大家好 歡迎大家來到GT的錄製現場 Hello, everybody. Welcome to the Grand Tour,
這一周 我們來到了荷蘭 which, this week, comes from the Netherlands.
我們實際上創造了一個記錄 We're setting something of a record, actually,
因為我們是第一批來荷蘭過週末的三個英國人 cos we are the first three British men ever to come here for a weekend
並且還沒有在妓女身上嘔吐出來 and not vomit on a prostitute.
實際上 我們很喜歡來到荷蘭 Actually, we love coming to Holland.
船長是...有他自己的獨特理由 James for his... for his own reasons.
我喜歡荷蘭的原因是以為 不開玩笑 荷蘭人民是世界上身高最高的 And I like it because the Dutch are officially the tallest people on earth.
這是事實 沒錯 It's true. True fact.
沒錯 我就很不喜歡這裡 我受夠了... Yes, and I hate it here. I'm sick of... -
我受夠了在這整天只能看人肚臍眼的日子 I'm sick of staring at belly buttons all day.
我在這裡唯一的問題就是 說話不能用'swaffelen'這個詞 The only problem I do have here is that I'm not allowed to use the word "swaffelen".
是啊 Yeah.
而你剛剛把這詞說出去了 是吧 Well, you just did, didn't you?
問題是 這個詞 在荷蘭是一個真心很粗俗的詞 No, the thing is, OK, it is a really bad word here,
我不知道為什麼 and I have no idea why.
-這詞是什麼意思啊 What does it mean? -它的意思是... It means...
意思就是你手拿自己的丁丁 It means to bang your gentleman sausage...
然後猛敲泰姬陵的側墻 ...on the side of the Taj Mahal.
上帝啊 Oh, God!
不要在意細節 大家注意... Anyway, listen. Erm...
我們現在的位置是鹿特丹 很棒的城市 We're in Rotterdam, which is a marvellous city, in fact,
原因是城市中實行了車輛禁行政策 because you aren't allowed to bring a car into the city -
如果你擁有92年以前產的汽油車 禁止進城 a petrol car - if it was built before 1992.
如果你駕駛的是2000年前產的柴油車 想進城也是不可能 You aren't allowed to bring a diesel car into the city if it was built before 2000,
也就是說 你永遠不會在這座城市裡被窮人堵在路上 which means you're never held up by poor people.
真的嗎 Really?
關於荷蘭我們還有什麼可說的呢 What else can we say about the Dutch?
哦 對了 感謝你們為世界貢獻了測速探頭這一偉大發明 Oh, of course, you gave the world speed cameras.
可不是 Oh, yeah.
所以我感謝你們一家門啊 So thank you very much for that.
謝謝啊 Thank you.
別這麼說 實際上 我還真是更情願 No, actually, I'd far rather be pulled over
被荷蘭的警察截停 而不是一個破測速探頭 by the actual Dutch police rather than a speed camera,
因為 我的個老天 警察叔叔們長的真帥啊 cos, boy, oh, boy, do these guys look good.
我們這裡有張照片 We've got a picture here.
我很想看一下女警穿這套警察制服的樣子啊 I would very much like to see a lady policeman in an outfit like that.
看樣子右邊那哥們已經看過制服女警了呢 It looks like the guy on the right already has.
我們可以開始節目了嗎...朋友 Shall we get on with the show... man?
是啊 說得好 Yes, good idea. Er...
接下來就是我們本周節目的內容... And coming up in our programme about cars this week...
我試著拽一匹駱駝 I try to pull a camel.
快點 過來啊 Come on. Come on.
一頭驢試著拽走船長 A donkey pulls James.
而哈蒙德則陷入了一次奶牛"愛情" And Richard gets stuck in a cow orgy.
我現在真的好方 I-I really am alarmed.
但首先 這兩個人在辦公室裡時就有過一些爭論 But first, there's been a bit of an argument in the office between these two.
哈蒙德堅稱 You see, Richard maintains
馬自達MX-5才是最好的運動跑車 that the Mazda MX-5 is all the sports car you would ever need.
-因為它本來就是 Because it is. -呵呵 但是船長說不是 Mm-hm. But James says it isn't.
因為它本來就不是 Because it isn't.
於是他們兩個決定一探究竟 So we decided they should sort it out
前往世界上當之無愧的運動跑車測試場 by going to the obvious proving ground for all sports cars:
北非 North Africa.
馬拉喀什 摩洛克
就是它了 This is it,
有史以來最暢銷雙座敞篷小跑的最新款式 the latest version of the bestselling two-seater roadster of all time.
不難看出為何暢銷 And it's easy to see why.
小巧且充沛的引擎位於前部 Peppy little engine at the front,
中間放置了兩個座位和敞篷 驅動輪位於後方 two seats in the open air in the middle, rearwheel drive.
這就是運動跑車的最佳配方 It's the perfect sports-car recipe.
不過在這輛新款車型上 But layered on top of that in this new version
你還可以擁有空調 加熱座椅 you get air conditioning, heated seats,
車道保持 巡航定速 lane-departure assist, cruise control,
感應雨刷 自動的頭燈 rain-sensing wipers, dusk-sensing headlamps.
簡直不能再好更多啊 You just can't do any better.
額 你可以 因為所有你提到的那些豪華裝備 Well, you can, actually, because all of those luxury items you're mentioning now,
它們只是徒增重量 這也就丟掉了一輛運動跑車的靈魂 they just add weight, and they mean it isn't a true sports car any more.
-明明就是最好的 Yes, it is. -才不是呢哼 No, it isn't.
科林·查普曼 他是蓮花品牌的創始人 Colin Chapman, he was the bloke who founded Lotus,
他說一輛跑車的靈魂就是簡約和輕量化 he said the ethos of a sports car is simplify and add lightness.
他可沒說要先簡約 然後再加一個電動車窗啊 He didn't say you simplify and add electric windows.
是啊 然後他就把他所有的家當都交給了一個叫德羅恩的毒販子 Yep, and then he gave all his money away to a drug dealer called John DeLorean.
*這位毒販子設計製造了電影回到未來中著名的時光機器DMC-12 但是後來他因涉毒被FBI抓獲 並且發現毒資中有一部分來自蓮花的創始人
這個 女士們先生們 才是純正的運動跑車 This, ladies and gentlemen, is what it's actually about.
它的名字叫Zenos This is called the Zenos.
你有四個輪子 你有個座位 再加上一台引擎 這些就夠了 You get four wheels, you get somewhere to sit, an engine, and that's it.
純粹的運動跑車 It's a sports car.
說得好 如果下雨怎麼辦 Yeah. What do you do if it rains?
那肯定是要被淋濕了 Well, you'd get wet.
如果你想聽收音機怎麼辦 What if you want to listen to the radio?
我為什麼非要在駕駛這輛車時聽廣播呢 Why would I want to listen to the radio around here?
它有暖風嗎 Does it have a heater?
沒有 No.
你這車有窗戶嗎 Has it got windows?
聽著 如果你買了一雙足球鞋 Look, if you buy a football boot,
你可不會指望穿它去跳芭蕾舞吧 對吧 you don't expect it to be usable as a ballet shoe, do you?
但是馬自達就發明了一雙你可以穿去聽歌劇的足球鞋 But Mazda has invented a football boot that you can wear to the opera.
聽好 我可以保證 如果你穿這雙"鞋"去聽歌劇... Look, I can guarantee that if you wear that shoe to the opera house...
就在此時 導演大人說 At this point, the director said
他聽夠了我們嘮叨有關鞋子的話題 he'd heard enough about shoes for one day...
並且叫我們趕緊出發 ...and told us to go for a drive.
好吧 現在鼴鼠和他的"豪華跑車"已經走開了 Right, now I'm away from Hammond's luxury sports car resort,
讓我來給各位說說這輛出色的汽車 let me tell you a little bit about this remarkable car.
它搭載了一台2.0升渦輪增壓引擎 It's powered by the 2L turbocharged engine
從福克斯ST身上借來的 能輸出250匹馬力 from the Ford Focus ST, giving 250 horsepower.
發動機位於中部 差不多就在我腦後的位置 That's mounted in the middle, right behind my head there,
通過一台乾脆凌厲的老派六速手動變速箱 driving the rear wheels through a no-nonsense,
直接驅動著後輪向前飛奔 old-school six-speed gearbox.
250匹馬力 這個數字在現在看來也許不是啥大手筆 Now, 250 horsepower doesn't sound like a huge amount in the modern world,
但是這輛車 有一個鋁製的車架 but this car, made with an aluminium spine
複合材料製成的駕駛艙 所有的重量全加起來 and composite tub, and all the rest of it,
車子總重小於750千克 weighs less than three quarters of a tonne,
所以它是真心很快啊 不信你看... so it is genuinely quick. Look...
它發出的聲音就像是 未來某種靠反物質驅動的推進器的噪音 It makes the noise of some futuristic propulsion system powered by antimatter.
贊 風馳電掣啊 Yes! Electrifying!
船長生活的世界是手機和照相機分別是兩個物件 James comes from a world where he wants his phone and his camera separate.
"人家喜歡用紙寫日記呢" "I like a paper diary."
我的馬自達則是智能手機 它包攬一切 This Mazda is a smartphone. It does everything.
看上去就很美 質量出奇的可靠 並且還很快 It looks brilliant, it will be endlessly reliable, it's fast,
車子在頭枕的位置上設有揚聲器 操控性也很優秀 it's got speakers in the headrests, and it handles well.
並且你花1.85萬英鎊就可以買一輛MX-5 And you can get an MX-5 from £18,500.
*按翻譯製作時匯率 約合16萬人民幣
船長的車起價就要3.3萬 James's car starts at £33,000,
*按翻譯製作時匯率 約合28.5萬人民幣
結果這些錢連個車門都買不到 and you don't even get doors!
