欲望城市
（性爱专家凯莉布雷萧 并且勇于发问）
“十万火急”
纽约客的每一天 In the life of a New Yorker,
必须面对许多令人不快的事 there are several unpleasant things one will inevitably have to face.
比如皮包被偷 Having your purse stolen.
不小心看到别人随地大小便 Random public urination.
或是在百老汇歌舞剧中 看到男同性恋友人的男朋友 And seeing a gay friend's boyfriend in a Broadway review.
? And all that jazz ?
我知道最低消费额是三杯 I think I understand the three drink minimum now.
你不喜欢这出戏吗？ You're not enjoying the review?
? And all that jazz ?
坦白的说 我比较担心我的纽约时报书评 Frankly I'm more concerned about my own review in The Times.
我的天 你的书这星期要做书评 Oh my God, right, your book's reviewed this week.
你一定很兴奋 You must be so excited.
应该说害怕才对 蜜奇可卡库塔妮 More like terrified. Michiko Kakutani.
她是纽约时报的书评 She's The Times' book critic.
我还以为那是开胃菜的名称 Oh, I thought you were suggesting an appetizer.
她既聪明又难缠 She's brilliant and she's really tough.
连名字都很难念 And impossible to pronounce.
? For all... ?
我想我们可以回家了 Uh-oh, I think they're bringin' us home.
? That... ?
你怎么会不喜欢这出戏？看我的男朋友 How could you not love this? Look at my boyfriend.
他帅呆了 He's gorgeous!
他踢腿的动作很漂亮 Oh-ho-ho-ho. And he can kick.
? That jazz ?
太棒了 -Bravo! -Bravo!
太棒了 Bravo!
他真的很棒 对不对？ Isn't he great? He's great, don't you think?
-我要上洗手间 -再来一个 -I have to go to the ladies room. -Encore!
他们要再次表演了 Now? They're gonna do an encore.
我非去不可 Uh-huh... I have to go to the ladies room.
百老汇最棒的演员是黛比凯丝 Broadway's best, Debbie Cass.
谁想得到这句广告词 Yes! Who would have thought the phrase,
“到俱乐部看黛比表妹表演” "Go see your cousin Debbie's club act"
那么令人害怕呢？ could contain such horror?
我还以为可以遇见异性恋男人 Oh, I thought there'd be at least one straight guy here.
就算在观众席里找不到 在酒吧里应该也有吧 I mean, if not in the audience, then at least behind the bar.
等一下 因为明天 Well, hold on, 'cause tomorrow,
我们要到广场村找那些 we're gonna cruise the cute pretzel guys
卖咸味脆饼的大帅哥 -at the Village Square Market. Oh, my God.
听起来很可悲吧？ Is that as sad as that just sounded?
如果能让你感受好一些 我想说 Well, if it makes you feel any better,
我以前很喜欢制做梳子的阿曼派人 I used to have a thing for the Amish guys who make hair brushes.
没错 Yeah.
你是凯莉布雷萧 Hi. You're Carrie Bradshaw.
没错 我们认识吗？ Yeah. Have we met?
我看过你的专栏 I recognize you from your column.
你跟艾登分手后 我跟他开始交往 And I went out with Aidan right after you.
我之前还在担心“纽约时报”的书评 There I was worried about The New York Times
事实上...大家已经评判过我了 when apparently... I'd already been reviewed.
我承认那是边见面边跑 I'm tellin' you, it was a hit and run.
不 应该说见了面就跑 No, no, no, no, no. It was a face and run.
再说一次 Make it again.
那真的是不太妙 Yeah, that ain't good.
我觉得你太敏感了 I think you're being oversensitive
那就是脸部抽筋 and it was some kind of a facial spasm or something.
很多人都有过 就跟颜面神经麻痹一样 A lot of people have them, like Bell's palsy.
那不是颜面神经麻痹 No. It was not Bell's palsy.
她用她的表情表达对我的不屑 It was a full frontal attack of the face.
就像是“他真的很惨 Like uh... Wow, was he messed up.
你把他害得惨兮兮的” You really screwed him up good.
你跟她说了什么？ What did you say to her?
我一句话都没说 I didn't have time to say anything.
她转身就走 She just ran outta the bathroom.
该死的抽筋女郎 Fuck that fucking face girl.
你什么时候会那样子 Well, when you put it like that.
抱歉 我好几天没睡 I'm sorry. I haven't slept for days.
布莱迪一直哭个不停 Brady's been crying nonstop.
好可怜 我帮得上忙吗？ You poor thing, can I do anything?
救我离开痛苦的深渊吧 Put me out of my misery.
他怎么了 病了吗？ Well what's wrong with him, is he sick?
他没病 No, he's not sick.
也不饿 还没有长牙 He's not hungry, he's not teething,
他只是想哭 he just wants to scream.
我做了自己能做的 但还是哄不了他 I'm doing everything I can, but I can't please him.
