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翻译：非燕 爱吃屎的鱼 冰蓝 B-Fan 胡好时 vero
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时间轴：本命年心想事成壳 龙年吉祥如意邪 校对：vero 非燕
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后期/特效：瓜瓜 监制：vero
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《绝望的主妇》前情提要 Previously on Desperate Housewives
苏珊找到了她帮忙埋葬的男人的太太 Susan tracked down the wife of the man she helped bury
试图做出补偿 and tried to make things right.
我想你多写了一个零 I think you added an extra zero.
我想帮忙 I wanna do something to help.
勒奈特独挑大梁 Lynette adjusted to life without Tom.
这样的问题还会再发生的 Lots of things like this are going to happen.
我得知道怎么修 I have to be able to fix them.
麦克及时纠错 Mike stopped Ben from making a mistake...
-你疯了吗 -他是谁 - Are you crazy? - Who is this guy?
抱歉了 哥们 Sorry, pal,
交易结束 你还是把钱收回去吧 the deal's off. He's not taking your money.
麦克随后把雷尼的身家告诉了本 Then told him something he didn't know about Renee.
如果她前夫是个板球运动员 If she divorced a cricket player,
我肯定一清二楚的 I might recognize the name.
要是她真是跟板球运动员离婚 If she divorced a cricket player,
哪儿能分到一千二百万美元啊 she wouldn't have gotten $12 million.
布里与姐妹们不欢而散 And Bree's falling out with her friends
导致她走向危险边缘 led to some dangerous behavior.
我能再给你买一杯酒吗 Can I buy you another drink?
你可以给我买早饭 You can buy me breakfast.
布里·范德坎普一向有着良好的口碑 Bree Van de Kamp had always enjoyed a sterling reputation.
大家都知道她对陌生人仁慈友好 She was known for being kind to strangers
对来客热忱相待 and for greeting them with a warm welcome.
她确保每位来宾都感到温馨备至 She made sure every guest felt comfortable
在她家中没有任何禁区 and that no part of her home was off-limits.
她从不忍心打发人走 She never had the heart to turn anyone away,
因为不管她接待了多少客人 because no matter how many guests she was hosting
也不管她款待到多晚 or how late she was entertaining,
她的慷慨都无止境 her generosity knew no bounds.
真是飘飘欲仙 That was amazing.
感觉真好 It was nice.
而且出乎意料 And unexpected.
一小时前 我提议为你那杯酒买单时 An hour ago, when I offered to buy you that glass of wine,
根本不知道我的投资回报会如此丰厚 I didn't know what a good investment it would be.
当我看到喜欢的目标时 I don't waste any time...
就会舍不得浪费时间 when I see something I like.
真干脆 Decisive.
而且性感 你真是梦中情人 And sexy. You may be the perfect woman.
出去 Get out.
什么 What?
我是说 你该走了 I mean... it's time to go.
现在才凌晨4点 Uh... it's--it's-- it's 4:00 in the morning.
对 但我邻居凯伦·麦克卢斯基 Yeah, and my neighbor, Karen Mmcclusky,
5点就起来泡咖啡 starts her day at 5:00 with a pot of coffee
坐在窗口喝了 and a seat near her front window.
我只有趁这个时候把你弄出去的 This is my only chance to get you out of here
她才不会注意到 without her noticing.
谁在乎她注意不注意 Who cares if she notices?
我在乎 我在这条街上名声很好 I do. I have a certain reputation on this street,
我可不想成为大家茶余饭后的八卦对象 and I don't want to become the subject of idle gossip.
赶紧走吧 Now come on.
再次感谢你 感觉真是太好了 Well, uh... thanks again. This--this was terrific.
对 给你裤子 Ah, yes, here are your pants.
谢谢 真希望能再见到你 Thanks. Uh, really love to see you again.
嘴真甜 别忘了你的外套 Aw, that's sweet. Don't forget your jacket.
今晚外面很冷 It's quite chilly out tonight.
我认真的 我们可以下次再来 I'm serious. Let's do this again.
周五怎么样 How about Friday?
我恐怕没空 Oh, I'm afraid I'm busy.
周四或周三呢 Thursday or Wednesday?
那至少能告诉我电话号码 Can I at least get your phone number
或者你姓什么吧 or your last name?
你看上去像个好人 You seem like a good person,
所以我老实告诉你吧 so I'm gonna be honest.
我不想和你交往过深 I have no interest in having a relationship with you.
为什么 Why not?
因为我已经过了 Because I am past the point in my life
希望每个约会对象 where I hope every date will flower
都能和我开花结果的的年龄 into a meaningful relationship.
我成过几次婚 也交过几个男友 I have had husbands and boyfriends,
可他们只给我带来了伤心和痛苦 and they've brought me nothing but heartbreak and pain.
所以我现在只想晚上有人临时陪一陪 So now all I want is a body in my bed at night, briefly.
所以就这样吗 你就这样把我扫地出门吗 So that's it? You're just gonna kick me out?
真抱歉 我怎么那么失礼 I am so sorry. Where are my manners?
没错 布里一向有着良好的口碑 Yes, Bree had always enjoyed a sterling reputation...
和你逍遥真开心 It was lovely having sex with you.
祝你今天愉快 Have a wonderful day.
而且她觉得没必要有所改变 And she saw no reason that should change.
在每个主妇的生活中 In the life of every housewife,
总免不了要翻新 there comes a time for renovation...
因为求知的孩子学习新本领 When an eager child learns a new skill...
因为浪漫之夜稍有闪失 When a romantic evening becomes an unsightly mess...
或是因为盛宴酿成了悲剧 Or when a dinner party comes to an unexpected end.
可有时唯一需要抹去的 But sometimes the only thing that needs to be removed...
是一段记忆 is a memory.
所以我基本上是要焕然一新 So basically I want a whole new look--
新家具 新装饰 全给我换了 New furniture, new paint, you name it.
所以我们可以把一切都给丢了 So we can get rid of everything,
包括圣母玛利亚和她的孩子吗 including the Virgin Mary and her kid?
