What's up, Natalia?
Are you off to the disco to toy with the boys?
Emilio, believe it or not, there is life outside this building
Don't you ever get tired of being a caretaker?
No way! Being a caretaker's like being an air-traffic controller
The hardest thing about my job is staying awake
- Fascinating - Yeah
See you later, Emilio - Bye
Oh my God, she's smoking hot!
I tell you if I didn't have a girlfriend...
Can't you water your plants a bit more carefully?
Oh Emilio, did I soak you?
No, I just sweat loads in November
"Did I soak you?" I'm not a bloody chicken!
Emilio! Open the bin!
What for?
Hey, what do you think you're doing?
- Almost - Let me try
Come on, show a bit of respect!
This is like the shooting gallery at the fair
Hey! What do you think about that then?
Well done, you get a teddy bear
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
Every day's like this
and I couldn't imagine it when I moved here
All I was looking for was a bit of peace and quiet
And I wake up every day in the middle of a hurricane
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone
The house is falling down about my feet
The caretaker's nowhere to be found
The neighbours watch everything I do
I can’t take this place
Put together a cocktail shaker
thunder and lightning, an earthquake, and a volcano
and you'll get this staircase
This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone
Already? No way! God!
What's the time?
9
When I sleep with you, I don't get any rest, you know that
I feel like shit!
Rise and shine!
Don't I get a kiss?
I've gotta go mop the hallway
Can't you stay in bed a bit longer?
Well yeah, if you go and mop I can
No, I mean stay with me
Who's gonna mop then?
Forget it, it's my fault for sleeping in this dump
If you like, next time I'll take you to my palace
Why don't we sleep at your place?
Because Alicia's there and I don't want her to see us
Look, whether you like it or not, we're an item
You need to come out of the closet
We're not an item!
Come on, you're crazy about me!
Look, I'm getting out of here cos this is gonna end badly
Ok listen, don't get angry
If you like, we can take a shower together and I'll scrub your back for you
Like hell I'm getting in that bathroom!
What are you playing at? I thought you were going
I'm making sure no-one sees me
Coast is clear! See you later
This isn't a relationship or anything!
It's more fake than Michael Jackson's marriage
And now to top it off, I've gotta mop
What a life!
Mum? Er...Me and Roberto are getting married!
Congratulations, sweetheart! Have you told your father yet?
No, not yet
I was gonna call him and tell him now
What! But who with and what for?
Who do you think? Roberto!
Well, it's your decision, but are you gonna sign a prenup?
I don't know, maybe
Take my advice, get a prenup!
I'm thrilled for you, I'm sure you'll be very happy together
It's nice at the beginning
but then things go wrong and before you know it, you're divorced
Don't think about what happened to me with your father
Remember what happened to me with your mother! She bled me dry when we got divorced
I really like Roberto and I'm sure he’s the perfect match for you
He loves you so much
You know I haven't got anything against Roberto, but do you think he's good enough for you?
Ok well take care Mum
I'll call you, talk soon
Ok Dad, talk soon
Remember the prenup!
Alright, take care!
Who was that? - My dad
Is he happy we're getting married?
Over the moon
Freddy Krueger's the scariest, man
Come off it!
Freddy Krueger wouldn't last 2 minutes against Terminator
Well if Alien just blows on Terminator, he'd melt, right?
Don't ask me!
Who's the scariest TV character for you then?
For me? John-boy from the Waltons
Buying fags again! But what did you do with the ones you bought yesterday?
Put them in my tea. What do you think?
Hey, what have you decorated this as?
Is it your birthday?
No, it's Halloween - It's what?
The Day of the Dead
Oh, we forgot to got and see Dad!
I doubt he was gonna say much
He might have, apparently the Day of the Dead is when the dead show themselves
Sure, all the ones who work at Sainsburys
Don't joke about these things, they make me anxious
Do you remember the story Dad used to tell us?
Yeah, about the doctor who prescribed him whisky
No, the one about the fire, the loft, and the little girl
Oh yeah, same story every year
What story's that?
Here a long long time ago
the caretaker went mad and set fire to the building
Sure, cos he didn't have a contract like me
All the neighbours got out of the building except for one couple
who had a little girl and lived in the loft
Their bodies were never found
When the caretaker found out about it, he committed suicide in his flat
That's why sometimes you can hear voices and a child wailing
Scary stuff, right?
I didn't know this story, when did it happen?
