火鸟字幕合并器SubindexV0.5 Created time 11.01.15 17:09:37
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道奇! Doogie!
道格拉斯, 我不能理解你为什要这样生气 Douglas, I can't understand why you're so angry.
我们抓到鱼了阿. We caught the fish.
哈! Ha ha.
好大的一条鱼, A good-sized critter,
我可能会钓一条更大的 I might add.
你就是不懂 对吧 爸 You just don't get it, Dad.
我才不在意. 我从来就不想来这里. I don't care. I never wanted to come here.
你说什么? What?
我本来这时后应该和汪达在棕榈泉逍遥 I could be in Palm Springs with Wanda right now.
但, 我现在却卡在这里-- Instead, I'm stuck out here--
再多给我一些奶油. Needs more butter.
...对鱼说话! ...talking to the fish!
奶油. Butter.
再多一点. More.
Murray, 去开门! Murray, get the door!
来来去去这么多趟 我很累. I've grown out of these trips.
再多一些奶油. Butter.
[ 喃喃自语 ] [Muttering]
我不想成为一个伟大的白人猎人 I don't want to be the great white hunter.
[ 门铃声 ] [Doorbell Rings]
Seidenbaum先生 很抱歉这个时后来打扰你 Sorry to disturb you at this hour, Mr. Seidenbaum,
但你是经我们特别挑选的 but you have been personally selected
来领这最特别 to receive a most...
不可抗拒的大奖 irresistible offer.
请再讲清楚一点 Giving me instructions
就像我还是一个小男孩 like I was still a little boy.
我不知道你还这样想 I didn't realize you felt like this.
我很惊讶你之前连提都没提过 I'm surprised you didn't say anything before this.
Murray, 你在那边干什么? Murray, what are you doing back there?
Murray! Murray!
[ 电子杂音 ] [Electronic Noise]
啊! Aah!
[ 打呜 ] [Burp]
我叫 Darryl Knable. My name is Darryl Knable.
我是一个正常的小孩 过着相当正常的生活 I'm a normal kid who led a pretty normal life...
直到那一晚 until that night.
播报员:一切看起来正常 也感觉正常, [Announcer] It looks and feels natural,
不论您是要玩水上摩托车 whether you're skimming the surf
或是搭游艇两人出海放风 or racing the wind on a cruiser for two.
请记住 我们随时在您身后 And remember, we stand behind it.
我不仅担任美发沙龙的董事长 I'm not only the Hair Club President,
也同时是一位客户. but also a client.
DARRYL: 讲到我爸爸, 脑中就浮现好几种身份-- [Darryl] In describing my dad, several names come to mind--
天才老爹 Bill Cosby, 欢乐家庭(Growing Pains)中的Alan Thicke, Bill Cosby, Alan Thicke,
布雷迪家庭 (the Brady Bunch) 的父亲 the Brady Bunch father.
我爸全都看过. My dad watched all of them.
事实上, 他是任何一个电视节目 都不放过 全天候收看 In fact, he watched anything on TVall the time.
根据数据显示 美国人平均 They say the average American
每天收看7又2分之1小时的电视. watches 7 1 / 2 hours of TVa day.
若真是这样写 那一定是有两个人从来不看电视 If that's true, there are two guys who never watch,
而我老爸则用掉了他们的时间 and my dad took their times.
或许有一天我会 Perhaps I shall one day.
上尉 你有什么讯息要让我知道的吗? You have some dispatches for me, Captain?
我有要呈交给女王的讯息 I have some dispatches for the queen.
尝尝看我的科西嘉剑 Prepare to taste Corsican steel.
唔! Uhh!
嗨 Hi.
已经很晚了 It's late.
对, 我知道 亲爱的 我一会就上去. Yeah, I know. I'll be up in a minute, honey.
剑对打声 [Swords Cross]
我在想出租 I'm thinking of renting out
你的床位 your side of the bed.
吭? Huh?
不要误会 Don't get me wrong.
我就像一般人一样爱看电视. I like TVjust as much as the next person.
只是有更多意其它你可以做的事 It's just there are more things you can do with it
比只是坐在那边看好 than only watch it.
例如 你可以用它来赚钱 For instance, you can also make money with it.
在此进行插播一个特别报导 We interrupt this broadcast for a special report.
年轻的电子天才Darryl Knable Young electronics genius Darryl Knable
刚获得诺贝尔奖 has just won the Nobel Prize.
喔 你这个笨蛋 Oh, you dipstick.
因为偷偷录下了他姊姊黛安 For secretly videotaping his sister Diane
和她男友克利斯法式舌吻的场景 French-kissing with her boyfriend Chris.
我们这里说的是用舌头喔! We're talking tongues here!
这个影带每盒只要寄来 3美元到... For copies of this tape, send $3.00 to...
Darryl Knable家, Blue Jay Court 1532号 Darryl Knable, 1532 Blue Jay Court--
嘿, Knable, 你的小孩又在干扰我收看电视了 Hey, Knable, your kid's messing up my TV reception again.
那你的狗还不是糟蹋我的马蹄金(dichondra) And your dog's messing up my dichondra.
我的铆钉(Rivets)才不会这样 Rivets didn't do that.
是哦! 那就是说有一只雷龙在附近游荡了. Then there's a brontosaurus loose in the neighborhood.
坏狗 坏 坏小狗 Bad dog. Bad, bad doggie.
我会去向FCC申诉!(注:FCC 美国的通讯传播委员会) I'm going to call the FCC!
FCC! The FCC!
擤鼻声 [Snort]
我妈是一位很成功的广告主管 My mom was a big-deal advertising executive
在一家在维他命公司任职 with a vitamin company.
我爸则是做一份真的很糟的工作 水电工程产品的销售员 My dad had this real suck job selling plumbing supplies.
有一晚 我听到他跟她在吵架 I heard them arguing one night,
我妈就说爸爸是感到不愉快 and she said he was suffering from
由于某种叫什么中..生危机的... something called a mid-life crisis,
不管它叫什么啦 whatever that is.
他说他没有 He said he wasn't.
她说他只是在嫉妒她的成功 She said he was jealous of her success.
他又说他没有 He said he wasn't.
他跟她吵了很久 They argued a lot.
啊(大叫声)! Aah!
我爸就是那样 So that's my dad,
回到每天相当正常的人生 going to his pretty normal home
在很正常的每一天 作完他那份很糟的工作后 after his pretty normal day at his suck job,
就又开始准备看他的电视了 ready to watch his TV.
直到我下面要告诉你发生事情的那一个晚上. That brings us to that night I was talking about.
一切都就此改变了 That's when everything changed.
狗吠声 [Woof Woof]
我爱妳 I love you.
我不在乎谁爱谁 I don't care who loves who--
我才不上你的当！ I won't play the sap for you.
你杀了麦尔斯，所以你要为此负责 You killed Miles, and you're going over for it.
等等 等等 你们俩要去那里 Wait, wait, wait. Where are you two going?
妈, 还记得吗? Mom, remember?
喔 对哦 你要跟朋友们一起过今晚 Oh, right. You're spending the night with friends.
黛安... Diane...
不可以有男孩子 no boys.
妈... 我不是小孩子 Mother, I am not a child.
嗯 嗯. 妳就直接到Tracy家 听到了吗? Mm-hmm. You go directly to Tracy's, you understand?
好 Right.
妈 你认得我朋友Billy Stephan? Mom, you know my friend Billy Stephan?
嗯 嗯 Mm-hmm.
他爸曾搬出去一阵子 Well, his dad moved out for a while.
然后他父母又到外面去玩 而且整周都泡在浴缸中 Then his parents went away and sat in a hot tub all weekend.
当他们回来时 Billy他爸也就搬回来了 When they got back, Billy's dad moved back in
而且一切都变得比以前好 and things were all better.
你们俩是为了我跟你爸 所以才安排让我们独处吗? Did you plan this so your dad and I could be alone?
我们不知道他已坐在球员区板凳多久了- We don't know how much that hip bruise he got--
Roy? Roy?
嗨, Helen. Hi, Helen.
我有一个主意 I have an idea.
你知道我有多以妳为荣-- 告诉我吧! You know how proud I am of you-- Pass it!
让我们去外面走走 Let's go away.
好啊 4分16秒之后我就可以准备好 Go ahead. I'll be there in 4 minutes and 1 6 seconds.
Roy. Roy, 注意听我讲 Roy. Roy, listen.
让我们就像以前那样到外面走走 Let's go away like we used to,
去爬山 to the mountains.
好 可以 O.K.
就我们俩 Just the two of us.
没有电话 没有小孩 没有电视 No phones, no kids, no TV.
没有电视? No TV?
他们那边不会有电视. They don't have TV there.
那有插座吗? Is there a plug?
那样就不正常了啊! This is abnormal.
亲爱的 你现在正在把自己完全封闭 Honey, you're just shutting yourself off
跟外面的所有事情 所有人隔开 from everything and everybody.
你是面临到什么困难了吗? Are you having problems?
是--是我的关系吗? Is--Is it me?
是! 不. Yes! No.
我们这样有... 有用吗? 还是你在工作上面临了麻烦? Is--Is it work? Are you having trouble at work?
当然没有 妳怎么会这样想法? Of course not. What makes you say something like that?
射门, 你这个白痴 射门 Shoot, you idiot. Shoot.
我们一直以来互相承诺对方的事 The one thing we always promised each other
就是要保持对彼此的坦诚 is that we would remain honest.
