove
我是不会罢休的 that you committed these murders
而我 And I...
会去你刚刚说的酒店休息,因为我累坏了 will rest, because I'm tired as shit, at that hotel you just said
听起来那酒店不错 It sounds like a good one
不过在我充分休息,享用完早餐之后 But after I'm well-rested and I eat breakfast...
希望那里厨师的水平和莫里斯一样好 hopefully the guy cooks as good as Maurice...
在向你证明我们与谋杀案无关之前 I will not rest until I prove to you
我也是不会罢休的 we have nothing to do with these murders
胡安·卡洛斯 Juan Carlos!
查尔斯说大家都会来看比赛 Okay. So, Charles said that everyone's gonna be at this race
无论是谁干的,那个人都会来这 so whoever did this is gonna be there
我们得弄清楚是谁 We have to figure out who it is
我知道我们得弄清楚 I know we've gotta figure it out
这和你的小说不一样,亲爱的 This isn't one of your books, sweetheart
我是说,就像你的小说一样 I mean, it's like one of your books
不过这是真的 but this is real
有两个人真的死了 Like, two people are dead, for real
- 我知道 - 真的凶手真的逍遥法外 - I know - There's a real killer on the real loose
宝贝,放松点 Babe. Relax
你怎么了? What's...What's wrong with you?
不是吧? 拜托,你能不能 For real? Come on. Will you just focus...
- 好吧 - 和我一起集中精神 - Fine - on this with me?
好的 Yes
好吧,每一起谋杀都有三种基本动机 Okay. So there are three basic motives for every murder
- 是的 - 第一个是金钱 - Yes - The first one is money
对 Right
除了苏西,所有人都不在坎斯的遗嘱里 Everyone wasn't in Quince's will, except Suzi
- 好 - 好,第二个是爱情 - Okay - All right. The second one is love
我们知道没人爱那家伙,因为他是个混蛋 We know nobody loved that guy 'cause he was kind of a prick
苏西可能爱他 Suzi might have loved him
- 你才会这么想 - 好吧,第三个呢? - That's what you would think... - Okay, what's the third one?
- 复仇 - 对 - Revenge - Right
这才是我们该思考的角度 That's the one we should be thinking about
我跟你说,如果我们弄清楚谁最恨那家伙 I'm telling you, if we figure out who hates this guy the most
那就找出凶手了 that's our killer
好吧,好吧 Okay. Okay
你的胡子,太帅了 So, this beard...It's incredible
你是用油还是其它护理产品? Do you oil that or condition?
你不会从他这得到任何信息 You won't get anything out of him
天啊 Oh, my gosh
他的一生中,大多数时间 Most of his life, he's been
都在为我和马尔科姆这样的人服务 serving men like me and Malcolm
尽管他是百万遗产的继承人 despite being an heir to millions
他也是有钱人? He's rich, too?
本该是这样,但他只是十六个孩子之一 He's supposed to be, but he's one of 16 children
而且他有一半法国血统 and he's half French
你熟悉法国的继承法吗? Are you familiar with French inheritance law?
大概了解吧 Broad strokes
那个上校,让我很不爽 That Colonel guy, he's getting on my nerves
- 是啊 - 见鬼,他四处说 - Yeah - Shit. Walking around
- 是你杀了那两个人 - 什么? - saying you killed both those guys - Huh?
- 是啊 - 你说什么? - Yeah - What?
我当时就在想,拜托 And I'm like, come on
- 我的哥们不会 - 我什么都没做,哥们 - My man wouldn't do... - Yo. Look, yo. I didn't do nothing, son
遗嘱里写了什么都不重要 It doesn't matter what the will says
遗产必须均分给子嗣 The fortune must be divided equally among the offspring
为什么法国会有这种法律? Why do the French have such a law?
这是为了确保所有法国人 Well, they do it to keep all
不会像马尔科姆这样 Frenchmen from doing what Malcolm was trying to do
把一切都留给他们的情妇 and leaving everything to their mistresses
- 我的推测是... - 什么? - My theory is... - Yeah?
都是胡安·卡洛斯干的,老兄 Juan Carlos done it, man
什么? 他为什么要这么做? What? Why would he do that?
胡安·卡洛斯的爸爸以前是马尔科姆的赛车手 Well, Juan Carlos's dad used to race for Malcolm
马尔科姆本来想 Malcolm tried to get slick
在安全措施上做点手脚,但做过火了 on some safety angle, and shit got overlooked
- 对吧? - 好吧 - Yeah? - Okay
胡安·卡洛斯的爸爸失去了双腿 Juan Carlos's dad lost both his legs, G
说真的 Yeah, straight up
直接没了 Gone
复仇的时候到了 So it's payback time
绝对错不了 A hundred percent of a doubt
什么? Wh-What?
- 胡安·卡洛斯就是你要找的人 - 是吗? - Juan Carlos is your man - Oh, yeah
你能保证吗? You guarantee that?
我保证 Guarantee
向你致敬 Respect
也有可能是谢尔盖干的 Or maybe Sergei could have done it
- 是的 - 好吧,所以你不能保证 - Yeah - Okay. So you're not guaranteeing it
不能百分百保证,不能 No, not a hundred percent. No
保佑你 Bless you
你想要点艾来锭吗? Would you like some Allegra?
- 我觉得应该没用 - 我知道 - I doubt that would be useful - I know
根本没用,我一直在跟尼克这么说 It doesn't work. I tried to tell that to Nick
你有什么需要吗? Do you need something?
没有 No
最让我觉得不对劲的,是卡文迪什 The guy that throws me off the most...Cavendish...
在我看来,他似乎在弥补什么 to me, he seems like he's compensating for something
《了不起的盖茨比》里的打扮 with the Great Gatsby look
还有他的下颌 and the jawline
好像在说"我真帅",对吧? and the "Hey, I'm so gorgeous" Am I right?
查尔斯·卡文迪什绝对没有什么不对劲的地方 There's absolutely nothing wrong with Charles Cavendish
- 这不... - 除了 - Isn't that the... - Except...
他可能杀了他叔叔 he probably murdered his uncle
好吧,这就算不对劲的地方了 Well, that's one thing wrong
冲过了格子旗 ...comes to the checkered flag!
是胡安·卡洛斯 It's Juan Carlos!
今年蒙塔卡罗大奖赛的冠军 Winner of this year's Monte Carlo Grand Prix!
我觉得苏西·中村很可疑 I find that Suzi Nakamura very suspicious
她是唯一没有杀害马尔科姆的动机的人 She's the only one who didn't have a motive to kill Malcolm
凶手是卡文迪什,你心里清楚 It was Cavendish and you know it
不,你只是不喜欢他 You just...No, you just don't like him
我的确不喜欢他,但我也不讨厌他 I don't like him. I don't hate his guts
但不是因为这个 but that's not it
- 这是你偷的吗? - 他是唯一的血亲继承人 - Did you just steal all of those? - He's the sole blood heir
他是财产最有可能的继承人 He stands to make the biggest claim for the fortune
我想要这个 I want one of these
- 马尔科姆抢了他的未婚妻 - 好吧 - Malcolm stole his fiancée - Okay
三种动机齐全了 That's all three motives
金钱,爱情,复仇 Money, love, revenge
我们走过了,我都不知道我们在哪里 We went past it. I don't know where we are
是那间,你能尝尝这个吗? We're over here. Will you please try one of these?
不,天哪,你知道吗? No! Oh, my God. You know what?
我觉得你认为是卡文迪什 I think you just think
是因为你嫉妒他 it's Cavendish 'cause you're jealous of him
- 老天 - 是的 - Oh, God - Yeah
- 我嫉妒他 - 你就是嫉妒 - I'm jealous of him - You are
为什么? 我嫉妒他什么? What? Why? What am I jealous of?
嫉妒什么,他有钱,他帅气 What is there to be jealous...He's rich. He's charming
身上很好闻 He smells great
什么意思? 他身上什么味道? What do you mean? What's he smell like?
闻上去就像刚从烘干机里出来 He smells like he just came out of the dryer
搞什么... What the...What the...
