[Woman] Composer? [Man] I am not, uh, Irving Berlin
More classical than that No I am not Berlioz
[Woman] Another one I am not Brahms
Are you a famous New York conductor? No I am not Leonard Bernstein
- Are you a famous murderer? - Good try I am not Lizzie Borden
I hope you stump him, darling, because I am running out of B's
All right Are you a well-known, 18th-century English jurist?
A typical lawyer's question, Burt No I am not Sir William Blackstone Cynthia?
I pass You know, every time we play Botticelli with you, I feel like a dropout
Do I see the flutter of white flags?
- Go ahead Tell us who it is - No, no, no Please Let's keep guessing
[Burt] We'll be here all night Come on, Ray
It's very simple... josef Breuer Who?
Breuer He and Freud coauthored Studies on Hysteria
That's unfair, Dr Flemming You're a psychiatrist You should have picked someone everyone knew
Well, like who, honey? Last time we played the game you were stumped by 'Alexander Graham Bell "
Has my husband flnished dazzling you with his intelligence?
Because I have a little surprise for everyone
Everyone ready?
[Mouths Word]
[Guests Gasp] Henri at the Denise found out about our anniversary He insisted
I insist we get at this while it's cold Oh, how marvelous
I think a toast is in order...
to our host and hostess on the 1 Oth anniversary of their horrible mistake
Oh! You'd better rephrase that, counselor
Pleasure, Your Honor... to the two flnest people I ever knew
Here's to 1 O more years of happiness [Guests Afflrming, Applauding]
[Telephone Rings] Excuse me
Bubbly, anybody? [Ringing Continues]
Hello
Now?
Can't it wait?
We're having a party here
All right I'll be there as soon as I can
Believe me Anything Henri chooses is superb He's got the best wine cellar in town
Excuse me Excuse me, dear Surely
What is it, darling? It's a patient I'm afraid I have to leave
This is our anniversary But it's an emergency He's having an anxiety attack
You're not a family doctor You don't have to go chasing off every time somebody runs out of tranquilizers
Darling, we've been through this before I won't allow you to leave We have guests
And they shouldn't see us arguing, should they?
Now, make my excuses I'll try to get back before they leave
[Door Opens, Closes]
[Gasping, Laughing]
Do you love me?
[Sighs] How much? This much
Well, actually, I should be strangling you Why?
You know I was giving a party I had to see you
When I'm alone... I don't know, l... I get confused
Second thoughts? A few
[Sighs] It's a natural reaction under the circumstances
I keep wishin' there was some other way
There isn't But if you talked to her... if I talked to her...
joan, don't be naive We have one alternative We decided that a long time ago
It's funny I can't even picture what she looks like Are we really so different?
- Completely - All right I'm younger than she is I'm prettier
But, uh, she's probably more intelligent than I am
Mm-hmm
lt... It's a kind of destructive intelligence
Why me? What have I got to offer?
A typical actress... too many bit parts and too much ambition
I like ambition
For all the good it's done me It brought you to me, didn't it?
[Chuckling] With my nails gnawed off and every neurosis in the book
I was in great shape, wasn't I? It's not a bad shape at all
Ray Yeah
Ray, you do love me, don't you? Very much
I won't disappoint you tomorrow I never thought you would
[Sighs]
[Door Closes]
I didn't think you'd be up
Don't bother to undress You're sleeping in the guest room I've turned down the bed
- Carol... - I think you should know I'm calling my lawyers in the morning
It's been a long day Do we have to start on that again?
You'll have to indulge me just this one last time, deary
It's lucky for you I'm too well bred to throw a tantrum
All right Fire away
Six months ago I gave you a choice between me and your...
[Groans] how shall I put it...
extracurricular activity
- I made that choice - I wanted a husband in fact,
not just in appearance
If you refused, I'd divorce you There was a catch to that, as I recall
Well, naturally, you don't think I'm going to make it easy for you?
I'd create as much scandal as I possibly could and ruin your practice entirely
Aside from taking every penny that I've got
Those were my terms
You accepted them until tonight
Carol, none of this is necessary I told you, I was with a patient
Till 1:OO in the morning? What are you doing, giving discount rates?
On my way home I dropped by to see Dr Cobb He was the referral psychoanalyst, and we discussed the case
Do you really expect me to believe that? Well, call him
What's that going to prove? He's a friend of yours Well, his wife is a friend of yours Talk to her
[Sighs]
[Footsteps Departing]
[Removes Handset, Dialing]
Hang up Hang up
I haven't seen Cobb for two weeks [Slams Handset]
Then you've been lying to me
Oh, but not the way you think
[Sighs]
Well, I guess the game's up
I stopped by the hospital to see Dr Rosales
We talked about the trip you and I were going to take to Acapulco
- Acapulco? - Yeah We leave tomorrow night
Well, I thought we could use a couple of days in the sun, just you and me
Happy anniversary, darling
Oh, Ray, darling [Sniffles] Hmm
That's why I stopped in to see Rosales He's from Mexico, and I thought maybe
he could flll me in on what to do when we got there
Why didn't you tell me? Well, I was saving it for breakfast I wanted it to be a surprise
[Laughing] And I almost ruined it [Kisses]
Oh, darling Say, you're going to have a big day tomorrow
Why don't you get some sleep?
I think I'll read for a while
Ray?
You can go in now, Miss Hudson Thank you
Oh, darling, you're tense A little
Did you get any sleep last night? No Well, maybe an hour or two
Take one of these when you get home What are they?
Sleeping pills I want you to get some rest this afternoon Can't I'm working
This is an odd time to be pursuing your career, isn't it? How many chances do I get?
It's a good part Let's concentrate on the part you're playing tonight
You think it'll flt? Might be a little big
Noticeably? No I don't think so
Shall I take it home with me? No I don't want you wearing it until it's necessary
Now, this photograph is the best one I have of her
In the others, she's standing off in the distance or wearing sunglasses
Notice the makeup She uses a heavy eyebrow pencil
What about the wig?
I'll get it from the studio makeup department today They'll never know it's missing
Good You take that along with you as reference, but be sure you bring it back tonight
Now, what about the timing?
I'll be at your apartment at 9:OO But no sooner
And how do you get there? Car?
