-==http://www.1000fr.com==- 謦灵风软影视论坛荣誉出品 本字幕仅供学习交流，严禁用于商业用途
-=风软FRM字幕组=- 翻译: Cranbery 校对: 梅斯云度
主演: 罗温·阿特金森 --- 黑爵士上尉 休·劳瑞 --- 乔治中尉 托尼·罗宾逊 --- 二等兵包里克 史蒂芬·弗莱 --- 梅棋将军 提姆·麦克纳尼 --- 宝贝儿上尉
编剧: 理查德·柯蒂斯 本·埃尔顿
黑爵士 第4季第1集 厨子上尉
Baldrick,
包里克
what are you doing out there?
你在那干什么呢
I'm carving something on this bullet, sir.
长官 我在子弹上刻字呢
What are you carving?
所刻为何?
I'm carving "Baldrick", sir.
我在刻“包里克”呢 长官
Why?
为什么
It's a cunning plan, actually.
这可是个绝妙的主意
Of course it is.
那当然了
You see, you know they say
你知道 有人说
that somewhere there's a bullet with your name on it?
总有一天会撞上刻了你名字的子弹 （总有一天有颗子弹属于你）
Yes?
是啊
Well, I thought if I owned the bullet with my name on it,
恩 我想如果刻了我名字的子弹在我这里
I'd never get hit by it, 'cos I won't ever shoot myself.
我就不会被它击中了 毕竟我不会射我自己
Oh, shame.
哦 可惜
And the chances of there being two bullets
而且 世上会有两颗
with my name on them are very small indeed.
刻了我名字的子弹 那可能性是很小的
That's not the only thing around here that's "very small indeed".
这里"很小"的东西可不只那一件
Your brain, for example, Is so minute, Baldrick,
比如说 还有你的脑子 包里克 简直就是精致
that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open,
就算一个饥饿的食人族撬开你的脑袋
there wouldn't be enough inside to cover a small water biscuit.
里面的东西连抹一块小饼干都不够
Tally-ho, pip-pip, and Bernard's your uncle.
哟嗬 哈哈 伯纳德大叔好
In English we say, "good morning".
在英语里 我们说"早上好"
- Look what I got for you, sir. - What?
- 长官 看我给您拿什么来了 - 什么
It's the latest issue of "King & Country".
最新一期的"国王与王国"
Oh, damn inspiring stuff!
哎呀 太他妈鼓舞人心了
The magazine that tells the tommies the truth about the war.
正是这杂志告诉了英国大兵 战争的真相
Or alternatively, the greatest work of fiction
换句话说 就是自从说
since vows of fidelity were included In the French marriage service.
宣誓忠诚是法国婚礼的一部分以来 最大的谎言
Come, come, sir.
嘿 嘿 长官
Now, you can't deny that this fine newspaper
你总不能否认这是一份
is good for the morale of the men.
鼓舞士气的好杂志
Certainly not,
当然了
I just think that more could be achieved by giving them some real toilet paper.
我只是觉得如果能给我们提供真正的厕纸 能达到更好的效果
I'm not with you at all, sir,
长官 我仍然不能苟同
what could any patriotic chap have against this magnificent mag?
怎么会有爱国人士能反对这伟大的杂志?
Apart from his bottom?
除了他的屁股吗
Well, look at it.
那 给我看看
I mean the stuff's about as convincing as Dr. Crippen's defence lawyer.
我看这些东西的可信度 就和克里平医生的辩护律师一般水平 (克里平医生乃英国著名杀人魔)
The British tommies are all portrayed
英国大兵都被画成
as six-foot six with biceps the size of Bournemouth.
6英尺6英寸高 二头肌像女人胸那么大
Thoroughly inspiring stuff.
完全是鼓舞士气的东西嘛
And look, sir, this also just arrived for you this morning.
还有长官 这个给你 是今早到的
Hmm, do you know what this is, Lieutenant?
恩 中尉 你知道这是什么吗
- It's a good old service revolver. - Wrong.
- 这是部旧左轮手枪 - 错
It's a brand new service revolver,
这是部崭新的左轮手枪
which I've suspiciously been sent without asking for it.
可疑的是 没有要就送来了
I smell something fishy,
我闻到一点异样的味道
and I'm not talking about the contents of Baldrick's apple crumble.
我说的可不是包里克苹果奶酥里的东西
That's funny, sir, because we didn't order
那可巧了 长官
those new trench-climbing ladders either.
我们也没有要那些新爬战壕的云梯
- New ladders? - Yeah, came yesterday.
- 新云梯 - 是啊 昨天到的
I issued them to the men, and they were absolutely thrilled.
我已经通知下面了 他们都非常兴奋
Isn't that right men?
是不是啊 伙计
Yes, sir,
是 长官
First solid fuel we've had since we burned the cats.
自从我们烧掉猫以来 第一次看到固体燃料
Something's going on,
出事情了
and I think I can make an educated guess what it is.
我想我能拿出个有根据的猜测
Something which you, George, would find hard to do.
这种猜测对于你 乔治 是有难度的
Ah, true, true.
啊 当然
Where I was at school, education could go hang
在我上学的地方 教育都被丢在一边了
as long as a boy could hit a six, sing the school song very loud,
只要一个学生能长到6英尺 大声唱校歌
and take a hot crumpet from behind without blubbing.
还能在身后藏一块烫松饼都不哭 就能毕业
I, on the other hand,
而我呢
am a fully-rounded human being
是一个健全的人类
with a degree from the University of Life,
从社会大学毕业
a diploma from the School of Hard Knocks,
取得"大打出手"中学的文凭
and three gold stars from the Kindergarten of Getting the Shit Kicked Out of Me.
