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奶奶 Grandma?
埃德蒙 Edmund.
校对 武汉加油 中国加油
诺拉 Hey, Nora.
怎么回事 What's going on here, huh?
时间轴 大葱
这是干什么 突然变成好朋友了吗 What's this? Best friends all of a sudden?
你要把我扔进河里吗 奶奶 You gonna throw me down the river, Grandma?
埃德蒙带我去逛商店了 Well, Edmund offered to come with me to the store.
后期 如果奇迹有颜色 那一定是中国红
他是个好孩子 He-- he's a good boy.
我带奶奶去了超市 Now, I took Grandma to H Mart
总监 逆行者请注意安全
给她买了一个500美元的电饭锅 and bought her a $500 rice cooker.
你有时候也这么做 对吧 诺拉 You do that too sometimes, right, Nora?
滚蛋 埃德蒙 Eat my ass, Edmund.
我们在包饺子 We're making dumplings!
酷 但是我以为 Oh, that's cool 'cause I just thought
一般是咱俩包的 that was something that just me and you did,
A和B 奶奶和诺拉 只有咱俩 A and B, Grandma and Nora, you know, our thing.
你懂的 因为你更爱我 是吗 You know what I mean, 'cause you love me more and all, right?
奶奶要教我了 Oh, Grandma's gonna teach me,
我等不及要向名师学习了 and I can't wait to learn from the best.
我也想学 我要坐中间 I wanna learn, too. I call middle seat.
但是我们包了2000次饺子 诺拉 Oh, but we've made dumplings together 2,000 times, Nora.
我和埃德蒙还没包过饺子呢 And Edmund and I have never made dumplings before.
是的 但我想包2001次 Yeah, but I want to do it 2,001 times.
-跟你比赛 -在哪比赛 - Race you there. - Race you where?
-这里 -我一直在这里 - Uh, here. - I've been here.
我知道 奶奶更爱我 Yeah, I know. Grandma loves me more.
-什么 -什么 - What? - What?
什么 What?
-什么 -什么 - What? - What?
奶奶更爱我 什么 Grandma loves me more. What?
-什么 什么 -什么 - What? What? - What?
奥卡菲娜是 第一季
来自皇后区的诺拉 第七集
达蒙 Damon.
能让我练一套吗 You mind if I squeeze in a set?
稍等 兄弟 我再拍一张 One sec, bro. Let me just take one more pic.
#健身照 #gymselfies.
你玩IG吗 You on IG?
-图享网 -没有 - Instagram, you on it? - No.
我有时上脸书 I look around on Facebook sometimes.
仅此而已 That's about it.
什么 脸书 沃利 What? Facebook? Wally!
-脸书过时了 兄弟 -是吗 - Facebook is dead, bro. - Oh, yeah?
重点在于分享 看看 It is all about the Gram. Check it out.
瞧瞧 No, look it at.
-达蒙 -小妞很喜欢 - Damon! - The chicks dig it.
我靠这个撩了很多妹子 I get so many dates off of this.
-你是单身 对吧 -是的 - You're single, right? - Yeah.
图享网适合你 Instagram, baby.
不 我 Oh, no, I...
我不需要贴这样的私密照片 I don't need to post intimate pictures like that.
赶紧的 Well, you better get crackin'.
-不要 -听着 - No. - Yeah, look.
如果妹子在图享网上搜不到你 If a chick can't find you on Instagram,
她会认为你是连环杀手 she's gonna think you're a serial killer.
绝对的 That's the truth.
-真的吗 -你只要 - Really? - All you gotta do
去亚马逊买个环形灯 is go on Amazon Prime, buy a ring light,
然后回家去洗手间 then you go home to the bathroom.
抬起一条腿 或者两条 You put up a leg, maybe two,
拍照撩妹 click, pussy.
不 不 不 别听这个屌丝的话 No, no, no. Don't listen to this loser.
我的孩子们认为你的图片是表情包 My kids think your Instagram is a meme account.
如果我是屌丝 If I'm such a loser,
那我怎么会有300多个关注 then how come I have over 300 followers?
我明白你的意思了 You know what this is about?
你就是馋我的身子 珍妮娜 You just want a piece of me, Janeane.
