动作麻利点儿 Morty Hurry up, morty.
外公马上就要解冻时间了 Grandpa's about to un-freeze time.
应该从上往下顺着清理 You really should be cleaning from top to bottom.
我知道怎么用吸尘器清理爸妈好吧 Summer I know how to vacuum mom and dad, Summer.
这活儿我都做了六个月了 I've been doing it for six months.
那就说明你这六个月做的都是错的 Then you've been doing it wrong for six months.
那是发霉了吗 Oh, my god, is that mildew?
又不是我要在这么潮的天冻结时间的 It's not my fault we froze time on a humid day.
瞧瞧你这事儿砸的 You have dropped so many balls, man.
你就不担心 Do you ever get scared grandpa rick
我会成为Rick外公的新宠吗 Might make me his new sidekick?
什么样的人有你这样丑恶的嘴脸 What?! What kind of monster are you?
比你更称职的人呗 A competent one.
你俩瞎扯些什么 Who cares about the things you guys are talking about?
停止时间就是要你们少管些[哔]事儿 The whole point of freezing time was to stop giving a [bleep]
给你那蠢爹套上件儿衣服 Put a shirt on your dumb dad,
让这蠢地方重新动起来吧 And let's get this dumb universe rolling.
走起 Let's do this thing.
你俩听着 All right, listen, you two.
咱们冻结了挺久的时间 We froze time for a pretty long time,
虽然解冻以后 So when I un-freeze it,
不会对世界的时间产生影响 The world's time is gonna be fine,
但是咱们的时间需要花时间 But our time's gonna need a little time
稳定下来 To, you know, stabilize.
我们的时间会变得不稳定 Our time is gonna be unstable?
这话什么意思 What does that even mean?
意思就是放松 别耸 It means relax and stop being a pussy, Morty.
我还以为这点道理你们也该懂了 Uh, I thought you learned that by now.
以及 千万不要和你们爸妈有肢体接触 It also means don't touch your parents,
不然我们可能会碎成无数的理论裂片 Or we could shatter into countless theoretical shards.
- 等等你说什么 - 现在我们走起 - Wait a minute, what? - And away we go!
我们是不是忘了给Benson先生在地上铺气垫了 Um... did we ever put that mattress under Mr.Benson?
-嘘 - 嘘 Morty - Shhh. - Shush, Morty.
好好教教你们 等等 怎么 ...A thing or two about... wait, what?
这房子 我们停车的时候 Was the house...? When we pulled up,
这房子看着明明都废了 I could have sworn the house was completely trashed.
是你消极的想象 Jerry Negative visualization, Jerry.
可以很好地解释你消极的存在 Explains a lot about where you're at.
- 嗨亲爱的 - 嗨爸爸 - Hi, sweetie. - Hi, dad.
Summer Morty 你们还好吗 Summer, morty, are you okay?
我们只是很想念你们 We, we just missed you a lot.
没错 想死你们了 Yeah, we missed you so much.
思念之深 拥抱一下都不再能 Too much to hug you, though.
没错 抱一下可是真的会死人 Yeah, it would literally destroy them.
嘿 不不不不如 Now, listen, why don't why don't wh-why don't
不如你们去吃个圣代冰激凌 Why don't you guys go get a free sunday ice cream?
出去吃点冰激凌 Get out there and get some ice creams.
这是500美元现金 Here's $500 cash in unmarked monies.
我现在放在地上 I'm just gonna put it on the floor
给你踢过去 And kick it on over to ya.
- 你俩爽去吧 - 你最好别是在贿赂我 - You guys go nuts. - This better not be a bribe.
如果我发现房子里有一丁点儿不对的地方 If I find a single thing out of place in this house,
我再爱吃冰激凌也没用 My love of ice cream won't save you.
我去拿我的外套 I'll get my jacket.
亲爱的 你的上衣是不是穿反了 Sweetie, is your shirt on backwards?
没错 我就喜欢这么穿 Yeah. I like it this way.
你当我傻 I'm not stupid.
- 呼 - 噢 - Phew! - Oh.
这哥们儿 也真是 Man, that guy is the Redgren Grumbholdt
不懂装懂届的慕容不输 Of pretending he knows what's going on.
- 你们也这么觉得 - 真逗 - oh, you agree, huh? - it's funny.
还挺喜欢这个梗的哈 You like that redgren grumbholdt reference?
这人是我编的 Yeah. Well, guess what? I made him up.
你们真不愧是你们老爹的娃 You really are your father's children.
学会自己动动脑子 别当墙头草 Think for yourselves. Don't be sheep.
瑞克与莫蒂
第二季 第一集
老天 感觉真糟 God, I feel terrible.
没错 领会到 Yep, it really makes you appreciate
世事无常了吧 How fickle the universe can be.
前一秒 你从屋顶上摔下来摔了六个月 One minute you're falling off a roof for six months,
下一秒 啪叽 The next minute, bam!
澄清一下 放气垫是 Uh, just to be clear, it was Summer's job
Summer的活儿 To put the mattress under
拜托 那是你的活儿 Morty Uh, what? It was your job, Morty.
- 乱说 - 明明就是 - Nuh-uh! - yuh-huh!
不好意思Summer Actually, sorry, Summer.
这次我站莫兄这边 I got to back the "M" Bomb on this one.
那次咋说的我还记得 I remember the conversation.
