1954. 1954.
你再也不会有那样的岁月了。这是我最喜欢的一年。 You don't get years like that anymore. It was my favorite year.
看那辆别克! Look at that Buick!
看,那漵我谈论什么。1954年，别克还是别克。 See, tha漵 what I'm talking about. In 1954, a Buick was a Buick.
它看起来不像雪佛兰…… It didn't look like a Chevy...
…它看起来像一辆庞蒂克，你无法把它和一辆像今天这样的老爷车区分开来。 ...which looks like a Pontiac, which you can't tell apart from an Olds, like today.
这是1954年人们的着装。光滑,嗯? This is the way people dressed in 1954. Smooth, huh?
1954年，电视直播，喜剧为王。 In 1954, television was live, and comedy was king.
米尔顿·伯利、席德·凯撒和杰基·格里森等喜剧明星留住了美国…… Comic stars like Milton Berle, Sid Caesar and Jackie Gleason kept America...
…在电视机前。 ...in front of their TVsets.
我是喜剧《Cavalcade》的新人编剧。 I was the freshman writer on The Comedy Cavalcade...
…斯坦"国王"凯瑟主演，周六晚8点。 ...starring Stan "King" Kaiser, Saturday nights at 8:00.
我,那漵我,地主的石头,这家伙用刀的家伙。 There I am, tha漵 me, Benjy Stone, the guy carrying the guy with the sword.
那个拿着剑的人是艾伦·斯旺，有史以来最伟大的电影偶像…… The guy with the sword is Alan Swann, the greatest movie idol of all times...
…我的个人英雄。 ...and my personal hero.
那个星期，艾伦·斯旺(Alan Swann)客串了喜剧《骑兵》(Cavalcade)。 That week, Alan Swann was the guest star on The Comedy Cavalcade.
这是我们写节目的地方: This is where we wrote the show:
30洛克菲勒广场。我们称之为《我为喜剧狂》。 30 Rockefeller Plaza. "30 Rock," we called it.
在被要求离开布鲁克林学院两年后，我来到了这里…… Here I was, two years after being asked to leave Brooklyn College...
…而且我每周挣的钱比整个四楼还多… ...and I was earning more money per week than the entire fourth floor...
…我母亲在布鲁克林海洋公园路上的公寓 ...of my mother's apartment house on Ocean Parkway in Brooklyn.
总之1954年艾伦·斯旺那周 Anyway, 1954, the week Alan Swann...
…是喜剧《骑兵队》的客串明星 ...was the guest star on The Comedy Cavalcade...
…对我来说是一个重大的转折点 ...was a major turning point for me.
它改变了我。 It changed me.
抓住它! Hold it!
早上好。 Good morning.
好,嗯? Good, huh?
-你在跟我说话吗，赛?-看看我在问谁! - You talking to me, Sy? - Look who I'm asking!
-抱歉我迟到了，西。-食物，给我食物! - Sorry I'm late, Sy. - The food, give me my food!
咖啡店里挤满了人。 The coffee shop was jammed.
“很好，谢谢你，西。”你呢?真的吗?不，我不这么认为。” "Fine, thank you, Sy. And you? Really? No, I didn't think so."
这是什么，茶?我没有点茶! What is this, tea? I didn't order tea!
漵草的。他喝了茶，吃了烤面包。 Tha漵 Herb's. He had the tea and toast.
这是你的，赛。 This is yours, Sy.
特大号咖啡，六种糖…… Extra large coffee, six sugars...
…烤百吉饼，浓黄油，奶油芝士，葡萄果冻。 ...toasted bagel, heavy butter, cream cheese, grape jelly.
等一下!我的面包屑蛋糕呢? Wait a minute! Where's my crumb cake?
他们出去了。西德尼放了一只熊爪。 They were out. Sidney put in a bear claw.
-爱丽丝，我们看到了什么?-斯旺的电影剪辑 - Alice, what are we seeing? - Clips from Swann's movies.
从他的废话片段。滚,草! Clips from his crap. Roll them, Herb!
-我是托尔图加的船长。-该死的队长! - This is Captain from Tortuga. - Captain from crap!
这个词来自Rapture。 This is from Rapture.
你叫斯旺干什么演戏?那漵不是表演。 You call what Swann does acting? Tha漵 not acting.
那漵亲吻和跳跃和饮酒和向前移动。 Tha漵 kissing and jumping and drinking and humping.
我不知道我们为什么要把视力浪费在这些垃圾上。 I don't know why we're wasting our eyesight on this crap.
斯旺怎么也不会出现了。 Swann's never going to show up anyhow.
-他们会找到他的，赛-发生了什么事? - They'll find him, Sy. - What happened?
他昨晚安然无恙。我们知道的就这些。 He landed fine last night. That much we know.
那么，他在哪里? So, where is he?
藏在哪里了呢?喝酒和向前移动。 Where else? Drinking and humping.
你好。 Hello.
嗨。 Hi.
这是废话! This is crap!
-这是最棒的部分。-没有“最好的部分”。 - That was the best part. - There is no "best part."
斯万一生中从未拍过像样的电影。 Swann never made a decent movie in his life.
西，那个，王冠的捍卫者，是一个经典。 Sy, that one, Defender of the Crown, is a classic.
废话。 Crap.
-托尔图加的上尉也来了。——废话。 - So is Captain from Tortuga. - Crap.
-那光荣之剑呢?——废话。 - And what about Swords of Glory? - Crap.
——阿马里洛?——废话。 - Amarillo? - Crap.
-苏丹的沙子?——废话。 - Sands of the Sudan? - Crap.
班杰，你想看电影，就当引座员吧。 Benjy, you want to see movies, be an usher.
剩下的我们是来写专业的演艺圈喜剧的。 The rest of us are here to write professional show business comedy.
对你来说，是半职业的。 In your case, semi-professional.
赫伯，你不能跟一个人谈谈吗… Herb, can't you talk to a person...
…就像一个正常的人? ...like a regular, normal human being?
不。 No.
来吧。金想让我们看一遍“老大”劫持的草图。 Come on. King wants us to see a run-through of the Boss Hijack sketch.
嘿，简宁，你什么时候能让我进入你的包厢? Hey, Janine, when will you let me get into your box?
孩子，我昨晚看了你的斗牛士素描。 Hey, kid, I read your bullfighter sketch last night.
-你喜欢吗?-打了一半就睡着了。 - You liked it? - Dozed off halfway through it.
别误会我的意思。我不漵这不是有趣的。 Don't get the wrong idea. I漵 not that it wasn't funny.
——我漵不有趣。-我看过那个草图。 - I漵 that it wasn't funny. - I read that sketch.
我觉得它棒极了。 I thought it was terrific.
那也许你应该当首席作家，爱丽丝! Then maybe you should be head writer, Alice!
-我不能冒这个险什么机会? - I couldn't take the chance. - What chance?
我会变得像你一样。 That I'd become like you.
抓住它! Hold it!
k C ! K. C!
西尔弗先生想看海伦在演《三个火枪手》时的戏服。 Mr. Silver wants to see Helen's costume for the Three Musketeers sketch.
现在他想要它，当我在这里的屁股在线程! Now he wants it, when I'm up to my ass here in threads!
所以,le漵有一个安静的晚餐。 So, le漵 have a quiet dinner tonight.
丹尼的隐匿处。 Danny's Hideaway.
李尔! Lil!
我们要分成两份，五分熟。我得到了它。 We'll split a Chateaubriand, medium rare. I got it.
小心你的皇冠，孩子。你打破它，你买了它! Careful with the tiara, kid. You break it, you bought it!
然后，一辆双轮马车穿过中央公园。 Then, a hansom cab ride through Central Park.
从那里我们跳到了阿尔冈昆酒店，喝了一杯提神酒。 From there we hop over to the Algonquin for a cordial.
我们在你那里过夜。你觉得怎么样? We end the night at your place. What do you think?
本杰明，我为什么要跟你约会? Benjamin, why would I want to go out with you?
每次你走近我，你都使我难堪或羞辱。 Every time you come near me you embarrass or humiliate me.
你想要我做什么? What do you want from me?
性。 Sex.
-现在几点了?-我不知道。 - What is the time? - I don't know.
-你没有手表吗?-不，我不能戴表。 - Don't you have a watch? - No, I'm not allowed to wear a watch.
为什么不呢? Why not?
我不信任他们。 I don't trust them.
为什么? Why?
一只手比另一只短。 One hand is shorter than the other.
-嗨。-你知道几点了吗? - Hi. - Do you have the time?
我漵25。 I漵 9:25.
你是不是有事迟到了? Are you late for something?
总是这样。 Always.
但我不太确定是为了什么。 But I'm never quite sure for what.
人! People!
我不喜欢打断大家看《最后的晚餐》，但我也不介意看个排演。 I hate to break up the Last Supper, but I wouldn't mind seeing a run-through.
很抱歉告诉你，但是King把独白给删掉了。 Sorry to tell you this, but King threw out the monologue.
里奥，你的独白很精彩。 Leo, that monologue was good.
检查!完美!我写它! Check that! Perfect! I wrote it!
-这就是西·本森的底线!-不要做任何疯狂的事。 - Here's where Sy Benson draws the line! - Don't do anything crazy.
金需要被教导。首先是这个词… King has to be taught. First comes the word...
…单词是“funny!”独白不留下，我就走! ...and the word was "funny!" The monologue stays, or I go!
-赛，也许我们可以互相妥协。——不妥协。 - Sy, maybe we can compromise. - No compromise.
西·本森有他的正直，他的骄傲! Sy Benson has his integrity, his pride!
金会逐字逐句地独白，否则我就走。我走! King does that monologue word for word, or I walk. I walk!
独白。 Monologue is in.
早上好,王。 Good morning, King.
——你好,斯坦。-早上好。 - Hello, Stan. - Yeah, good morning.
金，关于独白… King, about the monologue...
赛，你闻到什么了吗? Sy, do you smell something?
我漵来自脚本。 I漵 coming from the script.
我漵你的独白。好臭的汉堡! I漵 your monologue. What a stink burger!
k C ! K. C!
拉! Pull!
繁荣! Boom!
我讨厌它。我漵不有趣。我漵! I hate it. I漵 not funny. I漵 out!
嘿，宝贝，我们又没有结婚。 Hey, babe, we're not married to it.
独白。 Monologue is out.
西·本森，一座果冻塔。 Sy Benson, a tower of Jello.
我想我刚才对赛太过分了。 I think I went a too far with Sy just now.
我真的伤害了他的感情。 I really hurt his feelings.
我得给他买点东西。 I've got to get him something.
这里是100美元。把他的东西。 Here's $100. Get him something.
轮胎很好。给他一套轮胎。 Tires are nice. Get him a set of tires.
打电话给我在布朗克斯的兄弟，他会告诉你在哪儿。 Call my brother in the Bronx, he'll tell you where.
老板劫持草图。从顶部。 Boss Hijack sketch. From the top.
k C ? K. C?
白胎壁轮胎。 Whitewalls.
白胎壁轮胎吗? Whitewalls?
我们开始吧。 Here we go.
卷。五，四，三，二… Roll it. Five, four, three, two...
…和进来。 ...and come in.
-谁拥有格雷51年的DeSoto?-新来的，哈里斯。 - Who owns the gray '51 DeSoto? - The new guy, Harris.