如果他是35岁的男人 我们已经分手了 If he was 35, this is when we would break up.
他一定有什么话想说 He has issues, clearly.
我给你们说 这个十三磅重的烤肉饼 I'm telling you. This 13 pound meatloaf
快把我逼疯了 我觉得好恶心 is pushing me over the edge. I feel disgusting!
我的衣服闻起来跟呕吐物差不多 All of my clothes smell like barf.
我没时间洗澡 更别提剪头发了 I don't have time to have a shower much less get a haircut.
那倒是提醒了我 我该确认 Oh, that reminds me. I have to confirm my appointment
约翰曼帝发廊的预约时间 with John Mandee at the John Mandee Salon.
你们不知道要跟他们个时间有多难 You have no idea how hard it was to get this appointment.
我是莎曼珊琼斯 Hi, it's Samantha Jones.
我想确认星期六的预约时间 I'm calling to confirm my appointment Saturday.
我要请约翰帮我剪发跟染发 For a cut and color with John.
谢谢 危机解除 Thanks. Crisis averted.
梅格在等我 Well... Magda's waiting for me.
我该回监狱去了 Time to go back to prison.
我跟你一起走 我可以帮你 Let me come with you, I can help.
你不必那么做 You don't have to do that.
没事的 我有一些问题 No, it's okay, actually I have a few questions
星期一我要见我的离婚律师 because I'm meeting with a divorce lawyer on Monday.
问他我可不可以申请禁制令 Oh, ask him if I could get an injunction to stop a face.
你找哪位律师？ Who'd you get?
布葛律师事务所的马修布鲁明 Matthew Bloom of Bloom & Goldenblatt.
他是什么样的人？ -Mm... -What's he like?
他既聪明又难缠 He's smart. He's tough.
他难缠到可以痛扁邦妮吗？ But is he tough enough to beat Bunny to a pulp?
没问题 Uhh... Yeah.
太棒了 Good!
好了 Okay. Great.
-大家再见 祝你们有愉快的一天 -再见 -Bye, guys. Have a nice day. -Bye.
米兰达 需要帮忙的话 打电话给我 Hey, Miranda, call me if you need anything.
该死 为什么那个女孩还深深地困扰着我？ Damn, why is that girl still bothering me?
亲爱的 忘了她吧 Honey, you have to let it go.
如果我担心每个臭女人对我的评价 If I worried what every bitch in New York was saying about me,
我永远都没办法出门 I'd never leave the house.
星期一早上 夏洛特跟她的律师见面 Early Monday morning, Charlotte met with her lawyer.
他既聪明又难缠... He was smart, tough...
而且还很帅 And gorgeous.
你在电话里说你对你的婆婆 You said on the phone you had some bad feelings
邦妮麦克道格的感觉很糟糕 about your mother-in-law, Bunny MacDougal.
我说过吗？ Did I?
跟她的律师接触过后 I get a sense from her lawyer
我觉得这会是一场硬仗 this is gonna be a bit of a battle.
这的确是一场硬仗 It was a battle alright.
夏洛特的内心在交战 The battle of the Charlottes.
想要吸引英俊律师的夏洛特 The Charlotte who wanted to seem attractive to her adorable lawyer.
跟想要痛扁邦妮麦克道格的夏洛特在交战 And the Charlotte who wanted to kick Bunny MacDougal's ass.
麦克道格太太一直在隐藏她的财产 It looks to me that Mrs. MacDougal's been very busy
以确保你什么东西都拿不到 hiding assets to make sure you don't get... well, anything.
我真的只想拿我该拿的东西 Well, I just really want what was promised.
我只要我的公寓 I want my apartment.
技术上来说 它不是你的 Well, technically, it's not your apartment.
崔的家族拥有它 Trey's family owns it.
她很小心地确保 房契上没有你的名字 And she was very careful to make sure your name was never on the deed.
什么？崔给了我那间公寓 What? Trey gave me that apartment!
抱歉 通常我都是很优雅的 Sorry. Usually I'm a very refined person.
因为你丈夫不在国内 Well, with your husband out of the country,
你应该更详细地说出你的需求 I'm gonna need you to be more specific.
夏洛特意识到 她永远不可能 Charlotte realized she could never be
摆出恶婆娘的样子 特别是在大帅哥面前 as ugly as she needed to be in front of a man she considered so handsome.
抱歉打扰你们了 Up-bup-bup-bup-bup, sorry to bust in.
这个贝果应该是我的 There's a bagel over here with my name on it.
这是我的搭档 哈利葛登布拉特 My partner, Harry Goldenblatt.
夏洛特约克 我负责她的离婚案 Harry... Charlotte York. I'm handling her divorce.
你好吗？ Hey, how ya doin'?
你真的是找对人了 Uh, you're in the right hands here.
他是个杀手 He's a killer. Oh, agh, ew...
谁订了蓝莓口味的？ Who the hell ordered blueberry bagels?
