-烤好了吗 -我觉得可以了 - Are they done? - I think they're done.
你们俩别整天凑在那里 Hey, get away from there.
那里面是松饼 又不是"美女也疯狂" Those are muffins, not Girls Gone Wild.
《美女也疯狂》：美国一档节目 充斥裸露镜头
就算盯着看 它们又不会掀起衣服 Staring at them is not gonna get them
赤身裸体 大喊"哟吼" to lift up their shirts and go, "Whoo!"
-终于烤好了 -哟吼 Yes, they're ready! - Whoo!
-居然不烫手 -烫死了 - Isn't that hot? - So hot.
邦妮 尝一个 Bonnie, have one.
额滴神呐 太好吃了 Oh, my god. They're delicious.
是不是你吃过最好吃的玉米松饼呀 Is that the most delicious corn muffin you've ever had?
老艾 你的秘密是什么 Ed, what is your secret?
我的处男生涯是被二表姐希亚拉终结的 I lost my virginity to my second cousin, Sheila.
真恶心 我指的是秘诀秘方 Not the--yuck! No, not that secret.
像你这么苦逼的人 How can something so bitter
怎会做出这么甜的松饼 make something so sweet?
玉米可是自家种的哦 I grow my own corn.
长得都快和房子一样高了 The stalks are almost touching the roofline.
邻居都被它搞疯了 Drives my neighbor crazy.
你可以说我胡思乱想 You know, I may be a romantic,
但我觉得她越是恨玉米 but I think her hatred makes the corn
玉米越是甜 taste that much sweeter.
我肥料的用量也很关键 It's also the amount of manure I use.
crap: 屎 or 废话 full of crap: 满嘴废话 一般用以讽刺官僚机构
我那块地满满的都是屎 My soil is so full of crap,
都快赶上政府部门了 it could start its own ministry.
明天我还要去施一次肥 I'm dumping another batch tomorrow.
你能下午施肥吗 Oh, um, do you think you can do that in the afternoon?
明天我要在家里做采访 I'm interviewing someone here tomorrow.
你就没间办公室吗 Don't you have an office?
有 但我要采访的是咱这电视新闻主播 Yes, but I'm interviewing this local tv news anchor
话题有关新闻怎么会沦落为小报消息 about how the news has basically become a tabloid.
她要求私下接受访问 She wants to speak to me off the record.
我宣誓保密的 I am sworn to secrecy.
-采访谁啊 -索乐黛·秋 - Who is it? - Soledad Cho.
我怎么说出来了 Damn it.
KPIL新闻快报组的主播索乐黛·秋 Um, KPIL Action News Team anchor Soledad Cho?
她要到咱家来 She--she's coming here?
他干嘛这么激动 那女人是糖霜做的啊 Why is he so excited? Is she made of frosting?
那倒不是 No, no.
那女人在他的名单上 She's on his list.
啥名单 可食用人种名单吗 Of people to eat?
意淫名单呀 The list.
就是结婚的时候列出来的那种名单 You know, the list you make when you get married.
名单上列出了 如果有机会 Of celebrities you're allowed to sleep with,
想和那些名人上床 if you had the chance.
索乐黛把新闻都变性感了 Soledad makes the news so sexy.
我超爱她说"新鲜出炉"的样子 You know, I love the way she says, "This just in."
你那单子上还有谁 Who else is on your list?
-珍妮弗·安妮斯顿[《老友记》的瑞秋] -对头 - Jennifer Aniston. - Mm-hmm.
她也在我的单子上 She's on mine too.
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翻译：一灯大狮 小砂锅 天意 小九 校对：大卫熊 时间轴：低调的小雨 后期：WiLL 总监：WiLL
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老爸 又有一封你的信 Dad, you got another letter
业主协会寄来的 from the homeowners' association
有关你玉米的高度问题 about the height of your corn.
看来还动真格了 Ooh, this looks serious.
