(圣马医院来电)
(圣马医院)
- 让开 - 安全 - Clear! - Clear!
(手术室)
谁准备好要去地球世界了 Who's ready for Earth World?!
妈 我找不到我的斜胸包 我的斜胸包在哪里 Moms, I can't find my cross-body bag! Where's my cross-body bag?
别再说“斜胸包”了 在你身上只不过是高一点的霹雳腰包 Stop saying "cross-body bag." On you, it's a fanny pack up higher.
太空贝丝 你来开车 我现在没有很想开车 Space Beth, you're driving. I'm low on wanting to drive.
你们其中一位 能快速帮我做个三明治吗 Would one of you mind making me a quick sandwich?
主题乐园的食物 会让我的粪便变得很奇怪 You know theme park food gives me interesting stools.
察言观色一下 我们不去 Read the room. We're not going.
- 看看我们 - 不行 你们一定要来 -Look at us. -No, you got to come.
那里完全是一团糟 It's an absolute train wreck.
那个人从来没去过地球 但他很喜欢地球 This dude, he's never been to Earth, but he loves it,
他又很不擅长设计主题乐园 and he sucks at making theme parks.
- 我们说了不要 - 我们说了不要 - We said fucking no! - We said fucking no!
好吧 但没人想看贝丝的冒险 Alright. Fine. But nobody wants to see a Beths adventure.
我以为复制我们 应该要让我们快乐才对 I thought cloning was supposed to make us happy.
我恨我的人生 我知道你一定也恨你的人生 I hate my life. And I know you have to hate yours.
- 嘿 - 抱歉 我在车上就开喝了 - Hey! - Sorry. I started drinking in the car.
片名:瑞克和莫蒂
我们为什么这么悲惨 不是因为杰里 Why are we miserable? It's not Jerry.
对 还可以更糟 Yeah, it could be worse.
我们也有可能跟 佩普罗森菲尔德结婚 I mean, we could have married Pep Rosenfeld.
我的天啊 我都忘了他 Oh, my God. I forgot about him.
- 他死于那件事 对吧 - 911事件 对 -Oh, he died in that thing, right? -9-11, yeah.
我们不能把一切 都怪到爸头上 对吧 We can't just put it all on Dad, right?
- 我们已经怪够他了 - “我爸爸很糟” -We're done with that guy. -"I had a bad dad."
闭嘴 去写成一本书吧 Shut up. Write a book about it.
我只是受够了 我们为了生存得做的一切 I'm just so tired of all the shit we have to do to live.
你抛下了所有东西 You abandoned all your shit.
太空有更多东西 There is so much more shit in space!
我们上次感到快乐是什么时候 When was the last time we were happy?
真正的快乐 Truly happy?
我们小时候还蛮快乐的 Felt pretty good when we were kids.
我的天啊 真希望我能回到年轻的时候 Oh, my God, I wish I could be young again.
这种愿望实现起来 一定会跟想象中不一样 That kind of wish never goes the way you want.
话虽如此... That being said...
你为什么有减龄机 Why do you have a de-aging machine?
我在把猎物带回去的时候 会把他们变成小孩 When I'm bringing in bounties, I change 'em into kids.
如果摆得好 这辆车可以载十个小孩 This car fits ten kids if you pack 'em right.
听起来很有效率 Sounds efficient.
但应付十个小孩值得吗 Is that... worth dealing with ten kids?
不 我还会对他们下药 Oh, no, I drug them too.
等等 我的衣服会变超大吗 Wait, will my clothes be super huge or--
不... Oh, no. No, no, no.
这种先进科技简直跟魔法没两样 Technology this advanced is indistinguishable from magic.
(十岁)
我的脸 我的皮肤 My face... My skin!
我什么都看得到 I can see everything!
我嘴里的味道好干净 My mouth tastes so clean!
天啊 我的指关节变正常了 不会痛 Whoa, my knuckles work! No pain!
你看起来糟透了 You look like shit.
等等 不 快回来 Wait, no! Come back here!
做好准备 地球世界简直一团乱 Get ready. Earth World is a mess.
缺乏创意一致性 No creative consistency.