我该跟希尔玛谈谈此事 I'm talkin' to Thelma about this.
祝你好运 Good luck to you.
他也是个杀手吗？ Is he a killer, too?
于是... 夏洛特换了律师 And just like that... Charlotte changed lawyers.
在累了一天 After a grueling day
除了脚毛 眉毛跟耻毛后 which included leg, eyebrow and bikini waxes...
莎曼珊决定好好睡一觉 奖赏自己一下 Samantha decided to reward herself with a night of R&R.
不幸的是 她最喜欢的按摩棒需要急救一下 Unfortunately, her favorite vibrator needed a little CPR.
布莱迪 求求你 什么？ 我不知道你在想什么 Brady, please, what? I cannot read your mind.
谁？ Who is it?
我是四楼的住户 4-D.
现在是凌晨两点半 It's 2:30 in the morning.
我知道 对不起 I know. I'm sorry.
你该哄宝宝别哭了 You gotta stop that baby from crying.
我说过对不起了 我家有宝宝 Look, I said I was sorry. But I have a baby,
有时候宝宝会哭闹不停 宝宝就是这样 and sometimes babies make noise, that's what they do.
我知道 我家也有宝宝 I know that. I have a baby, too.
如果你愿意跟我打交道 And if you ever bothered to say hello in the elevator,
你应该很清楚这一点 you would know that.
我是卡妲儿 我女儿叫艾丽卡 祝你有愉快的一晚 I'm Kendall, my baby is Aleika. Have a nice night.
很明显 米兰达的邻居 Evidently, Miranda had been getting bad reviews
对她很不爽 from inside her own building.
至于我的书评 As for my review,
我觉得很紧张 I guess I was pretty nervous.
-纽约时报 -谢谢你 -Times. Thank you.
自从黛安娜王妃的婚礼后 我没有这么早起床过 I hadn't been up this early since Princess Diana's wedding.
早安 Good morning.
“总而言之 我喜欢布雷萧小姐 "All in all, I enjoyed spending time in Ms. Bradshaw's
尖锐有趣的精致世界” sharp, funny, finely-drawn world
“在这个世界里女人主宰一切 男人跟垃圾一样” where single women rule and the men are disposable."
天啊 Ouch.
凯莉 我相信纽约时报对你是佳评如潮 Carrie, I believe what you have there is a rave review from The New York Times.
“男人是垃圾”？ "The men are disposable"?
-我没有把男人当垃圾吧？-没有 -I don't dispose of men, do I? -No.
蜜奇可卡库塔妮是那么想的 我一直都赞同她的想法 Well, Michiko Kakutani thinks so and I always agree with her.
去她的 Fuck Michiko Kakutani.
你又没睡了？ Oh, no sleep again?
昨晚我睡得很好 Actually, it was a good night.
我睡了整整一小时 I got a whole hour.
我不敢相信 现在我必须假装自己是个律师 I can't believe I have to go and pretend to be a lawyer now.
我能戴棒球帽去上班吗？ Can I wear a baseball cap to work?
你要配哪双鞋子？ With what shoes?
我的天 我会反驳蜜奇可卡库塔妮 Oh, my God. Listen to me going on and on about Michiko Kakutani
如果你真的想告她 when you have real problems.
我能再跟你谈谈吗？ So can I obsess for another minute?
别说出她的名字 Just don't say her name again.
那会把我逼疯 It'll push me over the edge.
书里有些男人 Some of the men in the book
或许是垃圾 但她的说法 are maybe a little disposable, but... this makes it sound
让大家以为 我把我生命里所有男人当垃圾 like I think men are disposable in life.
什么？你怎么不说话？ What? What's with the pause?
抱歉 我刚刚睡着了 I'm sorry, I fell asleep for a second.
这件事光想起来就觉得很可怕 That's a terrible thing to think about me.
我的天 所以她才会摆出那种表情 Oh, my God! That's what the face meant.
你认为艾登觉得 我把他当垃圾看待吗？ Do you think that Aidan thinks that I think he was disposable?
凯莉 你没有抛弃艾登 Carrie, you did not throw Aidan away.
早安 -Good morning. -Shh...
那个女孩认为我抛弃了艾登 Well, that girl thinks I did.
他一定跟她说了什么 He must've said something like that to her.
不然她怎么会那么想呢？ Where else would she get it?
史蒂夫跟艾登走得很近 Steve and Aidan are close,
史蒂夫说过什么吗？ has Steve ever said anything to you?
他恨我吗？ Does Steve hate me now?
凯莉 你在胡思乱想 Carrie, you're spinning.
史蒂夫不恨你 Steve doesn't hate you.
为什么我再没见过他了？ Then how come I never see him anymore.
因为我不想让他接近我 You never see him because I have to keep him away
我一见到他... because... If I see him now
就想请他娶我 要他来帮我忙 I'll ask him to marry me just to give me some help.
我一直很在乎艾登的感觉 I worked very hard at taking care of Aidan's feelings.