我得马上采取应对措施 I better do something about this right away.
现在感觉好多了 Oh, I feel so much better.
心头大患解决啦 That was really hanging over my head.
老艾 作为房产中介 我劝你最好 Ed, as a real estate agent I should advise you
不要惹毛业主协会 not to make enemies with the homeowners' association.
根本就不是什么业主协会 It's not the homeowners' association.
只不过是个压力大 性冷淡的寂寞女 It's one overstressed, undersexed lonely woman
整天愁眉苦脸 扭臀摆尾的 with a frown on her face and a stick up her ass.
我记得很清楚你就是这么描述 I believe those are the exact same words
探险者朵拉的[美国著名动画片人物] you used to describe Dora the Explorer.
那个朵拉干嘛要整天到处乱跑 Why does Dora have to go everywhere?
她背包里到底放了点什么狗屁东西 And what the hell is in her backpack?
你好 老艾 Hi, Ed.
我叫罗斯玛丽·潘沃斯 Rosemary Pernworth,
是弗林瑞志业主协会副会长 vice president of the Fleetridge homeowners' association.
我知道如果我以邻居的身份过来 I know when I come here as a neighbor
你会当面就把门关上 you slam the door on me.
所以我想 如果我以公事名义 So I thought if I came on official business--
就是她啊 Was that her?
又不是你妹的探险家朵拉 Wasn't Dora the freakin' explorer.
罗斯玛丽的老公哪去了 Hey, what happened to Rosemary's husband?
五年前死了 Died five years ago.
在超市里严重中风发作死的 Massive stroke in the supermarket.
是我就选择离婚 I'd have chosen divorce,
但家家都有本难念的经嘛 but hey, we all have our own thing, huh?
我觉得你要是不去睬她 Well, I don't think she's gonna stop ringing the bell
她是不会走的 until you talk to her.
哎哟喂 看看这是谁啊 What do you know?
你不就是罗斯玛丽·潘沃斯 Aren't you Rosemary Pernworth,
弗林瑞志业主协会副会长吗 vice president of the Fleetridge homeowners' association?
"真好笑" Hilarious.
老艾 这样吧 我不跟你计较 You know, Ed, let's just say for the sake of argument
不计较我寄给你六封信你一封也没收到 that you did not receive any of the six letters I sent you
不计较给你留过无数条留言你也没收到 or the numerous phone messages I left
不计较我昨天敲门的时候 or that you weren't at home yesterday
"某人"不在家 却隔着窗帘 when I knocked on the door and you mooned me
对着我秀屁屁 through the curtains.
我今天来的目的是要亲自通知你 No, I'm here in person to inform you
你玉米大大高出围栏的问题 that your corn has grown well above my fence line
已经严重违反了业主协会的规定 in clear violation of the homeowner association rules.
这样啊 老话不是说 Oh, well, you know what they say.
茎梗越粗 玉米越甜 The bigger the stalk, the sweeter the corn.
我知道你什么意思 I see what you're doing.
你把玉米双关成小鸡鸡 You're using corn as a double entendre for penis.
你以为这就能惹到我吗 Do you think that offends me?
《头发》：音乐剧 内容有关上世纪六十年代嬉皮反主流文化风潮和性革命
我看过原版的《头发》 See, I saw the original production of Hair,
诶利卡·琼：美国作家 代表作有描写女性情欲的《伊莎性爱告白》
所有诶利卡·琼写的书 and I've read everything that Erica Jong ever wrote.
你惹不到我的 你的"玉米"倒定了 You cannot shock me. Your corn is coming down.
不嘛 我偏偏要一柱擎天 I'm going another way.
你是如何打定主意想成为新闻播报员的 So how did you know you wanted to be a TV reporter?
相当相当久以前 From a very early age,
大家都说我非常适合这份工作 people told me I was well-suited for the job.