我们没有对彼此坦诚 We are honest with each other.
看... Look...
妳说我将自己封闭 you say that I'm shut off,
说我--说我没有对妳敞开心怀, that--that I can't open up to you,
说我自我封闭 that I'm closed down.
好 那 我准备要告诉妳一些事 O.K., well, I'm going to tell you something
对我 对我非常重要的事 that's--that's very important to me.
我要完全坦白的说 I'm going to be completely honest.
我只希望你不要误会了我的意思 I just don't want you to take this the wrong way.
喔 Roy 就告诉我吧 我可以承受任何事情 Oh, Roy, talk to me. I can take anything.
就是 现在正是再度的延长赛中 We're in double overtime here.
好! Fine!
你就看你的电视吧 Watch TV.
谢谢, 甜心 Thanks, sweetheart.
妳可不可以再站过去一点点-- Could you move just to--
真难以置信! This is unbelievable!
你连听我讲两分钟都做不到 You couldn't listen to me for two minutes
但一定要看那烂电视! without that stupid television being on!
我嫁给你时 你是个行动派的人 When I married you, you were a doer.
现在 你每天只会看电视! Now all you are is a watcher!
播报员: 他把球传给了Drexler. [Announcer] He gave it away to Drexler.
Drexler在中场出界了. Drexler fouled at mid-court.
喔 Roy? Oh, Roy?
吭? Huh?
吭--啊! Hyah--aah!
电视! The TV!
PAUL HENREID: 我怕 [Paul Henreid] I was afraid
你只是出于同情照顾Tina, you were keeping Tina out of pity,
但现在已不再是同情的缘故 but that wasn't pity just now.
现在我知道你还爱我 Now I know you still love me.
爱不会消失 我俩所拥有的 It won't die, what's between us.
做你想做的 Do what you will--
绝对不会发生 Never happen.
无视它 忽视它-- ignore it, neglect it--
奥客留的Murray和 Sarah夫妻的消失状况没有进一步的进展 No further developments in the disappearance
就是奥客留的Murray和 Sarah夫妻 of Murray and Sarah Seidenbaum of Oakview.
警方的调查遇到瓶颈 而且找不到进一步的线索 Police are still baffled and report they have no clues.
啊... Ahhhh...
Roy... Roy...
你可悲无趣的人生 your boring little life
将要变得 is about to become
更为刺激 much more exciting.
门铃声 [Doorbell Chimes]
Knable先生? Mr. Knable?
很抱歉这个时候打扰您 Sorry to disturb you at this hour,
但你已获选作为 but you've been personally selected
本公司无法令人抗拒的大奖的赢家 to receive a most irresistible offer.
我现在没空 I'm busy.
等一下 Knable先生 我这有你想要的-- Wait, Mr. Knable. I have something you want--
出路... escape...
远离你所有的失败与敌人 from all your failures and woes,
只要你用你的拇指按下..... at the touch of your thumb...
这里 on this.
哔哔声 [Beeping]
来 按吧 Go ahead.
哔哔声 [Beeping]
你的新摇控器 Your new controller.
你的终极电视冒险旅程的入场券 Your passport to the ultimate television adventure.
好地方 Cute place.
你的剑 You fence! (注:Fence是中古英语字defense去掉自首的变形, fence也是西洋剑的英文名, Fencing club就是西洋剑术俱乐部)
喔 我过去是... Oh, I used to.
吭 你过去曾杀过任何人吗? Did you ever, uh, kill anyone?
当然没有 嘿 先生 嗯... Of course not. Look, Mr., uh...
史帕克(Spike) Spike.
总是为您服务 At your service.
你到底是在卖什么东西? What exactly is it that you're selling?
嗯! 动人的小女人 Mmm! Attractive. The little woman.
你俩间有相处上的困难? You two having difficulties?
嗯, 我不知道你怎么-- Well, I don't see how--
Roy 您们我全都知道 I know all about you, Roy.
成功 这就像一只苍蝇在你的头旁边飞来飞去 Success, it's like a fly buzzing around your head.
你就看到它 再抓住它 You reach for it, you grab it,
然后 你就什么都 ........没抓到 and all you get is... nothing!
Roy 你并没厌倦任何事情 You're tired of nothing, Roy,
你只是想逃离一切事情 so you want to hide from everything,
但她给你动力 对吧? but she gives you heat, right?
Roy 等到她看到这个 Roy, wait till she gets a load of this--
令人血脉喷张又心动的 666 个频道 600 and 66 channels of heart-pounding,
头骨爆裂的娱乐节目 skull-blasting entertainment.
喜剧! 戏剧! 火热的有氧舞蹈 Comedy! Drama! Hot-oil aerobics
是您从未看过的 like nothing you've ever seen, brother.
无限娱乐 , 迷幻的气氛 Unlimited entertainment, snatched from the ether
全部都在您全新的44英吋 and slammed into your brand-new 44-inch,
900条扫瞄线, 3向互动的矩阵 900-line resolution, 3-way expanded-matrix,
杜比立体 TV... Roy 就在这边 Dolby stereo TV, right here, Roy.
一台新电视? A new TV?
直接从高科技殿堂 Straight from the temple of high-tech.
使得这个东西变成像是个电视界中的Philco. Make this thing look like a Philco. (译注:Philco, the Philadelphia Storage Battery Company (formerly known as the Spencer Company and later the Helios Electric Company))
有些人愿拿 Some people would give
他们的灵魂来换这个系统 their souls for a system like this.
只要在这边签个字 我们就成交了 Just sign here. We're in business.
我--我不能签 I--I can't.
好 All right.
Knable先生 那晚安 Good night, Mr. Knable.
唔 我有提到过 ... Did I mention, uh...
免费试用吗? free trial?
免费? Free?
嗯 Roy 一生享用的整套电视冒险服务? Well, Roy, all set for the TV adventure of a lifetime?
现在 记住... Now remember...
你必须要调整这个碟型天线 you'll have to adjust the dish
到收讯良好的位置 to fine-tune reception.
就像这样 Like this.
Roy 好好享受你的新系统 Enjoy your new system, Roy.
我们会跟你保持联系的 We'll be in touch.
Hahaha! Ha ha ha!
那边没有路! That was a dead end!
闪电声 [Thunder]
哈哈哈哈! [Spike] Ha ha ha ha!
嗨 Hi.
呵呵呵呵呵! Ho ho ho ho ho!
Hahahahaha! Ha ha ha ha ha!
哈哈哈哈哈! Ha ha ha ha ha!
啊! Aah!
亲爱的 妳先不要拒绝 Now, honey, just keep an open mind.
没有要负担什么 是免费试用的 There's no obligation. I got it on a free trial.
这是一整套的卫星电视系统 超过600个频道 It's a whole satellite system, over 600 channels.
周三9点钟... Wednesdays at 9:00...
销售员说 我们就会看到一大堆节目 The salesman said we'd get a lot of shows
是妳在一般电视频道上看不到的 you can't get on regular TV.
Helen? Helen?
我再也不要过这样的生活了! I don't want this anymore!
播报员 : 我们认为这很有趣 [Announcer] We thought it would be funny,
若我们的Bob, 穿的像个警察般 if our Bob, dressed as a policeman,
并且要告诉一个完全陌生的人说 would tell a perfect stranger
她丈夫已经死了 her husband is dead.
Cecily Barth太太? Mrs. Cecily Barth?
我是 Yes.
妳丈夫是叫Steven Barth吗? Your husband's name was Steven Barth?
是的? Was?
你问这个是为什么? What do you mean, was?
妳丈夫开的车是否是1978年的雪佛兰黑斑羚车型? Did your husband drive a 1978 Chevrolet Impala?
你要告诉我什么? What are you saying?
我的Steven发生什么事了吗 ? Has something happened to my Steven?
播报员 : 注意看她对这个不幸消息的反应 [Announcer] Watch her reaction to the bad news.
是 我恐怕就要告诉这样的坏消息 I'm afraid so.
啊! 啊! Ah! Aah!
低泣声 [Weeping]
没有关系的 It's all right.
播报员 : 我想是时后让Barth太太 [Announcer] I think it's time for Mrs. Barth
知道我们是趣味整人节目. to be let in on the fun.
Barth太太, 看看对街 Mrs. Barth, look across the street
在我后面的箱形车 at that van behind me.
请很仔细地看 Look really carefully.
那 那是 唔... Is that, uh...
是的 摄影机就在那边 It's a camera, yes.
那... 你的意思是... Then...you mean...
是的 Barth太太 Yes, Mrs. Barth.
妳现在是在上... You're on...
是Sadistic Hidden Videos的节目? Sadistic Hidden Videos?
而你... Bob. And you're...Bob.
哈 哈 哈 哈! Ha ha ha ha!
我上了电视? I'm on TV?
唔! 哦, 你们这些人! Uhh! Oh, you guys!
喔! Oh!
碟型天线必须要调整 The dish needs adjusting.
喔! Ohh!
会改善接收的状况! That'll improve the reception!
是吗? Yeah?
喔, 是的, Roy? Oh, yeah, Roy?
好 这怎么会? Well, how's this?
镑 镑 [敲打声] [Banging]
你收到这个吗? You receiving this?
你是收到这个吗? Are you getting this?
妳可以住手吗? Will you stop it?
我要离开你 Roy. I am leaving you, Roy.
哔哔声 [Beeping]
我要跟一个会碰我而不是碰摇控器的男人在一起 I want a man who'll touch me rather than his remote control.