Many, many years ago. Even Marisa was young back then
Pay no mind to her, come on, let's go
- But it's true! - The president told you not to tell anyone!
Not cool, right?
Why couldn't he commit suicide somewhere else, the bastard!
Hold on, this is such a great story! Why don't we make a horror film?
Sure, ring up Spielberg, go on
No, I mean with us and the neighbours
They won't want to
They won't know about it. The best actor is the one who doesn't know he's acting
Hang on, I need to go grab my camera
What's he on about?
I dunno but it's cool
Shit, that mouth scared the life out of me!
Ok I'm ready, where are we going?
I don't know, you tell me
It's our day off, let's do something at least!
Like what?
I don't know, take a walk or do a bit of shopping or something
It's freezing out there!
Fernando, this is the only day we can spend together
Do you really wanna waste it stuck in here?
We're not wasting it, I'd prefer to call it "domestic leisure"
This is what's so nice about a relationship
Over time you reach that stage of trust and understanding
when you'd like to throw something in your boyfriend's face for being so unromantic
Come on! Just because I don’t wanna go out in the freezing cold
that doesn't make me unromantic
No, not just because of that, for other stuff as well which I won't go into now
cos I wanna get the day off to a good start
Well, as usual you're wrong. You’ve jumped the gun
For your information, I've booked a table for us at a restaurant
Oh really?
Whereabouts?
Er...I don't know, I can't remember
Let me check the diary
Oh how lovely! I hope for your sake, it's somewhere expensive!
He takes everything so seriously
Dad, I don’t see the logic in spending 6 months with each parent
It was your mother's idea and as you know, I pay money not to have to argue with her
And she's dating another guy!
Well he's loaded so make the most of it! I thought you wanted a scooter
The freak's here !
Mum, try and act your age please
- Hi - Hi
Ok, let's get this over with quick because I've got the car double-parked
Fine, Danny go with your mother
Rebecca sweetheart go with your father
- Alright baby - Alright dumb-ass
Please, the only thing I ask of you is don't do her too much damage for the next 6 months
What! Are you suggesting my son is a bad father?
No Mum, don't get involved
What do you mean I'm not a good father!
Danny, tell her all the stuff we've done together
You’re never here
Mum, say something
But he's right
Fine, well from now on
I'm gonna prove to you that I can be a good father, right Rebecca?
I don't know, it's too early to say
Danny, let's go
Mum, you can call me on my mobile
Of course sweetie, and you read that Pablo Coelho book
Bye champ
Good luck Armando
Bye Gran
Enough of the kissing! Come on
Well? How's my little princess?
I don't like this house
But it's the same it's always been
That's why I don't like it. I'm gonna choose a bedroom
She seems a bit changed to me
What a good start
Listen, I've got the title: The attic of panic
Opening scene: we hide ourselves
and you start freaking out the neighbours. Have you learnt it?
Fuck, this is really hard
In the silence of my solitude, from the mysterious attic door
the dark, disturbing and terrifying wails of a girl have reached my ears
Hey, I don't wanna get in trouble for this film, you know
What! And I even gave you the lead role!
Yeah, I know this is a great opportunity for me but...
My mum's coming!
Oh no, not Paloma
Yeah man! She'll shit herself, you watch
We're filming in 3, 2, 1
Hello Emilio, how are you?
In a right old state, Doña Paloma
From the silence of my solitude in the mysterious and disturbing attic
a wailing child has taken fright
What are you talking about!
I was cleaning the stairs and I heard a terrible wail
from the girl who got burnt to death all those years ago
Listen Emilio, you haven't been smoking weed again, have you?
No! It was terrifying, it was definitely the dead manifesting themselves
The dead! What did it say?
It said...so much pain, so much heat!
and that it was coming for all of us and that we're all gonna die
and all the other stuff THE DEAD say!
Shush! This stuff gives me the jitters!
There's something here among us, we're being watched!
Who's watching us? - The dead!
Get off! Stop talking rubbish, enough!
Well, don't say I didn't warn you. Good luck
Cut
Hey, how was I?
Terrible, you went way over the top
No-one's gonna believe that
No, my Mum swallowed it all man, I'm telling you
Stick, damn it! Bloody glue!
Dad, what are you making? - A model airplane
It's supposed to be good for stress
Right, well it's working for you
Listen Juan, you need to talk to Emilio because he tried to frighten me
What happened?
He says he's been hearing voices of a little girl
- What little girl? - Don't ask me!