不不不 我的信仰对我来说很重要 Ah. No, no, no, no. My faith is very important to me.
说出三个门徒名字 Name three apostles.
好吧 挪到客房去吧 Okay, fine. Move it to the guest room.
你们能在两周后完工吗 Hey, can you guys get this all done in two weeks?
可能吧 为什么那么急 Probably. Why the rush?
那时卡洛斯正好戒酒回来 That's when Carlos is done with rehab.
我不想让他回到这房间 I don't want him coming back into the room.
这里老让他心神不安 It just freaks him out.
这房间有什么问题吗 Why would this room freak him out?
因为这里是孕育西利娅的地方 'Cause it was where Celia was conceived,
坦白说 那孩子成天只会闯祸 and frankly, that kid's been nothing but trouble.
勒奈特 汤姆从巴黎回来了吗 Uh, so, Lynette, is Tom back from Paris?
还没 简为他们俩安排 Not yet. Jane arranged for them...
去伦敦待上几天 to pop over to London for a couple days.
那荡妇 That slut.
-抱歉 -不不不 - I'm sorry. - No, no, no.
我是说 她是个荡妇没错 I mean, yeah, she's a slut,
不过我现在已经不再自怨自艾了 But I'm done feeling sorry for myself.
我得重振旗鼓 开始约会了 It's the kick in the pants I need to start dating again.
-真棒 -对 进步很大 - Good for you. - Yeah, it's a big step.
我知道 所以我希望你们俩 I know, which is why I'm hoping you two might know someone
给我做做媒 you could set me up with.
当然了 我们会考虑的 Uh, sure. We will think about it.
怎么回事 What was that?
什么怎么回事 What was what?
你们刚才互换的眼神是什么意思 What was that look thing you just did?
看 你们又来了 Oh. There it is. You did it again.
勒奈特 你是个很优秀的人 It... Lynette, you're a wonderful person.
你坚强性感又聪明 You are strong and sexy and smart,
所以... 给你做媒难度很高 so... fixing you up would be a bit of a challenge.
为什么 Why?
因为你太特别了 Well... because you're so unique.
原汁原味 Such an original.
凡事总要争个明白 坚信自己的观念 Feisty and so certain of what you believe.
别把这些话说得跟夸奖似的 Stop trying to make all those sound like compliments.
你们其实在暗示我爱发牢骚 You're basically telling me I'm a bitch.
还真是 Oh, my god!
我们只是在说 会有某个男人 We're just saying it takes a certain kind of man
欣赏你的这些特质 to appreciate all you have to offer.
或许他得披着犀牛皮 Preferably one with a hide like a rhino
有着格陵兰海豹宝宝般的斗志才行 and the fighting spirit of a baby harp seal.
好了 我们好话说完了吗 Okay, so we're done sugarcoating?
好吧 我已经认清自己了 Okay, look, I've met me.
我知道我有些强势 I know I can come on a little strong,
但我还是得相信 有一个男人 but I have to believe there's a guy out there somewhere
就喜欢我这类的 that finds that appealing.
而且... 你们得帮我找到这位如意郎君 And... you two are gonna help me find that guy.
好吧 你赢了 Ohh, fine. You win.
你总是赢家 因为你总... You always do, because you're so...
争强好胜 feisty.
天啊 Oh, my god.
我的天啊 Aah! Oh, my god!
你怎么还在这儿 闹钟没响吗 Why are you still here?! Didn't the alarm go off?
凌晨四点的时候响了 我把它关了 Yeah, 4 o'clock in the morning. I shut it off.
不能关 闹铃响你就得走了 所有人都是这样 No. That's when you leave. That's when all the men leave.
这是规矩 It's the rule.
好吧 不管是谁敲门 我都给赶走 Okay, I'll get rid of whoever's knocking,
你就可以从后门走了 现在别动 and you can sneak out the back. Stay put.
好 可我得... Yeah, but I have--
原地不动 And don't move.
凯伦 你好 Karen, hi.
现在我不方便 Th-this is not a good time.
我气死了 我要吐槽 I am so angry, I could spit.
你得帮帮我 布里 You've gotta help me, Bree.
帮什么 With what?
教堂的糕点义卖 The church bake sale.
大家都知道柠檬棒由我来做 Everyone knows I make the lemon bars,
可今年 海伦·辛普森说她也要做 but this year, Helen Simpson says she's making them, too,
我可比不过她 她是用真柠檬做的 and I can't compete with her. She uses real lemons.
那你用的什么 And what do you use?
我可只是个拿固定工资的 I'm on a fixed income, okay?
天啊 Oh, God!
我是说... 你的生活该是有多苦啊 I mean... that must be so hard for you.
你是女士互助会的会长 You're the head of the Women's Auxiliary.
我该怎么办 What should I do?
你有没有想过把"柠檬"遮起来 Have you considered covering your lemons?
什么 What?
我是说 柠檬棒的事情我来解决 I-I mean, you have lemon bars covered,
我让海伦去做蓝莓奶酪蛋糕 So I'm gonna ask Helen to make blueberry cheesecake.
好 谢谢 Okay, thanks.
不送啦 Now off you go.
行 可我还在等着看我背后的那位帅哥 I will. I'm just waiting for the naked guy behind me
什么时候能穿好衣服 to finish getting dressed.
抱歉 我等不及了 Sorry. Couldn't wait.
我有会要开 你看见我裤子了吗 I've got a meeting. Have you seen my pants?
你落在厨房桌台上了 Uh, you left them on the kitchen island.
别摆出这副带有成见的表情好吗 Don't give me the judgmental eyebrow.
他是我的一位好朋友 He is a dear old friend of mine
老远过来看我 visiting from out of town.
慢走啊 丹 See you later, Dan.
-是唐 -你好 - Don. - Hi.
还不快走 Just go.
现在可以了吗 Now can I give you the eyebrow?
我招 我昨晚在"默里"酒吧认识他的 Fine. I met him last night at Murray's.
我的车坏了 然后... My car broke down, and I--
我进酒吧等拖车 I went inside to wait for a tow truck.
