>> Morning Odie. >> Morning Odie.
>> Here you go, boy.
>> Ah.
>> Well, I guess I'll go shower and shave.
>> Thanks for sharing thatwithme
Yes folks, this is my life.
While it may look vitalandstimul
That's because Jon's a dork.
He really needs to get alife,and
to help him find one. Why?
Because Jon's my friend, andI'dd
anything to help my friend,nomat
Unless of course,there'ssomethin
Ah, time for my favoriteshow,Yuk
This week, Yukon Stinkyinsultsa
Can't miss that. Eh, Jon's life can wait.
>> Well, Stinky, I guessthiscase
>> Give em heck, Stinky.
>> This is WBOR, the all
national anthem, all thetimechan
Next, by popular demand,theCanad
>> And, if you're notcompletelys
Ajax nose hair tweezers,
we'll refund all yourtweezednose
>> Take that.
And that.
And that!>> Oh.
>> And that.If it's not toomuch
And if you don't mind!
>> That should beenoughstimulati
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,
7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.
>> 141, 142, 143, 144.
Garfield, did you knowthebedroom
>> The living room has 214.
>> I'm bored.
>> Why don't you organizeyoursoc
>> I'd organize my sockdrawer,bu
it last night.>> I'll be thejudg
Whoa, I'm impressed.
All nicely tucked and sorted,byc
>> These are the winter socks.
The summer ones are in theotherd
Here we have your naturalfiberso
Here's your man made fibersocks.
And of course, here you'vegotyou
You know what, Garfield? >> You need a life.
>> I need a life >> Yep.
>> There's more to life,thansock
>> There's underwear.>> There'sa
there beyond the sockdrawer,and
>> Nice touch.
Haven't you got a life yet?
What are you waiting for?
Do I have to doeverythingaround
>> How to make friends, andfoolt
>> Obviously, a book on sincerity.
>> I forgot, I had this book.
Hey, this chapter ongettingdates
>> Great, read it and give meafu
The sooner you get happywithyour
the sooner I can get backtomine.
Humans, never satisfied.
If only they'd learn to be
content with the simplethingsin
Like lasagna, a good nap,
family, dog breath.
>> It says here, a singlesclubis
the ticket, for a happening kind of guy like me. Let's get to work.
>> Whatever.
>> Hey there, would you liketoda
>> Sure, why not.
>> Yes, yes.Did you hear that,Ga
She wants to dance with me.
>> It's a miracle.
>> Come my dear, let's cut arug.
>> Hey jerk, disco is dead.>>Wha
When?
Boy, you learn to dance, then
zango, 14 years, latertheychange
>> Go figure.
>> It says here, a laundromatisa
>> Looks like a great placetotak
>> Clean chicks. Pardon me, I couldn't
help but notice yourfrillylittle
Are you a ballerina?
>> Why, yes I am.
And I couldn't help butnotice,yo
Are you a dweeb?
>> Why, yes he is.
>> It says, here a video store
is a great place to meet chicks.
>> Can we get Old Yeller?
I love movies with happy endings.
>> Interested in checking outali
>> Will you be rentingthattape,
>> No, he'll be eating ithere.
>> Pardon me ladies.
I seem to have lost my
Olympic swimming medalsaroundher
I might have lost themoverthere
I just can't remember.
Oh well, I think I'll dosomepush
Out of my way creep, oops.
>> Nice going, Jon. Here weare,t
life and all you canthinkabout,
>> So, as I was saying to myself
when I saw you standingthere,thi
a chick er, lady ofdistinctionan
taste, to be shopping in such an expensive store.
Did I tell you, what lovely eyes you have?
And by the way, I wanna thank you
for listening to me this long, without hitting
me or shoving anything in my mouth.
That means a lot to me,itreally
Hey, I tell you what.
Let's get out of this place, and
grab a cup of coffeesomewhere,ok
This way, my lady.
>> Oh, let's give him a hand for trying.
>> Huh, this may come as a surprise to you
Garfield, but I'm just notverygo
>> No, go on. You're putting me on.
>> Hello there.
>> Don't flatter yourself.>>Stri
>> Maybe, I oughta just
forget about meetinganyone,ever.
Maybe, I'll become a nun.
>> As long as it gets you out of the house.
>> Hi there.
>> Take a hike.
>> No thanks, I just took one.