大家都知道 沃利也知道 Everybody knows it. Wally knows it.
我要告诉你多少次 How many times do I have to tell you
我是激进派女同 I'm a raging lesbian?
随你怎么说 珍妮娜 Whatever, Janeane.
珍妮娜 Janeane?
练完以后喝杯咖啡吧 You wanna get like a coffee after this?
我要找我老婆 I'm hanging out with my wife.
-你是认真的吗 -是的 - Oh, you were serious? - Yeah.
蚁人 Ant-Man.
这些饺子包得太好了 These dumplings are beautiful.
你卷边还挺有天赋的 You certainly have a knack for crimping.
谢谢 奶奶 名师出高徒嘛 Yeah, well, thank you, Grandma. I learned from the best.
-谁 -名师 - Who? - The best!
你知道还有谁吗 我也有天赋 You know who else? Talented me.
是的 Yes.
让我看看 Let's see.
我给这个饺子取名为 This one I named Beautiful Flower
三生三世十里桃花 from All Generations to the End of Time for you.
小心点 Just be careful because
馅有点漏出来了 it has-- the inside comes out a little bit,
这是一个开放式内部格局 so it is an open floor plan.
-挺努力的 诺拉 -听到了吗 - Nice try, Nora. - "Nice try, Nora." See that?
瞧 现在觉得自己很蠢吧 See? Feel dumb now, huh?
觉得自己有点蠢吧 Don't you feel dumb now a little bit?
我给你加点水 I get you some water.
谢谢 奶奶 爱你 Thanks, Grandma. Love you.
你的饺子看起来像面团宝宝 Mm, your dumplings look like the Pillsbury Doughboy
正在仇恨犯罪 got hate-crimed.
给老娘闭嘴 贱人 You wanna shut the hell up, bitch?!
-嘴真甜 -没错 - Oh, nice. - Yeah, yeah.
-叫我贱人 -你就是小三 - Calling me a bitch. - You're third-wheelin'.
我以前看过这部电影 I've seen this movie before.
你来这里就想偷走我的饺子皮 You come in and you wanna take my skin.
这就是你的目的 That's what you wanna do.
你想过来偷走我的饺子皮 You wanna come up in here and take my skin.
天啊 诺拉 Ugh, my God. Nora...
看看那个饺子 And also, look at that one.
那个看起来像屁眼 That one looks like a fuckin' butthole, dude.
所以肯定很好吃 That means it'll be delicious, yum, yum, yum.
2020是屁股年 2020, Year of the Ass.
完美 Okay, perfect.
运动后的冰沙畅饮 "Post workout smoothie vibes."
我看起来真的不像白痴吗 You sure I don't look like a douche?
每个人看起来都用力过猛 Everybody looks like they're trying too hard.
这就是重点 It's kinda the point.
但你不能只一张照片 But you gotta post more than one photo, though,
否则你看起来就像个奇葩的键盘侠 because otherwise you'll look like a creep who just trolls people.
我能看到我关注了谁 And so I can tell if I'm following somebody
还有谁关注我吧 and they're following me, right?
我懂了 她叫什么名字 I see what's happening here. What's her name?
布伦达·莫雷诺 Brenda Moreno.
布伦达·莫雷诺 好 Brenda Moreno. Okay.
她的网名是艺术布伦达 Oh, her screen name is ArtfulBrenda.
她很漂亮 She's very pretty...
而且很有艺术感 and very artsy.
让我看看 Let me see.
是的 Yeah.
-就是她 -嗯 - That's her. - Yeah.
如果你想让她馋你的身子 So, listen, if you wanna thirst trap her,
就得发点更帅气的照片 I think you're gonna have to post some better pics.
你能帮我拍吗 Oh, will you take some for me?
可以 但是别在健身房拍 Yeah, but let's not take 'em in the gym.
不能让别人觉得你只来健身房 You don't want everybody thinking all you do is hang out in the gym.
但我就是这样啊 But that is all I do.
先来点面粉 Okay, to start off, you take a little flour
撒在桌子上 and we spritz it around the table.
我爱我奶奶 #饺子
然后拿起饺子皮 And now we take the skin.
瞧 See?
够了 Oh, that's enough.
