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My cigarette burns like a flame.
My lungs will never be the same.
I puff, and I puff.
I can't get enough.
Oh, well.
I'll get cancer just the same.
Very nice, Catherine,
but remember, the beauty of poetry
is in the details.
Next time, you might want to be more specific
about which brand you smoke.
Someone will be out shortly to get you.
Who would like to go next?
Colins, how about you?
"A single blade.
"Cold. Alone.
"Misunderstood,
causing fear to move through my soul like wind"-
See me after class.
That was very nice, Colins.
Yeah, nice enough
to make you want to kill yourself.
- Hey. - Hi.
You're the new girl, right?
Yeah.
I'm Kristen Edwards.
Annabelle.
It's nice to meet you.
You too.
Oh, my God.
Your mother is Senator Tillman.
That is so cool.
Oh, my God, your mom is such an inspiration.
I'm totally going into politics.
Who are you?
Only the daughter of Senator Tillman.
Who's that?
Hello?
Her mom could be, like, our first female president.
I doubt that.
Are you in a band?
Yeah.
Mm.
A rock star.
Cat's dad's drummer for The Weary.
Was.
He's doing his own thing now.
He's in rehab.
Dude.
What?
You better not let them catch you smoking.
Later.
Bye.
This is our administrative hall.
The cafeteria and offices are here.
Senior dorm rooms are upstairs.
And your classes
are up the hill in the other building.
You might want to hide those underneath your shirt.
Why?
And the nose ring,
you might want to take that out.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
It's open.
Good luck.
God, please bless this food
we are about to receive.
May it nourish our body in Jesus Christ.
Amen.
I hear you're in dorm five.
It looks that way.
Me too.
You're lucky.
The sisters don't let us do anything,
but Miss Bradley, she lets us order pizza sometimes
and stay up later on the weekends.
Sounds great.
Where did you put your chem notes?
Why are you wigging out?
I'm wigging out because if I don't pass chem,
I'm going to fail again.
It's her second go-round as a senior.
Just announce it to the whole frigging world, Cat.
I'm sorry, but it is.
I can't believe she's smoking.
"I feel like I'm only... "
Hey, Prissy.
What's in the cage?
It's a porcupine.
Her name is Prissy.
I found her in the woods.
L-I think her mother died.
Careful, Annabelle.
That thing has wicked gas.
She doesn't have gas.
No one else knows about her but us.
Miss Bradley is letting me keep her.
Because she has no other friends.
Come here, Prissy.
Come here.
"My respiration
"and inspiration.
"The beating of my heart.
"The passing of blood and air through my lungs.
"A few light kisses,
"a few embraces,
"a reaching around of arms.
"The song of me rising from bed
and meeting the sun. "
Now, we've already spent a lot of time
talking about Song of Myself from a stylistic perspective,
but what about content?
Wasn't Walt Whitman gay?
Yes.
So he's writing this about another man.
Let's take a closer look at the opening lines.
What does he mean when he writes,
"I celebrate myself,
"for every atom belonging to me
belongs to you"?
Martha?
We're all connected?
Anyone else?
Annabelle.
Because, through love,
we feel the intensity of our connection
to everything and everyone,
and at the core, we're all the same.
We're all one.
So I'm the same as Colins.
I don't think so.
Why don't you expand your mind?
Why don't you stop cutting yourself?
Out of my class.
Everyone open your books to page 46.
Let's take another look at the beginning.
A story I loved as a child
was about two frogs
who were playing leapfrog.
What else?
But by mistake,
they jumped into a large vat of fresh cream.
Finding no foothold,
they started swimming to avoid drowning.
But one of the frogs was just too tired.
He couldn't take it,
and he croaked to his friend that he was finished.
And sure enough, he sank to the bottom
of that vat
and died a miserable death.
He really croaked.
But the other frog
missed his friend, of course,
saddened by his loss,
but he kept right on going,
persevering, swimming,
persevering,
sim-
persevering,
swimming with determi...
Here we go.
He kept right on going-
With perseverance and determined strokes,
he had churned that cream into butter
and hopped out.
Deo gratias.
I'm glad you could make it out tonight.
Me too.
You've been so busy lately.
How are your classes going?
Good.
My plate is definitely full this semester.
So have you, you know, had any thoughts
about our conversation last week?
What?
Why do you keep putting this off?
I'm not putting it off.
I...
I'm just, um-I'm not ready to leave the school yet.
You can live off campus and still teach there.