妳先等一下 Please hang on a second.
我们必须要谈一下! We have to talk!
现在谈已经太晚了! It's too late to talk!
喔! Whoa!
朋友 绑紧安全带 Fasten your seat belts, folks.
等下一路上会有点巅波! It's going to be a bumpy ride!
哈 哈 哈 哈! Ha ha ha ha!
哈 哈 哈 哈 Ha ha ha ha.
欢迎回到... And welcome back to...
- 你赢不了 -! - You Can't Win! -
现在让我们欢迎新的参赛者... Now let's welcome our new contestants
Roy 和 Helen Knable夫妇! Roy and Helen Knable!
你们知道游戏规则吗? Do you know the rules of our game?
什么游戏? What game?
就是有这些大奖的游戏 The game with these great prizes.
Jay? Jay?
用这些东西让您眼睛饱餐一顿-- Feast your eyes on this--
全新的Nappa-crapper 9000 系列 the all-new Nappa-crapper 9000.
您再也不需要起身离开 You'll never have to get off your fat butt again.
令人舒适的备一应俱全-- It has every amenity--
内建的彩色电视 a built-in color TV.
它是设计来配合您 让您不必移动 It adjusts to you so you don't have to move.
广告时间再也不需要在电视与厨房间来来去去. No more trips to the kitchen during commercials.
更棒的是, 再也不用跑讨厌的厕所 Better yet, no more annoying trips to the bathroom.
看电视再也不会被打断了 Your television viewing never has to be interrupted,
不过 当然 赢或输 and of course, win or lose,
每个参赛者都可以拿一套Satanica百科全书! every contestant takes home a set of Encyclopedia Satanica!
而您现在参加的是... And now it's time to play...
你赢不了! You Can't Win.
回到问题, 朋友 Back to you, Guy.
Roy 问你的第一个问题是 Roy, the first question's for you.
在你的上一次结婚周年纪念日 On your last wedding anniversary,
你错过你老婆精心规划的浪漫晚餐 you missed the romantic dinner your wife had planned.
理由是 A: 车出了问题 The reason, A--Car trouble.
B: 你在跑马拉松 B--You were running a marathon.
C: 你在酒吧... C--You were in a bar
喝啤酒 看世界赛 swilling a beer, watching...World Series.
就像我说的 是车出了问题! Car trouble, just like I said!
错! 妳要答吗? No! Can you take it?
你在看世界赛吗? You were watching baseball?
答对了! That's right!
相信我, 小朋友 你来对了地方 Trust me, babe. You walked into the right place.
这里很轻松 Very cushy down here.
在剩下来永恒的日子你可好好的歇歇脚 You can cool your heels in here for the rest of eternity
若你拍对马屁 if you kiss the right ass.
马屁绝对不会浪费的! These lips ain't calloused for nothing!
哈 哈 哈 哈! Ha ha ha ha!
你难道曾是喜剧演员吗? Are you some kind of comedian?
我曾经为Liberace在拉斯韦加斯开过节目 I once opened for Liberace in Vegas.
厉害 Great.
这是巨型广告牌(Jumbo-tron) This is the Jumbotron.
所有附加设备(bells and whistles)也都在这边 It's got all the bells and whistles.
这是我们正式的记分板 It's our official scoreboard.
持续追踪SBI上的. Keeps track of the SBIs.
参赛灵魂进度. Souls batted in.
哈 哈 哈 Ha ha ha.
算得上是一种运动 Kind of a sports thing.
咳嗽声 [Cough]
该Seidenbaums了 先生 Time for the Seidenbaums, sir.
把画面叫出来 Punch 'em up.
嗯... Seidenbaums夫妇 Mmm... the Seidenbaums.
想要到异国异地 Yearning for exotic locales.
这集带他们到东京 This episode takes them to Tokyo.
他们玩得很高兴 They're having a wonderful time
在他们自己主演的电影 starring in their own movie.
这是Seidenbaums对... It's the Seidenbaums versus...
巨大又黏稠稠的蜥蝪! the gigantic stinking-footed lizard!
啊! Aah!
唔! Ooh!
莎哟娜啦.再见, Seidenbaum 太太 Sayonara, Mrs. Seidenbaum.
这才是秀 That's entertainment.
喔 他厉害 Oh, he's good.
他是这样厉害 He's so good.
哈 哈 哈! Ha ha ha!
令人震惊 Shocking.
先生 这是Pierce 我们新的实习生 Sir, this is Pierce, our new, uh, intern.
如果您受不了看到血-- If you can't stomach the sight of blood--
不是血让我难过 It's not the blood I find distressing.
是你缺乏深度 It's your lack of subtext.
电影研究所毕业生 Film school graduate.
是的 先生 Yes, sir.
南加大 USC.
我的毕业论文是有关Kurosawa和Spike Lee. I did my thesis on Kurosawa and Spike Lee.
Pierce先生 让我教你有关我们的组织 Mr. Pierce, let me educate you about our organization.
在Hellvision这边 Here at Hellvision,
我们已将索得灵魂的过程转化为 we've turned the process of soul acquisition
极度娱乐化... into an entertainment extravaganza,
而这全都是为了底下那一位要求非常高的观众所要求的 and all for the benefit of one very demanding viewer below.
就是老阪他本身的要求... The boss himself,
而我不是指Springsteen(译注:美国歌手 Springsteen的外号是Boss) and I don't mean Springsteen.
他对不幸这件事 有非常异于常人的胃口 He has an enormous appetite for misfortune.
而我们的职责就是用选择性的方式来满足他 It is our job to supply him with an eclectic offering
用直接诉求而非隐喻难懂的方式! of light amusements, not subtext!
不要走开 Knables! Don't go away, Knables!
已到最后一个问题了 It's time for... the final question.
什么意思? What's that mean?
坑! 坑! - The pit! - The pit!
是的, 就是坑! Yes, the pit!
Jay 今天那下面有什么? And what's down there today,Jay?
一大堆又黏又让人害怕的坏东西在下面呢 各位 Lots of slimy, crawly bad things, Guy.
Eeeuw! Eeeuw!
现在你有10秒 Now you have 1 0 seconds
来正确回答这个问题 要不然就... to answer the question correctly, or be...
被消灭 eliminated.
啊! Aah!
所以最后会是-- So the object's to get to the end--
会是什么让他们在结束前被杀 The object's to kill them before the end.
举Knables夫妇来说 Take the Knables, for instance.
他们才刚进来 They just checked in.
若他们活过24小时 他们就可以活着回去 If they survive 24 hours, they go back.
是我们跟另一边所签的条约一部份要件 Part of our treaty with the other side.
有点像日内瓦条约 Kind of a Geneva Convention
用在灵魂大战的 in the war for souls.
哈 哈 哈 哈! Ha ha ha ha!
叫出最近看到的一个人的名字 Name the person who's recently been seeing
前爱人 a former lover.
是 A: Roy? Is it, A--Roy?
不是 No.
B: Helen? B--Helen?
或是C: Roy 和 Helen? Or C--Roy and Helen?
我知道 我知道 I know, I know.
我们看到的前一个爱人就是我们彼此! The former lovers we've been seeing are each other!
你答... You're...
对了! right!
啊! Aah!
我们再回到Knable家的吕休假之旅 We'll be back with the Knables' vacation round
紧跟这个节目之后! right after this!
他们一般可以活多久? How long do they usually last?
要看他们是快或慢, Whether they go quickly or not,
但到最后 他们总是加入我们 in the end, they always join us.
您忘了那奇怪的秘鲁小子 You're forgetting that wiry little Peruvian chap.
只是一个错误 Crowley先生 那不会再发生了 A mistake, Mr. Crowley, that won't be repeated.
嘿, Jeez 那不是我搞砸的 Hey, it wasn't me that loused up.Jeez.
那你是指是我的错吗? Are you implying that if was my fault?
我是开玩笑的! I'm kidding!
你知道我 You know me.
常常喜欢开玩笑的 Always joking.
我想 Crowley先生 该是你出外勤的时后了 I think, Mr. Crowley, it's time for a little...field work.
唔... Uh...
Spike Spike.
先生 Sir.
唔... Uh...
何不让我请你午餐? Why don't I take you to lunch?
我们可以坐下 我们可以-- We can sit down. We can--
哦, 糟了 Oh, boy.
嘿, Spike, 别这样 Hey, Spike, come on.
你了解我 You know me.
嘿 嘿 嘿 Heh heh heh.
典型 爱乱说话的毛病 Chronic foot-in-the-mouth disease.
我不想出外勤 I don't want to do field work.
我是管理阶层的料. I'm executive material.
我适合在这边让你使唤 I belong here with you.
啊啊! Aaahhh!
在这边若搞砸了 你就死定了... Screw up in here, and you're dead meat...
死定了 dead meat.
Knable先生跟太太, Mr. and Mrs. Knable,
是时候让你知道 it's time to find out
你们奇妙假期的下一站会是那儿 where you go on your fantasy vacation.
是一号门! Door number 1 it is!
到底是在搞什么? What is going on?
你们是在一生之旅中! You're going on the trip of a lifetime!
啊! Aah!
敲铃声 [Bell Dings]
女士先生们 Ladies and gentlemen,
主秀是-- the main event--
男女混合摔角 mixed pairs wrestling.
不限规则 No holds barred.
不暂停. No transfusions allowed.
至死方休之战! A battle to the death!