You're testing me
Do you mind? No I suppose we both have to be sure about things
I won't drive I'll come by bus I'll get off a few blocks away and walk
Right Use the back entrance to the garage, then take the service elevator
- Apartment number? - You're in the penthouse I ring the bell twice
Anything else? joan?
The sunglasses Good girl And a large purse for the dress
Are you sure of everything? Shall I do it over again? No I don't want to talk about it anymore
Ah, but it'll be flne I promise you
just pretend you're working on a role, right down to the props
[Quietly] I'll see you tonight
10.00 Thank you very much
The plane's leaving on schedule Then you'd better hurry
Oh, darling, let's not rush Here, let me help you with that
You're a brilliant man, but you're not very mechanical That's what wives are for
That and other things
Burt Gordon called today Anything important?
NoJust to wish us a pleasant trip
He could use a vacation himself You know he's prosecuting two new cases next month?
Well, that's what he gets for having political ambitions [Chuckles]
Do you remember him when he was in law school? Vaguely
I never saw anybody work so hard, including you
But I didn't have to My wife had a rich father
And you married me for my money Not yours, darling Your father's
I like to think you loved me a little Didn't you?
Of course I did Yes
Is the maid coming tomorrow? Well, as far as I know
Well, why don't you give her a call and check? Sometimes she forgets
[Chuckles] All right
Oh, say, did you see my blue dress? My blue wool? What?
My blue wool dress... I was gonna take it on the trip, but I can't flnd it anywhere
Maybe you sent it to the cleaners Oh, no It should be in the closet Where's that address book? Ah!
[Scatting]
[Humming]
[Humming Continues] [Dialing Phone]
Charlotte? This is Mrs Flemming I just wanted to be sure you'd be in tomorrow
Good Oh, and don't forget to water the plants, huh?
You've got your key, huh? Good
[Chuckling] Oh, yes We will Thank you very much Bye
[Humming]
She's coming in at 1 O: OO!
Good!
[Glass Rattling] [Liquid Pouring]
- Drink, darling? - No Set it down, would you?
Such a beautiful night, isn't it? I hadn't noticed
Perfect weather for flying You can see for miles
Do you know what I was thinking?
What? When we get back, we must redecorate
The place looks cold It should have warmer colors
[Chuckling] Maybe we should buy some paintings of soup cans
If you think so You'd like that, wouldn't you?
Oh, we're gonna have such a wonderful time the next few days
Does your secretary know where you're going? Only that we're in Mexico
No speciflcs Good Complete privacy
We're going to have a nice, quiet weekend
You'd better close the doors, then change Oh?
Our second honeymoon may be better than our flrst
[Phone Rings]
[Ringing Continues]
[Discord] [Body Hitting Floor]
[Rings]
Hello
Oh, hello, Burt How are you?
Oh, yeah Carol told me you called
Oh, flne, flne We're just leaving
Oh, no She's, uh... She's dressing
Yes I'll tell her
I'd better be going now, Burt Give our love to Cynthia, will you?
Right
[Doorbell Chimes]
[Chimes]
joan? Did anyone see you come up?
There's a drink on the bar Take it No I'd...
Take it And I want you to wear these gloves
Don't Please l... I don't need a drink I'll be all right
Be careful not to touch anything
Did you bring the photograph?
The wig? And some shoes to go with the dress
Very good
Put this on Come on Get ready
It looks flne Hm It won't fool anybody
- Oh, don't be negative - Suppose we meet someone who knows your wife?
- I don't even look like her - People see what they expect to see It's the principle of association
You're dressed like Carol You're traveling with me That means you are my wife
- Are we ready? - Not yet Make your call to the cleaners
What are you waiting for? Well, won't they be closed this time of night?
They're open till midnight
[Removes Handset, Dialing]
Rodeo Cleaners? This is...
This is Mrs Flemming, Cumberland Apartments on Wilshire
I have a bundle of laundry and some things to clean
[Quietly] lt'll be outside the door I'm leaving it outside the door
Will you have someone pick it up flrst thing in the morning?
Thank you
Fine The sunglasses
Where are they? I know I had them
[Sighs] Good Now, put these on
Why? She always wore them with that dress
When you get back from the airport, add the dress and the gloves to that bundle
- What about the wig? - I'll return it Monday No one will know I have it
Fine Are you ready?
[Shuddering Breath] I think so
Let's get started
Light
Dr and Mrs Ray Flemming, ticketed on 12A
Thank you Afraid you're 13 pounds overweight, Doctor [Airplane Passing, Distant]
Put it on my credit card, would you? [Phone Rings, Distant]
[Stamps lmprinter] Mrs Flemming?
Carol Mrs Flemming?
Yes Will you be carrying any hand luggage aboard?
No Will you sign here, please, Doctor?
Thank you very much
That'll be at Gate 35, boarding in about three minutes
Have a pleasant trip, sir Thank you
[Woman On PA] Flight number 12A for Acapulco
is in the flnal boarding process at Gate number 35
Passengers having reservations for this flight should be on board
May I have your names, please? Dr and Mrs Flemming
All right Um, Aisle 3, Seats A and B Thank you
Remember Don't call or try to get in touch with me I'll reach you
When will I see you? Oh, not for a while At least a week
Ray, I'm worried Well, don't be just try to get some rest
And don't read the papers They'll upset you
- Shall we get started? - What should I say?
You're an actress, darling lmprovise
- [Loudly] If you feel that way, why'd you agree to come along? - That's a good question I really don't know
You never wanted to take this trip in the flrst place
Can you blame me? What am I supposed to do... sit in our room while you go flshing?
Maybe you'd rather not go at all Maybe I wouldn't
Well, flne Spend the weekend with your friends and run up a nice bar bill
Leave my friends out of this Will you lower your voice? People are listening
I don't care who's listening I wasn't the one that started this
- You're making a scene - [Scoffs] This is impossible
What do you think you're doing? Isn't it obvious? I'm leaving
Carol, don't be a fool Have they shut the door yet?
No, ma'am, but we're just about to Enjoy yourself
I'm sure you'll have a better time without me Carol!
Is there anything I can do, sir? No Let her go
[Jet Engine Powering Up]
[Engine Continues Louder]
[Engine Recedes]
[Chopping]
Miguel, why don't you flx us some lunch? I'm starving
[Splashes]
Dr Flemming?