Apparently she was burnt to death in the attic ages ago
How did Emilio find out about that?
I'd better tell him right now not to tell anyone else
What, so it's true then?
Sweetheart, don't listen to that nonsense!
But was she burnt to death or not?
No-one knows, they never found the body
No teeth or anything either?
How do I know? It happened 70 years ago
Well the girl sounds happy because she told Emilio she's coming for all of us
Hey, don't tell me you believe in that rubbish
Look Juan, we don't want any ghosts here, ok? No ghosts here!
Sure, sure, relax
Signing a prenup is perfectly normal
I don't know, it doesn't seem very romantic to me
That's because it's not romantic at all
Yeah, but it's the most practical option
Look, this is like a contract
So if you want, I can draw up a few clauses for you and then you can show them to Roberto
Ok
Oh and by the way, congrats, there are less and less of you taking the plunge
- Bye - Bye - Bye
Wow! Getting married is so lovely
and you've put the fear of God into her
Yeah but the thing is people end up fighting over everything, even the doormat
Hey, if we got married, would you make me sign a prenup?
We can't get married
I know but imagine we could
Ok
Who'd take you to the altar then? Your dad or your mum?
Would we do a prenup? Yes or no?
Of course we would. It's only fair, right?
Whatever belongs to someone belongs to that person
Great
Are you angry now? - No
Whatever belongs to someone belongs to that person. This letter is yours!
Get a move on and eat, will you!
I don’t like it. It's so greasy
But what does that matter to you?
Gran, we are what we eat
Lidia, we can't go out tonight
It's because of my mum, she's been admitted to hospital
What!
Don't be angry! Why don't you go to the cinema with your husband?
Ok, I'll call you tomorrow
Armando, I can't take this girl anymore
I can feel my blood pressure rising
Looking at what you eat, that doesn't surprise me
You're not getting up from here until you've eaten everything!
I want a soy yoghurt and my vitamin pills
What are you talking about?
How to be a good parent: chapter 1
your child is the great unknown
Marisa! I'm off out to get the shopping
Get alcoholic beer and pickled mussels
Ok!
Marisa! Marisa!
Fuck, you're back quick!
Come on, calm down, I can't make head nor tail of this
There's nothing strange going on here
What about my trolley? It moved by itself
What are you trying to say? Do you think a ghost took it?
You should have given it the shopping list then and it would have got it for you
We're all gonna die! We're all gonna die!
Emilio, let me go!
Fuck, he's freaking me out
I hear voices during the night
Sure, that's because you sleep with the radio switched on underneath your pillow
I hear voices too, like a woman moaning
That'll be my wife when we make love
It's terrifying
God Almighty, free us from evil spirits
We're all gonna die!
Emilio! Shut up!
Please, let's not get ourselves any more worked up
You're saying that a dead family is living here among us, is that it?
Yes, I think so
Well, they need to pay towards the building costs then
Right, and attend the neighbours' meetings as well!
How am I supposed to count the votes then?
Come on, this is pure speculation!
Right, now everybody go back home and get to bed
How are we supposed to get to sleep though?
Tomorrow we'll all feel calmer, you'll see
Sure, if anyone survives till then
Emilio, please!
Juan, I wanna go live in a cottage in the country! Please!
What a mess!
This is gonna be a blockbuster, boys
I'm gonna make it big at all the festivals
Sure, at the Eurovision Song Contest, at Glastonbury, everywhere
This is cinéma vérité, the fly in the soup as Vertoz said
Hey, we need to do something tonight though, right?
It's gonna be a very long night
Hey, what if someone has a heart attack and it all ends in tears?
Nah! People love getting scared
Have you got any red paint?
Hold on, don't kill me off, I'm the main character
How to be a good parent: chapter 2
Dialogue: you need to show understanding towards your child and engage them in dialogue
It is inappropriate for the parent to lose their temper
Rebecca! Rebecca, why don't you stop drawing on the table
and draw on the paper? That's what it’s there for
Because paper gets lost whereas this table is always gonna be here
Right, but drawing on furniture ruins it
What's wrong? Don't you like my drawings?
No, I didn't say that
I'm not stupid you know, my IQ is 155O
Hey, let me speak, will you!
If you shout at me, you could traumatise me
I read it in that book
You've no right to read that book! It's mine!
At Mum's house, everything belongs to everyone
Well not here
I hate you, Armando
Fine, but call me Dad!
No!
Well? Productive dialogue, right?
