-My head is full of Fryburg. -It's terrible and beautiful.
-His lips fill my dreams. -Empty glasses.
-When I'm away from him... -Senseless conversations.
-...my thoughts are of him and only him. -Cigarette ashes.
He's my first love.
Well, anybody can be in love.
-I've read romances... -When you've seen your lover...
-...puke his guts out... -...in prose and verse...
-...grow a cyst on his ass... -...in different languages.
-...crush you with his beer belly... -So I must be...
-...stink of cheese... -I must be in love. I love Fryburg...
-...reach in there and rip your heart out -...Mom.
...and leaves a big, empty hole then and only then can you say, "l love him!"
Do you even love dad?
I loved him. He pulled down the shade.
Now I hate him.
Why did you guys even get married then?
I...
I was lonely.
He was handsome.
Wild, crazy eyes, like an animal peering out of a forest on fire.
You know, love doesn't...
Not everything is cured by love, huh?
Look, my life has been one hell of a mess
but you are one of the reasons that I keep trying.
Rosebud's my heartache.
Get a life and then do love.
Don't throw your dreams into the never-never.
Life doesn't give you second chances.
Come on, baby. Check it out! Check it out!
We're gonna work.
Hey, you asshole.
Tease me, tease me! Hammer me! Slam me! Drill me!
You did it for me. For me!
Give me all of that helldog! Pour it into my red-hot oven!
Ooh, yeah, does it feel different? Oh, does it feel different?
Tease me! Love me! Don't stop!
Oh, it's so beautiful! Oh, yeah! It's so beautiful!
Oh, yeah! I can't believe... I can't believe you cut it off for me!
You kill me! Oh! Yeah! Yes! I love it!
Go on. Keep going, Nicky! You know you can! You know you can!
You used to be an athlete, didn't you? Yeah, I know you did.
That's it! Ooh, you filthy bugger! Oh, keep going now. I love it! I love it!
Oh, God, yes! Oh, yeah! Like that.
It's lovely like that! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
Give me that fucking fairy dusting, Nick.
You know what?
Next time a flag rises
you can knock on me back door.
Marlon Brando style.
What do you mean, up... Up your stovepipe?
Yeah.
Sure.
Why not?
Open my safe.
This is great chicken.
I'd better stop eating it. I'll blow up like a fucking whale.
You don't want a fat bird for a girlfriend, do you?
God. You are one crude broad.
Is that what you think of me?
I'm not a thinker. No.
Do you think of me? Ever?
Tell me what you like about me. And don't be fucking polite.
The nasty way you look at me.
Mmm-hmm.
The way you touch your hair and you twirl it.
Right.
Your soft, white basket
up in the air
staring at me like a third eyeball.
You're funny.
Your...
I don't know, just, you're...
Your red everything.
I really like you.
I like you, too.
What about our future? What are we gonna do?
Just living till you die is hard work.
# Tell me your love is true
# Like I love you
# Too many times romantic words are spoken
# Too many words of love are said in vain
# Too many times a foolish heart is broken
# And left with just a memory for a token
# How can I know that you won't hurt me, too?
# Do you love me the way you kiss me?
# 'Cause you kiss me like you love me
# Do you mean everything you say
# And do you say everything you mean?
# Do you love me the way you hold me?
# 'Cause you hold me like you love me
# Is it only a lovely dream
# Or can I dream of a wedding day?
# Do you love me the way you hold me?
# 'Cause you hold me like you love me
# Is it only a lovely dream or can I dream
# Of a wedding day? #
Tsk.
There's nothing so magical as a woman's ass!
Give me hot broads in high heels with asses that forgot to get old.
What is with men, huh? They think they can whip their schlongs out
whenever they want just in broad daylight for the whole world to see?
Give the guy a break.
-What? -Man is a beast.
Take myself, for instance. I see a young girl get up on a school bus
jeans riding low, showing a thong.
My first thought is "l want to buzz your butt."
-Am I right? -Uh-huh.
My second, "How could your mommy and daddy allow you to go to school like that? "
You should be ashamed of yourself.
I am, but it doesn't last. Blah blah blah.
Do you know where we're going?
Ring-a-ding-ding. All right, $1.69, plus tax.
Where?