这一定是在做梦 This has got to be a dream.
是个恶梦 It's a bad dream.
在这一边, "沙发上的马铃署" Roy Knable In this corner, Roy ''The Couch Potato'' Knable
还有他太太, 恶妇 Helen! and his wife Helen the Harridan!
我要醒过来 I gotta wake up.
而挑战者是... And the challengers...
最恶劣及邪恶的搭挡 the vilest and evilest duo
史上最令摔角界蒙羞的... ever to disgrace a wrestling ring...
凶恶 奇丑无比 坏女人! that ogre and ogress... the Gorgons!
啦啦! Rraahhhrr!
喔, 我的天啊 我的天啊 - Oh, my God. - Oh, my God.
啦.....! Rraahhr!
静下来 保持冷静 Calm down. Stay calm.
沙发上的马铃署 上吧 Couch Potato, come on.
我--我想他是指我们 I--I think he means us.
抱歉 我们根本就不属于这边的 Excuse me. We're not supposed to be here.
啦.....! Rrraahhhr!
好 开始吧-- O.K. everything goes--
家伙, 杀死对方吧 我不介意 maim, murder each other, I don't care,
但要保持干净 but keep it clean.
铃响时候 不是杀人就是被杀. When the bell rings, kill or be killed.
我们看起来像摔角手吗? Do we look like wrestlers?
我们完全不知道为何我们会出现在这边 We have no idea why we're here.
我是一家维他命公司的资深经理 I'm a senior product manager for a vitamin company.
资深经理? Senior product manager?
我获得升迁了 I got a promotion.
妳为何没有告诉我? Why didn't you tell me?
Roy 你知道为什么吗? Roy, you know why?
为什么? Why?
因为我的成就威胁到你了 Because my success threatens you.
妳的成就没有威胁到我 Your success does not threaten me.
有! It does, too!
敲铃声 [Bell Dings]
唔-喔 Uh-oh.
摔角我看太多了 I've watched enough wrestling to know
多到知到它们都是假的 it's all fake.
没有人会受伤的-- No one ever gets hurt--
- 啊啊啊! - 啦啦啦! - Aaaahhhh! - Rrraahhrr!
啦啦啦! Rrraahhhr!
Roy! Roy!
不是假的 Not fake.
不是假的啦 It's not fake.
快逃命, Helen... 快! Run for your life, Helen--quickly.
Helen, 抓住我... Helen, hold me...
啊! Aah!
注意看 Pierce先生 看着事情是怎么结束 Watch, Mr. Pierce. See how it's done.
一个无聊的生命是怎样令人开心的结束 The exhilarating end of a tedious life.
个! Grrr!
起来 爬起来! Get up. Get up!
那个丑女人来干完剩下的事了 Here comes that Gorgon girl to finish the job.
别找他麻烦 妳这个母夜叉! Leave him alone, you bitch!
咆哮! Grrr!
我道歉 I apologize.
妳不一定是个母夜叉 You're probably really not a bitch.
Roy, 起来! Roy, get up!
丑女人坐下了! The Gorgon's in the seats!
他已经过去式了! He's history!
Roy! Roy!
妳知道就一个胖女人来说 You know, for a full-figured woman,
妳穿得真的很合身 you really wear that outfit well.
救命! 哎唷! Help! Ow!
喔, Nellie! 猫打架! Whoa, Nellie! Cat fight!
哎唷! 哎唷! 哎唷! 哎唷! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
这下应该就结束了 This could be the end.
咆哮! Grrr!
我的头发! My hair!
看起来那个可怜的输家 Looks like that pathetic loser
不见得就会像我们想的那样容易输 isn't going to be as easy as we thought.
Roy. Roy.
发生了什么? What happened?
我们打赢了 We won.
或者应该说 我赢了 Or rather, I won.
Knables! - Knables! - Knables!
好了 你也赢了 All right, you won, too.
妳可说对了 Damn right.
还有妳的成就没有威胁到我 And your success does not threaten me.
这也有 It does, too.
实在太奇怪了 Totally wicked.
太好了 Excellent.
开门声 [Door Opens]
妈跟爸在那里-- 喔, 我的天呀 Where's Mom and D-- Oh, my God.
爸一定是昨晚买的 Dad must have gotten it last night.
詹姆斯‧迪恩是如何死的? How did James Dean really die?
今晚来看看有钱人与名人尸体解剖. Find out tonight on Autopsies of the Rich and Famous.
一切如常吗 先生? The usual, sir?
请 Please.
华格纳的作品 女武神的骑行 [Ride Of The Valkyries Plays]
怪异的 Bizarre.
欢迎收看 "暴露狂的北方之旅"(Northern Overexposure) Welcome to Northern Overexposure,
故事描述一个来自纽约的年轻医生 the story of a young doctor from New York
来到阿拉斯加 事事报怨 who comes to Alaska, complains about everything,
然后冻死了 and freezes to death.
哈啰! 呦呼, 先生! Hello! Yoo-hoo, Mister!
走开! 这些是我的洞! Stay away! These are my holes!
滚开! Back off!
喔, Knable, 就只有你们啊 Oh, Knable, it's only you.
他怎么会知我们是谁? How does he know our name?
试着找出来在这边的一根排水管 Trying to find a conduit out of here.
排水管? Conduit?
对 是到下一个频道的窗口 Yeah. A window to the next channel.
你们如果认为我想把以后的日子都花在这里 If you think I'm spending the rest of eternity here,
那你们就疯了! you're crazy!
狼嚎声 [Wolf Howls]
在这边! 这边! Here it is! Here it is!
就是它! This is it!
咆哮声 [Growling]
木屋! The shack!
啊! Aah!
Helen! Helen! Helen! Helen!
嘿 爸跟妈留了纸条给我们 Hey, Mom and Dad left us a note.
给我看 Give me that.
亲爱的孩子们 必须要暂时离开一阵子 ''Dear kids, had to leave for a while.
明天会再打电话回来解释 Will call tomorrow to explain.
爱你们的妈 Love, Mom.''
太棒了! 房子是我的了! Killer! The house to myself!
他们做到了 They did it.
他们一起出外去 就像Billy的爸妈一样 They went away, just like Billy's mom and dad did.
对 现在换你滚了 怪咖 And now it's your turn to go away, dweebnik.
Shelley, 是我 妳知道吗? Shelley, it's me. Guess what?
哔哔声 [Beeping]
妳在做什么? What are you doing?
妳看到那个了吗? Did you see that?
那个碟型天线 它吃掉了我的越野脚踏车 That dish, it ate my BMX.
这是男性青春期症状吗? Is this some kind of male puberty thing?
狼叫声 [Barking]
让我搞清楚状况 Let me get this straight.
我们被吸进了某种电视的世界里吗? We've been sucked into some kind of TV world?
你是说那个销售员是-- Are you saying that that salesman was--
Spike先生-- Mr. Spike--
阴极射线管中的恶魔 Mephistopheles of the cathode ray,
令人厌恶的死者中的老大 big brother to the ungrateful dead.
若我们能再换到另一个频道-- 呵呵呵! If we ever cross channels again--Ho ho ho!
Roy, 你怎么可以这样? Roy, how could you?
我不知道这是合约的一部份 我只是以为是买一台电视 I don't know its the part of the deal, I only thought I was buying a TV.
喔! 这还真得太好了 Oh! This is just great.
太好了 This is great.
你想住在一个电视幻想中吗? You wanted to live in a TV fantasy?
恭禧你 愿望实现了哦 You got your wish.
至少我们还没死呀 At least we're not dead.
还没有而已 Not yet.
只要再活15小时-- Stay alive another 15 hours--
宾果. 就能自由回到现实 Bingo. Free pass back to reality.
而要做到的诀窍是-- The odds of making it are--
断掉声 [Crack]
喔, 我的 Oh, my.
这实在是冷到什么都冻僵了 The cold's no place for a stiff.
喔, 我的天呀 Oh, my God.
不要惊慌 Don't panic.
我让我们卷进来 我也会找到方法让我们离开 I got us into this, I'll get us out.
你的领导技巧让我们连T-shirt圆领衫都离不开! Your leadership skills couldn't get us out of a t-shirt!
门铃声 [Doorbell Chimes]
我去开! I'll get it!
- 嗨! - 嗨! - 嗨! - Hi! - Hi! - Hi!
嗨 请进 Hi. Come in.
我个人是不相信灵魂出窍 Personally, I don't believe in out-of-body experiences.
那是因为你一直压抑自己 That's because you hold your emotions back.
我没有 有 你有 Do not. Yes, You do
这种颜色的头发你觉得怎么样? What do you think of this color hair?
很好啊 That's all right.
我不认为有那么配 I don't think it really goes in here.
跟牢栏的颜色不搭 Clashes with the bars.
你算不上是个善于表达的人 You can't really say you're an expressive person.
嘿 这颜色 你 觉得怎么样? Hey You, What do you think of this color here?
跟牢栏的颜色不搭 Clashes with the bars.
看? 我告诉过你 See? I told you.
今年秋季上映.... 人生三十好几.......... Coming this fall... Thirty something To Life.....
这些孩子让我快疯了! These kids are driving me crazy!
真希望有什么方法可以让他们闭嘴! Wish there was some way to shut them up!
播报员: 长又无聊的车途中 你需要... [Announcer] For those long, tedious car trips, you need...
羔羊消音器 the Silencer of the Lambs.
开车再也不同了 Driving will never be the same.
