-=THE LAST FANTASY=-
MORE LAME SEVENTH GRADERS - Seventh-Graders.
Sounds a lot better than sixth graders.
This is a Greg thing, I don't see why I had to come?
Because, Rodrick, this is a family event and like or not,you are a part of Heffley family.
Yes, and that we already paid your ticket
I'd like to give you a warm welcome to Westmore, seventh graders
New year school starting
-Hi, Rowley. - Greg.
Oh, look at thy Alacazam, Alaca ... Zoo Wee Mama.
- What are you doing? - It's a magic wand.
- you want to see a trick? - Only if the trick is to make the thing disappear.
Put it in your pocket. You don't want to give away your best tricks in public.
So,how was your summer?
That sounds pretty rough.
The only good thing hapened was that I finally got the cold past.
- Who did you give it to? - the new kid: Germin Pindel.
Kaastic!
Hey, guys. anyone for pizza?
Thanks, Fregley.
You know, i can't believe people. They just get good food lying around.
I will save that...
for later.
Let's skate
Oh,dork alert
Rowley,don't just pulling me down.
Who is that?
Her name is Holly Hills. She just moved here.
What grade she is? - seven.
She is an All-star soccer player, has done professional modelling and was a sixth grade class president.
She moved here from Oregon because her father got a big promotion.
They drive a hybrid SUV, live on the north side of the town...
in a cul-de-sac near a park.
What? I googled her. She is a picture of loveliness,isn't she?
- She is almost as pretty as my mum. - She is going to be very popular.
please, everyone, sit down. We have our seats.
Excuse me.
- What? - I said: Excuse me.
You are blocking the exit.
- Sorry. - That's okay.
I am Chirag Gupta and I'm single.
- My name is ... - We know exactly who you are.
- Holly Hills of 432 Embury Lane - No, we do not know you.
we've no idea who you are.
ok,well,I think I'm gonna go skating now.
please congratulate your father on his promotion for me…
"We know exactly who you are?"
- you trying to scare her? - doesn't really matter. a girl like that is out of your league anyway,Greg.
She's new.She is not anyone's league yet.
She does not know the social packing were.
If there is ever a time for me to make a move, it's now.
Hey, Greg, you break a leg or something, so we can leave.
That will never happen. Not a chance. There is no way that girl will ever talk to you.
oh, yeah,well,I just talked to her and we problely staking later.
Really?OK.
See that clock? They play slow song at the top of every hour for couple skate.
If you are so confident ...
ask her to skate.
- Maybe I will. - What're you waiting for, fool wimp?
You the man.
Look, we can get out to Holly,and be standing right next to her when the clock changes.
Then I can ask her to skate and she will have to say yes.
I don't know about that.
Oh,Honey, hi.
Remember when we were young like this, when we used to dance,go to parties, things like this?
I’m going in. Cover me.
All rockers and hardcore skaters off the rink.
Unless you're looking for love. It's time for couple skate.
I'm making my move.
Stop.Enough of that, totally. Who is ready to rock?
Come on.Let's get out of here.
- What can we do? - Stay calm.
All we can do is just staying here.
Rowley,hang on.
Greg Heffley,this is your mother. Everything is going to be OK.
Stay where you are and your father is going to come rescue you.
I repeat.Everything is going to be Ok. OK, here he comes. Here he comes.
- He is on his way. - Dad.
I know,I know.
- Ok.Everyone, go back to skate. - You are all right?
Hey Romeo, how did you go with the new girl?
You ruined my birthday.
You jerk.
Owe!That hurts.
Here.Catch.
Let me start by saying that having a brother is really overrated.
Rowley always says he wishes he had a brother.
What do I wish i could get him one of mine.
I 've looked into it, and Unfortunately it is not legal.
I mean Manny has been telling on me ever since he was able to speak.
Buddy did it.
- Greg!
And Rodrick is the king of laziness.
Except when he comes to torturing me.
My mum has started running an advice column for the local paper.
She wrote an article last week about how your brothers will always be there for you.
Well,That's exactly what I'm afraid of.
Hey,buddy
- Gotta go, Mom. - Later, Mom.
- See you, honey. - Wait.wait. Hold on a second.
I need a moment for a family meeting.
Now your father and I have been talking.
Things between two of you had really got out of hand
- Can I just say ... - You may not realize it now ...
but having a brother is one of the most important relationships of your life.
I mean one day you can be Uncle Greg and Uncle Rodrick to each other's kids.
That is important.So you need to get to konw each other.
- What? - You need to spend more time together.
- What? - That's why I come up with a new program ...
That's going to reward you for spending time together.
I'm calling it: Mum Bucks
- You paying us with fake money? - Yes.For every hour you spend together ...
without fighting, for example,let's say...
You give Greg a drum lesson You each earn a mum buck
You can then trade it for a one real dollar.
So to start you off, I'm giving you each five Mum boxes.
- Now if you're smart, you will save up your Mum Box. - Can I cash out now?
- Well, Rodrick,If you say ... - But can I cash out?
- Yes, but ... - I want to cash out.