我家的窩棚都有個門呢 My shed has got doors.
我給我家貓做窩都裝個門呢 I furnish my cats with doors.
人們是需要門的 You need doors.
我猜他開那車現在一定被顛到死了 I bet he's being shaken to death in that thing.
我猜 鼴鼠猜我現在已經被顛死了 I bet Hammond thinks I'm being shaken to death in here,
但是他猜錯了 but actually he's wrong,
因為這輛車跟BAC Mono或者Radical不同 because this isn't like a BAC Mono or a Radical.
雖然很明顯這輛車的屬性是賽道用車 It is obviously very much a car for taking on the track,
但是它已經被調教成了日常使用的設定 but it's been tuned for road use.
坐著感覺很柔軟 It's quite supple.
看到沒 See? Look.
顛簸 完全沒事 Bump. It's all right.
我很放鬆 I'm very relaxed.
終於 我們靠邊停車喝咖啡 Eventually, we pulled over for a cup of coffee
並且針對車門引發了更多的爭論 and a bit more arguing about doors.
不要因為古人在12世紀時在什麼教堂上都裝了門 Just because they had them in the 12th century on cathedrals, whatever,
生活在現代的你就一定要還留著門這個東西 Doesn't mean you have to have them now.
不要成為陳規舊習的奴隸啊 Don't be a slave to convention.
但是12世紀的人是不是依舊長了眼皮啊 But people had eyelids in the 12th century,
現在可沒人說"把眼皮給切掉把 那也是陳規舊習" and nobody's deciding, "Let's get rid of those, they're old hat."
"大事不好 眼睛進沙子了 我也無法睡覺了" "Oh, no! I've got dust in my eyes and I can't sleep."
你這就是純抬槓 哈蒙德 你明明知道我什麼意思 That's completely facile, Hammond. You know exactly what I mean.
門...Riva快艇就沒有門啊 The door... I mean, Riva speedboats don't have doors.
未必吧... You don't say...
這地方真不賴 是吧 This is lovely, isn't it?
你在這裡做什麼 What are you doing here?
額 有人說你們倆在這淨說廢話 Well, word reached me that you two were talking rubbish.
你什麼意思"淨說廢話" What do you mean, "rubbish"?
額 如果你們要找最好的運動跑車 Well, if you want the best sports car,
你肯定不會選馬自達或者Zenos啊 你會選 you don't want a Mazda or a Zenos. You want--
上帝啊 他帶了輛阿爾法羅密歐 Oh, God. He's brought an Alfa Romeo.
沒錯 我肯定選阿爾法 Yes, of course I have.
阿爾法羅密歐4C 敞篷版 Alfa Romeo 4C Spider.
這才是我心中的運動跑車 This is what I'm talking about.
一場碳纖維的音樂會 A symphony in carbon fibre.
平衡的化身 Balance personified.
電影畢業生的升級版 The Graduate updated.
*根據查爾斯·韋伯的同名小說改編而成 看封面貌似很香艷
一輛迷你法拉利 和邦尼兔一樣可愛 A mini Ferrari, as cute as a bunny rabbit,
並且還綴有世界上最偉大的品牌... with the greatest badge in the history of mo--
你這車多少錢 How much is it?
你們心裡很清楚我這車多少錢 You know perfectly well how much it is.
是啊 但是我們忘了 Yeah, we've forgotten.
金錢乃是糞土 Money is vulgar.
你不可以在這麼獨特的藝術品上粗俗的貼一個價簽啊 You can't put a price on something as exquisite as that.
是啊 但是阿爾法羅密歐的人真的開了個價格 對吧 Yeah, but Alfa Romeo did put a price on it, didn't they?
那麼請問是多少錢呢 And what was it?
六萬英鎊 Sixty thousand pounds.
*按翻譯製作時匯率 約合52.5萬人民幣
所以你可以買下我們兩個的車 外加我們身後鏡頭裡所有的東西 So you could have both of our cars and everything in the back of shot
結果就買了一輛阿爾法羅密歐 for the price of one of these Alfa Romeos?
我知道 這錢花的很值啊 I know, it is extraordinary value for money.
車裡車外的寬度也差太多了吧 It's too far from outside to inside.
都快有一英里了 It's miles!
是啊 門檻挺厚的... Yes, thick sills...
-咱們進去看看 Here we go. -這樣才有車身強度 ...for strength.
看看這暖風的旋鈕啊 Look at this, rotary heater knobs.
就像是回到了70年代 It's like being in the 1970s.
可不是 Yeah, it is, actually.
還有這手剎 看看 This handbrake, look at that.
到底是固定的 還是可以拿下來的啊 Is that fixed on or does that come off?
阿爾法羅密歐 我們不生產失望 我們只是失望的搬運工 Alfa Romeo, purveyors of disappointment for nearly three decades.
看這個 真高級啊 Look at this. Classy.
-是啊 感受一下這高端的品質吧 Yeah. Feel the quality in that. -讓我也感受一下 Let me feel that.
嗯 這東西要六萬塊啊 Mm. Sixty thousand pounds?!
聽聽這個... Mm. And this...
這就是花六萬英鎊你想買來的聲音 That's what you want to hear.
如果你新買了一件衣服 千千萬萬不要展示給這兩個混蛋 If you ever buy a new item of clothing, never show it these two.
"你在哪裡買的這衣服啊 你看上去像個德國遊戲競賽節目主持人" "What are you wearing that jacket for? It makes you look like a German gameshow host."
真令人滿意啊 That's satisfying. -
你為毛要穿這樣一件衣服 Why are you wearing that jacket?
因為我昨晚在印度參加派對來著 Because I was at a party in India last night,
之後就匆忙趕到這裡了 and I've hurried over here.
你為啥參加派對要穿的像個德國遊戲競賽節目主持人啊 Why did you go to the party dressed as a German gameshow host?
很快 我聽煩了他們倆的語言攻擊 Soon, I grew weary of their abuse
駕駛著 毫無疑問 當今在售車型中我最喜歡的汽車出發了 and set off in what, be in no doubt, is my favourite car on sale today.
我承認 4C有著自己的一兩個小毛病 I will admit, there are one or two tiny little problems with the 4C.
但都是小細節 Trivial stuff.
車子非常的寬 變速箱有一些輕微的愚鈍 It's very wide. The gearbox is a little bit dim-witted.
如果你換裝了運動風的排氣 噪音就是一場災難 If you fit sports exhausts, the noise is catastrophic.
油箱...是啊 真心是太小了 The petrol tank... yeah, that's too small.
你真的真的只能開個300米就要加油了 You've really only got a range of 300... yards.
接著就是轉向系統 And then there's the steering.
沒有轉向助力 所以在你停車的時候就是個巨大的體力活了 There's no power assistance, so it's incredibly heavy when you're parking,
並且車子在行駛中也沒有任何的路感 there's no feel when you're on the move.
並且 有趣的部分來了 And then, and this is its party piece,
偶爾的 車子會無原因的突然向左或向右轉向 just occasionally, it'll go violently left or right for no reason.
哇 你看到了吧 Whoa! You see that?
我的天啊 Bloody hell.
但是你要這麼看問題 我們都會在自家孩子身上發現缺點 But look at it this way, we could all probably find fault with our children,
但是...我們依舊愛他們 and yet... we still love them.
大猩猩很喜歡阿爾法羅密歐 Jeremy loves Alfa Romeos
那是因為 在過去的日子裡 because, back in the old days,
他們車子真的不錯 但是現在已然江河日下 they were great... but they're not any more.
很多東西都是曾經輝煌 Plenty of things were great.
比如希臘 Greece.
羅爾夫·哈里斯 Rolf Harris.
*澳洲知名主持人 涉嫌性犯罪被捕
你現在可不會喜歡上他們了 You can't love them now.
我之前沒提到的阿爾法的另一個小毛病就是 Another small problem with the Alfa that I didn't mention earlier
你開上5分鐘之後就會腳抽筋 is that you get cramp after five minutes.
我要停車走兩步 I'm gonna have to stop and go for a walk,
他們倆肯定會問為什麼 and they'll want to know why,
我就告訴他們我要尿尿或者別的啥 and I'll have to tell them I need a wee or something.
不 我要說拉稀 No, diarrhoea.
不好意思 我要停車 我要停車 Sorry, I've got to stop. I've got to stop.
我打算在這邊歇幾分鐘 等我 I'm just stopping for a minute here. Hang on.
你為什麼要停車 Why are you stopping for a minute?
哦 沒啥 Ohhh! Nothing.
那你在那邊蹦躂什麼呢 Well, why are you hopping about?
看那邊白雪皚皚的大山啊 Look at the snowy mountains.
歡迎來到摩納哥 You are welcome to Morocco.
謝謝啊 警察先生 你好嗎 Ah, merci, monsieur. Comment ça va?
我的老天啊 God above.
你是抽筋了嗎 Have you got cramp?
沒 No.
明明就是 Yes, you have.
額 好吧 我就是看看那邊的景 Right, good. Well, I've seen the view.
我只是想看看那邊的風景 好美啊 I just wanted to see the view, and it's lovely.
重新上路 詹姆斯突然發表了一通 Back on the road, James suddenly delivered
非常不符合他人設的講話 a very un-James-manlike observation.
我的車真心的非常快啊 My car is seriously quick!
肯定沒我的車快 It's not as fast as this.
呵呵 是啊 Yeah, I bet it is.
詹姆斯 我的車搭載了一台來自菲亞特Punto的1.75升渦輪引擎 James, this has a turbocharged 1750cc engine from a Fiat Punto.
我的2.0升引擎搭載了雙渦流渦輪 Mine's 2L with a twin-scroll turbocharger.