不,不,不 No, no, no
等等,等等,等等 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
我们应该先检查上面的指纹 We should test that for fingerprints first
好吧,你有检查指纹的工具吗? Okay. Do you have the fingerprint testing kit?
- 什么? - 我没带我那套 - What? - 'Cause I didn't pack mine
你包里有吗? Is it in your bag?
别闹了,拜托 Stop it! Come on
快点 Hurry
这太离谱了 This is so crazy
天哪,你不是吧? Oh, God. Seriously?
拿到了 Got it
你能去找个脊椎治疗师看看吗? Will you please just go see a chiropractor?
没事的 It's gonna be fine
"来802套房" "Come to suite 802"
- 我们得去802 - 不能去,别说了 - We have to go to 802 - We're not going to 802. Stop!
- 为什么? - 这是个陷阱 - Why? - It's a trap
为什么敲门的人不直接进来和我们谈? Why wouldn't whoever just knocked just come in and talk to us?
或许凶手在监视他 Maybe he's being watched by the killer
万一凶手在监视我们呢? What if we're being watched by the killer?
万一他就在这里呢? What if he was in here?
可能就是他偷了我的花生巧克力豆 Maybe he stole my Peanut M&Ms
是我偷了你的花生巧克力豆 I stole your Peanut M&Ms
你偷了我的花生巧克力豆? You stole my Peanut M&Ms?
我想尝尝法国的是不是一个味 I wanted to see if they tasted the same in France!
你不能再吃下去了 You got to stop eating
会胖回去的 You're gonna gain it all back
我要去802套房了,你一起来吗? I'm going to 802. Are you coming with me?
好吧,等等,让我先... Okay, wait. Let me just...
- 怎么了? - 想个办法 - What? - ...figure something out
该死的 God damn
- 你在干什么? - 拿个武器 - What are you doing? - It's a weapon
那是一盏灯 That's a lamp
用来砸头就算是武器了 Not when I crack someone over the head with it
你能别再质疑我做的所有事吗? Will you stop questioning everything I do?
但你做的每件事都很值得质疑 Well, everything you do is questionable
那是808套房 That's 808
有人吗? Hello?
送信的? Note sender?
你叫我们来802套房,你在吗? You told us to come to 802. Are you there?
你是死了吗? Are you dead?
他可能在浴室 He might be in the bathroom
去床上坐着 Sit on the bed
你会说...我以为你不会说话 You speak...I thought you didn't speak
闭嘴,去床上坐着 Shut up. Sit on the bed
- 我坐下了 - 闭嘴,坐下 - I'm sitting! - Shut up. Sit down
我们在床边坐好了,没事了 We're gonna sit in front of the bed. All good
我不能再替他保守秘密了 I cannot keep his secrets anymore
你是说上校的秘密,是吗? You mean the Colonel's, right?
上校的秘密? 我懂,保守秘密太难了 The Colonel's secrets? I know, it's so hard to keep secrets
真的很难,我有个叫格温的朋友 It really is. You know, I have a friend named Gwen
她在床底藏了一个盒子 and she has a box that she keeps under her bed...
少来美发师那一套 Look, don't give me that hairdresser shit
闭上嘴,听我说 Just shut up. Listen
哥本哈根,1994年 Copenhagen, 1994
我们正从国宴上离开 We were leaving a state dinner
我没注意到那架轰炸机 I did not see the bomber
但上校看到了 but the Colonel did
他用身体护住了坎斯先生 He threw his body across Mr. Quince
他是个英雄 He was hero
上校昏迷了九个月 For nine months, the Colonel lay in a coma
等他醒来的时候 And when he awoke
他发现自己失去的不只是眼睛 he find his eye is not the only thing he lost
老二也炸飞了,我就知道,我就知道 They blew off his dick. I knew it. I knew it
他的手,是他的手,亲爱的 His hand. His hand, honey
老二,他说的是老二 The dick. He's saying the dick
- 不不不 - 他少了一只手 - No, no, no - He doesn't have a hand!
- 我不是在说老二的事 - 好吧 - I'm no talk about dick! - All right
我说的是她 I talk about her
- 我? - 她? - Me? - Her?
不不不 No, no, no
玛德琳 Madeleine...
拉布提尔 LeBoutillier
我见过的最迷人的女人 The most beautiful woman I have ever seen
炸弹爆炸的时候,她是上校的未婚妻 She was the Colonel's fiancée when the bomb exploded
等他醒来的时候 And when he awoke...
她成了坎斯先生的妻子 she was Mr. Quince's wife
- 那家伙怎么回事? - 说真的 - What the hell is with this guy? - What
- 他什么毛病? - 他就不能自己找个老婆吗? - honestly, is his problem? - Can he get his own woman maybe once?
然后她去世了 And then she died
不是吧 No!
死于分娩 In childbirth
- 不是吧 - 见鬼 - No! - Damn
孩子也死了,一个男孩 The child died, too. A boy
一个本来会继承这一切的男孩 A boy who would have inherited it all
自那之后,上校再也没提起过玛德琳 After that, the Colonel never mentioned Madeleine again
除了那天晚上 except for one night
那天是她的忌日 On the anniversary of her death
他来找我,他喝多了,他说 he came to me, he was drinking. He say...
谢尔盖 "Sergei"
他在模仿上校 He's doing impressions now
如果你要杀坎斯先生 "If you were to kill this Mr. Quince
你会怎么下手? how would you do it?"
然后我说 And I say
找一个偏僻的地方 "Find isolated place
制造些谜团 create confusion
确保在场其他人也有动机 make sure there are others with motive"
我教了他如何杀坎斯 I told him how to kill the man!
- 天啊,太厉害了 - 谢谢 - Holy shit! This is incredible! - Thank you
上校是为了逝去的爱人杀死了马尔科姆和托比 Okay. So the Colonel killed Malcolm and Tobey over lost love
- 完全懂了 - 太刺激了 - Got it. Perfect - This is insane
你能把刚刚说的再重复一遍吗? Will you just say all of that one more time
从头开始说? but can you say it from the top?
- 她得... - 我得录个音 - She's gotta... - I've gotta do a voice memo
- 她经常录不到 - 我怎么... - She screws this up a lot - How do I do...
- 让Siri录就行 - 向上滑 - Just ask Siri - Swipe it up
- 向上滑 - 我向上滑了 - Swipe it up - I did swipe up
说,"Siri 我想要录音" Say, "Siri, I would like to make voice memo"
藏进衣橱里,你们有危险 Get into wardrobe. You are in danger
- 你是说,藏进衣橱里吗? - 你们有危险,快 - Get in the wardrobe, you said? - You are in danger. Right now
- 快 - 天啊,我不知道 - Quickly - Jesus. I don't know...
不管听到什么,我没叫你们就别出来 And whatever you hear, do not come out till I say so
- 好的 - 好的 - Yes, sir - Yes
是你,你要怎样? You. What do you want?
不,他们不在这,你该走了 No, they're not here. You should go
那盏灯放哪了? Where's the lamp?
- 我放在外面了 - 怎么不带进来? - I left it outside - Why isn't it in here?
- 现在你想要那盏灯了? - 我们的确是需要... - Now you like the lamp? - Well, we needed...
你也太善变了 You're ridiculous
- 我开下门 - 等等,等等 - Let me open the door - Wait, wait, wait!
谢天谢地 Thank God
凶手... Killer...
是... is...
什么? What?
天啊,不不不 Oh, God, no! No, no, no!
我的天啊 Oh, my God!
他是死了吗? 是死了吗? Is he dead? Is he dead?
他死了 He's dead!
我们要叫清洁员吗? Do we call housekeeping?
亲爱的 Honey!
天啊 Oh, my God!
把门锁上 Lock the door!
天啊 Oh, God!
天啊 Oh, my God
快走,窗户外面 Go! Out of the window!
你要做什么? What are you doing?
好,有个窗台 Okay, there's a ledge
这不是窗台,只是边缘而已 That's not a ledge, that's an edge!
