* I'M GOING DOWN TO SOUTH PARK *
* GONNA HAVE MYSELF A TIME *
* FRIENDLY FACES EVERYWHERE *
* HUMBLE FOLKS WITHOUT TEMPTATION *
* GOING DOWN TO SOUTH PARK *
* GONNA LEAVE MY WOES BEHIND *
* AMPLE PARKING DAY OR NIGHT *
* PEOPLE SPOUTING "HOWDY NEIGHBOR" *
* HEADED ON UP TO SOUTH PARK *
* GONNA SEE IF I CAN'T UNWIND *
* ( mumbling ) *
* COME ON DOWN TO SOUTH PARK *
* AND MEET SOME FRIENDS OF MINE *
( school bell ringing )
...AND SO CLASS,
THAT IS WHEN JOLIE COUNTERED BACK TO ANISTON
AND SAID THINGS LIKE--
OH HELLO, MR. MACKEY.
ALL THE GIRLS GO OUT IN THE HALL, PLEASE.
I NEED TO SPEAK WITH THE BOYS OF THIS CLASS, M'KAY.
BOYS, WE HAVE A VERY SERIOUS PROBLEM.
I'VE JUST COME FROM THE MEN'S RESTROOM,
AND SOMEBODY... WENT NUMBER TWO IN THE URINAL.
WHAT'S A URINAL ?
THE WALL TOILET FOR PEEING IN.
AND SOME JOKESTER, TOOK A POOP IN IT, M'KAY.
NOW, I WANT WHOEVER DID IT TO COME FORWARD RIGHT NOW
AND IT WILL BE LESS PAINFUL FOR EVERYBODY, M'KAY ?
WHO WOULD TAKE A DUMP IN THE URINAL.
IT'S SUCH A SENSELESS CRIME.
MR. MACKEY, I THINK YOU MIGHT WANT TO ENTERTAIN
THAT THIS IS SOME KIND OF CONSPIRACY...
JUST LIKE 9-11.
OH GOD, HERE WE GO AGAIN.
9-11 WAS NOT A CONSPIRACY, FAT ASS !
OH REALLY ?
DO YOU JUST BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU'RE TOLD, KYLE ?
EXCUSE ME !
CAN WE GET BACK TO THE ISSUE, PLEASE ?
YOU ALL DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND HOW SERIOUS THIS IS !
NOW WHO MADE DOOKIE IN THE URINAL ?
( all snickering )
OH YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY, HUH ?
M'KAY, M'KAY, YOU'RE GONNA THINK IT'S REAL FUNNY
WHEN THE POLICE GET HERE !
I'M SORRY, MR. MACKEY,
BUT THERE JUST ISN'T REALLY ANY EVIDENCE TO GO ON...
BUT THERE MUST HAVE BEEN SOME MOTIVE
NOBODY WOULD JUST DOOK IN THE URINAL FOR NO REASON.
BUT WHO WOULD BENEFIT FROM CRAPPING IN THE URINAL ?
THIS IS TOO BIG A MYSTERY FOR ME,
I THINK WE BETTER CALL IN THE HARDLY BOYS.
THE HARDLY BOYS !
TWO YOUNG WHIPPER SNAPPERS
WITH A KNACK FOR SOLVING MYSTERIES !
THE HARDLY BOYS IN:
SO THAT'S IT, HARDLY BOYS, WE'VE GOT NO LEADS
AND NOBODY ADMITTING TO THE CRIME.
THAT SURE IS A MYSTERY.
YEAH IT SOUNDS SUPER-HARD.
WHOEVER DID IT MUST HAVE BEEN ANGRY WITH THE SCHOOL.
OH... OH, I THINK I'M GETTING A CLUE.
REALLY ?
YEAH, THIS IS TOTALLY GIVING ME A CLUE RIGHT NOW.
OH, I'M STARTING TO GET A CLUE TOO !
MY CLUE'S KINDA POINTING THIS WAY.
OH, YEAH, NOW I'VE GOT A TOTAL CLUE.
I'VE STILL GOT A RAGING CLUE.