你一定要告诉史蒂夫 Will you mention that to Steve?
如果艾登跟史蒂夫说… Because if Aidan told Steve that I...
凯莉 你知道吗？ Carrie, you know what?
或许你该打电话给莎曼珊 Maybe you should call your girlfriend, Samantha.
她有的是时间跟你谈这种事 She has all kinds of time to talk about this kind of stuff.
我知道这是我的问题... Look, I know it's me...
我很嫉妒她有那么多闲工夫 And I'm jealous of her free time and all.
真希望她能够了解到 But if she could maybe just once acknowledge the fact
我现在有孩子了... that I've had a baby...
我跟邻居疏远还不够 It's not enough I've alienated my neighbor.
现在我跟朋友也很疏远 Now I'm alienating my friends.
你没有跟任何人疏远 You're not alienating anyone.
去跟四楼说吧 Tell that to 4-D.
她真的很生气 我不知道她叫什么名字 She's pissed off I don't know her name.
你认识你的邻居吗？ Do you know your neighbors' names?
拜托 Please.
我是个恶邻居跟坏妈妈 I'm a bad neighbor and a bad mother.
才不是 你做得很好 That's not true, you're doin' great.
是 Yeah, right.
你只是这星期过得不顺 You're just having a bad week.
有什么需要我帮忙的吗？ Can I do anything to help?
你的关心就帮了我很大的忙 That helps. Just asking.
我要迟到了 我要挂电话了 I'm late, I gotta go.
关于书评的事恭喜你了 Congratulations on the review.
谢谢 Yeah.
为什么我们只相信别人对我们说的 Why is it that we only seem to believe the negative things
那些坏话？ people say about us?
不论有多少的证据 证明他们的话是错的 No matter how much evidence there is to the contrary.
不论是邻居 路人 A neighbor, a face,
或是前男友 都能抹杀掉 an ex-boyfriend can cancel out
我们相信的一切 everything we thought was once true.
说到生活跟爱 Odd, but when it comes to life and love,
为什么我们都相信最糟糕的那一面？ why do we believe our worst reviews?
在法院度过漫长的一天后 米兰达还要面对另一个陪审团 After a long day in court, Miranda faced another jury.
别哭 Don't cry, don't cry.
在城市面包坊 And at City Bakery,
莎曼珊跟我在评论甜点 Samantha and I were reviewing the desserts.
真好吃 Mm-mm, delish.
如果你愿意帮我忙 我请你吃甜点 Hey, I'll buy you dessert if you do something for me.
我这星期不吃甜点 I'm not eating desserts this week.
拜托了 全纽约最棒的布朗尼蛋糕 Oh, come on, best brownies in New York.
混蛋 Bastard.
我要一块布朗尼蛋糕 I'll take a brownie.
你想要什么？ What do you need me to do?
我想谈米兰达跟宝宝的事 It's about Miranda and the baby.
我不要布朗尼蛋糕 Forget the brownie.
不 她会要的 No. She'll take the brownie.
我对宝宝的事不拿手 Babies are not my scene.
这个宝宝似乎是个混蛋 And from what I've heard, this one sounds like an asshole.
你不能骂宝宝是混蛋 You can't call a baby an asshole.
为什么 她叫他烤肉饼 Why not? She called it a meatloaf.
我想支持一下米兰达 I don't think it would kill all of us
要不了我们的命 to be a little more supportive.
好吧 Oh, alright.
他念大学时 我会带他出去喝一杯 When he's in college, I'll take him for a drink
跟他的朋友们打情骂俏 and I'll flirt with his friends. How's that?
你明天该过去跟她问候 Maybe you could just stop by tomorrow
“听说你生孩子 还好吧？” and say, "I hear you had a baby, how's that goin'?"
凯莉 我没时间 我整天的行程排得满满的 Carrie, I have no time, I'm booked all day.
我跟发型设计师约好了 I have my hair appointment
还要去退还按摩棒 and I'm returning a vibrator before that.
弄头发跟按摩棒 Hair and a vibrator.
对 这就是我的生活 我不必为此辩解 Yes. That is my life and I don't have to justify it.
我讨厌人一旦有孩子 I hate it when people have babies
就期待你变得跟诺曼罗克韦尔 and they suddenly expect you to turn into some kind of
画中人物一样 Norman Rockwell painting.
米兰达不是别人 We're not talking about people.
她是我们的朋友 她快疯了 We're talking about our friend, and she's sinking.
米兰达喜欢威尼斯？ What, so Miranda's like Venice?
一共是十四块两角 That'll be $14.20.
布朗尼蛋糕算她的 She's paying for the brownie.
凯莉 Carrie?
你也来了 茱丽雅 Oh, hey. Julia, hi!
这位是我朋友 莎曼珊 Oh, um... This is my friend, Samantha.
茱丽雅亚佛顿 我们是时尚杂志的同事 This is Julia Afton, we work together at Vogue.