- Who are you? - Lieutenant Columbo, Police
I don't understand
What's happened here? Where's my wife?
Maybe you better sit down I've got some bad news for you
- Has something happened to Carol? - You sure you don't wanna sit down?
Has she been in an accident? Not exactly
Well, what is it? Tell me Well, um,
somebody broke in here and tried to kill her
- "Tried" to kill her? - That's right, Doctor She's lucky she's still alive
She's still alive? Where is she now?
She's at the hospital
You're sure you don't want a drink... water, brandy or something? Oh, no, no
I want to know how she is Is she conscious?
Has she been able to... to say anything?
Well, I'm afraid not She's been in a coma What's her condition right now?
Oh, come on I must know the truth
It's not very good, Doctor We only hope that she comes to long enough to be able to talk to us
Well, I've got to see her Doctor, uh, don't you think you oughta rest awhile?
After all, it's been quite a shock
Well, you can understand My wife's in the hospital She may be dying
I want to see her All right Uh, I've got a car downstairs
[Phone Rings]
No I don't want to talk to anyone now
Might be the hospital, Doc They know I'm here [Ringing Continues]
Hello This is Dr Flemming
Darling, I just had to talk to you The newspapers...
No I-I can't keep any appointments today Why don't you come in Friday at 2:OO?
- My secretary will verify it - Ray, is there someone with you?
They expect me to be on call at all hours
Same with me, Doc
Nurse, I'm Dr Flemming My wife is a patient here I'd like to see her
I'm afraid she's on the critical list She's not permitted to have any visitors
But, miss, I am a doctor I'm sorry, but my orders are...
Is Dr Lansberry still chief of staff here? Yes
Will you tell him that Dr Ray Flemming is here and would like to see him
He may be in surgery, Doctor But you wouldn't know that unless you checked Would you mind?
Dr Lansberry, please Reception
There's a Dr Flemming here He insists on seeing his wife Yes Thank you
He's being paged, Doctor Thank you
Hospital red tape Yeah I know what you mean, Doctor
Well, let's get on with it [Woman On PA] Dr Lansberry...
Get on with what? Your red tape
This, um... This thief, did he leave any traces?
Oh, no No, not a thing But of course, uh, we might be able to run him down when he tries to sell the stuff he stole
We can't be sure, but, uh, we think maybe he stole some of your wife's jewelry and some other things
Listen, Doc, when you get a chance, would you make out a list of what was stolen? Of course
Yeah And then we can, uh... We check with the fences and the pawnshops And who knows?
Something might turn up
Oh A few questions for my report, Doc Now, uh...
[Woman On PA] Dr Miller... you were in Mexico when this thing took place, and, uh,
the dates there were, um...
Gee, you don't have a pencil, do you?
[Chuckles] Thanks
You know, my wife, she gives me one every morning, and I just can't seem to hold on to it
Uh... Oh, yes Now, we know that you were in Mexico, but, uh,
the local police down there, they couldn't seem to locate you
Oh, yes I-I was in a little village about 2O miles from Acapulco
It was very quiet and relaxing and hardly any telephones Uh-huh Yeah
[Woman On PA] Dr Lansberry, call reception desk, please Yeah
I, um... I suppose you... you know about what happened on the plane
Yeah Yeah
We talked with the... with the airline people And they told us that you and your wife checked in
Well, boy, that really threw us But then, of course, we contacted the stewardess and she explained what happened
Yes It was my fault
We had an argument on the plane It was something ridiculous
I-I never thought that she'd actually leave
Yeah She probably went home and went right to bed I guess the attack was close to midnight
I mean, we know that she was at the airport at 1 O: OO [Woman On PA] Dr Woods,
call your offlce Lieutenant, if there's any further way that I can be of assistance to you...
Oh, no No No You just make out that list That would be flne, Doc
Thank you Oh, oh, one more thing, before I forget
I had to borrow a photograph the other day I hope you don't mind A photograph?
A picture of you and your wife We had to have something to show the stewardess
For identiflcation I see
She was still out of town, but we contacted her by phone, and, uh, we sent the picture down by wirephoto
And?
She identifled your wife
The picture wasn't too clear, but she recognized her [Burt] Ray
I was hoping to flnd you here Are you all right? I'm holding up, I suppose
I just don't know what to say It's terrible Why, we just saw her at your party I know
Now, what happened on Friday? When I called, the two of you were getting ready to leave
We had an argument on the plane Suddenly, Carol decided she wasn't going, and she walked off
I shouldn't have let her Well, you can't blame yourself How could you possibly have known?
[Quietly] Thanks
Have you heard anything yet? [Nurse] Not yet, Doctor
Lt Columbo
My name's Gordon I'm with the district attorney's offlce Yes, sir I know
I appreciate it... anything you can do for Dr Flemming He's a good friend of mine
I'll try
Ray, we're going to flnd the man that is responsible for this
as soon as Carol gets better and can give us a full description Oh, and by the way, [Phone Rings]
Cynthia wants you to spend the next few days with us
Let me think about it, will you? I understand
[Nurse] Dr Flemming? Dr Lansberry on the phone
Hello, Doctor There's something I want you to do for me
Uh, [Clears Throat] any, uh... any progress so far?
[Woman On PA] Dr Miller, call the switchboard, please Well, it's, uh, still a little early,
but, uh, you know, sooner or later something usually breaks
Mm-hmm Well, let's make that "sooner," right, Lieutenant?
Try my best Yeah I'm sure you will
I don't think I have to remind you that this could be quite the little feather in your cap
Wrap it up, and everybody's happy
Lieutenant?
Um, yeah, I'm sorry I was, uh... I was just thinking about something What was that?
No It's nothing important It's, uh...
Dr Flemming, he didn't call to his wife when he came back to his apartment
I don't follow you Oh Well, I was in the bedroom I was checking some things,
and I heard him open the front door, and he didn't say anything
Gee, it's funny how people are different, isn't it?
Now, you take myself When I come home from a trip, uh,
the flrst thing I do is I say, "Honey, you here? "
Exactly what is your point, Lieutenant?