还从"踢屁股"幼儿园拿到3颗星
And my instincts lead me to deduce
我的直觉我指引我推论出
that we are at last about to go over the top.
我们终于可以跳出战壕了
Great Scott, sir, you mean...
老天啊 长官
You mean the moment's finally arrived for us
你是说这一刻终于来临了
to give Harry Hun a darned good British-style thrashing,
我们终于可以给德国佬一个 大不列颠式重击了
six of the best, trousers down?
6下鞭笞如何?(英国古老刑罚)
If you mean are we all going to get killed, yes.
如果你是指我们都要送死了 没错
Clearly, Field Marshal Haig is about to make
很显然 陆军元帅海格正在付出巨大的努力
yet another gargantuan effort
为了能把他的小酒柜
to move his drinks cabinet six inches closer to Berlin.
再向柏林方向移动6英寸
Right!
好
Bravo-issimo!
真是太好了
Well let's make a start, eh?
哦 让我们开始吧
Up and over to glory, last one in Berlin's a rotten egg.
为了荣誉而前进吧 谁最后一个到柏林谁是软蛋
Give me your helmet, Lieutenant.
中尉 把你的头盔给我
Yes, some sort of clever hat camouflage might be in order.
是啊 需要给这头盔做些伪装了
Permission to speak, sir.
长官 请允许我讲话
Granted, with a due sense of exhaustion and dread.
允许 虽然我既疲惫又恐惧
I have a cunning plan to get us out of getting killed, sir.
我有个绝妙的主意 长官 能让我们都不用送命
- Ah, yes, what is it? - Cooking.
- 啊 是什么呢 - 当厨师
I see.
了解
You know staff HQ is always on the lookout for good cooks?
你知道总部的人一直在找好厨师吗
Well, we go over there, we cook 'em something,
那我们去 给他们做饭
And we get out of the trenches that way.
这样我们就可以混出战壕了
- Baldrick, it's a brilliant plan. - Is it?
- 包里克 真是天才的主意 - 真的?
Yes, it's superb.
真的 这次不是反话
Permission to write home immediately, sir!
请允许我马上写信给家里 长官
This is the first brilliant plan a Baldrick's ever had!
这是包里克这辈子第一个天才的主意
For centuries we've tried,
我们努力了多少个世纪
and they've always turned out to be total pig swill.
可我的主意还不如猪哼哼
My mother will be as pleased as punch.
我妈妈听了会像潘趣酒一样开心
Hmm, if only she were as good-looking as punch, Baldrick.
恩 只要她能和潘趣酒 长得一样好看 包里克
There is, however, one slight flaw in the plan.
但可是 这个主意有一个小小的瑕疵
Oh?
是什么
- You're the worst cook in the entire world. - Oh, yeah, that's right.
- 因为你是全宇宙最蹩脚的厨师 - 哦 那倒不错
There are amoeba on Saturn who could boil a better egg than you.
土星上的阿米巴虫都比你会煮鸡蛋
Your filet mignons in sauce b閍rnaise look like dog turds in glue.
你做的牛排配蛋黄酱看起来就像胶水里的狗屎
That's because they are.
因为那就是
Your plum duff tastes like
你做的葡萄干布丁吃起来像
it's a molehill decorated with rabbit droppings.
点缀着兔子便便的鼹鼠丘
I thought you wouldn't notice.
我以为你没注意到呢
And your cream custard has the texture of cat's vomit.
你做的奶油蛋羹口感像猫的呕吐物
Again, it's...
一样 它...
If you were to serve one of your meals in staff HQ,
如果你能在总部做饭
you'd be arrested for the greatest mass poisoning
你就会因造成了自从博吉亚 (文艺复兴时期罗马教皇亚历山大六世的女儿)
since Lucretia Borgia invited 500 of her close friends around
邀请她的500位朋友享用红酒和炭疽以来
for a wine and anthrax party.
最大的食物中毒案而被逮捕
No, we'll have to think of a better plan than that.
所以 我们需要更好的主意
Right, how about a nice meal, while you chew it over?
好的 可在你考虑这个主意的时候 要吃餐好饭吗
What's on the menu?
菜单上都有什么?
Rat.
老鼠
Saut?or fricassee?
是腌呢 还是炖?
Oh, the agony of choice.
恩 真是两难的抉择
Saut閑d involves... ?
腌的话 要用...
Well, you take the freshly shaved rat,
要拿着刚剃了毛的老鼠
and you marinade it in a puddle for a while.
把它浸到泥浆里
Mm-hmm, for how long?
要浸多久?
Till it's drowned.
浸到它被淹死
Then you stretch it out under a hot light bulb,
然后你用一个滚烫的灯泡把它擀平
then you get within dashing distance of the latrine,
再然后拿它到公厕附近
and you scoff it right down.
吃个痛快
So that's saut閕ng. And fricasseeing?
是这么个腌法啊 那炖呢
Exactly the same,
一样一样的
just a slightly bigger rat.
只是要一只大一点的老鼠
Well, call me old Mr. Unadventurous,
就算我没胆量好了
but I think I'll give it a miss this once.
我想我还是不吃了
Fair enough, sir.
有道理 长官
- More for the rest of us. Eh, sir? - Absolutely, Private.
- 其他人呢 长官 - 当然要了 士兵
Tally-ho, barf barf!
*(^*(^*%*$%&)^%
Hello, the Savoy Grill.
您好 这里是酒店前台
Oh, it's you... .
哦 是你啊
Yes... .