你注意到鼴鼠在動力這個話題上安靜的反常麼 Have you noticed Hammond is being strangely quiet on the subject of speed?
哦 我只是在聽你們兩個互相打嘴炮 Oh, just listening to you two bicker.
我的車動力跟他們比稍顯不足 我老實跟你講 I am a bit down on power, if I'm honest.
我感覺哈蒙德坐的是痴迷於馬自達MX-5昔日輝煌的車主俱樂部裡 I think Hammond's in a sort of retirement home for former distressed sports-car owners.
好了詹姆斯梅 下一段路算是相對比較直的路 Right, next straight bit of road, James May,
我停下來給你展示一下它到底有多快 I will pull over and show you what real speed is.
奶牛出沒 Cows.
奶牛放在頂架上 從來沒見過啊 On a roof rack. I've never seen that.
很快我們找到一段直路 Soon, we found a suitable stretch of road...
...哈蒙德同意作發車女郎 ...and Hammond agreed to be the starter.
我有彈射起步哦 I've got launch control.
沒興趣 Not interested.
準備好了嗎 趕緊在有人來之前解決 Are you ready? Before anyone comes.
3...2...1...出發 In three, two, one, go!
額 簡直不可能啊 Well, now, that's just impossible!
Zenos贏了 It's the Zenos...
也就是說龜速船長贏了一場直線加速賽 which means James May has just won a drag race.
但是對我來說 這還不是最驚喜的 But for me, that wasn't the biggest surprise.
我想不通為啥會輸啊 I don't understand why this lost,
因為摒棄了傳統底盤 because instead of a conventional chassis,
4C選擇了碳纖維座艙的設計 it has a carbon-fibre tub,
就跟F1賽車和邁凱倫P1的設計是一樣的 like you get in a Formula One car or a McLaren P1.
並且碳纖維座艙讓車子變得更...貴 但是更輕 And a carbon-fibre tub makes a car... expensive, but light.
非常輕 Very light.
我試著搞清楚為什麼會輸啊 I'm trying to work out why I lost that race.
我認為僅僅是因為你的車沒我的快 I think it's cos your car isn't as fast as mine.
好清晰的理由啊 That was a factor.
是啊 但是我的車是那麼的輕 Yeah, but mine is so light.
你怎麼知道它很輕 How do you know it's light?
每次你問阿爾法的人這車多沉 他們都能給你報出不同的數字 Every time Alfa say how much it weighs, they give a different figure.
那是因為他們有更重要的事去做 而不是沒事稱重玩 Yeah, that's because they've got better things to do than go around weighing cars.
當畢加索完成他的作品時 When Picasso had finished one of his paintings,
他可不會說"我好奇它有多重" he didn't say, "Oh, I wonder how much that weighs."
當你把這輛阿爾法賣二手的時候 你的確需要知道確切重量 You need to know the weight of an Alfa for when you resell it,
因為廢鐵是按斤賣的啊 because you buy scrap cars by weight.
至於Zenos 它是在諾福克製造的 With the Zenos, that was built in Norfolk,
所以很顯然他們會稱重 因為他們也沒別的事做啊 so obviously they're gonna weigh it - there's nothing else to do.
這可是來自米蘭的傑作啊 This is from Milan.
他們完成了設計 然後就進城喝酒把妹子去了啊 They finished making it, and then they went into town with one and pulled girls.
它個頭很大 並且還用生鐵做的 It's massive and it's made of pig iron,
這就是問題所在 that's the problem.
我都能看見碳纖維... I can see the carbon fibre...
關於重量的爭論持續在剩下的旅程中 The weight argument raged on for the rest of the journey.
於是 當晚 在酒店裡 So, that night, at the hotel,
我想到一個好主意 I came up with a plan.
我要給三輛車稱重來證明阿爾法是最輕的 I'm gonna weigh all three cars to prove the Alfa's the lightest.
問題是這樣你就需要一個天平 但是... The problem with your plan is that you'd need a weighbridge, and...
-沒錯 Yes. -等一下 Well, hang on.
-那就搞一個唄 Well, get one. -不 這裡可沒有天平 No, there isn't one.
我這裡有酒店的服務手冊 I have got the hotel brochure here, actually,
你知道嗎 他們有餐廳 and, do you know, it's got three restaurants,
有SPA 健身房 商務中心 網球場 a spa, and a gym, a business centre, tennis court.
但是很明顯少了一樣啊 But with one glaring omission.
-啥 What? -少一個巨型天平啊 There's no weighbridge.
-不會吧~ No! -連這個都沒想到 服務要減一星啊 They haven't thought of that. I'd knock a star off.
我要自己做一個 I shall build one.
我要自己做一個天平 你們會看到的 I shall build a weighbridge, and then you shall see.
我會做一個天平的 I will build a weighbridge.
這本來回是一次非常使用且有趣的測評 結果讓你給毀了 That could have been a really useful and interesting test, and you've ruined it.
人們對於阿爾法羅密歐是感興趣的啊 People are interested in Alfa Romeos!
人們還感興趣謀殺案呢 這不意味著大家都想看謀殺啊 People are interested in murders, they don't want to see one.
無論如何 無論如何 我們稍後繼續這段測評 Anyway, anyway, we'll have more of that later on,
但是 現在是時候開始我們的 but first, it is now time for us to engage reverse
每周固定環節 談話街 and park neatly in a marked space on Conversation Street.
好吧 哪個國家擁有全世界最差勁的警車 Right, now, which nation on earth has the worst police cars?
哦 這是個有趣的話題 我喜歡 Oh, that's some good conversation. I like that one.
最差的警車 肯定不會是美國人了 The worst police cars, it's definitely not the Americans, is it,
因為他們的維多利亞皇冠都是後驅的V8 because they have those Crown Vics, and they're rearwheel drive V8s.
-警車就需要這樣啊 That's what you need. -它們絕對是優秀的警車 肯定不是美國人 They're good police cars. Not the Americans.
是我們 是英國警車啊 It's us. It's the British.
沒錯 我們的警車是那些可憐的柴油沃克斯豪爾雅特 Yeah. We have those dreary little Vauxhall diesel Astras.
如果你們住在這裡的話品牌就叫歐寶 Opels if you live here.
如果你是一個美國人 那就是可憐的雪佛蘭 Or, if you're in America, those miserable little Chevrolets
本質上其實是韓國人做的大宇 糟糕透頂 that are actually Daewoos. It's awful.
世界上很多國家 Most countries around the world
通常都會選擇當地製造的品牌作為警車 would traditionally have always had a police car that was made there,
或者是自己的本土品牌 對吧 one of their own cars. Wouldn't they?
而有意思的是 在這裡卻不是這樣 And the funny thing is, that's not what they used to do here.
-荷蘭嗎 In Holland? -對啊 No.
一點都不奇怪啊 You don't surprise me.
荷蘭這麼多年來 差不多30年 選擇的是保時捷 What they actually had for many years, about 30 years, was Porsches.
-啥 What? -這裡的警察選擇保時捷作為警車 記得嗎 沒錯 The police used Porsches, yeah. Remember? Yeah.
你知道麼 你不說我都忘了 你說得對 還真是 Do you know, I'd forgotten. You're right, they did.
沒錯 They did.
他們是如何說服政府的啊 How did they persuade the government?
絕對的高手 絕對的天才 It's masterful. It's genius.
向想出這個主意的人致意 Absolute respect to everybody who did it.
他們也就說"好吧 我們想要... What they did was say, "Right, we need...
嗯 我們想要保時捷 Hm. I think we need a Porsche
以為它是風冷後置引擎 because it's air-cooled and the engine is at the back,
這樣如果我們遇到長時間的倒車追擊的話會很方便 and that would be handy if we have to reverse at high speed for a long time."
他們真這麼說的? They actually said that?
真的 還有更絕的 They did. And this gets better.
我可沒瞎編啊 他們說 And I'm not making this up. They did say this.
他們需要一輛車可以拆掉頂棚 They need a car where you can remove the roof
這樣當有緊急交通狀況時 他們可以站在座椅上指揮交通 so you can stand on the seats to address traffic in an emergency situation.
於是他們就選擇了911Targa So what they need is a 911 Targa,
我猜還搭配了太陽鏡 and matching sunglasses, I presume, yes.
他們是不是還說"車後面寫著911 Did they also say, "And it comes with 911 on the back
這樣報警電話都省的噴涂了" which is our telephone number"?
問題是 還沒完 還有進一步的情況 The thing is, it doesn't, and they're still at it,
因為這裡還有騎自行車的警察 because the cycle cops around here,
人數還不少 and there's a lot of them,
他們計劃說服政府 說他們現在需要山地車 they managed to persuade the government that they need mountain bikes.
-哪裡 這裡 What, here? -沒錯 荷蘭 In Holland.
在地球上最平坦的地方 It's the flattest country on earth
他們居然說需要山地車 and they need mountain bikes!
"是啊 我也可能遇到山路啊" 有沒有搞錯啊 "Yes, I might see a mountain." What?!
最好的是... The best thing...
最好的是 這個話題給我們機會可以再看一眼 The best thing is, it gives us an opportunity to have one more look
荷蘭山地自行車警察的照片啊 at a photograph of the Dutch mountain cop police.
就是他們了 There they are.
現在 我想談談水獺 Now, I want to talk about otters.
-啥 What? -我想談談水獺 I want to talk about otters.
你看 幾年前在荷蘭有些人 You see, a few years ago somebody in Holland
計算了荷蘭全國僅僅有185隻水獺 worked out that there were only 185 otters in the entire country.
是啊 傑裡米 我們是汽車節目 Yeah, Jeremy, it's a car show.
等我一下 好不 我這裡有數據 Bear with me, OK, because I've got the figures here.
在2014年 有21隻水獺被壓死了 In 2014, 21 of these otters were run over.