我上次来的时候 有一整个设施是以波布为主题 Last time I was here, they had a whole ride dedicated to Pol Pot.
而且我们还有可能少颗眼球 There's a non-zero chance you'll lose an eye.
我签切结书的时候 没想到会是这种感觉 Oh, that wasn't the vibe I got from the waivers.
- 切结书 - 对 网站上的 - Waivers? - Yeah, from the website.
网站 Website?!
“欢迎莅临地球世界” Welcome to Earth World!
“我是狗蛋蛋博士” It's me, Dr. Dogballs!
- “我太爱地球了” - 什么鬼 What the hell?!
“所以我就学地球人 盖了一间主题乐园” I love Earth so much I made a theme park, just like they would on Earth!
是啊 Yeah.
这看起来确实很糟 Wow, I guess this does seem like it sucks.
真幽默 外公 你还是会讽刺性喜欢东西吗 Good one, Grandpa. You still like stuff ironically?
不是 之前是真的糟到很糟 糟到很棒 No, it used to be bad bad, which was good.
之前有个设施叫“小小黑死病” There used to be a ride called "It's a Small Black Death"!
看来他们只是有一间普通的Gap Looks like they've just got a regular GAP.
瑞克 你是不是 之前来的时候喝醉了 Rick, were you just drunk when you were here?
我现在也喝醉了 I'm drunk now!
那些生锈的钉子呢 疱疹家庭滑水道呢 Where's all the rusty nails? Where's the Herpes Family Flume?
要来根发光热狗吗 Light-up corn dog?
离我远一点 Get the fuck away from me!
我好期待能跟... Can't wait to get a photo taken with...
玛丽居里合照 Marie Curie?
那好像是约翰传奇 I think that's John Legend?
或许他们会挑约翰传奇 Maybe they picked John Legend
是因为他的名字让人觉得他很重要 'cause his name implies he's really important.
瑞克 你觉得我们该怎么玩 Rick, how were you thinking we should enjoy this?
天啊 他们有总统宠物厅 Wow, they have a Hall of Presidential Pets?
像那样吗 Like that?
你们觉得我能见到克林顿的猫吗 Do you think I can meet Socks?
我不会骂得太重 因为我知道你会惩罚我 I'm not gonna shit on it too hard 'cause I know you'd punish me,
但这不就只是1990年代中期的 户外购物中心吗 but isn't this just a mid-'90s outdoor mall?
不好意思 My bad!
我的天啊 你是真的地球人 对吧 Oh, my God! You're a real Earth person, aren't you?
- 从地球来的 - 对 - From Earth?! - Yeah.
我好震撼 你是真正的人类 I'm, like, starstruck. A real human!
你好臭 Ooh, you smell nasty.
- 这是好事吗 - 当然 - Oh. I mean, is that good? - Absolutely.
我很高兴能看到这个乐园里 Well, it's nice to see something in this park
有仍然肮脏又真实的东西 still grimy and real.
那我就脏得不得了 Then I'm as nasty as they come.
- 你敢相信我外公超爱这里吗 - 真逊 -Can you believe my grandpa loves this place? -Lame.
贝丝 你去哪了 贝丝 Beth! Where'd you go? Beth?
贝丝 我希望你玩得开心 Beth, I want you to have fun,
但我得知道你人在哪里 but I need to know where you're having it.
- 我找到了一只负鼠 - 天啊 - I found a possum! - Oh, my God!
不要 我不要变老 No! I don't wanna be old!
你全身充满了痛楚却不自知 You're in so much pain, and you don't even know it!
- 我的天啊 - 真抱歉 - Oh, my God. - I'm sorry.
我忘了我们小时候有多疯 I forgot just how insane we were as a kid.
我不该提这个议的 I shouldn't have pitched this.
你一定要试试看 You have got to try it.
我在这里 I'm over here!
好 亲爱的 你只能再玩两分钟 Okay, sweetie, this is your two-minute warning.
之后就要换回来了 It's almost time to switch back.
那你得先找到我 You got to find me first!
太慢了 再试一次 Too slow! Try again!
好 我们走 够了 我是认真的 Alright, let's go. That's enough. I'm serious.
好 贝丝 Alright, Beth.