Morty负责把银行的钱换成饼干 We told morty to replace all the bank's money with cookies.
你负责把气垫放在Benson先生楼下 Your job was to put the mattress under mr. Benson.
哈 傻眼了吧Summer Boom! In your face, summer!
瞧你这事儿砸的 You really dropped the ball, man.
闭嘴 你这小肚鸡肠的逼崽子 Shut up, Morty, you vindictive little turd!
你闭嘴 你个大母王八 You shut up, you big female asshole!
别推我 Hey, don't shove me!
- 我没有 - 什么你没有 - I didn't! - You didn't what?
- 你什么毛病 - 你又是什么毛病 - What's your problem? - What's yours?
- 闭嘴 - 你才闭嘴 - Shut up! - You shut up!
嗷 噢 -wh-whoa, whoa!
搞什么鬼鬼鬼鬼鬼 What the hell, hell, hell, hell, hell?
你们搞什么 Oh, god. Oh, no. What did you guys just do?
你说谁 What did who do?
什么意思 what do you mean?
等等 我在说什么 Wait, what am I saying?
刚才是不是有谁有什么不确定的事儿 Were either of you guys uncertain about anything just now?
天 我感觉好难受 Oh, man, I don't feel good.
我还是我吗 Am I me?
我在说话吗 Am I talking right now?
应该是吧 I think so.
谁在说话 Wait, who said that?
你们俩听好 先别动 All right, both of you just don't move.
别说话 也别瞎想 我去检查检查 Don't speak, don't think. I have to check something.
- 你干了啥 Morty - 我要去帮外公的忙 - What'd you do, Morty? - I'm gonna help grandpa.
- 我去看看他要不要帮忙 - 你说要去帮忙是什么意思 - I'll see if he needs help. - What do you mean you're gonna help him?
我也能帮得上啊 I can help, too.
- 怎么了 外公 - 发生什么了 Rick - What's happening, grandpa? - What's going on, Rick?
闭闭闭嘴 Sh-sh-shut up.
妈的 开什么玩笑 两个点 Oh, crap, are you kidding me? Two dots?
就不该多于一个点的 This never needs to be more than one dot.
你俩把我们搞得"不确定"了 The two of you made us uncertain!
- 你在说啥 - 什么意思 - What are you talking about? - What's that mean?
- 说人话好吗 - 说人话 - English, please. - English?
我们的时间分裂了 Our time is fractured.
你们俩不知怎么弄出了一个不确定性的反馈环 You two somehow created a feedback loop of uncertainty
我们的现实被劈成了两个具有同等可能性的不可能现实 that split our reality into two equally possible impossibilities.
就好比一个男的 能够保持 W-we're exactly like a man capable of sustaining
和漂亮女同事的纯洁友谊一样 A platonic friendship with an attractive female co-worker.
我们现在存在于理论上 We're entirely hypothetical.
可是我以为时间线是无限多的啊 But I thought there were infinite time lines?
我们不属于任何一条时间线 傻子 We're not on any time line, dummy.
瞧瞧 Look.
我个天 Oh, my god!
那些是猫吗 Are those cats?
应该是薛定谔的猫 I assume they're Schroedinger's cats.
或者应该说既"是"又"不是" Or, actually, I assume they both are and aren't,
就像我们一样 just like us.
- 世界消失了吗 - 世界消失了吗 - Is the world gone? - Is the world gone?
- 爸妈在哪儿 - 那爸妈呢 - Where are mom and dad? - What about mom and dad?
爸妈 这个节骨眼别想着家里人了 Mom and dad? Get your head out of your family's ass.
我们掉进了时间被湮没的空无里 The three of us are lost in a timeless oblivion.
你们的爹妈好好地存在着 Your parents get to exist.
这天过完说不定又给他们的[哔]婚姻 They're probably living it up in some pointless,
添上一条烂俗轶事呢 Grounded story about their [bleep] marriage.
酷圣石的冰激凌最好吃了 Cold stone creamery is the best.
还剩下二十块钱 该怎么花呢 What should we do with our remaining $20?
你知道不管给多少小费他们都会唱歌的吧 You realize they sing no matter how much you tip?
- 哇 - 啊 - whoa! - aaah!
我[哔] Holy [bleep]
- 怎么了 - 我撞倒了一头鹿 - What happened? - I hit a deer.
我们得跟警察说是你在开车 We we have to tell the cops you were driving.
- 啥 - 这是朗姆酒葡萄干味的 - What? - This is rum raisin!
它还活着 It's still alive.
那么 我们 我要不要 找块儿大石头来 Well, do we, do I, uh, get, uh, a big rock, or...?
这又不是犰狳 混蛋 It's not an armadillo, asshole.
这种情况下男人不就得说这话嘛 I thought that's what a man's supposed to say.
我又不会当真干得出来 It's not like I could've actually done it.
要是周围有医院 我说不定能做点什么 If we were near a hospital, I could treat it,
不过看来我们只好 But I... I think we have to just...
没关系的 你别过意不去了 It's okay. This is just something that happens.
我们就算在医院又能干什么 And even if we were in a hospital, what could we do?
你是医马的 也不会给这鹿开刀 You're a horse surgeon, not a deer surgeon.
什么意思 So...?
别跟我讲到底有什么区别 Well, don't different animals...
你这是在质疑我行医的水准吗 Require different levels of skill to keep alive?
- 天啦 - Jerry 给我把鹿抬进车里 - Oh, god. - Get the deer in the car, Jerry.