She learnt that from her mum
But don't you think Roberto could take the idea of a prenup the wrong way?
Why would he do that?
Well, because he's got less money than me
Well it's about time things changed
Now we're the ones with the power. Make them do what we want!
Calm down, Belén, this isn't you we're talking about
Or you!
Yeah but he still might take it badly and not want to marry me
Look, marriage is really lovely
Really lovely
- But it can go wrong - It usually goes wrong
And then the guy gets to walk away with half of what YOU earned
It's true, one in every 3 married couples separate
Do you know what that means?
That the other 2 don’t know they're cheating on each other
And when you're about to turn 40, he could go off with a 20 year-old
And you'll have had all those operations for nothing
And your skin might stretch but everything's got a limit
Wow, you're making it all sound so wonderful
Conclusion: get a prenup!
Definitely
Go on, call Fernando
He's not gay!
What’s this?
Ugh, this doll is so ugly!
Nasty! Ew! Gross!
That's given me the shivers
Come on, quick!
Josemi, she's coming up!
Throw me it!
Take it!
Come on, throw it properly!
Fuck, hang on, it's not that easy, I'm not Michael Jordan
Here it comes
Quick, put it on the sofa! She's coming up
Oh God! The doll! Juan! It's here! It's here? What's here?
The little girl's doll!
What doll? What are you talking about?
I found it in the hall
I swear I threw it in the trash and look where it is now
Where?
It was here
Listen Paloma, if you threw the doll in the trash, it can't be here on the sofa
That's what’s so strange
The fact it came upstairs by itself
It can't have come upstairs by itself!
It's too short to reach the button on the lift
Hey, less of the sarcasm! And don’t make fun of ghosts or they might get angry!
What ghosts for Christ’s sake?
The girl from the attic, she wants to tell us something
Well, she can leave us a note on the fridge
- Ah! - What now?
So the flat's yours, right?
Yeah, it's in my name
Right, he's not touching that then, make that quite clear
Oh and put that he has to make love at least 3 times a week
Oral sex included, non-negotiable!
He can't put that!
No, that's a different type of agreement
That doesn't matter. Stick it in there and I bet he signs it without realising
Add that if he has erection problems, he has to pay compensation
And if he doesn't wipe the toilet seat, he loses custody of the kids!
I like that one!
You're scary, you know that
- Hi - Hi honey, how are you?
Good, what are you up to?
Nothing much...just organising some flower arrangements
that Fernando's cousin’s gonna make you for your wedding
Yeah, he's an artist, they're gonna be beautiful
Fuck man, we've hit the jackpot, my mum's shitting herself
That leaves my dad
It'll be your dad’s turn tonight
Hey, do you believe in life after death?
And if so, do you reckon it'll be as expensive as this life?
I dunno Emilio, it's only a film
Cos if you're an anchovy, you know you're gonna end up in oil. But what if you're a man?
Hide the camera, the ghostbusters are coming
Well, I watched The Living Dead. What about you?
The Exorcist
I saw Poltergeist
Well I watched Pretty Woman
That's not a horror film!
Sure it is! Richard Gere’s ass is scary
Right, well, conclusions
I think this building was built over an ancient cemetery
I say we need to call a priest because this is the work of the devil
Well in my film, the dead came back to life and ate people
Hey ladies, the spirit of the old caretaker appeared to me
Really? What did he say?
He said: Wow Emilio, you keep everything so clean
Come on, Emilio, that's not funny
There are really strange things happening in this building
You haven't seen anything yet. Just try and get some sleep tonight
Vicenta, let's go to the pharmacy for sleeping pills
Right well, time for home! You need to do your homework!
I haven't got any!
The boy hasn't got any homework
But I can't go home by myself, I'm afraid
What if the ghosts come and catch me on my own?
I'm gonna tell Dad about this...
Emilio? Is that you?
Is there someone there?
How to be a good parent: chapter 3
Reverse psychology
Tell your child the opposite of what you want to achieve
so that they do what you want
Dad, I don't wanna sleep with Gran
Good! I don't want you to sleep with Gran
I'll sleep with her
because I laugh a lot at the funny stories she tells me
You sleep by yourself in my room
Well? Where do you want to sleep now?
I can see that book's really working for you
These things take time, Mum
I'm not sleepy and I slept in this bed as a baby!
Marisa, come quick, a ghost!
What are you talking about?
There's a glass spinning in the microwave!
Yeah, that's me, I'm heating up milk!