Round two Baby Mazoa against Spice Wallah.
Baby looks a little bit out of shape, there.
Come on!
These guys today, they can't fight!
-Daddy. -What?
I've got to talk to you.
I'm in the flesh.
Yeah, but it's something that's really really important...
In the kidney, hit him in the kidney!
-'Cause I've been wrestling... -Have some liquorice.
No, thank you.
Where's your mother?
Mother?
That's it! Hit him in the stomach! In the stomach! In the stomach! Yeah!
-Dad? -Yeah.
I'm going into wedlock.
So what did your mother say?
She says I can't...
She says I can't marry no one. I'm...
I'm too young.
So she's against it.
Right.
And so am l.
What?
You guys don't even talk to one another anymore.
Well, I don't have to talk to your mother to agree with her.
That doesn't make any sense.
There's a lot of things in this pothole of a life that don't make sense.
But you do them.
It takes me a good, solid hour plus coffee and a cigarette
to evacuate in the morning. Does that make sense? No.
But I do it, because when I'm high up on that bridge, I don't have a choice.
Okay.
Don't overreact. Let me finish what I'm saying.
What do you mean we don't know each other enough?
-I've known you since you were born. -I know that we...
I know. But we don't know each other like we're getting to know each other right now
and I don't want to hop in right now. I want to date...
Let me tell you something, Baby. It's all or nothing with Fryburg, okay?
All or nothing!
You take all of me or you take none of me. I live right there.
How am I gonna show my face in this neighbourhood if you don't marry me now?
Don't say that right now. Let's just... We love each other...
What do you want me to do? You want me to change? Fryburg can't change.
Fryburg stays like this.
-You fell in love with this. -Don't take that away from me.
That's it! And you know what? You're not in my band anymore.
Oh, God.
That's not what this is about...
You're not in my band anymore!
-Oh, God. -Get back here
and let's finish the conversation...
-I loved you! -...Iike mature adults!
No not loved. Get back here!
Hello.
Can I help?
Twat did you say?
Do you need help?
Cunt hear you. Scum a little closer.
What did you say?
What kind of underwear do you think a man fancies?
-Depends on the man. -A man with a moustache.
What sort of moustache?
A dirty one.
Dirty black one?
Yeah. You hit the nail on the head.
I like doing that.
I'm in the market for some underwear. The, uh
kind of underwear that makes a man lose his mind.
Okay, well, I can help you with that.
You know, a long time ago
women didn't wear underwear if they were well-bred.
Only prostitutes wore panties.
Right. I didn't know that.
Well, now you know.
Right. Do you want to follow me?
Oh, God, I'm dying!
No, you're not, sir.
I'm dying! I'm dying!
Where is the pain, sir?
Stomach! It's his stomach.
What did you eat, sir? What was the last thing that you ate?
You said you were gonna leave some for me. That was a four-pound tub!
You ate the whole tub?
How you doing, Mr Murder?
How you doing? How's married life?
Better, sir. Much better. Thanks for your words of wisdom.
-He tried to kill his self. -With what?
BIack Iiquorice.
You tell your mother I apologise. You tell her
men are seaweed. Women are oak trees.
Amen. Men die young.
They think they ladies' men, 24l7. Attila of the Springs and shit.
Lips raw with love and then they be dead.
You tell your mother I'm truly sorry.
I know your tragedy.
What tragedy?
You got a loose one.
Loose what?
Pussy.
Fuck you! What did you say?
Wide fucking shores.
You calling me used goods? Who the fuck are you?
Second-hand love doesn't work for me, bitch.
Don't worry, love.
I lose interest in a man as soon as he begins to care for me.
I'm gonna rip your can wide open!
# Hee, hee, hee
Stop it!
I'll kill you!
# Hee, hee, hee
Get your fingers off me you stupid cow!
Kick that big, red butt.
Why you try to kill yourself, sir?
# Well brunettes are fine, man And blondes are fun
# But when it comes to getting a dirty job done
# I'll take a redheaded woman
# A redheaded woman
# It takes a redheaded woman To get a dirty job done
I'm going to break your face!
# Well, listen up, stud your life's been wasted
# Till you've got down on your knees and tasted
# A redheaded woman
# It takes a redheaded woman
# Get a dirty job done
The one in the middle's mine she looks dirty!