好 Yes, Beth.
这就是不能随便冻结时间的原因 This is why you don't freeze time, you guys.
这种事是非常不负责任的 It's incredibly irresponsible.
你冻结时间就为了开完派对打扫房子 And you did it so we could clean the house after a party?
Morty 没时间把责任推给我了 Look, there's no time to hold me accountable, morty.
是真的"没有时间"了 你自己看看 Like, literally no time. Look around.
不确定性本质上就是极度不稳定的 Uncertainty is inherently unsustainable.
到最后 一切都会坍缩成"是"或"非" Eventually, everything either is or isn't.
我们得在四个小时内让自己变成"是" And we've got about four hours to be "Is."
- 否则呢 - 就会变成"非" - or...? - we isn't.
好了 因为这颗时间水晶存在于两个"可能"的现实里 All right, since this time crystal exists in both possibilities,
而我"不可能"搞砸 And since it's impossible that I didn't nail this,
我应该会同时在两个可能世界中 I'm probably about to press this button in both possibilities
按下这一个按钮 at exactly the same time.
- 你怎么知道 - 你怎么知道你 - how do you know - how do you know that
不管你们想问什么 答案都是因为我牛逼 Whatever you are asking me, the answer is I'm amazing.
现在我们 走起 And away we go.
哟呵 这不挺管用的吗 Huh, what do you know. It's working.
- 嗷嗷嗷 - [哔]的 - ow, ow, ow! - oh
你们两个搞什么 What the hell is wrong with you two?
应应该说你们四个 I-I-I-I mean you four!
- 好疼 - 刚才好疼 - That hurt! - That was painful.
活该 疼就对了 Good, I'm glad it was painful. You deserve it.
我刚才看到了 你们被扯得乱七八糟的 I saw you. Y-you're both all over the damn place.
我们就分裂了二十分钟 We've been split for 20 minutes
你们就已经快要在[哔]的量子流里碎成渣渣了 and your lives are already scattered to the quantum [bleep] wind?
你们到底有什么事儿还不确定的 What the hell do either of you two have to be so uncertain about?
该用哪个牌子的祛痘霜吗 Your brand of zit cream?
没想好在我忙着的时候 自己闲坐在哪张椅子上吗 Which chair to sit in while I do everything?
倒是快点说啊 Come on, spit it out!
你也没让帮上什么忙好吗 Rick Well, you don't exactly make it easy, rick.
你总是取笑我 You make fun of me all the time
你总是挑我的刺 You're always picking on me
现在Summer也变得和你一个德行了 and now summer's doing it.
现在又有Summer在一边拍你的马屁 and now you got summer to kiss your ass.
你还说我 你看看你自己吧 Me?! What about you?
还不就是因为嫉妒我 You're just as mean to me because you're jealous
看我搞砸你就开心了是不是 Could you get more excited to see me fail?
你就想一个人霸着外公 Because you want grandpa all to yourself!
得了得了 冷静点 我知道怎么回事儿了 All right, all right, cool it. I see what's happening here.
你俩都年少无知 You're both young, you're both unsure
不知道自己在宇宙中的位置 About your place in the universe,
都想当外公的掌上明珠 And you both want to be grandpa's favorite.
那就好办了 Morty 你坐这里 I can fix this. Morty, sit here.
Summer 你坐这里 听好了 Summer, you sit here. Now, listen.
我知道你们俩 I know the two of you are very different
在各个方面都很不同 From each other in a lot of ways,
不过你们得明白 But you have to understand
在外公的眼里 That as far as grandpa's concerned,
你俩屁都不是 You're both pces of shit. Yeah.
我可以用数学方法证明给你们看 I can prove it mathematically.
这样 让让让我把白板拿过来 Actually, l-l-let me grab my white board.
反正也忍你们好久了 This has been a long time coming, anyway.
有紧急情况 有一头受伤的鹿 Emergency! Wounded deer coming in.
三 -three.
抱歉 您不能进来 Excuse me, you can't be back here.
我是有行医执照的马外科医生 I'm a certified horse surgeon,
我需要立刻对这头鹿进行治疗 And this deer needs medical attention.
- 护士 请把那条蛇移开 - 这是我的护士 - nurse, please move that snake. - that's mynurse.
你作为一个马外科医生肯定非常清楚 And as a horse surgeon, I'm sure that you know
鹿的器官比马的更小更复杂 That deer have much smaller, much more intricate organs.
你作为一个兽医 一定非常清楚鹿和马的差距 As a vet, I'm sure you know that a deer
不会比你跟货真价实的医生的差距大 Is closer to a horse than you are to a doctor.
有闲工夫在这里撕逼扯屌 So let's save the measuring for when our dicks are out.
- 还不如拿来救命 - 哎哟 - it's time to save a life! - geez.
奇怪 这鹿已经受伤了 That's odd. This deer's wounded.
是啊 我当时在呢 你不用老跟我强调吧 Uh, yeah, I was there. You don't have to rub it in.
我是说被枪打伤了 I mean it's been shot with a gun.
我的枪 My gun.
有什么能帮您的吗 先生 May I help you,sir?
没有 你们也没什么能帮这头鹿的了 No, but you can stop helping this deer.
那鹿在被他们撞倒前就被我打中了 I shot it before these two hit it with their car,
我在他们把鹿拖走的时候跟了上来 And I followed them when they hauled it off.
