1 00:00:49,944 --> 00:00:53,345 [Indistinct Chattering] 2 00:01:03,390 --> 00:01:07,759 Major, you have the hands of a concert violinist. 3 00:01:07,828 --> 00:01:09,762 He could've been a surgeon. 4 00:01:09,830 --> 00:01:12,856 I'm running the show. You're just the anesthetist today. 5 00:01:12,933 --> 00:01:16,494 - I know. It's your band, and I'm just a boy singer. - Shh! 6 00:01:16,570 --> 00:01:19,698 Now stepping mike-side, the lovely Hawkeye Pierce... 7 00:01:19,773 --> 00:01:22,867 to sing the very haunting "Star Spangled Banner." 8 00:01:22,943 --> 00:01:27,107 Officer? Labbi Forbris? 9 00:01:27,181 --> 00:01:30,116 - Keep walking, Margaret. - Please! Labbi Forbris. 10 00:01:30,184 --> 00:01:32,118 - Frank! - Just keep walking. 11 00:01:32,186 --> 00:01:34,120 She probably wants to sell the baby. You know how they are. 12 00:01:34,188 --> 00:01:36,748 - Just a second. - Lookee, missee. 13 00:01:36,824 --> 00:01:41,523 Me sabe and Meme Sabe very busy working hard all night. 14 00:01:41,595 --> 00:01:43,529 Chow time? 15 00:01:43,597 --> 00:01:46,725 - Major? - Maybe we should talk to her for a second. 16 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:49,928 That only puts another dollar in the bank of permissiveness. 17 00:02:03,250 --> 00:02:06,947 Frank, I want to tell you what a great job you did this morning. 18 00:02:07,021 --> 00:02:10,548 Skillful technique, O.R. Efficiency unparalleled. 19 00:02:10,624 --> 00:02:13,286 - A superior team effort. - Thank you very much. 20 00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:15,885 Now if you could just get this back in. 21 00:02:17,264 --> 00:02:19,198 - Hello, Chopper. - Hello, Father. 22 00:02:19,266 --> 00:02:20,995 - Hello, Hawkeye. - Hello, Father. 23 00:02:21,068 --> 00:02:22,797 - Hello, Don. - Hello, Phil. 24 00:02:22,870 --> 00:02:24,667 - Hello, Mary. - Hello, Rochester. 25 00:02:24,738 --> 00:02:28,071 Hello, Mr. Benny. [Laughs] 26 00:02:32,346 --> 00:02:35,577 How can you give thanks for food this bad? 27 00:02:35,649 --> 00:02:37,640 Just being grateful for my daily bread. 28 00:02:37,718 --> 00:02:39,652 My daily bread's four days old. 29 00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:43,178 Mail call. Father. 30 00:02:43,257 --> 00:02:46,317 Ah, it's from my sister, the sister. 31 00:02:46,393 --> 00:02:49,260 - Maria Angelica. - I thought her name was Kathy. 32 00:02:49,330 --> 00:02:51,628 Maria Angelica's the name she took as a nun. 33 00:02:51,699 --> 00:02:54,532 - Her married name. - No mail for me? 34 00:02:54,601 --> 00:02:56,535 A cancelled subscription? A lawyer letter? 35 00:02:56,603 --> 00:02:59,970 An apology from my draft board? It was all a mistake? Something? 36 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:02,474 This one's marked, "Occupant, MASH 4077 th." 37 00:03:02,543 --> 00:03:04,477 Sold. 38 00:03:04,545 --> 00:03:07,241 I'll enjoy this after the afternoon prayer. 39 00:03:07,314 --> 00:03:09,942 - Who's yours from, Trap? - My five year old. 40 00:03:10,017 --> 00:03:13,350 Or my wife has started writing in crayon. 41 00:03:13,420 --> 00:03:15,354 - What's that? - A picture of a barnyard. 42 00:03:15,422 --> 00:03:17,686 If you can find the faces of ten... 43 00:03:17,758 --> 00:03:19,988 United States presidents in this picture... 44 00:03:20,060 --> 00:03:23,052 you can be the proud owner of a Shetland pony. 45 00:03:23,130 --> 00:03:26,657 Hey, terrific. I see one already right there. 46 00:03:26,734 --> 00:03:28,793 Coolidge. Right near the horse's tail. 47 00:03:28,869 --> 00:03:32,396 That's one. There's Teddy Roosevelt in the tree. 48 00:03:32,473 --> 00:03:34,236 Bully, bully! 49 00:03:36,343 --> 00:03:38,811 You trying to muscle in on our pony, Father? 