好的
Yes, I'll be over in 40 minutes.
好的 我40分钟后过去
Who was it then, sir?
长官 是谁打来的
Strangely enough, Baldrick,
说来也怪 包里克
it was Pope Gregory IX,
是罗马教皇格利高里九世
inviting me for drinks aboard his steam yacht "The Saucy Sue",
他邀请我去停泊在蒙特哥海湾的
currently wintering in Montego Bay
'美女苏'号蒸汽船
with the England cricket team
船上还有英国板球队
and the Balinese Goddess of Plenty.
和巴厘岛丰饶女神
- Really? - No, not really.
- 真的吗 - 不 假的
I've been ordered to HQ.
上面要我去总部
No doubt that idiot General Melchett
毫无疑问 白痴梅琪将军
is about to offer me some attractive new opportunities
又要交给我什么肥差
to have my brains blown out for Britain.
好让我早点为英国献身
What do you want, Darling?
你要什么 宝贝儿
It's "Captain Darling" to you.
你该叫我宝贝儿上尉
General Melchett wants to see you
梅琪将军等着见你
about a highly important secret mission.
要和你谈谈机密任务
- What's going on, Darling? - Captain Blackadder to see you, sir.
- 什么事啊 宝贝儿 - 黑爵士上尉来见您了 长官
Ah, excellent.
好极
Just a short back and sides today, I think, please.
今天就剪个马桶盖式发型 麻烦了
Er, that's Corporal Black, sir.
呃 你说的那个是布莱克下士 长官
Captain Blackadder is here about the other matter, sir,
这位是黑爵士上尉 他为别的事情而来
the secret matter.
就是机密任务
Ah, yes, the special mission. At ease, Blackadder.
啊没错 特别任务 稍息吧 黑爵士
Now, what I'm about to tell you is absolutely tip-top-secret.
我下面要告诉你的是高级机密
- Is that clear? - It is, sir.
- 你的明白? - 明白 长官
Now, I've compiled a list of those with security clearance.
我这里有一份忠诚人员名单
- Have you got it Darling? - Yes, sir.
- 你拿到了吧 宝贝儿 - 是的长官
Read it, please.
请念一下
It's top security, sir,
长官 这可是顶级安全资料
I think that's all the captain needs to know.
我想这位上尉不需要知道这些
Nonsense! Let's hear the list in full!
乱讲 让我们完整地听一遍
Very well, sir.
好的 长官
List of personnel cleared for Mission Gainsborough,
"根兹伯罗任务安全人员名单
as dictated by General C.H. Melchett.
C.H. 梅琪将军口述
You and me, Darling, obviously.
你和我 宝贝儿 当然安全
Field Marshal Haig,
陆军元帅海格
Field Marshal Haig's wife,
陆军元帅海格的夫人
all Field Marshal Haig's wife's friends,
所有陆军元帅海格夫人的朋友
their families, their families' servants,
及其家人 以及家里的仆人
their families' servants' tennis partners,
及其家里仆人的网球搭档
and some chap I bumped into
还有我昨天在混乱中
in the mess the other day called Bernard.
偶然碰到的叫做伯纳德的人"
So, it's maximum security, is that clear?
这就是最大化安全名单 明白了吗
Quite clear, sir.
非常明白 长官
Only myself and the rest of the English- speaking world is to know.
只有我以及所有英语世界国家可以知道
Good man.
很好
Now, Field Marshal Haig
现在呢 陆军元帅海格
has formulated a brilliant new tactical plan
提出了一个能够确保战场胜利的
to ensure final victory in the field.
才华横溢的策略
Ah. Would this brilliant plan involve us
啊 这个才华横溢的策略是否包括
climbing out of our trenches
让我们爬过战壕
and walking very slowly towards the enemy, sir?
然后缓慢向敌军移动吗 长官
How could you possibly know that, Blackadder?
你怎么会知道 黑爵士
It's classified information.
这可是机密情报
It's the same plan that we used last time,
这和我们上次的策略一样
and the seventeen times before that.
也和那以前的17次一样
E-e-exactly!
就是因为这个
And that is what is so brilliant about it!
所以这个策略是天才一般的
It will catch the watchful Hun totally off-guard!
这会让警惕的德国佬完全放松警惕
Doing precisely what we have done
采取同前18次
eighteen times before
完全一样的策略
is exactly the last thing they'll expect us to do this time!
正是他们最想不到的
There is, however, one small problem.
话说回来 这个策略有个小问题
That everyone always gets slaughtered in the first ten seconds.
就是所有的人会在战斗开始的 10秒钟内被杀光
That's right!
没错
And Field Marshal Haig is worried
陆军元帅海格担心
that this may be depressing the men a tadge.
这会打消战士们的积极性
So he's looking to find a way to cheer them up.
所以他在想办法鼓舞士气
Well, his resignation and suicide would seem the obvious solution.
我想他的辞职和自杀会达到这个效果
Interesting thought. Make a note of it, Darling.
有意思 宝贝儿 记一下这句话
Take a look at this...
看看这个
I'm sure you know it ..."King & Country".
我想你认得 这是<国王与王国>
Ah, yes, without question my favourite magazine...
啊 没错 毫无疑问是我最爱
soft, strong and thoroughly absorbent.
又柔软又强硬 完全容易吸收
Top-hole, Blackadder,
见识一流 黑爵士
I thought it would be right up your alley.
我就知道它合你的胃口
Field Marshal Haig's plan is this:
陆军元帅海格的计划是
To commission a man to do an especially stirring painting
任命一个人去画一幅振奋人心的画作
for the cover of the next issue,
来达到之后的目的
so as to really inspire the men for the final push.