这头鹿是我的 This deer belongs to me.
我没时间管这些 We don't have time for this, okay?
给我麻醉药和鹿用盐水 I need anaesthetic and deer saline.
听着 我不知道法律具体是怎么规定的 Look, I don't know what the law says about this,
但我曾立誓不让任何动物受到伤害 But I took an oath that I would let no animal come to harm.
除了阉割流产安乐死 Except when sterilizing, aborting, or euthanizing them,
以及几乎每顿饭都吃 Or also when eating them at also any meal.
我要给我的律师打电话 I'm calling my lawyer.
看在大家的份上 I hope for all our sakes
我只希望你的医术和我打猎的技术一样烂 you're as bad a surgeon as I am a hunter.
做你的美梦吧 傻逼 手术刀给我 In your dreams, bitch. Scalpel.
总而言之 你俩都是一样的性情多变 So, in conclusion, you're both equally mercurial,
还都太敏感 又粘人 Overly sensitive, clingy,
脾气暴躁 脑容量小得跟鸟一样的矮冬瓜 Hysterical, bird-brained homunculi.
我很多时候真分不出你们俩有啥区别 And I honestly can't even tell the two of you apart half the time
因为我区分人不看身高年龄 Because I don't go by height or age,
我区分人只看他们有多让我闹心 I go by amount of pain in my ass,
所以你们俩是一模一样的 Which makes you both identical.
这下都结了吧 All right, everything resolved?
大家都确定自己在我世界里的地位了吗 Everybody nice and certain about their position in my world.
是的 Yes.
那就棒极了 坐稳了 All right, perfect. Sit still.
胳膊放下 我再来一次 Arms down. I'm gonna do this again.
这一次 要跟外公一样 This time be like grandpa.
一样醉吗 You mean drunk?
什么 你有意见 What's that? You got something to say?
- 没 - 我们走着 - no. - and away we go!
我们走着 And away we go!
真奇怪 huh, that's weird.
- 靠 - 怎么了 - oh, my god. - what?
- 这王八蛋要杀了我 - 啊 - The son of a bitch is gonna kill me! - What?!
没人性的反社会疯子 Diabolical, unfeeling sociopath.
- 你还不明白吗 - 你还不明白吗 - don't you get it?! - don't you get it?!
另一个Rick不想再聚合两个可能现实了 The other rick isn't trying to merge us anymore.
他觉得他能用这水晶 He thinks he can save his own skin
来杀了我自保 By using the crystal to kill me.
他应该发现了 比起聚合 He probably figures it's easier
直接消灭掉另一种可能更简单 To eliminate one of the possibilities rather than merge them.
呵呵呵 不得不承认 I have to admit,
这种想法我也隐隐有过 It was always in the back of my mind, too.
区别在于我不会真那么做 现在就不一样了 The difference is I would never do it, until now.
- Rick 你这是在搞什么 - 救我们的命 - Rick, what the hell are you doing? - Saving our lives!
他把我除掉之后 你们也跑不掉 After he takes me out, he's, he's gonna be coming for you.
- 谁 - 我 - who? - me!
啊 aah!
看见了 趴下 You see that? Get down!
- 我说了他是个疯子 - 他已经疯了 - I told you, he's a psycho. - He's lost it!
一定是时间的碎裂让他疯掉了 Th-th-th-the time fracture must have made him crazy!
- 我不知道怎么办 - 妈呀 - I don't know what to do! - oh, crap!
我不知道该怎么办 I don't know what to do!
现在他们有三个人了 Oh, god, now there's three of them.
我们寡不敌众 躲进壁橱里 We're outnumbered. Get in the cupboards.
慢着 别真的进去 Wait, don't don't do that.
他们会知道的 等等 They'll know. Wait, wait.
心里想着躲进壁橱但别真那么做 Think about getting in the cupboards, but don't really.
这就是你想要的吗 你个变态的[哔] Is this what you want, you sick [bleep]?!
你想弄死你的孩子吗 You want to see children die?!
混蛋 You son of a bitch.
你不能死 我说你死你才能死 You don't stop living until I say so!
Micheal Michael.
- 这又是谁 - 我的律师 - Who's this now? - My lawyer.
我来告知您 女士 在这个县 I'm here to notify you, ma'am, that in this county,
任何被猎人打中的鹿 Any deer shot by a hunter
都是该猎人的财产 无论它跑了多远 Is that hunter's property regardless of how far it runs
或者谁在其死亡之前将它截走 Or who intercepts it before it dies.
这叫布莱德法 It's called Brad's law.
我们不能阻止你做这个手术 We can't make you stop the surgery,
但是你只是在给鹿肉做手术罢了 But at this point, you're performing it on venison.
其实我已经决定不吃它了 Actually, I've decided not to eat it.
所有这些恐惧与冲突 All this fear and conflict
肯定已经毁掉它的肉了 I'm sure it's ruined the meat.
我拿回去把头挂在娱乐室墙上好了 I'm just gonna use the head for my rec-room wall.
她一般只给马做手术 She normally works on horses.
Jerry 如果你不帮忙 就[哔]滚蛋 Jerry, if you're not gonna help, get the [bleep] out of here.
老娘会追到天堂 I will reach into heaven
把你尖叫的灵魂抓回来 And yank your screaming deer soul back!
老天爷 Jesus.
嘘 Shh, shh!