- 来吧 - 天啊 - Here we go - Oh, my God
我扶住你,绝对没问题,慢慢来 I gotcha, a hundred percent. A hundred percent. Slow
- 就这样 - 不要啊 - Oh, right there - No! Oh, God
别怕 Come on
别往下看 Don't even look down
- 别往下看 - 天啊 - Don't look down - Oh, my God!
- 叫你别往下看 - 好远啊 - Told you not to look down - It's so far
天啊 Oh, my God
他比你用牙线还狠 He flosses angrier than you!
这有个空房间,我们太走运了 We got an empty room. Jackpot
- 踩着这个字母上去 - 好的 - Okay, we're gonna get up on this letter - Okay
好了吗? 上 Ready? Go
天啊 God!
天啊 Oh, my God!
- 你还好吗? 起来 - 吓死人了 - You okay? Come on - That was the scariest thing
- 我们得走了,好了,我爱你 - 天啊 - We gotta go. All right. I love you - Oh, my God
- 我爱你,我好害怕 - 我们走,快,快 - I love you. I'm so scared - Let's go, let's go, let's go
能藏在哪儿? What's in here?
不,不能再回窗外了 No, you're not going back out there
- 太好了,总算进来了 - 过来 - Oh, yes! Finally! - Come here
亲我,维克 Kiss me, Vik
快亲我,亲这里 Kiss me. Kiss me here
- 亲哪儿? - 这儿 - Where? - Here
- 我喜欢,我们快去床上 - 天啊 - God, I love it. Quick, get me to the bed - Jesus Christ
- 起来 - 好 - Get up - Yes!
我要像喝奶昔一样一口把你吸干净 I'm gonna drink you up like a milkshake without a straw!
- 没错 - 像喝香草奶昔一样 - That's right - Vanilla milkshake!
香草奶昔,巧克力奶昔,随便 Vanilla milkshake, chocolate milkshake, whatever!
来吧 Here we go!
但愿酒店给床买了保险 Yeah! I hope the hotel's got insurance for these springs
因为我要把床震坏 'cause I'm gonna bust this bed up
天啊 Oh, my God!
- 你比看起来强壮得多,维克 - 说得没错 - You're much stronger than you look, Vik! - That's right!
- 你准备好了吗? - 我也不确定了 - You ready for this? - I don't know if I am!
格蕾丝 Grace!
- 格蕾丝,格蕾丝 - 你为什么一直喊格蕾丝? - Grace! Oh, Grace! - Huh? Why do you keep saying Grace?
亲爱的,只有这样我才能兴奋起来 Darling, it's the only thing that gets me in the mood
格蕾丝,你真是风韵犹存 Grace! You look so good for your age!
- 风韵犹存 - 你的皮肤吹弹可破 - So good for your age! Oh, God! - Your skin is beautiful!
- 光洁无瑕 - 完全没有皱纹 - You have no wrinkles... - No wrinkles any...
哪里都没有 Anywhere!
天啊,格蕾丝,你太... Oh, my God! Grace, you're so...
天啊 Oh, God!
维克 Vik
怎么了? What happened?
或许我们应该,先谈谈心 Maybe we should, like, conversate a little bit
互相多了解下,你懂我意思吗? Get to know each other. Know what I mean?
比如深情对望,培养下感情 Like, eye to eye, really connect
跟我说说你最喜欢的乐队 Tell me about your favorite band
我要去赌场了,也许去那我能爽到 I'm going to the casino. Maybe I'll get lucky there
请别跟任何人提起这件事 Look, look, look! Please don't tell anybody about this
我的床上功夫可是名声在外的 'cause I've got some mad sex cred in these parts, yeah
朋友们都知道 My people know me
我给你买顶帽子 I'll buy you a hat!
我不敢相信刚才发生了什么 I can't believe this just happened
好了,好了 Okay, okay
好了,我们得冷静下来 All right. We gotta calm down
- 今天太一波三折了 - 是啊 - This has been a really weird day, huh? - Yeah
我们快离开这里吧 Okay. Let's just get out of this place
当然,最好去有啤酒的地方,可以吗? Absolutely. Someplace with beer though, please
"我给你买顶帽子" "I'll go buy you a hat"
谢尔盖正要告诉我们是上校干的 Sergei was trying to tell us the Colonel did it
然后就被杀了,不可能是上校干的 but then he gets shot. There's no way the Colonel shot him
因为上校跟自己的牙线玩得正开心 'cause the Colonel was having a floss party
你看到他用牙线有多凶了吗? Did you see how crazy he was going with the teeth flossing?
- 看到了 - 他牙缝里到底有什么,自助餐吗? - I did - What did he have in there? A buffet?
谢尔盖·拉德詹科 搜寻凶杀案嫌犯
尼克·施皮茨,奥德丽·施皮茨 搜寻凶杀案嫌犯
天啊 Oh, my gosh
蒙特卡洛 现场的德拉克洛瓦警督
- 他在说什么? - 我听不懂 - What's he saying? - I don't know
你高中不是学过法语吗? Well, you took French in high school, didn't you?
高中的事我哪还记得,你高中学什么了? I don't remember high school! What did you take in high school?
- 拉丁语 - 好极了,怎么会有人学拉丁语? - Latin - Oh, great. Who takes freakin' Latin?
拉丁语老师特别性感的人就会学 People who have a hot Latin teacher
好,什么...什么 Okay, so something, something...
什么蛋糕,什么糖霜 Something cake. Something's frosted
好了,开除你了,开除了 Okay. You're fired. You're fired
- 我跟你说了... - 打扰一下,先生 - Okay, I told you... - Excuse me, sir
可以帮我们翻译一下吗? 拜托了 Could you translate that for us, please? S'il vous plait?
电视上说 The TV says that, uh...
你们是头号通缉犯,是 you are the most wanted...for...
谋杀案凶手 for meurtre
不,不,我们 Okay, no, no. We...
这完全是一场误会,好吗? This is a complete misunderstanding, okay?
我们只是碰巧 We were just around...
- 我们看到 - 好多人碰巧就死了 - We saw... - A lot of people that happened to die
但我们没杀人 but we didn't murder
一看到你们就要立刻逮捕 You are to be arrested at first sight
- 我们? - 我们要这么做 - Us? - So, here's what we do
你在说什么? 你干什么呢? What are you talking about? What are you doing?
他们现在追踪不到我们的手机卡了 They can't track our SIM card now
是吧,那把电话卡拔出来不就好了吗? Yeah, then pull the SIM card out
你不用把我们的手机泡进啤酒里 You don't just submerge our phones into a bucket of beer
现在他说这位女士是美发师 Now...Now he's saying that madame is hairdresser
你是...警员? you are, uh...police officer?
不,他是警探 No, he's...he's a detective
不,他不是 No, he's not
- 他是 - 我是,我是 - Yes, he is - Yes, I am! Yes, I am!
不不不,他说你已经坦白 No, no, no. He says that you have, uh, confessed
说你谎称自己是警探 to lying about that you are detective
什么? 不,他在胡说八道 What? No. Now he's making stuff up
电视上说你很多次都没通过警探考试 TV says you have failed your detective exam many, many times
好了,别再翻译了,那不是 All right! Enough translato. That's not...
你是即兴胡扯,伙计,越扯越离谱 You're just improvising, pal, and it's getting weird
他在说什么? What...What is he talking about?
我会用英语重复一遍 I will repeat this message in English
尼克·施皮茨 Nick Spitz...
不可貌相 is many things
但不是警探 but not a detective
这我听懂了 Well, I heard that
我会用西班牙语重复一遍 I will repeat this message in Spanish
你骗我吗? Did you lie to me?
我没骗人 I didn't...I didn't lie
- 他...他... - 天哪,不不不 - The guy...The guy was... - Oh, God. No, no, no
- 不用说了 - 亲爱的,亲爱的 - No - Hun, hun, hun
整件事很复杂 This whole thing's just...just very complicated
复杂,好吧,我还以为人都很简单 Complicated, yeah. I thought people were simple
奥德丽,别走 Audrey, please
怎么,加薪的事你也是骗我的吗? What? Did you lie about getting that raise, too?
我们怎么负担得起这次旅行? How are we affording this trip?