那前几天早上离开的那位呢 And how about the guy I saw leaving the other morning?
神啊 你几点就起床了 My god. What time are you getting up?
跑到垃圾桶的时候被我发现了 Caught that one on the way to the can.
你怎么了 布里 What is going on, Bree?
你不是以前的你了 You don't seem... yourself lately.
我完全没事 I am absolutely fine.
好吧 你说没事就没事吧 Okay. Whatever you say.
说吧 Come on.
你的大惊喜是什么 What is your big surprise?
再走几步 Just a few more feet.
如果是玩三人行的话 我得警告你 Because if it's a 3-way, I gotta warn you,
我就是这么认识我前夫的 that's how I met my ex-husband.
不是那个 Uh, no, it's not that.
你的鱼 Your fish.
你准备扔掉它吗 You're getting rid of it?
我知道你有多讨厌它 Well, I know how much you hate it.
可它对你的意义深重啊 Well, it meant so much to you...
忘记你上次说的一堆狗屁理由了 for some stupid-ass reason you once explained to me.
是啊 Yeah.
布鲁斯和我有过一段历史 Bruce and I had some good times together.
但你和我也有历史 But you and I have been having our share, too,
如果... 要在你们之间选择一个 and, uh, you know, if I have to pick one of you
长远来看的话... for the long haul, well...
长远来看 你想说什么 The long haul? What are you trying to say?
我想说... I'm trying to say...
我想约你明晚吃晚餐 I want you to come to dinner tomorrow night.
听起来不像吃饭这么简单啊 Ah. Sounded like there was more to it than that.
也许是吧 Well, maybe there is,
你来了才知道 but you'll have to come to dinner to find out.
听起来挺诱人的 Sounds intriguing.
我们不吃剑鱼 对吧 We're not having swordfish, are we?
共事 Work.
我在楼上等你 I will be upstairs.
别打太久 Keep it short.
喂 卡尔 怎么了 Hey, Carl. What's up?
别 别发停工通知 No, no, don't send out the layoff notices.
我们会发工资单的 我有解决办法了 We'll make payroll. I've got this covered.
不是贷款 No, not the bank.
我有别的办法 I'm working on something else.
克劳迪娅 Claudia.
我丈夫到底在哪里 Where the hell is my husband?
抱歉 我的门打滑了 Oh, hey, I'm sorry. The door slipped.
好吧 我刚打扫完 你能不能... Whoa. Okay. I just vacuumed, so if you could--
雷蒙 Ramon!
他不在这里 你怎么找到我的 He isn't here. H-how did you find me?
你的地址在支票上 天才 Your address was on the check, genius.
要是我找到你了 When I find you,
我会把你的脖子像鸡一样扭断 I'm gonna wring your neck like a chicken!
你有些紧张 要喝杯花草茶吗 You seem a little tense. Do-- do you want some herbal tea?
我要我的丈夫 I want my husband!
你怎么确定我知道 What makes you think I know where he is?
你告诉我女儿说他再也不会回来了 You told my daughter he was never coming back.
你以为偷我的男人这么容易吗 贱人 You think it's that easy to steal my man, bitch?
等等 你以为我和雷蒙在偷情吗 Wait. You think that I'm having an affair with Ramon?
这花是他送你的吗 Did he give these to you?
不 不是 这是我丈夫送我的 No! No! These are from my husband.
这么说你也背着你丈夫出轨了 荡妇 So you're cheating on your husband, too. You whore.
好吧 我发誓 我绝不可能 Okay, look, I swear there is no possible way
和你丈夫偷情 相信我 I could be having an affair with your husband. Trust me.
是吗 我觉得你在撒谎 Well, I think you're lying.
你想看看我怎么对待撒谎的人吗 And you wanna see what I do to liars?
妈妈 这是谁 Hey, mom. Who's that?
请不要这样 Please don't.
你是分裂家庭的人 不是我 You're the home wrecker, not me.
这事没完 But this isn't over.
我想在关门之前去地毯商店 I wanna get to the carpet store before it closes.
放心 就隔一个街区 Oh, relax. It's a block away.
我确认一下我的预约 Just need to confirm my appointment.
你好 我想确认一下周四两点 弗兰克的预约 Hi. Making sure I'm still on with Frank 2:00 Thursday,
然后提醒你上一次 and reminding you what happened the last time
你没安排好我的预约的后果 you screwed up my appointment.
她没忘呢 雷尼 我们都没忘呢 She hasn't forgotten, Renee. None of us have.
你好啊 Hello.
最近怎么样 这是我的朋友勒奈特 How are you? This is my friend Lynette.
你好 Hi.
哪个幸运儿在给你做 Who's the lucky guy doing you?
其实... Actually...
目前没人 我丈夫和我分居了 Nobody. My husband and I are separated,
他和他的女友在伦敦 And he just took his girlfriend to London and--
他是在说你的头发 he was talking about your hair.
是 我怎么会不知道 Oh, of course you were.
我去地毯店等你 I'm gonna meet you at the carpet store.
说真的 你的头发很棒 Seriously, your hair is amazing.
能给我个机会帮你做头发吗 Any chance you'd ever let me style you?
我一直是找主路上的古斯塔夫做头发 Uh, well, I've been going to Gustave on main for years.
我不想对他不忠 I'd feel like I was cheating on him.
我们可以背着他 Well, he doesn't have to know.
是 但是 Yeah, but...
古斯塔夫很爱吃醋 还典型的法国做派 Gustave is jealous and french,
我可不想最后搞得 and I wouldn't want this ending up
你俩为此决斗 a pistols-at-dawn kind of thing.
忠贞啊 让我更想得到你了 Loyalty. Just makes me want you more.
行啦 别再相互试探了 All right. Stop sniffing each other.
我要一瓶护发素 I need a bottle of conditioner.
我这就去拿 Coming right up.
他看起来很棒 Well, he seems great.
你怎么不帮我和他搭红线 Why don't you set me up with him?
不 不 不 不成 Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
为什么 你也看到了 他在跟我调情 Why not? You saw he was flirting.
他不适合你 Well, no, he's not right for you.