也就是在总攻中鼓舞士气
What I want you to do, Blackadder, is to labour night and day
黑爵士 我想让你做的就是 日以继夜地从你的手下中
to find a first-rate artist from amongst your men.
找到一名一流的画家
Impossible, sir.
不可能的 长官
I know from long experience
从长期的经验中我可以说
that my men have all the artistic talent
我的人所具备的艺术天赋
of a cluster of colour-blind hedgehogs...
就和一窝色盲的刺猬…
in a bag.
装在袋子里一样
Hmm, well that's a bit of a blow.
哦 这有点打击人
We needed a man to leave the trenches immediately.
我们需要此人立即出战壕
- Leave the trenches? - Mm-hm.
- 出战壕? - 没错
Yes, I wonder if you've enjoyed,
这样 我不知您是否欣赏过
as I have sir, that marvellous painting
一幅我国肖像画中的名作
in the national portrait gallery, Bag Interior,
叫做<袋子里面>
by the colour-blind hedgehog workshop of Sienna.
由西耶那工作室的色盲刺猬所画
I'm sorry, are you saying you can find this man?
我插一句 你是说你能找到这个人了
I think I can.
我想我能
And might I suggest, sir, that, having left the trenches,
而且请允许我提议 长官 也许派这个人离开战壕
it might be a good idea to post our man to Paris
到巴黎也许是个好主意
in order to soak up a little of the artistic atmosphere...
这样能让他感受一下艺术气氛
perhaps even Tahiti...
或许派去塔希提岛...
so as to produce a real masterpiece.
好让他能画出真的传世之作
Yes, yes, but can you find the man?!
是啊是啊 你能找到画画的人吗
Now, I know I can, sir.
长官 我想我能
Before you can say "Sunflowers,"
还不等你说 向日葵
I'll have Vincent Van Gogh standing before you.
我就能让梵高站在你面前
No, don't stop, sir.
不 不要停啊 长官
It's coming, it's definitely coming.
快好了 灵感马上就来
I, hmm, yeah, er, hm.
啊 对... 恩...那个
I just wonder whether two socks and a hand grenade
我只想说两只袜子和一枚手榴弹
is really the sort of thing
是<国王与王国>这种杂志封面
that covers of "King & Country" are made of.
要找的吗
They will be when I've painted them being shoved up the Kaiser's backside.
如果我把它们塞到德国皇帝背后就行了
- Ah, now, now, this is interesting. - What is?
- 啊 这个 这个很有意思 - 什么
Well, Private Baldrick is obviously a bit of an impressionist.
就是 包里克下士显然有印象派的味道
The only decent impression he can do is of a man with no talent.
他能形成的唯一体面的印象就是 他是个毫无天赋的人
What's it called, Baldrick?
包里克 这幅画叫什么
"The Vomiting Cavalier"?
呕吐的绅士?
No, sir, that's not supposed to be vomit.
不 长官 那可不是呕吐物
- It's dabs of light. - No, it's vomit.
- 那是光点 - 不 是呕吐物
- Yes, so, why did you choose that? - You told me to, sir.
- 是吗 那你为什么选这个题材? - 你告诉我的 长官
Did I?
我吗
Yeah, you told me to paint whatever comes from within,
对啊 你让我画出发自肺腑的东西
so I did my breakfast.
所以我画我的早饭
Look, there's a little tomato.
看 这是一点土豆
Hopeless.
不可救药
If only I'd paid attention in nursery art class
如果在幼儿园里我能多听听美术课
instead of spending my entire time
而不是把时间都花在
manufacturing papier mach?Willies to frighten Sarah Wallis.
用纸做的鸡巴吓唬萨拉·华里斯就好了
You know, it's funny,
要知道 说来有趣
but painting was the only thing I was ever any good at.
绘画是唯一我所擅长的事情了
Well, it's a pity you didn't keep it up.
那太可惜了 你没有画下去
Well, as a matter of fact, I did, actually.
恩 事实上 我画
I mean... I mean normally
我是说 是说通常...
I wouldn't show them to anyone,
我不会给别人看的
'cos they're just embarrassing daubs really,
因为只是些不堪的涂鸦罢了
but you know, ah, they give me pleasure.
但是 要知道 画画是我的乐趣
I'm embarrassed to show them to you now as it happens,
我真的不好意思给您看这些画
but there you go, for what they're worth.
但是还是拿出来吧 随便看看不要当真
To be honest, I should have my hands cut off, I mean...
说实话 我宁可将手砍掉...
George! These are brilliant!
乔治 这简直是天才之作
Why didn't you tell us about these before?
你怎么不早说呢
Well, you know,
恩 要知道
one doesn't want to blow one's own trumpet.
自吹自擂多不好意思呀
You might at least have told us you had a trumpet.
那你至少也让我们知道你有东西可以吹啊
These paintings could spell my way out of the trenches.
你的这些画是让我走出战壕的法宝啊
Yours?
您自己?
That's right, ours.
哦对 我们
All we have to do is paint something heroic
现在我们要做的就是画点英勇的内容
to appeal to the simple-minded tommy.
来吸引头脑简单英国大兵的眼球
Over to you, Baldrick.
交给你了 包里克
Um, how about a noble tommy, standing,
恩 让一个高贵的大兵站在那里
with a look of horror and disgust,
用惊愕烟雾的眼神注视着
over the body of a murdered nun,
旁边一个被猥琐德国佬
what's been brutally done over
残酷奸杀的修女的尸体
by a nasty old German.
Excellent.