在2015年 49隻水獺又被碾死了 OK? In 2015, 49 were run over.
你們全國上下僅剩下185隻水獺 You only have 185 otters in the whole country,
這才過了2年 70隻水獺就被你們給撞死了 and in two years, you've flattened 70 of them under your cars.
你跟水獺有什麼恩怨嗎 What is your problem with otters?!
問題是我不想讓大家得到錯誤的印象 The thing is that I don't want people to get the wrong impression.
我可不想大家看我們節目就認為全荷蘭都是些謀殺動物的人 I don't want everyone to think that Dutch people go around murdering animals.
讓我解釋一下 Let me explain.
最近 荷蘭這裡的政府花費15萬歐元 Recently, the government here spent 150,000 euros,
*按翻譯製作時匯率 約合110萬人民幣
那差不多是15萬英鎊 and that's £150,000,
不對 16萬 17萬... £160,000, £170,000...
這就是英國脫歐啊 That's Brexit for you.
我們英國佬現在都買不起抹薯片用的蛋黃醬了 We can't even afford to put mayonnaise on our chips now any more.
額 不說那些 當地政府花費15萬歐元在一條路上修了一座橋 Er... Anyway, they spent 150,000 euros on a bridge over a road
這樣松鼠君就可以安全過馬路了 so squirrels could cross safely.
我們這裡有張橋的照片 個頭還不小呢 We've got a picture of the bridge. It's a substantial thing.
你知道這座橋嗎 它很有名嗎 You know this bridge? A famous bridge?
這是一座松鼠專用橋? That's a squirrel bridge?
沒錯 松鼠專用 Yeah, it's a squirrel bridge.
無論如何 你認為松鼠用過幾次這座橋? Anyway, how many squirrels do you think have used it?
額 鼠百萬次吧 A squillion.
我知道你是怎麼想的 詹姆斯 不過不是這樣 I see where you're going with that one, James. No, it isn't.
我這裡有具體數據 I've got the figures here.
"根據監控錄像顯示 在2014年 "CCTV footage has revealed, in 2014,
三隻松鼠使用過這座橋 three squirrels used it.
在2015年 只用了2次" In 2015, it was used only twice."
額 為啥2014年的第三隻松鼠15年不再用了呢 Well, why didn't the third squirrel use it again in 2015?
可能路上被車撞了吧 It probably got run over.
是啊 Yeah.
可能有人誤會它是一隻水獺了吧 By somebody mistaking him for an otter.
幹掉它 幹掉它 Get it! Get it!
現在呢... Now... Er...
你們可能已經知道這事了 荷蘭最近搞了一個調查 You've probably read the other day, the Dutch are taking a view
關於是否允許人們... on whether to allow people to...
我該怎麼說呢 協助一些將死之人... How can I put this? Assisted dying of somebody -
來"圓滿"他們的生命 懂了嗎 feels as though their life is complete, OK?
這件事讓我思索了很久 This is something that occupies me a lot,
我跟你們老實講 因為有時我就會想 I'll be honest with you, because I sometimes think...
"嗯 我這輩子過夠了嗎" "Oh, have I done enough now?"
夠了 Yes.
*異口同聲的革命友誼啊
才沒有 我是想什麼時候? No, you know, when?
什麼時候我才可以去思考 When would it be appropriate for me to think,
"是時候結束了" "Time to end."
就是現在 Now.
*看來翻譯君還感慨早了
-你能讓我繼續了嗎 May I get on with it? -可以啊 請繼續 現在就動手吧 Yeah, do. Do it now.
不 我想說的是... No, what I want to say is, OK...
我來處理文字表格工作 不會太麻煩的 I'll get the forms, there can't be many.
當你...別打斷我 The time comes... Ssh!
我認為 當你不再想當一個傻瓜 做些傻事的時候 The time, I think, comes when you stop wanting to be an idiot.
那就是你的人生可以結束了的瞬間 That's the time when you've done enough.
-我懂你的意思 I know what you mean. -其實 你說的有道理 No, actually, you are right,
我認為的瞬間就是當你去商場的時候 cos I think it's the moment where you go into a big department store,
你走到廚房用品的部門 看見一個茶壺保溫套 and you go into the kitchenware section, and you see a tea cosy,
但是卻不想把它戴在腦袋上 but you don't put it on your head.
沒錯 Exactly.
不想把東西往腦袋上比劃就是一個信號啊 Not putting things on your head is a sign it's time.
還有就是你不再想把手套戴在耳朵上 And the time you don't want to put gloves on your ears
假裝自己是一隻馴鹿的時候 and pretend to be a reindeer.
我想只有你自己是這樣吧 哈蒙德 I think that's just you, Hammond.
只有我自己是麼 It's just me, isn't it?
我這裡倒是有一個瞬間 Here's the moment I think you know.
當你在高速公路上開車的時候 側面有一條火車道 You're driving up a motorway. There's a train track next to you.
旁邊有一列火車開過 還有可能速度挺快的 A train comes. It could be one of those fast ones.
當你不再想跟火車比速度的時候 The day when you don't try and race the train,
那就是死期了 that's the day.
-沒錯 Yes. -我是一定要跟火車比一比的 I have to race the train.
我一定要開的比火車快 I have to go faster than the train
這樣坐在火車裡的人看著我就會想 so everyone on the train looks at me and goes,
"看來我出行方式選擇錯誤了啊" "I've made the wrong travel choice.
"我應該開車出門的啊 那樣還能更快一些" "I should have gone in the car. It's quicker."
如果你在火車上望向窗外 If you're ever on a train and you look out of the window,
看見你的火車比我的車快 並且我還懶得理你 you're overtaking me and I can't be bothered to race you,
那是因為我正在開車前往荷蘭的死亡診所 it's because I'm on my way to the new Dutch death clinic.
那麼今天的談話街就是這樣了 And that is the end of Conversation Street.
現在 如果你家裡有孩子 Now, if you have children,
並且他們把自己所有的業餘時間都花在了 there's every chance they'll spend every spare second they have
玩噴射僵屍7這類的遊戲 playing Zombie Splatter 7 ,
或者是別的什麼電腦遊戲 or some other such computer game,
他們為什麼不選擇更加傳統的桌面遊戲呢 but what about more traditional board games?
現在的孩子們對於傳統遊戲不那麼感興趣 Kids these days say they're not interested in such games,
但是我認為如果傳統遊戲搞得在大一些 並且加上汽車元素情況就不同了 but I believe they would be if they were bigger and involved cars.
為了證明我們的觀點 To prove our point,
我們來到了這裡 鄉下 we've come here, to the countryside.
在選擇桌面遊戲的種類時 And on the board-game front,
我們應該先從經典遊戲開始 we shall start with a classic.
一個由兩位玩家組成 互相猜測對方戰艦位置的遊戲 A game where two players try and guess where each other's ships are,
*聽說有個遊戲叫 炸飛機?
接著依靠發射火箭來摧毀敵方艦船 and then blow them up by firing missiles at them.
遊戲很簡單 It's a simple game,
並且 如果你想用汽車來做遊戲的話 and, as such, if you want to play it with cars,
用不了那麼多車 you don't need much.
實際上 你需要的 In fact, all you need
是一個巨大的冷戰機場 is a massive former Cold War airfield
那裡有著足夠的跑到來讓你放置你的棋盤和棋子 with enough tarmac to accommodate the board for your board game.
隨著機場的到位 With a big enough slab of airfield,
你就可以畫好你的棋盤了 you can then lay out your grid,
你需要在上面放置你的棋子戰艦 onto which you can place your battleships.
你需要做的 And all you need for that
就是花個幾千塊買幾輛舊車而已 is several thousand pounds' worth of old cars.
但不是隨便的幾輛舊車就可以的 But not any old cars.
這些加長禮車 舉例來說 This stretch limo, for example,
你也許在單身夜派對上見過很多次 may have seen active service on hundreds of hen nights,
但是它用來做航空母艦更為合適 but it makes the perfect aircraft carrier.
接著是豐田普銳斯 And then there's this Toyota Prius.
電動車的設計讓它成為理想的潛水艇棋子 Its electric engine makes it perfect as a submarine,
運行起來毫無聲息 silent running.
接著是克萊斯勒PT漫步者敞篷車 And then there's this Chrysler PT Cruiser convertible.
這輛車沒啥海洋上的同類 There is no naval equivalent for this car,
但是如果能炸了它誰又在乎這些細節呢 but who cares if we blow it up?
因為 所有這些車 都很爛 Because it is, after all, crap.
說到炸掉 我們現在來看看火箭 And speaking of blowing up, we now come to the missiles.
作為火箭 你需要的車是既嚇人又致命的車型 For these, you need a car that is frightening and lethal.
一輛能嚇死別的司機的車 A car that strikes fear into other motorists.
完美滿足這些要求的汽車 And what better car could there be for this job
有誰能比得過G-Wiz呢 than the magnificent G-Wiz?
我現在需要的就是一個對手了 All I needed now was an opponent,
一個桌面遊戲老手 a board-game veteran,
一個認為使命召喚就是去廁所的召喚的人 a man who thinks Call Of Duty is a visit to the lavatory.
真棒啊 哈蒙德 你想到了一切啊 That's excellent, Hammond. You've thought of everything.
我知道 集裝箱當作防偷窺柵欄 I know, I have. Containers as the fence.
一個消防車 以防事態超出控制 A fireman, in case things get out of hand.
一輛救護車 防止咱們把自己炸到 A health-and-safety bloke to stop us blowing ourselves up.
一些看上去很像船的車 數量也很多 Cars that look exactly like ships. The lot.
但是你要怎麼發射這些火箭呢 But how will you fire the missiles at the cars?
額 這就是我計劃真正天才的地方了 Well, that is the real genius in my plan.