50 00:03:43,050 --> 00:03:46,850 Your films came, sir, from the Tabasco Film Company, Havana, Cuba. 51 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:49,081 Tee-riff! 52 00:03:51,759 --> 00:03:53,852 Great. Great. 53 00:03:53,927 --> 00:03:56,828 "Yvonne, Renee and Loretta in What the Parrot Saw. " 54 00:03:58,298 --> 00:04:00,892 - What's the other one say, sir? - Oh, uh... 55 00:04:00,968 --> 00:04:03,801 "Renee, Loretta and the Parrot in What Yvonne Saw. " 56 00:04:06,507 --> 00:04:09,908 Uh, sir, could I watch the films with you this time... 57 00:04:09,977 --> 00:04:12,741 with Captain Mclntyre and Pierce? 58 00:04:12,813 --> 00:04:15,338 Ah, Radar, you'd be bored to death. 59 00:04:15,416 --> 00:04:18,283 I mean, it's all medical stuff. 60 00:04:18,352 --> 00:04:21,219 Uh-huh. Here's a letter from your wife. 61 00:04:21,288 --> 00:04:23,916 - Thank you, Radar. - You're welcome. 62 00:04:23,991 --> 00:04:28,451 Forbris, Forbris. 63 00:04:28,529 --> 00:04:31,589 There was a Lieutenant Forbes. Tall, thin guy. 64 00:04:31,665 --> 00:04:34,566 Only dermatologist I ever knew with pimples. 65 00:04:34,635 --> 00:04:37,570 - Maybe she's looking for Captain Forrest. - Who? 66 00:04:37,638 --> 00:04:40,038 The brain surgeon who fell down a lot. 67 00:04:40,107 --> 00:04:42,541 No, no. He's been gone over two years. 68 00:04:42,609 --> 00:04:44,543 He's got a toy store now. 69 00:04:44,611 --> 00:04:47,375 Read, please. 70 00:04:50,184 --> 00:04:52,118 [Trapper] What? 71 00:04:52,186 --> 00:04:55,986 "Labbi Forbris" is "rabbi for Bris." 72 00:04:56,056 --> 00:04:58,923 Yes. Yes. 73 00:04:58,992 --> 00:05:01,790 Sang Min. 74 00:05:01,862 --> 00:05:03,659 She's married to Walter R. Jacobson, Corporal. 75 00:05:03,730 --> 00:05:07,257 0390-118010. 76 00:05:07,334 --> 00:05:09,268 This is their son, Sang Min Jacobson... 77 00:05:09,336 --> 00:05:12,100 who's too young to have a number yet. 78 00:05:12,172 --> 00:05:15,164 "The father, busy at the front, is requesting that a circumcision be performed... 79 00:05:15,242 --> 00:05:18,177 with a traditional Jewish ceremony, which is known as a Bris." 80 00:05:18,245 --> 00:05:20,179 I'll do the circumcision... 81 00:05:20,247 --> 00:05:22,943 but you're gonna have to get a Jewish chaplain to lay on the prayers. 82 00:05:23,016 --> 00:05:27,316 - Can Father Mulcahy do Jewish? - Only if he can read Latin from right to left. 83 00:05:27,387 --> 00:05:30,185 Talk to the father. He's right inside. He's got a black shirt, white collar. 84 00:05:30,257 --> 00:05:32,191 Cross around the neck. 85 00:05:32,259 --> 00:05:34,659 Oh, a padre. 86 00:05:34,728 --> 00:05:36,662 Si. 87 00:05:38,265 --> 00:05:40,199 We don't get a lot of those cases. 88 00:05:40,267 --> 00:05:43,703 I don't remember a single soldier coming through in diapers before. 89 00:05:43,770 --> 00:05:47,797 Doc, run to the Motor Pool. I'll throw you a long one. 90 00:05:47,875 --> 00:05:50,070 - Arm like a rifle. - Hall of Famer. 91 00:05:50,143 --> 00:05:52,077 Bet they retire your smock. 92 00:05:52,145 --> 00:05:56,309 Guys, did I get a letter from my wife! Oh, man! Fantastic! 93 00:05:56,383 --> 00:05:58,442 We're happy for you. Did the movies come? 94 00:05:58,519 --> 00:06:02,319 - Yeah. What the Parrot Saw. - I love animal films. 95 00:06:02,389 --> 00:06:05,654 - What time is the screening? - Midnight in the generator shed. 96 00:06:05,726 --> 00:06:08,251 But never mind! I've got to tell you about Lorraine's letter. 97 00:06:08,328 --> 00:06:10,296 - Millard Fillmore. - Hey, great! 98 00:06:10,364 --> 00:06:11,991 Who? 99 00:06:12,065 --> 00:06:14,863 We're gonna take your picture on a pony so you can send it home to your wife. 100 00:06:14,935 --> 00:06:19,133 What pony? Read this letter. What a woman! 