你让我觉得必须得带你去蜜月之旅 You made me feel like I had to take you on this honeymoon
你跟我说你已经订好了蜜月之旅 You told me you already booked this honeymoon
是你送给我的,这是周年礼物 You gave this to me. This was my anniversary gift
- 好吧 - 这事你也是骗我的吗? - Okay - You lied about that, too?
这些我们晚点再聊好吗? We'll get into all that, okay?
但是现在 But right now
我要想办法让我们摆脱这个困境 I gotta figure out how we're gonna get out of this situation
你要想办法吗? 你以为我一直在做什么呢? You have to figure this out? What do you think I've been doing?
这是我的老本行,亲爱的 This is what I do for a living, sweetheart!
你只是个美发师 You're a goddamn hairdresser!
对不起 I'm sorry
- 你要去哪儿? - 给我点时间 - Where you going? - I need a minute
我们没时间了 We don't have a minute!
别烦我,别跟过来 Just leave me alone. Don't you follow me
很快就去 爱你,尼克
你们要立刻离开蒙特卡洛 You need to get out of Monte Carlo right away
是我把你们卷进来的,我会帮你们想办法 I got you into this, I'll help get you out
跟我来 Come with me
- 我们必须立刻走 - 好 - Now! We have to go - Right
- 科摩湖,走小路 - 是,先生 - Lake Como, back roads - Yes, sir
- 尼克在哪儿? - 我不知道,我不在乎 - Where's Nick? - I don't know. I don't care
吉米小子,我是尼克 Jimmy boy, it's Nick
你在哪儿? Where are you?
新闻里都在报道你们 You guys are all over the news
说你们杀了三个人 They say you killed three people
你觉得那有可能吗? Do you think that's possible?
以你的枪法? 不可能 With your aim? Hell, no
没错,我要给你发两个国际号码 Exactly. Now I'm gonna text you two international numbers
你能把它们关联到一起吗? Can you link them together
这样我就可以由一个号码跟踪另一个号码? so I can follow one from the other?
你是想害我被炒鱿鱼吗? Are you trying to get my ass fired?
但是管他呢,好吧 But hell, yeah
谢谢 Thank you
还有一件事我要你帮我查查 There's one more thing I want you to check into for me
意大利,科摩湖
我们要做什么? What are we doing?
我需要和我的律师快速地谈几句 I just have to dash in for a quick appointment with my lawyer
我们稍后会在庄园里宣读马尔科姆的遗嘱 We're going to read Malcolm's will at the villa later on
我要确保我会得到我应得的 and I'm going make sure I'm going to get what's mine
查尔斯,这话听着就很可疑 Charles, that just sounded very suspicious
这周哪件事不可疑? What about this week doesn't?
天哪 Oh, God
天哪,开瑞坦 Oh, my God. Claritin
开瑞坦
这是日本的开瑞坦 This is Japanese Claritin
科摩法律服务
有人吗? Hello?
查尔斯 Charles?
奥德丽 Audrey!
天啊 God!
搞什么... What the...
你怎么来了? What are you doing here?
我跟着苏西来的 I followed Suzi here
- 苏西来了吗? - 对 - Suzi's here? - Yes
好吧,卡文迪什是来这里找苏西的 Okay, Cavendish came here to find Suzi
我跟你说,卡文迪什脱不了干系 I'm telling you, Cavendish is in on this
我知道,我早就知道了 I know. I knew that!
我刚刚在卡文迪什的豪华轿车后座 Okay. I just found a box of Japanese Claritin
发现了一盒日本的开瑞坦 in the back of Cavendish's limo
怎么说? 这一切都是他们计划好的吗? So what? They were planning this the whole damn time?
早就计划好的,这是他们的计划 The whole time. This was their plan
- 他们杀了马尔科姆和托比 - 是的 - So they kill Malcolm, they kill Tobey... - Yeah
在马尔科姆都签署新遗嘱之前 ...before Malcolm has time to sign the new will
- 没错 - 这样卡文迪什就能继承一切 - Right - That way, Cavendish inherits everything
然后和苏西平分 And he splits it with Suzi
如果签署遗嘱后杀他,那苏西就能继承一切 And if they killed him after, then Suzi would have inherited
- 他们还是会平分 - 横竖都是赢 - They still would have split that - It was a win-win
瞧瞧 Oh, look at that
是谁破解了整件案子? Who figured that whole thing out?
美发师,没错,是美发师破解的 The hairdresser. Mm-mm. The hairdresser
- 我保护你 - 天啊,天啊 - I got you! - Jesus! Oh, my God
就和《死亡图书馆》的剧情一样 It's just like Death at the Library!
《死亡图书馆》是什么剧情? What happens in Death at the Library?
全死光了,所以才叫《死亡图书馆》 They died. That's why it's called Death at the Library
尼克,你干什么? Nick, what are you doing?
数到三,我们要把书架推倒 We are going to push this over on the count of three
- 然后我们要逃跑 - 我们要干什么? - and then we're gonna run - We're gonna what?
- 难道你不相信我吗? - 不相信 - Don't you trust me? - No!
准备好了吗? 一 Ready? One!
二 Two!
三 Three!
看,那边 Oh, look! There!
抱歉,天啊,真对不起 Oh! Sorry! Oh, my gosh. I am so sorry
快走 Come on
- 那是 - 那是胡安·卡洛斯吗? - Is that... - Is that Juan Carlos?
胡安·卡洛斯 Juan Carlos!
你们好 Hello!
- 胡安·卡洛斯 - 我好吗? - Juan Carlos! - How am I?
- 不不,苏西,苏西 - 苏西,苏西去哪儿了? - No, no. Suzi! Suzi! - Suzi! Suzi! Which way is Suzi?
- 嫁给马尔科姆那个 - 你们俩结婚了 - Married to Malcolm - You two married!
太好了 Good!
- 不是,不不不 - 不是 - No! No, no, no, no, no - No!
苏西? 我们认为她是凶手 Suzi vidisti? Putamus esse illa interfectorem
- 是的 - 拉丁语,宝贝 - Yes! - Latin, baby!
- 仍然是国际语言 - 知道了 - Still the international language! - I got it!
妈的 Shit
她去哪儿了? Where'd she go?
她刚才还在的 She was right there
你们就不该来科摩湖 You should have never come to Lake Como
- 等一下 - 我们知道你和卡文迪什的事了 - Wait a minute - We know about you and Cavendish
你们什么也不知道 You know nothing
我们知道你们仍然彼此相爱 That we know you're still in love
我们还知道,爱情需要金钱支撑 and we know that love is tough without money
不是吗,苏西? Isn't it, Suzi?
你说的我信 I'll take your word for it
你的鞋底 You're the one whose shoes
还贴着折扣店的标签呢 still got a sticker from Marshalls on it
- 他们现在卖名牌了 - 你好大的胆子 - They have name brands now! - How dare you?
- 怎么? - 这双鞋是在超市买的 - What? - These are from Target
- 好吧 - 你怎么不和我说 - Okay - How could you not tell me...
- 我的鞋底贴着标签? - 我没看你的... - that I have a sticker on? - I don't look at your...
闭嘴 Shut up!
苏西,别这样,别开枪 Suzi, don't. Please, don't do this
无论你做什么,你都不会安全的 No matter what you do, you're not gonna be safe
我跟你说 I'm telling you
一个凶手总是会出卖另一个凶手 One murderer always double-crosses the other murderer
- 她看了很多小说 - 这都是套路 - She reads the books - It's just a cliché of the genre!
我跟你说 I'm telling you!
万圣节 Halloween!
不不不,天啊 No, no, no! Oh, my God!
快追,快,快 Go, go, go!
卡文迪什,你敢动,我就打爆你的头 Cavendish, you move, I'll blow your head off!
瞄准了打 Shoot at him!
宝贝,你的枪法太烂了 Babe, you're the worst shot!
我是在开枪示警,亲爱的 Those were warning shots, honey!
- 好,我速度快 - 快 - Yes! I go fast! - Go!
叫救护车,紧急情况 Ambulance! Emergencia!