MY CLUE'S POINTING OVER THERE NOW.
OH LET'S FOLLOW THAT CLUE.
( school bell ringing )
DID THEY FIND OUT WHO CRAPPED IN THE URINAL YET ?
NOT YET.
THEY AREN'T GOING TO FIND OUT WHO DID IT.
BUT THEY'LL MAKE UP A SCAPEGOAT,
SEND HIM TO DETENTION
AND MAKE US ALL BELIEVE IT.
IT'LL BE 9-11 ALL OVER AGAIN.
WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT 9-11 ?
KYLE, WHY ARE YOU SO AFRAID OF THE TRUTH ?
BECAUSE ANYBODY WHO THINKS 9-11 WAS A CONSPIRACY
IS A RETARD !
OH REALLY ?
DID YOU KNOW THAT OVER ONE-FOURTH OF PEOPLE IN AMERICA
THINK THAT 9-11 WAS A CONSPIRACY ?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT ONE-FOURTH OF AMERICANS ARE RETARDS ?
YES, I'M SAYING ONE-FOURTH OF AMERICANS ARE RETARDS.
YEAH, AT LEAST ONE-FOURTH.
LET'S TAKE A TEST SAMPLE: THERE'S FOUR OF US,
YOU'RE A RETARD- THAT'S ONE-FOURTH.
THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE WHO KNOW THE TRUTH, KYLE.
BUTTERS !
HEY FELLAS !
BUTTERS, DO YOU THINK 9-11 WAS JUST A PLOT
BY SOME ANGRY TERRORISTS,
OR DO YOU THINK THERE WAS SOME KIND OF COVER UP ?
WELL, I HEARD THAT 9-11 WAS CAUSED BY PRESIDENT BUSH.
AH HA, YOU SEE ?
WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT ?
FROM ERIC.
I REST MY CASE.
BUTTERS, YOU DON'T REALLY BELIEVE THAT DO YOU ?
WUL... I MEAN... YOU NEVER KNOW.
THE GOVERNMENT DOES SOME PRETTY SPOOKY THINGS.
THE GOVERNMENT AND THE CORPORATIONS HEADED BY THE JEWS
THAT CARRIED OUT 9-11.
THAT'S RIGHT, BUTTERS.
GOD DAMMIT !
YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN YOU SPREAD THIS STUPID CRAP, FAT ASS !
WHAT- PEOPLE SEE THE TRUTH ?
CAN I GO NOW ?
YOU GUYS ARE BLIND !
I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT EVERYONE HERE
IS JUST BUYING INTO WHAT THEY'RE TOLD BY THE MEDIA.
I'M GOING TO GO FIND OUT THE TRUTH.
I'M GONNA BLOW THE LID OFF THIS WHOLE 9-11 CONSPIRACY
ONCE AND FOR ALL.
OH NO...
* IS IT WRONG FOR ME TO ASK QUESTIONS *
* IS IT WRONG TO SEEK THE TRUTH *
* I CAN'T JUST BLINDLY ACCEPT THEIR VERSION *
* I CAN'T BASE MY LOGIC ON PROOF *
* ALMOST ALL THE EVIDENCE POINTS ONE WAY *
* BUT I'M LIKE CHARLIE SHEEN AND GLORIA ESTEFAN *
* I NEED TO KNOW WHAT REALLY HAPPENED *
* ON 9-11 *
* 9-11, 9-11 *
* WHAT REALLY HAPPENED ON 9-11... *
OF COURSE... IT'S SO OBVIOUS...
HOW DID WE NOT SEE IT BEFORE...
THIS IS MY FROG, HE DOESN'T HAVE A NAME.
HE'S A FROG, NOT A TOAD BECAUSE TOADS DON'T RIBBIT.
I THINK FROGS ARE GOOD PETS.
( scattered applause )
OKAY, THANK YOU, LEEROY,
THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR DUMB LITTLE FROG WITH THE CLASS.
OKAY, ANYBODY ELSE HAVE ANYTHING FOR SHOW AND TELL ?
OH, OOHH !
ALRIGHT, ERIC, YOU CAN GO NEXT.