我们的记者也 And it wasn't long before this reporter
得出了同样的结论 came to the very same conclusion.
画面交给你 亨利 Back to you, Henry.
你说话口气好像 You actually talk like--
懂了 算你狠 Yeah, you do.
你叫索乐黛·秋 Your name, Soledad Cho.
Soledad常为西班牙女子名
但我怎么看你既不像是西班牙裔 I mean, you don't really seem like a "Soledad"
Cho常为中国姓氏
也不像是华裔呢 or a "Cho" for that matter.
我本名叫詹尼特·斯蒂尔 My real name is Janet Steele.
但经纪人和我都觉得有必要取个 But my agents and I felt
更有异族风情的名字 I needed something more ethnic,
既然格拉多·里维拉这个名字已经被别人用了 and since "Geraldo Rivera" was already taken,
格拉多·里维拉：美国著名新闻播报员
那我就叫索乐黛·秋了 I went with "Soledad Cho."
开玩笑的啦 That was a joke.
-亨利 -在 - Henry. - Yeah?
你觉得这个名字怎么样 And how's that working out for you?
稍等片刻 We'll find out...
真相即将揭晓 after this.
我去找个录音器 I'm gonna get a recorder.
马上就回 I'll be right back.
亨利 瞧见我每天都会看的 Henry, have you seen my pile of sophisticated newsmagazines
内涵新闻杂志了吗 that I read every day?
我要在爷们大会上读上一段 Gonna read them at my "Mency's" Meeting.
索乐黛·秋 Soledad Cho?
你来这干啥 What are you doing here?
我认识你吗 Do I know you?
不 不 但我认识你 No, no, but I know you.
实际上 我可是你的铁杆粉丝 Actually, I'm a real big fan.
我是文斯 I'm Vince, by the way.
晚上好 Good evening.
这里是索乐黛·秋 I'm Soledad Cho.
你在这可真是巧啊 Oh, you know, it's actually really funny you're here
因为... 还是算了 because--you know what, never mind.
貌似这个故事另有内幕啊 Mmm, it sounds like there's more to that story.
呃 怎么说呢 说起来有点小尴尬 Uh, well, it, um-- this is sort of embarrassing.
真不该说 Erh, I shouldn't say this.
豁出去了 我和我老婆邦妮列了一张名人表 Okay, me and my wife Bonnie, we have a list of celebrities
我们可以和表上的名人... 你懂的 that we'd be allowed to, you know.
什么 Yes?
要是有幸就能同床共枕 Sleep with if we ever had the chance.
所以呢 And?
所以嘛 这个 呃 And, well, it's just that, um,
你在我的名单上 You're--you're on my list.
我上名人援交单了 I'm on a celebrity sex list?
对 Yeah.
咱们把这事说清楚 Let me get this straight.
你一头冲进来 和我素不相识 You come in here, you just met me,
可你却告诉我... and you tell me...
抱歉 我真不该说那些玩意 I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything.
你把我当名人吗 that you consider me a celebrity?
是啊 Well, yeah.
还从来没人把我 No one's ever called me
当名人 a celebrity.
放马过来吧 I'm in.
好啊 艾德 Oh, hi, Ed.
我知道这是私人财产 但我是为了公事 I know this is private property, but this is official business.
我是罗斯玛丽·潘沃斯 I'm Rosemary Pernworth,
业主协会的副会长 vice president of the Fleetridge homeowners' association.
罗斯玛丽·潘沃斯 Rosemary Pernworth,
见见长管先生 Meet Mr. Hose.
你想用浇水管威胁我吗 You're threatening me with your garden hose?
谁说用浇水管了[也指男性生殖器] Who said anything about a garden hose?
"真好笑" Hilarious.
我说过了 我百毒不侵 As I said before, you can't shock me.
你就会说些黄段子攻击人 I know vulgarity is your weapon.
错 管子是我的武器 No, garden hose is my weapon.