101 00:06:19,206 --> 00:06:23,108 I bet there isn't a guy here in this godforsaken toilet with trees... 102 00:06:23,176 --> 00:06:26,077 that's got his wife's permission to horse around. 103 00:06:27,147 --> 00:06:29,081 - "Dear Henry." - We read it, Henry. 104 00:06:29,149 --> 00:06:32,209 "I know, darling, what you're going through... the hardships, loneliness... 105 00:06:32,286 --> 00:06:34,220 living in tents like animals." 106 00:06:34,288 --> 00:06:36,779 - I didn't know animals lived in tents. - Neither did I. 107 00:06:36,857 --> 00:06:41,191 "So if it should happen that you meet another woman..." 108 00:06:42,529 --> 00:06:45,498 "So if it should happen that you meet another woman... 109 00:06:45,566 --> 00:06:50,060 someone who is kind, I would certainly understand, my darling." 110 00:06:50,137 --> 00:06:53,265 - Can you believe her? - I'm still having trouble believing you. 111 00:06:53,340 --> 00:06:55,433 - That's great. - Yeah. 112 00:06:55,509 --> 00:06:57,443 You said something about taking a picture. 113 00:06:57,511 --> 00:07:00,639 - Could we do it now? I'd like to send it to her. - We don't have the pony yet. 114 00:07:00,714 --> 00:07:03,615 Oh, okay. 115 00:07:07,454 --> 00:07:09,786 - Prince. - Lightning. 116 00:07:09,856 --> 00:07:11,790 - Norman. - Buck. 117 00:07:11,858 --> 00:07:13,792 Norman's a great name for a pony. 118 00:07:13,860 --> 00:07:15,794 The other horses'll make fun of him. 119 00:07:15,862 --> 00:07:18,763 Yeah. And he'll probably have to wear glasses. 120 00:07:25,138 --> 00:07:28,801 [Cooing] 121 00:07:28,875 --> 00:07:30,809 Well, there's Captain Epstein. 122 00:07:30,877 --> 00:07:33,311 He's a very fine Jewish chaplain. 123 00:07:33,380 --> 00:07:35,314 We went through indoctrination together. 124 00:07:35,382 --> 00:07:38,180 Lovely fellow, Eppy. 125 00:07:38,251 --> 00:07:40,651 Water-skier, paratrooper. 126 00:07:40,721 --> 00:07:42,951 A bit meshuga, actually. 127 00:07:44,124 --> 00:07:46,957 - [Mouthing Words] - He's with the 109th. 128 00:07:47,027 --> 00:07:51,157 However, he's not Orthodox. He's Conservative. 129 00:07:51,231 --> 00:07:54,462 Oh, I don't think she'd want anything flashy. 130 00:07:56,136 --> 00:07:59,333 If you can't get Captain Epstein, try the Navy, Marines. 131 00:07:59,406 --> 00:08:02,773 Let's get this little fellow taken care of. 132 00:08:04,845 --> 00:08:07,336 It's a lovely boy. 133 00:08:07,414 --> 00:08:09,905 Did I remember to give you that letter from your sister? 134 00:08:09,983 --> 00:08:14,215 Yes, yes. I was about to read it. 135 00:08:14,287 --> 00:08:17,518 Please, don't be worried about the circumcision. 136 00:08:17,591 --> 00:08:20,151 Some of my best friends have had one. 137 00:08:20,227 --> 00:08:23,355 Thank you, Father. Thank you. 138 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:31,653 #Kyrie eleison # 139 00:08:31,787 --> 00:08:35,917 - Fragment at L-3, one centimeter. - L-3. 140 00:08:35,991 --> 00:08:39,586 Compression fracture, L-4, lesions and trauma. 141 00:08:39,661 --> 00:08:42,926 - [Mumbling] Finished. - Good. 142 00:08:42,998 --> 00:08:45,398 That O.D. T-shirt makes me crazy. 143 00:08:45,467 --> 00:08:48,834 I wanted to bite you in the chow line. 144 00:08:50,472 --> 00:08:53,930 [Moaning] 145 00:08:54,009 --> 00:08:56,842 I didn't see anything. You seen anything, Trap? 146 00:08:56,912 --> 00:08:59,938 - I didn't see a thing. - We were simply checking spines. 147 00:09:00,015 --> 00:09:02,074 Did you find out you each had one? 148 00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:04,618 Would you make up 50 of these for me? 149 00:09:05,887 --> 00:09:08,412 I don't know which one of you is more obscene. 150 00:09:08,490 --> 00:09:12,426 - He is. We took a poll. - What are you doing? 151 00:09:12,494 --> 00:09:15,122 Is that James Buchanan under the haystack? 