FOR SHOW AND TELL TODAY, I HAVE BROUGHT
MY SHOCKING POWERPOINT REPORT ON THE TRUTH...
BEHIND THE 9-11 ATTACKS.
OH CHRIST...
WE ARE TOLD TO BELIEVE THAT THE FIRE FROM THE JET FUEL
MELTED THE STEEL FRAMING OF THE TOWERS,
WHICH LED TO THEIR COLLAPSE.
BUT DID YOU KNOW JET FUEL DOESN'T BURN
AT A HIGH ENOUGH TEMPERATURE TO MELT STEEL ?
WE WERE TOLD THE PENTAGON WAS HIT BY A HIJACKED PLANE AS WELL.
BUT NOW LOOK AT THIS PHOTO OF THE PENTAGON.
THE HOLE IS NOT NEARLY BIG ENOUGH.
AND IF A PLANE HIT IT... WHERE'S THE REST OF THE PLANE ?
WOAH...
SO NOW, THE INEVITABLE QUESTION.
IF TERRORISTS DIDN'T CAUSE 9-11, WHO DID ?
REMEMBER THAT THERE ARE IN FACT, TWO TOWERS.
TWO MINUS ONE, IS ONE.
ONE, ONE- ELEVEN.
TWO MINUS ONE, IS ONE.
ONE, ONE- AND THERE ARE 9 MEMBERS ON
SILVERSTEIN'S BOARD OF DIRECTORS.
THAT'S 9-1-1, 9-11.
AND TAKE TWO, MINUS ONE, PLUS NINE ELEVEN
AND YOU GET TWELVE.
WHICH LEADS US ALL TO THE MASTERMIND
OF THE 9-11 ATTACKS...
KYLE.
ME ?
12 CONTAINS THE NUMBERS ONE AND TWO.
JUST LIKE THE TOILET YESTERDAY,
WHERE SOMEBODY WENT NUMBER TWO INSTEAD OF NUMBER ONE.
ADD ONE AND TWO WITH NINE ELEVEN
AND YOU GET 914.
DROP THE 4 AND IT'S "91"
EXACTLY THE SCORE KYLE GOT ON HIS SPELLING TEST
TWELVE DAYS AFTER 9-11.
WHO HAD THE MOST TO GAIN FROM 9-11 ?
KYLE !
WHO WAS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND THE MORNING THE TOWERS FELL ?
KYLE !
WHO DROPPED THE DEUCE IN THE URINAL ?
KYLE !
BUT PROBABLY THE MOST DAMNING OF ALL
IS THE EVIDENCE SEEN IN THIS PHOTO OF TOWER 2
WHEN I ZOOMED IN, I SAW WHAT FIRST APPEARED TO BE A BLUR
BUT WHEN I COMPUTER-ENHANCED IT...
YOU ALMOST GOT AWAY WITH IT, YOU SNEAKY BUTTHOLE.
( school bell ringing )
HEY TOKEN.
YOU GONNA WATCH THE GAME TONIGHT, BUTTERS ?
AAAAHG !
ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT !
I WAS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR 9-11 !
GOD DAMMIT !
HELLO BOOBIE, HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY ?
TERRIBLE.
OH, COME ON, SCHOOL ISN'T ALL THAT BAD.
BUT, EVERYONE THINKS I WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR 9-11.
WHAT-WHAT-WHATTT ?
WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING.
IT IS OBVIOUS THAT OUR CHILDREN
ARE STILL COMPLETELY CONFUSED ABOUT 9-11 !
YES, WE NEED TO GO OVER IT AGAIN IN THE CLASSROOMS
SO THEY UNDERSTAND WHAT REALLY HAPPENED.
WELL... WHAT REALLY HAPPENED ?
THERE'S STRONG EVIDENCE THAT WHAT WE WERE TOLD
ISN'T THE TRUTH.
OH NO. COME ON.
THAT'S RIGHT.
DID YOU KNOW THAT THERE WERE EXPLOSIONS SEEN
AT THE BASE OF THE TOWERS ?
OH BROTHER. NO, NO. ARE YOU RETARDED ?