苏西,你要告诉这是谁干的 Okay, Suzi. You've gotta tell me who did this
慢点,别说话 Slow down. Don't use your words
我们猜哑谜吧,用手比划给我看 Let's charade it, okay. Just tell me with your hand
爪子,熊爪 Claw. Bear claw
不,灰熊爪 No. Grizzly bear claw
有嚼劲,有嚼劲 Chewy. Chewy
是谢尔盖吗? 不,谢尔盖死了 So it's Sergei? No, Sergei's dead
你脚下装了轮胎吗? 老天! Have you got tires on your feet? Good God!
勺子,吃东西 Spooning. Eating
冰淇淋,不不,意式冰淇淋,是吗? Ice cream. No, no. Gelato. Gelato?
天哪,你都要死了还这么漂亮 Oh, God. It's amazing how pretty you are when you're...
对不起 I'm sorry
快点 Come on!
糟了 Oh, shoot!
疯狂,疯狂炽热的爱 Crazy...crazy...Crazy mad love!
是很疯狂,因为你疯狂地爱着卡文迪什 It's crazy 'cause you're madly in love with Cavendish
是卡文迪什吧? 一起睡... It's Cavendish, no? Sleeping With the...
睡着了 Sleeping
你不能睡 You're not sleeping
- 她也死了? - 我不知道为什么一直有人死 - She's dead now? - I don't know why this keeps happening!
我们走,我们得离开这里 Let's go! We gotta get out of here
- 天啊,快点 - 去哪儿? - Oh, my God. Come on - Where?
关闭机场,挨家挨户搜查 Close the airports! Search house to house!
上帝作证,我会找到尼克和奥德丽·施皮茨 As God as my witness, I will find Nick and Audrey Spitz
- 警督 - 什么事? - Inspector? - Yes?
尼克和奥德丽·施皮茨打来电话找你 I have Nick and Audrey Spitz on the phone for you
尼克和奥德丽·施皮茨 Nick and Audrey Spitz
你们在哪儿? Where are you?
我们在去坎斯的庄园的路上 We are on our way to Quince's villa right now
好的 Okay
不好意思,我没想到你真的会回答这个问题 I'm sorry, I wasn't prepared for you to actually answer that
我们现在被人栽赃嫁祸 We are being framed right now
你来庄园见我们,我们将会揭露真凶 You meet us at the villa, we will reveal the killer
还挺押韵的 That kinda rhymed
我觉得挺酷的 Which is cool, I think
- 你瞧这地方 - 我们走 - Look at this place - Let's go
- 天哪 - 太大了 - Oh, my God - This is big
很大的庄园,这就是有钱人的豪宅 This is a big house. This is what they call rich people shit
卡文迪什勋爵正在等我们 Lord Cavendish is expecting us
二楼,左边第八扇门 Second floor, eighth door on the left
对,他就是这么和我们说的 Yes, that's right. That's what he told us, yeah
好,给你五块钱吧 Okay, so take a five-spotter
你们的五欧元等于多少美元? Your five euros is how much American-wise?
六美元 Six American dollars
我没想到这么多... Oh, that's, uh...that's more than I...
你能退我五十欧分吗? Can I get a half a euro back...
天啊,别闹了,尼克,谢谢你 Oh, God. Please, Nick. Thank you
我不知道他们的钱比我们的值钱 I didn't know they were ahead of us with the money
- 二楼 - 我没子弹了 - Second floor... - I got no bullets left
- 所以国际刑警来之前,我们要虚张声势 - 好 - so we'll bluff 'em until Interpol gets here - Okay
亲爱的,你要小心点 Honey, you just gotta be careful
据我们所知,这人已经杀了四个人 This guy has killed four people, that we know of
好消息是,我们知道谁是凶手 Good news is, we know who did it
- 好吧 - 最难的部分已经过去了 - Okay - Hard part is over with
好吧 Okay
来吧 And...
你好吗,迪什? What's up, Dish?
别动,否则我就一枪打爆你的腹肌 Stay still! I'll shoot you right in the six-pack!
- 听见了吗,贱人? - 冷静点,宝贝 - You hear me, bitch? - Calm down, babe
你敢动一下试试 Make a move! I dare you!
你敢动... I dare...
天啊 Oh, my God!
- 他死了 - 他死了 - He's dead - He's dead
- 好了,他死了 - 天啊 - Okay, he's dead - Oh, my God
- 搞什么? - 天啊,没有结案,宝贝 - What the hell? - Oh, God. Case reopened, babe
他的酒里肯定被下毒了 They must have poisoned his drink!
- 尼克 - 看看他的脸 - Nick! - And look at his face. It's...
除了口吐白沫,他看起来还是很帅 I mean, besides the foaming mouth, he still kinda looks good
这男人到底怎么回事? What is with this man?
我们告诉警察了,我们叫警察来了 We told the police. We called the police
我们让他们来这里 We told 'em to come here
- 是啊 - 必须阻止他们 - Yes - We've got to stop them
亲爱的,这可不像取消披萨外卖那样简单 It's not like canceling a pizza, honey
你让他们来,他们就一定会来 You tell 'em to show up, they show up
如果他不是凶手,那谁才是? If he's not the killer, who is the killer?
而且如果我们不能在他们到之前 And if we don't know who the killer is
弄明白凶手是谁,我们就完了 before they get here, we're screwed!
你明白吗? Do you understand this?
凶手肯定来过这里 He's gotta be here in this house
墙纸太漂亮了 This is gorgeous wallpaper
是布面的,还是纸上浮雕的? Is that fabric? Is this embossed?
亲爱的,你疯啦 Sweetheart, you're losing it!
你要把我也逼疯了 You're making me nuts right now!
不,我知道,等等,好吧 No, I know. Hold on. Okay
好吧,很好 All right, it's good
你没事吧,能呼吸吗? You all right? You breathing?
- 我得好好深呼吸一下 - 看着我 - I have to breathe through this - Look at me
- 我们得去自首 - 等等,你说什么? - We gotta turn ourselves in - Wait, what?
他们都会出现的 They're all gonna show up
如果逃跑,他们会开枪的 If we run, they're gonna shoot us
什么意思? 我们要去坐牢了? What do you mean? We're gonna just go to jail?
总比挨枪子好吧,对不对? It's better than getting shot, ain't it?
我感觉不太...我感觉不太好 I don't feel...I don't feel good
- 宝贝 - 天啊 - Babe - Oh, God
意大利的监狱 It's an Italian prison
伙食一定非常美味 You know the food's gonna be incredible
我们可以吃到肉丸子,香蒜酱之类的 We'll have meatballs and pesto sauce and all that
监狱不是男女混监,好吗? It's not co-ed, honey. All right?
我们...我们没法一起蹲监狱 We're...We're not gonna be in jail together
我知道 I know
你为什么要骗我? Why did you lie to me?
因为我 'Cause I was...
我觉得很很难堪 I was, uh...I was embarrassed
跟我还觉得难堪? With me?
为什么? 我... Why? I...
我可以帮你想办法的 I could've helped you figure that out
所以我们才在一起 That's why we're together
我知道 I know
还记得我付不起美发厅租金的时候吗? Remember when I couldn't pay my rent at the salon
那时你说,"好吧" and then you were like, "Oh, okay"
你帮我的房东取掉了车上的制动锁 You got that boot off my landlord's car
- 给我争取了一周时间 - 嗯,我记得 - That got me another week - Yeah, I remember
还记得你的胆固醇爆表的时候吗? Remember when your cholesterol was through the roof?
然后我让你吃鸡蛋白,你可讨厌吃鸡蛋白了 And then I made you eat egg whites? You hate egg whites
我逼着你吃了,跟你一起吃 And I made you do it, and I did it with you
你让我再也不会想念鸡蛋黄了 You helped me not miss yolks anymore
没错,都是我们做的,我们总是一起做事情 That's right. That's what we do. We do things together
所以我们可以想办法把这件事也解决吗? So can we please just figure this out, too?
我们都不知道是谁干的 We just don't know who did it
但是尼克,我们知道谁没做 But Nick, we know who didn't do it
- 好吗? - 好吧 - All right? - Right
所以我们下楼去,假装已经识破了一切 So let's just go downstairs and act like we figured it out
如果要那样,我们得 If we're gonna do that, we gotta...