惊喜 Surprise!
你中计了 You done been got!
动手啊 Do it.
(10岁)
这间厕所竟然也是设施 That bathroom was a ride too?!
我裤子都脱了 我真的很想上厕所 I had my pants down and everything! I really do need to go.
- 你就尿在树丛里吧 - 我发誓之前真的比较有趣 - Just go in a bush. - I swear it used to be funnier than this.
不要转过来 Don't turn around.
我只是蹲着而已 I'm squatting.
喂 你不能用这种方式在这里尿尿 Hey, you can't go... there like that.
之前我们想要尿在哪里都可以 You used to be able to piss wherever you wanted to.
跟地球一样 Like on Earth.
瑞克外公 你就死心吧 Grandpa Rick, take the L.
我们去找莫蒂 然后回家吧 Let's get Morty and go home.
好 这地方变得太糟了 Yeah, this place is fucked.
企业收购 董事会核可更动 Corporate takeover. Board-approved changes.
乔布斯死了之后 iPhone十年都没变 Steve Jobs dies, and we get ten years of the same iPhone.
不对 建造这个乐园的人还活着 Oh, no, the guy who made the park is still alive.
- 是吗 - 对 - He is? - Yeah.
有传言说他还住在这里 在地底下的隧道里 Rumor is, he still lives here. Down in the tunnels.
(演员专属出入口)
嘿 夏夏 你喜欢违反规定吗 Hey, Sum-Sum, You like breaking rules.
你有带摇头丸吗 Ooh, did you bring molly?
尿快一点 杰里 Hurry it up, Jerry!
我得这样尿尿都是你害的 It's your fault I have to go like this.
你把我变成垃圾桶的时候 毁掉了我的尿道 You destroyed my urethra when you turned me into a trash can.
跟我来 Follow me.
我当然有带摇头丸 And of course I brought molly.
“如果你才刚加入我们 我们...” If you're just joining us tonight, we have a--
“天啊 爆炸了” Oh, my God. It exploded.
“天啊 那些太空人” Oh, God. All those astronauts.
- “这是史上最严重的爆炸” - 好好笑 - It's worse than any explosion before it! - This is hilarious.
喂 你看这个 Hey, yo. Check this out.
真棒 Awesome.
大人绝对进不来 No adult is getting inside.
还有 别坐那张椅子 Also, don't sit on that chair.
- 坐垫是刀子 - 总得要有人来坐 - The cushion is knives. - Somebody's got to sit on it!
应该叫基纳来坐 Gene should sit on it.
看我的 Bam!
很好 Nice!
你们两位好 Hey there, girls.
我猜你们其中一位是隔壁的贝丝 I'm guessing one of you is Beth from next door,
另一位是她的复制体 and one of you is her... clone,
但你们两个都变成小女孩了 but you're both little girls now?
我见多了 这其实还不算太奇怪 Not that strange, given what I've seen.
- 你难道是科学家吗 - 来坐我们的椅子 - What are you, a scientist? - Come sit in our chair.
照这个临时鱼叉的设计看来 Well, based on the design of your makeshift harpoon,
你们两个好像正在大玩特玩 seems like you girls are on a bit of a spree.
我觉得我好像会落入一些陷阱 Feel like I'm gonna be walking into some booby traps.
不如我泡热可可给你们喝吧 Let's have some cocoa instead.
“我泡热可可给你们喝” "Let's have some cocoa."
“我离婚了” "I'm divorced."
嘿 这样很没礼貌 而且严格来说不是事实 Hey! That is cruel and technically untrue.
但你们的心智被更动过 所以我知道你们不是真心的 But you're in an altered headspace, so I know you don't mean it.
你们两个先乖乖坐着 我去拿可可粉 Why don't you two sit tight? I'll get the Swiss Miss.
我们走吧 Let's go.
- 要去哪里 - 去猎捕他 - Go where? - Go hunt him.
除非你会怕 Unless you're scared.
我什么都不怕 我们进到墙壁里吧 I'm not scared of anything. Let's get in the walls.
我们这张照片蛮好看的 Wow, this is a good photo of us.
多讲点话 我能闻到你正在腐烂的早餐 Keep talking. I can smell your rotting breakfast.