Ah! But what did you press to make it spin?
Forget it, come on, go to bed
Wait, I can't find my reading glasses
They're in the living room, you're going senile
What's wrong now?
Marisa, come quick!
Look señora, what's the problem exactly?
Look what's appeared in the wall
A stain
No, it's a face, it's our father
God!
Don't you believe me? Look at his photo, they're identical
Well, there might be a certain resemblance but...
No, I think rather than a problem from the afterlife
this is a problem with dampness
No! There are really strange things happening in the building
Look Fernando, if that's her dad, then this is a family matter
and it's best if they settle it among themselves, I'm going to bed
Call a builder tomorrow and I'm sure your father will be able to rest in peace again
Ok, good night
Not that I care but we're making fools of ourselves here
No Marisa, Dad's here too and he wants to tell us something
Right, to get to bed
You don't believe me either, do you?
Sure I believe you. Go on, say good night to him
What's strange is that he's come without Mum
That's the only thing that seems normal to me
Look, a little drink of chinchón and to bed
I don't want to be here
What was that?
I want to go home
Fuck, the girl from the attic
I want to go home!
I'm going to talk to the president at once
What the hell are you gonna say to him?
Juan, are you hearing this?
No, I'm not hearing anything
No-one's hearing anything here, go to sleep
I want to go to my Mum!
What do you want from us?
Don't talk to her!
Your problem is you'll start talking to any Tom, Dick, and Harry right there and then
But it's the ghost of the girl from the attic, Juan!
No, the neighbours downstairs have just left their TV on
I bet they're watching an episode of Heidi
Sure they are, at 12 o’clock at night!
Amyway, the one who wanted to go back to his mum's was Marco
I want to go back to my mum's
Armando, go see what's wrong with her now!
No
That's exactly what you’re not supposed to do, look
chapter 4: don't give in to blackmail or manipulation
She'll soon get tired
She got tired quick because she's left the house
Fuck!
We'll tell him there are some tormented ghosts that want to tell us something
YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE
They've written it down for us
Juan, you can't leave me here by myself!
- Would you rather come with me? - No!
I'll stay here
Seriously Paloma, we're a bit old to still be believing in ghosts
I want to go to my mum's
Fuck!
Who said you could leave the house?
There's a man with a beard in that flat
He's the President of the community
I don't like him
Well now you've got something in common with your grandmother
Tell me what you saw, sweetheart
I don't even know what I saw
You're all driving me mad
Jose Miguel wants to talk with you
He's frightened to death in his room
Ok! I'll go and put his mind at rest
Pull yourself together though because you're his father
Alright buddy, what's wrong?
Dad, I wanna tell you my secret
Right
Sometimes I see dead people
- So do I my boy - Oh really?
I just saw the girl from the attic on the landing
Dad, I'm scared, what are we gonna do?
Hold a neighbours meeting
with either the living neighbours or the dead ones
This house ain't big enough for all of us
Shit man, if Garci sees this, it'll make his hair stand on end
Hey, the girl was a nice touch
Where did you get her from by the way?
What girl? I haven't brought any girl
Where did she come from then?
Hey, this is freaking me out
Maybe what if we're pissing off the dead?
Yeah, well my dad's kinda dead already
Listen man, is that neighbours meeting gonna be in your house?
Yeah
Well we need to film it
And if your sister happens to be in the shower, film that too
Come on Emilio! This is art
So is she!
- Alright - Good morning
Ah great! You've made breakfast!
Yeah, this is MY cup and that's YOUR cup
This is MY teaspoon and that's YOUR teaspoon
Come on! Are you still going on about that?
Hey! They're MY muffins, I bought them
YOUR cereal's in the cupboard
I don't know whose that is because it came with the house
I bought the sugar as well
Yeah but it just so happens that MY mum gave ME this bowl
Here's YOUR bowl
Come on, don't you think this is all kinda childish?
No, you're the one making a big thing about the prenup
Right well, I'm gonna watch MY TV for a while then!
Yea, sitting on MY sofa though!
And where am I supposed to sit? On the floor?
If you move my rug first
Fuck Mauri, how long are we gonna carry on like this?
I don't know, discuss it with my lawyer
I am your lawyer
Better for you, that way you save yourself a phone call
- Hey! - What? - Don't even think about it!
Look honey, I believe this is best for both of us
We love each other lots and there's no reason for anything to go wrong
but this way we don't have to worry about anything
Of course, sweetheart
Ok, let's see, where do I have to sign?