我们得看起来非常自信 we just gotta look confident
好吧,如果想看起来自信,得靠衣装 All right. If we're gonna look confident, we've gotta dress it
我已经知道自己想穿什么了 I already know what I wanna wear
什么? What?
马尔科姆·坎斯 遗嘱
你们好,傻子们 What's up, fools?
好了,我们破案了,厉害吧 Okay, we solved the case. Boom
你们哪儿来的衣服,太夸张了吧? Yo, yo! Where'd you get the clothes? It's a little much
我在随便一个衣橱里找到了这条漂亮的裙子 I found this beautiful dress in a random closet
- 对了,你看起来美极了 - 谢谢,宝贝 - You're looking gorgeous, by the way - Thanks, baby
他这件帅气的礼服是 And he got this stunning tux...
从一个 off a...
为什么要粉饰呢? Why candy-coat it?
- 尸体上扒的 - 是的 - A corpse - Yeah
还有一具尸体吗? There's another corpse?
天啊,抱歉,是的 Jeez! Sorry, yes
楼上,左边第八扇门 Upstairs, eighth door on the left
这具尸体是谁? To whom does this dead corpse belong?
对啊,你们还不知道 Oh, yeah. You guys don't know
- 坏消息,各位 - 太可怕了 - Bad news, guys - It's terrible
卡文迪什死了 Cavendish is dead
你从查理的死尸上偷了这件礼服吗? You stole the tux off Charlie's dead body?
大小刚合适 And it fits perfectly
胯部有点紧,说实话 Little tight in the crotch, to be honest
开个玩笑,没有,他比我大,比我大 Just kidding. No, he's got me beat. He's got me beat
等等,苏西在哪儿? Wait. Where's Suzi?
- 她死了 - 死了 - She's dead - Dead
天啊 Oh, my God!
你们就像是迷你版的曼森杀人家族 Y'all are like the miniature Manson Family!
- 不不不 - 尼克和奥德丽·施皮茨 - No, no, no - Nick and Audrey Spitz
- 你们被逮捕了 - 请听我们解释 - you are under arrest - Listen, please
闭嘴,是这么说吗? Ferme la bouche. Is that what it is?
- 给我们一点时间 - 交给我们 - Just give us a second - We got this
- 交给我们 - 走吧 - We got this - Let's go
谢谢 Thank you
好了,女士们先生们,我们来回顾一下 All right. Ladies and gentlemen, let's review the facts
马尔科姆·坎斯 Malcolm Quince
他是第一个被谋杀的人 he was the first to get murdered
我们都认为凶手是托比 We all assumed it was Tobey
不,我们都认为凶手是你们 No, we all assumed you did it
- 好吧 - 是的,但托比恨自己的父亲 - Okay - Yeah, but Tobey hated his father
而且他能继承数十亿美元的财产 and he stood to inherit billions of dollars
直到他饮弹自尽 Until he caught some lead to the dome
明白我的意思吗,拉贾? Can you feel me, Raja?
- 就是那样 - 然后在谢尔盖被射杀前 - There it is - And then,before Sergei was shot
他告诉我们是上校干的 he told us that the Colonel did it
他告诉你们什么? He told you what?
但我们都知道不是你干的,上校 But we know you didn't do it, Colonel
因为我们看到你当时正在用牙线 because we saw you flossing your teeth
我俩正好在你窗外跳希米舞 when we were shimmying by your window that night
你们两个在监视我在浴室里的一举一动吗? You two were spying on me in my bathroom?
相信我,我真的 Trust me, I did...
那晚我们看到了很多荒唐事 We saw a lot of shit that night
我根本一点也不想看 that I did not want to see
那个,我提前道个歉 I mean, apologize ahead of time
我们不得不看你们俩滚床单 We had to see you guys having sex
你们 You, um...
你们,看到了是吗? You...saw that?
大君,给你点建议 Maharajah, some advice for you
可以试试握住根部使劲捏 Maybe grab the bottom and squeeze
可以 Word
不论如何 Anyway...
薯条,是的 French fries. Yes
其实,胡安·卡洛斯,你跟此事无关 Actually, Juan Carlos, you had nothing to do with this
你不可能跟此事有任何关联 You couldn't have had anything to do with it
因为苏西被杀的时候你跟我们在一起 because you were with us when Suzi got killed
所以凶手不是你 So it wasn't you
也不是你 It wasn't you
- 也不是你 - 不是 - It wasn't you - No
也不是你 It wasn't you
见鬼,也许真的是我们干的 Holy shit! Maybe we did do it
- 什么? - 是你干的吗? - What? - Did you?
- 因为... - 你刚跟我说了什么? - Because listen... - What did you just say to me?
- 我开玩笑的 - 你听听 - I'm just messing around - There it is
- 而他在鼓掌 - 要进监狱了,谢了宝贝 - And he's clapping - Going to jail. Thanks, babe
真高兴我们终于达成共识了 I'm glad we finally are all on the same page
由于第一起谋杀 Now, since the first murder
发生在法国领海内 occurred in French territorial waters
我要带你们去巴黎接受提审和审讯 I will be taking you to Paris to be arraigned and tried
至少我们可以去巴黎了 At least we're going to Paris
你不是一直想去巴黎吗? You always wanted to go Paris
亲爱的,你总是开这种不合时宜的玩笑 Honey, if you keep making jokes at a time like this
对事情没有帮助 it's not gonna make this go away
你们很幸运,从1977年起 Lucky for you, since 1977
法国法律就废除了死刑 there has been no death penalty under French law
法国法律 French law
法国法律,嗯 The French law. Yeah
当然了,警督,你应该比任何人 Surely, Inspector, you of all people
都熟悉法国的继承法 are familiar with the French inheritance law
你想暗示我有私生子吗? Are you implying I have bastard children?
我没有 Well, I wasn't
因为我还真有 Because I do
我很惊讶你居然知道他们的存在 I was surprised you knew about them
我很爱那几个小混蛋 I love those little bastards
好吧,总之,法国法律规定个人遗产 Okay. Anyway, um, the French law states that a man's estate
必须均分给子嗣 must be divided equally amongst his children
所以不管遗嘱怎么定,都必须均分 So it wouldn't matter what the will said
也就是说,大君 Straight up, Maharajah
不管老头是否跟苏西结婚 The kids were gonna get the money
孩子们都可以拿到钱 whether the old man married Suzi or not
但是马尔科姆的两个孩子都死了 But both of Malcolm's children are dead
- 两个? - 没错,一个是托比 - Both? - Yes. Tobey
一个是马尔科姆和玛德琳·拉布提尔生的儿子 and the son he had with Madeleine LeBoutillier.
那个孩子出生时就死了 That boy died at childbirth
是吗,上校? Did he, Colonel?
我跟纽约的搭档谈过了 I spoke to my partner in New York City
我说,把玛德琳和她儿子的死亡证明找来 I said, get the death certificates for Madeleine and the son
他只找到了玛德琳的死亡证明 He could only find one for Madeleine
但后来我开始想,或许不存在死亡证明 But then I started thinking, maybe there's no death certificate
因为那个儿子根本没死 because there was no death
胡说,马尔科姆迫切地 Nonsense. Malcolm desperately
想要一个儿子来传递坎斯家族的血脉 wanted a boy to sire the next generation of Quinces
他绝对不会抛弃儿子的 He would never abandon a son
但是 But...
如果是女儿呢? what if it was a daughter?
- 对 - 如果是女儿呢? - Yes! - What if it was a daughter?
他一生的挚爱死了 The love of his life dies
为了生下他不想要的女儿 dies giving birth to his unwanted daughter
- 对 - 还挺合情合理的 - Yes! - It almost makes sense
- 没错,确实挺合理 - 完全合理 - It does! It kinda does! - It makes total sense
他把她送走了 He gave her away
那她现在在哪里? Then where is she now?
