-弄个BB机干什么 -我刚买的 - What's with the beeper? - Oh, I just got it.
我父母岁数越来越大了 My parents aren't getting any younger,
让他们随时能联系到我 我才放心 and I feel a little safer knowing that they can reach me.
尽好女儿的义务而已 Just being a good daughter.
要是我还算是好女儿的话 If anything, I am a good daughter.
你不打回去吗 Aren't you gonna call back?
好像是该打回去 Yeah, I guess so.
尼娜 太好了 Oh, Nina, good.
明早之前把学生成绩单给我 I need my grade reports by tomorrow morning,
不然教务主任该拿我屁股当球甩了 or the registrar is gonna use my ass as a tetherball.
我得走了 成绩单留在你电脑上了 I gotta run. I left the reports on your computer.
在哪呢 I don't see them.
在你电脑上 They're on your computer.
尼娜 别耍我玩儿了 Nina, don't jerk me around.
她可能是说成绩单 I think what she means is that the grades
存在你的电脑里面 might actually be in the computer.
是 妈 我知道 Yes, Mom, I know.
一块钱三个冬甜瓜的确划算 3 for a dollar is a great price for crenshaw melons.
我买BB机是为了方便你有急事找我的 You know, I got this beeper for emergencies.
是 我知道甜瓜不买就没了 Yeah, I know they're gonna go fast.
这风险我认了 I'll just have to risk it.
再见 Good-bye.
成绩单怎么弄出来啊 How am I gonna get my grades out of this?
没存硬盘里吗 They're not on the disk?
硬盘 The disk?
我的天哪 Oh, my god.
三年了 You know, in 3 years,
我从没见你用过电脑 I have never seen you use your computer.
这是你不可告人的小秘密 是吧 It's your dirty little secret, isn't it?
你个物理教授是一电脑盲 You're a physics professor who's computer illiterate.
我才不是呢 I am not.
行 行 Well, fine, fine.
但你要是需要我帮忙 But if you ever need my help,
我 一个人类学教授 I...an anthropology professor,
就教你 will teach you...
一个物理学教授 a physics professor...
如何用鼠标打开文档 how to open a file with your mouse.
电脑 激活 Computer, activate now.
哎呀 我真傻 Oh ho, silly me.
是日本货 It's Japanese.
电脑快打开 Ima kumputa hajimate!
本字幕由 YYeTs人人影视 原创翻译制作 仅供学习 禁止用于任何商业盈利行为 更多影视更新 请登陆 www.YYeTs.com
■
《歪星撞地球》 第四季 第十七集
翻译：玫瑰糖 校对：顾异
■
后期：鱼骨头 总监&时间轴：独醉
■
头型真逗 Interesting hair.
不是吧 那好像是帽子 No, I think that's a hat.
不对 牛不会戴帽子的 No, I don't think a cow would wear a hat.
你们买台新电视不就得了 Why don't you guys just get a new TV?
说什么 Wha...
新电视 New TV?
能...能买吗 Can we-- can we do that?
能啊 Yeah.
我去 太牛逼了 My god, that's brilliant!
我对象就是有才 That's my girlfriend.
哈里 Harry.
蓝色的 Ohhh! It's blue!
蓝色的 It's blue!
天哪 我们怀孕了 Oh, my god. We're pregnant!
我是孩儿他爹 I am the man!
哈里 Harry!
我刚吃了根蓝色冰棒而已 I just has a blue icy pop.
那也不能说明我不是孩儿他爹 Well, that doesn't mean that I'm not the man.
宝贝 你会当上孩儿他爹的 Honey, you will be the man.
咱去找专家看看 确保一切系统工作正常 We're going to a specialist to make sure all systems are go.
看专家去 看专家去 That's right. That's right.
好了 我该走了 Ok, that's my cue.
我也是 Yeah, me, too.
来呀 你来呀 Get it... and get it. Ha!
汤米 你不去追你女朋友吗 Tommy, aren't you gonna go with your girlfriend?
不去 我就想看看热闹 No, I was just gonna stay here and watch.