你把车停在老大的车位上了。你最好行动。 You're parked in Boss Hijack's spot. You better move.
老板对他发脾气了。 The Boss has got some temper on him.
能有多糟呢? How bad can it be?
你很幸运，我们在二楼。这让他慢了下来。 You're lucky we're on the second floor. It slowed him down.
有人把车停在我的车位上了。 Somebody parked in my spot.
移动你的车。 Move your car.
停电应该早一点来。 That blackout has got to come a beat sooner.
尖叫，我保证你会尖叫。 Screams, I guarantee you screams.
好吧，现在我们只需要再多27分钟… Well, now all we need is another 27 minutes...
…我们这周有节目。 ...and we got a show this week.
进来,Sy。 Coming in, Sy.
草! Herb!
斯旺来了吗?-他在路上了。 - Is Swann here yet? - He's on his way.
阿尔菲去接他，然后他… Alfie went to pick him up and then he's...
还没到这里，太好了。 Not here yet, great.
爱丽丝，你今天看起来真漂亮。你喜欢我寄给你的鞋子吗? You look real nice today, Alice. Did you like the shoes I sent you?
哦,是的。 Oh, yeah.
那你为什么把他们送回去? So why did you send them back?
尺寸不对。他们被利用了。 They were the wrong size. And they were used.
-来吧，滚这个东西。地主,灯! - Come on, roll this thing. - Benjy, lights!
这家伙会搞笑吗? Is this guy going to be funny?
他跳来跳去很好，但是他会很有趣吗? He jumps around nice, but is he going to be funny?
上帝啊,我漵Renfield ! Good God, i漵 Renfield!
我以为他死了。 I thought he was dead.
他确实是。不过用剑很在行。 And so he is. Very good with a sword, though.
女士们，先生们，你们好。 Good morrow to you, ladies and gentlemen.
他醉醺醺的。 He's plastered.
欧洲一些最精美的建筑也是如此。 So are some of the finest erections in Europe.
如果我真的喝醉了，我能这样做吗? If I were truly plastered, could I do this?
本巴切利先生，能帮我拿着剑吗? Signor Bumbacelli, would you hold my sword?
我们知道他能做到。 We know he can do that.
——我仍然漵滴答作响。-阿尔菲，怎么了? - I漵 still ticking. - Alfie, what happened?
首先，在机场遇到了一些困难。 To begin with, there was some difficulty at the airport.
斯万先生被重新分类了。 Mr. Swann here has been reclassified.
——重新分类?-是的。 - Reclassified? - Yeah.
运费。 As freight.
哦,男孩。 Oh, boy.
然后斯万先生想在这里停几下。 Then Mr. Swann wanted to make a couple of stops.
阿尔菲，我叫你带他去华尔道夫酒店! Alfie, I told you to take him to the Waldorf!
我得踩刹车了，西尔弗先生。 I've got to slam your brakes on, Mr. Silver.
我开车送斯万先生时，他是车的总管。 When I'm driving Mr. Swann, he's chief of the car.
当他说要停几站的时候… When he says he wants to make some stops...
…阿尔菲·本巴切利停了下来。 ...Alfie Bumbacelli makes the stops.
和那漵我生活的。 And tha漵 what I live by.
至少我们有足够的时间来替换他。 At least we've got plenty of time to replace him.
甩掉他。 Dump him.
利奥，有什么办法吗?我是说，他是个传奇人物。 Leo, isn't there some way? I mean, the man is a legend.
斯坦，你怎么看? Stan, what do you think?
我不知道。 I don't know.
他是一个传奇人物。 He is a legend.
史上最大的明星之一。 One of the biggest stars ever.
他是独一无二的。像这样的人是不可替代的。 He's one of a kind. A guy like this is irreplaceable.
-换掉他，利奥。——你不能! - Replace him, Leo. - You can't!
风险太大。他出去了。 Too risky. He's out.
但是,王… But, King...
…你是对的。 ...you're right.
这太冒险了。 This is too risky.
你不能冒险做这样的事。 You can't take a chance with something like this.
听着，国王，你现在是个大明星了，我相信你会永远是个大明星。 Look, King, you're a big star now, and I'm sure you always will be.
但假设，我知道这永远不会发生…… But suppose, and I know this is never going to happen...
…但假设有一天你会变成这样。 ...but suppose someday you wind up like this.
我希望没人对你做你对他做的事。 I hope nobody does to you what you're doing to him.
甩掉他。 Dump him.
你是谁，竟敢这样对我说话?你这个小吉米尼蟋蟀害虫! Who are you to talk to me like that? You little Jiminy Cricket pest bastard!
他又得到了一次机会。 He gets one more chance.
——不!——是的! - No! - Yes!
是的! Yes!
是啊，但现在你要对他负责。 Yeah, but now you, you're going to be responsible for him.
斯万最好每次排练清醒,或者我漵你的屁股,明白吗? Swann better be at every rehearsal sober, or i漵 your ass, understand?
你看,Sy, ki飐得到球。 You see, Sy, this ki飐 got balls.
一个星期的薪水，斯旺要跳水了。 A week's salary Swann takes a dive.
-嘿，斯旺·潜水。——你在! - Hey, Swann dive. - You're on!
双拉飐的选择对我来说,你蟾蜍。 Double the la飐 bet for me, you toad.
好了，选一张牌。去做吧。任何卡。 All right now, pick a card. Go ahead. Any card.
普里西拉,到这里来。 Priscilla, come here.
现在把它放回甲板上，任何地方。 Now put it back in the deck, anywhere.
-你在这里工作多久了?-大约一年了。 - How long you working here? - About a year.
-你今天看起来真漂亮。——谢谢。 - You look real nice today. - Thank you.
给，把你的地址写在这儿，放在我桌子上。 Here, write your address down here and put it on my desk.
我去给你送些牛排。 I'm going to send you some steaks.
那是你的卡吗? Is that your card?
是的,那漵我的名片! Yeah, tha漵 my card!
Silver先生，Rojeck老板和他的律师都在你的办公室。 Mr. Silver, Boss Rojeck and his lawyer are in your office.
我对老板漵劫持草图。 I漵 about the Boss Hijack sketch.
-你要去哪里?——与你在一起时的感觉。 - Where are you going? - With you.
——为什么?-去见Rojeck老板。 - What for? - To meet Boss Rojeck.
斯坦,卫生大会漵了吗? Stan, wha漵 the matter with you?
你认为他来这里是因为喜欢老板劫持的片段? You think he's here because he likes the Boss Hijack sketch?
你以为他喜欢被你愚弄… You think he likes being made a fool out of by you...
…每周要面对两千万观众? ...in front of 20 million people every week?
我不知道。 I don't know.
斯坦…… Stan...
…他来这里是因为他想让我们放弃“老板劫持”的计划。 ...he's here because he wants us to drop the Boss Hijack sketch.
你这样认为吗?Le漵去发现。 You think so? Le漵 go find out.
好吧。 All right.
-也许你最好先换衣服。——为什么? - Maybe you better change first. - Why?
那身衣服可能会激怒他。 That outfit might set him off.
Rojeck先生，先生，我想你来这里是一个明智的决定。 Mr. Rojeck, sir, I think you've made a wise decision to come here.
我想这位先生能和我们谈谈…… I think this gentleman will be able to talk to us...
…以一种成熟的方式谈论我们的问题。 ...about our problem in a mature way.
我相信他会明白原因的，先生。不会有任何问题的。 I'm sure he'll see reason, sir. There should be no problem whatsoever.
——Myron费恩。-我是Leo Silver。 - Myron Fein. - I'm Leo Silver.
我是国王凯撒。 This is King Kaiser.
-你说呢，迈伦?-我的客户Karl Rojeck - What do you say, Myron? - My client, Karl Rojeck.
卡尔? Karl?
——我漵不是“老板”?-斯坦! - I漵 not "Boss"? - Stan!
先生们。 Gentlemen.
我们现在都坐着吧，Rojeck先生。 We'll all be sitting now, Mr. Rojeck.
我相信大家都知道我的客户，Rojeck先生，是最受尊敬的… I'm sure we're all aware that my client, Mr. Rojeck, is one of the most respected...
…今天的美国劳工领袖。 ...labor leaders in America today.
——那漵他们传唤他的原因。-斯坦! - Tha漵 why they subpoenaed him. - Stan!
凯瑟先生，传票不是起诉 Mr. Kaiser, a subpoena is not an indictment.
现在，我们开始注意到…… Now, it has come to our attention...
…在1954年9月4日的两次不同场合… ...that on two separate occasions, September 4, 1954...
…1954年9月18日… ...and September 18, 1954...
…一个被称为“老板劫持”的角色…… ...a character referred to as "Boss Hijack"...
…在你们的电视节目中被报道了。 ...was portrayed in your TV program.
我们觉得这个角色在很大程度上是基于我的客户。 We feel that this character, to a great degree, is based upon my client.
那漵你,卡尔。 Tha漵 you, Karl.
根据我们律师的说法，你的委托人是公众人物，因此… According to our lawyers, your client is public figure, and as such...
…已经丧失了某些隐私权。 ...has already forfeited certain rights of privacy.
理所当然。然而，即使Rojeck先生承认…… Granted. However, even though Mr. Rojeck concedes that...
…他感觉到了所描述的角色…… ...he feels the portrayal of said character...
…是诽谤性的，带有恶意的。 ...is slanderous and defamatory and done with malicious intent.
因此，废除公众人物辩护，使之成为…… Therefore abrogating the public figure defense and rendering it...
…也就是说,可操作的。 ...to wit, actionable.
你说了吗，卡尔?什么一个人! Did you say that, Karl? What a guy!
那漵它! Tha漵 it!
我想澄清一些事情。 I want to clear some things up here.
这是一个愚蠢的节目。 This is a stupid show.
那套衣服真蠢!我不想再看到它了。 That is a stupid suit! And I don't want to see it no more.
别紧张，卡尔。我是说，如果你真的不想再看了…… Take it easy, Karl. I mean, if you really don't want to see it no more...
…那就不要看!-斯坦! ...then don't watch! - Stan!
让我给你解释一下，卡尔。 Let me explain something to you, Karl.
我们继续画这个草图。 We're going to keep on doing this sketch.
你知道为什么吗?因为我漵有趣。 You know why? Because i漵 funny.
在我这行，你从不搞笑。 And in my business, you never cut funny.
有趣吗? Funny?
让我告诉你我从事的行业。 Let me tell you about the business I'm in.
我是做搬家生意的 I'm in the removal business.
如果我觉得这个愚蠢的东西，这个愚蠢的节目打扰了我…… If I were to feel that this stupid thing, from this stupid show was bothering me...
…我想删除它。 ...l'd remove it.
我漵消失了,我感觉很好。 I漵 gone, and I feel good.
那漵删除业务是如何工作的。 Tha漵 how the removal business works.
我讲明白了吗? Do I make myself clear?
我想大家都明白，Rojeck先生。 I think everyone understands, Mr. Rojeck.
有几件事我不太清楚。 I'm not clear about a couple of things.
你的意思是，在搬家这件事上… What you're saying is that in this removal business...
…如果有什么事困扰你，比如…… ...if something bothers you, like...
…说,这。 ...say, this.
-然后移除它。-斯坦，那是一件开司米外套。 - Then you remove it. - Stan, that is a cashmere coat.