152 00:09:15,197 --> 00:09:17,665 What would a president be doing under a haystack? 153 00:09:17,732 --> 00:09:20,360 What am I doing in South Korea without a paddle? 154 00:09:20,435 --> 00:09:24,371 What's this I hear about you performing a "cirky" on an infant? 155 00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:26,737 - That's elective surgery. - Against regulations. 156 00:09:26,808 --> 00:09:29,504 So is groping in the X ray room without leather aprons. 157 00:09:31,847 --> 00:09:35,214 The mother and child happen to be dependents of an American soldier. 158 00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:38,013 Isn't that John Quincy Adams? 159 00:09:38,086 --> 00:09:40,111 That dependent card and letter could be forgeries. 160 00:09:40,188 --> 00:09:42,179 Sounds like one of their rackets to me. 161 00:09:42,257 --> 00:09:46,990 Right. She gets rich taking her baby around to hospitals getting him circumcised. 162 00:09:47,062 --> 00:09:49,758 Come on, Major. 163 00:09:49,831 --> 00:09:51,765 [Trapper] Going to do more research? 164 00:09:51,833 --> 00:09:55,291 Pace yourself, kids. It might be a long war. 165 00:09:55,370 --> 00:09:58,271 Right there. That big red apple. 166 00:09:58,340 --> 00:10:00,934 Ulysses S. Grant's nose. 167 00:10:02,377 --> 00:10:06,507 Hey, you guys think my wife could have a guilty conscience? 168 00:10:06,581 --> 00:10:10,415 What are you talking about? Where'd you get an idea like that? 169 00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:12,919 - I saw that. - Read between the lines. 170 00:10:16,358 --> 00:10:18,292 Mmmm. 171 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:22,023 Mmmm. Mmmm. 172 00:10:22,097 --> 00:10:26,056 - He's right, Henry. That's exactly what it says. - Uh-huh, uh-huh. 173 00:10:26,134 --> 00:10:28,068 [Mumbling] 174 00:10:34,509 --> 00:10:38,411 - Uh-huh. - [Henry] Why? Why? 175 00:10:41,950 --> 00:10:45,386 The country club. That's what it is. That country club. 176 00:10:45,453 --> 00:10:49,321 - Right. - A thousand dollars to join, 150 a month green fees. 177 00:10:49,391 --> 00:10:51,325 - For what? - What? 178 00:10:51,393 --> 00:10:54,260 Heartbreak, that's what. Nothing but heartbreak. 179 00:10:54,329 --> 00:10:57,230 Say good morning to the pro, and he sells you an alpaca sweater. 180 00:10:57,299 --> 00:11:00,359 Right. That was the 109th. 181 00:11:00,435 --> 00:11:04,201 Captain Epstein's been rotated to Temple Beth El in Buffalo. 182 00:11:04,272 --> 00:11:08,709 - Who? - The chaplain that does water-skiing and circumcisions. 183 00:11:08,777 --> 00:11:11,143 Hey, those are good hobbies. 184 00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:13,407 I used to collect butterflies. 185 00:11:13,481 --> 00:11:17,611 I never caught any, though. I got a sick moth once. 186 00:11:17,686 --> 00:11:21,144 He was eating my father's blue serge, and I slammed the closet door on him. 187 00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:25,249 - I'll try someone else. - All right. 188 00:11:25,327 --> 00:11:27,295 121 st, please. 189 00:11:28,997 --> 00:11:33,263 Nah. Lorraine would never do anything wrong. 190 00:11:33,335 --> 00:11:35,565 Who am I speaking to? 191 00:11:35,637 --> 00:11:40,870 Uh, Corporal Sweeny? You guys got a rabbi down there? 192 00:11:40,942 --> 00:11:42,910 It's for a Bris. 193 00:11:44,713 --> 00:11:47,705 It's like a christening performed on newborn male personnel... 194 00:11:47,782 --> 00:11:50,273 who are Jewish Hebrews. 195 00:11:50,352 --> 00:11:52,513 Right, you go look. I'll wait. 196 00:11:55,757 --> 00:11:58,123 It's all in your imagination, Henry. 197 00:11:58,193 --> 00:12:00,252 I don't know. 198 00:12:00,328 --> 00:12:04,025 I've seen those single guys checking on the wives at the club. 199 00:12:04,099 --> 00:12:06,863 Them and their brown and white wing-tip shoes. 