宠物用消音器令 单独出售 Silencer of the Pets sold separately.
那是... It's...
我的脚踏车 My bike.
那是我的脚踏车呀 That's my bike.
你在电视上看到跟你的类似的脚踏车 You saw a bike like yours on TV.
那又怎么样? So what?
不是一部像我的车 Not a bike like my bike.
是我的那部! 来 My bike! Come on.
不要这样! 不要烦我 Stop it! Leave me alone.
看 还有别的东西 Look, there's something else.
我在碟型天线附近发现这个掉在地上 I found this on the ground near the dish.
妈的表 Mom's watch.
它就停在10点30分 It stopped at 1 0:30.
这听上去完全疯了 This is going to sound totally crazy,
但我不认为 but I don't think
妈跟爸这周末去玩了 至少不是去山上 Mom and Dad went away from this weekend, at least not to the mountains.
过来 Diane! Come on, Diane!
看, 我确定没有什么好担心的 好吗? Look, I'm sure it's nothing to worry about, O.K.?
现在 不要来打扰我们! Now leave us alone!
Diane, 不管妳要做什么 Diane, whatever you do,
不要到后院去 好吗? don't go in the backyard, O.K.?
不要到后院去! Don't go in the backyard!
抱歉 我要先走了 If you'll excuse me,
我想去个暖和一点的频率. I'm off to warmer megahertz.
去找一个有太阳的频道 Going to find a channel with sun,
有挂着小伞的有趣饮料, funny drinks with those little umbrellas,
或甚至还有赛狗场 and maybe a dog track.
安全了 All clear.
咯 [Grrr]
嘿! 啊! Hey! Aah!
我是早挂了的人! 去救她! I'm already dead! Save her!
我们一定要进到那排水管中! We got to get to that conduit!
Roy, 情况变得更糟了! Roy, it's getting worse!
等等 等等 我有个主意 Wait, wait, wait. I got an idea.
用力推! 快, 现在 Push! Come on, now.
就在那边 There it is.
就在那边! There it is!
快. Come on.
咯 [Grrr]
跳 Jump.
跳? Jump?
不管管子通到那 情况不会比现在更糟的 Wherever it leads can't be any worse than this.
喔....! Yeow!
唔唔! Umph!
不会更糟是吗 吭 Roy? Couldn't be any worse, huh, Roy?
Helen? Helen?
喔 我的天! Oh, my God!
我们变成卡通人物了 We're cartoons.
Roy, 这很怪 Roy, this is strange.
很怪? 我变成一只卡通鼠了 Strange? I'm an animated rodent
穿着高跟跑鞋 wearing high-heeled running shoes.
用"奇怪"还不足以形容 The word ''strange'' is somehow lacking.
至少在这边我们是安全的 At least we're safe here.
还没有人死在卡通里, 对吧? No one ever dies in cartoons, right?
Ralph, 我把一些食物放在外面 Ralph, I left some food out.
我希望不会引来老鼠 I hope it doesn't attract any mice.
不要担心 我们有准备新玩意来做保全 Don't worry. That new device is guaranteed.
没有老鼠可以有机会 No rodent stands a chance in there.
不要转台 Stay tuned.
你怎么还想到吃甜甜圈 How can you even think of eating doughnuts
就在这个当下? at a time like this?
我饿坏了 我应该找些燕麦麸 Should I look for some oat bran? I'm starved.
你不下来的话 我要先离开了 If you don't come down, I'm leaving.
妳要走到那儿去呢 卡通娘家吗? Where you going to go, your cartoon mother's house?
我是在警告你 Roy. I am warning you, Roy.
Roy? Roy?
喔! 这些东西大的就像部别克车 Wow! These things are as big as Buicks.
我要走了 就这样了 I'm gone. That's it.
我说我们结束了 我们就是结束了 I said we're through, and we are through.
我自己可以做的更好 I can do better on my own.
我不是一只老鼠 我是Helen Knable. I am not a mouse. I'm Helen Knable.
我有一个MBA学位 I have an MBA.
我住在Bluejay Court 1532号 I live at 1532 BlueJay Court.
我有两个美丽的小孩-- I have two beautiful children--
我可能再也见不到他们了 who I may never see again.
妈? Mom?
Roy? Roy?
警告 你侵入了人类居住区. Warning--You are trespassing in a human habitation.
刑度是死刑 The penalty is death.
我的医生是对的 My doctor was right.
甜甜圈会让我丢掉小命 Doughnuts will be the death of me.
口哨声 [Whistle Blows]
- 啊! - 啊! - Aah! - Aah!
你可以放开我吗? Would you let go of me?
妳必须看看这个 You have to see this.
就在那边 There.
这个行得通 马盖先就用过 This will work. It worked on MacGyver.
你在说什么啊? What are you talking about?
妳没看到吗? Can't you see?
妈跟爸在卡通里面 It's Mom and Dad in the cartoon.
真是有趣吭 公仔 Very funny, pus-head.
Diane, 妳一定要相信我 Diane, you've got to believe me.
孩子 这绝对不要在家尝试 Kids, don't try this at home.
我想我们已经摆脱他们了 I think we lost them.
什么? What?
就一个老鼠来说, 妳, 嗯, 看起来相当性感 For a mouse, you, um, look pretty sexy.
还真遗憾 你不喜欢以前的我 Too bad you didn't like the way I looked
当我还是个人的时候 when I was human.
我一直都喜欢妳 I always did.
这对我还真是个新闻 News to me.
我很抱歉 I'm sorry.
投降 Surrender.
走出来... Come out with...
注意! Roy, 转弯! 转弯! Look! Roy, turn! Turn!
Helen, 等等! Helen, wait!
这是一只聪明的猫. This is one clever pussy.
卡通我看的算够多了 I've watched enough cartoons.
让我想卡通里的角色如何 How would an animated character
解决这个问题? handle this?
这次应该会让他永远结束吧 This will put a permanent crease in his shorts.
门铃声 [Doorbell Chimes]
身份确认 Identify yourself.
猫薄荷. Catnip-gram.
狗吠声 [Barking]
喵 [Meow]
我永远也离不开这里了 I'll never get out of here.
Deeb-a-deeb-a-deeb--大伙 节目结束! Deeb-a-deeb-a-deeb-- That's all, folks.
我的手臂已经失去知觉了 I've lost the feeling in my arm.
一切都太突然了 我什么都看不到了 All of a sudden, I can't see anything.
- 唔! - 喔! - Uhh! - Oh!
每周日8点... Sundays at 8.:00...
是... it's...
他到那儿去了? Where did he go?
欢迎收看杜恩的地下世界 Duane's Underworld.
杜恩的地下世界 Duane's Underworld.
派对时间到了! 太棒了! It's partytime! Excellent!
吉他拨弹声 [Guitar Riff]
欢迎来到杜恩的地下世界 喔 或是 谎话之父 Welcome to Duane's Underworld, O Father of Lies.
我连你的大便都管 就是我Duane... I'm your excrement host, Duane...
一如以往 和我一起主持的是我这位慢慢腐烂的同事 Garf. and with me as always is my slightly decaying cohost Garf.
Wifto! Wifto! Wifto! Wifto!
派对永不结束 Garf. Party eternally, Garf.
派对永不结束, Duane. Party eternally, Duane.
好 今天节目现场有位特别来宾 All right. Today we have a special guest,
一个连水龙头都卖不出去的男人 a man who can't even sell plumbing supplies.
哇喔! 就好像没人会用厕所一样 Shhyeah! Like no one uses a toilet.
Roy Knable先生 Mr. Roy Knable.
举帽致意 喔 小失误 Salutations, O mighty failure.
Knable先生 在我们开始节目前 Mr. Knable, before we get started,
请告诉我你从卡上看到什么 tell me what you see on this card.
我... 崇 拜... 撒旦? I...war ship...satin?
臭得太好了. Excrement.
好, 我知道 Now, I understand
你正在找你的可爱娇妻 Helen... you're searching for your lovely wife Helen...
而我也真的相信你会找到 who I truly believe you will find,
因为善良永远战胜邪恶... because good always conquers over evil...
- 骗你的 才不会呢! - Not! - Not!
为了帮助你找到她 In order to assist you in your efforts,
我们已经找到你太太的照片 we have located a photograph of your wife
以便让我们观众都看到 to show our viewers.
你在那边找到这张照片 ? Where did that come from?
她真的是个悍妇, K先生 She's a vixen, Mr. K.
好个宝贝! 亮点 噱头! Beezle-babe! Tent pole!
Knable夫人, 我们向您致敬 Lady Knable, we salute you.
嘘! 嘘!(对女性的口哨声) - Schwing! - Schwing!
还有你女儿的胸部, And your daughter's pompoms,
它们也让人开心 朋友 they're delectable, too, man.
你们这些变态! You creeps!
唔-喔 给Knable先生一个大特写 Uh-oh. Extreme close-up on Mr. Knable.
- 喔! - 喔! - Oh! - Oh!
太棒了 Excellent.
再来一次! One more time!
喔, 我有点头昏了 Man, I'm getting dizzy.
我想吐 I could hurl.
不 朋友 吞下 No. Chew it back, man.
现在用摄影机 把烧红的烙铁 刺到他眼里 Now the red-hot-poker- in-the-eye cam.
骗人 Bogus.
我变成黑白了 I'm black and white.
喂 测试 测试 Hello. Testing, testing.