LOOK, WHATEVER YOU BELIEVE
THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS SOMEBODY...
DROPPED A DOOK IN THE SCHOOL URINAL
AND THERE'S STILL NO EXPLANATION FOR THAT !
MR. MACKEY, THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS GOING ON HERE.
MORE IMPORTANT ?
YOU AREN'T THE ONE
WHO HAD TO WALK INTO THE BOY'S BATHROOM, M'KAY
AFTER HAVING TO WAKE UP EARLY, YOU KNOW,
THERE'S NO COFFEE IN THE TEACHER'S LOUNGE
AND THEN YOU WALK INTO THE BATHROOM
TO JUST FIND A BIG DOOK LAYING THERE IN THE URINAL.
LIKE IT'S LAUGHING AT YA.
HE'S RIGHT.
THE TURD COULD HAVE BEEN PUT IN THERE
TO COVER UP 9-11 !
NO, I'M NOT SAYING THEY'RE RELATED !
HOW DO WE KNOW THEY'RE NOT ?
WE NEED TO BE BRAVE ENOUGH TO ASK QUESTIONS !
IT'S OBVIOUS THAT BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER
WE NEED TO FIND OUT WHO WAS BEHIND 9-11 ONCE AND FOR ALL !
WELL, WHO ELSE COULD IT HAVE BEEN.
THIS IS TOO BIG OF A MYSTERY FOR ME.
I THINK WE BETTER CALL IN THE HARDLY BOYS.
OH NO, NOT THE GOD DAMN--
THE HARDLY BOYS
TWO SMART YOUNG WHIPPER SNAPPERS
WITH A TASTE FOR SOLVING MYSTERIES.
THE HARDLY BOYS IN:
SO THAT'S ABOUT THE LONG AND SHORT OF IT, HARDLY BOYS.
THERE WERE TWO TOWERS THAT STOOD RIGHT HERE,
AND THEY'RE GONE.
AND NOBODY KNOWS WHO'S RESPONSIBLE ?
THERE ARE THEORIES, BUT NOBODY'S CERTAIN.
HMM, WHO WOULD BENEFIT MOST
FROM TWO BUILDINGS DISAPPEARING ?
OH, I JUST STARTED GETTING A CLUE.
REALLY ?
YEAH I'M TOTALLY GETTING A CLUE.
OH, THAT'S GIVING ME A CLUE.
YEAH, I'VE GOT A RAGING CLUE RIGHT NOW.
MINE'S POINTING TO THE LEFT.
OH, FRANK, SERIOUSLY I HAVE SUCH A RAGING CLUE RIGHT NOW
I THINK WE BETTER FOLLOW IT.
OKAY, LET'S FOLLOW YOUR RAGING CLUE...
GOD SPEED.
KYLE ! AAHGGH !
DUDE, DO YOU MIND TELLING ME WHY CIA GUYS
ARE COMING TO MY HOUSE AND QUESTIONING ME ABOUT YOU ?
I DON'T KNOW, DUDE !
IT'S LIKE EVERYONE'S PUTTING PIECES TOGETHER
THAT AREN'T THERE !
BUT WHY DID YOU HAVE TO INVOLVE ME ?
IT'S NOT MY FAULT !
ALRIGHT, LOOK, I'VE BEEN DOING A LOT OF RESEARCH ON THE WEB
AND I FOUND AN ORGANIZATION WHO SAYS THEY CAN PROVE
YOU WEREN'T INVOLVED IN 9-11.
REALLY ?
COME ON, WE'LL GO OUT THE BACK
SO THEY DON'T SEE YOU.
THERE'S JUST ONE THING I NEED TO KNOW BEFORE WE GO...
YOU WEREN'T RESPONSIBLE FOR 9-11, RIGHT ?
DUDE !
THAT'S ALL I NEEDED.
( school bell ringing )
NOW YOU MIGHT ALL THINK I'VE GIVEN UP
ON FINDING WHO CRAPPED IN THE URINAL, M'KAY.
AND MAYBE, MAYBE YOU THINK IT'S A VICTIMLESS CRIME...