我知道你在哪儿 你个老变态 I know where you are, you creepy old monster.
我知道你是怎么想的 I know how you think.
哦 你觉得我会往这里走吗 Oh, is there where you think I'm going?
你觉得我站在这呢 You think I'm standing here?
你说不定猜对了 Well, maybe you're right.
我[哔] 现在怎么办 Holy [bleep]. Now what?
如果所有的我把Rick全打晕了 Well, if all of me knocked out all the Ricks,
所有的你都尿裤子了 And you peed in all of your pants,
不就意味着我们又都同步了吗 Doesn't that mean that we're all synchronized?
- 没错 - 好 - Right. - Okay.
好 那从现在开始 无论我们做什么都一定得确定 So, from now on, whatever we do, we have to be certain.
对 Right.
我很确定我们真是完了蛋了 I think I'm certain we're effed in the "A."(fucked in the ass)
我的头 Oh, god, my head.
你们干了什么 What did you guys do?
我们把你关在狗笼子里 因为你刚才简直是疯了 We put you in a dog crate because you were acting crazy
你造成了第二次时间分裂 And you caused another time fracture.
你想杀了自己 You tried to kill yourself.
我只是自卫 O-only in self-defense.
是我自己先想杀了我 Myself tried to kill me first.
我也没指望你们能懂 Guys, I don't expect you to understand this,
但是时间分裂两次意味着 But time breaking twice means our problem is
我们有两倍的麻烦 但是只有一半的时间解决 Two times bigger and we've got half as much time to solve it.
哎其实 你们确实该懂的 Well, actually, I do expect you to understand that.
基础数学而已 你们谁能把我放出来吗 It's basic math. C-can somebody just let me out of here?
如果死在笼子里 我有个赌就输了 If I die in a cage, I lose a bet.
你能证明你已经不会 Well, is there some way you can prove
威胁到你自己或者别人的安全了吗 You're not a threat to yourself and others anymore?
我的天 这样 Oh, for god's sake. All right, here.
- 把时间水晶给我 - 你要干嘛 - Give me the time crystal. - Wh-what are you doing?
给我自己打电话 听着 Calling myself. Here, listen.
应该会转到语音信箱 It'll probably go to voicemail
因为我正给自己打电话呢 Since, you know, I'm calling myself.
嗨 我是Rick Hello, Rick here.
别信 逗人玩儿的 Don't fall for it. It's a bit.
哈哈 开玩笑的 Just kidding! Ha, ha!
你被整了 You just got ricked.
这是Rick的语音信箱 You've reached Rick's voicemail.
你知道怎么办 You know what to do.
嘿Rick 我是Rick Hey, Rick. It's Rick.
之前不好意思 别放心上 Listen, I'm sorry about earlier. No hard feelings.
我知道你懂我是认真的 别太在意 I know you know I mean it, too. Take it easy.
看啊 好吃惊啊 Whoa, damn! Look at this.
三个新留言 I'm blowing up three new voicemails.
嘿Rick 我是Rick Hey, Rick. It's Rick.
之前不好意思 Listen, I'm sorry about earlier.
行行行 听过了 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard this one.
嘿Rick 我是Rick Hey, rick. It's rick.
- 嘿Rick - 懂这个意思就行 - Hey, rick, it's - you get the idea.
我们没事儿了 W-we're cool now.
那好吧 但是我们还是不能放你出来 Okay, well, we're still not gonna let you out of this crate.
随便吧 那我自己出来 Fine. I'll just do it myself.
你既然能自己出来为什么一直待在里面 If you could get out that whole time, why didn't you?
因为我得我必须确定 Because I waited until I was certain
我想这么做 It was what I wanted to do, Morty.
这就是咱俩的差距 That's the difference between you and me.
我很确定 I'm certain,
而你就是个会走路的麻袋 里面全是屎 and you're a walking burlap sack filled with turds.
天啊Rick You know, geez, Rick!
你这话也太过分了 Y-y-you're really tearing into me right now.
言语也是能伤人的 You know, words hurt.
- 天啊 - 怪物 - Holy! - A monster!
别瞎叫了 Hey, you, hey, quit yelling.
别叫了 我[哔] Quit yelling. What the [bleep]
你们这儿的时间都被扯个稀巴烂了 Your time is all ripped up to hell!
你们把时间打碎了 还是两次 You broke your time twice.
怎么搞成这样的 How did this happen?
算了 都[哔]闭嘴 Nevermind. Shut the [bleep] up. Oh, damn.
我是从四次元来的 I'm from the fourth dimension.
你们我全都能听见 I can hear all of y'all.
我们先看看这是什么情况 Now let's just see what we got here for a second.
我靠 Hey, damn it.
你不会是想用这个东西 Were you trying to use this to
你弄裂了时间 然后你以为 Oh, see, you broke time, and you thought you could
你用这玩意儿就能把时间拼回去 Just stick it back together with this?
要怎么移动时间 How you think you gonna move time
当你就在时间之中呢 While you're standing in it,
三次元的蠢猴子傻缺 You dumbass three-dimensional monkey-ass dummies?
你瞧你 Rick Oh, way to go, Rick.
是啊外公 你瞧瞧人家 Yeah, grandpa, way to go.
怎么 你们现在就打算听这个家伙的了 What, you're just gonna listen to this guy now?
他的脑袋是个大睾丸 He's got a giant testicle for a head.