非常好
I-I can see it now: the Nun and the Hun.
我都想到的题目了: 修女和德国佬
Brilliant!
天才
No time to lose.
时不我待
George, set up your easel, Baldrick and I will pose.
乔治 放好画架 包里克和我来当模特
This is going to be art's greatest moment
这将成为艺术史上最光辉的时刻
since Mona Lisa sat down and told Leonardo da Vinci
第一光辉的是蒙娜丽莎告诉达芬奇 她心情不大好的时刻
she was in a slightly odd mood.
我们就排在这一时刻之后
Baldrick, you lie down in the mud and be the nun.
包里克 你躺在泥里装成修女
I'm not lying down there, it's all wet.
我才不躺下呢 好脏啊
Well, let's put it this way:
恩 那这么说吧
Either you lie down and get wet,
要不你躺下弄脏衣服
or you're knocked down and get a broken nose.
要不你被踢翻把鼻子摔坏
Actually it's not that wet, is it?
其实没有那么脏 不是吗
No.
是
Who are you going to be then, sir?
长官 那你扮什么呢
The noble tommy?
高贵的英国大兵?
Precisely, standing over the body of the ravaged nun.
确切地说 还站在被蹂躏的修女尸体边
I want a wimple.
我想要戴个头巾
You should have gone before we started the picture.
你在进入画面之前就该死了
You know, the funny thing is,
要知道 巧的是
my father was a nun.
我爸爸就是个修女
No, he wasn't.
不 不可能
He was so, sir.
他就是 长官
I know, 'cos whenever he was up in court,
我这么说 是因为每次他出庭受审
and the judge used to say, "Occupation?"
法官会问 职业?
He'd say, "None."
他就说 "修女"(修女和no同音)
Right. You're ready?
好吧 你准备好了没?
Just about sir, yes.
快好了 长官
Um, if you just like to pop your clothes on the stool.
恩 麻烦您把衣服脱下放到凳子上
I'm sorry?
你说什么?
Just pop your clothes on the stool over there.
麻烦您把衣服脱下放到凳子上 就在那
You mean, you want me..."tackle out"?
你的意思是 我得赤裸上阵?
Well, I would prefer so, sir, yes.
长官 我希望那样 没错
If I can remind you of the realities of battle, George,
请允许我提醒你战场的实景 乔治
one of the first things that everyone notices
每个人首先注意的事情是
Is that all the protagonists have got their clothes on.
所有的主角都是穿衣服的
Neither we nor the Hun
不论是我们的人还是德国佬
favour fighting our battles au naturel.
本质上会帮助我们作战
Sir, it's artistic license.
长官 这是艺术的大胆处理
It's willing suspension of disbelief.
这是对艺术怀疑的自愿中止 (willing suspension of disbelief 英国诗人柯立芝语)
Well, I'm not having anyone staring in disbelief
我不要谁盯着我的鸡巴(willing和鸡巴同音)
at my Willie suspension!
还表示怀疑!
Now, get on and paint the bloody thing... sharpish!
好了 开始画这该死的东西吧 钻牛角尖的家伙
Brilliant, George, it's a masterpiece.
才气冲天 乔治 这是件杰作
The wimple suits you, Baldrick.
头巾很衬你啊 包里克
But it completely covers my face.
但它把我的脸全挡住了
Exactly.
说的就是这点
Now, then, General Melchett will be here at any moment.
现在 梅琪将军随时会来
When he arrives, leave the talking to me, all right?
等他到的时候 把张嘴的工作交给我 明白吗
I like to keep an informal trench,
我是喜欢和属下随便一些
as you know,
你们都知道的
but today you must only speak
但是今天你们讲话
with my express permission, Is that clear?
必须经过我的允许 明白了吗
Is that clear?
明白了没有
Permission to speak.
允许讲话
Yes, sir, absolutely.
是 长官 完全了解
Attention!
立正！
Dugout, attention!
都有了... 立正！
Excellent, at ease.
很好 稍息
Now, then, Blackadder,
黑爵士
where would you like me to sit?
你要我坐在哪里呢
I thought just a simple trim of the moustache today,
我今天想稍稍整理一下胡子
nothing drastic.
不用做什么大改动就好
We're here about the painting, sir.
长官 我们是来看画的
Oh, yes, of course.
哦 对了 当然
Good Lord, George! Ha ha ha!
我的天 乔治 哈哈哈
How are you, my boy?
你好吗 我的孩子
I said how are you?
我说你好吗
Permission to speak.
允许讲话
Absolutely top-hole sir,
不能再好了 长官
with a ying and a yang and a yippetty-doo.
阴啊 阳啊 都好的不得了
Splendid!
妙极了
And your Uncle Bertie sends his regards.
令伯父百腾让我问候你
I told him you could have a week off in April.
我告诉他你今年4月可以休假一周
Don't want you missing the boat race, do we?
我们可不想你错过划艇比赛
Permission to speak.
允许讲话
Certainly not.
当然了
Permission to sing boisterously, sir?
请允许我大声唱歌吧 长官
If you must.
想唱就唱吧
# Row, row, row your punt #
* 划 划 划小船 *
# Gently down the stream #
* 轻挥桨 慢转弯 *
# Belts off, trousers down, isn't life a scream? #
*腰带没了 裤子不见 生活就是他妈的扯蛋！ *
Fabulous.
神奇
University education, you can't beat it.
大学教育 真是无敌
Bravo! Now, what have we here?
好极了 看看还有谁
Name?
叫什么?
Permission to speak.
允许讲话
Baldrick, sir.