——像这样。-斯坦! - Like that. - Stan!
你说得对。我确实感觉好多了。 You know, you're right. I do feel better.
我喜欢搬家生意。 I like the removal business.
我想要你。 I want you.
来吧。来接我吧。 Come on. Come and get me.
来吧! Come on!
那漵够了! Tha漵 enough!
战斗是一轮一轮的。 The fighting is in rounds.
这是第一轮。 This is Round 1.
我第一次驾驶他是在战争之前，1938年。 So the first time I drive him is right before the war, 1938.
-那就是16年了-是啊，我们是老相识了。 - That makes it 16 years. - Yeah, we go way back.
你还开别人的车? You drive anyone else?
当然，但斯万先生一到，我就把所有的东西都扔了。 Sure, but when Mr. Swann's in town, I drop everything.
上楼，孩子们，好吗? Upstairs, boys, all right?
活着真好。 Wonderful to be alive.
别让他摔倒。 Make sure he doesn't fall.
我们预计什么时候到达? What is our estimated time of arrival?
来鞭打我吧，你这猪猡! Go ahead and lash me, you swine!
你休想松开我的舌头! You'll not loosen my tongue!
那漵队长从龟岛! Tha漵 from Captain From Tortuga!
原谅我。 Excuse me.
这是专门为旅行而做的。 Had this made especially for travel.
称它为他的“醉装”。 Calls it his "drunk suit."
我得提醒他做一些“撕裂”鞋。 I'll have to remind him to work on some "tear away" shoes.
好主意。 Good idea.
天哪，我瞎了。我不能看到! My God, I'm blind. I cannot see!
帮我把他弄到浴缸里。 Help me get him into the tub.
我得到了他。 I got him.
一晚可能超过35美元。 This is probably more than $35 a night.
试着250美元。 Try $250.
250美元一晚吗? $250 a night?
嗯,世界卫生大会漵意味着一个像艾伦·斯万? Well, wha漵 that mean to a guy like Alan Swann?
什么都没有。当你一无所有，那并不意味着一无所有。 Nothing. When you ain't got nothing, it don't mean nothing.
你在说什么? What are you talking about?
你看到的是《tap city》。 You're looking at tap city in there.
那漵储备。抓住他们，好吗? Tha漵 his stockpile. Grab them, will you?
这一定是他的饮水袜。 These must be his drinking socks.
这是谁? Who's this?
那漵苔丝,他的女儿。 Tha漵 Tess, his daughter.
我不知道他有个女儿。 I didn't know he had a daughter.
-她在哪儿?-她在康涅狄格州。 - Where is she? - She's in Connecticut.
他总是藏着一瓶酒以备不时之需。 He always has one secret bottle hidden somewhere for emergencies.
我们现在都拿到了。 We got them all now.
那家伙根本没朝他开枪。他们本来要进行决斗的。 That guy never actually shot him. They were supposed to have this duel.
我认为这是每个髇贵妇人。 And, I think it was over that Per髇 dame.
不管怎样，他们都喝醉了。斯万朝自己开了枪。 Anyhow, they both showed up drunk. Swann sort of shot himself.
阿尔弗雷多，我亲爱的老朋友。 Alfredo, my dear old chum.
我是怎么到这儿来的? How in the name of God did I get here?
从机场开始。 Begin at the airport.
这是本杰·斯通，喜剧《Cavalcade》的作家。 This is Benjy Stone, a writer from The Comedy Cavalcade.
你好! How do you do?
阿尔弗雷多，我们应该进去看看这些人。 Alfredo, we should pop in and see these people.
明天时间很充裕，斯旺先生。 Plenty of time tomorrow, Mr. Swann.
既然这是你第一次上电视… Since this is your first time working in TV...
…我会陪着你，帮你渡过难关。 ...l'm to stay with you and help you over the rough spots.
喜欢出现吗? Like showing up?
那漵。另一个是没有昏倒。 Tha漵 one. Another is not passing out.
一个诚实的人。 An honest one.
班巴切利先生，我们两个人一起吃晚饭。给鹳鸟俱乐部打电话。 Signor Bumbacelli, we'll be two for dinner. Telephone the Stork Club.
-你确定你是说鹳鸟俱乐部?——当然。 - You sure you mean the Stork Club? - Certainly.
我漵是一年半。 I漵 been a year and a half.
他们现在肯定已经把墙和演奏台修好了。 Surely they've repaired the wall and the bandstand by now.
你想在离开之前谈谈这幅素描吗? Would you like to talk about the sketch before you leave?
空腹的时候?不。我们边吃边谈。 On an empty stomach? No. We'll talk over dinner.
我吗?你吗?鹳俱乐部的成员吗? Me? You? The Stork Club?
在你今天早上发表了雄辩的演讲之后… After that eloquent speech you made earlier this morning...
…我想你不会介意和我共进晚餐的。 ...I didn't think you'd mind having dinner with me.
你听说过吗? You heard that?
但是你出去了。 But you were out.
在外面，在外面。 There's out, and there's out.
斯通，这次我又算什么英勇的白痴呢? Stone, what sort of heroic idiot am I this time?
-一个火枪手白痴。-我在飞机上读的。 - A musketeer idiot. - I read that on the airplane.
非常有趣，非常好。 Very funny, very good.
-我写的。——是吗? - I wrote that. - Did you?
布拉沃,石头。布拉沃。 Bravo, Stone. Bravo.
好的，斯旺先生，鹳鸟俱乐部的两人桌。 Okay, Mr. Swann, table for two at the Stork Club.
Le漵移动它。 Le漵 move it.
喜剧对我来说是一个谜。 Comedy is such a mystery to me.
-我和埃德蒙·基恩有同感。-伟大的英国演员。 - I feel the way Edmund Kean did. - The great English actor.
临终前，有人问基恩感觉如何。 On his deathbed, Kean was asked how he felt.
他回答说:“死很容易…… He answered, "Dying is easy...
“……喜剧是很困难的。” "...comedy is hard."
斯万先生,我漵很高兴见到你,先生。 Mr. Swann, i漵 a pleasure to see you, sir.
我漵快乐。 I漵 a pleasure to be seen.
本杰明·斯通，我的同事。 Benjamin Stone, my colleague.
艾伦，你看起来好极了。 Alan, you look absolutely marvelous.
-你也是。-我们得谈谈。 - As do you. - We must talk.
谢谢你！ Thank you.
斯万先生。 Mr. Swann.
艾伦，很高兴见到你。 Alan, good to see you.
-给我打个电话好吗?——当然。 - Call me, will you? - Surely.
我会给你打电话。 I'll call you.
-欢迎回来，斯旺先生。——生硬。 - Welcome back, Mr. Swann. - Curt.
要我给你拿点什么吗? Can I get you something?
也许。 Perhaps.
Curt…… Curt...
…那边那个漂亮的人是谁? ...who is that gorgeous-looking creature over there?
不，斯旺先生，上次就是这样开始的。 No, Mr. Swann, this is exactly the way it started last time.
那样的话，我们就点餐吧。 In that case, we'll just order dinner.
现在。 For now.
维多利亚才是我应该娶的人。 Victoria was the one I should have married.
除了是我合作过的最好的女演员之外…… Apart from being the finest actress I've worked with...
…她是我所认识的最和蔼、最聪明的女人。 ...she was the most gracious and intelligent woman I've ever known.
你们在拍摄《Rapture》的时候住在一起是真的吗? Was it true the two of you lived together while you were filming Rapture?
天知道，我几乎和她所有的朋友都结了婚。 Lord knows, I was married to almost all her friends.
你为什么要嫁给这么多的人? Why did you marry so many of them?
斯通，我没有嫁给他们中的任何一个。他们结婚我。 Stone, I didn't marry any of them. They married me.
打扰一下，斯旺先生。 Excuse me, Mr. Swann.
我是阿尔文角。我妻子安和我正在庆祝我们结婚40周年纪念日。 I'm Alvin Horn. My wife Ann and I are celebrating our 40th anniversary.
恭喜你，你肯定比我更有耐力。 Congratulations, you certainly have more staying power than I.
如果你能停下来，对她来说意义重大 It would mean so much to her if you could stop...
…出去的时候打个招呼。 ...on your way out and just say hello.
为什么等待? Why wait?
带我去美丽的安。 Lead me to the fair Ann.
斯通，几分钟后我要转移视线。 Stone, in a few minutes I shall require a diversion.
斯旺先生，这是我太太安。 Mr. Swann, my wife Ann.
合恩先生，我能和你美丽的妻子跳支舞吗? Mr. Horn, may I have this dance with your beautiful wife?
当然可以。 Of course.
总是这样吗? Is it always like this?
有人偷走了我的女孩! Somebody stole my girl!
的问题: To the question:
“你在中央公园、贝塞斯达喷泉赤身裸体干什么? "What were you doing naked in Central Park, in Bethesda Fountain...
“…在凌晨3点?” "...at 3:00 in the morning?"
斯万回答说:“仰泳。” Swann replied, "The backstroke."
这就是你监视他的主意吗，本杰? Now is this your idea of watching him, Benjy?
警察把它当作一张违章停车罚单。 The police are treating it as a parking ticket.
——我漵没什么大不了的。-没什么大不了的? - I漵 no big deal. - No big deal?
我们让孩子们看这个节目。 We got kids watching the show.
我们说的是未来的几代人。我们在讨论道德问题。 We're talking generations to come. We're discussing morals here.
你没有资格讨论道德问题，西。 You're not qualified to discuss morals, Sy.
爱丽丝，用美洛面包卷把你的洞填满。还有你的，赫伯。 Up your hole with a mello roll, Alice. And yours, too, Herb.
里奥，我很讨厌我们不得不忍受… Leo, it gets me sick we got to put up with...
…一个精疲力尽的家伙到处乱跑，带着他的schlong出去玩。 ...a washed-up guy running around with his schlong hanging out.
我亲爱的朋友，我想用我的schlong做什么是我自己的事。 My dear fellow, what I choose to do with my schlong is my business.
业务怎么样? How's business?
没有更好的。石头,早上好。 Never better. Stone, good morning.
——早上好。-大家早上好。 - Good morning. - Good morning, all.
早上的。 'Morning.
——早上好。——“早晨。 - Good morning. - 'Morning.
等金来了，我们再看一遍火枪手的草图。 When King gets here, we'll read through the musketeer sketch.
我的助理K.C.唐宁，斯旺先生。 My assistant, K.C. Downing, Mr. Swann.
-你好!- - - - - -你好。 - How do you do? - Hello.
如果你需要什么，我可以帮你。 If there's anything you need, I can take care of it.
什么吗? Anything?
内部原因…… Within reason...
Le漵开始与一些茶,和让我们知道。 Le漵 begin with some tea, and see where that leads us.
你喝袋装饮料吗? Do you drink bags?
-我是说，这样行吗?茶包吗?-我肯定他们没事。 - I mean, are these okay? Tea bags? - I'm sure they're fine.
早上好，凯瑟先生。 Good morning, Mr. Kaiser.
你说呢? What do you say?
利奥! Leo!
早上好，斯旺先生。 And, good morning, Mr. Swann.
那么火枪手在哪里? So where's the musketeer set?
它不在这里。漵它在哪里。 It isn't here. Tha漵 where it is.