大人办事 小孩滚蛋 This is grown-up stuff. Get out of here!
来呀 你来呀 Get it, ha! Get it!
迪克 你干嘛呢 Dick, what are you doing?
我拿电脑办公呢 I-I'm just, uh, working on my computer.
都没开机啊 It's not even on.
开着呢 Yes, it is.
没开 No, it's not.
开了 正启动呢 Yeah, I-it's just, uh, warming up.
你不会用电脑 You don't know how to use a computer!
闭嘴 Shut up!
他真不会用 Oh, he has no idea!
我是一高级生命体 I am a superior being.
我乘坐能折叠装兜的飞船来的地球 I came to earth on a spaceship that could fit in my pants.
如此落后的科技叫我怎么用 What am I supposed to do with technology so backwards
连脑电波都读不了 it can't even read your thought waves?
小姐 Miss...
你的病情很罕见 you have a very rare condition
治疗手段只有一种 which can only be cured
就是脱光光 by gettin' naked.
时间紧迫 该脱就脱 We don't have much time.
哈里 这事严肃着呢 Harry, this is serious business.
我得确定身体没毛病 I gotta be sure that everything's all right.
你们好 我是霍华德医生 Hi, I'm Dr. Howard.
我了解到你们一直在努力受孕 I understand you've been trying to get pregnant.
是够努力的 努了一个月了 Oh, boy, we sure have. For a whole month.
是我生命中最嗨的一个月 It's been the greatest month of my life.
一个月 那你们担心的有点早 Well, a month, that's a little early to panic.
可是... 我们除了这事儿就没干别的 But... it's not like we're doing anything else.
你们要是图个放心 Well, if it'll give you some peace of mind,
咱们可以稍微检查一下 we can have a little look-see.
其实生殖系统 See, the reproductive system is
是很复杂的组织 a very complex piece of machinery.
嗯 Ok.
看见这个没 哈里 这是你的尿道 You see this, Harry? This is your urethra.
你啥时候拍的 Where did you get that picture?!
这不是你的啦 It's not really yours.
可能是某个 Probably some...
帅哥男模 是吧 fancy male model, isn't it?
是吧 Sure.
您好 请问需要什么 Hello. May I help you?
本顾客非常不满意 Yes. I am quite livid!
我两周前买的这台电脑 I purchased this computer here 2 weeks ago,
什么也做不了 坏的 and I can't do anything with it. It's broken.
我们有六年没卖过这种样式的电脑了 We haven't sold this machine here for 6 years.
行 那你就退我代金券好了 Fine, fine. I'll just take store credit, then.
这儿标的"潘德顿大学所有" This is stamped "Property of Pendleton University."
你连赃物也卖 你胆儿真肥 You have sold me stolen goods? How dare you!
你这电脑不是在这儿买的 You did not buy this computer here.
你说瞎话 You are lying.
你是一骗子 You are a liar.
我还以为顾客永远是对的 I thought the customer was always right.
画面真清楚 That's so clear.
里面人入画出画 You can actually see where this guy ends and
都能看清 this guy starts.
哇塞 这个比那个还好 Oh, whoa, this one's even better.
就是 Oh, yeah!
但比起这个就黯然失色了 But it pales in comparison to this...
巅峰之作 masterpiece!
汤米 Tommy.
妈妈咪呀 Sweet mother!
大画面里还套着一个小画面 There's a picture in that picture!
天哪 这么小 Oh, my god, it's so little.
我可以坐这儿然后把它放我... I could just sit down and rest it right here on my, uh...
大腿架上 uh, thigh shelf.
清屏的话你只要... Uh, now, all you do to clear the screen--
那个我会 That much I know.
我家里有个跟它差不多的东西 I have something similar to this at home.
好了 同志们 Ok, you guys.
看这个 Check it out.
四头家用录像系统带自动追踪信号器 4-head VHS auto-tracking deliciousness.
525线的分辨率 525 lines of resolution.
爽 Ooh, yeah!
可是 这上面说 However, it says here
这个录像机只有250线 that this VCR only has 250 lines.
什么意思 What are you saying?
没什么 Nothing.