天啊 埃德蒙 快来 Oh, my God, Edmund! Come quick!
奶奶出事了 Something's happened to Grandma
-情况很糟糕 -什么 - and it's really bad! - What?
她摔了一跤 I think she took a nasty spill.
-天哪 -直接来车库 - Oh, my God! - Come straight to the garage.
别给任何人打电话 直接来车库 Don't call anybody. Just come straight to the garage!
我马上就来 Okay, I'll be right--
天啊 我讨厌跑步 Oh, God, I hate running.
奶奶呢 她没事吧 Where's Grandma? Is she okay?
她很好 She's fine.
但我不好 But I'm not.
什么 Oh, what?
你到底想跟我奶奶怎么样 贱人 What's your endgame with my grandma, bitch?
什么 What?
你在说什么 神经病 What are you talking about, you psycho?
她也是我奶奶 She's my grandma, too.
你为什么不去奶奶商店 Well, why don't you go to the grandma store
自己买个奶奶呢 and get your own grandma?
我姥姥死了 My other grandma's dead,
我只剩一个奶奶了 so Grandma's the only grandma I have.
我妈也死了 所以奶奶不仅是我妈妈 Yeah, my mom's dead so Grandma's not only my mom,
还是我的姥姥 姥爷 she's my grandma and my grandpa.
我要离开这里 我 Okay, now I'm walking away from this. I'm--
你干什么 What are you...?
不要 干什么 Don't-- What is this?
住手 你在走方形步吗 Stop. You're box-stepping?
我不让开 I'm not movin'...
直到你给我答案 until you give me some answers.
天啊 什么答案 Jesus, answers to what?
为什么你要和奶奶混在一起 To why you're hanging out with Grandma
你怎么不去开发你的绝密应用 when you should be working on your top-secret app.
好吧 但你离我远点 All right, fine, but I need you to back off.
请坐 Have a seat.
干什么 Oh, what now?
说吧 埃德蒙 Start talking, Edmund.
我本来想开发一个应用的 I was gonna come up with an app,
但是我没有 but then I didn't.
现在还是没有 And I still haven't and...
我好难 it's bad.
所以你偷了1500万 So you stole $15 million?
不 这叫投资 No, it's called an investment.
叫什么来着 庞氏骗局 What's it called, Ponzi scheme?
不 这是投资 No, an investment!
这周我得给投资者提出一个概念 Look, I have to come up with an idea for the investors this week.
如果我还没想到 那 And if I still don't have anything, then...
我就完蛋了 I'm screwed.
那你怎么不去开发应用 So why don't you go work on the app
却和奶奶混在一起 instead of hanging out with Grandma
还想偷我的饺子皮 and trying to steal my skin?
因为我压力太大了 Because it's stressful
她可以让我不那么焦虑 and she makes me feel less anxious.
你不是想把奶奶从我身边偷走吗 So you're not trying to steal my Grandma away from me?
-不 当然不是 -很好 很好 - No, absolutely not. - Good. Good.
埃德蒙 我本来想杀了你的 Edmund, I was gonna kill you.
-什么 -但我现在不想了 - What? - But I'm not, I'm not now.
这些工具可以退 You know, and the supplies are refundable.
我有五金店会员卡 So I have a-- I have an Ace Hardware card.
我都忘了这些衣服 Oh, yeah, forgot about all this stuff.
太好了 Yeah!
妈 妈 Hey, Mom, Ma.
你看到我的燕尾服的裤子了吗 Have you seen my tuxedo pants?
你在你姐妹吉米的婚礼上 Yeah. You sat on a brownie
坐在布朗尼上了 at your cousin Jimmy's wedding.
只能扔了 记得吗 We had to throw it away, remember?
嗯 大家都以为我拉裤子了 Yeah, everyone thought I shit myself.
你在这里干什么 What are you doing in here anyway?
整理一下而已 I'm just tidying up.
我就是看看穿哪件衣服能开心点 I'm just, you know, deciding which sparks joy.
你猜什么能让我开心 Guess what sparks my joy.
不是麻理惠 Not Marie Kondo.
去他妈的麻理惠 Fuck Marie Kondo.
你拿这个糊弄投资者 You got investors off of this?