>> Strike two. >> What is it Garfield?
Is it my breath, my looks,mypers
Why can't I, yo there.
>> Buzz off.
>> Buzz. >> Strike three.
>> Yes sirree bob.
It times like this, I sitsbackan
>> Oh no. >> And when a man feels this
blue, he's just got to getitout.
>> He's gonna sing.>> A man'sjus
>> And I thought thatpeoplewere
>> And now, this word fromourspo
>> Friends, are youlonely,bored,
Is your idea of a funSaturdaynig
sitting home,watchingtelevision
Are you so boring, thatyoucould
Are you so out of touch,youthink
Have you ever passed timebycount
Compared to you, does aslugseem
Well friend.If this is you,cheer
There's help for you attheLorenz
for the PersonalityImpaired.That
At Lorenzo School forthePersonal
can show you how to get a life.
We can take, even the most under
interesting and tiresomebore,and
someone vital, energeticandself
We'll show you how tomakefriends
How to make good music, howtomak
first impressions, how todoimpre
And at Lorenzo's School forthePe
we've got a proven track record.
>> I thought I'd never have
a personality, but after only 14 weeks
at Lorenzo's School forthePerson
I now have a great personality.
>> Six months ago, I wasaschool
crossing the street was my life.
Now thanks to Lorenzo'sSchoolfor
Personality Impaired, I amabull
And why am I carryingthisstick,
Why, that's to keep thewomenaway
>> I wonder if they couldhelpme.
Remember, friend, atLorenzo'sSch
for the Personality Impaired
our motto is, if you can getapul
>> Well, maybe they'll takeyouan
>> Hello, hello, welcome to
Lorenzo's School for the Personality Impaired.
May I help you?
>> Uh, yes, I'm here to getalife
I mean, I have a life, butit'sbo
Well it's, it's not thatit'sbori
I just, I just don'thaveanything
interesting going on. Uh, notatt
Not that I couldn't ofcourse,you
>> I'm kinda in-between.>> Yes,I
Well, we'll just start yourighto
in room 1A, that's how to make
a good first impression.
Down the hall, first dooronyour
Have a nice life.
>> I'd settle for a nice lunch.
>> I wonder if this is theplace.
>> 104
>> 25
>> Yeah. This is the place.
>> How do you do? My name is Lorenzo.
And what is your name? >> Jon, Jon Arbuckle.
And this is my, are you
uh, the Lorenzo inthecommercial?
>> In person.
>> Gee, on TV you sounded so,so.
>> So what? >> So alive.
>> Oh ha, that was lip syncyoukn
My body, CharlestonHeston'svoice
Its a, its theatricalthing,it's
>> I see.
>> Onward and upward, shallwe?
Have a seat Mr., Airbuckle?Goodm
Welcome to the Lorenzo School,
for the Personality ImpairedInc.
Remember our motto is, if youcan
get a pulse, you can get a life.
So the first thing we'regoingto
this morning, is checkourselvesf
If you don't have one,pleaserais
Oh my, I see we have several.
Well uh, keep your hands upinthe
able assistant, Priscilla,willco
and give you a second opinion.
The first step to becomingavital
is to make a good first impression.
Now, how do I do that, youmighta
Well, I'll tell you how Idothat,
You do that by walking rightupto
looking them right in theeye,
giving them a firm handshake, and
saying, hello, my name is soands
Everyone, turn to thepersonnext
you and give it a try, now.
>> Hello, my name is so and so.
>> Hello, my name is Jon.>> Hi,I
>> Hello, my name is Garfield, you probably
noticed I'm quite short andhavee
>> Was that okay? >> Was what okay?
>> My first impression, Ireally
have no idea what I'm doing.
>> Oh, good.
>> Huh? >> Neither do I.
How was mine? >> Your what?
>> My first impression.
>> Oh, fine!I guess.
>> You guess? I knew it!>> What?
>> I have something betweenmytee
>> Oh no, no, your teetharefine!
See?
>> See what?>> I'm blowing it!
I'm making a lousy first impression.
>> No, you're not! I guess.
>> Yeah, what do we know.
>> The second part oftoday'sless
is learning to dress for success.
>> Huh, I'm naked.
>> In all modesty, Imustconfess,
in some circles I amconsidereda
if you will.
Let me share a few of myfashions
Rule number one, notice how I've
coordinated my pocketprotectorwi
Well, my left one, at any rate.