Point? Oh, I wasn't making a point
It sounded to me as if you were
You heard the man admit that he had an argument with his wife
He probably still had a chip on his shoulder this morning
I was only tryin' to... Lieutenant,
I've... have already told you that Dr Flemming is a close, personal friend of mine
Now, I hope he's not going to be annoyed by a lot of tactless remarks... especially at a time like this
Well, I'm sorry, Mr Gordon I guess I shouldn't have mentioned it
[Woman On PA] Dr Ferrell, Surgery Four, please Yes Thank you, Dr Lansberry
They're letting me go up to see her Good Do you need company?
No I'd rather be with her alone
I'll have to go with you, Doc
Why? Well, we got a man on the door
[Elevator Door Slides Open]
[Columbo] Uh, it's, uh... it's all right, Offlcer This is her husband
I'm sorry, Lieutenant Nobody's allowed in right now Well, why not?
She's conscious The doctor's with her
Well, maybe we got lucky
Oh, Doctor, I'm the patient's husband Is she... Is she all right?
I'm sorry
She passed away
Did she... Did she say anything?
If it's any consolation, the one thing she said was your name
Getting some fresh air?
I was on my way back from lunch
Well, as a matter of fact, I was headed toward your offlce myself Do you mind if I walk along?
Not at all
Any news? No Nothing much, Doctor
We're just sort of waiting around until our friend tries to get rid of the jewelry
I'd imagine he'd hold on to it for a while
Yeah, probably
Have I had any calls, Miss Petrie? Five or six I left a list on your desk
First day back, and everyone wants me to hold their hands
You know, I've never been in a psychiatrist's offlce before First time
I keep looking for the couch So do my patients I keep telling them it's bad for their posture
"Bad for their posture" That's very good
I'll tell you, you put me in a horizontal position, and I fall asleep
Nice offlce, though It seems restful [Strikes Match]
I guess it, uh, puts people in the mood to talk, huh?
You know, my sister, she has a living room It's very, very modern
Well, the minute you sit down there, you can't open your mouth
You know, she's got this big, kidney-shaped coffee table It upsets me just to look at it
Her husband, he doesn't say anything, and I flgure, the coffee table got to him years ago
- Is there something I can do for you? - Oh, no Not really, Doctor No I just...
I just came up to bring back your pen I forgot to give it to you at the inquest
Well, thanks I missed it You know, that's my trouble I got a bad memory
My wife tells me I oughta have strings on all 1 O flngers
Was there anything else you wanted? Oh, no It's nothing important There is one detail that bothers me
And what is that? It's, um... It's about your luggage
My luggage? [Flicking Lighter]
I think you need fluid here, huh?
Oh, no Maybe...
Oh, there Boy, that's quite a flame, huh?
You were talking about my luggage
Yeah Uh... Now, you took two suitcases with you, didn't you?
Well, actually, we packed more than we needed
Well, I went out to the airport the other day... you know, just a routine check...
and it seems as though you were 13 pounds overweight
You know, they keep those records Yes I know I charged it on my credit card
Well, when you came back... Now, I know it's a stupid point, Doc, and it doesn't mean anything,
but you were only, uh, four pounds overweight,
and I was wondering what happened to the other nine pounds
- I don't see what that has to do with my wife's death - Oh, it's all part of the job...
you know, just tryin' to tie the loose ends together
You went to a lot of trouble, didn't you, going all the way out to the airport? Forty-flve minutes
Boy, that's quite a place, that airport You know, I get lost just walkin' around
Lieutenant, about those nine pounds I took along a stack of trade journals and medical magazines
It seems I never get a chance to go through them at the offlce Oh Catchin' up on your readin', then, huh?
You might say that Mm-hmm
And you didn't bring 'em back, then? There'd be no reason to It was mostly advertising stuff
Mm-hmm And, uh, you flgured they weighed as much as nine pounds?
Well, they'd have to Why else the weight discrepancy?
Yeah Mm Well, I guess that clears that up, then
Okay, Doc Thank you very much And I'm sorry I bothered you No bother at all
Oh, listen There's one more thing Um, you don't remember what your wife was wearing that night, do you?
Well, Carol had so many dresses Is it important?
Well, yes In a way, it is
Well, let's see now
Oh, yes She was wearing a blue wool dress with brass buttons, if I'm not mistaken
Uh-huh Uh-huh Yeah That... That's what the stewardess said
She's back in town, by the way And I spoke to her, and, uh,
she told me your wife was wearing a blue wool dress with blue kid gloves
Well, then that's probably it No...
That's funny, though lf...
If she came home from the airport, what did she do with the dress and gloves?
When we went over your apartment last week, we couldn't flnd 'em
Well, they may have been stolen
Yeah Maybe, maybe
Did you put those on the list of stolen items?
Really, Lieutenant, how could you expect me to notice they were missing?
[Sucks Teeth] Still, it's puzzling when you think about it I m...
I mean, why would a guy steal a dress and a pair of gloves? What are they worth?
People don't always do the rational thing
Oh, they sure don't You learn a lot about that in my line
Well, I guess you do in yours too
Mm [Intercom Buzzes]
Oh, excuse me Yeah?
- Miss Hudson is here, Doctor - I'll be through in a moment
I have a patient coming in now, Lieutenant Oh Yeah
Hey, 2:OO Oh! Oh, that was the one that called you at your apartment
Oh, and you say you have a bad memory Well, listen It comes and it goes, you know?
I'm sorry I couldn't have been any help to you with the dress and the gloves, but, uh...
Well, maybe you just missed them in your search Yeah Yeah, you're probably right, Doc
Uh, listen, um, would you mind if I came over this afternoon and took another look?
What time do you think you're gonna be home? Not before 5:OO
Well, suppose I meet you there at 5:3O
If you think it's necessary
- Well, it's just another loose end You understand - Mm
You can go in now, Miss Hudson Thank you
Oh, miss
Excuse me, uh, what was your name again? joan Hudson Why?
Oh Sorry to trouble you, ma'am
[Door Opens]
Who was that man out there? Lieutenant Columbo He's a police offlcer Why?
He wanted to know my name Did you tell him?
What else could I do?
Ray, is something wrong? Well, he was with me when you called
I told you not to try to get in touch with me
I had to When I read that Carol was still alive, I wanted to warn you
Well, don't worry about it As far as he knows, you're just another patient on my list
Now...