包里克 长官
Ah, tally-ho, yippety-dip,
啊 呔嗬 呀哈
and zing zang spillip.
鸡尾酒啊
Looking forward to bullying off for the final chukka?
是不是为晋升摩拳擦掌呢?
Permission to speak.
允许讲话
Answer the general, Baldrick.
回答将军的话 包里克
I can't answer him, sir,
我不知道怎么回答 长官
I don't know what he's talking about.
我不明白他的意思
Aah, are you looking forward to the big push?
啊 我问你是不是盼着总攻呢
No, sir, I'm absolutely terrified.
正相反 长官 我很害怕
Ah, the healthy humour of the honest tommy.
啊 真是诚实大兵无伤大雅的幽默
Ha ha ha, don't worry my boy, If you should falter,
啊 别担心小伙子 如果你失去胆量了
remember that Captain Darling and I are behind you.
记着我和宝贝儿上尉在你身后
About thirty-five miles behind you.
大约就在你后面35英里处
Right, well, stand by your beds.
很好 去一边休息吧
Let's have a look at this artist of yours, Blackadder.
黑爵士 让我们见见你的这位画家
- Next to me, Darling. - Thank you, sir.
- 坐过来 宝贝儿 - 谢谢 长官
So, ah, have you found someone?
那 你找到什么人了吗
Yes, sir, I think I have. None other than young George here.
是的长官 我找到了 正是这位 乔治
Oh, bravo!
哦 好极了
Well, let's have a shufti then.
那让我们先睹为快吧
It's simply called "War".
这幅画就叫做 <战争>
Damn silly title, George.
这是什么傻题目啊 乔治
Looks more like a couple of socks
我看就是两只袜子
and a stick of pineapple to me.
加上一坨菠萝
Ah, permission to speak, sir?!
啊 长官 请允许我讲话
Uh, I think not, actually.
我想 我否决
Quite right!
说的没错
If what happens when you open your mouth
如果你张开嘴就像
Is anything like what happens when you open your paintbox,
你打开绘画箱一个效果
we'll all be drenched in phlegm!
那我们都会被痰液淹没了
Oh, no, this isn't what we're looking for at all, is it, Darling?
这根本不是我们要找的 是不是 宝贝儿
- No, sir. - No sir!
- 不是 长官 - 不是 长官
There is this, sir. It's Private Baldrick's.
长官 这里还有 下士包里克
He's called it "My Family And Other Animals."
他叫这个 <我的家人和其他的动物>
Oh, good Lord, no!
哦 老天 不
Well, I'm afraid that's about it, sir,
恩 长官 恐怕情况就是这样
apart from this little thing.
除了这幅小习作
Ah, now that's more like it!
啊 这才像样
Who painted this, Blackadder?
黑爵士 这是谁画的?
Well actually, it was me.
恩 实际上 是我
Permission to speak really quite urgently, sir!
请允许我讲话 长官 很紧急
Damn and blast your goggly eyes,
你这个瞎了眼的笨蛋
will you stop interrupting, George?!
你能别打断他吗 乔治
This is excellent!
这画太棒了
Congratulations, man. It's totally inspiring!
祝贺你 真是太惊人了
Makes you want to jump over the top
简直想让你跳出战壕
and yell, "Yah boo, sucks to you, Fritzie!"
大喊: 去死吧 德国佬
Thank you, sir.
谢谢 长官
Are you sure you did this, Blackadder?
黑爵士 这真是你画的吗
Of course I'm sure.
当然是我了
- I'm afraid I don't believe you. - How dare you, Darling?
- 恐怕我不相信你 - 宝贝儿 你怎么这样
General, I can't let that slur pass.
将军 这事不能就这么过去
What possible low, suspicious, slanderous reason
这个坐办公室的菜鸟
could this office boy have
有什么好理由质疑
for thinking that I didn't paint the picture?
这幅画是我画的?
Three reasons, as a matter of fact.
事实上 有3条理由
- Firstly, you're in it. - It's a self-portrait.
- 其一 你在画里面 - 这是幅自画像
Secondly, you told us you couldn't paint.
其二 你告诉过我们你不会画画
One doesn't like to blow one's own trumpet.
自吹自擂可不好
- Permission... - Denied.
- 请... - 否决
And thirdly,
其三
it's signed "George."
上面签了 乔治
Well spotted.
好眼力
But not signed George, dedicated to George.
不是签着 乔治 是献给 乔治
King George.
乔治王
Gentlemen, The King.
先生们 国王万安
The King! - Where?
- 国王万安 - 在哪
Bravo, Blackadder, I have absolutely
太好了 黑爵士 现在我对于
no hesitation in appointing you
把这个任务交给你 我们的军队指定画家
our official regimental artist.
是毫不犹豫了
You're a damn fine chap,
你真是好同志啊
not a pen-pushing, desk-sucking blotter-jotter
而不像这位宝贝儿一样 是个乳臭未干
like Darling here.
照本宣科的废物
Eh, Darling?
是不是 宝贝儿
No sir.
是的 长官
No sir.
是 没错
Well, accompany us back to HQ immediately.
立即陪我们去总部
Ten shun!
立正
Permission to jolly well speak right now, sir,
请允许我真正说话 长官
otherwise I might just burst like a bloody balloon!
要不然我就要憋爆炸了
Later, George. Much later.
晚点 乔治 再晚一些
Congratulations on your new appointment, Blackadder.
祝贺你 黑爵士得到了新任务
Thank you, sir.
谢谢 长官
And may I say, Blackadder, I am particularly pleased about it.
我想说 黑爵士 我对于这件事特别满意
Are you?
是吗
Oh, yes.