他们不会交付的。 And they won't deliver it.
Rojeck做到了。现在你高兴了吧? Rojeck did it. Now are you happy?
Rojeck吗? Rojeck?
我有一个好主意:Le漵老板劫持素描本周下降。 I got a great idea: Le漵 drop the Boss Hijack sketch this week.
你给我那套，我想要那套。 You get me that set. I want that set.
我不管你是不是必须租卡车，找司机，搞到那套! I don't care if you must rent trucks, find drivers, get that set!
构建一套!偷一组!我不在乎! Build a set! Steal a set! I don't care!
没人会告诉国王凯撒…… Nobody's going to tell King Kaiser that...
好吧，我要回去拿我的脚本… Okay, I'm going to go back there, and get my script...
…然后我再回来。 ...and then I'll come back.
我们会通读一遍，然后解出集合问题。 We'll read through, and then we'll work out the set problem.
好的,利奥? Okay, Leo?
好吧,每个人,le漵花十分钟。 Okay, everybody, le漵 take ten minutes.
行列。 Cavalcade.
地主的石头!电话。 Benjy Stone! Telephone.
- - - - - -你好。——本杰明,亲爱的。 - Hello. - Benjamin, darling.
妈，你看星期六晚上的节目了吗? Ma, did you watch the show Saturday night?
没有，我们看了摔跤。我当然看过了。 No, we watched wrestling instead. Of course I saw the show.
好吗? Well?
还有什么?太精彩了，亲爱的。 What else? It was brilliant, darling.
只有一件事:这个“本吉·斯通”是谁? Just one thing: Who is this "Benjy Stone"?
妈，别插嘴。 Ma, don't start in.
你认为…… Do you think...
我会看到本杰明·斯坦伯格这个名字吗，一个真正的名字… Will I ever see the name Benjamin Steinberg, a real name...
…有一天路过凯撒国王的脸? ...go by King Kaiser's face one day?
看看是谁在说话，贝儿·卡里欧科夫人。 Look who's talking, Mrs. Belle Carioco.
Carroca。Carroca。 Carroca. Carroca.
Carroca !Carroca ! Carroca! Carroca!
新秀,嘘。 Rookie, shush.
瞧，现在你惹怒了你继父。 See, now you upset your stepfather.
妈，你能不能叫他菜鸟，不要一直叫我继父? Ma, could you just call him "Rookie," and not my stepfather all the time?
本杰明,亲爱的…… Benjamin, darling...
新秀,尘埃! Rookie, dust!
在你深爱的父亲去世之前… Before your beloved father passed away, and eventually died...
…他对我说，Belle… ...he said to me, "Belle...
“…我走后，找个人陪我。别人好了。” "...after I go, get someone to be with. Someone nice."
“朋友”。 "A pal."
所以你就出去找了个菲律宾小混混叫菜鸟卡罗卡? So you went out and found a Filipino bantamweight named Rookie Carroca?
菜鸟卡罗卡，卫冕冠军6个多月… Rookie Carroca, who held the title for well over six months...
直到曼尼·瑟帕在花园里把他变成了番石榴果冻 Until Manny Serpa turned him into guava jelly at the Garden.
Serpa撞他! Serpa butted him!
今天我要和瑟帕决斗，把他撕碎。 I'll fight Serpa today, and take him apart.
你听到你在这里开始做什么了吗? Do you hear what you started here?
——马?——什么! - Ma? - What!
你打电话来有什么原因吗? Was there a reason you called?
只是想提醒你明晚要来这里吃晚饭。 Only to remind you that you're coming here for dinner tomorrow night.
不行，妈，我去不了。 No, Ma, I can't make it.
艾伦·斯旺上节目了，他们让我当他的守门员。 Alan Swann is on the show and they made me his keeper.
-电影里的艾伦·斯旺?——是的。 - Alan Swann from the movies? - Yes.
新人艾伦·斯旺，电影里的。 Rookie, Alan Swann, from the movies.
所以带他一起来吧。 So bring him along.
把艾伦·斯旺带到布鲁克林来? Bring Alan Swann to Brooklyn?
为什么不呢?你对什么感到羞愧? Why not? What are you ashamed of?
一切! Everything!
本杰明，你来的时候，对我的菜鸟好点。他喜欢你。 Benjamin, when you get here, be nice to my Rookie. He likes you.
是的，我喜欢他。 Yeah, and I like him.
我跟你说，我会带礼物给他的。 I tell you what, I'll bring him a present.
他需要一把新砍刀吗? Does he need a new machete?
眼睛 Eyes...
…我总是漵的眼睛。 ...i漵 always in the eyes.
你。我想和你说句话。 You. I would like a word with you.
本杰明，我们正在进行一场有趣的谈话。 Benjamin, we're in the middle of an interesting conversation here.
我打赌我漵真的很有趣。 I bet i漵 really interesting.
世界卫生大会漵这个有趣的话题吗? Wha漵 the subject of this interesting conversation?
这些眼睛。 These eyes.
那是Merle Oberon的眼睛。 They're Merle Oberon's eyes.
梅尔的吗? Merle Oberon's?
世界卫生大会漵山鸟做眼睛,用凯瑟琳赫本的吗? Wha漵 Merle doing for eyes, using Katherine Hepburn's?
对不起,艾伦。 Excuse me, Alan.
本杰明，你怎么了? Benjamin, what is the matter with you?
我吗? Me?
如果你对每颗星星都倾心…… If you're going to fall for every star...
…谁来了，我们会有什么样的未来? ...who comes on the show, what kind of a future will we have?
和我们现在的一样。没有一个! The same as we have now. None!
等待。 Wait.
给她一个开始的机会。 Give her a head start.
这给了她一种被人追逐的错觉。 It gives her the illusion she's being chased.
这些罐子上写着“压碎了”。 These cans say "crushed."
菠萝女孩到底在哪里? Where the hell are the pineapple girls?
我很抱歉。我表现得像个混蛋。 I'm sorry. I acted like a jerk.
你对自己太宽容了。 You're being too easy on yourself.
你从哪里知道我们有未来的? And where did you get the idea that we have a future?
-我们达成共识了理解什么? - We have an understanding. - What understanding?
我无可救药地爱着你，而你一点也不在乎。 That I'm hopelessly in love with you, and you couldn't care less.
是的，你可以这么说。 Yeah, you could say that.
也许这能改变你的想法。 Maybe this will change your mind.
这是我祖母的。 This belonged to my grandmother.
我想把它给你。 I want you to have it.
本杰明，我不能接受。 Benjamin, I can't take that.
很好。那汽车呢? Fine. How about a car?
-本杰明，戒指。-是玻璃。 - Benjamin, the ring. - It was glass.
避难所! Sanctuary!
——圣所。-避难所，混蛋! - Sanctuary. - Sanctuary, my ass!
我很抱歉。男厕所发生了爆炸。 I'm sorry. There was an explosion in the men's room.
本杰明，你能出去吗? Benjamin, will you get out of here?
除非你告诉我你和斯旺之间发生了什么。 Not until you tell me what was going on between you and Swann.
-听着，离开这里。-嘿，我在这里! - Look, get out of here. - Hey, I'm in here!
-等等，我本来是要留着以后再说的。-你在干什么? - Wait, I was saving this for later. - What are you doing?
-他在做什么?我提议。 - What is he doing? - I'm proposing.
什么? What?
我提议我们住在一起，如果我们喜欢的话…… I propose that we live together, and if we like it...
…我们结婚。说“是的”。 ...we get married. Say "yes."
哦,上帝! Oh, God!
如果那漵太强硬,点头。 If tha漵 too tough, nod your head.
-你能出去吗?-跟我说句话。 - Will you get the hell out? - Give me a word.
一个标志。一个声音。 A sign. A sound.
——那漵不是我在寻找的声音。-去他的吧。 - Tha漵 not the sound I was looking for. - The hell with it.
我要出来了! I'm coming out now!
石头。时间吃午饭吗?去趟厕所。 Stone. Time for lunch? Just going to the lavatory.
这是仅供女士使用的! This is for ladies only!
这个也是。 And so is this.
但时不时地，我得往里面放些水。 But every now and again, I have to run a little water through it.
不，石头，我坚持。午饭我请客。 No, Stone, I insist. Lunch is on me.
-我明白了。——体贴。 - I got it. - Thoughtful.
斯通，今天早上我想让你知道…… Stone, I want you to know that this morning...
…我不知道我是在插入自己… ...l'd no idea that I was in the process of inserting myself...
你和唐宁小姐之间的协议 ...into an arrangement between you and Miss Downing.
-会有什么不同吗?——没有。 - Would it have made any difference? - No.
你爱上那个女孩了吗? Are you in love with the girl?
我想是的。 I think I am.
-我不知道她想要什么——浪漫、石头。 - I don't know what she wants. - Romance, Stone.
那漵唯一我们可以肯定他们都想要的。 Tha漵 the only thing we can be sure they all want.
我从未见过像她这样的人。 I never met anyone like her.
她从没见过像你这样的人。 She never met anyone like you.
使用它。培养吧。 Use that. Cultivate it.
这就是我失去你的地方。 Right there is where I lost you.
斯通，女人喜欢被激起兴趣。 Stone, women love to be intrigued.
他们喜欢解开男人的秘密。 They enjoy unraveling the mystery that is man.
但你必须让他们发现你。 But you must allow them to discover you.
-你就是这么做的吗?——没有。 - Is that what you do? - No.
我可没那么奢侈。 I don't have that luxury.
对我感兴趣的女人知道我是谁…… The women interested in me know exactly who I am...
…他们想要什么，10次有9次他们都得到了。 ...and what they want, and 9 times out of 10 they get it.
——那漵一些诅咒。-你会大吃一惊的。 - Tha漵 some curse. - You'd be surprised.
你看，无论我做什么，我都不能满足他们的期望。 You see, no matter what I do, I can never fulfill their expectations.
我可以…… Could I...
我可以…… Could I have...
这是本吉·斯通版的“晚餐和电影”。 So, this is the Benjy Stone version of "dinner and a movie."
Sy的办公室晚上不是有了不同的感觉吗? Doesn't Sy's office take on a different feeling at night?
是的，更糟。 Yeah, it gets worse.
好吧。我们开始吧。 Okay. Here we go.
这些都是点心，中国饺子。 These are all dim sum, Chinese dumplings.
这些都是煎。这些都是蒸。 These are pan-fried. Those are steamed.
加了醋就好吃了。 They're good just with vinegar.
辣椒酱。 Chili sauce.
离这孩子远点。 Stay away from this baby.
喝几滴，你的舌头就能呼叫消防队了。 A couple of drops of this, your tongue dials the fire department.
你知道怎么用这个吗? You know how to use these?
做一件毛衣，是的。 To make a sweater, yes.
好吧。我将向您展示。平衡就是一切。 Okay. I'll show you. Balance is everything.
一个在这里，另一个在上面。 One goes there, the other one on top like that.
现在。照我做的做。 Now. Do exactly as I do.
点心太难用筷子吃了。 Dim sum are too hard to eat with chopsticks.
别把自己搞疯了。 Don't make yourself crazy.
好吧。 Okay.
你真的很懂这些东西! You really know this stuff!
凯瑟琳，犹太人知道两件事 Katherine, Jews know two things:
痛苦和哪里可以找到美味的中国食物。 Suffering and where to find great Chinese food.