她一个月只进办公室一次 -Hi. -Hi. Hardly...She gets to run in and out once a month
我要跟安娜温托周旋到底 while I'm chained to the hem of Anna Wintour.
我的朋友妮娜来了 Oh, there's my friend, Nina!
我在这里 I'm here.
你也该到了 It is about time.
抱歉我迟到了 Hey, sorry I'm late.
凯莉 你好 Carrie, hi.
我又跟那个给我脸色看的女人面对面 There I was...Face to face with the face girl.
你们怎么会认识？ And how do you two know each other?
吃完午餐后我再告诉你 I'll tell you over lunch.
妮娜凯兹？你好 莎曼珊琼斯 Nina Katz? Hi. Samantha Jones.
很高兴能再见到你 Oh, hi. Nice to see you again.
我们可以吃饭了吗？ Um, can we eat?
我快饿死了 I am starvation central.
再见 Okey-dokey. See ya.
再见 凯莉 Bye, Carrie.
你怎么会认识妮娜凯兹？ How do you know Nina Katz?
大家都认识她 Everybody knows Nina Katz.
她是 “周末夜现场”的节目制作 She's the booker for Saturday Night Live.
就是她给我脸色看 Well, she's also the face girl.
-不是 -就是 -No! -Yes.
妮娜凯兹是… Nina Katz is the...
没错 Exactly.
太棒了 她会告诉全时尚杂志的人 Oh, great, that face'll be all over Vogue.
更别提“周末夜现场” 妮娜凯兹是个大嘴巴 Not to mention SNL. Nina Katz loves to talk.
一共是十五块三角 -$15.30. -I...
我也要吃块布朗尼蛋糕 I'm going to need a big brownie as well. So...
隔天 The next day,
莎曼珊自己一个人去血拼 Samantha did some personal shopping.
一件很私人的东西 Very personal.
-有什么需要我效劳的吗？ -是的 -Can I help you? -Yes.
这个按摩棒要退货 I'd like to return this vibrator.
我们不卖按摩棒 We don't sell vibrators.
不对 我六个月前在这里买了它 Yes, you do, I bought it here six months ago.
那不是按摩棒 那是电动颈部按摩器 That's not a vibrator. It's a neck massager.
不 它是按摩棒 No, it's a vibrator.
锐影电器不卖按摩棒 Sharper Image doesn't sell vibrators.
那是电动颈部按摩器 It's a neck massager.
你试图让我相信 女人买这玩意 You expect me to believe that women buy these
来治疗颈部酸痛？ to help their sore necks?
那是电动颈部按摩器 It's a neck massager.
好吧 我要退还这个电动颈部按摩器 Fine. I'd like to return this neck massager.
它出了什么问题？ What's wrong with it?
它没办法让我达到高潮 It failed to get me off.
它有保证期限 却动都不动 It has a warranty and it just stopped.
只会发出可悲的哀叫声 Made the saddest little sound.
或许你把它累坏了 Perhaps you wore it out.
亲爱的 它不是第一个被我累坏的 Well, honey, it wouldn't be the first one.
好吧 你再拿一个 Fine. Just... find another
直接到柜台结帐就行了 and go to the cashier.
我知道有个男人 很需要帮脖子按摩一下 I know a man who's in desperate need of a neck massage.
千万别买那个 它滴滴答答地吵死人了 Oh, you don't want that one. Too many bells and whistles.
那个按摩棒不合用 That one actually works against you.
如果我们真的想达到高潮 还是要靠男人才行 If we wanted to work that hard, we'd get us a man.
对吧？ Am I right?
莎曼珊马上让自己成为 Samantha instantly established herself...
按摩棒界的蜜奇可卡库塔妮 as the Michiko Kakutani of vibrators.
事实上那是电动背部按摩棒 I... I think that one actually is a back massager.
你可以坐在它上面试试看 Not if you mount it.
当然不行 那会烫伤你的私处 No, absolutely not. That will burn your clit off.
穿着内裤时也会吗？ Even with underwear?
穿滑雪裤也一样 Even with ski pants.
我拿了样东西给你 I brought you something.
这是艾丽卡的摇椅 Well, it belongs to Aleika. An oscillating chair.
它真的很好用 It helps.
请进 Come on in.
你好 Hey...
你好 爱哭鬼宝宝 Hey there, Mr. Mouth.
你为什么哭个不停？ What have you got to say that is so important?
抱歉 他没有停过 I'm sorry, it's just been nonstop.
有人不建议用这种摇椅 Now this chair is a little controversial.
不过我才不在乎 But I don't give a shit,
只要让宝宝不再哭就好了 as it stopped my baby from crying
我正打算跳防火梯自杀 when I was about ready to throw myself off the fire escape.
听起来挺不错的 Sounds good.
好吧 Okay, now.
天啊 Oh, my God.
这张椅子是天才 The chair is genius.