段子是我的跟班 Vulgarity is my sidekick.
你走路咋这么别扭 Why are you walking funny?
我患了莫顿氏神经瘤 I have a morton's neuroma.
脚部神经肿大了 It's a swollen nerve in my foot.
所以走路有点跛 Makes me limp.
哎哟 我也是啊[limp有未勃起的意思] That makes two of us.
哈哈哈 还真当自己是小毛孩啊 Bravo, you're an 11-year-old.
我来这可不是为了和你互喷 I'm not here to trade pee-pee jokes with you.
我是来测量你的玉米 I'm just here to measure your corn
然后向市里提交正式的设诉 so I can file an official complaint with the city
到时候城管一来 你就得乖乖就范了 and have them come and force you to cut it down.
我有个更好的点子 你咋不去享受生活 I got a better idea. Why don't you get a life?
我不享受生活 Why don't I get a life?
起码我没有荒废我的时间 At least I do something constructive with my time.
我致力于改善邻里环境 I'm trying to improve the neighborhood.
而你整天四处闲晃 乱扔乱倒 All you do is go around dumping garbage
还他妈以为这是堪萨斯州 乱种玉米 and growing your corn like it's freakin' Kansas.
堪萨斯州盛产玉米
给你一条建议吧 And here's an idea.
下次你打扫客厅时 The next time you vacuum your living room
如果想穿着裸穿钓鱼背心秀下身 wearing nothing but a fishing vest,
敢不敢把窗帘拉下来 why don't you pull down your blinds?
提醒一下 我还穿了袜子 For your information, I also wear socks,
不过谢谢观赏 but thank you for watching.
罗斯玛丽啊 乔还在世的时候 You know, Rosemary, when Joe was alive
你还只是惹人讨厌 you were merely annoying.
现在你简直令人无法忍受了 Now you've become unbearable.
你一直让人没法过活 艾德 You've always been unbearable, Ed.
或许你生命中的三个老婆都受尽了你的凌辱 You may have been able to bully three wives out of your life,
但我绝不会退缩 but I'm not going anywhere.
等到下周我成住房者业主协会 And next week when I become president
会长之时 of the homeowners' association,
我要亲手捻汝玉茎 拔汝阳刚 I will grab your stalk and rip it out with my own hands!
你胆敢碰我的玉米 You're not touching my corn.
人家才没说你的玉米 Who said anything about your corn?
真好笑啊 Oh, hilarious.
有一个问题 你得先做上会长 One problem, gotta get to be president first.
我可是竞选的独苗哦 I'm running unopposed.
现在可说不准了 Up until now.
你 不会吧 You wouldn't.
咋不会呢 Or wouldn't I?
我曾经 Let me tell you
对我的二表姐希亚拉说 what I told my second cousin Sheila.
如果说有一个人要舍身取义 那也是你 One of us is going down, and it ain't gonna be me.
go down暗指口交 请意会
我要玉米
难以置信 你竟为了种玉米 I can't believe you're going through all this trouble
非要来竞选 just to grow your corn.
可不仅仅是玉米 It's more than the corn.
我可不想某些屁股翘翘的邻居 It's about not letting some tight-ass neighbor
对我的庄稼指指点点 tell me how to grow my crops.
更令人恼火的是 她竟敢说我欺负人 Besides, how dare she call me a bully?
你好 能为环境保护耽误你一点时间么 Hi, do you have a minute for the environment?
没门 你有十秒钟时间捡你的写字板 No. You got ten seconds to find your clipboard?
请投艾德·古德森一票 Vote Ed Goodson.
艾德 你这是干啥 Ed, what are you doing?
拉选票 Gathering the votes.
想加入古德森的团队吗 You want to join team Goodson?
品尝免费的玉米松饼 Free corn muffin.
你这太胡来了吧 You're turning this into a farce.
你有啥竞选的资本 What are you even running on?