她可能在任何地方 Well, she could be anywhere
她可能结婚了 She could have got married
她可能加入了帮派 She could've joined a gang
改了名字,谁知道呢,继续 changed her name. Who knows? Carry on
改了名字 Changed her name
- 你改了名字 - 对 - You changed your name - Yes
你真正的姓不是巴拉德 Your real last name isn't Ballard
那又怎样? So?
很多艺人都会改名 Lots of artists change their names
Lady Gaga的真名也不是Lady Gaga Lady Gaga's real name isn't Lady Gaga
对,Lady Gaga Yes, Lady Gaga
《狗仔队》,对,好听 "Paparazzi," Yes, good
但是每个格蕾丝·巴拉德的铁杆粉丝都知道 But every Grace Ballard superfan knows
你的第一部电影是《湿身夏日》 your first movie was Summer Wetdown
你只有三句台词,当时你用的是本名 You had three lines, and you went by your birth name
格蕾丝·巴特勒 Grace Butler
在法语里,大致的翻译就是拉布提尔 Which, en francés, roughly translates to LeBoutillier
玛德琳·拉布提尔,你的母亲 Madeleine LeBoutillier, your mother
开玩笑的吧 This is a joke
马尔科姆·坎斯被杀的时候我甚至不在房间里 I wasn't even in the room when Malcolm Quince was murdered
好吧,那就是托比杀了他,但有人帮他 Fine! Then Tobey killed him, but he did it with a little help
灯,你把灯关了 The lights. You turned out the lights
你说服托比杀死马尔科姆 You convinced Tobey to kill Malcolm
这样你就可以跟他分财产 so you could split the money with him
然后你杀了托比,这样你就能独霸财产 And then you killed Tobey so that you could just keep all of it
然后我和这位女士开始四处打听 Then me and this girl started asking too many questions
于是你必须除掉我们 So you had to get rid of us
幸好,对他来说是不幸 Luckily, not for him
谢尔盖替我们挡了枪子 but Sergei gets in the way
然后你勾引大君 Then you seduce the Maharajah
好让我们认为你整晚都跟他在一起 so that you would make us think you were with him all night
你跟我亲热只是想混个不在场证明 Yo, you were just twizzlin' on my wizzle for an alibi
妹子,你真冷血 Girl, that's cold
你试图在图书馆里杀了我们 You tried to kill us in the library
然后又在集市上动手,却误杀了苏西 You tried to kill us in the market, but you got Suzi instead
而武器 And the weapon...
- 我现在认出了那个武器了 - 飞镖? - I recognize the weapon now - The dart?
是电影里的,我有天晚上看过 It was a movie. I watched it one night
你跟朋友出去了 You were out with your friends
醉醺醺地回来,然后... You came back drunk and, uh...
是什么电影来着? What the hell was it?
《吹镖公主》 Princess Blow Dart
天哪 Oh, God
不可能有这种片名 That is not the name of a movie
有的,有的 It is! It is!
看看我的屏保 Yo, look at my screensaver
吹镖公主
- 就是她 - 天啊 - That's her! - Oh, my gosh!
然后你杀了查尔斯 So then you killed Charles
因为你知道他不找出 because you knew he would never rest
杀苏西的凶手不会罢休 until he found out who Suzi's killer was
因为他爱的是苏西,不是你 'Cause he loved Suzi, not you!
三种动机 The three motives:
金钱,爱情,复仇 money, love, revenge
你就是马尔科姆·坎斯 You were the mastermind
谋杀案的幕后元凶,对不对? behind Malcolm Quince's murders, weren't you?
而且是你陷害了我们 And you were the one who framed us
他们都是你杀的,对不对? You killed them all, didn't you?
对不对? Didn't you?
我的父亲是个恶魔 My father was a monster
那你承认了? So you admit it?
是的 Yes
我是马尔科姆·坎斯和玛德琳·拉布提尔的女儿 I am the daughter of Malcolm Quince and Madeleine LeBoutillier
坎斯财产的唯一继承人 and sole heir to the Quince fortune
那谋杀呢? And...what about the murders?
不是我干的 Oh, I didn't do those
但他们都死了真是太好了 But it couldn't have happened to a nicer group of people
那么 So...
你们有什么证据吗? what other proof do you have?
- 什么? - 什么证据? - Of what? - Proof of what?
她杀了所有人的证据? That she killed everybody?
对 Yes
你是吃白饭的吗? Aren't you gonna do anything at all?
今天是什么法国假期吗? I mean, is there a French holiday we're unaware of?
你是干什么吃的? What the hell do you do?
听着 Look...
我不知道你们在布鲁克林是怎么办事的 I don't know how you do things in Brooklyn
但在这里,我们需要证据才能抓人 but here we need evidence to make an arrest
不应该是这种展开 All right. This is not how this is supposed to happen
警探应该 The detective is supposed
解释案情,我们刚刚做到了 to explain the murders, which we just did
然后凶手应该 and then the killer is supposed
在压力下崩溃,供认不讳 to crack and freak out under pressure and admit it!
如果没有别的事了 If there's nothing else
我要开始花我的钱了 I'd like to start spending my money now
那顶帽子,帽子,把帽子摘了 The hat. The hat! Uh, take off your hat
什么? What?
我说把帽子摘了 I said take off your hat
不要 No
这顶帽子是大君送我的,我很喜欢 The Maharajah bought me this hat, and I quite like it
尼克用盘子砸中了凶手的头 Nick hit the killer in the head with a plate
留下疤了,对吗? And it left a mark, didn't it?
再说了,刚做好发型 Also, why on earth would you put a hat
你为什么要戴帽子? on a freshly styled head of hair?
你怎么知道我刚做好发型? How would you know my hair's been freshly styled?
因为她是美发师 'Cause she's a goddamn hairdresser
请把帽子摘了,巴特勒女士 Please remove your hat, Ms. Butler
我不会摘的 I'll do nothing of the kind
是管家[巴特勒]干的,格蕾丝·巴特勒,对吧? The butler did it. Grace Butler did it! Grace But...Right?
- 我在飞机上说过的 - 你非要说出来 - I said it on the plane - You had to do it!
- 别过来 - 天啊 - Stay back! - Jesus!
所有人 Everybody!
- 天啊 - 混蛋 - Oh, my God! - Son of a bitch
等等,不,不 Wait! No, no
都不许动 Nobody move!
都不许动,否则我杀了她 Nobody move, or I'll shoot her
把枪放下,把枪放下 Guns down. Baissez vos armes
叫救护车 Get an ambulance
你不是说他的枪法很烂吗? Yo, I thought you said he was a terrible shot
救老婆我绝不含糊 Not when it comes to saving my woman
对了,我瞄准的是脚 I was aiming for her foot, by the way
好了,好了 All right. It's all right
谢谢你挺身而出阻止她,胡安·卡洛斯 Thank you for stepping in and trying to stop her, Juan Carlos
太英勇了 That was so brave
不客气,女士 De nada, senora
棒极了,他很英勇,我什么都不是 I love that. I love that he's brave and I'm, what, nothing?
- 开什么玩笑,我说了你很英勇 - 你没说 - Are you kidding? I said you were brave - You didn't say it
我说了多少遍了,"尼克,你真英勇" I said so many times. "Nick, you were so brave"
不客气,女士,万圣节 De nada, senora. Halloween
我有个问题 Yo, I got a question
在蒙特卡洛的酒店里 In the hotel in Monte Carlo
你们说看到我和格蕾丝在一起了 you said that you saw me and Grace together
- 我们听到了 - 我们听到了 - We heard you - We heard you
要是没听到就好了,不过我... We didn't like what we heard, but I'll tell...
- 真抱歉 - 我希望你换裤子了 - I'm sorry - I hope those are new pants, by the way
行吧,可是 Yeah, but...
可是事实上 But the truth is
在我们回房间前一小时 Grace and I were together in the bar
格蕾丝和我一直在酒吧 an hour before we got to our room
她一直和我在一起 so how could she have killed Sergei
怎么杀的谢尔盖? if she was with me?
尼克 Nick
奥德丽 Audrey
胡安·卡洛斯刚刚怎么突然听得懂英语了? How did Juan Carlos understand my English just now?