我不知道 应该是震动的关系 I don't know, something about the vibration...
我不知道 宝宝喜欢那种感觉 I don't know. They love it.
艾丽卡一坐就是好几个小时 Aleika could sit in it for hours.
所以 你怎么没听过这种椅子？ So, how come you haven't heard about this?
你的女性朋友都没有宝宝？ Don't your girlfriends have babies?
没错 我是唯一的妈妈 No. I'm the only one.
那你死定了 Ooh, then you're screwed.
其实她们帮了我很多忙 Actually, they've been very helpful.
如果她们没有孩子 就不知道该怎么帮你 If they don't have kids, they don't have a clue.
米兰达 你不是个坏妈妈 Miranda, you're not a bad mother.
你只是没有买摇椅而已 You just didn't have the chair.
谢谢你 Thank you.
卡妲儿 Kendall.
宝宝安静了三小时后… Three blissful baby hours later...
莎曼珊 你来这里做什么？ Samantha, what are you doing here?
我不是莎曼珊 你才是 I'm not Samantha, you are.
五点半你该到约翰曼帝发廊去 快出发吧 You have a 5:30 appointment with John Mandee at the John Mandee Salon. Go!
什么？ What?
我不能占走你的… Uh, I can't take your...
我数到五 然后我会改变心意 I'm counting to five and then I'm changing my mind.
真的吗？ -Really? -Uh-huh.
你要帮我看宝宝？ You wanna babysit?
五 四… Five, four...
好了 Okay! Okay!
我不知道该说什么 I don't know what to say.
我不敢相信 I can't believe it.
我也不敢相信 但我来了 Well, neither can I, but here I am.
我会是个好保姆 Mary fuckin' Poppins.
谢谢你 Thank you.
电话号码在冰箱上 Um... The numbers are on the fridge.
别抱他离开那张椅子 And don't take him out of that chair.
只有它能让他安静下来 It's the only thing that keeps him quiet.
别打电话约男人过来 And don't call boys.
你看起来还不算太糟 Well, you don't look so bad.
与此同时 在纽约的另外一边 Meanwhile, in a chair across town,
我享受着什么都不必做的午后 I was enjoying an afternoon of absolutely nothing.
（节目制作 妮娜凯兹）
你觉得妮娜会告诉参加节目的来宾 Hey, do you think Nina Katz is telling random celebrity hosts
我是伤透她男友心的前女友吗？ that I am the bad break-up girlfriend?
什么？ What?
你说过她是个大嘴巴 Well, you said she loved to talk.
你觉得她会跟葛妮斯派特洛 Do you think she's trashing me to say,
或伊恩麦克连说我的坏话吗？ a Gwenyth Paltrow or an Ian McKellan?
你不会是认真的吧？ You can't be serious.
别误会我了 我不是吹嘘 Well, don't get me wrong, I don't flatter myself
葛妮斯派特洛 或伊恩麦克连 that a Gwenyth Paltrow or an Ian McKellan
会对我的爱情生活有兴趣 但是… would be interested in my love life but...
你在动物园里吗？ Are you at a zoo?
不 但这都得谢谢你 我在米兰达家 No. Thanks to you, I'm at Miranda's.
布莱迪一直哭个不停 And Brady won't stop screaming
我不知道该怎么办 and I don't know what to do.
你在米兰达家？ You're at Miranda's?
我让她代替我去剪头发 I sent her to get my haircut.
那真的是太棒了 That was nice.
没错 现在我被惩罚了 Yes, and now I'm being punished.
他受伤了吗？ So, he's not hurt?
-不 -尿布湿了？ -No. -Or wet?
不 No.
我不知道他有什么问题 Well, then I don't know what his problem is.
他的问题是 他是个混蛋 His problem is he's an asshole.
或许你该打电话给米兰达 Well, maybe you should call Miranda.
我不会那么做 I will not.
我努力了几个月才约到设计师 It took me months to get that appointment.
一定要有人因此受惠 Someone should benefit.
我会想办法让这个小鬼安静 再见了 I'll find some way to keep this kid quiet. Goodbye.
等一下 妮娜呢？ No, no, wait. What about Nina?
凯莉 或许夏洛特有时间跟你谈 Carrie, maybe Charlotte has the time to talk about this kind of stuff.
我必须对付一个爱哭的小鬼 I have a screaming baby on my hands.
什么？你需要什么？ What? What do you need?
那样好多了 Well... That's better.
一切都没事吧？ Is everything okay?
当然 摇椅坏了 但发生了奇迹 Oh, absolutely. The chair thing broke, but, you know, shit happens.
摇椅坏了？ The chair broke?
但你怎么… But what did you...
我是说他… I mean, did he...
那最好是全新的 That better be brand new.
星期一早上 哈利葛登布拉特使出全身解数 Monday morning, Harry Goldenblatt did his best
确定邦妮不会吃掉夏洛特 to make sure Bunny didn't hop all over Charlotte.