咱的资本就是点心加咖啡 I'm running on prune danish and a coffee,
你少打我的主意 So keep your distance.
真好笑 太搞笑了 That's hilarious. It's hilarious.
艾德 你要真想来真的 You know, Ed, if you want to get into this,
那我就要把你的丑恶嘴脸公之于众 I will expose you as the type of person that you really are.
我要向你发出辩论挑战 I'm gonna challenge you to a debate.
头大了吧 艾德 What's the matter, Ed?
不想跟我辩论了吧 Do you not want to debate me
怕在公众面前丢形象了吗 because you don't want to be publicly humiliated?
我要是怕丢形象 If I was afraid of being publicly humiliated,
还带着这龟儿子来干嘛 would I have brought my son with me?
随时随地 乐意奉陪 I'll debate you anywhere, anyplace.
我要向街坊四邻 I'm gonna show the entire neighborhood
你就是个仗势欺人的坏蛋 That you are nothing but a big bully
而我是一个大好人 and I am a nice person.
能为环境保护耽误你一点时间么 Do you have a minute for the environment?
你 从我跟前闪开 你个嬉皮士 Oh, get out of my face, you hippy.
-嗨 -嘿 亲爱的 - Hi. - Hey, honey.
你和索乐黛的见面怎么样 How was your meeting with Soledad?
你们做了么 Did you guys do it?
还没 Not yet.
你能想象咱俩名单上的名人会愿意跟我们上床吗 Can you imagine if one of our celebrities was willing to?
我的意思是 你会怎么做 I mean, what would you do?
我也不知道 I don't know.
事实上 你知道么 这是个很好的问题 Actually, you know what, that's a really good question.
你会做什么 What would you do?
我 做什么 What--what would I do?
我不知道 我根本就没机会 I don't know, I've never had the opportunity.
我不知道 I don't know.
那好吧 试着想象 Okay, well, try to imagine if,
比如说詹姆斯·弗朗哥 他愿意跟你睡 let's say James Franco, said that he would sleep with you,
詹姆斯·弗朗哥：好莱坞著名男星
前提是尽管我们结婚了 还是允许你和他睡 knowing that the list allows it even though we're married.
好的 我会尽量想象 All right, I'll try to imagine it.
他有小胡子么 Does he have a moustache or no?
我觉得他没胡子会更可爱点 You know, I gotta say I think he's cuter without it,
但这得看你 but it's up to you.
你干什么呢 What are you doing?
我在想象 I'm imagining it.
他在 What's he--
他在干什么 What's he doing?
-等会的 -好吧 - Not now. - Okay.
邦妮 停 Bonnie, stop.
停 Stop it.
邦妮 停 Bonnie, stop--
行了 行了 Get off of you!
好了 好了 All right, all right.
我在想象呢 I was imagining it.
我知道 现在我想让你停 Okay, well, now I want you to stop.
好了 我停 天啊 Fine, I will. Jeez Louise.
其实都是他动手动脚 It was all him anyway.
听着 我想说的是 Look, all I'm saying is if you were
这种假定的情况下 in a hypothetical situation
在你名单中的一个名人 wherein one of the celebrities on your list
说 可能 aaid that it might be some--
邦妮 邦妮 Bonnie! Bonnie!
好了 All right.
好了 我会 我不知道 All right, what would I-- I don't know.
我认为名单都列出来了 I mean, I guess why bother having a list
如果不付之于行动 还有什么意义呢 if you're not gonna do it? I don't know.
你能想象吗 Can you imagine it?
你好 Hi, hello.
我是罗斯玛丽·潘沃斯 I'm Rosemary Pernworth,
弗林瑞志业主协会副主席 Vice president of the Fleetridge homeowner--
太二了 太二了 Stupid, stupid, stupid.
他们当然知道你是谁 They know who you are.
加油 振作点 罗斯 Come on, pull it together, Rosie.