- 天啊 - 你的毛发好夸张 - Oh, God. - Your hairs are insane.
全身都有 我可以摸摸看吗 They're all over your body. Can I touch them?
说个人类会讲的话 用你的臭身体口音念“购物清单” Say a human phrase. Say "grocery list" in that stinkbody accent.
- 你是指我的声音吗 - 对 - You mean my voice? - Yes!
- “购物清单” - 我好喜欢你充满牙齿的大洞 - "Grocery list." - I love your tooth-filled big hole
还有你脸上其他比较不常用到的洞 and the other less-used holes on your face.
好喔 Okay...
我觉得你好像不是喜欢我这个人 I'm getting the feeling that you're not into me
而是喜欢跟任何人类在一起 as much as you like the idea of being with any human.
如果我还是很想要 那有关系吗 Does it matter if I'm still turned on?
没有 应该没关系 No, I guess it doesn't.
我想要把你湿湿的肌肉放进我嘴里 I want to get your wet muscle in my mouth.
你是指我的舌头吗 You mean my tongue?
我不在乎那叫什么 I don't care what it's called.
瑞克 我知道你玩得不开心 Rick, I know you're having a bad time,
但我好像在上面看到了 一间潘娜拉面包店 but I think I saw a Panera up there
或许能改变你的看法 that might change your tune.
潘娜拉面包店 A Panera?!
- 对 - 给我闭嘴 - Yeah! - Shut up.
这是凯文科斯特纳吗 等等 我为什么会知道Is that Kevin Costner? Wait, why do I know that?
爸爸做了新的型号吗 Did Father make new models?
我不认得你们三位 I don't recognize you three.
不是 我是老版盖菲里 No, I'm... Old Guy Fieri,
这位是黛安娜王妃 他是罗杰斯先生 this is Princess Diana, and he's Mr. Rogers.
或是布雷特卡瓦诺 Or Brett Kavanaugh.
我也不会知道 我没有离开过这座乐园 I wouldn't know. I never left this park.
我们也是 我们在找狗蛋蛋 Us too. We're looking for Dogballs.
他住在下面 He lives below.
狗蛋蛋博士 兄弟 Dr. Dogballs. My man!
人类 真正的人类 Humans! Real humans!
建造了地球世界的疯狂天才 The mad genius who built Earth World!
没人像我这么爱地球 Nobody loves Earth as much as me.
车子 肌肉海滩 不动产税 Car, Muscle Beach, property taxes.
但我在完成自己的完美愿景前 But before I could complete my perfect vision,
被发现电脑上有一些不该有的文件 I was caught with incriminating files on my computer,
董事会就把我绑上了锁链 and the board chained me up.
我会看动物色情片 那是我的私事 I watch animal pornography. It's my business.
是人跟动物的吗 Like with people and animals?
不是 是只有动物 变态 No, just the animals, sicko.
原本的地球世界超棒的 The original Earth World was incredible.
我有一次还因为吃糖果 得了链球菌咽喉炎 I got strep from a candy once!
你当然会这么想 你是人类 Of course you feel that way. You're a human being.
你知道地球主题乐园应该是什么样子 You know what Earth theme parks are supposed to be like.
如果可以的话 我真想带你们去死区 I'd take you to the dead zone if I could
让你们看看之前的设施 and show you some of the old delights.
但他们不让我离开办公室 But they won't let me leave my office.
他们不肯 但我可以带你离开 They won't, but I will.
欢迎来到真正的地球世界 Welcome to the real Earth World!
这确实比较接近我印象中的样子 I guess this is closer to how I remember it.
我踩到生锈的钉子了 I stepped on a rusty nail!
至少杰里受伤了 At least Jerry got hurt.
多加棉花糖的热可可好了 Hot cocoa with extra marshmallows!
希望你们吃得下多的棉花糖 Hope you got room for extra marshmallows!
他竟然想用棉花糖控制我们 Look at him holding marshmallows over our heads.
好像那是某种权力一样 Like that's some kind of power.
我确实很喜欢棉花糖 I do like marshmallows.
他不能决定我们能不能吃棉花糖 He doesn't decide about our marshmallows!