Here darling
That's all there is to it. See, it's easy, don't overthink it...
- Hi - Hi!
Well I'm off because I need to iron my work uniform
because...I wanna look good today
I might even put lipstick on
Great
- See you later - Bye
Sweetheart, I went to 3 more restaurants
We're gonna stuff our faces trying all these menus, look
Roberto, can I talk to you for a second?
Oh, and it turns out that the son of a friend of one of my mum's yoga friends
is a priest and he's agreed to give us our premarital counseling here at home
He's coming round this afternoon
What, you wanna get married in a church?
Of course, if something's worth doing, it's worth doing well
Listen, I admit that at the beginning I had a bad feeling about us getting married
But now I've realised that you're an amazing woman
and you want to share your life with me
Yeah
Can you think of anything more selfless than sharing everything that's yours with someone else?
Your hopes, your dreams, your toothpaste
your credit card pin
That kind of trust in someone else really moves me deep inside
What's that?
This? No, nothing
Come on, silly, I bet it's the lingerie you've ordered
No, give it back!
Let's see: marriage breakdowns...what the...what's this?
Nothing, just...a supplement
that came with the wedding dress magazine
- Ah! - Yeah, it explains everything about the dress and all that stuff
How to be a good parent chapter 9: share activities with your child
Rebecca, do you like the doll I gave you?
Look at her body!
What's wrong with it?
It's because of dolls like this that there are girls with anorexia
Ok, let's leave the doll alone
Would you like us to do something together?
Let's go horseriding at the equestrian club!
Oh, but the thing is, I can't ride a horse
What kind of father can't ride a horse?
Wouldn't you rather we went and played on the swings?
Well if you really want to, you can go on them and I'll watch
Fuck
Good morning everyone, I've brought you here today...
What's that noise!
Come on, show a bit of respect! Speak one at a time
We're all gonna die anyway
What's he talking about?
Nothing. Meeting agenda, first point...
Emilio! Don't touch me like that without warning me!
I forgot to tell them to switch off their phones
That doesn't matter! First point..
Hey, the thing about us all dying was only for the owners, right?
Because the flat's my sister's
I don't know! First point...
Discussion and decision regarding the strange occurrences
and manifestations of aggrieved and anagonistic spirits within our community
This is a wind-up, right?
Have you brought forward April's Fools Day?
No! There are spirits and beings talking to us!
Yeah, the father of these 2 showed his face in the wall
Right well I had a look on the web
and found an exorcist who seems very professional
He also offers maths classes but we don't need those
I've spoken with him and he told me
that we need to purge the house of negative energy and lower astral beings
Don't ask me what that means because I have no idea
However, I should warn you now
Exorcists are very expensive!
Yeah, ever since they made the film, the prices have shot up
So we've got to foot the bill for an exorcist! This takes the biscuit!
Really strange things have been happening. We have to do something!
Naturally, I'm not paying a penny for this
Oh well, she just won't have her flat cleaned then, problem solved
Right then, votes in favour of hiring the exorcist
Majority vote
This afternoon they'll be here to purge the building
Seriously, the things that happen in this place!
Yeah! I'm telling you man, a real exorcist is gonna come
My dad called him
Wow, this story writes itself!
Hey, what's gonna happen now?
Now people are gonna start dying
Ah nice, a bit of action
Every horror film has a hot girl who screams a lot
How was that?
You're hired!
A movie! Hey, what do I have to do?
Die, basically
Just that?
I'm the main character
But you can't understand anything he says
Hey! You're gonna be the girlfriend of a famous film star!
I'm not your girlfriend, Emilio, we're not an item!
Well now just for that, I'm not inviting you to the premiere
Like I care
How to be a good parent: chapter 25
What to do if all else fails
List of boarding schools in Switzerland
Are you ok sweetheart?
No, I'm fed up. This is a shock for me, there's no garden here
Sure, I know your mother lives in a lovely cottage with her boyfriend
but here we're in the city centre
And she had 2 big dogs: Prince and Madonna
Well we could get a dog if you like
It's cruel to have a dog if you live in a flat
So we won't get one then
Yeah but I'm fed up, what am I supposed to do here?
I don't know
I can't stand this place
Look sweetheart, I can't do this anymore, I'm no good at being a parent
If you want to go back to your mum's, I can call her and she'll come pick you up right now
It's humiliating...but never mind
Come on, let's go for a walk so you can get a bit of fresh air
Where are we going?