Now I am going to call the cleaners
You did as I told you, didn't you?
You left Carol's dress and gloves with the rest of the laundry?
Gloves? Yes, dress and gloves
Well, you know, Joan I told you
[Dialing Phone]
[Stops Dialing]
What is it?
Well, I changed in the restroom at the airport and put her things in my bag
Then I went back to your apartment
and left the dress with the other laundry
Go on
Well, l... I forgot about the gloves
I didn't even think of them until you mentioned them
But we went over it How many times did I tell you?
I'm sorry l... What difference does it make? Is it that important?
"ls it that important? " Where are the gloves now?
They're in my other bag, at home I haven't used it since that night
Let me think
We're safe as far as the dress is concerned It's at the cleaners
Now, the gloves...
They're small They can be easily overlooked
They can be almost anywhere
Listen Columbo's coming back to my apartment
He wants to make another search
Now, you go back home, get the gloves and come back to my place
I'll see you there in an hour Why can't I just throw them away?
Because I want him to flnd them He'll only be satisfled if all of his loose ends are in place
But, Ray... Now, you just do as I say, darling
Hurry!
[Doorbell Rings]
There you are
Did you bring them?
Good Put 'em on the table I'll hide them in her bureau
Columbo's going to flnd them this time Would you like a drink?
Please
Are you angry with me?
Not at all
I would have to do something foolish
I kept going over everything in my mind
But those stupid gloves...
Don't you worry about it We've protected ourselves
I've missed you I'm lucky I was working
It helped me get through the week
It's behind us now
What about that man... that Columbo?
You'll never see him again
But why does he keep bothering you?
Because Carol's death has been almost too perfect
That's what irritates him It's like a speck in his eye
Why, he'd even look for flaws in the Old Testament
You don't seem to be very upset about it
Why should I be? Whatever he turns up, I've got an answer for
Eventually he'll lose interest and start hounding someone else
I wish I could feel that sure
The past two weeks I've been trying to flnd an excuse for what we've done
I haven't been very successful
joan, there was no other option
Does that justify?
Yes We're in love We want a future together
That's all the justiflcation we need
Look, this isn't something you just forget
Don't let it interfere with what we have
I won't
All we have to do is wait
I promise I'll make it up to you
[Door Lock Rattling]
[Rattling Continues]
What are you doing here?
Doctor, I, uh... I just kinda thought that I'd save you some time
and look for the stuff myself
I just didn't want to inconvenience you more than I have to
Don't you people usually require a search warrant?
I just didn't think it was necessary, Doctor
I mean, you gave me permission, didn't you?
Say, uh, what are you doing here now?
It bothered me too I wanted to save some time for both of us
There are the gloves, Lieutenant I found them in one of Carol's bureau drawers
What do you know about that? We covered every inch of that bureau
Well, we must've missed these
You didn't flnd the dress by any chance, did you?
[Flemming] No I turned the place upside down It's not here
Gee, I wonder what she did with it
I'm afraid I have no idea
Well, why don't we both take another look
[Flemming] Lieutenant?
It's not in the apartment I went through every one of the closets
Well, there's a laundry hamper in the bedroom, isn't there?
- But I just told you... - Well, there's no harm in checking, is there?
[Doorbell Rings]
Lieutenant, would you mind getting that? I don't feel like talking to anyone
[Door Opens] [Boy] Rodeo Cleaners
Uh, Doctor
How much do I owe you? $45O
Keep the change Thank you
Say, isn't that your wife's dress?
Well, of course!
Well, she must've put it outside for the cleaners when she got back from the airport
Yes, that makes sense It certainly matches the description
May I take a look? Take a good look at it, Lieutenant
Well, I've gotta get back to my offlce
I guess we've both wasted a lot of time
Well, listen I'm sorry about all this, Doctor
I seem to be making a pest of myself
[Phone Rings]
Yeah? Oh, Lieutenant!
It's for you
Yeah Thanks Columbo
Yeah Who?
Are you sure?
Well, what do you know about that?
Mm Yeah All right
Yes, I'll be right down Yeah
That does it, Doc Does what?
We just got a confession A fella just admitted killing your wife
Listen I gotta go
If I get any more information, I'll call you
Isn't that funny the way those things happen?
[Door Closes]
[Columbo] How did you break the window, Tommy?
I had this flashlight, and I knocked it through the glass
What happened next?
I told you She came out I didn't think she'd be home
You mean Mrs Flemming?
Yeah She was wearing this... this nightgown
Yeah Go on
Well, the second she saw me, she started to yell her head off
So I ran over to keep her quiet
I put my hand over her mouth,
and then I, uh...
I just strangled her
Mm-hmm And then what happened?
Like I said, I began taking things:
the silverware, a couple of candle holders,
a couple of lighters and the jewelry
Did you take any money, Tommy? Yeah She had about 3O bucks in her purse
What did you do with the stuff that you stole?
I fenced it Where?
Why should I get him in trouble? What did he give you for it?
Look, Lieutenant, how many times do we have to go over this?
I told you I killed her That oughta be enough!
Tommy, why that particular apartment?
I saw them leaving with their luggage
The initials on his bag said "RF"
So I looked at the mailboxes, and I saw "Dr Ray Flemming, penthouse,"
the only name that flt the initials
That was pretty shrewd of you How manyjobs have you had in the past few months?
One or two If I was working steady, would I be breaking into apartments?
No, I guess you wouldn't
All right That's all You can take him out
Well, that was quick
Well, you've been very cooperative, Tommy
What do you think, Doc?
I don't believe a word he says
Really? Why?
He knew exactly what was stolen He knew how the thief got into the apartment
He knew what your wife was wearing And so does everyone who reads the papers
Yes, that's true That's true
The boy's obviously neurotic
Some people have an urge to confess after every murder
I've even treated a few of them
They have a compulsion to purge themselves
Maybe they just want to get their names in the papers
But the boy's story does not hold up
You know, you might be right
You know, come to think of it, didn't he say
that your wife was screaming and he put his hand over her mouth?
And then he said he lowered his hands and he strangled her
I don't know what you're getting at
Well, your wife was strangled from behind
There were thumb indentation marks on the back of her neck, not on the front
Oh, and I checked one more thing, Doc
Tommy was discharged from the army on a Section Eight He's mentally unstable
If you knew that, why did you ask what I thought?