就这个垃圾股票模板 This shitty PowerPoint stock template?
是的 这是行业标准 Yeah, it's sort of industry standard.
天哪 硅谷太垃圾了 God, Silicon Valley's such bullshit.
难听了啊 诺拉 Ooh, very hot take, Nora.
他们是因为相信我才投资的 Really, they're investing in my reputation.
但现在没什么好的应用创意了 But there are no good app ideas anymore.
该有的都有了 Everything's already been done.
才不是呢 That's not true.
狗狗看的网飞 Netflix for Dogs.
便便表情 Uh, a poop emoji.
但是要用自己的便便 But it's like pictures of your own poop,
然后上面加个眼睛 and you put eyes on it.
或者拍一个地方 What about an app that takes a picture of a place,
就知道以前的样子呢 and you can find out what-- what used to be there?
不知道有没有人开发过 I don't know if anyone's done that already,
但是创意还真不错 but that's actually good.
又比如阴道的倒模 What about like a flesh mold of a vagina,
便携的那种 right, but it's portable?
可以叫它口袋阴道 And we call it a pocket pussy.
看来要听一会了 但是继续 Okay, this might take a while, but keep going.
评价美丑的应用 An app that tells you if you're ugly or not.
像照镜子一样看阴道的应用 An app that you could look at your vagina like in a mirror.
还有呢 What else?
显示你尸体腐烂后 An app that shows you what you would look like
是什么样子的应用 这个很顶 as a decaying corpse, that's tight, that's a good one.
-不行 -告诉你 - No! - An app that tells you
-鬼魂友不友好的应用 -什么 - if a ghost is friendly or not. - What?
可以找到失散多年朋友的应用 An app that finds your long-lost friends.
可以轻微刺激屁眼的应用 An app that lightly stimulates your butthole.
可以轻微刺激朋友屁眼的应用 An app that lightly stimulates your friends'.
召唤松鼠的应用 An app that beckons squirrels.
为鹦鹉打造的交友应用 An app that-- it's like Tinder but for parakeets.
不要停 I need more!
我要拉屎 But I have to poop.
多拉点创意吧 You should be pooping ideas!
沃利教授
你看上去像《重返荣耀》的角色
我真的很喜欢那部电影 "I really liked that movie."
拍点绅士照
没问题
我们想了很多好主意 We have so many good ideas.
但是还没有中意的 We just haven't found the one yet!
我要走了 I gotta get outta here.
我好久没晒太阳了 I haven't seen any daylight.
刚才在角落拉的屎 I took a poop in the corner.
为什么 Eww, why?
不 等等 孵化需要时间 好吗 No, wait, incubation takes time, okay?
我们会成功的 不能半途而废 We'll get there. We just need to keep going.
你爸在图享网关注了我 Your dad followed me on Instagram.
-我操 -怎么了 - Holy shit! - What?
看 Look.
所以呢 So?
阴茎伯伯 阴茎伯伯 Uncle Penis! Uncle Penis!
我看到阴茎了 It's a damn penis!
你为什么要给我看 Why would you show it to me?!
他肯定是不小心的 He must've accidentally posted it
他没看到身后的镜子 and just didn't see the mirror behind him.
大概有200人点了赞 不合理啊 It has like 200 likes which proportionately doesn't make sense
他只有17个关注 because he has 17 followers.
我们得把那东西删掉 We need to delete that thing.
他被做成表情包的 He-- he's gonna become a meme.
即使他自己删了 Even if he deletes it off his personal account,
其他人也已经截图了 other people have screenshotted it.
不 不 我们得把原图删了 No, no, no, we need to get the original off.
把截图和复制图都删了 We need to get the screenshots off, any duplicates.
我们得把那张照片从网上删干净 We need to scrub the Internet of that picture.
必须删掉 一定要删 That needs to go. Ahh! That needs to go.
你是个白痴 但也是个天才 You are an idiot but also a goddamn genius.
我走了 Okay, I gotta go.
我走了 我走了 I gotta go! Um, I gotta go.
你去哪里 Where are you going?!
去开发"清洁刷" To go and code "Scrubr."
应该不会太久 It shouldn't take long.
我只要把一个专有数据集 I just have to match a proprietary data set
匹配到一个图像标签模型 照片就会被删除 to an image-labeling model, and then it'll be deleted...