什么? What?
太大声吗?什么? Too loud? What?
不,我漵,我漵真的很不错。 No, i漵 just, i漵 really nice.
你只是坐在那里，吃你的晚餐… You're just sitting there, having your dinner...
…穿男人的衣服。 ...wearing men's clothing.
排序的。我是说，我真的很喜欢这个家伙。 Sort of. I mean, I really like this guy.
我喜欢这个家伙胜过另一个。 I like this guy much better than the other guy.
其他什么人吗? What other guy?
那个戴皇冠的家伙。在电梯里骚扰你的蚊子。 The guy in the tiara. The mosquito who bothers you in elevators.
那个把胶带缠在身上到处跑的人。 The person who runs around with Scotch tape over his body.
人类的飞行。 The human fly.
不认为…… Do not think...
不，我只是想说 No, I was just going to say:
你认为世界上有风趣的人和不风趣的人吗? Do you think there are funny people and not funny people?
是的,当然有。 Yes, definitely.
有趣的是，马克思兄弟，除了Zeppo… On the funny side, the Marx Brothers, except Zeppo...
…里兹兄弟，无一例外，劳雷尔和哈代…… ...the Ritz Brothers, no exceptions, both Laurel and Hardy...
…和啄木鸟伍迪。 ...and Woody Woodpecker.
不好笑的一面是，有人… On the un-funny side, there is anybody...
…他曾经把手风琴演奏得很专业 ...who has ever played the accordion professionally.
和我。 And me.
在这里工作的每个人都很有趣，除了我。 Everybody who works here is funny, except me.
-不，你很有趣。——真的吗?什么时候? - No, you're funny. - Really? When?
我相信你会很有趣的。 I'm sure you could be funny.
如何? How?
你可以讲笑话。谁都能讲笑话。 You can tell a joke. Anyone can tell a joke.
不是我。 Not me.
是的,你可以。我会教你。 Yes, you can. I'll teach you.
我给你讲个笑话，你讲给我听。好吧? I'll tell you a joke, and you tell it back to me. Okay?
好吧,我试试看。 Okay, I'll try.
规则一:永远不要坐着讲笑话。 First rule: Never tell a joke sitting down.
你必须站起来。用你的手。 You have to be on your feet. And use your hands.
一个人走进一家psychiatris漵办公室。 This guy walks into a psychiatris漵 office.
他的头上有一只鸭子。 He has a duck on his head.
精神病医生说:“我能帮你吗?” The psychiatrist says, "Can I help you?"
鸭子说:“是啊，把这家伙从我屁股上弄下来。” The duck says, "Yeah, get this guy off my ass."
好吧，现在你来试试。 Okay, now you try.
好吧。在这里。 Okay. Here it goes.
——一个男人……——抓住它! - A man... - Hold it!
“这家伙。”我漵比“一个人”。 "This guy." I漵 better than "a man."
——好的。——对不起。 - Okay. - Sorry.
用你的手。对不起,去吧。 And use your hands. Sorry, go ahead.
有个家伙走进医生的办公室… This guy walks into a doctor's office...
精神病学家。 Psychiatrist.
对的,好吧。我得到了它。 Right, okay. I got it.
这家伙走进psychiatris漵办公室,穿着一只鸭子。 This guy walks into a psychiatris漵 office, wearing a duck.
什么?戴着一只鸭子吗?不。 What? Wearing a duck? No.
他的头上有一只鸭子。 He has a duck on his head.
-我说过我不擅长这个。——我漵我的错。 - I told you I wasn't very good at this. - I漵 my fault.
我漵好。好吧。 I漵 good. Okay.
这家伙走进psychiatris漵办公室一只鸭子在他头上…… This guy walks into a psychiatris漵 office with a duck on his head...
…这个人对精神病医生说 ...and the guy says to the psychiatrist:
“因为我头上有一只鸭子，你们能帮我吗?” "Will you help me because I have a duck on my head?"
这是干什么用的? What is that for?
手风琴课。 Accordion lessons.
好了，晚餐的部分到此结束。 Well, that ends the dinner portion for the evening.
现在,这部电影我漵时间部分。 And now, i漵 time for the movie portion.
-德拉蒙德勋爵!-德拉蒙德勋爵! - Lord Drummond! - Lord Drummond!
如果这能让你安心，我可以再转过身去。 If it would put you at ease, I could turn my back again.
你会在这一天，尝尝我的钢铁。 You will this day, taste my steel.
那就别磨磨蹭蹭了，德拉蒙德…… Then leave us not dally, Drummond...
…因为今天我要去登上英格兰的王位。 ...for today I have an engagement to mount the throne of England.
-除非我死了!——安静! - Over my dead body! - Quiet!
-如你所愿。-你还会这么做吗? - As you wish. - Are you going to keep doing this?
如你所愿。 As you wish.
约翰爵士! Sir John!
便雅悯! Benjamin!
我猜这是今晚接吻的部分。 I guess this is the kissing portion of the evening.
“我是傲慢的 "I am arrogant
- "他很傲慢，他很傲慢- "而我就是舷窗 - "He's arrogant, he's arrogant - "And I am Porthole
——“他是舷窗，他是舷窗——”我是斯旺 - "He's Porthole, he's Porthole - "And I am Swann
“他是斯万，他是斯万。” "He's Swann, he's Swann"
“我为人人,人人为我漵一个一个对你和茶两” "I漵 one for all and all for one One for you and tea for two"
住手!每一个人。 Break it up! Everybody.
抓住它! Hold it!
等待。我有话要说。 Wait. I want to say something.
艾伦… Alan...
…我想告诉你，我有点担心你。 ...I want to tell you, I was a little worried about you.
只有一点吗? Only a little?
我还以为我的名声值得担心呢。 I would have thought my reputation warranted major concern.
是的,你是对的。 Yeah, you're right.
我正要甩了你。 I was going to dump you.
但是… But...
…我很高兴我没有，因为… ...l'm glad I didn't, because...
嗯… Well...
…我看过你所有的电影… ...l've seen all your films and...
…我一个粉丝。 ...l'm a fan.
现在我们在一起工作… And here we are, working together...
…我漵不错因为… ...and i漵 been nice because...
…你有趣。 ...you're funny.
你真的有趣。 You're really funny.
表扬实际上,陛下。 Praise indeed, sire.
我想说的是，除了一个精彩的季节之外…… May I say that other than one remarkable season...
…有一个英语剧团，这是最有趣的… ...with an English repertory company, this is the most fun...
…我做过的最艰难的工作是在年轻的时候。 ...and the hardest work I've done since the world was young.
漵伟大。真的。 Tha漵 great. Really.
但是，还有一件事: But, one other thing:
你明天要来，是吗? You're going to show up tomorrow, right?
——对,斯万?——对,舷窗。 - Right, Swann? - Right, Porthole.
现在，我得告辞了，因为我和斯通要去吃饭…… Now, I must take leave of you, for Stone and I journey to dine...
…在一个叫布鲁克林的遥远地方。 ...in some far-off land called Brooklyn.
嗯,那漵它。大的明天。 Well, tha漵 it. Big day tomorrow.
显示的一天!祝你有个美好的夜晚。 Show day! Have a good night.
-十点见-晚安 - See you at 10:00 a.m. - Goodnight.
——晚安,卢。-别紧张，艾迪。 - Goodnight, Lou. - Take it easy, Eddie.
好今天的工作。 Nice work today.
明天在节目上好好表演。 Do it that good on the show tomorrow.
你对吧? You all right?
我漵好吧。我漵没问题。我漵什么。 I漵 all right. I漵 no problem. I漵 nothing.
的事了,我漵什么都没有。真的,回家了。 A thing fell, i漵 nothing. Really, go home.
——你明白吗?-我很好。 - You're okay? - I'm okay.
我想让你休息一下。每个人都回家了。我一切都好。 I want you to get some rest. Everybody go home. I'm all right.
来吧,勒漵回家。 Come on, le漵 go home.
我的上帝! My God!
我漵意外,狮子座。 I漵 an accident, Leo.
Rojeck ! Rojeck!
那漵它!我不会让你演“老板劫持”的小品! Tha漵 it! I'm not going to let you do the Boss Hijack sketch!
我漵意外,狮子座。 I漵 an accident, Leo.
一场意外，而我们正在画“老板劫持”的草图。 An accident, and we're doing the Boss Hijack sketch.
-斯坦!——狮子座! - Stan! - Leo!
谢谢你的关心。 Thanks for caring.
顺便问一下，斯通，布鲁克林在哪儿? By the by, Stone, where is this Brooklyn?
另一个世界。 Another world.
莫蒂叔叔，真奇怪在这里发现你。 Uncle Morty, how odd to find you here.
我刚从六点乘7:45的电梯下来。 I just caught the 7:45 elevator down from six.
我想赛迪阿姨也在这里吧? I assume Aunt Sadie is here also?
还没，但她会的。 Not yet, but she'll be.
莫蒂叔叔，向艾伦·斯万问好。 Uncle Morty, say hello to Alan Swann.
我没听清名字。 I didn't catch the name.
艾伦·斯万。新秀里约。 Alan Swann. Rookie Carioca.
Carroca ! Carroca!
有一种叫做Carroca的致命武器。 There was a lethal bantamweight called Carroca.
你正看着他。 You're looking at him.
我在圣地亚哥看过你的比赛。 I saw you fight in San Diego.
——水手多诺万?——正确的。 - Sailor Donovan? - Right.
-用三分钟干掉他。——两个。 - Took him out in three. - Two.
谁知道中国佬是个战士?对我来说他是张不开嘴的。 Who knew the Chinaman was a fighter? To me he doesn't open a mouth.
还在玩格斗游戏吗? Still in the fight game?
在某种程度上。我娶了本杰的母亲。 In a way. I married Benjy's mother.
本杰明，亲爱的，你回家真是太好了。 Benjamin, darling, how wonderful to have you to home.
我得回去吃我的肉卷了。 I got to get back to my meatloaf.
斯旺先生，请允许我介绍我的母亲。 Mr. Swann, may I present my mother.
纽约布鲁克林的贝尔·梅·斯坦伯格·卡罗卡夫人 Mrs. Belle Mae Steinberg Carroca of Brooklyn, New York...
…和佛罗里达迈阿密海滩的两周，每年冬天。 ...and Miami Beach, Florida, for two weeks, each and every winter.
本杰明，你为什么不告诉我你妈妈很可爱? Benjamin, why didn't you tell me your mother was so lovely?
——给我吗?-不，是我的。 - For me? - No, for me.
-斯万先生…请-艾伦。我可以叫你什么? - Mr. Swann... - Alan, please. What may I call you?
“你”呢? How about "yours"?
艾伦，我代表大家欢迎你…… Alan, on behalf of everyone, I would like to welcome you...
…敬我们卑微的帽子。 ...to our humble chapeau.
在巴黎大学(Sorbonne)待了两年，她还是会犯错。 Two years at the Sorbonne, she still gets it wrong.
艾尔? Al?
——马!——什么? - Ma! - What?
我不漵“基地”。 I漵 not "Al."
如果我把卡彭,或乔森,那么我漵“基地”。 If I bring Capone, or Jolson, then i漵 "Al."
乔森来吗? Jolson's coming?