# Well, I don't know how many girls you've dated, man
# But you ain't lived till you've had your tires rotated
# By a redheaded woman
# Redheaded woman
Ow!
# It takes a redheaded woman get a dirty job done #
Well, she done made that man sick.
It's no picnic being a guy.
Right? It's hard.
I mean, If I was a woman I would have been a prostitute.
I broke up with Wanda. Her ass was a travesty.
There's just some things you can't overlook.
What is going on out there?
Get him, get him!
Well, I'd run too, if I was gonna be a steak.
Oh.
Mrs Murder. Nice to see you. How are you?
Every breath is a victory.
Hiya, Mom.
Don't you, "Hi, Mom" me.
I told you. I told you!
In the sixth grade, I told you "Never tell a woman your business.
"You just do your thing and you keep it to yourself!"
Maybe I should go.
Sit down!
I've got one foot on the banana peel and one foot in the grave.
And you do this to me?
You have got dinosaur balls, buster.
I should have clopped them off when you were a kid.
I'm your son, Ma! I could use some help.
Does it look like I'm wearing a white uniform?
I'm supposed to be number one.
You overshot your boundaries, number one!
You go and get yourself a mistress and on top of that
you got yourself circumcised!
Jesus! We're not even Jewish!
I told him not to do it.
Shut up! Who asked you?
You're just like your father. And your grandfather. May they rest in peace.
Oh, yeah.
Nicholas Nicotine.
Wolf lungs. The doctor says he's got wolf lungs. They're all black.
Did I tell you his grandfather tried to have sex with me?
Really?
I'm telling you.
Told me my husband was a boy.
That he could do things to me that I couldn't imagine.
Sexually?
Well, yeah, sure. He wasn't talking about going to Jersey.
Jersey.
That man, my father-in-law had more ass than the seat on a toilet.
Once he had an affair with his architect's wife.
He had them over to the house. Right in front of his wife, he said to me
"You take care of him and I'll take care of her."
Like I was his whore!
You can't do that nowadays.
His own daughter-in-law.
He was dancing with her.
He was a good dancer.
And the woman
Mrs Thompson was her name
she had no bloomers on.
I seen it when he twirled her.
My mother-in-law was in the kitchen pulling her hair out.
And now this bastard goes and does the same thing.
It's in the genes. He can't help it.
That long ago dance.
I'm telling you
I don't think I'm over it yet.
Three generations of whoremasters.
Ever been on a plane?
No. Never.
Someday.
Yeah. Someday.
-Look, Tula... -Nicky?
You shaved your moustache.
Yeah, yeah. It's gone.
Forever?
You know, I could never...
I can never find the right words to say what I'm trying to say.
Then don't say anything.
We gotta stop.
No. No, it doesn't.
-Yeah. We're through. It's over. -No!
Come on. We deserve each other.
Huh. You may be right about that, but...
I am! You were meant for me.
Look, I almost love you.
"Killing me softly."
I gotta go home.
Home?
Where is home?
A place where a girl with kind eyes named Kitty lives.
I love my wife.
Yeah.
She's not gonna take you back.
Yeah, we'll see. I...
You fit into me.
You know.
But I gotta change.
I'm a slow learner, but I'm gonna change.
You wouldn't be able to say that if I was licking your balls.
It'd be hard.
Yeah, it'd be hard. It'd be rock hard.
Yeah, look, there's more to life than that, Tula. Okay.
I let you in.
I let you open my apple like a fucking flower in the fucking rain, you fuck!
There's more to life than a hard on, okay?
No, there's not! It starts there, doesn't it?
That's where life starts.
-Let me suck you before you leave me. -No.
-Go on. -No.
No!
# Under here
# You just take my breath away
# Under here
# The water flows over my head
# I can hear
# The little fishes
# Under here whispering
# Your most terrible name
# Under here
# They've given me starfish for eyes
# And your head
# Is a big red balloon
# Under here your huge hand is heavy on my chest
# And under here, sir
# Your lovely voice retreats
# And yes
# You take my breath away
# And I glow
# With the greatness
# Of my hate for you #
Kitty, l...
-Stay away from me. -Please.
-I'm not talking to you. -I'm your husband.