一个泡泡把他送来的 He came here in a bubble.
搞不好他是 For all we know, he could be
卵袋国的David Berkowitz The David Berkowitz of nutsackland.
闭嘴 戴上这个 Shut up. Here, put these on.
这能把你们的现实同步起来 They'll sync your possibilities up
这样我就能把你们带回一个确定的时间了 So I can bring you back to certain time.
你们这群没心眼的 Y'all are just just just negligent.
看这儿 See, now now look right here.
嘿嘿嘿 你们三个 把项圈戴上 Hey, hey, hey, the three of you, put your collars on.
- 我们戴上了啊 - 你在说什么 - We have them on. - What are you talking about?
- 戴着呢 - 我们不戴项圈 - Uh, we did. - We're not wearing collars.
没错 跟倔驴似的 Exactly. 'cause you're being obstinate.
什么 What?
想活命就快他妈把项圈戴上 Put the damn collars on if you want to live.
- 我们戴着呢 - 戴了啊 - They're on right now. - We did. They're on.
好吧 Summer Morty 把项圈戴上 All right, fine. Summer, Morty, put them on.
- 我们回来了 - 猫都没啦 - Yes, we're back! - No more cats!
- 我们回到确定的时间了 - 都解决啦 - We're back in certain time. - Problem solved.
- 猫没了 - 成功了 - No more cats! - Oh, you did it!
- 你给搞定啦 - 没错 - You fixed it. - Yeah, I did.
好好戴着这些项圈 Now keep those collars on so you
免得你们把你们的弱逼时间又弄裂了 Don't break your weak-ass time again.
这些东西我们具体还要戴多久 How long, exactly, do we have to wear these things?
戴着这东西挺尴尬的 They're really embarrassing.
鉴于你们要滚进时间监狱了 Well, since you're going to time prison,
那应该是要永远戴着了 I'd say you can keep them on forever.
- 时间监狱 - 没错 - Time prison? - Yeah.
我不知道你以为 我会觉得 Well, I don't know where you expect me to think
你是怎么搞到这块水晶的 You got that crystal over there,
但是你们这些蠢驴中的蠢驴里的驴 But the only way your dumbass assin' ass asses
唯一能搞来一块儿的解释就是偷来的 Could ever have on is if it was stolen.
你从睾丸怪那里偷了一块能冻结时间的水晶 You stole a time-freezing crystal from testicle monsters?!
要是能买我也乐意花钱啊 I would've been happy to pay for it, S-summer,
但你以为超市里就能买到吗 But they don't exactly sell them at Costco.
再说 这里还有更重要的经验教训 抓住他 Besides, there's a larger lesson to be learned here. Get him!
嘿 嘿 嘿 退后点 No, no, no, no! You better keep back!
这东西三十码外就能把你的屁股 Man, this will turn your ass
变成一个怀胎三月的胎儿 Into a third-trimester fetus from 30 yards.
哼 Mm.
哪儿不该有只猫咪等着你去做美甲的吗 Isn't there a kitten somewhere that needs a manicure?
没错 Smith太太 屈从于你的愤怒吧 That's right, mrs. Smith. Give in to your anger.
别管这头鹿了 Neglect that deer.
亲爱的 没事啦 Honey, it's gonna be okay.
这些人是麋鹿 驼鹿 梅花鹿 These men are from the cervine institute
及雄鹿 鹿科动物机构的 of elk, moose, deer, and stag.
他们能把这只小鹿带上直升机 They can take this deer to a helicopter
送去全国顶级的鹿科动物医生 And fly it to the country's top deer surgeon
是在跨州的野生动物保护区 On a wildlife reserve across the state border.
超出你的权限范围了 Where your jurisdiction ends.
看来这就结束了 I guess that's the end of that.
还有一件事 There is just one more thing.
根据本国的兽医条例 According to this state's veterinarian statute,
要转移这只动物 This animal can't be transferred
必须要当前治疗的医师 Until the current attending physician
口头确认他们无法 Verbally confirms their inability
提供所需的救治 To provide adequate care.
听到没 医马的 You heard the man, horse doctor.
你必须得说 你搞不定 You have to say you couldn't hack it.
我们做到啦 We did it!
嗯哼 不是 妈妈 是地球 Uh-huh. No, mother no. Earth, dude.
不是 我说的是 对对 有恐龙的那个 No, I'm talking about... yeah, with the dinosaurs.
不 海豚人又要隔很久了 No, if you get to the dolphin people, you gone too far.
好 我晚点再跟你说 All right, man, I'll talk to you later. Okay.
知道三次元生物在时间监狱是什么下场吗 You know what they do to third-dimensional life forms in time prison?
和其他所有监狱一样 只不过是一直到永远 Same thing they do in every other prison, only forever.
你为什么要这样 Why are you doing this?
你以为我想一辈子都当一个全知不朽 You think I want to be an omniscient immortal being
超越时空的存在啊 Transcending time and space my whole life?
我也有梦 I got ambitions, man.
把你们送进去只是我升迁的敲门砖 Bringing you guys in is my ticket up.
那要是我说你背后就有 What if I told you there's a huge ticket
一巨大的敲门砖呢 Up right behind you?
你真以为我这么蠢 You really think I'm that stupid?
你听我说啊 All right, hear me out on this.
你是不朽的 也就是说你的生命是无限的 You're immortal, right, which means your life is infinite.