他刚刚离婚 He just got divorced,
还不想投入认真的感情 and he's not looking for anything serious.
我也是 再合适不过了 Neither am I. It's perfect.
亲爱的 这将是你二十年来首个约会 Honey, you're about to go on your first date in 20 years.
我真的不想看到你受伤 I really don't wanna see you get hurt.
别为我担心 Don't worry about me.
我可争强好胜了 你说过的 I'm feisty, remember?
不行 No.
别逼我用娃娃音 Don't make me use the baby voice.
千万别来娃娃音 Oh, not the baby voice.
拜托嘛 Pwease.
连小孩说娃娃音 我都忍受不了 I even hate when babies use the baby voice.
拜托嘛 雷尼尼 Pwease, Wenee,
帮小奈特约那位大帅锅发型师嘛 help Wynette date the big, sexy hair dwesser.
-拜托嘛 -好吧 好吧 - Pwease. - Okay, okay.
服你了 谢谢 Okay. Oh, thanks.
对了 勒奈特是很忠于她的发型师 Look, Lynette may be loyal to her hairdresser,
但她是单身 but she is single.
所以也许你们俩... So maybe the two of--
我很愿意 你今晚有空吗 I'd love to. How about tonight?
听起来不错 Sounds great.
把你的号码留给琳达 我收工后打给你 Leave your number with Linda. I'll call you when I'm done.
好的 谢谢你 Great. Thank you.
为了感谢你 我再也不说娃娃音了 To thank you, I will never again do the baby voice.
我不胜感激 An, I appreciate it.
但我还可以用英国腔 But I've still got the british one.
再会好伙计 去饮下午茶 Pip, pip, cheerio, jolly ol' crumpets and tea,
我们走吧 回见 Let's go. Ta-ta.
寻人启事 荡妇邻居苏珊·德尔非诺与他有染 知情者请致电克劳迪娅
天呐 Oh, my god.
我的天呐 Oh, my god!
为什么我们不能自己去公车站 Why can't we walk to the bus by ourselves?
我们朋友都是自己走的 All of our friends do.
我不信任你带着西利娅 记得沙鼠事件吗 I'm not trusting you with Celia. Remember your gerbil?
我那时还小 I was younger then.
还不知道怎么做降落伞呢 I didn't know how to make a parachute yet.
那好 你们自己走吧 Okay, fine. Go.
真的吗 Seriously?
是的 走 跑 随便你们 Yeah. Walk, run. Whatever.
快走 小心她改变主意 Quick, before she changes her mind!
苏珊 Susan!
所以我飞去俄克拉荷马城 ...and that's when I decided to fly to Oklahoma city
看看她们 and visit them.
难以置信 Unbelievable.
我显然不会随身带一千块现金 And I obviously didn't have $1,000 cash,
所以我只能开张支票 so I had to write a check.
上面有你的地址 妙极了 With your address on it. Perfect.
我本希望她冷静下来 And I was hoping that when she calmed down,
会意识到根本没婚外情这码事 she would realize we weren't having an affair.
显然没如你所愿 Apparently not.
真不敢相信你去了他家 I can't believe you would go to his family.
你为什么要那么做 Why would you do that?
我感到很愧疚 备受煎熬 I felt so guilty. Oh, it was eating me up.
又愧疚 The guilt again?
你感到愧疚 于是你袭击警察 You feel guilty, so you assault a cop.
你感到愧疚 于是画下谋杀的场景 You feel guilty, so you paint the murder scene.
你感到愧疚 于是你跑去他家 You feel guilty, so you go to his house?
这还有个头儿吗 When is this gonna end?
我只想确认她们平安无事 I just needed to make sure they were okay.
她们是无辜的 You know, they didn't do anything.
苏珊 我们洗脱了一切嫌疑 Susan, we were in the clear.
没人会将我们和他联系起来 There was nobody who could connect him to us,
而你却去告知他太太... and then you had to go tell his wife--
不对 应该是他的遗孀 No, no, no, his widow--
告诉她 他再也不会回来了 He was never coming back.
我没告诉克劳迪娅 我跟玛丽莎说的 I didn't tell Claudia. I told Marisa.
玛丽莎又是哪根葱 Who the hell is Marisa?
他15岁的继女 His 15-year-old stepdaughter.
等等 你跟她谈了 Wait. You talked to her?
你认为他... Do you think he was...
你怎么知道的 她告诉你的吗 Well, how do you know? Did she tell you?
不需要她告诉我 She didn't have to.
我只见过一个人 有过同她一样的眼神 I've only seen that look in someone's eyes once before--
那就是你 Yours.
你觉得她告诉她妈妈了吗 Do you think she's told her mother?
看起来她没跟任何人说过 It didn't seem like she told anyone.
她该说出来 She needs to.
保守这样的秘密 是对身心的折磨 Keeping a secret like that-- it just... tears you up.
我真的很抱歉 I'm so sorry. I...
我真不知道该怎么解决这事儿 I don't know how we're gonna get out of this one.
我知道 I do.
打电话告诉克劳迪娅 我要跟她谈谈 Call Claudia and tell her I wanna talk to her.
那我怎么解释你是谁 Who do I say you are?
一个要揭露她丈夫真面目的女人 The woman's who gonna tell her the truth about her husband.
你觉得生牛肉片如何 So... what's your feeling on carpaccio?
我希望自己被锁在一个房间里 My feeling is I'd like to be locked inside a room
被生牛肉片团团包围 made of carpaccio and eat my way out.
很高兴你这么讲 I am so happy to hear you say that.
我前妻不先大谈一番大肠杆菌的危害 My ex never let me order anything raw
是不会让我点生食的 without giving me a lecture about the dangers of E. Coli.
还挺性感的 Ugh. Sexy.
抱歉 我不该提我前妻的 I'm sorry. I shouldn't be talking about her.
没事 能听听别人的婚姻问题 No, it's nice to hear
换换心情也挺不错的 about someone else's marriage problems for a change.
如果我们一直按她的要求过 Oh, there was no problem,
也没有什么婚姻问题 as long as we did everything exactly her way.