艾伦，我想让你完全自由地做任何你想做的事…… Alan, I want you to feel perfectly free to do what ever you would...
…通常在你自己的公寓里做。 ...normally do in your own apartment.
晚饭前要喝点什么吗? Something to drink before dinner?
一些苏打水吗? Some soda water?
菜鸟，来杯苏打水! Rookie, a glass of seltzer!
-捡起来!——对不起。 - Pick it up! - Excuse me.
对不起。 Sorry.
打扰一下，斯旺先生。 Excuse me, Mr. Swann.
我不想强加于人。 I hate to impose.
不知道您是否介意在……——一个亲笔签名吗? - I wonder if you would mind signing... - An autograph?
当然可以。 Certainly.
如果你不介意，就去赛迪和莫蒂·克朗斯基酒吧。 If you don't mind, make it to Sadie and Morty Kronsky.
那漵与“k”其余的是我通常漵拼写的方式。 Tha漵 with a "K." The rest is the way i漵 usually spelled.
那可能漵赛迪阿姨。 Tha漵 probably Aunt Sadie.
你为什么不去给你妻子开门? Why don't you go open the door for your wife?
谢谢你，斯旺先生。 Thank you, Mr. Swann.
艾伦。 Alan.
——谢谢。——你的苏打水。 - Thank you. - Your seltzer.
-一点肝?-不，谢谢。 - A little liver? - No, thank you.
赛迪，你看起来很漂亮。多漂亮的裙子啊。 Sadie, you look beautiful. What a lovely dress.
你喜欢它吗?我只穿过一次。 You like it? I only wore it once.
快来拿! Come and get it!
晚餐准备好了。 Dinner is served.
菜鸟，你的棉兰老肉卷太棒了。 Rookie, your Meatloaf Mindanao was superb.
-谢谢，准备要花两天时间。——真的吗? - Thanks, that takes two days to prepare. - Really?
告诉我，那是什么刺鼻的味道? Tell me, what was that rather pungent taste?
鹦鹉。 Parrot.
而且与他们共事并不容易。 And they're not easy to work with.
他们发出了一些吱吱声。 They put up some squawk.
我可以想象。 I can imagine.
那是什么菜? What was that dish?
菲律宾猪肉和豆类。 Filipino pork and beans.
猪肉在哪里? Where was the pork?
你不能。这里有犹太人! You can't. There are Jews here!
所以，我想如果你想更专业的话…… So, I guess if you want to be technical...
世界卫生大会漵区别呢? Wha漵 the difference?
所以斯万先生… So Mr. Swann...
…现在我们坐得很好，一起吃面包，一起喝酒…… ...now that we sat nice, broke bread together, shared wine...
…我觉得我对你有点了解。 ...I feel I know you a little.
莫蒂，我觉得我更了解你了。 Morty, I feel I know you even better.
好。那你不会介意我问你个问题吧。 Good. Then you won't mind if I ask you a question.
莫蒂叔叔! Uncle Morty!
你担心什么?我漵不是个人。 What are you worried? I漵 not personal.
我是什么，出生在明斯克还是平斯克?我熟悉附近的路。 What was I, born in Minsk or Pinsk? I know my way around.
莫蒂，问你的问题。 Morty, ask your question.
几年前的亲子鉴定rap… That paternity rap a couple of years ago...
-你和她约会了吗?-莫蒂! - Did you schtup her? - Morty!
你一路都去了吗? Did you go all the way?
-莫蒂叔叔!——什么! - Uncle Morty! - What!
你想要什么? What do you want?
我漵好吧。 I漵 all right.
莫蒂…… Morty...
…我希望这不会减少你对我的看法，但答案是否定的。" ...I hope this doesn't lessen your opinion of me, but the answer is "no."
你看到… You see...
…像我这样的人，我们就是目标。 ...people like me, we're targets.
我因为很多与我无关的事情而受到指责。 I'm blamed for a lot of things I had nothing to do with.
另一方面，因为我是…… On the other hand, because of who I am...
…我在其他地方杀人也不受惩罚。 ...I get away with murder in other areas.
我想最后这一切都抵消了。 I suppose it all balances out in the end.
-真的吗，Swannee?-妈，他是个演员，不是一条河。 - Does it really, Swannee? - Ma, he's an actor, not a river.
Swannee…… Swannee...
…我能和弗兰克谈谈吗? ...can I talk frank to you?
当然,美女。 Certainly, Belle.
好好看看这里。 Take a good look here.
这是好! This is good!
和你爱的人坐在一起。 Sitting around with people you love.
有些是你喜欢的。还有一些你可以不需要的，抱歉。 Some you just like. Others you could live without, excuse me.
分享故事。分享温暖。 Sharing stories. Sharing warmth.
这是真实的生活，艾伦。 This is real life, Alan.
这就是你所需要的。 And this is what you need.
一个家，一个家庭…… A home, and a family...
…和孩子。 ...and children.
嘿,谁知道呢? Hey, who knows?
不幸的是，贝儿，我的生活不太顺利。 Unfortunately, Belle, that part of my life hasn't worked out too well.
虽然我确实生了一个非常可爱的小孩。 Though I did produce a perfectly glorious little child.
她的名字叫苔丝。 Her name is Tess.
看到了吗?你是父亲，这一点我都不知道。 See? You're a daddy, and this I didn't even know.
她在哪里? So where is she?
她和她母亲住在康涅狄格州。 She lives with her mother in Connecticut.
我有一年多没见到她了。 I haven't seen her in over a year.
一年? A year?
真丢脸，Swannee。 Shame on you, Swannee.
是的，你说得对，贝儿。 Yes, you're right, Belle.
我真丢脸。 Shame on me, indeed.
好了，该走了。多么美妙的夜晚。 Well, time to go. What a divine evening.
我们必须尽快再做一次。比如说，在世纪之交? We must do this again, real soon. Say, at the turn of the century?
新手。 Rookie.
——莫蒂萨蒂。-再见，斯旺先生。 - Sadie, Morty. - Goodbye, Mr. Swann.
美女。 Belle.
艾伦。 Alan.
凯斯勒先生和夫人，公寓4B。上帝保佑你，斯旺先生。 Mr. And Mrs. Kessler, apartment 4B. God bless you, Mr. Swann.
Berkowitz先生和夫人，2A公寓。我们爱你。 Mr. And Mrs. Berkowitz, apartment 2A. We love you.
内森和莉莉·坎特。二楼前面。 Nathan and Lily Cantor. Second floor front.
我在这里漵高兴你。 I漵 a pleasure to have you here.
Scalfoni，你是最棒的。 Scalfoni, 1I, you're the best.
-你是怎么进去的?-我是管理员! - How did you get into the building? - I'm the super!
本巴切利医生，我的药。 Dr. Bumbacelli, my medication.
你的药物。 Your medication.
斯旺先生，明天是大日子。 Mr. Swann, big day tomorrow.
显示的一天。 Show day.
-我应该看着你的。——好。看这个。 - I'm supposed to watch you. - Good. Watch this.
想再看一遍吗? Want to see it again?
斯通，你要么看着我，要么加入我。 Stone, you can either watch me, or join me.
-其中一个更有趣。-你在布鲁克林很火。 - One of them is more fun. - You were a hit in Brooklyn.
下一个想去布朗克斯试试吗? Want to try the Bronx next?
公园大道1030号。喝的。 No. 1030 Park Avenue. The Downings'.
请,不。Le漵不去那里。 Please, no. Le漵 not go there.
-我们为什么要去那里?——为什么? - Why are we going there? - Why?
重新编织你和公正的K.C.的关系 To reweave the fabric of your relationship with the fair K.C.
-这次突然造访应该可以。-我不这么认为，斯旺先生。 - This surprise visit should do it. - I don't think so, Mr. Swann.
K.C.唐斯的父母正在举行一个盛大的聚会。 K.C. Downings' parents are having a big party.
他们不会让我们进那栋楼的。 They're not going to let us in that building.
太好了。 Excellent.
你登山过吗? Ever done any mountaineering?
现在我们要做的就是离开这里… Now all we have to do is to get from here...
…到那里。 ...to there.
它不会工作。 It won't work.
它在一个轻微的离婚案件中非常有效。 It worked perfectly well in A Slight Case of Divorce.
那是一部电影。这才是真实的生活! That was a movie. This is real life!
有什么区别? What is the difference?
哦,不。 Oh, no.
我漵卡住了。 I漵 stuck.
我们需要的是一根类似绳子的东西。 What we need is something like a rope.
Le漵不这样做。 Le漵 not do this.
石头!我已经做了100次了。 Stone! I've done it 100 times.
那是特技演员吗? Was that a stuntman?
完美的。 Perfect.
等一下。 Wait a minute.
Le漵回到我们来的方式穿过她的前门。 Le漵 go back the way we came and go through her front door.
无趣!无聊!老的帽子! Dull! Boring! Old hat!
斯通的基本原则:他们总是喜欢大的入口。我向你保证。 Stone, the cardinal rule: They always love a big entrance. I assure you.
在这些电影里有人死了吗? Does anybody die in these movies?
死吗? Die?
当然不是。 Of course not.
我只是漵乐趣! I漵 just fun!
有趣吗? Fun?
——快乐!-他觉得这很有趣! - Fun! - He thinks this is fun!
我现在要下去了。 I'm going down now.
我到的时候，我会把绳子拉紧，你就可以轻轻滑下去了。 When I arrive, I shall hold the rope taut and you can just shimmy down.
我可没放东西啊!我漵太危险了。 I'm not shimmying down anything! I漵 too dangerous.
胡说! Nonsense!
Niblick告诉你的时候就不会了。 Not when you've been instructed by Niblick.
Niblick到底是谁? Who the hell is Niblick?
Niblick是我在喜马拉雅山的夏尔巴人向导。 Niblick is my Sherpa guide from the Himalayas.
喜马拉雅山! The Himalayas!
看，那是门。来吧!Le漵去试一试。 Look, there's the door. Come on! Le漵 go give it a try.
我漵开放! I漵 open!
我的上帝! My God!
我杀了他! I killed him!
我应该照顾他，但我杀了他! I'm supposed to take care of him, and I killed him!
哦,上帝! Oh, God!
债券发行是一场骗局。这家公司破产了。 The bond issue is a fraud. The company went bankrupt.
它们看起来很结实，但却垮了。 They looked solid, but went belly-up.
打扰一下，你看过《王冠守护者》这部电影吗? Excuse me, have you seen that film Defender of the Crown?
就像这样! Just like that!
皇家卫士，你看到了吗? Defender of the Crown, you seen it?
艾伦主演,世界卫生大会漵那家伙的名字,… Starring, wha漵 that guy's name, Alan...
——斯万。——是的!艾伦·斯万! - Swann. - Yeah! Alan Swann!
比尔，我觉得艾伦·斯旺比我们强。 Bill, I think Alan Swann is beneath us.
他当然在我们之下。他是一个演员。 Of course he's beneath us. He's an actor.
不，我想艾伦·斯旺现在在我们下面! No, I think Alan Swann's beneath us, now!
看! Look!
哈利，给我滚出去。 Harry, get the hell out here.
艾伦·斯万正挂在屋顶上的什么东西上。 Alan Swann is hanging on something from the roof.
——拉!-把他拉上来! - Pull! - Pull him up!
晚上好，你有灯吗? Good evening, do you have a light?