200 00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:09,165 They don't care. 201 00:12:09,237 --> 00:12:12,104 You know, one hot night a couple summers ago... 202 00:12:12,173 --> 00:12:14,368 one of'em cut in on me and Lorraine at the dance. 203 00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:19,243 He didn't even have the decency to hold her with a hanky over his hand. 204 00:12:19,314 --> 00:12:22,374 Next dance with me, she had a soggy back. 205 00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:25,578 - You're doing the jack story, Henry. - I know what started it. 206 00:12:25,654 --> 00:12:27,952 She took up tennis. 207 00:12:28,023 --> 00:12:30,753 She wears those short, little skirts. 208 00:12:30,825 --> 00:12:34,989 Lorraine has gorgeous legs since her varicose vein operation. 209 00:12:35,063 --> 00:12:38,396 - Have a drink, Henry. - What legs. 210 00:12:38,466 --> 00:12:40,457 Sailor followed her once four blocks... 211 00:12:40,535 --> 00:12:43,026 and she was wearing orthopedic shoes. 212 00:12:43,104 --> 00:12:46,267 Maybe it would help if you took a long walk in a mine field. 213 00:12:46,341 --> 00:12:50,573 - Have a talk with Father Mulcahy. - Well... 214 00:12:50,645 --> 00:12:52,943 Hey! Now that's a good idea. 215 00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:59,275 I just won't mention that the country club doesn't allow Catholics. 216 00:13:01,690 --> 00:13:04,523 Kathy, Kathy, Kathy. 217 00:13:04,592 --> 00:13:07,390 How could you think of such a thing? 218 00:13:07,462 --> 00:13:10,431 Father? 219 00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:12,966 Father, I've got to talk to you about my wife. 220 00:13:13,034 --> 00:13:15,229 My sister wants to leave the order. 221 00:13:15,303 --> 00:13:17,635 There's guilt all over this letter. 222 00:13:17,706 --> 00:13:20,732 She's such a fantastic nun. 223 00:13:20,809 --> 00:13:23,937 I'd stack her up against any nun in the business. 224 00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:27,948 I gave her whatever she needed, even if she didn't want it. 225 00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:30,917 God smiled on her from the start. 226 00:13:30,985 --> 00:13:35,649 Imagine! A basketball scholarship at the Holy Name Academy. 227 00:13:35,724 --> 00:13:38,625 Appendices, adenoids, tonsils. 228 00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:41,287 I took something out of every member of her family. 229 00:13:41,362 --> 00:13:43,296 And all freebies. 230 00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:47,892 She's been teaching. She loves children. 231 00:13:47,969 --> 00:13:50,631 Now she thinks she might like one of her own. 232 00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:53,037 Lorraine can be a little flirty... 233 00:13:53,108 --> 00:13:56,737 especially after a couple of Scotch and Seven-Ups. 234 00:13:56,811 --> 00:13:59,371 Now she wants my approval. 235 00:13:59,447 --> 00:14:01,415 I don't know what to tell her. 236 00:14:01,483 --> 00:14:04,350 - I don't know what to say. - [Knocking At Door] 237 00:14:04,419 --> 00:14:07,877 I think I got a Bris guy zeroed in on the carrier Essex. 238 00:14:07,956 --> 00:14:10,186 Oh, good, Radar. Stay on it. 239 00:14:10,258 --> 00:14:12,818 Yes, Father, sir. 240 00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:15,488 Well, anything else, Colonel? 241 00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:19,761 No. No, thank you, Father. It certainly helps... 242 00:14:19,834 --> 00:14:22,928 to talk to someone about these things who's sympathetic. 243 00:14:23,004 --> 00:14:25,199 Anytime, my son. 244 00:14:29,511 --> 00:14:31,445 What's your diagnosis? 