这是你人生中最重要的一个晚上 This is one of the most important nights of your life.
这个要花多少时间 How long do you think this is gonna take?
我车里还放着冰激凌呢 I got some ice cream in the car.
你关心过什么吗 艾德 Do you care about anything, Ed?
关心啊 我的冰激凌正在车里慢慢融化 Yes, I care about the ice cream melting in my car.
伊利四个圈 It's neapolitan.
他们把草莓口味放进去就是为了甩卖 You know they put the strawberry in there just to get rid of it,
因为他们知道你们会加钱 'cause they know you're gonna pay extra
买巧克力和香草口味的 for the chocolate and vanilla together?
离辩论还有五分钟 All right, five minutes till the debate.
-观众们怎么样了 -兴奋的叽叽喳喳 - How's the crowd? - Buzzing with excitement.
你知道 如果你现在退出 You know, if you back out now,
马上就能享用到草莓冰激凌 there's some strawberry ice cream in it for you.
你能不能一边去 Will you just get away from me?
我要准备辩论 I'm trying to prepare.
有些人对这种事还是很重视的 I mean, some people take this seriously.
你还跛着呢 You're still limping.
给你说了 我有神经瘤 I told you, I have a neuroma.
过来 让我看看你的脚 Here, let me take a look at that foot.
不行 I'm not gonna let you look at my foot.
我是大夫 让我看看 Hey, I'm a doctor. Let me take a look.
你这个跛法不像是神经瘤 You shouldn't be hobbling like that.
为什么这样 我以为你很讨厌我 Why would you do that? I thought you hated me.
确实讨厌 但我是大夫 凡是我的病人我都讨厌 I do, but I'm a doctor. I hate everyone I treat.
让我看看你的脚 Let me see that foot.
我穿了两双袜子 I, um, I wear two pairs of peds.
很正常 It's perfectly normal.
我不想脚出汗 I just don't like my feet to sweat,
我们生活在温带 and we live in a temperate climate.
所以我打扫屋子的时候不穿裤子 Well, that's why I vacuum without any pants on.
怎么回事 What's the matter?
没事 Nothing.
我就是不大习惯 I'm just not used to having
我的脚被男人抓着 my feet touched a lot by men.
此刻我不是抓着你脚的 I'm not touching your feet
男人 like a man.
我是抓着你脚的医生 Right now I'm your doctor.
不是说我没人向我献殷勤 I mean, not that I haven't had offers.
也不是说献殷勤是抓脚 I mean, not to touch my feet.
只是 我女儿老想给我介绍男人 But, you know, my daughter's always trying to set me up,
但是我太忙没时间约会 and I'm just far too busy to be dating right now.
你干什么呢 Oh, what are you doing?
谁告诉你说这是神经瘤 Who told you you have a neuroma?
我在网上看的 I looked it up on the Internet.
还上网呢 The Internet?
即使你是个笨蛋 也显得挺聪明的 You know, it makes you sound smart even if you're an idiot.
就好像是有英国口音一样 It's like having an English accent.
你没有神经瘤 You don't have a neuroma.
-我有 我有 老艾 -不 你没有 - Yes, yes, I do, Ed. - No, you don't.
你是太紧张 脚部痉挛了 You're just so uptight your feet are cramping up.
你需要好好按摩下你的脚 What you need is a good foot rub.
我不需要你来告诉我 Well, I don't need you to tell me what I--
我滴亲娘啊 Oh, good gracious.
我的天呢 在你第三节跖骨上 Oh, my goodness, there is a huge knot
有个大肿块 in your third metatarsal.
好了 你马上住手 Okay, I need you to stop that now.
别停 别停 Don't stop. Don't stop.
别停 别停 别停 别停啊 Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop, don't stop.
还有一件事 One more thing.
圣诞快乐 Oh, sweet christmas!
晚上好 我是索乐黛·秋 Good evening, I'm Soledad Cho.