你真该上去砍他 You should go up there and cut him.
你才该上去砍他 You should cut him.
我们该砍哪里 What should we cut?
我不知道 就乱刺一通 I don't know. Just start slashing!
天啊...我的脚踝 Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- 我需要看医生 - 这下好了 My ankles! I need a doctor!
现在我们得照顾他了 Great. Now we have to take care of him.
我不想照顾任何人 I don't want to take care of anybody!
- 你负责照顾他 - 这是你的点子 - You take care of him! - It was your idea!
- 我不要 我先 - 我不要 我先 - Not it! Jinx! - Not it! Jinx!
- 你们好像割断我的动脉了 - 是她割的 她是疯子 - I think you hit an artery! - She did it! She's a psycho.
你才是疯子 You're the psycho!
我亲眼看到 你在扯掉鸟的翅膀后把它吃掉 I watched you eat a bird! After you tore off its wings!
我就让你见识一下谁才是疯子 I'll show you who's psycho!!
快逃吧 幼稚鬼 Yeah, run away, you baby!
记得肯定自己 基纳 Remember your affirmations, Gene.
你值得活下来 You deserve to live.
好吧 Well,
我至今做过的所有决定 竟然让我走到了这一步 somehow every decision I've ever made has led to this.
(永远的敌人)
滚出我的树屋 Get out of my tree house!
滚出我的院子 Get out of my yard!
“侦测到火灾 灭火中” Fire detected. Extinguishing.
加油 基纳 你不能就这样死去... Come on, Gene. Not like this. Not like this!
嘿 Siri 帮我打紧急电话 Hey, Siri, call 911! Countdown to calling 911.
“倒数结束后将会报案 十 九 八...” Calling 911 in 10, 9, 8,
- 为什么需要倒数 - “七...” - Why does it need a countdown?! - 7--
“地球的第二次世界大战 是用联合收割机和收割机打出来的” Earth's World War II was fought with combines and harvesters,
“各位即将亲眼见证” and you're about to witness it firsthand.
天啊 那是通电的电线吗 Oh, God, is that a live wire?
这里的电都没有接地 None of the electricity is grounded here.
该死 Shit.
我得赶在基纳 用其他电话打紧急电话前回家一趟 I got to get home before Gene calls 911 from any other phone but his own.
这是能把头放大的道具 让你们能走原路离开 The head thing so you can get out the way you came.
等等 你要走了 我以为你很喜欢这里 Wait, you're leaving? I thought you loved this place.
我也不知道 我想莫蒂说得没错 Yeah, I don't know. I guess Morty was right.
因为水里有麻疹和蛇 我就应该要觉得很酷吗 Am I, like, supposed to think it's cool that there's measles in the water and, like, snakes?
不了 你们好好玩吧 Nah. You guys have fun.
该死 Oh, shit!
我们走吧 各位 We're done here, boys.
瑞克 你那两个女儿不是好人 Rick, your girls. They're not good people.
谢谢你 Thank... you.
我才离开两小时而已 I've only been gone for two hours!
嘿 两位贝丝 看来你们应该是回到童年 Hey, Beths! Deducing here that you've been huffing childhood
又玩得太开心 and have overdosed on fun.
好痛 Ouch.
(贝丝最棒)
我要杀了你 I'm gonna kill you!
我要先杀了你 Well, I'm gonna kill you first!
该死 Damn it!
够了 到此为止 That's it. We're done.
你真的有病 You dick!
别再演“小鬼当家”了 Enough Home Alone-ing.
该死 Goddamn it!
我复制你就是为了解决这个问题 而不是让你加倍烦人 I cloned you to fix this, not make you twice as annoying.
说真的 天啊 Oh, I can't tell you. Oh, my God!
我一直苦苦等待 希望有人能看到我的愿景 I've waited so long for someone to see my vision.
果然还得是真人才行 And of course it was real humans!
你们是最完美的观众 You're the perfect audience for this.
我最美好的时刻 My finest moment.
天啊 Oh, shit.
那是什么 What's that?
我美丽的创作 My beautiful creations.
他们会毁掉乐园 They're going to destroy the park.
天啊 Oh, God.