245 00:14:31,513 --> 00:14:33,447 We got it isolated. 246 00:14:33,515 --> 00:14:35,813 At exactly 1400 hours. 247 00:14:35,884 --> 00:14:39,650 It isn't a president's face, but it's political-looking. 248 00:14:40,789 --> 00:14:43,519 - It's a cow chip. - Keep searching. 249 00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:46,856 One more president to go, and we're pony owners. 250 00:14:46,928 --> 00:14:49,488 She's such a fantastic nun. 251 00:14:49,564 --> 00:14:51,555 One of your top nuns. 252 00:14:51,633 --> 00:14:54,329 Radar, who do I see about getting an emergency furlough? 253 00:14:54,402 --> 00:14:57,838 - First you see the chaplain. - But I am the chaplain. 254 00:14:57,906 --> 00:15:01,034 Right. Then he, who is in your case you, contacts the Red Cross... 255 00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:03,976 which gets back to you, since you're him. 256 00:15:04,045 --> 00:15:06,206 - How's that? - [Phone Ringing] 257 00:15:06,281 --> 00:15:10,012 4077 th MASH. No kidding? Great! 258 00:15:10,084 --> 00:15:12,211 We got a Jewish chaplain, Father. 259 00:15:12,287 --> 00:15:16,155 Go ahead. Lieutenant Commander Cornfield. 260 00:15:16,224 --> 00:15:19,591 He's on the carrier Essex off Inchon. 261 00:15:19,661 --> 00:15:22,095 I can reach him by code for the next four hours. 262 00:15:23,832 --> 00:15:25,925 Do I know what you're saying? 263 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,764 He could radio us the Bris ceremony, and you officiate. 264 00:15:28,837 --> 00:15:32,739 Oh, yes, yes. That'll work. 265 00:15:32,807 --> 00:15:34,775 Tell the rabbi roger, kosher and out. 266 00:15:39,848 --> 00:15:42,146 - You're both gonna be sorry. - Very sorry. 267 00:15:42,217 --> 00:15:44,947 I found a way to have tangible evidence that you will have performed elective surgery. 268 00:15:45,019 --> 00:15:47,817 - And there'll be none of your weaseling out of it. - Have you finished? 269 00:15:47,889 --> 00:15:51,290 - I have. - Your fly is untied. 270 00:15:51,359 --> 00:15:53,725 - Really! - Colonel, do you realize... 271 00:15:53,795 --> 00:15:57,595 No, Frank. Or, yes, Frank. Whichever you prefer to hear. 272 00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:03,830 I'm sure of it now, guys. 273 00:16:03,905 --> 00:16:06,931 I even know who it is. Lyle Pendergrast. 274 00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:09,067 Always kissing her hand. 275 00:16:09,143 --> 00:16:11,771 One time he got his mustache caught in her ring. 276 00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:15,338 - Wow, his eyes watered. - Henry! 277 00:16:15,416 --> 00:16:18,385 You know what I've been doing? Crying. 278 00:16:18,453 --> 00:16:22,412 I never cry. I never cried as a kid. 279 00:16:22,490 --> 00:16:26,324 Go ahead. Hit me on the arm as hard as you can. I won't cry. 280 00:16:26,394 --> 00:16:28,828 - Go on. - It's no sin to cry. 281 00:16:28,897 --> 00:16:32,355 It is in Bloomington. Tractor tipped over on my father once... 282 00:16:32,433 --> 00:16:36,631 and he walked five miles into the woods to scream. 283 00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:39,639 Why don't you patch through to the States and call your wife? 284 00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:42,904 As soon as you hear her voice, you'll realize that everything is okay. 285 00:16:42,977 --> 00:16:45,502 For a second, I thought you were gonna say "hunky-dory." 286 00:16:45,580 --> 00:16:47,741 It crossed my mind. 287 00:16:47,815 --> 00:16:52,752 Yeah, I'll hear her voice. We'll talk about the kids... 288 00:16:52,820 --> 00:16:55,288 and I'll hear the dog barking in the yard. 289 00:16:55,356 --> 00:16:57,517 Let it all out, Henry. Come on. 290 00:16:57,592 --> 00:17:01,528 I'm not gonna cry. I'm not gonna cry. 291 00:17:01,596 --> 00:17:03,530 Watch. 