内裤没穿 在你面前 Panties have the night off.
这可算是头条新闻了 Wow, that's one hell of a lead story.
我们现在带你去沙发 We take you now to a couch,
在那 一个大个子男人要进入 Where a large man is about to enter--
好了 索乐黛 索乐黛 Okay, Soledad, Soledad.
你行动的太快了 You're moving kinda fast.
我报道的可都是急闻要件 Oh, I'm an action news reporter.
早知道你想慢慢来 If you wanted to take it slow,
那就把莫里·塞弗搁进名单啊 You should have put Morley Safer on your list.
莫里·塞弗： 男 著名时事评论节目《60分钟》常驻主播
关键是我已经结婚了 The problem is I'm married.
所以现在有点犹豫不决 And I'm starting to have some second--
哇 这下可爽到了 Wow, and that's the way it is.
听着 索乐黛 我觉得 Look, Soledad, it's just that--
抱歉抱歉 有条最新消息插进来 I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to cut you off.
明白 咱们现在得对 Yeah, we're ready to go live
我的"大峡谷"进行现场播报 to the scene of my boobs.
很抱歉将此次竞选辩论改到 I'd like to apologize for having to relocate the debate
儿童阅览室来进行 to the children's reading room.
都记住了 会场半个小时之后 Keep in mind, we lose the room
就是玩偶秀的地盘 in half an hour to a puppet show.
听着老艾 刚才在那儿发生的事 Listen, Ed, I appreciate if we could keep it to ourselves
如果你能保密我就再感激不过了 what just happened out there.
我不明白你在说什么 I don't know what you're talking about.
就是关于我鸡 The thing with my fa--
你鸡鸡什么 What's your fa-fa?
鸡奥 脚 My foot.
拜托你 给我点尊重好吗 Oh, please, give me some credit.
我是个医生 I'm a doctor.
为患者保密可是我的职业操守 I know a thing or two about confidentiality.
第一个问题 Okay, first question.
请问你对规划在罗斯克朗 What do you think about the new mini-mall
和尼米兹间叉口的小型商场有什么看法 proposed at the intersection of Rosecrans and Nimitz?
我认为这会增加"步"行人数 I think it'll lead to an increase in foot traffic.
罗斯玛丽 你对步行怎么看呢 Rosemary, what do you think about the foot traffic?
我认为步行是个非常私人的问题 I think that foot traffic is a very personal issue
不应该拿出来讨论 and should remain as such.
好 下一问题 Okay, next question.
你对主路上新加的减速障碍有什么看法 What do you think about the new speed bumps on grand street?
我来回答 I'll take that.
障碍的问题 我们得轻下手柔处理 I think we should massage the bump issue.
用我们的双手去努力 Get our hands in there.
寻找一个立"足"之地 Maybe get a toehold on the subject.
-艾德 -抱歉 - Ed-- - oh, I'm sorry.
我摸到你的什么痛"脚"了吗 Did I touch a nerve?
好吧好吧 Okay, okay.
我已经为协会服务了25个春秋 I have served this committee for 25 years.
而这位先生 他最臭名昭著的行为就是 This man, on the other hand, is best known
把一只死浣熊放在垃圾桶顶恐吓他人 for leaving a dead raccoon on his garbage cans
"以儆效尤" as a warning to "The others."
如果是我们的立足点没有找好 I'm sorry if we got off on the wrong foot.
我很抱歉 I apologize...
我揉得不是地方 For rubbing you the wrong way.
我觉得我揉得挺到位的 I thought I rubbed you the right way.
够了 别说了别说了 Okay, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it.
你根本没有认真回答问题 Okay, you're not answering any of the questions.
你不够格 他不够格 You're not qualified. He's not qualified!
看你怎么回应 What do you say to that?
摸摸脚 捏捏脚 最后来个小脚交 Foot rub, foot massage, foot sex.
哦天哪 Oh, my god.