Oh, well, I, uh... I just wanted to get another professional opinion, Doc
I mean no offense
I don't have to be a psychiatrist to know that the boy's lying
Why not? For one thing, I have no initials on my luggage
Oh, yeah I was gonna check that out if you told me you believed Tommy's story
I thought you might
It also occurred to me that you may have planted this whole Tommy episode
Now, why on earth would I do a thing like that?
Oh, that reminds me Did you do any flshing while you were in Acapulco?
A little Why?
Oh, it's nothing important It's just that, uh, I'm a terriflc bug on flshing
You know, my wife and I, we're looking for a place to take a vacation this summer
You see, the trouble with places around here is that, um,
well, people keep dumping all kinds of things off the boat
You know, bottles, cans Oh, it's a terrible shame Criminal
And, uh, well, I suppose you don't notice that in the ocean, do you?
I mean, it's so big, it would just swallow everything up
Uh, tell me Uh,
those trade journals and those medical books...
did you take them with you when you went flshing?
Lieutenant, for the past week you've been asking me some rather pointless questions,
and I am getting very tired of them
Oh, I'm sorry, Doc
I just thought that, well, a boat's a good place to get some reading done
What do my reading habits have to do with this?
You've been concentrating on everything but the man who broke into my apartment
Or is this some new type of police procedure?
- I'm only, uh... - I want the man who murdered my wife Everything else is irrelevant
Well, I'm only trying to... I know You're only trying to tie up loose ends
Well, if you spent a little less time on loose ends, maybe you'd come up with something important
You know, sometimes I get the impression you think I killed my wife
You? Oh, no, Doc
How could you? You were out of town
I'm glad you remembered that
Unless you think I hired someone to kill her
The boy who confessed? Maybe I paid him to do it
- No, Doc You didn't do that - How do you know?
I already asked him
Are you serious? I am
He's making an absolute pest of himself
Telephone calls, question and answer sessions
He's even bothering me at the offlce It's getting ridiculous
He's probably trying too hard I'll have a word with him Well, a word won't do it
Burt, you won't believe this, but somewhere in the back of his mind he thinks I'm involved with Carol's murder
You? You've gotta be kidding
I'm not, and neither is Columbo
Look, isn't there some way you can get him off my back?
Well, if he's pushing that hard... He is
I guess I can pull a few strings All right Consider it done
Well, that was painless Looks like I owe you a favor
Forget it What are friends for?
Evening, Doctor
I just stopped by with some news I thought you might be interested
I got taken off the case today I'm no longer working on it
Ohh Yeah, and it happened all of a sudden too
I was sitting at my desk, and a call came down from upstairs
and they told me that they wanted me to work on something else
Real strange
And they told me to turn my flles over to Lieutenant Silver,
who's a very nice guy, but he's young and not experienced in this kind of thing
That is funny Here I thought I was doing a good job
How unfortunate for you But I suppose they know what they're doing
Well, you'll have to excuse me I've got a dinner engagement
Where? At the Gordons'?
And why do you say that?
Well, you're a good friend of Mr Gordon, aren't you?
I mean, last week at the hospital he invited you over
You remember that
No, it isn't the Gordons No? A lady friend, maybe?
I don't think it's any of your business
No, I guess not
I was wondering, Doctor...
would you take me on as a patient?
Take you on as a what? No, I mean it Maybe you can help me
I don't know There must be something wrong with me
I seem to bother people I seem to make 'em nervous
and maybe you could tell me why
Are you serious? I'm very, very serious
I've never been more serious in my life
My wife says I oughta have it looked into,
so I told her I know this psychiatrist
And I flgure if I came here like once a week,
maybe we could get it ironed out
You know what I think the problem is?
I think I'm too suspicious
I don't trust people That's my trouble
For instance, when I get taken off a case,
right away I flgure somebody put the pressure on
Right away I ask myself why
What do you think, Doc?
I think you'd better get out of here
Beg your pardon? Columbo, you're a public servant
You say you've been taken off the case Fine
Bother me again, and I shall have to talk to your superiors
You've been talking to a lot of people these days, Doctor
[Chuckles] Columbo, you are magniflcent
You really are Well, what makes you say that, Doc?
You are the most persistent creature I've ever met, but likeable
The astonishing thing is you're likeable
Has anyone ever told you you're droll?
- Who? Me? - Yes, you?
Oh, come on, Doc Come on [Laughing]
Oh, but you are You're a sly little elf,
and you should be sitting under your own private little toadstool
You say you've been thrown off the case,
and yet you have the flagrant audacity to come back here and bother me again
- I respect that It irritates me, but I respect it - [Mouthing Words]
How about a drink?
Well, all right
Hey, now, that's pretty clever [Chuckles]
You can always have a snort between patients, huh?
I haven't given you a Rorschach test yet,
but I've got a hunch you're a bourbon man
Thank you very much, Doctor
What'll we drink to?
Oh, I don't know How about you and me?
Fine
Like to read, huh, Doctor?
Yes, I do
You read murder mysteries? Not very often
Oh, me, I love 'em I flnd 'em nice and relaxing
You know, the only trouble is that they got nothin' to do with real life
I mean, the guy who did it, they catch him every time,
and you and I know that it doesn't always work out that way
You never stop, do you?
What?
The insinuation, the change of pace
You're a bag of tricks, Columbo
Right down to that prop cigar you use Oh, come on, Doc
I'm going to tell you something about yourself
You say you need a psychiatrist? Maybe you do and maybe you don't
But you are the textbook example of compensation Of what, Doc?
Compensation Adaptability
You're an intelligent man, Columbo, but you hide it
You pretend you're something you're not Why?
Because of your appearance
You think you cannot get by on looks or polish,
so you turn a defect into a virtue
You take people by surprise
They underestimate you, and that's where you trip them up
Like coming here tonight
Boy, you've got me pegged pretty good, Doctor
I'm gonna have to watch myself with you
'cause, uh, you flgure out people pretty good
Now you're trying flattery
No, really, I'm serious, Doctor You've got a gift there
Oh, I know it's your job and I know you've studied for years, but still it's...