292 00:17:13,102 --> 00:17:15,468 [Buzzing] 293 00:17:18,774 --> 00:17:20,799 4077 th MASH. 294 00:17:20,876 --> 00:17:22,969 Yeah, right. One sec. 295 00:17:26,849 --> 00:17:29,477 Sir? Your call to Bloomington. 296 00:17:29,551 --> 00:17:32,884 - It's Mrs. Colonel, your wife, sir. - Oh. 297 00:17:32,955 --> 00:17:36,220 - You look fine, sir. - Can you tell I've been crying? 298 00:17:36,291 --> 00:17:38,225 - No. - Good. 299 00:17:38,293 --> 00:17:42,024 You can only have two minutes on the line. That's all I could get. 300 00:17:42,097 --> 00:17:44,031 [Sighs] 301 00:17:46,735 --> 00:17:50,000 Hi, Lorraine. It's me, Henry. 302 00:17:50,072 --> 00:17:52,006 Oh, I'm, uh... 303 00:17:53,041 --> 00:17:56,772 I'm fine, dear. How are you? 304 00:17:56,845 --> 00:18:01,908 Oh, swell, honey. Kids good? Terrific. 305 00:18:01,984 --> 00:18:05,351 No, no, no. I'm still here at the war. 306 00:18:05,420 --> 00:18:08,253 No, I haven't been shot or anything. 307 00:18:08,323 --> 00:18:11,258 The latrine caught fire the other day. I was in it. 308 00:18:11,326 --> 00:18:15,353 But nothing important got burned, just a little singed. 309 00:18:15,430 --> 00:18:18,866 What? Well, yes. 310 00:18:20,035 --> 00:18:22,299 Yes, there is something l... 311 00:18:22,371 --> 00:18:25,101 You're gonna think this is really silly. 312 00:18:25,174 --> 00:18:28,371 I mean, it's gonna make you laugh. 313 00:18:28,443 --> 00:18:31,571 Uh-huh. Yeah, well, uh... 314 00:18:31,647 --> 00:18:34,480 Lorraine, I want you to be as honest with me... 315 00:18:34,550 --> 00:18:37,485 as I've always tried to be with you. 316 00:18:37,553 --> 00:18:41,887 I mean, your letter today. Uh, your last letter? 317 00:18:41,957 --> 00:18:46,758 It could be interpreted as... Who? 318 00:18:46,829 --> 00:18:48,990 Al Franklin? 319 00:18:49,064 --> 00:18:52,465 Do I know him? Yeah, I know him. 320 00:18:52,534 --> 00:18:55,594 Tall guy, 12 handicap, drives a yellow Jag. 321 00:18:57,906 --> 00:19:01,467 The Pumpkin Dance at the country club? 322 00:19:01,543 --> 00:19:04,103 Uh-huh. 323 00:19:04,179 --> 00:19:06,773 Ah, Lorraine! 324 00:19:06,849 --> 00:19:08,783 Lorraine! 325 00:19:08,851 --> 00:19:11,046 An orthodontist! 326 00:19:11,119 --> 00:19:15,749 Well, I mean, honey, don't, don't cry. 327 00:19:15,824 --> 00:19:18,918 Please don't cry. 328 00:19:18,994 --> 00:19:22,327 All right, Lorraine. Go ahead, cry. 329 00:19:23,899 --> 00:19:26,333 Yeah. Yes, l... 330 00:19:26,401 --> 00:19:29,802 I know the movie, Brief Encounter. 331 00:19:29,872 --> 00:19:31,806 What a... 332 00:19:31,874 --> 00:19:35,366 Lorraine, that's only a movie! I... 333 00:19:35,444 --> 00:19:37,674 Lorraine? 334 00:19:37,746 --> 00:19:39,680 Lorraine? 335 00:19:49,725 --> 00:19:53,058 Sir, Lieutenant Commander Cornfield is standing by on the Essex. 336 00:19:53,128 --> 00:19:56,689 - We're ready to start the ceremony. - Ceremony? 337 00:19:56,765 --> 00:20:00,394 Yeah. The Jacobson kid, Sang Min? 338 00:20:00,469 --> 00:20:03,165 - Go ahead, Radar. Whatever. - Yes, sir. 339 00:20:04,506 --> 00:20:06,474 It's clean, sir. 340 00:20:12,514 --> 00:20:16,746 [Crying] Oh, Lorraine. Orthodontist! 341 00:20:18,253 --> 00:20:20,278 Testing. One, two, three, four. 342 00:20:20,355 --> 00:20:23,984 Testing. Mea culpa. Mea culpa. 343 00:20:24,059 --> 00:20:26,186 Have you got the chair, Father? 344 00:20:26,261 --> 00:20:28,195 Oh, right. 345 00:20:29,998 --> 00:20:32,489 They're ready on board the Essex. You ready to perform? 346 00:20:32,567 --> 00:20:34,558 # Mi-mi-mi-mi # Ready. 347 00:20:34,636 --> 00:20:37,161 - What's the chair for? - For the standby father. 