也就是说 你做任何一件事情的概率 Okay, well, then that means there's a 100% chance
最终都会是百分之百 That you'll eventually do everything,
包括转过身去看看背后 Including turning around to look behind you.
这我没法反驳 I cannot argue that.
啊 -aaah!
天啊 好恶心好诡异 oh, god, gross and weird!
Chris Chris!
你杀了我的枪 You killed my gun!
Summer Morty 摘掉你们的项圈 Summer, Morty, take off your collars.
你们干嘛 What? What the hell are you doing?
问得好 答案是 我不确定 Good question. I suppose the answer is I'm not certain.
你在干什么 Oh, no, what are you doing?
- 我也不知道 - 我不确定 - I have no idea. - I'm not sure.
快停下 Stop it!
可能我会停 可能不会 Maybe I will, maybe I won't.
对什么我都不能确定 I'm really uncertain about everything,
包括要不要揍你 Even kicking your ass.
听 嘿 啊 List- hey! Tw ow!
这些手臂只是退化不完全的残留 But the these arms are vestigial!
你戳的地方六百万年前 Now, you poked me where an eye would've been
就已经不再有眼睛了 About 6 million years ago.
我们来帮外公 Come on, let's help grandpa.
我对一切都是百分之百的不确定 Yes! I'm 100% not sure about anything!
没错 完全不确定 Yeah, totally uncertain.
揍他 揍死他 Beat his ass! Get him! Beat him up!
- 揍死他 Rick - 死吧 傻[哔] - kick his ass, Rick! - Die, mother[bleep]！
我被打败了 Ow! I'm defeated.
- 怎么了 - 时间在崩塌 - What's happening? - Time is falling apart.
我们必须回到确定的时间 We've got to get back to certainty quick.
把你们的项圈给我 Give me your collars.
你不是得要修好差不多三十个项圈吧 Oh, man. Don't you have to fix, like, 30 of them?
Morty 我只用修好三个 Morty, I have to fix three of them.
还有其他三十一个我 And then there's 31 other versions of me
他们也要修三个 一共是九十六 That have to also fix three, for a total of 96.
我不傻 我很果断的 I'm not an idiot. I know how to be decisive.
把扁头的螺丝刀递给我 Now hand me that flat-head screwdriver.
- 算了还是扁头的吧 - 算了还是十字的吧 - Actually, make it a flat-head. - Actually, make it a phillips.
妈的 Oh, shit.
我知道我今天有点不是很让你顺心 Look, I know I was kind of a nuisance today.
我知道撞到那头鹿是我的错 I know it's my fault we hit the deer.
我也知道你想要救它 And I know you wanted to be the one to save it.
没所谓了 Whatever.
我是多心胸狭窄 才会把一条生命 How petty would I have to be to care less
看得还不如我的自尊心重要 About an animal's life than my own ego?
那你得非常心胸狭窄才行 Well, you'd have to be pretty petty.
但你还是我的老婆啊 But you'd still be the woman I married.
我们这是在往哪儿开 where are we going?
最后一站 One last stop.
直升机在哪儿 Where's the helicopter?
没有直升机 There is no helicopter.
也没有鹿科动物机构 And there is no cervine institute.
那顶级鹿科动物医生 But the top deer surgeon...
就在我面前 I'm looking at her.
谢谢你给我这么高的地位 Thanks for teeing me up like that.
你们最好赶快 You better get moving.
这些灯光本来是做基本的冰激凌准备的 These lights are designed for basic ice-cream work.
撑不了一夜 They're not gonna last all night.
给我五分钟 I need five minutes.
Jerry 这真是我经历过最浪漫的周末了 Jerry, this was the most romantic weekend I've ever had.
多谢酷圣石 Thanks to cold stone creamery.
不用谢 You're welcome.
好了 项圈修好了 快戴上 Okay, collars are done. Put them on.
没有时间了 听着很讽刺是吧 We're out of time. It's ironic, huh?
啊 怎么回事 Huh? Wait a minute.
- 真棒 - Rick - Great. - Rick!
怎么回事 What's going on?
项圈的扣环坏掉了 The collar. Oh, the latch is broken.
我没法戴在脖子上扣好 It won't latch closed around my neck.
- 你开什么玩笑 - 怎么回事 - Oh, are you kidding me? - Geez, what's going on?
我们的项圈怎么没有亮绿灯 How come our collars aren't green?
显然是有人连戴项圈都不会 Obviously because someone doesn't know how to put
而有一个我想要帮他 His collar on, and one of me is stuck trying to help him.
别怪在我身上 连个扣环都修不好的人是你 Don't blame this on me. You're the one that couldn't fix a latch.
你在说什么 这没坏 Morty What are you talking about? It's not broken, Morty.
我已经修好了 戴上就是了 I fixed it. Just put it on.
合不上 这坏了 It won't close. It's broken.
拿过来 Fine, bring it here.
噢 Oh!
- Rick - Morty - Rick! - Morty!
哦是吗 Morty 不好意思 Oh, really, Morty? Well, I'm sorry.
对一切感觉那么不确定的人可不是我 I'm not the one who's so [bleep] uncertain about everything.
知道我很确定的一件事是什么吗 Rick You know what I'm certain of, Rick?
这件事我很确定 I've really made up my mind about this.
我再也不想见到你了 I never want to see you again!
你什么东西都再也别想见到了 傻瓜 You're never gonna see anything again, you little dummy!