"你为什么要给别人打工 "Why do you have to work for somebody else?
为什么不自己开间美发沙龙" Why don't you get your own salon?"
那还真是挺郁闷的 I can see how that would be frustrating.
不过 Although...
换个角度说 I suppose someone could argue
她也许只是想帮助你 that she was just trying to help you.
帮我 就是要不断地让我有挫败感 Help me? By making me feel like a failure all the time?
的确令人不舒服 Yeah, that is pretty awful.
不过 Although...
这也许是她激励你的一种方式 maybe she meant it as a motivational technique.
这么说 你是站在她那一边了 So you agree with her?
我只是试着理解 I am just trying to understand
她当时的想法 what she might have been thinking.
我是说 你不想永远做发型师吧 I mean, you don't wanna be a stylist forever, right?
那有什么不好 Why not?
因为 Because...
谁想自己六十岁时 还在为人剪头发 who wants to be cutting hair when they're 60?
我意思是 难道你不会更愿意在巴厘岛海滩 I mean, wouldn't you rather be checking in on your own salon
开家自己的沙龙挣钱吗 from a beach in Bali?
我喜欢理发 I like cutting hair.
那才是最重要的 Then that is all that matters.
但是 Although...
天啊 你锻炼的可真好 My goodness, you certainly do work out.
我就爱有结实的二头肌的男人 I just love a man with a firm bicep.
想感受下我的吗 You want to feel mine?
塞克斯牧师 你怎么在这里 Reverend Sykes, what are you doing here?
我倒是要问你 你怎么会在这里 The more pertinent question is, what are you doing here?
就像你一直说的 Well... as you always say,
对唱诗班说教是无用的 there's no point in preaching to the choir.
你应该走向全世界 You've gotta go out into the world
然后试着去拯救年轻人走向正道 And... try to set the youth on a different path.
我认为你的正道应该带你去别的地方 I think your path should take you elsewhwhe,
也许是那些 perhaps to one of those ladies
穿的不多的女士之一 not so burdened down with clothing.
我知道你是怎么想的 I can only imagine what you must think.
我想的正如凯伦·麦克卢斯基说的 Oh, what I think is, as Karen McCluskey put it,
"你又开始喝万恶的饮料了" "You're back on the yahoo juice."
那不是我的 Oh, that's not mine.
一定是在我之前的可怜人留下的 Some poor soul who was here before me must have left it.
我想我可能是一不小心陷入了一些 I suppose I have allowed myself to slip back into some...
旧习中 old habits.
所以我来了 Well, that's why I'm here,
阻止你越陷越深 to keep you from slipping any further,
所以拿好你的东西 我们走 so gather up your things and let's go.
你一定对我失望至极 You must be so disappointed in me.
没关系 布里 我当你牧师很久了 It's all right, Bree. I've been your pastor for years,
你是我见过的最体面 and you're the most proper and appropriate woman
最得体的女人 I've ever come across.
你显然只是一时失足 This is obviously a temporary lapse
这并不是真正的你 and not who you truly are.
-你怎么能这么说 -你说什么 - How can you say that? - Excuse me?
连我自己都不清楚自己是谁 How can you say who I truly am
你又怎么知道 when I don't even know myself?
这个我们以后再说 现在跟我走 We can discuss this later. Now come on. Follow me.
但我已经跟着你走好多年了 But I have been following you for years,
而我还是完全找不到方向 and I am still terribly lost.
我需要找到自我 I need to find out who I really am,
我想也许我需要找的地方就在这里 and I think... maybe the place I need to search is right here.
你知不知道 如果你继续沉沦下去 You do realize, if you continue to do this,
我不能再让你领导妇女互助会了 I can no longer let you lead the Women's Auxiliary.
你不能这么做 这周日就有糕饼义卖 You can't do that. The bake sale is this sunday.
如果没有我 那将会是场灾难 It would be a disaster without me.
我现在正目睹一场更大的灾难 I'm looking at a much bigger disaster right here.
你太残忍了 Now you're just being cruel.
真不像个牧师的作风 That's not very ministerial of you.
我不仅仅作为你的牧师而来 I didn't only come here as your minister.
同样作为你的朋友而来 I also came as your friend.
但很明显 你对我任何身份都不感兴趣 But clearly, you have no interest in either right now.
所以正如你看到的 So as you can see,
沙龙开业两年内 within two years of opening the salon,
你会赚回所有启动资金 you will have amortized all the start-up costs.
我们还没准备好 Uh, we are not ready yet.
到那时 就没理由 At that point, there's no reason
不赚钱了 you couldn't consistently turn a profit.
天啊 Oh, my god.
我们能聊些别的吗 Can we talk about something else?
我只是试着帮忙 雷尼告诉我 I'm just trying to help. From what Renee tells me,
人们都为了你去那家沙龙 people go to the salon because of you,
但是一半的钱 你的钱 and yet half that money-- your money--
都进了店主的腰包 is going to the owner.
这真的让我胃疼 Seriously, this is making my stomach hurt.
是因为你胆怯了吗 Could it be 'cause you're scared?
你怎么能这样说 你根本不了解我 How could you say that? You know nothing about me.
我知道 只是我们花了一个小时 I know. I know. It's just... we've spent an hour
想出了一个完全合理的五年计划 coming up with a perfectly reasonable 5-year plan,
而它让你胃疼 and it just makes your stomach hurt.
你知道还有谁做五年计划吗 斯大林 You know who else had a 5-year plan? Stalin.
斯大林 前苏联领导人
好吧 抱歉我说了不该说的 Okay. Oh, I'm sorry I said anything.
你对现状很满意 那很好 You're happy where you are. That's great.
平庸并没什么错 There's nothing wrong with being average.
我不平庸 I am not average.
抱歉 合适 安定 舒适 I'm sorry. Adequate, settled, comfortable.
随便你想怎么形容 Whatever you wanna call it.
我们不如点餐吧 Why don't we just order?
好主意 Good idea.
鲑鱼看起来不错 Oh, the salmon looks good.