-你要走了 -是的 - You're leaving? - Yeah.
短时间内不回来了 And you won't be back for a while?
-是的 再见 -我能再问你一件事吗 - Yeah. Bye. - Can I-- Can I ask you one more thing?
-什么 -你有感觉吗 - What? - Did you just feel anything?
没有 好恶心 Eww, no! Disgusting.
我也没有 我也没有 I didn't either. I didn't either!
还是包不上 Still won't close.
耐心点 你会成功的 Have patience and you'll get it.
我一直希望我是那种 You know, I always wish I was one of those Asian girls
可以徒手画出口袋妖怪 that could draw Pokemon freehand
把纸撕成一条直线的亚洲女孩 and rip paper in a straight line.
我连卷烟都卷不好 I can't even roll a joint right.
折纸很无聊 Origami is boring.
也许你的天赋不在手指 And plus, maybe your talent isn't in your fingers.
也许在别的地方 Maybe it's somewhere else.
也是 Hm, that's true.
我整晚都在编程 I've been coding all night.
我终于完成了测试 And I finally finished the beta.
我觉得这个应用说不定能火 And I think this app could be huge.
我真为你骄傲 埃德蒙 I'm so proud of you, Edmund.
更难的是想到这个应用 Well, the harder part is thinking of the app,
那是我在3.5秒左右想出来的 which I did in 3.5 seconds and counting.
我也为你骄傲 诺拉 Oh-ho, so I'm proud of you too, Nora.
我创造了完整的服务器 所以 Yeah, I literally invented an entire server, okay, so...
奶奶更爱我 Yeah, well, Grandma loves me more,
希望你可以接受 so I hope you're all right with that.
诺拉 Okay, just Nora,
你不知道会发生什么 you don't know what's about to happen.
如果这个应用开始运行 Okay, if this app gets up and running,
可能会带来百万的收益 we are looking at potentially raking in millions.
我们得把我爸的老二从网上删掉 We need to get my dad's dick off the Internet
免得别人拿去做了表情包 before fuckjerry finds it and shit.
没事的 Okay, just-- It's fine, whatever.
我能给你们演示一下我的应用吗 Can I just run my app presentation for you guys?
我要在明天的投资大会之前 'Cause I just need to practice
练习一下 before the investor meeting tomorrow and...
-不行 -当然 - No. - Of course!
珍妮娜 好多陌生人给我点赞 Janeane, I got a lot of likes from complete strangers
奥利维亚·杰德还给我点了两个赞 and also two verified likes from Olivia Jade.
那是谁 Who the hell's that?
但是布伦达还是没有消息 But nothing from Brenda.
她为什么不喜欢我的照片 I don't understand why she didn't like my photo.
让我看看 Let me see it.
构图和光线都很棒 It's beautiful composition and lighting.
谢谢 Thank you!
怎么了 What?
天啊 我的老二漏出来了 Holy shit! My dick is out!
-是的 -珍妮娜 我的老二漏出来了 - Yeah. - Janeane, my dick is out!
怎么回事 What happened?!
怪不得那么多人点赞 That explains all the likes.
我得删掉 I gotta delete it.
不 我发到生活里了 Oh, no, I think I just sent it my story!
我操 Oh, shit!
我得再拍几张照片 I've gotta take some more pictures
把第一张的热度降下来 to take the heat off the first one.
沃利 别慌 Okay, Wally, you're spiraling.
-香焦 香蕉挺好吧 -沃利 - Bananas. Bananas are good, right? - Wally...
香焦 香蕉飞镖 Bananas. Banana boomerang.
-深呼吸 -香蕉挺好的 - Take deep breaths. - Bananas are fine!
我帮你 I'm gonna help you.
好消息 Okay, okay, good news.
艺术布伦达没有关注你 ArtfulBrenda is not following you,
-我删除了照片 -太好了 谢谢 - and I deleted the pic. - Yes! Thank you!
坏消息是 Bad news is...
达蒙转发了 Damon reposted it.
不 No!
妈的 Oh, shit!
要薯片吗 You want a chip?
你知道我对酸乳酪过敏 珍妮娜 You know I'm allergic to sour cream, Janeane!