帮帮我! Help me!
露台吗? Terrace?
做得很好。 Well done.
我们只是顺道来看看楼下的情况。 We've just dropped in to see the Downings.
这里没有下坡。 There are no Downings here.
不喝吗? No Downings here?
楼下14号。 The Downings are downstairs, on 14.
近,石头。非常接近。 Close, Stone. Very close.
斯旺先生，我想我有点不舒服了。 Mr. Swann, I think I'm going to be unwell.
石头，女士们身体不好。先生们呕吐。 Stone, ladies are unwell. Gentlemen vomit.
阿尔弗雷多，你不用等了。我们不需要这辆车了。 Alfredo, you needn't wait. We shan't need the car anymore.
我们要去公园吐，然后步行回家。 We're going to throw up in the park and then walk home.
斯旺先生，我能告诉你一些事吗? Mr. Swann, may I tell you something?
本杰·斯通不是他看上去的样子。 Benjy Stone is not who he seems to be.
斯通，谁是谁? Who is, Stone, who is?
但我连本吉·斯通都不是。 But I'm not even Benjy Stone.
我是本杰明·斯坦伯格。 I'm Benjamin Steinberg.
我改了名字，因为我觉得在屏幕上看起来不好看。 I changed my name because I thought it wouldn't look good on the screen.
我是一个假的。 I'm a phony.
因为你改了名字? Because you changed your name?
世界卫生大会漵的名字吗? Wha漵 in a name?
玫瑰无论叫什么名字都会枯萎凋谢。 A rose by any other name would wither and die.
我给你取个名字:克拉伦斯·达菲。 I'll give you a name: Clarence Duffy.
克拉伦斯•达菲吗?克拉伦斯•达菲是谁? Clarence Duffy? Who's Clarence Duffy?
只是一个来自苏格兰西部的年轻人… Just a young man from the West of Scotland...
…中产阶级，爱尔兰血统… ...middle class, Irish descent...
…他的父亲是一名文法学校的老师。 ...who's father was a grammar school teacher.
他的母亲照看她的花园，她的丈夫和她唯一的儿子。 His mother looked after her garden, her husband and her only son.
18岁时，他加入了海军。 At the age of 18, he joins the navy.
一年后他跳槽到利物浦，立志要成为一名演员。 One year later he jumps ship in Liverpool, has notions of becoming an actor.
完成英语“B”级的电影。 Finishes up in English "B" movies.
六个月后，派拉蒙制片厂的Lou Goldmark宣布了他的发现。 Six months later, Lou Goldmark of Paramount Studios announces his find.
一位风度翩翩的英国新演员要出演…… A dashing, new English actor to star...
…在Paramoun漵下一个大冒险电影:剑的荣耀。 ...in Paramoun漵 next big adventure film: Swords of Glory.
-克拉伦斯·达菲。-完全一样。 - Clarence Duffy. - One and the same.
-那你就不是艾伦·斯旺了-是的，我是。 - Then you're not Alan Swann. - Yes, I am.
你是唯一知道的人。 You're the only living soul who knows it.
它随我而去，克拉伦斯。 It dies with me, Clarence.
你是一个演员。演员应该有自己的名字。 You're an actor. Actors are supposed to make up names.
我不仅漵编造一个名字,Stoneberg。 I漵 not just making up a name, Stoneberg.
工作室构成了我的整个生活，我让他们这么做。 The studio made up an entire life for me, and I let them do it.
现在我分不清哪里是假的结束，哪里是真的开始。 Now I can't tell where the bogus one ends, and the real one begins.
我的一切都不是表面上看起来的那样。 Nothing about me is what it seems to be.
甚至是我做你的喜剧节目的原因… Even the reason I'm doing your Comedy Cavalcade program...
…不是因为我想这么做 ...is not because I wanted to.
我漵我处理我的新伙伴,美国国税局。 I漵 a deal I made with my new partner, the Internal Revenue Service.
如果我做节目，给他们一半的收益… If I do the show and give them half the proceeds...
…他们保证不会把我赶出这个国家。 ...they promise not to throw me out of the country.
我也会死的，达夫。 That dies with me, too, Duff.
今晚，你妈妈说:“你真不要脸。”她说对了。 Tonight, your mother said, "Shame on you," and she was right.
我受够了人们让我逍遥法外，每个人都是这样。 I'm fed up with people letting me get away with things, and everybody does.
我的朋友，我的经纪人，我的经纪人…… My friends, my agent, my manager...
…我的医生，我的前妻，甚至我的女儿。 ...my doctors, my former wives, even my daughter.
我们走了一晚还不够吗? Haven't we walked enough for one night?
——不,不!-《马》，斯通伯格。 - No, no! - The horse, Stoneberg.
你会因此被判30年! You'll get 30 years for this!
嘿! Hey!
不! No!
苔丝。 Tess.
苔丝是谁? Who's Tess?
苔丝是他的女儿。 Tess is his daughter.
泰丝是他在康涅狄格州的女儿。 Tess is his daughter in Connecticut.
演出当天，他去了康涅狄格州。 He went to Connecticut on the day of the show.
那混蛋去了康涅狄格! That bastard went to Connecticut!
他他妈的在另一个州! He's in another goddamn state!
我得去节目现场告诉里奥，这样他就可以炒我鱿鱼了。 I got to go down to the show and tell Leo, so he can fire me.
我死定了。 I'm a dead man.
我不能这样去。我得穿衣服了。 I can't go like this. I have to get dressed.
带我回来。 Take me back.
太好了。 Great.
Air day和我们的嘉宾明星没有出现。 Air day and our guest star is no show.
嗨,利奥。 Hey, Leo.
他上了本周《电视指南》的封面。 He's on the cover of TV Guide this week.
利奥! Leo!
为什么这张草图会出现在这里?我们上周做的。 Why is this sketch in here? We did this last week.
但我漵就在这里,在我的脚本。 But i漵 right in here, in my script.
现在,为什么,利奥?为什么它在我的脚本里? Now, why, Leo? Why is it in my script?
这是上周的脚本。 That is last week's script.
那漵漵我在这里的原因。 Tha漵 why i漵 in here.
现在你会发现这周的剧本… And now you'll find this week's script...
…在你的更衣室里，斯坦。 ...in your dressing room, Stan.
——漵好。那漵好,利奥。——好的。 - Tha漵 good. Tha漵 good, Leo. - Okay.
利奥，他们今天的午餐不供应舌头，是吗? They're not serving tongue at lunch today, are they, Leo?
表演日不许说话。 No tongue on show day.
他们有两次在演出日上供舌头，有两次开场小品夭折。 Twice they served tongue on show day, twice the opening sketch died.
不用舌头，明白吗?没有舌头! No tongue, get it? No tongue!
舌头…… Tongue...
…死亡。 ...death.
本杰，你应该监视斯旺的。 Benjy, you were supposed to be watching Swann.
我是。 I was.
我昨晚还住在他的套间里呢。 I even stayed in his suite last night.
但当我今天醒来时，他不见了。 But when I woke up today he was gone.
他说他要去看苔丝。 He said he was going to see Tess.
爱尔兰夫人。数字。他们爱喝酒。 Irish dame. Figures. They love their booze.
——她是12。-好吧，现在我们可以加入法定强奸罪。 - She's 12. - Fine, now we can throw in statutory rape.
苔丝碰巧是他的女儿。 Tess happens to be his daughter.
阿尔菲，他在哪儿? Alfie, where is he?
在他的更衣室里。 In his dressing room.
——喝醉了!-他在打盹呢。 - Drunk! - He's taking a nap.
我去看看什么样的小睡。 I'm going to see what kind of a nap.
-我不这么认为。-最好让他休息。 - I don't think so. - Better let him rest.
他得在一小时内做好排练的准备。 He's got to be ready for a run-through in an hour.
-他能来吗?-他会成功的。 - Can he make it? - He'll make it.
我知道我漵不关我的事,但是,你能告诉他们去对他吗? I know i漵 none of my business, but, could you tell them to go easy on him?
这不是他最好的一天。 It ain't been his best day.
好吧。 Okay.
-他还好吗?-他没事。 - Is he okay? - He's all right.
你真该看看她。已经让人心碎了。 You should have seen her. 12, and already a heartbreaker.
他对她说了什么? What did he say to her?
他一直没有下车。 He never got out of the car.
在86.4英里的路程中，他一句话也没说。 And he didn't say another word for 86.4 miles.
我以他。我也没看后视镜。 I clocked him. I didn't look in the rearview, neither.
我给了他私人空间。 I gave him his privacy.
好了，我们来看看金和卡比。 All right, we open on a tight to King and Cubby.
然后变宽。 And then we widen out.
准备开门。 Get set to open the house.
15分钟,每一个人。 Fifteen minutes, everyone.
你好吗，艾伦? How you doing, Alan?
我一点也不想让你担心。糟糕的排练，精彩的表演。 I don't want you to worry about a thing. Bad rehearsal, good show.
我们有很棒的演员阵容，我们有很棒的工作人员，而且一直都很成功。 We got a great cast, we got a great crew, and it always works.
记住，我们会玩得很开心的，对吧? Just remember, we'll have fun, right?
和你!你看起来很好。 And you! You look great.
-他为什么要穿这个?-《火枪手素描》 - What is he wearing this for? - The musketeer sketch.
你穿的衣服合适吗? Are you in the right outfit?
我是。 I am.
那么我在这里做什么呢? Then what am I doing in this?
我不知道。 I don't know.
那么，哪个草图是第一个呢? Well, which sketch is first?
我要画的第一个草图是火枪手的草图。 The first sketch that I'm in is the musketeer sketch.
我也在里面。 I'm in that, too.
我穿错衣服了。 Okay, I'm in the wrong outfit.
看看我是怎么发现的。 And look how I find out.
我是从这个人那里知道的。 I find out from this guy.
那些天才应该告诉我… Who are the geniuses who are supposed to tell me...
…在我的节目中，哪个小品最先出现… ...which sketch comes first on my show...
…我应该穿哪套衣服?他们在哪儿? ...and which outfit I'm supposed to be in? Where are they?
谁来告诉我哪个草图先画! Somebody tell me which sketch comes first!
衣柜! Wardrobe!
李尔! Lil!
听这个。他觉得自己穿错了衣服。 Listen to this. He thinks he's in the wrong costume.
每周都是同样的事情。他是如此疯狂。 Every week, same thing. He's so crazy.
神。谁来帮我把戏服拿出来! God. Somebody help me with my costume!
-脱下来，快点，脱下来-不!别管我! - Take it off, come on, take it off. - No! Leave me alone!
-劫机草图先出来!——哪一个? - The Hijack sketch comes first! - Which one?
劫持草图。 The Hijack sketch.
它是第一位。 It comes first.
我知道它。我知道的，利奥。 I knew it. I knew it, Leo.
别担心，伙计，我就知道。 Don't worry about a thing, pal. I knew it.
好。 Good.
加州吗? California?
你不能在加州写喜剧。我漵不够令人沮丧。 You can't write comedy in California. I漵 not depressing enough.
你看起来很好。你感觉如何? You look great. How do you feel?
石头，我感觉出奇地好。谢谢你！ I feel surprisingly well, Stone. Thank you.
我要做一个预测。 So well that I'm going to make a prediction.
通常我要花两到三分钟来热身。 Usually it takes me two or three takes to warm up.