I know that, you're the one that forgot it.
Can't you forgive?
The die is cast.
From the bottom of my heart...
You made your bed. Go lie in it
-I apologise. -...with your slut!
I know I lied to you.
Point blank.
Can't you give me one more chance? Please!
I'll do anything. Anything. I'll give you anything.
I love you.
Maybe I don't know how to show it like they do in the movies or in books
but I love. I have love to give!
I don't want your tired gestures of love.
# This is a man's world
# But it wouldn't be nothing, nothing
# Without a woman or a girl
# You see
Oh, my God, a dog!
# Man made the train
# To carry the heavy load
# Man made the electric light
# To take us out of the dark
# Man made the boat for the water
# Like Noah made the Ark
# This is a man's, man's, man's world
# But it wouldn't be nothing, nothing
# Without a woman or a girl
# He's lost in the wilderness
# He's lost
# In bitterness #
# I tell myself what's done is done
# I tell myself don't be a fool
Whoa, whoa, mister, hey! What do you think you're doing?
Shovelling.
Not in my yard. Hey!
What are we, peeping Toms?
Buddy, you don't have to put this here...
This is my boyfriend! My boyfriend! My one and only!
He's the Fruitman. I know who he is. He works at the Big R.
You got one beautiful pair of little hills there, lady.
-What? -I watch you like dessert.
Bending over in them tight little clamdiggers.
Feeling the tomatoes. Squeezing them.
Full moons. Grand, wide open cans.
Oh, woman's ass! Roundly defeating man's in every class!
Frances, that's enough!
-Shut up, Ma! -Don't you talk to me...
You didn't want me to have a boyfriend! You never did! You want them all to yourself!
The Fruitman's here to stay, Mommy!
-Don't you talk that way to me! -Hey!
What the hell's going on out here?
Die, you bastard! Go on, throw it in his fucking face!
You just twisted the cap off the tube, buddy.
When's the last time you and your wife had sex?
She hasn't been fucked in over a year!
-Tobacco Road! -Come on, kumquat!
Fruitman, in the street!
-ln the street! In the street! -ln the street!
Wait, wait, wait! Hey, what are you doing? What do you think you're doing?
She speaks to me.
Over here, Magoo!
Come on. Come on. Time for school!
-Come on! -Ding dong, baby!
What's the matter, can't you smell me?
-Come here. -Sad fuck! Come on, kill him! Murder him!
-Time for school, baby. -Come on.
Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! Come on!
Hit him!
Get him! Murder him! Come on! Get him! Get in there! Punch him!
Come on, hurry up!
Ow, you fuck!
# It must be him, it must be him
# Or I shall die #
Get him! Come on! Kill him! Punch him! Kill him!
Give me a slap! Come on! Punch him, I wanna see some blood!
Show me you love me! Dickhead, show me you fucking love me!
Choke him! That's it!
Sweetheart! Watch out!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Fuck! She hit me with a fucking tree!
Fucking troublemaker! I'll kill you with a Glamour Stretcher!
Come on, you skinny thing. Come on, you bastard.
# It must be him, it must be him
# Or I shall die #
My name is Rosebud. I did not begin right.
If I was ever well it was before I can remember.
We're a crazy family but there's love still here.
Our next door neighbours are mean people.
Frances' mother was in a circus. She was an acrobat.
And she tried and tried to have a baby and finally she had Frances
a foul-mouthed, spoiled princess who fell in love with The Fruitman
who was born without a brain and a pea for a heart.
This is my statement of feelings. Thank you very much.
Rara, where are you going?
So how are you?
Fine. You?
My head hurts.
"Will there be any stars any stars in my crown
"When the evening sun goes down?
"Will there be any stars in my crown? "
What can I say?
There's nothing to say.
Ethel Merman.
What about Ethel Merman?
-I never liked Ethel Merman. -Yeah?
When I took you to see her she intruded on our aloneness
with that foghorn of a voice.
There's lots of kinds of singers.
-Ethel belted. -Yeah.
Didn't... Didn't Ernest Borgnine give her a smack?
Yep. Yep.
Gave her the bloody end of the stick. Marriage lasted a week.
Well, you can't blame Ernie.
"You Can't Get A Man With A Gun" would drive any man crazy.