我不知道 I didn't know that.
我跟你没那么熟 I haven't known you for that long.
红皮革 黄皮革 Red leather, yellow leather.
龙在一两分钟到两点 The dragon will come when he hears the drum
听到鼓声就会来 at a minute or two till two.
你们准备好了吗 Y'all ready for this?
"清洁刷"是一款可以改变世界的应用 "Scrubr" Is an app that can change the world
通过使用微结构编译的 By using micro-patterns compiled from each
像素二进制表示法 binary-based representation of a pixel
或者本地二进制模式 或者专利本地二进制模式 or local binary pattern or a patented LBP,
我们可以通过神经网络运行图像 we can run the image through our neural network
输出一组测量值 and this outputs a set of measurements
作为一种独特的识别码 that serve as a unique... identifier.
发出裸照也可以随时撤回 Send nudes? More like unsend nudes."
我还是 You know, I'm just gonna...
重新开始 好吧 I'm just gonna start over and, um, oh! Okay.
腿抽筋 腿抽筋了 Leg cramp. Leg cramp.
天哪 我好热 Oh, my God, I'm burning up.
感觉我在 It's like I'm on--
感觉我在米科诺斯的海滩上一样 It's like I'm on the beach in Mykonos.
天啊 Oh, my God.
你现在大汗淋漓的 You're sweating very profusely right now.
你们闻到了吗 Do you smell that?
闻起来像姜黄 It smells like turmeric.
他怎么了 What is wrong with him?
不知道 I don't know.
好吧 Okay.
演讲到此结束 I'll leave you with this.
我们生来都一样 We're all born the same way--
光着屁股尖叫 非常感谢 naked and screaming. Thank you so much.
说得还不错吧 挺流畅的 That's good, right? Had a good flow.
逻辑挺清晰的 Had a good... structure.
是的 是的 Yeah. Yeah.
没有意见吗 No notes?
我没有 I'm good.
很好 Good.
诺拉 你得帮帮他 Oh, Nora, you need to help him.
他肯定不行的 He's gonna fail.
我知道 你明天早上 I know. Um, did you wanna go
想去买磨脚器吗 get your PediEgg refill tomorrow, like in the morning?
不 我们得先帮他 Oh, no, we gotta take care of him first.
他需要帮助 He needs help.
我不在乎 我不想帮他 I don't care. I don't wanna help him.
既然这是你的创意 If this was your idea,
那你应该和他一起演讲 then you should pitch it with him.
-好吧 -这才是我的好孙女 - Fine. - Okay, that's my good girl.
靠 他回来了 Oh, shit, he's coming back.
-我能再来一遍吗 -不能 - Can I do it one more time? - No!
艺术布伦达的新消息
完了 Oh, no.
燕尾服的照片很好看啊 为什么删掉 大笑
赶紧完事吧 I just wanna get this over with.
我抖得像叶子一样 I'm shaking like a leaf.
没事的 You'll be fine.
假装你没穿衣服 Just pretend you're naked.
盯着他们的眼睛 Stare-- stare into their eyes.
我要在会议室演讲 I'm pitching in a conference room,
不是在桑拿房 not a sauna.
我肯定会搞砸的 You know what, this is gonna be a disaster
我还是走吧 我走了 and I-- I should go, I should go, I'm gonna go.
不 不 我知道你很紧张 No, no, look. I know you're nervous.
好吗 我也是 Okay? So am I.
但是现在才是考验人的时候 But now's the time to see who has a heart.
现在是时候向自己和其他人证明 Now's the time to prove to yourself and everybody else
哪怕你自闭了 that even though you're locked up,
也是了不起的人 you're somebody.
好吗 All right?
你可以做到 That you can do something special
世界上没人能做到的事 that no one else in the world can do.
你要穿过那些门 You get to walk through those doors,
抬起头来 hold your head up high,
把自己当成野马 and call yourself a Mustang!
这是《重振球风》里巨石强森的演讲吗 Is that The Rock's speech from "Gridiron Gang"?
加油 你可以的 Go with it. You'll be all right.
准备好让他们大吃一惊了吗 Are you ready to go up in there and blow them away?
好了 Yeah.