麦克道格太太愿意提供她儿子的收集品 Mrs. MacDougal is willing to offer her son's collection
包括他收集的钱币跟水牛银币 of mint condition, silver buffalo coins.
钱币就算了吧 Can we get off the coin collection?
她不想接受那些钱币收集品 She's not gonna settle for a coin collection.
根据婚前… Well, according to the prenup...
这太可笑了 崔给了我那间公寓 This is ridiculous. Trey gave me that apartment.
她答应要嫁给他 至死才会跟他分离 She gave him her word, till death do them part.
邦妮 如果你有话要说… Bunny, if you have something to say to me, just...
-没错 我有话要说 -我强烈建议… -Fine. I shall. -I strongly recommend we focus...
亚伦 闭嘴 Allen, hush.
你发过誓 You, my dear, took a vow.
但一切不如你意时 And when things didn't go your way
你违背了自己的誓言 you simply broke that vow.
我这一代的妇女非常重视婚姻 I come from a generation of women that valued marriage.
我们相信不论发生什么事 We believed in for better or for worse.
我们会跟丈夫白首偕老 至死不渝 Not, for better or until the road gets rocky.
当我想到你让我儿子 When I think of the heartache
感到心痛丢脸... and shame you caused my dear boy...
我很讶异你竟然敢看着我 I'm amazed that you could even come here and look me in the face.
夏洛特无法再坚持下去 Charlotte couldn't fight anymore.
看来她永远无法摆脱这段婚姻 It seemed to her she'd been fighting for this marriage forever.
我必须警告你 小姑娘 Be advised, young lady...
我打算告上法庭 I'm more than prepared to go to court.
你只能拿到钱币 要不要随便你 It's the coin collection. Take it or leave it.
等一下 Now, just hold on.
很明显 我们办公室刚收到麦克道格 Apparently, our office just received a telegram
从苏格兰拍来的电报 from Scotland from Doctor MacDougal.
要我念给大家听吗？ Shall I read it?
当然 By all means.
夏洛特约克是个好太太 句点 "Charlotte York was a wonderful wife. Stop.
她没有做错事 句点 She did nothing wrong. Stop.
她要什么都给她 句点 Give her everything she wants. Stop.
我是认真的 妈妈 句点 Seriously, mother... Stop."
那是最出人意表的事 That's the thing about reviews.
在你最意想不到的时候... Sometimes, when you least expect it...
给你一个大惊喜 you get a rave.
她只能拿走公寓 Just the apartment.
我会把文件准备好 I'll have papers drawn up
让麦克道格太太办过户 so Mrs. MacDougal can transfer the deed.
即使情势恶劣... Even though things had gotten ugly...
夏洛特仍奋战到最后一秒 Charlotte didn't want them to end that way.
我很抱歉 情况不如预期 I'm sorry things didn't work out better. For all of us.
亚伦 Allen.
夏洛特也知道 离婚不可能 Charlotte realized there was no such thing
以喜剧收场 as a fairy tale divorce, either.
太棒了 那个老巫婆输了 Ding dong, the witch is dead.
在上城区 我还是无法忘怀... And farther uptown, still unable to let it go...
妮娜凯兹跟她的神情 Nina Katz and that face
逼我面对内心最深沉的恐惧 had driven me to face my worst fear.
史蒂夫 我知道在电话里我说的很暧昧 So, Steve, I know I was kinda vague on the phone.
是米兰达吧？她不希望我打电话给她 It's Miranda, right? She doesn't want me callin' so much. Right?
没关系 It's fine, whatever.
不 这件事跟米兰达无关 我想问的是... No, no, no, it's not about Miranda, it's about...
艾登对我有什么感觉？ How does Aidan feel about me?
我的天 Aw, geez, no.
你该不会想跟他复合吧？ I mean, you're not gonna try to get back together with him again, are you?
不 Um, no,
但你差不多已经回答了我的问题 but that pretty much answers any question I had about how you feel.
那么...他恨我吗？ So...What, does he hate me?
不 凯莉 但你的确伤他很深 No, but come on, Carrie. I mean, it was pretty bad.
有多深？史蒂夫 How bad, Steve?
史蒂夫 别玩球 Steve, the ball.
抱歉 Sorry.
他现在好吗？ So, how is he now?
他很好 Great. He's great.
很好 Good.
-他很好 -很好 -He's great. -Good.
现在很好 Now.
但那个时候... But back then...
那个时候他没办法起床 大概有… Back then he couldn't get out of bed for like...
几天或几星期吗？ What, days? Weeks?
一个月 我会买鸡翅送去给他吃 Like a month. I brought him chicken wings.
天啊 Oh, Christ...
我无意让你难过 Look, I don't mean to make you feel bad.
一个月？ Well, a month?
对 他真的是一团糟 Yeah, he was devastated.
他没办法打开心胸相信女人 I mean, he lost his ability to open up and trust women.