輕鬆 有力 並且可靠 Easy, powerful and proven.
用移動炮來發射G-Wiz Fire the G-Wiz missiles with the movie cannon.
這個東西精準度夠嗎 You reckon that's accurate enough?
額 好歹是個炮啊 Well, it's a cannon.
但是你一定要準確的擊中那個方塊啊 But you've got to hit a specific square.
你瞄準好 調整彈道和高度就可以了 You aim the cannon. You adjust the trajectory and the elevation.
-你能準確擊中嗎 You can work that out? -好歹也是個炮啊 It's a cannon.
為了讓船長閉嘴 我決定拿一輛備用汽車 To shut James up, I took one of the spare cars
來演示一下發射過程 to demonstrate a practice shot.
好了 我們都設定好了 Right, we're all set.
完全充氣狀態 壓力也對 發射 It's fully charged. Pressure's good. Fire.
對於發射方式我有一個更好的主意 I had a better idea for the weapons-launching system.
你看 這就可以了 So, there you go.
你根據坐標喊出格子的位置 You call out the grid reference that you want,
然後吊車司機移動到目標位置上方 and the driver just manoeuvres the jib exactly over that square,
最後鬆開G-Wiz導彈 and then drops the G-Wiz missile.
這絕絕對對不會搞錯了 It is absolutely unerringly accurate.
我喜歡 I like that.
除了我們搞得那些額外的花樣 所有其他的設備 Unlike everything else I've done here, with all this stuff,
所有的一切您都可以在自家花園裡實現 this is all things you can do at home in your garden.
由於巨型集裝箱在中間 With the giant containers
確保沒人可以偷看到對方的排兵布陣 making sure neither of us could see what the other was doing,
詹姆斯和我開始擺放自己的各種戰艦了 ...James and I moved our battleships into place.
戰艦拜訪完畢 現在可以開始遊戲了 And with the board laid out, it was time to play.
好的 單身夜加長禮車需要擊中兩次才算沉沒 Right, the hen-night limos each require two hits to be sunk.
同樣的還有房車 也是需要兩次擊中才算沉沒 Both the motorhomes, they each require two hits to be sunk as well.
剩下的普銳斯和PT漫步者 And then my Prius and your PT Cruiser,
擊中一次即算為沉沒 they each require one to be sunk.
我們每人有10發子彈 We've got ten G-Wiz missiles each.
要獲勝需要其中有5發擊中 明白了 Five hits needed to win. Got it?
清楚明白 Yes, right.
扔硬幣結果顯示 詹姆斯先手 Having won the toss, James would be first to fire,
但是我有一個策略來擊敗他 but I had a cunning plan to thwart him.
我所做的就是把我的各種戰艦都放在邊界上 What I've done is put a couple of my ships right out on the edges,
這樣船長就會想"鼴鼠是個二貨 because James will think, "Hammond's a bit thick,
初學者經典的策略就是把所有的戰艦都擺在邊界上 and it's a typically amateurish tactic to put your ships on the edge,
所以他一定會這麼幹" so that's what he'll have done."
但是他又會想 "等一下 But then he'll think, "Hang on.
哈蒙德也沒有那麼傻 Even Hammond's not that thick.
他只是想讓我以為他很傻 He just wants me to think he's thick,
所以他一定都把船擺在了中間" so he'll have put his cars in the middle."
這樣他就不會攻擊我的邊界 James will then not go for the edges,
而選擇中部地帶攻擊 he'll go for the middle.
但是我的船卻放在了邊界上 But my ships will be at the edges.
就好像是..雙重 三重套路 It's like a... double, or even a triple bluff.
那麼 哈蒙德很傻 真的 Now, Hammond is a bit thick, really,
所以我猜他一定會把船擺在邊界上 so I reckon he'll have put his all around the edges.
坐標D2 謝謝 D2, please.
開火 Fire!
-這次是什麼 What was that? -我的加長禮車 It was my limo.
在D2擊中了加長禮車 謝謝 該你了 Hit on your limo on D2, thank you. Your shot.
紅色吊車師傅 坐標C4 謝謝 Red crane driver, I'd like C4, please. C4.
開火 Fire!
沒打中 That's a miss.
C4是空的 C4, miss.
回到我的原始理論 Back to my original theory.
哈蒙德一定沿著邊界擺的船 Hammond will have gone along the edge,
這點我很自信 I'm pretty confident in that.
所以是這裡 還是那裡呢 So is it there, or is it there?
綠色吊車師傅 坐標D1 Green crane driver, fire at D1.
開火 Fire!
-好的 -Yes! - -你炸掉了我的加長車 You sank my limousine!
船長得一分 鼴鼠得零分 One sinking to me, a miss for Admiral Hammond.
怪你布局太差 And you've overdone the explosives.
如果你要在家門口這麼玩的話 One plan would be, if you're playing this at home,
挑大家都在燒烤的那天再玩 do it on a day when there's a lot of barbecues in the area.
這樣子的話 你玩的再過 That way, people will just think, "Well, yeah,
大家最多就會想“嗯 隔壁燒烤的陣仗挺大啊” it's a big barbecue they're having next door."
隨著我的航空母艦下場 With my aircraft carrier gone
船長的艦隊毫發無損 我得要拿分了 and James's fleet unscathed, I had to break my duck.
請向B2丟車 I'd like you to hit B2, please.
靠 Damn!
B2沒有 好吧 B2. Well...
我看不到它們啊 去哪了 Well, there's no... Where are they?!
我有種預感 I've just got a feeling.
是B1 請挪到B1 B1. B1, please.
師傅 能調到A1嗎 Red crane driver, can I have square A1?
開火 Fire!
好樣的 Yes! Come on!
小樣開始虛了吧 吃我一車 現在認輸還來得及 Oh, you are on the run! That is it! Want to give up?
你把我的巡洋艦擊沉 You've sunk my Cruiser.
所以說A1的車被我炸掉了 ■ So that's a big red kill on A1. Boom!
但是船長並不認輸 But James wasn't taking this lying down.
向C3開火 C3. Fire!
好樣的 Yes!
你打著了我的潛水艇 You hit my submarine,
我那隱匿的還沒出聲的普銳斯 my invisible, silent-running Prius.
我輸得很慘 I am losing badly.
我只拿了一分 他卻拿下三分 I've scored only one hit, he's scored three.
但是風水輪流轉 But then the game started to turn,
船長一連三發沒打中 as James had a run of three straight misses.
開火 Fire!
沒打中 哈哈哈 It was a miss! Ha-ha!
謝謝你哦 我在縮小範圍 Thank you. I'm closing down my options.
但是你打得準一點效果更好 It would close your options down further if you were to hit rather than miss.
看起來我縮小範圍的計劃更成功一點 Which was exactly what I was now doing.
請向B3開火 B3, please.
請向A3開火 A3, please.
Yes! 好樣的
你擊沉了我的戰艦 You've sunk my battleship.
我要讓打擊從天而降 I am raining down destruction
到你這群註定要滅亡的艦隊上 on your dwindling fleet of doomed ships.
你真失敗 哈哈哈 You loser. Ha-ha!
我還沒輸呢 我們還是不分上下呢 No, I'm not losing. We're neck and neck.
可氣的是 船長說對了 Annoyingly, James was right.
我的房車戰船還在 I still had my battleship Winnebago,
他也還剩下加長航空母艦 and he still had his stretched aircraft carrier,
兩個都要打中兩次才能被摧毀 both of which needed two hits to destroy.
到船長上了 It was May's turn to play.
挪到B2 B2.
遊戲進入了白熱化階段 Critical stage of the game now.
再被打一次我就麻煩了 A hit now and I'm in trouble.
開火 Fire!
加油 Come on.
爽爽爽爽 Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
雖然不應該 但這樣子真的很爽 It shouldn't feel so good, but it does.
應該就在這 It's gonna be here.
師傅 請對準C1 Red crane, target C1, please. C1.
開火 Fire!
鼴鼠船長運氣好像不太好啊 Hard luck, Horatio Hammond.
*霍雷肖·納爾遜 英國帆船時代海軍將領
我現在要做的 All I've got to do now,
就是換位思考 想想鼴鼠要怎麼辦 get inside Richard Hammond's mind.
這會拉低我的智商水平 但只要我一弄明白 An awful place, admittedly, but if I can just get in there for a second,
他是怎麼布局的 which way has he put it?
是這兩個 還是這兩個 或者是這兩 There and there; there and there; there and there?
挪到C2 C2.
開火 Fire!
你這樣打不到的 That'll be a miss.
哎呀 船長 你算錯了 That, Captain May, was a miss!
然而當船長只用在兩個格子之中做出選擇時 However, while James now had to choose between just two squares,
我要六選一 I was looking at a choice of six.
師傅 目標C2 Red crane, target C2, please. C2.
開丟 Red crane, fire!
不不不 我剛想說的是C3 I meant C3! I meant...
贊 Yes!
太贊了 Oh, yes! Yes!
我靠 Bollocks.
剛剛那一下不僅僅是打中了一次那麼簡單 That mistaken shot wasn't just a hit,
它改變了遊戲的格局 it had changed everything.
我剛剛說的C2其實是想說C3 Because I said C2, when actually I meant three,
就怕他這麼豎著擺 in case it was there,
那C2上打對了 ■ that's a kill - bang -
也就是說剩下的一定在這了 which means it has to be there.
車不可能在這或者這裡 所以我吃定他了 It can't be here or here, so I've got him.
船長 情況怎麼樣你也清楚 對吧 James, you do know what that means, don't you?
對 我剛弄明白了 Yes, I've just worked it out.
我這一步得走對 要不你就贏了 I've got to get this right, otherwise you've won.
-要認輸嗎 -Do you want to surrender? -才不 -No, I don't!