-Frank -I know.
Ok.Yes, you can.
We should get going, because you don't want to be late for school,right?
Let's go.Ok. All right.
This Mum Box thing is a goldmine. Better not ruin it for me.
Most kids hate it when summer ends but I have to say...
Right now school starting is pretty good.
Welcome back.
Welcome …
- Welcome back. - It's nice not to be the new kids this year.
I know, Look at the tiny sixth-graders.
I'm so glad that's not me this year.
Just little higher.
Oh,Greg,look who's in our class.
This was my chance. If I can sit next to Holly ...
I'd have the whole year to show her how great I am.
- No way, Greg Heffley.This is my seat. - No,it's not. I was here first.
- It's mine. - Let go.
You know I'm stronger than you.Greg Heffley.
- Don't let me beat you up again. - Let's get it straight. I was sick and there was something in my eye.
I never had students so eager to start the school year.
- What's going on? - This is my seat.
Ok, let's start again. What are your names?
Patty Farrell Two Rs,two Ls.
Greg Heffley.
Greg Heffley.Would you be related to Rodrick Heffley?
I've got my eye on you, Heffley.
There is no way to escape.
It's unbelievable.
Even at school, Rodrick can ruin my life.
Xu,he might hear you.
No, watch.
Holy cow?
- He once slept through an entire day. - Do you have an amazing talent that you'd like to share?
Today Plainview city councillors announced a brand-new local contest: Plainview's Most Talented.
- Hey, Greg, maybe we can ... - can't you shout, Head Cheese.
Westmore is absolutely pack to the roof.
The top prize is $ 1000 and of course the admiration of your friends and neighbours.
This is huge. I have to call the band.
We gona to practice. This is going to be a big break.
Wait a second. Aren't you forgetting something?
What? I showered yesterday. Smell.
Ok,ok,ok.We agreed that you give a drum lesson to Greg.
- You were serious? - Who knows?
If you guys really like it and maybe we can form a family band.
Rodrick says he's a professional musician, but ...
as far as I know, the only money he made was when dad digged five boki to stop him playing.
When can we play the real drums?
Like I'd ever let you touch them. Watch and learn.
Hey, I was thinking we should enter the talent show.
I can do my magic act and you could be my assistant.
Assistant? No way.
Doing magic tricks is bad enough. Assisting the guy doing the tricks...
I never make it the eight grade.
- What? - Hey,a cookie.
- Manny, what have you done? -I'm only three.
What's going on? What did you do to him?
Nothing, he ruined my video game.
- He doesn't do nothing on purpose. did you, honey? - No.I didn't.
- No, he didn't.He is only three. -Im only three.
- Ok,let's go,sweetie. Want aother cookie? -It's so unfair.
I have Rodrick making my life miserable on one side...
Manny attacking me from the other. And I am the only one who seemed to be blamed by anything.
Wondering how would it be to have a family that really loves me?
Little boy ...
We are a very rich couple with no children with so much love to share.
Don't you want to be a part of our family?
Finally! Someone I can leave my billions to.
India? Why would you go there?
India is fascinating. It is the jewel of Southeast Asia.
My father has business to take care of, So he is takeing the whole family.
Can you bring back a cobra, I will take it to dance?
Wake up.What are you guys doing over there?
Get the ball! Get the ball!Oh,kick it.
Kick it!
Patty Farrell.You are the man!
Nice run, Heffley, You just have to work on the direction.
Wow,Holly Hills is better than Price and he is an All-Star.
well, I'm sure your soccer skills will leave a great impression on her.
- Go straight for it. - Ill see.
When you come back from India, she will be hanging out with me.
I would love it to be true,Greg. It will provide hope for us smaller boys everywhere.
But girls like that don't hang out with guys like us.
So listen,you are not going to be worried about be in my magical show any more.
I got Scottie from my karate class to be my assistant.
- Scottie,isn't he like eight? - He will be eight.
- Get in. - Why? What are you doing here?
Mum said she would pay me money if I would drive you home from school.
- We'd rather walk. - Get in! Now!
- Where are the seats? - I need the room for my new equipment.
- How did you achieve the money for that? - You know ...
Mum bucks
There is no way.He only earn, like five...
We need to figure out a song to play for the talent contest.
- Easy, there was Diper. -A ballad? Really do? We get a list of men on the seats.
- I got it: - Exploding Diper!
Slow down.
This Mum Bucks thing isn't working out.Now Rodrick can get paid for beating me up.
- Mom,Why are you writing about me again?It's embarrassing - TEACHING YOUR CHILD THE IMPORTANCE OF HONESTY
- It's embarrassing. - What?You know how important honesty is to me.
And Rowley, good news.
I called your Mom. And she gives her permission for you to come to Rock Rapids next weekend.
Two days on the biggest water slides in the world.
It's gonna be great.
Thank you, Mrs. Heffley, but I think I like to stay home and practice my magic act.
I just want perfect my art.
Come on.Let's go upstairs.
Mom, can I use your computer for homework?
- For homework, right? - Yeah, definitely.Homework only.