你是说这些色彩 还可以更鲜活吗 A-are you saying that these colors could be more vibrant?
我觉得这个就挺好了 This looks good to me.
汤米 我觉得咱既然决定数字化 I am saying, Tommy, that if we went digital,
就得将电视机的好处发挥到极致 we'd get the most out of our bitchin' TV.
不尽其用不就是白花钱了嘛 So it would really be a waste of money not to.
这台真的挺好的 This really looks fine.
太次了 It's horrible!
包起来 把这破烂送回去 Pack it up. This piece of crap's going back.
哈里 别闹了 Harry, cut it out.
我得测好是不是排卵期 I gotta find out if I'm ovulating.
好了 Ok.
现在可以了 Now we can begin.
好吧 Oh. Ok.
我跟你说 You know what?
离电视远点儿 Get away from that TV.
为什么 Why?
有辐射 The electromagnetic field
影响小蝌蚪成活率 can wreak havoc on your swim team.
好了 哈里 All right, Harry.
把衣服脱了 Take off the robe.
脱衣服 Take it off?
给 我 脱 了 Take off the robe.
好吧好吧 All right.
不是吧 No, no, no, no.
-咋了 -你干嘛穿这么紧的内裤 - What? - Why are you wearing such constrictive underpants?
迪克不穿了啊 Well, Dick was done with them.
哈里 你这样对办事儿完全没帮助 Harry, you know, you are not helping the cause.
你得起点正面作用 You've got to get with the program.
-好嘛 -脱了 - All right. - Take 'em off.
-什么 -赶紧脱 内裤脱了 - What? - Take 'em off now. Take 'em off.
咋样你都不满意 那我还是穿着吧 If it's all the same to you I think I'll just leave them on.
哈里 Harry!
好了 配置调制解调器文件 Ok, configure modem file.
文件在哪儿 Where's the modem file?
打开控制面板 Go to your control panel.
什么 My what?
控制面板在桌面上 Your control panel on your desktop.
在哪儿呢 Where?
不是 是你电脑桌面上 No, on your computer's desktop.
这哪是桌面啊 这才叫桌面 That's not a desktop. This is a desktop.
这个是屏幕啊 That's a screen.
不对不对 退出 No, no, no. Quit this.
-点命令键加Q -命令... - Hit "Command Q." - Command...
那是控制键 点命令键 是命令键 That's control. Hit command. Command!
不对 No, no...
迪克 Dick!
好了 There.
又来了 Oh, great.
不用问 芒果一块钱仨 Don't tell me, mangos are 3 for a dollar.
用一下你家电话 I'm gonna go use your phone.
我真是自找的 弄了个BB机 I'm so smart. Get her a beeper.
好女儿 好嘛 Good daughter. Oh, that's right.
这个 才叫高画质 Now, this is high quality.
没错 数码影碟哟 Oh, yeah! DVDs, baby!
数码电影... Digital video...
飞碟 dynamite.
这个画质太完美了 This resolution is perfect.
色彩多鲜活 Oh, the colors are so alive.
这是《鬼精灵2》 It's Leprechaun 2.
[94年的恐怖电影 烂片]
哇塞 看这个 Whoa, whoa, check this out.
光盘里还附送 There's a bonus audio track
导演感言 where you can hear the director's comments.
《鬼精灵2》的导演 The director of Leprechaun 2.
还有 Ooh, and look,
结尾还有该电影的预告片 at the end you can see the original trailers for the movie.
你们这是花钱看《鬼精灵2》的广告 You're paying to watch the commercials for Leprechaun 2!
是数码修复版 Digitally remastered.
是啊 Yeah.
这碟画质太好了 The resolution of this dvd is so good...
放在这么个小电视上看简直浪费 it's almost a shame to watch them on a smallish TV.
就好像你在欣赏《蒙娜丽莎》的时候 It's like lookin' at the Mona Lisa
有人拿棍子捅你眼睛 while someone's jabbing a stick in your eye.
有那么烂吗 Is it that bad?
电视还得接着换 We need a new TV!