現在我面臨著選擇 So, I was now faced with the choice
這選擇決定了遊戲的走向 that would decide the game.
是A2還是B3 A2 or B3?
A2還是B3 鼴鼠他會選哪個 A2, B3. What would Richard Hammond do?
師傅 麻煩你 Green-crane driver...
心都跳到嗓子眼上了 Oh, God.
得了吧你個老糊塗的短腿獵狗 打不到的 Come on, you bewildered old spaniel - miss.
*船長的頭型略像這種狗
那好 開火 Right. Fire!
棒 太棒了 Yes! Yes!
我的天啊 Oh, God!
爽 Yes!
鼴鼠 Hammond!
三局兩勝吧 Best of three?
我敢說 I bet...
我敢說PS上的遊戲開發者在瑟瑟發抖 I bet the makers of Sony PlayStation are quaking in their boots.
顯而易見 Well, I wouldn't be surprised.
-他們會說“天啊” -They will go, "Oh, my..." -這才是遊戲的未來 -I know. There's the future.
-那太浪費時間了 -That was a total waste of time. -別急著下結論嘛 -Well, now, hang on.
你看 我們炸掉了一輛PT漫步者 一輛普銳斯還有許多老頭樂 No, we destroyed a PT Cruiser, a Prius and many G-Wizs.
你說的沒錯 但是 船長他 Well, that's true, yes. But James...
船長 James?
不管了 讓我們切到下個環節 Never mind. Let's move on to Celebrity Brain Crash.
-好 是時候 - Yeah. Now...
這一周 This week...
這一周我們請來的可不止一位嘉賓 This week, we don't just have one star,
我們請來了好幾個呢 we have several.
他們是荷蘭 They're one of the biggest bands
最有名的樂隊之一 ever to come out of Holland,
他們要在這裡 and they're going to begin here,
世界上第六大港口 in the sixth largest port in the world...
表演他們的經典曲目 by performing their biggest hit,
嗯 他們的曲目 by which I mean... their hit.
*hit另有哈草的意思
女士們先生們 掌聲歡迎歡迎金耳墜樂隊 Ladies and gentlemen, Golden Earring!
他們來了 And there they are.
我覺得 I tell you what,
我們該調一下燈光 we ought to make the lights go a bit better.
能讓燈光暗一點嗎 更有搖滾范一點 Can we dim the lights? That's better. A bit more rock 'n' roll.
他們今天要表演什麼節目 What is their hit?
這裡是荷蘭 測速相機的發源地 Well, this is Holland, birthplace of the speed camera.
那當然是愛的雷達啦 It's obvious. Radar Love.
駕駛整夜 汗水浸濕方向盤 * I've been drivin' all night My hands wet on the wheel *
女士們先生們 嗯 OK, ladies and gentlemen, erm...
看起來有一條電纜伸入了海中 ...there's a cable's gone into the sea here, and...
整個樂隊觸電了 ...Golden Earring have been electrocuted.
那他們還能繼續表演嗎 Does that mean they're not coming on, then?
船長 他們觸的電量是致命的 Well, James, they've been subjected to a lethal dose of electricity
他們還在地上燒的滋滋響呢 所以說不行了 and are now lying on the ground, sizzling, so it's no.
-他們不能繼續了 -They're not, no. -好的 好的 -OK, OK.
看起來真是太慘了 各位 我很抱歉 That is a very grisly scene. I apologise for that, everybody.
也許沒那麼慘 Erm... Probably not as grisly, though,
如果你在外面看著我們 as if you're looking at us from out there.
想想看 Well, think about it.
-明白了 -Oh, yeah!- 對吧 -Yeah.
我們在荷蘭港口的窗口站著 We are standing in a window in a Dutch port,
背後的燈光還是暗紅 bathed in red light...
站在這也沒事乾 ...and we've got no trade lining up.
-沒人光顧 -Nobody's here. -一個都沒 -No.
等等 我有辦法了 我知道該怎麼辦了 No, I know! I know! I've had an idea.
我知道怎麼辦了 即使嘉賓不在了 I've had an idea of how we can fill the time
觀眾老爺的鐘還上著呢 that would have been taken up by the late Golden Earring.
你看哈 You see, the thing is...
能把燈光調回去嗎 假裝什麼都沒發生 Can we make the lights go white again now? Pretend that never happened.
好的 在荷蘭這裡 Good. See, the thing is that, in Holland,
有很多給駕駛者的飾品店 there are these motorist accessory stores, OK?
-所言極是 -Oh, yeah. 晚上都開著 裡面滿是顧客 -They're open all night. The place is full.
昨晚我們去了其中一家 買了很多神奇的東西 We went to one last night and bought a load of amazing stuff
開車的時候你可以用這些 you can use on the road.
放在桌上 給你們展示一下 Bring it over here. Let's show you a couple of things,
比如說這個 I mean, this, for example.
就是一個驚人的保護裝置 It's an incredible safety device.
是啊 Yeah.
這個設計非常機智 在很多的車禍中 This is very clever, because in a lot of car crashes,
受害者會咬到自己的舌頭 更有甚者 把舌頭咬掉 people bite their tongues, sometimes off.
但只要戴上這個那麼正的保護裝置 But by wearing this neat safety device,
媽媽再也不用擔心我被咬舌頭了 no way is he biting his tongue.
你看看 百分百安全 太巧妙了 Look at that! Perfectly safe. That is clever.
太難以置信了 然後還有這個雪糕筒 Unbelievable. And then you can get traffic cones
剛好塞進手套箱裡 that fit in the glovebox.
-還有這個 -This is one here.
-嗯 Yeah. -這可不是兒戲 這些都是安全的材料 -It's not funny stuff, this is safety material.
-還有這個- Another one. 這幾個都是緊湊型的 你能放靴子裡 -These are compact, so you can fit them in your boot.
如你們所知 在美國 The thing is, though, OK, in America,
有很多多乘員車道 as I'm sure you know, there are high-occupancy vehicle lanes.
只有車上有大於或者 Er... You're not allowed to go in them
等於兩個人才能用 unless you've got two or more people in the car.
在歐洲的我們對此十分憂慮 We've always been very worried in Europe
怕這個政策要在歐洲實行 that this idea is gonna come over here,
但是荷蘭人想出了解決方案 but the Dutch have it covered,
因為你能在這些駕駛者飾品店裡 because in these motorist accessory shops,
能買到充氣假人 you can buy inflatable people.
我們也帶了一個到現場 We've got one here.
-太機智了 這東西 真的是太機智了 -Very clever, this. Very clever. -可不嘛 -Isn't it?
唯一的小麻煩就是充氣要費點兒勁 The only slight issue is they do take a lot of effort to blow up.
這就有點難了 It's hard work doing.
沒關係 你看啊 It doesn't matter, though, because here's the thing.
當你在多乘員車道 OK, if you arrive at one of those
行駛時 high-occupancy vehicle lanes,
把車停到路肩上 then you pull over on the hard shoulder -
把這荷蘭小可愛放到左手這邊 just pass the Dutchie on the left-hand side here -
然後讓你的發動機來吹 and then use your engine to blow up
你的充氣假人 your inflatable person.
我現場示範一次 給你們看看這多簡單 So I'm going to do that now, just to show you how unbelievably easy this is.
準備好了嗎 Are we ready?
在這裡加點油 I'll just er... put a bit of fuel in there.
這就行了 And here we go.
你為什麼把耳朵堵起來 這只是台V8發動機 Why have you put your fingers in your ears? It's only a V8.
幾乎都沒聲音 It's virtually silent.
開乾 Here we go.
各位看好了啊 Behold.
搞什麼 What the...?
好吧 這個 Right, the erm...
這個充氣假人裂了 這裡有個 The inflatable person has split. There's--
天啊 Oh, dear.
我的還好著呢 Mine's all right.
讓我們繼續節目好吧 今晚我們去了摩洛哥 Let's move on, shall we? Tonight we are in Morocco,
去測試價格最合理的小跑 我選了馬自達 for what was supposed to be a sensible sports-car test of my Mazda MX-5
還有鮑勃·馬利和他的諾福克郡產的Zenos versus Bob Marley's Norfolk-built Zenos.
*牙買加雷鬼樂歌手 此處惡搞船長的髮型
不幸的是 一隻大猩猩不請自來 Unfortunately, the ape turned up, uninvited,
還開著一輛貴的荒謬的阿爾法羅密歐 in a ridiculously expensive Alfa Romeo.
是的我是開了一輛 Yes, I did.
然後我們出發了 And when we left the action,
我決定造一個粗糙的天平 I decided to see which of the cars was the lightest
來看看誰的車最輕 by building some rudimentary scales -
他們兩還嫌棄我這天平呢 a job that these two thought would be... beyond me.
在兩位同事的嘲諷下 Despite the cynicism of my colleagues,
第二天一早 我的天平做好了 the next morning, my scales were ready.
看起來還成 Yeah.
更讓人吃驚的是猩猩選的砝碼 Even more startling was Jeremy's choice of counterweight.
你怎麼把它放上去 How are you gonna get it on there?
-它們自己會跳 -It's gonna jump. -嗯 沒錯 牛可會跳了 -Oh, yeah, they're big jumpers, cows.
-你看它有這個意願 -Look, it wants to. 對對對 它在舒展肌肉 -He's limbering up,
在準備開跳 看得出來 he's getting ready, you can tell.
-一跳就上去了 -Up you come. 它不會跳的 牛根本不能跳 -It's not gonna jump. They can't jump.
一跳就上去了 Up you come.
這牛看起來不大會跳 On the off chance that this isn't a jumping cow,
你該弄個斜坡 which it might not be, I think you need a ramp.
拉著 我去弄個坡來 You hold that. I shall go and make a ramp.
-你好嘿 -Hello. Hello. 你好啊 真是頭好牛 -Hello, nice cow.