我以为这些是穿了特殊服装的人 I thought they were people in costumes,
但特殊服装就是人 but the costumes are the people?
人就是特殊服装 The people are the costumes?!
所有地球主题乐园 都会以同样的方式结束 All Earth theme parks end the same way.
侏罗纪公园 西方极乐园 就连主题乐园里的设施 Jurassic Park, Westworld, even the rides inside the theme parks
也都一直发生一样的事 tell the same story.
原本在搭船 结果突然就绕到了瀑布去 You're on a boat ride when suddenly you take a detour to a waterfall,
然后又进到了海盗巢穴 被逼着帮人口交才能保命 and now you're in a pirate's den, forced to suck dick to stay alive!
- 你为什么要这么做 - 要对地球致敬 - Why would you do this? - The greatest tribute to Earth
就得让主题乐园因混乱而毁灭 is a theme park that ends in chaos.
出去吧 享受自由吧 我的宝贝们 Be free! Be free, my lovelies!
我想吃肉 吃肉 Hungry for meat. Eat meat!
全吃掉吧 Take it all!
- 另一边也要吃 - 该死 爸 - Take the other one! - Shit! Dad!
- 全吃掉吧... - 融入他们 走路要摇摇晃晃 - Take it! Take it all! - Blend in. Stumble around!
你喜欢这样吗 Yeah, you like that?
拉不拉多贵宾狗 Labradoodle.
- 椰奶 - 再多讲点人类的东西 - Coconut milk. - More human stuff.
大联盟口香糖 Big League Chew.
说些种族歧视的话 Ooh! Say something racist.
- 什么 - 拜托 - What? - C'mon,
你是人类 这是你们的特色 you're human, it's your whole thing.
意大利人做的披萨都很好吃 Italians make pretty good pizza?
不对 要带有仇恨 你这恶心的小虫 No, do it hateful, you disgusting little bug.
- 你有听到怪声吗 - 你现在还想假装有紧急事件 - Did you hear that? - Now you're pretending there's some kind of emergency?
我对你展露了脆弱的一面 I tried to be vulnerable with you.
你如果觉得我不漂亮就直说 If you don't think I'm pretty, just say so.
对不起 但我不只是某种性幻想 I'm sorry, but I'm not just some sexual fantasy,
- 我是真真实实的人 - 少来了 - I'm a whole person. - Come on!
种族歧视根本就是你们发明的 You guys basically invented racism.
我如果想跟好东西做爱 我就不会来地球世界了 If I wanted to fuck something good, I wouldn't have come to Earth World.
我连他是谁都不知道 I don't even know who this is!
应该是约翰传奇 天啊 It's John Legend, I think! Oh, my God!
夏茉 瑞克...有人在吗 Summer? Rick? Anyone?!
是卡尔金一家 That's the entire Culkin family!
原来他们一家有七个人 I guess there's seven of them?
我很喜欢你在 “继承之战”里的演出 对不起 I loved you in Succession! I'm sorry!
别再耍幼稚了 我没时间当你们的爸爸 Enough kindergarten. I don't have time to be your dad.
- 你一直以来都没当过 - 你们想被我管教吗 - You never did! - You want me to be a parent?
好 在你们长大之前都不准讲话 Fine. No more talking until you're adults.
(对不起)
(我也是)
(爸)
(配合我)
好 无论你是哪一位 轮到你了 Okay, whichever one you are, you're up.
她无法呼吸... She can't breathe! She can't breathe!
该死 可恶 Oh, shit, fuck!
接招吧 Take that!
我们该让他变几岁 How old should we make him?
能变多老就变多老 As old as it'll go.
(变龄完成)
把生命交托给不可靠的照护者 一定很可怕吧 Bet it's scary to have your life in the hands of unreliable caregivers!
自己走路 我们不会照顾你 Walk! We're not taking care of you!
对 快起来 不然我们就把你丢在这 Yeah, get up, or we'll leave you here!
就像你当初丢下我们一样 Just like you left us.
- 死懒鬼 - 去死吧 爸 - Lazy piece of shit! - Fuck you, Dad!
该死的混蛋 你不想要我们 Fucking asshole! You didn't want us.