I'll buy you an ice cream. Mum's dad gave me loads of money
I won't get my wallet then
But why bother getting married if you already think it's gonna turn out badly?
Roberto, I didn't say that
It's only a prenup!
This is like Spain at the World Cup
We go into it thinking we're gonna lose and that makes us lose!
Right
Just what we needed, a priest to give us a lecture
What's all this premarital counseling about anyway?
Apparently we need to get some kind of certificate
or they won't marry us
Fuck! What good timing!
It's not my fault. Come on, look happy at least!
That's rich coming from you!
- Hi! - Hi
Sorry I'm late, the 2 ladies downstairs mistook me for an exorcist
and insisted on showing me a stain they've got on the wall
Ah! Come in father, come in!
I had to bless their microwave to get them to leave me alone
Never mind, take a seat, we're ready and really excited, right honey?
thrilled sweetheart
Right, Roberto and Lucía, is it?
Yes
Ok, let's start
Chapter 1: the engagement
The engagement is a period of time for preparing and getting to know your partner...
You THINK you know your partner because then you find out
that she thinks you're just after HER money
Roberto, I didn't say that!
Well that's what it says there
Shut up will you!
Yes, er well...as I was saying
Married life is about to begin
And it's important to find harmony within the home
Listen, am I gonna be able to stay here with you or will I have to pay you rent?
You're getting on my nerves
and I can't hear the father
- It's Miguel - Ah, Miguel
Well as I was saying...the engagement...
is the time when all your hopes, all your dreams
go to hell because they don't trust you and drag you down!
Ok look, just forget about the prenup!
No, give it here, I'm gonna sign it
No
I don't want you to sign it like this - Give me a pen
Ok, ok, let's...let's leave the chapter on the engagement
because I can see you're pretty familiar with it
Chapter 2 is family finances
Maybe it's best if I let you read this one by yourselves
Let's see
Look, here's the exorcist
Fuck, look at the sight of him! He looks like a ghost himself
What do you expect? It's gotta be a scary job
Let me do the talking...hello, good evening
Good evening
Ah, it wasn't him then
Well he looked exactly like an exorcist
And what does an exorcist look like?
Hello! I'm the parapsychologist
I'm here to do an spectral cleansing
Para what?
Parapsychologist
I believe you have a problem
Chapter 4...
This is your dad's doing, isn't it?
Well tell him from me that I don't need YOUR money!
I don't need yours either! So where's the problem?
I...I would emphasise the importance
of reinforcing the deep love you have for each other
because you can see it, there's no avoiding it
And I'M paying for our honeymoon!
We might have to stay in a hostal in Cuenca but I'M gonna pay for it!
You don't need to pay for anything for me!
Come on, Cuenca's very nice and you won't need to get any injections
Come on!
Do you think it's normal for me to have to sign this?
I don't get relationship stuff at all
What are you doing here then?
That's what I was asking myself
Let him carry on, will you!
Look...this counseling may also help you see
whether or not the person at your side is really
the right partner to live with till death do you part
What! Is he saying we don't love each other?
No, I was just saying that maybe getting married isn't the best idea right now
Why not? Well?
Come on, get outta here! Who are you to say we don't love each other?
Right, well in that case, I'll come back another time
You read these, send me them to the church
and I'll be happy to perform the ceremony
See you later
Ah, one more thing, this isn't one of those hidden camera things, is it?
Of course not!
Go on, give me the form and I'll sign it
Are you sure?
Yeah
Thank you
What are you doing?
This way we're good
Come on! I'll buy you a drink
No, I'll pay
Hey, seriously, what a day it's been!
Here! This is where she appeared to me. Short
looking at me just the way the kids look at me when I fail them
A residual being
Er yeah, right
And listen, there were voices all over the building
And they've even left graffiti saying we're all gonna die
No, only the owners!
So what do you think?
Evil has come to this community and it has to be confronted!
Oh my God!
If we need to sacrifice a virgin, we've got her
According to this story, where did the girl die?
In the loft!
That's the point of origin!
- Have you tried going up? - No
You go up, that's what we're paying you for
The loft hasn't been opened for at least 50 years
Emilio, you've got the key, haven't you?
Yeah but I'm not going up there
Everybody upstairs!
Hey, do you have to get a degree to be an exorcist or can you do a course online?
because it must be a cool job, right?
Fuck he gave me a fright
Go on, go up!
Listen, how do we know that once you get rid of the spirits, they won't come back?