"Roy Knable, 私家侦...." ''Roy Knable, private dick. ''
嗯 好过当官方探员 Well, better than being a public dick.
好 我是在某部老片中 一定是在有线电视 O.K., I'm in some old movie. Must be on cable.
我一辈子都在看这些东西 I've been watching these things my whole life.
我应该知道要作什么 I should know what to do.
要像亨佛利鲍嘉(译注:Humphrey DeForest Bogart 1899-1957 Hollywod演员), 就像在马耳他之鹰一样 Be like Bogart, like in The Maltese Falcon.
我接了一个案子 我一定要找到海伦 I'm on a case. I got to find Helen.
一定要先找到线索 Got to find the clues.
一定要学会用这个东西 Got to find out how to use this thing.
通话器响 [Intercom Buzzes]
Knable先生 你一定又把枪掉在地上了 Mr. Knable, you've dropped your gun again.
我知道! I know!
敲门声 [Knock On Door]
Roy是你吗? Roy, is that you?
先生... 好消息 Sir...great news.
你新招募的- Your new class of recruits--
我们全都占有他们了 We've taken possession of all of them,
除了两个 先生 except two, sir.
哦! 我知道 你们这些自以为是的笨蛋! Oh! I know that, you postulating putz!
他们只是幸运而已 就这样 They've just been lucky, that's all.
是吗? Have they?
先生 你的工作负担 You know, the strain of your job
一定太大了 must be tremendous.
有没有想过要渡个假 Ever considered taking a vacation,
让其它人来卸下您的重担? letting someone else take the burden off your shoulders?
其它人? Someone else?
你吗? You?
我太荣幸了 您竟然会想到我 I'm flattered you'd even think
我不一定能接手您的工作 I could fill your shoes.
但我会试试看 先生 But I'm ready to try, sir.
播报员: 现在... 让我们跟驱魔师一起来塑身 [Announcer] And now...get in shape with The Exorcisist.
来 各位 让我们来塑身 Come on, people, let's get in shape.
来吧 燃烧吧 Come on. Make it burn.
感受那个燃烧 Feel it burn.
爆炸声 [Explosion]
好 Doreen. Good, Doreen.
好 各位 旋转你的头 O.K., everybody, head spins.
跟我一起做 With me.
预动 转 Ready, go.
很好 很棒 Very good. Very nice.
我喜欢 I like it.
好 做的好 O.K., that's good.
"冷"静下来 尽量摇 Cool down. Shake it out.
好 现在吐... O.K., now vomit.
播报员: 孩子 现在我们推出专为你们饮用的啤酒 [Announcer] Kids, now there's a new beerjust for you.
无酒精 It's got no alcohol,
但让你像你爸爸一样坏脾气 but it'll make you act just like Dad.
打呜声 再给我一罐 宝贝 [Burp] Give me another one, babe.
这才是我的孩子 That's my boy.
Yogi 啤酒 你会完全像你爸一样 Yogi Beer. You'll be just like your dad.
换频道的哔声 [Channel Changer Beeps]
爸? Dad?
女孩玩闹声 [Voices]
不要靠近碟型天线 Get away from the dish.
Darryl 关你什么事? Darryl, what is with you?
走啦 Get lost.
哔哔声 [Beep]
[ Beep ] [Beep]
5, 6, 7, 8. 5, 6, 7, 8.
- 啊! - 啊! - 啊! - 啊! - Aah! - Aah! - Aah! - Aah!
Darryl, 你在干嘛? Darryl, what are you doing?
Darryl! 喔, 我的天呀! Darryl! Oh, my God!
各位, 等一下! 不是我的错 我弟弟是个疯子! Guys, wait! It's not my fault my brother's a creep!
甩门声 [Door Slams]
Darryl! Darryl!
你欠打吗! You're pizza topping!
等等 爸妈在这里 Wait. Mom and Dad are here.
他们在家? They're home?
嗯 不完全是 Well, not exactly.
看 Look.
看到没? 那是爸 See? That's Dad.
那不是爸 That is not dad.
妈? Mom?
那看起来像是妈 That looks like Mom.
就是妈 我是一直想要告诉你的事 It is mom. That's what I've been trying to tell you.
爸妈被困在电视里 Our parents are trapped in television.
喔 哇 Oh, wow.
"Classy dame 不见了 ''Classy dame vanishes.
最后一次被人看到是在Seidenbaum俱乐部 Last seen at Club Seidenbaum. ''
Helen. Helen.
Seidenbaum. Seidenbaum.
那是那家的名字-- That name is famil--
喔 天呀 Murray Seidenbaum. Oh, my God. Murray Seidenbaum.
他就住在我附近 He lives right near me.
他向我借了割草机 He borrowed my lawn mower.
哔哔 哔哔 哔哔 [Beep Beep Beep]
显然 我们正遇到某些 Obviously, we're dealing with something
超自然现象 Diane. of a supernatural nature here, Diane.
我是指 这些东西 并不是从电视台传送过来的 I mean, this thing, it did not come from Radio Shack.
好 你比较聪明 想个办法吧 Yeah, so you're the smart one. Think of something.
好 嗯... O.K., um...
什么东西被吸进去又出现在电视上? what goes in a dish and winds up on TV?
我的 脚踏车... My bike...
爸妈呢... our parents...
跟我来 Follow me.
嘿 不要动我的立体音响 Hey, not my stereo.
我需要零件 I need the parts.
下楼去 然后看着他们 Go downstairs and watch them.
要看紧 不要看丢了 Keep track of them.
呵 呵 干得好 孩子 Ho ho. Nice work, boys.
很高兴妳加入我 Knable太太 Glad you could join me, Mrs. Knable.
没什么选择 Didn't have much choice.
来点龙虾? Lobster?
饮料 Drink.
我丈夫在哪? Where's my husband?
为何要担心他? Why worry about him?
我在5个频道前丢下她 I ditched my wife five channels ago.
她刚好遇上50吨的蜥蝪 就去谈她们的生意了 She happened to meet the business end of a 50-ton reptile.
而且我告诉妳 And I can tell you,
我一点都不想她 I don't exactly miss dried meat loaf.
这边棒极了 太棒了 This is great here. Great.
我完全不想走 I don't ever want to get out.
在外面 我只是门房 Murray Outside, I was Murray the doormat.
这边... 我是Seidenbaum老板 In here... Boss Seidenbaum.
把我的摇控器拿给我 Brought my remote in with me.
如果变得太热 , 砰, 我就跑到另一个频道 Gets too hot--Bam, I'm on another channel.
等一下 等一下 Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
- 啊! - 啊! - Aah! - Aah!
- 喔! - 喔! - Oh! - Oh!
你不可以来这边! You're not coming in here!
唔! 唔! Euh! Euh!
-啊阿...! Ahhh!
好 看看谁来了 Well, look who showed up.
我的..... Where's my--
哈啰 Roy. Hello, Roy.
Helen 妳还好吗 Helen, you're all right.
妳 -- 妳太美了! You-- You look terrific!
喔, 真的吗? Oh, really?
嘿 Seidenbaum! 我来接管你的生意! Hey, Seidenbaum! I'm taking over your business!
- 啊! - 啊! - 啊! - 啊! - Aah! - Aah! - Aah! - Aah!
Seidenbaum. Seidenbaum.
Knables. Knables.
我想要的 只是当个一次大人物 All I wanted was to be the big shot for once.
拿我的摇控器 离开这里 Take my remote. Get out of here.
你俩还有机会一起走 You two still got a chance of making it together.
就这那边! There it is!
不 不 躲起来 No, no, stay down.
该让我去拿 This is my job.
很简单 Piece of cake.
好 准备? O.K., ready?
换台哔哔声 [Channel Changer Beeps]
马嘶叫声 [Neigh]
喔 我的天 我看丢了他们 Oh, my God. I lost them.
接下来我们为您准备的是... The next item we have for you on the...
爸 你跑到那儿去了? Dad, where are you?
接着全新的法国革命迷你剧..."砍下他的头" And now the all-new miniseries about the French Revolution... "OFF WITH HIS HEAD"
Knable侯爵的故事, the story of the Marquis de Knable,
一个人民公敌 an enemy of the people,
乔装打扮想要逃掉上断头台的命运 who wears a disguise to escape the guillotine.
这是一出爱情时代剧 充满危险 而且男女变装 It's an epic drama of love, danger, and cross-dressing.
Roy. Roy.
你有胸部 You have boobs.
喔 不是真的 Oh, they're not mine.
法语喊叫声 [Shouting In French]
呸! 嘿 Knables. Psst! Hey, Knables.
好伪装 Nice disguise.
Crowley? Crowley?
有趣的想法 胸部掉下来了 Interesting concept, diagonal boobs.
你可以帮忙乔一下吗? Could you fix that thing?
我以为狼吃了你 Thought the wolves got you.
告诉你一些狼的事... Tell you something about wolves--
凶狠 不用说 Vicious? Goes without saying.
但不那么聪明. But not that bright.
当那些笨兔子为我的义肢打架的时候 While those dumb bunnies were fighting over my appendages,
我设法逃走了 I managed to escape.
自由 人名 法国万岁! Liberte, citizen. Vive la France!
人民的权力! Power to the people!
哈! 哈! 哈! 哈! 来 Ha ha ha ha! Come on.
我个人的看法是他快输了 Personally, I think he's losing it.
再看下去有多可怜啊 What a pathetic thing to watch.