在牛排店里吗 At a steakhouse?
没错 这完全合适 You're right. I'm sure it's perfectly adequate--
安定 舒适 settled, comfortable.
我不知道本在搞什么名堂 I don't know what Ben has up his sleeve,
但是这将会是特别的一夜 but it's gonna be a special night,
所以我真的需要个好造型 so I really wanna look great.
话说 Speaking of which,
你和勒奈特的约会如何 how was your, uh, big date with Lynette?
有点紧了 Ah! Little tight.
对不起 Sorry. Oh.
约会很有趣 The date was interesting.
我真的欠你个人情 I really owe you one.
你头发怎么了 What happened to your hair?
拜你所赐 You happened to my hair.
弗兰克是这个小镇上唯一一位 Frank was the one guy in this podunk town
知道如何打理非洲裔女人头发的人 who knew how to relax a black woman's hair.
我现在看起来就像是多出来的"骚狐狸" Now I look like an extra from "Foxy brown."
多亏了你 我们的关系破裂了 And thanks to you, our relationship is ruined.
等等 这是弗兰克干的 Wait. Frank did that?
我还没意识到我们的约会这么糟糕 I had no idea our date was that bad.
真的吗 Oh, really?
你给还是没给他一个五年计划 Did you or did you not give him a 5-year plan
写在一张纸巾上 on a cocktail napkin?!
我也许是给了几条建设性建议 Well, I may have made a few constructive suggestions,
但仅仅是因为我在他身上看到了潜能 but only because I saw potential in the guy.
他真的能成个人物 He could really be something.
他是个人物 而且他喜欢现在的自己 He is something, and he likes who he is.
他不需要你去说他不够好 He doesn't need you telling him that it isn't good enough.
我不会为了试着去帮助他而道歉的 I am not going to apologize for trying to help the guy.
如果他应付不来 也是他自己的问题 If he can't handle it, that's his problem.
我知道了 Ah, I see.
所以你奋力去控制他是他的错吗 So it's his fault you tried to control him?
就像你奋力去控制汤姆 也是他的错一样 Just like it was Tom's fault you tried to control him?
他们两个有什么共同点 What did both of those guys have in common?
等等 给我几分钟 让我想想 Oh, wait. Give me a second. Uh, I'll think of it.
我想说 戴上个思考帽 I'd say put on a thinking cap,
但我想应该没大得能盖住你脑袋的 but I don't think there's one big enough.
至少我可以盖住这一团糟 Well, at least I can cover up this mess.
而你那一团就够你收拾的了 That one is gonna take a hell of a lot more work.
拿掉头巾吧 Come on. Take off the scarf.
能有多糟呢 How bad could it be?
你会感到惊讶的 我就像个瓶刷 You'd be surprised. I look like a bottle brush.
今天是什么好日子 So what's the big occasion here?
首先 干杯 First, a toast.
为了呼啸着闯进我生命的女人 To the woman who came roaring into my life
像只独眼袋熊一样 like a one-eyed wombat.
这是件好事 Uh, it's a good thing.
是让每一天都 A force who makes each day
更加惊喜的力量 more exciting and surprising than the last.
现在 我知道仅仅是几个月时间 Now... I realize it's only been a few months,
但是 but, uh...
我发现我爱上了你 雷尼 I found myself falling for you, Renee.
而且 And, uh...
我一看到它 就知道它主人是谁 I know a keeper when I see one.
本 Oh, Ben.
你喜欢吗 You like it?
-爱死了 -是吗 - I love it. - Yeah?
只是 太快了 It's just... it's so fast.
如果你需要时间来考虑 我理... Well, if you need to take your time, I under--
不不 我已经想好了 我答应 No, no, I don't need to take my time. Yes!
我要嫁给你 I'll marry you!
你让我好开心 You have made me so happy.
你不知道你带给我多大安慰 You don't know what you've done for me.
当我离婚时 When my... marriage ended,
我觉得自己惨遭背叛 I felt so betrayed.
我决心不再相信任何人 I decided I would never trust anyone again.
然后你出现了 And then you came along.
和你在一起我觉得好安全 I just feel so safe with you
我之前从来没有这种感觉 in a way that I've never felt before.
而我内心深处... And I know that...
知道我该答应你 in my heart this is right.
我做不到 I can't do this.
什么 What?
忘了我说的话 好吗 Just forget I said anything, okay?
忘记你让我嫁给你吗 Forget you asked me to marry you?
什么 把戒指给我 What? Give me the ring.
你不会想嫁给我的 雷尼 我是个坏人 You don't wanna marry me, Renee. I'm an awful person.
你好得不得了 You're an amazing person.
赶紧把戒指给我戴上 Now slide it on right there.
-我做不到 -为什么 - I can't. - Why?
出什么事了 What is going on?
天啊 我说出来你会恨死我的 Oh, god. You're gonna hate me for this.
我最近入不敷出 I'm having some financial problems,
而... and...
我觉得如果我们合资 那... I guess I thought if we pooled our resources, that... oh.
你为了我的钱才想娶我吗 You wanted to marry me for my money?
我知道这样不对 I know.
对不起 I'm sorry.
听着 雷尼 Look, Renee...
我是真情实意的 I meant every word I said.
我真的爱你 I do love you.
那我现在怎么知道你是看上我还是钱呢 There's really no way for me to know that now, is there?
你好 克劳迪娅 Hi, Claudia.
我是加布 谢谢你抽空过来 I'm Gaby. Thanks for coming.
她说你想和我谈谈 Yeah. This one said you wanted to talk to me?
谈什么 What about?
我们进屋说 We should go inside.
-你不进来吗 -不了 - You're not coming? - No.
我在这里等着 I'm--I'm gonna wait out here.
我给你们点私人空间 I think you two could probably use some privacy.
平时这里没这么乱 我们在装修 It's not usually this messy in here. We're redecorating.
打扰一下 索利斯夫人 你有空吗 Excuse me, Mrs. Solis? Do you have a second?
那是什么 What--what is that?
红酒 除夕派对弄的 Red wine. New year's eve party.