You've got a 2-year guarantee
If the spirits manifest thenselves again during that period
I will purge the building again for you free of charge
Right, like when they remove your hair by laser
Sssh, look out! I'm about to go in
I'm going to come in!
I'm coming in!
I'm inside now!
Emilio!
It was a joke, damnit!
What's that man going to do to get rid of the spirits?
He might not come out of there alive!
Well we've already paid him half the money up-front
How's it going?
It's big. How many square metres is it?
75 in the deeds
Ah, with an outside window, right?
Yeah, the window goes out to the street
Is that important for expelling the ghosts?
Vitally important. I'll have to spend all night here
Let me work!
Whatever happens and whatever you hear
don't come up here under any circumstances
Fuck, he takes his work seriously - Yeah
What was that?
It came from downstairs. What should we do?
Go downstairs maybe?
Right, any other ideas?
We could go up in the loft
Downstairs we go!
- Keep together - Yeah
Come on Emilio
Calm down! The light's just gone out
We're all gonna die!
Quiet Emilio or I'm gonna hit you!
Who just touched me?
Switch the light on, for fuck's sake!
I need to find a light switch first!
What are you laughing at?
I don't know, I'm nervous
- Let's get out of her! - Is she dead?
What do you think?
But she still hasn't paid me the rent!
We're gonna drop like flies
Juan, what about the kids?
We'll call them on our mobile
Why don't we call the exorcist?
The ghost! The dead girl!
What's wrong?
For God's sake Armando, it's the girl from the attic, let go of her!
What are you talking about? This is my daughter
- Huh? - That's my granddaughter, you moron!
I don't understand any of this!
Soon you will all understand
She was definitely dead
As are all of you
We're all dead! We're all dead!
No, not me, I'm still paying tax
We're all dead, Juan, we're all dead!
Ok, cut!
Perfect!
You should have seen your face, Mum
How was it? Should we do another cut?
No, no, thanks very much everyone. You were brilliant, seriously!
What?
Let's stick with this title: the attic of panic
You've been the main characters in my first horror film
You bastard!
You mean all this was a lie?
God, are you stupid or something, boy?
You could have given somebody a heart attack!
Shame it wasn't you!
Hey, you should be thanking me
Thanking you! If it was up to me, you'd already be fired, you clown!
Seriously man, how could you take us all in like that, you son of a bitch!
Aha! You were watching MY TV!
No sir! I was cleaning the table and you left
your remote on my table and it switched itself on
Ok well never mind, listen
Take a look at this
Hey, look out!
What's this?
A contract I drew up to establish the financial conditions of our relationship
Oh how interesting! I'll read it later when I wanna fall asleep
Read!
Being united the party Fernando...
Why do you always have to put your name first?
Go straight to the clauses
First clause
Everything that's mine is yours and everything's that's yours is mine
But is this binding?
For us it is, which is all that matters
Are you gonna sign it or not?
No
But why not?
There's no need
I love being right
Go on, you can sit down now
Thanks, and you weren't right
It's just you're so stubborn...
What lovely things you're capable of doing
just so you can watch TV while sitting down
No, actually it was for your muffins
Sure, for my muffins
Right, put the football on
- The football? - Yeah
Yes Lidia, I'm on my way out now, ok?
Wait for me outside, ok
You don't need to talk quietly, I'm not asleep yet
Listen Rebeca, Daddy's very, very happy
but a little bit stressed
and he's gonna go out for a minute to have a drink, ok?
How about reading me a story before you go?
A story? Ok
Just a short one though
Let's see. Right, this one
A curious little fish was flying over the ocean
There were so many things he wanted to discover
but the thing that intrigued him the most was the colour of the sea...
Hello
Hello, is Armando there? He was supposed to meet me an hour ago
He can't talk right now, good night
But the exorcist told us not to bother him
He needs to be told
If there aren't any ghosts, what's the point in him carrying on working?
What did I tell you about coming up here?
Yeah, er listen, it turns out the thing about the ghosts and spirits was just a bad joke
so you don't need to continue with the spectral cleansing
I suppose you want to be paid the rest of the money
Don't trouble yourself
Excuse me, Bertran Amorós?
Yes, that's me
I've brought you this telephone
Come in!
Well I'll leave you because I'm a bit busy
What on earth's going on here? He was wearing overalls!
I reckon this exorcist's a squatter
Oh shit, Emilio!
Yeah, what a mess!