I do it for my school.
Why does the subject of us,
you know, moving in together
stress you out so much?
Can't we just have a nice evening out together?
All right.
You're right. You're right.
"Now you feel
"how nothing clings to you.
"Your vast shell reaches into endless space,
"and there the rich, thick fluids
"rise and flow.
"IIluminated in your infinite peace,
"a billion stars go spinning through the night,
"blazing high above your head.
"But in you is the presence that will be
when all the stars are dead."
When Rilke says,
"Your vast shell reaches into endless space,
and there the rich, thick fluids rise and flow,"
what was he talking about?
I think he's talking about sex.
What would make you think that?
"Your vast shell
reaches into endless space."
It sounds like the metaphor for the body as it orgasms.
And "endless space" could represent
the infinite possibilities
that open for you when you climax.
And "thick fluids," well, that's kind of obvious.
I think Rilke is implying
that sex and love can merge together,
especially good sex.
Annabelle, I'd like to speak with you.
Look, I respect my students,
and I encourage you all to have your own opinions-
But...
But I can't help thinking
that you were trying to get a rise out of me.
And why would I want to do that?
Perhaps to get attention.
Or perhaps I'm intrigued.
Intrigued by what?
By you.
I'd appreciate it
if you'd be more appropriate
with your comments in my class.
Hey, it's Anna.
Is my mother there?
Well, tell her it's me.
Right. Go up the hill.
Then, after winding around-
Oh, Miss Bradley,
Mother Immaculata wants to see you.
Yes, yes, I understand.
Yes, ma'am. Yes.
No, I assure you
that everything is under control.
Thank you.
Whew.
We need to have a serious talk
about Annabelle Tillman.
How did you get this?
It was a Christmas gift from my dad.
Seriously?
It might not be a Beamer,
but that's not going to do you any good here anyway.
What are you guys doing?
Get out of here,
Prickle Priss.
Come sit by me, Colins.
Whatever.
Your dad seems cool, Cat.
When he's sober.
Which is never.
Dude, let's play I Never.
Dude, we're seniors now.
That didn't stop you
from playing last year.
Would you shut up about that?
How do you play?
I never had sex.
Now, if you have had sex, you have to drink.
This is so gay.
Well, you definitely have to drink to the first one,
because we all know you're not a virgin.
Can I play?
You've never done anything, Colins,
so you're not going to get drunk.
I've done stuff.
Okay.
Annabelle, you go.
Make it good.
Here.
I've never had sex with another woman.
Bullshit.
You've had sex with a girl?
It's not that big a deal.
Wow.
That is...
Wow.
Finally, a lesbian.
I was worried we were never going to have one
after Michelle Peters graduated.
What are you guys doing down here?
Getting drunk.
We were just leaving.
You always say the stupidest-
Shut up. Shh.
I don't smoke.
But they're good.
I got them in Thailand.
I don't care where you got them.
Look,
I really need you to try to start fitting in here.
How can I fit in?
I'm not even Catholic.
The nose ring.
You want me
to take out my nose ring?
Yes.
Fine.
Anything else you want me to do?
The Buddhist prayer beads.
No.
I'm okay about the nose ring, but these stay with me.
Look, there's a strict dress code here.
Buddhist prayer beads are-
I told you I'm not taking them off.
Hand over the beads.
You will respect the rules of this school
or face the consequences.
Being expelled from your first two schools
wasn't enough for you?
You leave me no choice.
You will wear this
and add another one just like it for every day
that you continue to wear those beads.
I think it will help you realize
how heavy a burden denying Christ can be.
I'm not wearing that.
Your mother informs me that if you don't comply,
you'll be sent to military school,
so I suggest you cooperate.
I think you should move her to another dorm.
Why?
I can't control her.
Well, that shouldn't be too hard a job, Simone.
I was able to control you.
Your homework assignment for tonight
is to take one of the poems
that I'm listing on the board
and write a two-page analysis.
And it's due tomorrow.
Hand it over.
I wouldn't read that.
Annabelle, I need to speak with you.
Why aren't you wearing your rosary?
You don't want to get
on Mother lmmaculata's bad side.
Trust me.
God.
If Mother Immaculata told you to take this cross off,
would you?
I have something for you.
Thanks.
Maybe you could carry them
in your pocket
or hide them in your bag where no one can see them.
I'll think about it.
Why are you making this so hard?
The first person I fell in love with
gave them to me.
Hmm.
Are you still in love with him?