THIS IS MR. VENEZUELA, THE SCHOOL JANITOR, M'KAY.
HE'S THE PERSON WHO HAS TO CLEAN UP
WHEN SOME TRICKSTER
DROPS A DOOK IN THE WRONG TOILET.
MR. VENEZUELA MAKES SIX BUCKS AN HOUR AT BEST, M'KAY
HE'S GOT THREE KIDS AT HOME,
HE'S GOT A CAR THAT BARELY WORKS,
HE'S GOT TO CLEAN UP PUKE WITH SAW DUST, M'KAY,
THEN HE WALKS INTO THE BOYS ROOM
AND SEES A BIG MEATY CHUD STARIN' HIM IN THE FACE.
SO WHEN YOU CRAPPED IN THAT URINAL, M'KAY,
YOU MIGHT AS WELL'VE JUST DROPPED YOUR PANTS
AND LAID A TURD RIGHT ON MR. VENEZUELA'S HEAD.
OH, YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY, HUH !?
MR. MACKEY, WE GOT HIM !
HUH ?
WE CAUGHT THE PERSON THAT DID IT.
HI, WE WERE HOPING YOU CAN HELP US.
MY FRIEND IS BEING BLAMED FOR 9-11.
OH JEEZ, COME ON IN, KIDS.
IT DOESN'T SURPRISE ME.
MORE AND MORE PEOPLE ARE BEING BLAMED FOR 9-11 EVERY DAY.
THEY ARE ?
YEAH IT'S A WAY OF KEEPING PEOPLE
FROM SEEING THE REAL EVIDENCE.
I KNOW IT SEEMS CRAZY,
BUT 9-11 WAS PULLED OFF BY OUR OWN GOVERNMENT.
SO THEY COULD GAIN SUPPORT FOR ATTACKING THE MIDDLE EAST.
WHAT ? NO, NO, NO.
I KNOW IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE.
DUDE, WHY WOULD THE GOVERNMENT ATTACK ITS OWN BUILDINGS ?
IT'S CALLED THE FALSE FLAG POLICY.
MAKE IT LOOK LIKE THE ENEMY HAS ATTACKED YOU.
GET ALL YOUR CITIZENS RILED UP AND WAVING AMERICAN FLAGS
THEN YOU'RE FREE TO INVADE ANY COUNTRY YOU WANT.
THAT'S RETARDED.
LOOK INTO EVIDENCE OF 9-11 AND YOU'LL SEE
THERE ARE A LOT OF HOLES IN THEIR STORY !
THERE'S A LOT OF HOLES IN THE THEORY OF EVOLUTION TOO,
IT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S WRONG.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND !
THE GOVERNMENT CONTROLS EVERYTHING.
THE MEDIA, THE CORPORATIONS
THEY HAVE THE POWER TO DO ANYTHING THEY WANT !
HERE LOOK, READ THE LABELS ON THESE !
GO ON ! READ THEM !
"CODE 2-3-4."
WE THINK THEY CAME FROM A GOVERNMENT OFFICE.
WHAT IS IT ?
IT'S ANTHRAX.
ANTHRAX ?
SOMEDAY, WE'LL USE IT AS EVIDENCE AGAINST THEM.
STAN, WE CAN'T BE SEEN WITH THIS NUT JOB !
RAHGHGH ! HANDS UP ! DON'T MOVE !
( sirens blaring )
AW-AW ! AWWWWW !
WHY, CLYDE, WHY DID YOU DO IT ?
I DUNNO.
YOU'VE GOT A WHOLE SCHOOL HERE, CLYDE, M'KAY ?
YOU'VE GOT OVER THREE HUNDRED PEOPLE
THAT NEED TO USE THE BOYS ROOM.
AND YOU DECIDE YOU'RE GONNA BE A COMEDIAN, M'KAY,
AND PINCH ONE OFF IN THE URINAL
AND LEAVE IT LAYING THERE FOR EVERYONE TO HAVE TO LOOK AT.
M'KAY, YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY, BUT NOBODY ELSE DOES.