只剩2小时 然后你们的24小时就到了 Only 2 hours left, and your 24 hours are up.
现在你要做的就是 躲起来 All you got to do is lie low.
讲法语 [Speaking French]
警察 警察 Les cops. Les cops.
进去 进去 Inside. Inside.
我会找出来这边的排水管 I'll find a conduit out of here.
早安 行刑的好日字 是吧? Bonjour. Nice day for an execution, non?
"马赛曲"的演奏声 ] [The Marseillaise Plays]
不要转台 继续收看"砍下他的头"的大结局 Stay tuned for the final chapter of Off With His Head,
有关Knable侯爵的头终于被砍下来 when the Marquis de Knable finally loses his.
唔-喔. Uh-oh.
Darryl! Darryl!
我们一定要干扰它 We got to jam.
哔哔声 [Beep Beep]
谢谢 Merci.
好 我们一直都想到巴黎去 Well, we've always wanted to go to Paris.
20世纪的巴黎 好吗 In the 20th century.
既然我们就在这边 我们就尽可能好好享受吧 Since we're here, we might as well make the best of it.
好好享受? Make the best of it?
现在是法国大革命耶 This is the French Revolution.
所有人都想杀了你 People are trying to kill you.
如果这次我们逃得掉 一切都会不再一样 If we get out of this, things will be different.
我不会再只是看了 I won't just be a watcher.
我会变成我们初次见面时的我 I'll be the man I was when we first met.
你那时不是金头发 而且您化的妆比现在少得多 You weren't blond then, and you wore a lot less makeup.
DARRYL: 瞄准碟型天线的中心! [Darryl] Aim it at the center of the dish!
妳俩都被逮补了! You are both under arrest!
什么罪名? For what?
因为太漂亮了 For being too beautiful
而且没有适当受到保护 and without proper escort.
哈 哈 哈! Ha ha ha!
小二 再多来一些酒! Garcon, more wine!
哔哔 哔哔 [Beep Beep]
好, 电视跟碟型天线已联机了 O.K. TV's connected to the dish.
接下来就是跟他们连系上了 Now we go for contact.
可是没有界面 There's no interference.
讯号送不过去 Nothing's getting through.
我们需要更大的电力 We need more power.
我要去借一些电力 I'm going to cop some juice.
小心 Be careful.
这女人不是你认为的那个人 This woman is not who you think.
她被通缉了 She is wanted.
她当然有被通缉 你这个笨蛋! Of course she's wanted, you fool!
就是被我通缉! By me!
我的 cherie... My cherie...
妳让我欲火焚身 you inflame me.
我从不在第一次约会亲吻 I never kiss on the first date.
喔? Oh?
- 唔! - 顽皮男孩 - Ooh! - Naughty boy.
朋友 这一切很不错 但我们真的必须离开了 This has been a kick, fellas, but we've got to go.
不 不行 回来这边 甜心 No, no! Come back here, sweetheart!
把你的手从身上拿开! Keep your hands off her!
妳的头发这么美 我可以看一下吗? Your hair's so beautiful. May I have a look of it?
我-- I--
喔! - Oh! - Oh!
你何不全都留下来? Why don't you keep the whole thing?
我一直想告诉你! I tried to tell you!
他是Knable侯爵! It's the Marquis de Knable!
人民公敌! Enemy of the people!
我知道! I knew that!
Knable侯爵... Marquis de Knable...
断头台还在等你呢! the guillotine awaits!
我本来可能会给你巧克力的 I would have given you chocolates.
哔哔 哔哔 [Beep Beep]
杀了侯爵! 杀了侯爵! Kill the marquis! Kill the marquis!
我一直告诉你 我不是侯爵! I'm telling you, I'm not a marquis!
我是在西雅图卖水电工程用品的... I sell plumbing supplies in Seattle...
还有在华盛顿! Washington!
呜 [Grrr]
Roy! Roy!
Roy! Roy! Roy! Roy!
我爱你 I love you.
你们大家正在犯一个很大的错误 You guys are making a big mistake.
我根本不是你们国家的人! I'm not even a member of this country!
Darryl, 你最好加快动作! Darryl, you'd better hurry up!
呜 [Grrr]
杀了侯爵! Kill the marquis!
嗨, 朋友 我喜欢在星际大战里面的你 Hi, fellas, I loved you in Star Wars.
我们可以稍微谈一下吗? Can we just talk for a second?
喔, 我的天呀 天-- Oh, my God. Holy--
喔! 我们可以吗-- Oh! Could we--
呜 [Grrr]
呜 [Woof]
呜 [Grrr]
叫喊声 [Shouting]
有任何最后遗愿吗? Any last requests?
有 可以放加长版的 Stairway to Heaven? Yeah. How about the long version of Stairway to Heaven? (注:Stairway to Heaven 天堂之路 是著名乐团 Led Zepplin 齐柏林飞船的知名冠军畅销曲同名专辑中的主打歌)
我想那可能不是你要去的地方 I'm afraid that is not where you are going.
Darryl! Darryl!
呜 [Grrr]
[ Woof ] [Woof]
呜 [Grrr]
这边 接住! Here, catch!
等一下! 一个无辜人的血就要洒出来了! Wait! An innocent man's blood is being spilled!
对喔. Good point.
最好向后退 Better back away.
这一个 他可能会喷得像个油井 This one, he could be a gusher.
依法院命令... By order of the court...
看起来Spike's还是达到他的配额了 Looks like Spike's going to make his quota after all.
抱歉 Knable太太 Sorry Mrs. Knable
给他的合法拥有者! to its rightful owner!
到最后 他还是我的 Finally, he's mine.
他怎么穿得像个女人? How come he dresses like a woman?
我有时也那样 I do that sometimes.
杀了侯爵! Kill the marquis!
爸 你听得到吗? Dad, can you hear me?
Darryl? 天呀! Darryl? My God!
上帝? God?
是! Yes!
是... It's...
上帝! God!
对吧 上帝? Right, God?
命令那个异教徒释放他 Tell the infidels to release him.
什么是异教徒? What's an infidel?
我不知道 I don't know.
就命令他们放了他! Tell them to release him!
命令他们! Tell them!
唔.. 唔...释放侯爵! Um...um...release the marquis.
你听到他说的命令 放我出来 You heard him. Get me out of this.
发生什么事了? What's happening?
哔哔 哔哔 [Beep Beep]
谁想搞砸我的节目? Who's messing with my programming?
哔哔 哔哔 哔哔 [Beep Beep Beep]
你-- 穿黑衣的香肠-- You--the weenie in black--
你, 白痴-- You, dork--
在轮子边的-- at the wheel--
对 就是你! Yeah, you!
释放他! Release him!
我是-- I am the voice of--
- 喔... - 喔, Roy! - Ohhh... - Oh, Roy!
我们打败Spike了! 我们办到了! We beat Spike! We did it!
我愿献出一手一腿来看到这个发生! I would have given an arm and a leg to see this!
事实上 我早就献出去了! In fact, I already did!
- 哈哈哈! - 不, 这... - Ha ha ha! - No, it's...
不可能 not possible.
哔哔 哔哔 哔哔 [Beep Beep Beep]
警报大响 [Alarm Warbling]
先生, 谨代表全体员工... Sir. Speaking for the staff...
我们都会怀念您的话及令人鼓舞的领导 we'll all miss your kind words and inspiring leadership.
Ducker, 合约-- Ducker, contracts--
什么? What?
有人抗议 There was a protest
是针对Knable的案子 filed on the Knable case.
口头合约的规范仅限于个人实际表示同意的个人 A verbal contract binds only those parties personally making the agreement.
因此 合约效力只及于一人 Therefore, the contract can only be for one person.
但你带了两个人进来 You took two.
对喔 Yes.
对呀 Yes.
对! 对! 喔喔! Yes! Yes! Oh!
嗯!(亲吻声) Mmm!
喔 妳这个地狱中最丑的贱女人... Oh, you're the ugliest bitch in perdition,
但妳给了我一个最棒的灵感 but you gave me a beautiful idea.
释放Knable先生 Discharge Mr. Knable.
但 先生... But, sir...
合约效力仅及于他个人 The contract was for him only.
神来一击 先生 Masterful stroke, sir.
我不懂 I don't get it.
他们现在应该早就要把你们俩送回家了 They should've zapped you two home by now.
你听到我说的话了 You heard me...
放了Knable先生 discharge Mr. Knable.
Roy? Roy?
Roy! Roy!
- 喔! - 喔! - Oh! - Oh!
DARRYL: 爸! [Darryl] Dad!
DIANE: 爸! [Diane] Dad!
你妈在那里? Where's your mother?
我的义务仅限于跟我签约的人 My obligation is limited to those I have a contract with.
我已经依合约规定我的义务 放了Knable先生 I fulfilled my end by discharging Mr. Knable.
他的太太还-- His wife is still--
而擅自进入的人就只有靠他们自己了 Those who trespass into the system are on their own.
我们会想出解决这些人的办法 We'll sort out the bodies later
在我杀了他们俩人后 after I kill them both.
那我们又怎么确定他一定会回来呢? How can we be sure he'll come back?
因为他爱她 他没有胆不回来. Because he loves her. He's a puss.
喔 还有我会回来 Oh, and I'll be back,
以防有人太有野心 in case anyone's feeling ambitious.
好 是时候办事了 Well, time to rock 'n' roll.
- 喔! - 喔! - 喔! - Oh! - Oh! - Oh!
Crowley. Crowley.