是的
Now that you are our official war artist,
既然现在你是我们的指定画家了
we can give you the full briefing.
我可以告诉你全部机密
The fact is, Blackadder,
事实上 黑爵士
that the King & Country cover story
<国王与王国>的封面
was just a cover story!
只不过是个封面
We want you, as our top painting bard,
我们要你 作为军方指定画家
to leave the trenches...
离开战壕
Good.
好
- Tonight - Suits me.
- 今晚就走 - 正好
And go out into No-Man's Land.
进入无人地带
- No-Man's Land. - Yes.
- 无人地带 - 是的
- Not Paris. - No.
- 不是巴黎吗 - 不是
We want you to come back
我们要你
with accurate drawings of the enemy positions.
带一幅敌军分布的详图回来
You want me to sit in No-Man's Land
你们想让我坐在无人地带
painting pictures of the Germans?
画德国人
Precisely... good man!
正是 好样的
Well, it's a very attractive proposition,
哦 此议很吸引在下
but unfortunately, not practical.
但是不幸的是 不太可行
You see, my medium is light.
我作画需要光线
It'll be pitch-dark... I won't be able to see a thing.
而那里会很黑 伸手不见五指
Ah... that is a point.
呃...这个我给忽略了
I tell you what...
那不如这样
We'll send up a couple of flares.
我们打几颗信号弹
You'll be lit up like a Christmas tree.
会把你像圣诞树一样点亮的
Oh, excellent. Glad I checked.
好极了 真高兴我问过了
All right... total and utter quiet.
好 现在保持完全安静
So, for instance, if any of us crawl over any barbed wire,
举个例子 如果我们中有人爬到了铁丝网上
they must on no account go...
那么他绝不可以...
Aaahhh!!!!
啊...
You just crawled over some barbed wire, sir?
长官 你刮到铁丝网了吧
No, Baldrick,
没有 包里克
I've just put my elbow in a blob of ice cream.
我只是不小心把胳膊肘 放到一块冰激凌上
Well, that's all right.
哦 那还好
Now, where the hell are we?
现在 我们到底在哪
It's a bit difficult to say.
这可不好说
We appeared to have crawled into an area marked with mushrooms.
看起来我们怕到了一片在地图上 用蘑菇标注的地区
And what do those symbols denote?
那个标志是什么意思
That we're in a field of mushrooms?
我们在一篇蘑菇地里?
That is a military map,
那是张军事地图
It is unlikely to list interesting flora and fungi.
理论上不太可能标出什么植物或真菌
Look at the key and you'll discover
看一看图注
that those mushrooms aren't for picking.
你就会明白那些蘑菇不是用来摘的
Good Lord, you're quite right, sir.
额滴神 你是对的 长官
It says "mine".
这写着"我的"(mine 也是雷区的意思)
So these mushrooms
所以这些蘑菇
must belong to the man who made the map.
一定属于画地图的人
Either that, or we're in the middle of a mine field.
要不然是说我们的位置是雷区
Oh, dear.
哦 糟糕
So he owns the field as well?
所以这片雷区也是他的了？
They're firing, sir, they're firing!
他们开火了 长官他们开火了
Yes, thank you, Lieutenant.
是的 中尉 谢谢提醒
If they hit me, you'll be sure to point it out, won't you?
如果他们射我 你肯定会指过来的 对吧？
Get on with your drawing and let's get out of here.
拿好你的画具 我们离开这
Surely we ought to wait for the flare, sir,
可是我们要等信号弹啊 长官
you see, my medium is light...
要知道 我需要光线啊
Just use your imagination, for heaven's sake!
看在上帝的份上 就凭想象画吧
Wait a minute... that's the answer.
等一等 这正是答案
I can't believe I've been so stupid!
真不敢相信我竟然这么笨
That is unusual,
这是不寻常
'cos usually I'm the stupid one.
通常我才是笨的那个
Well, I'm not over-furnished
而我呢 大脑向来
In the brain department.
能量供给不充分
Well, on this occasion,
在这种情况下
I've been stupidest of all.
我是笨到家了
Oh, now, sir,
行了 长官
I will not have that.
我才不同意呢
Baldrick and I will always be
我和包里克
more stupid than you.
从来都比您笨
Isn't that right, Baldrick?
包里克 你说是不是
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
笨 笨 比您笨
Yeah... stupidy, stupidy, stupidy!
是啊 蠢 蠢 愚蠢
The stupidest stupids
我们是愚蠢史上
In the whole history of stupidityness!
最愚蠢的蠢蛋
Finished?
闹完了吗
I think the obvious point is this...
我想眼下只剩一条路了
We'll go straight back to the dugout
我们回到防空洞
and do the painting from there.
在那里画画
You do the most imaginative,
我要你凭想象画出
most exciting possible drawing
有关德军防卫 最有创意
Of German defences from your imagination.
最令人激动的画面
I say, now, that is a challenge.
这是很有挑战性的
Quite. Come on, let's get out of here.
的确 来吧 我们快离开这
Oh, sir, just one thing...
对了 长官 还有一个问题
If we should happen to tread on a mine,
如果我们不小心触发一枚地雷
what do we do?
我们怎么办
Well, normal procedure, Lieutenant,
中尉 按常规程序处理
is to jump 200 feet into the air
向空中跳起200英尺
and scatter yourself over a wide area.
然后将自己散落在广阔的土地上
Are you sure this is what you saw, Blackadder?
黑爵士 你确定这就是你看到的?
Absolutely.
完全确定
There may have been a few more armament factories
除了可能会多几个军备工厂
and not quite as many elephants,
和少几头大象之外
but that's generally it.