She moved to Europe last year with her family.
Think about it.
Hey.
Hi.
I just wanted to say thanks again
for the book.
You're welcome.
Thanks for taking off the beads.
Come on, Annabelle.
We're going to take Prissy out.
I'll be there in a minute.
Did you take all these?
Yeah.
I didn't know you could paint on a picture.
Mm.
Can I look at them?
Sure.
These are really amazing.
Don't get me wrong.
You're a great teacher,
but you should be taking pictures.
Thanks.
That's sweet of you to say.
Are these your parents?
Mm-hmm.
Are you close to them?
Not really.
I don't see them very much.
Your mom looks like Immaculata.
They're sisters.
You're related to Mother Immaculata?
How long have you been at this school?
Since I was 13.
Wow.
I left when I graduated,
but somehow I got drawn back.
Yeah, I can see how this school
would be a hard place to stay away from.
Who's she?
That's Amanda.
Hmm.
You seem really close.
We grew up together.
Where is she now?
She died a few years ago.
I'm sorry.
Miss Bradley.
I think Prissy is dead.
I don't understand.
She was fine yesterday.
Look at the bright side, Colins.
At least you don't have to smell her gas anymore.
Catherine.
I hate you, Cat.
I didn't mean to say that.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say it.
I'm sorry.
It just slipped out.
I can't stop.
It's okay.
Sorry.
Don't apologize to me.
Let me see.
It's bad.
Sweetie.
It's bad.
Okay.
You're not very discreet.
Yeah.
You think I'm an asshole, don't you?
Sometimes.
My dad just sent me this.
It's good stuff.
Your dad gets you pot?
For sure.
That's weird.
What?
Well, they sent you here because you're into drugs,
and then your dad gets you pot.
Yeah, well, he's cool like that.
So how's it going with Miss Bradley?
Nothing's going with Miss Bradley.
I had a crush on her when I was a freshman.
I'm not gay, though.
I'm into guys too.
Michelle Peters was obsessed with her.
She used to write her notes and shit in class.
I'm not obsessed with her.
But you like her, though.
Hey.
Good to see you guys.
We were beginning to wonder about you two.
We haven't seen you for ages.
Now, now, no need to worry.
It's just our little Simone has been buried at work.
You tell them about the ceremony?
No, silly, I didn't tell them.
What ceremony?
Well-
We're renewing our vows.
Hey, all right.
We are very excited.
We just couldn't think
of a better way to celebrate five years.
Hmm.
I'm really, really happy for you guys.
Yeah, me too.
I'm really happy for you guys.
Oh, yeah.
Simone, is that you?
Ah.
Close the door, please.
Come.
Sit down.
Keep me company for a while, hmm?
We hardly spend any time together anymore.
We see each other all the time.
Yeah, but it's not like it used to be.
You've been out with Michael, I presume.
I don't know why you're still with him.
He's not good enough for you.
I'm really tired.
I'm going to bed.
No, wait.
What?
I can't.
Why?
Because I'm not interested
in being your science project.
They're not from me.
Thank you.
You can't be in here.
Well, I need someone to talk to.
I've had to listen to Cat and Kristen all night
debate about what's appropriate to do on a first date.
Oh, come on.
Don't you want to know
what's appropriate to do on a first date?
All right, what's appropriate?
Well, according to them both,
it all depends on how hot the guy is
or, in Catherine's case, the girl.
Catherine's gay?
Didn't say she was gay,
but she kissed me.
She kissed you. Wow.
Do you-
Did you...
She's not my type.
You play with your necklace a lot.
Nervous habit.
Do I make you nervous?
Don't.
Hi, it's Simone. Leave a message.
Hey, baby, it's me. Are you there? Pick up.
Uh, no?
I didn't always want to be a priest.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
I really wanted to be in the circus.
That's what I wanted.
You know, with elephants and zebras
and those performers, all those different performers.
But one Sunday, I was in church
and heard our priest saying,
"You know, some of those performers are gypsies.
"And gypsies are the children of the devil.
"And if you're on the path to God,
"I would suggest
that you do not frequent a place like that. "
Well, my father never took me to the circus again.
And, you know, it didn't sit right with me.
If we're on a path to God, that's one thing,
but is there only one path to God?
Isn't God everywhere and everything?
I just don't think it's a good idea.
She lives in your dorm.
Therefore, she's your responsibility.
But what about me?
I really need to get away for a few days.
You know how delicate the situation is.