I'm sorry,buddy.
What is this?
It's a gift from Manny.He made it for you because he wants to say he was sorry for breaking your viedo game.
Is not that cute?
It looks dangerous. What if I sat on that?
Greg, what are you doing?
Tell Manny you love this gift.
You're so lucky,don't have any brothers.
You're kind like my brother. And shouldn't we be looking up things for your 100 years ago assignment?
She looks like she was 100 years old.
I hope she is OK. She sounds pretty hurt.
Are you kidding me? She is famous and I heard she's a millionaire.
FALLING LADY
I would love to be her. You do know she was faking it?
- Really? - Of course.
Anyone can be an Internet sensation. We could.
- I'm listening. - You just have to work with what you have got.
Ok. Three, two, one. Fall.
It looks fake. It has to look real.
But how do I fake it if I'm actually falling back?
Maybe you need a costume so people notice you.
Oh, wear this on your head.
- Now do it again. - Why can't you be the one who falls backwards on chair?
Because Im not the one wearing the underwear on my head.
When I broke my arm, that didn't fell good actually ...
I can't believe that you sat on the tinfoil ball
We gona be rich.
Ok, Rowley,hold still.wait.
My computer was supposed to be for homework only.
You lied to me and you know how I feel about that.
Mom, from now on,I will be 100 percent honest.
Well,that lasted about a week.
Mom didn't appreciate the complete honest version of me.
Happy birthday, Grandpa.
- Next year I want a chocolate cake. -That is if you are alive next year.
Greg.
Honest,Mom. Mom, that is Mrs. Gillman from the PGA.
- Tell her I'm not here. - That would be lying, and ...
I don't do that anymore.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Gilman but my mom isn't in the house right now.
On weekends I try to stay as far away from my brothers as possible.
But on Sunday morning, I have no choice.
Poop.
- Greg, that looks like a candy bar - Manny.
- Frank, you gona to do something. - Yes.
- Dad, stop it. - Almost done.
Let me see.
You are fine. Can't even tell.
I'm not going in with the poop smear on my pants.
You can't skip church.
No,I'm going in like this.
Fine.
What are you doing? Go.
Please be seated.
Let me say just how gratifying to see so many smiling faces here today.
Others ...
Ok, Come on, Greg.
- Everyone will see the sweater. - People are looking.
OK.So, come on.Let's go.
Poop! He has pooped his pants!
No, it's not what it looks like.
It isn't. It's chocolate.
Chocolate. See?
What did I said about being civil to one another?
That's all I asked of you. You have ruined a big time.
Never been more embarrassed. Everyone we know was there.
I have no idea how can I write my column this week. I feel like complete blocked.
These have brought it on yourselves. You can Kiss Rockin' Rapids goodbye.
You two will stay here all weekend and work out your differences.
And if you don't, I will. And trust me, you do not want any part of that.
Do you understand?
Yes.Yes.Yes.
Let's go.
And don't have anybody come over this weekend.
- Got it? -Party at my place.Rodrick.
Snacks in the bowls ice in the freezer
cups on the table. Your Party better be good.
Our party, little bro.
Wait.
We need chairs from the basement.
- For what? - In case we want to play musical chairs.
I have not play musical chairs since the second grade.
Well.It comes back when you hit high school.
- Wait, you get the chairs. I don't want anyone to be disappointed, right? - OK.
- Rodrick.Help, the door is closed. - Yes, and it's staying closed.I don't want middle schooller ruin my party.
- What? I thought it was our party? - It's my party. Now keep quiet,or I will turn on the dryer.
And that's magic.
Jefferson residence. Rowley speaking.
Rowley,I need your help. Now.
Holy Pepperoni
Get inside,open the door, let me out.
Yes,You did it.
It's really nice try,buddy. But what ever you thought...
I already thinked it.
When our band is huge, We will have parties every night.
- But the we backstage parties. -So we will get to go the backstage.
INCOMING CALL
You! Don't touch that phone. Music stop.Everyone freeze.
Freeze.
Anyone makes a sound, the party is over.
And I'm a dead man.So,xu.
Damn! Quiet.Man.
Back.
- Hello. - Rodrick, It's Mum.
Is everything okay? It took a long for you to answer.
Yes, everything is fine. I was just washing dishes.
Ok, honey, I just wanted to check and to say I love you ...
- and I'm sorry I was so hash early. - No problem. Bye.
Now let me say goodnight to Greg.
Greg. Oh, Oh.He can't.He is asleep. I don't want to wake him.
No, not really, I'm right here. Hi, Mom.
Hi, Rodrick. - Hi, sweetie, is everything okay?
- Why were you sleeping so early? - Well, actually I wasn't sleeping.
- I'm down in the basement. - The basement.What the heck are you doing down there?Would not you rather be here with me?
Yes, I would, Rodrick. Why don't you come down and get me?
- Now! - I think they are trying to get along.
That's good.
Yeah, Mum,and I have your number if I need you.
Ok, sweetie, see you tomorrow. Good night.
Listen up...
if you do anything that embarrasses me ...