Well, it's amazing that a person can come in here and sit down,
and in a couple of hours you know all about 'em
Well, not quite Psychiatry isn't a parlor trick
Oh, I didn't mean that No, I was just... I was just wondering that, uh...
Well, no I guess that isn't possible
What isn't?
Well, I know it's easy enough to flgure out about a patient
or a guy like me that's always hanging around all the time, but what about a stranger?
What about a, uh... a fellow that you'd never met before?
Can you tell what makes him tick?
Any particular one in mind?
No, nobody special just... Just a type
Like a murderer, for instance?
Well, yeah Now that you mention it,
I guess we're on the same wavelength
Yes, I guess we are
What about this hypothetical murderer?
Well, I'm not talking about your average hothead...
you know, the guy who pops somebody over the noggin with a bottle
What I mean is, uh, the kind of man
that, uh, flgures everything out in advance,
who takes everything step by step
What do you know about that kind of man, Doctor?
I should charge you for this But since it's on a theoretical basis,
let's just call it a free consultation
[Mutters] All right
We are talking about a man who commits a crime...
not the garden variety of barroom brawl,
but an elaborate intellectual project
What do we know about this man?
Obviously, he's not impulsive
He plans He calculates He minimizes risks
He's oriented by his mind, not by his emotions
And he's probably well educated too
Like maybe a professional man?
Like maybe At any rate, an orderly man
with an eye for detail and courage
Courage? Oh, certainly
To go through a thing like this, whatever it may be,
it takes a strong nervous system
Well, you could be right But one thing bothers me, Doctor
This man that we're talking about has taken a human life
Now, wouldn't you say that he was insane?
Why? Because he committed an immoral act?
Morals are conditioned, Lieutenant
They're relative, like everything else is today
Our murderer may be as sane as you and me
Killing may be repugnant to him,
but if it's his only solution, he uses it
That's pragmatism, my friend, not insanity
Tell me, Doctor: How do you catch a man like that?
- You don't - You're probably right
He sounds just too clever for us
What I mean is, you know, cops, we're not the brightest guys in the world
Of course, we got one thing going for us: We're professionals
I mean, you take our friend here, the murderer
He's very smart, but he's an amateur
I mean, he's got just one time to learnJust one
And with us, well... with us it's a business
You see, we do this a hundred times a year
I'll tell ya, Doc That's a lot of practice
It didn't help you very much, did it?
I mean, with all that experience, you jumped to the wrong conclusion
- What do you mean? - I didn't kill my wife
I never said you did
Oh, that's true lmply "lmply" is more the word
But if I killed my wife... and I did say "if'...
you're never going to be able to prove it
So why don't we just part as friends?
You go on to something new, and I'll forget this whole thing ever happened
As a matter of fact, there's no reason for us to see each other again
Well, I have to be going now
Well, I'll go out with you
No, no You just stay here, relax, search the offlce
Oh
And if you want another drink, help yourself
Good night
Oh, by the way, when you leave, turn out the light
[Door Closes]
Uh, Miss Hudson
Who are you?
Lieutenant Columbo, ma'am Uh, police
Uh, we met the other day Remember?
What's this all about?
Is there someplace where we could go, where we could talk?
Why? Oh, just a few routine questions That's all
Would you like some ice cream? No, thanks Questions about what?
Um, well, could we go in there?
[Mouth Full] This is quite a place
Lieutenant, would you mind telling me why you're here?
Yes, of course I was hoping you might help us with a case that we're working on
What case is that?
Lieutenant?
The, uh, Flemming case
Oh, you mean Dr Flemming, my psychiatrist?
Uh-huh
Is he in some kind of trouble?
What was that?
I said, is he in some kind of trouble?
Well, you might say he is Uh, sit down, Miss Hudson
There's no rule about smoking here, is there? No
Well, then if you don't mind, I'll light up
See, a lot of women, they don't like cigars
Now, my wife, she prefers a pipe I could never get used to those things
There's just too much to carry around with you
Uh, how long have you known Dr Flemming?
You mean, how long has he been treating me?
- Well, that's the same thing, isn't it? - I've been seeing him for about a year
Uh-huh Mm-hmm
That checks out
By the way, when was the last time that you spoke to Dr Flemming?
Last week when I met you
- Oh, that's right Yes - Lieutenant, would you mind explaining...
- Are you working here on a movie now? - That's right
Well, I'm gonna have to see it when it comes out What are you?
Are you playing a Roman girl or a Greek girl?
- Do you do your own makeup? - What has this got to do with Dr Flemming?
- Pardon me? - Lieutenant, you're not being very clear
You came here to ask me about a man I hardly know
You said he was in trouble
Now, before we go on, suppose you tell me what kind of trouble
Well, I know that this is gonna come as a shock to you,
but we think that he killed his wife
You seem stunned
Of course I'm stunned I don't believe it
No?
Hey, I wonder who these belong to
Well, maybe somebody left them by mistake
Miss Hudson, um,
well, you seem nervous
Haven't you seen a pair of sunglasses before?
Would you like to try 'em on?
Why should I? No reason
But there's no reason why you shouldn't, either
Is there?
I think I'd better go Sit down, Miss Hudson
If you insist on questioning me, I'm going to have to call my lawyer
Sit down You can't stop me from calling my lawyer
You have no right to order me around You're not even on this case anymore
Well, now, how did you know that?
Dr Flemming told me
Oh, but you said that you hadn't seen Dr Flemming since last week
He called me
Oh, is the doctor in the habit of doing that?
I'm not going to answer any more of your questions
Uh, just one more point, Miss Hudson, that I'd like to clear up I am on the case
It's true somebody tried to pull a few strings
But my superior, he doesn't like that He gets thinking
So he said to me, he said, "Lieutenant Columbo,
you must be touching a sore spot, so you just keep right on trying"
He's very intelligent, my superior
I want to call my lawyer
I don't understand that
Now, Dr Flemming killed his wife, and you want to call your lawyer
Would you explain that to me, Miss Hudson?