包起来 把这破烂送回去 Pack it up. This piece of crap is goin' back.
没反应 Nothing.
我完全按你说的弄 结果咋样 没反应 I've done everything you ask, and what do I get? Nothing!
不玩儿了 滚蛋吧 That's it! Bon voyage.
你就等着去垃圾堆填区吧 It's out to the landfill with you!
欢迎使用 Welcome.
你刚说什么 What did you say?
你有新邮件 You've got mail.
我有吗 I do?
没有 妈 No, mom,
我没有奶奶的苹果馅饼秘方 I don't have grandma's recipe for apple pan dowdy.
每次这个BB机一响 我都以为是你死了 Look, every time this beeper goes off, I think you're dead,
现在我已经开始失望了 and I'm starting to get disappointed.
不是 妈 我开玩笑呢 开玩笑 No, mom, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
拜 Bye.
早死早超生吧 The hell I am!
天哪 Oh, my god.
艺术 科学 哲学 Art, science, philosophy.
太神奇了 This is beautiful.
你说什么呢 迪克 What are you talking about, Dick?
我上网了 I-I'm on-line!
你知道人家管这个叫啥吗 Do you know what they call this?
全球资讯网 整个地球都在我指尖之下 The world wide web. The entire planet is at my fingertips.
-那挺好 -大家好才是真的好 - Hmm, good for you. - Good for all of us.
我们花费那么多时间 努力接近人类 We've spent all this time trying to get closer to humanity,
现在咱可以随时了解地球上的一切文明 and now we have instant access to every culture on earth!
除了法国人 Except the French.
法国人在这儿呢 Ah! There they are!
挺幸运呗 Lucky us.
迪克 要想赶上吃晚饭 You know, Dick, if we're gonna make it to dinner,
最好现在就走 we better go now.
再过一小时餐厅就都关门了 Every place is gonna be closed in an hour.
不好意思 玛丽 我走不开 I'm sorry, Mary. I--I can't leave now.
为什么 Why?
我有一整个世界要探索呢 I have a whole world to explore.
好多财富要挖掘 Riches to unearth.
而且再过十五分钟 And in 15 minutes,
有个珍妮弗·洛夫·休伊特网友见面会 there's an on-line chat with Jennifer Love Hewitt,
[《鬼语者》的女主角]
我才不要错过呢 and no way am I missing that!
这才叫电视嘛 Now, this is a television!
天哪 Oh, god.
你看这些乐器都好大啊 Look how big everything is.
小提琴看着跟大提琴似的 That violin looks like a cello.
不对 那就是大提琴 No, that is a cello.
我刚还纳闷呢 那哥们儿 Oh, I was wondering why that dude was
干嘛拿腿夹着小提琴 playing the violin between his legs.
快点哈里 去诊所要迟到了 Come on, Harry. We're gonna be late for the clinic.
我才不想去那破诊所 I don't want to go to the stupid clinic.
哈里 面对现实吧 你有病 Harry, face it, you have a problem.
我没有阳痿 I am not impotent.
你好 艾丽莎 Hello, Alissa.
学校怎么样 How's school?
挺好 Good.
那太好了 That's great.
所以就是这样 And so you see,
通过使用润滑剂 that by utilizing a viscous barrier,
可将任意两种物质间的摩擦降到最小 we minimize bonding between any 2 substances.
现在 你们理解了摩擦力 Now, you understand friction,
而我 and I...
煎了个美味蛋饼 have a nice omelet.
有不懂的吗 Any questions?
你为什么要通过电脑讲课 Why are you on a computer?
在教学过程中 My actual presence
我已经没有必要实体化存在了 is no longer necessary in the learning process.
这是我新开展的直播教学 This is my new live webcam
地址是3W.所罗门星球.com at WWW.PlanetSolomon.Com.
对我进行二十四小时拍摄 It's on me 24 hours a day.
所有人都可以登录 Now, anybody can log on.
你们可以看到我的日常生活 You can watch me do almost everything,
花点小钱 and, uh, for a small fee...
还可以看私生活 everything.