- Anything!At all,I will ... - You will what?
Just stay out of my way.
Nerds.
- I think we should go upstairs. - Are you kidding me?
We might not go to another high school party for another five years.
We even have an opportunity here to see things that no other kid in our grade has ever seen before.
- like what? - Teenage things.
Just follow my lead and we'll be fine.
That was a closed one.
I didn't know you could get up there?
You should hear my band. We play so loud that actually make people's ears bleed.
I mean: Not really.
I think your brother likes her.
I have to go, find my friend.
Yeah,yeah,I know,
Reminder!You can't call if you're dead.
This party is high. Look,the girls are into it.they wanna dance.
If you do not ask them to dance, they can leave and you just be the guy held a party without girls.
Go ask the girls to dance.
You ask them.
- No, man,you go, ask the girls to dance. - You almost did it.I've seen you dance.
Did anybody say dance?
- Break and dance! - Rowley, no. Don't.
- He is dead. - No, man.You can't.That will make the girls freak out.
- I won't call Mom if you kill me... - Conga!
- What is he doing? - Who cares?
I'm going to dance next to Rachel.
- This is great. - I know.
I wish my Mum was here. Your parents are so cool this party is here.
Yes, really cool.
They can never know.
WENT HOME - Rowley
Hi, you reach the Heffley residence. please leave a message.
Hey, guys. Manny is sick, so we're on our way home.
See you in an hour.
You are in so much trouble.
- REST IN PEACE, Rodrick - Me?
You lied as much as I did to Mum.And you know how she feels about lying.
- She can kill both of us. - REST IN PEACE, GREG
You do the living room, I will start the kitchen. Go!
TRUSTING PARENTS, RESPONSIBLE CHILDREN
Go.
The front yard.
- Looks good. - Too good.
Now the kitchen.
Rodrick Rules
- Maybe we can paint over it? - I do not know how to make paint.
I got it.
See,it's a good thing I locked you down. Let's go.
- We can't make it. - We can make it.
See,told you,Greg.
Rodrick.The bathroom door,the door has a lock on it.The old one has a lock on it.
That's doesn't. We are dead when they find out...
- Greg. - Hi, guys.
Hey, Mom.Dad.
How's Manny? He is feeling better?Poor little guy.
- Yeah, he is doing OK. - Wow,the house looks pretty good.
I was expecting a real mess.
Who let a cookie on the carpet?
So who came over this weekend?
What? Nobody. You said nobody.Dad. No, means no,right?
Good boy.
So you guys just hanged out, had a good time together?
Yeah. Actually.You know,I never thought to admit this,but we had a pretty great time together.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Surprised me, too. - So you just worked it out by yourselves?
Yeah,I guess. I don't know,Mum. Do make big deal about it. please.
But nothing, nothing makes me happier than to see you two being friends, right Frank?
Yeah.
OK,Let's go upstairs.
Time for a nap.
You guys got some you wanna tell me?
No.
What was General Grant doing on the thermostat?
- I have no idea. - No idea?
No idea, huh?
These,these off limit.No touch.
We get to keep them away from the bathroom.
- For the next ten years? - Listen to me.
No matter what they ask you and no matter how hard they push ...
deny, deny,deny,even if they figure it out.
Never,Ever, admit anything. Deny, deny,deny.Got it?
Got it. Deny,deny,deny.
Sounds to me,like Lie,lie,lie.
I wish you haven't told me
Don't you understand? Rodrick isn't beating me up anymore.
How could they not notice that the lock is gone?
Please,they are like forty. They can barely remember our names.
Hi,Greg, I've returned from halfway around the world.
And I can see that you even didn't get closer to Holly Hills.
I think your elder brother was right about you.You have no game.
You know what,I'd like Chirag a lot better when he was in India.
Man,I shall miss Chirag. When would he come back?
- It's almost I can feel his presence. - What are you talking about?
Here I am.
Did you just hear something?
No, nothing. Wll,better go to class.
Chirag would've wanted that way.
You may be able to dominateme physically, Greg Heffley,but mentally I am the more muscular.
It is official on.
- Hi, Rowley. - Hey.
Does he know about the D-O-R-E?
The door.
Yes, don't worry. I already told him, deny,deny,deny.
Hi,Rowley, what you do?
- Was there a lock on this door?
I must lose my marbles.
I can't take this pressure.I'm leaving.
Ok,everyone.Dinner time.
Actually,Mom, I have to skip dinner.
- Why? - I have got the most important meeting in my life tonight.
Did you say you have a meeting? Like, for like a job?
Kind of. I'm meeting with the best guitar player of Plainview.And he is in between bands.
And if I get him in Lödid Diper, then winning the talent show is a lock.
I mean, you will like him, Dad. He is a real professional like you.
Be supportive.
That's him. I'll get that.
Oh,man.I barely made it here. Your address has so many numbers.
Ok, Bill, I think we should..
Well.Do I smell pork roast?
Bill Walter is most likely to be a rock star when he was in high school.
You suck.
But that hasn't really work out.
- We really should go. - Sit.