When it comes to color, Ithinksa
Your ensemble should behavevirtu
for the eyes.
Notice how I've accented
my green tweet slacks with this
plaid jacket and this stringtie.
>> Why do I have thissuddenurge,
>> Nothing impressespeoplemore,
when you speak in aforeignlangua
Say for instance, Canadian.
Now, this is an easy languagetol
You just talk like younormallywo
except occasionally, youthrowin
Example, I'm going to town, eh.
>> I am going to town, eh.
>> Great, let's all go totown,eh
Maybe we can have some lunch,eh?
>> I was so shy in gym class,
I had my sister take myshowersfo
>> I was so shy, Ialmoststarved
because Ididn't tell my dad Iwas
>> You're not shy.
>> Oh yes I am.>> No, you'renot.
You're like that guy onthebeach
>> Uh, what guy? >> Oh, just some guy.
He was walking aroundflexinghis
looking for his Olympicswimmingm
>> You don't really havetolearn
language, if you can soundlikeyo
People are really impressedifyou
or if you can sound like,youspea
Example.
>> Oh. >> Very impressive, no?
>> You know, I've had just
about enough sophisticationforon
How about you?
>> Hey you, Monsieur dumbguy,rem
What am I, chopped liver?Duckpat
Foie gras?
Why am I getting so hungry?
>> That's a funny story.
>> Oh, it's been awonderfulday,
Class was great and dinnerwasfun
But most of all, Ireallyenjoyed
Until I met you, I thought Iwast
in the world, to get mytonguecau
>> And we didn't even havetospea
>> What? >> Think about it.
We had a wonderfuleveningwithout
rely on anything, we learnedincl
>> You mean, we can be ourselves
and still have a good time?
>> Mm-hm. It's a theoryworthpurs
>> What a concept.
>> I know, I've been workingsoha
to be what I thoughtotherpeople
I almost forgot, who I was.
>> Well, I'm glad I met theyou,y
>> Huh, I was fresh out ofotherm
Do you know, I've neverbeenable
to anyone like thisbefore,other
>> Other than my cat, thatis.
My cat.
Yesterday, I had aname.Yesterday
buddy, his confidant, todayI'mhi
I can't believe it.
Jon's actually met someonewholik
him, and it's not evenhismother.
What's this world coming to?
Who would have guessed?
Oh no. Poor Jon!
He doesn't know, whathe'sgetting
I must stop him, beforehemultipl
>> Then in my senior year, Iwasv
most likely, to sit aroundthehou
And then, Garfield, what areyoud
>> Let go of her, Jon.
Who knows where that handhasbeen
>> What a sweet cat!
>> Don't listen to herJon,she's
to get to you, through me
>> Would you like me toscratchbe
>> Oh that's good, she'sverysmar
Once she has me in herclutchessh
just a little bit behindthisear.
Jon listen carefully, it's alla.
Just a little lower, this isalla
get you to oh, yes there ah,
oh, yeah, yeah.
>> Excuse me.
>> You okay?
>> Oh, I'm fine really it's,it's
just that I'm, I'm allergictocat
>> Oh. For a minute there,Ithoug
you said you were allergictocats
>> I am. I. >> Oh no.
>> Aw, too bad. What a shame.
She was so cute, and such agoode
Well, come along, Jon,saygoodbye
It's time to fix dinner. >> This is terrible!
>> I, I'm sorry, Jon.
>> Can't you take shots foryoura
>> They don't do me any good.
>> What can I do?
>> You can chuck her onthechin,
been nice knowing you, kid,andse
>> What if I shaved my cat?
>> Hey, ho, hi, time out!Jon,wha
>> Oh, Mona, you are so sweet.
We could really havebeensomethin
>> There's something to besaid,f
>> Can we still see each other sometime, Jon?
>> I'd like that. >> Good.
>> Not without a chaperon,youwon
Jon's more than just a friendtom
>> Come on. I'll take you home.
>> Hang on.
Wait for me. You're notleavingme
There's more than one waytoskin
So to speak.
I saw this on a freeway once.
>> I'm sorry I'm allergictoyour
>> I'm sorry for us. I like you Mona.
>> I like myself, when I'mwithyo
>> What? >> Mercy
>> No. That's Merci Bocu,>>Merci
>> No, Jon.