他没办法打开心胸相信女人 He lost his ability to open up and trust women?
他那样跟你说？ Did he tell you that?
不 男人不会谈那种事 我们一起吃鸡翅 No, guys don't talk about shit like that. We just ate wings,
是跟他约会的妮娜告诉我的 but the girl, Nina, he was dating, she told me that.
好的 我们要找卖咸味脆饼的大帅哥 Okay, we're looking for the cute pretzel guys.
你不必在我单身时四处找男人 How come you never wanted to cruise guys when I was available?
我不是在寻觅男人 我必须把事情说清楚 This isn't about cruising, it's about clarity.
妮娜凯兹做得太过分了 That Nina Katz face chick is now hitting a little too close to home.
我要找到她 告诉她我为什么要分手 I wanna find her, and tell her my side of the break-up story.
为什么？你知道你跟艾登经历过什么 Why? You know what you and Aidan had.
没错 但她不知道 Yes, I know it, but she doesn't
她到处告诉别人她的说法 and she's yip-yapping her version all over town.
好事不出门 坏事传千里 It only takes one bad review to cancel out all the good word of mouth.
你对马可斯有什么看法？ What do you think of Marcus?
他不错 爱情关系很复杂 Nice. I mean relationships are complicated,
一个眼神无法说明一切 you can't reduce them to a face.
-我知道艾登他有感觉… -好吧 -I know that Aidan has feelings. -Okay.
-这不是... -别说了 我受够了 -It's not my... -Stop. I am done.
我听你谈艾登谈了十条街 两年来你一直在提他 I've listened to you talk about Aidan for what, ten blocks, and two years.
我一直是个好听众 And I've been a wonderful audience.
我问你对马可斯有什么感觉 你只说“他不错” And I ask you about my Marcus and all I get is "nice"?
对不起 I'm sorry.
凯莉 你认识我后 我交过几个男朋友？ I mean, Carrie, how many relationships have I been in since you've known me?
真的还是想像的？ Real or imaginary?
拜托 我非常重视你的意见 Come on, your opinion means a lot to me.
你是我的良师益友 You're my Michiko Kakamatza.
你要我评论你的爱情世界？ So now what, you want me to review your relationship?
请说吧 Immediately if not sooner.
我喜欢他让你觉得快乐 Okay, well...I like that he makes you happy.
我的天啊 Oh, my God...
凯莉 Carrie.
好吧 你又在跟踪我了 Oh... Okay, one more time, you are officially stalking me.
你好 我是海瑟 Hi, I'm Heather.
海瑟洛葛拉汉 我知道 我爱你 Heather Graham, I know, I love you.
我是史丹佛巴勒奇 I'm Stanford Blache.
抱歉 海瑟 这位是凯莉布雷萧 Oh, sorry, Heather, uh, this is Carrie Bradshaw.
她是凯莉布雷萧？ Carrie Bradshaw?
真的吗？ Really?
好吧 妮娜 Okay, I...Nina,
如果有空的话 我想跟你单独谈一谈 I need to talk to you for a second, alone, if I can.
洛葛拉汉小姐 Oh, Miss Graham,
我请你吃咸味脆饼 may I buy you a pretzel?
-没问题 -帮我买一个 -Okay. -And get me one.
你要男人还是咸味脆饼？ A man or a pretzel?
碳水化合物少的那一个 Whatever has less carbs.
好吧 Right?
我了解你对艾登和我发生过的事 I get the sense that you have a sort of feeling
觉得很愤怒 about what happened with Aidan.
我想澄清一下 And I just wanna clear something up.
分手是件很难受的事 它们也是一种隐私 Break-ups are awful, and they are private.
它们并不能说明 And they are not necessarily symptomatic
双方的经历到底是什么样 of what two people had together.
我曾经非常爱艾登 I loved Aidan very much.
我不会做出 任何故意伤害他的事 And I would never ever have done anything to deliberately hurt him.
好吧 Okay.
突然 我了解到我最害怕的 Suddenly, I realized that the critic
并非妮娜凯兹的批评 I was most afraid of wasn't Nina Katz.
而是我对自己的责难 It was me.
那么… So...
再见了 Bye.
真相是... The truth is...
不论在什么时候 在某个地方 总会有某个人 At any given moment, someone, somewhere
摆脸色给你看 could be making a face about you.
更重要的是你对自己的看法 But it's the reviews you give yourself that matter.
我跟海瑟在一起时 ...so I get over there with Heather Graham
心想 “我们该说什么？” and I'm like, shit, what do we have to talk about?
她很漂亮 She's pretty.
但除了咸味脆饼外 我们无话可谈 I know, but we have nothing to talk about but pretzels.
于是我说… -So, okay, so I said... -Ooh...
抱歉 Sorry.
快来 Come on, come on!
我说“你去过巴伐利亚吗？ So I said, "Have you ever been to Bavaria?
那里的咸味脆饼最好吃了” They make the best pretzels there."