哈里 我要给你做个测试 Now, what I'd like to do now is take an aggressive approach
是一种刺激性很强的电击测试 by running an extensive battery of tests on you, Harry.
你愿意吗 Does that sound good?
不怎么愿意 It doesn't sound great.
放松就好 You just relax.
把这个喝了 Drink this solution,
我一会儿回来给你拍X光 and I'll be back in a minute for the x-ray.
你看 就跟普通饮料一样 Look at that. It's just Kool-aid.
带放射性示踪剂的饮料 Kool-aid with radioactive tracers.
哈里 听我说 这个坎咱必须过了 Harry, listen to me. We're gonna get through this.
那个霍华德医生哦 You know that Dr. Howard?
他把这个小小的摄像头 He's got this little tiny camera
一直送到你的... that he can send straight up your--
好了 够了 Ok, that's it!
我不要看专家了 No more specialists,
不要仪器测试了 no more equipment,
也不要喝带放射性示踪剂的饮料 and no more radioactive Kool-aid.
你这是干什么 What are you doing?
你听好了 小妞 Now you listen to me, baby.
这事儿跟医生无关 This isn't about doctors
跟药也无关 or medicine.
这事儿只跟你我有关 小妞 两个相爱的人 It's about you and me, baby-- 2 people in love.
你弄疼我了 You're hurting me.
我们要想生小孩 Now, if we're gonna make a baby,
咱就按自然的方法来 we're gonna do it the natural way.
哈里 Oh, Harry.
薇琪 我建议你赶紧 Vicki, I suggest you join me
跟我一起到这张包肉纸上 up here on this butcher paper right now.
来呀 你来呀 And get it, and get it...
艾丽莎 问题不在电视上 You see, Alissa, the problem wasn't the TV.
问题是咱之前没买 The problem was we didn't have
杜比六声道数码环绕音响 dolby 6-speaker digital surround-sound.
真蠢 Stupid!
但是现在 But now...
我们什么都有了 we have everything.
好了 Ok.
等一下 Hold on.
好了 Ok.
现在音量是百分之三十 We're at 30% volume.
四十 40%.
五十 50%.
别按啦 Stop it!
我感觉好像是坐在节目现场 I feel like I'm watching Entertainment Tonight
看《欢乐今宵》 at Carnegie freakin' hall.
太 销 魂 啦 Awesoooommme!
把声音关小点 Turn it down!
看玛丽·史汀伯根的生日会 How loud do you need to hear
[《回到未来3》里演女教师那位]
你要开多大声音啊 that it's Mary Steenburgen's birthday?
-再大点儿呗 -咱圆满了 - Louder? - Then we did it.
咱家有终极家庭影院了 We have the ultimate home theater system!
那个 你们买这些花了多少钱 Excuse me, how much did all of this cost?
花了多少钱 How much did it cost?
首付都不用 大妹子 一分没花 No money down, baby. That's how much it cost.
将来需要付多少钱 How much will it cost?
要到七月四号才付款呢 No payments till the fourth of July.
那到时候要付多少钱 Then how much will it cost?
四万五千 $45,000.
包起来 Pack it up.
把这堆破烂送回去 This piece of crap's going back.
迪克 Dick.
我们要去参加拉瑟福街头美食节 We're going to the taste of Rutherford's street festival.
-你要去吗 -还用去吗 - You coming? - Coming?
我已经在现场了 I'm already there.
银行房顶上有摄像头在直播呢 There's a live video stream from the roof of the bank.
辣椒展台貌似挺不错的 It looks like the chili booth is the place to be.
迪克 我们要去看电影 Dick, we're going to a movie.
别烦我 我正做虚拟手术呢 Don't bother me. I'm performing virtual surgery.
好吧 Fine.
哎呀 看你们捣的乱 Oh! Look what you made me do.
吸引器[割得大出血了] Suction!
迪克 你在吗 Dick, are you in there?
把披萨从门缝里滑进来就行 Just slide the pizza under the door, please.
天哪 迪克 Oh, my god, Dick!
你已经三天没上班了 You haven't been to work in 3 days.
你的家人没办法了给我打的电话 Your family is so concerned they called me.