你把我们害死了 You killed us!
该死的 God damn it.
Rick 噢 Rick! Oh!
Morty 你的项圈在哪儿 拿给我修 Morty, where's your collar? I'll fix it.
我弄丢了 I dropped it.
什么 你对我做了什么 Morty What the hell? What have you done to me, Morty?
我没关系的 你好好的 Morty I'm okay with this. Be good, Morty.
要比我好 Be better than me.
另一个项圈 Oh the other collar!
有关系 我没有认 I'm not okay with this. I am not okay with this!
上帝啊 拜托让我活下去 Oh, sweet jesus, please let me live.
我得把这个修好 Oh, my god, I have to I've got to fix this thing.
上帝啊 老天爷啊 Please, god in heaven. Please, god.
主啊 听我祈祷 Oh, lord, hear my prayers.
太好了 老天 Yes! You, god!
今天还不到时候 Not today, bitch!
神啊 如果有地狱 也请宽恕我 Please, god, if there's a hell, please be merciful to me.
我做到了 没有什么上帝 Yes, I did it! There is no god!
瞧着瞧着 In your face!
一个点 [哔]的 One dot, mother[bleep]
太好了 Yes! Oh, yes!
太好了 你们懂的 All right, you know what I'm talking about.
- 真是千钧一发 - 没错 - Oh, that was a close call. - Oh, yeah!
太棒了 我要跳白菜田舞 I'm gonna do the cabbage patch, Morty.
- 跳吧 - 看呐 - oh, yeah, do it. - Check me out.
我在跳白菜田舞 I'm doing the cabbage patch.
- 好好跳 - 我也来 - Do it right. - I'm doing it, too.
- 跳白菜田 - 这舞真是经典 - Do the cabbage patch. - it's a classic dance.
- 跳吧 跳 - 看啊 - do it. Do the dance. - oh look at that.
等等 你们为什么回来得比较晚 Hey, wait a second, how come you guys took longer to get here?
我不知道 好像我的六十四个项圈里有一个坏掉了 I don't know. I think, like, 1/64 of my collars didn't work.
我现在有点晕 It's hard to keep straight now
有六十三段其他的记忆 That I have 63 other memories of everything.
嗯 Yeah.
但是好像六十四个Rick中 But I feel like one of the 64 ricks,
有一个为了我牺牲了自己 Like, sacrificed himself for me?
- 好像是吧 - 闭嘴 Morty - Maybe? I think? - shut up, morty.
上一次你觉得好像有什么事情的时候 我们差点都死了 The last time you felt something, we all almost died.
你这小傻逼 You little piece of shit.
嗨 我们到家啦 Hey, guys, we're home.
妈 爸 Mom! Dad!
嘿 慢着 Uh, hold the phone.
你们这些项链哪儿来的 Where did you guys get those necklaces from?
嘎嘎小姐 有三个人的桌子吗 是这种感觉吗 Uh, lady gaga, table for three. Am I right?
你们是恐龙战队吗 Are you guys power rangers,
但是战队服就只有脖子这一小块儿 But only on one small part of you necks?
这东西需要电池吗 Hey, do those things need batteries?
算上了没啊 把卖水果的过道清干净喂 Were they included? Cleanup in the fruit aisle.
我不是恐同啊(fruit可做蔑称指同性恋) Not in a homophobic way, though.
这项链也太基了 They're just fruity necklaces
- 要我说的话 - 我都要尿裤子了 - is what I was saying. - I'm gonna pee my pants!
"创"星打个电话 Somebody call the planet of "Tron"!
感觉不好 对吧 Doesn't feel so good, does it?
- 这儿有三个"创"来的人呢 - 不好 很不爽 - We have three "Tron" People over here. - No, it doesn't. It hurts.
说真的 这是万圣节穿的吧 Seriously, are these halloween costumes?
你们是想扮成摩托车吗 Are you going as motorcycles
装着绿光灯的摩托车 With green headlights instead of normal ones?
你们是机械狗吗 Are you dogs? Robot dogs?
这真是太傻了 Gosh, you guys are lame.
这是就是年代的贴颈项链 Are those chokers from the '90s?
这是在缅怀九十年代 What is this, a '90s nostalgia thing?
这是费尔鲁扎 鲍克演的魔女游戏吗 Are you guys in that movie "The craft" With fairuza balk?
嘿 你丫滚哪个时候去了 Hey, man, when the hell were you?
找你去了 混蛋 Looking for you, asshole.
我跟你说过了恐龙时期 I told you past the dinosaurs.
你知道过了恐龙时期是什么概念吗 You know how much time is past the dinosaurs?
那得差不多一半的时间 Half of all time!
拜托 这边才对 Come on, man. It's this way.
- 得了吧 - 给我 - Come on. - Give me that thing.
快一点 他不可能在这么后面 Speed it up. He can't be this far back.
他在那儿呢 那儿呢 No, no, there he is. There he is. There he is.
那儿呢 停下 There he is. Stop, stop.
- 就是这人是吧 - 就是他 - So, that's the guy, huh? - yeah, that's him.
嘿 还记得我吧 Hey, man. Remember me?
给你的屁股带了点东西 I got something for your ass.
别瞎搅和时间 Don't...mess...with time!
别想[哔]时间 You don't [bleep] with time!
你这[哔] Mother[bleep]
我就要搅和时间 I will mess with time.
我就要 I will mess with time.