So, Bill,Rodrick tells me that you are a professional musician, so that means you earn enough to make a living?
Oh,Yeah.
Well enough if you live in your parents' basement.
My parents are really supportive.
- Respect your parents, boys. - Hey, that's what Joshie says.
- Doesn't sound like a cakewalk - No.
Don't you tell Rodrick,give him a picture of how challenging it can really be.
No, it's really hard. First of all, there is no home cooked meals like this.
What? Really?
Yeah.No, on the road,it's all burgers, fries and pizzas.
And then you gona deal with the fans. Especially the girls.
No, it's, it's definitely not for everyone.
But if you like rocking deep into the night and party in the heart all day...
- then that might be the life for you. - It's definitely for me.
It does sound fun. But what if you don't play musical instrument?
- Löded Diper always need lodeds. - So, you joining the band?
Yeah, brother.I'm in. Let's rock
I think I might brought too much stuffs.
Let's just see how many views our video has got. Must gonna be thousands.
Maybe millions.
Four? We only got four browsers?
Greg, I can't lie to your parents about the party.
I never lie. Joshie says lie hurts everyone.
- Guess who wants to join the big boys sleepover? - Manny.Manny.
- Mom, no, he will ruin it. - He just wanted to come and say hello to Rowley.
And Rowley's mother brought over some healthy snacks and a DVD that she thought was appropriate.
Enjoy your candy bars. Boys.
Andy's Magic Cushion. Let's start with that.
Or should we watch The Foot?
What if she comes back in and asks about the party?
You needs relax.
How about some healthy snacks?
We shouldn't be here, just can't let ourselves into stranger's home.
The place is empty. Nobody's gonna mind
Hooh.
Look at his face.
What happened to his foot?
It sounded like someone was hoping.
I'm telling you it's nothing. It's just your imagination.
Did you just kick me?
You know, you really need to cut your toenails.
What did you say?
Turn it off.Turn it off.
OK, because you're scared.
Just go to sleep.
I wish we watched Andy's Magic Cushion.
I love this movie, Frank. Don't you just love this movie?
He picks the housekeeper over the supermodel?
I know.
Ah!It is coming! The foot is coming!Ah!
Greg, is there something you want to say to Rowley and his father?
I'm sorry for choosing an inappropriate movie for the sleepover.
At least nobody got hurt this time.
I am a little bird.I'm a little bird.
My knee broke.
What?
SUITABLE VIEWING FOR KIDS? BIG MOTHER IS WATCHING.
Mommy.Look.
Mommy is looking. Mommy is looking a thousand times.
Mommy just needs to go to the potty for one minute.
Oh. No.No.No.
What the heck?
Where is the lock?
Weird.
Rodrick, could you come here,please?
What happened to the lock?
- I don't know what you are talking about? - There was a lock on this door.
I don't think so.
Rodrick,I have lived in this house for ten years and I've locked that door ten thousands times,
because sometimes it's my only moment for privacy of the day.
- And there was a lock on the door. - There wasn't. Trust me. Greg has walked in on me like a million times...
and if there was a lock, I would use it.
In fact, maybe you should put one on.
SO that's your story? There was never a lock and you have no idea what I'm talking about?
Yes.
Fine.I will just go to your brother and ask the same thing.
Greg,two words: Bathroom! Door!
It was Rodrick. He held a party.Someone ruined the door, so we had to change it.
- I knew it.I knew it. - No, Mom,I was exaggerating a little bit.
It wasn't a party.It was only a band rehearsal for the talent show.That all it was.
We said no one could come over. He knew the rules.
But Mom,if you punish him, Rodrick can know I told on him.
We really had a good time this weekend but if you do this ...
Rodrick and I will never, ever be friends again.
The idea that one day my kids won't get to know Uncle Rodrick?
Or any family holidays.
You two really having get bettter along this weekend, haven't you?
Yeah,we really have.
Ok,if,if I let this slide
and be our little secret.
for the sake of family and for your relationship with your brother. Do you swear...
to be on your best behavior and to get better along?
- I swear. I swear. - OK.OK.
- You didn't banco? - Deny.Deny.Deny. Right?
You know...
you may not be half dumb as I thought you were.
I couldn't believe it. Rodrick was actually trying to be nice to me.
You're a Mum Box millionaire. Where did you get this?
Thrift Shops. There is enough in here to last me until I'm 30
It is time, little bro, that you understand the secrets to musing life.
Rule No. One: Don't be good at something you don't want to do.
Guys, use clean rags, not ...
Give me that, I'll do that myself.
Rule No. Two: Always Lower Mom and Dad's expectation.
- I took a math test today, you know, pretty sure, I've flunked it. - Oh,Greg!
But I got it back.And look, I got a C-.
Well,at least you didn't fail.
Rule No. Three: Never do something when sombody else can do before you.
- ONE HUNDRED YEARS AGO - I remember that assignment.
Why write a new one when there is a perfect paper alreay written by your brother?
Isn't that cheating?
Isn't Mr. Draybrick cheating by hanging up the same assignment every year?