THEY'VE GOT TO WALK INTO THAT BATHROOM
AND SEE YOUR RANCID DOOK
PROPPED AGAINST THE BACK OF THE URINAL
LIKE A BROWN RAG DOLL.
MR. MACKEY, CLYDE'S PARENTS ARE HERE.
M'KAY, THAT'S GOOD.
LET'S SEE WHAT YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE TO SAY
ABOUT YOUR LITTLE POOPSCAPADE.
COME ON IN, PLEASE,
I'M JUST TRYING TO GET YOUR SON TO EXPLAIN
WHY HE WOULD DROP A DOOK IN THE URINAL.
MR. MACKEY...
THERE'S SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW...
EXCUSE ME, THERE'S BEEN A MISUNDERSTANDING...
COME ON IN, MR. PRESIDENT.
MR. PRESIDENT, MY NAME IS--
SHUT UP.
YOU THINK WE DON'T KNOW YOUR NAME ?
WE KNOW EVERYTHING.
WE CONTROL EVERYTHING.
WE'VE ALL WORKED VERY HARD
TO KEEP OUR INVOLVEMENT IN 9-11 A SECRET.
BUT YOU JUST HAD TO KEEP DIGGING.
REALLY ?
YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH IT.
PEOPLE KNOW.
"PEOPLE" YOU MEAN SHEEPLE.
WE HAVE THE MAJORITY OF THEM KEPT IN BLISSFUL IGNORANCE.
JUST ONE MORE LEAK TO FIX.
WAIT... WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?
YOU'VE BEEN A THORN IN OUR SIDE FOR TOO LONG, I'M AFRAID.
NO, YOU CAN'T DO THIS !
PLEASE, I'LL STOP !
I'LL TAKE DOWN THE WEBSITE.
MR. MH-RMHPH ! RMHMHPMH !
TOO LATE !
( gunshot )
JESUS CHRIST !
HA HA HA... HE DIED LIKE A PIG.
SOME PIGS NEVER LEARN.
NO, WAY !
HE WAS RIGHT YOU DID CAUSE 9-11 !
YES, QUITE SIMPLE TO PULL OFF, REALLY.
ALL I HAD TO DO WAS HAVE EXPLOSIVES PLANTED
IN THE BASE OF THE TOWERS.
THEN ON 9-11 WE PRETENDED LIKE FOUR PLANES WERE BEING HIJACKED
WHEN REALLY WE JUST RE-ROUTED THEM TO PENNSYLVANIA.
THEN FLEW TWO MILITARY JETS INTO THE WORLD TRADE CENTER
FILLED WITH MORE EXPLOSIVES AND SHOT DOWN ALL THE WITNESSES
IN FLIGHT 93 WITH AN F-15,
AFTER BLOWING UP THE PENTAGON WITH A CRUISE MISSILE.
IT WAS ONLY THE WORLD'S MOST INTRICATE
AND FLAWLESSLY EXECUTED PLAN EVER, EVER.
REALLY ? WHY ?
THE OLDEST REASON IN THE WORLD... MONEY.
THE TOWERS FELL AND THE AMERICAN SHEEPLE ALL WAVED THEIR FLAGS.
FINALLY WE COULD INVADE IRAQ,
AND GET THE OIL WHICH MADE US ALL EVEN RICHER THAN BEFORE.
BEAUTIFUL MONEY, HA HA HAAA !
REALLY ?
IS THE WHOLE GOVERNMENT IN ON THIS ?
WE ARE ALL-KNOWING AND ALL-POWERFUL.
GOODBYE, BOYS.
( alarms ringing )
DANGIT, I MISSED AGAIN !
FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, CHENEY !
KYLE, RUN !
KILL THEMMMMM !
ATTENTION STUDENTS.
APPARENTLY CLYDE COULD NOT HAVE BEEN THE ONE
WHO CRAPPED IN THE URINAL,
BECAUSE CLYDE HAD A COLOSTOMY AT AGE FIVE, M'KAY.
NOW, WHOEVER DID THIS UNSPEAKABLE ACT
IS STILL AT LARGE.
THE BOYS BATHROOM IS CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.