Ray Middleton, him I liked.
Hmm.
# The girl that I marry would have to be
# Soft and as pink as a nursery
# The girl I call my own
# Would wear satin and laces
# And smell like cologne #
Dear Father, forgive me for I have sinned. It's been...
twenty, thirty years since my last confession.
Do you believe in God?
I don't know. I'd like to.
I'm a jealous, selfish man.
My wife, she never got her due, not from me.
I loved her, but, but...
that's not enough.
Now the, uh
smoke fairy's gonna make me disappear.
Puff by puff.
My sweet little Princess Nicotine.
I'm going to die, Father.
Like everybody does, even the rich people.
So I just thought that maybe it was time to, uh
get a few things down on the record.
I'm Kitty's husband.
I know.
Two things.
Two things a man should be able to do.
Be romantic and smoke his brains out.
I agree.
# One
# Thou shalt never love another
# Two
# And stand by me all the while
# Three
# Take happiness with the heartaches
# Four
# And go through life wearing a smile
# Oh, how happy we will be
# If we keep
# The ten commandments of love
# Of love
# Five
# Thou should always have faith in me
# In everything I say and do #
-Can I sit down? -Sure.
I really miss you.
I miss you, too.
I wanted to ask you
if you could maybe...
I'll be there for you. I'll take care of you. But l...
I can't, you know.
Oh, no, no, no.
That's not what I'm asking you.
Oh.
Sorry.
No, I'm sorry. I should've...
-I mean, I want to. -Well.
I still have feelings.
I should hope so.
What I wanted to ask you is
now that I'm not feeling so good if maybe you could
once in a while
scare me or something.
You know, let me know I'm still alive.
Okay.
-You understand? -I do.
Okay.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Kiss me.
"l never knew the sky could be so deep a blue
"Until I knew I could not grow old with you"
Hello.
Yeah.
# The girl that I marry would have to be
# Soft and as pink as a nursery
# The girl I call my own
# Would wear satin and laces
# And smell like cologne
# Her nails will be polished and in her hair
-# She'll wear a gardenia -# There'll be a gardenia
# And I'll be there
# lnstead of flittin', she'll be sittin'
# Next to me and she'll purr like a kitten
# A doll I can carry
# The girl that I marry
# Must be #
# Didn't I make you feel
# Like you were the only man?
# Didn't I give you everything that a woman possibly can?
# But with all the love I give you it's never enough
# But I'm gonna show you, baby
# That a woman can be tough
# So come on, come on
# Come on, come on
# Take another little piece of my heart now, baby
# Break it
# Break another little bit of my heart now, honey
# Have a
# Have another little piece of my heart now, baby
# You know you've got it if it makes you feel good
# You're out on the street
# Looking good
# And you know deep down in your heart that ain't right
# You never, never hear me when I cry at night
# I tell myself that I can't stand the pain
# But when you hold me in your arms I say it again
# So come on, come on
# Come on, come on
# Take it
# Take another little piece of my heart now, baby
# Break it
# Break another little bit of my heart now, baby
# You can have a
# Have another little piece of my heart now, baby
# You know you got it if it makes you feel good
# Take another little piece of my heart now, baby
# Break it
# Break another little piece of my heart now, honey #
# I wonder who's kissing him now
# I wonder who's showing him how
# I wonder who's looking
# lnto his eyes
# Breathing sighs
# Telling lies
# I wonder who's buying
# The wine
# For lips that I used to call mine
# And I wonder if he
# Ever tells her of me
# I wonder
# Who's kissing him now #
That's Rosebud. Rosebud at Cabaret.
# I asked my love to take a walk
# Take a walk, just a little way
# And as we walked along
# We talked of when would be our wedding day
# And only say that you'll be mine
# And in no others' arms entwine
# Down beside where the waters flow
# Down by the banks of the Ohio
# I plunged a knife into her breast
# And told her she was going to rest
# She cried, "Oh, Willy, don't you murder me
# "I'm not prepared for eternity"
# And only say that you'll be mine
# And in no others' arms entwined
# Down beside where the waters flow
# Down by the banks of the Ohio
# And going home between 12:00 and 1:00
# I cried, "Oh Lord, what have I done? "
# I killed the girl I love, you see
# Because she would not marry me #