他们从来不给我打电话 They never do that.
我家人 Ahh, my family.
是的 莎莉 哈里 还有那小子 Yes. Sally, Harry, and the little one.
他们怎么样 How are they?
非常担心你呗 Again, they're concerned.
迪克 我觉得你应该去透透气 Dick...I think you need a little fresh air.
我带你出门去 I'm going to take you outside.
不可以的哦 玛丽 I can't allow that to happen, Mary.
起来 Get up!
我好生气哦 玛丽 You've made me so angry, Mary.
去死吧 Oh, go to hell!
太亮了 So bright.
搞什么 What the--
先生 飞盘是我的 Hey, Mister, that's my Frisbee.
你在跟我说话吗 Are you talking to me?
你是在跟我说话 Are you talking to me?
是啊 Yeah.
我都快忘了 I'd almost forgotten.
这个星球上还有真人啊 There are real people on this planet.
能把飞盘给我吗 Can I have my Frisbee?
跑远点 小家伙 Go long, young man.
跑远点 Go long!
砸着猫了 你个神经病 Nice throw, ya freak!
这娃真招人稀罕 What an enchanting boy.
我抢到了 I get it.
来呀 来呀 Come on, come on.
来抢啊 Come on get it.
就是这个 哈里 There it is, Harry.
我们曾经拥有过 We had that one.
妈妈咪呀 Sweet mother!
大画面里还有个小画面 There's a picture in the picture!
大家好 我重生了 Look, everybody! I'm alive!
太好了 It's wonderful.
到处都是人 People everywhere.
我爱你们所有人 I love you all!
好神奇 我可以闻到你的气息 This is amazing. I can smell you.
迪克 Dick!
迪克 你出来了 Dick, you're out.
莎莉 哈里 汤米 Sally, Harry, Tommy.
迪克 你干嘛来了 Dick, What are you doing here?
需要什么 Can I help you?
我要把这堆六万块的商品退还给你 Yes, I'm returning $60,000 worth of merchandise to you...
好兄弟 my brother!
我要午休 I'm on lunch.
莎莉 我犯了一个大错 Sally, I've made such a mistake.
我以为这些高科技产品 I thought all this technology
可以帮我更了解人类 would help me wrap my arms around humankind.
但是我错了 But I was wrong.
它给我的只是日益加重的 All it gave me was a raging case
腕管综合征 of carpal tunnel syndrome.
你不跟全球资讯网连接啦 So what about being connected to the world wide web?
我什么都没连接上 我被隔离了 I wasn't connected to anything. I was separated.
这跟我们来地球的目的相悖 And that's not what we came to this planet for.
科技使人隔离 That's what technology does.
科技太坏了 Technology is evil!
迪克 你自己玩儿过了头 Dick, just because you went nuts,
不代表所有的科技都很坏嘛 that doesn't mean that all technology is evil.
-就是都坏 -那... - Of course it does. - What about, uh...
医药科技呢 medical technology?
医药科技很好 Medical technology is ok.
那种保障飞机安全的 Ok, uh, what about the computers that make sure
电脑呢 airplanes don't crash?
那种很好 别的都不行 Those I like. But that's it.
还有那种往蛋糕里 Well, what about the machine
挤奶油夹心的机器呢 that puts the creamy filling in the cupcakes?
哈里 那个也坏 Harry, no!
我跟科技划清界限了 I've already drawn the line.
我骗谁呢 Oh...who am I kidding?
我才不会自己把奶油挤到蛋糕里呢 I'm not gonna manually inject cream into my own cupcakes.
-有什么需要吗 先生 -有 - Can I help you, sir? - Yes!
本顾客非常不满意 I am quite livid!
外面真好看 是吧 It's beautiful out here, isn't it?
是啊 好看 Yes, it is.
生活就该这样 玛丽 This is the way it should be, Mary.
只有你和我 繁星绿树 Just you and me and the stars and the trees
不受任何打扰 and nothing coming between us.
又来了 这东西怎么关 Oh, great! How do I turn this thing off?
拿来我看看 Here, let me see that.