哎呦 猩猩它還離不開你嘿 Oh, it's bonded with you, Jeremy. It's bonded.
很快 在不藉助任何幫助的情況下 Soon, without any help at all,
我弄了個臨時的小坡 I had fashioned a makeshift ramp.
很好 乾得不錯 Very good. Well done.
真的是又快又高效呢 That was quick and effective.
不幸的是 我們把牛弄丟了 Unfortunately, the cow had wandered off,
我又弄來了一個替代品 so I had to draft in a substitute.
小駱駝快來 Go on, camel.
-小駱駝加油 -Come on, camel. -加油 -Come on.
你能行的 Come on, camel. Come on.
快來 快來 Come on. Come on.
它是不會上去的 He's not gonna go on.
你快上來 給點力 Up you come. Come on.
加油啊 你能幫忙推一把啊 別啊小乖乖 Come on. Can you push him? Oh, no.
幫不了忙 幫你的話蛋蛋得遭殃 讓我來 Not really, cos they kick your balls off if you do that. Let me...
戴維·阿滕伯勒沒有說過驢會這樣子啊 David Attenborough has never said that.
*自然紀錄片主持人
終於 我有了點進展 Eventually, I had some success.
你這挑的厲害了 This is good. We are getting there.
是打算做聖誕大餐吧 We are building up a big Christmas dinner.
然後一開始的那頭牛又回來了 And then the original cow came back.
給點力啊 小笨蛋 Come on. Dr Thinklittle.
加油 努力 那我就把駱駝放一邊了 Come on. Come on. My camel's going over here.
乖牛牛 Good cow.
-然而 悲劇的是 -Tragically, however... -根本不夠 -...it's not enough.
你能去再找一頭牛來嗎 Could you go and get another cow?
小牛來 Come on, small cow.
它上來了 很棒 He's on. Right, excellent.
-好樣的 -Good, good, good. -猩猩 -Jeremy?
-怎麼 -Yes? -這遠遠不夠啊 -This is far...
-辣眼睛 -Oh, my God! -我來這不是看它們交配的 -I don't want to be here for this!
我就在這台上看著它支起小帳篷 I'm on some scales. Its carrot's come out.
-這兩都是公的嗎 -Are they both boy cows? -對 兩個都是公的 -Yeah, they're both boys.
不 這太糟糕了 Yeah. Oh, no. This is quite bad.
-我有點 -I'm... Yeah. -我現在有點慌 -I really am alarmed.
我現在被困在這毛片現場 I'm stuck on a porn set.
我有被算進去嗎 那不就是3P了嗎 Am I part of this? Is this a threesome?
要踩到只火雞了 哦 沒有啊 He's trod on a turk... No, he hasn't.
更重要的是 我們這一群毛片演員 More importantly, the whole cast of our porn film
還沒這馬自達重 still weighed less than the Mazda.
雞雞 小雞雞 Chickens. Hello, chickies.
-還不夠吧 -It's not enough, is it? -不夠 No.
這根本沒 猩猩你這樣子根本沒用 It doesn't make... Jeremy, this is complete nonsense.
別交配了 停下 Cow sex! No!
來來 小傢伙快上 Come on, we go. On you go.
我不認為這個 I'm not convinced that this isn't...
喔 羊逃掉了 Oh, the goat's escaped.
事已至此 我們向猩猩解釋 At this stage, we explained to Jeremy
動物是不能做砝碼的 that animals cannot be used as counterweights.
你說得對 但我就不聽 Right, no, you may have a point.
我覺得殺掉它們就好了 I think it's better if I kill them.
-什麼 -What? -如果他們死了就沒那麼多事了 -Well, if they're dead, they won't mind.
這個計劃很成功 This plan made the job much easier.
你們瞧 Oh, hello!
我成功了 My experiment has worked.
哇 我們現在有個參照了 Wow! We have a figure.
這輛車剛好等於 兩頭牛加上 For the record, it weighs two cows,
大約兩條後牛腿 two legs of cows - brackets, rear -
加上一隻駱駝還有三隻羊 one camel and three goats.
真是了不起 That's incredible!
這是我這輩子遇上最有趣的事了 The most exciting thing I've ever been involved in.
量完了馬自達的重量 Having established the weight of the Mazda,
該量Zenos的了 it was time to do the Zenos.
鼴鼠 從我這棒極了的坡上倒下去 Hammond, reverse off down my superb ramp.
哇 我過去保持平衡-Whoa! It's... -I'm gonna walk this way.
怎麼會這樣 船長站過去了啊 Why is it doing that? James counterbalances with you.
等等 有點不太穩 Hang on. That's not gone well.
-是有點 Yeah, it has. -不 它開始動了 -No, it's moved!
現在後輪掉下去了 Oh, this is... Now the back wheels have come off!
來人啊 全組人都上來 Somebody get on! The whole crew!
怎麼了 What's happened?
天啊 Oh, God!
鼴鼠 現在不是幹這個的時候 No, there's no point doing that, Hammond.
我們得想想辦法 We need to think this through.
等等 我有辦法了 Hang on. I've got an idea.
你下去的話 這邊就升起來了 If you get off there, this side will go up.
然後它降下來的時候 Then you put the ramp under the back wheels of the Mazda
你們再把坡放車底下 when it comes down again.
現在你只要下去就好了 -So you all need to get off. -成 我下去了 -Right, I'm off.
等等 你們現在升上去了嗎 Hang on. Are you going up now?
-我看是 -I think so. -不 得要 -No, we need...
得要所有人都去另一頭 I know, everybody has to go there.
-到那邊 -On that side. Yeah. -上邊的所有人 -Everybody, all the crew.
小夥子們 都去那邊 All the chunkier lads, if you get on that one.
該怎麼站 How did we get into this position?
你們幾個站前頭 讓它傾斜一點 Somebody pull on the front, just to tip it.
然後把那個坡挪走 And then we will move this ramp.
聽著 我們能 Hello? Can we have all of...
-他掉下來了 -He's down now! -我要死了嗎 Am I gonna die?
我死了嗎 我死了嗎 Am I dead? Am I dead?
多虧我們流利的法語 Thanks to our fluent French,
我們成功指揮了鏟車司機 we were able to get the forklift driver to help us.
把那個馬自達 The Mazda...
把坡朝著你的方向拉出來 Reverse à vous la ramp,
把它和那個坡一起 avec introduce la ramp... Yeah.
然後官方來了一些人 Then the authorities arrived.
-那些動物嗎 -Ah, les animaux? 對的 那些動物 -Yes, les animaux.
等等 Wait. Erm...
這有問題嗎 Is it a Problème?
船長 在摩納哥 James, it's not acceptable in Morocco
殺動物來當車的砝碼是不允許的 to kill animals to establish the weight of a car, so...
在摩納哥這樣不行 It's not acceptable in Morocco?
大半天什麼都沒乾 Having established nothing at all,
還被責令趕走 we were all ordered to leave,
讓鼴鼠對我非常生氣 which made Hammond very cheesed off with me.
你特麼就是個** You're a bloody idiot!
真有趣吼 Funny!
他生氣了吧 I think he's angry, isn't he?
船長對我也相當上火 And I wasn't in James's good books, either.
猩猩 Clarkson!
怎麼了 What's the matter?
把方向盤還我 你個呆子 I want the steering wheel back, you muppet!
-我沒拿 -I haven't got it. -你就是拿了 -You have!
不是我 應該是哪頭羊拿了 I haven't. One of those goats has got it.
羊怎麼能撿東西 Goats can't pick things up.
船長拿回方向盤後 我們出發了 With his wheel retrieved, we set off.
我和船長決定 And soon, James and I decided
要做點什麼 something needed to be done.
你說 Yes, I am.
好 Oh, good. Erm...
聽著 你就 Look, just...
你就多包涵一下我 好嗎 Er... Just bear with me, OK?
現在和我們想的不太一樣 This isn't really working as well as we'd hoped at the moment,
所以我們決定 你走你的陽關道 so we think it would be better if we went our own way
我們走我們的獨木橋 and you went yours.
船長你也這麼想的嗎 Are you in on this, James?
我們已經構想了許多關於日常跑車 Well, the thing is that we had conceived quite an interesting test
和硬核賽道車的測試 between an everyday sports car and a hardcore sports car.
不是說你不好 And, I mean, it's not you.
只是你選的車不太適合 But, I mean, really, it's the Alfa. The Alfa doesn't fit.
那行 Right, well, OK. Erm...
我就留你們兩自個兒去吧 I'll leave you two alone.
自個兒的意思是 And I do mean alone,
我把整個攝影班子都帶上 because... I'm going to take the film crews with me.
現在剩下我主持了 Now that we're alone,
我可以扯上一個小時的淡 I could prattle on for hours
關於阿爾法的車標 about what the Alfa Romeo badge means,
還有車上的碳纖維車架 and how, with its carbon-fibre tub,
這的確不是個小跑 this isn't really a sports car.
它更像是個 小號的 便宜多了的拉法 It's more a... scaled-down, cut-price LaFerrari.
但我有了更好的主意 But I've had a better idea.
我找到了一段好路 What I did was find a wonderful piece of road...
然後閉嘴 ...and then shut up,
讓這畫面來說話 so the pictures could do the talking.
BGM-The windmills of your mind
這就是我想表達的 That's the thing about this Alfa -
一用言語表達 氣氛就毀掉了 if you talk about it, you're gonna criticise it.
如果你只是靜靜看著 你會深深的愛上它 你們瞧 If you just look at it... you're gonna fall in love. Oh, hello.
老哥 老哥 謝天謝地你來啦 Mate! Mate! Thank God you're here!
他怎麼了 What's the matter with him?
我人生中第一次因為你在這 Well, for the first time in my life,
而那麼高興 I'm rather glad you're here, because...