准备好把我爸的老二从网上删掉了吗 Are you ready to scrub my dad's side dick off the Internet?
当然 Hell yeah!
我知道你们在想什么 All right, I know what you guys are thinking.
看看这个可怜 压抑的孩子 Look, look at this poor, very depressing soul
站在那里 害怕得要死 just standing there frozen in fear
因为他嫉妒的前男友 because his jealous ex just posted
刚刚发了一张 a picture of him on all fours
他扮成《佐罗传奇》四肢着地的照片 dressed as "The Legend of Zorro."
太可怕了 Yeah, devastating.
告诉我 你们有这样的照片 And tell me this, how many of you guys
被人发上网过吗 have photos like this up on the Internet?
不是吧 挺自大啊 Really? Cocky bunch.
好吧 没关系 Yeah, okay. That's cool.
因为我搜了你们所有人 Because I googled every single one of you guys
发现了一堆可怕 and found a trove of horrible,
辣眼睛 尴尬的照片 uncompromising, embarrassing photos.
汤姆 2004年万圣节 Tom, 2004 Halloween,
扮成淫荡《风中奇缘》 dressed as a slutty Pocahontas.
文化麻木加上厌恶女性 Cultural insensitivity mixed with misogyny.
双重惊喜啊 That's a double yikes.
你想不想把这张照片从网上删掉 How would you like to get this photo off the Internet forever?
想 求你了 Yeah, please.
幸运的是 埃德蒙和我 That's why, luckily, Edmund and I
开发了一个应用 came up with an app we call...
"清洁刷" ...Scrubr.
只要按一下 With a push of a button,
我们的"清洁刷"应用可以永久删除 our Scrubr app can delete any unwanted photo ever
网上不想要的照片 off the Internet for all eternities.
我们使用图像相似性算法 We use an image similarity algorithm to remove
来移除网上所有不好的照片 all your bad photos from the Internet.
社交网络
每个屁眼 每次一夜情 Every bunghole, every one-night stand,
每个曝光的错误 every mistake that's ever gone public
这样你搜索自己时 so that never again will you google yourself
就不会有自己喝醉的大头照盯着你了 and have your drunken college mugshot staring back at you.
非常感谢 Thank you so much!
我们很喜欢 Well, uh, we love it.
下一轮融资 Let's talk about upping your valuation
可以提高一下你的估值 for the next round of funding.
所以会有下一轮融资 So there'll be a next round.
当然 Oh, hell yeah.
我们很高兴投资了你 埃德蒙 We're very glad that we invested in you, Edmund.
谢谢 汤姆 麦克斯韦 阿玛琳 Thank you, Tom, and Maxwell, Amalin,
里福德 你是布莱森吗 Riford, and I wanna say Bryson?
-杰森 -杰森 - Jason. - Jason.
对了一个音节 Got one syllable.
老实说 Well, to be honest,
这个创意是诺拉帮我想出来的 this didn't really come together until Nora got on board.
说的太好了 That's beau-- That's so beautiful.
虽然我们合作时吵吵闹闹的 It's been a contentious working relationship.
-她 -是有点 - She's... - A bit contentious.
说到这里 这个可以 Speaking of, can I-- Is this up for...?
再见 各位 Bye, everyone.
爱你们 Love you.
够她吃一个月了 That's gonna feed her for a month.
诺拉 这些饺子真的很好吃 Nora, these dumplings are actually really good.
是啊 比你的演讲好多了 Yeah, a lot better than your public speaking.
饺子 Oh, dumplings.
你们都在想我的老二 是吗 You're all thinking about my dick now, aren't you?
-不是 -别想了 - No! - Get over it.
就是个老二嘛 It's a dick.
饺子好吃吗 奶奶 Anyway, do you like the dumplings, Grandma?
是的 很好吃 Oh, yes, they're very tasty.
我真为你骄傲 I'm so proud of you.
我的两个饺子 Oh, my two dumplings!
如果你更爱我就眨眨眼 Just blink if you love me more.
-没事的 他没在看 -我还在呢 - It's okay. He's not looking. - I'm right here.
不 我不能这么做 Oh, no, I can't do that.
奥卡菲娜是他妈谁啊 Who the fuck is Awkwafina?