BECAUSE ONE OF YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA,
TO PULL DOWN YOUR PANTS, M'KAY,
HOVER YOUR BUTT CHEEKS OVER THE URINAL,
AND SQUEEZE OUT A CHOCOLATE HOT DOG, M'KAY.
OH YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY, HUH ?
LET ME ASSURE THERE IS NOTHING FUNNY
ABOUT GOING UP TO A NICE, CLEAN, UNSUSPECTING URINAL, M'KAY
DROPPING YOUR PANTS, TURNING AROUND,
SQUATTING OVER THAT URINAL, M'KAY
MAYBE PULLING YOUR BUTT CHEEKS APART WITH YOUR HANDS,
AND THEN LAYING OUT A BIG FUDGE DRAGON
FOR ALL THE WORLD TO SEE.
OH YEAH, THAT'S REAL FUNNY.
I'M GONNA CATCH THIS SONOFABITCH
IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO, M'KAY !
ALRIGHT, NOW WE HAVE TO SWITCH OVER TO INNER BUS 65.
WE MADE IT, DUDE.
WE SHOULD BE HOME IN LESS THAN EIGHTEEN HOURS.
THEN WE'LL TELL EVERYONE WHAT WE SAW !
IT JUST DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT.
YEAH, OUR EYES ARE FINALLY OPEN, DUDE.
IT'S LIKE WAKING UP FOR THE FIRST TIME.
YEAH, BUT DOESN'T IT SEEM LIKE
WE GOT OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE PRETTY EASILY ?
I MEAN, IT SEEMS LIKE IT WOULD BE PRETTY HARD
TO ESCAPE FROM THE WHITE HOUSE
WITH EVERYONE CHASING YOU AND WE JUST KIND OF...
RAN OUT.
WELL DUDE, MAYBE WE'RE JUST SUPER BAD-ASS,
HAVE YOU THOUGHT OF THAT ?
HEY !
DUDE, YOU'RE ALIVE ?
COME BACK HERE !
HEY !
AGHGH !
AGHGH !!
AHGH - AHGHGH !!
NO... PLEASE !
DUDE, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON ?
DON'T KILL ME !
I JUST DO WHAT THEY SAY !
WHAT WHO SAYS ?
I HAVE A FAMILY !
PLEASE DON'T KILL ME !
DUDE, WE AREN'T GOING TO KILL YOU !
( gunshot )
OH GOD !
IT ISN'T SAFE HERE, BOYS !
FOLLOW ME !
WHO THE F--K ARE YOU ?
THERE'S NO TIME, COME ON !
DO YOU MIND TELLING US WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON ?
WHO ARE YOU ?
I'M A DETECTIVE.
AND I'M AFRAID YOU KIDS HAVE BEEN DOUBLE-CROSSED.
YOU'VE FIGURED THIS THING ALL OUT ?
NOT ME... MY MYSTERY-SOLVING SONS.
COME ON IN, BOYS.
MY BOYS WERE RESEARCHING WHO WENT NUMBER TWO
IN THE URINAL AT YOUR SCHOOL
WHEN THEY DISCOVERED SOMETHING ODD
WHICH GAVE THEM A CLUE.
IT GAVE US BOTH A CLUE.
THAT CLUE LEAD THEM TO A 9-11 CONSPIRACY GROUP PARTY.
WHERE THEY GOT A LOT MORE CLUES.
I WAS GETTING A CLUE LIKE EVERY TWO MINUTES.
I GOT SUCH A RAGING CLUE,
THAT I ALMOST SHOT CLUE GOO ALL OVER JOE.
THOSE CLUES POINTED OUT THAT ALL THE 9-11 CONSPIRACY THEORIES
COULD BE DISPROVEN SCIENTIFICALLY.
AND THAT'S WHEN FRANK GOT HIS BIGGEST CLUE.
IT WAS HUGE.
THAT ALL THE 9-11 CONSPIRACY WEBSITES
ARE RUN BY THE GOVERNMENT...
THE 911 CONSPIRACY...
IS A GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY.
OH JESUS.