因為他認為他發現了個古代文明 he thinks he's discovered an ancient civilisation.
然後就很興奮 And he got very excited,
我也不能跟他說"鼴鼠那都是假的" and I couldn't say, "No, Hammond, it's not real."
都是電影場景 It's a film set.
他們在那拍了《 高盧勇士》 That is where they filmed Asterix And Obelix ,
在那拍了《權力的遊戲》 and that is where they film Game Of Thrones .
我明白 但他就是覺得那些是真的 Yeah, I know that, but he thinks it's real.
他真的以為外星人來了 He thinks aliens have come down
英國大學裡教的古代埃及史 古代希臘史 and that everything that universities in Britain know about Ancient Egypt,
古代羅馬史 都是錯的 Ancient Greece, Ancient Rome, is all wrong.
誰最後從這些樓梯上踩下 Which feet last trod these steps?
他們是人類嗎 Were they even human?
可能他們有那麼大 Maybe they were that big.
這個在《尼羅河寶石》裡出現過 This was actually used in The Jewel Of The Nile .
-真的嗎 -Was it? -對的 -Yeah.
凱瑟琳特納 麥克道格拉斯 Starring Kathleen Turner, Michael Douglas,
還有丹尼德威托幾個人演的 and, I think, Danny DeVito.
鼴鼠估計會以為這是艘宇宙飛船 Hammond probably thinks that it's a spaceship.
他們是坐著這個來的 That's how they got here.
感覺像是在與千年前的古人 It's like touching hands...
會面 ...across the millennia.
他們可沒那麼簡單 These were not primitive people.
當尋寶家鼴鼠 While Indiana Hammond
還蒙在鼓裡四處亂晃的時候 continued his deluded ramblings,
我有了個好主意 I came up with an idea.
你知道這個地方沒被當作什麼用過嗎 I tell you what this place has never been used as.
-什麼 -What? -賽道 -A racetrack.
在說服鼴鼠我們不會 Having convinced Richard
激怒沉睡中的神靈 we wouldn't anger the sleeping gods,
我們就著攝影棚之間的路訂好了路線 we made a circuit from the roads running through the studio lot.
然後我就去換衣服了 And then I went off to get changed.
哇哦 鼴鼠 羅傑摩爾沒混進來吧 Wow! Hammond, Roger Moore isn't here.
*演員 共出演七部007電影 此裝束和布景完美復刻了海底城的場景
沒有 你這穿的是什麼 No, he's not, is he? What is that?
是我的阿爾法專用賽車服 It's my Alfa Romeo racing suit.
-是嗎 -Is it? 是的 你看好了 -Yes, it is. Look at that.
孔雀毛內襯唉 Oh! Peacock lining.
看上去好了一些 That makes it better.
這不是給Del Monte做寵物食品廣告的Dick麼 It's the Dick from Del Monte.
*Del Monte 美國大型食品公司
啊 原來是做廣告的丁丁啊 The Cock from Del Monte.
*Dick=Cock=丁丁
一位給寵物食品做廣告的丁丁 嘴裡喊著 啊啊啊 The Dick from Del Monte, he says, "Ra-ra-ra!"
-當你開著輛阿爾法 -In an Alfa Romeo-- -裝逼裝大發了 This is tremendous!
當你開著輛阿爾法時 In an Alfa Romeo...
會打扮比會認路更重要 ...looking good is more important than looking where you're going.
-太可惜了 -That's a shame. -那你什麼時候能真的好看一點呢 -When are you gonna do that?
是時候乾正事了 It was now time to get down to business.
但首先 我們先熟悉一下賽道 But first, we went out for some sighting laps.
好滑啊 It's all skiddy!
這裡很窄啊 是船長選的 Oh, this is very narrow. James did this.
就比我的車寬了幾釐米 你腦子有病吧 That's only an inch wider than my car, you stupid man!
但是我過去了 But I'm in!
我現在到古埃及了 I'm into ancient Egypt!
看邊上的畫還有其他的東西 Oh, wow! Look at that! Paintings and everything!
我要繞著那不可信的戰鬥機繞圈 I'm gonna go around the unconvincing fighter jet.
瘋了一樣地推頭 不是件好事 我得記著 Understeering like mad, that's not good. I must remember that.
4C的問題是它是中置引擎的 The problem you have in the 4C is it's mid-engined,
也就是說 在這樣的路面 which means, on a surface like this,
前頭沒有重量 there's no weight over the front,
也就沒有了抓地力 and that means... no grip.
不像其他兩輛車 MX5的引擎是前置的 Unlike the other two, this is front-engined,
所以車尾就沒有那麼多的重量 so there's less weight on the back end,
這讓它的車尾更靈活 which would make for a livelier back end
有更多的機會甩尾 and more time enjoying oversteer.
我要轉過去了 Oh, I'm gonna spin!
這樣子不行 這樣子太過了 That's bad! That's too much oversteer.
權力的遊戲的布景 Game Of Thrones set.
不能想龍母 I mustn't think about Khaleesi.
完了 開始想了 Oh, no! Thinking about Khaleesi, it's bad!
不能想龍母 Don't think about Khaleesi!
不 No!
臥槽 Holy crap!
是座城堡 It's a castle!
天啊 差點撞上了聖城拿撒勒 God, no! Nearly hit a bit of Nazareth then.
差點惹耶穌生氣 Jesus would have been displeased.
了解了我們 Having got to know
奇怪又苛刻的賽道之後 our weird and demanding track,
我們開始計時圈了 船長是第一個 we began the timed laps, with James going first
開著他的吧輕量化 動力強的諾福克特產車 in his lightweight, powerful Norfolk-mobile.
準備好了嗎 Right, are we ready, James May?
三 二 一 開始 In three, two, one... Begin!
那彎在哪來著 我可不想 Oh, where's the bend? I don't...
我靠 Oh, balls!
我們最擔心的是 You know, what worries me most of all,
那個把房子抵押了開辦Zenos的人 is the poor little man who's mortgaged his house to start Zenos.
還把車借給了電視上的我們 And that he's lent it to us on the television.
"是誰開來著..." "And which one's driving it? Which...?"
"哦 不" "Oh, no."
那我現在該往哪走了 Right, now what do I do?
第一個彎弄砸了 After my first-corner cock-up,
目前出師不利 盡量縮短時間 I was on the back foot, trying to make up time.
應該是往拿撒勒那邊走 Heading for Nazareth, I think.
一直在打滑 All over the place!
在這繞兩圈 Round and round the thingy.
快點快點快點 Fast, faster. Faster.
很可惜 這個就只能記999小時 Well... this only goes up to 999 hours, sadly.
好吧 Right.
但好在你比最大限度快 But it's OK, you were just in that time.
好吧 Yeah, mm.
船長你剛剛是邊拉長臉 James, did you manage to drive
邊開車的嗎 whilst dragging your face along the ground?
進了好多塵 A lot of dust comes in.
你為什麼不把窗戶升上 Why don't you wind the windows up?
你們好幽默啊 You're funny men.
接下來 到約翰特拉沃爾塔了 Next, it was the turn of John Travolta.
*好萊塢演員
沒有誰穿得那麼體面 Never has anybody looked quite so good...
去跑計時圈的 ...on a timed lap.
三 二 一 出發 In three, two, one... Go!
讓這一圈不要作廢 Right, let's make this count.
好窄啊 Narrow!
穿著亞麻西裝玩漂移 Sideways in linen!
權力的遊戲的布景 Game Of Thrones set.
推頭 Understeering...
轉啊 轉啊 Turn! Turn!
讓渦輪歡快地歌唱吧 Come on, let's get that turbocharger singing!
咆哮吧 Kill it now!
嗯 他到了 Well, he arrived.
終於 到了探險家鼴鼠了 Finally, Sir John Blashford-Hammond.
*John Blashford-Snell 英國探險家
-準備好了嗎 -Ready? -是的 -Yes.
三 二 一 出發 In three, two, one... Go!
好的 出發了 Right, this is it.
我一點錯都不能犯 I can't afford a single error.
這一圈很重要啊 This is a hot lap!
他來了 Here he comes.
不 No!
就這樣 回到演播帳篷 And with that, back to the tent.
你撞壞了 Smashed it. Smashed it.
-等一下 -Hang on a minute. -怎麼了 -What?
你獨自試駕時的那首歌 You know that Windmills Of Your Mind sequence in the car?
-怎麼 -Yeah. -把阿爾法襯得很棒 You made the Alfa look really good in that.
-嗯哼 -Yes. -如果誰被你忽悠了去買了一輛呢 -What if somebody buys one?
你的良心會受到譴責的吧 You don't want that on your conscience.
你講什麼啊 那是一輛 What do you mean? It was a brilliant... What?
不管了 不管了 我手上有我們的成績 Anyway, anyway, I have the results here of the laps.
第三名的是 And er... well, in third place,
開著Zenos的船長 第二名開阿爾法的猩猩 you in the Zenos; second place, you in the Alfa;
第一名 就是開著馬自達的我啦 first place, the winner was me in the Mazda.
但是沒有用 But it was a hollow victory,
因為我不小心毀了一小棟古代建築 because I ruined an ancient piece of sculpture.
我想說的是 Yes, but here's the thing, OK?
在經歷過重量還有速度測試之後 After the weight test and the speed test we did,
我們學到了 we've learned...
-什麼都沒學到 -...nothing. -對 一點也沒有 -Yeah, it's nothing. Nothing at all.
根本什麼都沒有 Literally nothing at all.
隨著這個失望的消息 And on that terrible disappointment,
恐怕是時候說再見了 I'm afraid it's time to end.
感謝收看 Thank you so much for watching.
我們下周見 再見 See you next week. Goodbye.
再見 Goodbye!