我有件非常重要的事儿要告诉你 I have something really important to tell you.
怎么了 出事儿了吗 What, is something wrong?
没有 我只是想让你知道 No, I just wanted you to know
你丈夫拒绝了和索乐黛·秋的鱼水之欢 Your husband turned down having sex with Soledad Cho.
那我要告诉你 Oh, well, then you should know
今天在超市的时候我撞见奥普拉了 that I ran into Oprah at the supermarket,
奥普拉·温弗瑞：美国著名脱口秀《奥普拉·温弗瑞秀》主持人
她要把我带到澳大利亚去 and she's taking me to Australia.
亲爱的 我是认真的 Honey, I'm being serious.
索乐黛·秋又回来了 Soledad Cho came back here,
她想约我共赴云雨 and she wanted to have sex with me,
我拒绝了 and I said no.
我也是认真的 And I'm being serious.
加尔要来了[加尔是奥普拉·温弗瑞的中间名] Gail's coming.
她当时就在这儿 She was here!
满口关于性爱的主播暗语 And she was doing all this weird sexy news jargon.
她坐在那儿 肉浪翻滚下身空挡 She was sitting in for panties and her boobs were on location.
我说的是实话 I'm telling the truth.
亲爱的 是因为我对詹姆斯·弗朗哥的性幻想吗 Honey, is this because I was fantasizing about James Franco?
不 是真的发生了 No, it really happened.
如果你要我相信你的故事 我会的 If you need me to believe you on this, I will,
但我要你知道 不必担心什么詹姆斯·弗朗哥 But I want you to know you don't have to worry about James Franco.
不需要吗 I don't?
不 No.
是因为 你猜猜我的榜首是谁 Because you know who's the real number one on my list?
赏金猎人道格 Dog the bounty hunter.
赏金猎人道格： 一猥琐汗毛纷飞的真人秀明星兼夏威夷赏金猎人
不是 No.
他才排第四 He's number four.
是你 榜首就是你 It's you. You're my number one.
真的吗 Ooh, really?
-是的 -你也是我的榜首哦 - Yeah. - You're my number one too.
我们上楼去尽享春光吧 Let's go upstairs and fool around,
因为我感觉到 一股温暖的热流 'cause I can sense a warm front moving in
向下体流淌 to my pants.
我说不来 I can't really do the voice.
你这是在干吗 What the heck was that supposed to be?
我想扮主播来着 性感的小声音 I was trying to do the reporter, make it sexy.
等会到楼上再试试运气咯 Oh, well, you can try it again upstairs.
你有什么计划吗 So what are you gonna do
在当选了业主委员会主席之后 now that you are the president of the Homeowners' Association?
跟其他的主席一样呗 Same as every other president does.
所有责任都推卸给上一任 Blame the last guy.
祝选区人民好运 Good luck.
哟喂 罗斯玛丽·潘沃斯 Ooh, Rosemary Pernworth.
我是艾德·古德森医生 I'm Dr. Ed Goodson,
兼任弗林瑞志业主协会主席 President of the Fleetridge Homeowners' Association.
我知道你是怎么想的 Look, I know that you think
无非是游行巡视和达官显贵 it's gonna be nothing but parades and dignitaries,
但既然当上这个主席 but there's a lot of really hard work
还有很多工作要做 that goes into that title.
你要组织起邻里巡视队 You have to organize the neighborhood watch,
还要把狗的粪袋扔到公园去 and you have to put the doggy bags in the park.
作为副主席 and as acting vice president,
我不允许你 I am not gonna allow you to--
我还是要在你下面工作的 I'm still gonna be working under you.
不是待在你下面 I mean, not underneath you.
玉米的事情我们还是要谈谈 And we still have to talk about the corn,
因为这牵扯到很多问题 because there's a lot of issues that have come up,
我不会让 and I'm not gonna--
当主席最好玩了 It's good to be prez.