我们在玩砸瓶子的游戏 We were playing... smash-the-bottle,
后果惨不忍睹 which is a terrible game.
好吧 我们要吃午饭了 Okay. Uh, we're taking lunch.
所以想在换掉地板之前告诉你一声 Just wanted to give you a heads-up before we replace it.
很好 我可不想再回忆起那疯狂之夜了 Great! Great. Don't need any reminders of that crazy night.
你要喝点什么吗 Can I get you something to drink?
免了 赶紧告诉我你让我来的目的 No. You can tell me what the hell I'm doing here.
雷蒙在哪里 Where's Ramon?
我怎么开口呢... Well... how to start this...
首先 你要找的男人 First of all, the man you're looking for--
他的真名是亚历亨德罗·佩雷斯 His real name is Alejandro Perez.
什么 What?
不 不是 No, it's not.
相信我 Trust me.
在他遇见你之前我就认识他了 I knew him before he ever met you.
怎么说 How?
他是我的继父 He was my stepfather.
你还好吗 You okay?
我只想要这一切赶紧结束 I just want all this to be over.
我也是 Me, too.
但是这一切不会结束 But it's never going to end.
她会一直找他 She won't stop looking for him.
她还爱他 She still loves him.
那你没有告诉她吗 So you didn't tell her?
没有 No way.
她绝不会相信我 She would never believe me.
你告诉别人了吗 Did you tell anyone?
没 No.
玛丽莎 我不会装作了解 Marisa, I'm not gonna pretend to understand
你遇上的事情 what you're dealing with.
但是我有个朋友也有过这种遭遇 But I have a friend who went through the same thing,
她说尽管这事十分可怕 and she said that as awful as it was,
但保守秘密只会让事情愈发糟糕 keeping the secret only makes it worse.
如果他离开了你和你妈 So if he left you and your mom,
改名换姓 开始了全新的生活 changed his name, started a whole new life,
他为什么又回来找你 why'd he come back to see you?
我重回故乡 把他的事抖了出去 I had visited my hometown. I said some things about him.
他听说了 想让我闭嘴 He heard, and he wanted me to stop.
什么事 What kind of things?
听着 我很难启齿 Look, this isn't easy for me--
到底是什么事 What kind of things?
我15岁时 他强奸了我 When I was 15, he molested me.
你指望我信这种鬼话吗 You expect me to believe that?
我是个处女 而他伤害了我 I was a virgin, and he hurt me.
骗子 Liar.
克劳迪娅 Claudia.
我知道你不肯相信 I know this is hard to hear.
我不知道你和你朋友做了什么事 I don't know what you and your friend did.
我也不知道我丈夫出了什么事 I don't know what happened to my husband.
我只知道你刚刚说的都是谎话 All I know is everything I'm being told is a lie.
不是 他是个骚扰女孩的变态 It's not! He was a child molester.
闭嘴 你尽可以往他身上泼脏水 Shut up! You can make it sound as bad as you want.
也可以瞎编无比恶心的谎言 You can tell all the disgusting lies you can think of.
但我绝不会相信你 I will never believe you.
那请你相信我 Then believe me.
什么 What?
我太害怕了 不敢告诉你 I was too scared to tell you.
我知道你有多爱他 I know how much you love him.
天啊 Oh, my god.
你是在说... Are you saying...
我总是想着也许他会停手 I kept thinking it would stop.
不 不 No. No.
我可怜的孩子 Not my baby.
不 No.
都是我的错 It is all my fault.
进来吧 Come in.
你说得对 You were right.
这些年来 我以为我逼汤姆 All those years, I thought I pushed Tom
是因为他需要我这样做 because he needed me to.
他确实需要 Well, he did.
不 他不需要 那个人也不是汤姆 No, he didn't, and that guy wasn't Tom.
他只是个超级可爱的小伙子 He was just a perfectly lovely guy,
对他现在的生活十分满意 perfectly content with his life
而飓风"勒奈特"席卷了他 until hurricane Lynette hit him.
至少你承认了 At least you recognize it.
人们说这是第一步 They always say that's the first step.
我能告诉你实情吗 Mm, can I tell you the truth?
我内心深处一直明白我错了 There was a part of me that recognized it the whole time.
我脑海里有个小小的声音告诉我 A little voice inside my head telling me,
"你喜欢他 而你在把他逼疯 住手" "You like this guy, and you're driving him nuts. Stop."
但我就是做不到 But I couldn't.
要是经过这么多年 我改不了了怎么办 What if after all these years, I can't stop?
要是我本性如此怎么办 What if this is who I am?
还记得过去在大学里你老是啃指甲吗 Remember in college you used to bite your nails?
是你阻止了我 You stopped that.
没错 用吸烟替代 Yeah, by taking up smoking.
记得你是怎么戒烟的吗 Remember how you quit smoking?
靠练瑜伽 Yoga.
你上瑜伽课的时候 I've never seen you more relaxed
我从没看过你那么放松的样子 than when you were taking those classes.
还好吧 I don't know.
我只是想说 All I'm saying is
你是我认识最有决心的人 You are the most determined person I know.
你想做的事定能办到 You can do anything you want.
我只是想改变 I just wanna be different.
我讨厌再这样歇斯底里地做人 I'm sick of being this hypercritical nut job.
会好起来的 It'll get better.
相信我 约会也会变得顺利 Trust me. And so will dating.
你会找到合适的人 You will find somebody.
承你吉言 I hope you're right.
我是说 如果你都能找到本... I mean, hell, if you found Ben...
我开玩笑的 开玩笑的 I'm joking. I'm joking.
本和我 Ben and I...
分手了 It's over.
那个硬汉就住在这儿啊 So that's where the tough guy lives, huh?
我们只管做我们的生意 好吗 Can we just do our business, please?
你每周还款 大家都相安无事 You pay every week, everyone's happy.
你错过一周 就得付出代价 You miss one, it'll cost you.
错过两周 You miss two...
后果不堪设想 You don't wanna miss two.
别担心 Don't worry.