站住 Stop!
不,不 No! No!
别再靠近了 Don't come any closer!
他会说英语 He speaks English!
我从小就会说英语,你们这帮蠢货 I've spoken English my whole life, you stupid idiots
我还会其它十几门语言 and a dozen other languages
顺便告诉你,你的拉丁语一塌糊涂 And by the way, your Latin sucks
你听懂了不是吗? You understood it!
别打歪主意,上校 Don't you even think about it, Colonel
否则我就打掉你的老二 or I will shoot your dick off
把手举起来,快点 Put your hands up in the air, now
是我让她说服托比去杀他爸爸的 I am the one who told her to convince Tobey to kill his dad
以我父亲的名义 destroy this sick family
毁掉这个病态家族 in the name of my father
上车 Get into the car
进去 Go in!
退后 Back off!
我速度快 I go fast
警察
看,法拉利 Look at that! A Ferrari!
- 什么? - 特斯塔罗萨[车型] - What? - Testarossa!
《夏威夷神探》,就是我 Magnum P.I.! Me, baby!
我有小胡子 I got the mustache!
尼克,你忘拿枪了 Nick, you forgot the gun!
太不可思议了,这是所有人的梦想 This is incredible! This is a fantasy for everybody!
怎么开车门? How does it open?
底下,拉,拉,快点 Underneath! Pull! Pull! Come on!
天啊 Oh, my God
什么鬼 What the...
这辆车是右驾
- 开什么玩笑 - 真抱歉,我不知该说什么 - Are you kidding me? - I'm so sorry! I don't know what to say!
快走,快,快 Go, go, go!
把手举起来,举起来 Put your hands up. Hands up!
我只是想说 All I'm saying is
如果引擎的声音听起来像你姐姐一样 when the engine sounds like your sister's voice...
尖锐刺耳,你就该换挡了 irritating, high, and loud...you gotta switch gears
好 Yes!
看你开得多棒 Look how nice you handle this thing!
Shoot to Thrill-AC/DC
I'm gonna take you down
Down, down, down...
- 亲爱的,他就在前面 - 我看见了 - Honey, he's right up there - I see him
I'm gonna pull it, pull it
Pull the trigger
Shoot to thrill
Play to kill
Too many women...
Shoot to thrill
Play to kill
I got my gun at the ready, gonna fire at will, yeah
I'm like evil
I get under your skin...
再来 Again!
干得好,宝贝,转得漂亮 Yeah! Baby, nice. Nice! Nice turn!
看看你,看看你 Look at you! Look at you!
继续追,跟住他,跟住他,继续追 Keep going. Keep after him. Keep after him. Keep going
山羊,山羊,山羊 Goat! Goat! Goat!
我的老天 Holy cow!
你知道自己现在多么光彩动人吗? Do you have any idea how gorgeous you look?
等等,又有山羊,搞什么? Wait! Second goat! What the hell?
- 你跟山羊有仇吗? - 我爱山羊 - Do you not like goats or something? - I love them!
蠢货 Idiots
该死 Oh, shit
Shoot to thrill
Play to kill
Too many women with too many pills...
继续追,宝贝,冲啊,冲啊 Keep going, baby. Go! Go! Go!
冲啊,冲啊 Go! Go! Go!
- 我去 - 天啊 - Holy shit! - Oh, God!
- 你得拱他,亲爱的 - 我得什么? - We gotta pit him, honey - I gotta what him?
你要撞他的后保险杠,然后他就会失控 What you do is you hit the back bumper and he'll just spin out
- 我做不到,我做不到 - 你能行的 - I can't do that. I can't... - You got this
我做不到,他可是一级方程式赛车手 I can't. He's a Formula 1 race car driver!
加速,快点 Faster! Come on!
这是我们的冒险 This is our adventure
上吧 Go for it
我能做到,我爱你,你真好 I can do this. I love you. That was sweet
好,我们上 Okay, here we go
Shoot you
不 No!
他没失控,他没失控,我们得干掉他 He didn't spin. He didn't spin. We just gotta take him out
- 干掉他 - 我们上 - Take him out! - Here we go
踩到底,踩到底 Floor it! Floor it!
什么? What?
踩刹车,踩刹车,踩刹车 Hit the brakes! Hit the brakes! Hit the brakes!
坎斯,1825-1883
你知道自己有多酷吗? Do you have any idea how cool you are?
- 纪念日快乐,宝贝 - 是啊 - Happy anniversary, baby! - Yeah
天啊 Oh, my God
- 好了 - 好了 - Okay - Okay
- 我去把他弄出来 - 去吧 - I'm gonna go get that guy out of the car - Go get him
我爱你 I love you
- 我爱你 - 天啊 - I love you - Oh, my God
我们走,出来 Let's go. Let's go
我帮你,来吧 I got you. Come on
好了 All right
我受够你了,警察 I'm so sick of you, cop!
你就不该来这里 You should have never come here!
你就该待在家里,吃热狗 You should have just stayed home, eating hot dogs
读八卦杂志,看真人秀节目 reading People magazine, and watching reality TV
宝贝 Baby
那是,那是我们的旅游大巴 You know, that was our...That was our tour bus!
没厕所,没WiFi,现在还撞人 No toilets, no Wi-Fi, and you're running over people?
冈萨雷斯旅游
爸爸,布兰妮霸占靠窗的座位 Dad, Brittany's hogging the window seat!
我想看那个死人 I want to see the dead guy!
闭嘴坐下,我去拍照 Just sit down and shut up! I'm gonna take a picture!
- 好了,我爱你 - 天啊,他... - All right. I love you - Oh, my God, this guy...
- 我们得问他们火腿是怎么熟成的 - 我不关心 - We gotta ask 'em how they age ham - I don't care!
来吧 Come on!
We Must Be In Love - The Impressions
Do you love me too...
我代表国际刑警组织感谢你,施皮茨夫人 On behalf of Interpol, I thank you, Mrs. Spitz
你既美丽又聪慧 You are as brilliant as you are beautiful
天啊,谢谢夸奖 Oh, my gosh. Well, thank you for that
- 还有施皮茨警员 - 我怎么样? - And Officer Spitz - I go, what? What?
事实证明你确实是优秀的警探 It seems you are quite the detective after all
- 没错 - 和她在一起就是 - You are! - With this girl, yes
我会告知你在纽约的上司的 Something I will be passing along to your superiors in New York
那就太好了 That would be big
我得说 I have to tell you
这次的经历太精彩了 I think this entire experience was pretty great
- 不可思议 - 对 - Incredible - Yeah
除了谋杀之外,一切恰到好处 Outside of the murders, it was on the money
希望你们余下的旅程 Well, I hope the rest of your trip
我已经帮你们安排好了 which we have arranged for you
会更加轻松 is more relaxing
- 旅途愉快 - 谢谢你 - Bon voyage - Well, thank you
这是你欠我们的,不过还是很感谢你 You owe that to us, but thank you so much
什么时候你来纽约,就找我们 You ever come to New York, you look us up
我们会诬陷你三重谋杀 We'll pin, uh, a triple homicide on you
或者绑架之类的 or a kidnapping or something
- 谢谢,好了 - 非常感谢 - Thank you. Okay - Thank you so much
很高兴认识你,保重 Good to meet you. All right. Be safe
- 不错的纪念日吧? - 实在太棒了 - Good anniversary, right? - Amazing anniversary
- 这个纪念日挺酷的 - 我超喜欢 - Kind of...Kind of a cool one - Loved it!
对了,你给我准备了什么礼物? What did you get me, by the way, for a present?
什么? What?
我买了亚马逊礼品卡 I got you the Amazon gift card
- 是吗? - 不,我什么都没准备 - You did? - No, I didn't get you anything
You will see
Finally
You and me shall always be as one
See what happiness has done
东方快车
We must be in love
I sigh
I don't know why
I sigh
Is it that I'm lonely for you?
Are you lonely for me too?
We must be in love
Let me tell you now
I miss your tender kiss
Your tender kiss is what I miss
I have a strange desire
For your lips of fire
We must be in love
Do you love me too...