你真的还受了不少啊 Quite a radical wight-loss plan you've been on.
是啊 哈 哈 哈 Yes. Ha ha ha.
哈 哈 哈 Ha ha ha.
但是 唔 感触良好 唔 最好 But, uh...feeling a lot, uh, better.
哈 哈 哈! Ha ha ha!
啊! Aah!
妳好 Knable太太 Hello, Mrs. Knable.
Spike先生为您服务 Mr. Spike, at your service.
我丈夫在哪里? Where's my husband?
我会带妳去见他 I'll take you to him.
啦啦..... Rahrr.
- 喔! - 喔! - 喔! - Oh! - Oh! - Oh!
Howdy, 夫人 Howdy, ma'am.
3点10分到Yuma的车随时会到 Reckon the 3:10 to Yuma will be along any minute.
真是有趣 虽然它并不是刚好要在这边停站 Funny thing, though... it don't exactly stop here.
你想用火车来撞我吗? You're going to hit me with a train?
我能说什么呢? 到最后我总是个欠揍的家伙 What can I say? I'm a sucker for a big ending.
你这个可悲的混蛋 You sadistic bastard.
家里就是干这行的 Runs in the family.
我父亲是石油的董事长 My father was an oil company president.
嗯... 一天愉快 Knable太太 Well...have a good day, Mrs. Knable.
哔哔 [Beep]
这个刚送进来... This just in...
Helen Knable被绑架 Helen Knable has been kidnapped
然后带到一号频道 让我们为您作现场实时报导 and taken to Channel 1. We take you there live.
Roy, 不管你在那里 快给我滚回来这边! Roy, wherever you are, get your butt back here!
真不幸 她有一个没胆的老公 Unfortunately, her gutless failure of a husband
连按根手指来救她都不敢 won't lift a finger to save her.
对吧, Roy? Right, Roy?
不 No.
炸药 他不但要用火车撞我还要用炸药把我炸上天? Dynamite. He's going to hit me with a train and blow me up?
Roy! Roy!
我要你们俩个呆在里面 I want you both to stay inside.
把甜甜圈准备好等我 Make sure those doughnuts are ready.
我回来的时后一定会很饿 I'll be very hungry when I get back.
好吗? O.K.?
要小心 爸 [Darryl] Careful, Dad.
[黄昏三镖客(The Good, the Bad and the Ugly)]主题曲的演奏声 [Theme From The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly Plays]
[咳嗽声] [Cough]
[咳嗽声] [Cough Cough]
[咳嗽声] [Cough]
救命! Help!
Helen? Helen?
Roy! Roy!
回来这边扮英雄吗, 吭? Back to play the hero, huh?
哈 哈 哈 哈 哈! Ha ha ha ha ha!
不完全是老套的角色 Not exactly typecasting.
大概 6尺 6尺1 Be about 6...6'1 ''.
对 Yeah.
动手吧 惺惺作态的假货 Make your move, tinhorn.
今天 Roy! Today, Roy!
不! No!
- 爸! - 爸! - Dad! - Dad!
[哔哔 哔哔] [Beep Beep]
你没射到 伙伴 You missed me, partner.
舰长 船己进入到 Captain, the ship has found itself
围绕地监狱的轨道 in an orbit around hell.
地下世界在呼叫我们 The underworld is hailing us.
我认得你 I know you.
您好 Roy舰长 Greetings, Captain Roy.
我们的遥控器已经同步了 Our remotes are synchronized,
因此 不论你转道那里 我就会在那边 so wherever you go, I go.
好好享受接下来的攻击吧 Enjoy the attack.
警铃鸣叫 [Alarm Warbling]
中尉? Lieutenant?
舰长? Captain?
带我们远离这边! G-G...Get us out of here!
不! No!
雷射预备 唔... Phasers on, uh...
折磨他 torture.
天啊 Shatner! Holy Shatner!
就让我们向您们展示我们的 And just to show you how effective
旅客限制系统的实际效能 our passenger restraint system really is,
注意观察在时速110公里的示范中 watch this demonstration at 110 miles an hour,
我们的假人司机会受惠于 where our driver dummy has the benefit
安全带与防撞气曩 of seat belt and air bag,
至于其它的假人则一个都没有 the other dummy having neither one.
一个都没有? Neither one?
我看不下去 转到妈那边 I can't watch. Switch to Mom.
转到妈那边! Switch to Mom!
[火车汽笛鸣叫声] [Train Whistle Blows]
爸会救她的 Dad'll save her.
[哔哔 哔哔] [Beep Beep]
啊! Aah!
唔 啦! Ooh. Rrr!
不! 不, 等等! No! No, wait!
啊啊啊啊啊啊! Aaaaaahhhhh!
嘿, 女士 小心! Hey, lady, watch out!
唔. Ooh.
呜呼 Whoop.
啊! Aah!
呀啊! Yaaahhhh!
哇喔! Whoa!
唔! 啊! Unh! Ahh!
你到那里去了? Where have you been?
啊啊啊啊啊! Aaaaaahhhh!
[咳嗽声] [Cough Cough]
我的, 我的 My, my.
现在 你再也回不了堪萨斯了 Now you'll never get back to Kansas.
小心你自己 En garde. (译注:法语 警告 小心你自己的意思)
喔 没有剑了 Oh, no sword.
我该跟保安人员谈谈 Have to talk to that prop man.
就现在 你妻子可能已.... Right about now, your wife is probably
撞了车了... 就在我们眼下 catching that train... right between the eyes.
那你就眼睁睁看它发生 And you let it happen.
接着 爸! Here it comes, Dad!
我掌管过无数的灵魂... I've taken loads of souls...
但没有一个人状况 and none more pathetic
比你可悲, Roy. than yours, Roy.
说晚安吧 Gracie. Say good night, Gracie.
还没呢 Not yet.
你要知道 我曾是大专剑击队队长 You see, I was captain of my junior college fencing team.
好啊 第一副队长 All right. Co-captain.
我给了你机会逃离你那可悲人生的出口 I gave you escape from your pitiful life.
我要拿回它 I want it back.
所有交易都已结案 All sales are final.
这个没有 Not this one.
等等 Wait.
好 你拿到了摇控器 你赢了 O.K. You got the remote. You win.
但我们何不-- 作个协议... But how about-- Just pitching here--
你跟我一起工作? you and me working together?
我们能想出炸药项目 We could come up with dynamite programming.
总裁会爱死它的 Chairman'd love it.
他会站都站不起来 Knock him off his hooves.
我们会是最棒的 We'd be number one.
当然 我们是唯一的 但-- Of course, we are the only one, but--
你没搞懂是吧? You don't get it, do you?
没有我 你们俩就离不开这边了 Without me, you don't get out of here.
抱歉Spike 你被取消了 Sorry, Spike. You're cancelled.
Roy! Roy!
把逃离频率取消掉 Deactivate escape frequencies.
你在干嘛? What are you doing?
我已经把他们困住了 I've trapped them.
没有作用! It's not working!
把它关掉 把它关掉 Turn it off. Turn it off.
当你不要看电视的时候 你会作什么? What do you do when you want the TV to go away?
你把它 You turn it
关掉! off!
他们跑掉了. We've lost them.
Helen... Helen...
我们回到家了! we're home!
孩子们! Kids!
- 喔! - 爸! - Oh! - Dad!
喔! 喔! Oh! Oh!
[狗低鸣] [Dog Growls]
不论是谁忘了锁门禁足一周 Whoever left the gate open is grounded for a week.
[呜呼] [Woof]
更正 Check that.
不论是谁忘了锁门零用钱加倍 Whoever left the gate open gets double their allowance.
看那边 Look at that.
Wetzel! Wetzel!
不要惹我生气, 你们这些寄生虫! Don't get me angry, you worm!
快把我从这边弄走! Get me out of here!
关掉它 Fido. Put a lid on it, Fido.
好 Pierce 你要什么? O.K., Pierce, what do you want?
角落的办公室? 门上挂名牌? Corner office? Name on the door?
哈啰 Spike 嘿嘿 Hello, Spike. Heh heh.
Crowley. Crowley.
你知道 你既是位绅士 也是位学者... You know, you're a gentleman and a scholar...
一个好的公司资产... a fine corporate asset...
一位 我个人非常喜欢的人 a man who I, personally, like very much.
喔 真意外 Spike 很高兴你也下来了 Oh, incidentally, Spike, nice of you to drop in.
哈 哈 哈 哈... Ha ha ha ha...
啊...真有趣吭. Ah...that's funny.
啊! Ah!
啊! Aah!
[呜呼 呜呼] [Woof Woof]
我接收了他的停车位 I get his parking space.
所以我还能告诉您什么呢? So what can I tell you?
我父母又和好在一起了 My parents got back together.
而我爸现在只看60分钟这个节目了 The only TV my dad watches is 60 Minutes,
而他也换了新工作 and he started a new job.
我想你可以把我们当做是一个相当正常的家庭 I guess you could call us a pretty normal family
若任何事曾经正常过的话 That's if anything is ever normal.
是谁教你这招? Who on Earth taught you that?
唔 我在电视上的某个节目看到的 Uh, I saw it on TV somewhere.
某部老电影 Some old movie.
孩子 听我的忠告 不要看太多电视 Take my advice, kiddo. Don't watch too much TV.
要不然妳会碰到麻烦 It can get you into trouble.
好 剑友们 下课 O.K., fencers. Class dismissed.
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