我只需要挺过这段困难时期 I just have to get past this rough patch,
之后就能财源广进了 and then the money will be rolling in.
慢慢来 Take your time.
再说 如果你还不了钱 Besides, if you're not good for it,
我知道你那漂亮的女友也有的是钱 I understand that pretty girlfriend of yours is loaded.
她与此事毫无关系 She's got nothing to do with this.
你离她远点 你听懂了吗 You keep her out of it. You understand me?
这条街上的硬汉可真不少 There's a lot of tough guys on this street.
快进屋坐 Hi! Come in.
我们不久留了 We're not staying.
只是来道别的 Just... came to say good-bye.
还有谢谢你 And thank you.
你确定不留下来吗 我这儿有间客房 You sure you don't wanna stay? I have a guest room.
不了 我们得赶回去了 No, we need to be getting back.
这孩子已经缺了太多课了 This one's missed enough school already.
让我们单独聊聊 女儿 Give me a second, mija.
我还是不知道这种事是怎么 I still don't know how this could have happened
在我眼皮子底下发生的 under my nose.
你一定觉得我是世上最糟糕的母亲 You must think I'm the worst mother in the world.
不 No.
至少你相信她 我母亲从没信过我 At least you believe her. My mother never did.
可是我把这个男人带进她的生活中的 But I'm the one who brought that man into her life.
你并不知情 没有人会知道 You didn't know. Nobody ever knew--
他恶魔的真面目吗 What a monster he was?
我现在知道了 多亏了你 I know now, thanks to you.
你说那污渍是红酒吗 You said that stain was red wine?
你该尽快把它处理掉 You should probably get rid of that.
布里 你在这儿干什么 Bree, what are you doing here?
我举办糕点义卖已经八年了 Oh, I've been running this bake sale for eight years.
我为何不能来 Why wouldn't I be here?
我告诉大家你不舒服 I told everyone you weren't feeling well
并决定让你不必参加了 And had decided to sit this one out.
我现在好多了 Well, I'm feeling better now.
再说每届糕点义卖 Besides every bake sale
都需要水果蛋糕[也指诱人的女子] needs... A tart.
我会跟你的下一个男人一样欣赏 While I appreciate a good culinary double entendre
这精妙的厨房双关语 as much as the next man,
我真觉得你这精神状态不该来这儿 I really don't think you should be here in your condition.
我没事 瞧瞧我的点心做得多标致啊 I'm fine. Look how beautifully my dessert came out.
松脆的蛋糕 新鲜的草莓 Shortcrust pastry, fresh strawberries--
你显然喝了很多酒 You've obviously been drinking.
我不想让你难堪 I don't want you to embarrass yourself.
谢谢你的好意 牧师 Well, I appreciate your concern, reverend,
但我能照顾好自己 But I can take care of myself.
不用谢 You're very welcome.
请告诉您的朋友都来我这桌 Tell all your friends to come to my table.
好吧 下一位 All right, who's next?
格雷戈 Greg.
我的天 布里 Oh, my god. Bree.
你在这儿干嘛 Wh-what are you doing here?
我一直在这家教堂 This is my church.
你也是成员吗 我以前从没见过你 Are you a member? I've never seen you here before.
我刚加入的 没错 幸会 I, uh, just joined. Yes. Nice talking to you.
等等 等等 Wait, wait.
我该让你尝尝 我最出名的 Can't I tempt you with a slice
草莓蛋糕的诱惑 of my famous strawberry... tart?
我该走了 I, uh, I should probably get going--
这巧合真是有意思 What a funny coincidence this was.
你最近还去默里酒吧吗 Will I see you at Murray's later?
或者我们可以直接跳过酒吧偶遇 Or... we could just skip the murray's part,
你直接来我家 and you could come... straight to my house.
格雷戈 这女人是谁 Greg, who is this woman?
这位是布里 她常来这家教堂 Uh, this is Bree. She, um, she goes to this church.
听起来你们不像是在教堂遇见的 Doesn't sound like you met her in church.
抱歉 我们怎么认识的与你何干 Excuse me. What business is it of yours how we met?
我是他老婆 I'm his wife.
那这确实关你的事 I guess it is your business.
难以置信 Unbelievable.
你总是埋怨要工作到很晚 You're always going on about working late
要睡办公室 可与此同时 and sleeping in the office, and meanwhile,
你却在低档酒吧里捡这种便宜货 you're hanging out at dive bars picking up trash.
我不喜欢你这种口气 I don't like your accusation.
是吗 猜猜我不喜欢什么 Oh, yeah? Guess what I don't like?
你跟我丈夫乱搞 You screwing my husband!
布里 这就是我担心的事 Bree, this is what I was worried about.
你得离开 You need to leave.
你要赶我走 大吼胡闹的人是她 You're kicking me out? She's the one making a scene,
还端来这么些干巴巴的杯子蛋糕 And a dry batch of cupcakes, by the looks of it.
谢了 我可不打算从小镇名妓嘴里 Thanks, but I'm not looking for baking tips
听取烘焙秘方 from the town whore.
别听她的 布里 她不清楚你的为人 Don't listen to her, bree. She doesn't know who you are.
凯伦 其实 Actually, Karen...
我想她说的对 I think she does.
现在我知道你们大家都急于打听 Now I know you're all anxious to dig in
我刚为你们提供的劲爆八卦 To the delicious gossip I've provided for you.
我可以回去喝一杯了 And I could really use a drink.
在每个主妇的生活中 Yes, in the life of every housewife,
总免不了要翻新 There comes a time for renovation.
也许是要摆脱不愉快的回忆 She may be doing away with an unpleasant memory...
了断一度甜蜜的感情 breaking up a once happy relationship...
或是为新的到来 做必要的改变 or making the necessary changes to prepare for a new one.
但无论这位家庭主妇 But no matter how much a housewife
有多接受自己人生的改变 may embrace the way her life is changing,
她的街坊四邻们 The people in her neighborhood
都会看法迥然 may take a different view.
怎么回事 What's the matter?
也是我们该进屋去 Maybe we should, uh, go inside.
也许不必 Or maybe we shouldn't.