New binder. Teachers dig binders
The thing was, Rodrick had managed to get my Dad to do all of his homework for the last five years.
- Which one is the space part again? - Oh,just let me do it.Ok?Ok?
I would never actually hand in a paper Rodrick wrote.
But my Dad? That is a different story.
So that's just the three things Rodrick has taught me.
- He has a lot of cool tips. - I'm not sure Rodrick tips are really that cool.
So the invisible Chirag joke is still going.
The whole school is on it, but it looks like Chirag discovered our weakness.
Hi,Greg,Rowley. Still pretending I'm invisible,I presume?
I wonder if I can do this.
- Remain strong. - What is this? A Corn Dog.
Rowley's all-time favorite lunch dish.
If you say you can see me,Rowley, it is all yours.
- Smell the fragrance. - Do not, Rowley.
Hey,everyone.Look, there is a floating Corn Dog.
I don't want to get ahead of myself for anything, but I think I may have class crown in the back for dreaming this one up.
In conclusion, without last century's technological advances ...
there be no computers, cell phones or modern medical miracles.
And so for that we salute and thank our ancestors ...
from one hundred years ago.
Thank you, Holly, that was excellent work.
Now, I think we have time for one more and I have to say ...
When I read this paper,I was big surprised by its content.
- But more than any other,this one deserves to be read aloud.Greg. - Yeah,Greg.
Just read it,Greg.All of it.
Sometimes I sit and wonder about stuffs I do not know.
Like what the earth was like a hundred years ago.
Did cavemen ride on dinosaurs?
Did flowers even grow? Did spiders rule the earth?
Were deserts falling sonw?
There was no books for human, so how are we to know what life was like a hundred years ago?
Greg,when we talk about how important it is to recycle...
we don't mean turn in your brother's old papers.
F. AGAIN.
I thought Daddy helped you with this paper?
No,actually,Dad started writng my paper because of that paper.
I looked like an idiot.
And that girl from the Oregon, she laughted at me.
Ouch. Just do something to change her opion of you.
Like set a firecracker off the classroom.Boom!
Chicks did like bad boys.
- Actually I was thinking about writing her a note. - You mean like one of the words on it?
I have already figured it out.
I will pass her a note with a question on it.But it will be anonymous.
She should have to know who wrote this and later I will walk up and ask her exact same question.
It will blow her mind.
I know.You want me spell check it?
No, just pass it to Holly.
To Holly.
HOW DO YOU GET YOUR HAIR TO SMELL SO BEAUTIFUL?
Thank you.
It's from Greg.
- What's going on? - Greg Heffley ...
- is passing me notes. - No, I wasn't.
How do you get your hair to smell so beautiful?
Ok, the note was might be said as a setback.But at least things are still going well with Rodrick.
It's amazing, but I'm actually enjoying watching Loded Diper's rehearsal for the talent show.
Bill takes the band to a whole new level.
Somebody farted.
My dad should be happy that I'm hanging out with Rodrick.
But I don't think he really likes Bill.
I think what he is worried about is that I will turn out like Rodrick
Manny will turn out like me and eventually, we all turn out like Bill.
Loser VILLE
Dear Greg, meet me in the art room before lunch.
There is something I want to ask you. Kiss,kiss, Holly.
Hi, Holly, I was glad to get your note.
I wanted the chance to talk to you. Hey, you like to paint?
I am kind of an artist myself. Holly?
- Chirag? - You see me now, don't you?
Game, set and match.
- Hi, Holly. - Hey, Fregley.
She thinks I am Fregley?
That's gonna hurt.
Do you want to see my secret freckle?
So the note to the girl didn't work out?
All right, let's go,little bro. I am taking you out.
And here are my other men.
Greg, Rodrick, like to meet my editors: Mrs Salz and Mr Cowen.
- Hello. - Nice to meet you.
What are you doing?
I'm just taking the little brother out this evening so that we can have a good time.
Well,be safe, and be home by nine o'clock.
- Yeah, see ya. - Bye.
- Bye.Have fun. - Good night.
That is impressive. My older boy, he wants nothing to do with his younger brothers.
You certainly practice what you preach.I think every mother in town should read your columns.
Mom would kill us if she saw us doing this.
Brain freeze.
How I can say is to get your mind blown, we 're going to have an epic night.
Are you okay?
Fake vomit. You can't be the classics.
Here he goes.
Very funny.
This is sweet.
So you know that girl who I sent the note to note to ...
She thinks I am Fregley.
Oh,man.I mean don't take it hard.Girls act like they are not into when they are really are.
I mean the girls act like they are not into me,but they are.
I know they are. I bet she really likes you.
Check it out. Check it out.
- Who's out there? - No way.
- Coach Malone? - Really funny, eh.
Well, you just met the wrong athlete.
Move,move.
Show yourself.
You want to take me on?
Help.
- Come on. - something tickles
Come on.Come on.Come on.
You can't get rid of me.
I'm a superstar!
Every where you go, it's me.
Stupid carbs
There's the mall. Come on.
I can't go much further.