总体来说是这样的
Well, you know what this means.
你知道这意味着什么吗
If it's true, sir, we'll have to cancel the push.
如果情况的确这样 长官 我们只能取消总攻
Exactly.
完全正确
- Damn! - What a nuisance.
- 该死 - 真是麻烦
Exactly what the enemy would expect us to do,
完全和敌人预料的一样
and therefore, exactly what we shan't do!
所以 我们完全不那么做
Ah. Now...
可...
If we attack where the line is strongest,
如果我们攻击防守最坚固的地方
then Fritz will think that our reconnaissance
那么德国人就会认为我们
is a total shambles.
侦查失误
This will lull him into a sense of false security,
这就会令他们麻痹大意 疏于防守
and then next week we can attack
而一个星期之后我们就可以
where the line is actually badly defended,
攻打防守最最薄弱的地方
and win the greatest victory
然后取得胜利
since the Winchester flower arranging team
取得自从在插花大赛上温彻斯特中学队以
beat Harrow by 12 sore bottoms to one!
12比1赢了哈罗中学以来最伟大的胜利
Tell me... have you ever visited the planet Earth, sir?
长官 请问您有没有访问过 一个叫做地球的行星?
So, best fighting trousers on, Blackadder!
那么黑爵士 去换上最好的战袍
Permission to shout "Bravo"
请允许我
at an annoyingly loud volume, sir!
烦人地大声喊 好啊 长官
Permission granted.
批准
Bravo!!!!
好啊----
That's the spirit!
要的就是这种精神
Just your kind of caper, eh, Blackadder?
黑爵士 你也是这么振奋的 不是吗
Oh, yes.
没错
Good luck against those elephants.
祝你们攻打大象好运
Get me a chisel and some marble,
给我找把凿子和一块大理石 好吗 包里克
will you, Baldrick?
Taking up sculpture now, sir?
要搞雕刻了吗 长官
No, I thought I'd get my headstone done.
不 只是我想是时候刻我的墓碑了
What are you gonna put on it?
墓志铭打算刻什么
Here lies Edmund Blackadder,
"这里长眠着埃德蒙·黑爵士"
and he's bloody annoyed.
"他非常气愤"
We're going over, are we, sir?
我们是要上阵了吗 长官
Yes, we are, unless I can think of some brilliant plan.
是的 如果我想不出什么好主意的话
Would you like some rat au vin to help you think?
您想要点酒酿老鼠帮助您思考吗
Rat au vin?
酒酿老鼠?
Yeah, it's rat, and it's been...
是的 就是用老鼠...这只老鼠
...run over by a van.
用酒淹死的
No thank you, Baldrick.
还是免了 谢谢你包里克
Although it gives me an idea.
不过这给我提了个醒
Telephone, please.
请把电话给我
I suppose Blackadder and his boys
长官 我想此时此刻黑爵士
will have gone over the top by now, sir.
和他的小伙子们应该在穿越无人区呢
Yes. God, I wish I was out there with them,
是啊 老天啊 我真希望我能同他们一起
dodging the bullets, instead of having to sit here
出生入死 而不是坐在这里
drinking this Chateau Lafitte
喝着拉菲酒庄红酒
and eating these fillet mignons with sauce bernaise.
吃着牛排配蛋黄酱
My thoughts exactly, sir.
我也是这么想的
Damn this Chateau Lafitte.
该死的拉菲酒庄
He's a very brave man, Blackadder,
黑爵士是一位勇士
and of course that lieutenant of his, George.
还有 他的中尉乔治当然也是
Cambridge man, you know.
他是剑桥毕业的
His uncle Bertie and I used to break wind for our college.
我和他叔叔百腾曾经一起为我们学校 参加放屁大赛
Slightly unusual taste, this sauce bernaise.
这个蛋黄酱味道有点不对
Yes, and to be quite frank, these mignons are...
是啊 实话说 牛排也...
are a little... well...
有一点...
What?
怎么?
Well, dungy.
呃 恶心
What on earth's wrong with our cook?
我们的厨子到底怎么了?
Well, it's rather strange story, sir.
说来也怪 长官
Oh? Tell, tell.
哦 讲讲看
Well, sir, I received a phone call this afternoon
是这样的 今天下午我接到一通电话
from Pope Gregory IX telling me that our cook
是罗马教皇九世打来告诉我 我们的厨师
had been selected for the England cricket team
被选去为英国板球队做饭
and must set sail for the West Indies immediately.
必须立刻送上去西印度群岛的轮船
Really?
真的?
Barely a moment later, the phone rang again.
没过多久 电话又响了
It was a trio of wandering Italian chefs
是三位流浪的意大利厨师
who happened to be in the area offering their services.
他们碰巧来到此地要找份工作
So I had the quartermaster take them on at once.
所以我让军需官立即接纳了他们
Oh? Jumping Jupiter!
啊呀 什么东西啊
Are you sure these are real raisins In this plum duff?
你觉得这是李子布丁里的葡萄干吗
Oh yes, I'm sure they are, sir.
我确定那是 长官
Everything will be all right
等到奶油蛋羹上来
once the cream custard arrives.
一切都会好的
Jolly good fun, sir, but dash it all,
长官 这可真好玩
we appear to have missed the big push!
不过话说回来 我们好像错过总攻了
Oh, damn, so we have.
该死 可不是嘛
One thing puzzles me, Baldrick...
包里克 我还有一事不明
How did you manage to get so much custard
你是怎么做到让 这么小的一只猫弄出
out of such a small cat?
那么多奶油蛋羹的?
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