你一心只想离开 You just wanted to fuck off.
我没有离开 I didn't leave.
我的贝丝死了 My Beth died.
没错 但有人抛下了我们 Yeah, well, someone left us!
而且我们变成两个人了 And there's two of us now!
你应该要给我们双倍的爱 You should love us twice as much!
- 我们就只是想要在一起而已 - 我们就只是想要在一起而已 - All we wanted was to be together! - All we wanted was to be together!
你别哭 Don't you... cry!
- 你不配哭 - 为荣 - You don't deserve to cry! - Proud...
“为荣” Proud?
为荣 Proud... of you...
你们把我变老又揍我 for making me old and beating the shit out of me.
我以你们为荣 你们都是我女儿 Proud you're... you're both my daughters.
你们这两个小贱人害我骨折了 You little bitches broke my bones.
我拉屎了 I'm shitting!
我不是在开玩笑 别再害我笑了 I'm not joking. Stop making me laugh.
我又拉更多屎了 It's making me shit more!
- 太完美了 - 太完美了 - It's perfect! - It's perfect!
如果有什么东西着火 一切就能变得更完美了 The only thing that could make this better is if something was on fire.
我或许还会再刺东西 I might stab something again.
我或许该把你们变回大人 Probably should turn you back.
大部分的小孩都这么爱刺东西吗 Do most kids like to stab this much?
出口在那里 跟紧一点 There's the exit. Stay close.
拜托帮帮忙 谢天谢地 Please help! Oh, thank God!
你怎么能这样 How could you--
该死 莫蒂在杀... Oh, shit, Morty's killing...
那个好像是罗瑞卡尔金 I think that's Rory Culkin?
原来这个是他啊 Is that who this one is!?
我们得走了 这颗头拿去 We gotta bail. Get a head.
- 什么 - 把罗瑞戴上 - What? - Put on Rory!
这里面没有空间 There's no room!
里面好湿 而且又很臭 It's so wet in here. It smells too.
- 有湿湿的味道 - 他们来了 - It smells wet. - They're coming!
快过来 Come on!
- 快上车 - 遥控器呢 我把遥控器弄丢了 - Come on, get in! - Where's the remote? I lost the remote!
- 我没办法把头缩小 - 把钥匙给我 - I can't shrink our heads! - Give me the keys!
这里应该叫地球世界才对 More like Earth World.
- 什么 - 就像“侏罗纪世界” 那部续集 - What? - Like Jurassic World. The big sequel?
- 我不知道你在讲什么 - 这里本来不是叫地球公园吗 - I don't know what you're saying. - Wasn't it called Earth Park?
- 不是 - 不是 - No! - No!
有人也觉得冷吗 Is anybody getting cold?
(圣马医院来电)
我瞎了 我的眼睛在太空结冻了 I'm blind! Space froze my eyes!
没错 杰里 我就说那个主题乐园很烂 Yeah, Jerry. I told you, that theme park sucks!
“您好 这里是紧急电话专线” Hello. You've reached 911.
“若有紧急状况 请留言” If this is an emergency, please leave a message.
“我家对面的房子一直消失又出现” The house across the street from me keeps disappearing and reappearing.
“我不知道这算不算紧急状况” I don't know if that's an emergency,
“但这让我很不安” but it's really upsetting.
“你们能派人来调查吗 ” Could you send someone to investigate?
“我刚刚在吃汉堡 结果我的手却变成汉堡了” So, I was eating a burger and now my hands are burgers.
“你好 我家被入侵了 而且是被一个小家入侵” Hi. I'm being home-invaded, and it's by a small home.
“有个小家在入侵我家” There's a small home that's home-invading my home.
“它带着头套 但它绝对是间房子没错” It's wearing a ski mask, but it's definitely a house.
“我家外面有一只鸽子 它一直要求我出示出生证明” There's a pigeon outside my house demanding to see my birth certificate.
“我开始觉得紧急电话专线 好像不该用答录机” I'm beginning to think 911 shouldn't have an answering machine.
“另外 我现在有11条腿了” Also, I have 11 legs now.
“我每次报案都没人来” Nobody ever comes.
待续
谢谢观赏
翻译:高健铭 