Got you.
Coach Malone?
"Can't get out of me. I'm a superstar. "
"Every where you go, it's me. "
You boys are five minutes early. Did you have a good time?
- A great time. - That's so sweet.
I just can't get over how well your boys get along.
Well, Larry,we run a pretty tight ship around here,so…
About boundaries, rules, anyway.Let me show you some of those civil war act photos last time you talked about.
- So what did you boys do? - Just hanging out at the mall.
And talked about life.
Just nothing special.
Oh,My God.
Rodrick,can you explain what you are doing in this photo?
That's not me.
- That's not you? - Nope.
Ok.How about these?
I can't believe that you had a party!
Greg, you told me it was a couple of kids.A band rehearsal.
Wait, Susan,you knew about this?
- Yes.Yes.I knew. - What!You told Mom?
- You knew they had a party. - It's slipped out, but I took it back
- My instinct told you weren't being honest,but….I should trust my instinct. -You knew about this,but you did not tell me about it?
I still protected you.I threw Mom off your scent
- Great job, she has no idea. - We are supposed to be a team against them.
They are getting along so well and that blind me to the trust.
- Why were you taking pictures? - It's so busy that morning that I forgot we took the pictures.
I'm sorry I let it slide and i'm so sorry.
I fell so good to talk it out. I even haven't lock that bathroom door for two weeks..
I knew that door had a lock on it. Everybody was trying to make me like I was losing my mind.
We will just let ourselves out. I wouldn't write a column about this
I'm going upstairs ...
to a bathroom that has a lock on it and no one can tell me that it doesn't.
I have to go, talk to your father.
I will deal with you boys later.
Rodrick,I really didn't tell her. I mean maybe sort of.
But I made a deal with her and we really had a good time.
You're my brother ...
should never be my friend.
Your father and I have talked and we have decided on your punishment.
Greg, you are grounded for two weeks, also no video games for two weeks.
Rodrick, you may only drive to and from school for the next month.
As the ringleader, you are also grounded for a month.
Mom, I'm sorry.
- And I won't do it again. - I know you won't.
And to make sure ...
We are also not allowing you to perform on the talent show.
What?
No. You can not do that. Ground me for a year, i don't care.But…
You have to let me play in that show. This could be my big break.
I'm sorry.
Dad, come on.This is not fair. I just got Bill in the band.
Actually,Rodrick, that doesn't help you in this case.Bill is kind of jerk.
Our decision is finial.
You're so dead.
Things had never been worse.
Our parents are super madded at us, so we have to spend the weekend at our grandfather boring retirement community.
Holly thinks I'm Fregley.
And my relationship with Rodrick is all-time worse.
So he is making his mission is to ruin my life.
- Quit it. - Why do not you tell mom?
You are good at that.
Grandpa doesn't like TV.
Instead, he prefers to watch the lobby on the security camera.
I should be rehearsing right now.
Please, gradepa,please,can we watch a real TV show now?
TV is just bunch of fakeness. This is real life.
Real life, can't be beated.
How about we go down to the gameroom. You boys like games, don't you?
The gameroom sounds like fun until you realize that all the games there are from,like 1800.
My grandpa's favorite game is a real old board game called "Joke tellers.
Now, remember: The objective of the game is to read the joke out...
and all the other players have to try not to laugh.
Good luck. There are some real tickles there.
You go first.
Putting economic policy before fiscal responsiblity is like ...
putting the card before the horse.
That's hilarious, Grandpa. Read another one, Greg.
I'm going to change my T-shirt.
- Hi, Holly. What are you doing here? - I'm visiting my grandmother.
- She just moved here. - I'm on my grandpa duty.
Listen Greg, I'm really sorry for calling you Fregley the other day.
I do not know how it happened. I think it's the Greg and Frege part.
- My mind just… - Did you call me Fregley?
- I had no idea. - Really?
Not really, I heard it. It was pretty rough.
But don't worry, I have the rest of middle year to get over it.
- What happened to your shirt? - My brother spit milk on it.
Let me guess: He was pretending to laugh at something that wasn't actually funny.
- How would you know? - It's the old siblling hamburg.
Last week, my older sister put hair remover in my shampoo.
If I hadn't smelled something, I become complete bald right now.
- Why would she do that? - Because she is my sister.
It's part of the deal. We fight and then get over it.
Not with my brother. He hates me.
- And he will never gives up. - Of course he will.
He has to.He's your brother.
- I also have a little sister who spoiled rotten - Tell me about it.
My little brother ruins all my stuff and finally I'm ended in trouble with.
Does that drive you mad?
- I gotta go. It was cool hanging out with you.I will look for you tomorrow.
- Greg. - See you late.Fregley.
I thought being with grandpa is a punishment.
But really, it was destiny that Holly was here, too.
My luck had finally changed.
I've never believed in fate or destiny or whatever until now.
- Things are finally starting going my way. - Rodrick, be quite. Talk on the phone on somewhere else.
I thought being with grandpa was a punishment.
But really, it was destiny that Holly was here, too.
My luck had finally changed.