但今晚我们会第一次拍完。 But tonight we'll get it on the first take.
我们总是第一次拍就拿到。我们必须。 We always get it on the first take. We have to.
你会怎么做? You do?
当然，这是电视直播。——生活? - Sure, this is live television. - Live?
生活? Live?
“活着”是什么意思? What does "live" mean?
这意味着在你欢蹦乱跳的那一刻…… It means at the exact moment you're cavorting...
…在这个舞台上跳跃着，有两千万观众在观看。 ...and leaping around that stage, 20 million people are seeing it.
等一下。 Wait a minute.
-等一下。-斯旺先生，你是白人。 - Wait a minute. - Mr. Swann, you're white.
你的意思是这些都进了镜头里… You mean it all goes into the camera lens...
…然后就洒到别人家里了? ...and then just spills out into people's houses?
是的。 Yeah.
为什么没人跟我解释? Why is it nobody explained this to me?
我漵没什么好担心的,斯万先生。我们的观众很棒。 I漵 nothing to worry about, Mr. Swann. Our audiences are great.
观众是什么? What audience?
你知道。你以为那些座位是做什么用的? You knew. What did you think those seats were for?
我已经28年没有在观众面前表演过了。 I haven't performed in front of an audience for 28 years.
观众? Audience?
我扮演管家。 I played a butler.
我只有一句话! I had one line!
-我忘了。——别担心。这是很容易的。 - I forgot it. - Don't worry. This is easy.
对于你,也许。不是因为我。我不是演员。我是电影明星。 For you, maybe. Not for me. I'm not an actor. I'm a movie star.
五分钟后播出。 Five minutes to air.
准备好老板劫持草图了。 Ready for the Boss Hijack sketch.
- - - - - -闭嘴!-你能行的。 - Shut up! - You can do it.
我需要时间思考。 I need time to think.
我需要时间思考。神圣母亲。 I need time to think. Holy Mother.
-我需要时间思考。-这是"思考"还是"喝酒"? - I need time to think. - Is that "think," or "drink"?
是的! Yes!
他有点神经过敏。 He's got the jitters.
女士们先生们，刚才… Ladies and gentlemen, a second ago...
…艾伦·斯万(Alan Swann)患上了严重的焦虑症。 ...Alan Swann had a full-fledged anxiety attack.
差点精神崩溃… An inch away from a complete nervous breakdown...
…他还有胆量把它形容为神经过敏。 ...and he has the nerve to describe it as the jitters.
-你在干什么?-喝酒离开。 - What are you doing? - Drinking and leaving.
在劫机案之后还有火枪手案。 The musketeer sketch is on after the Hijack sketch.
我才不演麝香葡萄酒的小品呢。 I'm not doing the muscatel sketch.
-《火枪手素描》-我两者都不做。 - The musketeer sketch. - I'm not doing either.
艾伦·斯旺不是要走吗? Wasn't that Alan Swann leaving?
显然，他还在紧张不安中挣扎。 Obviously, he's still in the throes of the jitters.
-别挡我的路，西。-直到你付清为止。 - Get out of my way, Sy. - Not until you pay up.
地主,发生了什么事? Benjy, what happened?
斯万的消失了。不能说话。待会儿再谈。 Swann's gone. Can't speak. Talk later.
你这个小聪明，狗娘养的，王八蛋! You little smart ass, son of a bitch, bastard!
你在这里! You're through here!
我告诉王! I'm telling King!
Sy ! Sy!
k.c在哪里? Where is K. C?
一切都好吗? Everything okay?
好。 Good.
谢谢你,Harmonaires。 Thank you, Harmonaires.
这是地方，人们。 This is places, people.
来吧,勒漵快点。 Come on, le漵 hurry up.
舞者,舞蹈演员。你应该回到你的起点。 Dancers, opening dancers. You should be in your starting places.
赶快走。 Hurry along.
你是谁? Who are you?
是的，菲尔，对吧?我知道你。 Yeah, Phil somebody, right? I know you.
菲尔，你做得很好。 You're doing a good job, Phil.
Sy,对不起。 Sy, I'm sorry.
的帮助! Help!
我们这里需要一些帮助。 We need some help here.
听着，赛，你不应该那样偷偷接近一个人。 Look, Sy, you shouldn't sneak up on a guy like that.
我知道你听不到我说话，伙计。 I know you can't hear me, pal.
但是等你醒来，我会给你加薪的。 But when you wake up, I'll give you a nice raise.
给他急救。 Get him some first aid.
磨蹭。 What a putz.
可怕,可怕。 Terrible, terrible.
阿尔弗雷多! Alfredo!
阿尔弗雷德。 Alfredo.
你不是阿尔弗雷多! You're not Alfredo!
斯万先生。 Mr. Swann.
我的上帝,我漵Stoneberger ! My God, i漵 Stoneberger!
你能让我一个人呆着吗? Will you let me alone?
-你演完就去。-我不做。 - As soon as you finish the show. - I'm not doing it.
我要去华尔道夫酒店! I want to go to the Waldorf!
你必须这么做，否则他们会驱逐你。 You have to, if you don't they'll deport you.
没关系。 It doesn't matter.
那漵可悲的景象。 Tha漵 a sad sight.
你是一个悲伤的景象。 You're a sadder sight.
你最后所做的… All you end up doing...
…让关心你的人不开心 ...is making anyone who cares for you unhappy.
你知道他们怎么说我吗? You know what they say about me?
你可以信赖艾伦·斯旺。他总是让你失望。 You can depend on Alan Swann. He will always let you down.
你告诉苔丝了吗?漵正确。 Did you tell Tess that? Tha漵 right.
你下不了车。 You couldn't get out of the car.
阿尔菲，把这个混蛋带到华尔道夫酒店。 Alfie, take this bum to the Waldorf.
女士们,女士们,le漵走。 Ladies, ladies, le漵 go.
南希，你的节目很精彩。 Nancy, you have a nice show.
赛，我没告诉过你不要偷偷靠近… Sy, didn't I tell you not to sneak up...
- Rojeck先生要你拿这个——这。 - Mr. Rojeck wanted you to have that. - And that.
我们还有十秒钟。 We have ten seconds to go.
九，八，七，六…… Nine, eight, seven, six...
这是NBC，国家广播公司。 This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company.
提示音乐。准备好了。,准备好了两个。 Cue music. Ready one. Up, ready two.
——提示宣布。——两个! - Cue announce. - Two!
女士们先生们，现在是周六晚上8点。 Ladies and gentlemen, it is Saturday night at 8:00.
国家广播公司呈献喜剧行列! The National Broadcasting Company presents The Comedy Cavalcade!
由国王皇帝。 Starring King Kaiser.
和他的特别嘉宾艾伦·斯旺! With his special guest star, Alan Swann!
胶卷! Roll film!
把它! Take it!
当你像这家伙那样吃午饭太快时…… When you eat lunch too quickly, as this fellow had...
…你很容易烦躁，因为你的胃不舒服。 ...and you're apt to be cranky, because your stomach feels bad.
石头。 Stone.
我害怕。 I'm afraid.
那漵为什么我不能下车看我的苔丝。我的孩子。 Tha漵 why I couldn't get out of the car to see my Tess. My child.
艾伦·斯万害怕吗? Alan Swann, afraid?
王室的捍卫者?队长从龟岛? Defender of the Crown? Captain from Tortuga?
圆桌骑士的最后一位? The Last Knight of the Round Table?
那些都是电影，该死的!看着我! Those are movies, damn you! Look at me!
我是有血有肉的!真人大小的,没有大的! I'm flesh and blood! Life-size, no larger!
我不是那么愚蠢，该死的英雄。我从来没有。 I'm not that silly, goddamned hero. I never was.
对我来说，你就是! To me, you were!
不管你在那些电影里扮演的是谁… Whoever you were in those movies...
…那些愚蠢的英雄对我来说意义重大。 ...those silly, goddamn heroes meant a lot to me.
就算这只是幻觉又有什么关系呢?它工作。 What does it matter if it was an illusion? It worked.
所以别告诉我这就是你，真人大小的。" So don't tell me this is you, "life-size."
我不能用你的真人大小。" I can't use you "life-size."
我需要艾伦·斯旺斯尽可能大的尺寸。 I need Alan Swanns as big as I can get them.
让我告诉你: And let me tell you something:
你不可能用那种方式说服我…… You couldn't have convinced me the way you did...
…除非你内心深处有勇气。 ...unless somewhere in you, you had that courage.
没有人是那么好的演员。 Nobody is that good of an actor.
你就是那个愚蠢的英雄。 You are that silly, goddamn hero.
冷静点，回到这里。我们正在直播! Calm down, back here. We're on the air!
回来，去找人帮忙。你被解雇了! Come back, go get some help. You're fired!
老板劫持! Boss Hijack!
格雷51年的DeSoto是谁的? Who owns the gray '51 DeSoto?
新来的，哈里斯。 The new guy, Harris.
你把车停在老大的车位上了。更好的移动。 You parked in Boss Hijack's spot. Better move.
那是什么鬼东西? What the hell is that?
的帮助! Help!
你很幸运，我们在二楼。 You're lucky we're on the second floor.
这让他慢了下来。 It slowed him down.
你很幸运，我们在二楼。 You're very lucky we're on the second floor.
这真的让他慢了下来。 It really slowed him down.
一个。王在哪里?提示王。提示他! One. Where's King? Cue King. Cue him!
卫生大会漵它要做什么? Well, wha漵 it going to do?
让他平静下来。 Slow him down.
神圣的耶稣。 Holy Jesus.
——一个!-什么事?世界卫生大会漵发生了什么? - One! - What is it? Wha漵 happening?
别进来。 Don't come in here.
三! Three!
两个! Two!
一个。 One.
到底发生了什么事? What the hell is happening?
洛克的人在杀金。 Rojeck's men are killing King.
斯旺在阳台上做什么? What is Swann doing in the balcony?
给他点光! Get a light on him!
-在阳台上，他在阳台上——三个,好! - In the balcony, he's in the balcony. - Three, good!
凡人! Mortals!
你能握住我的剑吗? Will you hold my sword?
在三下放松。和三个。 Loosen up on three. And three.
天啊，这真让我高兴。 God, this makes me happy.
照我说的做。 Do as I told you.
怎么这么久? What took you so long?
女士们,先生们: Ladies and gentlemen:
艾伦·斯万。 Alan Swann.
两个。 Two.
和一个。 And one.
两个。 Two.
你在这里看到他的样子，就像这样… The way you see him here, like this...
…这是我纪念他的方式。 ...this is the way I like to remember him.
我想如果你问艾伦·斯万…… I think if you had asked Alan Swann...
…他一生中最令他高兴的时刻是什么? ...what was the single most gratifying moment in his life...
…他可能说过这个，就在这里。 ...he might have said this one, right here.
第二天，我和他、阿尔菲一起开车去了康涅狄格。 The next day, I drove up to Connecticut with him and Alfie.
这次他敲了敲门。 This time he knocked on the door.
当他和苔丝见面时，就像他们从未分开过一样。 And when he and Tess saw each other, it was like they'd never been apart.
就像阿尔菲说的，“和斯万在一起你总是原谅别人，你知道吗?” Like Alfie says, "With Swann you forgive a lot, you know?"
我知道。 I know.