Father Harris would like to see you.
"Orange moon lies low."
Good to see you, honey.
It sucks that you have to stay here for spring break.
"Up against a western sky."
"Soon we'll see all our troubles disappear"
"underneath its watchful eye."
"Meet me, dark whiler,"
"tonight."
"We'll watch the waves roll in"
"and the planes blow on by."
I love teaching.
And I love feeling like
I have a purpose here with the girls,
but everything else in my life is just...
Is what?
I don't know.
I guess I thought I'd have more figured out by now.
Well, maybe the best thing to do
is not to try to figure it all out.
What's that?
A note for a sermon.
You've always been my favorite.
Do you realize that?
You said that to all of us.
Not true.
No, you've-you know, you've always stood out from the rest,
particularly the time that you and Amanda ran off
with all that wine from the rectory.
You knew that was us?
My problem is that I know everything.
Hi.
Hey.
Oh, come on.
Don't take them.
Where do you keep getting these?
Sister Claire.
Might as well.
I don't usually smoke.
Neither do I.
You were smoking when I met you.
That was the day I started.
You want to get out of here?
I can't take my students off campus.
Who's going to know?
Sister Claire.
Is this your place?
My parents gave it to me when I graduated.
That was nice of them.
Compensation for guilt.
You should live here full-time.
The drive is too far from school.
You could make a career change.
Can I ask you something?
Sure.
The girl in the pictures.
Were you in love with her?
Yes.
You still wear her cross.
How do you...
She's wearing it in all the pictures.
What is it?
I just...
Simone.
Simone?
I'm sorry.
I was just-
Wait. I want to talk to you.
You had no right to read that letter.
I'm sorry I read the letter,
but you can't run away from this.
This is bullshit.
No, look. I don't want to talk about it.
You don't have to talk about it.
No, let me go.
You don't have to talk about it. I'm not letting you go.
Annabelle.
I'm not letting you go.
You have a look.
You slept with her, didn't you?
Slept with who?
I didn't sleep with anyone,
and I don't have a look.
It's more like a glow.
Stop.
You should hide it better than that.
Hide what?
Would you shut up, Cat?
May I have your attention, please?
As you all may have heard,
this Friday night is our annual end-of-the-year dance
with St. Paul's.
Ah, ah, ah.
I expect all of you to be on your best behavior.
My brother and his band are playing at the dance.
Maybe you could play with them, Annabelle.
Maybe.
You know, we haven't seen you sing or play that guitar.
I'm starting to wonder if it's all just for show.
See you guys later.
Cat.
What?
"Something always"
"brings me back to you."
"It never takes too long."
"No matter what I say or do,"
"I'll still feel you here"
"till the moment I'm gone."
"You hold me without touch."
"You keep me without chains."
"I never wanted anything so much"
"than to drown in your love"
"and not feel your rain."
"Set me free."
"Leave me be."
"I don't want to fall another moment"
"into your gravity."
"Here I am,"
"and I stand so tall,"
"just the way I'm supposed to be,"
"but you're on to me..."
Mike, I...
Yeah?
Is this the part where I hear you're still not sure?
You just need more time.
"We're just in that sort of middle place
"where, you know-
"I mean, there's love, but I don't know, Michael.
I don't know."
The only thing you know is that you don't know.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
M-Michael...
You know what I want, Simone?
What?
I want to be with somebody
who knows they want to be with me.
I want that for you too.
I can't believe you just said that.
I don't even know what to do with you.
Can you get out?
Sorry.
Yeah.
Can you get out?
Why won't you talk to me?
You haven't said a word to me in over two weeks.
I can't do this.
We're not doing anything wrong.
I can't do this.
Is something the matter?
No, I'm fine.
Well, um...
I'll need these students reviewed by Friday.
Okay, sure.
I'd like to think if something were going on,
if there was something you needed,
that you would ask.
No, I don't need anything.
Very well.
Think you'll hook up at the dance?
My hooking up days are over.
What about you, Annabelle?
Think you'll hook up at the dance?
I hear Miss Bradley will be there.
You know what, Cat?
I'm getting really sick of your smart-ass comments.
Wow.
Someone needs to get laid.
Cat. Cat!
Stop it! Annabelle!
Get off her!
Stop it!
Cat! Cat!
Don't hurt her!
Annabelle, go see the nurse.
I don't need a fucking nurse.
Annabelle, wait.
Don't touch me.
Let me see your face.
Mother Immaculata, you look well.