- Give up that, Rodrick. - This is priceless.No way.
- Come on. - Give it back.
You know what,I will give it back to Holly.
I can not believe my luck. That Holly is here.
Give it back.
No way.
Record.Record.Record.
I'm in the ladies' ?
Peeping Tom.
There's a peeping Tom there.
Are you crazy? Here peeping Tom?
Get out here
Stop him.
- I got him! - Got him.
I got him in the headlock
I'm not the peeping Tom.
hey,hey,Greg,what's new?
My life is officially over.
Now that Rodrick has that tape of me,
He bascially owns me.
The day of the talent show came around.Mom and Dad made us both go.
Something about supporting the community or whatever.
Scottie, come on. Scottie, come on.You don't want to let the magic fans down,do you?
- Go away. - Rowley, What's wrong?
My assistant Scottie got stage fright. Now he doesn't want to do the show.
Maybe Greg would help out. He can be your assistant.
What? No way.
Rowley is your best friend.This is important for him.You need to do this.
It's okay, Mrs. Heffley. Greg is just afraid that Holly Hills would think less of him.
- Mum, can we talk in the private? - Sure.
Scottie.Please.
- Who is Holly Hills? She is your girlfriend? - No.
She is just some girl who happened to be a friend.I don't want to be humiliating in front of her.
I see your point.
- So is this Holly in your class? - Mum ...
- Ok, here we go. - So you won't make me do it?
No, no,I get it.I get it.
Can you at lest point her to me?
Ok,ok, I will stop.
Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls ...
Welcome to Plainview's Most Talented.
First,Ms. Patty Farrell.
Wow,She is really good.
Greg,she is cute.She is super cute.
Mum...
Thank you!
Say hello to the boys and girls, Freggars.
Hello, boys and girls. I love you ...
and tonight when you are fast asleep...
I'm going to crawl through your window and I will give you a big hug.
hey, you can do that,right?
Yeah.
You cannot go in without me. I started Lödid Diper.
- I am the band bone. - Well, we got a new band bone now.Jerk
This guy.
That is Rock 'n Roll, bro.
That kid is very good.
Don't you…Don't you think?where …
Greg,where have you been? I've been looking all over for you.
- Mom,you need to let Rodrick play in the talent show tonight. - Greg, we've been over this.He needs to learn a lesson.
His band is playing without him. It's not fair.
I'm sure it's very hard on him, but I can't go back on the punishment.
- Mom ... - Yes?
You let Rodrick play in the talent show...
I'll...
I'll do the magic thing with Rowley.
Really?
You will do that?
You will be Rowley's partner even you said it's totally embarrassing and humiliating?
You are willing to do that just so your brother can play?
Yes.
Come here.
I mean how bad can it be?
- Scottie is right.There are lots of people out there. - Just start with your opening just as you were at home.
Forget about all the people.
Go.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
I, the remarkable Rowley ...
master of illusion. And joining me on the stage ...
is my faithful assistant: Scottie. Greg.
Who looks a little cold. Maybe he needs a scarf.
You, don't put that on me. They are still wet.
Sorry, Greg, here is a peace dove.
Fly, fly away. Be free, little friend.
- I think he's dead. - He stayed in my pocket too long.
No hard feelings?
Keep going. We are ahead.
And now, for my grand finale ...
The "saw the lady in half" trick.
If you will...
Push out the feet.
No chance for escape. Now I will miraculously saw Greg in halves.
Forget it. I want out.
What are you doing? This is for the show.
Stop.
Ladies and Gentlemen: Remarkable Rowley.
And Greg, the great.
That should be me.
We killed and I didn't have to die.
It was even better than the rehearsals.
- Can I have your autograph? - Sure,sure.
Your performance was pathetic.
Only a fool finds humor in bird poop.
You,stupid bird!
Oh,My God, you guys were great.
- That was really funny. - The uniforms or the performance?
Both.
Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!
Just do your best, anyway.
Can I borrow your eyeliner?
Yeah.
Looks you guys made up.
- We are brothers. - Welcome the stage...
Lödid Diper
We are Lödid Diper.
- look, they love us.Hey!No hard feelings, right,bro? - Hey,Bill.You know what ...
- when we done this, you are out of the band - What?
That is rock and roll, bro.
We are great.
Dad, we can say that the audiance are cracy for Mom's weirded dancing?
He is happy, she is happy. I think we keep this between two of us.
So I just wanna to say that you getting Mom to let me play last night, it's really cool.
Hey. kind of owe you.
Oh, and here.
The tape?
- You giving it to me? - Hey, don't make big deal abour it, or ...
I will post it on YouTube,Ok?
Now,get out.
Doofus
Ok, later.
Bad brain.
You know, I guess having a big brother is not that bad.
Maybe we don't always get along, but he will be always there for me.
I just spilled grape juice on the couch and kind of blamed on you.
Later.
I will get him back.
Action.
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LAME BAND WITH CRAZY MOM DANCING!!!
Ok.It's uploaded.
Holy cow，We 're Internet sensation.
Greg, you're so dead！