WHY WOULD THE GOVERNMENT WANT PEOPLE TO THINK
THEY CAUSED 9-11 ?
FOR A GOVERNMENT TO HAVE POWER
THEY MUST APPEAR TO HAVE COMPLETE CONTROL.
WHAT BETTER WAY TO MAKE PEOPLE FEAR THEM
THAN TO CONVINCE THEM THEY ARE CAPABLE OF
THE MOST ELABORATE PLAN ON EARTH ?
THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH, HARDLY !
DON'T BELIEVE WHAT HE SAYS, BOYS.
WE CAUSED 9-11.
IT'S ALL RIGHT HERE IN THESE SECRET DOCUMENTS.
BUT YOU'LL NEVER GET THEM !
( yawn )
I KNEW IT- YOU DIDN'T PLAN 9-11
AND YOU DIDN'T REALLY SHOOT THAT GUY !
BOYS, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
PEOPLE NEED TO THINK THAT WE ARE ALL-POWERFUL
THAT WE CONTROL THE WORLD.
IF THEY KNOW WE WEREN'T IN CHARGE OF 9-11
THEN WE APPEAR TO CONTROL NOTHING.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL PEOPLE THE TRUTH ?
WE DO THAT TOO !
AND MOST PEOPLE BELIEVE THE TRUTH !
BUT ONE-FOURTH OF THE POPULATION IS RETARDED.
IF THEY WANT TO BELIEVE WE CONTROL EVERYTHING
WITH INTRICATE PLANS, WHY NOT LET THEM ?
JUST ONE THING, MR. PRESIDENT
HOW THE DEVIL DID YOU KNOW WE WERE ALL HERE ?
( gun cocking )
HOW COME YOU COULDN'T JUST GO HOME, DUDE ?
THAT'S ALL WE HAD TO DO.
STAN ! WHAT THE F--K !
IT WAS ALL PLANNED OUT.
YOU KNEW THIS WHOLE TIME ?
WHY ?
BECAUSE IT WAS ME...
I'M THE ONE WHO TOOK A DUMP IN THE URINAL.
WHAT ?
THE STALLS WERE FULL AND I DIDN'T WANT TO MISS RECESS !
I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD TURN INTO SUCH A BIG DEAL !
SO YOU BLAMED THE GOVERNMENT ?
AND THE GOVERNMENT WAS MORE THAN WILLING TO TAKE THE BLAME
SO LONG AS IT MADE THEM LOOK RESPONSIBLE FOR 9-11.
AW MAN, NOW EVERYONE'S GONNA KNOW.
WHY DID THE STUPID HARDLY BOYS HAVE TO BE
SO GOOD AT SOLVING MYSTERIES ?
SO, WAIT, WAIT-- STAN TOOK THE DUMP IN THE URINAL,
AND HE CONTACTED THE CONSPIRACY WEBSITE,
BUT THE CONSPIRACY SITE WAS RUN BY THE GOVERNMENT ?
YEAH.
SO THEN WHO WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR 9-11 !
WHAT'DYA MEAN ?
A BUNCH OF PISSED-OFF MUSLIMS.
YEAH, WHAT ARE YOU, RETARDED ?
HA HA ! HA HA ! HA HA !
WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE THIS MYSTERY IS SOLVED !
IT'S TIME FOR THE CULPRIT TO FINALLY PAY.
WHEN YOU DOOK IN THE URINAL, IT'S BAD, M'KAY ?
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
IF SOMEBODY CAME INTO YOUR HOME, M'KAY,
PULLED DOWN THEIR PANTS
AND LAID A BIG MUD MONKEY RIGHT ON YOUR MOM'S FACE ?
OH, YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY, HUH ?
YEAH, THAT'S REAL FUNNY !
YEAH I'M TOTALLY GETTING A CLUE.
OH, THAT'S GIVING ME A CLUE.
YEAH, I'VE GOT A RAGING CLUE RIGHT NOW.
MINE'S POINTING TO THE LEFT.
OH, FRANK, SERIOUSLY I HAVE SUCH A RAGING CLUE RIGHT NOW
I THINK WE BETTER FOLLOW IT.