I want to call my lawyer
All right Go ahead
If he wants to know what the charge is,
it's accessory to murder
Now go ahead and make your call, Miss Hudson
When you get done, we'll take a drive
A drive? Yes We're gonna go see the stewardess
I don't have the blue dress, and I don't have the gloves,
and I don't think you're going to try on these sunglasses,
but maybe she'll remember you anyhow, wig or no wig
I don't know what you're talking about
You're trying to confuse me I have nothing to do with this
With what? With this... With the thing that you said about Ray
Ray? Dr Flemming
But you just called him Ray
What difference does that make? I know him He's my doctor
Your lover? My doctor
And you said you never met his wife? No, I never met his wife
Would you like to see some pictures of her? I had them taken at the morgue
No Why should you? After all, you saw the real thing
That must have been quite a shock Why don't you leave me alone? I didn't do anything
No? What about these? What about the sunglasses?
What about the overweight luggage? What about the argument on the plane?
I don't want to listen to any of this Now, you were there when he strangled her, weren't you?
No! Well, does that mean that you came later?
I was never there at all I think you were
I think you probably changed into her dress while she was lying there,
and then you and the doctor went to the airport and had that fake argument on the plane, didn't you?
No! Didn't you?
Didn't you help plan it with him? Didn't you help carry it out with him?
Now, didn't you? Oh, stop it!
Without you, that woman would be alive!
Without you, she wouldn't be lying in a morgue! Stop it! Stop it!
It couldn't have happened without you! Stop it!
Why don't we go downtown and you can make a statement?
No You have no right
I have nothing to do with this Do you understand?
Nothing Nothing at all
If you want to take me to the stewardess, then take me
If you want to arrest me, go ahead
But you can't prove anything
Now, either charge me or let me leave I don't care what you do
You can go
Miss Hudson
I hope you understand that this is only the beginning
In a way, I feel sorry for you
because from now on I'm gonna do everything I can to break you down
Do you understand?
Dr Flemming made one mistake, and you're it
You're the weak link, Miss Hudson
Now, you surprised me today because you were strong
But there's always tomorrow
and the day after that
and the day after that,
and sooner or later you're gonna talk to me
Until you do, you're gonna be questioned,
you're gonna be followed and you're gonna be hounded
And Dr Flemming can't do anything about it
You're on your own, Miss Hudson,
and I'm gonna get to him through you
That's a promise
[Engine Starts]
[Ringing]
[Ringing Continues]
- Hello? - Ray! Oh, thank heavens!
- I've been calling for hours - What's wrong? You sound upset
Columbo came to see me at the studio today
- Columbo? - He tried to break me down
- Did you tell him anything? - No, of course not
But he knows Every detail Even the alibi on the plane
Oh, he's only guessing Guesses are no proof
But why should he be questioning you? He's off the case
No, he's not He's right in the middle of it
Two of his men are parked outside right now
Well, I think we'd better have a talk Come in tomorrow for your appointment
We'll flgure something out But can't you come over here now?
With his men watching your house? joan, use your head
But you're my doctor! There's nothing wrong in visiting a patient!
He obviously expects us to get together tonight
- Let's not be predictable - What are we gonna do?
just ride it out You're his last resort
If you don't panic, we're home free
Ray, I have to see you
You will in the morning
Now, put on some music, have yourself a drink and stop worrying
Ray!
Yes?
All right I'll try
[Line Disconnects]
Miss Petrie Yes, Doctor?
Doesn't Miss Hudson have a 1 O: OO appointment? Yes, she does
It's 1 O:3O Why don't you give her a call?
Uh, hello Is Miss Hudson...
Well, no, l...
This is the receptionist in Dr Flemming's offlce
Well, she had an appointment here this morning
I see
I just called Miss Hudson, and a man answered
He said he was from the coroner's offlce
Try it again Maybe you got the wrong number
This is Dr Flemming's offlce again Is Miss Hudson there?
You don't understand Dr Flemming is her psychiatrist
Well, I'm only trying to get some information
Let me have that Hello This is Dr Flemming Who are you?
Miss Hudson is under my care
I want to know what happened
Look, I am her psychiatrist
What kind of accident?
Well, then who do I call to flnd out?
Look, can't you get it through your head that...
Never mind
Miss Petrie, I'm going out for a while Tell my next patient that I'll be late
Where is she? I said, where is she?
She stuffed herself with barbiturates
I didn't think...
What didn't you think?
You didn't think what?
Well, I questioned her yesterday I guess I pushed her too far
I told her that I was gonna get to you through her
You had to bring her into this, didn't you?
Didn't you know what she'd do? Or didn't you care?
Don't lecture me, Doctor! I'm responsible, and I'm gonna have to live with it
But you're leaving somebody out We both killed that girl... the two of us together
She committed suicide for one reason: to protect you
You see, it was all for you For you, Doc
By the way, congratulations
I mean, you're home free now, aren't you? Boy, it couldn't have worked out better
She was the only one who could've given you away
Can't touch you anymore, Doc Nobody can
You're free and clear You won, Doc
The only trouble is you didn't get what you were goin' after
- What is that supposed to mean? - Why, the girl
You loved her and you wanted her and you were willing to murder for her
And now she's gone, and all that planning, all that sweat,
and you wind up with nothing
What are you trying to tell me?
I'm not trying to tell you anything, Doctor I was just thinking that
you're going to be a terribly lonely man from here on in
and maybe you'd feel better if you got a few things off your chest
Like what? Like the truth
Are you asking me to confess?
Well, is that so strange?
After all, what do you have to look forward to?
Think about that, Doc The girl isn't around anymore
And who knows? Maybe you owe her something
What do you say, Doc?
[Chuckling]
- You're a very funny man - I wasn't trying to be funny
But you are, more than you know
So you want me to purge myself?
My one and only love is dead, and I have nothing more to live for
Is that it? All I'm saying, Doctor, is that if you love that girl...
Love that girl? Look, Columbo, I overestimated you
I thought you understood about human nature
I never loved that girl Come on, Doc
No, really
Remember that hypothetical murderer we were talking about?
He needed an alibi The girl was available
So he used her It was as simple as that
No You killed your wife because you were in love with the girl
Well, if I killed Carol... and there's no proof that I did...
I did it for myself, not for some dime-a-dozen little actress
She helped you with the murder You'd have had to marry her
Not really Something would have been arranged
Like an accident, maybe
[Joan] Always planning ahead, aren't you, Ray?
They said there was something I should hear
Would you like to make a statement now?
Why don't we sit down? We'll be more comfortable