You know, Simone, I thought if we danced,
it might encourage
some of the kids to get out there.
What do you say?
What a perfect idea.
"I wanted much"
"had I felt your skin."
" The night alone was all it took, baby. "
It's a dance.
Come on, pal. It won't be painful.
- Yes. - All right?
"But the fire's here,"
"and we both know deep down"
"you're sweet, my dear,"
" but, sadly, my words didn't find your ear. "
How you been?
I've been okay.
Yeah?
You?
Good.
Yeah.
"You feel nothing."
"Say something."
"Don't be my lost"
"paramour,"
" because you carry my words "
"on your porcelain back."
"We find in each other... "
"all that we lack,"
"all that we could get."
Okay, guys,
we're going to take a five-minute break.
Try the punch. We'll be back.
God, Cat, your brother is so cute.
D-Does he have a girlfriend?
I think I'm going to be sick.
You got a light?
You're Cat's brother, right?
Yeah.
Okay, we're going to be in G here.
- Mm-hmm. - On this line.
- No problem. - Okay.
Well, everyone seems to be having a wonderful time.
Yes, they do.
We're so glad that you brought the boys.
Well, it's hardly a dance without boys and girls, right?
"You will find me waiting for you."
"All your fortresses"
"go down in the night."
" Till the dawn, I'll see you through. "
"'Cause I know that you know"
"you're all over me now."
" And it's clear you will show. "
"Your curtains will go."
"But if your heart is cold,"
"my sheets are warm."
"I will shelter you"
"through the storm."
"I will shelter you"
"all through the storm."
I wonder where Annabelle is.
Who cares?
She wasn't in our room last night.
Duh.
She's probably in Miss Bradley's room.
No.
Yeah.
I don't care if they're together.
I like them both.
Mother Immaculata?
Yes, Catherine?
I'm a little worried
about Annabelle and Miss Bradley.
Annabelle, wake up.
- Wake up. - What?
Annabelle. Shit.
- What is it? - Fuck.
Simone.
I want to see you in my office
right now.
That did not just happen.
It's-it's going to be okay.
You better go.
Remember,
O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known
that anyone who's ever fled to Thy protection,
implored Thy help, and sought Thy intercession
was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence,
I fly unto Thee,
O Virgin of virgins, my Mother.
To Thee I come.
Before Thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful.
O Mother of the Word incarnate,
despise not my petition and my necessity,
but, in Thy mercy, hear and answer me.
Amen.
Come in.
I'm at a loss for words.
How could you let something like this happen?
I don't know.
Well, surely there must have been a moment
when you thought to yourself,
"Is this really the right thing to do?"
That would have been every moment.
I'm not trying to say what I did was right.
It's not right.
I don't expect you to understand.
But I love her.
I'm sorry, Simone.
Wait!
"You shot me down in shades of gray."
"They ricocheted into endless..."
"matter."
"Your lucid eyes expecting me to stay."
"You could not comprehend how shattered I was."
"I lie awake at night"
"and think about the golden rule of love."
"Ay, ah."
"You better be prepared to pay the price,"
"so look before you jump."
"Uh. Uh."
"Don't look back,"
"baby."
"Don't look back,"
"baby."
"Don't look back."
"Love has broken you."
"Love has broken me."
"Invisible to naked eyes,"
"but this euphoria can't be mistaken."
"As I undress you in my mind,"
"kaleidoscopic images awaken."
"I lie awake at night"
"and think about the golden rule of love."
"Ay, ah."
"You better be prepared to pay the price,"
"so look before you jump."
"Uh. Uh."
"Don't look back,"
"baby."
"Don't look back,"
"baby."
"Don't look back,"
"'cause love has broken you."
"Love has broken me."
"Love has broken you."
"Love has broken me."
"There is no beginning."
"There is no end."
"Eternity is my newborn friend."
"Ingrained images and starry eyes."
" Amazing Grace with electrolytes."
"Hey, could you do that again?"
"'Cause you fill me up time and time again."
"I never need to draw the line."
"These moments don't need to be defined."
"I'm in a state of euphoria."
"If I told you the story,"
"I'd bring you to your knees."
"Yeah."
"I never knew what I was really missing,"
"but now I do, and I've been decompressing."
"Don't look back,"
"baby."
"Don't look back,"
"baby."
"Don't look back."
"Love has broken you."
"Love has broken me."
"Love has broken you."
"Love has broken me."
.::By Duca::.
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