348 00:20:37,239 --> 00:20:40,072 Will you sit on it? And keep your hands on the baby. 349 00:20:40,142 --> 00:20:43,771 - Sit down. It lets you use your best part. - Bring in the child. 350 00:20:43,845 --> 00:20:47,110 [Radar Bleeping Morse Code] 351 00:20:47,182 --> 00:20:51,585 Uh, Father, the first thing to say is... 352 00:20:51,653 --> 00:20:56,283 "Repeat after me. May he who comest be blessed." 353 00:20:59,695 --> 00:21:01,629 [Mulcahy] Repeat after me. 354 00:21:03,332 --> 00:21:05,493 May he who comest be blessed. 355 00:21:05,567 --> 00:21:09,230 - [All Together] May he who comest be blessed. - Go ahead, Radar. 356 00:21:09,304 --> 00:21:14,105 "Happy is he whom thou choosest and bringest, uh, nigh." 357 00:21:14,176 --> 00:21:18,909 "Happy is he whom thou choosest and bringest nigh... 358 00:21:18,981 --> 00:21:20,915 that he may dwell in thy courts." 359 00:21:20,983 --> 00:21:24,510 I warned you. This is elective surgery. I'm taking pictures. 360 00:21:24,586 --> 00:21:26,520 - F-2.8. It's dark in here. - Right. 361 00:21:26,588 --> 00:21:29,853 Frank, have you been sniffing medical samples again? 362 00:21:30,993 --> 00:21:34,258 [Radar Bleeping] 363 00:21:35,797 --> 00:21:39,324 Uh... [Speaking Hebrew] 364 00:21:39,401 --> 00:21:41,301 [Repeats In Hebrew] 365 00:21:41,370 --> 00:21:44,100 [Continues In Hebrew] 366 00:21:44,172 --> 00:21:49,235 [Hebrew] 367 00:21:52,547 --> 00:21:55,812 [Radar Bleeping] 368 00:21:55,884 --> 00:21:59,115 [Hebrew] 369 00:21:59,187 --> 00:22:03,351 [Repeats In Hebrew] 370 00:22:09,531 --> 00:22:12,796 [Radar Bleeping] 371 00:22:12,868 --> 00:22:16,861 Uh, now, Father, you put a drop of wine in the baby's mouth. 372 00:22:16,938 --> 00:22:19,270 A drop of wine in the baby's mouth. 373 00:22:34,923 --> 00:22:38,381 God of our fathers, preserve this child... 374 00:22:38,460 --> 00:22:40,724 and let his name be called in Israel... 375 00:22:40,796 --> 00:22:43,663 Sang Min, son of Walter R. 376 00:22:47,069 --> 00:22:48,866 Let us rejoice. 377 00:22:48,937 --> 00:22:51,599 [Radar Bleeping, Signal Fading] 378 00:22:52,941 --> 00:22:55,603 They're fading, Father. Wait a minute. 379 00:22:57,779 --> 00:22:59,713 I've lost the Essex. 380 00:22:59,781 --> 00:23:04,241 We've lost them, and I don't think we're finished. 381 00:23:04,319 --> 00:23:07,015 [Speaking In Hebrew] 382 00:23:07,089 --> 00:23:12,356 [Hebrew] 383 00:23:12,427 --> 00:23:14,258 Everybody. 384 00:23:14,329 --> 00:23:17,423 - Amen. - [Together] Amen. 385 00:23:17,499 --> 00:23:20,366 - Shall I diaper, Doctor? - Yes, and then the baby. 386 00:23:20,435 --> 00:23:22,926 Shall we head for the sponge cake? 387 00:23:23,004 --> 00:23:25,529 - You did good work, Doctor. - When did I not? 388 00:23:27,175 --> 00:23:29,109 - Hey. - What? 389 00:23:29,177 --> 00:23:32,146 I think I know where the face of the tenth president is. 390 00:23:32,214 --> 00:23:35,274 Aha! Got it! Got every bit of it on film. 391 00:23:35,350 --> 00:23:37,875 Really? Let's see. 392 00:23:39,221 --> 00:23:43,715 - Hey, he's right. - Ahh. I had my eyes closed there. 393 00:23:43,792 --> 00:23:48,126 - The baby's cute. - Did you have to pull it out in this room? 394 00:23:48,196 --> 00:23:51,222 - Couldn't you wait until we got to the tent? - [Indistinct Chattering] 395 00:23:54,307 --> 00:23:57,174 [Indistinct Chattering] 396 00:23:57,243 --> 00:24:00,679 When I saw the little mother holding that child... 397 00:24:00,746 --> 00:24:04,807 she was the happiest person I'd seen in my life. 398 00:24:04,884 --> 00:24:08,615 I thought perhaps my sister should have a chance at that. 399 00:24:08,688 --> 00:24:11,782 So if she must, she'll have my blessing. 400 00:24:11,857 --> 00:24:16,089 - ##[Horah] - [Cheering] 401 00:24:41,187 --> 00:24:44,020 Come on. We gotta practice for our pony.